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1
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[♪♪♪]
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- Honey, do--do I look all
right?
3
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,389
- Well, I married you,
didn't I?
4
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,658
- No, no.
I-I mean--I mean the suit.
5
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:04,596
I-If you spent the last 35 years
in a Soviet labor camp,
6
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,597
would you feel comfortable
7
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,334
being interviewed by a guy
dressed like this?
8
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:13,505
- I don't think
I'd wear a tie that red.
9
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- Good--good point.
10
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Maybe I-I'll wear the blue one
with the--the little ducks.
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- Yeah.
12
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,982
- Live, in color and booted
from the bonkers bin
13
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for a second stab at sanity,
14
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,486
it's Michael
"Not so Nutso" Harris.
15
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- When were you released
from Ridge Valley?
16
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,024
- A couple of days ago,
or maybe a week.
17
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,026
I've been so busy relishing
life on the outside,
18
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,229
I've lost all track of time.
19
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,699
- Michael, you were--you were
only inside for two weeks.
20
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- Astounding, isn't it?
21
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I mean, when you see
how much I've changed.
22
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,505
- It-It's almost scary.
23
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,074
- You see, I learned
that even though I lost
24
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,276
my jobs, my confidence,
my girl,
25
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,412
and for a short period of time,
my ability to distinguish
26
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,181
between my mother
and Esther Rolle,
27
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,351
I still have me,
myself and I.
28
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Nothing else matters.
29
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- What--what about making
a living?
30
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:03,989
[LAUGHS]
31
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:05,390
- Dickster, things take care
of themselves.
32
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,259
The point is it's spring.
33
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,194
The crocuses are blooming;
the bees are buzzing.
34
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,629
Come on, you two,
walk with me, talk with me.
35
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,764
It's sunny, let's share.
36
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- Michael.
37
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- Hi, Steph.
38
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,973
- I heard you were out.
How are you?
39
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,409
- Never better in my whole life.
40
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,479
- Then why are you staring?
41
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,115
Is it some kind of brain thing?
42
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:34,219
Or is it these pants
with this sweater?
43
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,689
- Neither. I just never realized
how beautiful you were.
44
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,391
- You didn't?
45
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,559
- Well, I'm talking
about inner beauty,
46
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,727
the kind you find
in a wise old woman's wrinkles
47
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,930
or in a baby bird,
sucking up a worm.
48
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,501
- Oh, poor Michael.
49
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,337
They did experiments on you.
50
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:59,478
It's so nice to see
what's left of you.
51
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,724
- Hi. I'm Larry,
this is my brother Darryl
52
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,060
and this is my other brother
Darryl.
53
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,128
- Hi, fellows.
What can we do for you?
54
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,097
- We just dropped by
to wish Dick luck
55
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,266
on his live
via satellite interview
56
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:24,803
with prisoner of conscience
Andre Zalmanoff.
57
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:26,605
- Well, thanks.
Thanks, guys.
58
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:27,573
- We've often wondered
59
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,108
how Darryl would hold up
under torture,
60
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,176
which is why we practice
61
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:34,313
hanging him from the rafters
by his thumbs
62
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,648
while making him watch
Darryl's interpretive dance
63
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,351
to Stravinsky's
Rite of Spring .
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00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,722
- Hey, Lar and Darryl dittoed,
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00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,291
I was about to take a walk
and nose the posies.
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00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,926
Care to make it a foursome?
67
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,529
- We'll pass.
68
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,397
We don't stick our noses
up anything
69
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,799
that won't sniff back at us.
70
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:57,769
Come on, Darryl.
71
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,144
- What do you mean,
there's no picture?
72
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:08,347
- It still looks like
a catastrophe.
73
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:09,581
At least we're not
the one on camera
74
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,352
dying in front of
thousands of viewers.
75
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,987
Oh, hi, Dick.
Have a nice show.
76
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,490
- Is--is there a problem?
77
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,225
- The feed's not working.
78
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,361
It's either the satellite
or the dish.
79
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:23,562
- You're kidding.
80
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,365
- Yeah, it's a big fat joke,
Dick.
81
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,167
That's why I got sweat stains
the size of pies
82
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,835
under my armpits.
83
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:34,606
- Uh oh, I wonder
if my homing pigeons
84
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:38,176
chewed through
the transmitter wires again.
85
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,244
- What?
86
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,580
- You--you keep pigeons
on the roof?
87
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:44,283
- Yeah, I tried keeping them
in the men's room
88
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,885
but they kept flying
into the mirror.
