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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,619 WOW. SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE HAD SOME INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCES 2 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,754 WALKING FROM VERMONT TO CALIFORNIA. [CHUCKLES] 3 00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:58,390 HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU? 4 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,292 A YEAR AND A HALF. 5 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,826 I COULD'VE DONE IT IN THREE MONTHS, 6 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,528 BUT I LOST TIME IN THE APPALACHIANS. 7 00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:04,629 DIFFICULT CLIMB? 8 00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,998 MM-MM. GOT MARRIED. 9 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,601 WELL, WE'VE RAN OUT OF TIME. 10 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,103 UH, THANK YOU, MARV STRIBLING, 11 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,071 NATURALIST, CROSS-COUNTRY HIKER, 12 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,307 NEWLYWED. 13 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,309 JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EDITION 14 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,943 OF VERMONT TODAY. 15 00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:21,746 �� [THEME MUSIC] 16 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,616 [MAN OVER SPEAKER DEVICE] AND WE'RE CLEAR. 17 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,118 WOW. 3,000 MILES. 18 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,487 YOU'RE A REAL INSPIRATION. 19 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,122 [STRAINED] THANK YOU. 20 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:35,994 WELL, I THOUGHT IT WENT PRETTY WELL. 21 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,496 NOW, DICK, WHEN YOU BOOKED THIS WALKER, 22 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,731 I FIGURED IT WAS GONNA BE SNORE CITY. 23 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:43,468 BUT I FOUND MYSELF, WELL, HALF LISTENING. 24 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,538 MICHAEL, IT WAS AN INTELLIGENT, INFORMATIVE SHOW. 25 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,207 BUT, NEVERTHELESS, INTERESTING. 26 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,676 AND SPEAKING OF GOOD TV, I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU 27 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,878 REGARDING THE VERMONT INDUSTRY TELEVISION AWARDS. 28 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,216 I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR A VITA? 29 00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:00,418 NO. OH. 30 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:03,087 BUT YOU COULD BE. THERE'S ONE MORE WEEK TO QUALIFY. 31 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:05,524 YOU DO A DYNAMIC, EMOTION-GRABBING SHOW NEXT SUNDAY, 32 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,759 AND THAT BEST HOST NOMINATION IS YOURS. 33 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,262 I THOUGHT I WAS A PRETTY GOOD HOST JUST NOW. 34 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,464 HEY, I LOVED YOU. 35 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,399 BUT THAT DARN NOMINATING COMMITTEE 36 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:17,702 SEEMS TO FEED ON ENERGY AND CHARISMA. 37 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,004 WELL, THEY'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO BASE THEIR DECISION 38 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,406 ON THE WAY I AM. 39 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,107 GOOD LUCK, DICK. 40 00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:25,109 YOU KNOW THE KIND OF PEOPLE THIS AWARD GOES TO? 41 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:27,045 WALT BLEDSOE HAS WON THIS AWARD 42 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,613 THREE TIMES IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. 43 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,049 WALT BLEDSOE? THAT JERK? 44 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:34,085 HE YELLS AT HIS GUESTS AND THROWS CHAIRS INTO THE AUDIENCE. 45 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,288 IT'S CALLED PERSONALITY, DICK. 46 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,290 LOOK, I'M NOT IN THIS 47 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,758 FOR THE SHALLOW GRATIFICATION OF AN AWARD. 48 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,295 WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO ARE? 49 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,597 DICK, ALL I'M ASKING IS THAT YOU SHOW A LITTLE SPARK. 50 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,599 HOW CAN I GET BEST PRODUCER IF I CAN'T RIDE 51 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,301 ON THE COATTAILS OF A BEST HOST? 52 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,102 MICHAEL, I AM NOT GONNA CHANGE THE SHOW. 53 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,371 I THINK IT'S PRETTY DARN INTERESTING THE WAY IT IS. 54 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,873 MAN, WAS THAT A GOOD SHOW. 55 00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:57,375 SEE, MICHAEL? OUR DIRECTOR LIKED IT. 56 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,444 OH. NOT YOUR SHOW. 57 00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:02,180 I CAUGHT THE LAST SIX MINUTES OF WALT BLEDSOE. 