All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s01e05 - Goodnight, Nancy

- [ Rings]
- Hello?

- Here, Let me get the door for you,
- Oh.

- What kind of a tree is it?
- A heavy one.

-[Groans]
- Oh, I'm sorry. Let me help.

No. Catching my breath is something
I have to do all by myself.

It's really a nice size tree.
How much taller does it get?

That's as tall as it gets.
It's a dwarf plum.

Oh. That's kind of sad.

Well, I think it's kind of cute.

I'm right. It is sad for you.

Here's a picture of a man picking plums,
and he's standing on a ladder.

Oh. Well, maybe I didn't get the dwarf.

- [ Phone Ringing]
- Well, maybe the guy on the laddefs a dwarf.

Hello?

Yes, this is Bobby Hartley
who's a psychologist.

Well, I mean, this is his house.

Yes, he went to the University of Illinois.

Yes, he has a shy, sweet smile.

Who is this?

Nancy Brock?

Oh. Nancy!

Yes, Bob has mentioned you.

Oh, uh, Emily.

Yeah, we've been married three years.

Oh, well, I'm sorry
he isn't here right now...

but, um, I will have him
call you when he gets in.

Yeah. Dinner? Well, that sounds like fun.

Sure. Good-bye.

That was an old girlfriend of Bob's.

- And you're not upset?
- No. Why should I be?

- And you're gonna have dinner with her?
- Sure. Why not?

You don't watch much
daytime TV, do you?

Margaret, what's that
got to do with it?

Because stuff like that happens
all the time on my soaps.

And last month it happened to Rosalind.

She got a call from an old girlfriend
of Gerald's-- That's her husband.

They got friendly,
went out for lunch together...

and she told Rosalind about
Gerald's illegitimate baby.

Margaret, that's a soap opera.

No, I mean Rosalind and Gerald Collins
downstairs in 304.

You mean to tell me, Margaret...

that you would bejealous ifone of Arthur's
old girlfriends showed up?

I'd be amazed ifone of Arthur's
old girlfriends showed up.

- Hi, honey.
- [Emily] H1; dear.

- Oh, hello, Margaret.
-just leaving!

Bye, Margaret.

- Bob?
- Yeah?

I have a surprise for you.

Yeah, I can see it.

- This is gonna be moved, isn't it?
- Yes. Guess who called?

- I don't know.
- Well, guess.

Honey, I've had an awfully
rough day at the office...

and I'm in no mood to play
the “guess who called“ game.

Okay. No games.

- Well,who called?
- Guess.

Oh, Nancy Brock.

Oh.

Who's Nancy Brock?

Nancy. That's your old girlfriend,
only now she's married, so it's Brock.

Oh.

Well, aren't you gonna say anything else?

Does that tree get any bigger?

I mean about Nancy.
Aren't you excited that she called?

[Clears Throat] Honey, I am trained
to be aware of people and their reactions.

Now, uh, my old girlfriend calls me,
and you answer the phone.

I have to be especially
careful about that reaction.

See, if I get too excited,
then you'd be upset...

and if I wasn't excited at all,
you might think...

well, I expected her call,
and, uh, you could still be upset.

So I'm acting very calm and casual...

and reading about what ships are
entering Chicago Harbor today.

Bob, she and her husband are visiting Chicago,
and they wanted to get together with us.

Now, I told heryou would call
when you got home.

All right, I'll call.
But, uh, first I wanna wait.

- What for?
- For you to leave the room.

- You mean it, don't you?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Nancy?

You finally tracked me down, huh?

Uh, Bob Hartley.

Bobby. Right.
[Chuckles]

Yeah, my, uh--
my wife tells me you're married.

Yeah, l-l'm married too.

Well, of course you knew that. Uh--

Yeah, well, uh, gee, a lot of years
have gone by, haven't they?

That-That many, hmm?

Well...

sure-sure was nice talking to you, Nancy.

Not listening,
I'm just getting my coffee.

Uh, dinner?

- Gee, we're kind of booked up, Nancy.
- We 're flee Wednesdaynight.

Y-You're free Wednesday night too.

Oh, that's great. Fine.
I'll see you Wednesday night.

Nice talking to you. Bye.

Emily, wh-why did you do that?

'Cause I don't wanna be
one of those uptight wives...

who gets all crazy when a girl
from her husband's past calls.

Well, that's very...
liberated of you...

but, uh, I get the feeling you would
like to see her more than I would.

Well, I am kind of curious to see the girl
that you dropped for me.

- [ Laughs]
- No, that-that would be Naomi.

I dropped, uh--
I dropped Naomi for you.

