All language subtitles for Totally Blonde (2001) Full Movie Starring Michael Bublé, Krista Allen and Maeve Quinlan (English_ASR)

[music]

[music]

>> WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

>> [screaming]

>> OH, VIC, VIC, VIC, WHERE ARE YOU, VIC?

Maybe he just got tied up at the office.

Okay, Meg, you've had what, like 50 bad

days in the past 12 months?

I hope this guy doesn't turn out to be

number 51.

Hey, maybe I should take Liv's advice

and go blonde.

Jeez, Meg, wait.

Excuse [music] me.

Um, excuse me.

Oh, Vic.

Meg, I'm sorry I'm late.

I got tied up at the office. Oh.

Smells good in here.

Hey, how's my hair? Oh, your hair

[music] looks great.

>> Good, I had the top down.

>> Oh. Listen, Meg, I'm glad we can get

together like this. I'm glad we got

together, too. Meg, um, I need to talk

to you. Let's order first, because I'm

so starving right now.

All right, let's see. Hmm, the duck

looks good. That's always a good choice.

Or the filet mignon, as you like to call

it, might be very yummy.

>> [laughter]

>> Or if you feel like [music] getting a

little crazy tonight, you might want to

try the kung pao chicken.

>> [laughter]

>> Kung pao, kung pao, kung We'll just do

the chicken. [music] I'm sleeping with

your best friend.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

[singing]

[music]

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[singing]

[music]

[music]

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[music]

>> Meg, Meg, the head bobbing goes like

this. Two, three, four. Okay, now like

this.

Okay, that is a totally different kind

of head bobbing. No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no. You don't laugh like this,

uh-huh-ha-ha-ha. Laugh like this.

Good.

Further, stick them out, out.

I want to take this opportunity to

welcome y'all into the club.

Reminds me of my first time,

when I grabbed my first bottle of

peroxide and snapped on my plastic

gloves and changed my life forever.

Now, I want each and every one of you to

carry on that blonde tradition. You go

ahead and be dumb. Laugh at bad jokes

told by men.

Look confused all the time.

Go ahead and wear high heels. Who cares

if you fall and break your neck?

These are just some of the keys to your

success as a blonde. And ladies, all

this information is available to you on

my CDs.

So, without further ado,

congratulations.

And remember, ladies, the curtains

always need to MATCH THE RUG.

BLONDE CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU, YOU

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL,

OH, WELL, gorgeous all.

Oh, hey, Liv.

Oh, yeah, that sounds great.

Hey, meet me at the V Club later. I've

got something exciting to show you.

Blondes really have more fun. Well, of

course they do, silly. Yeah?

How do you know?

Well, because I have a T-shirt at home

that says so.

The V Club is proud TO PRESENT VAN

MARTIN.

I'm going to call on all you people get

out of here.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Blonde girl, [music] you going to going

to make us spin and swirl. You jump and

shout, you going to make us twirl.

YOU'RE SWINGING NOW.

THIS IS SO GOOD.

MAKE A MOVE, TAKE A CHANCE. JUST [music]

get on that floor and dance. Don't be

cool. Don't be slick. You just [music]

keep on swinging, keep on swinging, keep

on swinging, swing.

So, what happened with Vic? Okay, you

go. You go. Okay, I'll go. Vic is a

dick.

>> [music]

>> Miss ya. Miss ya. Miss ya. Miss ya.

How long's he been in Greece?

Six weeks. No phone, no FedEx, no

nothing. Just that. Miss ya.

>> [music]

>> Okay, well, that's it with Vic's

history.

Right? I don't know. Then he asked you

to marry him, he takes off to Greece to

think about it. The only thing he should

be thinking about is what an idiot he

is, and you know it.

>> [music]

>> Excuse me, can I buy you a condo in the

Bahamas? No, a three-bedroom, two-bath.

Okay, I'll settle for a gazebo. Cancel

that real estate deal.

Make a move, take a chance. Just get on

that floor and [music] dance. Don't be

cool. Don't be slick. You just keep on

swinging, keep on swinging, keep on

swinging, swing.

>> [applause]

[cheering]

>> Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm

going to take a short break.

Take it away, Tony.

Two martinis, please.

>> Did you see that?

That guy kept looking at you. Ooh, what,

the condo guy? No, silly, the singer.

He's kind of cute, too. Oh, great, just

what I need, some Wayne Newton freak

after me. Meg, you love that kind of

music. Now, come on, don't you think you

should at least meet him? At least you

know you'll have that in common. No, no,

I'm not interested. Plus, I never date

musicians, and he's too, I don't know,

Vegas.

I would go so far as to say that even if

he were the last man on Earth, he would

not be my type. Not interested.

>> [laughter]

>> I'd love to be the last guy on Earth.

Be like a shrine. I'd be like an

amusement park.

I am so sorry.

>> no, I'd love to be the [music] last guy

on Earth.

Welcome to my club. I'm Van, who are

>> I am so embarrassed.

My name is Meg. Hi. Hi.

I'm sorry, this is Liv. Hi. It's nice to

meet you, ladies. Are you having a good

time this evening? Oh, we're having a

blast. Great. I love your band. Thank

you. Thank you very much.

>> [laughter]

>> There you go, compliments to the two

gentlemen over there. Tequila.

The condo deal is obviously a no-go, but

there you go, ladies. And if there's

anything else you need tonight,

just call.

It's got all four numbers on it.

Why do men do that? If it's sex they

want, why don't they just come right out

and ask?

>> That's for number one. Come on down.

I'll do it.

Hi. Like to engage in a little poon fun?

I'm sorry, what's that? Sex. Oh, no,

thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, hold on. Excuse

me, my name is Jeff Andrews at Andrews

Talent. I had

You know what, I can't go on with

[music] this Hollywood crap. You want to

have sex?

No.

She said stop with the Hollywood crap.

This.

Want to have sex? Look at the

possibilities.

No. Okay, maybe they just shouldn't ask.

>> [laughter]

>> I ate your baby. I A G.

Anyway, it was a pleasure to [music]

meet you, ladies. I have to I have to go

to my next set.

If there's anything you need tonight,

please don't be afraid to call.

Bam.

Oh.

Nice meeting you.

Did he just insult us? What does I A G

mean? I am a goober?

I am goats?

>> [laughter]

>> I am game.

Yeah, well, everybody knows that.

Meg,

I need something fresh, something new.

Takimoto is breathing down my neck, and

they want something in their own words,

um,

heap now and today. So,

I am going to need for you to focus 100%

on this.

We need to make a presentation by the

end of next quarter, and I don't need to

remind you that this could be our

biggest client. So, I am going to need

for you to live, think, and breathe

weddings for the next couple of months.

By the way, I love this new look.

Takimoto is going to love you.

Uh, may I help you?

Are you Meg Peters, eh? Uh, no. Uh, what

is this all about? I'm Meg Peters. Can I

help you?

Oh, if this is about those speeding

tickets I got in Canada, I can pay you

now. I can even pay you in American.

