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1
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,097
And so DeVanzo stands in.
2
00:00:20,168 --> 00:00:22,297
Six foot first baseman
out of Pawtucket.
3
00:00:22,803 --> 00:00:24,239
Fine form on this fellow.
4
00:00:25,273 --> 00:00:26,742
Shot down the line.
5
00:00:27,709 --> 00:00:29,178
That's a frozen rope.
6
00:00:29,344 --> 00:00:30,904
Base hit in anybody's league.
7
00:00:34,116 --> 00:00:38,454
And here's Captain Jeter steps up
to the plate to his usual hip-hop music.
8
00:00:41,222 --> 00:00:43,456
And look at the triceps
on this youngster.
9
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:46,530
Someone was busy in the Nautilus room
during the off-season.
10
00:00:46,595 --> 00:00:49,122
He'll give the fans a treat
and do a little flexing.
11
00:00:49,298 --> 00:00:51,598
That's right. There're a couple
of actresses on the front row...
12
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:54,160
that are going out of their minds
right about now.
13
00:00:55,504 --> 00:00:56,301
Yeah!
14
00:00:56,372 --> 00:00:58,638
And sometimes he'll get in there
and just give the fans a treat...
15
00:00:58,707 --> 00:01:02,511
and show them
some of the finer points of hitting.
16
00:01:03,912 --> 00:01:04,845
Fuck!
17
00:01:05,348 --> 00:01:07,477
Absolute perfect ten on this fellow.
18
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,709
Quite a specimen.
19
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:14,018
385 hitter, 23 ding-dongs.
He's driven in 162 runs.
20
00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:16,789
He's 30 sit-ups away from the body
of a young Willie Mays!
21
00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:18,762
And that's a single up in the middle.
22
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,355
Looked more like a double
play to me, you fat fuck.
23
00:01:21,631 --> 00:01:22,997
What the fuck did you say?
24
00:01:23,065 --> 00:01:25,502
I said softball's
for girls and faggots...
25
00:01:25,568 --> 00:01:27,162
and girl faggots like you.
26
00:01:27,236 --> 00:01:28,261
You piece of shit!
27
00:01:29,772 --> 00:01:30,706
Mom!
28
00:01:30,773 --> 00:01:33,712
The fat fuck new door
is chasing me again!
29
00:01:44,254 --> 00:01:45,779
Anybody had seen my softball hat?
30
00:01:46,223 --> 00:01:47,486
- Michael?
- Yeah.
31
00:01:47,557 --> 00:01:50,654
- Did you look at these cakes, yet?
- Yeah, yeah. I like that one.
32
00:01:51,161 --> 00:01:53,495
Hey, Marie, Marie, get the hat!
Gina, get the hat!
33
00:01:53,563 --> 00:01:55,294
- You didn't even look?
- Marie, that's not funny!
34
00:01:55,399 --> 00:01:57,528
Okay, you know what?
I'm not being a bitch here.
35
00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:59,433
You're missing
Marie's recital tonight...
36
00:01:59,503 --> 00:02:02,908
and I said we could wait for after the
softball season to go on our honeymoon.
37
00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:05,877
I even let you pick
your scumbag friend Artie as best man.
38
00:02:05,943 --> 00:02:08,072
Sweetheart, listen,
it's the first game of the season.
39
00:02:08,145 --> 00:02:09,579
I just don't want to be late, alright?
40
00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:11,674
I'm with you on the cake.
So I'll look at them later.
41
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:13,676
You know, I was gonna surprise you...
42
00:02:13,751 --> 00:02:15,687
by making your little
plastic man on the cake...
43
00:02:15,753 --> 00:02:17,312
a Derek Jeter action figure.
44
00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:18,980
But now, no.
45
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:22,028
I'm making you one of those
Puerto Ricans from the fucking Mets.
46
00:02:23,027 --> 00:02:24,690
Don't even joke like that, Gina!
47
00:02:38,376 --> 00:02:40,903
- I'm coming back tomorrow for tanning.
- You better.
48
00:02:46,317 --> 00:02:50,087
Hey! Mark Vicki Galliotta
down as paid up for this month.
49
00:02:53,391 --> 00:02:56,056
And another dumb slut gets herpes.
50
00:03:10,542 --> 00:03:14,414
Hey! I don't want any of you Italians
drinking out of my water bottle!
51
00:03:15,213 --> 00:03:16,238
Damn Wops.
52
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:21,086
- Come on, Maz, let's warm up already.
- Don't mess with my pre-game ritual.
53
00:03:21,353 --> 00:03:23,687
Putting on mascara
is not a pre-game ritual.
54
00:03:23,755 --> 00:03:25,850
- Let's go!
- Stop busting my chops, I'm coming.
55
00:03:26,892 --> 00:03:27,860
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
56
00:03:27,926 --> 00:03:29,190
What's up, brother?
Check it out.
57
00:03:29,561 --> 00:03:31,793
- My new Italiano mitt.
- That's cool, Alfonse.
58
00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:34,596
How much of a Guido
can you possibly be?
59
00:03:34,666 --> 00:03:36,898
Fuck you, Johnny.
I'll see you out there.
60
00:03:37,136 --> 00:03:39,038
- What's up?
- Starting earlier this year?
61
00:03:39,105 --> 00:03:41,632
Ready for the big day,
opening day, big game?
62
00:03:41,706 --> 00:03:43,974
Maz, we stink every year.
This is not a big game.
63
00:03:44,043 --> 00:03:45,740
- Yes, it is.
- It's not a big game.
64
00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:48,339
Yes, it is. I blew off
my daughter's ballet recital for this.
65
00:03:48,414 --> 00:03:50,043
I've seen your daughter dance.
She sucks.
66
00:03:50,116 --> 00:03:51,311
- No, she doesn't.
- Yeah, she does.
67
00:03:51,383 --> 00:03:54,014
- Which one, ballet or tap?
- It all sucks.
68
00:03:54,086 --> 00:03:56,454
- What's up, boys?
- What's up, Manganelli?
69
00:03:56,523 --> 00:03:58,253
So, Maz, how's the wedding coming?
Are you nervous?
70
00:03:58,323 --> 00:04:01,319
I'm doing okay.
Gina's freaking out a little, but...
71
00:04:01,393 --> 00:04:04,764
My cousin is a good kid,
but she can be a real ball-breaker.
72
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:05,890
What are you going to do?
73
00:04:07,066 --> 00:04:08,159
All right, listen up.
74
00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:12,266
Anybody who doesn't do a pre-game shout
with me right now is a fucking pussy.
75
00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:13,898
Jerk off!
76
00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:17,707
Did this jerk off
just call me a jerk off?
77
00:04:17,777 --> 00:04:20,544
Come on, let's not ruin another game
with a big fight, all right?
78
00:04:20,613 --> 00:04:21,774
Dave!
79
00:04:21,847 --> 00:04:22,975
Arto.
80
00:04:23,483 --> 00:04:24,473
Fellows.
81
00:04:25,351 --> 00:04:27,379
Dad, I'm thirsty.
Can I have some?
82
00:04:27,454 --> 00:04:30,119
No. Go steal that little kid's soda.
83
00:04:30,857 --> 00:04:34,228
Bro, look at yourself.
You're an unemployed drunk...
84
00:04:34,294 --> 00:04:37,734
you play softball in corduroy
and you still live with your mother.
85
00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:40,735
You shave your body hair,
wear Speedos down the short...
86
00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:42,634
and root for the Dallas Cowboys.
87
00:04:42,703 --> 00:04:44,570
Hey, that's America's team, asshole.
88
00:04:44,638 --> 00:04:46,470
Not in Jersey, asshole.
89
00:04:46,540 --> 00:04:48,510
We grew up fifteen minutes
from Giant Stadium...
90
00:04:48,575 --> 00:04:50,238
you're a fucking Cowboys' fan?
91
00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:51,335
You're just jealous.
92
00:04:51,712 --> 00:04:54,445
My softball team won this league
for years in a row...
93
00:04:54,515 --> 00:04:55,949
going on five.
94
00:04:56,517 --> 00:04:58,919
This year you're not getting
that trophy.
95
00:04:58,986 --> 00:05:00,888
No?
Who's going to stop me, you?
96
00:05:02,656 --> 00:05:05,685
In high school,
I was the best baseball player.
97
00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:06,988
You were second best.
98
00:05:07,261 --> 00:05:09,925
I was the best football player.
You were second best.
99
00:05:09,997 --> 00:05:11,694
And, bro, the chicks I got...
100
00:05:11,765 --> 00:05:13,257
were way out of your league.
101
00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:15,270
I did fine.
You fucked skanks.
102
00:05:15,336 --> 00:05:16,361
Skanks?
103
00:05:16,437 --> 00:05:18,839
You're looking at the first guy
to bang Jan Martucci.
104
00:05:18,906 --> 00:05:20,398
Wow, definitely not a skank.
105
00:05:21,242 --> 00:05:22,369
I'm sorry.
106
00:05:23,044 --> 00:05:25,241
- Lisa Riccio.
- Monica Nelson.
107
00:05:25,313 --> 00:05:27,807
- Danielle Battaglia.
- Marisa Salvanto.
108
00:05:27,882 --> 00:05:29,715
- Karen Dever.
- Tina Gardner.
109
00:05:29,784 --> 00:05:31,981
- Karen Dever.
- Pinky Calabr...
110
00:05:32,053 --> 00:05:33,647
You just said Karen Dever.
111
00:05:33,722 --> 00:05:35,247
Well, we did more than once.
112
00:05:35,323 --> 00:05:37,487
Okay, I guess we're done here, bro.
113
00:05:37,559 --> 00:05:40,531
Because you're out of names,
and I got like fifty more.
114
00:05:40,595 --> 00:05:42,428
I see you on the field, loser.
115
00:05:42,497 --> 00:05:45,093
Yeah, go ahead.
Run away, jerk off.
116
00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:46,225
Run away!
117
00:05:49,571 --> 00:05:50,470
Bring it in!
118
00:05:51,373 --> 00:05:53,900
Now coming to bat is Artie DeVanzo.
119
00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:56,708
Last season was a fine one
for DeVanzo, we all know that.
120
00:05:56,778 --> 00:05:59,614
- Come on, Artie.
- He batted. 420 with 45 RBls.
121
00:05:59,681 --> 00:06:01,583
- Come on, Artie.
- Batter up!
122
00:06:01,949 --> 00:06:03,442
He enters today’s game...
123
00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:05,818
with a blood alcohol content of 0.16.
124
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:09,349
If you kids are scoring at home, that's
an impressive mice the legal limit.
125
00:06:09,424 --> 00:06:11,326
- Let's get it go, buddy!
- The DeVanzo shift!
126
00:06:11,393 --> 00:06:12,691
What do you say, Art?
127
00:06:12,761 --> 00:06:15,494
- Let's go, Artie.
- Let's go, Arto. Let's go!
128
00:06:15,564 --> 00:06:17,124
What's this shit, Manganelli?
129
00:06:17,199 --> 00:06:18,930
It's my new defense strategy.
130
00:06:19,568 --> 00:06:23,235
All right side is open for you, Artie.
Go for it, bro.
131
00:06:23,471 --> 00:06:25,169
All right, go the other way
with it, Artie.
132
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,005
He's tying to fool you,
don't be stupid. Come on!
133
00:06:27,076 --> 00:06:28,841
- Come on, Artie!
- Let's go, baby!
134
00:06:28,911 --> 00:06:29,844
Come on now!
135
00:06:31,547 --> 00:06:32,572
Shit!
136
00:06:32,648 --> 00:06:34,310
So, of course, he pulls it.
137
00:06:35,217 --> 00:06:37,347
Hey, the shift works good, Manganelli.
138
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:40,118
- Run, Artie, run!
- Artie, run! Run, man!
139
00:06:40,188 --> 00:06:42,752
- Come on, Artie!
- Get it over there!
140
00:06:43,259 --> 00:06:44,192
Out!
141
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:45,921
Nice hustle, Artie.
142
00:06:46,495 --> 00:06:49,023
You're a fat fucking disgrace!
143
00:06:50,066 --> 00:06:51,625
He's a fat guy.
144
00:06:53,502 --> 00:06:55,598
Come on, Dirt.
Start it off, kid. Come on now.
145
00:06:55,671 --> 00:06:56,639
All right, Dirt.
Come on, Dirt.
146
00:06:56,705 --> 00:06:58,039
Lay it in there, baby.
Come on, Dirt. Let's go!
147
00:06:58,108 --> 00:07:00,078
What do you say, Dirt?
You character.
148
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:01,870
All right, Dirt.
Come on now.
149
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:05,008
- Shit!
- Jesus Christ!
150
00:07:05,081 --> 00:07:07,848
You disappoint me as much as my kids
for Christ's sake.
151
00:07:11,054 --> 00:07:12,420
Okay, here we go!
152
00:07:12,488 --> 00:07:13,923
Here we go, coming home.
153
00:07:13,990 --> 00:07:15,253
Come on, get it in.
Get it in!
154
00:07:15,325 --> 00:07:16,760
Hit the cut-off man!
155
00:07:17,594 --> 00:07:18,527
Yeah!
156
00:07:19,028 --> 00:07:20,156
Cut-off man!
157
00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:21,960
Cut-off man!
158
00:07:22,031 --> 00:07:23,057
Learn to love him.
159
00:07:24,568 --> 00:07:26,470
- You're killing us!
- The hell are you doing?
160
00:07:26,536 --> 00:07:30,238
One second! I'm having a smoke.
What's up your ass?
161
00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:33,843
- I got it!
- Shit.
162
00:07:34,244 --> 00:07:35,508
Cocky prick!
163
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:39,072
He's tagging!
164
00:07:39,416 --> 00:07:40,975
No, Dave, don't go!
165
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,018
Hold on!
166
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,054
Come on!
167
00:07:45,122 --> 00:07:46,055
Nice play.
168
00:07:46,123 --> 00:07:47,056
- Good job.
- You're out.
169
00:07:47,124 --> 00:07:48,092
Good job.
170
00:07:48,392 --> 00:07:50,589
Come on, let's see it, Dirt.
Let's see it, Dirt.
171
00:07:51,495 --> 00:07:52,930
Fuck, no pitch.
172
00:07:53,898 --> 00:07:55,594
Hey, Tim, I want to let you know...
173
00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:58,730
I've done a lot of thinking about
that talk we had last year.
174
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:00,435
I don't even know if you remember.
175
00:08:01,205 --> 00:08:03,938
I remember. When I overheard
you telling that joke at the bar, right?
176
00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:05,101
Exactly.
177
00:08:05,176 --> 00:08:06,337
You know, if we weren't good friends...
178
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:07,936
I would've handled that
quite differently, right?
179
00:08:08,078 --> 00:08:11,245
Hey, look, just so you know,
I don't even use the "N" word anymore.
180
00:08:11,315 --> 00:08:14,982
Like just now, instead of saying the
actual word, I just say the "N" word.
181
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:17,950
I appreciate that, Artie.
That's a good start.
182
00:08:18,022 --> 00:08:19,012
Good for you, man.
183
00:08:19,224 --> 00:08:20,920
That's okay, Dave.
Keep swinging.
184
00:08:20,992 --> 00:08:23,361
As a matter of fact,
listen how I tell this joke now.
185
00:08:23,428 --> 00:08:25,489
A priest, a Rabin and a "N" word
walk into a bar...
186
00:08:25,563 --> 00:08:27,624
All right, hold up, hold up, hold up!
187
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:30,893
Strike three, you're out!
188
00:08:31,036 --> 00:08:32,698
- That was...
- That's three.
189
00:08:33,571 --> 00:08:35,473
Come on!
Let's get these guy!
190
00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:38,011
Let's get these punk!
He's nothing!
191
00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:39,408
He's an asshole!
192
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,040
A cocksucker!
He's a total piece of shit!
193
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,580
You shut up, fatso.
194
00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:47,822
- Hey, watch the name-calling!
- Come on, Dirt. Let's go now!
195
00:08:49,187 --> 00:08:50,120
Pop up!
196
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:51,347
- You got it!
- You got it!
197
00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,218
- Jesus Christ!
- Shit!
198
00:08:53,692 --> 00:08:55,320
I'm not angry.
Just give me the ball.
199
00:08:58,030 --> 00:08:59,396
You son of a bitch!
200
00:08:59,898 --> 00:09:01,561
Come on, guys.
Let's go.
201
00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:03,597
We look like shit.
Come on.
202
00:09:05,203 --> 00:09:06,536
Hey, DeVanzo...
203
00:09:06,772 --> 00:09:10,142
If you're going to ask if you can suck
my left nut the answer is "maybe".
204
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:13,040
Do you ever think
that if I didn't exist...
205
00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:15,747
your life wouldn't suck so bad?
206
00:09:16,248 --> 00:09:19,949
We grew up the same age,
in the same town, at the same school.
207
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:22,319
If I wasn't around,
maybe you could've had what I have.
208
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:23,548
Wait, I forgot.
209
00:09:23,755 --> 00:09:27,628
If I didn't exist,
you'd still be a total fucking jadrool.
210
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,268
Come on! Get it in into second!
Come on! Force at second!
211
00:09:37,737 --> 00:09:38,705
Out!
212
00:09:40,139 --> 00:09:41,699
He tripped him, Ump!
He tripped him!
213
00:09:42,141 --> 00:09:43,200
I didn't see it.
214
00:09:43,409 --> 00:09:45,379
- Nice! Way to be!
- Cocksucker!
215
00:09:45,444 --> 00:09:47,437
- Way to be!
- No, no, no!
216
00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:49,484
- Get off of me!
- Come on!
217
00:09:52,919 --> 00:09:54,285
Put his head over here.
218
00:09:56,289 --> 00:09:57,280
Come on!
219
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:03,161
Don't stretch the shirt.
220
00:10:08,935 --> 00:10:10,063
This guy's such a pussy.
221
00:10:10,137 --> 00:10:11,901
Yeah? I'll La Motta
your face, okay?
222
00:10:11,972 --> 00:10:14,067
Yeah, let's go.
Returning for round two.
223
00:10:14,141 --> 00:10:15,734
Come on, who wants to dance
with me again?
224
00:10:15,808 --> 00:10:17,905
Who's feeling lucky?
You feeling lucky?
225
00:10:18,012 --> 00:10:19,674
You're lucky the cops showed up, okay?
226
00:10:19,746 --> 00:10:21,375
I'm ready.
I'm not tired.
227
00:10:21,448 --> 00:10:22,883
Who's feeling lucky?
228
00:10:23,217 --> 00:10:25,244
Don't eyeball me, tough guy.
229
00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:29,286
When I was in the joint,
I fucked guys bigger than you.
230
00:10:33,093 --> 00:10:34,322
What the hell are we waiting for?
231
00:10:34,394 --> 00:10:36,524
Hey, did Dirt just say
he used to fuck guys?
232
00:10:36,964 --> 00:10:37,954
Never mind that.
233
00:10:38,032 --> 00:10:40,629
We're waiting to find out how much
trouble you got us into this time.
234
00:10:40,701 --> 00:10:42,169
Me? He started it.
235
00:10:47,941 --> 00:10:51,108
Alright. Listen up.