Well, then who's Nancy?

Well, Nancy's the one I went with
for so long in college.

I wanted to marry Nancy.

Oh.

Good morning, Carol.
Any messages?

Uh, only one. Miss Cameron wants to
change her 3:00 to 2:OO...

sol called Mr. Gordon to see if
he could switch his 2:00 to her 3:00...

and he said no,
but he could make it at 4:00.

So then I called Mr. Rodriguez to see ifhe
could change his 4:00 to Mr. Gordon's 3:00.

Well, he said no,
but he could make it at 2:00.

- Then of course, I had to call
Mr. Carlin and well, Bob-- - Yeah?

At 2:00 you're gonna have
five people in your office.

[Clears Throat]
You're doing a bang-upjob, Carol.

Oh, Bob. Here's another message.

“A Nancy Brock called to say she'll meet you
at 8:00 Wednesday night...

“in the Fireplace Room
of the Shelton Hotel.

She said it's very convenient
because that's where she's staying.“

I Typing]

[Clears Throat] Carol, I know what
you're thinking, and you're wrong.

Bob, I wasn't thinking anything.

I'm so glad I'm wrong.

Nancy is an old girlfriend of mine.

Why aren't you whispering?

- Come in the office.
- Well, if you insist.

Sit down.

Carol, you know how a rumor starts?

A-A person like yourself
tells another person...

something about a person like myself...

only they add a little bit to make it better.

And then it keeps getting
better and better and better.

And pretty soon, it's terrific.

Yeah, well, I wanna stop this rumor
while it's still kind of dull.

There is nothing going on. We're just
gonna have dinner at the Fireplace Room.

Bob, I believe you,
and I'm glad you told me.

These things can get exaggerated.

Not that I would've told
anyone anything-- not a soul.

- Good.
- [Knocking]

Hi, Carol. Bob, you're really gonna like
the Fireplace Room. Really a nice place.

Dark, quiet.

How did you do that
without leaving the room?

You listen at doors, don't you?

Of course not. I read
Bob's telephone message pad.

Oh. Consider it destroyed.

So, uh, who's Nancy?

Nancy is an old girlfriend of mine.
It's not what you're thinking.

Sure. Hey, Bob.
[ Laughs]

Jerry, I can see the rumor story
isn't gonna work.

Here are the straight facts.

Nancy is an old girlfriend of mine from college.
We're going to have dinner.

Emily is gonna be there.
She has a husband. And I don't wanna go.

- Sounds kind of dull to me.
- I hope so.

- Is she a swinger?
- I don't know.

Well, did she use to be
a swinger? I mean, uh...

how far did ya go?

How far did I go?

Jerry, people don't
say that anymore.

I know, but they did
when you were doin' it.

That good, huh?

Oh, we-we had some
great times together...

- but she more than made up for it.
- How?

Well, it was on my 25th birthday...

and I took Nancy to this
real great restaurant, you know...

and she dumped me right
in the middle of my salad.

No consideration.

Least she could've done was wait until
after dessert before she dumped you.

I was-- I was really
hung up on her, you know.

It took me a long time to forget.

But hey, that's over, right?
She's married; I'm married.

- I love my wife, and, uh, I couldn't
careless about Nancy. - [Chuckles]

I wonder what she looks like.

Is that Nancy?

- No.
- Oh, good.

[Clears Throat]
Nancy's much prettier.

You really look terrific tonight, hon.

Oh, thank you, Bob.
I really needed that.

That's a new dress, isn't it?

No, you're right.
I should've bought a new dress.

I bet she bought a new dress.

Uh, y-you look great.

You don't have to buy a new dress
for tonight. That's silly.

[Clears Throat]
Boy, these new shoes pinch.

You bought new shoes for tonight?

Well, I had to to go with my new suit.

Um--

- Bobby?
" Nancy?

Bobby.
[ Laughs] Oh.

- Uh, Nancy, this-- this is Emily.
- Hi.

Emily, this-this is my wife, Nancy.

- Hi, I'm-l'm Bob.
- I'm Dick.

- This is my wife, Emily.
- Hello. it's so nice to meet you.

- This is my wifeJudy.
- Oh, hi.

- I'm Nancy.
- Hello.

Ugh, I finally found a place to park.

- Chuck Brock.
- Uh, Bob Hartley.

- Hi.
-This is my wife, Emily.

- Hello. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

This is Dick andjudy.

Gee, I only made reservations for four.

Oh, that's all right.
We've already eaten.

Try the Lake Superior
whitefish. It's great.

Bye.

- Well, they seem like nice people, don't they?
- [ Laughs]

I'll, uh, check our reservations.

