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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:04,569 �� [THEME MUSIC] 2 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,553 - UH, DICK. - YEAH, GEORGE? 3 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,521 THURSDAY IS VALENTINE'S DAY, 4 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:57,722 AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO THINK 5 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,357 OF A SPECIAL GIFT THAT SHOWS 6 00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,126 HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU AND JOANNA 7 00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,660 WITHOUT BEING MUSHY. 8 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,197 SO. 9 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,499 WHAT'S YOUR SHOE SIZE? 10 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,035 NINE AND A HALF, GEORGE. 11 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:14,973 OH BOY, ARE YOU GONNA BE SURPRISED. 12 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,441 - HI, GEORGE. - HI, MICHAEL. 13 00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:17,909 NICE PLAIDS. 14 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,146 OH. 15 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,680 DICK, YOU KNOW WHAT THURSDAY IS? 16 00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:24,015 VALENTINE'S DAY. 17 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,383 GOT ANY PLANS FOR THAT DAY? 18 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:27,586 WELL, JOANNA AND I ALWAYS HAVE A SPECIAL, 19 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,321 TRADITIONAL VALENTINE'S DAY DINNER. 20 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:30,788 SHE COOKS UP A FANCY MEAL, 21 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:33,725 AND I LAY OUT A HELL OF A GORGEOUS TABLE. 22 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,994 WELL, LEAVE THE AFTERNOON FREE 23 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,962 FOR A SPECIAL VALENTINE'S EDITION 24 00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,165 - OF VERMONT TODAY-- - GEE, I DON'T KNOW. 25 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:43,568 WITH GUEST OF HONOR FRANKLIN TODD, PhD, 26 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:47,405 A.K.A. THE LOVE DOCTOR. 27 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:49,941 YOU GOT DOCTOR TODD? 28 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,244 I'VE-- I'VE HEARD OF HIM. 29 00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,349 MICHAEL, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY SIGNED 30 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,984 AN INTERESTING GUEST. 31 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,120 OH, AND DICK, WHEN I THINK OF VALENTINE'S DAY, 32 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,389 SOMETHING ELSE COMES TO MIND. 33 00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,691 GALS. 34 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,092 AND THAT GAVE ME AN IDEA FOR YOUR SHOW. 35 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,927 MICHAEL, IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF PLOY 36 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,929 TO GET WOMEN WITH SKIMPY CLOTHING ON THE SHOW-- 37 00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:14,832 DICK, GIVE ME CREDIT FOR BETTER JUDGMENT THAN THAT. 38 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,102 THAT'S MORE OF A MEMORIAL DAY KIND OF THING. 39 00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:20,905 NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU CO-HOSTING WITH A WOMAN, 40 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:24,409 AND WHO BETTER THAN YOUR VERY OWN VALENTINE? 41 00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,244 YOU MEAN JOANNA? 42 00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:27,479 I-- I DON'T THINK SO. 43 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:31,049 BUT DICK, I THOUGHT YOU LIKED HER. 44 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,784 I-- I DON'T WANT MY WIFE AS CO-HOST. 45 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,118 IT WOULD MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. 46 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,788 DICK, DICK, I MISREAD YOU COMPLETELY. 47 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,790 THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MICHAEL. NO HARM DONE. 48 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,692 HONEY, WHICH ONE OF THESE 49 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,195 WILL LOOK BETTER ON TELEVISION? 50 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,601 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF DR. TODD'S BOOK? 51 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,936 LISTEN TO THIS. "YOU MUST LOVE EVERYONE, 52 00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:55,407 "BECAUSE LOVE IS THE ONE FREE MIRACULOUS GIFT 53 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,743 HUMANITY CAN GIVE TO ITSELF." 54 00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,413 READS LIKE A HUNDRED-PAGE HALLMARK CARD. 55 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,883 HOW'S THIS FOR THE DRESS? 56 00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,353 GREAT. 57 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,055 DID YOU READ MY LIST OF INTERVIEW QUESTIONS? 58 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:12,591 YEAH. YEAH, THEY'RE GREAT. 59 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,459 I JUST HOPE I DO A GOOD JOB. 60 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,394 HONEY, TRUST ME, YOU'LL BE GREAT. 