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1
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[♪♪♪]
2
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- Reservation for
Terry and Irene Sadler.
3
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- Oh yes, yes, we--
we've been expecting you.
4
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,927
I-I'm Dick Loudon.
5
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,196
- Hi.
- Hi.
6
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,465
- You're the, uh, the couple
from Kansas, right?
7
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:07,566
- We've been driving for days
8
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,735
across this
miserable country of ours.
9
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- America. Ha!
10
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What a bunch of hype.
11
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- Not having much of a vacation?
12
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- Well, it's been one
disappointment after another.
13
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We drove 800 miles
out of our way
14
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to see the damn bluegrass
of Kentucky.
15
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There's no blue grass.
16
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,425
It's damn green
just like everyplace else.
17
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,761
- Well, what a damn hoax.
18
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,863
- And then we head up to
Hershey, Pennsylvania
19
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:42,834
just to drive down their famous
chocolate-covered streets.
20
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,370
- They're asphalt, Dick!
21
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,606
Just like anyplace else.
22
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- Funny, you know, how do they
get away with it?
23
00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:54,913
- Guess what they don't have
any of in Buffalo, New York?
24
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,317
- Way ahead of you there, Terry.
25
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,120
- Well, Vermont
won't disappoint you.
26
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,589
- Well, I'm sure you're right.
27
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,491
Coming up the driveway
we could already smell
28
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,026
that clean salt air.
29
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,861
- Yeah, what are we,
30
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,831
about a five-minute walk
to the beach?
31
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:17,503
- More like a five-day walk.
32
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:22,007
We're a good 200 miles
from-- from the ocean.
33
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,609
- Then where do you dig
for clams
34
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,445
for your famous
New England clambakes?
35
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,247
- We're not famous
for clambakes
36
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,550
but we are famous
for maple syrup.
37
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:36,855
- We came to Vermont
for clams, not syrup!
38
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- Easy, Irene.
39
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:42,894
You've been behind the wheel
a little too long.
40
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,896
You could use a nap.
41
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,032
- Room four, top of the stairs.
42
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,600
- Pumpkin?
43
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:49,734
Huh?
44
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,404
- Oh, I feel so bad.
45
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,973
- Oh, they-they'll be better
after their nap, George.
46
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,542
- It's not that.
47
00:02:56,710 --> 00:03:00,078
The streets in Hershey
aren't chocolate-covered.
48
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:04,049
Mamma lied to me.
49
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,056
[PHONE RINGS]
50
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:13,659
- Stratford Inn.
51
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,994
- Dick, I need a favor
and I need it now.
52
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:21,667
- Any-- anything, name it.
Who, uh, who is this?
53
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:22,767
- Stephanie!
54
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:23,868
- Oh, Stephanie.
55
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,271
Joanna and I were just saying
how nice and quiet it is here
56
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,674
since you, uh--
- Yeah, I miss you too.
57
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,310
Look, the baby showers
Mummy lined up for me
58
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,544
were a real bust.
59
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,879
Do you know what
these Newport blue hairs give
60
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,215
instead of gifts?
61
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,782
Their warm wishes.
62
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,718
Can you believe it?
63
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,020
- Wh-Where do they get off?
64
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:45,224
- Now Dick, you need to run down
to Menkey's Market at once,
65
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,859
and tell Michael to hit
Menkey up for a huge raise.
66
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:51,029
- Well, c-couldn't you just
call Michael a-at the store?
67
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,964
- Oh, right.
68
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,633
The last employee
that got a personal phone call
69
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,969
had to walk around the store
for a month in lead shoes.
70
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,339
- Pretty strict, huh.
71
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:01,806
- And if he was that hard
on his own grandmother,
72
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,843
imagine what he'd do to Michael.
73
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:06,745
- Now, Stephanie,
I'm kind of tied up here,
74
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,513
you know, with important stuff--
75
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,617
- Dick! My unborn child's
pampered future is at stake.
76
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,053
Now put down
the paper airplane and go.
77
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,261
- She must have heard me
folding the paper.
