All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s02e02 - Motel

- [ Rings]
- Hello?

- You got 'em, right?
- What can I say?

Jerry, I was hoping
you'd say you got, uh...

two seats on the 50-yard line
at the Bear-Packer game...

but I have the feeling
you're not gonna say that.

Oh, I tried everything
I could think of, Bob.

- [ Sighs] - Well, we'rejust gonna
have to pay the scalpers' prices.

No good. Even the scalpers
are going to see this one.

- There's no way, Bob, unless-
- Unless what?

- Unless-
- Unless what?

-I got it, Bob.
- You got what?

Peoria.

- Peoria.
- The game's not blacked out in Peoria.

We can make a weekend out of it.
See, we'll drive down, check in to a nice motel.

Saturday, we'll relax,
have a big dinner.

Sunday, we'll get up and watch the game
on big-screen color TV.

- That's a great idea.
- Yeah. We'll be back Sunday night.

[Chuckles]

- Sunday night.
- Uh-huh.

Gee, I kind of hate to take
a whole weekend away from Emily.

Oh, yeah, well, uh, why don't you have Emily
come on down with us?

It'd just be the three of us then.

I don't think Emily would
want to drive...

all the way to Peoria just to see us
watch a football game.

Oh, what a shame! Well, then it'll
just be the two of us, huh?

- Better count me outjerry.
- Bob...

Bears and Packers.

Bears and Packers.
Bears and Packers.

Packers and Bears- No matter how you say it,
it means a fight to the finish.

That's what I'm afraid ofijerry-

you know, Bob and Emily,
Emily and Bob.

- You tellin' me now you don't want to go?
- That's right.

He wants to spend the weekend
with his wife.

No, he doesn't.
Do ya, Bob?

Well, uh, some of it.

Jerry, if I were Emily, Bob would have to have
a pretty good reason...

to spend a weekend away from home
without me.

He's got two very good reasons:

the Bears and the Packers,
blacked out in Chicago.

What, he's supposed to miss
a game like that?

Well, what's Emily supposed to do
while you two guys are sittin' around...

watchin' a bunch of jocks
kick each other's seats in?

All right, now, look.

- This man works hard for his living.
- [ Groans]

He doesn't blow his money
on women, booze, fancy cars.

All he's askin' for is one lousy weekend
out of his whole life!

You wouldn't want him to miss the game
of the century, would you?

And what happens when the next game
of the century is blacked out... next weekend?

And then the Lions come to town and then
the Rams and all those other animals?

And then pretty soon, Bob,
you mightjust as well move to Peoria...

because your marriage
will be blacked out.

Well, I chained all
of your patio furniture down.

Howard, I just can't picture a burglar
carrying wrought iron furniture...

down the side
of a high-rise apartment.

It's not just burglars. Remember how
that wind comes whipping off that lake?

I mean, last year, six umbrella tables
were blown off my balcony.

Well, look at it this way. There's probably
a lovely sidewalk cafe down there.

- Oh, hi, honey.
- Hz; honey.

- Hi, Bob.
- Hi, Howard.

Uh, would you come over here
by the window?

Right over here.
Stand right there.

Look out the window.
What do you see?

Toddling town, Howard.

No, no, no. Not Chicago.
I chained your patio furniture down.

That's an unusual thing
for someone to do, Howard.

Well, uh, I'll see ya, Emily.
Have a nice time up there.

Uh, Emily, uh, up where?

This is the weekend we're going up
to Sylvia andjack's cabin.

Oh, no, it's- it's not this weekend.

Gee, I'm sure Sylvia said the 17th, Bob.

No, it, uh- it couldn't be
this weekend.

Yeah. Yeah, it is. See?
Don't you remember we talked about it...

and decided we might as well
get it over with...

since we've canceled out
so many times?

- Uh, Emily?
- Yeah?

I want to cancel out again.

- Why, Bob? - Well, the game sold
out, and there are no seats left.

[Chuckles]
Oh, good.

But, uh, let me finish.

Jerry thought it'd be a good idea if we drove
to Peoria and watched the game on television.

You're gonna drive to Peoria to watch a game
on television and drive all the way back?

- Won't that be tiring?
- WelLJerry thought we could...

drive down Saturday morning
and then drive back Sunday night...

because of that very thing.

Oh, the whole weekend, huh?

Saturday, Sunday- Yeah, that's...

- pretty much the whole weekend.
- Oh.

Well, I don't mind for myself, Bob,
'cause I've got plenty to do...

but, uh, I-l don't see how you're gonna
get out of Sylvia andjack.

Well, uh, couldn't you, uh-
couldn't you call Sylvia andjack...

and, uh, tell 'em you hurt your foot
or something?

[Chuckles]
Oh, no.

I am not gonna call them and lie.
Bob, they're your friends.