58 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,049 HE HELD THIS COUNCILMAN'S HEAD UNDERWATER TILL THE GUY AGREED WITH HIM. 59 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:09,287 BOY, HE'S REALLY BUCKING FOR THAT VITA. 60 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,788 J.J., YOU'RE MY DIRECTOR. 61 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,557 SHOULDN'T YOU BE WATCHING THE SHOW YOU'RE DIRECTING? 62 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:14,426 DICK, WITH YOUR SHOW, 63 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,928 I CAN PRACTICALLY LOCK THE CAMERA INTO PLACE. 64 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:20,665 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA MOVE OR GESTURE OR ANYTHING. 65 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,300 ANYWAY, WALT HELD THIS GUY'S HEAD-- 66 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,269 LOOK, I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT WALT, 67 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,904 AND I DON'T WANT YOU WATCHING OTHER SHOWS WHILE I'M ON THE AIR. 68 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:32,444 ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK! 69 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,613 CAREFUL, DICK. I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, 70 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,481 BUT OTHER PEOPLE DO HAVE FEELINGS. 71 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,325 [SNEEZES] 72 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,294 JOANNA, I HAVE A COLD. 73 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,297 I'M GOING TO NEED NINE DAYS OFF. 74 00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,632 NINE DAYS? 75 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,134 FOUR DAYS FOR THE COLD TO RUN ITS COURSE, 76 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:59,837 AND THREE DAYS FOR MY NOSE TO STOP LOOKING LIKE A STRAWBERRY, 77 00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:03,275 AND TWO DAYS FOR BEING A BRAVE LITTLE SOLDIER. 78 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,810 STEPHANIE, YOU JUST NEED ONE. 79 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,812 WHY DON'T WE WAIT FOR A FEW MORE SYMPTOMS 80 00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,014 BEFORE WE LOCK INTO THIS NINE-DAY THING? 81 00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,450 OKAY, BUT I'D HATE TO HAVE TO ADD EXTRA DAYS 82 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,619 FOR NEEDLESS SUFFERING. 83 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,592 AH, MORNING, HONEY. 84 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,026 HONEY, 85 00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:25,363 DO YOU THINK I'M... UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD? 86 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,831 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 87 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,801 YOU THINK I'M WITHOUT EMOTION AND UN-WARM. 88 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,370 DICK, I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. 89 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,871 WHICH IS WHAT? 90 00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:37,309 WELL, YOU'RE... A LITTLE RESERVED. 91 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:41,212 AH. THAT'S ENGLISH FOR "COLORLESS," RIGHT? HONEY... 92 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,815 IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 93 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,817 I DO. THERE'S ALL-- 94 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,486 ALL KINDS OF STUFF GOING ON IN HERE. 95 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,191 MORNING, EVERYONE. MORNING, GEORGE. 96 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:57,429 GEORGE, DO YOU THINK I'M UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD? 97 00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,464 YES, DICK. 98 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,100 YOU DO? 99 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,136 GEE, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT TO TELL YOU. 100 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,539 I MEAN, YOU NEVER GET UPSET ABOUT ANYTHING. 101 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,608 YOU ARE UPSET, AREN'T YOU? IT'S SO HARD TO TELL. 102 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,045 DICK, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? 103 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,681 MICHAEL HAS THIS IDEA I CAN GET A NOMINATION 104 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,050 FOR THE VERMONT INDUSTRY TV AWARDS 105 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,985 IF I WERE MORE DYNAMIC AND ELECTRIC 106 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,887 ON-- ON NEXT WEEK'S SHOW. 107 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,522 YOU MEAN LIKE WALT BLEDSOE? 108 00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,924 NO, NOT LIKE WALT BLEDSOE. 109 00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,593 GUY'S A JERK. 110 00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,528 I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 111 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:33,164 DID YOU SEE THAT SHOW WHERE HE HAD THIS QUAKER GUY 112 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,166 IN A HALF NELSON? 