78
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,133
- Where are you going?
- To the market.
79
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,835
- Oh, good,
it'll save me a trip.
80
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,907
- Honey, y-you know I can't
make out your abbreviations.
81
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,376
Um...
82
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,811
T.P. Now what's that?
Toilet paper?
83
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,681
- Don't be silly.
Toothpaste.
84
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:47,419
- And I suppose C.J. is what,
cranberry juice?
85
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,621
- Chicken giblets.
86
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,824
- G-Giblets begins with a "G."
87
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,726
- I know that,
but if I wrote down C.G.
88
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,295
I'd end up buying
crunchy granola
89
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:59,431
and we have a whole box left.
90
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,133
- It's going to be
a long day at the market.
91
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:08,573
[IRON SHOES CLOMPING]
92
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:14,979
- How's it going,
Grandma Menkey?
93
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:19,785
- Argh, these shoes
are murder on me arches.
94
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:26,291
- Oh, hi, Michael.
- Oh, hidey-ho, Dickburger.
95
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,794
How do you like
the fruits of my labor?
96
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,330
- Peachy.
97
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,898
Joanna gave me a shopping list
98
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,368
and I-I can't figure out
her--her abbreviations.
99
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,738
D.P., what would that be?
Dried pork, date--date pudding?
100
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,106
- Dill pickles, Dickles.
101
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,510
Okay, next.
102
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,678
- Uh, L.C.M.
103
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,980
- Low cal mayo.
104
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,150
- G.P.
105
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,285
- Grey Poupon.
106
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,324
- P.O.
107
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:02,126
- Pearl onions.
108
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,996
Or it could be pitted olives.
109
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,899
Be safe. Buy both.
110
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:11,269
Hey, don't you kids eat
anything but condiments?
111
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:15,440
- No, we're, uh, diehard
condimentalists.
112
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,409
Oh, a-are these, uh, these
seedless grapes?
113
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:20,078
- They don't call them
S.G.s for nothing.
114
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:24,315
[SIREN WAILS]
115
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Darn you, Dick!
You gobble up a grape,
116
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,521
and Mr. Menkey installed
117
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:30,922
a sophisticated
surveillance system
118
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:34,058
to protect against petty
produce pilferers like you.
119
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,428
It's all right, sir,
everything's under control!
120
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:37,763
[SIREN STOPS]
121
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,166
- All I did was eat a grape.
122
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,568
- Yeah, well,
your compulsive consumption
123
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,003
could get me canned.
124
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,171
Probably a side effect
of that strict condiment diet.
125
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,007
Seek help, Dick.
126
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,943
Uh-oh, here's Dirk,
Menkey's majordomo.
127
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,845
Let me handle this.
128
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,313
Hiya, Dirky.
129
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:59,183
- Menkey saw the incident.
130
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,652
I'm afraid I'm going to
have to charge your friend
131
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,320
for that grape he stole.
132
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,321
- He's not my friend.
133
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,690
I've never seen him before
in my life.
134
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,526
- You seemed pretty
palsy walsy with him
135
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,029
when you were loading his basket
with condiments, Mikey.
136
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,932
- I'll pay for the grape,
it's no big deal.
137
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,037
- Take this grape
to check stand 2,
138
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,506
have it weighed, pay for it,
return it to this bin.
139
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,842
Is that clear?
140
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,344
- This is a joke, right?
141
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,047
I-I mean, Menkey
can't--can't be this strict.
142
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,183
[IRON SHOES CLOMPING]
143
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:39,524
[CAMERA MOVING]
144
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,195
You say check stand 2?
145
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,999
Oh, and, uh, Stephanie called.
146
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:51,703
- Here? Oh God, I hate wearing
those lead shoes.
147
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:52,771
- She called at the inn.
148
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:57,175
- Oh, don't scare me like that.
149
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,310
- She said the baby showers
were a bust
150
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,881
and that you should hit
Mr. Menkey for--for a raise.
