Original subtitles

Morning, George.

Morning.

[ Sighs ]

[ Clears throat ] Something wrong, George?

Nothing that can't wait until we're alone.

George, it's okay. They're not listening.

Oh, okay, Dick.

My paycheck bounced.

It's, uh, obviously-- obviously a bank error.

I'll...

I'll call this morning and straighten it out, George.

Yeah, that must be it.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

George, what-- what are you doing?

We'll just call my last two weeks' work a freebie

between friends.

George, I have money. I'm liquid, okay?

Dick, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Come on, let me lend you a little money

until this thing blows over.

Whoa, clam up.

Until what blows over?

Nothing. Nothing's blowing over.

-My paycheck bounced. -What?

Sorry, Dick. She wore me down.

Joanna, it's a bank error.

Just tell me how much you need, and it's yours.

George...

Uh, uh, 25,000 dollars.

Gee, Dick, that's almost half of what I have.

But you are my best friend.

Ho-- Hold it.

George, are you saying

you could write a check for 25,000 dollars,

and I could take it to the bank, and they would cash it?

Sure. I wouldn't write you a check

that wasn't any good, Dick.

George, where did you get that kind of money?

Well, sort of from you guys.

Geez, I bled ya dry, didn't I?

George, you couldn't possibly have saved 50,000 dollars

from what we pay you.

Well, my father left me some,

and my room and board here is free.

The only thing that costs me money is my Beaver Lodge dues

and my Tool of the Month club.

Of course, now that I'm out the 25 grand,

I guess I'll have to give up the Tool of the Month club.

Next month was gonna be a ratchet.

Honestly, George, we don't need your money.

George, we're in good shape.

Not-- Not as good as you are, but...

We're-- we're doing fine.

Well, that's-- that's great to hear.

I guess I'll get to work.

I've got a door to paint,

a banister to sand and a check to repair.

Boing! Boing! Boing!

Stephanie, that paycheck is good.

That's not what I heard.

I just got off the phone with the bank.

They said it was their error. The check will clear.

Oh, good.

Would it be possible for me to be paid in cash from now on?

No.

-Michael! -Hold that thought.

Why, Dick, you-- you look a little drawn.

In fact, I'd say a bit overdrawn.

[ Giggles ]

Oh, cupcake, uh, photo session this Friday at 6:00.

Perfect.

Early evening is one of my five best times of day.

Didn't you two get your pictures taken last month?

Joanna, you'd get your picture taken a lot too

if you looked like this.

Michael, I'm in the mood.

Let's go upstairs and practice posing in the mirror.

Race you.

Uh, I'm done refinishing the banister.

It passed the sliding test, Dick.

George, d-- don't you think you're a little old

to be sliding down banisters?

I ran my hand along it, Dick.

You know, George, I've, uh-- I've been thinking about that,

uh, 50,000 dollars of yours.

Instead of just having it sit in the bank,

maybe you should invest some of it.

Oh, no, Dick.

My father invested in the stock market once.

1929.

We never saw that 10 dollars again.

George, that was just a fluke.

1929 was the biggest stock market crash in history.

To date.

George-- We Utleys have always been poor, Dick.

When I was little,

and all the other kids went down to the nickel movies,

I had to play by myself down at Vickers Park.

After the show, a couple of my friends would come back

and act out the movie for me.

When I finally got to see some of those movies,

I was disappointed.

I mean, to me-- to me, Johnny Blinko was Scarlett O'Hara.

But-- But George, I mean, you have money now.

You should go out and-- and enjoy it.

I can't think of anything I really need.

Yeah, but half the fun of having money is-- is spending it on--

on things you don't need.

What's the other half?

The--

The-- the point is, George,

I-- I can't tell you how many happy times I've had

buying things that-- that-- that I didn't need.

It, uh-- You-- you see this pen? I-- I didn't need it.

I mean, you should-- You should go out and treat yourself.

You know, go out and do something a-- a little crazy.

Gee, Dick, I could never be as crazy as you.

Well, George, you--

you don't have to shoot for the moon right off.

I'll tell you what, we'll-- we'll go into town,

we-- we'll hit the stores, and we'll do some shopping.

Uh, okay, if you think we should.

I wanna buy some gum anyway.

George, you've got to find something in here.

Hey, what a great-looking ball.

There you go.

We sure could have a neat game of catch with this.

No, you-- You-- you don't throw it, George.

Oh.

-Can I bounce it? -N-- no, no.

Just put it on the floor.

Oh.

-Do I kick it? -No, no.

You'd-- you'd break it.

Well, so far this is the worst ball I've ever seen.

Watch this, George.

What do you think, George?

Kinda scary, Dick.

Oh, George, here's--

here's something that'd be perfect for you.

Does it move?

No. No, it's an electronic memo minder.

Keep track of all your appointments.

Oh, neat.

What appointments, Dick?

George, everybody has appointments.

Well, I do have a Beaver meeting every Thursday.

But as you see, I remembered that.

Dick, can we go home yet?

We've been to eight stores, and I'm about shopping spree'd out.

Technically, it isn't a spree

until you've bought at least one item.

Well, okay, Dick. What does this blue thing do?

