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�� [THEME]
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- HI.
- OH, HI.
3
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I'M STUART COSWELL,
AND I HAD A RESERVATION.
4
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,028
- OH, YES.
- YEAH.
5
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:06,298
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME,
MR. COSWELL.
6
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,999
TODAY IS OUR MAID'S DAY OFF.
7
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THE ONLY CHANCE I HAVE
TO GET THE CLEANING DONE.
8
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HERE YOU GO. THERE.
9
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THANK YOU.
10
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[STUART LAUGHS]
11
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I'LL GET OUR HANDYMAN
TO CARRY YOUR THINGS
12
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,319
UPSTAIRS FOR YOU.
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THAT'S OKAY. I'D PREFER
TO CARRY MY BAGS MYSELF.
14
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SEE, IT'S EASIER.
15
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,930
MR. COSWELL.
I OUGHT TO TELL YOU
16
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,566
THAT WE CAN'T ALLOW PETS.
17
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YOU CAN'T?
18
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WELL. GOOD POLICIES.
19
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YOU KNOW, I HATE 'EM. YUCK.
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THIS MIGHT SOUND NITPICKY,
BUT THAT BOX
21
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DOES LOOK LIKE IT COULD
CONTAIN A YUCKY PET.
22
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,247
[STUART LAUGHS]
23
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DON'T BE SILLY.
NO, YOU SEE, THIS...
24
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,417
THIS IS SOCKS.
25
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,457
THEN WHY ARE THERE AIR HOLES?
26
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,492
I DIDN'T SAY
THEY WERE CLEAN.
27
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ROOM SEVEN.
28
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,999
AND, UH, THIS, OF COURSE,
IS THE LOBBY.
29
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,435
[WOMAN GASPS]
OH...
30
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:22,774
WELL, ACTUALLY,
YOU WERE HERE BEFORE.
31
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,277
THIS-- THIS IS
WHERE YOU CHECKED IN.
32
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,579
AND I STILL LOVE IT.
33
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WELL, FEEL FREE
34
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:32,016
TO HUG A WALL.
35
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,587
WHAT-- WHAT'S ALL THIS?
36
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,522
I'M TRYING TO GET
SOME CLEANING DONE.
37
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OH RIGHT. THIS IS
STEPHANIE'S DAY OFF.
38
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SAY, DICK, YOU KNOW
THOSE CELTICS TICKETS
39
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,930
YOU WERE TRYING TO GET,
AND I SAID
40
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,932
I COULD GET THEM FOR YOU?
WELL, GUESS WHAT?
41
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:50,735
- YOU GOT 'EM?
- NO.
42
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:54,439
BUT MY FRIEND DUTCH DID,
AND HE GAVE THEM TO ME.
43
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:55,907
OH. THANKS, GEORGE.
44
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,276
HEY, DICK,
I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
45
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THERE ARE TWO TICKETS THERE.
46
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:03,515
WERE YOU PLANNING TO TAKE
ANYONE IN PARTICULAR?
47
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,719
YEAH, GEORGE,
I WAS PLANNING ON TAKING YOU.
48
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,554
OH. WELL,
49
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,857
IT'S KIND OF LAST-MINUTE,
BUT OKAY.
50
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MR. LOUDON, YOU'VE DONE
SUCH A FABULOUS JOB
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00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,331
OF PRESERVING THIS PLACE.
52
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YOU'RE JUST WONDERFUL.
53
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WELL, THE GUEST IS
ALWAYS RIGHT.
54
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,005
- MR. LOUDON--
- OR YOU CAN CALL ME
55
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:30,675
MR. WONDERFUL.
56
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:34,312
WELL, I'D LIKE US
TO STICK WITH THE NAME
ON THE ARREST WARRANT.
57
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:37,014
- ARREST WARRANT?
- YOU'RE ARRESTING DICK?
58
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:38,082
YEAH, I'M AFRAID SO.
