All language subtitles for Newhart S03E07

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:06,138 �� [THEME PLAYING] 2 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,426 HERE ARE YOUR EGGS. 3 00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,361 THEY MAY BE COLD. I WAS ON THE PHONE. 4 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:08,133 [LAUGHS] 5 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:13,705 UH, FUNNY EGGS, GEORGE? 6 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,907 JUST THINKING ABOUT MY CRAZY FRIEND DUTCH. 7 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,244 - HE DID IT TO ME AGAIN. - WHAT DID HE DO THIS TIME? 8 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:22,614 WE WERE HAVING DINNER LAST NIGHT IN THIS REAL FANCY RESTAURANT. 9 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:26,418 WELL, I WENT OVER TO PUT MONEY IN THE JUKE BOX-- 10 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,653 [CHUCKLING] 11 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,189 WHILE I WAS GONE, DUTCH POURED MILK 12 00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:33,725 ALL OVER MY DINNER! [LAUGHS] 13 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,594 THAT STORY, THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE! 14 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,363 WELL, THANK GOODNESS YOU CAN'T RUIN STEAK. 15 00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:44,102 GEORGE, HE'S ALWAYS PULLING THAT SORT OF THING ON YOU. 16 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,403 DON'T YOU EVER WANT TO GET BACK AT HIM? 17 00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,472 DICK, REVENGE IS CHILDISH. 18 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:50,408 HONEY, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FIGHT MILK WITH MILK. 19 00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:53,111 - HERE YOU GO. 20 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,113 MISS? 21 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,381 OH, RIGHT. YOU WANT A JUICE. 22 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,150 AND A BREAKFAST. 23 00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:01,919 ONE THING AT A TIME. 24 00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:04,422 WONDER IF I COULD PULL A TRICK ON DUTCH. 25 00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:06,658 NAW, I COULD NEVER FOOL HIM. 26 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,826 I DON'T THINK I COULD FOOL ANYBODY. 27 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,462 - WELL, SURE YOU COULD, GEORGE. - DICK! 28 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,697 WELL, YOU OUGHT TO TRY. YOU MIGHT SURPRISE YOURSELF. 29 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,199 HEY, GEORGE, CAN I HAVE THE SALT? 30 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,201 SURE. 31 00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:17,502 THANK YOU. 32 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:21,005 [LAUGHS] 33 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,276 GOT YA! 34 00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,346 GEORGE, YOU RUINED MY BREAKFAST. 35 00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:32,150 YOU SAID I COULD DO IT, AND I DID. THANKS, DICK. 36 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,618 YOU'VE GIVEN ME HOPE! 37 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,091 PEPPER? 38 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,196 HI, ALL. 39 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,731 [STEPHANIE EXHALES] 40 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:53,104 - HI. - GOT A CUP OF DECAF FOR A HUNGRY SOLDIER? 41 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,209 OH. 42 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,711 DICK, HERE'S THAT MATERIAL ON SUNDAY'S GUEST. 43 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,647 OH, THANK YOU. 44 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,048 HERE YOU ARE. 45 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:09,287 OH, AND UH, COULD YOU PUT SUGAR IN IT? 46 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:11,356 [CHUCKLES] 47 00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:15,227 MICHAEL, WOULD YOU CARE FOR SOME BREAKFAST? 48 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,728 LOVE TO, BUT I CAN'T STAY. 49 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,698 I'M INTERVIEWING RECEPTIONISTS. 50 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,100 INTERVIEWING RECEPTIONISTS? 51 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:25,136 - FOR WHAT? - FOR RECEPTIONISTS. 52 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,038 WE NEED ONE AT THE STATION. 53 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,506 WELL, I'M OFF. 54 00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:30,308 WHAT DOES YOUR RECEPTIONIST DO? 55 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,310 OH, BASICALLY, SHE ANSWERS THE PHONES 56 00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:33,845 AND PUTS ON A PRETTY FACE FOR THE PUBLIC. 57 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,380 MISS, COULD I HAVE SOME MORE COFFEE? 