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1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,169
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:58,190
- All right, one free guess
as to how we spent our morning.
3
00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,825
- Serving meals at the Mission?
4
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,794
- No, we've been shopping.
5
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:05,431
- We were at the mall
6
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,766
bagging more goodies
for our bambino-to-be.
7
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,668
Can baby Harris
come out to play?
8
00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:13,004
[GIGGLES]
9
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:16,308
- Oh, my God,
two more months of this.
10
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,342
- Michael, get up.
11
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,744
I feel a mood swing coming on.
12
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,181
- Stephanie,
your mother just called.
13
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,083
She's helicoptering up
to see you today.
14
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,650
- Ooooh.
15
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,621
- Allow me to lend a limb.
16
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,123
- Oh, thank you.
17
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:37,496
I guess you want me to
haul this up to your room?
18
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:38,697
- Ixnay, Jorgé.
19
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,800
The papoose paraphernalia
goes next door in room seven.
20
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:42,934
- I thought we decided seven
21
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:45,337
would be the baby's
viewing room.
22
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,405
- Beg to differ, Mama Samba.
23
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,440
When we knock down the wall
between five and six,
24
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:49,641
seven becomes six, see,
25
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:50,642
and eight turns into
a little mini--
26
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,179
- Michael, we're not
knocking down any walls.
27
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,680
- Wouldn't dream of it.
28
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,116
George is.
29
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,185
Sound like fun, old mule?
30
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:05,290
- Well, I'd like to have
lunch first, young ass.
31
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,295
- Listen, we don't mind
your staying here
32
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,831
when the baby comes,
but in one room.
33
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,234
With the original four walls.
34
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:19,138
- Joanna, you can't expect us to
live in the same room as a baby.
35
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,806
- What if it cries or something
and it wakes me up?
36
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,142
In the morning,
I'll be all cranky
37
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,977
and I'll look like hell.
38
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:30,115
- Oh, if it'll keep you
from waking up puffy-faced...
39
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,584
gut the damn place.
40
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,553
- You mean it?
- No!
41
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:38,890
- Methinks we three peas
need a new pod.
42
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,726
- Of course.
Let's buy a house!
43
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:42,961
- Let's!
44
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,767
- Methinks these three peas
are out of their shells.
45
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,570
- Michael,
you can't afford a house,
46
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,472
you're a bag boy.
47
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,974
You barely make minimum wage.
48
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,042
- Plus tips.
49
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,178
Mrs. Levinson's
always good for a buck.
50
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:02,281
More if I'm wearing
my stonewashed 501s.
51
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:07,452
- But--but, surely, we stray.
52
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,254
- Have you considered renting?
53
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:14,926
- [laughs] Joanna,
a Vanderkellen doesn't rent.
54
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,094
- Okay,
but if you change your mind,
55
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:18,564
I'm handling a rental
that just came on.
56
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,300
Do you know the Enwright estate
up on Johnnycake Heights?
57
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,301
- Do we know it?
58
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,869
Oh, sweetmeat, that mansion
is mucho magnifico!
59
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,674
- And it would be fitting for us
to look down on the town.
60
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,010
- Almost--almost poetic.
61
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,112
- It's the guest house
that's for rent.
62
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:36,781
And that's only until
the main house sells.
63
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:37,849
- Oh darn.
64
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,686
There's that pesky
reality again.
65
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:41,687
- Don't crumble, muffin.
66
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,989
Let's take a pregnant pause
and peruse the positives.
67
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,458
We'd have an impressive
mailing address
68
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,159
creating the illusion of wealth.
69
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,628
Nothing to scoff at there.
70
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:52,163
- And we could still
look down on the town.
71
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,266
- And just because
the house is small,
72
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:57,102
that doesn't mean
your egos have to be.
73
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,473
- He's right!
When can we move in?
74
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,208
- Well, we can
go look at it now.
75
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,909
- Wunderbar!
- Okay.
