All language subtitles for Newhart - S01E02

Yo, Joanna.

Hi, Kirk.
Where's Dick?

He's down in
the basement with George.

They're looking
at the furnace.
Mmm-hmm.

Let me guess
where you're going.

Give up?

I'm taking Leslie to
the Dartmouth-Harvard
football game.

It's the biggest
game of the season.
Everyone goes.

They have picnics
in the parking lots,

bands play,
people make floats.
It's great.

It's probably
the major social event
of the entire year.

That sounds wonderful.
It is.

Leslie and I are really
looking forward to it.

Hey, Leslie,
wanna go to the game?

No, thanks.
I have to study.

Wanna buy a blanket?

Well,
I think the best thing to do
is just buy a new furnace.

I mean, we need
a bigger one anyway,
don't we?

A bigger one won't
fit in that corner.

Well, then put it in
the southeast corner.

That's where the stairs are.

Well, then put it in
the southwest corner.

Then you'll put it
on top of Mrs. Newton.

Who?
Mrs. Newton.

The lady who's buried
in the basement.

There's a lady buried
in our basement?

You didn't know that?
No.

Oh, well, sit down,
this may come
as quite a shock.

(STAMMERING) Uh, Joanna,
did you hear this?

JOANNA: What?

What would you say if
I told you there was a body
buried in our basement?

I'd say ick.

What would you say
if you weren't
a college graduate?

What are you talking about?

He's talking
about Sarah Newton.

The lady who's buried
in your basement.

Are you serious?

Do you wanna see?

I'd like to see it.
Yeah.

Come on.

JOANNA: Ick.

Close the door.

George, how come
you never told us
about this before?

Everyone in town
knows the Stratford Inn has
a body in the basement.

How long has she
been down there?

Must be close to 300 years.
Everyone in town knows that.

Why is she down there?

That, no one knows.

I can't understand why
nobody told us about this
when we bought the place.

Well, maybe they did,
and you just forgot.

I don't think so.

Dick. Dick, I'm not sure
that I can live up here
with her down there.

Honey, I think
maybe you're just,
you know, overreacting.

I think in time
you'll get used to her
being down there.

I mean,
I'm down there all the time
and sometimes

I don't even know
I'm walking on her.

Isn't there somebody
we can call about this?

Who?

Well, I don't know,
but I don't like
the idea of a body

being under our bedroom.

Actually, it's not
under your bedroom.

It's buried in
the southwest corner,
which would put it under...

My study.

All right, let's not lose
our heads about this.

There is one
person I can call.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SIGHING)

Mom?

Dick? I picked up
a couple of brochures
on some furnaces.

I thought you might wanna
take a look at them.

What's the difference?

Well, this one's in color.

No, I meant in the furnaces.

Oh. Well, this one here
is made in Europe,
all foreign parts.

If it ever breaks down,
it could take weeks,
maybe months to fix.

And what about this one?

That one's perfect.

Then why don't we get this?

It's $10 more.

Let's get it anyway.

First class. I like that.

Joanna, great news.
Dick and I solved
the problem in the basement.

Oh, thank goodness.

We decided to put
in a new furnace.

Top of the line.

What about Mrs. Newton?

Oh, shoot.

Just when everything
looked like it
was going great.

Hi, honey.
Did you find out anything
about Mrs. Newton?

Yeah, I talked
to the chief
medical examiner.

And?

Well, apparently
there's a rule in the county

that you can't take anything
out of the county that was

in the county before
the county was a county.

How did you do?

Well, I started off
at the town hall.

Everybody there knew
about Mrs. Newton,

but nobody knew what to do
about moving her.

They suggested that I try
to find out if she still had
any relatives in the area.

So, I went to
the Hall of Records,

and they sent me to
the Historical Society,

who recommended that
I try the genealogy section
of the library.

You did all that
in one morning?

Yeah,
I'm surprised all you did
was make a phone call.

Well, I didn't just
make a phone call.

Oh. What else did you do?

I ate an orange.

Well, while you were eating,

I found out that her husband
Jacob Newton

was one of the original
settlers and founding fathers
of the town.

I also found out that
the Newton house was on
the same site as our house,

which means that our basement
was their basement.

Yeah, but that still
doesn't explain why Sarah
is buried down there.

Yeah, I know.
That's the curious thing.