58 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,549 MICHAEL, I WANT THAT JOB. 59 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,050 WHAT ABOUT YOUR JOB HERE? 60 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,586 YEAH! 61 00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:43,121 THIS JOB SOUNDS BETTER. 62 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,156 WELL, NO OFFENSE, DICK. 63 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,559 BUT IF I WAS A RECEPTIONIST, I'D EARN MORE MONEY. 64 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,628 I'D GET TO WEAR NICE CLOTHES WHEN I WORK. 65 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,529 I'D BE AROUND YOU ALL THE TIME. 66 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:52,964 AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO STICK MY HANDS 67 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:56,334 IN ANYTHING PORCELAIN. 68 00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:59,170 - WHAT DO YOU SAY? - WELL, IT'S-IT'S FINE WITH ME, BUT WHAT ABOUT... 69 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,039 OH, DICK AND JOANNA... 70 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,409 YOU GUYS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY GOOD THING 71 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,744 THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 72 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,280 YOU GAVE ME A HOME WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE ONE. 73 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,814 A JOB WHEN NO ONE ELSE WOULD. 74 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,683 AND YOU EVEN INTRODUCED ME TO MICHAEL. 75 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,285 [SIGHS] I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING 76 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,587 I COULD DO TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE IT, 77 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,555 BUT THERE ISN'T, SO I QUIT, OKAY? 78 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:26,164 OH, SENTIMENT LIKE THAT IS THANKS ENOUGH. 79 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,133 WELL, THEN, LET'S DO IT. AND YOU CAN START 80 00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,735 FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. 81 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,203 MISS VANDERKELLEN. 82 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,739 SEE YOU THEN, MR. HARRIS. 83 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,708 [BOTH LAUGH] 84 00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,580 [NEWS PLAYING ON TELEVISION] 85 00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,783 OH, MY GOD! 86 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,919 MY VERY OWN NAME! 87 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:51,723 THIS CALLS FOR A KISS. 88 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,826 [BOTH LAUGH] 89 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,494 OH, A T.V.! 90 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,364 - OH, IT'S THE NEWS. - I HATE IT TOO, STEPH. 91 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:02,967 JUST A BUNCH OF CAPTAIN BRING-DOWNS. 92 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,437 - WELL, WHAT ELSE IS ON? - WHOA, STEPH, DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL. 93 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,272 THIS IS CHANNEL EIGHT, SO THIS MUST ALWAYS 94 00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:09,507 BE CHANNEL EIGHT. 95 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,943 WELL, CAN YOU TELL THEM TO STOP DOING THE NEWS? 96 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,713 I CAN ASK. 97 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:17,982 OH, NOW, THIS IS, SORT OF, YOUR COMMAND MODULE. 98 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,185 BASICALLY, THE JOB IS MEETING AND GREETING THE PUBLIC. 99 00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:23,755 WHEN PEOPLE COME IN, FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE, 100 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,223 SEND THEM WHERE THEY'RE GOING, 101 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,091 AND THEN, GIVE THEM ONE OF THOSE... 102 00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:30,462 PATENTED STEPHANIE SMILES. 103 00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:33,365 WELL, AS THEY SAY IN SHOW BUSINESS, 104 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,901 "LET'S START WORK." 105 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:55,186 [MAN ON TELEVISION] AND NOW, THE WPIV EDITORIAL. 106 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,989 HERE'S NEWS DIRECTOR, PHILLIP JENKINS. 107 00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,592 [MUTES T.V.] 108 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:01,893 [SIGHS] 109 00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:14,672 HI! 110 00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:17,174 WELCOME TO CHANNEL EIGHT. 