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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,034 --> 00:00:02,754 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 2 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:03,834 -Hello. 3 00:00:03,874 --> 00:00:05,034 (PLAYFUL MUSIC) -Hey. 4 00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:09,434 -Come on! 5 00:00:09,474 --> 00:00:10,794 -Yee-hee! 6 00:00:13,034 --> 00:00:14,234 -That's for the haters. 7 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:17,514 -Give a little cheek. 8 00:00:17,554 --> 00:00:18,594 (MAKES GUN SHOT SOUNDS) 9 00:00:19,674 --> 00:00:20,794 Oh! -No! 10 00:00:20,834 --> 00:00:22,394 -Yeah! (LAUGHS) 11 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:30,114 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 12 00:00:35,794 --> 00:00:37,634 JEREMY WELLS (PRESENTS): (LANGUAGE UNKNOWN TO CAPTIONER) 13 00:00:37,674 --> 00:00:38,914 Welcome to Taskmaster! 14 00:00:38,954 --> 00:00:41,074 My name's Darryl Garmus, 15 00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:44,154 and I'm a professional Jeremy Wells lookalike. 16 00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:45,754 And, if you're watching this, Jeremy. 17 00:00:45,794 --> 00:00:48,994 Cheers for the box of beers and the 20 bucks. 18 00:00:49,034 --> 00:00:52,714 But, as far as the rest of you are concerned for tonight, 19 00:00:52,754 --> 00:00:55,474 you can call me the Taskmaster. 20 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,714 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 21 00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:01,594 On stage tonight are five unlucky New Zealanders, 22 00:01:01,634 --> 00:01:04,234 who have all made the same tragic misstep 23 00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:06,514 of pursuing a career in comedy. 24 00:01:06,554 --> 00:01:07,554 (LAUGHTER) 25 00:01:07,594 --> 00:01:08,994 They are, Abby Howells! 26 00:01:09,034 --> 00:01:10,834 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 27 00:01:10,874 --> 00:01:13,194 Ben Hurley! 28 00:01:13,234 --> 00:01:15,434 Hayley Sproull! 29 00:01:15,474 --> 00:01:18,074 And, Tom Sainsbury! 30 00:01:18,114 --> 00:01:20,834 Now, our brilliant fifth competitor, Tofinga Fepulea'i, 31 00:01:20,874 --> 00:01:22,874 as you may know, 32 00:01:22,914 --> 00:01:25,594 is unable to be with us in the studio this season. 33 00:01:25,634 --> 00:01:28,074 So, filling in for him for the next two eps. 34 00:01:28,114 --> 00:01:31,354 It's season three champion Josh Thomson. 35 00:01:31,394 --> 00:01:33,714 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 36 00:01:35,234 --> 00:01:38,474 And, as always, next to me is the cheese to my mince, 37 00:01:38,514 --> 00:01:42,634 the tomato sauce to my cheerio, it's Paul Williams. 38 00:01:42,674 --> 00:01:45,674 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 39 00:01:48,794 --> 00:01:50,994 -I'm in...I'm in a bit of a pickle, Jeremy. 40 00:01:51,034 --> 00:01:54,354 What if my bike is like the bus from the movie 'Speed'? 41 00:01:54,394 --> 00:01:58,714 And, what if, when I drop below 50mi/h, my bike blows up and I die? 42 00:01:58,754 --> 00:02:01,154 -You've already dropped well below 50mi/h. 43 00:02:01,194 --> 00:02:02,714 (LAUGHTER) 44 00:02:02,754 --> 00:02:04,154 -Oh...oh...oh. 45 00:02:04,194 --> 00:02:05,634 -Ah! 46 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,994 -Great. OK, cool. -Oh, thank god. 47 00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:10,874 -You can never be too safe. 48 00:02:10,914 --> 00:02:12,674 -Tell us about the prize task. 49 00:02:12,714 --> 00:02:15,274 -Tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in 50 00:02:15,314 --> 00:02:19,914 the best thing that one person on the panel will really want. 51 00:02:19,954 --> 00:02:20,994 -Tom? -Yes. 52 00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:23,234 -What have you bought tonight? 53 00:02:23,274 --> 00:02:25,234 -Now, this person here, 54 00:02:25,274 --> 00:02:29,594 I think they could double as an Elvis impersonator. 55 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,394 (LAUGHTER) 56 00:02:35,434 --> 00:02:36,434 -But, then, I thought, you know, 57 00:02:36,474 --> 00:02:37,514 this is a little bit of a gamble. 58 00:02:37,554 --> 00:02:40,354 So, I thought, I'd throw on an extra pair of shades, just, because, 59 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,794 I know, he'll love these. 60 00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:44,234 -Oh, wow! 61 00:02:44,274 --> 00:02:46,874 Can you do an Elvis voice at all? 62 00:02:46,914 --> 00:02:48,634 -Oh, nu-huh. -Oh! 63 00:02:48,674 --> 00:02:50,714 -You see-see, I knew...I knew...I knew. 64 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:51,954 -I can do Elvis as well. 65 00:02:51,994 --> 00:02:53,074 -Oh, give it. 66 00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:54,794 -Hello, I'm Elvis, baby. 67 00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,634 (LAUGHTER) 68 00:02:56,674 --> 00:02:57,834 Absolutely, brilliant. 69 00:02:57,874 --> 00:02:59,794 What Elvis do you think Ben would be? 70 00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:03,554 Do you think, he'd be, sort of, 1965, Elvis? 71 00:03:03,594 --> 00:03:05,874 -I think, he could straddle all of Elvis's career. 72 00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:08,074 -Thank you. Well-well said, Tom. 73 00:03:08,114 --> 00:03:09,714 You know what Jeremy was going for there? 74 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,794 He was going for bloated Elvis, wasn't he? 75 00:03:11,834 --> 00:03:12,994 (LAUGHTER) 76 00:03:13,034 --> 00:03:14,674 Abby, what did you bring in? -Yes. 77 00:03:14,714 --> 00:03:17,034 Um, I also brought in something for Ben. 78 00:03:17,074 --> 00:03:20,714 I got you a signed vinyl from the 'Beastie Boys'. 79 00:03:20,754 --> 00:03:22,234 Oh, wow! 80 00:03:22,274 --> 00:03:23,834 That's from all the 'Beastie Boys'. 81 00:03:23,874 --> 00:03:24,874 They said... 82 00:03:24,914 --> 00:03:27,034 (LAUGHTER) 83 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:31,034 -All of them...all of them signed to even the one that died. 84 00:03:31,074 --> 00:03:32,074 Wow. 85 00:03:32,114 --> 00:03:34,274 -I remember, there was another prize Abby had, 86 00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,354 and it was a journal she'd made for you, Jeremy. 87 00:03:36,394 --> 00:03:38,274 And god, just that handwriting... 88 00:03:38,314 --> 00:03:39,874 -Yeah. Doesn't it? 89 00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:41,794 -I think, whoever wrote them tried to change the way 90 00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:43,394 they do the Es. 91 00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:44,994 -Right. 92 00:03:45,034 --> 00:03:47,354 -Apart from on love, where it came out again. 93 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,474 (LAUGHTER) 94 00:03:48,514 --> 00:03:49,874 Yeah. OK, Ben. What did you bring in? 95 00:03:49,914 --> 00:03:53,634 -There's this cliche that everyone with autism loves trains. 96 00:03:53,674 --> 00:03:57,074 And, there's someone on this panel, who has autism. 97 00:03:57,114 --> 00:03:59,794 And, I know that, she loves trains. -She loves trains. 98 00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:04,354 -So, I got her a train ticket to Palmerston North. 99 00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,394 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) 100 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,554 -Because, she loves trains so much, she doesn't care 101 00:04:11,594 --> 00:04:12,874 what the destination is. 102 00:04:13,914 --> 00:04:15,714 -They just always come on time. 103 00:04:17,114 --> 00:04:20,154 -So, this ticket here is from Wellington. 104 00:04:20,194 --> 00:04:21,234 -Oh, yeah. 105 00:04:21,274 --> 00:04:23,594 -So, Abby has to get herself to Wellington. 106 00:04:23,634 --> 00:04:26,354 -Well, look, I looked into Auckland to Palmerston North. 107 00:04:26,394 --> 00:04:27,834 It was really expensive. 108 00:04:27,874 --> 00:04:29,834 (LAUGHTER) 109 00:04:29,874 --> 00:04:31,914 OK, Hayley, what about you? 110 00:04:31,954 --> 00:04:35,594 -I know that, my dear friend Ben Hurley... 111 00:04:35,634 --> 00:04:37,994 (LAUGHS) -Oh, my god! 112 00:04:38,034 --> 00:04:41,834 -Would be devastated to know that, if you look online 113 00:04:41,874 --> 00:04:43,834 for some erotic fan fiction about him... 114 00:04:43,874 --> 00:04:45,834 -Oh, good lord. -There is very little. 115 00:04:45,874 --> 00:04:47,394 -OK. 116 00:04:47,434 --> 00:04:49,634 -So, as a platonic friend, 117 00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:52,554 I struggled through actually writing him one. 118 00:04:55,114 --> 00:04:58,114 (LAUGHTER) 119 00:05:00,994 --> 00:05:02,714 -It's called "Standing Ovation." 120 00:05:02,754 --> 00:05:05,394 The tagline reads, "First she came for the laughs. 121 00:05:05,434 --> 00:05:07,674 "Then, she came for him. 122 00:05:07,714 --> 00:05:11,194 "Now, here I was, standing outside a dressing room with the name 123 00:05:11,234 --> 00:05:12,834 "Ben Hurley written on it. 124 00:05:12,874 --> 00:05:15,034 "And, all I can hear is the sound of my own heartbeat 125 00:05:15,074 --> 00:05:16,074 "throbbing in my ears. 126 00:05:16,114 --> 00:05:18,954 "And, I'll be honest, throbbing somewhere else as well. 127 00:05:20,434 --> 00:05:21,594 "The doorway has plenty of room, 128 00:05:21,634 --> 00:05:23,754 "but I make sure to brush past him on my way in, 129 00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:27,154 "where I can't help but notice his wicket is standing strong. 130 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,914 (LAUGHTER) 131 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:29,994 -"I giggle. 132 00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:32,234 "Ben, I'm about to knock your bails off, boy." 133 00:05:32,274 --> 00:05:34,594 So, it's really. Yeah, it's a lot. 134 00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:35,674 -It's a lot... 135 00:05:35,714 --> 00:05:38,074 -Why am I holding a microphone, and there's one in the stand? 