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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,503 �� [THEME MUSIC] 2 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,288 - [KNOCK ON DOOR] - COME IN. 3 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,823 GOOD SHOW, DICK. A SMASH. TOTALLY PRIMO. 4 00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,959 I THOUGHT SO. 5 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,694 LET'S NOT SCHEDULE ANOTHER NAVAL HISTORIAN 6 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:05,830 ANYTIME SOON, SHALL WE? 7 00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,732 YOU DIDN'T LIKE HIM? THE WAY HE TOLD THOSE STORIES, 8 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,635 YOU COULD PRACTICALLY SMELL THE SEA-SPRAY. 9 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,538 DICK, THE TROUBLE WITH HISTORY IS IT'S YESTERDAY'S NEWS. 10 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:14,906 NO SUSPENSE. 11 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,175 NEXT WEEK, WE HAVE A GUY WHO PICKS UP RADIO SIGNALS 12 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,644 WITH HIS TEETH. 13 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:20,979 NO, WE DON'T. WE HAVE THE PRESIDENT 14 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,514 OF THE UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT. 15 00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,015 DIDN'T I MEMO YOU ON THAT? 16 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,218 MICHAEL, YOU'VE BEEN PROMISING TO GET HIM FOR ME. 17 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,487 DICK, DICK, DICK, HE HAS GRAY HAIR. 18 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:29,754 THIS WEEK'S GUEST HAD GRAY HAIR. 19 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,156 WE NEVER BOOK THOSE TWO WEEKS IN A ROW. 20 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:34,726 TV TABOO. 21 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,561 I DON'T WANT A HUMAN RADIO. 22 00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:38,896 I WANT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT, 23 00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,398 - AND THAT'S FINAL. - WELL, DICK, 24 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,935 IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, WE'LL SEE. 25 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,070 OH, BY THE WAY, THERE'S SOMEONE HERE WHO WANTS TO MEET YOU. 26 00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:47,439 NOT UNTIL WE FINISH THIS. 27 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,008 SHE'S WAITING RIGHT OUTSIDE. SHE SEEMS TO BE A FAN. 28 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:53,211 SHE THINKS YOU'RE TOM TERRIFIC. 29 00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:55,747 UH, REALLY? 30 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,949 COME ON IN, HE'S THRILLED. 31 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,084 HELLO! 32 00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,353 TRACY, DICK. 33 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,155 DICK, TRACY. 34 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,125 TRACY, NICE TO MEET YOU. 35 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,262 OH, MR. LOUDON, IN THE FLESH! 36 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,164 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. 37 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,633 WELL, NEITHER CAN I. 38 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,834 I'VE WANTED TO MEET YOU EVER SINCE I CAME HERE 39 00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:18,570 WITH MY COLLEGE MEDIA CLASS. 40 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:22,140 AND SAW YOU INTERVIEW THE NOBEL PRIZE LOSERS. 41 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,210 IT WAS LIKE... YOU WERE SPEAKING TO ME. 42 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:26,645 YOU EVER CATCH DICK'S INTERVIEW WITH THE GUY 43 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,113 WHO'S BEEN HIT BY LIGHTNING 14 TIMES? 44 00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,283 PURE BRILLIANCE. 45 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,851 BUT... I GUESS YOU HEAR THAT ALL THE TIME. 46 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,854 WELL, NOT-- NOT ALL THE TIME. 47 00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:39,257 ONCE OR TWICE. 48 00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:42,727 ACTUALLY, ONCE. 49 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,597 GOD, YOU'RE JUST SO DOWN TO EARTH. 50 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,666 I MEAN, HERE YOU ARE, THIS BIG CELEBRITY, 51 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,435 AND YOU SEE YOURSELF AS A REGULAR PERSON. 52 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:51,769 WELL, YOU KNOW, I-- 53 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,738 I GOTTA BE ME. 54 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,511 WELL, I SHOULDN'T TAKE UP ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME. 55 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,413 WELL, LISTEN, IF YOU WANT 56 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,415 TO COME BACK SOMEDAY AND SIT IN THE BOOTH? 