111 00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,676 HI! 112 00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:22,380 I'M STEVE. I-I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ON YOUR NEWS PROGRAM, 113 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,949 AND I'M LATE. WHERE DO I GO? 114 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,518 OH. 115 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,352 THAT'S EASY. IT'S DOWN THE HALL 116 00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:30,555 AND TO THE LEFT. 117 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,390 THANKS, MISS. 118 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:45,036 MICHAEL, CALL FOR YOU ON LINE ONE. 119 00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,004 YOU'RE WELCOME. 120 00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,173 HI, IT'S ME. 121 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:53,344 YEAH, I AM A SCAMP. COULD YOU COME OUT HERE 122 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:54,779 FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE? 123 00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:56,648 VERY IMPORTANT. 124 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,887 WHAT-- WHAT IS IT, STEPH? 125 00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:04,722 IT'S TIME FOR YOUR MIDMORNING KISS. 126 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,892 OH, STEPH, YOU TURNED-- TURNED THE VOLUME DOWN. 127 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,563 [ON T.V.] LET THE VOICE OF STEVE BE HEARD! 128 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,064 OH, NO! 129 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,700 MICHAEL! 130 00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,702 WHAT ABOUT MY KISS? 131 00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:20,705 [STEVE] OUR SOCIETY HAS FALLEN INTO CRISIS! 132 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:24,008 MOTHER'S DAY SHOULDN'T COME JUST ONCE A YEAR! 133 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,879 IT SHOULD COME TWICE! 134 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,448 LET GO OF ME! 135 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,983 [MUTES T.V.] 136 00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:37,589 HI, DICK. WELCOME TO CHANNEL EIGHT. 137 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,991 - HI. HI, STEPHANIE. - HOW AM I DOING? 138 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,360 I-I JUST GOT HERE. 139 00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:45,597 I KNOW. 140 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,965 WHAT IS-- WHAT DO THEY HAVE ON? 141 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,933 TAG TEAM WRESTLING? 142 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:50,502 [TURNS VOLUME UP] 143 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,437 [STEVE] LET GO OF MY FOOT! 144 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,439 [MICHAEL] NOT UNTIL YOU LET GO OF MY HAIR! 145 00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:57,074 UH, THAT'S MICHAEL. 146 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,610 AND STEVE. 147 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:01,045 NOT STEVE! 148 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:04,215 [MAN ON T.V.] BACK TO THE WPIV EDITORIAL. 149 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,950 CHANNEL EIGHT WELCOMES... 150 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,524 [EXHALES] 151 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,894 STEPH... 152 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,328 WHAT? 153 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,263 NOW, DON'T BE DEFENSIVE. 154 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:22,233 BUT YOU CAN'T JUST LET EVERY CRAZY OFF THE STREET 155 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,568 IN-- INTO THE STUDIO. 156 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,671 WELL, PART OF YOUR JOB IS TO...SCREEN PEOPLE. 157 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,040 NORMAL PEOPLE, LIKE ME AND DICK, 158 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,642 YOU LET IN. 159 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,911 VERY CRAZY PEOPLE... 160 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,345 LIKE STEVE, YOU... 161 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,347 YOU CALL THE POLICE. 162 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,950 - OKAY? - ARE YOU UNHAPPY WITH ME? 163 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,218 NO, OTHERWISE YOU'RE DOING TERRIF'. 164 00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:44,188 - DICK? - RIGHT! 165 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:47,291 "WELCOME TO CHANNEL EIGHT" WAS RIGHT ON THE MONEY. 166 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,101 [CHUCKLES] 167 00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:00,805 HI, JOAN-- ANY LUCK FINDING THE NEW MAID? 168 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:03,841 NO, THE AD RAN IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING, BUT NOTHING YET. 169 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,409 - WELL... - WHAT'S ALL THIS? 170 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:07,779 I FINALLY FIGURED A WAY TO GET DUTCH. 171 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,447 WE'RE GOING BOWLING THIS AFTERNOON. 