136 00:05:38,114 --> 00:05:39,834 (LAUGHTER) 137 00:05:39,874 --> 00:05:42,754 -AI has come so far. 138 00:05:42,794 --> 00:05:45,034 But it still has so far to go. -OK. 139 00:05:45,074 --> 00:05:46,954 -He's also got six fingers, right? 140 00:05:46,994 --> 00:05:48,874 Or five fingers and one thumb. -Oh, my god! 141 00:05:49,954 --> 00:05:51,514 -She'll be happy with those six fingers. 142 00:05:51,554 --> 00:05:53,914 I'll tell you why. -Absolutely! 143 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,554 -OK, Josh. 144 00:05:56,594 --> 00:05:58,514 -I haven't brought in any pornography. 145 00:05:58,554 --> 00:06:02,554 Um, but I did bring on something very beautiful. 146 00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:04,994 A golden replica of your face, sir. 147 00:06:07,154 --> 00:06:10,354 That's actually the winning trophy from Taskmaster in New Zealand 148 00:06:10,394 --> 00:06:11,714 season three. 149 00:06:11,754 --> 00:06:13,394 And you might wanna know how I got that. 150 00:06:13,434 --> 00:06:14,834 I got that by winning. -Right. 151 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,714 -Um, I do know that someone in this panel 152 00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:19,794 really wants to win tonight. 153 00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:21,394 And the entire thing. 154 00:06:21,434 --> 00:06:24,234 They've been going about, like, "It's just a bit of a laugh. 155 00:06:24,274 --> 00:06:25,634 "I don't really care who wins!" 156 00:06:25,674 --> 00:06:28,874 But I wouldn't be surprised, if sometime during this week, 157 00:06:28,914 --> 00:06:30,994 Hayley Sproull murdered someone on this panel. 158 00:06:31,034 --> 00:06:32,594 -Alright. 159 00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:36,834 Tom, I think you've got one point for your glasses. 160 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:37,874 -Right. 161 00:06:37,914 --> 00:06:41,954 -I think two points for Abby and the Beastie Boys album. 162 00:06:41,994 --> 00:06:44,154 -OK. Can I level with you, Jeremy? 163 00:06:44,194 --> 00:06:47,954 That actually wasn't signed by the Beastie Boys. 164 00:06:47,994 --> 00:06:49,074 -Well, now, that you said that. 165 00:06:49,114 --> 00:06:50,514 Actually, I'm gonna take a point off you. 166 00:06:50,554 --> 00:06:52,714 You're gonna get one point. Two points now for Tom. 167 00:06:52,754 --> 00:06:54,314 -Yes! -OK. 168 00:06:54,354 --> 00:06:56,634 -Um, the train ticket for Abby should be three points. 169 00:06:56,674 --> 00:06:57,714 -Sure, I'll take that. 170 00:06:57,754 --> 00:06:59,874 -I think four points for the erotic fiction. 171 00:06:59,914 --> 00:07:03,714 And five points for Tofinga via Josh Thomson for the head. 172 00:07:03,754 --> 00:07:05,794 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) -You're my boy. 173 00:07:06,874 --> 00:07:08,514 -Let's dive into another task should we? 174 00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,914 -Great idea, Jeremy. But brace yourselves. 175 00:07:10,954 --> 00:07:12,674 This task is moving. 176 00:07:12,714 --> 00:07:14,714 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC) 177 00:07:20,514 --> 00:07:21,954 -Hello! -Hello, Abby. 178 00:07:21,994 --> 00:07:24,034 Hello, Tom. -Hello! 179 00:07:24,074 --> 00:07:25,874 -Hello, Tofinga. -Hey, Paul. 180 00:07:25,914 --> 00:07:27,714 -How are you? -Not good. 181 00:07:27,754 --> 00:07:30,314 -Oh, mate! We really gotta work on that. 182 00:07:30,354 --> 00:07:31,354 -Yeah. 183 00:07:31,394 --> 00:07:32,954 -Wow! -Ooh! 184 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,754 -Hello. -Hi. 185 00:07:34,794 --> 00:07:35,954 OK. 186 00:07:38,554 --> 00:07:42,674 -"Move Paul. Most moved Paul wins." 187 00:07:42,714 --> 00:07:44,434 -"You have 20 minutes." 188 00:07:44,474 --> 00:07:45,754 -"Your time starts now." 189 00:07:45,794 --> 00:07:48,034 -Emotionally moved or physically moved? 190 00:07:48,074 --> 00:07:50,074 -All the information you need is in the task. 191 00:07:50,114 --> 00:07:51,154 -Yeah. 192 00:07:51,194 --> 00:07:52,994 (APPLAUSE) 193 00:07:53,034 --> 00:07:55,714 OK, whose Paul moving are we gonna see first? 194 00:07:55,754 --> 00:07:59,394 -I would move mountains for these men, but can they move me? 195 00:07:59,434 --> 00:08:00,674 -It's Ben and Tofinga. 196 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,434 -Oh, I know you can be a chess piece. 197 00:08:03,474 --> 00:08:04,874 And then I'd have to move you a lot. 198 00:08:04,914 --> 00:08:06,594 Like if you're a piece that you move a lot. 199 00:08:06,634 --> 00:08:08,554 Like a knight. -Yes! 200 00:08:08,594 --> 00:08:10,394 -You can dance for 10 seconds. 201 00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:11,434 Go. 202 00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:12,514 -Oh, now? -Yeah. 203 00:08:14,914 --> 00:08:16,074 That's not a dance. 204 00:08:17,754 --> 00:08:19,074 Bit move your upper body. 205 00:08:21,714 --> 00:08:23,674 -I'm gonna make-make a chessboard now. 206 00:08:23,714 --> 00:08:26,634 I need lots of, rope. Oh, there's some rope. 207 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,154 That's helpful...that's helpful. 208 00:08:28,194 --> 00:08:31,114 -Go down to the bath and back on the bike. 209 00:08:32,274 --> 00:08:34,754 That's it. Awesome. 210 00:08:34,794 --> 00:08:36,234 Can you ride the bike again? 211 00:08:36,274 --> 00:08:38,554 But this time singing the national anthem. 212 00:08:38,594 --> 00:08:43,914 # E Ihowa Atua... # 213 00:08:43,954 --> 00:08:45,594 This guy's crazy, man. 214 00:08:45,634 --> 00:08:46,634 -OK. 215 00:08:46,674 --> 00:08:48,554 I've spent three quarters of the time 216 00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,834 making a rudimentary chess board. 217 00:08:50,874 --> 00:08:52,994 Queen. Bishop. 218 00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,034 -20 sit ups. 219 00:08:54,074 --> 00:08:55,154 -Sit ups? -Yup. 220 00:08:55,194 --> 00:08:56,274 No days off, bro. 221 00:08:56,314 --> 00:08:57,834 (BREATHES HEAVILY) That's the one. 222 00:08:57,874 --> 00:08:58,914 One. 223 00:09:00,074 --> 00:09:01,634 Two. That's the one. 224 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,634 -OK. Let's play. 225 00:09:03,674 --> 00:09:05,594 -You got two minutes. -Yup. 226 00:09:05,634 --> 00:09:06,994 I'm gonna move my knight! 227 00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:10,314 One, two, three and cross one. 228 00:09:10,354 --> 00:09:11,754 -Ah, 15 push-ups. 229 00:09:11,794 --> 00:09:13,034 -I don't know what that is. 230 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,914 -Lie on your stomach. Yeah, that's the one. 231 00:09:15,954 --> 00:09:18,514 Now, put your hands were they were just then. 232 00:09:18,554 --> 00:09:19,594 On your side. 233 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,474 OK. Now, move back and forth. 234 00:09:24,914 --> 00:09:27,314 That's it. Ten of those. 235 00:09:27,354 --> 00:09:28,354 One! 236 00:09:28,394 --> 00:09:29,394 -You got 20 seconds. 237 00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:32,034 -One, two, and three. 238 00:09:32,074 --> 00:09:34,474 Oh, they could take you, but for some reason, they're not. 239 00:09:35,634 --> 00:09:36,714 -Nine... 240 00:09:38,874 --> 00:09:40,434 Ten! 241 00:09:40,474 --> 00:09:43,994 -One, two, three! I think that's check! 242 00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:45,594 He's gonna move out of the way! (WHISTLE BLOWS) 243 00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:47,154 (BREATHS HEAVILY) 244 00:09:48,634 --> 00:09:51,634 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 245 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,594 Josh, I don't think I've ever seen someone 246 00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:59,394 move so little while telling someone else to move so much. 247 00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:01,834 -Well, you know, Tofinga's, you know, playing the task 248 00:10:01,874 --> 00:10:04,874 and the task is to make a Paul move, not himself move. 249 00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:08,314 And by sitting still, he's putting more of a contrast in. 250 00:10:08,354 --> 00:10:09,994 So, if anything, he's doing it better. 251 00:10:10,034 --> 00:10:11,074 -I love the dance. 252 00:10:11,114 --> 00:10:13,194 Could you do a rendition of that dance for us now? 253 00:10:15,234 --> 00:10:16,994 -Alrighty. 254 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,474 -Yeah! -Wow! 255 00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:19,674 -That's pretty good. -See? 256 00:10:19,714 --> 00:10:20,714 There's movement there. 257 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,354 -Really snapped those hips. -Yeah. 258 00:10:23,394 --> 00:10:25,554 There's a little bit of sex in the own dog yet, isn't there? 259 00:10:25,594 --> 00:10:27,314 (LAUGHTER) 260 00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:28,394 Beautiful. 261 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,914 Ben, you did a lot of running around, 262 00:10:31,954 --> 00:10:33,794 I mean, you hardly moved Paul at all. 263 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:37,034 -Uh, I did, but I spent 17 of the 20 minutes 264 00:10:37,074 --> 00:10:38,754 making a chess board. 265 00:10:38,794 --> 00:10:41,074 -You probably could have spent that time just moving Paul. 266 00:10:41,114 --> 00:10:43,994 -Yeah. In retrospect, you have a point. 267 00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:47,754 -So, in terms of chess moves, he moved me eight times. 268 00:10:47,794 --> 00:10:50,354 -That's pathetic. 269 00:10:50,394 --> 00:10:53,994 Now, to all of you at home, please leave the moving to us. 270 00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:56,034 You stay right where you are. 271 00:10:56,074 --> 00:10:58,194 We'll be back with more Taskmaster after this. 272 00:10:58,234 --> 00:10:59,674 (LANGUAGE UNKNOWN TO CAPTIONER). 