First thing's first.
236
00:10:51,212 --> 00:10:52,703
- DeVanzo?
- Yeah?
237
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:53,907
You're an asshole.
238
00:10:56,050 --> 00:10:58,715
Now, as far as the fighting goes
between you're two guys' teams...
239
00:10:59,187 --> 00:11:01,123
this bullshit will not continue.
240
00:11:01,422 --> 00:11:02,685
It happens every year...
241
00:11:02,823 --> 00:11:05,192
and it's the first game of the season,
for Christ's sakes.
242
00:11:05,293 --> 00:11:06,761
So, new year...
243
00:11:06,827 --> 00:11:09,390
one of you guys' teams is gonna
have to play in a different league.
244
00:11:09,597 --> 00:11:10,565
What?
245
00:11:10,731 --> 00:11:13,328
Wow, I wonder who you gonna
decide to ask to leave?
246
00:11:13,501 --> 00:11:15,596
I'm not gonna decide, jerk-off.
247
00:11:15,837 --> 00:11:20,210
Dennis Manganelli here suggested
you jerk-offs decide it on the field.
248
00:11:20,275 --> 00:11:22,644
Whichever team does better
stays in the league.
249
00:11:22,778 --> 00:11:25,010
The other team is gone new year.
250
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,806
That sucks?
251
00:11:27,749 --> 00:11:29,878
- You gotta be kidding.
- We are so fucked.
252
00:11:29,951 --> 00:11:32,285
I think we could do it.
All we gotta do is practice.
253
00:11:32,354 --> 00:11:34,551
Practice is for fags.
Hey, are we done here?
254
00:11:34,623 --> 00:11:36,114
Because I'm losing my buzz.
255
00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:38,253
In two fucking seconds,
I'm gonna taser you.
256
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,922
Anybody here who's not an asshole
have a question?
257
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:42,330
I do.
258
00:11:42,464 --> 00:11:44,366
How come I'm the only one
who's locked up?
259
00:11:45,267 --> 00:11:46,394
Be right with you.
260
00:11:50,939 --> 00:11:52,909
How are we gonna deal with that?
261
00:12:00,282 --> 00:12:01,545
Hey, Linda.
262
00:12:01,884 --> 00:12:02,817
Hey, Artie.
263
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:04,888
Hey, let me buy you a drink.
264
00:12:04,954 --> 00:12:07,824
No, I can't. I gotta meet my friends
over at Ducky's.
265
00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:09,821
What happened to you?
266
00:12:10,092 --> 00:12:11,185
Oh, this?
267
00:12:11,526 --> 00:12:14,363
I saw three guys mugging
an old lady, so I got involved.
268
00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:16,799
- Really?
- Yeah, she was a tough old broad...
269
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,768
but in the end we got her purse.
270
00:12:23,239 --> 00:12:24,299
Bye-bye.
271
00:12:25,007 --> 00:12:26,066
Good night, Ed.
272
00:12:27,143 --> 00:12:29,045
Hey, Ed.
Get some beers over here.
273
00:12:29,512 --> 00:12:31,003
Whisky.
Come on.
274
00:12:31,214 --> 00:12:32,182
Jesus!
275
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,852
You like you had
the shit kicked out of you.
276
00:12:34,917 --> 00:12:37,012
Yeah? Imagine how
the other guy looks.
277
00:12:37,254 --> 00:12:41,422
I imagine a guy completely unharmed
with badly bruised knuckles.
278
00:12:42,025 --> 00:12:43,995
Don't you have livers to ruin?
279
00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:46,190
Totally fucked, this man.
280
00:12:46,629 --> 00:12:49,658
Listen, now that the games
mean something, we'll be great.
281
00:12:49,732 --> 00:12:51,565
This is just gonna help us play better.
282
00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:53,498
Hey, Maz, do you think you can use
the fight as a reason...
283
00:12:53,569 --> 00:12:56,041
to disinvite Manganelli
from your wedding?
284
00:12:56,206 --> 00:12:58,438
He's Gina's cousin.
He's gonna be there.
285
00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:01,177
And you're my best man,
so, you're gonna be there.
286
00:13:01,244 --> 00:13:03,841
And I'll have no bullshit
from either of you. I fucking swear.
287
00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:05,507
Hey, I'm not one to start trouble.
288
00:13:05,582 --> 00:13:07,519
Oh, my God, you fat fucking liar.
289
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:09,885
An insane thing to say.
Hello.
290
00:13:10,187 --> 00:13:11,314
Hey, Gina.
291
00:13:11,455 --> 00:13:13,857
Tell her you're still single
for six weeks and hang up.
292
00:13:13,924 --> 00:13:17,455
Yeah. Yeah. I've been thinking quite
a bit about he cakes. Yeah.
293
00:13:17,528 --> 00:13:19,259
Man, is he whipped.
294
00:13:20,597 --> 00:13:22,431
All right.
Now, that Maz is gone...
295
00:13:22,499 --> 00:13:24,902
we can talk a little bit
about his bachelor party.
296
00:13:25,936 --> 00:13:29,671
Now, I've lined up five cousin "hoors"
for the event.
297
00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:31,710
One of them is called
"The Pitching Machine".
298
00:13:31,775 --> 00:13:33,745
Now, you're never
in a million fucking years...
299
00:13:33,811 --> 00:13:36,749
ver gonna guess
why she's called that. Go ahead, guess.
300
00:13:37,348 --> 00:13:39,819
She shoots ping pong balls
out of her snatch?
301
00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:42,846
The name gives it away.
302
00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:47,148
Guys, let me ask you a question.
303
00:13:47,225 --> 00:13:50,322
Why do so many diners
have a "happy waitress" special?
304
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:51,863
None of these waitresses
ever seem happy.
305
00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:52,863
It's true.
306
00:13:52,931 --> 00:13:55,333
They should call it
a "bitchy broad with three kids...
307
00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:57,870
no husband and a shitty
apartment in Linden" special.
308
00:13:58,336 --> 00:13:59,896
Parts of Linden are nice.
309
00:14:00,037 --> 00:14:02,133
Hey, Rhonda.
I didn't mean anything by it.
310
00:14:02,206 --> 00:14:04,677
But not the part I live in.
What do you guys want?
311
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:06,838
Let me get a bacon,
egg and cheese on a hard roll...
312
00:14:06,911 --> 00:14:09,143
with side order of fries,
cheese and gravy...
313
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:10,273
and a bowl of gravy on the side.
314
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,376
I'll have the same thing plus pancakes.
315
00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:14,250
- Chocolate milk?
- You know it, honey.
316
00:14:14,319 --> 00:14:15,287
Make it two.
317
00:14:15,653 --> 00:14:17,988
I'll have an egg white omelet
made with very little oil...
318
00:14:18,056 --> 00:14:19,923
Dy wheat toast and grapefruit juice.
319
00:14:20,058 --> 00:14:22,552
Oh, my God.
That's the gayest order I ever heard.
320
00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:25,463
In Massachusetts, that order
could legally Mary a dude.
321
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:26,463
Here it comes.
322
00:14:26,531 --> 00:14:29,094
Just placing an order like that
gets you kicked out of the army.
323
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:32,436
If you put a construction helmet on that
order, it could join the Village People.
324
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:36,871
Would you guys knock it off
so I can do my job?
325
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,035
Thank you.
326
00:14:38,176 --> 00:14:39,669
All right, Maz.
That's an egg white omelet...
327
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:41,647
Dy wheat toast, grapefruit juice?
328
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,807
That right.
329
00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:45,075
You want a side order
of cock with that?
330
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:51,688
We got it in fresh.
It's delicious.
331
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:53,727
- That people from Linden, I tell you...
- Trust me.
332
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,093
- Great point.
- Come on!
333
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:00,932
So, what should we do now?
334
00:15:01,099 --> 00:15:02,090
It's getting late.
335
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:04,070
Anyone with a job should go home.
336
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,432
- Good night, Maz.
- Very funny, ball tugger.
337
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,941
Good night, Johnny.
338
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,569
- Hey, I got an idea.
- What?
339
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,205
- Manhattan!
- What?
340
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,680
- No way. Can't do it.
- Come on.
341
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,878
The bars in the city
are open for four more hours.
342
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,911
Holy shit, it's midnight?
I gotta get home.
343
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,288
That's right, I forgot.
344
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,654
If you're home after midnight,
Gina locks up the pussy.
345
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,128
That's not completely true, all right?
Shut up, I'll give you a lift.
346
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,454
Holy shit.
347
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:32,166
- I'm hungry.
- I'm starving.
348
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:33,496
Isn't that the chick from the bar?
349
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,594
Oh, yeah!
That's Linda Salvo.
350
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,404
And she looks wasted.
351
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,275
Give me a quarter you fucking bitch.
352
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,441
- Here, whore.
- Fuck you.
353
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,912
I've seen her in this diner
twice before when she was trashed...
354
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:47,573
and I banged her both times.
355
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:50,479
Hey, I'm a little tapped.
You got a sawbuck on you?
356
00:15:50,584 --> 00:15:52,383
I usually gotta buy her
a Danish or something.
357
00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:54,184
- All I got is four bucks.
- That'll do it.
358
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,748
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Good luck.
359
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:57,756
Don't need it.
360
00:15:59,593 --> 00:16:00,788
Hey, Linda!
361
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:02,695
Hi.
362
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,096
What are you broads up to?
363
00:16:22,984 --> 00:16:23,974
Artie?
364
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,149
Artie, wake up.
365
00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:34,122
Hey, good morning, Linda.
366
00:16:34,228 --> 00:16:36,198
Artie, I gotta tell you.
367
00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:39,435
That was the worst sex I have ever had.
368
00:16:39,634 --> 00:16:43,335
I'm catching shit from everybody lately.
What was wrong with the sex?
369
00:16:43,405 --> 00:16:47,209
You got all out of breath.
You're like a chubby panda.
370
00:16:47,275 --> 00:16:51,045
And then you finish in twenty seconds
and fell asleep on top of me.
371
00:16:51,113 --> 00:16:52,445
It was fucking horrible!
372
00:16:52,647 --> 00:16:55,414
Jesus Christ, I am so pathetic.
373
00:16:55,550 --> 00:17:00,049
I get drunk and then I wake up
new to God knows what.
374
00:17:00,122 --> 00:17:02,319
My shrink says that I do it
because I think...
375
00:17:02,390 --> 00:17:04,053
it's the only way a guy could like me.
376
00:17:04,126 --> 00:17:05,389
Be honest with me, Artie.
377
00:17:05,493 --> 00:17:07,862
The only reason you like me
is because I fuck you.
378
00:17:07,930 --> 00:17:09,489
Not at all.
379
00:17:10,132 --> 00:17:11,692
I mean, it's awesome.
380
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:15,496
Look, I really like you.
381
00:17:16,004 --> 00:17:18,840
What do you say, you wanna go out
on a regular date or something?
382
00:17:19,207 --> 00:17:20,733
What? Are you serious?
383
00:17:20,976 --> 00:17:23,504
Yeah, we could go out, grab dinner...
384
00:17:23,579 --> 00:17:25,549
and we don't have to fuck or nothing.
385
00:17:25,781 --> 00:17:28,149
It's very fucking romantic, Artie.
Are you fucking retard?
386
00:17:28,217 --> 00:17:29,879
Well, do you know what they say
about retards...
387
00:17:29,952 --> 00:17:32,185
they have huge cocks
and superhuman strength.
388
00:17:32,388 --> 00:17:35,326
Well, congratulations,
you're definitely not retarded.
389
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:40,663
Look, what I mean is, we could just hang
out and we don't even have to have sex.
390
00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:42,824
Yeah, right.
You're gonna come to my house...
391
00:17:42,899 --> 00:17:47,033
in your nice date clothes and pick me up
with like flowers and candies?
392
00:17:47,103 --> 00:17:49,734
Flowers, maybe, but every time
I buy a chick candy...
393
00:17:49,806 --> 00:17:52,072
somehow, it never makes
all the way to her house.
394
00:17:55,277 --> 00:17:57,145
Come on! What do you say?
395
00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:02,651
All right, Romeo.
396
00:18:02,952 --> 00:18:04,113
It's a date.
397
00:18:04,888 --> 00:18:05,878
Great!
398
00:18:05,989 --> 00:18:09,520
And since I'm guaranteed
no sex on the date...
399
00:18:09,592 --> 00:18:12,257
what do you say we take one
for the team right now?
400
00:18:12,396 --> 00:18:14,160
Artie, I'm gonna be late for work!
401
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:15,426
Come on!
402
00:18:15,499 --> 00:18:19,599
Come on! An extra twenty seconds
ain't gonna matter. Come on, baby.
403
00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:20,769
All right.
404
00:18:20,837 --> 00:18:24,072
But this time you either gotta put
a rubber on or pull out before you come.
405
00:18:24,141 --> 00:18:26,873
Good morning, Artie.
Ready for breakfast?
406
00:18:26,943 --> 00:18:28,310
Sure, mom.
407
00:18:28,512 --> 00:18:29,639
Hey, this is Linda.
408
00:18:30,313 --> 00:18:32,877
Hello, Linda.
Would you like some breakfast too?
409
00:18:32,950 --> 00:18:34,748
No, thanks.
I'm not hungry.
410
00:18:35,585 --> 00:18:37,145
Can you hand me my jacket, please?
411
00:18:39,122 --> 00:18:40,113
Thank you.
412
00:18:40,457 --> 00:18:42,324
- Bye.
- Goodbye, Linda.
413
00:18:42,392 --> 00:18:43,621
Take care, Lin.
414
00:18:45,128 --> 00:18:46,860
Hey, mom, sorry
if you overheard anything.
415
00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:49,458
- Is that your new girlfriend?
- Why? Do you like her?
416
00:18:49,534 --> 00:18:52,836
I like any girl that likes my Artie.
417
00:18:53,037 --> 00:18:55,030
Although clearly
she's been around the block...
418
00:18:55,105 --> 00:18:57,372
so I would feel better
if you used protection.
419
00:18:57,942 --> 00:18:59,502
Thanks for the advice, mom.
420
00:19:00,545 --> 00:19:02,981
Hey, mom, could you make some
gobblegoo and eggs?
421
00:19:05,182 --> 00:19:06,344
- Come on!
- Hear that! Hear that!
422
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:07,350
Safe!
423
00:19:07,485 --> 00:19:09,512
- Get them!
- Over there!
424
00:19:09,587 --> 00:19:10,885
Turn two!
425
00:19:10,955 --> 00:19:12,219
- Get them.
- Come on!
426
00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:15,018
- Safe!
- Shithead!
427
00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:17,954
Come on!
428
00:19:18,029 --> 00:19:19,395
Not today, asshole.
429
00:19:20,798 --> 00:19:21,731
Nice shot.
430
00:19:21,799 --> 00:19:23,132
Come on! Come on!
Score!
431
00:19:23,201 --> 00:19:24,362
Come on! Come on!
432
00:19:24,435 --> 00:19:25,596
Go! Go! Go!
433
00:19:25,669 --> 00:19:27,606
Jeez, you're dogging the tying run!
434
00:19:27,671 --> 00:19:29,539
No, I'm not, I'm standing on the third.
435
00:19:31,342 --> 00:19:33,107
That pile of elephant shit.
436
00:19:34,412 --> 00:19:35,345
- Papa!
- Shit!
437
00:19:35,413 --> 00:19:36,346
Papa!
438
00:19:39,585 --> 00:19:40,610
You're a retard!
439
00:19:40,685 --> 00:19:43,282
That means your mother
must love blowing retards.
440
00:19:43,354 --> 00:19:44,287
- Hey, fuck you!
- Hey, hey, hey!
441
00:19:44,656 --> 00:19:46,124
It's a friend league!
Man, whoa!
442
00:19:46,190 --> 00:19:47,820
- Stop!
- Fat piece of shit.
443
00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:49,886
We're all friends here, Maz,
do something.
444
00:19:49,961 --> 00:19:51,954
- Play the game.
- Get a sense of humor, pal.
445
00:19:56,435 --> 00:19:57,801
I'm impressed, Artie.
446
00:19:58,237 --> 00:20:00,332
This is a really nice place.
447
00:20:00,606 --> 00:20:01,539
Yeah.
448
00:20:01,607 --> 00:20:04,044
That Zagat dude really knows his shit.
449
00:20:05,811 --> 00:20:06,938
Backed Avedon.
450
00:20:07,346 --> 00:20:08,336
That's me.
451
00:20:09,214 --> 00:20:11,742
- And gnocchi.
- That's me too.
452
00:20:12,284 --> 00:20:13,844
- Thanks, man.
- Alright.
453
00:20:13,919 --> 00:20:14,853
Enjoy.
454
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,014
- Take care.
- Thanks.
455
00:20:17,957 --> 00:20:19,050
So where do you work?
456
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,823
At the A&P in Lyndhurst.
457
00:20:28,568 --> 00:20:30,161
This is so odd.
458
00:20:30,503 --> 00:20:31,435
What is?
459
00:20:34,674 --> 00:20:37,703
I mean, we've already slept together
three times, right?
460
00:20:38,210 --> 00:20:40,146
But, I mean, we barely know each other.
461
00:20:40,547 --> 00:20:41,515
I know.
462
00:20:42,315 --> 00:20:44,045
It's fucking hot, right?
463
00:20:45,352 --> 00:20:46,843
No, it's not.
464
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,813
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
465
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,854
You work down at the port, right?
466
00:20:53,060 --> 00:20:57,433
I was a longshoreman for nine years,
and then I quit last year.
467
00:20:57,497 --> 00:20:59,194
Haven't had a job in while.
468
00:20:59,265 --> 00:21:00,199
Why did you quit?
469
00:21:01,668 --> 00:21:03,467
Mainly, my dad.
470
00:21:03,937 --> 00:21:06,066
Why'd your dad want you to quit?
471
00:21:06,940 --> 00:21:08,933
Well, it wasn't like that exactly.
472
00:21:09,009 --> 00:21:11,036
You see, he died.
473
00:21:12,713 --> 00:21:14,238
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
474
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,613
Thanks. I mean...
475
00:21:15,683 --> 00:21:17,710
he had a heart attack on the job.
476
00:21:17,784 --> 00:21:20,119
He installed cable TV for a living.
477
00:21:20,187 --> 00:21:23,888
I had to watch him spend every
waking hour doing a job that he hated.
478
00:21:23,957 --> 00:21:25,927
I mean the only time he was happy
was when someone would tip him...
479
00:21:25,992 --> 00:21:29,227
an extra twenty bucks to hook up
Cinemax illegally or something.
480
00:21:30,731 --> 00:21:33,532
You know, I can see
why you quit your job.
481
00:21:33,867 --> 00:21:36,167
See, you don't want to like
spend your life...
482
00:21:36,237 --> 00:21:39,141
doing something that you hated,
just like your father.
483
00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:44,111
You now what? That sounds great, but the
truth is I'm probably just a lazy prick.
484
00:21:45,413 --> 00:21:49,444
You know,
I think you're a cute lazy prick.
485
00:21:49,816 --> 00:21:50,785
Thanks.
486
00:21:51,585 --> 00:21:53,680
But I've been doing all the yapping.