61 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:20,098 OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME ON THE SHOW? 62 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,500 WHO SAYS I DON'T WANT YOU ON THE SHOW? 63 00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,936 DICK, WHENEVER YOU SAY "GREAT" IN THAT TONE OF VOICE, 64 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,771 I KNOW IT MEANS YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS 65 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,241 OUT THE KAZOO. 66 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,543 JUST I LIKE I KNOW THAT YOU DRUM YOUR FINGERS 67 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,446 WHENEVER THE CONVERSATION STARTS TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. 68 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:43,054 WELL, MAYBE I DO HAVE A SMALL PROBLEM 69 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,456 WITH YOUR BEING ON THE SHOW. 70 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:47,559 BIG-SMALL OR SMALL-SMALL? 71 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,261 NO, IT'S-- IT'S ONLY 72 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:51,429 BECAUSE YOU'RE MY WIFE. 73 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:54,566 WELL, THAT'S JUST OUT AND OUT HUGE. 74 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,167 LOOK, THE PURPOSE OF A HOST 75 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,737 IS TO ACT LIKE A SORT OF FUNNEL, 76 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,273 THROUGH WHICH THE GUEST REACHES THE VIEWERS. 77 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,141 AND IF I HAVE YOU ON THE AIR WITH ME, 78 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,442 I WON'T JUST BE A FUNNEL. 79 00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:06,678 I'LL BE A FUNNEL WITH A WIFE. 80 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,082 AND PEOPLE WILL START TO WONDER, 81 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,785 WHAT THE FUNNEL'S WIFE SEES IN THE FUNNEL. 82 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,022 AND IF THEY HAVE ANY BABY FUNNELS. 83 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:23,461 WELL, HOW ABOUT IF I COME ON THE SHOW 84 00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:26,498 NOT AS YOUR WIFE, BUT AS A CHEESE GRATER? 85 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,404 HONEY, IF IT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY TO BE ON THE SHOW, 86 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,472 THEN I WANT YOU ON THE SHOW. 87 00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:36,441 - REALLY? - REALLY. 88 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,477 OH. THANKS. 89 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:42,079 OOH. 90 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:56,561 HELLO, HOST. WHERE'S YOUR CO? 91 00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,129 IF YOU MEAN JOANNA, 92 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,731 STEPHANIE TOOK HER TO THE HAIRDRESSER. 93 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,466 THEY-- THEY SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 94 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,235 WELL, CALL ME ROMANTIC, BUT THIS IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY. 95 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,838 A TIME OF LOVE AND GIVING 96 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,941 AND-- AND GOOD FEELINGS. 97 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,544 DAMN, I DIDN'T GET STEPH A GIFT. 98 00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:15,513 DO YOU THINK I COULD CONVINCE HER I FORGOT VALENTINE'S DAY? 99 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,419 I'M A DEAD MAN. 100 00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:23,455 CHUCK! CHUCK. 101 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,122 UH, GET ACROSS THE STREET TO WHITSETT JEWELERS. 102 00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:26,624 PICK OUT SOMETHING NICE FOR STEPHANIE. 103 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,626 GET IT GIFT-WRAPPED. BRING IT BACK. 104 00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:31,295 WARP SEVEN! 105 00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:33,598 OH! AND GET A CARD. 106 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,101 AND SIGN IT FOR HER! 107 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:40,104 BOY, CAN'T LIVE WITH 'EM. CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT 'EM. 108 00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:43,341 STEPHANIE OR CHUCK? 109 00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:48,847 HI, HONEY. 110 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,883 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 111 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,251 IT'S-- IT'S FINE. 112 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,986 YOU HATE IT. 113 00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,454 IT-- THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID. 114 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,390 WELL, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY "FINE." 115 00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,658 BUT IF I CAN'T SAY "GREAT," AND I CAN'T SAY "FINE," 116 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,794 THEN HOW DO I CONVINCE YOU THAT I LIKE IT? 117 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,161 JUST SAY YOU LIKE IT. 118 00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,630 OKAY, THEN. I LIKE IT. 119 00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:08,966 THANKS A LOT, DICK. 120 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,504 � HERE'S YOUR PRESENT � 121 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,972 � WHERE'S MINE? � 122 00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:17,642 LET'S, UH, LET'S SAVE YOURS FOR LAST. 123 00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,578 OOH. MUST BE A GOOD ONE. I CAN'T WAIT. 124 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,980 ME EITHER. 