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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:04,102 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:59,357 ( singing ) 3 00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,761 - OH-HOH! 4 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,597 FOR SOMEBODY FACING A TOUGH NEGOTIATION WITH HIS BOSS, 5 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,064 YOU'RE CERTAINLY ACTING CHIPPER. 6 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,133 - WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE I'VE COME UP 7 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,768 WITH A SURE-FIRE STRATEGY ON HOW TO GET WHAT I WANT. 8 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:11,769 HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU. 9 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,739 YOU BE BEV AND YOU PLAY THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE. 10 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,541 - ALL RIGHT. 11 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:21,513 - BEV, I'D LIKE A MICROWAVE FOR MY DRESSING ROOM. 12 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,481 - IN A PIG'S EYE, BOZO. 13 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,452 - IT'S MORE LIKE HER TO SAY, "IN A PIG'S EYE, DICK." 14 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,157 - IN A PIG'S EYE, DICK. 15 00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,892 - AH-HAH! YOU TOOK THE BAIT. 16 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,326 I DON'T WANT A MICROWAVE. 17 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:36,828 - THEN WHY DID YOU ASK FOR ONE? 18 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:40,966 - BEV, BEV, BEV, YOU ARE SO NAIVE. 19 00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:44,602 WHEN SHE TURNS ME DOWN, SHE'LL BE CONSUMED WITH GUILT. 20 00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:46,204 THEN I ASK HER FOR WHAT I REALLY WANT, 21 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,638 NEW CARPETING FOR THE SET. 22 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:51,575 HER ONLY ANSWER CAN BE, "WHAT COLOR AND HOW SOON?" 23 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,745 - SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE READY FOR ANYTHING, HONEY. 24 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,980 - EH, BRING ON THE MIDDLE EAST. 25 00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:00,485 - I JUST PULLED OFF WHAT COULD BE 26 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:04,055 THE GREATEST PRACTICAL JOKE IN HISTORY. 27 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,857 YOU KNOW HOW STEPHANIE IS ALWAYS SO WORRIED 28 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,458 ABOUT HER WEIGHT? 29 00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:09,594 I TURNED HER SCALE UP TWO POUNDS. 30 00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,764 - YOU DIDN'T? 31 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:13,898 - YOU KNOW, GEORGE, 32 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:18,036 I MEAN, THAT ALMOST BORDERS ON THE CRUEL. 33 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:23,040 ( laughing ) 34 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:31,048 - WOULD ANYONE KNOW IF THERE'S BEEN AN INCREASE 35 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:34,552 IN THE EARTH'S GRAVITATIONAL PULL LATELY? 36 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,687 - NOT THAT I'VE HEARD. 37 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,288 DICK? 38 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,891 - THERE WAS NOTHING ON THE NEWS. 39 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,059 - WHY? 40 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,427 - JUST ASKING. 41 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,768 ( giggling ) 42 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:52,670 - AND YOU TWO ARE TERRIBLE. 43 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,639 ( screaming ) 44 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,480 - AND SINCE THERE'S NOTHING I ENJOY AFTER A SHOW 45 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,383 MORE THAN A PIPING HOT DISH OF TATER TOTS, 46 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:12,056 I'D REALLY LIKE A MICROWAVE IN MY DRESSING ROOM. 47 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,561 - OKAY. 48 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,129 - WHAT? 49 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,867 - WE'RE GETTING A NEW MICROWAVE FOR THE EXECUTIVE LOUNGE 50 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,736 SO I CAN LET YOU HAVE THE OLD ONE. 51 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,772 WELL, IF THERE'S NOTHING ELSE? 52 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:32,711 - ACTUALLY, WHAT I REALLY WANTED 53 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,012 WAS NEW CARPETING FOR THE SET. 54 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,214 - C'MON, I JUST GAVE YOU A MICROWAVE. 55 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,518 - BEV, DISASTERVILLE ON THE SET. 56 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,686 PETE WAS ABOUT TO GO ON THE AIR 57 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,121 AND THE BOOM MAN HIT HIM ON THE HEAD. 58 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,356 PETE'S ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL 59 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,760 BUT, DON'T WORRY, THE MIC'S OKAY. 60 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:49,761 - YOU'RE KIDDING? 