113 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,669 IT TOOK HIM FOREVER TO PIN THE GUY. 114 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,374 WHAT A JERK. 115 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,409 WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU HAVE TO ACT 116 00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,645 TO GET A VITA AWARD, THIS GUY DOESN'T WANT ONE. 117 00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,849 BUT, HONEY, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, IT WOULD BE AN HONOR. 118 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:54,486 AND I'M SURE YOU COULD WIN ONE WITHOUT ROUGHING UP A QUAKER. 119 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,789 CAN'T A PERSON JUST ENJOY THEIR WORK? 120 00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,791 LOOK AT GEORGE. I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO 121 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,793 ENTER A HANDYMAN COMPETITION TO BE FULFILLED. 122 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,996 THERE'S A CONTEST FOR BEST HANDYMAN? 123 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,931 NO, GEORGE. 124 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,467 DANG. 125 00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:12,169 DICK, WHY ARE YOU SO SET AGAINST IT? 126 00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,372 HONEY, 127 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,841 I-- I HATED THE WHOLE IDEA OF COMPETITION 128 00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:18,877 EVER SINCE CAMP COWAPOKA. 129 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,680 BUT MY FAVORITE SPORT WAS-- WAS DIVING. 130 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:26,217 I WAS LIKE A-- LIKE A KNIFE IN THE AIR. 131 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,021 I WAS HAVING THE-- THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE 132 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,757 UN-UNTIL GOLDEN TOMAHAWK DAYS. 133 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:35,794 THERE WERE EVENTS IN ALL SPORTS. 134 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:39,030 THE WINNERS GOT THIS-- THIS TOMAHAWK 135 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,433 WITH A GLEAMING GOLD HANDLE 136 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:45,202 AND A BEAUTIFUL RUBBER BLADE. 137 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,872 I WANTED ONE LIKE I NEVER... 138 00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:50,442 WANTED ANY OTHER TOMAHAWK IN-- IN MY LIFE. 139 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:55,547 BUT I-- I WANTED IT TOO MUCH. 140 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,615 BY THE DAY OF THE CONTEST, I WAS-- 141 00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,952 I WAS SO NERVOUS I WAS NO LONGER A-- A KNIFE, 142 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,722 I WAS MORE LIKE A... SPATULA. 143 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,827 IN-- IN ONE DIVE, I LOST THE-- 144 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:12,096 THE COMPETITION, THE TOMAHAWK, AND-- 145 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,366 AND MY-- MY SWIMMING TRUNKS. 146 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,303 WELL, THERE WAS ANOTHER SNEEZE IN THE KITCHEN. 147 00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:21,372 IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU, 148 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,775 OR DO YOU WANNA WAIT FOR THE CORONER'S REPORT? 149 00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:30,348 HI, DICK. WE WERE WONDERING 150 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,983 IF YOU'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS WEEK'S SHOW. 151 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,050 "WE"? 152 00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:34,118 COME ON IN, GUYS. 153 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:38,590 HAIL, HAIL, THE GANG'S ALL HERE. 154 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,661 WHY IS THE GANG ALL HERE? 155 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,197 WE WANNA DO SOME SPITBALLING ABOUT THIS SUNDAY'S SHOW. 156 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,199 I'VE COME UP WITH SOME GREAT IDEAS FOR GUESTS. 157 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,034 WE'VE ALREADY BOOKED ELSA CARRUTHERS, 158 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,871 THE LIBRARIAN WHO FOUND THE ALTERNATIVE TO THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM. 159 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:56,708 OKAY. CAN I BE THE ONE TO BLOW THE DUST OFF HER? 160 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,376 DICK, WHAT WE NEED 161 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,512 IS A GUEST WHO HAS SOME OOMPH, SOME WATTAGE. 162 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,313 SOMEBODY WITH A LITTLE WACKEDA-WACKEDA, 163 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,781 BINGADA-BONGADA BOOM! 164 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,451 I FOUND A WOMAN WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE 165 00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:10,087 SIX DIFFERENT AND DISTINCT PERSONALITIES. 