57 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,217 MAYBE BRING ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL? 58 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:07,385 OH, I'D LOVE TO. 59 00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,753 BUT I WOULDN'T BRING ANYBODY. 60 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:11,256 I MEAN, ALL OF THE KIDS AT SCHOOL ARE SO... 61 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:15,159 SO, YOU KNOW, LIKE, IMMATURE. 62 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,561 WELL THEN, THEN YOU COME. 63 00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:19,664 GREAT. MR. LOUDON? 64 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,899 UM, DICK. 65 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:25,069 DICK. 66 00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:26,871 WOULD YOU PERMIT ME 67 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,941 TO START A DICK LOUDON FAN CLUB? 68 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,710 FOR ME? 69 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,845 WHAT A BOON FOR THE SHOW. I CAN SEE IT ALL. 70 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,114 BUMPER STICKERS, BALLOONS, T-SHIRTS, LUNCH PAIL. 71 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,883 OH, NO. IT WOULD BE DIGNIFIED. 72 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,085 EXACTLY. 73 00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,688 LIKE-- LIKE IF ALISTAIR COOKE HAD A FAN CLUB. 74 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,724 THAT'S MORE THE WAY I SEE IT. 75 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,226 ME TOO. E PLURIBUS UNUM. 76 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,831 THEN IT'S OKAY, DICK? 77 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:54,932 I GUESS-- I GUESS SO. 78 00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:57,435 GREAT! 79 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,378 - HI, GEORGE. - JOANNA, UH... 80 00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,713 WE'RE HAVING OUR MIXED DOUBLES BOWLING TOURNAMENT, 81 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:12,450 AND I WAS WONDERING, WOULD YOU BE MY PARTNER? 82 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,286 IF IT'S OKAY WITH DICK. 83 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,888 AND YOU. 84 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,591 GEE, I HAVEN'T BOWLED IN A LONG TIME. THAT MIGHT BE FUN. 85 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,993 OH, BOY. IT'S NEXT FRIDAY AT 7:00. 86 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:25,029 FRIDAY. HMM. I'VE GOT A HOSPITAL AUXILIARY MEETING AT 6:00, 87 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,631 BUT I COULD BE THERE BY 7:30. 88 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:30,468 OH, NO. ANYONE WHO ISN'T LACED UP BY 7:00 IS DISQUALIFIED. 89 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,537 OH. I'M SURE YOU KNOW SOMEONE ELSE 90 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:33,772 WHO'D LIKE TO GO WITH YOU. 91 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,640 WELL, DUTCH WILL WEAR A DRESS, 92 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:39,577 BUT HE'S AWFUL HAIRY. 93 00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,245 WELL, HERE I AM. 94 00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:43,315 WHERE ARE THOSE STUPID PEAS I HAVE TO SHELL? 95 00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,784 OVER THERE. 96 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:52,390 STEPHANIE, YOU'RE A WOMAN. 97 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,891 UH-HUH. 98 00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:56,361 WOULD YOU BE MY PARTNER AT A MIXED DOUBLES 99 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:57,962 BOWLING TOURNAMENT? 100 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,564 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 101 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:02,934 ME? WEAR THOSE SHOES? 102 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,469 WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SHOES? 103 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,806 THEY'VE HAD OTHER PEOPLE'S FEET INSIDE THEM. 104 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:11,476 FEET BELONGING TO PEOPLE WITH NAMES LIKE DODIE AND GERT. 105 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,547 CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW I'D LOOK 106 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,515 IN ONE OF THOSE SHINY SHIRTS? 107 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,751 JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE ALLEY? 108 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:23,321 OH, GOD, I'D DIE. 109 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,423 WELL, I'M SORRY I ASKED. 110 00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:30,528 STEPHANIE, THAT WAS REALLY INSENSITIVE. 111 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,364 YOU JUST HURT GEORGE'S FEELINGS. 112 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,366 - I DID? - MM-HMM. 113 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,934 I WAS JUST EXPLAINING HOW I FELT ABOUT BOWLING. 114 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,637 - AND BOWLERS. - YEAH. 115 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,907 GEORGE IS A BOWLER. 