125 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,949 OH... 126 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,718 WOW. 127 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,121 SUNGLASSES. 128 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,023 JUST-- JUST WHAT I NEEDED. 129 00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,858 A PAIR TO MATCH EVERY ONE OF YOUR SWEATERS. 130 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,594 GO AHEAD, TRY ONE ON. 131 00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:40,899 PERFECT. 132 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,600 NOW, WHERE'S MY PRESENT? 133 00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:44,836 WELL-- JOANNA. 134 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,738 YOU LOOK TERRIF. 135 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,106 WHAT-- WHAT'VE YOU DONE? 136 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:52,176 I TOOK OFF MY COAT. 137 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,345 IT WORKS. 138 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:57,449 HE'S RIGHT. YOU LOOK... 139 00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:00,084 GROOVY. 140 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,555 MICHAEL. 141 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:07,024 WHERE'S MY PRESENT? IN HERE? 142 00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,693 ACTUALLY, MUFFIN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. 143 00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,728 WHAT? 144 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,965 I-- I HAVE IT. 145 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,038 IT'S JEWELRY. 146 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,641 COME AND LOOK. 147 00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:26,310 OOH, WHAT A PRETTY CARD. 148 00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:30,247 "TO THE BEST LITTLE BOD THAT EVER TROD SOD." 149 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:40,391 CAN'T HELP IT. THE DAY JUST BRINGS OUT THE ROD McKUEN IN ME. 150 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,193 OPEN IT UP. 151 00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,632 OH. 152 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,434 VERY LARGE PAGODA EARRINGS. 153 00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,038 DO-- DO YOU LIKE THEM? 154 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,841 WELL, LET ME WALK AROUND THEM. 155 00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:02,313 I, UH, I THINK THEY'RE DISTINCTIVE. 156 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,115 DON'T YOU TWO? 157 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:07,351 MICHAEL, SWEETCAKES, 158 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,988 YOU ACTUALLY WENT INTO WHITSETT JEWELERS, 159 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,924 WALKED PAST THE OPAL BRACELET IN THE WINDOW, 160 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,592 AND SAID TO MR. WHITSETT, 161 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:18,530 "GIVE ME THE HEAVIEST PAIR OF EARRINGS IN THE STORE, 162 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,865 "AND DO YOU HAVE A CARD? I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING 163 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,300 REALLY TASTELESS." 164 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,005 TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, STEPH, I DIDN'T... 165 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,908 EXACTLY PICK THEM OUT. 166 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,777 WHAT, EXACTLY, DID YOU DO? 167 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:36,748 I, UH, I PICKED THE MAN WHO PICKED THEM OUT. 168 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,249 YOU SENT A FLUNKY 169 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,751 TO BUY MY PRESENT? 170 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,419 SUGARPLUM, I WAS SO DARN BUSY-- 171 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,054 WE'RE DOING THIS SPECIAL SHOW-- 172 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,856 JOANNA'S NEVER DONE TV BEFORE, 173 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,858 AND DICK IS RIDDLED WITH DOUBTS ABOUT HER. 174 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,332 IS THAT TRUE? 175 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,770 I-- I DON'T THINK THE WORD "RIDDLED" 176 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,773 ACTUALLY CAME UP. 177 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,042 IN OTHER WORDS, YOU LIED TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT. 178 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,343 HELLO, HELLO! YOU MUST BE DICK LOUDON. 179 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,580 - OH. - I LOVE YOU. 180 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:12,750 THANK YOU. 181 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:16,520 YOU-- YOU'D BETTER BE THE LOVE DOCTOR. 