All language subtitles for In . Out (AC3-6ch) (1of2)

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,512 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION 2 00:00:59,725 --> 00:01:02,728 "AND SUNLIGHT CLASPED THE EARTH, 3 00:01:02,728 --> 00:01:06,232 "AND THE MOONBEAMS KISSED THE SEA. 4 00:01:06,732 --> 00:01:10,236 "WHAT ARE ALL THESE KISSINGS WORTH 5 00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:14,240 IF THOU KISS NOT ME?" 6 00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:18,744 THAT'S IT. 7 00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:20,629 [CLASS LAUGHS] 8 00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:22,748 MIKE. 9 00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:24,250 MR. BRACKETT, OK. 10 00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:26,252 THAT CAMERON DRAKE GUY, 11 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,253 DID YOU REALLY TEACH HIM? 12 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,754 YES, I DID, MIKE. 13 00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:30,756 RIGHT HERE IN THIS VERY ROOM. 14 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,975 DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE POEM? 15 00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:35,761 YES, MEREDITH. 16 00:01:35,894 --> 00:01:37,263 WHEN CAMERON WENT HERE, DID HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? 17 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,264 PLEASE. 18 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,265 JACK. 19 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,266 MR. BRACKETT. 20 00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:41,767 VICKY. 21 00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:42,768 DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE POEM? 22 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:43,769 OH, YEAH. 23 00:01:44,236 --> 00:01:46,272 YOU HAVE A COMMENT ABOUT ENGLISH LITERATURE 24 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:48,274 OR ROMANTIC POETRY? 25 00:01:48,407 --> 00:01:50,276 ABSOLUTELY. LET'S HEAR IT. 26 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:53,746 WELL, WHEN CAMERON WENT HERE AND HE STUDIED ENGLISH LITERATURE 27 00:01:53,746 --> 00:01:56,248 AND ROMANTIC POETRY, 28 00:01:56,332 --> 00:01:57,783 WAS HE REALLY CUTE? 29 00:01:58,117 --> 00:01:59,785 NO, HE'S HAD MASSIVE SURGERY. 30 00:01:59,918 --> 00:02:01,754 A COMPLETE OVERHAUL. 31 00:02:01,837 --> 00:02:02,788 HE WAS AN IGUANA. 32 00:02:04,673 --> 00:02:09,094 BUT YOU KNOW, HE LOVED THIS POEM. 33 00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:13,299 EXCUSE ME, MR. BRACKETT. 34 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,300 MR. BRACKETT. 35 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,801 JACK. 36 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:16,802 IT'S HERE. 37 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,304 WHAT? 38 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,805 FROM INDIANA STATE. 39 00:02:19,805 --> 00:02:20,806 AND? HEY, JOE. 40 00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:21,807 MR. BRACKETT, WILL YOU OPEN IT? 41 00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:23,142 IT'LL MAKE IT A LOT EASIER. 42 00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:24,810 I MEAN, WHAT IF I... 43 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,312 I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA GET IN. 44 00:02:26,812 --> 00:02:29,315 I BET THAT IT JUST SAYS, "NICE TRY, YOU MORON. 45 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,816 YOU LOSER, GET LOST. GET OUT OF HERE." 46 00:02:30,816 --> 00:02:33,319 THAT'S NOT QUITE THE WAY THEY PUT IT, JACK. 47 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,320 HEY. 48 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,321 YES. 49 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,655 YOU'RE IN! FULL SCHOLARSHIP! 50 00:02:36,655 --> 00:02:37,823 YES, YES? 51 00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:39,825 WAY TO GO! 52 00:02:39,825 --> 00:02:40,826 YES! 53 00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:42,828 [HUSHED CONVERSATIONS] 54 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,331 SHH, SHH, SHH. 55 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,335 GENTLEMEN. 56 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,337 ARE WE HAVING A PRACTICE? 57 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,339 UH, WE CAN'T, YOU KNOW? 58 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,840 IT'S OUR COACH. 59 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,343 YOU KNOW, HE'S GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEK. 60 00:02:57,593 --> 00:02:59,845 YES, THAT'S CORRECT. 61 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,848 AND HE'S DRUNK. 62 00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:05,351 I'M DRUNK? 63 00:03:05,684 --> 00:03:07,853 PRETTY SOON? 64 00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:15,861 YOU GUYS! 65 00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,866 CONGRATULATIONS, MR. BRACKETT! 66 00:03:28,874 --> 00:03:31,377 YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. 67 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,345 HOWARD. 68 00:03:33,345 --> 00:03:35,347 YOU LOOK EXQUISITE. 69 00:03:35,347 --> 00:03:37,383 OH, I JUST WISH MY FOLKS WERE STILL HERE. 70 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,385 THEY NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN. 71 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,387 THEY NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET MARRIED. 72 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,888 WE'RE YOUR FAMILY NOW, DEAR. 73 00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:45,391 I'M NOT JUST HOWARD'S MOM. I'M YOURS. 74 00:03:45,891 --> 00:03:46,892 BEWARE. 75 00:03:46,892 --> 00:03:48,394 BUT, HONEY, WHEN YOU WALKED IN HERE LAST MONTH, 76 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:49,895 I ALMOST DIED. 77 00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:50,896 I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU. 78 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,398 SHE'S WORKED VERY HARD. 79 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:53,399 ISN'T SHE A KNOCKOUT? 80 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:54,900 WELL, I JUST HAVE BEEN FAT MY WHOLE LIFE, 81 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,403 AND I WAS NOT GONNA WADDLE DOWN THAT AISLE, 82 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,904 AND WHEN I SAW 83 00:03:58,904 --> 00:03:59,905 THAT RICHARD SIMMONS INFOMERCIAL-- 84 00:03:59,905 --> 00:04:01,407 I LOVE HIM. 85 00:04:01,573 --> 00:04:04,410 REMEMBER WHEN HE ACTUALLY WENT TO THAT WOMAN'S HOUSE 86 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,912 WHO LOST OVER 400 POUNDS USING THE TAPES? 87 00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:07,913 OH, YES. 88 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:08,914 I JUST THOUGHT, 89 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,417 IF SHE CAN DO IT, SO CAN I. 90 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:12,918 AND YOU DID. 91 00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:14,920 BRIDAL BARN, WE SALUTE YOU. 92 00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:18,924 IT'S A STRAITJACKET IS WHAT IT IS. 93 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:19,925 DAD. 94 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,927 IT'S A CLASSIC, THE J-12. 95 00:04:21,927 --> 00:04:23,929 YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY IN TOWN'S BEEN STOPPING BY, 96 00:04:23,929 --> 00:04:25,431 REVVING UP FOR YOUR NUPTIALS. 97 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,932 LOOK AT THIS. 98 00:04:29,518 --> 00:04:31,904 OH, SON, I DON'T KNOW. 99 00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,907 THE TORM?. 100 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,948 [CLINKING GLASS] 101 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,452 THANK YOU. 102 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,954 WELL, UH... 103 00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:51,957 IN JUST A FEW SHORT DAYS, EMILY AND I WILL BE MARRIED 104 00:04:51,957 --> 00:04:53,459 AFTER 3 LONG YEARS. 105 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,461 NOW, WHAT, YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF, WAS THE PROBLEM? 106 00:04:55,711 --> 00:04:57,546 YOU SAID IT! 107 00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:01,967 WELL, AUNT BECKY, I THINK I HAVE THE ANSWER. 