166 00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:11,589 I THINK SHE'S LEGIT, DICK. 167 00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,291 AND SHE'S WILLING TO COME OUT IN A BIKINI. 168 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:15,760 MICHAEL... 169 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:18,563 THREE OF HER PERSONALITIES THINK SCANTY CLOTHING IS SEXIST. 170 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:21,533 THE OTHER THREE SEEM TO GET OFF ON IT. 171 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,601 I CAN SHOOT THE BIJANGLES OUT OF IT. 172 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:27,138 WE OPEN WITH THIS NUTCASE ON A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH 173 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,840 RISING OUT OF THE STAGE. 174 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,143 I GOT A BETTER IDEA. 175 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,178 SUPPOSE I BUILD A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH 176 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,480 AND HAVE IT RISE OUT OF THE STAGE? 177 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,418 SPEAKING OF ECHOES... 178 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:44,388 I CAN CREATE SOME ATMOSPHERE WITH ECHO EFFECT. 179 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,624 UH, HOW ABOUT A FOG MACHINE? 180 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:50,595 IT WOULD REPRESENT HER CLOUDED PERCEPTION OF REALITY. 181 00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:52,630 THAT'S A HOT LOOK. 182 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,298 NO FOG. 183 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,167 UH, SORRY. 184 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,302 DID YOU CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING? 185 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,004 YES. I CONTRIBUTED A "NO." 186 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,776 FINE. HAVE IT YOUR WAY... 187 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,445 DICK! 188 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,281 LOOK, IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. 189 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,950 YOU'RE ALL TRYING TO USE SOMEBODY'S SHOW 190 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,918 TO WIN YOURSELF A-- A VITA NOMINATION. 191 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,420 WELL, FORGET IT. WE'RE GONNA DO OUR REGULAR SHOW. 192 00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,690 OUR GUEST IS A LIBRARIAN WITH ONE PERSONALITY. 193 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,392 NO FOG, NO RISING FURNITURE, 194 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,028 AND NO WACKEDA-WACKEDA, BINGITY-BOMITY BOOM. 195 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,497 END OF MEETING. 196 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,400 I'LL GET BUSY BUILDING THAT RISING COUCH. 197 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,570 NO RISING COUCH! 198 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:36,540 NOW HE GETS EMOTIONAL. 199 00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:39,711 YEAH. HE EVEN GESTURED. 200 00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:46,517 DICK, YOU DO REALIZE YOU JUST TROD ON THE HOPES 201 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,786 OF SOME PRETTY FAIR EXCUSES FOR HUMAN BEINGS. 202 00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,455 I DON'T WANNA COMPETE FOR SOME STUPID AWARD. 203 00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:53,124 DON'T WANT TO, OR... 204 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,226 [CLUCKING] 205 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,328 I'M NOT CHICKEN. 206 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,897 WHOA. BETTER PUT A BAND-AID ON THE EXPOSED NERVE. 207 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,833 THERE ARE NO EXPOSED NERVES 208 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,701 OR CHICKENS IN THIS OFFICE, ALL RIGHT? 209 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,303 DICK, IF YOU SAY SO, THE SUBJECT'S CLOSED. 210 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,045 [CLUCKING] 211 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,454 HI, HONEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 212 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,123 OH, I'M JUST, UH, BRUSHING UP 213 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,725 ON THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM FOR MY SHOW THIS AFTERNOON. 214 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,393 OH. HOW'S STEPHANIE FEELING? 215 00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,328 WELL, SHE'S RIGHT ON SCHEDULE. 216 00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:33,965 SHE'S ON THE LAST DAY OF STRAWBERRY NOSE. 217 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,400 HI, ALL. HI, MICHAEL. 218 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,502 I'M HERE REGARDING THAT LITTLE BEAUTY 219 00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,705 ANY SANE MAN WOULD WANT TO POSSESS. 220 00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:41,973 STEPHANIE'S UPSTAIRS. 221 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,308 NOT THAT LITTLE BEAUTY, 222 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:47,045 THIS ONE. 223 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,546 THE VITA, 224 00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,614 THE VERMONT TELEVISION INDUSTRY'S SYMBOL 225 00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,449 OF EXCELLENCE. 