All language subtitles for Newhart_S07E15.en

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- Look Dick, my business cards
finally came.

- You ordered business cards,
George?

- Ten thousand of them.

I wanted you and Joanna
to have the first two.

- George Utley.

No address?
No phone number?

No occupation?

- What's the point?
Everybody in town knows

where I live and what I do.

- Well then, then, why do you
need a business card, George?

- It impresses the babes, Dick.

- Hello, old man.
How have you been?

- Pretty--pretty good,
y-young man.

Wh--who--who are you?

- Why, I'm Scooter Drake.

- Who?

- Oh, Scooter Drake.

Stephanie and I met him
at a-a snobby party in New York.

Not-not-not that you were
that snobby.

- Really? I thought
I was perfectly snobby.

Sorry about that.

- Hi, I'm Joanna Loudon,
and that's George Utley.

- My card.

- George Utley!
Well, if I ever need one,

you can be found here?

- Yep.
- Lovely.

Stephy about?

- Stephy, Scooter's here.

Why do I feel like
I'm in an Archie comic?

- Scooter Drake, hi.

I thought I smelled old money.

- Try as I may, I can't rid
myself of that blasted smell.

I do hope it doesn't offend.

- Well, it was pretty bad
when you walked in,

but I-I can--can hardly notice
it now.

- So where's your darling
little girlfriend, Libby?

Oh, that's right, it's spring,
liposuction time.

- I'm afraid Libby's
left me for another.

- Another what?

- Another man, George.

- That's not what
the gossipmongers are saying.

- Well, what brings you
to Vermont?

- Well, since Libby left me,
I've been feeling a bit under,

so I thought I'd motor on
up here and do some shopping.

That often cheers me.

- Scooter, Vermont is
hardly the place to shop.

Unless you're interested
in maple candy,

I suggest you try Paris.

- Actually, I've had this urge
to buy a quaint New England inn.

- Then--then don't go to Paris.

- What kind of inn
are you in the market for?

- Oh dear, is that something
I should have thought about?

- W-Well, it took us a year
to find the Stratford.

We did research,
talked to people,

drove all over.

- Well, I'd like to
have mine by nightfall.

- Joanna, you can help
Scooter find an inn.

I mean, aren't you, like,
in real estate or something?

- So you do pay attention
when I talk about my life.

- Sometimes I can't shut it out.

- If you're really interested,
I'd love to help.

We could go look at
my listings right now.

- Splendid.
- Good.

- Come on, Stephanie.

Why, if there's two I like,
you can flip the coin.

- Or you can buy both.

- My, you are a help.

- Boy, imagine buying an inn
to get over being depressed.

When I'm blue, I rent
It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

- And that--and that cheers you
up, George?

- Yeah, for a while.

Then I think about
all the actors in the movie

who are dead,
and I get blue again.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi Michael.

- Shhh, I'm on the lam
from my ex-lambchop.

- It's okay, Michael.
She's in the dining room.

- Oh, all right,
you can say my name.

- I don't think
I need to anymore.

- How's the job hunting going?

- I've kind of decided
to keep my nose

out of other people's businesses
and start one of my own,

one that requires
minimal capital

and yet will enable me
to afford food again.

Watch.

- You're going to pull taffy?

- Michael, are you saying
you're going to be a mime?

- You know what they say.
Everybody loves a mime.

- No, everybody loves a clown.
People try to run over mimes.

- Well, nobody's going
to maim this mime.

- Michael, are you sure
this town is ready for a mime?

I don't think they've ever--
they've ever seen one before.

- That's right.

They might mistake you
for the village idiot.

He used to pull on
invisible taffy too.

- You know, Scooter,
we might have better luck

if we see
some of these inns in person.

- I agree. I always like to
caress the things I buy.

- Well, good.

I'll go call some of the inns
and tell them we're coming.

Maybe you can fondle
the Henderson place.

- You know, just the thought
of buying some place

is lifting my spirits.

- Well, the way I see it,

there are four stages
to breaking up.

First denial,
then shopping...

then hating
the other person's guts so much

you would like to see them fry
in the flames of eternal hell...

then more shopping.

I'm at the third stage
with Michael.

Would you like
some more coffee?

I mean, as grotesque
as it all is, I am the maid.

- You shouldn't feel grotesque.

My great-grandfather used to say
there's no shame in any job,

as long as you do it well.

It inspired the workers
in his sweatshops

to keep plugging away,

until they were old enough
to go to school.

- Sounds like
he was a great man.

- He was a monster actually,

but an absolute delight
at parties.

Listen, I've got an idea.

After I buy my inn,
why don't we go out

and celebrate our freedom
from Libby and Michael?

What's the best
restaurant in town?

- Maison Hubert, but...

I could never
go back there again.

That's where I had my last
horrible date with Michael

before he dumped me.