59
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:39,718
WELL, WHAT DID HE DO?
60
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,620
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
61
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,722
WHAT'D I DO?
62
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,124
WELL, YOU...
63
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,593
HELD UP A LIQUOR STORE.
64
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,161
WHAT?
65
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,196
OH, SORRY. WRONG WARRANT.
66
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,234
APPARENTLY YOU FAILED
TO PAY SOME PARKING FINES.
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00:03:56,236 --> 00:04:00,004
WELL, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
68
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,506
THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE.
69
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:04,175
I HAD A COUPLE OF TICKETS,
BUT I PAID THEM.
70
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,110
I NEVER GET TIRED
OF HEARING THAT ONE.
71
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,445
BUT JUST THE SAME,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO COME DOWN
72
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,547
- TO THE STATION WITH ME.
- I'LL FOLLOW YOU DOWN.
73
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:11,650
YOU'LL PROBABLY WANNA BRING
SOME MONEY, MA'AM.
74
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,819
OR HIS TOOTHBRUSH, DEPENDING ON
HOW BADLY YOU WANT HIM BACK.
75
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,288
LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.
76
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,423
WE'LL BE BACK
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
77
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,559
WELL, JUST IN CASE
YOU'RE NOT, MR. LOUDON.
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00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,695
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
79
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,831
YOU HAVE A LOVELY HIDEOUT.
80
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:38,176
NOW-- NOW DICK,
JUST TRY AND COOL DOWN.
81
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,944
I DON'T WANNA COOL DOWN.
I WAS ARRESTED
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00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,846
IN FRONT OF MY GUESTS.
I WAS THROWN IN A CELL
83
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,281
WITH A GUY WHO
ACTUALLY SMELLED LIKE
84
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,317
HE COULD'VE BEEN
JACK DANIELS.
85
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,655
AND THEN THAT JUDGE
FINED ME $275 WORTH
86
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,089
FOR A CRIME
I NEVER COMMITTED.
87
00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:54,292
WELL, I BELIEVE YOU, HONEY,
BUT THAT WAS NO REASON
88
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,528
TO LOSE YOUR HEAD
OUTSIDE THE COURTHOUSE.
89
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,229
HONEY, IN THIS
GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS,
90
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:01,833
CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE
IS A BIRTHRIGHT.
91
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,468
BESIDES, I DON'T THINK
THE JUDGE EVEN SAW
92
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,704
WHO THREW THAT SNOWBALL.
93
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,339
DICK.
94
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:10,007
DICK, ISN'T IT
REMOTELY POSSIBLE
95
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,210
THAT YOU FORGOT TO PAY
THOSE PARKING TICKETS?
96
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,245
NO, AND I'M GOING
TO PROVE IT.
97
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,549
OUT OF MY WAY!
98
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:18,916
WHO'RE YOU TALKING TO?
99
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:20,885
A CHAIR!
100
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,022
OH, HELLO, MR. COSWELL.
101
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:26,524
OH HI.
102
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:28,893
GEE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU
STANDING THERE.
103
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:32,864
- I'VE BEEN ON A DIET.
- AH.
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00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,632
WHAT'S THAT?
105
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,100
OH, UH... WELL,
106
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:39,571
I GOT A LITTLE HUNGRY,
SO I FIXED MYSELF A SNACK.
107
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,172
RAW LIVER.
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00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,242
YEAH. YEAH,
IT'S MY ONE WEAKNESS.
109
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,679
YOU'D BE AMAZED
AT HOW MANY RESTAURANTS
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00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,714
OVERCOOK IT.
111
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:53,184
- AH-HAH!
- "AH-HAH" WHAT?
112
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,553
AH-HAH, I WAS RIGHT.
I DID PAY THOSE TRAFFIC FINES.
113
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:56,755
I HAVE
THE CANCELED CHECKS HERE.
114
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,423
NOW MAYBE THE JUDGE'LL
LISTEN TO REASON.