273 00:10:59,714 --> 00:11:02,114 (APPLAUSE) 274 00:11:02,154 --> 00:11:04,514 (THEME MUSIC) 275 00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:09,034 (THEME MUSIC) 276 00:11:09,074 --> 00:11:11,074 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 277 00:11:12,274 --> 00:11:14,634 (LANGUAGE UNKNOWN TO CAPTIONER) Welcome back to Taskmaster. 278 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,114 Where were we, Paul? 279 00:11:16,154 --> 00:11:18,314 -Up next, attempting to move a man, 280 00:11:18,354 --> 00:11:20,234 who has cried for the entire duration 281 00:11:20,274 --> 00:11:22,474 of every movie he's ever seen. 282 00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,394 It's Abby and Tom. 283 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,914 -"Move Paul." 284 00:11:25,954 --> 00:11:27,634 I'm gonna do you a play. -OK. 285 00:11:27,674 --> 00:11:30,194 -And it's gonna be the most moving play you've ever experienced. 286 00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,354 -Do you wanna come with me? 287 00:11:31,394 --> 00:11:32,474 -Where are we going? 288 00:11:32,514 --> 00:11:36,314 -To the performance of the lifetime. 289 00:11:36,354 --> 00:11:39,034 (SOFT MUSIC) 290 00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:42,754 -I'm gonna tell you a story all about a girl. 291 00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:45,194 A girl who grew up in the sewers. 292 00:11:45,234 --> 00:11:48,394 Because her mother died in childbirth. 293 00:11:48,434 --> 00:11:52,154 And her father was poisoned by his enemies. 294 00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:56,394 -Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to theatre de Thomas. 295 00:11:56,434 --> 00:11:59,874 One day at the castle, Tomlet was walking past the bathroom 296 00:11:59,914 --> 00:12:01,554 and he heard muffled struggling. 297 00:12:01,594 --> 00:12:03,954 He peered in through the keyhole... 298 00:12:03,994 --> 00:12:06,114 -Into the bathroom? -Yeah. 299 00:12:06,154 --> 00:12:07,514 -Hardly appropriate. 300 00:12:07,554 --> 00:12:12,714 -One day, a shaft of light came down for the first time. 301 00:12:12,754 --> 00:12:15,194 Maybe today is the day! 302 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:18,674 I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna dance in the sun. 303 00:12:18,714 --> 00:12:23,194 -Only to see the Queen, his stepmother standing over the King. 304 00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:25,354 I shall be the Queen. 305 00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:28,154 -She is Queen. -She is, but, Queen alone. 306 00:12:28,194 --> 00:12:29,234 -OK. 307 00:12:29,274 --> 00:12:32,634 -Me and my kin will be the new royals. 308 00:12:32,674 --> 00:12:34,114 -They are still the royals. -She is. 309 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,474 But she's got kids from a previous marriage. 310 00:12:36,514 --> 00:12:38,634 If I have to explain it to you, you're not gonna be moved. 311 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,834 -OK. Sorry. 312 00:12:39,874 --> 00:12:42,874 (SOFT MUSIC) 313 00:12:44,314 --> 00:12:45,314 -Whoa! 314 00:12:45,354 --> 00:12:47,074 If this is what Earth is like... Bang! 315 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:50,114 (GROANS AND COUGHS) 316 00:12:51,474 --> 00:12:54,634 Oh, no! I've been shot. 317 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,034 Gun violence... is a problem... 318 00:12:57,074 --> 00:12:59,474 I should never have trusted the world. 319 00:12:59,514 --> 00:13:01,914 -So, Tomlet packs his things together. 320 00:13:01,954 --> 00:13:04,634 He gets into his carriage. Oh, no! 321 00:13:04,674 --> 00:13:07,674 The carriage runs onto the orphanage. 322 00:13:07,714 --> 00:13:09,794 Just children everywhere. 323 00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:10,954 -It's a bloodbath. 324 00:13:10,994 --> 00:13:13,594 -I guess you're probably wondering who I am. 325 00:13:13,634 --> 00:13:15,434 I'm the little girl. 326 00:13:15,474 --> 00:13:16,634 And I just wanted to tell you, 327 00:13:16,674 --> 00:13:18,794 I dance in the sun every single day... 328 00:13:20,274 --> 00:13:21,394 in heaven. 329 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,114 (LAUGHTER) 330 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,434 (WHISTLE BLOWS) -OK. 331 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,434 Wait, what was the dancing at the end? 332 00:13:30,474 --> 00:13:32,194 -I was just moving you to joy. 333 00:13:32,234 --> 00:13:35,114 (APPLAUSE) 334 00:13:35,154 --> 00:13:38,034 So, Tom, was that dance there at the end, was that planned, 335 00:13:38,074 --> 00:13:40,914 or was that just, sort of, sheer desperation? 336 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,994 -Was a little bit of desperation, but I just thought, 337 00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:44,434 you know, moved could be positive. 338 00:13:44,474 --> 00:13:47,794 And, you know, I know that my dance moves really lift people's spirits. 339 00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:50,394 And so I thought, why not give that a go as well? 340 00:13:50,434 --> 00:13:52,154 -How do you think it went? 341 00:13:52,194 --> 00:13:53,954 -I think I failed. 342 00:13:53,994 --> 00:13:55,754 (LAUGHTER) 343 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:59,874 Abby, yours was deeply moving, it seemed mainly for you. 344 00:14:01,314 --> 00:14:04,634 -No, I saw a distinct facial expression on Paul's face. 345 00:14:05,674 --> 00:14:06,714 Yeah, that one. 346 00:14:06,754 --> 00:14:09,554 (LAUGHTER) 347 00:14:09,594 --> 00:14:10,914 There seems to be a theme as well. 348 00:14:10,954 --> 00:14:11,954 I don't know, Abby, 349 00:14:11,994 --> 00:14:15,074 a lot of people seem to be dying in childbirth particularly. 350 00:14:15,114 --> 00:14:17,154 I feel like this is the third time that's happened. 351 00:14:17,194 --> 00:14:19,474 (LAUGHS) -And there's more coming up the... 352 00:14:19,514 --> 00:14:21,994 -Oh, wow! Wow! 353 00:14:22,034 --> 00:14:25,154 -You've never been through childbirth have you? 354 00:14:25,194 --> 00:14:27,434 -I've never been through childbirth, no. 355 00:14:27,474 --> 00:14:28,474 -Alright. 356 00:14:28,514 --> 00:14:29,914 -No, I mean, I have. -Right. 357 00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,514 -I was born. -Yeah, you were. 358 00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:33,154 (LAUGHTER) -That's, yeah. 359 00:14:33,194 --> 00:14:34,794 -You're a victim of childbirth rather than. 360 00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:35,954 -Yeah. 361 00:14:35,994 --> 00:14:38,674 -Yeah, I was like, "I get to be by myself. 362 00:14:38,714 --> 00:14:41,114 "It is warm and lovely. No-one hassles me." 363 00:14:41,154 --> 00:14:43,194 And then I come out. It's like nothing but hassle. 364 00:14:43,234 --> 00:14:44,394 "Oh! Your play doesn't make sense. 365 00:14:44,434 --> 00:14:45,714 "Oh, you talk about death all the time." 366 00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:49,714 (LAUGHTER) 367 00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:50,754 OK. 368 00:14:50,794 --> 00:14:53,394 I wanna say one more futile attempt to move you, please Paul. 369 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:57,314 -Up last, we've got a woman who's got a licence to drive. 370 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:58,514 -It's Hayley. 371 00:14:58,554 --> 00:15:00,554 -"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 372 00:15:02,874 --> 00:15:04,714 Do you wanna come to my house? -What do you mean? 373 00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:05,754 -Do you wanna come to my house? 374 00:15:05,794 --> 00:15:07,274 -What, are you gonna drive me to your house? 375 00:15:07,314 --> 00:15:08,754 -Let's go. 376 00:15:08,794 --> 00:15:10,874 Come on. Get in my car. 377 00:15:10,914 --> 00:15:13,674 Move, Paul. I'll move ya. 378 00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:14,994 Might have to stop at a dairy. 379 00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:16,554 If you could get anything, what would you want? 380 00:15:16,594 --> 00:15:18,554 -Maybe an ice cream. 381 00:15:18,594 --> 00:15:20,634 -How we going? Time wise? 382 00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:23,074 -You got 6 minutes and 55 seconds. 383 00:15:23,114 --> 00:15:24,914 -Hey, babe. Hi, Andrew. -Hi. 384 00:15:24,954 --> 00:15:25,994 -Hey, darling. 385 00:15:26,034 --> 00:15:28,354 -We'll just move the washing. -Hello. 386 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,714 -Um, this is my house, Paul. -It's beautiful. 387 00:15:30,754 --> 00:15:31,794 -Thank you. 388 00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:33,234 -Do you have a favourite room? 389 00:15:34,594 --> 00:15:37,474 -That's a double shower. We're both in here. 390 00:15:37,514 --> 00:15:39,434 -Shower... -But look how much room. 391 00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:41,354 -Yeah. Wow! 392 00:15:41,394 --> 00:15:43,594 -And look, we can, like, walk around. 393 00:15:43,634 --> 00:15:45,394 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 394 00:15:45,434 --> 00:15:46,594 -Great. 395 00:15:47,674 --> 00:15:48,834 Do you wanna go back with the crew? 396 00:15:48,874 --> 00:15:50,954 'Cause I feel like now that I'm here, I might as well just stay. 397 00:15:50,994 --> 00:15:53,034 -We can walk. -OK. 398 00:15:53,074 --> 00:15:54,554 See you team. -Thank you. 399 00:15:54,594 --> 00:15:57,594 (APPLAUSE) 400 00:15:59,914 --> 00:16:02,354 At first I thought, that's such a beautiful big shower. 401 00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:04,954 But, you need a shower that size when you're operating a throuple. 402 00:16:04,994 --> 00:16:08,514 -Yeah, Aaron and Andrew, we're very happy together. 