All language subtitles for The Wild Wild West - 02x07 - The Night of the Poisonous Posey.Unspecified.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

Oh, smell that,
huh?

What?

That air.

It's as invigorating
as a bottle

of the finest
chilled bubbly.

And this- Ah.

You know we are, Jim?

Uh...

"Justice, Nevada,
population 132."

Wrong. We are in
the heartland of America.

Serene, unhurried,
far from the madding throng.

All right,

you jaspers
get off your horses,

real nice and easy-like.

Uh, sheriff,

I know this doesn't sound
very original,

but don't you have us
confused with two others?

Sam.

Them are the two
road agents, all right.

Bloodthirsty
murdering varmints.

No, no, no, wait a minute.

We all know how you feel,

but we're gonna
handle this

strictly according
to the book.

All right, you two,
this way.

Bring 'em along,
boys.

What were you saying
about this town, Artie?

Quiet,
unhurried.

I sure was wrong,
wasn't I?

What do you suppose
they've got in mind?

I don't know.

I've got
a wild idea.

Sam.

This is an old-fashioned
necktie party.

And whereas
you two sidewinders

went and committed
armed robbery

of the Elkhart
camelback stagecoach,

and whereas,

in the commission
of said robbery,

you two
committed mayhem,

pistol whippin' and murder.

Therefore,

I sentence you both
to hang by the neck.

Don't do it, sheriff.

You know, I've seen
some bad sports in my time,

but you two-

You two are
the all-fired,

low-downest absolute limit.

You know, I think I must
have come in late, Jim.

Weren't these gentlemen
doing their best to hang us

just a couple of
minutes ago?

That was the impression I got.

Hang you?

Is that what you thought
we were aiming to do?

Sam, go.

You mean to tell me

that all of this
Danny Deever bit

back here was just...

Play acting.
Just play acting.

And all
in the spirit of fun,

as anyone in his right
mind ought to have seen.

Sam.

"Whereas this thriving
community of justice-"

All right.

All right, now, let's don't
run it, plumb into the ground.

"Whereas the thriving
community of Justice

"is now equipped to cope
with any crime problem

"by said community,

"having gone
and hired itself

"a first-class sheriff-"
to wit, me.

"And whereas

"it's been a long time
since there's been any call

"for a town celebration.

"Therefore, this week is
hereby officially proclaimed

"as Law and Order Week
in Justice, Nevada."

And since
you two varmints-

I-I mean, you two gents

were the first to come by

since the town justice
passed the rulin'...

The key to the city.

Mm-hm.

Uh...

Ladies and gentlemen,
we...

we're sorry.

We really wanna
thank you very much

for this, uh,
signal honor.

My friend and I are
really deeply

touched by...

Artie, I think, uh,

I think we hurt
their feelings.

You know,

it's the free sarsaparilla
that always gets me.

Look, we're
on vacation anyway.

What do you say we just
spend a day or two

right here at Justice?

Bingo, dancing in the streets.

How can we go wrong?

Disp�nseme, se�or.

Oh, you will please
excuse me, se�ores.

Of course.

What's the matter?

Uh, nothing.

You know,
I-I have a sneaky feeling

I've seen that gentleman
someplace before.

The question is where.

Yeah, me, too.

That's why I stayed
turned away.

Not a very comfortable
feeling, either.

Artie, I'm famished.

What do you say we-?

Artie.

Artie.

Hmm?

What?

Listen to me.

Don't move.

Okay.

I'm awake
and I'm not moving.

Now what?

And if your head
should itch-

It doesn't itch.

Good,
then don't scratch.

Now it itches.

There's something
on the pillow, Artie,

next to your head.

What is it?

Well, let's say it's
smaller than a breadbox

and larger
than a tsetse fly.

Would it be likely to be used
equally by both men and women?

Forget it, Artie.

I-I'm gonna count
to three,

and then I want you
to roll off that bed.

One.

Two.

Three.

I must say that's
a rather interesting way

to wake up from a nap.

Now that it's all over,
what was that?

Now, that
was a tarantula.

A ta- A ta- A tarantula.

I think, uh,
your furry friend

has solved the question

of who the gentleman was
that we bumped into.

You mean, eh...?

Mm-hmm.

Gallito.

Latin America's
contribution

to the world
of sudden death.

The number-one killer
wherever Spanish is spoken.

He is wanted in just about

every Latin American
country in the world.

His trademark
is the tarantula.

You all finished, Jim?

I think I can
match you in spades.

I'm listening.

How about Cyrill the Firebug,

king of the oiled-soaked rag
and the well-placed candle.