108 00:05:02,384 --> 00:05:03,969 I VOWED THAT I WOULD NOT BE MARRIED 109 00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:06,972 UNTIL CAMERON DRAKE WAS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR. 110 00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:08,474 I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE. 111 00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:11,977 NOW TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT, 112 00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:13,479 FOR CAMERON, AT LEAST, 113 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:16,982 AND SO I'LL LET YOU ALL GET BACK TO YOUR SETS, 114 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,985 AND THIS SUNDAY, THANKS TO MY MOM AND DAD 115 00:05:19,985 --> 00:05:20,986 AND EMILY, 116 00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:24,990 IT'S GONNA BE THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 117 00:05:25,157 --> 00:05:25,991 [APPLAUSE] 118 00:05:30,161 --> 00:05:33,164 ## [ETHEL MERMAN ON STEREO] ## EVERYTHING'S COMING UP ROSES 119 00:05:33,164 --> 00:05:36,167 WOULDN'T IT BE EXTRAORDINARY IF CAMERON ACTUALLY WINS? 120 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,668 YOU REMEMBER? I HAD HIM. 121 00:05:37,668 --> 00:05:38,669 YOU DID? 122 00:05:38,669 --> 00:05:40,171 YEAH, I WAS A STUDENT TEACHER. 123 00:05:40,171 --> 00:05:41,172 IT WAS SOPHOMORE ENGLISH. 124 00:05:41,172 --> 00:05:42,673 HE USED TO COME EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL 125 00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:44,175 FOR EXTRA HELP. 126 00:05:44,175 --> 00:05:45,676 WE SPENT THE WHOLE YEAR 127 00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:48,179 RECITINGROMEO AND JULIET TO EACH OTHER. 128 00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:49,680 OH, REALLY? 129 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,681 JUST THE TWO OF YOU? 130 00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:53,684 HE WAS JUST A STUDENT. 131 00:05:53,684 --> 00:05:56,570 HMM, WELL, ALL RIGHT. 132 00:05:57,688 --> 00:05:59,190 NOW, WHICH CHANNEL? 133 00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:03,694 WHO WANTS MOVIE-STYLE BUTTERY LITE? 134 00:06:03,694 --> 00:06:05,196 ME, I DO. 135 00:06:05,196 --> 00:06:07,698 SCORE PADS AND PENCILS. 136 00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:13,204 GRETCHEN, WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BEST DOCUMENTARY? 137 00:06:13,704 --> 00:06:15,706 SOMETHING ABOUT POLISH MINE WORKERS 138 00:06:15,706 --> 00:06:17,208 AND THEIR STRUGGLE TO BE FREE. 139 00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:20,211 I HOPE THAT NICE SALLY FIELD WINS. 140 00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:22,713 BUT SHE'S NOT NOMINATED. 141 00:06:23,214 --> 00:06:23,714 EVEN SO. 142 00:06:24,215 --> 00:06:25,716 IT'S ALMOST TIME. 143 00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:27,718 OH, TURN IT ON, TURN IT ON. 144 00:06:35,192 --> 00:06:38,729 Reporter: THE PLACE-- HOLLYWOOD, USA. 145 00:06:40,731 --> 00:06:43,734 THIS IS PETER MALLOY FORINSIDE ENTERTAINMENT 146 00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:46,737 INVITING YOU TO JOIN ME FOR HOLLYWOOD'S NIGHT OF NIGHTS, 147 00:06:46,737 --> 00:06:49,240 THE 68th ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS. 148 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,243 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 149 00:06:52,243 --> 00:06:55,746 HERE IS ANOTHER SCREEN LEGEND, AN OSCAR WINNER HERSELF, 150 00:06:55,746 --> 00:06:56,714 MISS WHOOPI GOLDBERG. 151 00:06:56,797 --> 00:06:58,249 WHOOPI! 152 00:06:58,249 --> 00:06:59,750 I LOVE YOU, WHOOPI! 153 00:07:00,134 --> 00:07:02,253 SO, WHOOP, CAMERON DRAKE. 154 00:07:02,253 --> 00:07:03,254 HIS CHANCES? 155 00:07:03,254 --> 00:07:04,755 I THINK THIS KID IS INCREDIBLE. 156 00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:06,257 HE IS SO SEXY, SO SWEET. 157 00:07:06,257 --> 00:07:07,258 Woman: IT'S CAMERON! 158 00:07:07,258 --> 00:07:08,759 I MEAN, I JUST ADORE HIM. 159 00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:11,262 HE IS JUST THE BEST THERE IS, YOU KNOW? 160 00:07:11,262 --> 00:07:12,763 IT'S CAMERON DRAKE. 161 00:07:13,230 --> 00:07:14,265 THERE HE IS. 162 00:07:14,265 --> 00:07:15,766 LOOK. 163 00:07:17,568 --> 00:07:18,269 Crowd: CAMERON! 164 00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:20,271 CAMERON, CAMERON! 165 00:07:20,271 --> 00:07:23,274 CAMERON, CAMERON! 166 00:07:23,607 --> 00:07:25,776 CAMERON, CAMERON! 167 00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:26,777 CAMERON! 168 00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:33,284 HE IS JUST SO COOL. 169 00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:35,286 WHAT IS THAT STUFF ON HIS CHIN? 170 00:07:35,286 --> 00:07:36,787 HE LOOKS LIKE A TROLL DOLL. 171 00:07:36,787 --> 00:07:38,289 DID HE JUST WAKE UP? 172 00:07:38,289 --> 00:07:39,790 SHUT UP. 173 00:07:39,957 --> 00:07:43,794 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE COMES AMERICA'S HOTTEST YOUNG STAR 174 00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:47,298 ANDPEOPLEMAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN OF THE YEAR, POOR GUY, 175 00:07:47,298 --> 00:07:48,799 CAMERON DRAKE. 176 00:07:50,301 --> 00:07:51,302 HELLO. 177 00:07:51,302 --> 00:07:52,303 HEY. 178 00:07:52,303 --> 00:07:53,804 HEY. 179 00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,310 SO, CAMERON, TONIGHT'S THE BIG NIGHT. 180 00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:01,312 ALL THE MARBLES. PLANET CAMERON. 181 00:08:01,312 --> 00:08:02,313 RIGHT. 182 00:08:02,813 --> 00:08:03,314 UH, EXCUSE ME? 183 00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:05,399 I SAID, RIGHT. 184 00:08:05,399 --> 00:08:08,819 EVERYONE'S SAYING THAT YOU WON'T BE GOING HOME EMPTY-HANDED. 185 00:08:08,819 --> 00:08:10,321 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? 186 00:08:10,321 --> 00:08:11,322 AND SPEAK UP. 187 00:08:11,822 --> 00:08:15,326 WELL, BASICALLY TO ME, 188 00:08:15,326 --> 00:08:17,328 AWARDS ARE MEANINGLESS. 189 00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:19,330 UM, I'M AN ARTIST. 190 00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:20,331 IT'S ABOUT THE WORK. 191 00:08:20,331 --> 00:08:22,333 ALL THE NOMINEES ARE ARTISTS. 192 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:23,334 WE SHOULDN'T BE FORCED 193 00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,836 TO COMPETE WITH EACH OTHER LIKE DOGS. 194 00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:27,838 OH, I HEAR YOU. GOOD POINT. 195 00:08:27,838 --> 00:08:29,840 SO THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE? 196 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,342 IN CASE I WIN. 197 00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:42,853 Announcer: AND NOW WE RETURN 198 00:08:43,354 --> 00:08:45,856 TOTHE 68th ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS. 199 00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:46,857 COMING UP, THE OSCAR 200 00:08:47,324 --> 00:08:49,360 FOR BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR. 201 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,363 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MISS GLENN CLOSE. 202 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,883 AND NOW OUR FINAL NOMINEE FOR BEST ACTOR, 203 00:09:13,384 --> 00:09:14,385 CAMERON DRAKE. 204 00:09:21,392 --> 00:09:25,396 CAMERON ROCKETED TO STARDOM WITH COURAGE AND CHARISMA, 205 00:09:25,396 --> 00:09:28,899 TACKLING THE ROLE OF A BRAVE GAY SOLDIER 206 00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:32,903 IN THE BREAKTHROUGH FILM TO SERVE AND PROTECT. 207 00:09:34,405 --> 00:09:35,906 [EXPLOSIONS] 208 00:09:37,908 --> 00:09:39,877 AAH! 209 00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,919 YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT, DANNY. 210 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,423 I LOVE YOU, BILLY. 211 00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:54,925 WAIT. DO YOU LOVE ME AS A FRIEND... 212 00:09:55,426 --> 00:09:56,927 OR IN ANOTHER WAY? 213 00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,929 ANOTHER WAY, BILLY. 214 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:00,931 YOU MEAN AS A BROTHER? 215 00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:03,434 NO, ANOTHER WAY. 216 00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:04,935 YOU MEAN AS A COUSIN? 217 00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:07,438 NO, ANOTHER WAY. 218 00:10:08,939 --> 00:10:11,442 YOU MEAN AS A PEN PAL? 219 00:10:11,442 --> 00:10:13,444 MY LEGS HURT. 220 00:10:13,444 --> 00:10:14,445 OHH! 221 00:10:14,745 --> 00:10:15,946 AAH! 222 00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:17,948 AAH! 223 00:10:18,248 --> 00:10:19,450 AAH! 224 00:10:24,421 --> 00:10:26,457 Man: PROCEED. 225 00:10:30,461 --> 00:10:31,462 LIEUTENANT STEVENS, 226 00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:33,964 YOU'VE BEEN AWARDED 2 PURPLE HEARTS 227 00:10:33,964 --> 00:10:35,966 AND A CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR. 228 00:10:35,966 --> 00:10:38,469 YOU SAVED THE LIVES OF YOUR ENTIRE UNIT. 229 00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:41,472 HOWEVER, YOUR SERGEANT 230 00:10:41,472 --> 00:10:43,474 HAS COME ACROSS THE FOLLOWING ITEMS 231 00:10:43,474 --> 00:10:44,475 IN YOUR FOOTLOCKER. 232 00:10:44,475 --> 00:10:47,478 WILL YOU KINDLY TELL THE COURT IF THEY ARE YOURS? 233 00:10:47,778 --> 00:10:48,979 A PERSONAL LETTER TO ANOTHER SOLDIER? 234 00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:51,949 OH, NO. 235 00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:52,983 YES, SIR. 236 00:10:53,484 --> 00:10:57,988 A PHOTOGRAPH SIGNED, "DANNY, SAN FRANCISCO"? 