61 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,262 WE DON'T HAVE A HOST FOR THE SHOW? 62 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,501 - WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE I'M IN A POSITION 63 00:03:57,537 --> 00:04:00,238 TO DO THE STATION A REAL FAVOR. 64 00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:03,775 - ALL RIGHT, WHAT COLOR CARPET AND HOW SOON? 65 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,411 - BEIGE AND YESTERDAY. 66 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,946 - WELL, C'MON, DICK, WE DON'T WANT TO KEEP THE KIDS WAITING. 67 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:11,949 - KIDS? 68 00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:14,085 WAIT A MINUTE, YOU DIDN'T SAY IT WAS A CHILDREN'S SHOW. 69 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:19,057 - IT'S NOT YOUR TYPICAL KID VID. THIS ONE'S REAL SOPHISTICATED. 70 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:26,831 - MICHAEL, DRESSING LIKE CAPTAIN CRUNCH 71 00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:29,000 IS NOT MY IDEA OF SOPHISTICATION. 72 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,068 - NO TIME TO TALK, DICK. 73 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,504 NOW EVERYTHING'S ON CUE CARDS. 74 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:35,573 - IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO-- 75 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,610 ( music playing ) 76 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,615 - AHOY, MATIES. 77 00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:48,820 SHIVER ME TIMBERS IF IT ISN'T TIME 78 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:53,157 FOR PIRATE PETE'S "CARTOON LAGOON." 79 00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,661 NOW IT DOESN'T TAKE A SPYGLASS 80 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:59,463 TO TELL THAT I'M NOT PIRATE PETE. 81 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:06,137 I'M LONG JOHN LOUDON, HIS SCURVY COUSIN. 82 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:10,675 IF I COULD INTERJECT SOMETHING HERE, 83 00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,912 PIRATE PETE IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND I'M SURE HE'D APPRECIATE 84 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,681 ANY CARDS OR LETTERS YOU MIGHT SEND HIM. 85 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:23,455 BUT NOW ON WITH THE FUN ME BUCKOS. 86 00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,091 HAR. 87 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:31,862 HARR. 88 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,999 HAAAGHH. 89 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,471 HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY, PERCH? 90 00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:44,475 PERCH? 91 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,278 OH! 92 00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:54,452 OH, PERCH, HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY, PERCH? 93 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,460 I AM FINE, LONG JOHN. 94 00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:08,433 GOOD. 95 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,834 WELL, IT'S TIME FOR THE MAIL. 96 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,871 LET'S HOIST UP OUR NET AND SEE WHAT WE'VE GOT. 97 00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,673 HARRR. 98 00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:35,293 "DEAR PIRATE PETE, I CAN'T WAIT TO GROW UP 99 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:39,530 "AND PLUNDER AND PILLAGE THE HIGH SEAS JUST LIKE YOU." 100 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,535 I WISH YOU A LOT OF LUCK, MELISSA. 101 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,708 REMEMBER, ME HEARTIES, 102 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,977 IF YOU WANT TO WRITE US HERE AT SEA, 103 00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:57,682 YOU'LL NEED ONE OF PIRATE PETE'S OFFICIAL MESSAGE BOTTLES. 104 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:08,325 THEY KEEP YOUR LETTER BONE DRY AND THEY'RE ONLY-- $5.95? 105 00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,396 - THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, DICK. 106 00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:15,700 - WELL, I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE STOLEN. 107 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,672 I'D BETTER PUT IT FOR SAFE-KEEPING 108 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,308 IN MY TRUSTY TREASURE CHEST, 109 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:33,351 WHICH YOU KIDS CAN HAVE FOR ONLY $39.95. 110 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,119 OH, C'MON! 111 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,724 - LEAD INTO THE CARTOON, DICK. 112 00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:44,695 - AND NOW, MATIES, IT'S TIME FOR A ROWDY ROOSTER CARTOON. 113 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,363 LET'S WATCH. 114 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,034 Lionel: AND WE'RE CLEAR. 115 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,569 - MICHAEL, THAT IS THE MOST REPREHENSIBLE 116 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:52,636 CHILDREN'S SHOW I'VE EVER SEEN. 117 00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,805 IT'S JUST ONE LONG VULGAR SALES PITCH. 118 00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:55,773 - VULGAR? 119 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,741 THERE ARE SOME DAMN FINE CARTOONS. 120 00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:00,311 - THAT DUCK WAS JUST FORCE-FED A STICK OF DYNAMITE. 