A fine offer, eh, but, uh, no.

Sit down.

Meg Peters, you are under arrest for the

verbal assault of Van Martin. You have

the right to remain silent. Anything you

say can and will be used against you in

a court of law. This is ridiculous. This

is just great. How in the hell are we

going to make that presentation? Do you

need a lawyer? That will not be

necessary, eh?

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

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[music]

[sighs]

>> You have just witnessed the full

mountie, eh?

>> [laughter]

>> Compliments of Van Martin.

>> [snorts]

>> Have a nice day.

Uh, excuse me. I have a couple of

parking tickets.

Hey, boss.

It's me.

>> [laughter]

>> Operation mountie was a big success.

I even picked up a few tips.

>> [music]

>> Hold on a second. I got another call.

Hello. Good afternoon, and thank you for

calling the V Club. Would you hold,

please?

Hey, Al, it's her.

I got to go.

Right. I'll see you later.

Hello. Is Mr. Martin in?

I'm sorry. He's in a coma right now.

Could you try calling back in a few

months?

I beg your pardon?

I mean, he hasn't coma in yet. Can I

take a message? Would you like to speak

with his attorney?

Yes, I would like to speak to his

attorney, please. One moment, please.

I'll transfer you. Thank you.

Hello. Uh, you've reached shipping and

receiving. How I help you?

I'm sorry. I was holding for Mr.

Martin's attorney.

Oh, ho, ho. Uh,

you got screwed up. Uh,

I transfer you. Excuse me?

This is Bertie Num Num.

Uh, hello. Who is this? This is Bertie

Num Num. How may I be helping you?

Mr. Num Num, your client has done

something stupid, something irrational,

something totally offensive.

Now, can you tell me what kind of guy

would send a stripper down to somebody's

office that he doesn't even know? How do

you know? Maybe he does know this

stripper.

All right, that does it. Something's

going on around here.

I think he's just coming.

Hi, is this Meg?

Mr. Martin, I Sorry to keep you waiting.

Call me Van. I just want

>> wanted to apologize for doing something

really stupid today.

You can't

>> I shouldn't have sent that mountie down.

I

I don't know what I was thinking.

It was actually supposed to be funny.

I'm sorry. I hope I didn't offend you.

Well, I just

>> Was it at all a teeny weeny bit funny?

First of all, it wasn't a teeny weeny at

all. And secondly, I want you to know

that this will not be tolerated again.

My boss was here, and if it wasn't for

the fact that she found it to be quite

stimulating, shall we say, I could have

been fired.

Now, I want you to know that I have

lawyers. I have friends who are lawyers

who can make duck soup out of that

Bertie Num Num character. How about

lunch?

I beg your pardon? All that talk about

duck soup made me think of food. How

about lunch? Are you for real? Are you

asking me out for lunch?

Oh my god, you're so persuasive.

Yeah, that's another word for it. Great.

I'll pick you up at noon tomorrow. I A

G, baby.

Wait. Noon?

Oh, I can't believe I'm doing this.

>> [music]

>> So, what kind of name is Van, anyway?

It's actually a stage name. Oh. So,

what's your real name?

I mean, I need to know that when I sick

my duck soup lawyer on you.

It's actually a Vencello Antonio

Marciano.

You wouldn't by any chance [music] be

Italian, would you? Just a little.

I I had my parents, God rest their

souls, were born in the village of

Verona.

And, uh,

>> [music]

>> that's where I was raised.

Verona, isn't that where they make all

those yummy wines? Yeah. Good for you.

Beautiful and smart. What a combo.

So, do you think you'll ever go back to

Italy? After [music] my parents died, I

I thought I'd come here, try to be

another Frank Sinatra. I'm sorry. Why is

my voice that bad? Your singing is

great. I was talking about your parents.

Well, thank you. And and thank you.

So, I bought the club, and

here I am.

Are we ready to order, or has the free

bread and water been in there?

Uh, no, no. I think we're ready to

order. Meg, are

you ready? Go ahead. Yes, I am, but you

go first. Okay, I'll have the, uh, kung

pao chicken.

I'll have the same thing. Great. Two

kung pao chickens, then.

For the girls.

Meg.

What?

Now, what are you laughing at?

>> [laughter]

>> Um, this isn't meant to sound rude or

anything.

It's just a question.

Do all Italian men wear gold chains?

Oh, what, this?

Oh, no. Okay, granted, a lot of Italian

men do wear gold [music] chains, but but

this is different. This is special.

This is un ricordo del destino.

And in English? In English, it's a

destiny charm.

Destiny charm? Yeah.

My grandpa gave it to me when I was 14

years old, and I've worn it ever since.

What's it supposed to do? Apparently,

back in the days of the Roman Empire,

this is worn by the prince of Veneto,

and he wore it close to his heart. It

was supposed to guide him to his

destiny.

Aw.

No, they they chopped his head off, but

Oh.

But, he did end up finding Princess

Nicoletta, so I guess I guess he died a

happy man.

Oh.

Well, it's beautiful.

Anyhow, enough about that.

I want to know about you.

Okay. You must have men lined up around

the block. Well, I guess I do. Just not

the right guys. Now serving number 25,

date with Meg. Hey. No.

>> Number 25, please proceed to the blue

zone. And you know what?

I see him.

You see him? Yeah. In this recurring

dream I have.

I see him. He's He's just perfect, and

and I see the family, and I see the

house. And the white picket fence? Yeah.

Yeah.

Does that sound silly to you? No. No,

God. That sounds nice.

That don't work.

Sir,

would you like some wine to go with your

kung pao chicken?

No.

You don't drink wine?

Um,

I have a little problem. When I drink

wine, it's [music] it's um,

does something weird to me. It's kind of

like a a truth serum. Truth serum? Well,

that that's very interesting. [music] I

mean, why not have a little? Would Would

a little affect you, or

Sure.

How about some wine?

Sir, we are ordering wine, we? Yes, uh,

the Biondi Santi 1984, please. That is a

very excellent and expensive choice, Mr.

I see.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is

that I've always been jealous

of Barbie for having the perfect guy. I

mean, she didn't even have to look for

him, you know? He was just like made for

her. I mean, even though he has a

plastic bulge, but it was just kind of

like, "Hey Barbie, meet Ken. He's your

perfect GUY. AND HERE, HAVE A MOTORHOME

to drive around in." And then they lived

happily ever after, even though he

doesn't EVEN HAVE A PENIS.

>> [laughter]

>> I THINK I THINK THE TRUTH SERUM IS

TAKING FULL EFFECT.

HEY WAITER, can we get those coffees,

please?

Just drink your java, dear.

You're funny.

I'm glad I met you.

Me, too.

Cheers.

I can't believe [music] you told him the

Barbie story.

>> [laughter]

>> It's not my fault, Liv. I mean, you know

what happens when I drink red wine.

Plus, he's so nice and he's so easy to

talk to.

Wait a second, you sound like you might

be interested. No.

