All language subtitles for Reaper.S02E12.DVDRip.HDTV.x264

Where the hell
are you guys?

We were unavoidably
detained.

Dos taquitos...
one beef, one pork.

All right, just hurry up.

- One beef, one pork.
- Yeah, I got it, Sock.

Oh, hang on a sec.

What?

Hey, where did you say
you are again?

It's the old asylum out on...

Uh, Sammy.

How are we doing here, buddy?
You almost done?

Because there's something
I really want to show you.

Listen, you gotta get me out of here.

Why? This is so exciting.

Please, come on.
The guy's gonna kill me.

Always so much drama.

But here.

What, that's it?

Come on.

See?

Now that wasn't so hard.

What?

Hey, tell me, Sammy,

what do you know about
the world of business?

Where are we?

Did you know beginning in the late
19th century

corporations were granted all the rights
of the individual

but none of the annoying
responsibilities?

They lack, almost by design,
any kind of moral compass,

conscience or compassion.

Basically corporations
are a way to enact

sociopathic behavior
on a grand scale. In short,

they're what makes this country
so damn great.

So, what, you work here?

Well, actually,

I was really rather hoping...

that you would.

Huh? I mean,
what better place

to instruct you
in the ways of evil

than here...

corporate America?

So the Devil's making you
work here?

- Yep.
- That sucks.

I don't know what
the Devil's angle is,

but if he's trying to torture me,
it could be worse.

A lot worse, man.
This place is dope.

Benjamin, the drink is ready.

Dude, there's a telephone
in that bathroom.

I just got a lot of stuff done
in a really short amount of time.

- I bet you did.
- You're actually gonna take this job?

He did say that if I worked here,
I wouldn't have to catch souls.

Really?

Hey, getting paid to sit around
and do nothing sounds

a whole lot better than almost getting
killed by axe-wielding psychopaths.

I'm really good at doing nothing.

That's true.

Well, hello.

Hi, I'm Avery.
I'm your personal secretary.

You should put this on.
Mr. Randall's waiting for you.

Who?

Mr. Randall, the C.E.O.

He's asked for you and he doesn't like
to be kept waiting.

Right, absolutely.

Thank you, Avery.

After over two years of planning

and thousands of man-hours
of research and development,

we present to you the Orchard...

combining high-end luxury apartments

with the best in shopping and dining.

Thank you, Phil.
I think I get the general idea.

Now I'd like to hear
what the new guy has.

He comes highly recommended
by Jerry upstairs.

Me?

What do you got?

Um, oh, I didn't realize

I needed to prepare for something.

I have nothing.

Nothing?

You have nothing?

Maybe that's exactly
what this project needs...

It is?

- A fresh start, a new direction

and a leader who isn't afraid
to throw everything out,

to start over from ground zero.

Sam, I want you to take
your time with this,

you know, let this simmer.

In a couple of days we'll see
what you come back with.

Phil set the bar pretty low.

I don't think this should be too hard.

Um...

Yo, Benji, I got us some burgers,
buddy...

Benji burgers.

Hey, Sock.

What... what...

what is this?

Just giving Ben a trim.

You like it?

Doesn't look like a trim.

Looks like way way more
than a little trim.

Something wrong?

Sock and I usually
give each other haircuts.

Usually? Did you say "usually," Ben?

Lest you forget that we have been

cutting each other's hair
for six years, Ben...

six long, wonderful,
funky-fresh years

of bowl cuts and cornrows

and fades and high-tights

and many many more, you name it.

And then I come home to this.

So yeah yeah, something's wrong.

Man, you need a girlfriend.

What?

Sock, I don't know why I
didn't think of this before.

I have the perfect girl for you.

- Ooh, a fix-up.
- Her name is Maggie.

She's a demon
and she is awesome.

You're gonna love her.

Come on, Sock. We can double-date.

Think how much fun that would be.

And I promise we'll dress
each other beforehand.

Maybe you can give me a little trim
and I can clean you up later?