237 00:10:57,988 --> 00:10:58,989 YES, SIR. 238 00:10:59,122 --> 00:11:00,491 [MURMURING] 239 00:11:03,494 --> 00:11:08,499 FINALLY, AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OFBEACHES, 240 00:11:08,499 --> 00:11:09,833 STARRING BETTE MIDLER? 241 00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:11,001 GIVE THAT BACK! 242 00:11:11,335 --> 00:11:13,971 DISCHARGE, DISHONORABLE! 243 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:25,015 THEY'RE KICKING HIM OUT. 244 00:11:25,015 --> 00:11:27,518 THAT'S NOT FAIR. 245 00:11:27,518 --> 00:11:30,020 I MEAN, HE KILLED PEOPLE. 246 00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:32,022 MM-HMM. MM-HMM. 247 00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:39,530 DANNY, I JUST DON'T KNOW. 248 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,532 DID I DO THE RIGHT THING? 249 00:11:43,534 --> 00:11:45,536 ASK HIM. 250 00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:49,540 WELL, MR. PRESIDENT, 251 00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:52,042 AM I STILL A GOOD AMERICAN? 252 00:11:57,548 --> 00:11:59,299 IT'S A STATUE, BILLY. 253 00:12:02,553 --> 00:12:04,054 OH, DANNY. 254 00:12:04,555 --> 00:12:06,056 I LOVE YOU. 255 00:12:07,057 --> 00:12:08,559 COME ON. 256 00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:10,060 LET'S GO HOME. 257 00:12:14,698 --> 00:12:16,066 BILLY. 258 00:12:20,571 --> 00:12:22,072 BILLY! 259 00:12:26,076 --> 00:12:27,077 BILLY! 260 00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,582 BILLY! 261 00:12:37,588 --> 00:12:40,257 OH, LOOK. THERE HE IS. 262 00:12:44,059 --> 00:12:46,561 THIS IS CAMERON'S FIRST NOMINATION, 263 00:12:46,561 --> 00:12:49,064 AND HE'S IN EXTREMELY GOOD COMPANY. 264 00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:52,567 TONIGHT, HE JOINS FELLOW BEST ACTOR NOMINEES... 265 00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:56,154 PAUL NEWMAN FORCOOT... 266 00:12:57,739 --> 00:13:00,442 CLINT EASTWOOD FORCODGER... 267 00:13:02,026 --> 00:13:05,080 MICHAEL DOUGLAS FORPRIMARY URGES... 268 00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:14,422 AND STEVEN SEAGAL FORSNOWBALL IN HELL. 269 00:13:17,092 --> 00:13:18,593 AND THE WINNER IS... 270 00:13:20,595 --> 00:13:24,099 CAMERON DRAKE, TO SERVE AND PROTECT. 271 00:13:24,099 --> 00:13:26,601 OH, MY GOD! 272 00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:29,104 OH, MY GOD! 273 00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:36,611 DOOFUS! 274 00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:37,612 DOOFUS! 275 00:13:38,113 --> 00:13:39,063 DOOFUS! 276 00:13:39,147 --> 00:13:40,115 DOOFUS! 277 00:13:40,115 --> 00:13:41,116 DOOFUS! 278 00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:42,617 DOOFUS! 279 00:13:42,617 --> 00:13:43,618 DOOFUS! 280 00:13:43,618 --> 00:13:44,619 THAT'S OUR BOY. 281 00:13:44,619 --> 00:13:45,620 LOOK AT HIM. 282 00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:47,322 OH, MY GOD! 283 00:13:49,624 --> 00:13:50,625 THANK YOU. 284 00:13:53,128 --> 00:13:54,129 WOW. 285 00:13:54,629 --> 00:13:55,630 NICE, MAN. 286 00:13:57,665 --> 00:13:58,633 NICE. 287 00:13:58,633 --> 00:14:02,637 I'D LIKE TO THANK A GREAT DIRECTOR, 288 00:14:02,637 --> 00:14:05,140 AN INCREDIBLE CAST, 289 00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:08,143 MY AGENT AND MY NEW AGENT, 290 00:14:08,343 --> 00:14:10,645 BUT I'M JUST AN ACTOR PLAYING SOMEONE. 291 00:14:10,645 --> 00:14:14,649 THIS REALLY BELONGS TO ALL THE GAY SOLDIERS AND SAILORS 292 00:14:14,649 --> 00:14:18,153 AND OTHER GUYS AND WOMEN WHO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY 293 00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:21,156 TO KEEP US FREE, BUT CAN'T DATE. 294 00:14:21,156 --> 00:14:22,157 [APPLAUSE] 295 00:14:26,161 --> 00:14:29,664 SO MAYBE I SHOULD THANK SOMEONE ELSE. 296 00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:31,666 SOMEONE WHO'S REALLY BEEN THERE. 297 00:14:31,666 --> 00:14:33,168 SOMEONE WHO TAUGHT ME A LOT 298 00:14:33,168 --> 00:14:35,670 ABOUT POETRY AND SHAKESPEARE 299 00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:38,173 AND JUST, LIKE, YOU KNOW, 300 00:14:38,173 --> 00:14:40,175 STAYING AWAKE, MAN. 301 00:14:40,508 --> 00:14:43,178 SOMEONE WHO'S JUST AN OVERALL GREAT GUY 302 00:14:43,178 --> 00:14:44,179 AND A GREAT TEACHER. 303 00:14:44,679 --> 00:14:47,682 TO HOWARD BRACKETT FROM GREENLEAF, INDIANA. 304 00:14:47,682 --> 00:14:49,684 OH, MY GOD! 305 00:14:49,684 --> 00:14:51,686 OH, WOW. 306 00:14:51,686 --> 00:14:53,638 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 307 00:14:53,721 --> 00:14:56,224 AND HE'S GAY. 308 00:15:02,197 --> 00:15:04,699 Cameron: I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THIS NIGHT, 309 00:15:04,866 --> 00:15:07,702 AND I'VE DECIDED TO DEDICATE THIS WHOLE NIGHT 310 00:15:07,702 --> 00:15:09,704 TO A GREAT GAY TEACHER. 311 00:15:10,205 --> 00:15:12,707 MR. BRACKETT... 312 00:15:12,707 --> 00:15:13,708 WE WON! 313 00:15:24,719 --> 00:15:26,221 [TURNS TELEVISION OFF] 314 00:15:27,722 --> 00:15:28,723 [GASPS] 315 00:15:41,236 --> 00:15:43,238 HOWARD? 316 00:15:43,238 --> 00:15:44,739 HMM? 317 00:15:44,739 --> 00:15:45,740 HOWARD. 318 00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:46,741 PRECIOUS. 319 00:15:47,108 --> 00:15:48,743 HOWARD, WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? 320 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,194 I HAVE NO IDEA! 321 00:15:50,194 --> 00:15:51,246 [DOORBELL RINGS] 322 00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:53,748 WHAT?! 323 00:15:58,753 --> 00:15:59,754 MOM? 324 00:15:59,754 --> 00:16:01,923 DAD? 325 00:16:02,757 --> 00:16:04,759 IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANNA TELL US? 326 00:16:04,759 --> 00:16:06,794 SOMETHING ABOUT THE WEDDING? 327 00:16:07,762 --> 00:16:08,713 I'M NOT GAY. 328 00:16:08,713 --> 00:16:09,764 OHH. 329 00:16:09,764 --> 00:16:11,266 OF COURSE NOT. 330 00:16:11,266 --> 00:16:13,268 NO! NO, NO, NO, NO. 331 00:16:13,268 --> 00:16:14,769 MY SON'S NOT GAY. 332 00:16:14,769 --> 00:16:15,770 NO WAY! 333 00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:16,771 NO HOW! 334 00:16:16,771 --> 00:16:17,772 NO DICE! 335 00:16:17,772 --> 00:16:18,773 NO WHERE! 336 00:16:18,773 --> 00:16:19,774 NO, SIR! 337 00:16:19,774 --> 00:16:21,693 BUT THAT BOY ON TELEVISION-- 338 00:16:21,693 --> 00:16:23,278 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT. 339 00:16:23,278 --> 00:16:24,279 I AM OUTRAGED! 340 00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:25,780 I MAY HIRE AN ATTORNEY. I MAY SUE! 341 00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,282 THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA. 342 00:16:27,282 --> 00:16:28,283 YOU THINK? 343 00:16:28,283 --> 00:16:29,784 GET THAT JOHNNIE COCHRAN, NOT THAT WOMAN. 344 00:16:29,784 --> 00:16:30,785 GOOD IDEA. 345 00:16:31,286 --> 00:16:32,287 NOW, WE HAVE TO REMEMBER, 346 00:16:32,287 --> 00:16:33,788 HE'S BEEN IN HOLLYWOOD A LONG TIME, 347 00:16:33,788 --> 00:16:35,290 AND HE MAY BE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING, 348 00:16:35,790 --> 00:16:36,791 OR HE MAY HAVE JOINED A CULT. 349 00:16:36,791 --> 00:16:39,243 OH, MY LORD. 350 00:16:39,243 --> 00:16:40,295 THAT LITTLE ZOMBIE. 351 00:16:40,295 --> 00:16:43,298 HIS FAMILY WAS-- OH, I HATE TO SAY THIS, 352 00:16:43,498 --> 00:16:44,799 BUT WHEN THEY LIVED HERE, 353 00:16:44,799 --> 00:16:47,302 THEY WERE NOT ACTIVE IN THE PTA. 354 00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:48,803 HE USED TO MOW OUR LAWN. 355 00:16:48,803 --> 00:16:50,305 NEVER AGAIN. 356 00:16:50,305 --> 00:16:54,309 HOWARD, WE WANT YOU TO KNOW 357 00:16:54,309 --> 00:16:56,811 YOU'RE OUR SON, AND WE'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU-- 358 00:16:56,811 --> 00:16:58,813 GAY, STRAIGHT, RED, GREEN, 359 00:16:58,813 --> 00:17:01,316 IF YOU ROB A BANK, IF YOU KILL SOMEONE. 360 00:17:01,766 --> 00:17:02,817 IF YOU GET DRUNK, 361 00:17:02,817 --> 00:17:04,819 CLIMB A CLOCK TOWER, AND TAKE OUT THE TOWN. 362 00:17:04,819 --> 00:17:07,822 AS LONG AS YOU GET MARRIED. 363 00:17:07,822 --> 00:17:09,324 I NEED THAT WEDDING. 364 00:17:09,324 --> 00:17:11,326 I NEED SOME BEAUTY AND SOME MUSIC 365 00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:13,328 AND SOME PLACE CARDS BEFORE I DIE. 366 00:17:13,328 --> 00:17:14,829 IT'S LIKE HEROIN. 367 00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:16,831 DO YOU HEAR ME, HOWARD? 368 00:17:17,999 --> 00:17:19,751 HMM? 369 00:17:22,837 --> 00:17:23,838 OH. 370 00:17:23,838 --> 00:17:26,341 EMILY, CAN WE GIVE YOU A LIFT? 371 00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:27,842 OH. 372 00:17:27,842 --> 00:17:29,844 WILL YOU BE ALL RIGHT? 373 00:17:29,844 --> 00:17:31,346 OF COURSE. 374 00:17:31,346 --> 00:17:32,847 I'M FINE. 375 00:17:32,847 --> 00:17:34,849 WE'RE GETTING MARRIED. 376 00:17:34,849 --> 00:17:36,351 I LOVE YOU. 377 00:17:40,855 --> 00:17:42,390 Howard: GOOD NIGHT. 378 00:17:44,859 --> 00:17:46,861 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 379 00:17:47,862 --> 00:17:49,364 HELLO. 