121 00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,080 ( explosion ) 122 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,915 - WHAT DUCK, DICK? 123 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,082 - MICHAEL. 124 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,818 - SORRY, DICK, YOU'RE ON AGAIN. 125 00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:07,919 DOING A COMMERCIAL. 126 00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,654 - A COMMERCIAL? THAT'S A CHANGE OF PACE. 127 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:11,922 - CUE DICK. 128 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,058 ( music playing ) 129 00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,594 - WE'RE BACK. 130 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:20,497 NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE LATEST IN FUN 131 00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:23,868 FROM OUR VERY GOOD FRIENDS AT THE BUNNY HUTCH TOY SHOP. 132 00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:33,744 YOU KNOW, KIDS, 133 00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:37,114 PIRATING IN THE '80S 134 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,417 DEMANDS A MODERN APPROACH. 135 00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:43,454 THE ANNIHILATOR 5000. 136 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:44,755 - OW! 137 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,891 - I'M SORRY, LIONEL. 138 00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:47,958 LOOK, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 139 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,527 I CAN'T RECOMMEND THIS TO CHILDREN. 140 00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:52,930 I COULDN'T EVEN RECOMMEND IT TO A MARINE. 141 00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:54,265 - DICK, STICK WITH THE CARDS. 142 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,199 - PARENTS, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED 143 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,134 TO LET YOUR CHILDREN WATCH THIS SHOW. 144 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,436 LET 'EM READ A BOOK, GO OUT AND PLAY, 145 00:08:59,471 --> 00:09:02,373 WATCH FRUIT RIPEN, ANYTHING BUT THIS. 146 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,676 - AND NOW BACK TO OUR WONDERFUL CARTOON. 147 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,245 Lionel: AND WE'RE CLEAR. 148 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,279 - ALL RIGHT, DICK, DON'T WORRY. 149 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,714 WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL DO SOME SWIRLY EFFECTS 150 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,849 AND WE'LL TELL THE KIDS IT WAS A DREAM SEQUENCE. 151 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:16,186 Bev: DICK, MICHAEL, TO MY OFFICE, NOW! 152 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,088 - OF COURSE, THAT WON'T FOOL HER. 153 00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:21,993 - HELL, GUYS, THE SWITCHBOARD IS LIT UP WITH CALLS 154 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,561 SAYING PIRATE PETE IS A RIP-OFF. 155 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:25,162 WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON OUT THERE? 156 00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:26,097 - IT'S NOT MY FAULT, BEV. 157 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,732 I HAD EVERYTHING WRITTEN DOWN ON CUE CARDS 158 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,333 BUT THEN DICK HAD TO GO PAY ATTENTION 159 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:31,435 TO WHAT HE WAS READING. 160 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:32,770 - I'M PROUD OF WHAT I DID. 161 00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:35,305 THAT SHOW WAS JUST A BUNCH OF SALES PITCHES, 162 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:39,010 OCCASIONALLY INTERRUPTED BY AN EXPLODING DUCK. 163 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:42,346 I MEAN, THAT MAN IS GETTING RICH OFF INNOCENT CHILDREN. 164 00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:43,781 - PETE'S NOT RICH. 165 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,449 - HE'S NOT? 166 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,552 WELL, WHAT ABOUT THOSE MESSAGE BOTTLES AND TREASURE CHESTS? 167 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:52,090 - DICK, THIS IS A TINY STATION WITH A TINY AUDIENCE. 168 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,690 EVEN WITH THE PROMOTIONAL ITEMS, 169 00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:57,094 WE PAY PETE ABOUT AS MUCH AS WE PAY YOU. 170 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,796 - OH, MY GOD. 171 00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:01,766 - AND NOW HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL 172 00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:04,835 AND THE CREW IS SAYING HE DOESN'T HAVE INSURANCE. 173 00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,470 - OH, MY GOD. 174 00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:07,405 ( phone ringing ) 175 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,607 - YES? 176 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:10,908 IT'S THE STATION OWNER. 177 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,145 HELLO? 178 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,779 - I'M NOT SORRY THAT I SPOKE UP 179 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:18,082 BUT MAYBE I'LL STOP BY THE HOSPITAL 180 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,419 AND SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING THAT THE POOR GUY NEEDS. 