115
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:01,659
ASSUMING HE'S GOTTEN
ALL THE SNOW OUT OF HIS EAR.
116
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,061
I WAS AIMING FOR HIS HAT.
117
00:06:04,063 --> 00:06:06,364
DICK. HONEY, DON'T YOU
THINK YOU SHOULD WAIT
118
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,333
UNTIL YOU'RE IN
A LESS VENGEFUL MOOD?
119
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,403
I'M NOT VENGEFUL.
120
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,505
I'M SIMPLY GOING TO GO DOWN
TO THE COURTHOUSE
121
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,774
AND LAY THE CANCELED CHECKS
OUT, ONE BY ONE,
122
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,009
UNDER THE BEAK OF THAT
BLACK COW, POMPOUS,
123
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,944
TOAD OF A JUDGE.
124
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BOY, DID I TAKE
THE RIGHT DAY OFF
125
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,285
OR WHAT?
126
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,687
- SO HOW WAS SKIING?
- WONDERFUL.
127
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,956
I HAD A LESSON WITH
THE SINGLE MOST GORGEOUS
128
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:34,025
SKI INSTRUCTOR
ON THIS PLANET.
129
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,661
- WOLFGANG.
- STEPHANIE.
130
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,496
OH, HE DOESN'T MIND.
131
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:41,599
DO YOU, WOLFIE?
132
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:44,803
- NEIN.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
133
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:48,139
WHERE'S DICK? WE'VE GOTTA
TRY THIS OUT ON HIM.
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00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,007
YOU WON'T BELIEVE
WHAT HAPPENED.
135
00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,744
- DICK WAS ARRESTED.
- ARRESTED? FOR WHAT?
136
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,512
FAILURE TO PAY
PARKING FINES.
137
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,147
BUT IT'S JUST
A MISUNDERSTANDING.
138
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,115
HE'S GONE TO
STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT.
139
00:06:58,117 --> 00:06:59,584
MIKE, WILL YOU WANT
TO STAY FOR LUNCH?
140
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,186
NO THANKS, I NIBBLED
STEPHIE'S EAR ON THE CHAIR LIFT.
141
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,629
WHY THE LONG FACE, INGRID?
142
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,633
MICHAEL, DO YOU REMEMBER
143
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:17,001
WHEN DICK AND JOANNA
WENT TO THAT
144
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:18,736
WRITERS' CONFERENCE
IN NEW YORK?
145
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,137
HOW COULD I FORGET?
THAT'S THE WEEK WE HAD TO
146
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:23,274
REPLACE DICK'S SHOW
WITH THAT MUNSTER RERUN.
147
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,710
MONSTER RATINGS.
148
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:28,346
WELL, WHILE THEY WERE GONE,
I BORROWED DICK'S CAR.
149
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,748
AND I GOT SOME
PARKING TICKETS.
150
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:31,983
BUT I GUESS I FORGOT
151
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:35,052
TO TELL HIM ABOUT, UH, PAY.
152
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,957
BAD FORM, STEPH.
WHY WERE USING HIS CAR?
153
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,659
IT'S AMERICAN, ISN'T IT?
154
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:44,128
I WAS BUYING SHOES.
I NEEDED A WAGON.
155
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:50,902
WELL, YOU HAVE
A PERFECT EXPLANATION.
156
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,637
SO YOU DON'T THINK
HE'LL BE MAD?
157
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,906
- WITH THAT LITTLE NOSE?
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
158
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:59,210
I WAS BEING A DUMMKOPF.
159
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,850
OH, SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING,
MR. LOUDON.
160
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,351
I HOPE THIS WON'T
TAKE TOO LONG.
161
00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,220
I'VE GOT
A SPLITTING HEADACHE.
162
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,890
SOMEONE BEAMED ME WITH
A SNOWBALL THIS MORNING.
163
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:19,296
KIDS, KIDS, KIDS.