182 00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:19,156 THIS-- THIS IS MY WIFE, JOANNA. 183 00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:21,158 [P.A.] ONE MINUTE TO AIR. PLACES, PLEASE. 184 00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:26,598 AND THAT WAS MICHAEL'S GIRLFRIEND, STEPHANIE. 185 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,532 SOMETHING'S GOING ON HERE. 186 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:31,035 COULD IT BE LOVE? 187 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,270 OH YEAH. WE'RE RIDDLED WITH IT. 188 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,841 PARTLY, WE LOVE THE BELOVED. 189 00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,143 AND PARTLY, WE LOVE THE BELOVED'S LOVE. 190 00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:42,747 BUT THERE'S NOTHING WE LOVE TO LOVE MORE THAN LOVE ITSELF. 191 00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:49,587 CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT. 192 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,489 OUR GUEST TODAY IS DR. FRANKLIN TODD, 193 00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:53,725 AND OUR TOPIC IS... 194 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,860 WELL, LOVE. 195 00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,395 THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO OPEN UP THE PHONE LINES. 196 00:09:58,397 --> 00:10:00,598 JOANNA, MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO TELL THE VIEWERS 197 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,233 HOW THEY CAN CALL IN. 198 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,368 THERE'S THE PHONE. CALL IN. 199 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,076 WELL, I-- I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO ADD. 200 00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:13,711 UM... 201 00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:15,179 EXCEPT, MAYBE, THE NUMBER TO CALL 202 00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:18,382 IS 555-LOVE. 203 00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:21,519 [PHONE RINGS] 204 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,820 YOU'RE ON THE AIR. 205 00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:26,791 DICK? YOU AND JOANNA HAVE BEEN MARRIED 18 YEARS. 206 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:30,695 HOW DO YOU KEEP IT FROM GOING STALE? 207 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:36,500 WELL, I'M GLAD YOU BROUGHT THAT UP. 208 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:39,203 UH, JOANNA AND I HAVE ALWAYS WORKED VERY HARD 209 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,706 AT KEEPING THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN, 210 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,474 RIGHT, HONEY? 211 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,780 I HOPE THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION. 212 00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,581 WELL, UH, NOT EXACTLY-- 213 00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:57,088 YOU KNOW, THAT RAISES A VERY INTERESTING POINT. 214 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,422 HOW CAN A COUPLE KEEP 215 00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:00,692 THAT FIRST LOVE ZING ALIVE? 216 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,131 BEATS ME. 217 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,901 WELL, ACTUALLY, I HAVE AN EXERCISE THAT'S DESIGNED 218 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,036 JUST FOR THAT PURPOSE. 219 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:14,672 ALL YOU DO IS YOU TRY TO REMEMBER 220 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,808 THOSE LITTLE THINGS ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON 221 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,676 THAT FIRST MADE YOU FALL IN LOVE. 222 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,812 JOANNA. TELL US SOMETHING 223 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,479 THAT YOU REMEMBER ABOUT DICK. 224 00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:25,482 SOMETHING NICE? 225 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:26,918 THAT'S RIGHT. 226 00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,455 - WELL. - DON'T BE SHY, 227 00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:35,159 - WHAT IS IT? - OH, IT'S JUST-- 228 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:38,362 WELL, HE WAS ALWAYS SHOWING UP AT MY DOOR 229 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,564 NICELY DRESSED BUT WEARING 230 00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:44,102 A MISMATCHED PAIR OF SOCKS. 231 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,703 IT WAS SO CUTE. 232 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,206 AND TO THIS DAY, IF HIS SOCKS AREN'T LAID OUT FOR HIM, 233 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,074 HE'LL PUT ON A PAIR THAT DOESN'T MATCH. 234 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,809 [ALL LAUGH] 235 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:02,720 ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL? 236 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,021 IT'S YOUR TURN, DICK. 237 00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,557 OH, WELL, THAT-- THAT SHOULD BE EASY. 238 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,627 UM... LET'S SEE. 239 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,229 [DICK LAUGHS] 240 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,830 WHAT? 241 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:16,300 WELL, UM, JOANNA ISN'T A SQUEAMISH PERSON. 