181 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,222 - WELL, DICK, AS LONG AS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEEING HIM ANYWAY, 182 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,156 COULD YOU TELL PETE ONE MORE THING? 183 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,758 HE'S CANCELED. 184 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:43,641 - GOD, IT'S HUMILIATING BEING FAT. 185 00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:45,443 AS I RAN THROUGH TOWN, PEOPLE LOOKED AT ME 186 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,813 LIKE SOMETHING THEY'D TRIM OFF MEAT. 187 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,949 - STEPHANIE, ABOUT THIS WEIGHT THING. 188 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:55,419 - I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH BEING IMPERFECT. 189 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:58,389 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'VE HANDLED IT ALL THESE YEARS. 190 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,528 ( sighing ) OH, SORRY, YOU WERE SAYING SOMETHING? 191 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,697 - ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT. 192 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,199 IT'S A DARN SHAME. 193 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:18,075 OH, GEORGE, I THINK YOUR PRACTICAL JOKE IS ABOUT OVER. 194 00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,044 STEPHANIE JUST JOGGED ALL MORNING TO LOSE WEIGHT. 195 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,146 - I KNOW. 196 00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,215 SO I TURNED HER SCALE UP A LITTLE MORE. 197 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,217 ( screaming ) 198 00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:35,059 - HI, MR. PITTMAN. YOU HAVE A VISITOR. 199 00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,028 - OH? 200 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:40,331 - HI. I'M DICK LOUDON. I TOOK OVER YOUR SHOW. 201 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,734 - OH, LISTEN, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH. 202 00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:46,237 I'M SORRY I MISSED IT 203 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:49,606 BUT THEY DON'T HAVE A TV IN RADIOLOGY. 204 00:11:49,641 --> 00:11:53,510 - DON'T TAKE TOO MUCH TIME, YOU KNOW, HE'S STILL WEAK. 205 00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:59,183 - THAT ELLEN, SHE'S TERRIFIC. 206 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,252 SHE GREW UP WATCHING MY SHOW. 207 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,022 NOW HER CHILDREN WATCH. 208 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,291 I DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS OF MY OWN. 209 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,427 THAT'S MY FAMILY. 210 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,464 - SO HOW'S THE NOGGIN? 211 00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:19,637 - I'LL BE 100% WHEN I GET BACK TO THE SHOW. 212 00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:25,209 - PETE, I HAVE SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU. 213 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,243 - YEAH? 214 00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,279 - THIS ISN'T EASY. 215 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:31,548 - YOU KNOW, WHEN MY LITTLE MATIES HAVE TROUBLE 216 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,585 TELLING THEIR MOMMIES AND DADDIES SOMETHING, 217 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,620 I GIVE THEM A PIECE OF ADVICE. 218 00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:39,190 I TELL THEM TO TAKE IN A DEEP BREATH, 219 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,893 THEN LET IT OUT, THEN SAY WHAT'S ON THEIR MINDS. 220 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:47,164 - WELL, THIS IS A LITTLE MORE THAN A BAD REPORT CARD. 221 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,633 - WELL, WHAT WORKS FOR THE LITTLE MATIES 222 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:52,703 WORKS FOR GROWN-UP BUCCANEERS TOO. 223 00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:55,840 SO WHY DON'T YOU TRY? 224 00:12:55,875 --> 00:13:01,312 JUST TAKE IN A DEEP BREATH, LET IT OUT, THEN SAY IT. 225 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,980 - YOU'RE CANCELED. 226 00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:10,988 - BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY WOULD THEY CANCEL ME? 227 00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:13,090 THE SHOW WAS SO POPULAR. 228 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,360 - WELL, THE WAY I HEARD THE STORY, 229 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:21,332 SOMEONE POINTED OUT THAT IT WAS LONG ON VIOLENCE 230 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:26,938 AND COMMERCIALISM, AND SHORT ON ANYTHING GOOD. 231 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,872 - WELL, WHO WOULD STAB ME IN THE BACK 232 00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:31,642 WHEN I'M IN THE HOSPITAL? 233 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:33,344 ( exhales ) - ME. 234 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,115 - YOU? 235 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,818 - LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR 'EM TO CANCEL YOUR SHOW 236 00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:43,921 BUT I WAS SELLING $40 CARDBOARD-- 237 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:47,124 THE DUCK EXPLODED. 