164
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,566
WELL, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
165
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:23,768
UM, JUDGE DRAYTON, UM,
166
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,570
I'M SURE YOU'RE PROBABLY
A DECENT GUY,
167
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,739
BUT YOUR DECISION
THIS MORNING
168
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:31,676
REALLY SUCKED ROPE.
169
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,445
YOUR HONOR.
170
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,414
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
MR. LOUDON.
171
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,016
YOU'RE RIGHT.
172
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,317
- I AM?
- YEAH, IN REVIEWING
YOUR FILE,
173
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:42,921
I FOUND A SERIOUS
OVERSIGHT.
174
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:46,223
YOU WERE FINED $275.
175
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,860
IT SHOULD'VE BEEN 300.
176
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,595
WHAT?
177
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:52,229
IT'S TIME I GOT
A NEW CALCULATOR.
178
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:54,331
THIS OLD ONE...
179
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,936
SUCKS ROPE, IS IT?
180
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,336
BUT-- BUT I'M NOT GUILTY.
181
00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:00,972
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
182
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,975
YOU'RE GUILTY
OF FALSE ARREST.
183
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,977
EXCUSE ME?
184
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,845
I HAVE HERE THREE--
185
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,213
COUNT THEM, THREE--
186
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,815
CANCELED CHECKS MADE OUT
187
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:14,018
TO THE MUNICIPAL COURT FOR
PARKING VIOLATIONS.
188
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,220
ONE.
189
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,789
TWO.
190
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,090
THREE.
191
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,693
READ THEM AND WEEP.
192
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,161
WELL, I'LL BE.
193
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,496
YOU DID PAY THEM.
194
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:29,433
SURPRISE, SURPRISE.
195
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:32,570
BUT UNFORTUNATELY,
YOU FAILED TO PAY
196
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,838
FOUR.
197
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,106
FIVE.
198
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,174
SIX.
199
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:40,078
FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX?
200
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,513
SURPRISE, SURPRISE.
201
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,683
BUT I-- I NEVER GOT THOSE.
202
00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:47,118
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.
203
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,220
YOU-- YOU SHOULD BE...
204
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:52,156
DISROBED.
205
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:55,860
MR. LOUDON, YOU SEEM TO HAVE
A SLIGHT ATTITUDE PROBLEM.
206
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,496
OBVIOUSLY JUST FINING YOU
WASN'T ENOUGH.
207
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,598
MAYBE SOME
COMMUNITY SERVICE WORK
208
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,866
WOULD DO YOU GOOD.
209
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,701
COMMUNITY SERVICE WORK?
210
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,270
YES, THAT'S WHERE
YOU CHEERFULLY DONATE
211
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,072
ALL YOUR FREE TIME FOR SOME
212
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,508
COMMUNITY IMPROVEMENT
PROJECT.
213
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,576
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME.
214
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:16,114
I'M A JUDGE.
215
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,315
YOU START TOMORROW.
216
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,617
BUT I'M BUSY TOMORROW.
217
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,253
I HAVE TICKETS
TO THE CELTICS GAME.
218
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,857
YOU DO? YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN.
219
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:29,627
WELL. YOU WERE.
220
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,696
WELL, NOW,
I'LL MISS THE GAME.
221
00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:34,165
THIS IS A TRAVESTY
OF JUSTICE.
222
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,670
LOOK, WHAT I'M
TRYING TO SAY IS...
223
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:42,907
I DON'T HAVE
AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM
224
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:45,777
ANYMORE.
225
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,444
YOU MAY NOT, MR. LOUDON.
226
00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,214
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
THAT COMMUNITY SERVICE WILL DO.
227
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,349
- WHAT'S THAT?
- IT'LL KEEP YOU TOO BUSY
228
00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:55,019
TO THROW ANY MORE SNOWBALLS.
229
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,394
HI, HONEY.
DID YOU GET EVERYTHING
230
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,862
STRAIGHTENED OUT
WITH THE JUDGE?