Absolutely, buddy.

All right, I'm in.

- Yay.
- All right.

I'll fix that up later.

- For you... Benji burger.
- Thank you.

- Extra pickles, buddy.
- Thank you.

How was your first day?

Good. Fun.

Well, it's great having
new blood onboard.

To be honest, we got some people here

on cruise control.

What a dead weight.

I'm sorry. I'm happy to work
together on this.

I don't even want the credit,
so maybe if we...

One sec.

Oh my God.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I just got a text from my dad.
- What did he say?

"Have what you need
to get out of your deal.

Trapped in third circle of hell.

Need a way out. Send help."

See that, Sam? You just do
little circles and pat the lower back.

It's like you're burping out
a little toot... a little fart.

That's very impressive.
Listen, Tony,

I need to get into hell.

What?
That's impossible, Sam.

The living can't go down to hell.
They'd be incinerated.

You ever smell a man's flesh
boil off his own body?

Right? Have you?

No, I haven't, big girl.

Tony, Tony, Tony, focus.

My dad is stuck
down there, okay?

Is there any chance
maybe you could go?

I'd love to, Sam,
but I got a baby now.

I can't just run off willy-nilly
on a little jaunt to hell.

Please please. I'm desperate.

Hey, Sam, even if I could
find a babysitter,

I'd have to find an active portal
to travel to hell.

I wouldn't know where to begin
to search for something like that.

- What about the DMV?
- No, that's for vessels only.

Oh, you know what?
I think your best bet

would be to find
an active volcano.

Yeah, they're like pimples
on the netherworld's ass.

Oh.

Hey, speaking of
volcanoes,

I think Mount St. Stevie
had a little eruption.

I have to go. Bye.

Thank you, Tony.

You know what, Benji?

I'll admit it... I'm a little excited
for this blind date.

I could tell.

You're wearing the musk I gave you
for Valentine's day.

I am. I'd offer you a little bit,
but you got that great natural odor.

It's very floral.
It's like lilacs or...

Ben, Sock, this is
my friend Maggie.

Hey.

No, it isn't.

This is Maggie?
This is your friend that I would love?

It's her.

Nina, you have really
outdone yourself.

I'm so happy
with you right now.

Yeah.

This is gonna be...

Yeah, dude.

You should have seen this one
during the Roman Empire...

party girl.

What was that guy's name?
Tiberius?

Oh, T-bone.
We called him T-bone.

He could not keep
his hands off you.

Wait, I believe
I set you up with him as well.

Oh, you are
such a good friend.

That she is.

Well, I'm gonna make
a quick stop down at Peepee Town.

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

Hurry back.
Miss you already.

- Sock.
- Sock, what the hell are you doing?

Nothing.
Prepping a cover story.

A cover story for what, Sock?

For me bailing out
on that, Nina.

Thank you for the effort,
but we're gonna tell her

there was a bar fight;
I kicked everyone's ass as per usual;

had to take a trip downtown
in a paddywagon. Good?

No, not good. Not good, Sock.
That is my friend Maggie

and I don't want you
bailing on her. That's so rude.

Nina, I waited until she went
to the bathroom, like a gentleman.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey, forgot my purse.
- It's right there.

Yes, it is.
What's going on here?

Nothing.
I got paged,

so I gotta go
to the hospital

where I work
as a surgeon.

You're a surgeon?

Big time.
Big time.

I gotta ask... what kind of surgery
are you gonna perform?

I am going to perform

what is commonly known
in the medical community

as a face/off.

A face/off?
Like the movie?

Yeah, exactly like the movie.

And we just found
the perfect face match,

so I'm gonna boogie
out of here.

Pleasure to make
your acquaintance.

Thank you again, Nina.

Yep, okay.

Hey. Can I help you?

I don't know.
Can you?

Here.

Uh, what should I do
with this?

I don't know...
crush it,

light it on fire,
just like you've done to my career.

Here, let me get this
started for you.