380 00:17:49,364 --> 00:17:50,865 NO, I'M NOT. 381 00:17:58,373 --> 00:17:59,374 [RADIO CLICKS ON] 382 00:17:59,874 --> 00:18:01,376 Village People: ## HEY, HEY ## 383 00:18:01,376 --> 00:18:03,378 ## HEY, HEY, HEY ## 384 00:18:03,378 --> 00:18:04,879 ## MACHO, MACHO MAN ## 385 00:18:04,879 --> 00:18:06,881 ## MACHO MAN, YEAH ## 386 00:18:06,881 --> 00:18:08,383 ## I'VE GOT TO BE ## 387 00:18:08,383 --> 00:18:09,384 ## A MACHO MAN ## 388 00:18:09,384 --> 00:18:10,885 ## I'VE GOT TO BE A... ## 389 00:18:37,412 --> 00:18:39,414 [GIRLS GIGGLING] 390 00:18:51,759 --> 00:18:52,927 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. 391 00:18:55,129 --> 00:18:56,931 [MURMUR OF VOICES] 392 00:19:06,441 --> 00:19:07,942 THERE HE IS! 393 00:19:07,942 --> 00:19:08,943 THAT'S HIM! 394 00:19:08,943 --> 00:19:09,944 HEY! 395 00:19:09,944 --> 00:19:11,946 HOWARD! HEY! 396 00:19:11,946 --> 00:19:13,948 HOWARD! HOWARD! 397 00:19:13,948 --> 00:19:15,950 [REPORTERS SHOUTING] 398 00:19:19,454 --> 00:19:20,955 DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? 399 00:19:20,955 --> 00:19:23,458 I AM GETTING MARRIED! I AM NOT GAY! 400 00:19:23,458 --> 00:19:24,659 DO YOU KNOW ELLEN? 401 00:19:27,462 --> 00:19:30,465 A TEACHER IN TROUBLE, A TOWN UNDER SIEGE, 402 00:19:30,465 --> 00:19:32,467 A JOURNEY TO THE HEARTLAND. 403 00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:33,468 PETER MALLOY. 404 00:19:33,468 --> 00:19:34,969 STAY TUNED. 405 00:19:34,969 --> 00:19:35,970 HOWARD! HOWARD! 406 00:19:35,970 --> 00:19:38,473 SHOULD GAYS BE ALLOWED TO HANDLE FRESH PRODUCE? 407 00:19:38,473 --> 00:19:39,474 I DON'T CARE! 408 00:19:39,474 --> 00:19:40,975 THIS IS A CLASSROOM! 409 00:19:43,978 --> 00:19:45,980 CLASS. 410 00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:48,148 SO, UH, WHERE WERE WE? 411 00:19:49,149 --> 00:19:50,150 ROMANTIC POETRY. 412 00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:51,651 SHAKESPEARE. 413 00:19:52,152 --> 00:19:53,153 TALENTED, ENGLISH, 414 00:19:53,653 --> 00:19:54,604 DEAD. 415 00:19:54,604 --> 00:19:55,655 THE SONNETS. 416 00:19:55,655 --> 00:19:57,657 "SHALL I COMPARE THEE TO A SUMMER'S GAY?" 417 00:19:57,657 --> 00:19:58,658 [CLASS SNICKERING] 418 00:19:58,658 --> 00:20:01,661 "THOU ART MORE LOVELY AND MORE TEMPERATE. 419 00:20:01,661 --> 00:20:03,663 "ROUGH WINDS DO SHAPE THE DARLING BUDS OF MAY, 420 00:20:03,663 --> 00:20:05,665 AND S--" 421 00:20:16,676 --> 00:20:18,178 OK. 422 00:20:19,179 --> 00:20:21,181 LET'S GET IT OUT INTO THE OPEN RIGHT NOW. 423 00:20:21,181 --> 00:20:23,183 WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? 424 00:20:23,349 --> 00:20:25,185 IS IT... 425 00:20:25,185 --> 00:20:26,186 TRUE? 426 00:20:26,186 --> 00:20:27,687 OF COURSE NOT! 427 00:20:28,188 --> 00:20:30,690 I'M GETTING MARRIED IN 3 DAYS! 428 00:20:30,690 --> 00:20:32,692 SEE? I KNEW IT! 429 00:20:32,692 --> 00:20:33,693 TOLD YOU. 430 00:20:33,693 --> 00:20:35,195 ALL RIGHT. CLASS, CLASS. 431 00:20:35,195 --> 00:20:38,198 BUT WHY DID HE SAY IT ON TV IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD? 432 00:20:38,698 --> 00:20:40,700 I MEAN, WERE YOU, LIKE, INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSED? 433 00:20:41,201 --> 00:20:43,203 DID YOU JUST WANT TO STICK A GRENADE IN YOUR MOUTH? 434 00:20:43,203 --> 00:20:44,704 LOOK. ALL RIGHT. 435 00:20:45,205 --> 00:20:46,706 OK, THAT'S-- CLASS, CLASS. 436 00:20:46,873 --> 00:20:48,208 I DON'T KNOW WHY HE SAID IT. 437 00:20:48,708 --> 00:20:50,210 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT MYSELF, 438 00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:52,712 BUT THAT IS NOT WHY WE'RE HERE TODAY. 439 00:20:52,712 --> 00:20:54,664 MR. BRACKETT. MIKE? 440 00:20:54,747 --> 00:20:57,217 WELL, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT ALL NIGHT. 441 00:20:57,717 --> 00:20:59,719 WHY WOULD THAT GUY SAY YOU WERE GAY? 442 00:20:59,719 --> 00:21:01,971 AND I GOT IT FIGURED OUT. I GOT IT. 443 00:21:02,722 --> 00:21:04,224 WHAT HAVE YOU GOT? 444 00:21:04,557 --> 00:21:05,675 WELL, LOOK AT YOU. 445 00:21:05,675 --> 00:21:06,726 I BEG YOUR PARDON? 446 00:21:07,227 --> 00:21:08,228 I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, 447 00:21:08,228 --> 00:21:09,729 BUT YOU'RE AN ENGLISH TEACHER. 448 00:21:09,729 --> 00:21:10,730 EXACTLY. 449 00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:14,234 I MEAN, ALL THIS POETRY AND ODES AND BONNETS. 450 00:21:14,234 --> 00:21:15,235 SONNETS? 451 00:21:15,235 --> 00:21:16,736 AND YOU'RE KINDA PRISSY. 452 00:21:17,237 --> 00:21:18,738 PRISSY? 453 00:21:18,738 --> 00:21:20,240 WELL, NOT IN A BAD WAY. 454 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,242 I MEAN, LIKE, YOU'RE SMART... 455 00:21:22,242 --> 00:21:23,243 AND WELL-DRESSED... 456 00:21:23,743 --> 00:21:24,694 AND REALLY CLEAN. 457 00:21:24,694 --> 00:21:25,745 IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD. 458 00:21:26,079 --> 00:21:27,747 PLUS, YOU GOT THE DRAMA CLUB, 459 00:21:27,747 --> 00:21:29,249 AND YOU RIDE THAT BICYCLE. 460 00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:30,750 YOU'VE BEEN ENGAGED TO MISS MONTGOMERY 461 00:21:31,251 --> 00:21:32,252 FOR, LIKE, 3 YEARS. 462 00:21:32,252 --> 00:21:34,254 WHAT--WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO-- 463 00:21:34,254 --> 00:21:35,755 I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT. 464 00:21:35,755 --> 00:21:38,258 IF YOU ADD IT UP, OF COURSE THE GUY THINKS YOU'RE GAY! 465 00:21:38,258 --> 00:21:41,261 OOH! OOH! OOH! AND PLUS... 466 00:21:41,261 --> 00:21:44,264 HE WAS IN THAT MOVIE, 467 00:21:44,264 --> 00:21:47,767 SO HIS BRAIN IS, LIKE, ALREADY GOING THAT WAY, 468 00:21:47,767 --> 00:21:50,270 AND THEN HE REMEMBERS YOU, 469 00:21:50,270 --> 00:21:54,274 AND HE GOES, "SMART, CLEAN, TOTALLY DECENT HUMAN BEING-- 470 00:21:54,274 --> 00:21:56,359 GAY!" 471 00:21:58,311 --> 00:22:00,280 [REPORTERS SHOUTING] 472 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,781 GAYS IN THE SPACE PROGRAM? 473 00:22:01,948 --> 00:22:03,783 Woman: LESBIANS ON MARS? 474 00:22:03,783 --> 00:22:05,285 DO YOU HAVE ANY COMMENT? 475 00:22:05,285 --> 00:22:06,786 EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. 476 00:22:07,787 --> 00:22:09,289 MR.--MR. BRACKETT. 477 00:22:09,289 --> 00:22:10,790 BOYS AND GIRLS. 478 00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:11,791 MR. HALLIWELL. 479 00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:13,793 HOWARD, COULD, UH, COULD I... 480 00:22:13,793 --> 00:22:14,794 OH. 481 00:22:14,794 --> 00:22:16,796 CLASS, EXCUSE ME. 482 00:22:16,796 --> 00:22:18,298 THE SCHOOL IS SURROUNDED. 483 00:22:18,298 --> 00:22:19,799 THERE ARE TV CAMERAS, REPORTERS. 484 00:22:19,799 --> 00:22:22,302 SEE? THEY WANT PICTURES OF THE GAY GUY! 485 00:22:22,302 --> 00:22:23,803 [CLASS GIGGLING] 486 00:22:25,805 --> 00:22:27,807 I--I TRIED TO REASON WITH THEM. 487 00:22:27,807 --> 00:22:29,809 I TOLD THEM I WAS THE PRINCIPAL, 488 00:22:29,809 --> 00:22:31,311 AND THEY... 489 00:22:31,311 --> 00:22:33,313 THEY MOCKED ME. 490 00:22:33,313 --> 00:22:34,314 I'M SORRY. 491 00:22:34,314 --> 00:22:36,816 Halliwell: COULD YOU-- COULD YOU TALK TO THEM? 492 00:22:36,816 --> 00:22:38,318 Howard: RIGHT AWAY. 493 00:22:39,319 --> 00:22:40,820 UH, CLASS, PAGE 58. 494 00:22:40,820 --> 00:22:42,822 YES, LEARN-- LEARN ALL YOU CAN. 495 00:22:42,822 --> 00:22:44,824 MR. BRACKETT. 496 00:22:44,941 --> 00:22:45,825 Howard: YES? 497 00:22:45,825 --> 00:22:46,826 WATCH THE HANDS. 498 00:22:46,826 --> 00:22:49,829 OH. UH, GOOD--GOOD POINT. 499 00:22:51,331 --> 00:22:52,832 HOWARD, ARE YOU GAY? 500 00:22:52,832 --> 00:22:53,833 ARE YOU GAY? 501 00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:55,835 HOWARD! HOWARD, PLEASE! 502 00:22:56,285 --> 00:22:58,838 Man: I'M SORRY. I THINK THAT THE JURY IS STILL OUT ON THIS. 503 00:22:58,838 --> 00:23:01,341 Woman: NO WAY. HE'S BEEN HERE FOR HOW MANY YEARS? 504 00:23:01,841 --> 00:23:03,843 OH, COME ON. I ALWAYS KNEW. 505 00:23:03,843 --> 00:23:05,345 WELL, I SAY BRAVO. 506 00:23:05,345 --> 00:23:06,846 IT'S A BLOW FOR FREEDOM. 507 00:23:06,846 --> 00:23:08,348 GOOD FOR HOWARD. 508 00:23:08,348 --> 00:23:09,849 TO QUOTE MR. BOB DYLAN, 509 00:23:09,849 --> 00:23:11,851 "HOW MANY ROADS MUST A MAN WALK DOWN, 510 00:23:11,851 --> 00:23:13,353 BEFORE WE CALL HIM A MAN?" 511 00:23:13,353 --> 00:23:14,354 ED, DON'T. IT'S EARLY. 512 00:23:14,354 --> 00:23:15,855 UH, KNEW WHAT? 513 00:23:15,855 --> 00:23:19,308 ## AND HOW MANY SEAS MUST THE WHITE DOVE SAIL ## 514 00:23:19,308 --> 00:23:20,309 ED, PLEASE. 515 00:23:20,309 --> 00:23:20,860 ## BEFORE SHE SLEEPS ## 516 00:23:21,361 --> 00:23:22,362 SHUT UP, ED! 517 00:23:22,362 --> 00:23:23,312 TRINA! 518 00:23:23,396 --> 00:23:24,864 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HOWARD. 519 00:23:24,864 --> 00:23:26,866 WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HOWARD? 520 00:23:26,866 --> 00:23:29,619 'CAUSE HE LIKES DICK, CARL. 521 00:23:31,204 --> 00:23:32,372 [DOOR OPENS] 522 00:23:33,373 --> 00:23:34,874 GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. 523 00:23:34,874 --> 00:23:36,376 HOW ARE YOU? 524 00:23:36,376 --> 00:23:37,877 HEY! HEY! 525 00:23:37,877 --> 00:23:38,878 TERRIFIC! 526 00:23:38,878 --> 00:23:39,879 FABULOUS. 527 00:23:39,879 --> 00:23:42,382 IS THAT, UH, XEROX STILL ON THE FRITZ? 528 00:23:42,382 --> 00:23:43,383 HOW ARE YOU, SUNSHINE? 