403 00:16:08,554 --> 00:16:10,034 -Yeah. 404 00:16:10,074 --> 00:16:12,794 So, how far did Hailey drive you? 405 00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:17,314 -So, it was 6.8km, but I also did four laps of her giant shower. 406 00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:20,394 -So, we're gonna score this. 407 00:16:20,434 --> 00:16:23,314 I think trying to move Paul emotionally 408 00:16:23,354 --> 00:16:24,994 that was a tough challenge. 409 00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:27,954 Probably, Tom, you get one point there. 410 00:16:27,994 --> 00:16:29,194 Abby, two for you. 411 00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:31,434 -Jeremy... What happened to us? 412 00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,794 -Just one of those things. You've just got to do better. 413 00:16:38,794 --> 00:16:43,754 Three points for Ben who moved more than Paul, 414 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,034 which seems silly, but still three points. 415 00:16:46,074 --> 00:16:51,154 Four points for Tofinga and five points for Hayley 416 00:16:51,194 --> 00:16:52,754 because 6.8km is quite a long way... 417 00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:53,834 -That's a long way. 418 00:16:55,634 --> 00:16:57,874 -How's the episode score looking, Paul? 419 00:16:57,914 --> 00:17:00,354 -First equal both on nine points. 420 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,714 It's Haley and Tofinga. 421 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,514 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 422 00:17:04,554 --> 00:17:05,554 Alright. 423 00:17:05,594 --> 00:17:07,954 Things are starting to get interesting. 424 00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:10,434 Paul, let's rip right into another task. 425 00:17:10,474 --> 00:17:13,314 -Sure thing. Let's give this one a spin. 426 00:17:13,354 --> 00:17:16,354 (PLAYFUL MUSIC) 427 00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:23,634 -"Live life to the fullest with this Frisbee. 428 00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:27,074 "You have one hour. Your time starts now." 429 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,714 What? 430 00:17:28,754 --> 00:17:30,514 -Start living life to the fullest, please. 431 00:17:30,554 --> 00:17:32,514 -Just what... 432 00:17:32,554 --> 00:17:33,554 Was that it? 433 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,594 (APPLAUSE) 434 00:17:40,154 --> 00:17:41,194 So, what's happened there? 435 00:17:42,274 --> 00:17:45,034 -I just thought Ben needed to live life to the fullest. 436 00:17:45,074 --> 00:17:47,034 (LAUGHTER) 437 00:17:47,074 --> 00:17:50,714 -I was so confused, I was like, I don't remember this task at all. 438 00:17:50,754 --> 00:17:52,674 -This almost (BLEEP) killed me. 439 00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:57,434 It was at the end of the day. It was like, 5:30 at night. 440 00:17:57,474 --> 00:17:58,994 -We didn't do this! 441 00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,554 -Oh, no, shit, Sproull! 442 00:18:02,474 --> 00:18:05,514 -I think there's too much joy to consume right now. 443 00:18:05,554 --> 00:18:08,474 So, we've actually peppered it throughout the rest of the episode. 444 00:18:08,514 --> 00:18:11,074 -Oh, my god! I'm so dirty! 445 00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:14,714 -I can't wait to see you live life to the fullest, Ben. 446 00:18:14,754 --> 00:18:16,194 It's gonna be great. -Let's crack on. 447 00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:19,394 Launching the next task in three, two, one. 448 00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:20,434 Fire! 449 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:23,474 (THEME MUSIC) 450 00:18:26,874 --> 00:18:28,394 -Hello? -Hello, Abby. 451 00:18:28,434 --> 00:18:29,474 -Bonjour. 452 00:18:29,514 --> 00:18:31,754 -Bonjour, Hayley. -How are you? 453 00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:32,954 -Good, thank you. 454 00:18:32,994 --> 00:18:34,394 -This gonna be a tricky one, mate? 455 00:18:34,434 --> 00:18:35,834 -What makes you think that? 456 00:18:37,794 --> 00:18:38,794 -The egg. 457 00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:39,994 -"Protect the egg." 458 00:18:40,034 --> 00:18:42,674 -"The egg will be launched from Paul's catapult 459 00:18:42,714 --> 00:18:44,754 "in exactly 18 minutes." 460 00:18:44,794 --> 00:18:47,354 -"Least damaged egg wins." 461 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:51,434 -"Your time starts now!" 462 00:18:51,474 --> 00:18:53,274 -Is this the egg? -Yeah. 463 00:18:53,314 --> 00:18:54,834 -This my little baby? -Correct. 464 00:18:54,874 --> 00:18:57,794 (SMELLS EGG) Its definitely fresh. 465 00:18:58,954 --> 00:19:00,794 -Can you show me your catapult? 466 00:19:00,834 --> 00:19:02,274 -Yes. 467 00:19:02,314 --> 00:19:03,954 -Oh, my god! 468 00:19:03,994 --> 00:19:05,394 (GIGGLES) 469 00:19:08,394 --> 00:19:09,434 -Oh, man. 470 00:19:09,474 --> 00:19:11,754 (APPLAUSE) 471 00:19:11,794 --> 00:19:14,114 OK, this task seems pretty straightforward. 472 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,954 Let's see you catapult some eggs. 473 00:19:15,994 --> 00:19:17,114 Paul! Who's first? 474 00:19:17,154 --> 00:19:18,474 -It's Ben and Tom. 475 00:19:18,514 --> 00:19:21,874 -Can we do a little test to see? Like with something else? 476 00:19:21,914 --> 00:19:24,074 -Just stay back, because it's quite full on. 477 00:19:24,114 --> 00:19:26,834 -This is dangerous looking. 478 00:19:28,274 --> 00:19:30,754 -Oh, I see how this works. 479 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,234 -You're very good at this. 480 00:19:32,274 --> 00:19:34,634 -Test launch in three, two, one. 481 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,754 Launch! 482 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,234 -About there. OK. 483 00:19:39,274 --> 00:19:42,434 -Strap stuff around it and then catch it. 484 00:19:43,554 --> 00:19:44,674 -What are the ladders for? 485 00:19:44,714 --> 00:19:46,434 -I need, like, a tarp or a sheet. 486 00:19:46,474 --> 00:19:48,274 -OK, I'm gonna pack it in wigs. 487 00:19:50,114 --> 00:19:51,194 One wig. 488 00:19:52,794 --> 00:19:53,874 Brian May wig. 489 00:19:58,154 --> 00:19:59,354 -Oh, shoot. 490 00:20:00,434 --> 00:20:02,514 -Here we go. -OK, I've had a rethink. 491 00:20:02,554 --> 00:20:03,834 Here's the egg. 492 00:20:03,874 --> 00:20:05,434 -There'll the leftover wigs. 493 00:20:05,474 --> 00:20:07,074 -Good luck, Egg. 494 00:20:07,114 --> 00:20:08,554 -Preparing to launch. 495 00:20:08,594 --> 00:20:09,994 -I'm in position. 496 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:11,434 -You're not gonna hold the pole? 497 00:20:11,474 --> 00:20:13,594 -No, I'm going to raw dog it. 498 00:20:13,634 --> 00:20:15,474 -Three. Two. 499 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:16,554 One. 500 00:20:20,394 --> 00:20:22,914 -Oh! I didn't even move! 501 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:29,554 -Well, it was a terrible catch. 502 00:20:29,594 --> 00:20:31,434 -Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! 503 00:20:31,474 --> 00:20:33,074 -It's the moment of truth. 504 00:20:33,114 --> 00:20:35,074 -Come on, baby, come on, baby, where are you? 505 00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:39,554 (MAKES CHICKEN SOUNDS) 506 00:20:40,914 --> 00:20:42,674 -Zero damage to the egg. 507 00:20:42,714 --> 00:20:44,234 The egg is un-cracked. 508 00:20:46,714 --> 00:20:49,714 (APPLAUSE) 509 00:20:53,314 --> 00:20:54,994 That was a good catch. -Thanks. 510 00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:57,594 -Why did you need to wear a wig underneath your helmet? 511 00:20:57,634 --> 00:20:59,194 -You look psychotic. 512 00:20:59,234 --> 00:21:00,714 (LAUGHTER) 513 00:21:00,754 --> 00:21:02,874 -I just had a few leftover wigs and just 514 00:21:02,914 --> 00:21:04,954 giving it a little bit of extra spice. 515 00:21:04,994 --> 00:21:06,034 -Bit of that! 516 00:21:06,074 --> 00:21:07,714 -Tom, you seem very impressed 517 00:21:07,754 --> 00:21:10,154 that Paul here could operate a catapult. 518 00:21:10,194 --> 00:21:12,754 -I mean, it's not a skill that you need in everyday life, is it? 519 00:21:12,794 --> 00:21:17,274 -I grew up in a really rough slash medieval neighbourhood. 520 00:21:17,314 --> 00:21:19,514 -I'm so sorry. I didn't realise that. 521 00:21:19,554 --> 00:21:21,274 So, there we go. That's where the skill comes from. 522 00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:23,074 -So many sieges. -Yeah. 523 00:21:23,114 --> 00:21:24,274 (LAUGHTER) 524 00:21:24,314 --> 00:21:27,634 There is more egg catapulting to come after the break. 525 00:21:27,674 --> 00:21:31,194 But first, a quick little check-in on Ben Hurley, 526 00:21:31,234 --> 00:21:33,714 living his life to the fullest with a frisbee. 527 00:21:35,954 --> 00:21:36,994 -I'm not very good at Frisbee. 528 00:21:37,034 --> 00:21:38,874 -Keep living life to the fullest, please. 529 00:21:38,914 --> 00:21:41,954 -OK. For an hour? 530 00:21:41,994 --> 00:21:43,634 Oh, I'm so enjoying this! 531 00:21:43,674 --> 00:21:46,634 (THEME MUSIC) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 532 00:21:47,834 --> 00:21:50,754 (THEME MUSIC) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 533 00:21:51,994 --> 00:21:53,474 -Are you living life to the fullest? -Yeah. 534 00:21:56,834 --> 00:21:57,874 I dropped it. 535 00:21:57,914 --> 00:21:59,154 -I'll get it. -Thanks. 536 00:21:59,194 --> 00:22:02,194 (APPLAUSE) 537 00:22:03,594 --> 00:22:06,834 (LANGUAGE UNKNOWN TO CAPTIONER) Welcome back to the Taskmaster. 538 00:22:06,874 --> 00:22:09,394 Paul, please give us a recap of where we were. 539 00:22:09,434 --> 00:22:11,754 -Our contestants are trying to protect an egg 540 00:22:11,794 --> 00:22:14,154 that's being launched from a giant catapult. 541 00:22:14,194 --> 00:22:16,154 -Alright, who's next with the eggs then, Paul? 542 00:22:16,194 --> 00:22:18,594 -You think an egg is gonna scare these guys? 543 00:22:18,634 --> 00:22:21,194 These guys eat eggs for breakfast. 