76
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,413
[♪♪♪]
77
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- [whispers] Ah.
78
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:20,359
Ah, I love it!
79
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,093
We'll take it.
80
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,229
- Stephanie,
this is the main house.
81
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:27,299
The guest house is out there.
82
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,203
- Behind that old garage?
83
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:34,806
- On top of that old garage.
84
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,040
- Michael!
85
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,578
- Talk--Talk about your
convenient parking, though.
86
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:45,150
- Don't fret, my worried pet.
We haven't seen the inside yet.
87
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,151
Key please?
88
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:48,720
- I think it's in the kitchen,
but it's not really a key.
89
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:52,056
It's more like
a garage door opener.
90
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,227
- Right, like that won't look
clunky on my Tiffany keychain.
91
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,331
Oh, but this place.
92
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,032
Michael, can you imagine
how glorious
93
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:04,636
this room would look
filled with pictures of us?
94
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,172
- And we'd finally
have room for that mural
95
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:08,840
I've always
wanted to paint of you.
96
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:13,044
- You mean "The Four Seasons
of Stephanie?
97
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,380
- Oh, but we can't
afford this place.
98
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,215
Why are we torturing ourselves?
99
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,883
- And others.
100
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,223
- But I love you,
you big beautiful house.
101
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:26,224
JOANNA: Stephanie?
102
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,026
- It loves me too!
103
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,396
- That's Joanna.
104
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,498
JOANNA: I'm still trying to
find the garage door opener.
105
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,301
It's so big, you'd think
it'd be easy to spot.
106
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:40,505
- Oh. Michael, this is
the longest hallway I've....
107
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,607
Look! There's no end to it.
108
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,811
- There's got to be.
Time me in a hall dash.
109
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,846
- Ready, set, go!
110
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,984
[MICHAEL'S FEET KEEP CLOMPING]
111
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MICHAEL: Time!
112
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,125
- 12 seconds.
113
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,894
MICHAEL: I bet I can beat it!
114
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,763
- I bet you can't!
115
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,198
- Ready, set, go!
116
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:10,535
[MICHAEL'S FEET CLOMP]
117
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,005
- Do you see him yet?
118
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:18,076
- Oh, wait, I think that's him.
Come on baby, run to Mama!
119
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:21,246
10 seconds!
Your new personal best!
120
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:23,882
- Well, I could've done it
in nine.
121
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:27,252
But I stopped for a second to
eyeball the indoor/outdoor pool.
122
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,720
- Oh, Michael.
123
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,955
And your whole life long
you've had that recurring dream
124
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,057
about owning a pool like that.
125
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,927
- I-Is that the same dream where
you're tied to the diving board
126
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,598
by Fiona, the--the
rubber-suited mistress?
127
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,503
My--My mistake,
what am I thinking?
128
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,905
Th-Th-That's my dream.
129
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,908
- Ew.
130
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:54,713
- Okay, I found the opener.
131
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,047
- Joanna, I want this house.
132
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,216
I don't care what it costs,
I want it!
133
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,385
- It's a million-two.
134
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,387
- Think they'll come down?
135
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:06,057
- Michael, you can't even
afford the "two" part.
136
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,492
- Oh, Michael, Dick's right.
137
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,896
We don't have enough money
to buy this place.
138
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:14,299
I'll just have to ask Mummy
to buy it for us.
139
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:15,467
- Yes!
140
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,235
- Yes!
141
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:23,374
- "Dear Diary, today I decided
to leave Vermont."
142
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,119
- Mummy's coming,
Mummy's coming!
143
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,222
- Mummy's coming,
Mummy's coming!
144
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,525
- Now, Michael, remember,
let me do all the talking.
145
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:41,827
I know how to pull
this woman's strings
146
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,696
and make her dance
like a drunken puppet.
147
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,199
- Stephie!
148
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,968
- Mummy!
149
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:52,437
- Joanna.