172 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,649 NOW, PICTURE THIS. FIRST CHANCE I GET, 173 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,451 REAL CASUAL-LIKE, I'LL SAY, 174 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:16,821 "DUTCH, A PIECE OF GUM?" 175 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,791 "SURE, I'LL HAVE SOME GUM." 176 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,159 THAT WAS DUTCH TALKING. DID YOU GET THAT? 177 00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:23,628 [WHIMPERS] 178 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:26,965 IS THAT HOT! IT'S PEPPER GUM. 179 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,601 THEN, WHEN HE LOOKS AROUND FOR SOMETHING TO DRINK, 180 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,769 I'LL GIVE HIM THIS. 181 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,370 "THANKS, BUDDY." 182 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,746 GET IT? IT'S A DRIBBLE GLASS! 183 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,449 NOW, HE'S GOT JUICE ALL OVER HIM. 184 00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,785 AND WHEN HE LOOKS AROUND FOR SOMETHING TO WIPE IT OFF WITH, 185 00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:51,022 I'LL SAY, "HERE, USE MY HANDKERCHIEF." 186 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,924 "YOU'RE A LIFESAVER, GEORGE." 187 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,092 BU-- HE-- 188 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,297 BUT IT'S A GAG HANDKERCHIEF! 189 00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:02,299 NOW, HIS SHIRT'S ALL STAINED, 190 00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:03,735 HIS HANDS AND FACE ARE BLACK, 191 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,169 AND HIS MOUTH IS BURNING. 192 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:08,072 IS HE GONNA LOOK LIKE A FOOL OR WHAT? 193 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,447 YES. 194 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,250 THANKS. THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO KNOW. 195 00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:23,855 HARLEY? HARLEY ESTIN? 196 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,857 UH, HI, JOANNA. 197 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,925 - HI, BEAVER BROTHER. - HI, HARLEY. 198 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,994 - YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD. - OH, THANKS! 199 00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,830 YOU TOO. 200 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,165 CAN I DO SOMETHING FOR YOU? 201 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,034 OH, ACTUALLY, I'M HERE TO SEE JOANNA. 202 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,037 OKAY. THEN I BETTER GO FIND SOME TURPENTINE. 203 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,472 THEY SAY THIS STUFF IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET OFF. 204 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,874 [CHUCKLES] 205 00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,917 - WHAT IS IT, HARLEY? - WELL... 206 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,986 I SAW YOUR AD IN THE PAPER. 207 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,755 AND I'M APPLYING FOR THE POSITION. 208 00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,792 - OF MAID? - YUP, I'M YOUR MAN! 209 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,493 BUT I THOUGHT YOU HAD A JOB. 210 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,562 YEAH, I WAS IN DOOR TO DOOR SALES. 211 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,731 BUT A SURPRISING NUMBER OF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE 212 00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:10,168 TO BUY VEAL DOOR TO DOOR. 213 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,869 - REALLY? - YEAH. 214 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:15,639 ANYWAY, WHEN THAT FELL THROUGH, I GOT KINDA DESPONDENT. 215 00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:19,610 BUT THEN, I SAW YOUR AD, AND IT WAS LIKE A BEACON! 216 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:22,213 HARLEY, UH, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL 217 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,115 - ABOUT BEING A MAID? - NO! 218 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,117 WHY? IS THAT A JOB REQUIREMENT? 219 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,285 - WELL, KIND OF. - OH. 220 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:29,821 OH, DEAR. 221 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,655 I SUPPOSE NOW IF I TOLD YOU I KNEW ALL ABOUT IT, 222 00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:34,125 YOU'D KNOW SOMETHING WAS AFOOT. 223 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,227 - YES. - BUT I CAN LEARN. 224 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,896 AND EVERY BIRD HAS TO FLY FOR THE FIRST TIME. 225 00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:42,100 - EXCEPT PENGUINS. - UH... 226 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,501 - HARLEY, THIS DOESN'T SEEM-- - I WORK REAL HARD! 227 00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:46,170 - I KNOW-- - I'M AWFUL NICE TO BE AROUND. 228 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:47,605 OH, HARLEY. 