544 00:22:21,234 --> 00:22:23,394 It's Hayley and Tofinga. 545 00:22:23,434 --> 00:22:25,274 -Need rope or string to add too that... 546 00:22:25,314 --> 00:22:27,714 -I can go get rope if you want. -Can you? 547 00:22:27,754 --> 00:22:30,034 -I'm gonna put the egg in here. 548 00:22:30,074 --> 00:22:31,074 -OK. 549 00:22:31,114 --> 00:22:33,514 -If you touch it, I will murder you. 550 00:22:33,554 --> 00:22:34,554 -OK. 551 00:22:34,594 --> 00:22:36,594 -Gonna grab a few things. 552 00:22:36,634 --> 00:22:39,914 -Isa! Thank you, Paul. 553 00:22:44,034 --> 00:22:45,754 -I don't respond well to threats. 554 00:22:45,794 --> 00:22:47,234 -You good at doing knots? 555 00:22:47,274 --> 00:22:48,594 -Not at all. 556 00:22:48,634 --> 00:22:50,354 -Not at all. 557 00:22:51,554 --> 00:22:53,314 -Good luck. 558 00:22:53,354 --> 00:22:55,634 -We ready to go? -We ready to go, brother. 559 00:22:56,754 --> 00:22:59,714 -Oh! That wasn't good. 560 00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:02,114 -Have you fired anything else from your catapult? 561 00:23:02,154 --> 00:23:03,754 -Just eggs. 562 00:23:03,794 --> 00:23:04,834 -Have you tried kids? 563 00:23:07,674 --> 00:23:08,714 -Let's go. 564 00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:10,674 -What about small dogs and that, ay? 565 00:23:10,714 --> 00:23:12,354 -This baby ain't getting smashed. 566 00:23:12,394 --> 00:23:14,394 -OK. You ready? -Yep. 567 00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:17,034 -Three, go egg! Two. One. 568 00:23:17,074 --> 00:23:20,074 (PLAYFUL MUSIC) 569 00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:25,514 -Cool. 570 00:23:25,554 --> 00:23:26,594 -Go! 571 00:23:29,154 --> 00:23:30,714 -Far, you would have lost the war by now. 572 00:23:30,754 --> 00:23:31,874 Whoa! 573 00:23:32,954 --> 00:23:34,754 What a stink catapult, man. 574 00:23:34,794 --> 00:23:37,114 Only went, like, 10m. 575 00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:40,994 -Hayley's egg is unbroken. The egg is intact. 576 00:23:41,034 --> 00:23:42,874 -The egg is intact. 577 00:23:42,914 --> 00:23:43,914 -Enjoy your egg. 578 00:23:43,954 --> 00:23:44,994 -Thank you, Hayley. 579 00:23:45,034 --> 00:23:47,154 -Are you gonna poach, fry, or scramble? 580 00:23:47,194 --> 00:23:48,514 -I go raw. 581 00:23:48,554 --> 00:23:49,714 -Like a real man. 582 00:23:52,634 --> 00:23:55,634 (APPLAUSE) 583 00:23:57,954 --> 00:24:00,154 Oh, Paul! 584 00:24:00,194 --> 00:24:02,634 I've talked to you about eating raw eggs before. 585 00:24:02,674 --> 00:24:04,594 This is not the first time you've done that. 586 00:24:04,634 --> 00:24:05,674 -I love eggs. 587 00:24:05,714 --> 00:24:07,434 (LAUGHTER) 588 00:24:07,474 --> 00:24:09,474 I'll tell you what Tofinga had an interesting idea, 589 00:24:09,514 --> 00:24:10,554 didn't he, Josh? 590 00:24:10,594 --> 00:24:12,714 Where he was saying, you know, why wouldn't you use this catapult 591 00:24:12,754 --> 00:24:14,354 to catapult babies, small children? 592 00:24:14,394 --> 00:24:15,474 -Kids, small dogs. 593 00:24:15,514 --> 00:24:16,514 Yup, branch out. -Yeah, small dogs. 594 00:24:16,554 --> 00:24:19,674 -I mean, again, like a poor craftsman blames his tools. 595 00:24:19,714 --> 00:24:20,834 I don't want to have a go at Paul. 596 00:24:20,874 --> 00:24:22,794 But it might be unfair to penalise Tofinga for, 597 00:24:22,834 --> 00:24:25,994 um, Paul's lack of back strength. 598 00:24:26,034 --> 00:24:31,274 -Can I say a good craftsman congratulates his tools. 599 00:24:31,314 --> 00:24:32,434 Shout out to the catapult. 600 00:24:33,754 --> 00:24:35,954 -Yeah, actually, I think you're a marvellous tool. 601 00:24:35,994 --> 00:24:38,514 (LAUGHTER) 602 00:24:38,554 --> 00:24:41,834 Haley, how do you feel knowing that Paul touched your egg? 603 00:24:41,874 --> 00:24:43,274 You said that you were gonna murder him. 604 00:24:43,314 --> 00:24:45,034 -Yeah, that's the plan. 605 00:24:45,074 --> 00:24:48,434 Obviously, I'll wait for the rest of the episodes, 606 00:24:48,474 --> 00:24:51,154 but after that, yeah, you're dead meat. 607 00:24:51,194 --> 00:24:56,354 -So, that's four comedians down and four completely unscathed eggs. 608 00:24:56,394 --> 00:25:00,154 We could be on the track for the first ever five points 609 00:25:00,194 --> 00:25:01,794 to everybody here on the panel. 610 00:25:03,274 --> 00:25:05,834 (LAUGHTER) 611 00:25:05,874 --> 00:25:08,234 -Lastly, it's Abby Howells. 612 00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:09,794 -OK. 613 00:25:09,834 --> 00:25:11,274 I found some jeans. 614 00:25:11,314 --> 00:25:13,554 And then, I have some nice soft fabric. 615 00:25:13,594 --> 00:25:14,954 Soft, soft, soft. 616 00:25:16,994 --> 00:25:18,154 -Do you want scissors? 617 00:25:18,194 --> 00:25:19,274 -Yeah. 618 00:25:21,394 --> 00:25:24,394 (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC) 619 00:25:27,634 --> 00:25:29,634 (LAUGHTER) 620 00:25:30,954 --> 00:25:32,234 -Oh. Thank you! 621 00:25:32,274 --> 00:25:35,154 (PLAYFUL MUSIC) 622 00:25:35,194 --> 00:25:36,834 -Ready. 623 00:25:36,874 --> 00:25:39,114 Come on, jeans. Three. 624 00:25:39,154 --> 00:25:40,914 Two. One. 625 00:25:43,514 --> 00:25:45,034 Wow! 626 00:25:45,074 --> 00:25:46,274 Sounded soft... 627 00:25:46,314 --> 00:25:47,794 Let's go have the geese! 628 00:25:50,714 --> 00:25:52,874 It was a decoy! 629 00:25:52,914 --> 00:25:55,034 (LAUGHS) 630 00:25:55,074 --> 00:25:57,594 -Five seasons of Taskmaster... 631 00:25:57,634 --> 00:26:00,194 Never been so humiliated. 632 00:26:00,234 --> 00:26:03,274 -I think you'll find it's in pristine condition. 633 00:26:03,314 --> 00:26:04,554 -What'd the task say? 634 00:26:07,274 --> 00:26:09,914 -Don't do this. Please. 635 00:26:09,954 --> 00:26:11,794 Paul, no! 636 00:26:11,834 --> 00:26:13,754 -This brings me no joy. 637 00:26:13,794 --> 00:26:15,554 -Paul, you don't have to do this! 638 00:26:15,594 --> 00:26:17,914 (SAD MUSIC) 639 00:26:17,954 --> 00:26:19,074 -Watch it, please. 640 00:26:19,114 --> 00:26:21,114 (LAUGHTER) 641 00:26:27,514 --> 00:26:29,154 -Our trust... -Yeah. 642 00:26:29,194 --> 00:26:30,994 -..is like the shell of this egg. 643 00:26:32,594 --> 00:26:34,314 -Over here and over here. 644 00:26:34,354 --> 00:26:36,954 -And-and broken. Completely shattered. 645 00:26:36,994 --> 00:26:38,194 -Broken... 646 00:26:38,234 --> 00:26:40,834 (APPLAUSE) 647 00:26:40,874 --> 00:26:42,274 -Abby! 648 00:26:42,314 --> 00:26:44,874 -Oh, Abby, Abby, Abby. 649 00:26:44,914 --> 00:26:46,394 Although, I thought was a bit psychotic 650 00:26:46,434 --> 00:26:49,154 of you to make her watch as you obliterated, eh! 651 00:26:50,354 --> 00:26:52,354 -I was upset. 652 00:26:52,394 --> 00:26:53,434 -When I was standing there. 653 00:26:53,474 --> 00:26:55,914 I was, like, on top of the world right now. 654 00:26:55,954 --> 00:26:57,394 I can't wait to see him look at it. 655 00:26:57,434 --> 00:26:59,514 I've tricked him and Jeremy's gonna be like, "Yes! 656 00:26:59,554 --> 00:27:00,874 You bamboozled Paul, good one Abby!" 657 00:27:00,914 --> 00:27:03,354 If everyone stands up, "Oh, she's bloody done it!" 658 00:27:03,394 --> 00:27:06,314 Let me change chairs with you, Abby, you're the Taskmaster! 659 00:27:06,354 --> 00:27:07,634 (LAUGHTER) 660 00:27:07,674 --> 00:27:09,314 -And then we get to go and spoil it all 661 00:27:09,354 --> 00:27:10,794 and say something stupid like, 662 00:27:10,834 --> 00:27:12,194 "Let me catapult your egg." 663 00:27:12,234 --> 00:27:16,034 -If you just put the egg in the thing that you made, 664 00:27:16,074 --> 00:27:19,274 I mean, you would have got... 665 00:27:19,314 --> 00:27:20,954 -But where's the showbiz? 666 00:27:20,994 --> 00:27:22,514 Where's the prestige? 667 00:27:23,834 --> 00:27:25,794 -So, how do you wanna score this? 668 00:27:25,834 --> 00:27:27,674 -OK, well... -Jeremy! 669 00:27:27,714 --> 00:27:30,354 -I know, look, I'm sorry, but I can only give you one. 670 00:27:30,394 --> 00:27:31,554 I can't give you any more than that. 671 00:27:31,594 --> 00:27:32,914 I mean, you're lucky to get one, to be honest. 672 00:27:32,954 --> 00:27:34,794 I should probably give you zero. -I am lucky to get one, frankly. 673 00:27:34,834 --> 00:27:37,114 Judas got 30 pieces of silver. 674 00:27:37,154 --> 00:27:39,154 (LAUGHTER) 675 00:27:41,514 --> 00:27:42,794 -How many for everyone else? 676 00:27:42,834 --> 00:27:47,674 -Well, I think everyone else gets four other than Ben Hurley 677 00:27:47,714 --> 00:27:48,834 who caught his... 678 00:27:48,874 --> 00:27:49,914 -Yes! -OK. 679 00:27:49,954 --> 00:27:51,034 -I thought that was a great show of skill, 680 00:27:51,074 --> 00:27:52,154 so, I'll give him five for that. 681 00:27:52,194 --> 00:27:53,914 -OK. 682 00:27:53,954 --> 00:27:55,474 -I'll take that. 683 00:27:55,514 --> 00:27:58,114 -Alright, Paul, load another task up for us. 684 00:27:58,154 --> 00:28:00,434 -New task. New me. 685 00:28:00,474 --> 00:28:03,474 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 686 00:28:16,514 --> 00:28:18,194 -Hello, Ben. -Festive. 687 00:28:18,234 --> 00:28:20,354 -Happy New Year, Paul. -Happy New Year. 688 00:28:20,394 --> 00:28:23,394 -Happy New Year! -Happy birthday. 689 00:28:23,434 --> 00:28:25,954 Happy New Year. -My man! 690 00:28:25,994 --> 00:28:27,754 -My man. -How was your year? 691 00:28:27,794 --> 00:28:29,994 -Really hard. -Oh! Another one. 692 00:28:30,034 --> 00:28:32,914 What can we do? -I need some money. 693 00:28:32,954 --> 00:28:34,474 -I really can't help you there. 694 00:28:34,514 --> 00:28:36,194 -Um, alright. Here we go. 695 00:28:36,234 --> 00:28:38,634 -"Ring in the new year in style." 696 00:28:38,674 --> 00:28:41,674 -"Your New Year's celebration must have a dance." 697 00:28:41,714 --> 00:28:45,594 -"A kiss..." -"..a drink and a resolution." 698 00:28:45,634 --> 00:28:48,274 "You have 45 seconds to ring in the New Year." 699 00:28:48,314 --> 00:28:52,674 -"Your five-minute countdown to the New Year starts now." 700 00:28:52,714 --> 00:28:54,554 -Oh, god! I hate New Years. 