529 00:23:43,383 --> 00:23:44,384 OH, FINE. 530 00:23:44,384 --> 00:23:46,386 OH, LOOK AT YOU. 531 00:23:46,386 --> 00:23:48,388 DICK WHO? 532 00:23:48,388 --> 00:23:50,890 HE'S GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEK. 533 00:23:51,391 --> 00:23:53,393 SEE? HE'S NOT GAY. I--I TOLD YOU. 534 00:23:53,393 --> 00:23:54,894 BUT, MAN, THINK ABOUT IT. 535 00:23:54,894 --> 00:23:56,396 I MEAN, LIKE, GAY GUYS. 536 00:23:56,396 --> 00:23:57,897 I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT. 537 00:23:57,897 --> 00:23:58,898 THERE'S ONLY 2 TIMES 538 00:23:58,898 --> 00:24:00,900 WHERE IT'S OK TO DO, LIKE, GAY STUFF. 539 00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:02,902 2, LIKE, EMERGENCY SITUATIONS. 540 00:24:02,902 --> 00:24:04,404 WHAT? WHICH SITUATIONS? 541 00:24:04,404 --> 00:24:06,406 PRISON, WHEN IT'S LIKE A SUBSTITUTE, 542 00:24:06,406 --> 00:24:07,907 OR GUYS IN SPACE. 543 00:24:07,907 --> 00:24:08,908 GUYS IN SPACE? 544 00:24:08,908 --> 00:24:10,410 WELL, NOT ON PURPOSE. 545 00:24:10,410 --> 00:24:12,412 IT JUST HAPPENS BECAUSE THEY'RE WEIGHTLESS, 546 00:24:12,412 --> 00:24:14,414 AND THEY FLOAT INTO EACH OTHER 547 00:24:14,414 --> 00:24:15,915 WHEN THEY'RE ASLEEP. 548 00:24:17,917 --> 00:24:19,919 YOU'RE SO LAME. 549 00:24:19,919 --> 00:24:21,921 WELL, I KNOW IT'S WRONG. 550 00:24:21,921 --> 00:24:24,424 IT'S AGAINST, LIKE, NATURE. 551 00:24:24,424 --> 00:24:25,425 BASIC PLUMBING. 552 00:24:25,425 --> 00:24:26,426 WHAT? 553 00:24:26,426 --> 00:24:28,428 IT'S THE HUMAN BODY. 554 00:24:28,428 --> 00:24:29,929 IT'S DIVIDED UP 555 00:24:29,929 --> 00:24:31,931 INTO IN-HOLES AND OUT-HOLES. 556 00:24:31,931 --> 00:24:33,933 AND STUFF IS SUPPOSED TO GO IN THE IN-HOLES 557 00:24:33,933 --> 00:24:35,435 AND COME OUT THE OUT-HOLES. 558 00:24:35,435 --> 00:24:36,936 BUT GAY GUYS, 559 00:24:37,437 --> 00:24:40,389 THEY, LIKE, PUT STUFF IN THE OUT-HOLES. 560 00:24:41,441 --> 00:24:44,444 WAIT. SO IS A MOUTH LIKE AN IN-HOLE? 561 00:24:44,444 --> 00:24:45,445 RIGHT. 562 00:24:45,445 --> 00:24:47,947 'CAUSE YOU PUT BURGERS IN IT AND BREW. 563 00:24:47,947 --> 00:24:49,949 UNLESS YOU'RE SICK, AND YOU PUKE, 564 00:24:49,949 --> 00:24:52,151 THEN IT'S AN OUT-HOLE, SO IT'S WRONG. 565 00:24:56,456 --> 00:24:58,458 GUYS, GUYS, COME ON! HUSTLE! 566 00:24:58,458 --> 00:25:00,960 YOU'LL BE LATE FOR CLASS. LET'S GO! 567 00:25:01,961 --> 00:25:03,796 WHAT'S GOING ON? 568 00:25:04,964 --> 00:25:05,965 UM, MR. BRACKETT, 569 00:25:06,466 --> 00:25:08,468 COULD YOU, LIKE, EXCUSE US? 570 00:25:08,468 --> 00:25:09,969 WHY? 571 00:25:09,969 --> 00:25:12,972 MIKE'S BEING A JERK. 572 00:25:12,972 --> 00:25:16,476 NO. JUST UNTIL WE'RE, LIKE, DRESSED AND READY. 573 00:25:16,476 --> 00:25:18,478 THIS DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO 574 00:25:18,478 --> 00:25:20,480 WITH THE OSCARS AND CAMERON DRAKE, DOES IT? 575 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:21,981 NO. OF COURSE NOT. 576 00:25:21,981 --> 00:25:22,982 COME ON. 577 00:25:24,484 --> 00:25:25,485 WELL, WHAT IS IT, THEN? 578 00:25:25,485 --> 00:25:27,987 WELL, IT'S JUST... BEFORE THE OSCARS, 579 00:25:27,987 --> 00:25:29,489 IT WAS DIFFERENT. 580 00:25:29,489 --> 00:25:31,491 I MEAN, YOU WEREN'T... 581 00:25:31,491 --> 00:25:33,743 I WASN'T WHAT? 582 00:25:36,496 --> 00:25:37,947 FAMOUS. 583 00:25:45,004 --> 00:25:46,506 YOU GUYS. 584 00:26:06,025 --> 00:26:08,027 PETER MALLOY, NETWORK. 585 00:26:08,027 --> 00:26:10,029 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 586 00:26:10,029 --> 00:26:11,030 NO MORE INTERVIEWS. 587 00:26:11,030 --> 00:26:12,532 NO, I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY. 588 00:26:12,532 --> 00:26:14,033 I HAVE NO COMMENTS. 589 00:26:14,033 --> 00:26:16,035 I--I HAVE NO THOUGHTS ON GAY MARRIAGE, 590 00:26:16,035 --> 00:26:18,037 I DID NOT SEE THE BIRDCAGE, 591 00:26:18,037 --> 00:26:19,539 AND I'M TRYING TO HAVE MY DINNER. 592 00:26:19,539 --> 00:26:21,040 OF COURSE. I'M SORRY. 593 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,041 YOU SHOULD BE. 594 00:26:22,041 --> 00:26:23,543 WHAT ARE YOU SITTING DOWN FOR? 595 00:26:23,543 --> 00:26:25,545 YOU PEOPLE--YOU PEOPLE HAVE SOME DECENCY. 596 00:26:25,545 --> 00:26:27,547 YOU'VE BEEN HOUNDING ME ALL DAY. 597 00:26:27,547 --> 00:26:29,048 AT MY SCHOOL, AT MY HOME. 598 00:26:29,048 --> 00:26:31,050 YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. 599 00:26:31,050 --> 00:26:32,552 I AM. THOSE LEECHES. 600 00:26:32,552 --> 00:26:35,054 THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO PRY INTO YOUR LIFE. 601 00:26:35,054 --> 00:26:36,055 THEY'RE SLEAZY. 602 00:26:36,055 --> 00:26:38,558 I DON'T KNOW. I KIND OF LIKE THAT BARBARA WALTERS. 603 00:26:38,558 --> 00:26:40,560 DID BARBARA CALL YOU? 604 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:41,926 NO. 605 00:26:44,428 --> 00:26:46,430 HOWARD. 606 00:26:46,430 --> 00:26:47,932 HOWARD! 607 00:26:47,932 --> 00:26:48,933 NO! 608 00:26:48,933 --> 00:26:49,934 OH, HOWARD. 609 00:26:49,934 --> 00:26:52,937 LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU SMUT PEDDLER YOU! 610 00:26:52,937 --> 00:26:54,939 YOU PROFESSIONAL GOSSIP WITH A PERMANENT TAN! 611 00:26:54,939 --> 00:26:56,440 HOWARD, WILL YOU GET REAL? 612 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:57,441 SHH! 613 00:26:57,441 --> 00:26:58,442 LOOK AT ME. 614 00:26:58,442 --> 00:26:59,410 WHY? 615 00:26:59,493 --> 00:27:00,945 WELL, SURE, I LOOK GREAT, 616 00:27:00,945 --> 00:27:02,446 BUT MY RATINGS. 617 00:27:02,446 --> 00:27:03,447 LOOK, EVERYONE WANTS 618 00:27:03,948 --> 00:27:05,950 TO TALK TO DIANE SAWYER OR JOAN LUNDEN. 619 00:27:05,950 --> 00:27:07,451 MY NETWORK'S KILLING ME. 620 00:27:07,451 --> 00:27:08,953 THEY WANT ME BLOND. 621 00:27:08,953 --> 00:27:09,954 WITH YOUR COLORING? 622 00:27:09,954 --> 00:27:11,956 LOOK, ALL THOSE REPORTERS, 623 00:27:11,956 --> 00:27:13,958 AFTER TODAY, THEY'RE GONE. 624 00:27:13,958 --> 00:27:15,459 THEY'VE GOT THEIR STORY. 625 00:27:15,459 --> 00:27:16,961 BUT I CARE. 626 00:27:16,961 --> 00:27:18,462 I AM DOING A FULL WEEK. 627 00:27:19,964 --> 00:27:21,465 A WEEK? NO, YOU CAN'T. 628 00:27:21,465 --> 00:27:23,467 OH, BUT I HAVE TO. IT'S TOO GOOD. 629 00:27:23,467 --> 00:27:25,970 NO. I--I HAVE CLASSES TO TEACH. I'M GETTING MARRIED. 630 00:27:25,970 --> 00:27:26,971 I'LL BE THERE. 631 00:27:27,221 --> 00:27:27,972 NO. 632 00:27:27,972 --> 00:27:28,973 I'LL--I'LL KILL YOU. 633 00:27:29,473 --> 00:27:29,974 BUT IT'S CLASSIC. 634 00:27:29,974 --> 00:27:31,976 SEX, A SMALL TOWN, AND A MOVIE STAR. 635 00:27:32,476 --> 00:27:33,978 WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? 636 00:27:33,978 --> 00:27:37,064 "HOWARD BRACKETT: IN AND OUT." 637 00:27:37,982 --> 00:27:39,483 MY GOD, 638 00:27:39,483 --> 00:27:41,986 YOU ARE PURE TELEVISION. 639 00:27:41,986 --> 00:27:43,821 STOP IT. 640 00:27:44,488 --> 00:27:45,789 GOOD NIGHT. 641 00:27:52,496 --> 00:27:53,998 [LAUGHTER] 642 00:27:53,998 --> 00:27:55,499 GUYS, REMEMBER-- 643 00:27:55,499 --> 00:27:57,001 I GOT THAT, WALT. 644 00:27:57,001 --> 00:27:58,002 THANKS. 645 00:27:58,002 --> 00:28:00,004 DON'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT THE OSCARS 646 00:28:00,004 --> 00:28:01,839 OR CAMERON DRAKE. NONE OF THAT. 647 00:28:04,508 --> 00:28:06,010 Man: I THINK HE'S COMING. 648 00:28:12,016 --> 00:28:13,517 SHH. SHH. 649 00:28:18,522 --> 00:28:20,024 HE'S HERE! 650 00:28:20,024 --> 00:28:22,026 YEAH! YEAH! 651 00:28:22,026 --> 00:28:23,027 HOWARD! 652 00:28:23,027 --> 00:28:24,028 HEY! 653 00:28:24,028 --> 00:28:25,029 WHOO-HOO! 654 00:28:25,029 --> 00:28:27,031 YEAH, BABY! 655 00:28:27,031 --> 00:28:28,032 WHOO! WHOO! 656 00:28:28,032 --> 00:28:29,033 WHOA! 657 00:28:29,033 --> 00:28:31,035 ARE WE GONNA HAVE A BACHELOR PARTY? 658 00:28:31,035 --> 00:28:32,036 YES! YES! 659 00:28:32,036 --> 00:28:33,537 AND WE GONNA GET DOWN AND DIRTY? 660 00:28:33,537 --> 00:28:34,538 YES! YES! 661 00:28:34,538 --> 00:28:36,040 DISGUSTINGLY, PUKINGLY DRUNK? 662 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,041 YEAH! YEAH! 663 00:28:37,041 --> 00:28:39,543 WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR WEEKS, MAN, 664 00:28:39,543 --> 00:28:42,546 AND WE GOT ALL YOUR FAVORITE STUFF, EVERYTHING YOU LOVE! 665 00:28:42,546 --> 00:28:43,514 HIT ME! 666 00:28:43,514 --> 00:28:45,049 HERE, HOWARD. OH, YEAH! 667 00:28:45,049 --> 00:28:47,551 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE, TRIPLE X? 668 00:28:47,551 --> 00:28:50,054 UH,LITTLE ORAL ANNIE? TRACI LORDS? 669 00:28:50,054 --> 00:28:51,555 LAY SOME ADULT VIDEO ON ME. 670 00:28:51,555 --> 00:28:52,556 WE GOT IT... 671 00:28:52,556 --> 00:28:53,524 UNCUT. 672 00:28:53,524 --> 00:28:55,059 FUNNY GIRL! 673 00:28:55,059 --> 00:28:56,560 YEAH! YEAH! 674 00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:59,063 [WILD LAUGHTER] 675 00:29:00,064 --> 00:29:01,065 FUNNY GIRL? 676 00:29:01,482 --> 00:29:02,566 YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. 677 00:29:02,783 --> 00:29:05,035 I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. BARBRA STREISAND? 678 00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:06,570 YOU HAD THAT LITTLE FILM FESTIVAL LAST YEAR. 679 00:29:06,570 --> 00:29:08,072 YEAH, YOU MADE US ALL WATCH ALL HER MOVIES. 680 00:29:08,072 --> 00:29:09,490 IT WAS FUN. 681 00:29:10,574 --> 00:29:12,576 GUYS. GUYS, I'M TRULY OFFENDED. 