No, he's just a friend. Really, he's

just a friend.

Oh, that doesn't feel good.

Make it go away.

Escorts R Us, how can we hurt you?

Excuse me? No, this is Liv. Sorry, I was

just fooling around. Here's Meg.

Hey Meg.

Hello, Vancello. How you feeling this

morning? I feel a lot better than I did

yesterday. That's good.

How about dinner tonight?

>> What?

Um oh gosh, I don't know if that would

be such a good idea. I mean, I made such

a big fool of myself yesterday at lunch,

I think I would risk making an even

bigger fool of myself at dinner. No, I

think that would be great.

So, you like seafood? Yeah, I like

seafood. I'll pick you up at 6:00.

You'll pick me up at 6:00? I got you,

baby.

I'm going to seafood with Vance.

>> Yay, Meg! That's great.

>> [music]

>> Hey, it's me. Hey me.

Come on out to apartment number five.

[music]

>> Okay. I'll leave the door open. I'm just

getting dressed.

Hello.

Hey, come on in. I'll be out in 30

seconds.

Okay. Make yourself at home.

Hey Meg. Hello.

Meg, who are all these guys? Those are

guys I've dated.

Huh. Yeah, this is my wall of blame.

Really?

Not that I'm actually blaming them, you

know, it takes two to tango, but see

what I've done is I put them in order

chronologically and then I wrote on

their pictures so you can kind of get a

description of what went wrong in the

relationship.

>> Meg, there's like there's like 50 guys

up here.

I know. Well, my goal is to keep it

under 100. You ready to go? Yeah, yeah,

sure. Okay.

Say cheese. What?

You didn't say cheese.

Wow, this is so amazing.

Oh Vance, when you say seafood, you

really mean seafood.

What would you have done if I would have

wanted Thai food? Oh well, we would have

had to refuel a few times.

Oh Vance, you know

just because you flew me out here to San

Francisco and the fact that no man has

ever done anything like that for me in

my life does not mean

>> Hey, you can add this to your wall of

blame.

>> [laughter]

>> No, I'm serious. Just [music] cuz you

flew me out here

well, it doesn't mean that I'm going to

sleep with you or that I like you as

anything more than a friend,

but I do like you.

Yeah, I like you, too.

>> [sighs]

>> I love you. I love you.

>> [laughter]

>> Hey.

Cheers.

Cheers.

To friends. To friends.

>> [crying]

[music]

[music]

[laughter]

>> I like your

much better.

>> [laughter]

>> All right, well,

I had a great time tonight, Vance. Yeah,

me, too.

So, I guess this is good night, then.

Good night, Vance.

Good night, Meg. Thanks.

Hey Meg,

do you want to go to the beach tomorrow?

I have a job. I have work to do, unlike

some people I know. Well, well, can you

get off early? Yeah, maybe. We'll see.

Good night, Vance.

Good night, Meg.

We can ride together. It'll be fun.

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, let's go knock

on the door. No, I got it. Okay, it's

going to look stupid, huh? It's going to

look cute.

HERE WE GO.

SO, THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF FUN, HUH? OH,

YEAH, sure is.

I got to tell you, it's pretty fun.

Oh my god.

What is your problem with the wiener?

No, no, it's Brad Wilson. Yeah, nice

shot, Brad.

Brad Wilson?

Yeah, Brad Wilson from school.

He looks like the guy in the center of

my wall. It's Brad Wilson. Oh my god.

So, you think it's Brad Wilson?

Do you want to go talk to him? No, I

don't want to talk to him. I got to want

to marry him.

I have two wieners.

Hey, hey, excuse me.

Uh yeah, hey there.

See that girl over there? The one that's

salivating? She'd uh love to talk to

you.

Dear God, please let him be gay. Yeah,

which one? Oh, uh

right there.

Hey, that's Meg from school. Yeah, and

now that she's all grown up, she thinks

you're great.

Look at, she was too shy to come over

and tell you she thought you were cute.

So, if you have a sec,

why don't you come over and talk to her?

Yeah, sure, that'd be great.

Hey, you're not pulling my leg, are you?

Cuz you can see I'm this close to

winning the game. No, no, I'm not. Look

at, why don't you just come over? Okay.

All right, dudes, I'll be right back.

I just told him he thought he was cute

and he should come over and say hello.

You didn't.

>> did. I did. What did he say? Oh. Never

mind. Hi, Brad.

Brad, I can't believe it's really you.

Brad, you've gotten so big. So so much

bigger than you were before.

I guess you're here with your wife, huh?

No, actually, I'm not married. But I did

something crazy. I grew.

I got old, you know, all that kind of

stuff. Yeah. Looks like you did some

growing yourself. Yeah, a little.

So, um what do you do? What are you

doing? I'm just playing volleyball. No,

I mean, for a living.

Oh, I make wakeboards. Really, that's

cool.

>> Yeah, for dude.

Hey, did you hear what happened to

Finkelstein? No, what happened? Yeah, he

finally had it removed.

>> No way! Oh my god, that's good cuz I was

I'm sorry, this is I'm sorry, this is my

dear friend Vance and this is Brad

Wilson. Hey Vance, nice to meet you. I

love your club.

Hey, you going to eat that hot dog?

Well.

Yeah, thanks, man.

Well, you should come down sometime.

I'll take good care of you. Yeah, that'd

be great.

Oh, I almost forgot. Listen, I got to go

back to the club. I got lots of work to

do. Brad, would you mind driving Meg

home? Meg, would would that be okay with

you? Yeah, that would be fine. Yeah,

sure, no problem. Yeah, well, it's uh

it's nice meeting you, surf dude.

Yeah, it's really great seeing you.

>> Yeah, you, too, Brad. You look great.

Yeah, so do you.

Come on, let's play ball.

>> Okay.

That's how it goes. That's how it goes.

You may think it's funny, but it always

[music] shows.

Try to hide it, honey. Oh, no.

It shows.

>> [music]

>> That's how it goes.

Some people [singing] say

everything is going to be okay.

Just [music]

give it a while.

You'll find you're back

back in style.

>> [music]

>> But I don't know

life will get better. I am sure they

[music] know.

Sooner [singing] or later it shows.

I know.

>> [music]

>> It's funny to see [singing]

how easy life can [music] be.

Just sit back and smile. [singing]

You'll find that life

is worthwhile.

That's how [music] it goes.

When you're on top, the whole world

knows.

>> [music]

>> Wouldn't want to stop it. Oh, no.

It shows.

That's how it goes.

That's how it goes. [music]

Hello. Hello. Hello. I have the vino. I

have videos and I have every magazine

under the sun.

I'm so excited. Let girly night

officially begin. So, tell me, what is

happening, Van man? Nothing. We went to

the beach. We went bike riding.

And guess who we ran into? Who? Brad

Wilson.

The Brad Wilson from school?

Oh my gosh. Yeah, Liv. He is the one. He

is the one. He's just so Does he still

look the same like he did in school?