89
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,756
- Don't just stand there.
Round up some cats.
90
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,758
- Well, I don't know
if that's such a good idea.
91
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,893
They might scare my birds.
92
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,328
- That's the idea, Bud.
93
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,196
- Right.
I'll take care of it, Paulie.
94
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,564
I'll take care of it.
95
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,803
- D-Does this mean we won't get
the--the Zalmanoff feed
96
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,738
from Vienna on--on the monitor?
97
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:10,509
- [CRYING]
98
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,243
- Guess not.
99
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:15,547
- Look Dick, a birdie.
100
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,016
- M-Michael, throw it
i-in the men's room.
101
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,719
I-I'm going on the air
i-in two minutes
102
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,220
in front of thousands of people
103
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,691
and all I have to show them
is a--is a duck tie.
104
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,527
- See, birdie? Duckies.
105
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:34,433
- Michael, didn't they just
let you out of an insane asylum?
106
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,935
- Well, actually
it was a sanitarium.
107
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:40,639
- But it was a humiliating
experience, right?
108
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:41,640
- Well, not really,
109
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,310
except for when it was my turn
to play hide the capsule.
110
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,946
- Well, Dick,
everything's going to be fine.
111
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,315
We've got Michael.
112
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- For--for what?
113
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- For the show.
114
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:53,952
- Gee, I don't know.
115
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,421
It was embarrassing enough
doing it in front of a nurse.
116
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,657
- No, no, not that.
117
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:01,593
You were incarcerated,
just like Zalmanoff.
118
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:05,230
Sanitarium, gulag,
what's the diff?
119
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,265
- Look, forget it, I'm not
going to interview Michael.
120
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,501
Repeat--repeat one of my shows.
121
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,738
- Dick, we'd have to
tape them to repeat them.
122
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,674
- You don't tape my shows?
123
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,509
ANNOUNCER: In five, four...
124
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- Dick, we won't let you down.
125
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- Give me this thing.
126
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,247
There's a story here, Dick.
127
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Dig for it.
128
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,652
ANNOUNCER: And now, it's Vermont Today ,
129
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:30,989
starring Dick Loudon.
130
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:37,295
- I, uh...I-I know you were all
expecting Andre Zalmanoff
131
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:41,633
in his first interview after
35 years in a Soviet prison,
132
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:48,006
but due to tech-technical
problems
133
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,575
that are really
too intricate to discuss--
134
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,544
- Dick, I'll put
the little fellows
135
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,813
in your dressing room.
136
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:03,622
- In-Instead, we have another
guest in h-his first interview
137
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:10,595
after 14 grueling days
and nights in a-a sanitarium,
138
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,599
former WPIV producer
Michael Harris.
139
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,634
- Thank you.
Thank you, Dick.
140
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,537
I'm, uh, I'm grateful
to be here.
141
00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:22,808
- Well, who--who wouldn't be
after--after that nightmare?
142
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,811
- Actually
it wasn't a nightmare,
143
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,648
although I did grow to be
quite the sofa spud.
144
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:34,719
- But after losing your job,
your money, your self-respect,
145
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,722
it must have been
i-impossible to go on.
146
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:40,158
- Oh, why dwell on the past?
147
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,394
I let things get to me,
148
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:47,699
but I'm back on my rocker now,
and--and why?
149
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:51,837
Because I live in the moment.
150
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,740
- Well, I'm tickled
to hear that.
151
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,478
- What did you say?
I was looking at my foot.
152
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,847
Dick, have you ever
really looked at your foot?
153
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:06,651
- Not, you know, a-avidly.
154
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,654
- Well, then join me, Dick.
Come on, dig those dogs.
155
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,460
- Why, uh, why don't--why don't
we go to the phones
156
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:20,599
in case any of you
still out there
157
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,604
has--has something t-to say
to Michael Harris.
158
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,672
[PHONE RINGING]
159
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,408
Hello, you're on the air
with Michael Harris.
160
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:33,645
WOMAN: Michael, you're such a sensitive soul.
161
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,715
I just know it was a woman who drove you over the edge.
162
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:39,684
Was it that Stephanie Vanderkellen?
163
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:43,454
The whole town thinks she's a cold fish.
164
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:49,027
- Darling, bad things happen,
but why hold on to them?
165
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:53,565
Why not let it go,
forget about it?
166
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,868
You see what I'm saying?
Try smiling.
167
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,338
WOMAN: I'll do that.
168
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,475
And by the way, your feet are lovely.