What about you?
487
00:21:53,754 --> 00:21:55,451
You got any stories about your father?
488
00:21:57,825 --> 00:21:59,294
Yeah, I got one.
489
00:22:00,494 --> 00:22:02,396
Once, when I was five years old...
490
00:22:02,463 --> 00:22:05,264
my dad went out to get ice cream
and he never came back.
491
00:22:07,301 --> 00:22:08,600
You serious?
492
00:22:10,104 --> 00:22:11,767
Wow, I'm really sorry.
493
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,340
Don't be, shit happens.
494
00:22:14,509 --> 00:22:17,447
I can't imagine the pain
you must have been in because of that.
495
00:22:18,312 --> 00:22:20,613
But I think I got a way
to make you feel better right now.
496
00:22:20,682 --> 00:22:21,615
Oh, yeah?
497
00:22:22,684 --> 00:22:23,652
Waiter!
498
00:22:23,952 --> 00:22:26,753
Order ice cream for this woman.
Pronto!
499
00:22:26,821 --> 00:22:27,811
Oh, God!
500
00:22:27,956 --> 00:22:29,653
You're a fucking idiot, Artie.
501
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:32,787
You know, I'm gonna have some too.
Waiter, three orders of ice cream.
502
00:22:32,860 --> 00:22:34,125
Come on! What's up?
503
00:22:34,429 --> 00:22:36,365
Come on, Artie, are you ever serious?
504
00:22:36,431 --> 00:22:37,991
- No, and I tell you why.
- Why?
505
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:40,435
The only people who get laid
less than funny fat guys...
506
00:22:40,502 --> 00:22:44,203
are serious fat guys.
I feel sorry for those assholes.
507
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:50,546
Artie!
508
00:22:50,879 --> 00:22:52,041
Artie, wait.
509
00:22:52,881 --> 00:22:54,544
I thought we weren't gonna
have sex tonight.
510
00:22:54,684 --> 00:22:57,154
I know!
What are you tying to pull here?
511
00:22:57,953 --> 00:22:59,650
Come on, Artie.
512
00:22:59,822 --> 00:23:01,655
Come on, this is important to me.
513
00:23:01,724 --> 00:23:05,288
That's cool. Although for
medical reasons I'll need a hand job.
514
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,293
Artie!
515
00:23:06,496 --> 00:23:10,436
Come on, I'll be quick.
It'll really help me get to sleep.
516
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:12,527
I can't mess up this car.
It's a lease.
517
00:23:12,601 --> 00:23:14,663
Hey, I have great aim.
Just let me know where you want it...
518
00:23:14,737 --> 00:23:16,900
ash tray, floor mat, change cup.
519
00:23:19,575 --> 00:23:20,907
All right, listen...
520
00:23:22,145 --> 00:23:23,545
if you're really quick...
521
00:23:23,946 --> 00:23:25,313
I'll give you a blowjob.
522
00:23:25,548 --> 00:23:26,914
But you gotta be quick.
523
00:23:27,483 --> 00:23:28,815
Are you kidding me?
I hear you.
524
00:23:28,884 --> 00:23:32,449
When blowjobs go on too long, it's like
you chicks forget guy's dicks get tired.
525
00:23:32,522 --> 00:23:34,925
Stop with the jokes. I gotta be up
for work early tomorrow...
526
00:23:34,991 --> 00:23:36,084
so concentrate, okay?
527
00:23:36,259 --> 00:23:38,161
I'll be Hugh Fucking Downs.
528
00:23:38,661 --> 00:23:41,360
- Who the fuck is that?
- He was the host of "Concentration".
529
00:23:41,430 --> 00:23:42,399
Just blow me.
530
00:23:45,268 --> 00:23:47,705
I made tiramisu.
You kids want some?
531
00:23:47,771 --> 00:23:49,900
No, mom! Go back inside!
532
00:23:50,073 --> 00:23:51,838
It's in the fridge
if you changed your mind.
533
00:23:51,908 --> 00:23:53,342
Back inside!
534
00:23:53,510 --> 00:23:54,478
Just go! Just...
535
00:23:55,379 --> 00:23:57,508
I am so embarrassed right now.
536
00:23:57,581 --> 00:24:00,519
You're embarrassed?
I just got cock-blocked by my mom.
537
00:24:05,088 --> 00:24:06,113
DeVanzo...
538
00:24:06,290 --> 00:24:08,419
landscaping is a very strenuous work.
539
00:24:08,958 --> 00:24:11,795
Do you think you can handle it? Because
you're not in the best of your shape.
540
00:24:12,129 --> 00:24:15,499
I'll give it a shot. But you better
give me the name of your dietitian.
541
00:24:37,589 --> 00:24:38,522
DeVanzo?
542
00:24:39,657 --> 00:24:41,057
DeVanzo! Wake up!
543
00:24:41,893 --> 00:24:43,259
You got one house left.
544
00:24:44,462 --> 00:24:45,395
Cool!
545
00:24:45,463 --> 00:24:46,396
All right.
546
00:24:48,999 --> 00:24:50,993
Don't tell me is this place.
547
00:25:06,952 --> 00:25:08,887
Hey! DeVanzo?
548
00:25:09,387 --> 00:25:10,616
Hot enough for you?
549
00:25:10,923 --> 00:25:12,789
I think you missed a spot over there.
550
00:25:13,325 --> 00:25:14,817
And another one over there.
551
00:25:39,017 --> 00:25:40,281
- Out!
- Fuck!
552
00:25:42,154 --> 00:25:43,316
Way to be! Way to be!
553
00:25:44,990 --> 00:25:46,857
Dave, looking good up there.
554
00:25:47,393 --> 00:25:50,092
Hey, hey, hey! Don't Ty to kill it
up there, all right?
555
00:25:50,163 --> 00:25:52,065
Just get a nice base hit,
we'll start a rally.
556
00:25:52,131 --> 00:25:54,601
Come on, Maz? A home run ties it.
I'm going for it.
557
00:25:54,667 --> 00:25:57,662
Don't be stupid. No one's hit one out
of here since Dave Della Ferra in 1989.
558
00:25:57,736 --> 00:25:59,365
Why don't you think I can do one too?
559
00:25:59,438 --> 00:26:02,969
Because he bench pressed 400 pounds
and you sweat when you eat.
560
00:26:03,042 --> 00:26:04,340
So did Babe Ruth.
561
00:26:05,644 --> 00:26:07,238
The DeVanzo shift, guys.
562
00:26:08,748 --> 00:26:10,114
Meet the ball, Artie.
Come on.
563
00:26:10,183 --> 00:26:13,155
Hey, Artie, you guys find
a new league to play in yet?
564
00:26:13,219 --> 00:26:15,850
Because one more out, chubs,
and we're 5-O.
565
00:26:16,122 --> 00:26:17,591
You guys are O-5.
566
00:26:18,024 --> 00:26:19,687
Home run coming up.
567
00:26:20,193 --> 00:26:22,630
That would be impressive
after you spent all that energy...
568
00:26:22,696 --> 00:26:24,563
mowing my lawn this afternoon.
569
00:26:26,199 --> 00:26:27,725
I'm actually rooting for you.
570
00:26:28,468 --> 00:26:29,731
Here it comes, Tubby.
571
00:26:30,136 --> 00:26:31,867
And here it goes, prick.
572
00:27:07,975 --> 00:27:09,034
Yes!
573
00:27:09,109 --> 00:27:10,635
- Damn!
- 5-0!
574
00:27:11,078 --> 00:27:13,641
5-0, baby! Yeah!
575
00:27:15,616 --> 00:27:19,020
DeVanzo, you shithead. Watching you hit
into that double play...
576
00:27:19,086 --> 00:27:21,353
makes me wish I was 35 years younger.
577
00:27:21,422 --> 00:27:23,187
I know, so you could kick my ass.
578
00:27:23,258 --> 00:27:25,751
No, because I could kick your ass
right now...
579
00:27:25,826 --> 00:27:30,268
but 35 years ago, I could have loaned
your parents the money for an abortion.
580
00:27:39,007 --> 00:27:41,375
I can't believe you can joke around
like this when you're about...
581
00:27:41,442 --> 00:27:43,309
to get us kicked out
of the softball league.
582
00:27:43,744 --> 00:27:45,179
Maybe I should take up bowling.
583
00:27:45,313 --> 00:27:48,251
It would be great to play a sport when
there's always a bar three feet away.
584
00:27:48,549 --> 00:27:51,214
So you can get even more drunk
than you do now for softball?
585
00:27:51,286 --> 00:27:53,518
Will you two stop?
We're not out of it yet.
586
00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:56,116
Maz, will you face facts?
We're out of it.
587
00:27:56,190 --> 00:27:57,990
We're not playing softball
in this league...
588
00:27:58,059 --> 00:27:59,756
and you daughter
is an atrocious dancer.
589
00:27:59,828 --> 00:28:02,493
We're not done.
We can still make the playoffs.
590
00:28:02,564 --> 00:28:06,368
Look, I admit that technically
we can still make the playoffs.
591
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:09,271
Now you admit that
your daughter's dancing is a disgrace.
592
00:28:09,338 --> 00:28:10,806
Fuck you, Johnny.
I'm gonna kill you.
593
00:28:10,872 --> 00:28:11,805
Go for it.
594
00:28:12,007 --> 00:28:14,240
Maybe growing up
with a father in jail...
595
00:28:14,310 --> 00:28:16,837
will help her dance
with just a hint of passion.
596
00:28:19,448 --> 00:28:20,973
- My man.
- You got it.
597
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,185
Man, that was a tough loss.
598
00:28:24,553 --> 00:28:27,047
Yeah, I hate losing
to those fucking Guidos.
599
00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:29,491
Tim, will you watch it with that word?
600
00:28:29,724 --> 00:28:31,126
- What? Guidos?
- Yeah.
601
00:28:31,193 --> 00:28:33,390
Man, you all call each other that
all the time.
602
00:28:33,462 --> 00:28:35,091
Yeah, I know, but it's okay
when we say it.
603
00:28:35,164 --> 00:28:37,066
When you say it, it's racist.
604
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:39,929
All right, Alfonse.
I respect that.
605
00:28:42,872 --> 00:28:45,537
Wait a minute, I don't respect that.
Guidos aren't a race.
606
00:28:45,775 --> 00:28:48,143
You're a bunch of wiggers
who dress like the Sopranos.
607
00:28:49,679 --> 00:28:50,772
Thank you.
608
00:28:51,047 --> 00:28:53,518
I appreciate you setting up
the bachelor party...
609
00:28:53,583 --> 00:28:56,953
it's just I know you, all right?
No crazy shit. Promise me?
610
00:28:57,687 --> 00:29:00,180
Absolutely not.
Come on, what are you, kidding me?
611
00:29:01,924 --> 00:29:03,153
Eight in the corner.
612
00:29:05,628 --> 00:29:08,099
Hey, Maz, I've been meaning
to ask you a question.
613
00:29:08,798 --> 00:29:11,770
I've been seeing this girl Linda
now for a little while...
614
00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:14,863
and, I don't know,
she's sort of becoming my girlfriend...
615
00:29:14,938 --> 00:29:19,038
and, I tell you what,
I could see things getting serious.
616
00:29:19,342 --> 00:29:21,574
- That's good for you, Art.
- Yeah.
617
00:29:21,744 --> 00:29:24,808
But I'm sort of having
this one problem.
618
00:29:24,882 --> 00:29:25,907
Let me guess...
619
00:29:25,982 --> 00:29:28,249
you're tying to figure out
how to tell her about the herpes.
620
00:29:28,318 --> 00:29:29,651
No, no, she's got it too.
621
00:29:29,786 --> 00:29:31,848
Congratulations,
you've found your soul mate.
622
00:29:32,288 --> 00:29:34,920
Thanks.
But the thing is this...
623
00:29:35,291 --> 00:29:37,820
She's what most guys would,
I don't know...
624
00:29:37,895 --> 00:29:40,229
charitably call "used goods".
625
00:29:40,296 --> 00:29:42,825
Not for nothing, Art,
but you're what most girls...
626
00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:45,063
would charitably call
a "stinking piece of shit".
627
00:29:45,135 --> 00:29:46,160
No offense.
628
00:29:46,470 --> 00:29:49,533
I was offended there for a second,
but then you said "no offense"...
629
00:29:49,607 --> 00:29:50,836
so now everything is cool.
630
00:29:51,609 --> 00:29:52,702
Anyway...
631
00:29:53,043 --> 00:29:57,212
the other day I was talking to her
and I was tying to figure out a way...
632
00:29:57,281 --> 00:30:00,617
to ask her how many guys
she's slept with.
633
00:30:01,385 --> 00:30:03,014
Why would you want to know that?
634
00:30:03,087 --> 00:30:05,853
I don't know, why does any guy want
to know? I just want to know.
635
00:30:06,157 --> 00:30:10,063
What I do know is she's been having sex
since she was 15 years old...
636
00:30:10,128 --> 00:30:12,861
so that's 15 years in the league.
637
00:30:12,931 --> 00:30:16,631
Conservatively,
she had to put away 25 or 30...
638
00:30:16,701 --> 00:30:19,228
- For what you told me about this girl...
- I know, you're right.
639
00:30:19,303 --> 00:30:21,740
She's gotta be in triple digits.
Anything less, is a lie.
640
00:30:21,806 --> 00:30:23,742
Anything more and I'm gonna pull
my fucking hair out.
641
00:30:23,808 --> 00:30:26,244
It's all part of her past.
Why do you let it bother you?
642
00:30:27,245 --> 00:30:28,235
Will you listen to me?
643
00:30:28,747 --> 00:30:30,717
My suggestion
is just drop the whole thing.
644
00:30:31,916 --> 00:30:33,145
I don't think I can.
645
00:30:33,551 --> 00:30:34,781
All right, fine.
646
00:30:34,953 --> 00:30:36,479
If you're gonna ask her,
you gotta be prepared...
647
00:30:36,554 --> 00:30:39,721
to answer the question yourself.
So what's your number?
648
00:30:39,891 --> 00:30:43,331
Let's see. I used to be better
at keeping track of this.
649
00:30:44,896 --> 00:30:46,126
Seventy three.
650
00:30:46,231 --> 00:30:47,756
Not counting whores.
651
00:30:47,999 --> 00:30:48,932
Six.
652
00:30:50,001 --> 00:30:51,630
You're right,
I'll drop the whole thing.
653
00:30:55,607 --> 00:30:57,770
So mowing the lawns almost killed me...
654
00:30:57,842 --> 00:30:59,539
but I was making through the day...
655
00:30:59,611 --> 00:31:02,812
and then the last house turned out
to be that prick Manganelli's.
656
00:31:02,881 --> 00:31:03,872
Oh, no.
657
00:31:04,950 --> 00:31:08,582
And then to top it off, he gets me to
hit into a double play to end the game.
658
00:31:08,654 --> 00:31:10,384
It was just so fucking humiliating.
659
00:31:10,522 --> 00:31:12,287
I'm so sorry, honey.
660
00:31:12,925 --> 00:31:14,724
Let's not talk about that asshole.
661
00:31:16,595 --> 00:31:19,032
You know, to tell you the truth,
all the shit with Manganelli...
662
00:31:19,097 --> 00:31:22,264
and us probably getting kicked out
of the softball league...
663
00:31:23,135 --> 00:31:25,436
it's really not bothering that much.
664
00:31:26,572 --> 00:31:27,665
Why not?
665
00:31:29,709 --> 00:31:31,406
I think it's because of you.
666
00:31:33,313 --> 00:31:34,303
Yeah?
667
00:31:37,283 --> 00:31:40,050
Plus right now this weed
is helping out quite a bit.
668
00:31:41,521 --> 00:31:45,427
You know, my shrink says
you're really good for my self-esteem.
669
00:31:46,259 --> 00:31:51,031
And out of all the guys I dated,
you're the only one she said that about.
670
00:31:52,365 --> 00:31:53,731
Hey, let's fuck!
671
00:31:54,868 --> 00:31:56,770
Artie, I don't want to wake
your mom up.
672
00:31:56,837 --> 00:31:59,603
Come on, don't worry.
My mother went to sleep hours ago.
673
00:31:59,673 --> 00:32:01,198
Artie, I don't know.
674
00:32:01,274 --> 00:32:03,939
Come on! These walls
are completely sound proof.
675
00:32:04,010 --> 00:32:05,501
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah! Of course!
676
00:32:05,579 --> 00:32:08,379
- Would I lie to you? Come on!
- No, you wouldn't lie.
677
00:32:08,448 --> 00:32:10,476
You could play drums
in this fucking room.
678
00:32:10,650 --> 00:32:13,555
You could do the solo from Tom Samer
in this fucking room.
679
00:32:14,421 --> 00:32:15,684
Who is Tom Samer?
680
00:32:16,122 --> 00:32:18,149
It's a Rush song.
It's not important.
681
00:32:20,060 --> 00:32:22,463
All right, I'm almost there.
Almost there.
682
00:32:22,696 --> 00:32:24,859
Just about there.
Almost there. Okay.
683
00:32:24,931 --> 00:32:27,095
Not quite yet. Almost there.
Almost there.
684
00:32:27,167 --> 00:32:28,329
Grab my balls!
685
00:32:29,570 --> 00:32:30,765
Pinch my nipples!
686
00:32:31,505 --> 00:32:32,939
Pinch me in the back!
687
00:32:33,173 --> 00:32:35,371
Harder! Harder!
688
00:32:35,475 --> 00:32:37,503
- That was too hard.
- Like this?
689
00:32:37,578 --> 00:32:38,945
That's it! That's perfect.
690
00:32:39,013 --> 00:32:40,777
Artie, wait.
I think the rubber slipped off.
691
00:32:40,848 --> 00:32:41,781
Sorry!
692
00:32:43,150 --> 00:32:44,618
Oh, no!
693
00:32:46,888 --> 00:32:47,856
Shit!
694
00:32:47,922 --> 00:32:50,518
Nice hit. Nice hit.
695
00:32:50,825 --> 00:32:51,884
Way to go, Alfonse!
696
00:32:52,359 --> 00:32:53,292
Yes!
697
00:32:53,527 --> 00:32:54,518
Come on, Art!
698
00:32:54,929 --> 00:32:56,158
Drive me in and we win it, buddy!
699
00:32:56,230 --> 00:32:58,701
Get a hit or I'm gonna shove
that bat up your ass.
700
00:33:01,268 --> 00:33:03,466
- Yeah!
- Very good!
701
00:33:05,506 --> 00:33:06,668
That's a nice tattoo.
702
00:33:06,741 --> 00:33:09,177
I didn't realize it was
the Chinese word for Guido.
703
00:33:10,545 --> 00:33:13,381
Actually, this is the Chinese symbol
for "fuck you".
704
00:33:13,648 --> 00:33:16,016
You know, this was great tonight, man.
Getting the first win, huh?
705
00:33:16,084 --> 00:33:17,416
Yeah, was.
706
00:33:17,485 --> 00:33:19,717
Kind of reminds me how
I'm gonna miss playing for this team.
707
00:33:19,921 --> 00:33:21,686
Hey, look, I'm gonna play
with my brother's team out...
