All language subtitles for BoJack.Horseman.S06E01.NF.WEB-DL.English.ENG

Sarah Lynn.

Sarah Lynn?

I don't have a lot to tell.
She called me.

She sounded a little off. I...

So, I drove to the planetarium,
and I found her passed out.

I called 911 right away,
but it was too late.

I'm so sorry.

I did everything I could.

It's my fault. I'm a terrible mother.

No. It's no one's fault.

So, you don't know
where Sarah Lynn got the heroin from?

- I have no idea.
- Alrighty then.

That's the only question I had.

I mean, of course I knew
she was doing a lot of drugs.

But that's who she was. Who I was.

It felt like we could keep
partying forever

- and it wouldn't catch up with us.
- Got it. Don't need any more information.

I was in a bad way.

And Sarah Lynn followed me down
because she thought I was a safe place.

What have I done?

Just to be clear, the case is closed.

You can stop rambling.

I gotta make some changes in my life.

Starting now.

- I need help. Hello? Ah!
- Checking in.

- Welcome to Pastiches Malibu!
- Great.

I see you have the six-week package, so...
a hundred thousand dollars, please!

A hundred thou... Jesus!

Does every room come
with a free bag full of $90,000?

-Can't put a price on clean living.
- And yet somehow you found a way.

Before I take you to your room,
could we get a selfie?

What? No.

Every client that comes here
takes a picture with me.

Goes on the wall. Kind of a tradition...

I'm not in the mood.
I look awful, first of all.

Johnny Depp did it, and he looked
just as puffy and ghoulish as you do.

Hey, groundhog. I said no.
Why don't you go see your own shadow

so I can get six more weeks
of "Leave Me the Hell Alone"?

I'm so sorry, sir.

Thank you.
Now if you'll kindly direct me to my room,

I would like to begin
the process of healing,

so I can finally stop hurting
the people around me, dipshit!

Oh.

So, when I went to the country club
for Sheila's luncheon...

Yes. Let it out.

I had to wear the same suit
I had just worn to Sandra's tea party.

-Yeah.
- Oh.

I think of that as my rock bottom.

Denise, thank you
for sharing your story. So brave.

Denise, we are powerless

- over our addictions
- Uh-huh.

We have a saying in rehab,
"Everyone takes a different road

to get to the same city,
Soberopolis, USA."

Hold on a sec. What?

BoJack, maybe you could tell us
when was the first time you drank?

When wasn't the first time I drank?

-Am I right?

Your last day's tomorrow.

You think you're ready
to go back into the world?

I do. I feel good, I feel clear.

You know, just because you cleaned
the tobacco out of your teeth

don't mean it's your wedding day,
pardon the expression.

I don't believe that is an expression.

I notice you tend to deflect
whenever I ask you

about the source of your addiction.

I don't deflect.
Hey, is that a new tie? Because I love it.

You understand a joke about deflection
is still a deflection, right?

I came here to take responsibility
for myself,

and all I keep hearing is,
"It's not your fault,

you are powerless over your addiction."

- That is the first step.
- And while we're at it, why 12 steps?

That is way too many.
Nobody wants to do 12 of anything.

Did you see 12 Years a Slave

and think, "Twelve. That's a short number
of years to be a slave"?

- You're deflecting again.
- I'm here because I made choices.

Nobody made me drink.

My addiction didn't pull a knife on me

and say, "Hey, bub! Drink this alcohol,
or I'm gonna strangle you.

After I put down this knife,
which now seems unnecessary."

- We have a saying in the sober community.
- No kidding.

"We want what our addictions
want us to want,

in the same way that our future
is just a house built from the materials

of our present on the blueprint
that is our past."

See, usually the point of sayings
is they illustrate complicated concepts

via straightforward allegory.

I really admire
that your sayings don't do that.

If you don't wanna be here,
you don't have to wait until tomorrow.

The gate code is 12,
for the number of steps,

then my mom's birthday,
which is March 4th, '56.

So, the gate code
is one, two, three, four, five, six?

You can leave whenever you'd like.
But is that really what you want?

No.

It's so beautiful.

And I know a lot about art

because my husband owns
a Jackson Pollock.

My dad owns a signed picture
of Kevin Pollak.

What about you, BoJack?

Did you grow up in a house
with a lot of art?

Well, my parents practiced
the art of being terrible parents.

BoJack, you can't joke your way
through this.

Everyone else in this group
is trying hard to be honest.

Really? Everyone's being honest?