231
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,430
OH, YEAH.
232
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,199
HE FELT SO BAD HE'S GONNA
233
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,501
LET ME PAINT THE TOWN HALL.
234
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,203
- WHAT?
- HE SENTENCED ME
235
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,039
TO 20 HOURS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE
WORK STARTING TOMORROW.
236
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,640
CLAIMS I HAVE
A BAD ATTITUDE.
237
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:19,443
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT JERK?
238
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:22,313
DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE GONNA
MISS THE GAME TOMORROW?
239
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,648
WHAT A JERK. I'M SO MAD
I COULD KICK SOMETHING.
240
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,586
WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
DIDN'T YOU SHOW HIM
241
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,221
THE CANCELED CHECKS?
242
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,488
THEN HE SHOWED ME
THREE MORE TICKETS
243
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:34,692
THAT I DON'T EVEN
REMEMBER GETTING.
244
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,694
UNLESS...
245
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:40,664
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
246
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,934
GEORGE, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
247
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,402
I'LL NEED TO HEAR
THE WHOLE QUESTION, DICK.
248
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,610
DID YOU GET ANY PARKING TICKETS
WITH MY CAR?
249
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:56,013
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
250
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,481
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA
TEAR MY FILES APART,
251
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,183
BUT I'M TELLING YOU,
I NEVER GOT
252
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:01,318
TICKETS FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX.
253
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,488
DID I HEAR DICK COME BACK?
254
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,924
[DICK]
OUT OF MY WAY!
255
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:10,494
- WHO'S HE TALKING TO?
- A CHAIR.
256
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,730
I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE
IF I WERE YOU.
257
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,498
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE THE JUDGE
258
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,968
SENTENCED DICK TO 20 HOURS
OF COMMUNITY SERVICE.
259
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,237
HE'S MADDER
THAN I'VE EVER SEEN HIM.
260
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,805
[CLATTER]
261
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:23,875
- AH-HAH!
- "AH-HAH" WHAT?
262
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:27,011
AH-HAH. I FINALLY
FOUND SOMETHING TO KICK.
263
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,048
GEORGE, IF YOU GET A CHANCE,
264
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:32,616
YOU MIGHT
TAKE A LOOK AT THE DESK.
265
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:34,485
AND HONEY,
IF YOU GET A CHANCE,
266
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,587
YOU MIGHT TAKE
A LOOK AT MY FOOT.
267
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:42,526
[DICK]
IF YOU START UP WITH ME...
268
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,965
STEPHANIE.
YOU DIDN'T GET ANY TICKETS
269
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:50,534
USING DICK'S CAR, DID YOU?
270
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,504
WHY WOULD I USE DICK'S CAR?
IT'S AMERICAN.
271
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,572
OH. OF COURSE.
272
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,758
STEPHANIE,
IS ANYTHING WRONG?
273
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,894
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?
274
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:18,395
WELL, YOU'RE...
275
00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:21,165
WORKING.
276
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,900
HARD.
277
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,336
IT'LL PASS.
278
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,441
HI, MRS. LOUDON.
CAN STEPHIE COME OUT AND PLAY,
279
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,944
OR IS SHE GROUNDED?
280
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,012
- GROUNDED?
- MICHAEL!
281
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,819
WHOA. TURBO-KISS.
282
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,032
NICE JUMPSUIT, DICK.
283
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:57,368
MID-LIFE CRISIS?
284
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,036
NO, THEY HAVE
THIS RULE THAT SAYS,
285
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:00,504
IF YOU DO
COMMUNITY SERVICE WORK,
286
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,340
YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE
THE VILLAGE IDIOT.
287
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,509
COMMUNITY SERVICE WORK?
288
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,679
YOU KNOW, FOR THOSE
PARKING VIOLATIONS DICK GOT.
289
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,915
ALLEGEDLY GOT.
290
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,583
AHH.
291
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,618
OH.