708
00:33:21,756 --> 00:33:24,489
in Parsippany new year. You want me
to see if they need an infielder?
709
00:33:24,559 --> 00:33:27,087
No, get to Parsippany is a pain
in the ass twice a week.
710
00:33:27,162 --> 00:33:28,825
You get traffic, Route 46...
711
00:33:28,897 --> 00:33:31,732
Hey, guys,
it ain't over till it's over.
712
00:33:31,867 --> 00:33:34,896
Artie, you know I'm not the one
who want to give up but...
713
00:33:34,970 --> 00:33:37,133
we're 1-5. It's pretty over.
714
00:33:37,205 --> 00:33:38,264
Way over.
715
00:33:38,506 --> 00:33:40,670
Hello?
Okay, I tell him.
716
00:33:40,843 --> 00:33:43,279
Hey, Art. That was Yogi Berra.
He says it's over.
717
00:33:44,212 --> 00:33:45,305
Jerk-off.
718
00:33:45,814 --> 00:33:48,445
There's a way to beat
Manganelli's team. We have to...
719
00:33:48,517 --> 00:33:52,389
I know what you are going to say, Art.
We gotta blow out Manganelli's fitness.
720
00:33:55,424 --> 00:33:57,052
Dave, how are things at home?
721
00:33:57,726 --> 00:33:58,955
Not good, man.
722
00:34:01,029 --> 00:34:04,696
I'm holding in a huge piss,
so could you get to the point, shithead?
723
00:34:04,766 --> 00:34:06,760
All right.
We gotta practice.
724
00:34:08,337 --> 00:34:10,466
Aren't you the one that said
practice is for fags?
725
00:34:10,539 --> 00:34:11,871
Yeah, that's when
you wanted to practice.
726
00:34:11,940 --> 00:34:15,812
Look, this is a beer league.
Nobody practices and that can help us.
727
00:34:15,879 --> 00:34:17,814
I've been hitting softballs every day...
728
00:34:17,881 --> 00:34:20,819
and I didn't drink before the game
tonight the first time ever.
729
00:34:20,884 --> 00:34:22,682
I could do that for the whole season.
730
00:34:22,752 --> 00:34:24,550
Look, I'm not saying
it's gonna be easy...
731
00:34:24,620 --> 00:34:27,787
Manganelli's team is gonna win
first place for the regular season.
732
00:34:27,857 --> 00:34:30,590
We're gonna have to scratch and claw
and get into second place...
733
00:34:30,660 --> 00:34:32,424
and then beat them
in the championship game.
734
00:34:32,495 --> 00:34:35,228
But if we start practicing,
I think we gotta a shot.
735
00:34:36,365 --> 00:34:40,135
Fellows, I've been paying softball
for a long time.
736
00:34:40,303 --> 00:34:43,036
This is not the best team
I've ever played on.
737
00:34:43,540 --> 00:34:45,236
But it ain't the worst, either.
738
00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:49,479
So, if we would actually
practice every day...
739
00:34:50,314 --> 00:34:52,876
then, like shithead says,
in this league...
740
00:34:52,949 --> 00:34:54,782
we gotta a shot to win at all.
741
00:34:54,918 --> 00:34:55,943
How about it?
742
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:57,783
Let's have a toast.
743
00:34:57,921 --> 00:34:59,322
To beat Manganelli!
744
00:34:59,389 --> 00:35:02,384
Toast, my ass! I gotta piss so badly
I could drown a horse.
745
00:35:02,892 --> 00:35:04,589
Talk so fucking much.
746
00:35:04,794 --> 00:35:06,764
All right, that put a damper
on the toast.
747
00:35:06,830 --> 00:35:08,629
What do you say
we just practice tomorrow?
748
00:35:08,798 --> 00:35:09,788
Salud.
749
00:35:11,501 --> 00:35:14,632
Bounding ball to the grindaloon
at third. He's got it.
750
00:35:17,942 --> 00:35:20,412
All right. We haven't turned
a double play in like three years...
751
00:35:20,477 --> 00:35:23,415
so let's get two.
Come on. Artie is here now.
752
00:35:23,614 --> 00:35:24,582
Let's get two.
753
00:35:31,856 --> 00:35:34,156
Good effort! Good effort!
Way to go! Way to go!
754
00:35:34,224 --> 00:35:35,157
Damn!
755
00:35:35,726 --> 00:35:37,958
You assholes know
I'm being sarcastic, right?
756
00:35:38,829 --> 00:35:40,230
Come on. Let's get two.
757
00:35:43,734 --> 00:35:45,431
- Damn!
- Ty not to spread your legs...
758
00:35:45,503 --> 00:35:46,971
like a two buck hooker.
759
00:35:49,107 --> 00:35:51,100
Good, Maz!
When you wait it on like that...
760
00:35:51,142 --> 00:35:54,239
you don't have to lunge for the ball.
All right. Way to be.
761
00:35:54,412 --> 00:35:57,475
Now, Johnny, I noticed you've been
dropping your front shoulder.
762
00:35:57,548 --> 00:35:59,415
Wait a minute,
you're telling me how to hit?
763
00:35:59,584 --> 00:36:01,520
Please, I'm batting.687.
764
00:36:01,652 --> 00:36:03,451
It's like telling Ted Williams
how to hit.
765
00:36:03,822 --> 00:36:07,226
Really? I always thought of you
as more like a Pete Rose type.
766
00:36:07,291 --> 00:36:09,421
You know, a shitty gambler
with bad hair.
767
00:36:10,561 --> 00:36:11,587
Hit it!
768
00:36:17,469 --> 00:36:21,169
Jesus Christ! It's like a bunch
of monkeys tying to screw a football.
769
00:36:23,442 --> 00:36:26,710
Nice hit, Tim.
Way to be. Beautiful.
770
00:36:29,748 --> 00:36:31,911
You know, Dave, you might be a lefty.
771
00:36:32,951 --> 00:36:33,884
Yeah.
772
00:36:33,952 --> 00:36:35,478
Let's get two.
Come on!
773
00:36:40,192 --> 00:36:41,319
What the fuck are you doing?
774
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:42,493
Jump!
775
00:36:45,998 --> 00:36:47,796
Second base is over there, moron!
776
00:36:48,034 --> 00:36:49,229
Sorry, Johnny. I...
777
00:36:49,368 --> 00:36:50,962
Jesus Christ!
778
00:36:54,339 --> 00:36:56,173
That is just amul.
779
00:36:56,842 --> 00:36:57,902
Really?
780
00:36:58,044 --> 00:37:00,446
- I thought I hit that pretty good.
- No, your hitting is fine.
781
00:37:00,512 --> 00:37:03,542
I'm talking about
that disgusting Guido pink shirt.
782
00:37:03,616 --> 00:37:04,584
Go home and change it.
783
00:37:04,651 --> 00:37:06,176
All right, technically,
this is fuchsia.
784
00:37:06,251 --> 00:37:07,915
Out of my sight! Go!
785
00:37:08,087 --> 00:37:09,350
I'm gonna throw up.
786
00:37:09,689 --> 00:37:12,525
- Jesus Christ!
- I'm going to see my brajool.
787
00:37:13,493 --> 00:37:14,961
- Let's get two.
- Come on, fellows.
788
00:37:15,495 --> 00:37:16,428
Come on!
789
00:37:20,633 --> 00:37:21,999
- Yeah!
- All right!
790
00:37:22,068 --> 00:37:24,938
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on now!
791
00:37:25,004 --> 00:37:27,305
Now do that again and prove
that was not just luck.
792
00:37:27,373 --> 00:37:28,364
Let's do this.
793
00:37:30,410 --> 00:37:32,642
Great.
Get two now. Two.
794
00:37:32,712 --> 00:37:33,680
Come on now!
795
00:37:34,114 --> 00:37:36,607
- Yeah!
- That's what I'm talking about.
796
00:37:36,683 --> 00:37:39,450
- All right!
- Way to be!
797
00:37:42,055 --> 00:37:44,856
- That's the way to do it.
- Way to be! Way to be!
798
00:37:45,158 --> 00:37:46,421
Come on now, folks!
799
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,588
Come on, good, Guido.
800
00:37:51,231 --> 00:37:52,791
Everybody hits.
801
00:37:53,100 --> 00:37:55,731
- Run, Artie!
- Slow down, asshole.
802
00:37:57,938 --> 00:38:00,135
One hopper, DeVanzo.
He's got it.
803
00:38:03,777 --> 00:38:05,075
- Out!
- Yeah!
804
00:38:07,448 --> 00:38:08,711
Throw to first!
805
00:38:10,351 --> 00:38:12,253
- Out!
- Nice, Art. Way to pick it.
806
00:38:12,319 --> 00:38:14,290
How about it? How about it?
807
00:38:16,190 --> 00:38:17,556
- Good play.
- Nice.
808
00:38:17,625 --> 00:38:20,426
- Way to be.
- Don't get cocky, fucknuts.
809
00:38:20,927 --> 00:38:22,761
All right, let's go.
No stick up here.
810
00:38:22,930 --> 00:38:25,527
No stick? Hey, Crispino,
what's your batting average?
811
00:38:25,599 --> 00:38:28,332
Fuck you, Johnny. Who keeps that
in slow pitch softball?
812
00:38:28,402 --> 00:38:30,736
I'm hitting.687.
Thank you.
813
00:38:32,106 --> 00:38:33,165
Nice shot!
814
00:38:34,308 --> 00:38:35,276
Strike three!
815
00:38:35,342 --> 00:38:38,281
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
816
00:38:40,582 --> 00:38:42,848
Nice catch!
817
00:38:42,917 --> 00:38:44,477
- Look at you!
- All right.
818
00:38:57,299 --> 00:38:59,701
What do you say now? Here we go.
Turn it now. Come on!
819
00:38:59,768 --> 00:39:00,793
I'm on it, Johnny.
820
00:39:01,303 --> 00:39:02,236
Out!
821
00:39:02,304 --> 00:39:04,171
.463. Nice.
822
00:39:04,372 --> 00:39:08,473
No carbs. Lobster,
prime rib, those little clams.
823
00:39:08,543 --> 00:39:10,513
Whatever you want.
Want to drive?
824
00:39:10,612 --> 00:39:11,979
- Yeah!
- I don't think so.
825
00:39:14,649 --> 00:39:15,913
What the fuck!?
826
00:39:19,955 --> 00:39:21,891
DeVanzo, you motherfucker!
827
00:39:23,525 --> 00:39:25,222
Way to hit it, man.
Nice shot!
828
00:39:26,061 --> 00:39:27,222
Yeah!
829
00:39:27,296 --> 00:39:28,559
- That's right!
- All right!
830
00:39:28,631 --> 00:39:30,601
- Congratulations!
- Nice shot!
831
00:39:30,666 --> 00:39:33,262
Ten to five, baby!
Ten to five!
832
00:39:33,803 --> 00:39:34,998
Nice shot!
833
00:39:49,051 --> 00:39:53,686
Step right up and shoot the geek.
One hundred shots for five dollars.
834
00:39:53,756 --> 00:39:56,159
Oh, my God! Yeah!
This is getting ugly.
835
00:40:00,330 --> 00:40:02,459
- All right.
- Artie, knock it off!
836
00:40:02,665 --> 00:40:03,929
- Get him in his balls.
- Okay.
837
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:04,990
Get his balls.
838
00:40:07,370 --> 00:40:09,704
On theses wheels I bet on Mom
every single time.
839
00:40:09,773 --> 00:40:11,435
Because I love my mom, you know?
840
00:40:11,507 --> 00:40:13,238
- That's so cute.
- Thanks.
841
00:40:13,509 --> 00:40:14,808
All right.
Come on, "Mom"!
842
00:40:14,878 --> 00:40:16,814
- Come on, "Mom"!
- Come on! "Mom", what do you say?
843
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,143
Come on, "Mom"!
844
00:40:18,214 --> 00:40:20,184
One time with "Mom".
Just one time.
845
00:40:20,250 --> 00:40:21,810
Come on, motherfucker "Mom"!
846
00:40:21,885 --> 00:40:24,789
Motherfucker! Hit "Mom"!
Motherfucker! Come on, "Mom"!
847
00:40:24,855 --> 00:40:27,884
Fuck! Fuck! Shit!
Cock! Fuck!
848
00:40:27,957 --> 00:40:30,794
Motherfucker! Let's get away
from this crooked fucking game.
849
00:40:36,233 --> 00:40:40,173
It's hard to say
because I totally believe in God...
850
00:40:40,371 --> 00:40:42,671
but I have lots of problems
with the Church.
851
00:40:42,873 --> 00:40:45,367
I don't think I want to be married
in a church...
852
00:40:45,442 --> 00:40:47,469
because I would feel like
a total hypocrite.
853
00:40:49,079 --> 00:40:52,814
I sort of feel the same way, you know.
I'm not religious at all...
854
00:40:52,884 --> 00:40:54,877
but my mother
went to Catholic school...
855
00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:57,924
so, you know, she would really want me
to get married by a priest.
856
00:40:57,988 --> 00:40:59,925
So I thought of this great compromise.
857
00:40:59,990 --> 00:41:01,425
If I ever get married...
858
00:41:01,491 --> 00:41:05,296
it's going to be by a justice of
the peace who's also a child molester.
859
00:41:07,198 --> 00:41:09,191
You're so going to hell for that.
860
00:41:09,266 --> 00:41:10,427
What? Come on!
861
00:41:13,671 --> 00:41:17,441
Five dollars, hotshot!
Where are you going? Knock it out.
862
00:41:17,642 --> 00:41:19,635
You know where you mother is?
She's waiting to pick me up.
863
00:41:19,711 --> 00:41:21,681
Five dollars. Purple monkey.
864
00:41:21,746 --> 00:41:25,116
What's up, slugger? Five bucks.
Yours, baby. Purple monkey.
865
00:41:25,182 --> 00:41:27,551
- Purple monkey, man!
- All right, Artie, you can do it!
866
00:41:27,618 --> 00:41:29,213
Purple monkey, man!
867
00:41:30,422 --> 00:41:31,947
All right, baby.
That's a good start.
868
00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:33,925
Gotta have to settle
for a pink bear, man.
869
00:41:33,991 --> 00:41:35,654
- Pink bear, man!
- Come on, baby.
870
00:41:37,128 --> 00:41:38,722
You got nothing!
871
00:41:39,097 --> 00:41:40,122
Nothing!
872
00:41:40,365 --> 00:41:41,492
- All right.
- Dude!
873
00:41:41,699 --> 00:41:43,100
I got the look.
874
00:41:43,168 --> 00:41:44,967
- This is going to be the one, right?
- Purple monkey!
875
00:41:45,036 --> 00:41:46,767
Because he ain't going to get it today.
876
00:41:46,839 --> 00:41:48,968
Loosing his hair, down on his luck...
877
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:50,669
perhaps too fat for his age.
878
00:41:50,743 --> 00:41:54,307
He's with a hot chick
who is clearly out of his league.
879
00:41:54,379 --> 00:41:56,873
Forget about it. I don't even want
one of those stupid purple monkeys.
880
00:41:56,949 --> 00:42:00,183
No, on this one, I'm getting you
a prize. I guarantee, all right?
881
00:42:00,252 --> 00:42:02,119
- Okay.
- Here, catch, douche!
882
00:42:33,619 --> 00:42:36,147
Marie, you're a beautiful dancer.
883
00:42:38,724 --> 00:42:40,057
Atrocious.
884
00:42:40,226 --> 00:42:42,219
- Johnny!
- Unwatchable.
885
00:42:42,295 --> 00:42:43,627
- Stop it!
- It's amul.
886
00:42:43,797 --> 00:42:45,926
- Lovely.
- No, it's not lovely.
887
00:42:45,999 --> 00:42:48,492
Someone's gotta tell her.
She stinks.
888
00:42:48,568 --> 00:42:50,936
Look, I don't know what Artie
has planned for this bachelor party...
889
00:42:51,004 --> 00:42:52,940
Honey, it's no big deal, all right?
Johnny, you ready?
890
00:42:53,006 --> 00:42:55,705
And I don't want to know,
it's just my father might stop by...
891
00:42:55,775 --> 00:42:57,073
- for a little while.
- I know.
892
00:42:57,143 --> 00:42:59,079
And if he does,
would you please show some respect?
893
00:42:59,145 --> 00:43:00,078
Absolutely.
894
00:43:00,146 --> 00:43:01,342
Don't worry about nothing.
I'll bring him back in one piece.
895
00:43:01,415 --> 00:43:02,542
- You see?
- Come on.
896
00:43:02,615 --> 00:43:03,845
All right, honey, I'll see you later.
897
00:43:04,884 --> 00:43:05,909
Whatever.
898
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:07,613
All right, let's go.
899
00:43:10,223 --> 00:43:12,285
Gina, relax.
900
00:43:12,359 --> 00:43:14,727
They all have bachelor parties.
It's no big deal.
901
00:43:14,961 --> 00:43:19,630
Marie, stay away from the street,
sweetheart. Just dance on the lawn.
902
00:43:21,201 --> 00:43:23,467
Marilyn, it's not the bachelor party
that I'm worried about, you know...
903
00:43:23,537 --> 00:43:26,509
it's just I can't relax when I know
he's going out with fuckhead.
904
00:43:26,573 --> 00:43:27,700
You mean Artie?
905
00:43:27,775 --> 00:43:29,768
Did you know that at
Carol Monteverdi's wedding...
906
00:43:29,844 --> 00:43:31,814
he got drunk and he punched
the deejay in the face...
907
00:43:31,879 --> 00:43:34,441
because the guy wouldn't play
"Rock Me, Amadeus"?
908
00:43:34,715 --> 00:43:37,447
Well, we Al know
he's kind of pathetic...
909
00:43:37,517 --> 00:43:41,116
but I like Artie, and I don't think
he's quite so obnoxious any more.
910
00:43:42,056 --> 00:43:43,685
The 2-2 pitch to Birkenstock.
911
00:43:44,925 --> 00:43:46,359
Yeah!
912
00:43:46,427 --> 00:43:48,055
Down the line!
He may have it!
913
00:43:48,128 --> 00:43:49,495
It's got the foul pole!
914
00:43:49,564 --> 00:43:50,532
Home run!
915
00:43:50,764 --> 00:43:51,698
Nice shot.
916
00:44:15,090 --> 00:44:16,183
Hey, no!
917
00:44:16,657 --> 00:44:18,217
Scavooch, what the fuck?
918
00:44:18,292 --> 00:44:21,231
And the crowd is going crazy
here at Bush Stadium.
919
00:44:23,164 --> 00:44:26,398
And DeVanzo is looking to lace
one back through the hole.
920
00:44:28,703 --> 00:44:30,195
A little chin music.
921
00:44:30,271 --> 00:44:31,968
And he may charge the round.
922
00:44:33,708 --> 00:44:36,442
That's okay, it's cool. If I have to,
I'll snort the fucking rag.
923
00:44:36,912 --> 00:44:40,282
- Tone that spitter, honey.
- Come on, let's take a look at that.
924
00:44:44,353 --> 00:44:45,343
You got to have that.
925
00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:47,323
Wait, you almost fucked us up
over here.