Doug over here,
who keeps dressing in a suit and tie

even though he's never getting
his finance job back?

Oh! Savage!

And Joan Tripplehorn?

We all know you're just Jeanne Tripplehorn
wearing fake glasses!

What? No!

I'm Jeanne's identical twin Joan.

Mm, Jeanne Tripplehorn. Not an alcoholic.

And that guy with the fake mustache
is obviously actor Jay Hernandez

who's just here to do research for a role.

No. I'm a no "Hernandez."

Like I say, my name is Mario.
Directed by Zack Snyder.

I'm addicted to pain pills from breaking
too many bricks on my head.

BoJack's right! You all suck!

- Yeah, well, let's talk about Jameson.
- Uh...

- I'd rather you not.
- She would love to get sober

but still has her friend McCaitlyn
sneak her water bottles

filled with vodka every visiting day.

Jameson?

- Um...
- Have you been smuggling in alcohol?

How is this my fault?
I blame water for being vodka-colored!

This is your fifth time in rehab.

- Maybe it's a sign it's not working, huh?
- BoJack...

Everyone, just as a general rule,

if you're checking into rehab
more than once,

either you're a lost cause...

...or this is just an industry
that profits off of repeat customers,

so maybe they don't have
your best interest at heart.

- Oh!
- How's that for honest?

Mamma mia.

Hey, snitch! I only sneak in vodka

because I have to make it through
six weeks of this bullshit.

I don't even need to be here.

My dad totally overreacted
when he found me not breathing.

Yeah, it's always
someone else's fault, right?

- You have no idea what I've been through.
- I know everything you've been through.

I listen in group!
Your mom died of cancer.

Your dad stuck you in boarding school
and remarried.

And now there's a new baby
and no one pays attention to you.

But it's not his fault
you're drinking in rehab.

I was sober for most of last year

and he just waited for me to slip up
so he could ship me here

so I wouldn't embarrass him
and ruin his new perfect family...

Hey, if you don't wanna be here,

the gate code is one, two,
three, four, five, six.

You could sneak out the upstairs window
after midnight bed check

by tying your sheets into a rope

and nobody would notice
you're gone until wake-up.

But... is that what you really want?

Ugh!

Holy sheet!

I've heard of being at the end
of my rope...

but this is ridiculous!

Why would Sabrina run away like that?

Because I had to break it to her that you
weren't going to be her new mommy,

international supermodel Cindy Crawfish!

When I was flying to Paris
for Paris Fashion Week

and my private plane crashed
into your backyard,

the one thing I never expected
was to find someone so special.

Oh.

Aw!

Cut! That's a five, everyone!

So, look, you're doing everything great.

I'm loving your instincts, it's dead on,
couldn't be better, perfect.

The one problem is the kiss got an "aw."

It's supposed to get an "Ooh!"

- Right?
- I'm nervous, okay?

This is my first on-camera kiss,
and it's with Cindy Crawfish.

You know how many guys would kill
to be in your shoes?

What do I gotta do?

Kiss you on the lips myself
to show you what a real kiss looks like?

Ha-ha-ha!

- No. I'll handle it.
- Well, I sure as hell hope so.

Mm.

- Hey, what's in this orange juice?
- Just a little extra punch.

Oh. No, no, I don't...

Trust me. It'll loosen you up.

The one thing I never expected...

was to find someone so special.

- Hmm!
- Ooh!

Love it! Cut and scene!

Hey, no way, the party's just beginning.
Let's do one more take!

You up for more acting, Cindy?

Well, if it's for the show.

Hey, Sharona,
how 'bout some more of that OJ?

- Whoa! Ow.
- Huh?

Holy sheet.

I've heard of being at the end of my rope,
but this...

is very serious!

Jameson!

Don't cut the string that connects you
to the kite that is you!

- What?
- I don't know!

I was just trying to come up
with one of those dumb rehab sayings!

McCaitlyn told me Dathan
was thinking of breaking up with me

because I got fat junior year.

So, I need to go show him
that I'm back to being hot.

Then break up with him
for being a shallow buck foy!

You don't need to do that.

Oh, what does it matter?
We both know this place is bullshit!

So, why do you care what I do?

Because I'm the idiot
who helped you escape.

So, if you OD tonight,

then I'm the one who'll have to lie
to everyone about what happened.

Well, I'm going.

You can come with me if you want.

God damn it.

Oh!

This is your boyfriend's house?

- You can't go in there.
- I'll be fine.

I'll just find Dathan,
crush him with my thigh gap,

and then we can go.