116 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,809 OH. 117 00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:47,311 YOU THINK HE MADE THAT CONNECTION, TOO? 118 00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:51,048 I THINK HE DID. 119 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:52,517 OH. 120 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,686 OH, I FEEL HORRIBLE NOW. 121 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,120 WELL, THANKS A LOT, JOANNE. 122 00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:57,321 I NEVER WOULD'VE NOTICED THAT 123 00:05:57,323 --> 00:06:00,091 IF YOU HADN'T POINTED IT OUT TO ME. 124 00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,530 HI, HONEY. 125 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,831 IS THAT ALL YOU BROUGHT BACK? 126 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,267 YOU WENT TO THE MARKET WITH A LIST A MILE LONG. 127 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:12,003 HELLO! 128 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:15,740 SHE, UH, SHE WOULDN'T LET ME CARRY THEM. 129 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,074 WOW! 130 00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:20,412 DICK LOUDON'S KITCHEN! 131 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:24,348 YOU KNOW WHAT THIS REMINDS ME OF? 132 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:28,019 ALL HAPPY KITCHENS ARE ALIKE! 133 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,687 EACH UNHAPPY KITCHEN 134 00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:33,057 IS UNHAPPY IN ITS OWN WAY. 135 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,427 YOU'VE BEEN READING MY BOOKS. 136 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,995 I LOVE THE TOLSTOY REFERENCE. 137 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:40,064 OH, YOU PICKED UP ON THAT. 138 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,501 NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE DO AND LAY SLATE LINOLEUM. 139 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,372 DICK? 140 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,107 WHO IS THIS? 141 00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:51,476 OH, I'M-- I'M SORRY, HONEY. 142 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,177 TRACY, THIS IS MY WIFE, JOANNA, 143 00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:55,346 AND THIS IS OUR MAID, STEPHANIE. 144 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,215 - HELLO. - HI. 145 00:06:58,217 --> 00:06:59,951 JOANNA, YOU MUST BE 146 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,320 A VERY SPECIAL PERSON. 147 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,455 WHY IS THAT? 148 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,523 BECAUSE YOU'RE MARRIED TO ME. 149 00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,394 UH, STEPHANIE, THERE ARE MORE GROCERIES IN THE CAR. 150 00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:13,097 OH, COULD I GET THEM? 151 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,365 WELL, OKAY. 152 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,133 IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU. 153 00:07:16,135 --> 00:07:17,469 STEPHANIE. 154 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:20,037 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 155 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,741 DICK, WHO IS THIS GIRL? 156 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,443 OH, SHE'S, UM-- 157 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,144 SHE'S HEADING UP MY FAN CLUB. 158 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:30,548 A FAN CLUB? YOU'RE KIDDING. 159 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,750 WELL, I MEAN, I AM A TELEVISION PERSONALITY. 160 00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,385 IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT I WOULD ATTRACT 161 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,454 A-- A CERTAIN NUMBER OF FANS. 162 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:40,057 THAT NUMBER SEEMS TO BE ONE. 163 00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:42,994 BUT I THINK SHE'S REALLY JUST A COLLEGE KID WITH A CRUSH. 164 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,897 HONEY, I TOLD YOU. SHE'S ONLY INTERESTED IN MY WORK. 165 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,299 WELL, I'M NOT SURE. I THINK PAJAMAS. 166 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:51,569 BUT YOU'D HAVE TO ASK HIM. 167 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,584 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD 8 X 10 GLOSSIES OF YOURSELF. 168 00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:10,522 YEAH, TRACY WANTED THEM FOR THE MEMBERSHIP DRIVE. 169 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:11,990 MICHAEL GAVE THEM TO HER. 170 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:15,860 WHAT'RE YOU WRITING? 171 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,730 "LOVE AND HUG-A-ROONIES, DICK LOUDON." 172 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,567 MICHAEL WROTE THAT ONE AS A SAMPLE. 173 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,503 I DECIDED TO GO IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION. 174 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:30,842 "SEE YOU SUNDAYS AT 4:00. DICK LOUDON." 