229 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:51,575 I'M SORRY, I JUST DON'T THINK IT'LL WORK OUT. 230 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,211 OH. 231 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,678 WELL, THAT'S OKAY. 232 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,714 [SIGHS] I GUESS, IN THIS WORLD, 233 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,916 SOMEBODY'S GOT TO BE THE PENGUIN. 234 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,497 YOU WANT TO TALK TO MICHAEL? 235 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:16,901 COULD I ASK WHO'S CALLING? 236 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:20,504 MIMI? 237 00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,007 HE'S NOT IN. 238 00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,842 AS A GENERAL RULE, HE'S NOT IN 239 00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,779 FOR ANYONE NAMED MIMI. 240 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,547 I'M SORRY. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TAKE A MESSAGE. 241 00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:32,784 I HAVE TO GET BACK TO MY FILING. 242 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,490 THAT WAS PRETTY RUDE, WASN'T IT? 243 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,760 SHE CERTAINLY WAS. 244 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,163 EXCUSE ME, YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE. 245 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,498 - I-I BEG YOUR PARDON? - EVERY CRAZY ON THE STREET 246 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,066 IS TRYING TO GET IN HERE. 247 00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,335 I'M UNDER SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS TO KEEP THEM OUT. 248 00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,704 [LAUGHS] DO I LOOK CRAZY TO YOU? 249 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,439 I GUESS NOT. 250 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,408 THOUGH I CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT DRESS. 251 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,576 [SCOFFS] FOR YOUR INFORMATION, 252 00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:02,013 I PAID $200 FOR THIS DRESS. 253 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,715 THEN YOU ARE CRAZY. 254 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:07,518 YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE WITHOUT A-- 255 00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:13,958 WHO ARE YOU? 256 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,460 I'M STEPHANIE, THE RECEPTIONIST. 257 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,262 - WHO HIRED YOU? - MY BOYFRIEND. 258 00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,897 - WHO'S YOUR BOYFRIEND? - WHO WANTS TO KNOW? 259 00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:21,598 - THE STATION MANAGER. - DO YOU WORK FOR HIM? 260 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,935 I AM HIM! 261 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:29,606 I HAVE TO GO TO THE LADIES' ROOM. 262 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:31,843 - MICHAEL! - OH, GOD. 263 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,880 STEPHANIE? [SIGHS] 264 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,482 OH, HI, FRAN. I-- I LIKE THE PEEK-A-BOO LOOK. 265 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,051 [SCOFFS] 266 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,619 YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A DREADFUL RECEPTIONIST. 267 00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:45,689 AND SHE TORE MY DRESS. DUMP HER. 268 00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:47,959 FRAN, I'M NOT SURE THOSE SOUND LIKE REASONS TO BREAK UP WITH THE GIRL. 269 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:50,995 [LAUGHING] OH, WELL, I DON'T CARE IF YOU BREAK UP WITH HER. 270 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,796 I JUST WANT YOU... 271 00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,365 TO FIRE HER. 272 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,834 OH. 273 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,438 OH! 274 00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:13,817 [CLICKS ON] UH, INTERVIEW QUESTIONS 275 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,519 FOR MICROBIOLOGIST, 276 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,422 DR. GEORGIA DUCKETT. 277 00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:22,860 UH, QUESTION... 278 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,496 NUMBER ONE. 279 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:29,166 UM... 280 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:32,803 "TELL ME... 281 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,139 "GEORGIA... 282 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,045 "GEORGIA... 283 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,447 [CLICKS OFF] 284 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,449 DICK, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. 285 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,583 REALLY? WHAT-- WHAT IS IT? 286 00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,320 FRAN SAYS I'VE GOT TO FIRE STEPHANIE. 