All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] [English (auto-generated)] Mondo Cane Part 2 [DownSub.com]

f

as everybody knows an Englishman loves

England his family his weekends his cup

of tea his Queen but above all animals

and of all the animals dogs are those

which the 48 million British subjects

love best they are the most privileged

the most pampered and the best protected

by law the first mokan was forbidden in

England because of some sequences in

which dogs were the victims of man's

cruelty we reverently bow before the

Judgment of the British Board of film

sensors and to show that we have learned

our lesson today we respectfully offer

you the second version almost without

blood and without cruelty

this sequence in fact is one of the few

exceptions it was shot in a London

Clinic where every day numbers of dogs

have their vocal cords cut so that their

howls will not disturb the surgeons as

they carry out their experiments in Viv

section we put this scene at the

beginning of the film so that the

British sensors can if they think fit

use their surgeon scalpel here with a

clean cut here they can amputate this

scene without making the dogs or our

producers house

oh yes we must admit that a dog's life

in Italy is much more frivolous and

offers fewer satisfactions so whilst in

England dogs are called upon to

collaborate in the progress of science

here in Italy they have to be content

with making their contribution to

Fashion Emilio Federico Schubert the

famous Roman dress designer has decreed

that this year with a striped dress a

striped dog is essential whilst with a

spotted dress you must have a spotted

dog

oh

oh

naturally a dress designer can't give a

dog the same satisfaction as a surgeon

but still a dog can't always have the

privilege of making the Supreme

sacrifice sometimes he must just be

satisfied with sacrificing his

coat to lose one's hair at s antimo in

the province of aersa is really good

luck

now that wigs are in fashion again hair

costs up to 2 6 Shillings a pound it is

a source of wealth that until now the

women of the depressed areas of southern

Italy never realized they

had the increasing demand not only for

Tresses but even for combings today make

a Vera the best groomed province in the

whole of Italy if not in the whole

world it is prime quality hair which is

in great Demand on the American Market

because of its particular pliancy due it

seems to having grown on scalps which

are badly nourished and therefore suffer

from serious vitamin deficiency nowhere

but in Sant antimo where a woman is

worth more than a sheep has the economic

boom struck with such Force

washed scared carded boiled ired

bleached and then dyed the hair from

Sant antimo arrives here in one of

American amica's Beauty parlers in the

department for the maintenance of spare

parts for the female

centel in America where women have

careers a wig isn't a luxury it's a

social

necessity the American woman has no time

to waste up the hairdressers at the most

she can send her head but the rest of

her must stay and work in the office

it's 5:00 in any office

at the same time all over America 24,000

working girls put on their wigs like one

woman anxious to find themselves once

more and as quickly as possible with all

the unmistakable signs of their

sex of the $8 million worth of hair that

the United States import from Italy each

year only the very smallest part is

dedicated to the poor worn out old

scalps of the rich widows the biggest

lot ends up on the heads of these

Anonymous American Med Doza

and here is an example of the

professional use of the wig in hundreds

of night clubs the Sha Tresses of the

merry wives of sant antimo are the most

important element in the fakery of these

professional fakers

on F

sexy

sexy sexy sh since pretty Cox Andel has

given way to the paternal Instinct and

has married a nice boy from the

provinces the genuine product is in

short supply all one can do is to turn

to the unemployed to bankrupt Tradesmen

and even the odd Colonel retired of

course naturally they all have something

in their turbid past like a part as

ofilia in the school play or one of the

ugly sisters in Cinderella

almost always their job is a shameful

Secret at home the wife knows but not

the children

nevertheless sometimes this female

impersonator lock can be a manly gesture

scenes like this are quite frequent in

the police stations of many American

cities plagued with sadists and sexual

maniacs

bared padded plucked painted powdered

and perfumed these pretty policemen will

act as bait on park benches or by the

lamp posts of the ill- famed streets It

seems impossible but just by walking the

streets they pick up between four and

six sadists per night who of course as

soon as they plunge their hands among

the Frills and flounces find a hard nut

to

crack and now a marginal St statistic

each one of these beauty queens gets

about 30 serious proposals from sexually

normal individuals every evening and

this makes them very very annoyed

is

Mexican policemen get annoyed too when

they miss the mark and in that precise

instant someone goes to his

maker it doesn't often happen but it

does sometimes

you

the fact is that the Mexicans have a

