All language subtitles for Newhart S05E23

Okay, Dick. What's the surprise?

Uh, I finally got rid of my
manual typewriter,

and I've stepped into the age...

of high-tech wizardry.

Dick, you got a computer!

No, uh, an-- an
electric typewriter.

Oh, wow!

Uh, uh, oh, watch-- watch this.

Before, I used to have to
do that by hand.

Now...

Now, I can knock out my books
in-- in whiz time.

Dick, you type slowly
on the manual.

You're not gonna automatically

leave skid marks with
an electric.

Oh, really?

Just watch these keys dance.

The... quick...

brown... fox.

It says, "The quick bran fix."

Oh, so it does.

Yeah, but look how quickly
I can X it out.

Hi, Joanna. Where's Dick?

Oh, he'll be back soon, George.

He's registering for a
typing class.

Why? He seemed really good
at Xing things out.

Hi, everybody.

[ Gunshot noise ]

Yow!

What's with him?

We just came from a Tom
Cruise film festival.

Michael was
emotionally moved by it,

and now he wants to try to
be more like him,

and I said okay.

Yeah, I'm through blendin'
into the woodwork.

Yeah!

[ Chuckling ]

Tom Cruise? Does this mean
you'll be dancing

in your underwear, Michael?

That was one of Tom's
earlier movies, George.

Since then, he's gotten
much cockier.

Boy, he is cocky!

Stephanie, you actually like
Michael this way?

Joanna, there's nothing
more attractive

than a man that's
sure of himself.

Hey, when she's right,
she's right.

Overconfidence and
self-absorption

is the '80s attitude.

Don't you just love it when
he's full of himself?

Michael, I'm gonna go upstairs
now and buff my nails.

Nail buffing! Yeah!

[ Chuckling ]

Is it just me, or are
they getting worse?

So, honey, when does your
typing class start?

Uh, Tuesday night.

Oh, and guess who my
instructor is?

It's incredible... Mr. Brooney.

Who's Mr. Brooney?

He-- he was my
sixth-grade teacher

in Allentown, Pennsylvania.

I-- I-- I haven't seen
this guy since--

since I was 11 years old.

"Looney Brooney."

You made up nicknames for
your teachers?

That could go on your
permanent record.

George, he deserved it.

I mean, at-- at the slightest
misbehavior, he'd--

he'd make you put your--
your head down on--

on-- on the desk.

Boy, Dick, sounds like
a real sadist.

Honey, the worst thing
you can do to

an energetic 11-year-old is--

is... to make him assume
the nap position.

Actually, that was my
favorite part

of the school day.

Geor-- uh, George, you
wouldn't have--

you wouldn't have liked Brooney.

I mean, he'd-- he'd--
he'd call on you

when you didn't have
your hand raised,

and, uh-- and he-- he--
when he pass out,

you know, fresh mimeo sheets,

he wouldn't let you smell 'em.

And as if that
weren't bad enough,

he-- he flunked me.

You flunked a subject?

Geography.

Just because I didn't
remember a--

a couple of state capitals.

Which ones, Dick?

The point is, George,
that he flunked me

and he-- he always said

that I-- I'd never
amount to anything.

Well, Dick,

if you're this
uncomfortable with the man,

maybe you shouldn't
take the course.

Honey, are you kidding?

I mean, how many
times in your life

do you get a chance
to show someone

that they were totally wrong
about how you'd turn out?

And this former 11-year-old
turned out great.

To get this job I'm after,

I'm hoping to get my speed up to
100 words per minute.

I'm just trying to get
from 60 to 80.

I can change a ribbon
in a heartbeat.

Mis-- uh, Mr. Brooney?

Yes?

Uh, remember me?

No.

Cu-- Cunningham Elementary?

You went to Cunningham?

Dick Loudon.

Richard Loudon?

You're not still making those
armpit noises, are you?

I nev-- I never-- I never
made those noises.

That was... somebody else.

Of course it was.

Well, why don't we start, class?

Uh, Richard, why don't you
hand out these papers

and make sure nobody
smells them.

Good evening. We're all here to
become better typists.

Now, you'll see by
those handouts

that you will have a test
every second day.

I will not tolerate
absence or tardiness.

And it is very important to
remember posture.

It's important in life as
well as in typing.

Don't be late,

sit up straight, matriculate.

Mr. Brooney? Barry Droves.

Will we be getting any homework?

Oh, indeed, there will be
homework assigned,

and I want to thank you for
reminding me, Barry.

All right, friends.

Back straight.

Elbows above the keys.

Fingers in the home position.

Ready.

Begin.

A, A, A. S, S, S.

D, D, D. A, A, A.

S, S, S. D, D--

Did I see you hunting
and pecking?

Well, I-- I...

Yes, you did.

He was hunting and pecking.

I saw him.

I g-- I guess I was.

Richard, I'm not up here
for my health.

This is a touch-typing class.

We do not hunt-and-peck here.

Well, in-- I mean, it's
just the first day.

Oh, I see you haven't lost your
penchant for backtalk, have you?