150
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,739
- Mrs. Vanderkellen!
151
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:56,775
- Dick.
152
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,647
Hello, Michael.
153
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,816
- Oh, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!
154
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:09,087
Pleasure as always, Mrs. V.
155
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:12,491
- Well, pregnancy
certainly becomes you.
156
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,093
- I think we all knew it would.
157
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,930
- I can't get over
how much you're looking like
158
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,165
Kim Basinger these days.
159
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,503
Am I right, Dick?
- Uncanny.
160
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,638
- Mm, nobody wears
Elizabeth Taylor's Passion
161
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,507
like you, Lady Vanderkellen.
162
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:32,477
- My, your husband seems to be
sucking up more than usual.
163
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,381
Okay, what do you two want?
164
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,783
- Want?
165
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,820
We're young and beautiful
with a baby on the way.
166
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,689
What more could
we possibly want?
167
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,091
- She spotted her prey.
168
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:52,531
- I suppose we could use
a little housewarming gift.
169
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,532
Let's see.
170
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:59,004
We have a coffee grinder
and a juicer.
171
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:02,306
Michael, do we have a house?
172
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,144
- A house?
Not that I recall.
173
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:08,212
- Circling their victim.
174
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,449
- I see through
your little charade.
175
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:16,054
You want me to fork over a down
payment on some cute cottage.
176
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,889
- And now the kill.
177
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,460
- Bottom line, Mom, we want you
to buy us a big big mansion.
178
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,295
- How much?
179
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:27,699
- Only a million-two and there's
room for a mural of me.
180
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,901
- It's a very soft million-two.
181
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:33,404
The owners are flexible,
motivated and willing to carry.
182
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:34,940
- What does all that mean?
183
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:38,376
- I'm not sure, but I bet
someone in my office knows.
184
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,845
- Normally,
if it's over a million,
185
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,281
I'm supposed to
consult with my husband.
186
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,449
- See, honey,
I'm not the only one
187
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,052
who subscribes to that policy.
188
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:53,892
- But Arthur is buying an
election in Central America now.
189
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,695
Oh, what the heck,
I'll pop for the house.
190
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:59,631
- Yes!
- Yes!
191
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,800
- Damn, you're a grand dame.
192
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:07,405
- There is, however,
one provision.
193
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:08,807
Stephanie,
as you may have noticed,
194
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,109
you have no siblings.
195
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,878
- That's why at Christmas
I get all the presents.
196
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,749
- That's what Christmas
is all about.
197
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,785
- Alas, there's no one to
carry on the family name.
198
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,855
So, Michael, Mr. Vanderkellen
and I have discussed
199
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,456
making you an offer.
200
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:26,457
- Offer?
201
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,893
- The timing couldn't be
more fortuitous.
202
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:32,130
In exchange for
this big, big mansion,
203
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:36,234
we'd simply like you to change
your last name to Vanderkellen.
204
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,368
- What?
205
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,404
You want me to sell
my name, my legacy,
206
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,674
my very being
for some house?
207
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,542
- That is correct.
208
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,111
- Okey-doke.
209
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,386
- What is this huge room
off the master bedroom?
210
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,155
- Well, right now,
it's a walk-in closet.
211
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,824
But you could turn it into
a darling nursery for the baby.
212
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:00,892
- Michael, did you hear that?
213
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,261
A walk-in closet.
214
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:06,698
- Holy Imelda, we're blessed.
215
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,366
- M-Michael,
hasn't it occurred to you,
216
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:12,203
y-you sold your soul
for a--a lot of closet space.
217
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,372
- So?
218
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,607
- Well, don't you get it?
When you give away your name,
219
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:21,445
y-you're giving away
your identity, y-your integrity.
220
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,082
- Dick, when we got married,
I gave away my name.
221
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,251
Are you saying I gave away
my identity and integrity?
222
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,386
- Of course not.
223
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:29,721
- Why is that?
224
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,422
- You're a woman.
