All language subtitles for Newhart_S07E06

[♪♪♪]

- [CHUCKLES]
Dad, don't be silly!

You're not going to stay
at a hotel.

You're going to stay here
with us.

Besides, this is a hotel.

You're my father.

I mean, automatically
that--that qualifies you

for a-a 30% reduction
in the rate.

See you soon. Bye.

My dad's flying up
from Florida,

and he's going to
spend a week with us.

- Well, that's wonderful!

You'll finally get to
show him the inn.

- And--and that's not all.

He's never been to--to this part
of the country before.

I mean, and what could be
more beautiful

than Ver-Vermont in the winter.

- Rio...St. Moritz...

Barbados...Acapulco.

- If you're interested
in a little trip, Stephanie,

why don't we fly upstairs
and clean Room 2?

Then maybe a quick jaunt
to Room 3,

and then perhaps a junket...

- I see where you're going
with this, Joanna,

and I think you're very cruel.

Say, Dick, your father
never had a daughter, did he?

- N-no, I would have noticed.

- That's a shame,
because fathers truly live

to lavish gifts
on their daughters.

Say, I have an idea--
- Stephanie, aren't you--

aren't you keeping
your tour guide waiting?

- [SIGHS] Try to bring
a little sunshine

into an old man's life...

- Let's do Dick.

Dick, dick, bo-bick,
banana, fana, fo-fick...

Me, my, mo-mick...Dick.

- Hi, Michael.
- Let's do Stephie!

- Let's not!

What are you here for?
- Great news.

It took a little hustle,
it took a little muscle,

but I managed to snare
Ned Milmore

for an encore appearance
on next week's show.

- Isn't he the guy
that collects rocks

that resemble
famous people's heads?

- The one and only.

Iris in on a snap
of his latest.

- Well, they're--
they're certainly rocks.

- Don't you recognize them?
It's the Jackson 5!

All in feldspar.

Of course you really have to
squint to make out Tito.

- Forget it, Michael.

Uh, weren't you trying
to get that, uh,

that pitcher who used to be
with the Yankees?

You know, the one that threw
the--the greaseball...

um, Mulberry.
Duke--Duke Mulberry.

- Oh, yeah.
The Duke of Oil.

He's, uh, he's on the yak-yak
circuit pushing his book.

- Well, my--my dad
is coming to town,

and he used to be
a big fan of the Duke's.

Why don't you use some of your
hustle and muscle to get him?

- All right, but you tell
Ned Milmore he's been axed.

Don't be surprised
if he throws his Emilio Estevez

through your window.

- Well, let me, uh,
show you the rest of the inn.

- Uh, I think I'd like to
sit a minute first.

I'm a little jetlagged.

- Dad, there-there's
no time difference

between Florida and Vermont.

- That's right.

I'm not good at longitude
and latitude like you, Richie.

- Hey, Joanna.
Knock, knock.

- Excuse me?

- Knock, knock.

- Ah.

Who's there?

- Sarasota.

- Sarasota who?

- Sarasota in the fridge?

- [LAUGHS] Oh, I get it!

- Yeah, no--no one tells
a knock-knock like--like Dad.

- Thanks, but I am serious
about the soda.

- Oh, uh, all right.

- Oh, this must be your father!

- Dad, this is our maid,
Stephanie Vanderkellen.

- Aren't you
a pretty little thing!

- Well, I could be even prettier

if my wardrobe
wasn't so limited.

So sorry to hear
you never had a daughter!

- Well, Richie was like
a son and daughter to us.

- Well, who have we here?

- This is Richie's dad.

- Well, when's your dad
coming, Dick?

- This is my dad.
I-I'm Richie.

- Oh. George Utley.

- Bill Loudon.

Nice head of hair.

- Gee, thanks.

- Dad was--Dad was a barber.

- Over 40 years.

Richie, who does he
remind you of?

- I-I don't know.

- Oh, you know
who I'm thinking of,

from the old neighborhood.

The Perkins kid
with the sandy hair.

- San-Sandy Perkins?

- That's it.

- You might think
that it'd be tough

working for a local celebrity,
but it's not.

Dick's a good boss
and a lovely man.

- Well, I thought that you might
want to see some of the town.

There's the, uh...
there's the, uh,

woolen mill,
uh, the town square,

and I think I can get a tour
of the--of the cheese factory.

- Well, maybe later.

- And I'd like to show you some
of our better department stores.

- Hola, hombres
and hombrellas.

- Michael, come and meet
Mr. Loudon.

- Greetings, dad o' Dick.

Michael Harris.

- Bill Loudon.

Say, I bet
that blow-dries well.

- Except for a slight cowlick.

I try to control it
with various gels,

but I'm at my wit's end.

- Maybe I can help.
- Could you?

What a wise
and wonderful man.

Dick, were you adopted?

- Are you here for a reason,
Michael?

- Oh, right. Well,
after a little string pulling,

I managed to lock in
Duke Mulberry.

- Oh, Dad, did you hear that?

Duke Mulberry
is going to be on my show.

- Who?