226 00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,786 MICHAEL, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS? 227 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,587 OUR STATION MANAGER LENT ME HERS 228 00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,890 WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING. 229 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,958 IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT, DICK? 230 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,861 IT'S, UH-- IT'S OKAY. 231 00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,064 COULD BE BIGGER. 232 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,166 I GUESS THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, DICK. 233 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,967 YOU LOOK AT THIS AND SEE FLAWS. 234 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,136 I SEE SOMETHING I'D GIVE A LIMB FOR, 235 00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:15,773 AND I'M NOT... [CLUCKING] TO ADMIT IT. 236 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:20,078 MICHAEL, WOULD YOU AND... THIS LEAVE TOGETHER? 237 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,479 DICK, I CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT VISITING MY UNDER-THE-WEATHER BLONDE. 238 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,416 STEPH? 239 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,518 [STEPHANIE] HI, MICHAEL! 240 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,187 GET WELL, CUPCAKE. 241 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,922 THANK YOU! 242 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,725 THAT'S IT? 243 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,128 OF COURSE. STEPHANIE AND I MADE A PACT 244 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,130 NEVER TO SEE EACH OTHER IN TIMES OF ILLNESS, 245 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,200 DOLDRUMS, OR SKIN ERUPTIONS. 246 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,702 WELL, GOTTA SCOOT. 247 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,704 UH, MICHAEL, YOU-- YOU FORGOT THE VITA. 248 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,773 SEE YOU AT THE STUDIO. 249 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,844 GEE, DICK, THAT'S NICE. 250 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:56,547 IS THAT THE AWARD YOU COULD WIN IF YOU SHOWED MORE PERSONALITY? 251 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,382 YEAH. 252 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,151 YOU LOOK GOOD HOLDING THAT, HONEY. 253 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,652 LOOK, I DON'T WANT THIS AWARD. 254 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,320 I'M NOT INTERESTED IN IT. 255 00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:05,389 I-I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT IT. 256 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,091 OKAY. 257 00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,093 I'M GONNA MAKE SOME SOUP FOR STEPHANIE. 258 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,762 YOU WANT SOME, GEORGE? SURE. 259 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,696 HOW ABOUT YOU, DICK? IT'S CHICKEN. 260 00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,031 I AM NOT. 261 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,104 HI. 262 00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,907 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 263 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,576 I'M LARRY. THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL, 264 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,478 AND THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL. 265 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,712 I KNOW. 266 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:31,182 WE HEARD MISS STEPHANIE'S WHITE CORPUSCLES 267 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,850 WERE BATTLING FOR THE SUPREMACY 268 00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:35,319 OF HER LOVELY INNARDS. 269 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,389 THAT-- THAT'S THE SCUTTLEBUTT. 270 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,624 SO WE'RE HERE TO CHEER HER UP. 271 00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:43,527 HEY, AIN'T THAT ONE OF THOSE VITA AWARDS? 272 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:44,728 YES. YES, IT IS. 273 00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:46,463 YOU DIDN'T GET THAT FOR YOUR SHOW? 274 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,566 NO. 275 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,855 [SIGHS] WOW. 276 00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,058 WELL, WHAT A SURPRISE. 277 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,728 LET ME, UH-- 278 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,831 LET ME PINCH MYSELF FOR A MOMENT. 279 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,567 A LITTLE, UH... 280 00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,736 A LITTLE PIECE OF THIS 281 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:28,272 BELONGS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE. 282 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,944 I'D LIKE TO THANK MY VERMONT TODAY CREW, 283 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:36,981 THOSE WACKEDY-WACKEDY GUYS. 284 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,983 I'D LIKE TO THANK MY WIFE, JOANNA, 285 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,519 WITHOUT WHOM I'D ONLY BE A TALENTED... BACHELOR. 