rather unusual conception of death look

how they celebrate the 2nd of November

human skulls made of sugar and filled

with Creme Shan which of all fillings is

that which most resembles brains

he the children all ask for Los cadavis

Delo hudas the corpses of Uncle Judas

life-sized maripan figures in the

unpleasant likeness of the traitor just

as he was cut down from the Fig Tree

like all those who have died a violent

death Judas has undergone an autopsy so

we can admire the appetizing mess of

giblets through the long incision in his

abdomen heart liverant lights pancreas

and kidneys sell like hot cakes and even

the tougher parts of the old Rascal are

devoured by the famished

population Mexico loves and respects its

dead and hates Judas who is a disgrace

to the category with this ancient right

of November thei they try to get rid of

him an unpleasant neighbor in an

undoubtedly reasonable

way just as reasonable as the Mexican

system for getting rid of parasites

these are insects which do a great deal

of damage to the crops the Mexicans

prefer them alive wrapped in tortillas

with hot

sauce a good squeeze before taking the

first bite makes the bugs give off that

typical smell which makes it all so much

more appetizing

oh

but the importance of the insect in the

economic life of the country is not

limited to the sector of food alone some

well-known Jewelers in Mexico have

recently started the fashion of the

evening bug by covering them with little

shells of gold or platinum covered with

precious stones in this case too a

caress with a finger makes the bug give

off the usual penetrating odor which

makes it all so much more fascinating

but after all the fashion of decorating

decorative animals isn't new in New York

for example there are Jewelers who are

specialized in Jewels for dogs where

woman's most Faithful Friends can find a

collar a lead and even a pair of

earrings for the modest sum of

$20,000 but we must say at this point

that the American woman has a very

particular affection for her dog among

the classified adver ments in the New

York Times in fact it isn't unusual to

find announcements of this kind black

poodle lost in the neighborhood of Park

Avenue $5,000 reward for the return of

at least the Coller

a necklace of flowers at Honolulu for

only $5,000 States another advertisement

in the same paper and promises for that

sum 10 wild days in the sunshine of that

magic Island that restores lost youth

and vigor

you have just seen with what whiles our

women seduce us men of the beside a

gizer of radioactive Mud The Barker is

translating an ancient Native proverb

aloa haha and it will burn

do not despair ladies if your body has L

according to what the Barker says a

literal translation of the proverb would

be after the first half century of

Splender sometimes the white woman finds

that her skin is just the tiniest bit

wrinkled not to worry for a total of

only $65 taxes included the volcanic

radioactive mud of this Ardent Island

will work a miracle and the gleaming

quietness of her skin will once more

dazzle the astonished eyes of her lovers

a completely different kind of mud is

mixed by the Messi women in these

Villages it is that organic sticky mud

which is so offensive in other words

manure here it is fuel Building Material

disinfectant laxative plaster for broken

legs and lastly it is spread on the

roofs of the huts and in the evening it

gives off a certain aphrodiziac perfume

that encourages and stimulates the

activity of the husband

and what about the wives here they are

eating Stones little white stones which

they find on the beds of the dry water

courses and which they wash down with

sips of water they say that just one of

these little white Pebbles Swallowed at

the rising of the new moon has the power

of making them sterile for a

month we were saying that just one of

these Stones is enough to make them

sterile but when the men go off on

Hunting Expeditions and leave their

wives in the odorous villages new moon

or not the women Rush down to the valley

and Gorge themselves with stones after

all one swallow doesn't make a

summer on the other hand the women of

New Guinea have to solve the opposite

problem and if they want to find a

husband they must first prove that they

are capable of bearing at least one

child so after a period of

pre-matrimonial running in which

obviously can't be less than 9 months

during a lively cocktail party these

Charming little bastards can at last get

to know mommy's official fiance

in America more than in any other

country in the world coal houses are

obliged to make themselves obvious

continually on the run from one address

to another a house of assignation can

never give anyone an assignation

in fact you can never call a call girl

because you never know which number to

call so without the moral support of the

telephone the co girls play solitire in

America there's nothing sadder than a

gay

lady the provincial Donan is have no

talent for original sin or worse they

have no original talent for sin

the supply of conjugal tenderness is a

woman's task in America the erotic

energy necessary for the propagation of

the species produced by huge

demonstrations of beauty and sex appeal