Phil, no, stop stop.
It's not that big of a deal.

You know what?
You're right.

It's nothing.

80 hours a week poured
down the drain... nothing.

My dreams being disintegrated
before my eyes... nothing.

My wife leaving me

for my dad

because he pays
attention to her...

it's nothing.

Will you excuse me
for just a second?

Whoa!

This nothing is gonna
jump out this window.

No no!

All 176 lbs of nothing
shoots out of my ass!

No, Phil, no!

You're not nothing, okay?
You're... you're great.

How can you say that?
You don't even know me.

Because I know a brilliant idea
when I see it, okay?

And the Orchard...

the Orchard is
a brilliant idea.

I don't deserve to be
in charge of the project.

I suck at this job.
I shouldn't even be here.

You know what?
You're right.

Can you
help me out, Sam?

How?

I need you
to go out this window.

- Phil, Phil.
- Come on, you're gonna be so great...

fall to the ground
like ticker tape or a dandelion.

- Phil, stop.
- Don't fight it.

It's the law of nature...
kill or be killed.

It's a good thing
you wear cheap ties.

What is that material,
papier-m�ch�?

Is he dead?

Well, that poor bastard
just dropped 59 floors.

Nah, he's probably fine.

Hey, a victory martini,
Sammy?

I think
I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, come on, man.

Don't feel so bad.

Most of this is
my fault anyway.

I've been trying to
drive old Philly nuts

ever since we recruited him
from Harvard Business School.

Why?

That's the whole point
of this place.

Some companies
produce microwaves.

Here we produce sin.

But there's only so much
I can explain to you.

Maybe I should
just show you.

75, please.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I believe you need
one of these.

Only a select few ever
make it up to 75, Sammy,

but everybody
in this building

would sell his grandma's virtue
for that privilege.

Allow me.

Hmm, my tailor died.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

81 years
I was with Lou.

He knew how to make a suit
drip off a man.

Sweet Louie.

I'm gonna need
some new blood pronto.

Don't you always wear
the same suit?

I change three times
a day, kiddo.

This is my
afternoon suit.

We're seeing great results
from the nymphomaniac temp

that we placed on Jamison's
desk last week.

They're committing
adultery on 9 as we speak.

How are things looking
in the mail room?

Didn't we cut
their overtime?

Yeah, I just got word a courier
is planning on murdering his supervisor

and his supervisor's
supervisor.

Welcome to the top,
Sammy.

They're all demons.

Demons or
souls that I own.

And they just mess up everything
for people down below?

Yeah.
Pretty genius, right?

Thousands of employees
in this building

all clawing and scratching and
sinning their way to the top, like Phil.

Then once they're up here,
they belong to me.

The entire purpose of this corporation
is funneling souls into hell.

Michaels in Accounts Payable
took the bait.

He's cooking the books
on 18!

Huzzah!

Can you hear me now?
Okay.

Yeah, I'm back in town. I'll go over
the meeting with you tonight.

What the hell
was that?

Oh, that is

a portal
to the home office.

That's a portal
to hell?

No, it's a portal
to Secaucus.

I know what
you're thinking.

You do?

You're thinking this place
doesn't look like much.

You're right.
It doesn't.

But you will never know
more power

than the rush one feels

when they make something happen
here on the 75th floor.

This portal is definitely
made for humans...

well, demons
to go through.

So if you think
you can...

can you stop that?

We're almost finished.

Okay.

Nina, could you rescue my dad
if I get you to that portal?

No.

- No?
- No, sorry. I don't think so.

But Tony said that demons
should be fine in hell.

Well, physically... yeah.

But I don't want to go.
I think it's too risky.

Sam really needs
your help.

- The woman said no.
- I know, I know.

It's just that
I don't understand why.

Okay, look,

I was really wild
when I lived there, okay?

And I don't want to slip back into some
old negative habits

that I've left behind,

like maiming and
torturing and impaling.

Oh my God, you guys,
it's like spring break

if you're a demon.