175 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,111 OH. 176 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:37,281 MAYBE I'D BETTER TONE THAT ONE DOWN. 177 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,717 AN AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE OF DICK LOUDON. 178 00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,921 I COULD DIE. I COULD JUST DIE. 179 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,288 OOH! 180 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:55,800 OH, GEE, DICK, COULD I HAVE A PICTURE OF YOU? 181 00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,769 SURE, GEORGE. 182 00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,704 GOT ANY WALLET-SIZE? 183 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,009 NO, NO, NO I DON'T. 184 00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,045 OH. OKAY. 185 00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,150 THANKS. 186 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,891 OH, THERE YOU ARE, GEORGE. 187 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,726 I WAS JUST LEAVING. 188 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,260 GEORGE. 189 00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:26,030 I THINK I HURT YOUR FEELINGS YESTERDAY. 190 00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:27,966 - YEAH, YOU DID. - WELL, 191 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,401 THAT MADE ME FEEL JUST TERRIBLE. 192 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,504 I SPENT ALL NIGHT GOING OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN MY HEAD, 193 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,607 REHEARSING WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. 194 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,109 SO HERE GOES. 195 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,777 I'M SORRY. IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE IT UP, 196 00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,513 JUST LET ME KNOW, OKAY. 197 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,549 YOU COULD GO BOWLING WITH ME. 198 00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:49,687 GEORGE, WHEN I REHEARSED THIS, 199 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:53,591 YOU ALWAYS SAID, "AH, FORGET IT." 200 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,560 WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'D SAY THAT. 201 00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,162 I STILL NEED A BOWLING PARTNER. 202 00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:01,165 COULDN'T I JUST WAX YOUR TOOLS OR SOMETHING? 203 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,002 AH, FORGET IT. 204 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,137 OKAY! YOU WIN. 205 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,806 BUT THIS COUNTS FOR THE NEXT FIVE TIMES I HURT YOUR FEELINGS. 206 00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:10,508 YOU'LL GO BOWLING WITH ME? 207 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,744 KEEP IT DOWN! SOMEONE MIGHT HEAR YOU. 208 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,045 RIGHT. 209 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,546 AND, GEORGE, ONE MORE THING. 210 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,949 WHEN WE GET THERE, CALL ME MARIA. 211 00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,421 - OH, HI, DICK. - HELLO, TRACY. 212 00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:26,290 I'VE GOT ALL KINDS OF STUFF FOR THE CLUB. 213 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,293 MORE PHOTOS, APPLICATIONS, AND MEMBERSHIP CARDS. 214 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,063 SO I SEE. A WHOLE SUITCASE FULL. 215 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,132 NO. THE CLUB STUFF'S OUT IN THE CAR. 216 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,333 THESE ARE MY CLOTHES. I'M CHECKING IN. 217 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,872 HEY. 218 00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:52,616 GOOD MORNING! 219 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,552 WHAT'S-- WHAT'S ALL THIS? 220 00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:58,122 ORANGE JUICE. BLUEBERRY WAFFLES. 221 00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:00,624 LINK SAUSAGE. 222 00:11:00,626 --> 00:11:03,761 CHEESE OMELETTE. 223 00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:06,530 THAT'S-- THAT'S AMAZING. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MY MOTHER 224 00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:08,465 USED TO MAKE FOR BREAKFAST ON MY BIRTHDAY. 225 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,868 I KNOW. BY THE WAY, SHE SAYS HI. 226 00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:15,940 OH, AND, UH, HERE'S SOMETHING 227 00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:19,310 TO ENJOY WITH YOUR MEAL. 228 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:23,314 THE OFFICIAL DICK LOUDON NEWSLETTER. 229 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,649 "THE LOUDON CLEAR." 230 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,487 - TOO CUTE? - I'LL FIELD THIS ONE, HONEY. 231 00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:32,690 IT'S-- IT'S... 232 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:33,958 IT'S FINE. 233 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,061 OH, GOOD. I'VE BEEN PASSING THEM OUT. 234 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:40,798 OH, I FORGOT THE ENGLISH MUFFIN. 