151
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:03,915
- Oh, yeah,
like he'll give me one
152
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,318
now that I'm associated
with a grape gonif.
153
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,621
I was counting on those gifts!
Now I have to buy them myself.
154
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,689
I don't have any money.
155
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,492
All I have
is this stupid hose.
156
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,227
- Hey, Mikey.
157
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,295
Why don't you sing?
158
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,597
- Okay.
159
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,298
[MICHAEL SINGS]
160
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:22,934
- No, no, no, no, not now.
161
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,637
You see, I bring home
an extra 50 bucks a night
162
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,238
singing show tunes
in the Gunpowder Room
163
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,773
at the Drum and Musket
family restaurant
164
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,408
out on Route 14.
165
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:34,546
- I had no idea you were
a bag boy/Broadway balladeer.
166
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,681
- Well, it pays the bill.
167
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,784
Every little bit helps
when you got eight kids to feed.
168
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,486
- You know, uh...
169
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:48,960
I can, uh...
170
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,595
I can carry a tune.
171
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,398
- And you whistle too,
hey, double threat.
172
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,201
- And I hum.
173
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,905
- Did I say double threat?
174
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,576
- Hey, what's going on?
175
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,177
You're popping them back
like mad
176
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,746
and there are no lights,
no sirens.
177
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:10,181
- It's old man Menkey's
regular morning pit stop,
178
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,851
you could set your watch by it.
Hey!
179
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,890
[SIREN WAILING]
180
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,626
- The grape guy!
It's the grape guy!
181
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,468
- Weren't you going
grocery shopping?
182
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,003
- I was.
183
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,773
I wasn't allowed
to buy anything.
184
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,507
- Why not?
185
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,577
- I ate a grape.
186
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,446
- Oh, you went to Menkey's.
187
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:42,681
Did he fine you?
188
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:46,317
- No, but I'm barred
from shopping for a year.
189
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,087
- Well, you got off easy.
190
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,590
He didn't make you wear
the lead shoes.
191
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,994
- Oh, uh, I-Irene and Terry.
192
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,361
Honey, these are the Sadlers.
193
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,496
- Oh hi, nice to meet you.
194
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,131
- Hi.
- Hi.
195
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:06,504
- Well, you seem--you seem
a lot more...chipper.
196
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:07,906
- Well, why shouldn't we be?
197
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,741
We're going clam digging.
198
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,676
- Oh, you're driving
to the coast?
199
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,044
- Why should we go
all the way to the ocean
200
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:16,447
when we can dig for clams
right in your garden?
201
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,585
- Got all your gear together.
202
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,788
- How do you think the clamming
will be today, George?
203
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:28,093
- Weather's a bit nippy
so they should really be biting.
204
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,828
- Great.
Well, come on, Irene.
205
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,230
Let's go clamming!
206
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:34,666
- Had to do something,
207
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,868
they were having
an awful vacation.
208
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,536
So I bought some frozen clams
209
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:41,539
and buried them
in the side yard.
210
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,408
Uh-oh.
211
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,145
I forgot to shove
some fake pearls in them.
212
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,748
- George,
clams don't have pearls.
213
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:53,018
- Joanna,
gardens don't have clams.
214
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,287
- Hi, George.
- Hi, Michael.
215
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,555
Strange.
216
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,457
There's the oddest twosome
wearing dated beach duds
217
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,893
digging up the veggie patch.
218
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,795
- They're digging
for garden clams.
219
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,864
- In October?
220
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,232
They must be from out of town.
221
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,268
The pair of you got plans
for the p.m.?
222
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,636
- Well, other than
filling a few holes
223
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,337
in the garden, we're open.
Why?
224
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,306
- I want you ringside
when I make my all-singing,
225
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,275
all-whistling, all-humming debut
in the Gunpowder Room
226
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,878
at the Drum and Musket family
restaurant out on Route 14.
227
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,379
- When did you become a singer?
228
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,681
- When I was six.
229
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,150
A year or two later,
I picked up whistling.
230
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,851
I couldn't hum until I was
well into my teens.