But you're different
now, right?

Absolutely, in theory.

The thing is,

I've done a lot
of personal development

and detoxing

in order to stop craving
the sounds of people in agony.

She's more of
a Stevie Wonder fan now.

Okay, we're asking you
for your help

as friends.

If you agree
to do this,

that's pretty solid proof
that you've changed.

Come on. I think
you're gonna be just fine.

I wouldn't ask if there was
any other way.

Come on, Nina, please.

I think I can
hold it together

for one day...
just for one day.

- Great. Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

Don't worry, baby.
I'm gonna come back to you.

- Just be careful. It is hell.
- I know.

Okay, how are you gonna
get her to the portal?

Well, you need a key card
to get to the 75th floor,

but they only give those
to executives.

But I figured if I can
impress the C.E.O.

With this presentation
I'm supposed to give,

he might promote me.

Have you ever
been promoted?

No.

No.

- Hi. Hey.
- Hi, Sock.

- Yep.
- Just looking for Nina.

Oh, no, I haven't
seen her today, sorry.

It was really great
to meet you yesterday.

You walked out on me.

That was great too.

Can we just be honest
for a second here?

All right.

You don't find me
attractive.

No, not really.

If it's any consolation, I think it has
more to do with your choice of shirts.

All right, fair enough.

- Yeah, a little frumpy.
- Okay.

Uh, did Nina
happen to mention

that I can look like
whatever I want?

- What?
- I'm a demon, man.

This whole appearance is
just a construct of my making.

I thought
you knew that.

I can look like Angelina Jolie
if I wanted to.

Ah, and you chose
to look like that?

Yeah, low-maintenance,
no fuss, don't have to floss.

- Right.
- Anyway, see you later.

Hey, Maggie, hold on.
Whoa.

So how would this work?

What, I'd give you a picture of, like,
my dream girl,

and you would snap your fingers
and turn into her?

Well, it's more
complicated than that,

but yes.

Wow, that is
big news for me.

- Uh-huh.
- This is major.

All right, why don't we
give this another shot

with a different-looking you?

Yes, sure.

- Yeah.
- Sure, yeah.

What do you want me
to look like?

What do I want you
to look like?

That's a really big question.
Hang on.

Let me take
a look at you.

Mm, it is not something one wants
to make a snap decision about.

You know what I mean?

It requires some
research, planning,

a little meditation. I'm gonna need,
like, three months.

- I'll give you a day.
- Let's do this.

- All right.
- Good job, yeah.

You may recall my self-sucking
straw invention... the Strawtomatic.

Well, my genius ideas don't stop
at beverage implements.

I dabble in
architectural design.

And I'm gonna get you
promoted, Sammy.

All right,
what do you got?

All right,
now my first idea

combines a whole town
and a retail mall...

all underwater.

I give you Bentopia.

Why is it underwater?

Ah, 360� ocean views, man.

Right, okay.

Do you have anything
that isn't underwater?

Uh, I'm sorry,

I think they all are.

So I have nothing, man.
This pitch is in 10 minutes.

If the underwater thing's
bumping you, Sam,

let me remind you that we're
all underneath water already.

- Man...
- Clouds, Sam... they're made of water.

Ben, I'm screwed, man.
I'm never gonna get to the 75th floor.

My dad's gonna be stuck in hell
for all eternity.

Or there's that.

Residents will live it up

in five-star-hotel style
accommodations

and they'll totally
be pampered

by, like, uh,
a service office.

A concierge service.

Sure, yeah,
you could call it that.

The end.

What do you think?

I think
that's Phil's model.

No.

Yes, but I made
changes to it,

very substantial changes,

like how I crushed
this part a little.

You stole Phil's model.
That much is clear.

Okay, listen,
I can explain...

Which makes me suspect
that you murdered him as well.

You saw his project.
You wanted it for yourself.

So you lured the man
into your office and you tossed him

- out of the 59th-story window.
- Mr. Randall, no.