Oh, that's a-- a biofeedback machine.

You'll love this, George.

Just, uh, put your fingers in there.

[ High-pitched beep ]

And as I relax, the pitch will go down.

[ Beep rises in pitch ]

Well, I mean, who can relax with this--

this darn nuclear thing hanging over our heads?

[ Low-pitched beep ]

Hey, I kinda like this.

Finally.

Oh, great, it's only 200 dollars, George.

[ Beep rapidly rises in pitch ]

Wow, I-- I don't think I've ever heard it go that high before.

Hey-- Hey, aren't you Dick Loudon from Vermont Today?

I, uh-- I guess I am.

You're the talk of the town.

So you'll understand that any purchases you make today

will have to be cash only.

Wow.

I guess I don't have to ask how the shopping went.

[ Chuckles ]

I'll go out and get the rest of the stuff.

There's more?

You really got George to loosen up.

Sort of, yeah.

Sort of?

Yeah, well, sort of all-- all of these are mine.

Well, I was-- I was simply trying to show George

how to spend money by-- by example.

Well, while you were busy buying Vermont,

did you happen to remember your wife?

Sure. Sure, I did. I-- I--

I got you this, um-- Ah.

Electronic memo minder.

Oh, it's wonderful, honey.

This will exchange up real nicely.

How are you, Dick?

Fine, JJ.

You know, Dick, I know you and I have had our differences,

but down at the station we like to think of ourselves as,

well, one big family.

We do?

Yeah, I-- I guess you're sort of like the father of our family.

Maybe because you're kind of older, a bit bossy,

not as fun-loving as the rest of us.

Anyway, word is you and the missus

are pretty close to living out of a shopping cart.

So everyone down at the station took up a collection

and bought you some groceries.

Here you go. Enjoy. And remember: ration.

JJ...

We're not on the skids.

I know you're a proud man, Dick,

and you probably have your own way out of this,

but before you start going after the neighbourhood pets--

JJ, take it back.

Uh, Dick, do you want me to put your home laser light show

with the rest of your stuff?

That-- That'll be fine, George.

Well... it's good to know our charity won't go to waste

on a man without a brand-new laser light show.

Geez, no wonder you're broke.

It's a sickness. Get help.

More?

George is never gonna learn how to shop

if there's nothing on Earth left to buy.

Well, George-- Uh, George bought something.

Oh, yeah? What?

Cable-ready TV monitor. 80 watt FM receiver.

Multi-disc CD player.

Linear tracking programmable turntable.

Honey, we'd better get outta here

so George can read the manual

and learn how to do things like this.

[ Merry music and cartoon sound effects ]

Oh, boy.

[ Sound off ]

[ Sighs ] We didn't even stop off for gum.

Whoo, new suit.

Hey, what else?

George, it's nice of you to take us out to dinner,

but LeClec is very expensive.

Oh, it's okay, Joanna.

I've decided Dick's right, and I should live a little.

Besides, after about 1,400 meals here, I figure I owe you one.

But, George, are you sure you're comfortable with all this?

At first, it felt a little strange spending so much money,

but Dick told me I'd warm up to it, and I think I am.

Would you like a new pair of earrings to go with that dress?

That's okay, George. Dinner will be fine.

Here I come.

Ready for another Stephanie/Michael portrait.

Every picture frame's dream come true.

Oh, George.

I heard you have money and don't know how to spend it.

Well, I'm here to help.

I'm a perfect size 3, and my best color is peach.

Stephanie, George is not going to buy you clothes.

Okay, accessories are just as good.

Stephanie.

Boy, you try to be giving.

Hi, Steph.

Say "Brie".

I don't know if I can muster a smile.

What's wrong, sweetcakes?

Joanna says George can never buy me another thing ever ever again

as long as I live.

Well, I'm ready. Let's strap on the feedbag.

Whoa, it seems we've got some fashion competition here.

Even George is going plaidless. What's up?

George invited us to dinner at LeClec.

Oh, great.

No gifts for Steph, but high-priced yum-yums for them.

That's fair.

Well, you could join us for yum-yums

if that means you wanna eat with us.

No, no, they can't.

They have a-- a pressing photo session.

Oh, no problem. That shutterbug can wait.

We'll photograph even better

in the afterglow of an expensive meal.

It could cheer me up.

Good news, George. We'll come.

Michael, don't try to weasel your way into a free meal.

It's a great idea, Dick.

It's another chance for me to spend even more money.

That's what we're after, right?

You sure that guy works for the restaurant, Dick?

George, you'll get your car back when we leave.

Good evening. Do you have a reservation?

Uh, yes. George Utley.

Utley. Utley.

Thank you.

Madame.

Michael, do you see what I see?

I'll take care of it.

Hey, is that who I think it is?

Thank you, Michael.

Bonsoir. I am your maitre 'd, Charles.

My name is George, and this is...

Joanna.

And, uh--

Stephanie.

Michael.

George, you don't have to--

Uh, Dick.

And your head waiter will be Thomas.

Wow!

How do people in France afford to eat?

But I'm glad I'm here.

-Thomas? -No.

I'm Neil.