238 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,760 I SHOT LIONEL. 239 00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:52,229 - DID YOU SAVE A BULLET FOR ME? 240 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:57,234 - SUPPOSE I TRY TO GET YOUR SHOW BACK? 241 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,502 - CAN YOU DO THAT? 242 00:13:58,537 --> 00:14:00,738 - HEY, I GOT YOU CANCELED, DIDN'T I? 243 00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,754 - HI, I'M LARRY AND THIS IS MY BROTHER DARYL. 244 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,160 - WHAT ABOUT YOUR OTHER BROTHER DARYL? 245 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,296 - I'M SORRY, HE'S TOO UPSET TO PARTICIPATE 246 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,064 IN THIS CONVERSATION. 247 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,768 WE'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS UP WITH THE SPOUSE OF THE HOUSE. 248 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:33,670 - DICK, RIGHT AWAY. 249 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,174 - OH, HI, GUYS. 250 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,842 - EASY, DARYL. 251 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:41,879 - WHAT'S THE MATTER? 252 00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:42,947 - DARYL AIN'T BEEN THE SAME 253 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:47,151 SINCE HE HEARD THAT PIRATE PETE GOT THE PROVERBIAL AXE. 254 00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,087 IT WAS HIS FAVORITE PROGRAM NEXT TO "NIGHT LINE." 255 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,225 - GUYS, BEFORE YOU GET TOO WORKED UP, 256 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:57,728 I TALKED THE STATION INTO PUTTING PIRATE PETE BACK ON. 257 00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:01,064 I'M GONNA CO-HOST WITH HIM TODAY AND SHOW HIM HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. 258 00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:06,303 - WELL, DARYL'S ADOPTING A WAIT-AND-SEE ATTITUDE. 259 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,373 OH, BY THE WAY, 260 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,978 IF YOU DON'T MIND SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, 261 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,981 WE COULD TELL IT WAS YOU TALKING FOR PERCH. 262 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,922 - WELL, I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING THE SHOW. 263 00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,893 - GOOD. 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO BE EDUCATIONAL AND ENTERTAINING 264 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,595 WITHOUT SACRIFICING ONE IOTA OF FUN. 265 00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:35,165 - YEAH, AND I HEAR YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS IN A PIRATE SUIT. 266 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:43,040 - WELL, THE PRACTICAL JOKE IS OFFICIALLY OVER. 267 00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:44,308 - AH, FINALLY. 268 00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:46,977 I HOPE STEPHANIE WASN'T TOO ANGRY WHEN YOU TOLD HER. 269 00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:49,880 - OH, I DIDN'T TELL HER. SHE WOULD HAVE KILLED ME. 270 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,582 I JUST SET HER SCALE BACK TO NORMAL. 271 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,583 SHE'LL WEIGH HERSELF 272 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,151 AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE AGAIN. 273 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,187 - MAKE WAY, I'M COMING DOWN AND I NEED ROOM. 274 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,757 - I DON'T THINK SHE'S WEIGHED HERSELF YET. 275 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,560 - STEPHANIE, WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT? 276 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:04,528 ( sighing ) - I COULDN'T GET OUT 277 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:06,964 OF MY LUNCH DATE WITH MICHAEL. 278 00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,466 THIS IS TURNING INTO A NIGHTMARE. 279 00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,803 CAN YOU MAKE OUT ANY HINT OF MY SHAPE UNDER HERE? 280 00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:15,839 - AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, YOU COULD BE RIDING A HORSE. 281 00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:18,975 - WHO AM I KIDDING? 282 00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,477 ONE LOOK AT THESE CHUBBY CHEEKS 283 00:16:20,512 --> 00:16:24,048 AND MICHAEL WILL START CALLING ME "BIG MOMMA." 284 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,884 - STEPHANIE, IF YOU WEIGH YOURSELF AGAIN, 285 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:30,187 YOU MIGHT BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED. 286 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,256 - YOU SEE, THIS IS THE KIND OF RIBBING 287 00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,625 I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET USED TO. 288 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:43,834 - MICHAEL, WHAT'S KEEPING PETE? 289 00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:45,703 THERE'S NO POINT IN MY DOING THE SHOW ALONE. 290 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,738 - BELIEVE ME, DICK, NOBODY WANTS THAT. 291 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:52,910 - STEPH? 