All right, now, class,

we will continue this exercise

for the remainder of
the 90 minutes.

Aw!

Mr. Brooney, aren't-- aren't we
gonna get a break?

Mr. Seflo's class gets a break.

If Mr. Seflo's class decided
to jump off a cliff,

I suppose you'd tag right
along behind them, eh?

Not me, Mr. Brooney.

He hasn't changed. He's
still Looney Brooney.

What was that, Richard?

[ Clears throat ]

Uh, no-- uh, nothing.

You sure it wasn't something
you'd like to share

with the whole class?

I d-- I don't-- I don't
think-- think so.

Well, since Richard seems to
be showing us his...

stubborn side,

I suppose the entire class
will have to suffer.

All right, everyone put their
heads down on their desk.

This-- this is ridiculous.

We're-- we're adults here.

What-- what are you doing?

Richard, are you going to be
the one that keeps

the class here even longer,
by disobeying?

Mr. Brooney?

Did you notice I put my
head down first?

Joanna?

I'm troubled.

Could I talk to you...
girl to woman?

Who can resist an
offer like that?

I'm not sure I'm crazy about
Michael this new cocky way.

I never realized it before,
but the sound "Yow"

can really grate on you.

Well, why don't you just
tell Michael that you

want him to go back to the...

...normal Michael.

But I'm the one who
encouraged him.

If I told him to stop, it would
be like admitting I was...

wrong.

Which Michael would
refuse to believe,

so he'd never listen
to me anyway.

Have no fear...

your Top Gun is here.

Hey...

That rhymed. Yow!

[ Chuckling ]

You know, Steph, this new,

"Hey, look me over" attitude
is going over big.

You know, Michael, uh, a
lot of people feel

that a touch of humility is an
attractive trait, too.

Ooh.

That's profound.

You made me think.

Come on, Steph, I wanna try
out my new strut.

Uh, Joanna, it's
nearly 8 o'clock.

Has Dick left for his
typing class yet?

Oh, Dick, you're gonna be
late for school.

DICK: Uh, I'm not-- I'm not,
uh-- I'm not going to school.

I-- I have-- I have a, uh-- I
have a stomach ache.

Dick!

Uh, Joanna, it-- it really,

uh, really, really,
really hurts.

[ Clears throat ]

Dick, you're an adult now.

You don't have to make up
silly excuses.

Oh, good.

'Ca-- 'cause I hate school.

I feel like I'm back in the-- in
the sixth grade again.

I mean, I-- I don't
care if I type

three words a
minute-- I'm-- I'm--

I'm quitting school.

Dick, don't! You'll wind
up pumping gas.

George, I already have a career.

Yeah, until they hear about
this drop-out thing.

Dick, you can quit,

but won't it always bother you

that Mr. Brooney still thinks
you haven't made it?

Well...

Look,

why don't you invite Mr.
Brooney over

for dinner and show him

how successful you turned out?

I think once you get Mr. Brooney
in social situation, he'll...

loosen up.

He's probably a decent man.

I doubt it.

But I'll-- I'll-- I'll
give it a try.

A teacher? Coming here?

I'd better go to my room and
bone up on my phonics.

[ Hoarse ] Steph, your--

your major muchacho is here.

Would you tell her, Dick?

Stephanie, Michael's here!

Thanks for taking all the
charm out of it, Dick.

Hi, Michael.

Bad news, Steph.

I-- I-- I went a "Yah!" too far.

Michael.

Maybe we should take this...

as a sign.

Of what?

Of this whole thing being a
really, really stupid idea.

But I thought you liked
me like that.

Michael, you know
what I liked best

about Tom Cruise's cockiness?

It only lasted 90 minutes.

You mean, you like me
better like this?

Humble and hoarse?

Well, humble. I hate hoarse.

Steph, you want humble,
you've got it.

Aw.

The old mod-- modest
Michael is back.

Yah! Last one, Steph.

[ Clears throat ]

How, uh... how do I look?

I give you an A.

Oh, uh, Mist-- Mr. Brooney.

Oh, no. I've got gum.

Mr. Brooney, this is my
wife Joanna and--

and this is our handyman,
George Utley.

-Hello. -Well, I'm
pleased to meet you.

Oh, that is an
exceptionally fine wine.

Well, uh, thank you.

Since-- since you
were a teacher,

we didn't know if we should
serve chardonnay

or uh, uh, milk and cookies.

[ Chuckles ]

Please sit down.

Well, thank you very much for
inviting me over.

I am new in this area, and I--

well, I don't get out
much socially.

Oh, you're not from these parts?

No. As a matter of fact,
I was brought up

in Delaware.

Delaware.

I've always wanted to
visit there.

I'd especially like to see its
state capital, Dover.

That's very good, George.

And after visiting Delaware, I
would like to visit

its neighbor to the west,
Maryland.

Its state capital is Annapolis.

-And its chief export... -Okay,
George. Okay.

Well, I really should be going.

It's been a pleasure meeting
you, Mr. Brooney.

Uh, uh, may I be excused?

George, you don't have to
ask permission.

Oh, oh, it doesn't hurt. No, no.