287 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,188 MICHAEL, THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A PROBLEM 288 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,490 "WE" HAVE. 289 00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:55,592 - WHAT-WHAT-- WHAT HAPPENED? - HOW SHOULD I KNOW? 290 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:58,729 WE'RE PROBABLY INTO THE INCOMPETENT THING. 291 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,399 DICK, I CAN'T FIRE MY STEADY. 292 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,568 WELL, IT ISN'T GONNA BE EASY. SHE-SHE LOVES IT HERE. 293 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,770 YOU DON'T SUPPOSE YOU COULD OFFER HER A MASSIVE RAISE 294 00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,672 TO COME BACK AS A MAID? 295 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:12,043 THEN I'D BE INTO THE INCOMPETENCE THING. 296 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,812 BUT DICK, IF I FIRE HER, SHE'LL HATE ME. 297 00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,180 SHE WON'T HATE YOU. 298 00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:19,783 I MEAN, NOT IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS ANY DEPTH OR MATURITY. 299 00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:22,119 WELL, DICK, NOW, YOU'RE JUST SCARING ME. 300 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,857 MICHAEL, THERE'S SOME THINGS YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK OUT 301 00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:28,892 - FOR YOURSELF. - THANKS A LOT, DICK. 302 00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:31,429 YOU CAN BUY PILLOWS THAT SAY THAT. 303 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,468 UH, WHERE WAS I? REWIND. 304 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:41,372 [CLICKS] GEORGIA... 305 00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:48,712 BOY, WHAT A FIRST DAY ON THE JOB. 306 00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,348 YEAH, I-- I HOPE YOU AREN'T... 307 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,482 TOO DISAPPOINTED. 308 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,385 ARE YOU KIDDING? I LOVE THIS PLACE. 309 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,320 YOU DO? 310 00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,422 DI-- UH, DIDN'T YOU TALK TO MICHAEL? 311 00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,624 YEAH. JUST NOW. 312 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,294 ISN'T IT EXCITING? 313 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,895 WHAT-- WHAT IS? 314 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:08,466 THAT I'VE BEEN PROMOTED. 315 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,101 PROM-- PROMOTED TO WHAT? 316 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:13,437 YOUR SECRETARY. 317 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:17,141 RIGHT. 318 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,510 W-WOULD YOU-- WOULD YOU WAIT HERE, UH, FOR-- 319 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,979 FOR JUST A SECOND? 320 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,283 MICHAEL! 321 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,221 MICHAEL! MICHAEL! 322 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:33,957 MICHAEL! 323 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,659 YO. 324 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,594 YOU ARE THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE, DO YOU KNOW THAT? 325 00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:39,830 YOU'RE A MISERABLE, SNEAKY, CONNIVING COWARD. 326 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,899 PROBLEM, DICK? 327 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,468 YOU KNOW IT! YOU TOLD STEPHANIE SHE WAS GONNA BE MY SECRETARY. 328 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,037 WELL, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, DICK, BUT HAVEN'T YOU BEEN 329 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,472 - BEGGING FOR A SECRETARY? - NOT STEPHANIE! 330 00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:50,574 WHY NOT? SHE'S AN EXPERIENCED RECEPTIONIST. 331 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:53,810 SHE'S BEEN A RECEPTIONIST FOR 90 MINUTES! 332 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:55,179 WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, WH-WHY DON'T YOU JUST 333 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,747 - GIVE HER A CHANCE? - NO! 334 00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,916 WELL, THEN, I GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO FIRE HER. 335 00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,755 NO WAY! YOU FIRE HER. 336 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,790 DICK, I CAN'T. I KNOW STEPHANIE. 