682 00:29:13,077 --> 00:29:14,078 I--DON'T YOU SEE, 683 00:29:14,578 --> 00:29:15,579 THIS IS PRECISELY THE REASON 684 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:17,581 WHY CAMERON DRAKE AND HALF THE CIVILIZED WORLD 685 00:29:18,082 --> 00:29:19,583 THINK THAT I'M... YOU KNOW. 686 00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:20,584 OH, NO! NO! 687 00:29:20,584 --> 00:29:22,052 OH, NO! OH, NO! 688 00:29:22,052 --> 00:29:23,087 YOU'RE A GUY'S GUY! 689 00:29:23,087 --> 00:29:24,588 NO, NO, NO. 690 00:29:24,588 --> 00:29:26,590 WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS GOT STARTED, 691 00:29:27,091 --> 00:29:29,093 BUT THIS IS MY GODDAMN BACHELOR PARTY, 692 00:29:29,593 --> 00:29:31,595 AND I AM NOT GOING TO GODDAMN WATCH-- 693 00:29:31,595 --> 00:29:33,097 PARDON MY SPLIT INFINITIVE-- 694 00:29:33,597 --> 00:29:34,598 FUNNY GIRL! 695 00:29:34,598 --> 00:29:36,100 ME, NEITHER. I HATE THAT CRAP. 696 00:29:36,100 --> 00:29:37,101 THANK YOU! 697 00:29:37,101 --> 00:29:38,602 YOU GOT A STAR IS BORN? 698 00:29:38,602 --> 00:29:39,486 OH, SURE. 699 00:29:39,486 --> 00:29:40,604 A STAR IS BORN? 700 00:29:41,105 --> 00:29:42,106 SHE LOOKS BAD INSTAR IS BORN. 701 00:29:42,106 --> 00:29:43,107 YENTL. 702 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,608 YENTL! OH, YES! 703 00:29:44,942 --> 00:29:46,577 I'D WATCH IT AGAIN. 704 00:29:46,577 --> 00:29:47,611 I LOVEYENTL! 705 00:29:47,611 --> 00:29:49,613 YEAH! "PAPA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" 706 00:29:50,114 --> 00:29:51,115 PRODUCEDANDDIRECTED. 707 00:29:51,615 --> 00:29:53,117 DUDES, HOMBRES, GUYS! 708 00:29:53,617 --> 00:29:54,618 GUYS, I'M SORRY. 709 00:29:55,119 --> 00:29:56,120 I AM TRULY OFFENDED. 710 00:29:56,620 --> 00:29:58,122 I THOUGHT--I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU GUYS. 711 00:29:58,122 --> 00:29:59,623 I THOUGHT YOU WERE STUDS. 712 00:30:02,426 --> 00:30:04,094 I GUESS I THOUGHT WRONG. 713 00:30:04,094 --> 00:30:05,129 I'M OUT OF HERE. 714 00:30:05,129 --> 00:30:06,630 WAIT. HOWARD. 715 00:30:06,630 --> 00:30:08,932 AW, MAYBE HE'S RIGHT. YENTLSUCKS. 716 00:30:10,634 --> 00:30:11,135 OOH. OHH. 717 00:30:11,635 --> 00:30:13,137 UH-OH. 718 00:30:14,138 --> 00:30:15,639 WHAT DID YOU SAY? 719 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,142 YENTL.IT SUCKS. IT'S BORING. 720 00:30:23,147 --> 00:30:24,648 SAY THAT AGAIN. 721 00:30:29,153 --> 00:30:32,956 SHE WAS TOO OLD FORYENTL! 722 00:30:35,659 --> 00:30:37,161 [EVERYONE SHOUTING] 723 00:30:54,678 --> 00:30:55,179 [APPLAUSE] 724 00:30:55,679 --> 00:30:57,181 I GUESS YOU HEARD THE LATEST STORY. 725 00:30:57,431 --> 00:30:58,682 MICHAEL JACKSON GETTING MARRIED AGAIN. 726 00:30:59,183 --> 00:31:00,184 YES, IT IS TRUE. 727 00:31:00,184 --> 00:31:01,685 AND THIS TIME HE'S MADE THE PERFECT CHOICE-- 728 00:31:02,186 --> 00:31:03,187 HOWARD BRACKETT. 729 00:31:03,353 --> 00:31:04,188 YES, HOWARD BRACKETT. 730 00:31:04,688 --> 00:31:06,190 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 731 00:31:07,691 --> 00:31:09,193 THIS IS PETER MALLOY 732 00:31:09,193 --> 00:31:11,695 WITH DAY 2 OF "HOWARD BRACKETT: WILL THERE BE A WEDDING?" 733 00:31:12,196 --> 00:31:13,697 I'M STANDING WITH ALDO HOOPER, HOWARD'S BARBER. 734 00:31:14,198 --> 00:31:16,200 STYLIST--RAZOR CUTS, COLOR, FULL BLOW DRY. 735 00:31:16,700 --> 00:31:17,201 THAT'S VERY NICE. 736 00:31:17,701 --> 00:31:19,203 SO, ALDO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 737 00:31:19,703 --> 00:31:20,704 WILL THERE BE A WEDDING? 738 00:31:21,205 --> 00:31:22,706 HOWARD IS BOOKED FOR SATURDAY. A FULL STYLING. 739 00:31:23,207 --> 00:31:24,208 I SAY YES. 740 00:31:25,676 --> 00:31:27,711 EMMETT WILSON, WHO HAS JUST DELIVERED HOWARD'S MAIL, 741 00:31:28,212 --> 00:31:29,713 HIS INTIMATE CORRESPONDENCE, 742 00:31:29,713 --> 00:31:30,714 LETTERS TO ALLEGED. 743 00:31:31,215 --> 00:31:32,216 ANYTHING WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT? 744 00:31:32,716 --> 00:31:34,718 I CAN'T REVEAL THAT. I'M A POSTAL EMPLOYEE. 745 00:31:35,219 --> 00:31:36,220 DON'T MAKE HIM MAD. 746 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:37,721 OF COURSE HOWARD'S GETTING MARRIED. 747 00:31:38,222 --> 00:31:39,723 HE'S A MAN OF HIS WORD. 748 00:31:40,224 --> 00:31:41,225 IS THIS NATIONAL? 749 00:31:41,725 --> 00:31:42,726 YOU BET. 750 00:31:42,726 --> 00:31:43,727 PLEASE... 751 00:31:44,228 --> 00:31:47,231 USE YOUR FULL ZIP CODES. 752 00:31:47,231 --> 00:31:49,233 GREENLEAF HIGH, CRADLE OF CRISIS. 753 00:31:49,233 --> 00:31:50,234 HOWARD'S SENIORS, 754 00:31:50,234 --> 00:31:51,235 YOUTH IN THE CROSSFIRE. 755 00:31:51,735 --> 00:31:53,737 TELL US IN YOUR OWN INNOCENT YOUNG WORDS, 756 00:31:53,737 --> 00:31:54,738 IS HE GAY? 757 00:31:54,738 --> 00:31:56,740 OH, NO. NO, HE TOLD US. 758 00:31:57,241 --> 00:31:58,742 IT WAS ALL, LIKE, THIS BIG, HUGE MISTAKE. 759 00:31:59,243 --> 00:32:00,244 IT JUST HAPPENED 'CAUSE MR. BRACKETT 760 00:32:00,244 --> 00:32:02,746 LIKES POETRY AND SHAKESPEARE AND USES HIS NAPKIN. 761 00:32:02,746 --> 00:32:04,248 UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE. 762 00:32:04,248 --> 00:32:05,249 WHAT? 763 00:32:05,249 --> 00:32:06,750 TEENS IN TURMOIL. 764 00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:08,252 AND YOUR MESSAGE TO AMERICA? 765 00:32:08,252 --> 00:32:10,254 GREENLEAF RULES! YEAH! 766 00:32:10,254 --> 00:32:12,756 KIDS ON THE EDGE. A COMMUNITY IN CHAOS. 767 00:32:12,756 --> 00:32:14,258 INDIANA CRIES OUT. 768 00:32:14,258 --> 00:32:16,593 HOWARD, CAN YOU HEAR? 769 00:32:22,266 --> 00:32:23,767 UH, HOWARD... 770 00:32:23,767 --> 00:32:27,020 UH, YOU--YOU GOT A MINUTE? 771 00:32:29,273 --> 00:32:31,275 HOWARD, UH... 772 00:32:32,276 --> 00:32:35,279 YOUR--YOUR LIFE, I MEAN, SINCE... 773 00:32:35,279 --> 00:32:36,780 SINCE THE OSCARS 774 00:32:36,780 --> 00:32:38,782 I CAN ONLY IMAGINE. 775 00:32:38,782 --> 00:32:39,783 WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S OVER NOW. 776 00:32:39,783 --> 00:32:41,785 IT'S FINE. IT'S JUST FINE. 777 00:32:41,785 --> 00:32:43,754 IT'S ALL ANCIENT HISTORY. 778 00:32:43,754 --> 00:32:46,290 HOWARD, WE DO HAVE GRADUATION COMING UP MONDAY, 779 00:32:46,290 --> 00:32:47,791 AND YOU KIND OF, 780 00:32:47,791 --> 00:32:49,793 YOU KNOW, PUT US RIGHT... 781 00:32:49,793 --> 00:32:51,795 RIGHT IN THE SPOTLIGHT. 782 00:32:51,795 --> 00:32:53,297 I'M SO SORRY, TOM. THIS--THIS-- 783 00:32:53,297 --> 00:32:55,799 HOWARD, I'D BE LESS THAN HONEST 784 00:32:55,799 --> 00:32:58,302 IF--IF I DIDN'T TELL YOU 785 00:32:58,302 --> 00:33:01,305 THAT I'VE GOTTEN SOME CALLS FROM... 786 00:33:01,305 --> 00:33:03,307 FROM PARENTS, UH... 787 00:33:03,307 --> 00:33:06,310 WONDERING IF IN FACT YOU WERE A HO... 788 00:33:06,310 --> 00:33:07,811 HO... 789 00:33:07,811 --> 00:33:09,279 H-HO... 790 00:33:09,279 --> 00:33:10,314 H-HO... 791 00:33:10,314 --> 00:33:11,315 HOME ROOM TEACHER? 792 00:33:11,315 --> 00:33:13,317 HOMO-HOM-HOMOSEXUAL. 793 00:33:14,318 --> 00:33:15,819 TOM... 794 00:33:15,819 --> 00:33:17,321 DO I LOOK LIKE A HOMOSEXUAL? 795 00:33:17,321 --> 00:33:19,956 WOULD YOU WALK FOR ME? 796 00:33:20,824 --> 00:33:22,326 EXCUSE ME. 797 00:33:22,326 --> 00:33:24,328 UH, HOWARD? 798 00:33:24,328 --> 00:33:25,829 YES. 799 00:33:25,829 --> 00:33:28,965 DO YOU--DO YOU ENJOY TEACHING? 800 00:33:29,833 --> 00:33:31,335 NO, I DON'T ENJOY IT. 801 00:33:31,335 --> 00:33:33,337 YOU--YOU DON'T? 802 00:33:33,337 --> 00:33:34,338 NO, I LOVE IT. 803 00:33:34,338 --> 00:33:35,839 IT'S MY LIFE. 804 00:33:35,839 --> 00:33:39,509 THEN--THEN YOU'D, UH, YOU'D MISS IT? 805 00:33:42,346 --> 00:33:43,847 ARE--ARE YOU... 806 00:33:43,847 --> 00:33:45,349 THREATENING ME? 807 00:33:45,349 --> 00:33:46,350 NO, NO. 808 00:33:46,350 --> 00:33:47,851 I'M... 809 00:33:47,851 --> 00:33:49,353 I'M YOUR FRIEND. 810 00:33:49,353 --> 00:33:51,355 FRIENDS DON'T THREATEN. 811 00:33:51,355 --> 00:33:53,357 NO, THEY DON'T. 812 00:33:53,357 --> 00:33:55,359 FRIENDS WARN. 813 00:33:55,742 --> 00:33:57,861 AND YOU, UH... 814 00:33:58,278 --> 00:34:01,365 YOU--YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED, AREN'T YOU? 815 00:34:01,581 --> 00:34:03,367 BUT ARE YOU SAYING 816 00:34:03,367 --> 00:34:05,869 THAT IF I WEREN'T GETTING MARRIED, 817 00:34:05,869 --> 00:34:07,954 I'D BE FIRED? 818 00:34:09,373 --> 00:34:10,874 BUT THAT'S NOT AN ISSUE, IS IT? 819 00:34:10,874 --> 00:34:12,376 NO. 820 00:34:13,877 --> 00:34:15,379 BEST WISHES. 821 00:34:28,523 --> 00:34:29,473 HI. 822 00:34:29,473 --> 00:34:30,525 BLESS YOU, MY SON. 823 00:34:31,025 --> 00:34:32,026 THANK YOU. 824 00:34:32,026 --> 00:34:34,028 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME YOUR SINS? 825 00:34:34,028 --> 00:34:35,029 YES. 826 00:34:35,530 --> 00:34:36,531 YES. 827 00:34:36,531 --> 00:34:39,033 FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT CATHOLIC. 828 00:34:39,033 --> 00:34:40,535 THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE? 829 00:34:40,535 --> 00:34:42,537 I HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S CATHOLIC, 830 00:34:42,537 --> 00:34:43,538 AND HE'S VERY BUSY. 831 00:34:43,538 --> 00:34:45,540 WELL, AREN'T YOU HELPFUL? 832 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,042 WHAT ARE HIS, YOU KNOW, SINS? 833 00:34:48,543 --> 00:34:49,043 YOUR FRIEND'S? 834 00:34:49,544 --> 00:34:51,045 HE'S A-- HE'S A PLUMBER, 835 00:34:51,045 --> 00:34:53,047 AND, UH, HE'S ABOUT TO BE MARRIED. 836 00:34:53,047 --> 00:34:54,549 HE'S BEEN ENGAGED FOR 3 YEARS. 837 00:34:54,549 --> 00:34:56,551 WELL, CAUTION IS A VIRTUE. 