231
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,187
I was a late hummer.
232
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,955
- A lot of the young hummers
today
233
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,892
are peaking way too soon.
234
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,894
- Well, it was nice of
Mr. Menkey to let you out early
235
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,028
so you could get ready.
236
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,264
- Oh, no more Menkey-business
for me. I quit!
237
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,133
- Grape?
- No.
238
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,139
- How could you quit your job
when you and Stephanie
239
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,507
have a baby on the way?
240
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:50,775
- Well, why get bogged down
241
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,577
in the boring bow-tied
world of bag boy then
242
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,814
when I'm on the break
of local stardom?
243
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,982
- Michael, you're--you're hardly
a professional.
244
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,017
- Obviously, you never saw
245
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,518
Captain Kooky's Cartoon Clubhouse
246
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,955
during the '64-'65 season.
247
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,490
- No, I--I was busy surfing.
248
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,260
- Well, if you'd only taken
five from hanging ten,
249
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:10,862
you would have caught
little Mikey
250
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,831
as the captain's
singing sidekick.
251
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,000
- That was 25 years ago,
little Mikey.
252
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,103
Things change.
Voices change.
253
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,904
- All right, maybe I've lost
that lilting soprano
254
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,907
that used to warm
Captain Kooky's cockles, but...
255
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,509
I'm still
that cute little towhead
256
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:28,179
with a smile
as big as all outdoors.
257
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,417
- All right, I'll give you that.
258
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,054
- ♪ Don't you love a farce? ♪
259
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:40,625
♪ My fault I fear ♪
260
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:45,797
♪ Losing my timing this late ♪
261
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:49,600
♪ In my career ♪
262
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,371
♪ Send in the clowns ♪
263
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,909
♪ Quick Send in the clowns ♪
264
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,479
♪ Don't bother ♪
265
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,853
♪ They're here ♪
266
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:12,023
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
267
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,404
- That was lovely.
268
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:29,373
I never knew what
that song meant till now.
269
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,876
It's about clowns, isn't it?
270
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,779
- Right, George,
and--and about always
271
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,783
remembering to--
to send them in.
272
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,588
- Oh, sorry it took so long.
273
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,257
But Lucky,
he's the bartender
274
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,992
with the skin thing
on his hands,
275
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,094
he says to me,
"Chantal, come in the kitchen.
276
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,462
I want to show you something."
277
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:52,496
So I go in there,
278
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,731
and right in the middle
of the floor
279
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,333
is this dead thing.
280
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,870
So, I say, "Lucky, what is it?
A animal?"
281
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,873
So, Lucky, who finds humor
in any given situation,
282
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,343
God bless him, says,
"It used to be."
283
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,478
[LAUGHS]
284
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,082
Wooh...that Lucky.
285
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,217
If it weren't
for that skin thing,
286
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:15,053
I'd love to have his kids.
287
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,688
- Chantal, Chantal.
288
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,290
I-I know there's
a four-drink minimum.
289
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:23,494
But, you know, d-do you have to
serve them a-all at once?
290
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:27,665
- Yeah.
So, want me to run a tab?
291
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,235
- No. No, I-I think these...
292
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:35,273
these 12 drinks will--will see
us through the evening.
293
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:37,976
- Ladies and gentlemen,
the Gunpowder Room
294
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,744
at the Drum and Musket
family restaurant here
295
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,612
on Route 14
is proud and privileged
296
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,715
to present tonight's
featured liquor, bourbon.
297
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,550
Three shots for a sawbuck.
298
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:47,919
Next act, Michael Harris.
299
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,089
[MINIMAL CLAPPING]
300
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:59,097
- Thanks so much
for that generous applause.
301
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,398
I'd like to dedicate
this first number
302
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,733
to a certain handyman
in the house tonight,
303
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:05,236
named George.
304
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,972
- I hope he means me.
305
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:11,542
- ♪ Green acres Is the place to be ♪
306
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,913
♪ Farm living Is the life for me ♪
307
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,648
♪ Lands spreading out So far and wide ♪
308
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,218
♪ Oh keep Manhattan just Give me that countryside ♪
309
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,652
[CHUCKLING]
310
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,554
- Thank you.