701 00:28:54,594 --> 00:28:56,234 Since, this is like my nightmare. 702 00:28:56,274 --> 00:28:57,474 It's being stuck in this. 703 00:28:57,514 --> 00:28:59,514 (APPLAUSE) 704 00:29:01,194 --> 00:29:02,794 Ben, you don't like New Years? 705 00:29:02,834 --> 00:29:04,674 -Hate New Years eve. -Why? 706 00:29:04,714 --> 00:29:08,314 -It's like, "Oh, tonight we're staying up to midnight!" 707 00:29:09,594 --> 00:29:12,034 -You know what I hate? 708 00:29:12,074 --> 00:29:13,834 And everyone looks you in the eye. 709 00:29:13,874 --> 00:29:15,074 (LAUGHS) -Yeah. 710 00:29:15,114 --> 00:29:16,354 -Auld lang syne. -Auld lang syne. 711 00:29:16,394 --> 00:29:19,514 And, they're all like, "Look at me!" And I'm like, "I'd rather perish." 712 00:29:19,554 --> 00:29:20,634 -What's this? 713 00:29:20,674 --> 00:29:21,794 -You don't know about auld lang syne? 714 00:29:21,834 --> 00:29:23,714 -I didn't know what this was! (CROSSTALK) 715 00:29:23,754 --> 00:29:25,314 Yeah, I thought that was Gangnam Style. 716 00:29:25,354 --> 00:29:27,394 (LAUGHTER) 717 00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:29,274 -Now, this is actually Heyley in a throuple. 718 00:29:29,314 --> 00:29:30,394 -Hey! 719 00:29:30,434 --> 00:29:32,434 (LAUGHTER) 720 00:29:36,394 --> 00:29:37,474 -Come on then. Come on. 721 00:29:37,514 --> 00:29:39,354 -OK, sorry. 722 00:29:39,394 --> 00:29:42,434 Unlike you, Ben, I love a New Year party. 723 00:29:42,474 --> 00:29:45,114 Show me some New Year ringing inning, please, Paul. 724 00:29:45,154 --> 00:29:48,194 -You know them from Taskmaster New Zealand season five. 725 00:29:48,234 --> 00:29:51,474 Here's Abby, Ben, Hayley, Tofinga and Tom. 726 00:29:51,514 --> 00:29:53,194 -A drink. OK. What's this? 727 00:29:54,274 --> 00:29:55,714 -We got a drink here. 728 00:29:55,754 --> 00:29:57,234 -Its party popper. -That's a party popper. 729 00:29:57,274 --> 00:29:58,394 -I mean, you could drink that, 730 00:29:58,434 --> 00:30:00,274 but it would be small bits of paper. 731 00:30:00,314 --> 00:30:03,314 -It's just water. So, I guess not the most festive. 732 00:30:03,354 --> 00:30:05,874 I'll make it festive. Alright. 733 00:30:05,914 --> 00:30:08,314 (LAUGHTER) 734 00:30:08,354 --> 00:30:09,674 -A mysterious green liquid? 735 00:30:09,714 --> 00:30:11,394 -A mysterious green liquid. 736 00:30:11,434 --> 00:30:16,114 -I, sort of, want you to be like, a stripper on the table. 737 00:30:16,154 --> 00:30:17,154 (LAUGHTER) 738 00:30:17,194 --> 00:30:19,594 -Is there some phrase about kissing one of these guys? 739 00:30:19,634 --> 00:30:22,394 -Kiss a croc, avoid the dock is what my mum used to say. 740 00:30:23,514 --> 00:30:24,914 -Yeah. Still got it. 741 00:30:24,954 --> 00:30:26,874 -Why do you know the dance from Cats? 742 00:30:26,914 --> 00:30:28,554 -I used to do it every day in my bedroom 743 00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:30,114 when I was a little kid. 744 00:30:30,154 --> 00:30:32,394 And I thought, one day the bullies will see me doing this 745 00:30:32,434 --> 00:30:33,674 and they'll think I'm cool. 746 00:30:33,714 --> 00:30:34,954 -There is a thimble. 747 00:30:34,994 --> 00:30:36,594 And that's what a kiss is in Peter Pan. 748 00:30:36,634 --> 00:30:38,594 -Ten seconds. -Nine. 749 00:30:38,634 --> 00:30:42,234 -Eight. Seven. Six. Five. 750 00:30:42,274 --> 00:30:46,114 Four. Three. Two. One. 751 00:30:46,154 --> 00:30:48,514 -Happy New Year! 752 00:30:48,554 --> 00:30:50,274 -Happy New Year! 753 00:30:50,314 --> 00:30:51,954 -I'm gonna do that flossing the kids are doing, 754 00:30:51,994 --> 00:30:53,074 'cause I'm really good at that. 755 00:30:53,114 --> 00:30:54,954 Whoo! 756 00:30:54,994 --> 00:30:56,354 -I don't know what it is. 757 00:30:56,394 --> 00:30:57,514 -Here's your kiss! 758 00:30:57,554 --> 00:30:59,114 -Happy New Year, Cassandra. 759 00:30:59,154 --> 00:31:00,674 (SMOOCHES HIS HANDS) -A kiss! 760 00:31:00,714 --> 00:31:02,514 -A kiss to everyone! 761 00:31:02,554 --> 00:31:04,234 -Oh, my god! The strippers here! 762 00:31:04,274 --> 00:31:07,074 Ahh! Don't do that. Don't do that! 763 00:31:07,114 --> 00:31:09,114 (LAUGHTER) 764 00:31:12,754 --> 00:31:13,914 -You got 20 seconds. 765 00:31:13,954 --> 00:31:16,874 -My New Year's resolution. 766 00:31:16,914 --> 00:31:18,914 -Kiss drink, resolution. 767 00:31:18,954 --> 00:31:20,634 -I'm done. 768 00:31:20,674 --> 00:31:22,954 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 769 00:31:22,994 --> 00:31:25,074 -Oh, my god, you're amazing! 770 00:31:25,114 --> 00:31:26,914 Where are you going, party boy? 771 00:31:26,954 --> 00:31:28,994 -Just to get my whistle. 772 00:31:29,034 --> 00:31:30,554 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 773 00:31:32,194 --> 00:31:33,274 -Was that after the whistle? 774 00:31:33,314 --> 00:31:34,354 -No. 775 00:31:34,394 --> 00:31:36,194 (LAUGHTER) 776 00:31:36,234 --> 00:31:38,114 -Uh-oh. What's this? 777 00:31:38,154 --> 00:31:40,194 -It's another one? -Yeah. 778 00:31:40,234 --> 00:31:41,474 -Oh, gosh! 779 00:31:45,594 --> 00:31:46,754 -Perfect. 780 00:31:46,794 --> 00:31:48,034 -"Happy New Year!" 781 00:31:48,074 --> 00:31:49,714 -"Complete your New Year's resolution." 782 00:31:49,754 --> 00:31:51,634 -"Most complete resolution wins." 783 00:31:51,674 --> 00:31:53,874 -"You have 15 minutes." 784 00:31:53,914 --> 00:31:55,554 -"Your time starts now." What? 785 00:31:55,594 --> 00:31:56,634 (APPLAUSE) 786 00:31:59,474 --> 00:32:02,594 Tom, you made a beeline straight for that mysterious green liquid. 787 00:32:02,634 --> 00:32:04,514 -I know I haven't been the same since. 788 00:32:04,554 --> 00:32:06,194 (LAUGHTER) 789 00:32:06,234 --> 00:32:07,794 Abby, did you ever get a chance 790 00:32:07,834 --> 00:32:10,154 to prove those bullies wrong by showing off 791 00:32:10,194 --> 00:32:12,114 your skills in musical theatre? 792 00:32:12,154 --> 00:32:13,554 -I think I just did, Jeremy. 793 00:32:14,914 --> 00:32:16,234 Yeah, where are those bullies now? 794 00:32:16,274 --> 00:32:18,634 They're doctors and lawyers. 795 00:32:18,674 --> 00:32:21,674 -This-this show does rate very well with bullies. 796 00:32:21,714 --> 00:32:24,674 -Yup, it's literally based on bullying. 797 00:32:24,714 --> 00:32:25,794 -Yeah. 798 00:32:25,834 --> 00:32:29,074 Well, Heyley's was basically based on sexual harassment. 799 00:32:30,474 --> 00:32:32,754 -Is it traditional to have a stripper at New Year? 800 00:32:32,794 --> 00:32:35,034 (LAUGHTER) 801 00:32:35,074 --> 00:32:36,874 -What, you've never heard of a stripper 802 00:32:36,914 --> 00:32:38,514 for a New Year's party? 803 00:32:38,554 --> 00:32:39,634 -That's like a bachelor... 804 00:32:39,674 --> 00:32:41,114 -You're such a square, Ben! 805 00:32:42,874 --> 00:32:45,594 -My New Year's resolution? Watch more ads. 806 00:32:45,634 --> 00:32:49,434 More Taskmaster after some ads and four seconds 807 00:32:49,474 --> 00:32:52,594 of Ben Hurley having fun with a Frisbee. 808 00:32:52,634 --> 00:32:54,594 (APPLAUSE) 809 00:32:54,634 --> 00:32:56,634 (THEME MUSIC) 810 00:33:02,514 --> 00:33:04,474 -Are you living life to the fullest? -Yup. 811 00:33:04,514 --> 00:33:06,514 -Well, you seem sound disappointed. 812 00:33:06,554 --> 00:33:08,394 (BLOWS RASPBERRY) -I don't know why you thought that. 813 00:33:08,434 --> 00:33:10,434 (APPLAUSE) 814 00:33:11,914 --> 00:33:12,994 (LANGUAGE UNKNOWN TO CAPTIONER) 815 00:33:13,034 --> 00:33:14,434 Welcome back to Taskmaster, 816 00:33:14,474 --> 00:33:16,874 where we're about to learn which New Zealand comedians 817 00:33:16,914 --> 00:33:19,994 can come up with proper New Year's resolutions, 818 00:33:20,034 --> 00:33:22,394 and which comedians just do joke ones 819 00:33:22,434 --> 00:33:25,274 because they refuse to look inwards 820 00:33:25,314 --> 00:33:28,234 for fear of what they might find there. 821 00:33:28,274 --> 00:33:29,674 Is that about right, Paul? -That's right. 822 00:33:29,714 --> 00:33:32,834 Our contestants were tasked with making a New Year's resolution, 823 00:33:32,874 --> 00:33:35,274 and then completing it within 15 minutes. 824 00:33:35,314 --> 00:33:38,834 First up Abby New Year. This year's Ben good. 825 00:33:38,874 --> 00:33:40,114 It's Abby and Ben. 826 00:33:41,314 --> 00:33:43,634 -So, my resolutions were be kind to myself. 827 00:33:43,674 --> 00:33:48,074 Party hard, party fresh, and no scrubs. 828 00:33:48,114 --> 00:33:49,394 -What does no scrubs mean? 829 00:33:49,434 --> 00:33:51,074 -It means, no bad boys. 830 00:33:51,114 --> 00:33:52,514 -What was your resolution? 831 00:33:52,554 --> 00:33:53,874 -Never to do New Years again. 832 00:33:53,914 --> 00:33:56,114 -So, you got any New Year's plans this year? 833 00:33:56,154 --> 00:33:57,394 -No. 834 00:33:57,434 --> 00:33:59,074 -Good answer. -Nice try. 835 00:33:59,114 --> 00:34:01,954 -OK, this is me being kind to myself. I like your haircut. 836 00:34:01,994 --> 00:34:03,434 You tried something new with the fringe. 837 00:34:03,474 --> 00:34:04,594 It didn't work. 838 00:34:04,634 --> 00:34:06,394 And you grow it out, and that's fine. 839 00:34:06,434 --> 00:34:08,034 -We're gonna do anti-New Year. 840 00:34:09,394 --> 00:34:10,794 -Is that...you kinda sucked that back in? 841 00:34:10,834 --> 00:34:11,914 -Yeah. I've sucked it back. 842 00:34:11,954 --> 00:34:14,274 -Alright, Paul. It's time to party hard. 843 00:34:14,314 --> 00:34:18,274 Whoo! Whoa! Whoo! 844 00:34:18,314 --> 00:34:19,714 -And the opposite of dancing? 845 00:34:19,754 --> 00:34:22,314 -Standing against the wall like that song. 846 00:34:22,354 --> 00:34:23,994 I'm just gonna lean against Jeremy here. 847 00:34:25,714 --> 00:34:28,874 -Now, it's time to party fresh in the fresh air. 848 00:34:28,914 --> 00:34:30,234 -Do you want to go to a music festival? 849 00:34:30,274 --> 00:34:33,994 -No, thanks. Anti-New Year! 850 00:34:34,034 --> 00:34:38,514 -Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! 851 00:34:38,554 --> 00:34:40,394 -Welcome to the January 1. 852 00:34:40,434 --> 00:34:41,994 Just like any other day. 853 00:34:43,954 --> 00:34:45,194 -You're gonna walk backwards. 