Okay.

Dathan? Where are you?

It's me, Jameson H.!

Hey, who's in there?

- Um...
- Is someone having sex in there?

I think there are people
having sex in there.

Hey, it was just the nerd.

Definitely no one having sex in here.

Um. Oh. Mm.

You're BoJack from Spanish 1, right?

Uh, yeah. I mean, sí!

Okay. "Sí" ya around.

Ah, yeah, bye, Katie.

Ugh.

- Hey! You want a beer, Horseman?
- Oh, no, thank you.

I mean, drinking's cool,
it's just that we're underage,

- and, you know, the law...
- I'm lifting 178 right now.

You know what? I'll have one beer.

Okay, who am I? Who am I?

"I'm Eric from chemistry class!"

That's so Eric!

He is so in chemistry class!

Speaking of losers, there's Josh!

Look, he's wearing K-Mart shoes
because his family's poor!

Katie's not laughing because she always
thinks she's better than everyone.

Hey, remember last year
when one of Katie's boobs

grew bigger than the other?

"Look at me, I'm Katie!"

- Hey, you want some?
- Oh, yeah. Bartender, one more.

- What's wrong?
- Dathan's sucking McCaitlyn's face!

Oh, my God. Jameson.

Okay. It is not what it looks like,
I swear.

You're still doing it!

I tried to make it easy on you, Jameson.

I told you things weren't going great.

Oh, Dathan, touch my boob.

Do not touch her boob!

Jameson, it's not my fault you're a mess.

I mean, how many times
have you been to rehab?

Yeah, Jameson.

Look, it's okay.
You were gonna break up with him anyway.

- And your friend sucks.
- No, they're right.

I'm a mess. And no one cares.
God damn it! I might as well drink.

No. You don't need a drink.

You need to get back to bed
and get some sleep.

You're right. I'm gonna go home
and sleep in my bed!

And when my dad shows up
to ask why I'm not in rehab,

I'll be like, "Maybe you should go
to rehab for your addiction

to being a shitty dad, Dad!"

Okay, Jameson,
you need to be responsible for yourself.

Now, I think that you should come back
to Pastiches with me, like you promised.

But if you wanna go to your dad's house,
all you have to do is steal Dathan's car,

and I heard Michele with one "L"
is about to jump naked into the pool,

so everyone's gonna be distracted,
which means this is the perfect time.

But is that really what you want?

- Bye, BoJack! Thanks!
- What the...

God damn it!

Stupid...

Oh.

Hello?

I need you to find the address
of some rich guy.

- BoJack?
- All I know for sure

is that he's the father of a girl
named Jameson, who's super annoying.

I'm going to assume you have a good reason
to locate a girl

in the middle of the night,
but I can't help you.

Fine! Be that way. Todd'll help me.

- Can you patch me through to Todd?
- What? Call him yourself.

I don't know his number.

I only remember your number because it was
such a dumb number with all those fours.

Four, four, six, four...

My phone number
has a normal amount of fours.

You are not gonna make me
self-conscious about...

And it ends with a three!

Talk about an anti-climax!

What kind of phone number
ends with a three?

Shut up about my phone number!

Hold for Todd.

Todd's phone. Your one-stop shop
for all your Todd-related needs.

Todd, I need you to track down
an address for me.

You're the world's best hacker, right?

Yeah, but not the kind of hacker
you're thinking of.

- Funny story...
- Okay, I gotta go.

- I'm at Coachella...
- Uh-huh.

Put my name on the wrong list,

suddenly I've entered
into a hacky sack competition!

- Right.
- Prior to these events,

- I've never hacked a sack in my life.
- Uh-huh.

But the only other contender is
the Russian ringer they flew in special,

so I'm thinking,

- "I've gotta win this for America!"
- Uh-huh.

Long story short, the Russian had
a heart attack, so I won by default!

Uh, does that answer your question?

I don't remember my question,
but I'm gonna guess no.

Oh, hold on, I'm getting another call.

Todd's phone!
Spare the Todd, spoil the child!

Did you get the black market
porcupine milk?

Yeah, I'll bring it right over.

Although, I'm not looking forward
to getting on a crowded bus

in Porcupine Town.

Hold on. Getting another call.

Hey, superstar!
How are things goin' on set?

Well, the movie itself
is coming together beautifully,

but when I was on break
playing with my model helicopter,

it crashed into the studio water tower.

- Oh, no!
- It gets worse!

It flooded the set of former VJ Downtown
Julie Brown's new puppet show.