- [SOFT CLAPPING]
311
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,325
You know, that song
brings back warm memories
312
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,360
for me too.
313
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,662
This next tune goes out to
a certain beautiful lady
314
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:35,066
in the house tonight,
named Joanna.
315
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,267
♪ Diamonds ♪
316
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,501
♪ Daisies ♪
317
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:38,769
♪ Snowflakes ♪
318
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,538
♪ That girl ♪
319
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:41,772
♪ Chestnuts ♪
320
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,074
♪ Rainbows ♪
321
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,443
♪ Springtime That girl ♪
322
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,612
[HUMS]
323
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,490
♪ That girl too ♪
324
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:00,724
[CHUCKLING]
325
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:01,892
Thank you.
326
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,028
[CLAPPING]
327
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:08,732
- Dick...
what kind of act is this?
328
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,035
- A very bad one.
329
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:15,106
- I can just get serious
for a moment.
330
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,012
There's a certain special
someone in the house tonight
331
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,814
I'd like to salute.
332
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,417
He's more than just a friend.
He's...
333
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,654
well, there's really
only one way to put this.
334
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:35,159
Dick Loudon, I love you.
335
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,628
Come on, Dick,
get up and take a bow.
336
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:42,200
- I don't...
I don't want to.
337
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:43,368
- Sure you do.
338
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,769
Hit that man with a spot!
339
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,579
- Poignant moment, Dick.
- Shut up, George.
340
00:16:56,582 --> 00:17:00,084
- ♪ Dick-dittle-dit dittle-lit Dittle-lit Dick Dicksters ♪
341
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:04,855
♪ Dick dittle-lit dittle-litDittle-lit dittle-lit-lit Dick ♪
342
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:12,563
♪ Dick dittle-lit dittle-lit Dittle-lit-dit Dick-man ♪
343
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:13,864
♪ Dick dittle-lit dittle-lit Dittle-lit ♪
344
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,233
♪ Dick-dittle-lit-dit Dick ♪
345
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:18,403
[WHISTLES]
346
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:29,280
What the hell am I doing?
347
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:31,782
I'm no singer.
348
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,684
Heck, I'm no whiz
at whistling either.
349
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,654
[CHUCKLING]
What was I thinking?
350
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,722
Give up a gig at a great grocery
to hum TV themes
351
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,392
in a joint where there are
dead things in the kitchen?
352
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,695
Boy, what a loser!
353
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,664
A stupid loser.
354
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,733
Ah, geez, a hole in my shoe.
355
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,737
Stupid loser
with a hole in his shoe.
356
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,140
I'll have to buy new shoes.
357
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,210
I can't afford new shoes.
358
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:02,846
Oh no, baby's going to need
new shoes too.
359
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,315
And Steph, she loves shoes.
360
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,516
She'll need shoes
after she gives birth
361
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,851
and her ankles unswell.
362
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,456
My family will go barefoot.
363
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:16,294
What about clothes?
We'll have to stop wearing them.
364
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,096
Oh God, the taunting
my kid is going to get.
365
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,230
"What does your daddy
do for a living?"
366
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:21,332
"Nothing!
367
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,967
"He's just a stupid loser
with holes in his shoes
368
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,536
"who makes us walk around
naked."
369
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,006
My kid's going to hate me.
370
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:31,909
Why didn't I just
finish college,
371
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,578
become a court stenographer?
372
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,113
You don't see
court stenographers' kids
373
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,948
running around buck naked,
do you?
374
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:43,421
I'm a bum.
I'm a stupid bum!
375
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:48,759
Oh, perfect.
Now I'm wallowing in self-pity.
376
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,795
I'm a loser
and a bum and a joke.
377
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,932
Why do I put myself
through this?
378
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,971
Why do I put myself
through this?
379
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,573
It's not the first time
I've been down.
380
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,609
I've been down before
and bounced back.