- From--from the Yankees.

- Oh, yeah.
I think I do remember him.

You know who I really liked?

That pitcher, the tall,
skinny guy with the white hair.

- Whi-Whitey Ford?

- Bill, did Dick tell you that
we're having dinner tonight

at the Drum and Musket?

He just happened to mention
the restaurant

about eight times on his show,

and got us the booth
by the cannon at 7:30.

- Whoa, major coup, Dickster.

That table's usually reserved
for heavy metal groups

and those DAR babes.

- Not uh, not bad, hey, Dad?

- Well, you kids go along
and have a good time.

I-I just got comfortable.

[APPLAUSE]

Who--who are you guys?

- Gosh, no one
ever asked us before.

Hi. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other brother
Darryl.

- Well, nice to meet you.
I'm Bill Loudon.

- We surmised as much.

Forgive us for not
callin' on you sooner,

but we spent
the past two days

out gathering nuts
for the winter.

Darryl's cheeks
are still smarting.

- We don't have winters
like this in Florida.

You ought to move down there,
boys.

Save some wear and tear
on your cheeks.

- Florida?

Isn't that the home of the
Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater?

- Sure is!

- Hmmm, mighty temptin',
huh, Darryl?

I said, "Huh, Darryl?"

Okay.
Out with it.

Yep, an acorn.

You've been hoarding, Darryl.

You violated the code
of the woods.

Just for that,
no crème brulee for a week.

- Re-ready to go, Dad?

- Uh, go where?

- Uh, uh, fishing.

- It's awfully cold
for fishing.

It's warmer in here.

- Well, I-I can turn on
the heater in the car,

and we could take that drive
through the covered bridge.

- Richie, if you don't mind,

I'd like to sit off
that big breakfast.

- Dad, ha-half the week
is gone already,

and--and we haven't
done anything.

At least the cheese factory.

- Great. Great.
After I've had my nap.

- Yeah. You'll want to nap after
sitting off that big breakfast.

- I thought you were going
fishing with your dad?

- No, only if they bring
the lake into the lobby.

All he wants to do is sit.

I mean, the--the whole time
he's been here,

we--we haven't done one single
father-son thing.

- Well, what do you
want him to do,

teach you to ride a bike?

- We could review it.

Joanna, when I was--
when I was growing up,

I wasn't really what...
what you'd call a-a fun kid.

I was kind of...low-key.

- Not you, Dick!

- Oh, yeah.

My dad as always asking me
to go out

and play football with him
or go hiking,

but I mean, it--it just...
it didn't interest me.

I'd rather stay in my room
and take things apart

and see what makes them tick.

For instance,
did--did you ever wonder

how a three-way lightbulb
works?

- It has three separate
filaments, doesn't it?

- Yeah.

Anyway, after turning
my dad down for so many times,

he stopped asking.

So when he--he wanted to do
a father-son thing,

he'd call my best friend Rusty.

- Don't tell me...
he had red hair.

- No, he kept stepping on nails.

- Okay.
So you robbed your father

of a few childhood memories.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

- Joanna,
I'm going to go out there

and have fun with my dad
even if it kills me.

Uh, Dad, wa-wake up.

- Oh, hi, Richie.

- Come on,
we're going to go out

and throw the old
horsehide around.

- Horsehide. I-I
haven't heard that word

since Rusty went
into the service.

- I-I don't want to
hear about Rusty.

Come on,
we-we'll play catch.

- Well, there's snow
on the ground.

- That won't stop us!

- You married quite an athlete.

- Come on.
Let's kick some butt!

- What's going on?

- Dick and his dad are throwing
the old horsehide around.

- Why?

- I think it has something to do
with male bonding.

- Ewww!

Isn't that where men snap towels
at each other's behinds

and pretend
they're superior to us?

- Yes!

- [GASP]

- Dad, I-I-I'm so sorry.

- What happened?

- I was just swinging
into the drive

when I saw Dick bounce
a wicked knuckleball

off his dad's head.

- Are you sure
you're all right, Dad?

- I don't know
why they call them softballs.

- Come on. I'll take you
up to your room.

- No, I'll be all right.

I'm a toughie.

Just let me sit awhile.

- Bill, what do you think
of this blouse?

- It's nice,

but I like the first one
you showed me better.

- Oh, and look,
here's an 800 number.

A person can shop without
even having to leave his sofa.

- What a world!

First we put a man
on the moon...

- You, uh, you--you ready?

- Uh, ready for what?

- To, uh, to--to go to my show.

- Well, I'm not sure
I'm up to it

after yesterday's excitement.

- Dad--Dad, we're talking
Duke Mulberry.

I-I mean, you--you won't
want to miss that.

- I wouldn't dream
of missing it.

- Usual place for the TV, Bill?

- Ah, you read me
like a book, George.

- Who wants homemade
coffee cake?

- You married
quite a little hostess, Richie.

- You mean, you're all going to
watch Vermont Today from here?

- Well, sure. It's more
like a TV show this way.

- Gee, Dick,
you're cutting it close.