Thomas?

John.

Would you care to begin with a little wine?

Thomas?

Elton, your wine steward.

Now, where the heck is Thomas?

Uh, bring us a bottle of your best, and keep it flowing.

Michael, we're not spending all of George's money in one gulp.

Hey, Dick, loosen up.

Bring me a bottle and keep the rolls flowing too.

George, that could be a 100-dollar bottle of wine.

[ Sighs ] Boy, we're really living tonight, aren't we, Dick?

Good evening. I am Thomas.

I am told there is some rush to order here.

Geez, he doesn't look at all like I pictured.

This evening the sp�cialit� de la maison

is Chateaubriand Bouquetiere with Chanterelle mushrooms

and skewered vegetables de Robichaud.

Mm, that sounds good. Is that okay with everybody?

I love a good Chateaubriand.

Um, would-- would it be possible

to get a salad with-- with the special?

Oh, yes, monsieur.

We have a very nice endive salad.

Of course, uh, that would be extra.

Endive?

Um, I-- I think I'll-- I'll stick with the French stuff.

Good choice, monsieur.

The French stuff is very good tonight.

George, this is really lovely.

Thank you for taking us out for such a nice evening.

Hey, I'm having a great time.

And I really wanna thank Dick

for showing me my new better way of life.

Well, you're-- you're welcome, George.

Gee, that salad really looks good.

I think I'll order one.

A salad?

You're ordering a salad? What's the matter, Dick?

A special isn't enough for you?

Please, Dick. You're causing a scene.

Uh, uh, George, you know,

I don't have to-- to order the salad.

Oh, sure.

Wait and go nuts on the dessert tray.

George.

Michael.

Everyone's looking at me, and for bad reasons.

Probleme, monsieur?

Uh, my-- my friend had a-- had a, uh, salad tantrum.

Oh, I'm sorry, monsieur. The order has already gone in.

You will have to settle your bill before running out.

All right. How-- How much is it?

I'm sorry, monsieur.

We are not able to accept the check.

It's all right. I have two pieces of ID.

That is the problem, monsieur Loudon.

We know who you are.

Michael, this one is on you.

Um, wait, we-- we shouldn't have to pay for this.

We had a verbal agreement with those people.

I'm sorry, monsieur. That is not legally binding.

Okay.

We'll pay for the food, but there's no reason

we should have to pay for that 100-dollar bottle--

[ Cork pops ]

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Well, I-- I guess I still owe you a meal.

Forget it, George.

Well, I guess I owe you an explanation, too.

No, no. No, you don't.

[ Clears throat ]

Of course, I-- I couldn't help wondering--

I'm sorry, Dick, I tried to enjoy spending money,

but it doesn't make me happy the way it does you.

It sorta makes me crazy.

I guess I'm just screwed up, huh, Dick?

You're-- You're okay, George.

I mean, as bizarre as it may sound,

you just weren't cut out for a life of excess.

But everyone told me I should spend my money

if I wanted to be happy.

Everybody was wrong.

That was mainly you, Dick.

Well, then, then, I was wrong.

Come on, Dick. You're never wrong.

I was wrong about this.

Who'd have thought you'd ever be wrong about anything?

There's a first time for everything.

Gosh. Dick Loudon was wrong.

All right.

The-- the-- the point is,

that it-- it's all right to-- to not spend money

if-- if there's absolutely nothing that-- that you want.

Well, actually, there's something I sorta want,

but it's kinda silly.

Well, nothing you really want could-- could be silly, George.

I want a jungle gym, Dick.

[ Clears throat ]

You-- you might wanna keep that to yourself, George.

It's not for me, Dick.

It's for the playground at Vickers Park.

All the equipment's rusted and falling apart.

I thought it'd be nice for the kids

to have it all shiny and new, like when I was little.

Maybe they could even have a stage

where they could act out the movies.

George, I-- I think that's a-- a great use for your money.

Gee, Dick, but you're always wrong.

I-- I'm not wrong about this.

Great. I finally got what I really want.

And this.

But, George, most of them are-- are in boxes.

We can return 'em tomorrow.

The home entertainment center isn't in a box, Dick.

You know, uh-- You know, George, since--

I mean, since it is partially my fault that you--

you bought this,

um, you know, it's only-- only... only fair that, um,

I take this state of the art baby off your hands.

Gosh, you're the best.

Gee, Dick, does it have to be a check?

Should old acquaintance be forgot

Dick! Joanna!

Dick! Joanna!

Dick! Joanna!

What's this?

It's a miracle, Joanna.

Should old acquaintance be forgot

And days of auld lang syne

What are you talking about?

I'm sorry I got mad at you before,

but everyone made me realize, it wasn't you talking,

it was the disease.

The whole town got together and took up a collection

to help you in your time of need.

To Dick Loudon, the richest man in town.

Should old acquaintance be forgot and...

Wait, will you-- will you-- will stop?

And listen to me. This--

This is all very nice of you,

but-- but we have money, lots of money.

We don't-- We don't need any of yours.

So-- so please, take this and-- and-- and go back to your homes.

Okay. Have it your way.

Just better hope you'll never need our help... Dick.