381
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,511
Yeah.
382
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,680
And you gotta love a guy
who bounces back
383
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,116
again and again.
384
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,851
I know I do.
385
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,686
And so will my kid. Heck,
he'll take after his old man.
386
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:19,123
He'll love me whether
I'm a stupid bum or not.
387
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,026
And so will Steph, by golly,
388
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,428
because she's the spouse
at my side.
389
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:28,599
And she loves me too.
Oh, God, to be this loved!
390
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,602
♪ Love is all around No need to waste it ♪
391
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:35,005
♪ I can have it all Why don't I taste it? ♪
392
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:38,309
♪ I'm gonna make it After all ♪
393
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,778
♪ Da-da-da-da-da ♪
394
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:44,682
♪ I'm gonna make it After all ♪
395
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,851
[CLAPS AND CHEERS]
396
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,497
- Not since Cats
have I been this moved.
397
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,668
- What a performance!
398
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,336
I like the humming.
399
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:09,240
And that Dick-dittle-dit part
was darn catchy.
400
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,309
- I think you're
the finest showman
401
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,944
on the face of the Earth.
402
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:18,015
But that could be
the beer talking.
403
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,553
- Thanks, George.
404
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:26,023
Hey, Dick, did you notice
what I didn't do up there?
405
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,058
- You, uh, you didn't throw
your hat in the air
406
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:31,495
after the end
of that last song.
407
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,764
- I wasn't wearing a hat.
408
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,101
Strange. Suddenly,
my sanity started slipping
409
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,070
and I didn't need
Sir Dick to save me.
410
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,972
I worked it through myself.
411
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,941
Is this what it feels like to be
a grownup, Dick, huh, is it?
412
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,943
Huh, is it?
413
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,345
- Darn tootin'.
414
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,947
- Michael, are you
going to do a late show?
415
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,015
I'd like to sit
through it again.
416
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,618
I got a little lost
during the part
417
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:57,288
about the stenographers'
naked kids.
418
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,425
- Nah, George,
I'm packing in my pipes
419
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,894
and I'm asking Menkey
for my job back.
420
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,363
You know, I don't think
my kind of music
421
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,898
really connected
with this crowd.
422
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:13,604
- Anybody need to visit
the restroom as much as I do?
423
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,673
- Yes, I think
that's a good idea.
424
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:18,175
- I'll show you where it is.
- All right.
425
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:20,544
- MICHAEL: You've got to
go back [indistinct].
426
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,513
- Where is it, Michael?
427
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:37,060
[MUMBLING AND HUMMING]
428
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:51,342
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
429
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:01,719
♪ But don't pass the plate Folks ♪
430
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,588
♪ Don't pass the cup ♪
431
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:09,193
♪ I figure Whenever I'm down and out ♪
432
00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:13,096
♪ The only way is up ♪
433
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:16,400
♪ And I will be up! ♪
434
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:19,704
♪ Like a rosebud ♪
435
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,573
♪ High on that vine ♪
436
00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:25,209
♪ Don't thumb your nose, bud ♪
437
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:29,413
♪ Just take a little tip From mine ♪
438
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:34,652
♪ I may be a little bit Short of the elbow room ♪
439
00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:39,790
♪ But let me get me some ♪
440
00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:44,528
♪ And look out world ♪
441
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,964
♪ I say ♪
442
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:51,034
♪ Look out world! ♪
443
00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:57,140
♪ Here I ♪
444
00:22:57,309 --> 00:23:00,511
♪ Ching ching chong ching Ching chong chong chong ♪
445
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:01,579
[CHEERING]
446
00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:05,583
♪ Here I come ♪
447
00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:08,753
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
448
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:17,160
♪ Look out world ♪
449
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:23,166
♪ Here I ♪
450
00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:27,538
♪ Ching ching chong ching ching Chong chong chong ♪
451
00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:31,409
♪ Here I come! ♪
452
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:34,578
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
453
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,750
[♪♪♪]
454
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:42,252
- Meow.
34064
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