The records don't
even mention her,

except to say that her husband
is buried in the churchyard,

but it doesn't explain
why she isn't buried
with him.

Well, husbands and wives
aren't always
buried together.

I have an aunt who's buried
in Pennsylvania

and my uncle is buried
on the beach in Normandy.

He was killed in the war?

No, my aunt found him there
with another woman.

How long have you
been saving that one?

Uh, 16 years.

Now, honey, listen.
I was wondering if
there was some way

that we could get
Mr. and Mrs. Newton
next to each other.

You're not suggesting
that we put Mr. Newton
in our basement.

Come on, Dick. I'm suggesting
that we go over to the church

where Mr. Newton is buried

and talk to the minister
about getting Mrs. Newton
moved there.

Good idea.

I'd like to get out
of the house anyway

and walk off that orange.

Come in, come in.
Please, sit down.

Sit down.

It's always a pleasure
to welcome new people
to our little church.

Well, we aren't here
to join your church.

Oh.

But we'd be more than happy
to make a donation,
wouldn't we, Dick?

Hmm?

Oh, uh, sure.

Well, unfortunately,
I only have a 20.

But I'm sure it'll
be put to good use.

Yes, thank you.

Now, how may I help you?

Well, uh, the reason
we're here, and I know this is
going to sound incredible,

we found out that a woman
is buried in our basement.

You must be from
the Stratford Inn.

Right, the incredible
Stratford Inn.

You're referring
to Sarah Newton.

Yes, but what you may
not know, Reverend,

is that her husband
Jacob Newton is buried
in your churchyard.

Really?

DICK: Yes, Reverend,
we were wondering
if there was any way

of getting Sarah Newton
moved over here.

I don't understand
why she wasn't buried here
to begin with.

You know,
that is curious.

Maybe there's
something about it
in the old church record.

Do you know approximately
when she died?

We know exactly
when she died.
The 1600s.

(STUTTERING)
The late 1600s.

(CLEARS THROAT)

All right. Let's see.
Late 1600s.

Here we are.
"Nesbit, Nettles, Newton."

"Jacob Newton, born, 1656."

What does it say?

Oh, the usual thing
about being pious
and God-fearing.

Uh...

Yes, "Sarah Newton.
Born, 1660, died, 1692."

Uh-oh.

What's the matter?

She was refused
church burial.

Refused.
Does it give a reason?

Yes, a very good one.

She was a witch.

Ick.

I don't believe this.

She was refused
a proper burial

because someone accused her
of being a witch?

Oh, that is the most
ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.

Well, maybe now,
but in the 1600s
it was a real sticking point.

Well, what did they do,
burn her at the stake?

(CHUCKLES)
Come now, Mrs. Loudon.

They never burned witches
at the stake in this country.

This is America.

What did they do?
They hung her.

Of course, afterwards,
the mob did wander over
and burn down her house.

Well,
I suppose after a hanging,
it's kind of hard to just

go home and kick off
your shoes.

Well, at least now,

now we know
why she's buried
where she is.

That poor thing.
What could she have done

to make people think
she was a witch?

Oh, let me see
if it's here.

She was seen
burying a cat
at midnight,

she made a lady's
hair fall out,

and she was accused
of turning someone's son
into a badger.

And that's it?

Well, honey,
if she really turned
a kid into a badger...

This whole thing
is preposterous.

Oh, Reverend,
surely you can see

how unfair all
these charges were.

Well, of course.
But unfortunately

she's still listed by
the church as a witch.

Isn't there
anything you can do to get
Mrs. Newton's name taken off

the witch list?

Well, one way is to go
to the church's
executive council

and have the name stricken
from the record.

Then you will have to file
a brief showing cause

why the church was erroneous
in its original views.

And have the church hierarchy
render a unanimous decision

to reverse the former decision
against her.

Or another way would be
to just cross her
off the list.

You can do that?

You got a pencil?

You mean that's it?

That's it.

And now you'll let
Mrs. Newton
into your cemetery?

We'll be happy to.

Oh, this is very kind
of you, Reverend.

Thank you so much.
You're very welcome.

Reverend, it's a credit to you
that you took a stand in
clearing Mrs. Newton's name.

Please.
These aren't the Dark Ages.
This is the 20th century.

We consider
ourselves enlightened.
Good day.

Oh, by the way,

you aren't gonna do this
after dark, are you?

No, why?