292
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:17,454
LISTEN, STEPH,
I'M FEELING MADCAP TODAY.
293
00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:19,156
WHAT SAY WE TRY OUT
THAT NEW HAIR SALON.
294
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,759
NO, I'M JUST GOING
TO STAY HERE AND WORK.
295
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,727
POOR STEPH. HOW ABOUT
IF I BRING YOU BACK
296
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,930
- A LOCK OF MY HAIR?
- OKAY.
297
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,565
REMEMBER. YOU'VE GOT
THAT CUTE LITTLE NOSE.
298
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,402
NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT
AWAY FROM YOU.
299
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,274
HERE'S YOUR LUNCH, HONEY.
300
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,212
JOANNA, I WAS ORDERED TO DO
COMMUNITY SERVICE WORK,
301
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:45,216
NOT IMPERSONATE
RALPH KRAMDEN.
302
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,684
GEORGE?
303
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,686
YEAH, DICK?
304
00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:51,322
YOU MAY AS WELL
GIVE THIS CELTICS TICKET
305
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,556
TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
306
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,857
AH, GEE, DICK.
307
00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:56,593
MAYBE YOU COULD TALK
TO THE JUDGE ONE MORE TIME.
308
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,562
GEORGE, IF I TRY TO PROVE
MY INNOCENCE ANY MORE,
309
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,332
I'LL WIND UP ON DEATH ROW.
310
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,368
DICK!
311
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,337
WHAT?
312
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:12,043
HAVE FUN.
313
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:15,046
YEAH. YEAH,
WE'RE TALKING MARDI GRAS.
314
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,891
AH, MR. COSWELL.
315
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,160
WHERE ARE WE OFF TO?
316
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,262
WE?
317
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,198
OH, OH YEAH, WELL,
I THOUGHT I'D, YOU KNOW,
318
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,899
TAKE IN THE SIGHTS.
319
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,836
YOUR SOCKS
SHOULD ENJOY THAT.
320
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:40,771
AH, YEAH.
YEAH, THEY SURE COULD
321
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,007
USE SOME FRESH AIR.
322
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,343
MR. COSWELL,
IT'S PAINFULLY CLEAR
323
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,777
THAT YOU ARE
HIDING SOMETHING.
324
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,612
I DON'T THINK
THERE ARE SOCKS IN HERE.
325
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,915
I THINK THAT WHAT'S
IN HERE IS...
326
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:55,853
NOTHING.
327
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:59,156
HUH. SUPPOSE THERE'S A RULE
AGAINST THAT, HUH?
328
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:01,825
OH, MR. COSWELL.
I'M SO SORRY.
329
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:05,062
I WAS SURE YOU WERE
HIDING A PET IN HERE.
330
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,898
I'M JUST SO EMBARRASSED,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
331
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,367
I-- I HOPE
YOU'LL FORGIVE ME.
332
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,935
OH, HERE, HAVE A POSTCARD.
333
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,907
OH BOY. OH BOY.
334
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,543
[WHISTLES]
335
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,819
[WHISTLES CASUALLY]
336
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:42,199
- GEORGE.
- YEAH?
337
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,668
DID YOU EVER GET PUNISHED
WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?
338
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,637
WELL, SURE. DIDN'T EVERYONE?
339
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:47,905
NOT ME.
340
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,407
NEVER?
341
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,308
NOT EVEN THE TIME
I CUT LEATHER DOLL CLOTHES
342
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,544
OUT OF THE UPHOLSTERY
IN MY FATHER'S ROLLS-ROYCE.
343
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,181
AND HE DIDN'T PUNISH YOU
FOR THAT?
344
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,650
HE GAVE ME A PONY.
345
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,419
WHOA.
346
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:05,056
HE SAID I'D SHOWN
INGENUITY AND IMAGINATION.
347
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:07,091
WELL, I HAD, YOU KNOW.