225
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,025
- Meaning?
226
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,960
- Meaning you're not a man.
227
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,428
- So?
228
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,530
- So, it-it's different.
229
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,999
- What do you mean
it's different?
230
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,735
- It's not the same.
231
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,470
- Dick, I know
what different means.
232
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:49,007
- Good. Glad we cleared that up.
233
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:58,683
- Dick?
234
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,451
You're sitting here.
235
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,455
- Yeah.
236
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,291
- For years, you've been
sitting at that table,
237
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,061
and now you're sitting
at this table.
238
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,130
I don't like it.
239
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,634
- I-I didn't mean to
rock your world, George.
240
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:22,006
- Hey, quick quiz, G-man.
241
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,374
Say you were offered
a heap o'house
242
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:24,575
to change your last name.
243
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,277
Go or no go?
244
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:30,215
- Heck, a man's name is
his most important possession.
245
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:34,853
Once it's gone, he's no better
than some lost forgotten animal
246
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:39,190
who roams the streets
eating rotten garbage
247
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,592
and sleeping on dung heaps.
248
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,028
But that's just me.
249
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:55,807
- Hi, I'm Larry,
this is my bro...
250
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,611
Talk about your
unsettling spectacles.
251
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:01,612
- I know, I know.
252
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:03,314
I normally sit over there
and now I'm sitting here.
253
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,118
I just...
felt capricious, okay?
254
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,254
- I was alluding to
the chunk of blueberry stuck
255
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,322
to your front tooth.
256
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:17,028
No, Darryl, you let Dick lick
off that blueberry hisself.
257
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,566
See, Darryl, you were wrong.
258
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:25,303
Just because Michael's taken on
Miss Stephanie's name,
259
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:29,440
doesn't mean he's turned
into a femme fatale.
260
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,877
Although with his legs crossed
in that sultry manner,
261
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:36,547
he does resemble
a young Shirley Booth.
262
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,450
- Question.
263
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,286
Would you quirky
crossbred country kinsmen
264
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:44,522
consider mangling your monikers
for a mansion on the mount?
265
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:48,226
- First off,
kudos on your spectacular,
266
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:51,429
if not excessive,
alliterative skills.
267
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,399
Your query is moot,
however, since years ago,
268
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,936
Darryl altered his given name
to avoid confusion
269
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:01,005
both at home
and at obedience school.
270
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,942
- What--What did Darryl's name
use to be?
271
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,710
- Larry.
272
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:12,516
- So you guys do approve of me
taking the Vanderkellen name?
273
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,953
- What? We thought
you were taking
274
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:18,056
Miss Stephanie's
lilting first name.
275
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:19,924
Selling your last name
276
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,794
would mean losing
your identity and integrity.
277
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:27,932
We'd sooner brush our teeth
than change our last name.
278
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,267
Come on, Darryl.
279
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,304
I said come on, Darryl.
280
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,373
[WHISTLES]
281
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,347
- Stephanie,
did I do right?
282
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,514
I mean, even Larry
and the guys think
283
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,116
I shouldn't change
my last name.
284
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,718
- Michael, they also think
they're dogs.
285
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:50,255
- Still.
286
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,756
- Come on, let's go
pick up tile samples
287
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:54,959
before the store closes,
Mr. Vanderkellen.
288
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,028
Ooh, I like that.
289
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,429
- Michael, don't worry
about losing
290
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,798
your identity and integrity.
291
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,234
That only happens to women.
292
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:12,076
- You don't have much respect
for me anymore, do you?
293
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:16,680
- No.
294
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:19,617
- I see. Well, hear this.
295
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:20,851
No matter what name I go by,
296
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,486
I'm still the man
in this family.
297
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,487
STEPHANIE: Michael,
I need you to run upstairs
298
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:24,488
and get my purse!
299
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:25,990
- The Louis Vuitton clutch
or the Coach classic?