Also wanted by the police
of several continents

for a few hundred fires
of mysterious origin.

What a coincidence.

A top professional killer
and Mr. Fire himself,

both in Justice,
Nevada.

And both of 'em wearing
mourning bands on their sleeves.

Hey, Jim, do my eyes
deceive me, or is that, uh,

Snakes Tolliver
in the procession?

That's Snakes, all right.

The guy playing caboose
is, uh, mm-hm, little Pinto.

Sergei from Minsk in Russia?

Brutus the Bonebreaker,
scourge of the Caribbean?

About the only criminals

I don't see in that procession
that are well-known,

are Ascot Sam from New York,
Irish Mantell

and the Seattle Fire Kid.

Listen, uh,

I know we're supposed
to be on vacation,

but do you think
it might be

in the interest
of national security

if we were to find out
who might have died

to bring such
a jolly crew together?

Definitely, Artie.

I'm gonna fire off
a telegram to Washington

and try and find out
what this is all about.

Hey, you do that.

I'll stay here
and keep my eyes peeled.

Oh, howdy, mister.

What can I do for you?

Uh, I must say
you run

a great little
one-man town here.

Uh, I take that
very kindly of you-

Unforgivably careless
of me, gentlemen.

I dropped my gun.

I do hope no one
was injured.

Butterfingers.
Now see here, Mr.-

Jones, Robert Jones
of Kenosha, Wisconsin.

Well, see what you done
when you dropped that gun?

Now, I'm gonna bill you
for the cost of replacing it.

Oh, but my dear sheriff,
I would insist on that myself.

Now if you'd be good enough
to tell me the amount...

I'm impounding
this gun too,

until after
the celebration

and yours too.

You two just don't realize

how dangerous
these weapons can be.

Oh, yeah,
and that trick derringer

you got
up your sleeve there

while we're at it.

Sheriff,
can you tell me

where I can find
the nearest telegraph?

Grandford Junction.

That's 40 miles right square
dab due west of here,

but I wouldn't
depend on any-

Out of my way,
butterfingers.

Uh...

Our horses,
I believe.

Ain't no argument
about that, mister.

As deputy sheriff,

I'm just impounding
'em, that's all.

You people sure go in

for a lot of impounding
around here.

No livestock allowed
on the street

during our big celebration.

That's a
special ordinance

passed by the town counsel
and the mayor.

I see. Well,
that's just fine.

Because when I talk
to the mayor,

I'll see that
this ordinance is...

No. No,
don't tell me.

Yep, I'm the mayor
of Justice too.

Receipt for
two horses, gentlemen.

Tsk.

Oh, another receipt
for another gun.

It is a sad
business, se�or.

Death is always sad,

but when it comes
to an old friend...

Might I have a last glimpse
of the dear departed?

Oh, alas,
the coffin is sealed.

We meet again.

Small world,
isn't it?

Practically
microscopic.

What is it, Brutus?

Our friend here likes to
send telegrams to Washington.

I can't help
wondering why.

Let's find out.

Why?

Oh, I know you'll
find out eventually.

You see, I'm, um,

I'm a secret
service agent,

and I was wiring
my home office

for reinforcements.

You have a remarkably
unfunny sense of humor, sir.

Pal,
this your wreath?

Yes.

Paper flowers.

Well, it was just
a superficial relationship.

In spite of which,
you yearn

for a final glimpse
of the deceased.

Does seem odd,
doesn't it?

I think we should indulge
our friend,

don't you?

We're scheduled to have
a board meeting very shortly.

I think our chairman would
like to decide personally

what to do about you.

You know what I think?

I think I...

set him on fire,

just to start him talking.

Ahh-

Just hold it
right there.

Do listen to him, sir.

I can promise you
you're going to die,

but if you listen,

not immediately.

You've been
fighting again.

We had visitor.

You seem to have caused
considerable havoc.

I guess I'm just
an active growing boy.

Your name?

James West.

And yours?

I'll ask all
the questions, Mr. West.

Oh, come now.

Turnabout's only fair play.

Laughing boy there
says I'm going to die.

I can assure you
of that.

First,
let me introduce you

to the gentlemen who will
take care of this matter.

Gallito, you know.

On my right, Brutus.

He dearly loves
to smash things.

And Cyrill,

who loves to play
with matches.

Snakes Tolliver,
an explosives expert,

and Pinto,
a very quiet gentleman,

who has gone into considerable
research in the area of pain.

Inflicting it, of course.

And, finally, Sergei
from the steppes of Russia.

He dearly loves to eat.

Someday he'll swallow
the whole world.

Hope it won't
give him indigestion.

I'm delighted
to meet you, gentlemen.