235 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,900 "WHAT DICK LOUDON HAS TO TEACH US." 236 00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:44,802 HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? 237 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:48,072 I'M SORRY, HONEY, I WAS READING... 238 00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:49,573 "MARSHALL McLUHAN VS. LOUDON. 239 00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:53,510 HOW THEY STACK UP." 240 00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:55,046 IT'S A GOOD THING HE'S NOT ALIVE. 241 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,315 ACCORDING TO THIS, I MAKE HIM LOOK PRETTY SILLY. 242 00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:00,818 DICK, DON'T YOU THINK THIS HAS GONE A LITTLE TOO FAR? 243 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,788 HONEY, I REALLY DON'T SEE ANY HARM IN IT. 244 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,522 "JOANNA LOUDON. 245 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:09,493 LIVING IN THE SHADOW." 246 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:10,962 WHO IS THIS DICK LOUDON? 247 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,463 THE INNKEEPER. 248 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,233 WHAT AN EGOMANIAC. 249 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,504 DICK, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART OF A HORSE? 250 00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:27,478 I-- I REALLY HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT MUCH. WHY? 251 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,380 IT'S THIS WEEK'S TRIVIA QUESTION. 252 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,149 WELL THEN, IT-- 253 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,985 IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT FOR ME TO TELL YOU THE ANSWER. 254 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,155 OR POSSIBLE. 255 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:40,158 STEPHANIE, WHY DID TRACY MAKE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING? 256 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,525 SHE WANTED TO. 257 00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,527 WE PAY YOU TO MAKE BREAKFAST. 258 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:46,463 SO DID SHE. 259 00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:47,832 HI, DICK. JOANNA. 260 00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,768 CUPCAKE. 261 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,637 HERE'S SOME BACKGROUND INFO ON THIS SUNDAY'S GUEST. 262 00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:55,706 I DON'T NEED IT. I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW 263 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,375 ABOUT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT. 264 00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:01,145 CROSSED WIRES, DICK. 265 00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:03,981 WHO'S IN HERE? RADIO-TEETH? 266 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:05,316 MICHAEL, I TOLD YOU-- 267 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,418 OH, ASIDE. TO STEPH. 268 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,585 GOOD NEWS FOR FRIDAY NIGHT. 269 00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:10,054 THAT FELLINI FESTIVAL AT THE REGENT? 270 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:12,589 IT'S FINALLY OVER. 271 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:15,659 WANNA SEE THE BOOGENS? 272 00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,028 THIS FRIDAY NIGHT? 273 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,263 - WHY? CAN'T YOU GO? - NO, I CAN'T. 274 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,764 BUT STEPH! 275 00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:23,600 THE BOOGENS! 276 00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:27,271 MICHAEL, DON'T TORTURE ME. I JUST CAN'T GO. 277 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,207 OH, STEPHANIE. GUESS WHAT? 278 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,042 I GOT YOU YOUR VERY OWN-- 279 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:34,145 CANTALOUPE. 280 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,180 MY FAVORITE MELON! 281 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,648 CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT. 282 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,651 WHAT A FIND. THIS TIME OF YEAR. 283 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,519 MUST BE SOME MISUNDERSTANDING. 284 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,856 THAT'S NOT A CANTALOUPE. IT'S HER VERY OWN-- 285 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,493 WELL, GOT A SCOOP. 286 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,462 WAIT. WE HAVEN'T SETTLED THIS. 287 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,064 WE HAD TO BOOK THE HUMAN RADIO, DICK. 288 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,565 HE'S GOT A DENTIST APPOINTMENT NEXT WEEK, 289 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,068 AND THE POOR GUY MAY RINSE AND SPIT HIS CAREER AWAY. 290 00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,838 HERE ARE YOUR ENGLISH MUFFINS. 