Yeah, pretty much the same only taller.

Just gorgeous though, Liv. Gorgeous,

gorgeous, gorgeous and he makes these

wakeboards for a dude company. He not

only makes them,

he owns the company.

Oh my god, Liv. He's the one. When are

you going out with him?

Um tomorrow night. We're going to the V

club. You want to come? What about Van?

Van? Come on, Liv. He's my friend.

Actually, he kind of set us up.

So, are you coming or not?

Oh, yeah. I wouldn't miss this for the

world.

This looks so yummy. Uh,

yeah, it does.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Hey.

Excuse me.

This is my sexy dream sequence and I

would really appreciate it if you would

just let me lie here and have sex with

Van like I want to.

No, no, I didn't mean that. I meant I

would really appreciate it if you would

just let me lie here and have sex with

Brad like I want to. It's Brad I want,

not Van. Got it?

>> [music]

>> Hello.

Hey.

What were you doing? You sound out of

breath. Oh, hi Brad. I was just running

around getting orgat

organized this morning. Oh. Hey, are we

still on for tonight? Yeah. Yeah,

tonight. Um

Hold on a second. I have a call on the

other line.

Hello. Hey. And how are you doing this

morning? Did Brad get you home okay?

Yeah, yeah, he did. Um thank you so much

for yesterday.

That was really sweet. I had a great

time. Me, too.

Um Hold on a second. I'm on the other

line, okay?

Sure. Okay.

Hi, Brad. Hey, this is Brad. Who's this?

It's me, silly.

And yes, we are still on for tonight.

Um do you want me to come by your place

or do you want to come by and pick me

up? Um how about I meet you there cuz I

have to work late. How's 8:00? That

sounds great. Hey, Meg. I'm really glad

I ran into you the other day.

Me, too, Brad.

Bye.

Hello. Hey.

Did you forget about me? No. No, I'm

sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me

this morning.

No, that's okay. Um I was wondering what

you're doing tonight cuz I was hoping

you could come by the club. Oh, yeah. I

was planning on coming by the club

anyway like around 8:00. So, I guess

I'll see you there. Great. See you

tonight. Okay. Hey, Van.

Thank you so much for yesterday. You're

the best.

This is going to be great.

Oh my god.

I saw you across the room. My eyes can't

take your beauty. I will

I'm kidding. You want to have sex?

No.

That was my best stuff.

I'm making this one special evening.

Taking a chance [music] in my life.

Hoping you feel

the same way

as I

>> [singing]

>> do.

Tonight.

Or just try

and [music] look into my eyes.

Don't be scared

of what you might see there.

>> [music]

>> The first time

I [music] saw you,

I know

love [music] at first sight

must be true.

>> [music]

>> So true.

>> [music]

>> Oh, so true.

You're in

my heart.

>> [singing]

[music]

>> And it's [music] tearing me apart.

Cuz [snorts] I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Surprise.

I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

Van, you're my friend.

You're supposed to be my friend. I am

your friend.

Then why are you doing this to me?

Doing what?

This whole thing with

closing down the club and and and

singing to me and

>> [sighs]

>> everything. I don't know.

You're just

Is there a possibility that I might be?

I don't know.

So, you're saying that there's a chance?

Honestly, Meg.

I never [clears throat] expected

anything more from you than your

friendship.

I'm not sure I can be your friend, Van.

Why not?

Van, if you feel this way about me,

I can't

be your friend. It's

not fair to you.

I

I need to think about this.

Thank you

for everything. Yes.

God, it's beautiful.

But I'm sorry. [music]

I'm I'm really sorry.

Hey. What's going on?

Woah. You look awesome. Huh.

Are you Are you guys closed tonight or

something?

Yeah, we're closed.

You guys have a great night.

All right, thanks van man.

Let's go, Meg.

I'm sorry, boss.

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, actually there is.

How about one for the road, man?

You got it.

Another night [singing]

another dream

another time

to contemplate and think [singing]

will I ever

ever have anyone [singing]

to love?

It's not that I don't try.

Maybe

I try too hard.

Seems like living a lie.

So, there's a game I just won't learn.

[music]

And I wonder

will I always

>> [music]

>> be alone?

I take a drink and wonder

will I ever have anyone

to

love?

>> [music]

>> Hey.

Where is everybody?

Sorry, we're closed.

What do you mean? I'm supposed to meet

Meg down here. Is she coming down?

You just missed her.

Um she left with Brad.

Okay, what are we doing here? Uh I just

thought we'd get something to eat.

I've got this trick I planned this guy.

You're going to love it.

Welcome to Super King. I'm your peon,

Mighty King. How may I serve you?

Okay, peon. I want a burger,

side,

shake.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. Can you

please repeat that? I want a burger,

side,

shake.

Oh, wait. And my friend wants Go ahead,

honey.

Okay, hi. Um I'd like a um a super

burger

barbecue.

I cannot hear you. Can you just please

drive up to the window?

Can you Can you just drive up to the

window, please?

Drive ahead to the window, please.

Can you please put your foot on the gas

and drive up to the window?

Drive up!

Yeah, there must be some sort of problem

with that thing there. Sorry about that.

Yeah. Well, I guess we'll just have to

get that fixed then. We'll take two

number threes with DCs, and don't forget

the Super King watches. They're

included, you know.

Number 35, two DCs.

Wow.

Order up.

Here's your order.

That'll be $9.99, please.

Yeah, keep the change.

Hail to the customer, the Super King

customer.

Do they really make you say all that?

No. I just say it cuz I love my job so

much. Wouldn't you like to be a Super

King peon working for minimum wage,

being abused by people in fancy trucks?

Well, actually

>> Got to go, peon. Sorry.

I am not A PEON. I AM A HUMAN BEING.

My name is Andy.

Group hug. Group hug. Come here.

You are horrible.

Oh my gosh. I can't believe you shut

down the entire club just to have dinner

with Meg. That is so sweet. That is like

the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

>> [snorts]

>> It's either the most romantic

[clears throat] or the stupidest. No,

don't say that. Do not say that. You

were just doing what you wanted to do.

I feel like an idiot.

I admire that you did that.

Yeah, I think it takes a lot of courage

in this day and age to be honest with

someone, and

you were, so.

Well, I better go.

No, no, wait.

You're right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I better go.

Hold on.

I mean, you came all the way down here,

and uh got like $5,000 worth of food

that's going to go bad.

Why don't you stick around?

I don't know if it's such a good idea.

>> Oh, but I insist.

Well, No, I insist. You don't want all

this food to go bad, do you? No, it

looks way too good. Great. Uh I'll go

get us some liquid refreshments,

and uh

you don't have a problem with tequila,

do you? No, no, no, not at all.

Just makes me horny.

>> [laughter]

>> Truth or dare?

Truth.

>> [clears throat]

>> Do you love Meg?

That's not fair.

Can we go back to the dare part? No, I

can't. No, I asked it, you got to answer

it now.

No.

The truth is

I thought I did, but after tonight I'm

not so sure.