is nationalized the mass of users is not

permitted to consume the product

casually the supply passes through

automatic meters which are opened only

on Saturdays and Sundays or on public

holidays and benefits here for example

is a benefit as you know the latest

fashions from Paris Overlook the Hat

completely as a consequence the

millonary industry in the United States

is in a critical condition Society women

got to hear of this got organized got

moving and held a demonstration here

they are walking about in hats that

although they don't encourage the

industry certainly draw one's attention

to the gravity of the situation

confronted with the precipitation of a

crisis six gets organized too rhythms

and M PRS and strapped on the stage of

the committee of the save the Hat week

whilst some girls chosen from the best

families in town sell kisses to help the

families of unemployed Millers one kiss

$5 three kisses $9.95

real genuine guaranteed and above all

sanitized for your protection

Kisses one kiss $5 three kisses

$9.95 what is a kiss a rose-colored

parenthesis between dollars and what is

a parenthesis $2 wrapped around the word

love and what is love a dollar with a

capital D

and what is an automat an automat is a

place frequented by men only on the days

their wives are saving hats it's a sort

of Wailing Wall for lunch widowers a

long wall full of NS on each ear there

is an epit which describes the food

which is buried there you can try to

ident if y the food through the little

glass windows but it's

unwise beside each CP there is a slot

where you insert a coin it's where you

put flowers in the normal way after

which if you've chosen steak you find

yourself with a slice of apple pie

supplied free of charge is a scalpel and

a little paper shroud

this is an automatic toll road do you

want to go to Los Angeles for example

just put a coin in the slot and thank

you in a Flash you find yourself in the

mor it's rush out 10 automobiles per

second on six Lanes 600 automobiles a

minute minimum permitted speed 50 mph 7

roads signs in 100 yd 123 and one half

road signs every mile one killed and

four injured every 10 mil 10 killed and

40 injured every 10 hours over 100

Mil statistics concerning hysteria and

Madness after 24 hours driving in this

hell are not

available we must admit however that

today America has a good safety valve

for hysteria and Madness in the quiet

motels just off the main roads at nodal

points more and more of these little

Cinemas are to be found here the driver

can relive on the screen the incidents

of the Day's Journey while his

resentment is still fresh and let off

steam in certain reactions that the

traffic cops might consider well rude

they are psychological decompression

Chambers where for $150 the driver has

the right to a front seat and 6 lb of

bad Tomatoes the amount the psychiatrist

consider sufficient for a satisfactory

decompression the collective hysteria of

this crowd their writhing and screaming

in this deconsecrated church in the

Chente region of Southern Italy

certainly can't be attributed to the

traffic in this forgotten Little Village

hidden away in a valley that has been

asleep for centuries scientists and the

fantasy of layman have given many names

to this Affliction some learn it and

some picturesque they have tried to

discover its causes with scientific

methods and with the occult resources of

black magic these people Sans calls

trory and attributes their condition to

a lack of certain particular proteins

the popular name for them is tarantula

or that is to say those bitten by the

tarantula spider since the tarantula in

southern Italy is the Incarnation of the

devil but whether it is the fault of the

proteins the devil or the tantular

spider here they are in their Agony

their mad fear their impotent Fury what

are they shouting nothing that can

possibly have any sense what are they

asking for nothing that any human being

could possibly give them what then does

their periodic Madness seek to express

nothing more than the universal Madness

of hate love adoration the will to kill

the desire to blaspheme or to

pray pathetic in his Madness or tragic

in his human

man is always a timid actor who makes a

performance of his dismay and when he

mortifies his flesh in a performance

that even the church deplores he awaits

with desperate anxiety the Applause of

Heaven

at Villa Shir franka in Portugal an act

of absurd humility has for years defied

The Bishop's VTO the image of a saint

will soon climb these steps which the

faithful are washing with their bleeding

tongues

on Holy Saturday morning in the Church

of the village of kulo in abuto hundreds

of faithful parishioners young and old

have for hundreds of years pulled the

chain of this Bell with their mouths as

a sign of Joy recently a new Parish

priest tried to abolish the practice but

the whole village rebelled and

threatened to abandon the church

up

la

at Pueblo de caramal in southern Spain

it is usual to buy one's coffin well in

advance of one's expected demise and to

take part in a sort of dress rehearsal

of one's own funeral but although each

person taking part maintains a

horizontal immobility playing the part

to the death during the procession once