291 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,807 WITH ONE PAT OF BUTTER IN THE CENTER OF EACH 292 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,944 SO THEY LOOK LIKE LITTLE EYES STARING UP AT YOU. 293 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,049 SHE HAS BEEN TALKING TO MY MOTHER. 294 00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:13,918 DICK, YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HER. 295 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,187 JOANNA, IT'S NOT THAT EASY. SHE TOLD ME THAT, 296 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,689 ALL HER LIFE, SHE HAS NEVER SEEN ANYTHING TRUE. 297 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:22,393 I MEAN, I JUST CAN'T ASK HER TO STOP NOW. 298 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,829 BESIDES, THIS IS A HELL OF A BREAKFAST. 299 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,002 [WHISPERING] DICK, TALK TO HER. 300 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,736 I CAN'T. 301 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,409 THERE. 302 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,787 MAYBE... 303 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,956 MAYBE I WILL HAVE A WORD WITH HER. 304 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,828 TRACY? TRACY? 305 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,297 I-- I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU. 306 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,632 NOW? 307 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,235 WELL, YOU KNOW, FINISH WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 308 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:09,673 LET'S-- LET'S SIT DOWN. 309 00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:11,075 YOU KNOW, TRACY, 310 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,710 YOU'RE PROBABLY THE BEST FAN I'VE EVER HAD, 311 00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,379 - BUT... - BUT? 312 00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:19,016 WELL, IT'S NOT SO MUCH A BUT AS AN ALBEIT. 313 00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:21,986 BUT I... 314 00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:24,355 I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU WORSHIPED 315 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,325 SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE. 316 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,993 AND GIVE UP THE CLUB? 317 00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:30,394 Y-- YOU DON'T HAVE THE CLUB. 318 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,296 WHAT YOU HAVE IS A-- 319 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:34,231 IS A CRUSH. 320 00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:37,034 CRUSH? 321 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,635 WELL, DO CRUSHES HAVE 322 00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:41,272 MEMBERSHIP MEETINGS? 323 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,140 WHAT-- WHAT MEMBERSHIP MEETING? 324 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:45,042 WE'VE GOT ONE THIS WEEK. 325 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,677 ON CAMPUS. 326 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,979 WHEN? 327 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:51,615 FRIDAY! YOU'RE GONNA SEE SOME FANS THERE, MISTER. 328 00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:54,885 REALLY? 329 00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:57,121 TONS! 330 00:15:57,123 --> 00:16:00,157 TRACY, YOU AND I BOTH-- 331 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:03,260 TONS? 332 00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:04,728 WELL, A LOT! 333 00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:07,598 WE WERE HOPING YOU'D BE THE SPEAKER. 334 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,334 OH, I-- I CAN'T DISAPPOINT... 335 00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,936 CLOSE TO A... TON OF PEOPLE. 336 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,314 ALL RIGHT. GUESS THIS IS IT. 337 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,517 HONEY, I JUST HOPE YOU AREN'T GONNA BE TOO DISAPPOINTED. 338 00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,619 IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'RE ASSUMING THAT THERE'S NOT GONNA BE 339 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,454 - ANYONE IN THERE. - WELL-- 340 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,889 YOU KNOW, HONEY, IT'S NOT INCONCEIVABLE 341 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,091 THAT THERE'S GONNA BE PEOPLE IN THERE. TONS. 342 00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:35,659 TONS? 343 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,028 WELL, A LOT. 344 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,529 AND THERE WOULDN'T BE ANYTHING STRANGE ABOUT IT. 345 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,899 I'M-- I'M A NOT-UNFAMOUS MAN. 346 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,235 - OKAY? - OKAY. 347 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:47,271 I JUST HOPE YOU WON'T BE TOO DISAPPOINTED. 348 00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:56,780 I HAVE TO ADMIT, 349 00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,215 I AM A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED, 350 00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:01,318 BUT I THINK I CAN LIVE WITH IT. 351 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,487 OH, DICK, GOOD CHEESE. NICE TURNOUT. 