286 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,621 [LAUGHING] 287 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:51,395 AND TO THE OTHER NOMINEES, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY... 288 00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,465 YOU'RE ALL WINNERS. 289 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,633 EXCEPT YOU, WALT BLEDSOE. 290 00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,836 YOU'RE A JERK! 291 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,820 WOW. 292 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,724 HANDYMAN OF THE YEAR. 293 00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:25,429 UH, I'D JUST LIKE TO THANK... 294 00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,365 [SNEEZES] 295 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,300 BLESS YOU, MISS STEPHANIE. 296 00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,936 DARRYL, A LADY JUST SNEEZED. 297 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,872 OH, THAT'S OKAY. 298 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,442 MISS STEPHANIE, 299 00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,577 WE'D RATHER SLOW DANCE WITH A CRANKY GRIZZLY 300 00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,914 THAN SEE YOU LAID UP LIKE THIS. 301 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,916 THAT'S WHY WE'RE GONNA DO FOR YOU 302 00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,718 WHAT OUR DADDY DONE FOR US WHEN WE WAS FEELING POORLY. 303 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:58,195 [GASPS] A PUPPET SHOW! 304 00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:00,564 IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO CHEER UP A SICK ROOM? 305 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,303 HI. 306 00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,406 I THOUGHT, UH, 307 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:12,176 I'D STOP IN TO SEE IF YOU NEEDED ANYTHING... 308 00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,812 BROUGHT TO YOU OR... 309 00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,513 TAKEN AWAY. 310 00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,215 NOT NOW, DICK. 311 00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:20,184 THEY'RE ABOUT TO DO A PUPPET SHOW. 312 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,819 AH. 313 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,755 ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE KINGDOM OF ANTS, 314 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,391 THERE WAS A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WHO HAD A COLD. 315 00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:29,560 A-ACHOO! 316 00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:35,132 NEARBY LIVED A FINE YOUNG ANT... 317 00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:39,070 WHO LOVED THE PRINCESS. 318 00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:43,307 AND THE PRINCESS, IF TRUTH BE TOLD, 319 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,542 HAD EYES FOR HIM. 320 00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,711 ABOUT 12 OF THEM. 321 00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,781 BUT HER FATHER, THE KING, SAID, 322 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,250 "HOLD ON. YOU CAN'T MARRY MY DAUGHTER 323 00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:55,752 "UNTIL YOU RID THE KINGDOM OF THIS BIG EYESORE 324 00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,621 OF A RUBBER TREE." 325 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,192 OHH. 326 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,995 AT FIRST, THE ANT WAS AFRAID TO EVEN TRY. 327 00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,629 FOR HE KNEW 328 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,099 HE DID NOT HAVE A SPINE LIKE THE HIGHER VERTEBRATES. 329 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,203 BUT THE PRINCESS WAS SUCH A LOOKER 330 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,039 THAT HE DECIDED TO GIVE IT A SHAKE ANYWAY. 331 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,976 HIT IT, DARRYL. 332 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,446 [MAN] � JUST WHAT MAKES THAT LITTLE OLE ANT � 333 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:26,150 � THINK HE'LL MOVE THAT RUBBER TREE PLANT � 334 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:29,820 � ANYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T � 335 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,755 � MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT � 336 00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:35,626 [MAN, CHILDREN] � BUT HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES � 337 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:38,496 � HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES � 338 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:42,400 � HE'S GOT HIGH APPLE PIE � 339 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:45,269 � IN THE SKY HOPES � 340 00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,339 [MAN] � SO ANY TIME YOU'RE GETTIN' LOW � 341 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,274 � 'STEAD OF LETTIN' GO � 342 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:53,210 � JUST REMEMBER THAT ANT � 