inside the church they rise to thank

heaven for having preserved their lives

this church too is deconsecrated and no

priest is present at the ceremon

on Holy Saturday morning at SAR in

apulia the traditional afata takes place

the afata is a statue of the Virgin Mary

which tries to escape from the affront

of the exaltations of the populace who

shout to make her take off her black

dress because her son has risen but the

Virgin is doubtful she dare not believe

it yet and whilst the crowd yells she

goes backwards and forwards in womanly

uncertainty but at last she is convinced

and tears off her mourning to the

thunderous Applause of the crowd

all over India during the days of tausan

the fakers give stoic and choreographic

exhibitions of their power the more the

body is pierced tortured wounded

humiliated the more complete is man's

victory over pain the greater man's

victory over pain the greater his

victory over the flesh

the way which leads to the Nana of the

Buddhists is a long road which must be

traveled with bare feet but nana is not

Paradise it is a line Beyond which all

pain ceases pain the only essence of

life and man no longer suffering no

longer exists

by walking on fire the Indian does not

intend to make an exhibition of his pain

nor to offer it to the Divinity on the

contrary he wants to suffer no longer

that is to say he no longer wants to be

painfully alive because life is pain and

it is man's duty to find the best way to

rid himself of it

f

and in fact Saigon where life is pain is

today more than ever tragically alive

when these scenes were filmed this is

the comment they

inspired in the deserted streets there

was an atmosphere of Revolt that no

crowd could ever express the temples

which the Army thought fit to destroy

have multiplied in these eloquent ruins

which express mutely terribly the dismay

of the 500 million Buddhists offended by

this sacrilege everywhere roadblocks and

barbwire ridiculous in this Solitude

awaiting the shock of physical violence

which everybody thought would never come

because it is foreign to the nature of

the people from his picture high up on

the wall president yam dominates and

controls the deserted City at the

roadblock on Boulevard p s a notice in

two languages informs the reporters that

it is forbidden to take photographs and

that offenders will be punished by

martial

law the troops which the government has

only just recalled from the Mong front

men of the police commanders in

camouflaged overalls control the streets

leading to the United States Embassy

where the authorities suspect two

important Buddhist priests have taken

Refuge the sentries have orders to stop

and search all cars and to fire on any

cars which refuse to

stop the fate of this city will be

decided Beyond this barrier of

bar president Yim and Council new have

assumed plary pars but in the war

against the Buddhists it is Madame new

and she alone who

commands in the whole of Vietnam the

Buddhist priests suspected of belonging

to the defense committee are arrested

these are incredible photographs but

even more incredible is the fact that

after 2,500 years with the foundation of

this committee Buddhism has contradicted

the teachings of the master to his

disciples who asked him to become the

head of their Community Buddha replied

Let each of us obey his own conscience

and seek no refuge but in himself if the

Buddhists have now abandoned this

teaching and have risked the Betrayal of

the spirit of the master there is only

one explanation to offer the meekest of

men have been swept away by the blackest

of despair

hey oh

only in the prisons and the

concentration camps under the threat of

the machine guns they seem to have

recovered their faith in the old

Doctrine if you answer hate with hate

said B

hate can never

end no longer do they fight in the

streets they Squat and have their head

shaved as a sign of fellowship with

their

priests from now on they will oppose the

steel helmets of DM Soldiers with their

cropped heads

many of them will enter monasteries to

find once more their lost faith which

teaches one to create silence within

oneself and to listen to it

to kill all passion and desire within

oneself and to enjoy the perfect

happiness of a Dying

Flame the Revolt of the Buddhists in

Saigon had as a Prelude the first public

suicide which took place on May the 2nd

1963 when the monk chin tienen who with

a terrible death that would have

condemned him in the eyes of his master

tried to show that in order to fight

every form of Oppression on equal terms

Buddhism too needs its Martyrs now that

this we hope belongs to the past it is

time that everybody should obey his own

conscience once more

oh

they were beautiful superb and elegant

white and diaphanous as

snowflakes Dr Livingston said the Messi

the kikuyu the sumuru the Watusi are all

black skinned but they have white Souls

every evening at Sunset I see them fly

over me and cover the sky with their

archaic Infinite Flight

oh

the white flamingos of Lake magadii have

lived here since time began in all the

African continent they chose the shores

of this Lake for their nesting place

then 2 years ago the English built a big

soda Factory which discharges tons of