If you want to go withjerry
that badly...

you call Sylvia,
and you tell her the truth.

Well, maybe I'll just, uh- I'll call her
and check on what's going on.

[Stammering] I mean,you know
how vague they are about plans.

They're probably not even
at the cabin now.

Sylvia? Bob Hartley.

Yeah, we- we have the directions.

So, how's, uh- howsjack?

He's not there.

He's hanging up thejapanese lanterns.

Boy, you're, uh, really going all out,
aren't you?

And who else is coming?

All- All the way from Stuttgart.

[Stammering]
How's the television reception up there?

Not even an electrical outlet, huh?

Uh, here's the thing, uh, Sylvia.

Uh, we aren't gonna be able
to make it.

Yeah, and I'm not gonna lie
and-and tell you some excuse.

Um, to be perfectly honest...

Emily broke her foot.

Well, here it is, Bob.
Beautiful, huh?

Just like I told ya- Perfect.

Yeah, it's, uh, perfectjerry,
except there's only, uh- there's only one bed.

Oh, yeah. Well, which side
do you want to sleep on?

Jerry, I hope you won't be offended.
Uh, I want to sleep on both sides.

Oh,yeah.
I can understand that, Bob.

Why don't we just call up
and ask for another room?

- Good idea.
- Right.

But this is a terrific room, Bob.
I mean, look at that view-

all those lights,
all those neat factories.

It's very romantigjerry.
I still want my own bed.

This is Dr. Hartley
in Room, uh, 535.

Yeah, there's been a mix-up.

Yeah, uh, we're gonna need
another bed.

[Stammering]
No, we didn't have a fight.

Yeah, we're two guys,
and we need two beds...

you know, one- one for each guy.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

Well, uh, could you switch us
to another room?

Yeah, I'll hold on. UhJerry, they're gonna try
to switch us to another room.

Yeah, good. Hey, look at this neat thing
on the wall here. We can have coffee, tea...

hot chocolate,
a variety of soups.

They gave us
some saltines here.

Great. We can have our meals
in the bathroom.

Hello?

You- You're all filled up.

Well, uh, could you send up another bed then?
Thank you very much.

- They're gonna send up another bed.
- Great.

Well, right here is where
it's all gonna happen, Bob-

- right on this very set.
-[Clicks On]

- Look at that- instant warm-up.
- JJ'[ Fiddle]

Look at the way that picture comes in-
clarity, color intensity-

everything you could ever
ask for in a TV picture.

Man Announcing]
So hightail it down to Moose Motors...

where we've got tractors, combines,
hay balers,jeeps, pickups...

and the all-new 70-bushel Polaris
four-speed thresher for under $18,000.

- That's enough, okayJerry?
-j ust follow the alphabet to “Z“ Street-

[Clicks Off]

You know, if you're ever in the market
for a thresher, that's probably not a bad price.

- Well, I think I'll unpack.
- Unpack? [ Laughs]

- You don't do much traveling, do you?
- What do you mean?

When you get to a new place, you look around,
see what's happening, you know?

Well, I thought
I'd get organized first.

Bob, don't get organized first.
I mean, come on!

The night is young.
You're in Peoria.

Yeah, I thought I'd call up Emily...

-just to let her know we arrived okay.
- Sure. Sure, sure, fine.

You call up Emily. Yeah, tell her
that you're tired from the long trip...

and all the singing
that we did in the car.

You're gonna brush your teeth,
and then you're gonna go into bed.

Then you come on downstairs
and meet me in the bar.

Door Closes 1

[Ringing]

- Hello?
- Howard, is that you?

Oh, hi, Bob.
It's me, Howard.

What are you doing there,
Howard?

Well, I just came over
to keep Emily company.

- Oh, well, uh, can I talk to her?
- Well, uh, she's not here now.

Oh.

Yeah, I was telling her
about flight patterns...

and, uh, suddenly she had
to go to the market.

Yeah. Uh, listen, Howard. I just called
to tell Emily I arrived safely and, uh-

[Stammering] Oh, Howard?
Would you give Emily this message?

Uh, I wish you were here.

Uh, I miss you very much.
I'll see you after the game Sunday.

And, uh...

I, uh- I love you.

What'd you say, Bob?

I love you.

Wow.

Wow.

That's a really nice thing
for you to say, Bob.

And I'm gonna tell Emily
you said that.

I want you to tell her
I said that, Howard.

- See ya.
- Bye.

- [Knocking]
- Uh, come in.

- You order a bed?
- Yeah.

Here ya are.

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Chattering]

Jerry}
Dave? Dave!

Over here, Dave.

Come on, Dave.

- Uh, Dave, I'd like you to meet Angela-
- Hi!

- And this isjanine.
- Oh, he's so cute.