169
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,077
- Thank you.
170
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,078
Now isn't that better
171
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,649
than listening to some rusky
complain for half an hour?
172
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,717
[PHONE RINGING]
173
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,522
- You're on the air
with Michael Harris.
174
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:23,461
MAN: Michael, those were wonderful words to live by.
175
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,797
- What--what words were those?
176
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:30,635
MAN: You know, "Let it go, forget about it, try smiling."
177
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,939
- All right. Well, I'm just
glad they worked for you.
178
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,007
By the way,
do you like my feet?
179
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,977
MAN: Oh, well, yeah, I love them.
180
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:39,978
- God bless.
181
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,013
[PHONE RINGING]
182
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,551
Hi, you're on the air with me.
183
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,197
- Before you say anything
about the show, don't.
184
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:00,198
- Fine.
185
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,267
Anyway, I can't talk
and laugh at the same time.
186
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,241
- I guess you misunderstood
my verbal threat.
187
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,911
- Hi, Dick.
188
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,180
Gee, I really liked
today's guest.
189
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,783
- Shut up, George.
190
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,519
- I never realized
Michael was so deep,
191
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:25,790
but I guess that's
because he's suffered so.
192
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,960
- Don't verbal threats
mean anything anymore?
193
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,562
- Hi, George, JoJo.
194
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:32,563
- Hi, Michael.
195
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,198
- Dick, you took off
before all the excitement.
196
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,868
Even after the show was over,
the phones kept ringing.
197
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,104
Everybody wanted my advice.
198
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,639
Strange, I never realized
199
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,608
I could have
such an effect on people.
200
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,745
- Maybe they liked your feet.
201
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,713
- Michael,
could I ask you a question?
202
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,582
- Shoot, G-man.
203
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,952
- I know you said
to forget about it,
204
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:58,023
let it go and try smiling,
but I have this problem.
205
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:01,793
I tried to forget about it,
but I just can't.
206
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,995
Can I let it go first?
207
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:08,166
That might make
the forgetting easier.
208
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,835
- Gee, I don't see why not.
209
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:16,975
- Is it better to smile while
I'm letting it go or after?
210
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,945
- Well, whatever you find
works for you.
211
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,547
- What a philosophy.
212
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,317
If you taught this to the world,
there'd be peace.
213
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,857
- He's lost his mind.
214
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,829
- Good detective work, mayor.
215
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,265
The male Caucasian in question
is on the premises.
216
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,804
- All I said was
Michael was probably at Dick's.
217
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,940
- Hello, officer,
and a gentleman.
218
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:54,813
- You know, we often watch
Dick's show,
219
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,315
but this week, we liked it.
220
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,886
Michael, your message.
221
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,221
- Not to mention
the particular manner
222
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,524
in which said message
was conveyed.
223
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,827
- You mean, there's a manner
in my message?
224
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:11,896
- I'm not one given
to flamboyant gesturing,
225
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,898
but if I may reconstruct,
226
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,068
"Let it go."
227
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:24,909
- No, officer, it was more
to the heavens, like so.
228
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,945
"Let it go."
229
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:32,316
The point is,
I've been through rolfing
230
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,719
and transcendental meditation.
231
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,756
- And I've been
through Dianetics.
232
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:41,960
- And this is the first thing
that may actually help.
233
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,729
- They need people like you
in the department
234
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,298
to talk jumpers off ledges,
235
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,802
especially now with that
three-story building going up.
236
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,405
It's going to be
a magnet for losers.
237
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,809
- Gee, thanks
for those thumbs up.
238
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:01,479
- No, Michael, thank you.
239
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,185
- Can you believe
what's happening?
240
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,720
I think I finally found
my true calling.
241
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,322
- Your true calling?
242
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,225
- Inspiring mankind.
243
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:17,862
- Well, it's certainly not
an overcrowded profession.
244
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,265
- Bye, everybody.
245
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,868
- George, aren't you going to
fix the hot water heater?
246
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:28,873
- Ah. It's such a nice day,
I decided to forget about it.
247
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:32,210
[WHISTLES]
248
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,185
- Cowabunga,
I'm inspiring everybody.
249
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:46,024
- This is the stupidest town
that ever lived.
250
00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,671
- Are you
Stephanie Vanderkellen?
251
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:01,840
- Why, yes.
252
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,274
- Then you're
the unfeeling shrew
253
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,211
who broke
that poor Michael's heart.
254
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:11,115
- For your information,
he dumped me.
255
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:14,118
And oops,
I dumped the oatmeal.