poisonous waste into the

lake the eggs go bad and the fledglings

which do hatch die after pitiful

sufferings the adults fly higher and

higher in the African Sky until at last

they disappear

sh

another strange aspect of the war which

man has declared against birds from the

time of his Origins is offered by the

Chinese of Singapore the birds fighting

in the cage are two whistling black

birds which belong to the sparrow family

and are nearing Extinction the sentiment

which drives them to Mortal Combat is

not as one might imagine a Basic

Instinct but a casual hate patiently

nurtured by the trainer by a very simple

method for 5 weeks he keeps the two

birds close together but in separate

cages and whilst one bird is fed

abundantly and well the other is starved

so it is obvious that in the final

meeting between the two No Love Is Lost

and it is also obvious that the loser

will be the weaker undernourished

bird but the Chinese public doesn't care

about that it follows the fight with an

interest which is anything sporting it

waits for the great spectacle of death

which must be cruel and above all slow

it would seem impossible that one can

make two small fish in an aquarium fight

but the Chinese can do it they have

found that a certain kind of fish from

the pad Fields the better if immersed in

a solution of fermented camper and water

become Afflicted with a form of Madness

which makes them fight to the death this

form of entertainment is dedicated

particularly to children who follow the

struggle whilst they wait anxiously for

the grand finale which for centuries has

sent the Chinese public of all ages into

ecstasis the Triumph of death

today this public numbers more than 500

million this aquarium is much bigger and

so are the fish but we're in a where

everything is bigger this is the pool at

Marin land at Honolulu where a swimmer

fights with the

sharks the performance begins with the

sign of the cross and continues along

the same lines the sharks are all

wellfed so as not to lead them into

temptation and the public follows all

the phases of the fight anxiously a

awaiting the grand finale which for

centuries has sent the American public

of all ages into ecstasis the Triumph of

Life today this public numbers a mere

300

million 20 years ago the Elbo tribe

numbered more than 2,000 now there are

only 50 they live in a single Village on

the eastern shore of Lake Victoria their

country as big as an Italian province is

arid and desolate their only food is the

Flesh of the crocodiles which they catch

at the mouth of the river it is quite

plentiful meat and not really unpleasant

only if it is eaten every day for years

and years it kills the seed of life in

the men

and yet today just like yesterday and

tomorrow they eat crocodile meat at the

Village the Elbo by now a resigned and

sterile little tribe have been condemned

to extinction by a monotonous diet and

endemic hunger only one child has been

born in their Village during the past 30

years their last frail hope

his name is CA and he is 7 years old

today is a great day for him the

fishermen have come back with a big fish

all for him because if he is to grow up

big and strong and have lots of children

when he is a man

he mustn't eat crocodile meat every day

it is one of those Imperial C which seem

to be all gold and it is the first one

the fishermen have caught for years it

will last for a week or more and no one

will ask for even a taste of it and yet

siba is unhappy a child all by himself

with no one with whom he can share the

joy of such a wonderful

fish everyone at the Village follows his

lonely games on the beach with anxiety

but in the Civilized world where we

don't eat crocodile every day sex has

always been the biggest business ever

a

take for example a thriller a detective

story do you think it's sold for what's

inside not on your life it's sold for

what's outside on the cover this is a

big photographer studio in America which

specializes in covers for Thrillers the

recipe is always the same take one plump

young woman Dice and brown over a slow

fire while still rare serve cold

is

oh

y he

a

today slavery has been abolished

throughout the world wrote The Late

Secretary of the United Nations hammerel

the infamous slave markets are now but a

sad memory of bygone

times sure except this one we found it

at the risk of Our Lives between Aiden

and Malala on the Red Sea

Coast these are somal bangi Nanda and

kikuyu girls all between the ages of 12

and 16 they fetch about $11,000 each but

before they grow old in the brothel of

the Orient they will have earned their

masters 20 times as much

we are sorry to have to drag the United

Nations into it again but there is

something we must add we have the

evidence of this British officer

leftenant Marlon steel of the 37th

military police district of

maridi on the morning of May the 6th

1963 five kevu slave Traders were

arrested they are guilty of having used

these instruments of torture on 15

bakudo children so as to reduce them to

such a pitiful physical condition as to

arouse the generosity of the passers by

we are sorry and ashamed to have to

insist on ing this terrible

document this young British officer who

is collecting evidence is sorry and