Did I mention that I'd like
to see him fry in hell?

- I believe you did
but you know the old saw,

"When you fall off
your polo pony,

remount and use the whip."

- You know what's
interesting about dust?

- It-It could be so many things.

- No matter how much you clean,
the stuff keeps coming back.

Has it occurred to you
that it's supposed to be here

and we're tampering
with God's plan?

- Who--who signs your paychecks,
him or me?

- Oh, how was inn shopping?

- Scooter didn't like
anything he saw.

- The inns we looked at
were all so...red.

- Well, couldn't you show him
something in a different color?

- Haven't either of you
ever heard of paint?

- That would be like buying
a sweater in the wrong color

and then dying it.

One certainly wouldn't do that.

- Joanna might.

- I wish you could find me
something like this.

- Well, the Stratford
is pretty run of the mill

compared to some of the places
I've shown you.

- I wouldn't call it
run of the mill.

Dusty maybe, but I mean,
that's God's doing.

- Everything here
is so perfect though,

the fixtures, the fireplace,

even Stephanie posing over there
looks absolutely perfect.

- You should see this place

when the morning sun
reflects off my hair.

People say it's breathtaking.

- I'll tell you what,
I'll give you

a million dollars for it.

- You want--
you want to buy the Stratford

f-for a million dollars?

- Oh, you've got the art of
haggling down to a science.

All right, a million three,
take it or raise it.

- Wh--uh, what?

- I left myself open
for that one.

All right, a million five.

- I know it's a lot of money,
but I-I'm not sure

I-I can bring myself
to just sell this place.

- If we did,
we'd be set for life!

And do you have any idea
how much my commission would be?

- Joanna, the--the seller pays
the commission.

You'd be paying yourself.

- Who cares?

The important thing is
it'll put me

in the million-dollar club
at the office.

I'll get a pin.

- Oh, well,
let's dump this place

if it--if it means
you're getting a pin.

- Hi, everybody.
- Oh, hi George.

Listen, we need your advice
on something.

Scooter has offered
to buy the inn

and we're trying to decide
whether or not to--to sell.

- Sell the Stratford?
You can't.

The Stratford
is like a home to us.

- George, it--it is a home
to us.

- Well, my advice is
don't sell.

- He's offered us
a million five.

- Then my advice is sell.

- You see, Dick,
George thinks we should sell.

- George isn't everybody.

- I like to think I am.

Of course, it is ironic.

I live here my whole life

and the day I get
my business cards, we move.

- Jo-Joanna, why--why are you so
quick to unload this place?

I thought you--you loved it
as much as I do.

- I do.

We have seven years
of wonderful memories here,

but if somebody is crazy enough
to offer us that kind of money,

we ought to be crazy enough
to consider it.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]

- Hi, I'm Larry,

this is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other brother
Darryl.

- Hi, fellows.

- We heard there was
a Scooter Drake here.

We grew up with a Scooter Drake
and we was wondering

if it was one and the same.

- My guess would be no.

- Does this Scooter Drake
have a pineapple birthmark

on his right buttock?

- Pineapple, pineapple, no.

- Listen, fellows,
Dick has a question for you.

- Uh-oh, Darryl, pop quiz.

- It's like this.

We've been offered
a million five for the inn.

- Dynamite!

- One of us feels
that, uh, we should take it.

One of us isn't so sure.

- Darryl wants to know
who the jerk is

who isn't so sure.

- I-I don't think any purpose
would be served by naming names.

- It's Dick.

- You see, Dick, the fellows
think we should sell.

Even they know a million five
is a lot of money.

- A million five? We thought
you said a million flies.

- Good evening, Hubert.

- Mademoiselle Vanderkellen,
I did not think

I would be seeing you again.

s this another loser toujours ?

- Here you go, old French chap.

- That loser remark,
Mademoiselle and I,

we make with
the petite ha-ha!

Follow me.
Laisez vite.

For you, the finest table
in the house.

- Oh table, did you miss me
as much as I missed you?

- They say
sometimes late at night,

she cries out for you.

- Hubert, bring us a bottle
of Dom Perignon, please.

- But of course.

Henri, bouteille de
Dom Perignon, tout de suite.

- [indistinct].

- This is the way
it used to be with Michael,

people scurrying
at our commands.

How I miss
the simple pleasures of life.

- My apologies for the delay.

- Oh, seven seconds
isn't really long.

Now that you've
established a time,

you'll have something to beat.

- Would you like to see
the menus now?

- Later, Henri.

- Bon!

A toast to Libby and Michael.

May they forever
be part of our pasts.

- Good riddance.

- What is that?

- I think it's a mime
screaming in the rain.

- Let's applaud.
Perhaps he'll go away.

- It worked.

- Well!

What have we here?

So you couldn't wait, could you?

- I thought mimes were
supposed to be fairly quiet.