343 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:57,081 � OOPS, THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE � 344 00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:00,384 [CHILDREN] � OOPS, THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE � 345 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:04,621 [MAN, CHILDREN] � OOPS, THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT � 346 00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,092 �� [MUSIC ENDS] 347 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,626 [CHUCKLES] 348 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,662 I WANT IT. 349 00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:14,631 WHAT? 350 00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:16,567 I WANT THAT VITA. 351 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,040 W-WHERE DID DICK GO? 352 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,975 THE SHOW'S ABOUT TO START. 353 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,977 [MAN OVER SPEAKER DEVICE] AND NOW, VERMONT TODAY, 354 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:30,414 STARRING DICK LOUDON, WITH TODAY'S GUEST, 355 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:32,950 LIBRARIAN ELSA CARRUTHERS. 356 00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,960 BOY, HAVE WE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU TODAY. 357 00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:45,362 WELL, LET'S-- LET'S JUMP RIGHT INTO IT. 358 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,865 TELL US, ELSA, WHEN DID YOU FIRST DISCOVER 359 00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:51,034 THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM SUCKS WHEN? 360 00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:58,576 I WAS FILING A BOOK ON OPHTHALMOLOGY 361 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,578 INTO THE 600 SECTION, 362 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,347 WHEN SUDDENLY IT HIT ME: 363 00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:06,683 THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY. 364 00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:10,654 AND THAT'S WHEN I DEVELOPED MY CATALOGING SYSTEM. 365 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,524 SO FAR, THOUGH, I'VE MET WITH NOTHING BUT RESISTANCE. 366 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,259 DAMN IT! 367 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,130 I MEAN, ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE WAY? 368 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,632 WHY DO ALL OUR TRUE PIONEERS 369 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,501 GET THE SHAFT? 370 00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,703 ACTUALLY, ALL I'VE GOTTEN 371 00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:29,006 ARE A FEW POLITE REJECTIONS. 372 00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,941 WELL, I DON'T CARE. THAT KIND OF THING 373 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,743 BURNS MY TAIL. 374 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,078 WHAT'S WITH DICK? 375 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,913 EITHER A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE, 376 00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,415 OR HE'S GOING FOR THAT NOMINATION. 377 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:41,418 EITHER WAY, IT'S AN IMPROVEMENT. 378 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,720 IT'S IRONIC THAT LIBRARIANS, 379 00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:47,358 OF ALL PEOPLE, CAN'T SEE THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL. 380 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,126 [LAUGHING HILARIOUSLY] 381 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,028 [STOMPING FEET] 382 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,963 [LAUGHING CONTINUES] 383 00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:01,738 AND THEY SAY LIBRARIANS ARE PRIM AND STODGY. 384 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,740 LET ME TELL YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 385 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:06,109 THIS IS A FUNNY LADY. 386 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,416 WOW. AND THE NOMINEES ARE... 387 00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:15,952 OKAY, IF HE'S GOING FOR A NOMINATION, 388 00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:17,921 I'M GOING FOR A NOMINATION. 389 00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:20,057 BETWEEN YOU AND ME, 390 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:23,760 LOOKS LIKE WHAT DICK'S GOING FOR HERE IS A NOMINATION. 391 00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:26,063 I MAY BE ALONE IN THIS, 392 00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,131 BUT I'M GOING FOR ONE TOO. 393 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,535 [ELSA] AND THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM 394 00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:33,837 IS ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT FOR CHILDREN. 395 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,707 I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES 396 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,043 CHILDREN HAVE COME UP TO ME CONFUSED, 397 00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:41,978 NEEDING ASSISTANCE. 