- You were right, Lloyd.
- [ Mouths Word]

Well, Dave...

it must be really exciting
being a race car driver.

- A what?
- Oh, yeah. Well, you bet it is, boy.

He's one of the best in the business.
Know what they call him?

- “Mr. Guts.“
- Wow. [Chuckles]

Boy, you ought to see some of the stunts
I've got him doing...

in the big movie I'm directing
about the Indy 500.

We better get something straight.

I don't know about Lloyd here, but I'm not
a race car driver. I'm a psychologist.

My name is not Dave.
It's Bob, and I'm married.

Well, nobody's perfect.

- Oh, we knew you were putting us on.
- Oh, sure.

I was just waiting for you
to tell the truth.

- What do you really do?
- You mean the truth?

Well, my name is actually
Jerry Robinson...

and I'm a United States senator.

I'm just kiddin'.
Actually, I'm an orthodontist.

The only reason I don't say that
is then I have to explain it later.

- What's an orthodontist?
- See what I mean?

- What are you girls doing here?
- I'm visitingjanine for a few days.

- She's a native of Peoria.
- Oh, really!

Hey, maybe you could show us
the town later, huh?

Well, this is the town.

Well, they got the greatest food
here and the nicest rooms.

Oh,yeah?Well,
you got rooms here?

- No. Angela does.
- Really? In this very motel?

- Yeah. Room 303.
- Three- Oh, isn't that fantastic?

- Uh, Senator?
- Yes?

I'm gonna get some dinner.
I'll see you later.

It was nice-
nice meeting you girls.

Uh, excuse me, girls.
I'll-I'll be right back.

Uh, Bob? Bob? Bob.

Bob, listen. Now, you-
Do me- Do me a favor.

I think I've got something going
with Angela.

If you hold on for a couple more minutes until
I lock it in- Thinkyou could do that for me?

Uh, Emily doesn't like me
to dateJerry.

This is not a date. This is
a personal favor for a personal friend.

All I'm asking you to do is to stay
for one more drink. Please?

One drink, and then I go.

[Whistling]

UhJerry, you got me
with the door.

Better get up for the game,
Bob. It's almost 1:00.

- TREK}?
Neg

- How-How late were we up?
- It was early, Bob. You were dancing till 3:00.

- That is early.
- Yep.

- Oh, I feel terrible. - No reason why
you should. You won the mambo contest.

That's probably
whyl feel terrible.

Emily loves to dance,
and I... never take her dancing.

Oh, she probably can't
follow you, Bob.

You're terrific.

When they played the “Sabre Dance,“
your feet were a blur.

UhJerry, I don't, uh-

I don't think, you know, Emily would be
interested in my winning the mambo contest.

How's Emily gonna find out?just give
that trophy tojanine when she gets here.

The- The girls are coming here?

Yeah, to watch the game.
You better get ready.

- [Knocking]
- Rats.

- Hi-oh! [ Laughs]
- Oh, hLJerry.

Wow, you both look terrific.
And in natural light too.

- Say, where's Bobby?
- He's getting dressed.

- Want a pretzel?
- No, thanks.

- You?
- Yes, I do.

- How'd you sleep last night?
- I slept like a baby.

And Bob slept
like a baby, uh, soldier.

- How come Bob got the cot?
- He's a real gentleman.

Oh, yeah, I know.
just my luck.

- Good morning.
- Hello, you dancing fool.

- [Both Laughing]
- Hi.

- Say, have you guys had your breakfast yet?
- Well, no time for that now.

- Uh, channel 6, please, Angela.
-;;[ Marching Band]

Oh, ick! How could they play football
in weather like that?

Weather like what?
lck? Wow.

Well, it's snowin'
like crazy.

- Jerry, turn up the volume.
- It looks like a regular blizzard.

- [ Man Announcing] Good afternoon,
football fans. - 3M Ends]

It's a beautiful, sunshiny afternoon
here in Chicago.

- Fiddle with the knobsJerry.
- I'm fidd/in'.

Oh, it's no use, Bob.
It's snow all over here.

- Maybe it's dead. Ours is working fine.
- [Sound Fades]

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

Listen, I got a great idea.
Why don't Angela and I go to their room...

- and if their set's working, we'll call ya.
- Fine.

Or I-l could go withjerry.

No, no, no. Bob. Bob,
you stay here and relax.

It'll be much better
if Angela and I go down to her room.

Uh, okay? Good. Uh,
we'll see ya later, Bob.

- Uh- UhJerry?
- Yeah.

- How, uh- How much later?
- Oh, soon, Bob.

Uh, we'll call ya... soon.

- They're gonna call us soon.
- Right.

- Now the sound has gone off.
- You know what?

Why don't you turn it off and then
turn it back on? Sometimes that works.

Now it won't come back at all.