926
00:44:47,389 --> 00:44:49,882
- Dude, you got to catch that.
- I'm not catching that shit.
927
00:44:53,795 --> 00:44:56,164
- He's got his own stick.
- This is going to be a good one.
928
00:44:59,435 --> 00:45:00,630
Pete LeCock!
929
00:45:00,802 --> 00:45:02,169
Salud!
930
00:45:02,237 --> 00:45:03,729
- Salud.
- Drink this.
931
00:45:03,805 --> 00:45:05,536
- Salud!
- Salud more!
932
00:45:07,476 --> 00:45:09,743
- You're tying to kill me here.
- Come on, one more. I love you.
933
00:45:25,962 --> 00:45:27,454
- Fuck, cops.
- Shit!
934
00:45:30,099 --> 00:45:31,898
What the fuck is going on in here?
935
00:45:33,903 --> 00:45:35,532
Everybody freeze.
936
00:45:38,975 --> 00:45:41,139
- Shit!
- Hey, you son of a bitch!
937
00:45:41,678 --> 00:45:43,910
Hey, look at him.
Hey, relax, guys.
938
00:45:44,681 --> 00:45:45,706
Hey.
939
00:45:46,282 --> 00:45:47,876
This is my cousin Mickey.
940
00:45:48,051 --> 00:45:49,519
He's a Boston cop.
941
00:45:51,588 --> 00:45:52,647
Funny.
942
00:45:55,725 --> 00:45:59,062
Scared the shit out of you all Derek
Jeter-loving motherfuckers, didn't I?
943
00:45:59,262 --> 00:46:01,733
Hey, man, have a drink.
Have some fun.
944
00:46:01,798 --> 00:46:03,290
- Sure, Maz.
- Thanks for coming.
945
00:46:03,366 --> 00:46:05,427
Hey, black man.
Hook me up with some coke, will you?
946
00:46:07,137 --> 00:46:08,800
Want a slice there, Pitching Machine?
947
00:46:09,372 --> 00:46:11,274
No, I don't eat dairy.
948
00:46:11,475 --> 00:46:13,445
The Pitching Machine doesn't eat dairy.
949
00:46:13,877 --> 00:46:15,277
A lot of rules.
950
00:46:15,446 --> 00:46:17,347
Fuck you, ho.
You ain't taking money out of my pocket.
951
00:46:17,414 --> 00:46:19,043
Fuck you, bitch.
I saw him first.
952
00:46:19,116 --> 00:46:20,949
You're the one taking money
out of my pocket.
953
00:46:21,018 --> 00:46:22,487
Come on, ladies.
954
00:46:22,919 --> 00:46:24,947
Neither if you even have pockets.
955
00:46:29,660 --> 00:46:31,459
Honey, your prices are outrageous.
956
00:46:31,995 --> 00:46:35,162
I remember when a man could get
his cock clean for five bucks.
957
00:46:35,599 --> 00:46:39,004
I'll clean your cock for five bucks,
but a blowjob is still fifty.
958
00:46:39,637 --> 00:46:41,038
Let me call my wife.
959
00:46:42,306 --> 00:46:43,638
Hey, there he is.
960
00:46:45,176 --> 00:46:46,701
- Dennis.
- How do you feel?
961
00:46:47,111 --> 00:46:48,704
Did you come in a convertible?
962
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,348
Don't be jealous.
963
00:46:50,715 --> 00:46:52,183
- Get a drink.
- All right.
964
00:46:52,250 --> 00:46:54,015
Have a good time.
It's your last chance.
965
00:46:54,252 --> 00:46:57,520
Hey, Ed, what is
the "Elect Zinna" bullshit?
966
00:46:58,422 --> 00:46:59,891
Fucking bitch.
967
00:47:07,532 --> 00:47:08,693
What happened to you?
968
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,337
While I was getting a blowjob the other
whore punched my whore in the mouth.
969
00:47:13,738 --> 00:47:15,230
You better ice that shit, money.
970
00:47:19,178 --> 00:47:21,876
Hey, thanks so much
for putting this together.
971
00:47:21,946 --> 00:47:24,076
I'm having a fucking great time.
972
00:47:24,149 --> 00:47:25,811
Don't worry about it, brother.
973
00:47:26,484 --> 00:47:28,922
Hey, listen, Manganelli just showed up.
974
00:47:28,987 --> 00:47:30,286
Yeah, I saw him.
975
00:47:30,355 --> 00:47:32,120
No fight, please.
976
00:47:32,490 --> 00:47:33,584
I promise!
977
00:47:33,658 --> 00:47:36,221
Listen, Maz, I'm in a very
different place right now.
978
00:47:36,295 --> 00:47:39,131
- I really don't care about Manganelli.
- That's what I want to hear.
979
00:47:39,198 --> 00:47:40,325
- All right?
- That's great, Artie.
980
00:47:40,398 --> 00:47:46,105
Okay, now, all hoors front and center!
Time to rape the bachelor! Come on!
981
00:47:46,171 --> 00:47:48,938
I'm not doing it!
I'm not doing it!
982
00:47:49,007 --> 00:47:51,240
- I'm not doing it!
- Tough shit. You're doing it!
983
00:47:51,310 --> 00:47:55,752
- Have at him, ladies.
- You're a liar, you motherfucker.
984
00:47:55,914 --> 00:47:57,407
No! Please!
985
00:47:57,483 --> 00:47:59,646
Maz is getting his pipes cleaned.
986
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:00,914
Hang in there, Maz.
987
00:48:00,986 --> 00:48:02,751
Maz, you're down for the count, bro.
988
00:48:02,822 --> 00:48:05,316
Jesus Christ.
Artie? Artie? Artie?
989
00:48:05,391 --> 00:48:07,190
Hey, I'm a little busy right now.
990
00:48:07,260 --> 00:48:09,355
I thought you said
you're not gonna do coke anymore.
991
00:48:09,428 --> 00:48:11,331
Bachelor parties don't count.
992
00:48:11,631 --> 00:48:13,294
Asshole, it's Gina's father.
993
00:48:13,899 --> 00:48:16,166
I would rather not be naked
in front of my friends right now.
994
00:48:16,236 --> 00:48:20,700
Shit. He looks pissed.
I was hoping he'd be cool.
995
00:48:20,773 --> 00:48:23,244
You know, like your father was
in your bachelor party.
996
00:48:23,309 --> 00:48:24,869
Yeah, he was the best.
997
00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:27,313
I can't believe I walked in on him
getting a hummer.
998
00:48:27,446 --> 00:48:28,415
What?
999
00:48:29,048 --> 00:48:29,982
Nothing.
1000
00:48:31,050 --> 00:48:34,251
Hey, this dude looks like he's going
to freak out. I better go talk to him.
1001
00:48:34,855 --> 00:48:37,052
I'm supposed to go to confession
new week.
1002
00:48:42,529 --> 00:48:43,792
Cheap shit.
1003
00:48:45,732 --> 00:48:49,433
I don't know if you guys know this,
but I'm getting married very soon.
1004
00:48:49,503 --> 00:48:50,698
Hello, sir.
1005
00:48:50,771 --> 00:48:53,902
No, please!
I have a child.
1006
00:48:53,973 --> 00:48:57,175
I have a five-year-old.
Wow!
1007
00:48:58,111 --> 00:48:59,705
Boy, Maz has a big cock.
1008
00:48:59,780 --> 00:49:03,686
I'm going to kill you,
you motherfucker!
1009
00:49:03,750 --> 00:49:05,344
He's got no respect for his elders.
1010
00:49:06,987 --> 00:49:08,217
Get off him!
1011
00:49:08,722 --> 00:49:11,319
What the fuck is the matter
with you? Get off him!
1012
00:49:15,529 --> 00:49:18,501
Hey, thanks for letting me
do bumps with you.
1013
00:49:18,900 --> 00:49:20,334
You want that blowjob now?
1014
00:49:20,567 --> 00:49:21,831
No, I'm good.
1015
00:49:23,404 --> 00:49:24,531
That's a first.
1016
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:27,336
She must be pretty special.
1017
00:49:27,975 --> 00:49:29,466
Yeah, she is.
1018
00:49:30,511 --> 00:49:31,537
Bye.
1019
00:49:31,612 --> 00:49:32,546
Take care.
1020
00:49:35,115 --> 00:49:38,681
Art, Maz is pissing all over himself
behind the bar.
1021
00:49:39,086 --> 00:49:42,423
Well, it's not a bachelor party
unless somebody pisses his pants.
1022
00:49:42,490 --> 00:49:44,585
Actually, he managed
to get it out of his pants.
1023
00:49:46,394 --> 00:49:49,195
Look, Maz, I know I owe you
for that time you helped me out...
1024
00:49:49,264 --> 00:49:52,430
when I shit my pants on Mardi Gras,
but now we're even, man.
1025
00:49:52,500 --> 00:49:55,233
Wow! How much did you drink,
motherfucker?
1026
00:49:55,303 --> 00:49:58,434
Jesus Christ, Maz!
Maz!
1027
00:50:00,008 --> 00:50:03,003
All right, it looks like the well
is running Dy finally.
1028
00:50:03,078 --> 00:50:05,948
Now, if you could just get your dick
back to your pants on your own...
1029
00:50:06,014 --> 00:50:08,007
everything will be fine, all right, man?
1030
00:50:09,217 --> 00:50:10,378
Hey, DeVanzo.
1031
00:50:11,253 --> 00:50:14,316
I know why you're here,
but I'm not letting you blow Maz.
1032
00:50:14,389 --> 00:50:15,756
Of course not.
1033
00:50:15,924 --> 00:50:17,860
That's your job, you son of a bitch.
1034
00:50:17,993 --> 00:50:21,397
In case you haven't notice,
the party is over. Get out.
1035
00:50:21,663 --> 00:50:25,034
All right, I'm going.
Say hi to Linda for me.
1036
00:50:25,601 --> 00:50:26,626
What?
1037
00:50:27,035 --> 00:50:30,235
Linda Salvo, your girlfriend.
1038
00:50:30,739 --> 00:50:33,107
She didn't tell you
she used to go to my gym?
1039
00:50:33,309 --> 00:50:34,242
No.
1040
00:50:34,343 --> 00:50:36,575
Yeah. Cute girl.
1041
00:50:37,146 --> 00:50:39,912
She earned quite a few free
membership months in my office...
1042
00:50:39,982 --> 00:50:41,110
if you know what I mean.
1043
00:50:42,251 --> 00:50:44,050
Anyway, say hi to her for me.
1044
00:51:32,569 --> 00:51:33,730
Hey, honey.
1045
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,372
You look like you haven't slept a wink.
1046
00:51:40,410 --> 00:51:41,970
I taped the Yankee game for you.
1047
00:51:42,212 --> 00:51:43,145
Thanks.
1048
00:51:45,049 --> 00:51:48,044
So, were you naughty
at the bachelor party?
1049
00:51:49,219 --> 00:51:50,688
Actually, I wasn't.
1050
00:51:52,890 --> 00:51:56,260
Linda, I have something important
I want to ask you.
1051
00:51:56,594 --> 00:51:58,460
Really? What is it?
1052
00:51:58,629 --> 00:52:00,154
Did you fuck Manganelli?
1053
00:52:03,968 --> 00:52:05,266
Artie...
1054
00:52:05,470 --> 00:52:07,804
Just answer the question, please.
1055
00:52:08,406 --> 00:52:10,204
Look, I don't want to talk
about this, okay?
1056
00:52:10,274 --> 00:52:13,075
I just... No matter what you think,
it's not important.
1057
00:52:13,143 --> 00:52:15,774
Could you just answer
the fucking question, please?
1058
00:52:17,248 --> 00:52:18,273
All right.
1059
00:52:18,649 --> 00:52:20,050
The answer is yes.
1060
00:52:20,218 --> 00:52:21,243
Fuck!
1061
00:52:21,452 --> 00:52:22,579
How could you?
1062
00:52:22,653 --> 00:52:24,748
Artie, it was over two years ago!
1063
00:52:24,822 --> 00:52:27,385
Right, and I had to hear about it from
him. Why couldn't you tell me yourself?
1064
00:52:27,458 --> 00:52:30,658
How could I? You're completely
consumed with this guy.
1065
00:52:30,728 --> 00:52:33,165
You're finally just starting
to get over it.
1066
00:52:33,564 --> 00:52:35,033
Look, I don't think about this jerk...
1067
00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:37,936
and I don't want you to think
about him either. All right?
1068
00:52:38,069 --> 00:52:40,403
I just want us to be happy like we are.
1069
00:52:42,306 --> 00:52:43,570
Come on.
1070
00:52:44,242 --> 00:52:47,146
This is too fucked up.
I don't think I can handle it.
1071
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:50,780
What do you mean you don't think
you can handle it?
1072
00:52:51,650 --> 00:52:53,847
What?
You want to break up over this?
1073
00:52:55,219 --> 00:52:56,712
You know what?
Yeah, I do.
1074
00:52:58,357 --> 00:53:00,189
Are you fucking kidding me?
1075
00:53:00,259 --> 00:53:02,991
Over something that happened
years before I met you?
1076
00:53:03,429 --> 00:53:06,833
You feel bad so now you want
to make me feel bad too, right?
1077
00:53:07,065 --> 00:53:08,033
God, you're just...
1078
00:53:08,100 --> 00:53:10,866
You're not a man!
You're a fucking little bitch.
1079
00:53:11,236 --> 00:53:13,434
God, you're fucking unbelievable!
1080
00:53:13,639 --> 00:53:15,336
I could fucking kill you!
1081
00:53:15,541 --> 00:53:17,978
Damn Yankees fuck ass!
1082
00:53:18,177 --> 00:53:19,839
Nasty loser ass!
1083
00:53:20,379 --> 00:53:24,046
Take your stinking loser jersey too!
1084
00:53:24,249 --> 00:53:26,482
Fat fuck! Fucking asshole!
1085
00:53:28,554 --> 00:53:30,615
Can I get some more fries here, Rhonda?
1086
00:53:31,724 --> 00:53:34,753
You know, women who date fat guys
are often mentally unstable.
1087
00:53:35,562 --> 00:53:36,689
Yeah, it's true.
1088
00:53:37,096 --> 00:53:38,622
They call them "chubby chasers".
1089
00:53:38,698 --> 00:53:41,795
- Rhonda, I'm still here.
- One order of fries coming up.
1090
00:53:47,039 --> 00:53:50,979
Asshole! Asshole!
1091
00:53:51,177 --> 00:53:52,476
Asshole!
1092
00:53:54,614 --> 00:53:56,481
I'm telling you,
this chick is good for Artie.
1093
00:53:56,549 --> 00:53:59,316
- I got my own problems.
- Thanks for the free bat, asshole.
1094
00:54:00,386 --> 00:54:04,589
Hey, Art, you know what?
You can't hold this on this chick now.
1095
00:54:04,657 --> 00:54:06,456
I mean I know it's a pain in the ass
to deal with it...
1096
00:54:06,526 --> 00:54:08,325
I can't deal with it. It's over.
1097
00:54:08,394 --> 00:54:10,592
This is the first chick
you've ever been serious about.
1098
00:54:10,630 --> 00:54:13,329
Come on, you finally met a broad
who doesn't care about your drinking...
1099
00:54:13,399 --> 00:54:16,395
or the fact you're 35 years old
and you still live with your mom.
1100
00:54:16,469 --> 00:54:19,874
And she doesn't mind that a man with
your weight should be about 6'2".
1101
00:54:19,940 --> 00:54:21,773
Plus you factor
in the herpes thing and...
1102
00:54:21,842 --> 00:54:22,901
Asshole!
1103
00:54:23,143 --> 00:54:24,133
Enough!
1104
00:54:24,377 --> 00:54:25,573
Me and her are through.
1105
00:54:26,146 --> 00:54:28,515
So now who are you going to take
to my wedding...
1106
00:54:28,682 --> 00:54:29,775
if there is one?
1107
00:54:30,416 --> 00:54:32,080
What do you mean if there still is one?
1108
00:54:32,185 --> 00:54:35,784
You know, Art, I asked you not to let
things get crazy at the bachelor party.
1109
00:54:36,357 --> 00:54:37,689
Now I got to be worried, you know?
1110
00:54:37,758 --> 00:54:40,160
I'm afraid Gina's father is going
to tell her what went on there.
1111
00:54:40,628 --> 00:54:42,119
No, he's not.
1112
00:54:42,263 --> 00:54:43,196
Yeah, how do you know?
1113
00:54:43,264 --> 00:54:45,564
He's not going to break
the bachelor party code.
1114
00:54:45,633 --> 00:54:49,129
No man tells a woman what goes on
at a bachelor party.
1115
00:54:49,470 --> 00:54:51,906
So what happened
at Michael's bachelor party?
1116
00:54:52,140 --> 00:54:53,301
Nothing.
1117
00:54:53,507 --> 00:54:55,500
So what went on
at Maz's bachelor party?
1118
00:54:55,576 --> 00:54:56,509
Nothing.
1119
00:54:56,777 --> 00:54:58,770
So what went on at the bachelor party?
1120
00:54:58,845 --> 00:54:59,837
Nothing, baby.
1121
00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:03,744
We've been married for 43 years and
you still won't tell me what goes on...
1122
00:55:03,818 --> 00:55:05,879
at one bachelor party?
1123
00:55:07,088 --> 00:55:08,351
Fuck off.
1124
00:55:10,825 --> 00:55:12,225
No, I'm going to be honest with Gina.
1125
00:55:12,293 --> 00:55:13,922
I'll feel better
if I just tell her what happened.
1126
00:55:13,995 --> 00:55:16,831
- Are you fucking insane?
- No, no, no, asshole!
1127
00:55:16,898 --> 00:55:19,631
Every once in a while, some moronic
pussy does spill the beans...
1128
00:55:19,701 --> 00:55:20,828
and it's always a disaster.
1129
00:55:21,069 --> 00:55:23,370
Forgive me!
Please, don't go!
1130
00:55:23,438 --> 00:55:24,701
I'll die without you!
1131
00:55:24,773 --> 00:55:26,173
Get away from me,
you whore-lover.
1132
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:28,677
You said you watched porno so you
wouldn't have to do things like that.
1133
00:55:28,743 --> 00:55:30,143
Look, I wish I hadn't done it...
1134
00:55:30,211 --> 00:55:32,910
but I'm insecure and it feels like
it's going to fall off.
1135
00:55:32,980 --> 00:55:36,318
If it doesn't, give me a call
and I'll come back and I'll cut it off!
1136
00:55:37,552 --> 00:55:38,884
Cut what off, mommy?
1137
00:55:39,854 --> 00:55:41,881
- I know. I know.
- Here he comes, here it goes.
1138
00:55:41,956 --> 00:55:44,484
It's a perfect day for softball
here at the stadium.
1139
00:55:44,559 --> 00:55:47,395
55 thousand on hand for Johnny Trinno.
1140
00:55:47,462 --> 00:55:50,400
Bobblehead Day here.
I mean it's a great day for the kids.
1141
00:55:50,465 --> 00:55:52,435
All fans 16 and under will get one.
1142
00:55:52,500 --> 00:55:55,234
And can Johnny go
for the.700 batting average?