337 00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:09,893 LIPS THAT GIVE NOTICE WILL NEVER TOUCH HERS. 338 00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:12,729 BASICALLY, YOU'VE GOT A LOT LESS TO LOSE. 339 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,465 LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA BE THE ONE TO FIRE HER, 340 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,500 SO YOU CAN HAVE HAPPY LIPS. 341 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,271 GREAT! THEN SHE'LL STAY. 342 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,972 SHE CAN'T! SHE'LL KEEP SHOWING UP HERE, 343 00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:24,375 EVERYDAY AT THE OFFICE, AND WE'LL STILL HAVE A PROBLEM. 344 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,410 I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, DICK. DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A PROBLEM 345 00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:28,512 "WE" HAVE. 346 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:41,425 STEPHANIE, I-- I THINK WE'D BETTER... 347 00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,894 WHAT... WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 348 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,963 I'M TYPING UP YOUR NOTES FOR YOU. 349 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,532 WHAT-- WHAT NOTES? 350 00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:51,335 [DICK ON TAPE] GEORGIA... 351 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,107 YOU-- YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 352 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,008 OH, I DON'T MIND. 353 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,177 I'M FULFILLING MYSELF. 354 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:03,747 THIS MORNING, RECEPTIONIST, AND NOW, SECRETARY 355 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,616 TO AN ON-AIR PERSONALITY. 356 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,818 THIS IS GREAT. I FINALLY FOUND 357 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,920 SOMETHING I'M GOOD AT. 358 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,027 "GEORGIE ON MY MINK?" 359 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,430 TA-DA! 360 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,267 UH, STEPHANIE-- UH, MAYBE YOU STILL 361 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,801 HAVEN'T FOUND THAT... 362 00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:27,004 ELUSIVE SOMETHING YOU'RE GOOD AT. 363 00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:30,641 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DICK? 364 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,410 WHAT I-- WHAT I MEAN IS, YOU'RE.... 365 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,946 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE MY SECRETARY. 366 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,081 - I'M NOT? - NO. 367 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:41,118 AM I GOING TO BE PROMOTED AGAIN? 368 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,353 NO. 369 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,121 THEN, WHAT AM I GOING TO BE? 370 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,258 UM, FIRED. 371 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,492 WHAT? 372 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:51,295 M-- MICHAEL WAS SUPPOSE TO FIRE YOU AS-- 373 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,896 AS RECEPTIONIST. 374 00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,166 MICHAEL WANTED TO FIRE ME? 375 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:58,068 NO, TH-THE STATION MANAGER TOLD HIM TO, BUT... 376 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,970 HE COULDN'T DO IT, SO... 377 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,773 HE HIRED YOU AS-- AS MY SECRETARY. 378 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,908 OH. 379 00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:06,510 WELL, WHO'S MAKING YOU FIRE ME? 380 00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:08,479 THE STATION MANAGER? 381 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,315 BU-- UH, NO. 382 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,949 NOT MICHAEL? 383 00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,685 NO. 384 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,488 WELL, THAT CERTAINLY NARROWS IT DOWN. 385 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:23,126 MICHAEL WAS SUPPOSE TO FIRE YOU IN-IN THE FIRST PLACE. 386 00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:26,096 BUT HE'S TOO MUCH OF A MAN TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK. 387 00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:30,967 WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. 388 00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:33,837 YOU'RE TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS. 389 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,639 [VOICE BREAKS] I DON'T HAVE A JOB. 390 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,608 I HAVE NO MONEY. [SNIFFLES] 391 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,910 I HAVE NO FUTURE. 392 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,613 [CRIES] AND I HAVE A GRAY HAIR! 393 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:47,984 UM...S-STEPHANIE, PLEA-- PLEASE DON'T CRY. 394 00:19:47,986 --> 00:19:51,121 [SNIFFLES] THERE'S NOTHING SADDER 395 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,591 THAN A PERKY BLONDE ON THE SKIDS. 