Well, maybe we should just,
you know, let it be for a time.

[ Laughs]
You know, it's so funny...

being alone in a motel room
with ya like this.

I mean, it's innocent, you know...

but, uh, I bet 99 people out of a hundred
would think that something was going on-

- like if your wife walked in.
- [Chuckles]

[Stammering]
She'd be one of the 99.

I wanted to tell you how very much I admired you
for being so faithful to your wife...

especially, uh...

when, uh, you don't have to be.

You know what I mean?

[Stammering]
lfthe Bears win this game...

it means a division... championship.

Oh, yeah. Right.

Real, uh, sorry about this set.

Oh, that's okay.
[Chuckles]

Jerry and I drove all the way down. We were
really looking forward to seeing the game.

You know, thatjerry
is such a character.

Last night he was telling us about
you being this big race car driver...

and him being this big movie director.

[Laughs] He doesn't even
look like a movie director.

Is he- Is he really
an orthodontist?

Why- Why would anybody lie
about that?

I don't know.
People lie about funny things.

Like last night, I told you that I was
a registered nurse.

Oh, uh- [ Clears Throat]
aren't ya?

Well, uh, actually,
I'm-I'm really more like a, uh-

like a physical therapist.

Huh. Is that right?

No, it's not. It's not.

- Uh- Uh-
- What, uh- What do you do?

Um, I'm trying to think
of away to put it.

Uh, did you ever see
the movie K/ute?

- K/ute, yeah.
- That's what I do.

Oh, you're, uh-
you're an actress?

No.

I don't think that you're
really surprised, are you?

[Laughs]
No!

See, I know,
because you're a shrink...

and I bet you run into a lot of girls
in my line of work.

Yeah, only not in motel rooms.

[Laughs ] You know, I really like you.
I do. I really do, as a person.

- [ Stammering] I like you too.
-You do? Really?

- Like a friend.
- Yeah.

- Like- Like a sister.
- Yeah.

I mean,you know,
you're very attractive...

but I, uh-l don't, uh-
I don't do this.

Well, we're not doing anything.

Yeah, but this is
as close as I usually come to-

[Clears Throat]
to not- not doing anything.

Anyway, I'm glad
the game's not on.

Talking is fun too.

Would you, uh- Would you care
for some coffee or tea...

or, uh,
hot chocolate, soup?

No, thanks, unless
you have any soft drinks.

- Oh, there's a machine in the hall.
- 0h, please don 't get it.

- I'll get it.
- [ Phone Rings]

- [ Door Closes]
- Uh,jerry, how's the reception?

_ Bob?
_ Emily?

- Yes.
- I-l thought you werejerry.

- Wait. Isn't he with you?
- Yeah, yeah. He's- He's here.

[Stammering] He's checking
the reception on another set.

- Oh. Howard said you called last night.
- Great.

Bob, is something wrong?
You sound funny.

L do?

No, it must be the phone.

Honey, are you gonna be home for dinner?
'Cause I have a roast.

Yeah, fine. I'll grab a bite
on the way home.

I don't understand, Bob. Are you gonna
be home for dinner or not?

- Yeah. Yeah, I'll, uh, see you then.
- Good-bye, Bob.

Bob? I love you.

Okay, Emily. I-

I love you too. Bye.

Sorry I took so long.
The machinejammed.

[Chuckles]

I'm gonna, uh, gonna calljerry.

Yeah, could I have
Room 303, please?

[Stammering]
The phone's ringing.

I'm sure it is.

Uh,jerry? Yeah, how's
the reception down there?

Yeah, would you check it, please?

- He's checking the reception.
- [ Mouths Words]

It is. Well, that's too bad.

Well, we could try that.
Uh- UhJerry?

Yeah, remember,
I've got the car.

Right.

Uh, he thinks we ought to go down
and watch it on a set in the bar.

Oh, that's a great idea, Sure.
You know what? This time I'll buy you a drink.

Um, you insisted I take this...

- but I-l want you to have it.
- Oh, n- Oh, gee.

Thank you very much.
[Laughs]

“To Peoria's Best“-

Bob?

“ Hoofer.“

Emily?

- Oh, hi, honey!
- Emily, I-

I just want you to know
that, uh- that I love you...

and I love you more
at this moment...

than I've ever loved you
in my entire life.

And absolutely nothing
happened in Peoria.

And if I tried to tell you all the things
that didn't happen...

you-you wouldn't believe it.

And I just want you to promise that you'll never
bring up the weekend in Peoria again.

You- You just gotta
trust me on that.

Bob, of course I trust you, and-

Why, if you don't want to talk about it,
then we won't talk about it.

Good. I want to catch
the, uh, tape replay of the game.

- [Clicks]
- Bob-

- What happened in Peoria?
- [Clicks]

Emily, sit down.

[ Mews]