ashamed too but it is his duty just as

it is our duty and that of the whole

civilized world or the world that calls

itself civilized and feels smugly at

peace with its conscience and with God

to consider this an accusation to stop

this

cruelty for

the human race uses such a lot of

expressions like its raining cats and

dogs gone to the dogs dog tired and

especially a dog's life or mokan so

there must be some good reason for it

just look at this poor dog tied to the

top of a pole under the burning Sun of

the dog days why is he there he's there

to make rain the sacrifice the nandi

tribe of Equatorial Africa offer to the

Rain God during droughts

the Sudan is a part of Africa which is

always thirsty in an area of more than

300 square miles no rain falls for 11

months of the year the few drops of dew

which the humidity of the night lets

fall onto the broad leaves of the Jingo

ini are a treasure which these women

collect with trembling hands

even a cut in the trunk of a euphobia

gives a few drops of

sap tiny slow falling drops as bitter as

tears but in Brussels there's a wealth

of water around the famous mannequin

piece a festival in fact they say that

the girls who drink from the mannequins

tap will marry within the year and have

at least eight children incontinent

little fellow isn't he

w

the festival goes on into the night at

the vesen the public urinal a popular

nightclub

in harmony with the Exquisite Good Taste

of the place the strippers are wrapped

up in colored toilet paper the spirit of

the mannequin Feast rains here in every

drop of water that squirts from the soda

siphons the paper dissolves as the water

goes gurgling down the closets the

Allegre is

complete there's no allegory here these

are genuine authentic cows and this is a

service station for them Americans are

practical people and they couldn't care

less if we Europeans are skeptical for

them maau is a machine for providing

milk with a little assistance it

provides its own replacement too and so

it should be kept well lubricated washed

and greased as it were they dress them

in evening dress if they thought it

would make them give a few more PS

America has such faith in cows that last

year she sent 300 to the territory of

the elolo tribe A Barren region in the

heart of Africa on the southern shore of

Lake Rudolf where before cows were

completely

unknown from a moral point of view the

action was certainly praiseworthy but

from a practical point of view the

American experts overlooked the fact

that although the cow too has a tail it

is not quite the same as a crocodile it

lives on grass last year there were 300

strong healthy young cows half of them

have died of hunger the survivors are

obliged to eat the water weed which the

poor El moo gather from the bottom of

the lake

but on days when the wind prevents the

cows from Grazing In the lake the women

have the hard task of gathering Leaf by

Leaf the reched forage which this

desolate land can offer another

thankless job which was unknown before

the cows arrived poor elolo they don't

know that 500 sheep are on their way

from Australia

Zuko's natives have arranged something

of the same kind in New Guinea in

obedience to the instructions of the

United Nations organization to cultivate

and develop the political sense of these

indigenous tribes especially on the eve

of the elections a newspaper is now

distributed it is rather like the

business of the cows because these

natives are illiterate however although

at first sight it may seem over

optimistic to send a newspaper to people

who can't read even at election time it

must be said that all the political

chatter written in New Guinea in one way

or another does achieve its end that a

blowing a little smoke into the voter's

eyes

election time or not every Sunday

afternoon at hiy Park corner there is a

crowd of aspiring politicians who've all

got some promises to make to the public

in very flowing

language ladies and gentlemen flowers is

what I'm here to talk about now every

man should have his RS every woman are

Jasmine every boy is children transform

the world into a garden pull down your

neighbors houses and did their place

blant flowers PL flowers of every color

large and small bright and

beautiful and londoners that hide Park

corner has seen much worse in the course

of its Century as the theater of

London's casual politicians and

cranks I'm talking to you about The

Facts of Life facts you never think of

hell for instance you know and I know

that there's no difference between black

and white but does the world that is the

question I want to answer today now sir

are there many negos where you come from

yeah and have you noticed anything

different about them well of course

there's a difference between black and

white for you why is there a difference

maybe because I've got red

hair when an Englishman feels any form

of political vocation budding within him

he comes here in search of an audience

it may consist of one fellow waiting for

a bus but he calls out to him and tries

to thrust his particular brand of

political p down his gulet usually the

public shrugs its shoulders and walks

away but sometimes even here someone is

taken seriously and ends up in