What an innocent location

for a summit conference
of world crime.

Justice, Nevada.

Especially during
Law and Order Week.

The idea tickled
my sense of humor.

There's still one more
introduction.

I am Lucrece Posey,
chairman of the board,

and the first item of business

will be to call
this meeting-

I'm touched.

Is this for me?

Chairman of the board
should have a gavel.

Everyone knows that.

Use it in good health.

Thank you, Snakes.

I hereby call
this meeting...

You call the meeting
to order, Snakes.

Why me? I- I'm not
the chairman.

Brutus dear,

put that wonderful glove
of yours to work.

You don't think I had anything
to do with that, now, do you?

Relax, Snakes. Stop cringing. Ow. Ah.

Poor boy.

Let us be seated, gentlemen.

Remove the body,
will you?

Miss Lucrece Posey.

Any relation to that
other lovely lady, Lucrezia,

that used a poison ring
to such great effect?

I hereby call
this meeting to order,

and the first order of business
is to have you removed

from the docket,
Mr. West.

Ta-da.

Ascot Sam.

In the flesh.

It is you, isn't it?

Well, it certainly ain't
your kid brother Edith.

Ascot Sam.

Yes, dear lady?

Brutus will perform
the introductions later.

Meanwhile, we have
a little unfinished business

to take care of.

Of course,
dear lady.

Uh, hold it!

Why?

Why?

Why?

Because that's James West,
that's why.

That we know. So?

So that's the guy
in charge

of the government's
travel agency,

that's all.

I still owe you
a little vote of thanks

for that free trip
that you arranged for me

up to Leavenworth,
you no good-

No.

So you're the Mr. West,

from the secret service,
hmm?

I tried to tell
your boys that,

but no one would listen.

Mr. West, I have one question
to put to you,

but meanwhile,
I'll fill you in

with a little
background material.

We're living in an era
of consolidation,

amalgamation, centralization.

Businesses large and small
are merging,

avoiding wasteful duplication.

Dreary little nations
are awakening

to the advantages
of combining their resources

into one powerful super nation.

But there's one element
of society

that has lagged behind

in this plunge
towards consolidation.

Mr. West?

Crime.

Exactly.

Every one of these dots
represents a criminal apparatus,

and there are thousands of them,
each one separate

from every other one,

making it easy prey
for the well-organized forces

of law and order
that surround them.

And this is the way
it could be,

must be and will be.

Six regional organizations.

Each one directing,

taking care of crime
in each of its areas,

each one combining to form

a super crime cartel of the
entire world.

And these are
the six regional leaders.

I organized the plan,

arranged to meet with them here,
discussed details,

and to see that our meeting
was kept secret.

Now my question is,
who tipped you off?

Do you mind repeating
that last question?

I said who tip-

Why should I repeat it?

Because when
you say tipped,

your nose crinkles adorably.

Did you know that?

Mr. West.

And another point
I'd like to make,

if you'd quit hiding behind
that tomboy outfit-

I mean really, you could be
quite spectacular.

Why don't you get yourself
into something silky and soft

and, uh- And revealing?

I will give you
one more chance, Mr. West,

to get back to my question.

All right.

You get the answer
to your question,

and I get what?

One of Gallito's
less lingering deaths.

If that's the best
you can do,

I'll take it.

The name of the fink,
who tipped me off...

The fink is...

Sergei, Pinto,
Mr. West is exhausted.

See that he's cooled off
properly.

I will help them-
Ah, ah.

I'll inform you
as to what you've missed.

You know, Sergei,
looking over this setup,

gives me the idea of how to
cool off this West fella,

like he'll never be
cooled off again. Heh, heh.

You know, Brutus, uh,
I am not the type guy

to say that Miss Posey
does not know her apples,

but, uh...

If it was up to me,
I would not rest

until I had found out
who the fink is.

Miss Posey
is quite shrewd, Sam.

She'll unearth the rascal,
you can depend on it.

Oh, I'm quite certain
of that.

I certainly
hope so.

Well, that was
a nice workout.

Why, cease and desist
for a moment.

I thought I heard
a noise in that glove.

You know, Sam,

it's barely possible
I may know who the fink is.

Excuse me, amigos.
Am I interrupting?

Oh, no,
no, no.

Brutus here is just doing
a little punching is all.

Well, then-

Then please to continue.

As the saying goes,
"scratch one fink."

I hope you
appreciate now

what an all-fired clever rig
this is, Mr. West.

I do, I do,

but you shouldn't have gone
to so much trouble.

Oh, no. No, no.
No trouble at all.

No, heh.