398 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,015 I'M, UH... 399 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,651 I'M SORRY. UH... 400 00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,754 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S-- 401 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:55,158 IT'S ONE THING FOR-- FOR US ADULTS, BUT... 402 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,094 [SIGHS] I MEAN, WHEN KI-- 403 00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,496 [VOICE BREAKING UP] WHEN KIDS HAVE TO SUFFER... 404 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,934 I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. 405 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,036 I DON'T KNOW. 406 00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,307 I'VE NEVER SEEN DICK ACTING SO-- 407 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,109 WEIRD. YEAH. 408 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,347 [DICK CRYING] 409 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,349 I WISH LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL 410 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,618 WOULD COME BACK WITH THEIR PUPPETS. 411 00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,422 YOU KNOW, OUR DISCUSSION TODAY RELATES TO... 412 00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:28,792 SOME PRETTY HEAVY ISSUES IN-- IN MY OWN LIFE. 413 00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:31,862 BOOKS HAVE ALWAYS HAD 414 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,864 A SPECIAL MEANING TO ME. 415 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,533 [CLACKING] 416 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:39,770 I REMEMBER GO-- 417 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,705 GOING TO THE LIBRARY... 418 00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:45,075 WHEN-- WHEN I WAS A KID. 419 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,344 WHAT'S HAPPENING? 420 00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,212 I'M NOT SURE. 421 00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:51,482 [PHONE RINGING] 422 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,388 AW, COME ON. 423 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,323 [RINGING CONTINUES] 424 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,703 SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON. 425 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,673 I'M-- I'M-- I'M SURE-- 426 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,542 I'M SURE IT WILL STOP IMMEDIATELY! [ECHOING] 427 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,381 A-- ALL RIGHT. CUT-- 428 00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:27,884 CUT IT OUT! [ECHOING] 429 00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:30,688 I MEAN IT! [ECHOING] 430 00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:35,859 BOY, THIS IS BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD. 431 00:21:38,096 --> 00:21:40,163 [RINGING CONTINUES] I WANT EVERYTHING 432 00:21:40,165 --> 00:21:42,299 BACK TO NORMAL. [ECHOING] 433 00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:45,769 NOW! [RINGING STOPS] 434 00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:49,573 [J.J. OVER SPEAKER DEVICE] ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK! 435 00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:51,408 [COUGHING] 436 00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:54,345 ARE-- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MRS. CARRUTHERS? 437 00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:56,847 I THINK SO. [COUGHING] 438 00:21:58,217 --> 00:22:00,684 I THINK I-- I THINK I SEE THAT OUR-- 439 00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:02,820 THAT OUR TIME IS UP. 440 00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,055 UH, BEFORE WE GO, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE 441 00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:07,157 TO-- TO MY GUEST, UH-- 442 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,993 MRS. CARRUTHERS, I'M SORRY WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TALK MORE-- 443 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,495 WHO CARES? 444 00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:14,130 JUST PLEASE LET THIS END. 445 00:22:14,132 --> 00:22:17,067 RIGHT. UH... 446 00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:19,970 I'D LIKE-- I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU 447 00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:23,173 FOR WHAT YOU'VE-- YOU'VE JUST SEEN HERE. 448 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:27,644 A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT CARRIED AWAY HERE TODAY. 449 00:22:27,646 --> 00:22:30,881 I'M, UH, ESPECIALLY EMBARRASSED... 450 00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,917 FOR-- FOR MY PERFORMANCE, 451 00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:36,219 WHICH CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED 452 00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:39,823 AS BOZO THE HOST. 453 00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:41,825 I-- I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS-- 454 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,761 THIS WILL-- WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. 455 00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:46,096 [LOUD CRACKLE] 456 00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,574 [MAN'S VOICE] MEOW. 32791

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