292 00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:58,949 - I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR NOT RECOGNIZING ME. 293 00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:04,287 MICHAEL, SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAS HAPPENED. 294 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,925 I'VE BALLOONED TWO POUNDS. 295 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,993 - WHAT? 296 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,161 WELL, 297 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,900 THERE'LL JUST BE MORE OF YOU TO LOVE. 298 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,970 - MICHAEL, PLEASE. 299 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,805 I KNOW IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME 300 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,406 BEFORE YOU DROP ME. 301 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,343 I'D LOSE RESPECT FOR YOU IF YOU DIDN'T. 302 00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:31,681 JUST TRY TO REMEMBER ME WITH ONE CHIN. 303 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,791 - STEPH, IT CAN'T END THIS WAY. 304 00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,325 CALL IF YOU GET BETTER. 305 00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,528 - MICHAEL! 306 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,666 STEPHANIE, YOU HAVEN'T GAINED ANY WEIGHT. 307 00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:51,501 GEORGE RIGGED YOUR SCALE. 308 00:17:51,536 --> 00:17:53,603 - WHAT? 309 00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:55,805 WHY WOULD HE DO A THING LIKE THAT? 310 00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,708 - IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. 311 00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:01,078 - IT'S SICK AND DEPRAVED. 312 00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:02,546 - I TRIED TO STOP HIM. 313 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,649 OH, NO, THROW THAT IN THE DUMPSTER. 314 00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,718 THE TOY SHOP PROMISED ME THAT THEY'D SEND SOMETHING 315 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,253 THAT WOULDN'T MASSACRE THE CREW. 316 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,524 - STEPH, YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH A TRAUMA. 317 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:18,428 WHY DON'T YOU GO TO MY OFFICE AND COOL DOWN. 318 00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:19,897 - PETE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 319 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,698 I ASKED YOU TO COME HERE A FEW MINUTES EARLY 320 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,867 SO WE COULD DISCUSS CHANGES IN THE SHOW. 321 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,369 - TEN SECONDS TO AIR. 322 00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:26,470 - I AM EARLY. 323 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:31,341 WHAT ARE THE CHANGES? Lionel: IN FIVE, FOUR-- 324 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,442 - DON'T WORRY, I'LL BE RIGHT HERE 325 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,178 TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH IT. 326 00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,278 ( music playing ) 327 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,680 - AHOY, MATIES! 328 00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,283 WELL, SHIVER ME TIMBERS 329 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:43,053 IF IT ISN'T TIME FOR PIRATE PETE'S "CARTOON LAGOON." 330 00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:46,290 AND I'D LIKE TO THANK MY COUSIN LONG JOHN LOUDON 331 00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:48,392 FOR TAKING COMMAND OF THE SHIP YESTERDAY. 332 00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:50,693 HAAAARRGHHH! 333 00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:52,829 - THANK YOU, PIRATE PETE, 334 00:18:52,864 --> 00:18:55,232 AND I'M SURE ALL THE BUCCANEERS JOIN ME 335 00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,534 IN WELCOMING YOU BACK TO THE HELM. 336 00:18:57,569 --> 00:19:00,570 - YO-HO-HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM. 337 00:19:00,605 --> 00:19:01,972 - ACTUALLY, PETE, 338 00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:05,008 INSTEAD OF GLORIFYING THE USE OF ALCOHOL, 339 00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:08,011 FROM NOW ON, LET'S SAY, 340 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:11,415 "YO-HO-HO AND A GLASS OF UNSWEETENED FRUIT JUICE." 341 00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,050 - HUH? 342 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,119 - I KNOW, PIRATE PETE, 343 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,222 LET'S TELL EVERYBODY ABOUT TODAY'S EXCITING SHOW. 344 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:22,058 - AYE, IT'S THURSDAY, AND THAT MEANS TODAY'S CARTOON 345 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,162 WILL FEATURE THOSE TWO SCAMPS, ROUGH AND TUMBLE. 346 00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:27,664 - ACTUALLY, PETE, THERE'S NO ROOM ON THIS SHIP 347 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:31,168 FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T BEHAVE LIKE LITTLE GENTLEMEN. 348 00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:32,769 SO INSTEAD, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW 349 00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,071 A FASCINATING FILM CALLED 350 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,975 "THE APPLE, NATURE'S TOOTHBRUSH." 