396 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,496 LOOK, HOW-HOW-- HOW ABOUT YOU COME BACK 397 00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:01,532 TO THE INN AND-AND WORK FOR US? 398 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,468 AS WHAT? 399 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,003 AS-- AS THE MAID. 400 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,905 BUT I'VE DONE THAT. 401 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:11,141 NOT-- NOT REALLY. 402 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,881 I CAN'T GO BACK TO MAID'S WORK. 403 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,618 THAT WAS JUST TAKING ORDERS. 404 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,754 HERE AT THE STATION, I HAD RESPONSIBILITIES. 405 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:26,690 BUT HERE-- HERE AT THE STATION, YOU-- YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB. 406 00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:33,029 I HAVE MY MEMORIES. 407 00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,966 HOW ABOUT ME GIVING YOU A RAISE? 408 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,235 SAY, UH-- UH, TEN PERCENT? 409 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,305 I DON'T WANT YOUR GUILT MONEY. 410 00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:42,573 IT-IT-- IT'S NOT GUILT MONEY. 411 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,708 WE-WE-- WE NEED YOU. I MEAN, THE-THE PLACE 412 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:47,010 HASN'T BEEN THE SAME, SINCE-- SINCE YOU LEFT 413 00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,979 TH-THIS MORNING. 414 00:20:51,049 --> 00:20:53,784 - YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT. - NO-NO-- NO, I'M-I'M NOT. 415 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:56,687 YOU'RE THE-- YOU'RE THE... 416 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,523 BEST GOSH DARN MAID WE'VE, UH... 417 00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:04,762 WE'VE-WE'VE EVER HAD. 418 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,563 OH, YOU REALLY DO NEED ME? 419 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:09,900 YEAH. 420 00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:13,604 THEN I'M WORTH MORE THAN TEN PERCENT. 421 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,673 MAKE IT 15 AND YOU'VE GOT ME. 422 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,274 [SIGHS] I'VE-- 423 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,942 I GUESS I GOT YOU. 424 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,511 OH, BOY! 425 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,614 [INHALES] OH! 426 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:26,317 I'M GOING TO TAKE MICHAEL OUT TO DINNER TO CELEBRATE. 427 00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,452 AND TO THANK HIM FOR STANDING UP FOR ME. 428 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:32,022 [EXHALES] I'LL USE MY FIRST WEEK'S RAISE, SO... 429 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,090 IT'LL BE, KIND OF, YOUR TREAT. 430 00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:48,238 - HI, I'M BACK! - HI, STEPHANIE. 431 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,473 HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY? 432 00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,875 AS WHAT? A RECEPTIONIST, DICK'S SECRETARY, 433 00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:54,144 - OR YOUR NEW MAID? - OUR NEW MAID? 434 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,847 [GIGGLES] YEAH, I'M REALLY BACK! 435 00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:03,086 - HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? - HO-HONEY, IT WAS AWFUL. 436 00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:04,488 STEPHANIE IS A TERRIBLE RECEPTIONIST. 437 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,289 MICHAEL STUCK ME WITH THE JOB OF FIRING HER. 438 00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:08,392 AND-AND I-- I JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO-- 439 00:22:08,394 --> 00:22:10,160 TO NOT TAKE HER BACK HERE. 440 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:12,763 WELL, I UNDERSTAND, DICK, BUT THERE IS A PROBLEM. 441 00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:14,631 - WHAT? - I HIRED A MAID TODAY. 442 00:22:14,633 --> 00:22:16,600 NOW, DON'T WORRY. IT WAS ONLY ON A TRIAL BASIS, 443 00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:18,836 AND IT'S NOT WORKING OUT, BUT... 444 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,738 I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO DO THE FIRING. 445 00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:22,272 - COULD YOU? - I CAN'T! 446 00:22:22,274 --> 00:22:24,808 - OH, PLEASE, DICK! - HONEY, ONE FIRING A DAY IS ENOUGH. 447 00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,378 THIS ONE IS YOURS. 448 00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,646 OKAY, I'LL TRY. 449 00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:41,492 HEY, BOSS! 450 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,831 JOANNA SAID YOU WANTED TO SPEAK TO ME? 451 00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:26,637 MEOW. 31208

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