Parliament listen to this one on the

profumo

Scandal oh miserable spillar

repent repent now for the coming of the

Lord is nigh have you bathed in the

blood of the Lamb have you washed in the

waters of Jordan you are living in a

world of iniquity

so repent now for the hour of judgment

is at hand turn from your evil ways and

I could only hope that one day a woman

will be prime minister women have the

patience to to make important

W corner to seek for worldwide

recognition of the third sex of homo

sapiens there's one thing about that we

are certainly homo and often quite saion

often more than soal normal things

say I'm a pany I'm positive I'm positive

that after we have conquered space we

shall conquer time with atomic bases

Atomic bases Atomic bases my sacred

aren't with the aid of the atomic bases

we should be able to destroy time

absolutely Tempest fut time FES it is

improbable that a woman has time is the

cause of our trouble flowers don't cause

no trouble as there a trouble time as

you know I oh no powers will always help

one not Sinners not Sinners as is

printed in this catalog of BL for me

remember flowers can wait to Salvation

the garden PA

there's no doubt about it politicians

sometimes rise to Great Heights take

Duke Harrison for example he finished

his career 15 ft High every year at the

beginning of Summer America relives at

Tombstone the most glor ious pages of

the town's history the most famous

pioneers of modern democracy Like Jesse

James Billy the Kid and so on live that

is to say die once more where their

famous Jewels were fought

that

the virile Pride of the men and above

all all the imitative Spirit of the

children are the miracle of this magic

program although this year they've cut

out some of the most celebrated

lynchings of

negroes the grand finale is always the

moment for elies Tombstone is America

where peace triumphs over violence no

one gets shot now in Tombstone at least

anyway everything has been organized to

Perfection well in advance they've

coffins to suit all tastes and all

Pockets from $100 up to

20,000 this shop in Los Angeles also

sells by installments and their slogan

die today pay tomorrow brings in an

enormous amount of business when a man

reaches the average age for a heart

attack he goes to the undertakers with

his future Widow and chooses a casket

actually she always does the choosing

generally with a Salesman who's about

the same size as her future dear

departed this teacher's pupils are

student Undertakers Embers and

morticians at a university in

California these false woman heads are

made of rubber and synthetic Risin and

they are all male heads here in America

women are Immortal and aren't expected

to die

at only 94 years of age Mrs Agatha Cony

Russell died unexpectedly at her home in

Pasadena this untimely death took

everybody by surprise and no

preparations had been made at all

however thanks to the embus art Agatha

is still sitting bolt upright in her

chair watching the guests having ferial

fun

today it seems that Agatha is more

tolerant than usual towards her husband

who has been lifting his elbow a bit and

lets himself go in certain

demonstrations of affection that Agatha

would never have permitted before whilst

the cocktail wake drags slowly on at a

ferial pace the guests drink whiskey and

tears in the correct proportions One

Whiskey one

tear although on the other side of the

earth what is there to be so happy about

let's look each other in the eye we've

all had a hard year of it and yet can

you believe it even the flimsiest excuse

is enough for us all to be happy and gay

all of a sudden

the fact is that for 11 months we've had

so many Hard Knocks that we'd like to

take this opportunity to get our own

back tomorrow the papers will say with

their usual Spate of catchphrases that

people were a prey to mass hysteria I

ask you Mass hysteria indeed this is a

safety valve which lets off steam each

year when the boiler is just about to

burst tomorrow the papers will wail

about some unfortunate accidents caused

by the usual hooligan

well we are the Hooligans and you know

how many we are hundreds of thousands of

millions ah if only we had a flag

a

luckily in southern Italy there are

young men who show their verile

exuberance in a legal and orderly manner

whatever people may say these are the

famous Latin lovers of southern Italy ad

midnight they'll all be in bed like good

little boys the girls have already gone

with the

hens which gives the countryside this

rare atmosphere spere of calm

Serenity it is a Sunday morning in

Spring and the quiet people of voui a

little Sardinian Village at the back of

nowhere go down to the main Square for

the Festival of hard heads here in

Sardinia they say that the people of

vuri have the hardest heads in this

island of hard-headed people the village

is proud of this fact which gives it a

certain notoriety and each year they

hold a little competition which offers

certain thrills

to avoid the regrettable fractures of

last year the participants are requested

to have their heads examined at the

surgery before using

them and now quet beginners please

la

n

w

see he's done it to bang your head

against the wall of a supreme ideal and