300
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:27,725
STEPHANIE: The Coach!
- Righty-oh!
301
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,163
We'll continue
this discussion later.
302
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,505
- Michael?
303
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,007
Michael!
304
00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:53,952
Well, you just flew out
of the tile store.
305
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,354
Okay, so you didn't like
the peach-colored grout
306
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,056
I picked out.
307
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,491
- It's not the grout, Steph,
it's me.
308
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,127
I just had to see if this was
all worth bidding adieu
309
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,963
to my identity and integrity.
310
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:09,300
- Oh, Michael, of course it is.
That's a solid brass wet bar.
311
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,269
- I know, I know!
312
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:15,206
But last year,
when I lost you and my job
313
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,309
and a sizable section
of my sanity...
314
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:19,410
all I had left was my name.
315
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:23,381
And now, I'm losing that.
316
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:25,383
- But now you have me.
317
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:26,784
And a new job.
318
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:29,420
And nearly all of your sanity.
319
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:32,656
You don't need
your name anymore.
320
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:38,529
Michael, did you swim in?
321
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:42,500
Oh, you know those linen pants
are dry-clean only.
322
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:46,371
- Seemed uncouth backstroking
naked before escrow closes.
323
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,206
If it ever closes.
324
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,876
- Come on, you want to try
325
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:54,345
for a new record
in the hallway dash?
326
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,147
- The time wouldn't be official.
327
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,483
I'm carrying about
20 pounds of water.
328
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,318
- Tell me about it.
329
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,960
Okay.
330
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,696
I'm about to do
something very unselfish.
331
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,298
- You?
332
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:19,570
- I guess this
giving up your name thing
333
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,273
is some kind of
big deal to you so...
334
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:23,341
I'm going to give you permission
335
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:26,444
to make up
your own mind about it.
336
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:29,813
- You are? You mean,
it's up to me?
337
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:31,182
You mean, I can make
this decision all--
338
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,518
- Oh, stop rubbing my nose
in it.
339
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:40,091
- Steph, am I the man
of this family?
340
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:48,032
- Well, Michael, you are a man.
And we are a family.
341
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:51,635
So, I guess
in the technical sense.
342
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,870
- So, no matter what I decide,
343
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,606
your feelings for me
won't change?
344
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,008
- No, Michael,
I'll still love you.
345
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,545
- Even if I have integrity?
346
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,382
- Okay, okay, okay.
347
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,918
- Thanks.
I'll meet you outside.
348
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:10,221
- Where are you going?
349
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:13,157
- Well, just in case
I never see this place again.
350
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,029
[POOL SPLASH]
351
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,832
- What a lovable lunatic.
352
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,473
- Michael, you're dripping wet.
353
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,807
[MICHAEL SNEEZES]
354
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,375
- Dear boy,
a Vanderkellen man
355
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:35,713
is only permitted to wear
wet trousers while at sea.
356
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:39,283
- I can wear wet pants
anywhere I want.
357
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,152
I'm not giving up
the Harris name.
358
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,153
- No?
359
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:43,354
- No!
360
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:44,355
- No?
361
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,856
- Yes!
362
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,729
- My means may be meager
but I do own something of value.
363
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:54,732
My self-respect
and my dignity.
364
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,900
Right, Dick?
365
00:18:57,069 --> 00:19:01,172
- Well, the--the words
are there, Michael.
366
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,740
- I see.
367
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:05,143
Darling, did you give
Michael permission
368
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,677
to make up his own mind?
369
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:07,945
- Yeah.
370
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:11,249
- Tut-tut-tut.
Good night, all.
371
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:14,485
- Didn't my little morality play
sway you even a smidge?
372
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,688
- Yes, it was very touching.
373
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,257
- So, we still get the house?
374
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:20,291
- Certainly not.
375
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,493
- But you said it was touching!
376
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,163
- I thought The Sound of Music
was touching.
377
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:29,500
But we didn't buy
Christopher Plummer a house.