- What?
- Completely ruining her vintage

goose-feather dress
she just bought

and disrupting the big finale

where her wooden puppet plays
Beethoven's Fifth on the bongos!

Wait. You're telling me
your dumb drone downed a tower

and drowned Downtown Julie Brown's
dummy drumming dum-dum-dum-dum,

dousing her newly found,
goose-down, hand-me-down gown?

- Yes, that is exactly right!
- I'll be right down.

Todd, I gotta go.

Hmm.

- So, sounds like rehab's goin' well, huh?
- No!

Hey, give me my phone back.

I'm expecting some timely feedback
on an important dick pic.

Hey, do you know where Jameson lives?

Jameson H.? Or Jameson Q.?

- Ugh, I don't know.
- Or Jameson M.?

Where is the nearest Jameson?

Whoa.

Is that the car
from Ferris Bueller's Day Off?

Yeah, my dad loves movie memorabilia.
And this car is his baby.

At least... No, it was his baby
before the new baby came.

Now the new baby's the baby,
which means the car is the new me,

so where does that leave me? Nowhere.

What are you talking about?

He threw out all of my stuff
and turned my room into the baby's room.

He got rid of my softball trophies,
but he loves his stupid bat, naturally.

- And his dumb stupid car!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Parents are terrible.

But destroying things
isn't gonna change them.

All you can change is you.

Ugh. Fine.

If I'm gonna get lectured anyway,
I may as well go back to rehab.

Dad, you there?

Mom said since you didn't come home,
I should bring you your dinner.

And she said to tell you she hopes
you like cold, burnt pot roast

that was spit on.

Huh?

Dad?

There it is, coax it out of my sheath.

BoJack! What the devil!

I... I'll get right on that memo,
Mr. Horseman.

Okay, let me... Oops, oh.

Okay, let me just...
Oh, you look so cute. Bye-bye. All right.

- What were you doing, Dad?
- Oh.

It's fun to have you
at the office, BoJack.

- You're really turning into a man.
- I am?

I think you're old enough now
to have a Jack and Coke.

Mm, nice and sweet.

Here's to our first drink
as father and son.

Huh?

Did I fall asleep? I feel sick.

You went a little wild.
You made a mess on my carpet, BoJack.

I think your mother
would be very disappointed in you.

I'm sorry.

Maybe it's best if we both just forgot
about everything that happened tonight.

- Okay, buddy?
- Okay.

You know what? Screw your dad.

Whoa!

Hey! That's the titular club
from The First Wives Club.

You're just a kid.

Why do you have to be responsible
for all the ways he screwed you up?

Yeah!

It's not my fault I was born!
He's the one who got my mom pregnant!

Yeah, and I bet your mom sucked too!

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Chick ch'ka... Oh, no.

Oh, my...

- Wha...
- Oh, boy.

What the hell are you doing?

That's the giant window from The Graduate!

Oh.

Daddy, I didn't wanna leave rehab,
but this scary old horse made me!

Hi, cutie! Mwah!

Okay, I'm ready to go back to rehab now.
I'll go wait in the car!

Jameson...

- Listen...
- Are you drunk or high?

- What?
- Are you drunk or high right now?

No.

I'm sorry she roped you into this.

You're not the first guy to help her
break out of that rehab.

They always end up at my house.

And then they want me to keep quiet
to the press,

so they give me a souvenir
from one of their movies.

I could send you a swag bag
from Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy,

but you should probably wash the thong
before wearing it.

I don't know what to do with Jameson.
I've tried everything.

I thought she would change
after she had her baby, but...

Change is hard.

Takes a long time.

Let me guess,
she wanted to see her boyfriend?

Actually...

she told me she just wanted
to come here to see her baby.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Bye, Daddy! Love you!

- Ugh. Sorry my dad's so embarrassing.
- Jesus Christ.

You have no idea how lucky you are.

I wish I had someone when I was your age

who cared about me enough
to put me in rehab.

Yeah, maybe.

Well, anyway, thanks for keeping me
out of trouble tonight.

Really?

It was a worth a try.
Ready to sneak back in?

I'm getting too old to sneak in
and out of places.

All right.

- Checking in?
- No.

I just snuck out and I'm coming back,

so, you know, put me down
for kitchen clean-up duty

or whatever the punishment is
for sneaking out.

No, I don't think you've been here before.

Everyone who's been here before
is humble enough

to take a picture with me.

Yeah. Okay.

Sign me up for six weeks. Starting now.

- And a picture?
- Sure.

Cheese!