I understand.

Okay.

Now, it's your turn.

So, it's really great that we're having

a chance to hang out like this. Yeah.

[laughter]

Truth or dare?

I'll take truth, too.

Do you love Trevor? Uh that No, that's

not fair. I had to answer your question.

I I did?

I still might.

You know, he is

>> [sighs and gasps]

>> taking off to Europe and everything. So,

please.

I don't know anymore.

Sounds like you and I

are exactly the same point in our lives.

Here, here.

I am not a peon. I'm a human being.

>> [laughter]

>> I know. I can't believe that there are

actually people like that in this world.

People like what?

Well, you know, odd people.

Actually, I don't.

Do you have a problem with gay people,

Meg?

No, no. Why? Meg, there's something I

need to tell you.

What?

Meg, Oh, no.

I'm not gay.

>> [laughter]

>> Yeah.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello?

Huh. No, that's no problem. It's a

simple matter of taking the convertible

debentures from the sinking fund. Then

you have an exit strategy, right?

Okay, then.

All right, bye.

Now,

let's get to the good stuff.

>> [sighs]

>> Truth or dare?

Dare.

Mhm.

I dare you

to let me kiss you.

What? You heard me. I don't think you

can dare that.

>> I just did.

Now, I must warn you

that my kisses have been known to make

men pass out, TKO, heart attacks,

and all that razzmatazz.

Yeah, right. Well, you know, I figured

that your kiss would

Okay.

Your turn.

>> [sighs]

>> Hey, Brad. Yeah. Are you planning on

settling down?

Uh Well, where did that come from?

I mean, yeah, sure I am.

Hey, I'll tell you what. Let's just have

fun tonight, and then um this weekend we

can do something even more romantic than

this. We'll go to the beach, okay? For

the weekend. And we can talk about it

then. Does that sound good? Yeah, that

sounds good. All right. All right, let's

go. Follow me.

Wait, where are we going?

>> Just come on. Follow me.

Um Brad.

Brad.

Are you absolutely sure this swim IS IN

ORDER?

OH,

I'LL TAKE THAT AS A AS A YES.

UM BRAD,

what are we doing here? Just trust me,

okay? Let's synchronize our watches.

Okay. All right. Here's your walkie.

What's this for?

Trust me. I'm woodchuck, and you're a

squirrel.

Okay. Now, if for some reason we get

separated, meet me by that tree in

exactly 1 hour.

Over.

Squirrel.

where are you? WE'RE CALLING A SQUAD.

BRAD, I'm right here. Okay. All right.

Hey, whatever you do, just be ready to

run.

Run?

Brad.

Woodchuck.

Brad.

It's Woodchuck, and I can't hear you

unless you use your radio.

Woodchuck, what are you doing?

Just get ready. We got to go.

Vanessa, get out of the car. DO YOU HEAR

ME? GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE CAR, YOUNG

LADY. This is your father.

>> [screaming]

>> A POLAR BEAR SQUAD ON THE BOARD. THAT'S

HIM. IT'S THE ONE I WAS TELLING YOU

ABOUT. HEY.

IT'S A GREAT NIGHT.

And thank you.

Thank you for being a friend with me.

Do you ever get that feeling?

You know, when you like somebody, and

they're so preoccupied with

other things that

they don't even hear you?

Liv.

Liv. Gotcha.

>> [laughter]

>> Now, I know what you mean. I know

exactly what you mean.

Story of my life. But you know what? I

don't let it bother me anymore.

The way I figure it,

we're on this planet for such a short

period of time,

why not just go for it?

Well, I had a very interesting evening.

Yeah, me too.

Liv. Liv, I can't. I'm sorry.

Uh, don't forget about this weekend.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Good night. Good night, Meg.

>> [snorts]

>> Good night, Brad.

Good one. Did you have fun with Brad

last night? Yeah, we had a righteous

evening.

>> [laughter]

>> What happened to you? Did you go by the

club? Yeah, I went by, but you guys had

already left. But I saw what Brad did.

Yeah, I know. Can you believe that?

We're supposed to be friends, Liv.

That's it.

Friends?

Meg, are you blind?

I mean, what do you call flying all over

the place for dinner, huh? Didn't you

kind of have a clue he liked you like

that? Okay, maybe a little, but I told

him right up front we were just going to

be friends. Friends? So, that's what you

call friendship?

Hey, I didn't mean to hurt anybody. And

yes, he is my friend.

A friend that won't even return my phone

calls. Well, I hate to say it, but I

think she's right.

Hmm?

What are you talking about? It's not

like he's your friend. Actually,

he is my friend, and I do like him.

What?

Yeah, after I arrived at the club last

night, he asked me to stay and have

dinner, and so

I did.

No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. I suppose

you screwed him, too. Well, so what if I

did? You don't want to. What difference

does it make to you? What's What is your

mouth hanging open for? We have an

agreement, Liv. You are never supposed

to sleep with any of my boyfriends. But

he's not your boyfriend. Is he?

Is he?

>> [snorts]

>> No.

Well, then,

I guess he's fair game.

Fair game? HE WAS MY FRIEND FIRST.

[ __ ] [screaming]

WHOA.

HI, BRAD.

COME IN.

HEY. Are you ready to go?

Um

Brad, I

I don't know if I can go.

Whoa, what's wrong? Are you feeling

okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling fine. It's just

that

What?

Oh, hey, if it's about the other night,

I usually don't do that sort of thing. I

guess I was just so nervous, and you

brought back so many memories about

school and all.

I don't know. [laughter]

No, no, it has nothing to do with the

other night. Although, that was a little

weird.

Yeah.

Brad, do you know I'm crazy about you,

right? Yeah, I guess.

Well, I am. It's just I have this little

problem, and

I need to talk to Van. Whoa, what's

wrong? Is he feeling okay? Yeah, yeah,

he's feeling fine.

It's like this.

If we were having sex, it would be

unfair, because I really didn't mean to

lead him on like that, but I'm not sure

about him, but I'm sure about you,

because you're the one that I see in my

visions, and he's not, but sometimes he

keeps up in my thoughts.

>> [sighs]

>> Look, Brad, it would just be really

great if you could give me a couple of

days to figure all this out, okay?

Uh, this is one of your breakup

speeches. Yeah, I get it. No, no, Brad,

that's not it at all. Yeah, okay. Brad,

I'm not breaking up with you.

How can I prove it to you?

Here, touch my breasts.

Huh? Go on, touch them.

I don't understand. Brad, I wouldn't

possibly let you touch my breasts if I

was breaking up with you. So, go on.

Give them a good squeeze. I uh

There. Doesn't that feel better?

Okay. Now, I will be there Saturday at

12:00 midnight. Does that sound okay?

And what if they're not there?

They'll be there. We all will.

Oh.

And you can let go of them now.

Oh.

Uh, sorry. Yeah.

Okay. Uh, I'll leave you the name and

number of the hotel, and and when you're

done, you can just come on up.