854 00:34:45,234 --> 00:34:46,914 -Oh, I don't have to do everything opposite do I? 855 00:34:46,954 --> 00:34:48,434 -Thank you, Ben. -Thanks, Paul! 856 00:34:48,474 --> 00:34:50,474 -Happy New Year. -No! No! 857 00:34:50,514 --> 00:34:52,514 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 858 00:34:54,594 --> 00:34:55,674 -Hey, Baby. 859 00:34:55,714 --> 00:34:57,674 -Hey. Are you respectful? 860 00:34:57,714 --> 00:35:00,634 -No. -Then get out of here, Scrub. 861 00:35:00,674 --> 00:35:02,634 (LAUGHTER) 862 00:35:02,674 --> 00:35:04,674 (APPLAUSE) 863 00:35:06,874 --> 00:35:08,514 Abby, I think it was nice 864 00:35:08,554 --> 00:35:10,874 that you forgave yourself for that brief foray 865 00:35:10,914 --> 00:35:12,594 that you had obviously, into fringes. 866 00:35:12,634 --> 00:35:14,594 -It's-it's always a mistake, OK? 867 00:35:14,634 --> 00:35:16,234 -It's always a mistake. Don't do it. 868 00:35:16,274 --> 00:35:17,754 -Yeah, but, you know, 869 00:35:17,794 --> 00:35:19,794 it's good to party hard and party fresh as well. 870 00:35:19,834 --> 00:35:21,914 -Yeah, well, you actually have quite a few resolutions. 871 00:35:21,954 --> 00:35:23,034 -I did. 872 00:35:23,074 --> 00:35:24,954 Everyone was like, "Whoa, how's she gonna do this?" 873 00:35:24,994 --> 00:35:26,834 Don't worry, baby's got it covered. 874 00:35:26,874 --> 00:35:28,034 -Yeah. 875 00:35:28,074 --> 00:35:30,954 Whereas, Ben, how are you gonna do nothing really? 876 00:35:30,994 --> 00:35:32,434 -I'm just not gonna do New Year. 877 00:35:32,474 --> 00:35:33,994 I don't like organised fun. 878 00:35:34,034 --> 00:35:35,634 (LAUGHTER) 879 00:35:35,674 --> 00:35:37,514 What do you call this? 880 00:35:37,554 --> 00:35:39,074 -Um, my job. 881 00:35:39,114 --> 00:35:40,834 (LAUGHTER) 882 00:35:40,874 --> 00:35:41,954 -That's fair. 883 00:35:41,994 --> 00:35:45,154 -Alright, let's see some more New Year's resolution resolving. 884 00:35:45,194 --> 00:35:47,354 -These guys are dynamite. 885 00:35:47,394 --> 00:35:50,074 It's TNT, Tom and Tofiga. 886 00:35:50,114 --> 00:35:51,234 And what's your resolution? 887 00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:52,834 -Continue to spread the love. 888 00:35:52,874 --> 00:35:55,674 -My New Year's resolution is to end my relationship 889 00:35:55,714 --> 00:35:57,034 with Cassandra the croc. 890 00:35:57,074 --> 00:35:59,994 -How else can I share love with you, Paul? 891 00:36:00,034 --> 00:36:02,394 -Uh... -Want me to read your story? 892 00:36:02,434 --> 00:36:04,794 -Cassandra? I think you know what I'm gonna say. 893 00:36:04,834 --> 00:36:07,394 I know you've probably been feeling it too. 894 00:36:07,434 --> 00:36:12,074 I can't see whatever this is going much further. 895 00:36:12,114 --> 00:36:15,194 It's not you, it's me and I wish all the best for you, 896 00:36:15,234 --> 00:36:16,474 Cassandra. 897 00:36:18,394 --> 00:36:21,434 That was much harder than I thought it was gonna be, Paul. 898 00:36:21,474 --> 00:36:25,954 # Once upon a time, -There was this man 899 00:36:25,994 --> 00:36:30,154 # He had a dog And it was a German Shepherd 900 00:36:30,194 --> 00:36:34,474 # He took it for a walk down To the park 901 00:36:34,514 --> 00:36:38,394 # The man said, hey, no dogs allowed 902 00:36:38,434 --> 00:36:42,434 # why don't you read the sign? 903 00:36:42,474 --> 00:36:47,914 # The man said, I can read it, But my dog can't. # 904 00:36:47,954 --> 00:36:48,994 (LAUGHTER) 905 00:36:49,034 --> 00:36:51,434 -Then after that, they had hot dogs, 906 00:36:51,474 --> 00:36:54,554 'cause the dog was old and he just...died. 907 00:36:54,594 --> 00:36:56,074 And they just cut it up. 908 00:36:56,114 --> 00:36:57,434 -It's quite a sad ending. 909 00:36:57,474 --> 00:36:59,434 -He was sharing the love he shared with the man that said, 910 00:36:59,474 --> 00:37:00,674 "No dogs allowed!" 911 00:37:00,714 --> 00:37:02,114 -Oh. 912 00:37:02,154 --> 00:37:04,274 'Cause the cost -of living is expensive now, bro. 913 00:37:04,314 --> 00:37:07,354 You have a pet, best friend and then becomes, 914 00:37:07,394 --> 00:37:08,434 you know, a meal. 915 00:37:08,474 --> 00:37:10,034 Share a meal with your new friend. 916 00:37:10,074 --> 00:37:11,354 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 917 00:37:11,394 --> 00:37:14,474 (APPLAUSE) 918 00:37:14,514 --> 00:37:16,714 Tom, that was quite an intense breakup with Cassandra, 919 00:37:16,754 --> 00:37:18,674 considering you'd only been together for five minutes. 920 00:37:18,714 --> 00:37:21,394 -I know, and it wasn't a clean break either. 921 00:37:21,434 --> 00:37:23,434 -Yeah. So, Josh, 922 00:37:23,474 --> 00:37:25,074 Tofinga's idea of spreading the love... 923 00:37:25,114 --> 00:37:26,154 -Mm. 924 00:37:26,194 --> 00:37:30,074 -..was to write a song about taking a German Shepherd down to a park... 925 00:37:30,114 --> 00:37:31,154 -Yeah. 926 00:37:31,194 --> 00:37:33,474 -You then cut the German Shepherd up into bits. 927 00:37:33,514 --> 00:37:34,554 -Yup. 928 00:37:34,594 --> 00:37:35,674 -And then, eat it with the person 929 00:37:35,714 --> 00:37:37,474 who was complaining about you having the dog down at the park. 930 00:37:37,514 --> 00:37:40,394 -Yeah, yeah, it's kind of the ultimate burn. 931 00:37:40,434 --> 00:37:42,434 Oh, I can't bring my dog. Well, what if I eat it then? 932 00:37:42,474 --> 00:37:43,994 (LAUGHTER) 933 00:37:45,434 --> 00:37:47,314 Yeah. Beautiful. 934 00:37:47,354 --> 00:37:50,954 Now, well, Paul, we must have one New Year's resolution to go. 935 00:37:50,994 --> 00:37:52,394 She loves marching, 936 00:37:52,434 --> 00:37:55,674 but does she love Dismembering and Januarying? 937 00:37:55,714 --> 00:37:57,794 It's Heyley. 938 00:37:57,834 --> 00:38:00,154 -Make Paul rich. 939 00:38:00,194 --> 00:38:02,114 We need something we can do in 15 minutes to make you rich? 940 00:38:02,154 --> 00:38:03,554 Why don't we blackmail someone? 941 00:38:03,594 --> 00:38:05,154 -Who? -Ursula Carlson. 942 00:38:05,194 --> 00:38:06,314 She's got a bit of money. 943 00:38:06,354 --> 00:38:07,754 I've got quite damning photos of her. 944 00:38:07,794 --> 00:38:09,834 -What are they? -Photos of her kissing women. 945 00:38:09,874 --> 00:38:11,434 -How have you got so many photos of her? 946 00:38:11,474 --> 00:38:13,674 -Don't ask. Ursula Carlson. 947 00:38:13,714 --> 00:38:15,874 I have pictures of your feet. 948 00:38:15,914 --> 00:38:18,474 And I have pictures of you kissing women 949 00:38:18,514 --> 00:38:20,074 that nobody knows about. 950 00:38:20,114 --> 00:38:21,234 How much did you want? 951 00:38:21,274 --> 00:38:22,274 -$20. 952 00:38:22,314 --> 00:38:26,954 -I will release these to the media unless you transfer to me $20. 953 00:38:26,994 --> 00:38:29,354 You've got... -10 minutes and 16 seconds. 954 00:38:29,394 --> 00:38:31,994 -10 minutes and 16 seconds! 955 00:38:32,034 --> 00:38:34,234 Oh, OK. She's replied... 956 00:38:34,274 --> 00:38:35,674 -Well, well, well. 957 00:38:35,714 --> 00:38:38,754 Looks like someone needs some vagina pictures too. 958 00:38:38,794 --> 00:38:42,994 You've only got the feet. I've got so much more incoming. 959 00:38:43,034 --> 00:38:44,754 -Seems like she kind of wants to be blackmailed. 960 00:38:44,794 --> 00:38:46,394 -Yeah, I know. 961 00:38:46,434 --> 00:38:47,474 OK. 962 00:38:47,514 --> 00:38:50,194 She sent me a photo that looks quite rude, 963 00:38:50,234 --> 00:38:53,474 but I can tell that it's actually just her mouth on the side. 964 00:38:54,554 --> 00:38:56,594 Otherwise, I'm gonna be in quite a lot of trouble. 965 00:38:56,634 --> 00:38:58,794 -Yeah, she's not really grasping the blackmail, kind of... 966 00:38:58,834 --> 00:38:59,914 -Yeah. 967 00:38:59,954 --> 00:39:01,874 You have six minutes, Ursula, 968 00:39:01,914 --> 00:39:06,714 transfer me $20 or I'll...burn your house down! 969 00:39:06,754 --> 00:39:10,474 Oh, OK. She's sent a voice. 970 00:39:10,514 --> 00:39:12,834 -OK, OK, fine. I'm doing it. 971 00:39:12,874 --> 00:39:13,994 -OK. 972 00:39:14,034 --> 00:39:15,114 -And now... 973 00:39:15,154 --> 00:39:16,594 -We wait. 974 00:39:16,634 --> 00:39:18,074 -This is nerve-racking! 975 00:39:18,114 --> 00:39:20,474 -You got one minute. -I've got a dot, dot, dot. 976 00:39:20,514 --> 00:39:21,794 -25 seconds. 977 00:39:23,994 --> 00:39:26,074 -Heyley Sproull. $20. 978 00:39:26,114 --> 00:39:27,954 -She's paid the money. 979 00:39:27,994 --> 00:39:31,194 -You are rich. "Got ya!" I said. 980 00:39:31,234 --> 00:39:32,874 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 981 00:39:32,914 --> 00:39:34,914 (APPLAUSE) 982 00:39:36,634 --> 00:39:38,714 Why do you have these photos of Ursula kissing women? 983 00:39:38,754 --> 00:39:42,554 -Um... I would rather not say, um... 984 00:39:42,594 --> 00:39:43,714 we're very close. 985 00:39:43,754 --> 00:39:47,114 And so I have, sort of, throughout the years, 986 00:39:47,154 --> 00:39:49,114 quite a number of pictures of Ursula. 987 00:39:49,154 --> 00:39:51,954 -How many throuples are you running? 988 00:39:51,994 --> 00:39:54,514 -I've got so...I've got so many on the go, 989 00:39:54,554 --> 00:39:56,434 it's just everywhere. -OK. 990 00:39:56,474 --> 00:39:58,314 -I'm thinking Ben Hurley gets one point, 991 00:39:58,354 --> 00:40:02,474 because we're not gonna know whether or not your New Year's resolutions 992 00:40:02,514 --> 00:40:04,434 come true until this New Year. 993 00:40:04,474 --> 00:40:08,634 So, one point for you, I think two points for Tofinga. 994 00:40:08,674 --> 00:40:12,314 Eating the dog was just a bit intense for a 07:30 TV2 audience. 995 00:40:12,354 --> 00:40:14,794 -Yet, not doing New Year's is worse than murdering a dog. 996 00:40:14,834 --> 00:40:17,754 (LAUGHTER) 997 00:40:17,794 --> 00:40:18,874 Three points for you and Cassandra... 998 00:40:18,914 --> 00:40:19,914 -Yes! 999 00:40:19,954 --> 00:40:21,314 -..'cause I know that you're gonna go back 1000 00:40:21,354 --> 00:40:22,954 for sloppy seconds at some stage. 1001 00:40:22,994 --> 00:40:27,274 I think four points for Heyley because that was successful. 