- I'm impressed.
- I would ne... wait, what?

I have seen some ruthless
stunts in my day...

not many capital
offenses, though.

Even the best business schools
don't breed that kind of bloodlust.

Thank you?

Sam Oliver, you are
the total package...

guts, determination

sociopathic tendencies.

Welcome to the executive
ranks, my friend.

See you
on the 75th floor.

Can you tell me
where the fans are?

The fans? Yeah.
They are right over there

on the bottom shelf.
Just right there.

I don't see...

did you just take
a picture of my butt?

No no no, just your lower back.
Don't flatter yourself.

Oh, Benji,
I'm almost done.

Soon I will have created
the perfect woman.

She looks like
Frankenstein.

Don't do me like that,
Ben, come on.

- I'm just saying it's unnatural.
- It is not.

There are regular women right here
in this bar who are beautiful.

Really?
Okay, show me one.

Oh my God.

- She's not bad.
- Not at all.

Oh.

Get to her, buddy.

Hey.

I'm sorry
if I was staring.

I just got distracted
by your hair.

It's got a really
gorgeous shimmer to it.

Thank you.

And those cheekbones
are just perfection.

Wow, I don't usually
succumb to flattery,

but you're pretty cute.

Oh my God, I'm just
struck by your beauty.

Look at you.

Can I ask you a favor?

Anything.

Can I touch your face?

Okay.

Team player.
I like it.

51/2...
that's pretty normal.

Good, now...

oh, have you eyes always
been this far apart?

You need to stop now.

I just need to...
okay.

Okay, the coast
is clear.

Oh, it smells
like hell in here.

Are you gonna be
all right?

Yeah yeah.

Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
I'm gonna be fine.

Just please make sure
that you guys are

at this door tomorrow night
at 11:00 P.M.

Because I don't want to be
down there any longer than I have to.

We'll be here.

All right,
are you ready?

Can you give us
a second?

Hurry home, baby.
I'm gonna miss you.

Babe, I'm gonna
miss you so much.

As soon as you get back,
I'm gonna draw you a nice bath

and give you a long-ass
foot massage.

You will?
That sounds amazing.

Maybe you could get
in the bath with me.

Oh, honey, I would,
but it's a one-person tub

- and I don't want to cramp you.
- I wouldn't mind.

I know, but then there's the issue
of dirty bathwater.

And if we're both in there, then
we're only semi-clean,

- and nobody wants that.
- Yeah, you're right.

Oh, maybe we could
take a shower together.

That eliminates
the dirty-water scenario.

Yeah, that's a great
idea... shower.

Well, there's just
one caveat, baby.

- What?
- I don't like to stand when I'm naked.

- You sit in the shower, babe?
- Well, I sort of squat, yeah.

Okay, then when I get back
we'll squat in the shower together.

Okay.

What, you never said goodbye
to your girlfriend before?

- I love you.
- I love you more.

Okay.

Okay, time to go
to hell.

All right.
Thank you so much, Nina.

You're welcome.
Friends help friends, right?

Nina, wait.

If you took a shower beforehand, then
maybe I could get in the tub with you.

Okay.

There you are. I've been looking
for you everywhere.

Okay, now what
I'm about to show you

is the culmination
of a lot of hard work on my part.

I'm really excited.

Please, don't.
Don't, please.

The knock on me has kind of always been
that I'm the type of guy

- that never finishes anything.
- Really?

When I was five years old, I decided to
build a birdhouse... never finished.

When I was 12,
I decided to learn Spanish...

six months later
I bid adieu to that dream.

I think
you mean adios.

Shh, do not interrupt.

Okay, now today not only
did I finish something...

I nailed something.

I present to you,
my lady,

my dream woman.
Careful with her.

See, I drew on
a variety of sources...

the petite, small nose,
so characteristic

of the women
of Southern Polynesia;

the toned
arm musculature

of a Jennifer Garner
or an Aniston, if you will;

and the monster boobs
of the ladies

of "Monster Boobs,"
the movie.