You may go, George.

Seems like a nice guy to me,
Dick.

Well, I'll get the
hors d'oeuvres.

Tell me, Richard, how
are you feeling?

Um, fine.

Really remarkable recovery,

since you were so terribly sick,

you couldn't make it to
school yesterday.

Exactly what was wrong?

I, uh-- I had-- I had a
stomach ache.

Seems to me you used
to have a lot

of stomach aches.

You're not playing hooky again,
are you?

No-- uh, no.

Tell me,

did he have a stomach
ache yesterday?

Yes.

Uh, Mr. Brooney,

it may interest you to know that
after sixth grade,

Dick became an executive
in advertising.

- Huh.
-Uh--huh.

And then he left
that and went on

to become a very
successful how-to writer.

Well, that's certainly
very interesting.

You know, your classmate,
Craig Shumway,

stuck it out in advertising.

Now he's the president of
his own agency.

Craig-- Craig Shumway was-- was
the one who made...

the armpit noises.

Uh, hon-- honey, why don't
you show Mr. Brooney

some of your books?

-Oh, uh, good-- good idea. -Yes.

I'm, uh...

particularly proud of
this-- of this one.

Uh-huh.

My, my, my, Richard.

The first page I open,

and already I read two
run-on sentences.

Oh, no. C minus.

C minus?

Uh, has-- has Dick told you
about his television show?

Television is bubble
gum for the mind.

Have-- haven't I impressed you
with anything I've done?

No.

And I am
particularly unimpressed

with this little charade.

What's-- what-- what charade?

Inviting me to dinner just to
get a better grade.

It didn't work when you
left that pecan log

after I flunked you
in Geography,

and it is not working now.

I-- I never-- I never gave
you a-- a pecan log.

That-- that was-- that was
Craig Shumway, too.

Oh, Richard.

I should think by now you
would have learned

that squealers never prosper.

I prospered!

Okay, are you with me?

I'm in.

-I'm in. -I'm in.

I'm telling.

All right, what we're gonna do
is finally stand up

to Mr. Brooney and--
and not let him

intimidate us with his-- his
hickory stick mentality.

Okay, let's get him. But how?

I got it.

What if we don't put our names

in the upper left-hand corner?

I-- I was thinking of
something a--

a little stronger.

I think we can do a
lot to this guy,

but after our grades are in.

Look, Brooney has-- has been,
uh,

tyrannizing students
for 40 years now.

What I think we oughta do
is the next time

he doles out one of those
demeaning punishments,

that-- that we should flat
out refuse to do it.

Well, are you with me?

[ Door opening ]

Good evening, class.

Tonight we will be covering
vertical centering.

Please turn to page 47

and each of you try to
center your own name.

Ready? Begin.

[ Paper squeaks ]

What was that horrible sound?

Did I hear someone try to
pull their paper out

without using the paper
release lever?

That, uh--

that would-- that would be me.

Well, Richard, since you
don't seem to be

very familiar with the rules,

perhaps you ought to type,

"I will always use my
paper release lever"

100 times.

I'm-- I'm not-- I'm not
going to do it.

Well, since Richard is not going
to do what he's told,

I'm afraid it's going to
cost the class

an additional problem.

Everyone put their heads
down on their desks.

We're-- we're not
going to do it.

Richard... here are two dimes.

Now, I want you to call your
mother and tell her

that there is serious doubt
you will ever become

a touch typist.

I-- I'm not going to
call my mother.

I'm not going to put my head
down on the desk.

I'm here-- here to
learn typing and...

so is everyone else.

Well, it seems to me as if
Richard is just bringing

still more trouble
onto the class.

Maybe we'd all enjoy a pop quiz.

[ Groaning ]

Chapter 18: formatting a
legal document.

But Mr. Brooney, we
never covered that.

Ready?

Fingers in their home position.

[ Keys pound ]

[ Keys pound, rhythmically ]

Do I hear hunting and pecking?

Um, Mr. Brooney?

Yes, Richard?

I'm, uh...

[ Clears throat ]

Sorry about the little--
little revolt.

Yeah.

All-- all we were
trying to do with--

with the, uh-- with the
disobedience and the--

and the rhythmic typing

and the-- the panting
of Barry was...

was to-- to prove that
we were adults.

I-- I mean, it was bad enough

when you treated me like a kid

when-- when I was a kid.

I've had some time to think
while I was huddled

in the cloakroom.

Maybe I have been unfair, too
rigid with my students.

Maybe it took this coup to
bring all that home.

It's almost-- almost worth
the 40 year wait.

And I may have been
particularly...

hard on you.

I mean, when I flunked
you in Geography,

maybe you thought that was
unfair, Richard.

Well, just...

Totally.

Well, maybe-- maybe it was.

But I do appreciate what you
have done here. Yes, I do.

And I've really enjoyed
our little talk...

Dick.

Thank you.

Of course, I'm still
going to flunk you.

What?

But that-- that--
that's not fair!

No backtalk, Richard.

Looney Brooney!

What?

Looney Brooney! Looney Brooney!

Meow.