1143
00:55:55,304 --> 00:55:57,901
- Do you ever shut the fuck up?
- No, I don't.
1144
00:55:58,273 --> 00:55:59,332
.698.
1145
00:55:59,709 --> 00:56:02,043
- Nice one, baby!
- Go, Johnny!
1146
00:56:02,144 --> 00:56:03,579
- Come on, Artie.
- Big stick, Artie.
1147
00:56:03,646 --> 00:56:06,914
Would you look at Artie.
You know, he really thinks who he is.
1148
00:56:06,982 --> 00:56:09,818
Fucking best man at my wedding.
And he better behave.
1149
00:56:09,885 --> 00:56:11,878
Gina, you've got to stop.
Stop worrying.
1150
00:56:11,954 --> 00:56:13,924
- Marilyn, stop worrying?
- Yeah.
1151
00:56:13,989 --> 00:56:15,618
Did you know that
at Donna Delvecchio's wedding...
1152
00:56:15,691 --> 00:56:18,561
he pissed in the centerpieces
and got the priest high?
1153
00:56:20,296 --> 00:56:21,229
Okay.
1154
00:56:21,897 --> 00:56:23,799
Oscar Gamble stile, baby.
1155
00:56:26,402 --> 00:56:27,893
Way to go, fuckhead.
1156
00:56:29,905 --> 00:56:31,067
Yeah!
1157
00:56:31,540 --> 00:56:32,907
Yes, Artie!
1158
00:56:32,976 --> 00:56:34,376
Way to go, Artie.
I knew you could do it, pal.
1159
00:56:34,443 --> 00:56:35,377
We did it!
1160
00:56:35,912 --> 00:56:37,813
So back during
college basketball season...
1161
00:56:37,881 --> 00:56:40,010
my buddy Scheky tells me
he's got this system.
1162
00:56:40,083 --> 00:56:43,385
He says it's an absolute lock
when you have this combination, right?
1163
00:56:43,452 --> 00:56:46,016
Big East team on the road...
1164
00:56:46,089 --> 00:56:49,493
give them less than six points
with a white point guard, all right?
1165
00:56:49,558 --> 00:56:52,360
So I bet St. John's against Duke
and I lose big...
1166
00:56:52,428 --> 00:56:53,624
I mean, really big, right?
1167
00:56:53,697 --> 00:56:55,256
So I said to Scheky,
I go, "Look, man...
1168
00:56:55,331 --> 00:56:57,564
the only time a white point guard
is a good thing...
1169
00:56:57,634 --> 00:57:00,104
is when your sister tells you
she's dating a point guard."
1170
00:57:04,307 --> 00:57:06,369
Hey, Tim, I didn't see you there, man.
1171
00:57:07,477 --> 00:57:09,003
That's a funny joke, man.
1172
00:57:09,546 --> 00:57:10,741
You like that joke?
1173
00:57:11,248 --> 00:57:12,648
Yeah, what's not to like about it?
1174
00:57:12,716 --> 00:57:14,379
It's about how you guys suck
at basketball...
1175
00:57:14,451 --> 00:57:15,942
and how good we fuck your women.
1176
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:18,651
I never thought about it like that.
1177
00:57:21,692 --> 00:57:23,889
- We got a better lineup than they got.
- Totally.
1178
00:57:23,961 --> 00:57:26,022
That's why they slacked off
the second half.
1179
00:57:26,096 --> 00:57:28,465
He got the champagne...
1180
00:57:28,532 --> 00:57:29,865
- Hey, guys!
- Hey!
1181
00:57:29,934 --> 00:57:32,997
- What's up? How you doing?
- Hey, Art, listen to this.
1182
00:57:33,070 --> 00:57:35,472
Carino Autobody lost to
Muchugrasso Overhead Doors...
1183
00:57:35,539 --> 00:57:37,372
so now we're tied for second
with Carino.
1184
00:57:37,441 --> 00:57:40,004
- Hey, our last game is against Carino!
- That's right.
1185
00:57:40,077 --> 00:57:41,944
It's going to come down
to the last day here.
1186
00:57:42,012 --> 00:57:45,281
Does Ed's Bar and Swill win the right to
face Manganelli in the championship...
1187
00:57:45,349 --> 00:57:46,716
and save the team?
1188
00:57:46,784 --> 00:57:48,412
Or perhaps even more dramatic...
1189
00:57:48,486 --> 00:57:51,481
does Joking Johnny Trinno
bat.700?
1190
00:57:51,556 --> 00:57:55,120
Asshole, will you forget about
your batting average for one second?
1191
00:57:55,192 --> 00:57:57,128
We gotta beat that prick Manganelli.
1192
00:57:57,262 --> 00:58:00,257
Artie, what exactly do you have
against my cousin?
1193
00:58:00,332 --> 00:58:02,928
Well, number one, he's a prick.
Number two, he's a cock.
1194
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:04,162
Number three, he's a dick.
1195
00:58:04,202 --> 00:58:07,174
Congratulations, you know
three different words for "penis".
1196
00:58:07,239 --> 00:58:09,038
Four, now that you taught me "penis".
1197
00:58:09,507 --> 00:58:11,670
All right, guys, relax, okay?
Does anybody need a drink?
1198
00:58:11,743 --> 00:58:13,976
- Everybody be nice.
- All right, let's change the subject.
1199
00:58:14,045 --> 00:58:18,316
Artie, are you bringing Linda to the
wedding or are you guys still broken up?
1200
00:58:18,383 --> 00:58:20,148
No, we're broken up for good.
1201
00:58:20,285 --> 00:58:22,950
You know, Gina actually offered
to set you up with one of her cousins.
1202
00:58:23,021 --> 00:58:26,152
Hey, great! I heard your cousin
Manganelli gives a mean blowjob.
1203
00:58:26,291 --> 00:58:28,922
You know what, Artie?
You sit on this and rotate.
1204
00:58:28,994 --> 00:58:31,830
Gina, your flirting is making everyone
at the table uncomfortable.
1205
00:58:31,897 --> 00:58:34,767
Come on, Art, take it down a notch.
She's just tying to help you.
1206
00:58:34,833 --> 00:58:37,065
Hey, I'm not some loser
who can't get a...
1207
00:58:37,135 --> 00:58:39,401
Wait, you're not talking about
your cousin Tracy with the tits?
1208
00:58:39,472 --> 00:58:41,304
No, Tracy's married now, thank you.
1209
00:58:41,374 --> 00:58:45,371
Hey, I'm not some loser who can't get
a date! I'm doing just fine on my own.
1210
00:58:46,345 --> 00:58:48,075
Hello, is Karen Denver there?
1211
00:58:48,547 --> 00:58:50,915
Karen? It's Artie DeVanzo!
1212
00:58:51,284 --> 00:58:53,652
Yeah, Artie, from Union High!
1213
00:58:54,085 --> 00:58:56,785
That's right, we haven't spoken
since I took you to the prom.
1214
00:58:58,424 --> 00:59:00,621
That's right, I did call you
from jail after.
1215
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:05,100
Well, listen, I was just sitting
in the office here...
1216
00:59:05,164 --> 00:59:08,034
and I was wondering...
Do you remember my friend Maz?
1217
00:59:08,935 --> 00:59:10,767
Yeah, well, he's getting married
this weekend...
1218
00:59:10,804 --> 00:59:12,670
and I was wondering
if you wanted to go with me.
1219
00:59:13,339 --> 00:59:16,368
Yeah, I was remembering
all the fun times we used to have.
1220
00:59:17,744 --> 00:59:19,178
What do you mean "what fun"?
1221
00:59:19,378 --> 00:59:21,781
By my count, we banged
at least 26 times. Hello?
1222
00:59:22,515 --> 00:59:26,319
No kidding, Gigi.
You're strictly into chicks now?
1223
00:59:26,653 --> 00:59:29,123
Hey, did I have something
to do with that?
1224
00:59:29,989 --> 00:59:31,014
I did?
1225
00:59:33,026 --> 00:59:35,293
So then you got divorced
from that guy too?
1226
00:59:35,362 --> 00:59:37,160
Boy, Brenda, you really know
how to pick them.
1227
00:59:38,097 --> 00:59:39,361
I'm just teasing you.
1228
00:59:40,033 --> 00:59:43,096
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
It's really great to talk to you too.
1229
00:59:43,170 --> 00:59:46,039
I'm so glad that nerd at the library
taught me how to Google.
1230
00:59:46,239 --> 00:59:47,936
Listen, let me tell you
why I'm calling...
1231
00:59:48,942 --> 00:59:50,536
You know already? Really?
1232
00:59:53,180 --> 00:59:56,812
Right, I did tell you I'd pay you back
that 200 bucks I borrowed from you...
1233
00:59:56,884 --> 00:59:58,375
no matter how long it took.
1234
01:00:04,024 --> 01:00:05,049
Hi, this is Linda.
1235
01:00:05,125 --> 01:00:08,154
I can't come to the phone right now,
so, please, leave me a message.
1236
01:00:08,829 --> 01:00:10,594
Hey, it's Artie.
1237
01:00:10,664 --> 01:00:13,465
I know we haven't talked in awhile,
so this is kind of awkward...
1238
01:00:13,534 --> 01:00:14,627
but...
1239
01:00:15,102 --> 01:00:16,867
Look, everything was my fault.
1240
01:00:16,937 --> 01:00:19,807
I know I get crazy sometimes
you know and...
1241
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:21,376
well...
1242
01:00:22,109 --> 01:00:23,042
I don't know, listen...
1243
01:00:23,110 --> 01:00:26,345
I'm going to stop talking into your
machine before this gets embarrassing.
1244
01:00:26,414 --> 01:00:27,814
Give me a call if you get a chance.
1245
01:00:27,882 --> 01:00:29,681
But I miss you.
1246
01:00:29,850 --> 01:00:31,011
I miss you a lot.
1247
01:00:31,386 --> 01:00:32,319
Bye.
1248
01:00:33,921 --> 01:00:35,117
So, you're going to call him?
1249
01:00:37,225 --> 01:00:38,318
I don't know.
1250
01:00:38,526 --> 01:00:41,362
I mean I still really care about Artie,
but he really hurt me.
1251
01:00:43,431 --> 01:00:47,496
Either way, keep this quiet,
because it was a big mistake.
1252
01:00:47,568 --> 01:00:49,094
Why? Because I'm black?
1253
01:00:49,337 --> 01:00:51,705
No, because you're fucking married!
1254
01:00:52,741 --> 01:00:54,334
All right, my bad.
1255
01:00:57,211 --> 01:00:58,407
What do you say now, Dave?
1256
01:00:58,479 --> 01:00:59,971
Hang in there.
1257
01:01:00,048 --> 01:01:02,109
- Hang in there.
- Land her, baby.
1258
01:01:02,183 --> 01:01:04,814
Nice and easy. Nice and easy.
Bring the ball. Come on, Dave.
1259
01:01:04,886 --> 01:01:06,515
Run him on now.
Come on!
1260
01:01:07,188 --> 01:01:08,121
Strike three!
1261
01:01:08,189 --> 01:01:10,182
Oh, my God! I can't wait
to go home and get high!
1262
01:01:10,258 --> 01:01:11,386
Holy shit.
1263
01:01:11,460 --> 01:01:13,589
Some of the greats strike out, Dave.
1264
01:01:13,662 --> 01:01:17,500
That's right, striking out in slow pitch
softball is nothing to be ashamed of.
1265
01:01:17,732 --> 01:01:19,430
All right, Johnny.
All right, Johnny!
1266
01:01:19,501 --> 01:01:21,094
It's all you, baby!
Bring me in.
1267
01:01:21,303 --> 01:01:24,537
Two outs here in the last inning,
with the winning run on second.
1268
01:01:24,606 --> 01:01:27,476
Who would you want up more
than Johnny Trinno?
1269
01:01:27,543 --> 01:01:29,376
It's been a magical year for Johnny...
1270
01:01:29,445 --> 01:01:32,976
as he comes to the last game
with a.699 average.
1271
01:01:33,049 --> 01:01:34,574
All right, come on, it's getting dark.
1272
01:01:34,650 --> 01:01:37,554
Yet Trinno's star shines
as bright as ever.
1273
01:01:38,587 --> 01:01:39,920
Nice hit, Johnny!
That's it.
1274
01:01:39,989 --> 01:01:42,585
Come on, Maz, go!
Screw your slide!
1275
01:01:42,658 --> 01:01:44,925
Go, come on, slide, slide!
1276
01:01:44,994 --> 01:01:47,795
Your slide! Head for a slide!
Head for a slide!
1277
01:01:50,532 --> 01:01:51,465
Shit.
1278
01:01:51,533 --> 01:01:53,366
What did you slide for?
They didn't even throw the ball.
1279
01:01:56,105 --> 01:01:57,506
Why the hell did you tell me to slide?
1280
01:01:57,574 --> 01:02:00,876
I was just fucking with you.
We're in the championship!
1281
01:02:10,052 --> 01:02:12,853
Listen, Johnny, I don't have a date
for the wedding yet.
1282
01:02:12,922 --> 01:02:16,123
What? I thought you took care of that.
The wedding is this afternoon.
1283
01:02:16,193 --> 01:02:19,393
I know, I struck out all over the place.
Hey, do you think Marilyn...
1284
01:02:19,462 --> 01:02:21,659
could get one of her friends
to go with me last minute?
1285
01:02:21,731 --> 01:02:27,198
Look, Art, Marilyn's female friends are
all lawyers, bankers and executives...
1286
01:02:28,338 --> 01:02:30,501
So what are you saying,
that they're too good for me?
1287
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,807
No, no, I was tying to let
the silence say it for me.
1288
01:02:33,944 --> 01:02:36,608
Artie, even if Marilyn could help you,
it's too late.
1289
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:39,743
Nobody cares if you have a date.
Just come by yourself.
1290
01:02:40,183 --> 01:02:43,485
I can't do that, Johnny.
That's all right, man.
1291
01:02:43,554 --> 01:02:45,547
I still got one chick left
I could call.
1292
01:02:59,403 --> 01:03:01,464
It's almost time to get it started.
Where the hell is Artie?
1293
01:03:01,539 --> 01:03:04,170
I just called the house. His mom said
some girl came and picked him up.
1294
01:03:04,275 --> 01:03:06,142
What the...?
I don't believe this shit!
1295
01:03:09,813 --> 01:03:12,945
Look, Johnny, if this scumbag
isn't here in five minutes...
1296
01:03:13,017 --> 01:03:15,647
we start without him.
You step in as best man.
1297
01:03:15,719 --> 01:03:16,652
Yes, sir.
1298
01:03:21,392 --> 01:03:24,023
That's so sad that you
and your girlfriend broke up.
1299
01:03:24,095 --> 01:03:25,860
You're such a sweetie.
1300
01:03:26,064 --> 01:03:27,897
Here. You want a bump
to cheer you up?
1301
01:03:28,299 --> 01:03:29,962
No, that's all right.
Maybe later.
1302
01:03:30,201 --> 01:03:32,228
You know you just flew through
a stop sign, right?
1303
01:03:33,437 --> 01:03:37,172
Who are you to talk, silly?
You don't even have a driver's license.
1304
01:03:38,109 --> 01:03:39,976
Well, at least we're making good time.
1305
01:03:40,044 --> 01:03:41,877
All right, the church is like
two minutes from here...
1306
01:03:41,946 --> 01:03:43,745
so, just go straight, but slow down.
1307
01:03:44,082 --> 01:03:46,952
Slow down! Slow down!
Pitching Machine, look out!
1308
01:03:53,091 --> 01:03:54,424
I saved us!
1309
01:03:54,859 --> 01:03:56,328
Yeah, you're a real hero.
1310
01:03:56,695 --> 01:03:57,958
Come on, let's go.
1311
01:03:58,030 --> 01:03:59,521
Wait, let me powder my nose.
1312
01:04:03,168 --> 01:04:04,693
Fuck me.
1313
01:04:10,843 --> 01:04:13,747
Hey, DeVanzo, you're free to go.
1314
01:04:14,646 --> 01:04:15,910
Hey, what time is it?
1315
01:04:16,115 --> 01:04:17,105
Five a.m..
1316
01:04:17,950 --> 01:04:19,179
Shit!
1317
01:04:22,688 --> 01:04:25,683
- Look, I know I messed up.
- Messed up...
1318
01:04:25,758 --> 01:04:27,386
All right, screwed up.
Fucked up!
1319
01:04:27,460 --> 01:04:30,489
- I really am sorry.
- Stop, all right? Don't even...
1320
01:04:30,996 --> 01:04:34,299
We've been friends for 30 years.
You're my best man.
1321
01:04:34,367 --> 01:04:36,701
How could you miss my wedding?
What the hell is the matter with you?
1322
01:04:36,769 --> 01:04:38,295
Man, I'm sorry.
1323
01:04:38,371 --> 01:04:40,432
Well, I'm not. At least the fucking
Pitching Machine...
1324
01:04:40,506 --> 01:04:41,531
didn't end up on my wedding.
1325
01:04:41,607 --> 01:04:43,634
Look, I don't know how many times
I have to say this...
1326
01:04:43,709 --> 01:04:45,144
but I really am sorry!
1327
01:04:45,211 --> 01:04:47,010
You know, those words,
they have no meaning coming from you...
1328
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:49,016
all right?
They're shit.
1329
01:04:49,082 --> 01:04:51,416
I've had enough of your "I'm sorrys"
to last my lifetime.
1330
01:04:51,751 --> 01:04:52,878
"I'm sorry I missed your wedding."
1331
01:04:52,952 --> 01:04:54,649
I'm sorry I started
that fight with Manganelli.
1332
01:04:54,720 --> 01:04:57,351
I'm sorry I got drunk and stole
your dad's ice cream truck."
1333
01:04:57,423 --> 01:04:58,413
I mean I could go on...
1334
01:04:58,491 --> 01:05:00,860
Wait, the ice cream truck thing
I was 12 years old.
1335
01:05:00,927 --> 01:05:02,520
Yeah, and you haven't changed a bit!
1336
01:05:03,363 --> 01:05:06,768
You selfish prick! You even manage
to make my wedding about you.
1337
01:05:06,833 --> 01:05:10,033
Obviously you don't want to be around me
and don't blame you.
1338
01:05:10,370 --> 01:05:11,703
I'm going to quit the team.
1339
01:05:11,772 --> 01:05:13,400
Team? What team?
1340
01:05:13,472 --> 01:05:15,910
We're going to lose the championship and
then the team's over because of you...
1341
01:05:15,975 --> 01:05:18,539
so don't go fucking talking to me
about the team, all right?
1342
01:05:18,612 --> 01:05:20,274
- What the fuck?
- What...
1343
01:05:20,647 --> 01:05:21,706
- Hey, it's Dirt!
- Dirt!
1344
01:05:21,782 --> 01:05:23,684
- Johnny.
- Man, hurry up! Call an ambulance.
1345
01:05:23,750 --> 01:05:25,082
Dirt? Dirt?
1346
01:05:25,151 --> 01:05:27,452
We need an ambulance
here at the Tamblin Field.
1347
01:05:27,521 --> 01:05:29,149
- Shit, Dirt.