242 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,502 BUT, UM, ONCE I WENT OVER 243 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:22,273 TO HELP HER WITH SPRING CLEANING-- 244 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:25,143 [DICK LAUGHS] 245 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:26,710 AND SHE-- SHE WAS-- 246 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:30,314 SHE WAS STANDING ON TOP OF THIS TABLE. 247 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:34,118 DICK. 248 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,187 YEAH, IT TURNED OUT THAT 249 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,355 SHE WAS TERRIFIED OF DUST BUNNIES. 250 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:42,894 DUST BUNNIES? 251 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,361 YEAH, YOU KNOW, THOSE LITTLE BALLS OF DUST 252 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:45,897 THAT COLLECT UNDER FURNITURE. 253 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:49,834 SHE-- SHE'S GOT A REAL PHOBIA ABOUT 'EM. 254 00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,102 NO, I DON'T! 255 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,538 OH, COME ON, HONEY. IT'S CUTE. 256 00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:55,907 NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S SILLY, 257 00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:58,342 AND YOU'RE JUST MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF. 258 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,411 - I SEE A DUST BUNNY. - AAH! 259 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:09,020 NOW, NOW IS THAT CUTE OR WHAT? 260 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,855 NO. 261 00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:12,824 THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST INSENSITIVE THINGS 262 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,592 I'VE EVER SEEN. 263 00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:18,830 YEAH, SEE, JOANNA UNDERSTANDS THAT-- 264 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,531 THAT, UM... 265 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:27,138 DARN, TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL. 266 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,707 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK IN JUST A MINUTE 267 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,375 WITH-- 268 00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,878 MORE LOVE THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT. 269 00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:46,824 WHOA. 270 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,626 BOY, DICK, THAT'S THE NICEST VALENTINE'S DAY DINNER TABLE 271 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:50,828 YOU EVER SET. 272 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,264 YEAH, I REALLY, REALLY KNOCKED MYSELF OUT. 273 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:56,433 YEAH, I DON'T BLAME YOU. I CAUGHT THE SHOW. 274 00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,538 MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET JOANNA A NICE GIFT. 275 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,041 YEAH, I DID. SHE'S OUT EXCHANGING IT. 276 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,112 WELL, SIT DOWN. 277 00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,014 HERE'S SOMETHING TO CHEER YOU UP. 278 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,819 C-- COCONUT CANDY. 279 00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:19,123 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 280 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:20,657 THANKS, GEORGE. 281 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,594 OH, GEE. DICK, YOU HATE COCONUT CANDY. 282 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,429 DON'T YOU? 283 00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:28,499 YEAH, GEORGE. 284 00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,368 WELL. 285 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,203 I LIKE COCONUT, DICK. 286 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,637 SO... 287 00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:36,473 WHY DON'T I JUST TAKE THIS AND-- 288 00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:38,409 AND GIVE YOU THESE? 289 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,915 SHOES. 290 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,350 SURPRISE. I REALLY GOT YOU 291 00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,786 WITH THE CANDY THING, DIDN'T I? 292 00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,488 YEAH, I WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT, GEORGE. 293 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:52,924 THANKS, GEORGE. 294 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,792 JOANNA STILL HATES CARAMELS, RIGHT? 295 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:58,462 - YEAH. - GREAT. 296 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,732 WHOA, NICE TABLE. 297 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,240 HI. 298 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,309 I'M LARRY. THIS IS MY BROTHER, DARYL. 299 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:15,212 AND THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER, DARYL. 300 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,780 WHAT-- 301 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,515 WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU GUYS? 302 00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,117 BEING THAT IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, 303 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:22,453 WE HAVE A PRESENT FOR MS. STEPHANIE. 