256
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,888
What a butterfingers.
257
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,423
- Forget about it.
258
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:22,060
- But I just threw
hot oatmeal in your lap.
259
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:26,197
- Let it go, dear.
Try smiling.
260
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,069
- Let it go, try smiling. Ha!
261
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,172
- If George would do
what I pay him to do,
262
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,908
I wouldn't have to take
cold showers.
263
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,117
He works for me.
264
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,420
He's supposed to fix
the hot--hot water heater.
265
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,725
- Morning, Dick, Joanna.
266
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,027
- George, you know,
we're still waiting
267
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,795
for you to fix the heater.
268
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,630
- Let it go, Joanna.
269
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,432
- We don't want to let it go.
270
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,301
We want it fixed today, George.
271
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:06,371
- Forget about it.
Try smiling.
272
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:10,308
- I can't. My lips
haven't thawed out yet.
273
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,145
- I think I'll drink my coffee
on the porch.
274
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,782
There's a baby caterpillar
inching up a twig
275
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:20,351
and I want to be there.
276
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,488
- A baby one.
277
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,192
- That-that's it.
This has gone too far.
278
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,361
B-Because of Michael's
idiot philosophy,
279
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,231
n-nothing is getting done
around here.
280
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,300
- Hello, friends and flock.
281
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,500
Can I put this up in the lobby?
282
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,702
There's still
a few tickets left.
283
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,207
- "Michael Harris in his only
Vermont appearance."
284
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,911
What does this mean?
You live in Vermont.
285
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,846
- Well, it's a summoning
to my seminar.
286
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:51,482
I'm going to inspire the masses
with my message.
287
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:52,483
- What message?
288
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,186
They're just simple
asinine buzzwords.
289
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,489
- Well, Dick, maybe you haven't
noticed my passel of apostles,
290
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,059
but you can't deny I have
a certain effect on people.
291
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,260
I want both of you
to come tonight.
292
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,028
I think I can enlighten you.
293
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,263
- Forget about it.
294
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,999
- You see, you're already
a third of the way there.
295
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,775
- I can't tell you
how Michael's philosophy
296
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,544
has changed my life.
297
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,080
- Same here.
298
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:25,783
Right now, I'm supposed to be
manning the 911 line,
299
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,353
but I decided
to forget about it.
300
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,222
- And yesterday,
the fire department
301
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:35,360
threatened to strike,
so I just let them go.
302
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,829
- I'm surprised you wanted
to come tonight, Stephanie,
303
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,432
knowing how the town
feels about you.
304
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,302
- Well, I just wanted to
show these people
305
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,070
that I'm not a heartless shrew,
306
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:49,007
that I'm a warm, caring,
compassionate human being.
307
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,008
- There she is.
308
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,077
There's that snotty viper,
Stephanie Vanderkellen.
309
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,579
- Oh, drop dead.
310
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,148
George, sit.
311
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:02,253
- Well, bask in it, Joanna.
312
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:06,324
If we could somehow harness
the stupidity in this room...
313
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:11,095
we could change the world.
314
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,930
I can't believe
all these people are paying
315
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:16,000
ten dollars a head
to see Michael.
316
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,403
- We paid 50.
317
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,905
I had to go to a scalper.
318
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,074
- You what?
319
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,364
- Tonight, we're in the presence
of greatness.
320
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,632
- Perhaps we should kneel.
321
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,345
- He almost spoke.
322
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,915
- Oh, please.
323
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:05,916
- Darryl, stop that.
324
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,087
It's not polite to stare
at someone's aura.
325
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:13,257
- Let it go.
[CHEERING]
326
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:19,363
Forget about it.
[CHEERING]
327
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:22,133
Try smiling.
328
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,802
- We are!
[CHEERING]
329
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,307
- This is moronic.
330
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,210
- Let it go. Forget about it.
Try smiling.
331
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:35,679
[CHEERING]
332
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,582
Yes, my child?
333
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,951
- I have a question that weighs
heavily on me, Michael.
334
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,120
- Speak to me.
335
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,422
- Last month,
I was elected President
336
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:47,425
of the local pastry club.
337
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,063
And with that position
came a lot of responsibility
338
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,300
and the inevitable weight gain.
339
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,503
But I decided
to forget about it.
340
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,138
- Wonderful.
341
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,511
And did you let it go?
342
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:12,916
- Yes, but I put on 12 pounds
and now all my clothing chafes.
343
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,918
- Did you try smiling?
344
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,555
- Well, that's easy for you.