- Hang on, we're getting help.
1348
01:05:35,629 --> 01:05:39,433
- I can't believe you really did it.
- He always said that's what he wanted.
1349
01:05:39,499 --> 01:05:41,402
I want to go out just like that.
1350
01:05:44,438 --> 01:05:47,638
Gentlemen, later today
we're playing for the championship...
1351
01:05:47,708 --> 01:05:50,680
and for the survival of
Ed's Bar and Swill softball team.
1352
01:05:50,912 --> 01:05:52,779
But right now I want to do a toast...
1353
01:05:52,847 --> 01:05:55,683
to a fallen friend
and a teammate, Dirt...
1354
01:05:55,750 --> 01:05:58,152
the greatest softball pitcher
of all time.
1355
01:05:59,053 --> 01:05:59,986
To Dirt.
1356
01:06:00,321 --> 01:06:02,018
- Dirt.
- Dirt.
1357
01:06:05,159 --> 01:06:07,254
Hey, Ed, what do you say?
Set up some more.
1358
01:06:07,462 --> 01:06:09,226
To be honest, if Dirt hasn't died...
1359
01:06:09,296 --> 01:06:12,292
I wouldn't even be talking
to you right now...
1360
01:06:12,367 --> 01:06:15,601
but I still don't want
our friendship to end, all right?
1361
01:06:15,670 --> 01:06:17,036
Me neither, man.
1362
01:06:17,104 --> 01:06:18,664
Look, Maz, this ain't a good excuse...
1363
01:06:18,740 --> 01:06:20,300
but I just couldn't show up
to your wedding...
1364
01:06:20,375 --> 01:06:22,868
in front of fucking Manganelli
without a date.
1365
01:06:22,944 --> 01:06:25,609
It would have been too humiliating
after that thing with Linda.
1366
01:06:25,813 --> 01:06:28,876
Artie, don't let that prick get to you.
That's what fucks everything up.
1367
01:06:29,184 --> 01:06:31,245
That's when you become the asshole.
1368
01:06:31,753 --> 01:06:35,022
I want to beat him in softball too.
And ends there.
1369
01:06:35,257 --> 01:06:37,523
You can't let that guy ruin
your whole freaking life.
1370
01:06:38,226 --> 01:06:40,458
I know, I know.
You're right, man. You're right.
1371
01:06:40,829 --> 01:06:42,229
I mean, you got to let it go.
1372
01:06:42,965 --> 01:06:45,801
And if he doesn't, you should.
1373
01:06:46,567 --> 01:06:48,435
Fuck it.
I'm just going to let it go.
1374
01:06:48,503 --> 01:06:50,439
I'm done worrying about
Dennis Manganelli.
1375
01:06:50,505 --> 01:06:51,438
All right.
1376
01:06:51,507 --> 01:06:53,135
Thanks for talking to me
like this, man.
1377
01:06:53,208 --> 01:06:55,041
You'd do the same thing for me,
you know?
1378
01:06:55,110 --> 01:06:58,310
No, I would have went behind your back
telling everyone what a dick you were.
1379
01:06:58,881 --> 01:07:00,076
Hey, lovebirds...
1380
01:07:00,148 --> 01:07:01,913
sorry to interrupt your little date
over there...
1381
01:07:01,984 --> 01:07:04,181
but we're toasting Dirt.
Your shots are accumulating.
1382
01:07:04,253 --> 01:07:05,778
All right, all right, we're coming.
1383
01:07:05,854 --> 01:07:08,325
Not to much drinking. We got
a championship game in two hours.
1384
01:07:08,391 --> 01:07:10,452
I know.
Let's just drink one toast to Dirt.
1385
01:07:10,659 --> 01:07:14,292
To the greatest rock and roll band
of all time...
1386
01:07:14,363 --> 01:07:15,888
Molly Hatchett.
1387
01:07:16,598 --> 01:07:17,658
Fucking all right.
1388
01:07:21,237 --> 01:07:22,170
Watch.
1389
01:07:22,405 --> 01:07:25,172
I'm going to place this perfectly.
1390
01:07:32,281 --> 01:07:33,306
Asshole.
1391
01:07:33,549 --> 01:07:35,348
Ed, another round of tequila.
1392
01:07:35,919 --> 01:07:40,292
You guys finished all my tequila.
Dave drank the last bottle by himself.
1393
01:07:40,590 --> 01:07:45,122
Last night I had a dream that I killed
every single one of you guys.
1394
01:07:45,595 --> 01:07:46,995
Relax, Dave. Hey!
1395
01:07:47,431 --> 01:07:49,697
Easy, Dave. Come on!
1396
01:07:50,299 --> 01:07:51,598
Hey, what time is it?
1397
01:07:51,801 --> 01:07:53,896
Holy shit, its almost game time.
We got to go.
1398
01:07:54,037 --> 01:07:55,768
Everybody got their bats and gloves
in their trunk, right?
1399
01:07:55,839 --> 01:07:56,772
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1400
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:58,173
Yeah, just got to go home
and get my uniform.
1401
01:07:58,241 --> 01:07:59,835
- Yeah, me too.
- We ain't got time.
1402
01:07:59,909 --> 01:08:02,881
If we're two seconds late, Manganelli's
going to call for a forfeit.
1403
01:08:02,946 --> 01:08:04,848
We got to go straight to the field.
1404
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:08,217
- One more drink and then we'll go.
- No, no, we got to leave right now.
1405
01:08:08,285 --> 01:08:09,810
Come on.
You riding with me, Art?
1406
01:08:09,886 --> 01:08:11,480
Thanks, man.
Let's go, everybody!
1407
01:08:11,555 --> 01:08:12,488
Come on, let's go!
1408
01:08:13,891 --> 01:08:17,295
I can't let nine guys
drive out of here drunk.
1409
01:08:17,361 --> 01:08:19,958
Well, I'm riding with Maz,
so it's really just eight.
1410
01:08:20,030 --> 01:08:22,592
- Come on, I'm fine.
- We do it every weekend.
1411
01:08:22,667 --> 01:08:24,762
I can't let you guys
drive out of here all shimmed up.
1412
01:08:24,835 --> 01:08:26,030
Jeez.
1413
01:08:26,103 --> 01:08:27,902
Well, then you have to drive all of us.
1414
01:08:29,073 --> 01:08:32,307
Open the door before I shove
that stupid fucking cooler up your ass.
1415
01:08:32,376 --> 01:08:34,312
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
1416
01:08:34,378 --> 01:08:36,815
What the fuck?
Let's move!
1417
01:08:37,214 --> 01:08:39,617
Man, both my legs are asleep.
1418
01:08:39,684 --> 01:08:41,381
Both my balls are asleep.
1419
01:08:41,452 --> 01:08:43,080
I don't want to hear about your balls.
1420
01:08:43,153 --> 01:08:44,486
Hail May, full of grace...
1421
01:08:44,555 --> 01:08:47,254
Don't pray like that, all right?
God hates Guidos.
1422
01:08:47,325 --> 01:08:48,520
Shit!
1423
01:08:49,927 --> 01:08:52,865
It looks like the circus with all
the clowns coming out of the car.
1424
01:08:53,098 --> 01:08:54,088
Where's Dave?
1425
01:08:54,165 --> 01:08:55,292
Did we forget Dave?
1426
01:08:56,834 --> 01:08:59,499
Anybody bring any weed?
I left mine at the funeral home.
1427
01:09:01,739 --> 01:09:02,867
Play ball!
1428
01:09:04,175 --> 01:09:05,143
Oh, Christ.
1429
01:09:07,045 --> 01:09:08,536
I'm going to fucking die out here.
1430
01:09:08,980 --> 01:09:10,278
I'm fucked up, bro.
1431
01:09:10,348 --> 01:09:11,407
Bourbon and tequila?
1432
01:09:11,649 --> 01:09:12,617
Come on, Art.
1433
01:09:12,984 --> 01:09:14,681
All right, let's look intelligent!
1434
01:09:15,220 --> 01:09:16,313
Look alive.
1435
01:09:16,688 --> 01:09:18,213
Get ready to lose!
1436
01:09:18,289 --> 01:09:20,522
And here comes DeVanzo.
1437
01:09:20,792 --> 01:09:23,319
He's a sandy-haried,
slender-thighed...
1438
01:09:23,394 --> 01:09:26,127
long-legged,
big beautiful young man...
1439
01:09:26,197 --> 01:09:28,030
with excellent bone structure.
1440
01:09:28,434 --> 01:09:30,300
The pussy he must get on the road.
1441
01:09:30,502 --> 01:09:31,527
Hey, look.
1442
01:09:31,670 --> 01:09:34,197
Drunk rookie pitcher on the mound.
1443
01:09:34,506 --> 01:09:36,134
We're going to destroy you.
1444
01:09:36,608 --> 01:09:38,271
You've never even pitched before.
1445
01:09:38,410 --> 01:09:41,712
No, but if you would do it,
it can't be that hard, bro.
1446
01:09:41,780 --> 01:09:42,805
Come on.
1447
01:09:43,149 --> 01:09:46,212
DeVanzo wheels, deals,
rocks, kicks the up ring.
1448
01:09:52,357 --> 01:09:54,123
What the fuck are we doing here?
1449
01:09:54,326 --> 01:09:56,991
- You have done that before, haven't you?
- Shut up!
1450
01:09:57,062 --> 01:09:58,531
I'm still going to strike you out.
1451
01:09:58,597 --> 01:10:00,658
Art! Art!
Don't let him get to you.
1452
01:10:01,100 --> 01:10:02,295
Come on.
1453
01:10:03,535 --> 01:10:04,697
Well. Well.
1454
01:10:04,771 --> 01:10:05,864
Beautiful.
1455
01:10:10,242 --> 01:10:12,178
Ball four.
Take you base.
1456
01:10:12,244 --> 01:10:14,511
Yeah, I got a feeling
he will be saying that a lot today.
1457
01:10:15,748 --> 01:10:16,681
Come on, Art.
1458
01:10:18,485 --> 01:10:20,717
Shit, it's going to be
a long game, bro.
1459
01:10:20,787 --> 01:10:22,723
All right, don't worry, don't worry.
He'll settle in.
1460
01:10:23,423 --> 01:10:24,823
Hey, Art.
Come on, Art.
1461
01:10:25,090 --> 01:10:26,924
Come on, Artie, focus.
Come on.
1462
01:10:32,965 --> 01:10:33,955
Yeah! Double play!
1463
01:10:34,034 --> 01:10:35,832
Yeah! Come on, Johnny.
Get it! Get it!
1464
01:10:37,870 --> 01:10:40,137
Shit! Shit!
1465
01:10:45,111 --> 01:10:47,207
This is the longest day
of your life, Artie.
1466
01:10:54,955 --> 01:10:56,355
Run! Run!
1467
01:11:02,095 --> 01:11:03,427
Home! Home!
1468
01:11:04,264 --> 01:11:05,563
Run, Dennis! Run!
1469
01:11:11,372 --> 01:11:12,738
Jeez!
1470
01:11:13,640 --> 01:11:14,870
Oh, God.
1471
01:11:16,777 --> 01:11:17,802
I'm good.
1472
01:11:19,613 --> 01:11:21,446
Come on, Dennis.
Come on, Dennis.
1473
01:11:23,950 --> 01:11:24,884
You're out!
1474
01:11:26,187 --> 01:11:27,746
And who's got a Percoset?
1475
01:11:29,257 --> 01:11:30,623
All right, here we go!
1476
01:11:30,691 --> 01:11:33,720
All right. That's me, right at!
1477
01:11:36,130 --> 01:11:37,155
Fucking asshole.
1478
01:11:38,299 --> 01:11:39,460
You're out!
1479
01:11:39,533 --> 01:11:40,900
Barfly rules!
1480
01:11:42,036 --> 01:11:43,561
Come on, Bobby.
Place it.
1481
01:11:48,142 --> 01:11:49,235
Asshole.
1482
01:11:50,779 --> 01:11:53,272
God, I'm glad Dirt
ain't around to see this.
1483
01:11:53,915 --> 01:11:56,006
You're out!
1484
01:11:56,551 --> 01:11:57,576
You're out.
1485
01:12:01,656 --> 01:12:03,215
Thought the tank was empty.
1486
01:12:03,458 --> 01:12:04,926
- They keep doing this to themselves.
- I know. Here you go.
1487
01:12:04,992 --> 01:12:06,428
- Here you go, guys, coffee.
- Help yourselves.
1488
01:12:06,895 --> 01:12:08,990
Thanks a lot.
Jimmy needed this.
1489
01:12:09,063 --> 01:12:10,157
Yeah, coffee.
1490
01:12:10,665 --> 01:12:12,031
- Hi, baby.
- Hey.
1491
01:12:13,135 --> 01:12:14,125
You smell like booze.
1492
01:12:14,202 --> 01:12:15,831
- It gets you hot, though.
- Actually, it does.
1493
01:12:15,904 --> 01:12:17,066
Thanks for the coffee, honey.
1494
01:12:17,139 --> 01:12:19,803
10-O. They're killing us.
Last at bat.
1495
01:12:19,874 --> 01:12:20,968
I'm sorry.
1496
01:12:21,209 --> 01:12:22,701
- Hey, Gina.
- Hey, Artie.
1497
01:12:23,478 --> 01:12:25,539
I'm really sorry about missing
your wedding.
1498
01:12:25,781 --> 01:12:27,215
Listen, don't worry about it.
1499
01:12:27,282 --> 01:12:29,776
You not showing up
was the best gift I got.
1500
01:12:29,852 --> 01:12:31,981
The only disaster was Johnny's toast.
1501
01:12:32,287 --> 01:12:33,813
What?
He said it went great.
1502
01:12:34,089 --> 01:12:39,191
So to recap, throughout it all there's
been a lot of laughter and a few tears.
1503
01:12:39,261 --> 01:12:43,258
But in the end, the clouds parted,
the sun shined down...
1504
01:12:43,332 --> 01:12:46,635
and the good Lord himself
decided it was meant to be.
1505
01:12:46,869 --> 01:12:50,707
That's how I finished
the regular season batting.706.
1506
01:12:51,006 --> 01:12:51,974
Salud.
1507
01:12:52,675 --> 01:12:53,836
What do we say, Dennis?
1508
01:12:53,909 --> 01:12:55,378
Come on, Dennis.
We're right behind you.
1509
01:12:55,945 --> 01:12:56,878
Out.
1510
01:12:57,246 --> 01:12:59,979
Damn, now bourbon, tequila and coffee.
1511
01:13:00,183 --> 01:13:01,276
Two away!
1512
01:13:02,385 --> 01:13:03,944
DeVanzo shift!
1513
01:13:06,189 --> 01:13:07,487
Well, you're down 10-O...
1514
01:13:07,556 --> 01:13:09,892
and you're going to make
your team's last out ever.
1515
01:13:10,126 --> 01:13:11,617
How's that feel, alcoholic?
1516
01:13:12,628 --> 01:13:16,124
Hurry up and pitch, asshole.
I'm losing my buzz.
1517
01:13:17,100 --> 01:13:19,799
What do you say, Artie?
What do you say?
1518
01:13:19,870 --> 01:13:20,838
Hey, Artie?
1519
01:13:20,904 --> 01:13:21,837
What?
1520
01:13:23,439 --> 01:13:24,464
Come here.
1521
01:13:25,141 --> 01:13:27,008
Hey, Linda.
1522
01:13:28,144 --> 01:13:32,050
Hey, sweetie.
How's it going? What's up?
1523
01:13:32,415 --> 01:13:34,044
Artie, you're a fucking jerk.
1524
01:13:34,117 --> 01:13:35,050
I know.
1525
01:13:35,118 --> 01:13:37,851
Unfortunately, that seems to be
my go-to move.
1526
01:13:39,890 --> 01:13:41,416
But I really miss you.
1527
01:13:41,925 --> 01:13:43,326
I miss you too.
1528
01:13:44,428 --> 01:13:46,124
You want to talk after the game?
1529
01:13:46,197 --> 01:13:48,565
Let's talk now
and make this jerk-offs wait.
1530
01:13:48,699 --> 01:13:49,632
Hey, Linda?
1531
01:13:49,933 --> 01:13:52,404
I'll meet you in my office
at the gym after the game.
1532
01:13:52,769 --> 01:13:54,602
Shut the fuck up, Needle Dick!
1533
01:13:54,671 --> 01:13:56,038
And thanks for the herpes!
1534
01:13:58,742 --> 01:14:01,305
- Ball bag.
- What an asshole.
1535
01:14:01,378 --> 01:14:03,405
- Asshole.
- Jerk-off.
1536
01:14:03,480 --> 01:14:06,111
This town is 980/o skanks.
1537
01:14:08,419 --> 01:14:09,683
That's my girl.
1538
01:14:10,654 --> 01:14:12,055
Let's go. Batter up!
1539
01:14:12,256 --> 01:14:14,226
- I'll see you after the game, all right?
- Okay.
1540
01:14:16,493 --> 01:14:17,587
Bye.
1541
01:14:17,662 --> 01:14:20,498
- Come on.
- Come on!
1542
01:14:20,565 --> 01:14:23,297
Get the fuck in, you lazy fuck.
1543
01:14:23,367 --> 01:14:24,927
Classy broad you got there, bro.
1544
01:14:25,370 --> 01:14:27,134
Thanks, Needle Dick.
1545
01:14:28,239 --> 01:14:30,540
Put it up there, Dennis.
He can't hit it.
1546
01:14:30,608 --> 01:14:33,204
- Come on.
- Here we go. Here we go.
1547
01:14:33,945 --> 01:14:34,878
No.
1548
01:14:37,615 --> 01:14:39,414
- Yeah. Get out.
- Come on!
1549
01:14:41,219 --> 01:14:42,187
- Yeah!
- What?
1550
01:14:42,254 --> 01:14:43,279
Fuck!
1551
01:14:44,456 --> 01:14:45,389
Yeah!
1552
01:14:45,623 --> 01:14:46,750
Yeah!
1553
01:14:48,659 --> 01:14:50,027
Hell of a shot, bro!
1554
01:14:50,395 --> 01:14:54,392
Son of a bitch, motherfucker,
bastard, asshole!
1555
01:14:54,933 --> 01:14:55,992
Nice shot, Artie.
1556
01:14:56,234 --> 01:14:58,466
Hey, you assholes knock that off...
1557
01:14:58,536 --> 01:15:00,631
or I'm revoking your gym memberships!
1558
01:15:01,940 --> 01:15:03,408
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1559
01:15:06,278 --> 01:15:07,577
Yeah!
1560
01:15:08,847 --> 01:15:10,338
Yeah!
1561
01:15:12,585 --> 01:15:14,714
- Nice shot!
- That's right!
1562
01:15:14,953 --> 01:15:16,889
At least you got some revenge
on that prick Manganelli...
1563
01:15:16,955 --> 01:15:18,481
even if we're not going to win.
1564
01:15:18,557 --> 01:15:20,891
What the fuck are you talking about?
We're going to win.
1565
01:15:20,959 --> 01:15:23,260
Art, it's 10-1.
We're down to our last out.
1566
01:15:23,329 --> 01:15:24,262
I don't give a fuck.