838 00:34:57,051 --> 00:34:59,053 YEAH, BUT, SEE, EVERYONE'S... 839 00:34:59,554 --> 00:35:01,556 EVERYONE'S SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT HIM, 840 00:35:01,556 --> 00:35:03,057 SOMETHING THAT ISN'T TRUE. 841 00:35:03,057 --> 00:35:06,060 I MEAN, IT'S NOT A BAD THING, BUT HE ISN'T THAT THING. 842 00:35:06,060 --> 00:35:07,562 WHICH THING? 843 00:35:07,562 --> 00:35:09,564 WHICH THING ARE PEOPLE SAYING ABOUT HIM? 844 00:35:09,564 --> 00:35:11,566 THAT, UM... 845 00:35:13,067 --> 00:35:14,569 [WHISPERING] That he's gay. 846 00:35:14,569 --> 00:35:15,570 THAT HE'S WHAT? 847 00:35:15,570 --> 00:35:18,573 THAT HE'S GAY. 848 00:35:18,573 --> 00:35:20,074 OH! OH, MY. OH, MY. 849 00:35:20,074 --> 00:35:21,075 YEAH. 850 00:35:21,075 --> 00:35:22,577 OH, MY, MY, MY, MY. 851 00:35:22,577 --> 00:35:25,079 THAT'S RATHER LIKE THAT FELLOW ON THE OSCARS. 852 00:35:25,079 --> 00:35:27,081 THAT, UH, HOWARD BRACKETT 853 00:35:27,081 --> 00:35:29,083 FROM OVER AT GREENLEAF. 854 00:35:29,083 --> 00:35:30,585 BUT IT'S NOT HIM. THIS IS A DIFFERENT GUY. 855 00:35:30,585 --> 00:35:32,086 WELL, WHAT IS IT HE WANTS TO KNOW? 856 00:35:32,086 --> 00:35:35,089 HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HE SHOULD DO. 857 00:35:35,089 --> 00:35:36,591 WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING? 858 00:35:36,591 --> 00:35:38,092 HE NEEDS TO KNOW-- 859 00:35:38,092 --> 00:35:40,094 HIS MOTHER'S PLANNING THIS HUGE WEDDING 860 00:35:40,094 --> 00:35:41,596 WITH THE WHOLE TOWN, 861 00:35:41,596 --> 00:35:43,598 AND--AND IT'S HER WHOLE LIFE. 862 00:35:43,598 --> 00:35:45,600 IT'S GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL, 863 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:47,602 BUT HE--HE... 864 00:35:47,602 --> 00:35:51,105 HE--HE LOV--HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE THIS TOWN. 865 00:35:51,105 --> 00:35:54,609 AND, UH, HE HAS THIS WONDERFUL FIANC?E 866 00:35:54,609 --> 00:35:58,112 WHO'S SWEET AND THIN AND... 867 00:35:58,112 --> 00:36:01,115 HE JUST HAS NEVER HAD A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. 868 00:36:01,399 --> 00:36:02,116 NEVER? 869 00:36:02,116 --> 00:36:03,618 IN 3 YEARS? 870 00:36:03,618 --> 00:36:04,619 HE RESPECTS HER. 871 00:36:04,619 --> 00:36:05,620 HE'S GAY. 872 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:06,621 NO, HE'S NOT. 873 00:36:07,121 --> 00:36:07,622 YES, HE IS. 874 00:36:08,122 --> 00:36:09,123 NO, HE CAN'T--NO. 875 00:36:09,123 --> 00:36:12,126 WELL, THEN HE MUST GO TO HER. 876 00:36:12,126 --> 00:36:14,128 HE'S GOT TO FIND OUT. 877 00:36:14,128 --> 00:36:15,630 HE MUST BE... 878 00:36:16,130 --> 00:36:16,631 YOU KNOW... 879 00:36:17,131 --> 00:36:18,633 BEWITHHER. 880 00:36:18,633 --> 00:36:19,634 HUH? 881 00:36:19,634 --> 00:36:20,635 REALLY? 882 00:36:20,635 --> 00:36:21,636 MM-HMM. 883 00:36:24,138 --> 00:36:25,640 BEFORE THE WEDDING? 884 00:36:27,141 --> 00:36:29,143 GODSPEED, MY SON. 885 00:36:30,645 --> 00:36:32,647 Woman on TV: NOW LET'S DO MICHAEL. 886 00:36:32,647 --> 00:36:34,148 ## MICHAEL, MICHAEL, BO BICHAEL ## 887 00:36:34,148 --> 00:36:35,650 ## BANANA FANA FO FICHAEL ## 888 00:36:35,650 --> 00:36:37,652 ## FEE FI MO MICHAEL ## 889 00:36:37,652 --> 00:36:38,653 ## MICHAEL ## 890 00:36:39,153 --> 00:36:41,155 ## HA HA HA! ## 891 00:36:41,155 --> 00:36:42,657 ## DONNA, DONNA, BO BONNA ## 892 00:36:42,657 --> 00:36:44,158 ## BANANA FANA MO MONNA ## 893 00:36:44,659 --> 00:36:45,159 [POUNDING AT DOOR] 894 00:36:45,660 --> 00:36:46,661 OH! 895 00:36:47,161 --> 00:36:48,663 [TURNS TV OFF] 896 00:36:48,663 --> 00:36:49,664 Howard: EMILY! 897 00:36:50,164 --> 00:36:50,665 [POUNDING] 898 00:36:51,165 --> 00:36:51,666 EMILY! 899 00:36:52,166 --> 00:36:52,667 HOWARD. 900 00:36:53,167 --> 00:36:53,668 EMILY. 901 00:36:54,168 --> 00:36:55,169 HOWARD. 902 00:36:56,671 --> 00:36:57,171 HOWARD. 903 00:36:57,672 --> 00:36:58,673 HOWARD. 904 00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:00,174 WE'RE GETTING MARRIED. 905 00:37:00,675 --> 00:37:01,175 WE ARE. 906 00:37:01,676 --> 00:37:02,176 WE ARE GETTING MARRIED. 907 00:37:02,677 --> 00:37:03,678 OF COURSE WE'RE GETTING-- 908 00:37:03,678 --> 00:37:05,179 I'M GLAD WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, HOWARD. 909 00:37:05,179 --> 00:37:07,682 [MOANING LOUDLY] 910 00:37:09,383 --> 00:37:10,685 HOWARD! 911 00:37:10,685 --> 00:37:12,186 HA! WHO'S GAY, HUH? 912 00:37:12,186 --> 00:37:14,188 [CHUCKLES] 913 00:37:14,188 --> 00:37:16,107 HOWARD. 914 00:37:21,696 --> 00:37:22,697 AAH! 915 00:37:22,697 --> 00:37:24,699 [WHIMPERS] 916 00:37:24,699 --> 00:37:26,701 HOWARD, WHAT IS ALL THIS? 917 00:37:26,701 --> 00:37:27,702 I'M SORRY. 918 00:37:27,702 --> 00:37:29,704 I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE. 919 00:37:29,704 --> 00:37:31,205 I, UH--COULD YOU TURN HIM OFF! 920 00:37:31,205 --> 00:37:32,707 HOWARD, HOWARD. 921 00:37:32,707 --> 00:37:33,708 I CAN'T. 922 00:37:33,708 --> 00:37:35,710 HOWARD, I LOVE YOU. I'M NOT WORRIED. 923 00:37:35,710 --> 00:37:37,211 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 924 00:37:37,211 --> 00:37:38,713 OF COURSE I DO. 925 00:37:38,713 --> 00:37:40,214 LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. 926 00:37:40,214 --> 00:37:41,716 THE OSCARS, THE PRESS. 927 00:37:41,716 --> 00:37:44,218 IT'S NO WONDER YOU'RE GOING CRAZY. 928 00:37:44,218 --> 00:37:45,720 BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. 929 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:46,721 WHY NOT? 930 00:37:46,721 --> 00:37:47,722 BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, 931 00:37:47,722 --> 00:37:49,673 AND WE'RE GETTING MARRIED. 932 00:37:49,673 --> 00:37:51,726 YOU STILL WANT THAT, HOWARD, DON'T YOU? 933 00:37:51,726 --> 00:37:54,729 THAT'S WHY I TRANSFORMED MYSELF, 934 00:37:54,729 --> 00:37:55,730 ISN'T IT? 935 00:37:55,730 --> 00:37:58,232 DO YOU WANT ME TO START EATING AGAIN? 936 00:37:58,566 --> 00:37:59,233 NO! 937 00:37:59,567 --> 00:38:00,735 I CAN, HOWARD! 938 00:38:00,735 --> 00:38:02,903 I'M VERY FRAGILE! 939 00:38:05,740 --> 00:38:08,409 I LOVE YOU. 940 00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:18,252 [MUTTERING] 941 00:38:27,261 --> 00:38:28,212 [HORN HONKS] 942 00:38:29,263 --> 00:38:30,264 AAH! 943 00:38:34,268 --> 00:38:36,270 OH, MY GOD! HOWARD! 944 00:38:36,270 --> 00:38:38,222 HOWARD, YOU OK? 945 00:38:39,774 --> 00:38:40,775 NO. 946 00:38:40,775 --> 00:38:43,277 NO, I'M NOT OK. 947 00:38:43,277 --> 00:38:45,279 I'VE NEVER BEEN SO NOT OK IN MY LIFE. 948 00:38:45,279 --> 00:38:46,781 I TRIED TO STOP. 949 00:38:46,781 --> 00:38:47,782 I... 950 00:38:47,782 --> 00:38:49,784 ONE WEEK AGO, I WAS FINE. 951 00:38:49,784 --> 00:38:51,786 I WAS-- I WAS PERFECT. 952 00:38:53,788 --> 00:38:56,290 I WANT MY LIFE BACK! 953 00:38:56,290 --> 00:38:59,293 WELL,THATIS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, HOWARD. 954 00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:00,795 YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED. 955 00:39:00,795 --> 00:39:01,796 BUT WHY? 956 00:39:02,129 --> 00:39:03,297 WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? 957 00:39:03,798 --> 00:39:04,799 I HAVEN'T CHANGED. 958 00:39:05,299 --> 00:39:06,801 ONE LITTLE WORD, AND EVERYBODY CHANGES. 959 00:39:06,801 --> 00:39:08,803 I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON. 960 00:39:09,136 --> 00:39:10,304 WHY DOESN'T ANYONE BELIEVE ME? 961 00:39:10,304 --> 00:39:12,807 WELL, THIS TOWN IS CRAZY ABOUT YOU. 962 00:39:12,807 --> 00:39:14,308 I'VE TALKED TO EVERYONE. 963 00:39:14,308 --> 00:39:15,810 STOP! THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE PROBLEM! 964 00:39:15,810 --> 00:39:17,812 IT'S YOU! YOU'RE TRYING TO TURN ME INTO A STORY, 965 00:39:17,812 --> 00:39:19,814 INTO SOMETHING JUICY FOR YOUR SHOW! 966 00:39:19,814 --> 00:39:22,316 WELL, I AM NOT A SOUND BYTE! 967 00:39:22,399 --> 00:39:24,318 I'M--LOOK, I'M...OHH. 968 00:39:24,318 --> 00:39:27,321 I AM HURTING THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT. 969 00:39:27,321 --> 00:39:28,823 MY STUDENTS, 970 00:39:28,823 --> 00:39:30,324 MY FAMILY, EMILY. 971 00:39:30,324 --> 00:39:31,325 I LOVE EMILY! 972 00:39:31,325 --> 00:39:34,328 WELL, THEN THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO HER. 973 00:39:34,528 --> 00:39:36,330 OH, WILL YOU-- WHAT--IT'S LIKE-- 974 00:39:36,330 --> 00:39:38,332 YOU'RE LIKE TALKING TO--I... 975 00:39:38,332 --> 00:39:39,834 WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU? 976 00:39:39,834 --> 00:39:41,335 YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND 977 00:39:41,335 --> 00:39:42,336 WHAT THIS IS LIKE! 978 00:39:42,336 --> 00:39:43,337 HOWARD, I'M GAY. 979 00:39:44,839 --> 00:39:45,840 YOU'RE WHAT? 980 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,341 I'M GAY. I CAME OUT. 981 00:39:49,343 --> 00:39:50,344 TO WHOM? 982 00:39:50,344 --> 00:39:52,346 OOH. TO EVERYONE. 983 00:39:52,346 --> 00:39:54,849 MY FOLKS, MY BOSS, 984 00:39:54,849 --> 00:39:55,850 MY DOG. 985 00:39:55,850 --> 00:39:57,852 ONE DAY, I JUST SNAPPED. 986 00:39:58,352 --> 00:40:00,354 I JUST GOT TIRED OF SWITCHING PRONOUNS 987 00:40:00,354 --> 00:40:02,356 AND REMEMBERING TO LOWER MY VOICE, 988 00:40:02,356 --> 00:40:05,359 AND I COULDN'T TAKE LYING TO THE PEOPLE THAT I LOVE. 989 00:40:05,860 --> 00:40:06,861 DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR? 990 00:40:06,861 --> 00:40:07,862 [LOWERS VOICE] NO. 991 00:40:07,862 --> 00:40:12,483 SO I JUST SAID, "MOM, DAD, SPARKY, I'M GAY." 992 00:40:13,868 --> 00:40:14,869 WHAT HAPPENED? 