to break both your head and the wall is

a manly gesture in which we believe and

to which we give our wholehearted

support heroic people of depressed and

underdeveloped southern Italy come sit

down and dine at the southern Italy

development board Anonymous crowd you've

broken your heads but we're with you all

the

way yes I want very much to be an an

actor because the intellectual

interpretation of a role is such a

difficult thing that perhaps I could

somehow bring something new to the

cinema and you know that new actors and

new faces are needed all the time I feel

that my interpretation could be a new

face and a new face means a new actor

and a new interpretation so I want to

perpetrate my interpretation on the

Silver Screen and uh be a worthy

successor to Rudolph Valentino of course

you can't expect much more from a young

wouldbe actor in southern Italy after

the hard trial of the shop shutters but

anyway this crowd in the South all

wanted a screen test at all costs and

although we didn't have the pleasure of

making a sensational Discovery we once

more had confirmation of that singular

tendency there is in these parts to bash

one's head against something hard like a

shop shutter or a film

camera Lonely Heart Take One this life

isn't worth living

alone nobody to speak a kind word not a

soul to call my own with no one to help

me to be a

companion but

I can't bear it can't bear the burden of

life alone how often have I looked for a

soulmate for somebody who's suitable for

me I mean a gentleman a man who'll treat

me like a lady but I haven't found him

so what am I to do shut up and go away

no no more Angry shut up and go away

sarcastic haa shut up go away I can

knock this block off come come more

determination I can knock this block off

determination I can knock this block off

determination I can up his block off all

right calmly I can up his block off take

22 Carlo vinent and Franco my own

friends have taken me for a fool Carlo

has robbed me of all my property house

car even all my money that devil Franco

has robbed me of my wife the woman I

loved vampire T too after days of

waiting I succeeded murdering Uncle Max

but now there's the corpse how to get

rid of it to have it in here the house

isn't

possible probably it will begin to

smell and what have you got for us a

scene in the hospital with a dramatic

ending where am I my first vision is

hospital what am I doing here there are

my

friends Franco uro jaavan Mario what

upen and oh yes of course yesterday with

the bus oh yes now I remember everything

yes oh my legs they've cut off my

legs and why do you want to be an actor

oh um because I like to travel because I

like women because I like money and uh

in order to be independent especially to

travel around to prove that I can to

prove that I have talent because I was

made for acting perhaps even for star

them and my wish to travel is because I

want some new experiences I want to find

some blondes that are pretty because

it's stupid to stay here in Sicily I'm

tired of all the farmers everyone out

the streets oh purity's blessed dagger

cut open This Heart of Mine with your

sharpest blade Lord who joined us in

marriage before I gave myself to another

with this same blade I'll strike to my

heart very good and what's your party

piece love in the station well go ahead

tuna I beg you come back I won't do it

again I

promise no

no stop the train stop the train

please thank you thank you station

Master she means a lot to me

there are many ways of playing a part

but that chosen by Achilles Trula a

Greek painter who is trying to make a

name for himself in Paris we find most

unpleasant surrounded by a bogus setup

that stinks of Pep mash the brave

Achilles favors a style of painting

which he calls stoal painting in spite

of appearances this doesn't mean that it

makes you sick to your stomach but Mouth

painting from the Greek sto a

mouth the terms he uses for the

ingredients of this disgusting hogwash

are just as original the filthy mess

which he obtains by mixing the colors in

his mouth is called the Master's Divine

vomit these poor girls who prance to the

canvas on which they spit the colors are

statites and the canvas is a stoa which

for clarity's sake doesn't mean a

spitoon but the surface which receives

the spit staed by the statites

after which when the Opus is finished

the master affixes his stomatal

signature

and here is another he has just been

commissioned to paint 10 pictures to

illustrate a new edition of dant's

Divine Comedy and he's preparing his

sketches in a suitable atmosphere this

time it's a more serious matter this is

the German artist horse searing who won

the gun prize for painting in 1953

oh well where's that sacred respect for

the Arts now in these modern times eight

of the nine Muses get a slap in the face

every day the ninth music is still safe

today thank heavens a concert is still a

concert nobody has given music a slap in

the face yet

he oh

pleas

you hear them they want an

encore oh yes we know very well that you

should never give an encore but when the

public applaud and ask for more slaps

what can you do I ask you Mondo car what

can you do you just got to turn the

other cheek

foree

moreeeee

birthday birday