1567
01:15:24,330 --> 01:15:26,766
Anyone who thinks we're going to lose
can go home right now!
1568
01:15:26,932 --> 01:15:28,196
Hey, calm down, will you?
1569
01:15:28,267 --> 01:15:29,997
Would Dirt calm down if he were here?
1570
01:15:30,069 --> 01:15:32,699
No. After my homer he would have
thrown a bat at my head...
1571
01:15:32,771 --> 01:15:34,707
for not running
around the bases harder.
1572
01:15:34,773 --> 01:15:38,736
Now this is the last inning. Let's get
some runs and take that fucking troll!
1573
01:15:38,811 --> 01:15:40,212
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1574
01:15:45,952 --> 01:15:46,920
Come on now!
1575
01:15:49,555 --> 01:15:51,548
Nice! Nice going, Maz!
1576
01:15:52,091 --> 01:15:54,254
Run, you motherfucker!
Nice! Nice!
1577
01:15:58,931 --> 01:15:59,865
All right.
1578
01:16:01,200 --> 01:16:02,931
Come on, Dave.
What do you say?
1579
01:16:03,202 --> 01:16:06,072
Come on, Dave.
Let's go.
1580
01:16:06,139 --> 01:16:08,041
- Come on, bring it!
- Yeah, that's right.
1581
01:16:08,708 --> 01:16:10,142
Yeah! Yeah!
1582
01:16:10,209 --> 01:16:12,806
Holy shit, Dave got a hit.
Holy living Christ.
1583
01:16:18,685 --> 01:16:19,778
Lucky shot.
1584
01:16:20,154 --> 01:16:21,144
Come on, Albert.
1585
01:16:21,588 --> 01:16:22,749
Yeah!
1586
01:16:23,657 --> 01:16:24,556
Come on!
1587
01:16:24,624 --> 01:16:26,253
- Shit!
- Cocksucker!
1588
01:16:27,161 --> 01:16:28,094
Damn!
1589
01:16:28,195 --> 01:16:29,754
Now we're looking like a team!
1590
01:16:30,998 --> 01:16:31,863
Yeah!
1591
01:16:33,700 --> 01:16:35,135
Stay on the bag, Dave.
1592
01:16:36,303 --> 01:16:38,774
Come on, guys. Keep it going.
Let's go! Come on!
1593
01:16:38,839 --> 01:16:39,932
Come on, Daryl.
1594
01:16:40,507 --> 01:16:41,669
Nice swing.
1595
01:16:42,843 --> 01:16:45,143
Run!
Run, Dave, come on!
1596
01:16:45,212 --> 01:16:47,341
It's a gapper!
It's a gapper, come on!
1597
01:16:51,051 --> 01:16:52,246
Shit!
1598
01:16:54,755 --> 01:16:55,814
Asshole!
1599
01:16:55,989 --> 01:16:58,325
Yes! Get me a beer, somebody,
come on!
1600
01:16:58,926 --> 01:17:00,327
You're up, you're up, you're up.
1601
01:17:00,661 --> 01:17:02,324
Yeah! Yeah!
1602
01:17:04,565 --> 01:17:05,555
What do you say, Dave?
1603
01:17:05,633 --> 01:17:08,571
Nice! Like a gazelle, buddy!
Like a gazelle running out there.
1604
01:17:08,636 --> 01:17:10,503
What do you say, Alfonse?
Come on, one time!
1605
01:17:10,571 --> 01:17:11,834
We need you, buddy!
1606
01:17:14,642 --> 01:17:16,134
Nice, Alphonse!
Run!
1607
01:17:16,211 --> 01:17:18,738
Run, you sweaty Guido!
Run! Come on!
1608
01:17:19,647 --> 01:17:20,637
Yeah!
1609
01:17:25,887 --> 01:17:27,651
Tim, get out there.
Come on, we need you, buddy.
1610
01:17:27,723 --> 01:17:29,716
Run, run!
Do this, you sweaty...
1611
01:17:30,324 --> 01:17:31,258
9Uy.
1612
01:17:32,894 --> 01:17:34,727
Sweet! Sweet! Run!
1613
01:17:34,796 --> 01:17:37,392
Run, you crazy motherfucker!
Run, come on!
1614
01:17:37,465 --> 01:17:40,130
There you go, man!
1615
01:17:40,802 --> 01:17:42,270
One time, Johnny.
1616
01:17:42,336 --> 01:17:44,467
Hey, Manganelli,
you're looking good, shitnuts.
1617
01:17:44,539 --> 01:17:46,908
We're rocking you, you pansy ass.
1618
01:17:48,009 --> 01:17:49,273
It's so unfair.
1619
01:17:49,344 --> 01:17:51,247
It's like pitching
to a healthy Lou Gehrig.
1620
01:17:54,683 --> 01:17:55,616
Yeah!
1621
01:17:55,751 --> 01:17:56,684
Fuck!
1622
01:17:58,687 --> 01:18:00,850
Let's go! Get it in here!
1623
01:18:08,764 --> 01:18:10,233
DeVanzo shift.
1624
01:18:11,767 --> 01:18:14,034
We're one out away
from the championship.
1625
01:18:14,270 --> 01:18:15,899
Force at any base.
1626
01:18:16,939 --> 01:18:18,498
One more bum and they're done.
1627
01:18:18,573 --> 01:18:20,943
You pricks stay awake out there,
God damn it.
1628
01:18:21,177 --> 01:18:23,842
Don't worry about the shift, Art.
We're down 10-6.
1629
01:18:23,913 --> 01:18:25,906
Just put it over the wall,
we tie it up. Let's go!
1630
01:18:25,982 --> 01:18:28,009
Come on, Artie!
Give it a ride, brother. Come on!
1631
01:18:28,083 --> 01:18:30,077
Come on, big stick up there, Artie.
Let's go!
1632
01:18:30,152 --> 01:18:31,381
You can beat this guy.
1633
01:18:31,654 --> 01:18:32,622
He fucking blows.
1634
01:18:33,690 --> 01:18:35,181
Your attention, please.
1635
01:18:35,625 --> 01:18:37,025
Ladies and gentlemen...
1636
01:18:37,460 --> 01:18:40,090
now pitching for Manganelli...
1637
01:18:40,162 --> 01:18:42,725
number one, Needle Dick.
1638
01:18:44,133 --> 01:18:46,161
- Number one.
- Yeah, all right.
1639
01:18:46,236 --> 01:18:47,397
Needle Dick.
1640
01:18:47,470 --> 01:18:50,306
Shut the fuck up!
Your luck's run out, DeVanzo.
1641
01:18:50,373 --> 01:18:52,935
This is your last at bat
in this league forever!
1642
01:18:53,010 --> 01:18:55,139
I'm going to have to remodel
the window of my gym...
1643
01:18:55,212 --> 01:18:57,774
to fit that fifth trophy,
but fuck it, right?
1644
01:18:57,847 --> 01:18:58,780
Let's go!
1645
01:18:58,848 --> 01:19:01,581
For the last time,
you're not getting that trophy.
1646
01:19:02,352 --> 01:19:04,322
Come on, hit it out, baby!
1647
01:19:04,554 --> 01:19:06,023
Come on, hit it out, fuckhead!
1648
01:19:06,622 --> 01:19:10,621
Prepare to continue you lifetime
losing streak, jerk-off.
1649
01:19:11,094 --> 01:19:12,221
Bring it on.
1650
01:19:12,295 --> 01:19:14,322
Stay cool, Artie.
Stay cool.
1651
01:19:14,565 --> 01:19:17,058
Let's go.
Let's go.
1652
01:19:17,133 --> 01:19:18,067
Come on, Dennis.
1653
01:19:18,669 --> 01:19:19,796
Let's go.
1654
01:19:21,204 --> 01:19:22,172
Yeah!
1655
01:19:22,706 --> 01:19:23,639
Yeah!
1656
01:19:25,008 --> 01:19:27,103
Come on, show what you can do.
Get the ball!
1657
01:19:27,177 --> 01:19:28,646
Hurry. Come on!
1658
01:19:28,712 --> 01:19:29,975
Come on, run!
1659
01:19:30,113 --> 01:19:32,846
Hurry! Let's go! Run!
1660
01:19:32,916 --> 01:19:34,647
Get the fucking ball!
1661
01:19:36,953 --> 01:19:37,887
Yeah!
1662
01:19:37,988 --> 01:19:39,582
Artie, run! Run!
1663
01:19:41,592 --> 01:19:43,323
Come on, throw it!
1664
01:19:44,295 --> 01:19:46,197
Home! Home!
1665
01:19:47,231 --> 01:19:48,199
Come on, Artie.
1666
01:19:49,700 --> 01:19:50,633
Shit!
1667
01:19:50,701 --> 01:19:51,691
Get it!
1668
01:19:52,536 --> 01:19:54,369
Score, Artie, score!
You're going to score!
1669
01:19:54,471 --> 01:19:55,667
- Dive!
- Dive!
1670
01:19:55,740 --> 01:19:56,901
- Dive!
- Dive!
1671
01:19:56,974 --> 01:19:58,500
- Dive!
- Dive!
1672
01:20:07,051 --> 01:20:08,041
You're out!
1673
01:20:09,521 --> 01:20:10,454
God!
1674
01:20:11,456 --> 01:20:12,389
Shit!
1675
01:20:14,759 --> 01:20:16,956
Yeah, you're the one, baby!
1676
01:20:17,429 --> 01:20:18,328
Hey, you all right?
1677
01:20:19,831 --> 01:20:21,129
Yeah, I'm all right.
1678
01:20:21,566 --> 01:20:22,727
It was a hell of a game.
1679
01:20:22,967 --> 01:20:24,561
Good hustle.
Great shit.
1680
01:20:24,636 --> 01:20:27,004
Hey, guys, this can't be our last game.
1681
01:20:27,071 --> 01:20:28,631
Let's go play in Parsippany new year.
1682
01:20:28,706 --> 01:20:29,640
- I'm in.
- Yeah!
1683
01:20:29,707 --> 01:20:31,837
- Me too, man.
- Let's do it.
1684
01:20:34,613 --> 01:20:35,842
You know what?
Fuck it. You're right.
1685
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:38,385
We got to play again new year.
I'm in! I'm in!
1686
01:20:38,450 --> 01:20:39,543
Let's go get drunk.
1687
01:20:39,618 --> 01:20:42,419
That sounds great, but there's
one thing I gotta do first.
1688
01:20:42,487 --> 01:20:44,582
Hey, Linda, pull the car around.
1689
01:20:44,656 --> 01:20:45,818
Okay, Artie.
1690
01:20:49,862 --> 01:20:50,955
My dear Lord.
1691
01:20:53,098 --> 01:20:55,068
- We did it!
- We won!
1692
01:20:55,134 --> 01:20:57,229
- We're the best!
- Hurray!
1693
01:20:57,302 --> 01:20:59,204
Get a photographer over here!
1694
01:20:59,271 --> 01:21:00,740
Take a picture of the champs.
1695
01:21:00,806 --> 01:21:02,206
Yeah, let's get a photogra...
1696
01:21:04,344 --> 01:21:05,676
Get that fat fuck!
1697
01:21:05,744 --> 01:21:07,077
Artie, what the fuck are you doing?
1698
01:21:07,847 --> 01:21:09,680
DeVanzo, you're dead this time!
1699
01:21:09,748 --> 01:21:10,808
Let's go, Linda.
1700
01:21:12,017 --> 01:21:13,486
I want that piece of shit killed.
1701
01:21:13,552 --> 01:21:16,354
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Go. See you at the gym, fellows!
1702
01:21:17,055 --> 01:21:18,821
Come back here, you fucking loser.
1703
01:21:19,725 --> 01:21:21,854
That was the greatest
asshole move ever.
1704
01:21:21,927 --> 01:21:23,226
Absolutely.
1705
01:21:23,762 --> 01:21:26,234
God help DeVanzo
when I get my hands on him.
1706
01:21:26,866 --> 01:21:28,768
Hey! Hey, kid!
1707
01:21:30,403 --> 01:21:32,066
What the hell do you think
you're doing?
1708
01:21:32,305 --> 01:21:34,571
Just updating your photo, Mayor Herpes.
1709
01:21:37,744 --> 01:21:39,907
- Shit!
- Come back here, you little brat!
1710
01:21:39,980 --> 01:21:42,918
Help! This maniac
is tying to give me fucking herpes.
1711
01:21:42,983 --> 01:21:44,508
Come back here, you wise-ass.
1712
01:21:47,020 --> 01:21:50,083
I told that prick
he wasn't get that trophy.
1713
01:21:50,156 --> 01:21:51,921
You're such a pisser, Artie.
1714
01:21:52,192 --> 01:21:54,128
What are you going to do
with that crazy thing?
1715
01:21:54,194 --> 01:21:56,290
You know what?
Drive over Manganelli's gym.
1716
01:21:56,363 --> 01:21:58,663
I'll put a note on the trophy
saying I'm sorry...
1717
01:21:58,732 --> 01:22:00,929
and then I'll throw it
through his front fucking window.
1718
01:22:01,301 --> 01:22:03,499
God, Artie, please, don't do that.
1719
01:22:04,070 --> 01:22:05,300
I was just kidding.
1720
01:22:05,572 --> 01:22:06,870
Hey, let's pawn it in Newark...
1721
01:22:06,940 --> 01:22:08,637
then go down the shore
and get cheese sticks.
1722
01:22:08,909 --> 01:22:10,879
- Count me in.
- All right.
1723
01:22:33,133 --> 01:22:35,195
Excuse me. Hi.
I'm sorry.
1724
01:22:35,269 --> 01:22:36,533
Do you know what time it is?
1725
01:22:37,137 --> 01:22:38,471
Do you know what time it is?
1726
01:22:39,941 --> 01:22:41,341
- I guess I do.
- Yes.
1727
01:22:42,577 --> 01:22:43,567
Wow!
1728
01:22:43,945 --> 01:22:46,610
Those are really pretty
colorful shoes you got there.
1729
01:22:47,248 --> 01:22:49,310
And they show off your colorful nails.
1730
01:22:49,751 --> 01:22:50,741
Thanks.
1731
01:22:51,819 --> 01:22:52,980
Hey, do you like music?
1732
01:22:54,389 --> 01:22:55,823
Who doesn't like music?
1733
01:22:56,458 --> 01:22:58,428
That's true.
Do you like rock music?
1734
01:22:58,960 --> 01:23:00,156
I could take it or leave it.
1735
01:23:00,728 --> 01:23:03,029
Because my friend band,
I know the guitar from this band...
1736
01:23:03,098 --> 01:23:04,498
and they're playing later.
1737
01:23:04,566 --> 01:23:06,365
I think I can get you
on the guest list.
1738
01:23:07,102 --> 01:23:08,434
And we could split
the other ticket or...
1739
01:23:08,503 --> 01:23:11,634
Hey, beat it, dirtbag.
Get lost.
1740
01:23:13,674 --> 01:23:14,665
Did you want to go?
1741
01:23:14,910 --> 01:23:17,176
What the fuck?
Get lost.
1742
01:23:18,179 --> 01:23:19,945
- Jesus.
- Jesus Christ.
1743
01:23:20,181 --> 01:23:22,745
I'm gone for like two minutes
and they're like vultures.
1744
01:23:22,818 --> 01:23:24,651
Two minutes?
You're gone for 20 minutes.
1745
01:23:24,720 --> 01:23:27,054
The line on the cheese steak
was like an hour long.
1746
01:23:27,122 --> 01:23:28,648
I'm sorry.
You want a bite?
1747
01:23:29,492 --> 01:23:31,017
- Have a bite. Come on.
- All right.
1748
01:23:34,363 --> 01:23:35,592
What do you say, batter?
1749
01:23:36,932 --> 01:23:39,164
Batter to DeVanzo at first.
He's got it. Up with it.
1750
01:23:40,836 --> 01:23:43,033
Here. Down here.
Here. Here.
1751
01:23:43,105 --> 01:23:44,904
Two. Deuce. One time.
1752
01:23:47,776 --> 01:23:49,336
That's nothing but fun there.
1753
01:23:49,845 --> 01:23:50,778
He's got it.
1754
01:23:55,384 --> 01:23:56,477
One time now.
1755
01:23:57,320 --> 01:23:59,790
Established. Here.
Clear. Here.
1756
01:23:59,856 --> 01:24:01,222
Clear it. Two.
1757
01:24:08,331 --> 01:24:10,130
Fire it in there.
Fire it in!
1758
01:24:10,600 --> 01:24:11,590
One time.
1759
01:24:12,468 --> 01:24:13,937
Look alive there. Two.
1760
01:24:14,504 --> 01:24:17,304
Establishment. Here.
Here.
1761
01:24:18,207 --> 01:24:19,175
Hey, now!
1762
01:24:27,684 --> 01:24:28,617
Bitch.
1763
01:24:29,152 --> 01:24:33,024
- Complete jerk-off.
- "I want to be honest with it.
1764
01:24:33,089 --> 01:24:35,025
I want to be honest
with my wife."
1765
01:24:35,092 --> 01:24:36,560
- Shut the fuck up.
- Asshole.
1766
01:24:36,626 --> 01:24:38,186
This Danish is stale.
1767
01:24:39,962 --> 01:24:43,562
The happiest day of my life is
gonna be when you finally have a kid.
1768
01:24:43,967 --> 01:24:45,766
God bless, that means
I got laid at least once.
1769
01:24:55,746 --> 01:24:59,549
Laying down a bunt is like
holding your dick and putting it in.
1770
01:24:59,617 --> 01:25:01,085
Okay? Softly.
1771
01:25:04,522 --> 01:25:06,754
Hey, mom, do we have Fluffernutter?
1772
01:25:08,626 --> 01:25:11,222
- Mom!
- I'm looking!
1773
01:25:11,294 --> 01:25:15,669
Fluffernutter! See if we have any
Fluffernutter! She's losing her hearing.
1774
01:25:15,866 --> 01:25:17,426
I'm worry about her healthy.
1775
01:25:18,736 --> 01:25:21,173
You know, the happiest days...
1776
01:25:21,239 --> 01:25:22,434
"Happy Days"?
You were on "Happy Days"?
1777
01:25:22,506 --> 01:25:24,032
- Yes, I was. I'm Chachi.
- Okay.
1778
01:25:24,342 --> 01:25:25,139
Line.
1779
01:25:25,210 --> 01:25:27,043
- A priest and a rabbi...
- No, no, no.
1780
01:25:28,713 --> 01:25:30,342
- A...
- No, no, no.
1781
01:25:31,882 --> 01:25:33,317
What are you doing?
1782
01:25:33,551 --> 01:25:35,714
- What's this line?
- Yep, yep, yep, yep.
1783
01:25:35,853 --> 01:25:36,821
Is that the line?
1784
01:25:36,888 --> 01:25:38,288
I have no idea.
1785
01:25:38,522 --> 01:25:40,390
That's the Jersey City salute?
1786
01:25:40,458 --> 01:25:44,125
That's the Jersey City salute
to Manganelli, sweetheart!
1787
01:25:44,195 --> 01:25:45,163
Your shitnuts!
135148
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