993 00:40:15,870 --> 00:40:18,372 WELL, MY MOM CRIED FOR EXACTLY 10 SECONDS. 994 00:40:18,873 --> 00:40:20,374 MY BOSS SAID, "WHO CARES?" 995 00:40:20,374 --> 00:40:23,377 AND MY DAD SAID, "BUT YOU'RE SO TALL." 996 00:40:23,377 --> 00:40:25,379 HOWARD, EVERYONE SURPRISED ME 997 00:40:25,379 --> 00:40:27,381 ONCE--ONCE I LET THEM, 998 00:40:27,381 --> 00:40:29,383 ONCE I TRUSTED THEM. 999 00:40:29,383 --> 00:40:30,885 YOU KNOW... 1000 00:40:30,885 --> 00:40:33,387 SOMETIMES THE WORST THING YOU THINK CAN HAPPEN 1001 00:40:33,387 --> 00:40:35,389 TURNS OUT TO BE THE BEST THING. 1002 00:40:36,891 --> 00:40:37,892 FOR YOU. 1003 00:40:37,892 --> 00:40:38,893 FOR ANYONE. 1004 00:40:39,393 --> 00:40:41,395 YES, BUT I'M NOT GAY! 1005 00:40:41,395 --> 00:40:43,397 WHAT WAS STREISAND'S EIGHTH ALBUM? 1006 00:40:43,397 --> 00:40:44,398 UH,COLOR ME, BARBARA. 1007 00:40:44,398 --> 00:40:45,399 STUD. 1008 00:40:45,516 --> 00:40:46,400 EVERYONE KNOWS THAT! 1009 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,401 EVERYONE WHERE? 1010 00:40:47,401 --> 00:40:49,403 THE LITTLE GAY BAR ON THE PRAIRIE? 1011 00:40:49,403 --> 00:40:50,905 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? 1012 00:40:50,905 --> 00:40:52,907 YEAH, I NEED A WEDDING! I NEED-- 1013 00:41:03,417 --> 00:41:04,418 AHH. 1014 00:41:07,922 --> 00:41:10,257 YOU...YOU... 1015 00:41:14,929 --> 00:41:16,430 YOU KISSED ME. 1016 00:41:16,430 --> 00:41:17,431 YOU NOTICED. 1017 00:41:18,933 --> 00:41:21,936 YOU--YOU--THIS-- THIS IS NOT LOS ANGELES. 1018 00:41:21,936 --> 00:41:23,938 WHAT, PEOPLE DON'T KISS IN GREENLEAF? 1019 00:41:23,938 --> 00:41:26,440 NOT AT AN INTERSECTION! 1020 00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:27,441 [HORN HONKS] 1021 00:41:27,441 --> 00:41:28,943 OH. OH, STOP. 1022 00:41:28,943 --> 00:41:29,944 OH, HELLO, SWEETHEART! 1023 00:41:29,944 --> 00:41:30,945 MOM! 1024 00:41:30,945 --> 00:41:31,946 DAD! 1025 00:41:31,946 --> 00:41:32,947 HI. 1026 00:41:32,947 --> 00:41:34,949 LOOK, IT'S THE CAKE. 1027 00:41:34,949 --> 00:41:35,950 YEAH, WELL... 1028 00:41:35,950 --> 00:41:37,451 Frank: EVERYTHING OK THERE? 1029 00:41:37,451 --> 00:41:39,954 YEAH. THIS IS MY PETER-- FRIEND PETER. 1030 00:41:39,954 --> 00:41:41,956 WE JUST RAN INTO EACH OTHER HERE AT THE INTERSEXUAL-- 1031 00:41:41,956 --> 00:41:42,957 HOMOSECTION-- 1032 00:41:42,957 --> 00:41:43,958 INTERSECTION. 1033 00:41:43,958 --> 00:41:45,459 I GOTTA GO. 1034 00:41:45,459 --> 00:41:48,462 OH, IT'S THAT FELLA FROM TV. 1035 00:41:48,462 --> 00:41:49,463 THANK YOU. 1036 00:41:49,463 --> 00:41:51,465 WELL, IF YOU'RE HOWARD'S BUDDY, 1037 00:41:51,465 --> 00:41:53,968 I DO HOPE YOU'LL BE COMING TO THE WEDDING. 1038 00:41:53,968 --> 00:41:54,969 THE WEDDING. 1039 00:41:55,419 --> 00:41:56,470 THAT'S RIGHT. 1040 00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:58,472 SUNDAY MORNING, 9 A.M. 1041 00:41:58,472 --> 00:42:00,474 I GOTTA GO. I HAVE TO PREPARE MYSELF. 1042 00:42:00,474 --> 00:42:02,476 IT'S FORMAL, YOU KNOW? 1043 00:42:07,179 --> 00:42:08,680 [DOOR SLAMS] 1044 00:42:19,608 --> 00:42:20,692 OK. 1045 00:42:21,693 --> 00:42:22,694 OK. 1046 00:42:32,704 --> 00:42:34,706 [DRAMATIC BRASS INTRODUCTORY THEME] 1047 00:42:36,208 --> 00:42:37,709 Announcer: WELCOME TO OUR SERIES 1048 00:42:38,210 --> 00:42:39,711 ON EXPLORING YOUR MASCULINITY. 1049 00:42:40,212 --> 00:42:42,714 THIS IS AUDIO TAPE NUMBER ONE-- 1050 00:42:43,215 --> 00:42:44,216 "GETTING A GRIP." 1051 00:42:44,716 --> 00:42:45,717 [MUSIC ENDS] 1052 00:42:45,717 --> 00:42:48,720 ARE YOU DRESSED IN SUITABLY MASCULINE ATTIRE? 1053 00:42:49,721 --> 00:42:50,722 VERY. 1054 00:42:50,722 --> 00:42:51,723 ARE YOU IN CONTROL? 1055 00:42:52,224 --> 00:42:52,724 YES. 1056 00:42:53,225 --> 00:42:55,227 ARE YOU READY TO TAKE CHARGE? 1057 00:42:56,728 --> 00:42:58,730 ARE YOU A MAN? 1058 00:42:59,231 --> 00:43:00,732 YES! 1059 00:43:00,949 --> 00:43:02,117 STAND UP. 1060 00:43:06,238 --> 00:43:08,740 STAND STRAIGHT AND TALL. 1061 00:43:09,741 --> 00:43:12,244 EXCUSE ME, ARE WE A LITTLE TEAPOT? 1062 00:43:13,245 --> 00:43:14,746 UNTUCK YOUR SHIRT. 1063 00:43:16,748 --> 00:43:18,250 JUST ONE SIDE. 1064 00:43:19,251 --> 00:43:20,752 OHH. 1065 00:43:21,753 --> 00:43:23,722 YOU HATE THIS, DON'T YOU? 1066 00:43:23,722 --> 00:43:25,257 WELL, LOOK AT IT! 1067 00:43:25,257 --> 00:43:26,758 YOU WANT TO BE NEAT. 1068 00:43:26,758 --> 00:43:28,760 YOU WANT TO BE TIDY. 1069 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:30,812 ADJUST YOURSELF. 1070 00:43:32,264 --> 00:43:33,765 NOT THERE. 1071 00:43:33,765 --> 00:43:36,268 THE PACKAGE, SISSY MAN. 1072 00:43:36,268 --> 00:43:38,853 THE FAMILY JEWELS. 1073 00:43:41,273 --> 00:43:42,274 GRAB 'EM. 1074 00:43:43,275 --> 00:43:44,276 MMM. 1075 00:43:44,276 --> 00:43:45,777 YOU'RE IN A BARROOM. 1076 00:43:45,777 --> 00:43:46,778 OK. 1077 00:43:46,778 --> 00:43:48,280 REPEAT AFTER ME. 1078 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:49,781 "YO." 1079 00:43:49,781 --> 00:43:50,782 YO! 1080 00:43:50,782 --> 00:43:51,783 "HOT DAMN." 1081 00:43:51,783 --> 00:43:52,784 HOT DAMN! 1082 00:43:52,784 --> 00:43:54,786 "WHAT A FABULOUS WINDOW TREATMENT." 1083 00:43:54,786 --> 00:43:55,787 WHAT A FABULOU-- 1084 00:43:55,787 --> 00:43:57,289 THAT WAS A TRICK. 1085 00:43:57,289 --> 00:43:58,290 OH! 1086 00:43:58,290 --> 00:43:59,791 DAMN! 1087 00:43:59,791 --> 00:44:01,793 WE HAVE COME TO THE MOST CRITICAL AREA 1088 00:44:01,793 --> 00:44:02,794 OF MASCULINE BEHAVIOR. 1089 00:44:02,794 --> 00:44:03,795 WHAT? 1090 00:44:03,795 --> 00:44:05,764 DANCING. 1091 00:44:05,764 --> 00:44:07,799 Woman singing: ## FIRST I WAS AFRAID ## 1092 00:44:07,799 --> 00:44:08,800 ## I WAS PETRIFIED... ## 1093 00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:09,801 YES. 1094 00:44:09,801 --> 00:44:11,803 Announcer: TRULY MANLY MEN 1095 00:44:11,803 --> 00:44:13,305 DO NOT DANCE... 1096 00:44:13,305 --> 00:44:14,806 OH, COME ON! 1097 00:44:14,806 --> 00:44:17,309 UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. 1098 00:44:17,309 --> 00:44:19,811 THIS WILL BE YOUR ULTIMATE TEST. 1099 00:44:19,811 --> 00:44:21,313 AT ALL COSTS, 1100 00:44:21,313 --> 00:44:23,315 AVOID RHYTHM, GRACE, 1101 00:44:23,815 --> 00:44:25,317 AND PLEASURE. 1102 00:44:25,317 --> 00:44:26,318 WHATEVER YOU DO, 1103 00:44:26,451 --> 00:44:28,320 DO NOT DANCE. 1104 00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,322 [SONG SPEEDS UP WITH DISCO BEAT] 1105 00:44:31,323 --> 00:44:32,324 I WON'T! 1106 00:44:32,324 --> 00:44:34,326 Announcer: CAN YOU HEAR IT? 1107 00:44:34,326 --> 00:44:35,327 YES. 1108 00:44:35,327 --> 00:44:37,329 CAN YOU HEAR THE DEMON? 1109 00:44:37,329 --> 00:44:39,831 "DANCE," THE DEMON WHISPERS. 1110 00:44:40,832 --> 00:44:42,834 EVERYONE ELSE IS DANCING. 1111 00:44:42,834 --> 00:44:44,836 THEY'RE GETTING DOWN. 1112 00:44:44,836 --> 00:44:46,338 THEY'RE GETTING FUNKY NOW. 1113 00:44:46,338 --> 00:44:47,839 THEY'RE HAVING FUN! 1114 00:44:47,839 --> 00:44:48,840 NOT YOU! 1115 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:49,841 NO. 1116 00:44:49,841 --> 00:44:51,343 CATCH THE FEVER. 1117 00:44:51,343 --> 00:44:53,845 FEEL THE HEAT OF THE DISCO BEAT. 1118 00:44:53,845 --> 00:44:56,848 IT'S CALLING TO YOU. 1119 00:44:57,015 --> 00:44:58,350 DO NOT LISTEN! 1120 00:44:58,350 --> 00:44:59,851 MEN DO NOT DANCE. 1121 00:44:59,851 --> 00:45:01,853 THEY WORK, THEY DRINK, 1122 00:45:01,853 --> 00:45:03,355 THEY HAVE BAD BACKS. 1123 00:45:03,355 --> 00:45:04,856 THEY DO NOT DANCE. 1124 00:45:04,856 --> 00:45:06,858 HOLD STILL. HOLD TIGHT. 1125 00:45:06,858 --> 00:45:08,360 WHATEVER YOU DO, 1126 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,362 DO NOT DANCE! 1127 00:45:11,363 --> 00:45:12,864 Woman: ## HEY, HEY ## 1128 00:45:12,864 --> 00:45:15,367 ## I, I WILL SURVIVE... ## 1129 00:45:15,367 --> 00:45:17,369 Announcer: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 1130 00:45:17,369 --> 00:45:21,373 STOP DANCING, YOU BIG BALLERINA! 1131 00:45:21,373 --> 00:45:24,376 STOP WAVING THOSE HANDS! 1132 00:45:25,877 --> 00:45:28,380 AREN'T YOU LISTENING, YOU PANTYWAIST? 1133 00:45:28,380 --> 00:45:29,381 STOP IT! 1134 00:45:29,381 --> 00:45:31,383 STOP SHAKING THAT BOOTY! 1135 00:45:33,184 --> 00:45:34,386 BE A MAN! 1136 00:45:34,386 --> 00:45:35,387 KICK SOMEONE! 1137 00:45:35,387 --> 00:45:36,888 PUNCH SOMEONE! 1138 00:45:36,888 --> 00:45:38,390 BITE SOMEONE'S EAR! 1139 00:45:38,773 --> 00:45:39,891 Woman: ## ...HOLD MY HEAD UP HIGH ## 1140 00:45:39,891 --> 00:45:40,892 ## AND YOU SEE ME.. ## 1141 00:45:40,892 --> 00:45:41,893 Announcer: STOP IT! 1142 00:45:41,893 --> 00:45:43,395 GET A GRIP! 1143 00:45:43,395 --> 00:45:46,398 THINK ABOUT JOHN WAYNE, 1144 00:45:46,398 --> 00:45:48,400 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. 1145 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,785 ARNOLD DOESN'T DANCE! 1146 00:45:50,869 --> 00:45:51,903 HE CAN BARELY WALK. 1147 00:45:52,404 --> 00:45:53,405 STOP IT! 1148 00:45:53,405 --> 00:45:54,906 STOP IT! 1149 00:45:55,156 --> 00:45:57,409 JUST STOP DANCING! 1150 00:45:57,409 --> 00:45:58,910 [MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY] 1151 00:45:58,910 --> 00:46:02,130 SO HOW DID YOU DO, PUSSY BOY? 71916

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.