Oh, Bob, we have so much to talk about.
Where do you start?

L-I hear the Lake Superior
Whitefish is...just great.

- Okay, let's go.
- Oh.

Oh, Bobby, this is so wonderful.

[Clears Throat]
Chuck seems like a real nice guy.

Uh, we're thinking about a divorce.

I can't tell you how good you look.

Okay, we'll have the four
Lake Superior Whitefish.

Oh. Bob, it's really good
to see you again.

- So, Chuck, what-what do you do for a living?
- [ Clinks]

- I'm a high school basketball coach.
- No-No kidding.

Yeah, yeah. Well, listen.

I had a lot of offers to coach college teams,
but I like molding the little guys.

Em-Emily molds the little guys.

- Uh, she's a schoolteacher.
- Oh, really? So am I. What grade do you teach?

- Third.
- Ah. I teach fourth.

Bob, remember when
you wanted to quit school...

and I talked you into sticking it out?

No.

He always forgot things
he didn't wanna remember.

Oh, you haven't changed.

Well, sure I've changed.
Haven't I-- Haven't I changed, Em?

Well, I don't know, Bob. I wasn't there.

Well, you'll just, uh--just have to
take my word for it. I've changed.

- You like sports, Bob?
- I l-love sports.

Me too. lmean,
/ really love sports.

In fact, the way I see it,
my life is divided into two worlds--

- Family and sports.
- Basketball and golf.

Oh, you play golf.
Em, Chuck plays golf.

Oh, Chuck plays golf
almost all the time.

Not as much as I'd like to.

Uh, that's because my teaching
takes up a lot of my spare time.

- Oh, what do you teach?
- I teach golf.

- Oh. - Remember, Bob, the night that
we were playing miniature golf...

and it started raining,
and we got locked in the windmill?

[Clears Throat]
Emily is-- Emily is great at sports.

- Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
- [Chuck] Oh,yeah?

Hon, tell him that real funny story
you tell about, uh...

- when you were gonna buy the steel racket?
- They wouldn't--

- She tells it great.
- No, tell it. Go ahead. What?

L-I'd never played before, you see...

and I'd heard a lot about
these new steel rackets--

- Who has the Thousand Island?
- I wanted to buy a racket...

- and the best place is at the tennis club.
- Roquefort, sir?

- I'm having French. My wife has the Roquefort.
- I went to the pro shop.

- [Waiter] You have the French.
- I told the salesman...

- I wanted a steel racket.
- My wife has the other Roquefort.

- Your wife the Roquefort.
- So the salesman said, “lfyou go outside...

- go to the right, outside the door“-
- Roquefort.

- “And you'll see”-- Yes, thank you-
- Roquefort.

- “You'll see this whole display of“-
- Ground pepper?

Yes, thankyou-- “all different“-
That's fine, thank you.

- Ground pepper?
- No, thank you.

- “AII kinds of steel rackets.“
- You, sir? - No.

So wouldn't you know,
I went through the wrong door.

Hey. I'll have some of that.

Oh, yes, sir.

Don't be stingy.

- Uh, so what happened?
- Oh. Oh, well.

This man came out of
the shower, and he said...

“The ladies' locker is downstairs.“

Uh, you see, I went through the wrong door,
and I wound up in the men's locker room.

Gee, I'm sorry I missed that story.

Mmm. Oh, this Roquefort
dressing is delicious.

Mmm. It is.
Bob, would you like a taste?

- No, I-l don't like pepper.
- Oh, then try some of mine.

- No. No, thank you.
- Well, there's no pepper, and it really is delicious.

- No, I don't think--
- Oh, come on.just have one little bite, Bobby.

Awfully good.

Oh, and remember, Bob, when you and I and
Gail Hanson and Marliss whafs-her-name...

went to the drive-in movie
in your old Nash and the seat broke?

Uh, Nancy, I'm sure it isn't
any fun,you know...

for us to relive old times
in front of people that weren't there...

so maybe it might be a good idea ifwejust
relived old times, you know, over lunch sometime.

- Oh, I'd love to. How about tomorrow?
- Fine. [ Laughs]

[Grunting]

- [ Grunting Continues]
- Bob, do you have to make that noise?

Well, I thinkl do.

Thanks a lot.

Honey, what's bothering you?

Does the word “salad“
strike a responsive chord?

All right, let's talk about it.

Oh, Bob! The way you looked in her eyes
when she was feeding you that salad.

I was not looking in her eyes.

Um-- I was looking at her nose.

Well, she has a very pretty nose.