378
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,102
Come to think of it,
I believe we did.
379
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,539
He was most grateful.
380
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,809
- Mommy, you can't do this.
381
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,645
Couldn't we negotiate
or something?
382
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,246
- Negotiate, right,
run with it, Steph.
383
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,982
- I'm listening.
384
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,684
- Well, try this out.
385
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,586
Michael VanHarris.
386
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:50,721
- I could live with that.
387
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,089
- I couldn't.
388
00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,625
- How about Michael VandyHarris?
389
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,227
- I think not.
390
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:57,861
- Michael VanderHarris.
391
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,129
- Sorry!
392
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:02,066
- Michael VanderkelHarris.
393
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:03,401
- Michael Vanderkellis!
394
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,468
- Mm.
395
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:05,736
- Michael Vanderkellen!
396
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,471
- Now, that I love!
397
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,472
- Yes!
- Yes!
398
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,973
- Yes!
399
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:15,145
- Excuse me, but...
400
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:20,585
D-Doesn't that name sound
vaguely familiar to any of you?
401
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,787
- Quiet, Dick,
there's a house in it for you.
402
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,225
- Sorry, Mrs. V., no dice.
403
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,626
- You know,
this situation reminds me
404
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:31,529
of a certain young suitor
from my past.
405
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:35,600
Who also had character and
the courage of his convictions.
406
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,668
- Daddy does have
that way about him.
407
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:38,869
- Oh, not your daddy.
408
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,405
The boy I dumped
for your daddy.
409
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:44,709
Your father had
very little integrity,
410
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:48,145
but man, was he loaded.
411
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:51,282
- This other chap, did he go on
to become a big tycoon?
412
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,916
A captain of industry?
413
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,986
- Actually, he died
a penniless drunk.
414
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:58,556
And the jury is still out
on you, young man.
415
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:01,091
And you'll want to
lose that sweater.
416
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:04,795
Certain men
can't carry off pearls.
417
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:11,736
- I-I know the two of you
feel miserable right now.
418
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,171
But I-I think you'll find
that life, you know,
419
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:15,539
as--as wondrous as it can be--
420
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:17,708
- Oh, shut up, Dick.
421
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,613
- You know, that--
that woman has been moody
422
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,383
ever since
she gave up her last name.
423
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:30,788
- Michael,
we're among the homeless.
424
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,623
- You could still rent
the--the guest house.
425
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,458
- Oh.
- Good going, Dick.
426
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,395
Do you stay up nights thinking
of these sick ways to hurt us?
427
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,566
- Only--Only when Carson is in
rerun.
428
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,403
- If you need a place to stay,
429
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,871
the swallows
have left their nest.
430
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,807
- Oh, Michael, please
don't make me live in a nest.
431
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:53,010
I'm having a baby,
for God's sake.
432
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,279
- Uh no, I mean,
they were nesting
433
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:58,916
in the carriage house out back,
and now it's empty.
434
00:21:59,084 --> 00:21:59,983
- Really?
You know, Steph,
435
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,319
I always thought
that rustic retreat
436
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:03,220
had fix-me-up potench.
437
00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:05,189
- And it is on that little hill.
438
00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:08,392
We could still look down
on Dick and Joanna.
439
00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:12,396
- Oh, you don't need
a hill for that.
440
00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:15,032
- He's right.
Okay, we'll take it!
441
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:18,202
You think there's
enough closet space?
442
00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:21,672
- Well, if George knocked
a hole in the back wall
443
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,441
and built a long hallway
to the barn.
444
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:24,442
- You're right.
445
00:22:25,545 --> 00:22:28,312
Then that whole humongous barn
could be our closet!
446
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:30,348
Well, your closet.
447
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:33,250
- Dick, help me.
448
00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:40,658
- VanderkelHarris does have
a certain sound appeal.
449
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:51,001
[♪♪♪]
450
00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:17,762
- Meow.
33231
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