348
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:09,093
WELL, IF I'D EVER DONE
ANYTHING LIKE THAT,
349
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,462
MY FATHER WOULD'VE TAKEN ME
OUT TO THE WOODSHED
350
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:14,998
AND SMOKED MY BEHIND
BUT GOOD.
351
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,000
GEE, HE MUST'VE
REALLY HATED YOU.
352
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:18,436
NO, HE LOVED ME.
353
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,137
BUT HE GOT SO ANGRY.
354
00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:22,540
WELL, YEAH,
BUT AFTER A COUPLE HOURS,
355
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,575
HE'D BE SAYING,
"HEY, GEORGE,
356
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,909
YOU WANNA PLAY SOME CATCH?"
357
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:27,445
AND YOU'D GO PLAY WITH HIM,
358
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,646
AND EVERYTHING
WOULD BE FINE AGAIN?
359
00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:32,749
WELL, FIRST I'D THROW THE BALL
OVER HIS HEAD A FEW TIMES.
360
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:35,619
MAKE HIM CHASE IT.
361
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,089
AND THEN EVERYTHING
WOULD BE FINE.
362
00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:42,193
GEORGE.
363
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,727
COULD I HAVE THAT
EXTRA BASKETBALL TICKET?
364
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,229
I HAVE SOMEBODY
I WANT TO GIVE IT TO.
365
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,064
SURE.
366
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,300
AND TELL JOANNA
367
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,402
I HAD TO GO OUT FOR A WHILE.
368
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,605
WHERE SHALL I TELL HER
YOU WENT?
369
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,341
TO THE WOODSHED.
370
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:04,348
YOU MISSED A SPOT.
371
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:07,384
I DIDN'T MISS A SPOT.
THIS IS CHEAP PAINT.
372
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,553
OH. THEN I GUESS YOU'D BETTER
GIVE IT A SECOND COAT
373
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:13,390
WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH.
374
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:16,660
WELP, I'D BETTER
PICK UP SOME BREWSKIS.
375
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,996
GUYS ARE COMING OVER TO WATCH
THE CELTICS GAME THIS AFTERNOON.
376
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,532
I HAD TICKETS TO THAT GAME.
377
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,800
LOOKS LIKE YOU PAID
FOR THE WRONG TICKETS.
378
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,417
WRONG TICKETS, HUH?
379
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:48,325
HI.
380
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:49,860
HI, STEPHANIE.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?
381
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:53,130
OH, I THOUGHT I'D JUST...
382
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,731
YOU KNOW, DROP IN
383
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:57,201
AND SAY HI.
384
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,970
SEE IF YOU NEEDED ANYTHING.
385
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,672
POSSIBLY THROW MYSELF
AT YOUR FEET
386
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,607
AND BEG YOU TO PLEASE,
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE
387
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,676
FORGIVE ME.
388
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,378
OH.
389
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,880
SHOULD--
390
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:13,750
SHOULD THIS BE MAKING SENSE?
391
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,153
DICK.
392
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,988
DO YOU REMEMBER
393
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,723
WHEN YOU AND JOANNA
WENT TO THAT
394
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:22,426
WRITERS' CONFERENCE
IN NEW YORK?
395
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:24,528
AND YOU TOOK HER CAR?
396
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,830
YEAH.
397
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,166
WELL, YOU DIDN'T TAKE
398
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,168
YOUR CAR.
399
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,705
SORRY, I DIDN'T TAKE--
400
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:37,841
MY CAR.
401
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:41,612
YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE
WHAT I DID.
402
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:44,281
TRY ME.
403
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,619
I BORROWED YOUR CAR.
404
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,487
AH.
405
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,790
AND... THEN WHAT HAPPENED?
406
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:56,327
I GOT SOME PARKING TICKETS.
407
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:58,829
AH.
408
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,231
WHY--
409
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,433
WHY DIDN'T YOU PAY THEM?
410
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,401
I WAS GOING TO.