Let's synchronize our watches. Okay.

All right. Watches synchronized.

All right. [laughter]

Brad,

this way. Huh? Yeah. Okay.

>> [laughter]

>> When I look into your eyes, I see

sunshine, the clouds are blown away. I

hope you're here to stay, [singing]

cuz you've got me

needing [music] more of you.

Guess I'm falling for you.

You walk away, [music]

my eyes caress you, then you turn and

smile. You caught me [music] thinking of

love with you.

Guess I'm falling.

I may be falling for you.

Since [music] I met you, days are

brighter.

Life's sunny, even [music] loads are

lighter.

When I hear you whisper

the words I long to hear, dear.

>> [singing]

>> Now, I look into your eyes, [music] I'm

lost in knowing that you are all I want.

My [singing] need for you is growing.

[music]

Guess I'm falling.

I think I'm falling for you.

Think about falling for

>> [singing]

>> me,

too.

>> [applause and music]

>> We'll be taking a short break, so stick

around.

>> [applause]

[cheering]

>> Are you really falling for me?

Or were you just singing that? No, I

think I'm falling.

I think I'm falling for you.

I think I'm falling for you, too.

>> [laughter]

>> Hello, Van.

Hi, Liv.

Meg.

>> Wow.

Seems you two have become quite close.

I'm sorry I haven't called you. I've

been really busy. I

Right. Yeah, I can I can see that.

Look, Meg,

you're my best friend, but come on. You

can't expect us all to just sit around

while you figure out what it is that you

want. I mean, the thing is,

yeah, Van and I like each other.

I'd like to spend more time with him.

You two can go to hell.

No. Meg,

wait.

Hey. Wait a minute.

You can't come into my club and be rude

like that.

You think I'm the one who's being rude?

Listen here, buddy. I'm not the one

who's sleeping with my best friend. I'm

not sleeping with her. Oh, yeah, right.

Why are you doing this?

You're the one who broke it off.

It?

There was no it.

Don't you get it, Van? I don't love you.

I've never loved you. I love Brad. Brad

and I are going to get married. Just

get over it.

>> All right, Brad.

What happened?

Uh

she's she's gone.

Look, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to

cause all this trouble.

>> No, no, no. No.

It's not you.

It's her.

I know. I just hate to see her so upset

like that. We never like to be in a

fight.

But the truth is, I do really like you.

Wow.

Did you mean that?

What, the kiss?

No, I mean what you said earlier about

wanting to spend more time with me.

Yeah, I did.

What did you have in mind?

Hi, babe.

>> [music]

>> Dude, she's not going to show.

What's the use?

This is the best.

Ooh, right there.

Oh, that's my spot, right there.

Yes.

Oh, the big one. Oh, I want the big one.

The big one. The big one. THE BIG ONE.

The big one. The big one. The big

[laughter] one. Oh, the

the big one.

Hey, can I buy you a drink?

Hi. Hi.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

>> [bell]

>> I'm sorry.

I'm looking for a hotel guest, Brad

Wilson. Can you tell me how to get to

his room, please? I'm sorry. I can't do

that.

Well, why not?

Well, you see, sweetheart,

uh there's a uh hotel policy about

giving out room numbers.

Oh, I understand.

Well, I know whom it is I'm going to

see. I'm sure you do. It's Brad Wilson.

He's expecting me. I'm sure he

>> [laughter]

>> Oh,

well, looky here. Uh Mr. Wilson has

asked not to be disturbed.

So,

I suggest you call the agency and let

them know there's been a teeny weeny

mix-up. Okay, babe.

Agency?

You perverted, pompous,

polyester-wearing excuse for a man.

The agency that I work for happens to be

a very high-profile ad agency. Now, I

don't know what that means to you, but

to me that means I deserve a little

respect. So, I suggest you wipe that

little smirk off your

minimum-wage-earning face and give me

the goddamn ROOM NUMBER. HAVE I MADE

MYSELF CLEAR?

DOUGLAS? YES, MA'AM. NOW, give me the

room number OR GIVE ME THE KEY. GIVE ME

THE KEY. GIVE ME THE KEY. NOW. NOW.

ROOM NUMBER.

>> 224.

THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR STAY.

>> [laughter]

>> Come here.

It's so sweet.

I'm thinking about Van and Liv.

I need them.

That's my man in there.

Yeah.

Man of my dreams.

I have to get one of these.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

>> [screaming]

>> Oh, yeah. Mike. WHERE'S THE REMOTE?

WAIT, I CAN EXPLAIN. OH, YEAH.

OH MY GOD.

HA-HA-HA, I LOVE MY JOB. Who's your

daddy? WHO'S YOUR DADDY? WHO'S YOUR

DADDY?

HEY, YOU SEE

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED.

>> [snorts]

>> I DID.

>> [panting]

>> That's how it goes. You going to go to

make us laugh, the one that's right

before the laughs. How it goes.

Our friends are on the way down here.

We've got a serious MBA victim here with

a possible punctured lung and head

trauma. We need a doctor here, stat.

Doctor, can you give us a hand here?

Okay, okay, let's get her in the OR.

Number 200 5 cc's of morphine and 2 cc's

of lidocaine. She's going to be all

right. She's going to be all right.

She's going to be all right. She's going

to be all right. Look, just have a seat

over there. We'll let you know when we

know something.

It's funny to see

how easy life can be.

Just sit back and smile.

You'll find that life

is worthwhile.

That's how it goes.

I thought I told you to take a hike.

Oh, and the [ __ ] is here, too. How

wonderful.

Thanks for coming, you guys.

I mean it. And how am I today? I'm

feeling okay. I just have a little pain

right here.

Uh while you were under, we decided to

do a little bit extra, but the effects

of the lobotomy should wear off shortly.

Lobotomy? I [laughter] just I just make

a joke. I'm always big joke because I

trained to be stand-up comic, you know?

Big money in stand-up. Maybe someday I

have my own show. I don't know.

What's the deal with ER, huh?

Anyway, you seem okay. You're fine. You

suffered what you call a mild confusion,

what they call A concussion? Concussion,

yes. Concussion. You're also doctor?

Concussion up head.

Plus you uh you damaged your lung a

little, but it will heal. All in all,

I'm feeling fine.

Okay.

Thank you, doctor. Okay, I go now, I

guess.

Must practice

my comedy, not my doctoring.

I got one for you. What do you call a

What do you call a boomerang THAT

DOESN'T COME BACK? You call it A STICK.

I KILL ME, YOU KNOW? LIKE

I NEED A DOCTOR. DOUGLAS! WAIT, WAIT,

I'M DOCTOR. WHOA.

>> [laughter]

>> OH MY GOD.

SO, when do you get out of here? Oh, the

sooner the better, I hope. Yeah,

[laughter] especially with Dr. Slapstick

treating you.

Liv,

can you give Van and I a moment alone?

Oh, sure. No problem.

Hey, um I'll just wait outside, okay?