304 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,226 SHE-- SHE ISN'T HERE RIGHT NOW. 305 00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:32,396 THAT'S OKAY. WE DON'T MIND WAITING. 306 00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:36,033 OOH. VALENTINE'S SHOES. 307 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,270 WE THOUGHT OF GETTING HER SOME, 308 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,440 BUT THEY'VE BECOME KIND OF CLICHED. 309 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,549 HI, HONEY. HOW'D IT GO AT THE STORE? 310 00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:54,986 I EXCHANGED YOUR GIFT FOR SOME POTTING SOIL. 311 00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:00,691 AND A VERY LARGE CREDIT, I HOPE. 312 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:04,228 THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE MOST HUMILIATING DAYS OF MY LIFE. 313 00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,930 FIRST THAT NASTY LITTLE RALPHIE HAWKINS 314 00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,199 RODE PAST ME ON HIS BIKE 315 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,701 AND DROPPED A DUST BUNNY DOWN MY BACK. 316 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,872 AND THEN AT THE MARKET, THE MANAGER SAID TO ME, 317 00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,607 "AH WOULDN'T GO DOWN AISLE FOUR. 318 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:20,144 THEY'RE SWEEPIN' BACK THERE." 319 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,446 AND THEN, WHEN I WENT BACK OUT TO THE CAR, 320 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:26,083 THIS WAS STUCK ON THE WINDSHIELD. 321 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:28,752 "WHO YOU GONNA CALL? 322 00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,654 "DUST-BUNNY BUSTERS. 323 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,964 WE AIN'T AFRAID OF NO DUST-BUNNIES." 324 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,966 THE WHOLE TOWN IS LAUGHING AT ME. 325 00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:46,137 OH, I GOT YOU A PRESENT. 326 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,172 HEY... 327 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,642 TYPING PAPER. 328 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:54,645 I HOPE IT'S THE KIND YOU LIKE. 329 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,414 GOTTA BE DARN CLOSE. 330 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:02,153 - WHOA. - DITTO. 331 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:05,656 - NICE TABLE. - YEAH. 332 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,192 AT LEAST DICK HAS GOOD TASTE. 333 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,960 CUPCAKE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT MORE I CAN DO 334 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:12,763 TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU. WOULD IT HELP IF I FIRED CHUCK? 335 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,367 MS. STEPHANIE? 336 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,102 ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE. 337 00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,670 HERE. 338 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,876 WOULD YOU MIND REACHING IN THERE FOR ME? 339 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,978 SEE, THIS IS A SILK DRESS, 340 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,181 AND THIS IS MY HAND. 341 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,287 IT'S A LOCKET. 342 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:40,257 I SEE THAT. THANK YOU! 343 00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:42,293 VERY TASTEFUL. 344 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,794 OUGHTA BE. 345 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,063 WE HAD TO CLEAN OUT THREE SEPTIC TANKS TO GET IT. 346 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,171 YOU MEAN, TO GET THE MONEY FOR IT. 347 00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:56,707 OKAY. 348 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,118 STEPH, YOU'VE GOTTA FORGIVE ME. 349 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,419 ONE MORE TIME ON MY KNEES, 350 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:12,323 I COULD KISS THIS CREASE GOODBYE. 351 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,890 WELL, I GUESS WE CAN DISCUSS THIS 352 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:16,193 OVER AN EVENING OF RECKLESS SPENDING. 353 00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:26,703 THERE'S YOUR DINNER. 354 00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,205 FISH STICKS. 355 00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:31,375 THE COOKING INSTRUCTIONS ARE ON THE BOX. 356 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,876 HONEY. 357 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:35,078 I... I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. 358 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,481 OH. WERE YOU THE ONE 359 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,717 WHO WAS EMBARRASSED IN FRONT OF THOUSANDS OF VIEWERS? 360 00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:43,754 YOU'RE RIGHT. WHAT-- WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU? 361 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:47,124 NOTHING. I'M JUST GOING TO BE MAD FOREVER. 362 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,561 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 363 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,238 DON'T THINK I CAN'T SEE YOU, RALPHIE HAWKINS! 