411
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,204
BUT THERE WAS A SERIES
OF MONETARY DISASTERS.
412
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,307
OH.
413
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,908
LIKE...
414
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,244
LIKE WHAT?
415
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,713
WELL, MY HAIRDRYER DIED.
416
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,615
AND I HAD
AN OVERDUE PHONE BILL.
417
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:18,815
YOU HAVE TO PAY THOSE,
OR YOU CAN GET
418
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:21,017
IN REALLY BIG TROUBLE.
419
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,954
REALLY.
420
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,489
YEAH.
421
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:26,923
AND...
422
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:29,226
AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH,
423
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,328
CALLUM'S HAD
THIS HUGE SWEATER SALE.
424
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,400
A SWEATER SALE
IS NOT A DISASTER.
425
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,269
IT WOULD'VE BEEN
426
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,771
IF I HADN'T GOTTEN
THIS PURPLE ONE.
427
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,509
LET-- LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
428
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:47,745
YOU-- YOU BORROWED MY CAR,
429
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,580
RAN UP SOME TICKETS,
430
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,449
DIDN'T PAY THEM.
DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELL ME.
431
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,951
LET ME TAKE THE WRAP
SO I'M STANDING HERE
432
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,120
IN THIS SILLY JUMPSUIT
433
00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,390
AND MISSING
THE BASKETBALL GAME
434
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:02,559
OF THE CENTURY?
435
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:05,095
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
436
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:09,032
I'M GLAD
YOU'RE TAKING IT LIKE THIS.
437
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:10,967
I WAS AFRAID
YOU WERE GOING TO YELL.
438
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:14,070
I'M TOO MAD TO YELL!
439
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:16,573
WELL, THAT'S SURE A RELIEF.
440
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:17,974
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
441
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:20,076
HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?
442
00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:21,978
I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU!
443
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,347
BUT YOU WERE SO MAD.
444
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:25,248
YOU HAD THIS LOOK
IN YOUR EYE--
445
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:28,686
THAT'S THE ONE.
446
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,422
AND THE LONGER I WAITED,
THE HARDER IT GOT.
447
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:33,156
THAT IS NO EXCUSE.
448
00:21:33,158 --> 00:21:35,292
WELL, IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER
FOR A PERSON TO DO
449
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:38,362
THE DECENT THING IF THEY MADE IT
MORE FUN, YOU KNOW.
450
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:44,968
STEPHANIE, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
THE TROUBLE YOU'VE CAUSED?
451
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,970
I BUSHWHACKED THE JUDGE.
452
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,707
I'M GOING TO TELL HIM
EVERYTHING ON MONDAY.
453
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,042
AND, HERE.
454
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:54,411
YOU CAN STILL MAKE THE GAME.
455
00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:57,381
NO, I CAN'T.
456
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:59,182
IF JUDGE DRAYTON
FINDS OUT I LEFT HERE,
457
00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:00,851
HE'LL SENTENCE ME TO...
458
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:04,421
15 YEARS IN
THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.
459
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:07,324
OH.
460
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,859
WELL.
461
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,828
I GUESS IF ANYONE
HAS TO PAINT THIS PLACE,
462
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:12,963
IT SHOULD BE...
463
00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:16,467
SOMEONE ELSE.
464
00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:20,070
LIKE WHO?
465
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:22,439
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
466
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:25,108
I'LL PAINT IT FOR YOU.
467
00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:27,344
BUT IT'S NOT FAIR.
468
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,414
GEORGE GOT TO PLAY CATCH.
469
00:22:33,151 --> 00:22:34,885
I'D ASK.
470
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:37,521
BUT THAT MEANS THAT I...
471
00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:40,491
I HAVE A TIPOFF...
472
00:22:40,493 --> 00:22:43,894
TO MISS.
473
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:47,464
DICK?
474
00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:49,566
DO YOU FORGIVE ME?
475
00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:54,070
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
476
00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,083
�� [THEME MUSIC]
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