I just wanted to apologize. Look, you

don't have to say anything.

>> such a jerk. You don't need to say me

finish.

You see, all all my life I've been

searching for something.

And the thing is is

well, I've been looking so hard for it

that I didn't even realize [music] that

maybe it was right in front of me.

And you are

the most special,

most important person in my life and I

Hey, don't say it.

Van, I

>> I'm asking Liv to marry me.

I think I need to be alone. Meg, I'm I'm

sorry. No, really, it's just go.

It's okay, go.

Meg,

I'm sorry.

Congratulations.

>> Are you fed up with men? Are you having

trouble finding Mr. Right? Do you

constantly end up with Mr. Wrong? Well,

if you do, join us at the Love Factory

for our weekly sessions every Thursday

from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. Stop [music]

wasting your time trying to find Mr.

Right and start spending your time

living your life. Call today.

1-800-555-LOVE.

L O V E.

Excuse me, is this the Love Factory?

>> Oh, yes, you're in the right place. I'm

Dr. Love and this is the group. And you

are? Meg Peters. Welcome, Meg.

Well, please have a seat. I'm so glad

that you came. Thank you. Hi. We were

just getting started.

>> Oh, I believe this seat is taken. It

belongs to Florence. Ruth, Florence is

no longer with us.

Now, you were saying, go ahead.

Well, I can honestly say I'd rather go

out alone and sit with someone who just

for the sake of company. Me, too. Why

waste time? I go to movies alone. I eat

alone. I sleep alone.

I even HAVE SEX ALONE AND I LOVE IT. I

once went out with

perfect man, or so I thought.

>> That's just like what happened to me. I

went out with him for over a year. We

were all ready to get married. Then, 2

weeks before the day, he starts saying

to me, "You've got to meet Phoebe.

You're going to love Phoebe. Phoebe

this, Phoebe that, Phoebe, Phoebe,

Phoebe."

Oh, then I I meet Phoebe.

Turns out Phoebe is this filthy [ __ ] bag

of a poodle that makes this stinking

yapping sound.

I told him,

I say, "Either me or Phoebe."

He says, "No way."

Let's just assume by her being here that

they didn't end up getting married.

Okay, who's next?

>> [applause]

>> This next song I wrote especially for

you.

I can't stand still. [music and singing]

I'm looking for something

and that something is you.

You can be my rainbow and

[music and singing] I'll be your pot of

gold.

But all that [music] really matters are

the things that we do.

I do hope that [music] one day

there'll be

>> [singing]

>> a me

and miss you.

But I can't stand still. I'm so excited.

I just [music] want to scream.

I see you right before me [singing] and

it's like a real good dream.

But I want you [music] to know

something, baby.

Yes, it's really true.

I [music] do hope that one day there'll

be

a me and [music] Mrs. You.

I can't stand still looking for

something

and that something is you.

You can be my [singing]

rainbow [music] and I'll be your pot of

gold.

But [singing] all that really matters

are the things [music] that we do.

I do hope that one day

there'll be a me and Mrs. You.

>> [music]

>> There'll be a me and Mrs. You.

There'll be a me and Mrs. You.

>> [music]

>> Will you be my Mrs. You?

Yes.

Yes.

>> [applause and cheering]

[music]

>> Okay, Meg, let's hear your story.

Well, I really don't have a story. It's

It's more of a dream. Um

I kind of have this vision of what I

expect my man to be.

I guess I'm just not sure anymore. Take

you guys for example.

You've waited such a long, long time to

find Mr. Right.

What happens if he never shows up?

>> I hadn't really thought of that. I'm

just so darn sure that he will.

What the young lady is trying to say is

what if he doesn't? I know what she's

trying to say, so why don't you just

shut up? Oh.

Don't tell me to shut up, you you you

old old

>> Now, now, Eunice.

Eunice? Eunice?

Go ahead, Ruth. I've just made my choice

and I'm sticking to my guns. And that's

your choice, Ruth.

But Meg, you need to do what you want,

what's in your heart. Nobody can make

that decision for you. It's up to you.

I know, but I don't know, you know? Yes?

She said you know, not Eunice. You old

Oh, never mind. Well, I think that's all

the time we have right now. Let's call

it a wrap. Oh, no.

Nice to meet everybody. Bye-bye. Meg?

Oh,

yes.

Do you love him?

Yes.

Oh, great. Another bad idea from Meg

Peters.

All right, I'm going to leave this one

to the universe.

If I make this, Van and Liv are not

getting married.

That didn't count.

I hope this has something to do with the

Takimoto account.

Ramona, hi. I didn't see you there. Yes,

yes, Takimoto, I am on it. Well, you

better be because we're on for tomorrow.

What? Yes, Takimoto called and they have

changed the deadline to tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Saturday. It can't be

tomorrow.

>> Well, it is, sweetheart. So, you need to

pack your bags because we are flying up

the coast to his head office. Ramona,

wait. I have a wedding to break up.

Meg, sit down.

Meg, you know that I don't like to get

involved in your personal business, but

would you um like to hear some advice?

Yeah. Go ahead. Mhm.

>> [sighs]

>> Honey,

he doesn't love you.

And all the the kicking and the

screaming and the pill popping and the

booze is just not going to change that.

So,

you need to just,

you know, face it.

He's in love with someone else.

But I'm in love with him. Well, if he

were in love with you, he'd be walking

with you down the aisle instead of

somebody else.

Face it, Meg. He just doesn't love you.

So, are we on for tomorrow?

Yes, Ramona, I will be there.

Good girl.

This is it.

If I drive you any closer, I'm going to

be part of the wedding party.

Yeah?

Have you ever been married before? Yes.

Just one time.

What happened?

Well, coming up this December, we'll

have been married 35 years. That's

That's incredible.

How'd you do it?

I don't know.

All I know is I love her.

Yeah, you know,

marriage is a lot of hard work, you

know? You can't just say I do and then

don't. When you say I do, it means you

really do. You You're making a lifelong

commitment, you know? You

You become that person's partner

for life.

Look at you. Hey, um on my wedding day,

I was scared to death.

I wanted to puke.

Yeah, me, too.

Please, son, not in the car.

Anyhow, I wasn't scared because I

thought I didn't love her.

The thing is,

I was 100% [music]

sure she was the one for me. You have to

be. What are you doing?

What, this?

You don't think I make all my money just

driving you around, do you?

Yes, I moonlight a little. As a as a

minister?

Yes, my son, as a minister.

>> [laughter]

>> Go on, son. Go ahead. Go get married.

Or if you like, I could just keep on

driving.

But you're still going to have to pay my

$500 fee.

>> [music]

>> Well, good morning, gentlemen.

And woman interpreter.

My ex-husband taught me some Japanese,

so

I'd like to use it. I may? Okay.

Okay.

Um, well

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> Weddings happen every day all over the

world. And one of the most important

elements to the bride and groom are

their formal attire.

Now, currently, these happy couples are

spending about $7.8 million a year to

walk down the aisle in style.