1002 00:40:27,314 --> 00:40:30,274 And I think five for Abby because you completed four 1003 00:40:30,314 --> 00:40:32,114 New Year's resolutions, which is impressive. 1004 00:40:32,154 --> 00:40:34,954 -Thank you, Jeremy. We're back, Baby! 1005 00:40:36,914 --> 00:40:38,754 -After the break, we'll do a live task 1006 00:40:38,794 --> 00:40:40,714 and find out the winner for this episode. 1007 00:40:40,754 --> 00:40:43,114 Don't miss it, or someone will spoil it 1008 00:40:43,154 --> 00:40:44,234 for you at work tomorrow. 1009 00:40:44,274 --> 00:40:45,634 We'll be back in just a moment. 1010 00:40:45,674 --> 00:40:47,874 (APPLAUSE) 1011 00:40:47,914 --> 00:40:49,114 -Keep living life to the fullest, please. 1012 00:40:49,154 --> 00:40:51,074 -Yeah, OK. 1013 00:40:51,114 --> 00:40:53,194 -Is that fun? -Yeah, it is kind of. 1014 00:40:53,234 --> 00:40:54,714 You get in a real rhythm. 1015 00:40:54,754 --> 00:40:56,714 (THEME MUSIC) 1016 00:40:56,754 --> 00:40:58,714 (APPLAUSE) 1017 00:40:58,754 --> 00:41:00,714 (THEME MUSIC) 1018 00:41:00,754 --> 00:41:03,954 -Oh, yes! 1019 00:41:03,994 --> 00:41:05,434 (APPLAUSE) 1020 00:41:05,474 --> 00:41:08,514 -Come on! -Welcome back to Taskmaster. 1021 00:41:08,554 --> 00:41:10,354 We're just about to find out who gets to go home 1022 00:41:10,394 --> 00:41:12,914 with a porn and train-based prize pack, 1023 00:41:12,954 --> 00:41:16,914 but first, may I have a score update, please, Paul. 1024 00:41:16,954 --> 00:41:18,154 -I have to ask first. 1025 00:41:18,194 --> 00:41:20,554 Is Ben getting any points for living life to the fullest 1026 00:41:20,594 --> 00:41:21,834 with a frisbee for an hour? 1027 00:41:22,914 --> 00:41:25,354 -I don't know whether Ben deserves a point for that, to be honest. 1028 00:41:25,394 --> 00:41:27,794 -Oh, my god! Not a single point? 1029 00:41:27,834 --> 00:41:29,554 -You were having a good time on the bike! 1030 00:41:29,594 --> 00:41:31,874 -The task was to live life to the fullest! 1031 00:41:31,914 --> 00:41:33,434 -We're helping you. 1032 00:41:33,474 --> 00:41:36,074 -I've never seen him angrier. 1033 00:41:36,114 --> 00:41:38,554 -And can I say when you're real angry, Ben, 1034 00:41:38,594 --> 00:41:41,314 something happens to your skin that just really glows. 1035 00:41:41,354 --> 00:41:42,514 (LAUGHTER) 1036 00:41:42,554 --> 00:41:44,274 -Hey, I don't know what moisturiser you're using, 1037 00:41:44,314 --> 00:41:45,354 but you look great. 1038 00:41:45,394 --> 00:41:46,554 -It's called seething. 1039 00:41:46,594 --> 00:41:48,554 (LAUGHTER) 1040 00:41:48,594 --> 00:41:51,514 Mate, look...OK, I'll give you a point. 1041 00:41:51,554 --> 00:41:52,754 Alright? 1042 00:41:52,794 --> 00:41:53,914 -In some ways its worse. 1043 00:41:53,954 --> 00:41:55,394 -Yeah. 1044 00:41:55,434 --> 00:41:57,274 -I'll take a point. -OK. 1045 00:41:57,314 --> 00:41:59,154 (APPLAUSE) 1046 00:41:59,194 --> 00:42:02,634 -So, the scores for episode five. 1047 00:42:02,674 --> 00:42:05,914 Out in front with 17 points, Heyley Sproull! 1048 00:42:05,954 --> 00:42:08,954 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 1049 00:42:08,994 --> 00:42:11,794 OK, everyone, you all know what to do. 1050 00:42:11,834 --> 00:42:14,754 Head on up to the stage for the final task. 1051 00:42:14,794 --> 00:42:16,754 (APPLAUSE) 1052 00:42:16,794 --> 00:42:19,114 (THEME MUSIC) 1053 00:42:19,154 --> 00:42:21,394 Can someone tell me what's going on up there, please? 1054 00:42:21,434 --> 00:42:23,554 -Abby, will you please read the task? 1055 00:42:23,594 --> 00:42:25,714 -It would be my honour. 1056 00:42:25,754 --> 00:42:28,314 "Pinch, protect or plunder. 1057 00:42:28,354 --> 00:42:30,074 If you choose to pinch, 1058 00:42:30,114 --> 00:42:33,834 you may pinch one point from the person you choose. 1059 00:42:33,874 --> 00:42:35,554 If you choose to plunder, 1060 00:42:35,594 --> 00:42:38,914 you may plunder all the points of the person you choose. 1061 00:42:38,954 --> 00:42:42,314 If you choose to protect, you cannot be plundered, 1062 00:42:42,354 --> 00:42:45,514 but you cannot protect from a pinch. 1063 00:42:45,554 --> 00:42:47,754 Most points wins." 1064 00:42:47,794 --> 00:42:49,034 -Let's get it, Cowboy. 1065 00:42:49,074 --> 00:42:50,394 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 1066 00:42:50,434 --> 00:42:52,594 -Round one, Abby. 1067 00:42:52,634 --> 00:42:54,914 -I will plunder Tom Sainsbury. 1068 00:42:57,954 --> 00:42:59,554 -Tom, are you protected? 1069 00:42:59,594 --> 00:43:02,194 -I'm not. I'm gonna Josh plunder. 1070 00:43:02,234 --> 00:43:03,554 -Whoo-hoo! 1071 00:43:03,594 --> 00:43:05,234 -Tom has been plundered. 1072 00:43:05,274 --> 00:43:09,674 -Give us his balls! -Three balls to Abby. 1073 00:43:09,714 --> 00:43:12,034 Josh, are you protected? 1074 00:43:12,074 --> 00:43:13,394 -I am pinching Abby. 1075 00:43:14,514 --> 00:43:17,354 -Three balls to Tom. 1076 00:43:17,394 --> 00:43:19,834 Josh, you are pinching from Abby. 1077 00:43:19,874 --> 00:43:21,114 One ball. 1078 00:43:22,434 --> 00:43:23,714 Gripping stuff. 1079 00:43:23,754 --> 00:43:25,674 (LAUGHTER) 1080 00:43:25,714 --> 00:43:26,954 -Ben Hurley. -Yes. 1081 00:43:26,994 --> 00:43:28,434 I'm gonna plunder Tom too. 1082 00:43:28,474 --> 00:43:30,394 (LAUGHTER) 1083 00:43:30,434 --> 00:43:32,354 -Heyley. -Protect. 1084 00:43:34,474 --> 00:43:37,114 -You're safe. -Lame! 1085 00:43:37,154 --> 00:43:39,514 -For round two, we're gonna start with Ben Hurley. 1086 00:43:39,554 --> 00:43:42,154 -I am going to protect. 1087 00:43:42,194 --> 00:43:43,994 -OK. Hayley Sproull. 1088 00:43:44,034 --> 00:43:46,674 -I would like to plunder Josh. 1089 00:43:46,714 --> 00:43:48,794 -Josh, reveal your board. 1090 00:43:48,834 --> 00:43:51,554 -I am pinching from Abby. 1091 00:43:51,594 --> 00:43:53,274 -You have been plundered. -God, damn it. 1092 00:43:53,314 --> 00:43:55,314 (LAUGHTER) 1093 00:43:58,074 --> 00:43:59,434 -Tom, reveal your board. 1094 00:43:59,474 --> 00:44:01,394 -I'm gonna plunder Heyley. 1095 00:44:01,434 --> 00:44:04,354 -It's a good haul. Abby. 1096 00:44:04,394 --> 00:44:05,994 -Plunder Ben! 1097 00:44:06,034 --> 00:44:09,074 (MAKES HORN SOUNDS) 1098 00:44:09,114 --> 00:44:10,714 -That is the end of round two. 1099 00:44:10,754 --> 00:44:12,754 (APPLAUSE) 1100 00:44:14,594 --> 00:44:16,594 -The final round with Heyley. 1101 00:44:16,634 --> 00:44:18,154 -I am a feminist. 1102 00:44:18,194 --> 00:44:20,794 However, I'm plundering Abby. 1103 00:44:20,834 --> 00:44:22,834 -Plunder Josh. 1104 00:44:22,874 --> 00:44:25,754 -You're not protected. You have been plundered by Heyley. 1105 00:44:25,794 --> 00:44:28,314 Josh, reveal yours. 1106 00:44:28,354 --> 00:44:29,474 -Pinch Abby. 1107 00:44:29,514 --> 00:44:30,994 (LAUGHTER) 1108 00:44:31,034 --> 00:44:32,994 -As you are not protected, 1109 00:44:33,034 --> 00:44:35,754 yours has been plundered by Abby. 1110 00:44:35,794 --> 00:44:37,754 -Oh, you're just gonna pinch it back! 1111 00:44:37,794 --> 00:44:39,154 -You're goddamn right I am! 1112 00:44:39,194 --> 00:44:40,434 (LAUGHTER) 1113 00:44:40,474 --> 00:44:41,874 -It's been pinched back. 1114 00:44:43,434 --> 00:44:46,874 Ben Hurley. -I'm going to pinch Josh. 1115 00:44:46,914 --> 00:44:49,594 -This ball, getting a lot of mileage this round. 1116 00:44:50,914 --> 00:44:52,154 Tom, reveal your board. 1117 00:44:52,194 --> 00:44:54,034 -I was gonna pinch from Abby too 1118 00:44:54,074 --> 00:44:56,034 but alas there's nothing there, right? 1119 00:44:58,714 --> 00:44:59,914 -Nothing. 1120 00:45:01,474 --> 00:45:03,314 -Alright, everyone. Come on down and will score it. 1121 00:45:03,354 --> 00:45:05,314 (APPLAUSE) 1122 00:45:05,354 --> 00:45:07,354 (THEME MUSIC) 1123 00:45:09,074 --> 00:45:10,994 -So, Abby and Josh got zero balls, 1124 00:45:11,034 --> 00:45:12,554 -Hayley and Tom had four, 1125 00:45:12,594 --> 00:45:15,074 and Ben won the live task with seven balls. 1126 00:45:15,114 --> 00:45:16,994 -Really great. -Thank you. 1127 00:45:17,034 --> 00:45:19,594 -Alright. So, how would you like to score that? 1128 00:45:19,634 --> 00:45:22,954 -I think it probably makes sense that in last place one point? 1129 00:45:22,994 --> 00:45:24,434 -For Abby and Josh? -Yes. 1130 00:45:24,474 --> 00:45:27,554 And then, three points for second place. 1131 00:45:27,594 --> 00:45:28,794 -Heyley and Tom? -That's right. 1132 00:45:28,834 --> 00:45:29,914 -Equal with four. 1133 00:45:29,954 --> 00:45:31,874 -And then, first place Ben Hurley. 1134 00:45:31,914 --> 00:45:33,234 Five points. -Thank you. 1135 00:45:33,274 --> 00:45:35,274 (APPLAUSE) 1136 00:45:36,354 --> 00:45:38,194 Alright, so before we announce the winner, Paul, 1137 00:45:38,234 --> 00:45:41,514 what's happening with the overall series scores? 1138 00:45:41,554 --> 00:45:44,674 -With a three-point lead with 83 points, 1139 00:45:44,714 --> 00:45:46,114 Hayley Sproull! 1140 00:45:46,154 --> 00:45:47,874 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 1141 00:45:47,914 --> 00:45:51,594 And, Paul, who has won episode five? 1142 00:45:51,634 --> 00:45:55,314 -She's our series leader and she's won her first episode, 1143 00:45:55,354 --> 00:45:56,834 it's Hayley Sproull! 1144 00:45:56,874 --> 00:45:58,554 -Congratulations, Hayley! 1145 00:45:58,594 --> 00:46:00,794 You're now the proud owner of some things 1146 00:46:00,834 --> 00:46:03,034 you may or may not want. 1147 00:46:03,074 --> 00:46:06,674 Please, head up to the stage, and enjoy your bounty! 1148 00:46:07,754 --> 00:46:11,194 (LANGUAGE UNKNOWN TO CAPTIONER) 1149 00:46:11,234 --> 00:46:14,234 (THEME MUSIC) 1150 00:46:27,394 --> 00:46:29,874 -This is gonna be quite obscure television. 1151 00:46:29,914 --> 00:46:31,034 -Delicious! 1152 00:46:31,074 --> 00:46:32,154 -Come on! 1153 00:46:33,354 --> 00:46:34,674 -Oh, man. 1154 00:46:34,714 --> 00:46:36,274 -House ahoy, captain... 1155 00:46:36,314 --> 00:46:37,434 -Aye! 1156 00:46:37,474 --> 00:46:39,074 -Lord have mercy! 1157 00:46:39,114 --> 00:46:40,674 -What's that bit for? -There's so much to unpack there. 1158 00:46:40,714 --> 00:46:42,714 Captioned by AI-Media ai-media.tv 76802

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