352 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,089 THIS-- THIS IS AMAZING. 353 00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:07,525 YEAH, THEY'VE GOT JARLSBERG, GORGONZOLA. 354 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,926 AN INCREDIBLE BRIE. 355 00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:11,328 THIS SURE BEATS THE BOOGENS. 356 00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:14,131 DICK! WELCOME TO THE CLUB. 357 00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,767 WELL, DO YOU HAVE FANS OR WHAT? 358 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:20,137 YOU-- YOU WANT TO FIELD THAT ONE, JOANNA? 359 00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:23,740 DICK, JOANNA, THIS IS ROB. 360 00:17:23,742 --> 00:17:25,443 HE HELPED ME SET THIS UP. 361 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,811 HEY. 362 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:30,281 SAME HERE. 363 00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,216 SO, DICK, ARE YOU READY TO SPEAK? 364 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,219 EVERYONE'S DYING TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. 365 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:38,755 - LET'S DO IT. - ALL RIGHT. 366 00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:41,225 YOU PREPARED A SPEECH? 367 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,360 WELL, I-- I WAS GUARDEDLY OPTIMISTIC. 368 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,397 BUT APPARENTLY WITH GOOD REASON. 369 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:51,668 COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? 370 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,904 IS EVERYBODY HAVING A GOOD TIME? 371 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,639 [ALL CHEER] 372 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:58,275 I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE DICK LOUDON, 373 00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:00,611 THE MAN WHO MADE ALL THIS POSSIBLE. 374 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,713 [ALL CHEER, APPLAUD] 375 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,017 GOOD-- GOOD EVENING, ALL OF YOU. 376 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:08,352 AND... 377 00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:10,654 THANK-- THANK YOU FOR THAT ROUSING-- 378 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:11,922 THAT ROUSING WELCOME. 379 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,758 IT'S NICE TO FINALLY-- 380 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,827 [ALL MURMUR] 381 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:19,663 IT'S NICE TO FINALLY COME FACE TO FACE 382 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,765 WITH ALL-- WITH ALL OF MY... 383 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,637 ALL OF MY FANS. 384 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,607 I'D-- I'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU 385 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:33,177 SOME-- SOME OF THE EXPERIENCES-- 386 00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:36,013 EX-- EXCUSE ME, COULD I-- 387 00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:39,617 COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? 388 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,252 HEY! 389 00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:45,889 I-- I'D JUST-- 390 00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,159 I'D JUST LIKE TO KNOW, 391 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:51,762 HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE SEEN MY TV SHOW? 392 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,635 HOW-- HOW MANY HAVE READ MY BOOKS? 393 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,742 HOW-- HOW MANY OF YOU 394 00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,811 ARE HERE FOR THE... 395 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,380 FREE FOOD AND BEER? 396 00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,916 [ALL CHEER] 397 00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,451 THANK YOU. 398 00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:16,387 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THAT-- 399 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,856 THAT CONCLUDES MY REMARKS. 400 00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:21,058 MEETING ADJOURNED. 401 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,093 I UNDERSTAND REFRESHMENTS 402 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:26,763 ARE AVAILABLE. 403 00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:29,366 TRACY, COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE? 404 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:35,206 DICK, I'M SORRY. FORGIVE ME? 405 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,040 I JUST THOUGHT IF I DIDN'T HAVE SOME KIND OF MEETING, 406 00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:38,742 YOU'D FEEL REALLY LET DOWN. 407 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:41,278 NO, THANK YOU FOR SPARING ME THAT. 408 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:46,217 YOU-- YOU COULDN'T SIGN UP ONE MEMBER? 