- She's beautiful.
- Yeah, I know.

So you think you can
zhuzh your way into that for me?

- I can do it. I'd be honored.
- Hot dog.

What do you say?
Tonight, 11:30?

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Don't screw this up.

Look at you,
moving on up.

What?

You got to the 75th floor,
kiddo,

faster than anybody
I've ever seen.

You're really proven yourself, Sammy.
I couldn't be more proud.

Thank you.
What are you wearing?

Yeah, what do you think?

My new tailor says
that ascots are retro-hip.

Yeah, no.

It's a lot of look,
isn't it?

Well...

Not me.
Damn.

I need to get
my old tailor back.

I thought
he was dead.

Semantics.
Don't worry about it.

Mr. Oliver, Mr. Randall
would like to see you

in the conference room.
He sounds pretty angry.

Don't ask me.
What the heck did you do?

Mr. Oliver, are you aware

that we have surveillance cameras
throughout this building?

Mr. Randall, I can explain.
She was a friend of mine

and she just wanted
to go home for a visit.

Do you see the problem
here, Mr. Oliver?

- The problem?
- You didn't kill Phil.

I'm sorry?

You... what kind of con
are you pulling here, mister?

I'm not conning.
I just...

wait, you're mad because
I didn't kill Phil? Really?

No, Sam, I'm mad because you let me
think that you killed somebody.

You weren't man enough
to pull the trigger

on Phil
or on the project.

No, I can pull the trigger.
I can, I swear.

In my experience,
you either got it or you don't.

And you don't.

You're fired,
effective immediately.

No, please, Mr. Randall.
I can do better.

Go clear your desk
and leave right now.

Hand over
your key card.

Mr. Randall's secretary
told me he would be here any minute.

Let's steal the key card
out of his locker while he's in the gym.

Yeah, you know what?
If you two got that covered,

I'm gonna rip a little boxercising
over here.

We have to meet Nina at the portal
in two hours,

and you're seriously thinking
about taking a boxercising class?

- I'm getting a little fat these days.
- Wait, there's Mr. Randall.

- He's going in.
- Okay, come on.

Okay.

Okay, Sock, follow him in there,
keep him busy.

Ben and I will break into the locker
and grab his key card.

Question... why does he have his shirt
off if I'm going to the steam room?

We're undercover.
I'm trying to be inconspicuous.

Okay, fair enough.

Hello.
Afternoon, gentleman.

How's the market doing?

Down 200 points.

Oh, that's rough.

Boy oh boy,
I tell you about it.

You know, I have an uncle

- works on Wall Street.
- Yeah?

He used to have
a corner on the market.

Now he's got a market
on the corner.

Okay...

Allow me, Samuel.

Oh, all right,
we'll use my system.

We'll have this thing
cracked open in no time.

You have a system?

There's a lot you don't know
about me, Sammy... a lot.

Please turn the dial
to 000.

Locked.

001.

002.

003.

Wait, are you just
wanting me to stand here

and try every number
until we find...?

Trust the system, Sam.
Trust it.

004.

I think that's gonna be
the one.

Well, I think I'd better
hit the showers,

get back
to the office.

No no no no, you don't
want to do that.

That would be
a huge mistake.

Really?
Why?

Because you

would be walking out
on the business venture

of a lifetime.

Some other time.

No no no, because there
may not be any other opportunity

for thousands of miles
of lakefront property for pennies.

Okay, I'm listening.

009.

Ben, this is idiotic.
We can't just stand here

and try every
single number.

What are you guys doing?

We were just...

We... we... our combination
isn't working.

You think you could
give us a hint?

Yeah, no problem.
I have the master key right here.

Master key.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh.

- Open Sesame.
- Thank you very much.

- All right, guys.
- Take it easy. Ben.

Yes.

And then the explosive
charges go off,

completely flooding
the Grand Canyon,

filling it up with water,
and bam!

All that worthless property
turns into primetime real estate.