- Run along now, you wet
white-faced street performer.

- I know what's going on here,
Cuppers.

I'm a mime,
not the village idiot.

- Michael.
- In black and white.

- This is Michael?

Well, he's not at all
as I'd pictured.

How do you do, young mime?
Scooter Drake.

- So, I see you found yourself
a new boyfriend,

and he's so cute.

- Why, thank you.
So sweet of you to notice.

- We're only having dinner.
Scooter and I are just friends.

- Oh, sure.

Stephanie and Scooter sitting
in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

- I do not like mimes.

You people are the reason
I left France.

- I have as much right
to be here as anyone else.

Just because
I have no money in my hat

is no reason I should be
treated like garbage.

And you, you two were out there
watching me for 20 minutes

and you didn't give me
a damn nickel.

What?
Because I'm a mime,

you thought
I wouldn't say anything?

- We thought you were
the village idiot.

- Well, could the village idiot
do this?

- Michael, stop it.

- I can't hear you, Stephanie.

Can't you see,
I'm in a box?

- Michael, you're dripping
makeup on my purse.

- Oh, sorry, my career
is a little messy.

Not all of us have a job
where we get to wear--

oh my God, is that
a 2,000-dollar suit?

- Well, not counting the trips
to Italy for the fittings.

- I want that suit.

- Michael.
- I want that suit.

I deserve it.
I worked hard.

I did everything right.
[CRYING]

And now, I'll never get
to have a suit like that.

Never.

Give it to me.

Give it to me.

You can have my leotard.

Just let me have the suit.

- [indistinct]

Dispose of this mime.

- You haven't seen
the last of Michael Harris.

I'll be back, not as a mime,
but as a human mannequin,

or as a dog-faced boy.

[BARKS]

- How did everyone
enjoy the show?

[BARKS AND SCREAMS]

- Well, I've called
just about everyone I know

an-and they think I should sell.

Well, I'm--I'm not sure
I want to.

A-A million five.

I-I have what for brains?

Well, if--if that's how you
feel, love--love to Dad.

Bye. Bye.

- What did your mom say?

- Uh, she's, uh, she's
on the fence.

- Oh, how was dinner
at Maison Hubert?

[SOBBING]

- Did--did she have the clams?

- Actually, we had a rather
unpleasant experience

with her estranged beau.

He's an extraordinary mime
visually,

don't get me wrong, but he--

well, he tends to
undercut his performance

by crying and screaming
incessantly.

- That's--that's the worst kind
of mime.

- So any decision about
selling the inn?

- My--my answer is--is yes.

And no, not--not even my mother
has--has influenced me

in this decision whatsoever.

- Marvelous.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Well, old man, I'll have
my people call your people.

- I-I-I don't--I don't have
any people.

- Why, I thought
everybody had people.

Oh well,
with the money you make,

you can buy some people.

- Scooter, it's for you.

Libby Heartcourt.

- How did that conniving
she-devil track me down?

- You know, Joanna,
it just hit me.

We're going to have money.
- I know.

If we want it, we can afford
a Volvo station wagon.

- A-And I won't have to buy
that--that Civil War chess set

one piece at a time.

Oh, what the heck!
With a...

with a million
and a half dollars,

I can buy every pewter thing
the Franklin mint ever made.

- Well, must dash.
Libby wants me back

to wrap around
her little finger again.

Ah, the simple
pleasures of life.

Having a fair-haired maiden
by one's side

and 310 million
to roll around in.

- Don't you mean 308.5?

- You are still buying the inn?

- Well, I should think not.
The witch is back,

so the inn is out.

- Hi.

I'm Larry,
this is my brother Darryl--

Scooter Drake!
- Larry!

Darryl!

Darryl!

- Oh, Dick, Dick, Dick,
you should have looked closer

at Scooter's right buttock.

What are you doing here?

I thought you'd be in
Palm Beach for the polo season.

- Normally I would,
but I had this urge

to buy a New England inn.

- Uh-oh, Darryl,
he's been shopping.

That can only mean
that you and Libby

have split up yet again.

- We've reconciled, dear Larry.

- I don't know what
I'm going to do with you two.

- Listen, why don't
the three of you

motor down with me
to the city?

The crowd would love
to see you again.

- You know,
we haven't been to New York

since the opening of Phantom.

Come on, Darryl,
let's go choose to see

who gets to ride
in the trunk.

- Than-thank you.

- Well, must scoot.
Hence the name.

Do give Steph a bye.

- Wait. How about--how about a
million three?

I'll even--I'll even throw in
the handyman.

He comes with his own
business cards.

- We just lost a million
and a half dollars.

- Yeah, but you know,
look at it this way.

You know, it's the simple
pleasures of life.

A fair-haired maiden
by your side and, uh...

...a million flies
to roll around in.

[]

- Meow.