364 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:08,312 THANK YOU, MS. PEABODY, FOR THAT INSIGHT 365 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,815 INTO THE PERILS OF SUBSTITUTE TEACHING. 366 00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:18,121 I'VE, UH, I'VE CONCLUDED THIS INTERVIEW A LITTLE EARLY 367 00:19:18,123 --> 00:19:20,123 BECAUSE-- A FEW DAYS AGO, 368 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:22,393 ON OUR VALENTINE'S SHOW, 369 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,229 I-- INADVERTENTLY 370 00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:28,965 HUMILIATED MY WIFE. 371 00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,234 WELL, THIS AFTERNOON, 372 00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:33,737 I'M GOING TO DO THE SAME TO ME. 373 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:36,307 HERE-- HERE IT GOES. 374 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,576 ONCE, WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE 375 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:42,012 AND-- AND REALLY NEEDED MONEY, 376 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,281 I-- I HEARD THIS ART CLASS 377 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,450 WANTED MODELS FOR 378 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:50,221 AN ADAM AND EVE PAINTING. 379 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,189 WELL, I VOLUNTEERED. 380 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,925 AND SINCE-- SINCE I WAS ADAM, 381 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:58,329 ALL THEY-- ALL THEY GAVE ME TO WEAR 382 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,631 WAS... 383 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,165 [DICK MUMBLES] 384 00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,439 A FIG LEAF. 385 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,347 I WAS REALLY, REALLY 386 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:20,016 STRAPPED FOR CASH THAT SEMESTER. 387 00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:23,053 ANYWAY, WHEN I-- WHEN I CAME OUT IN MY, 388 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,790 MY COSTUME, THE... THE WHOLE CLASS 389 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,692 AND EVE 390 00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:31,194 VOTED TO REPLACE ME WITH A BOWL OF FRUIT. 391 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,533 AND-- EVER SINCE THEN, 392 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,569 I'VE HAD WHAT YOU COULD CALL A-- 393 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:42,473 A PHOBIA ABOUT 394 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:46,410 ABOUT ART. 395 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,778 WELL, SEE YOU NEXT WEEK 396 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:50,314 ON VERMONT TODAY. 397 00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:53,617 JOANNA, I HOPE THIS DID THE TRICK. 398 00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:56,487 AND THANK YOU, MS. PEABODY, FOR BEING ON THE SHOW. 399 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,899 JOANNA? 400 00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:12,035 I'M IN THE DINING ROOM. 401 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:24,080 WHOA. 402 00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,019 NICE TABLE. 403 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,888 HONEY, I'M SORRY. 404 00:21:31,890 --> 00:21:35,359 I'VE BEEN ACTING SILLY. 405 00:21:35,361 --> 00:21:37,628 NO, NO, YOU HAVEN'T. I-- 406 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,698 I FINALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FELT. 407 00:21:42,601 --> 00:21:45,101 THURSDAY WAS JUST A BAD DAY. 408 00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:47,971 LET'S MAKE TONIGHT OUR VALENTINE'S DAY, HMM? 409 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,541 I'VE GOT CHAMPAGNE CHILLING, 410 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:54,110 AND I'VE GOT VEAL CORDON BLEU IN THE OVEN. 411 00:21:54,112 --> 00:21:57,113 WELL, I GUESS YOU... 412 00:21:57,115 --> 00:21:59,550 REALLY APPRECIATED THE SHOW TODAY. 413 00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:01,952 OH, THERE WASN'T ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE A DINNER LIKE THIS 414 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:04,054 AND WATCH THE SHOW. 415 00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:13,897 YOU-- YOU MISSED THE SHOW? 416 00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:17,701 YEAH. FIRST TIME EVER. 417 00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:20,337 BUT THE-- THE TABLE, THE DINNER, WHY? 418 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,840 BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. 419 00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:26,543 I COULDN'T STAY MAD FOREVER. 420 00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:29,045 BUT YOU SAID YOU WOULD. 421 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:35,586 YOU-- YOU PROMISED YOU'D STAY MAD FOREVER. 422 00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:38,088 DICK, DID SOMETHING HAPPEN ON THE SHOW? 423 00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:39,956 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 424 00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:49,966 I KNOW WHERE YOU LEAVE, RALPHIE HAWKINS! 425 00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,876 �� [THEME MUSIC] 28991

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