You want to flood
the Grand Canyon?

- Absolutely.
- It's a national park.

So now it's
a national pool.

- Sir.
- Yeah.

- All ready.
- Benjamin, yes, thank you, okay.

That's my secretary.
Good.

We'll get those papers all signed up
and sent over your way.

All right, buddy?
Enjoy your sweat.

Ben and I are gonna go up
to the 75th floor and grab Nina.

You guys stay here
on the lookout, all right?

Oh my God, Andi,

has anyone ever told you you have
exquisite fingernails?

Okay, Sam,
please be careful, okay?

We'll give you a call
if we hear anything.

Give me that. Seriously,
what is your secret? Come here.

Do you do reflexology,
paraffin these babies?

- Would you stop it?
- Just let me look...

Randall!
Go go go go.

Call 'em.

- Come on.
- Sam. Leave a message.

Sam, Mr. Randall is here.
He's in the building. Get out.

Wait wait wait.
Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam,

I think you're good.
He can't get in without his key card.

You are golden.
I repeat, you are golden.

You're good.
You're good.

Nope, call him back.

Speed dial.
Speed dial.

Nina.

Baby.

Dad?

Nina.

Babe.

I was so afraid
you guys weren't coming.

Where's my dad?

Um...

he had to stay behind.

He had something
important to do.

But he told me
to give this to you.

It's blank.
What is it?

What?
That doesn't make sense.

This had writing on it
when he gave it to me.

What's that?

Hello?

What?

Damn it.

That's Mr. Randall in the elevator
shaft. We have to get out of here.

We're all gonna die.

You've flown with Ben before.
You think you can carry both of us?

- I don't know. I could try.
- You're gonna have to.

Come on, come on, come on.
Go go go go.

Oh, wow.

Wow, the 75th floor!

Oh, hey.

I'm just gonna go
back in here.

You ready to meet
your dream girl?

Absolutely.

What?

Uh, what is this?

You didn't change.
You didn't turn into my dream woman.

Yeah, I never was
gonna do that.

What?
You said...

I lied, you know,
so sue me.

I wanted to teach you
a lesson,

and judging by the look on your
face right now... message received.

Wowy.

I honestly had no idea
that you were this cruel.

Cruel?

Are you kidding me?
You're a pig.

I was not being a pig.
You're being sadistic.

- What?
- I tried to be honest with you, right?

I tried to tell you that I simply
wasn't attracted to you.

That wasn't
good enough for you.

No, you had to concoct
some cockamamie plan

to come here
and punish me.

All right,
I'm sorry.

Maybe I was projecting
my insecurities onto you.

Yeah, I get that.

No,

it may not look like it
from where you're standing,

but I'm definitely
riddled

with my share
of insecurities.

You're not the only one
that gets judged

for the way they look.

I didn't realize that.

Well...

- hey...
- Uh-oh.

I have an idea to help us
get out of this situation.

- I'm listening.
- Okay, now what if...

and this is just
off the top of my head...

what if you go ahead and
turn into my dream woman

and then I will feel better about
myself, having dated her,

and you won't have
any insecurities left

because I will be
all over her,

a.k.a. The better-looking
version of you?

You... you are an idiot.

Oh, that... listen.
Can I have my collage back?

You know,
I tried everything...

I got it wet,
I put lemon juice on it.

If there's anything written
on this paper, I can't find it.

Well, did Sam's dad
say anything else?

All he said was that this was the way to
get the Devil into competition with Sam.

I'm so happy
you're home,

even though you smell
like egg salad still.

Nina, childhood
memories, right?

- Ooh.
- Yeah.

Oh my gosh,
I'm so stupid.

- Here, give me that.
- Oh, what are you doing?

Wait.
Just watch it.

- See?
- Oh my God, look at that.

What does it mean?

I don't know.
It's in the ancient demon text.

It's way before my time.

We get this translated...

Sam gets out of his deal
with the Devil.

All right.

Yeah.