You see, these two
300-pound cakes of ice

are being held in place by
this-

By this one rope.

Now you'll notice
this lamp here.

Now I'm going to set the lamp
right under the rope

that's holding up
them cakes of ice.

I noticed that, too.

A little too close
to the rope, isn't it?

Now you're beginning to get
the big idea.

You see, the lamp starts
charring the rope,

the rope starts partin',
finally gives way,

and down comes
two big cakes of ice-

Heh, heh, your
own private glacier.

right into your lap.

You ought to patent that.

Yep. Just might.
Heh, heh.

Well, I figure it'll be
about 45 minutes

before anything really
interesting happens around here.

I'll be back
by then.

Now you just
take it easy.

Relax, hear?
Heh, heh, heh, heh.

If there is anything that is
distressing to me, Sergei,

it's to have the knowledge

that there is a fink
in our midst.

You are one hundred
per cent right, Ascot.

Maybe more.

For our fink,
death is too good.

He should be slowly killed.

Only question:

Who is the one?

Yeah, I must say,
if there is a question,

that is the big one,
all right.

And, uh, Miss Posey
does not seem inclined

to determine who it is.

Great jumpin' balls
of Saint Elmo's fire.

How did that happen?

I will give you
small hint.

The one who did this
likes to play with matches.

He is a fink,

and his first name
begin with Cyrill.

As the saying goes,

"scratch another fink."

Now, where is
everybody?

You know I don't like
this sort of thing.

Where's Gallito?

Poor chap had a most
regrettable accident.

And Cyrill?

He had accident too.

Now, look here.
Once and for all, I-

Da-da.

Ascot Sam.

Well, who else but?

Aargh.

Who's the big guy
with the little laugh, lady?

He claims to be
Ascot Sam.

Claims?

Now, Miss Posey,
that word disturbs me

a little bit more
than somewhat.

Now, let's settle this
once and for all.

Ascot Sam was plugged
in the shoulder

some years back,

so let us see
who has the scar.

This is gonna be
one of those days

where nothing goes right.

Jim.

Boy, I can honestly say

I am happy to see ya.

And how do you feel
about old Pinto?

Law and Order Week.
Come on out.

Help celebrate.

Let's not forget the big prize
in this deal, Artie.

Let's split and get Miss Posey.

We'll go to the funeral parlor

from different routes.

Right.

I kinda wish
I had my gun with me.

Makes a nice
security symbol.

Trouble with you
is you're spoiled.

Get goin'.

Hey,
what's going on here?

Get down.

Yeah, manhandling
an officer of the law.

You in big trouble,
mister.

Not as much
as you're gonna be

if you don't keep
your head down.

Oh, depriving
an officer of the law

of his legal
weapons!

You're diggin' your grave
deeper, mister.

That fella's shootin'
real bullets.

He sure is.

What do you got in here?

Blanks, of course.

Brutus.

Got four shots left that
I can't miss from this range.

If your finger moves,
you're a dead man, Brutus.

Hand that rifle
to me.

Hyah.

Well, now.

It was all your idea.
Do you like it?

Very nice.

They're all gone,
Miss Posey.

Please call me Lucrece.
Won't you, Jim?

And you're
the only one left.

You've come for me,
then, have you?

Mm-hm.

All right.

Let a lady do a few
last-minute things,

will you, Jim?

Why not?

Thank you.

Artie!

Jim.

The stagecoach.
Did it leave?

Yeah, off in
a cloud of dust,

and guess who was enlisted
amongst the passengers.

Oh, go on. Surprise me.

Ascot Sam.

I tell you, that man used
every dirty,

disabling trick in the books
before I could mark him

signed, sealed and delivered
into the pokey.

Artie, you didn't see
an entrancing feminine thing

board that stage, did you?

It was in there.

In fact,
it was my pleasure

to help the lovely
creature aboard.

That lovely creature
was Miss Posey.

Listen, some vacation.

I'm gonna put a sign up
outside my bedroom,

"Do not disturb
until Christmas."

Crawl into that bed...

Miss Posey?

Hyah.

Are you sure you don't
wanna join us, Artie?

Are you kidding?

After five hours
in that saddle

just catching up
with that stage?

All I want now
is a little rest and quiet,

and darn little of that.

Well, the important
thing is

Miss Posey's in the pokey,
thanks to you.

Oh, yeah.
Three cheers for me.

Artie, I think
you might get

some kind
of commendation for it.

Nah.

Hey, you really think so?

Well, of course.

Miss Posey was
a very dangerous-

Speaking about
commendations.

Another assignment
right away?

Kucknik pass?

That's six hours on a horse
going just one way.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.