- Yeah, I guess I should
get to the studio.

- Yeah, get a move on.

How can we watch you if you're
standing here in the room?

- In 4, 3, 2...

ANNOUNCER: And now
it's Vermont Today

starring Dick Loudon.

- Hi there. Our guest today
is baseball great Duke Mulberry,

who's just written
a best-selling book

about his life in the majors,

"Hey, Duke."

It's a--it's a thrill
to have you on our show.

- Thank you, Dick.

- Hey, Duke...

How did they ever come up
with the title " Hey, Duke" ?

- Well, one time,

during my years
sittin' in the dugout,

the coach said,
"Hey, Duke, the phone."

I never forgot it.

- That's nice.

That's...that's fascinating.

Let's, um...let's go
back to 1954,

the White Sox,
bottom of the ninth.

Yankees up by 3, two outs,
bases loaded,

and you pitched
the greaseball

that was smashed
right out of the park.

What-what were you thinking
at that moment, Duke?

- Beats me.

That's 34 years ago.

- But--but the owner
of the team

rushed out of the dugout
and chased you around the field

with a bat.

- I'm still
drawin' a blank, Dick.

You know who'd remember that?

My boy, Little Duke.

He's right over there.

Hey, could we
bring him up here?

Huh?

- Uh, sh-sure.

- Hey, son.
- Hey, Dad.

[EXCITED LAUGH]

- Nice--nice to have you
on the show, Duke, Jr.

- Little Duke, Dick.

- You know, Dick,

Little Duke and I aren't
just father and son.

You know, we're buddies, too.

We do everything together.

- Hey, I never took you
on any dates.

- Hey, watch it there.
I can still take you on.

- Oh, I don't know, Dad,
I'm getting' pretty big!

- Oh, yeah?

Oh! I give! I give!

You know, that'll
teach the boy, huh, Dick?

- Getting...getting back to your
book...

- That's a great idea.

Now there's the cutest story
in here about Little Duke.

What page, son?

The one with you and I
takin' a bath together.

- Oh, don't show him that!

I'll tell you, this guy,

he is always givin' me
the business.

[CHUCKLES]

- This--this is an act,
right?

You--you two aren't...
aren't really that close.

- Hey, I love this
little palooka, huh!

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Well, I-I'm sure
there must have been times

when you-you've had
your differences.

- Me and Dad?

- Well now, hold on, son.

There was that one little
tussle, remember?

About who loved who more?

- Oh, yeah.

- You took baths together?

ANNOUNCER: We'll have more
Vermont Today

after these words.

We're out.

- Michael, Michael.
Is this a put-on?

N-No father and son in history
have had that much fun together.

- Dick, not every son's
idea of fun

is burning a softball
into his dad's skull.

- Wha--don't you...

don't you find
that affection grating?

- Dick, this is one of America's
most beloved families.

What are you going to do
for an encore,

pummel the Van Pattens?

ANNOUNCER:
Back in 5, 4, 3...

- Dick, please!

- Hey, Dukes.

Let's cut the crap.

[APPLAUSE]

- There you go, young man.

- Very collegiate.

Usually we just stick
his head in the freezer

and snap off the ends.

- Okay, there's your lollipop.

Oh, there's one for you, too.

- Much obliged.

Let's go, Darryl.

- Oh, one more thing.

If you want to give it
more fullness,

you may want to rub
a little mousse through it.

- It won't hurt, Darryl.

The baby ones
don't have antlers.

- Oh, hi, Richie.

I still got the touch.

- Well, I-I have
something for you.

- We're not going to have to
play catch again, are we?

- No.

- Hey, Duke Mulberry's
autograph.

He signed it twice?

- Duke wouldn't sign it unless
Little Duke signed it, too.

- Thanks.

That was quite a show.

Did you really think
it was necessary

to make Little Duke cry?

- I guess--I guess
I got a little crazy.

- Well, I don't blame them
for walking off like that,

but it was pretty impressive
to see a man Duke's age

carry a full-grown man
on his shoulders.

- Well, you know, some fathers
have fun with their sons.

- Well, we had fun.
We played a little catch.

I enjoyed every second of it

until I blacked out
and fell in the driveway.

Now don't give me that face.

I've had a great time.

- When? You--you never got off
the sofa.

- That's just it.

I didn't have to go out
and see the town;

the town came to see me.

I got to meet
a lot of your friends.

I told a joke or two,
gave a haircut.

I even got to charge a blouse
over the phone.

- Well, I just...
I just thought, you know,

you'd have more fun
if you stood.

- I stood for 40 years.
It's nice to sit.

Besides, your mother
runs me ragged in Sarasota.

- Yeah, but I-I mean, I had
all kinds of things planned.

- Richie,
you don't have to go

running around a cheese factory
to have a good time.

You don't know how comfortable
this sofa can be.

Come here.
Sit down next to me.

- Um, it is--
it is kind of comfy.

- Oh, yeah.

- And--and you're sure
you've had a good time?

- Oh, it's even better now.

Ow!

[APPLAUSE]

[♪♪♪]

- Meow.