- Well, so do you.
- Oh, sure, sure, sure. [Scoffs]

- Well, I mean it.
- Oh, sure, sure, sure.

You know, that's
a very annoying habit of yours.

Good night, Bob.

That's another one.

All right, let's stop this.
I'm gonna tell you one more time--

There is nothing between Nancy and me,
and there never will be.

How about lunch tomorrow?

Well, I'm having lunch with Nancy.

That's what I'm talking about!

You know why I'm having lunch with her--

I just wanted to spare the table a lot of dull,
boring talk about the great times... that we had.

- I think we better go to sleep.
- Uh-huh.

- Good night.
- Good night.

What are you looking at?

Your nose.

[ Laughs]
Oh, Bob, I love you.

Sure, sure, sure.

- [Knocking]
- Morning, Bob. Here's your mail.

Oh, thank you.

Carol, I know that smirk.
That's the gossip smirk.

Don't ask me to tell you about last night.

My lips are sealed.

Hey, Bob. How'd everything go last night?

Oh, I know that smirk.

It's the old “get back to work“ smirk.

- Well, how was it?
- Awful.

She looked fat, huh?
Really let herself go?

She looked great.
She's leaving her husband.

And I think she wants me.

Well, uh, what's the awful part?

Hey, I'm sorry. I guess it's force of habit
when you're single...

and you hear things like,
“She looks great. She wants me“...

the word awful never enters
the conversation.

- Jerry, can I tell you something?
- Sure.

- You know the real most awful part?
- What?

- [ Sighs] I feel terrific about it.
- [ Laughs]

I mean, you know, it feels pretty good to know
you haven't lost the old, uh...

whatever it was I had that--

[Clears Throat]
I obviously still have.

We're, uh-- We're having lunch today.

I'm not looking forward to the lunch.

No, I'm gonna have to tell Nancy
I don't feel the same thing for her...

that she obviously feels for me.

Don't wanna let her down too hard.

Bob, you shouldn't feel bad.
I mean, she deserves whatever she gets.

What kind of woman goes after you
when she knows you're married?

Jerry, she-- she can't help it.

- Hi, Bobby.
- Hi, Nancy.

Oh, you got our old booth.
That's really very sweet.

Actually, I just asked for a booth.

He's-- He's the very sweet one.

I'll have a chef's salad.

Oh, with your Roquefort dressing.

L-I'll have that too.
And whatever else she-she orders.

Verywell, sir.

[Laughs]
Gee, this is such a big booth.

There. That's better.

So where, uh-- [Clears Throat]
Where's Chuck?

Golf.

Uh,you know, Bob, I, uh--

I didn't call you after all these years...

just to say hi.

[Clears Throat]
Nancy, before we go any further, um...

I-I have something
I wanna say to you.

I thinkyou're making a big mistake.

I realize I may look good
to you because--

But what you're feeling
is just an infatuation.

- There's-- There's nothing to it.
- I know.

Hmm?

Um, I-- I want to apologize for any embarrassment
I might have caused you last night...

but I just had to see you.

Well, like I told you,
Chuck and I were having some problems...

and I got to thinking
about you and me.

And I--I started wondering if I still felt
about us the way I did in college...

and I didn't know how
really married you were.

And like I said,
you haven't changed a bit.

Bob.

I don't love you again.

[Clears Throat]
Why do you always have to tell me...

how much you don't love me
just when the salads come?

Bob, you're not upset?

Well, yes, I am.

I wanted to tell you that. Now I can't.

- Well, I guess we never were meant for each other.
- Twice.

You know, I think Chuck and I
are gonna work our problems out.

We had a wonderful fight
after dinner last night.

- Wh-What did you fight about?
- He didn't want me to come to this lunch.

Neither did Emily.
[Chuckles]

No kidding. What did she say?

She said she didn't like the way I looked
at your nose when I was looking at your eyes.

- Mmm.
- What did Chuck say?

Oh, well, uh, I-I--
I don't think I should tell you.

- Come on.
- No, I-l don't thinkyou wanna hear it.

- Tell me what he said.
- No, I don't thinkl should.

Well, you're-- Okay.

He told me that if
I had lunch with you today...

he'd take his 2-wood
and drive your head 400 yards.

Check?

- Where you going with that?
- To my place. It's not doing very well.

Too much sun up here.
Bye, Margaret. Good-bye, tree.

Well...

how'd it go today--
at work, I mean?

You don't really wanna know
how it went at work.

You'd like to know
how it went at lunch.

Oh, well, since you brought it up--

It was possibly the most
uncomfortable, awkward lunch...

I have ever had in my entire life.

Really?

[ Mews]