409 00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:49,520 IT'S NOT LIKE I DIDN'T TRY. 410 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,055 WELL, I-- I GUESS COLLEGE PEOPLE 411 00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,592 JUST DON'T WATCH MY SHOW. 412 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,927 NOT JUST COLLEGE PEOPLE. 413 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,895 EVERYBODY. 414 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:00,497 WHITE COLLAR, BLUE COLLAR. 415 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,132 OLD, YOUNG, SHUT-IN'S-- 416 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,968 OKAY. OKAY. 417 00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:07,070 BUT, YOU KNOW, DICK, 418 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:10,073 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID THE OTHER DAY. 419 00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:12,976 AND I REALIZED THAT YOU WERE RIGHT. 420 00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,511 THE ONLY REASON I DID ALL THIS 421 00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:17,781 WAS TO BE AROUND YOU. 422 00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,650 I DIDN'T HAVE A CLUB. 423 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:23,153 I HAD A CRUSH. 424 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,321 TRACY, YOU'RE A-- 425 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,422 YOU'RE A WONDERFUL GIRL. 426 00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,458 AND I THINK IT'S BEST 427 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,792 THAT YOU JUST, YOU KNOW, 428 00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:31,428 GET ME OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. 429 00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:34,765 DICK, I SAID I HAD A CRUSH. 430 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,268 I'VE OUTGROWN IT NOW. 431 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:38,902 YOU-- YOU HAVE. 432 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,937 I WAS OUT TRYING TO LINE UP FANS, 433 00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:43,507 AND I STARTED MEETING MORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL. 434 00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,609 THEY'RE NOT AS IMMATURE AS I THOUGHT. 435 00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:48,111 FOOD'S GONE. LET'S GO. 436 00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:50,113 DICK, YOU MET ROB. 437 00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:52,916 HEY. 438 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,718 YEAH, WE-- WE SPOKE EARLIER. 439 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,757 I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, DICK. 440 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:04,295 WELL. BETTER TAKE OFF. 441 00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:07,164 WE'RE GOING OUT TO THROW WATER BALLOONS AND MOON COPS. 442 00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:09,800 HEY! 443 00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:14,305 DICK, I THOUGHT YOU HANDLED YOURSELF 444 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,039 PRETTY WELL OUT THERE TONIGHT, 445 00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,542 AND YOU WERE UP AGAINST SOME DAMN FINE CHEESE. 446 00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:21,878 GO HOME, MICHAEL. 447 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,114 ROGER. 448 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,052 - READY TO LEAVE? - YEAH. 449 00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:31,254 - YOU ALL RIGHT? - I'M-- I'M FINE. 450 00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:32,690 - YOU SURE? - I'M SURE. 451 00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:34,124 I JUST HOPE YOU AREN'T TOO DISAPPOINTED-- 452 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:37,494 I'M DISAPPOINTED. OKAY? VERY DISAPPOINTED. 453 00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:40,464 I'VE NEVER BEEN SO DISAPPOINTED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. 454 00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:43,467 WOULD A HUG-A-ROONIE HELP? 455 00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:15,532 DICK? 456 00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:17,501 OH, HI, STEPHANIE. HOW WAS BOWLING? 457 00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:22,773 HOW DO YOU THINK? 458 00:22:22,775 --> 00:22:26,443 I GUESS WE BOTH HAD A LOUSY NIGHT. 459 00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:29,380 YOU GO FIRST. 460 00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:31,281 THE MEETING WAS A DISASTER. 461 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,083 I-- I DON'T HAVE ANY FANS. 462 00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:36,987 IS THAT ALL? 463 00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:39,656 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. 464 00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:41,024 WHAT? 465 00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:44,995 I FOUND OUT 466 00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:47,398 I LIKE BOWLING. 467 00:22:54,573 --> 00:22:56,440 �� [THEME MUSIC] 31771

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