345
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,123
You're probably
one of those visionaries
346
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,293
that can eat anything
and not put on a pound.
347
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,696
- Next.
348
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,498
Yes, my son?
349
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,568
- My anniversary
was last night.
350
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:34,438
Thank you.
351
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,507
Thirty-two years.
352
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,645
Well, usually
I do forget about it,
353
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,914
but this time I knew it was okay
to forget about it.
354
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,585
Yet my wife
threw me out of the house.
355
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:50,988
So now I'm sleeping in
the Tercel,
356
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:53,524
and it's hard to try smiling
357
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:57,728
with the stick shift
jabbing you in the kidneys.
358
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,597
What should I do?
359
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,738
- I don't think Michael
has the answer.
360
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,373
- No kidding.
361
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,610
- Let's review the problem.
You said you let it go.
362
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,144
- That's right.
- And you forgot about it.
363
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,145
- Uh-huh.
364
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,280
- And you actually
did try smiling.
365
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,416
- 'Til my cheeks ached.
366
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:22,286
- How about that? Next.
367
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,788
- Michael, help me.
368
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,458
Isn't there any more
to your philosophy?
369
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,627
- Well, let me see.
370
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,529
No, that's about it.
371
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:34,599
- Typical.
372
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:39,303
Some smooth talking Dandy
sells you the meaning of life
373
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,239
and it turns out
he's just taking you for a ride
374
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,006
in the hoax-mobile.
375
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,411
- Let down once again, Darryl.
376
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,381
First we read that Rosanne
ain't handling success very well
377
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:51,949
and now this.
378
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,754
- Wait, I thought this was
what you wanted to hear.
379
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,723
Yesterday, you were
gobbling this stuff up.
380
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:01,259
- Yesterday, we were stupid.
381
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:03,761
- Yesterday?
382
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:07,632
- It works for me. I don't know
why it doesn't work for you.
383
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:08,766
- Some seminar.
384
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,868
There weren't even
any refreshments.
385
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:13,404
- Tell me more
about this pastry club.
386
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,674
- We meet all day Tuesday,
usually at a local bakery.
387
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,376
- Wait.
388
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:20,378
- If this town
had a bunco squad,
389
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:21,445
they'd be sticking to you
390
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,582
like sweaty thighs
to a vinyl car seat.
391
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,820
- I've never felt so used.
392
00:21:29,989 --> 00:21:31,589
Stone him!
393
00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:33,157
- Steph, don't walk out.
394
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,592
- I have to, Michael.
395
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,661
George is my ride.
396
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:41,565
- I've been de-flocked.
397
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,869
- [SIGHS]
Do you want to talk to him?
398
00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:47,070
- No.
399
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,942
But it is sort of what I do.
400
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:54,812
- And this is sort of
when I leave.
401
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,382
[CLEARS THROAT]
402
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:03,754
- Michael, are you all right?
403
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,290
- Dick, what happened?
404
00:22:06,459 --> 00:22:09,393
- You know,
you inspiration leaders
405
00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:13,864
are bound to bomb
every once in a while.
406
00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:18,936
I'm sure even Tommy Lasorda
has his off days.
407
00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:20,438
- Yeah, but it happened
so quickly.
408
00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:22,807
I mean, other great thinkers
inspire mankind for generations.
409
00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:25,843
I inspired people
for a day and a half.
410
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:30,448
- Well, some thinkers
are different than you.
411
00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:33,384
They're...
412
00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:35,720
multi-dimensional.
413
00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:40,358
- So you're saying I'm
a simple man with few layers?
414
00:22:42,362 --> 00:22:43,861
- One.
415
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:47,998
- Meaning there's really
very little to me?
416
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:51,435
- Right, but I mean,
you can always read and learn
417
00:22:51,604 --> 00:22:54,972
and, you know,
become more layered.
418
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:55,973
- Yeah, but then,
I'd run the risk
419
00:22:56,141 --> 00:22:58,876
of becoming complex
and dull like you.
420
00:23:00,913 --> 00:23:04,515
- That's one of the pitfalls
of depth.
421
00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:07,551
- Bummer.
422
00:23:09,422 --> 00:23:12,456
- Michael, you aren't going to
fall apart again, are you?
423
00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:13,624
- No, I'm just
going to let it go,
424
00:23:13,793 --> 00:23:16,026
you know, forget about it.
425
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:20,698
- You know, you could always
try smiling.
426
00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:41,419
[♪♪♪]
427
00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:07,978
- Meow.
32429
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