Now, let's be honest, gentlemen.

Takamoto Enterprises only holds about

22% of that market.

Now, the obvious question here is what

can we do to bump that percentage up?

How can we stand out from our

competitors? Now, although we can't

force people to marry and then convince

them to wear our dresses, we can focus

on the younger generation and introduce

the Takamoto product line to kids all

around the world. And what better way to

introduce them to our product line than

with these? Gentlemen, I present to you

the Takamoto Talkers.

Ashes to ashes, dust no. No, no.

No, that's my 4:00.

Here we go.

>> [clears throat]

>> We have an exclusive agreement with

Rydell Toys on these fully functional,

fully operating life-size dolls that

will give a complete and accurate

description of the Takamoto product

line.

Here, watch.

I just love my Takamoto design number

375. I'm so happy to be marrying you.

I bet you are, you son of a [ __ ] Wow,

I'm just so excited to be wearing the

Takamoto design number 925, and I'm

happy to be marrying you. I love you.

Now, as I said earlier, the children of

today are the brides and grooms of

tomorrow. And some of them may choose to

marry, let's just say, the wrong person.

I mean, it's happened, right? Right. But

not these two. Not Darby and Ben.

I mean, they're just the perfect couple.

Look at him. Just look at him.

But what you don't know is that it's

probably just about sex. Yes, please.

Yes, please. Yeah, you heard me. And

before they realize it, it'll be too

late because the groom Oh. will realize

that he's not in love with her, and the

so-called bride will realize that she's

just A TRAMPY LITTLE SEX CRAZED FOOL who

will step ON ANYONE WHO GETS IN THE WAY

OF HER IGNORANT, ignorant bliss. Yes,

please. Yes, please.

>> [laughter]

>> Just me.

They'll realize that they were better

off as friends, and it's too bad they

had to sacrifice other relationships

because it's TOO LATE. DIDN'T YOU HEAR

ME? IT'S TOO LATE!

>> [screaming]

>> HE'S MINE!

HE'S MINE!

YOU LOVED ME, NOT HER!

HE'S MINE!

I'M THE ONE THAT LOVES YOU!

>> [screaming]

>> HE'S MINE!

HE'S MINE!

>> [sighs and gasps]

[snorts]

>> I'M ONLY SORRY.

WELL, um

are there any questions?

>> [music]

>> I'm making this one special evening

taking a chance in my life.

Hoping you feel [music]

the same way

as

I do. [singing and music]

Where have you been? I have been looking

all over for you.

Well, you found me.

>> Mhm. This is for you, Ramona. This is my

resignation letter, and I am so sorry.

Sorry? What have you got to be sorry

for? For everything. I blew it. It was a

disaster.

Hiroshima was a disaster, honey. What

you did was a miracle.

>> Ramona, stop trying to make me feel

better. No, no, I'm not. I'm I'm really

not. They were so impressed with your

originality. We got the account. Yes!

Gosh, how did you come up with that

slogan? He's mine. Oh, and that

life-size Darby and Ben. Oh, that was

gold, pure gold.

Oh, and to top that they want to fly us

to Japan to oversee the entire campaign.

Uh, under one condition. What's that you

never use a pointer stick again.

>> [laughter]

>> Oh, no. Yes, I think I can do that.

Good. And I want you to come with me. I

mean, I really need for you to come with

me. Really? Yes, they [music] absolutely

adored you. I can't do it without you.

Please. Please come with me. Please.

Please, please.

Bertha, please.

I'll go. Oh, good. Good. Okay. We don't

need this anymore. You okay?

Now, let's go because they are next

door, and [music] those guys really know

how to party.

Okay. Okay.

Another night

another dream

another time

to contemplate and think.

Will I ever

You're back! You're back!

You're back! You're back! Oh, I missed

you. I missed you so much.

>> too. I What are you doing here? I

thought you'd be jet-setting around the

world or something. Hey, sweetie, you

see my socks anywhere?

Trevor? Hey, you. Great to see you. We

thought you'd never come back.

>> going on here? I thought you married

Van.

>> Well, she was about to till I got here.

I mean, I can't believe it. Van calls me

in Greece, says I better get my butt

back here right away or they're going to

marry somebody else. Next thing you

know, I'm on a plane, in a club, and now

I'm married.

>> [laughter]

>> Please, you make it sound like you were

forced. I mean, you don't have any

regrets, do you? Okay, wait, wait, wait.

You know what? I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU

GUYS. HELLO, WHERE is Van?

>> Oh, we don't know. But he left you this.

>> [singing]

>> Dear Meg,

>> [music]

>> you're the most wonderful person in the

world,

and I love you.

I understand that you don't love me,

and I accept that.

And I hope that I will still be a friend

deep inside your heart because I know

you'll always be in mine.

I know that one day you'll find true

love

and the man of your dreams.

I hope this will help you find your true

destiny.

Love forever, Van.

There you are. I was expecting you. Do

you know where he is?

>> Of course I know where he is. But if we

want to make the flight, we're going to

have to hurry. Hop in.

Wait! Where are we going?

We're going to the airport. Where do you

think?

>> [music]

>> Hey, I got to go.

Meg.

What are you doing here?

You forgot something.

See, I don't need it anymore because I

found the man of my dreams.

And I never expected that I'd have to

travel halfway around the world to find

him, but I did.

And I love him. And you love him?

Yeah.

And see, I hope I'm not too late because

I think he loves me, too, and it'd be a

real shame if I just traveled 15 hours

to get here in the middle seat between

two very large gentlemen.

Oh, okay.

Hey.

He does love you.

What? I love you.

What?

I love you.

I

I love you, too.

>> [music]

[music]

>> So, here we are. Happily married, great

family. I have everything I've ever

wanted. And let me tell you something,

it makes no difference whether you're a

peroxide blonde

or a chestnut brunette. You have all the

answers to any questions [music] inside

you already. You just got to listen.

Good luck on your search. Hey, Vanessa.

How you doing, partner?

I do, Daddy.

It's all good.

Love the one that's right for love, not

the one you keep thinking [music]

of. Open your eyes, take a

look, let him in.

Don't just let your life go by dreaming

about some other guy when you are

dancing with him cheek to cheek.

Flying around in a jet.

Champagne and limos, you bet.

Laughing and having some fun.

Though he's not even the

[music and singing] one.

Love the one that's right for love, not

the one you keep thinking [music] of.

Open your heart, take a chance, let him

in.

Don't try and say that he's not

cuz all of the [music] things that he's

got.

For he's just a guy that wants you.

And he'll be true.

>> [music]

[music]

>> And [music]

although he just tries to explain that

all of this love's not a game, he'll

turn around and walk out that door.

Just tell him

>> [music]

>> he's yours.

>> [applause]

[applause and cheering]

>> All right, stinky, smelly bachelor.

I'm a super spy.

I'm on a mission.

You want to have

You want to have sex?

Sex?

No, I don't want to have sex [music]

with you.

But we don't come back.

Ew.