351 00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:43,079 - WE'RE GONNA SHOW A HYGIENE FILM? 352 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:45,682 - SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. 353 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:52,889 - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO BE? 354 00:19:52,924 --> 00:19:54,324 - THAT WAS PERCH. 355 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,893 HE SAYS HE LIKES THE SOUND OF THAT FILM. 356 00:19:56,928 --> 00:19:58,862 - NO, I DON'T. 357 00:20:00,932 --> 00:20:02,766 - YES, I DO. 358 00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:08,472 - WELL, LET'S HOIST UP THE NET AND CHECK THE MAIL. 359 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,274 - DON'T FORGET, BOYS AND GIRLS, 360 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,509 IF YOU WANT TO WRITE PIRATE PETE HERE AT SEA, 361 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:16,046 YOU NEED ONE OF THESE OFFICIAL MESSAGE BOTTLES. 362 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,081 WHERE ARE THE MESSAGE BOTTLES? 363 00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:19,149 - DON'T NEED 'EM, PIRATE PETE. 364 00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:22,186 TURNS OUT LETTERS ARE JUST AS GOOD. 365 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,854 - BUT THE BOTTLES WERE CUTE. 366 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:24,988 - STILL, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA 367 00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,923 TO THROW BOTTLES OR ANYTHING ELSE 368 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,860 INTO OUR FRIEND, THE OCEAN. 369 00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:34,598 NOW, FOR OUR FIRST LETTER. 370 00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:41,638 "DEAR PIRATE PETE, I REALLY ENJOY THE SHOW. 371 00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:44,374 "COULD YOU PLEASE REFRESH ME ON THE VOWELS. 372 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,710 "SIGNED, KENNY." 373 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,012 - C'MON, NO KID WROTE THAT. 374 00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:54,551 - WELL, KENNY, THE VOWELS ARE "A," "E," "I," "O," "U," 375 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,720 AND SOMETIMES WHAT, PIRATE PETE? 376 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,255 - YOU LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS. 377 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:03,093 - THE ANSWER IS "Y." WELL, THAT WAS FUN. 378 00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:05,962 LET'S READ ANOTHER. 379 00:21:05,997 --> 00:21:08,131 - GET THAT ONE WAY AT THE BACK. 380 00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:18,041 SHIVER ME TIMBERS, BUT IT SEEMS LONG JOHN 381 00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:21,111 HAS HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT. 382 00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:23,614 - PETE, LET ME DOWN THIS INSTANT. 383 00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:28,218 - MY KIDS, OLD LONG JOHN'S FORGOT THE MAGIC WORD "PLEASE." 384 00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:31,488 HE'S NOT BEHAVING LIKE A LITTLE GENTLEMAN. 385 00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,190 - PLEASE LET ME DOWN. 386 00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:36,993 - A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT. 387 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,561 RIGHT NOW, LET'S SEE WHAT OUR FRIENDS 388 00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:42,298 AT THE BUNNY HUTCH TOY SHOP HAVE FOR US TODAY. 389 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:45,235 ( doll crying ) 390 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,371 THIS IS FOR LAND-LOVING SISSIES. 391 00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:50,007 ( doll crying ) 392 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:52,408 GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT SHOOTS. 393 00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:55,912 PIRATE PETE'S GOT HIS SHOW BACK. 394 00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:56,913 HAARRGGGHH! 395 00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:58,915 - HAARRGGGHH! - HAARRGGGHH! 396 00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:00,384 - HA-HA-HAARRGGGHH! 397 00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:06,957 - JOANNA, DID DICK SAY HOW STEPHANIE REACTED 398 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:10,527 WHEN SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT MY PRACTICAL JOKE? 399 00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,696 - SHE WASN'T VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT, GEORGE. 400 00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:16,433 - SHE DIDN'T SAY, "WELL, THAT'S A GOOD ONE ON ME, 401 00:22:18,804 --> 00:22:22,673 "AND I BEAR NO GRUDGE AGAINST OLD GEORGE"? 402 00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:24,041 - NO, GEORGE. 403 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:27,144 - WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL BRACE MYSELF. 404 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:28,879 STEPHANIE'S SMART. 405 00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:32,483 SHE'S GONNA FIND SOME REAL CLEVER SUBTLE WAY 406 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:34,050 TO GET BACK AT ME. 407 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:36,954 - UTLEY! 408 00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:45,896 ( theme music playing ) 409 00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:13,089 - MEOW. 29604

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