It's bad luck to move
a witch at night.

Yeah, Mr. Garber,

we appreciate you calling
to confirm your reservation.

I have it right here
in front of me.

(STUTTERS) We're looking
forward to seeing you
this afternoon.

Oh, there is one thing
I should mention.

Yeah. Well,
there's a possibility

we may be having
some work done
in our basement,

but it really shouldn't
inconvenience you in any way.

It's really nothing.

Well...

See, there's this body
in our basement,

and we're
having her excavated.

Well, there's
the Hanover Inn.

The inn at White Falls.

I understand completely.
Thank you for thinking of us.

Well, I ordered your furnace.

Oh, good, George.

The installation
will cost $80.

I thought you'd
take care of that.

I don't have $80.

I thought you'd install it.

Oh, well,
I guess I could do that.

Do you know anything
about furnaces?

Well, I know they
go in the basement,

they give off heat

and, if you want one
installed right,
it costs $80.

Why don't we spend the $80
and have it done right?

I think we'll
all sleep better.

Hi, guys.
Great news, Joanna.

Dick and I solved
the problem in the basement
and it's only gonna cost $80.

To move Mrs. Newton?

You know, I don't think
I'm going to tell you
good news anymore.

I thought he meant the people
from the mortuary were here.

No. They should be
here any minute.

Oh, I am gonna be so relieved
when this is all over.

You know, the more I learn
about Sarah, the more
attached I feel to her.

You've really been
reading up on this.

Well, I can't sleep at night.
I have to do something.

Did I tell you that
she had seven children?

Two of them almost died
of consumption and she
nursed them back to health.

On top of that,
she taught them all
to read and write.

She made all their clothes.
She grew all their food.

Then they accuse
her of practicing
witchcraft?

It's ridiculous.

I agree.
When would she have
found the time?

Hey, Leslie,
thanks a lot for doing that.

For showing you
Mrs. Newton?

No, for going down alone
in the basement with me.

Great grave, Dick.

Thanks, Kirk.
That means a lot,
coming from you.

So, who did you find
to re-plant her?

Kirk, please, we're trying
to handle this with as much
dignity as possible.

I think the kid from
the mortuary's here.

The kid?

Come on, Leslie,
I don't think
the Gardendale Mortuary

is gonna send over a kid.

My mistake.

I'm from the mortuary.

Hi.

Oh, right.

Uh, I don't know why,
somehow, I thought
you'd be a little older.

They have a really bright
junior achievement program,
here, Dick.

My dad says I have to
work for him after school
if I want wheels.

What a bummer.

Wait till I get my van.
I'm going to Europe.

Should be some drive.

So, where's the loved one?

She's in the basement.

What do you got, like,
a rec room down there?

No, it's just a basement.

She's buried down there.

She's been buried down there
for 300 years.

I thought everyone
knew that.

(CHUCKLES) Hey,
I don't know what happened
last Tuesday.

It doesn't matter.
The point is we
want her moved.

And what do you
want me to do?

The digging.

What are you, like,
the Addams Family?

No, we're just average people
trying to get a body moved
out of our basement.

Not by me.

Hey, wait a minute.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

We got a deal.

MAN: Deal this.

I saw that.

Wait till I tell your father.
You can kiss your van goodbye.

Can you believe that?
What a rotten kid.

You know, somebody like that
shouldn't be working
for a mortuary.

Somebody like that
should be a badger.

Only now what do we do?

Listen, if you're
really up against it,

I know some guys who will do
anything for a buck.

In fact, I think I have
their card right here.

"We'll do anything
for a buck."

They're not kidding, either.

I had them cut down
dead trees, haul away trash,
recommend restaurants.

Sounds too good to be true.

Do you really think
we should call them?

I think we're out
of alternatives.

Hello.
Is this Anything for a Buck?

Yeah, my name is Dick Loudon.
I'm the owner of
the Stratford Inn.

Yeah, there's something
we have to have moved.

Not until next week.

There's no way you
could do it sooner?

Well,
it's a 300-year-old corpse

that's buried
in our basement.

(STUTTERING)
Five minutes would be fine.

No, actually,
we thought we'd pay you.

We can't wait, either.

Anything for a Buck.

(GASPING)

Oh, yes.

Dick, the gentlemen
are here.

Hurry, okay?

Oh, boy.

Hi.
Hi.

I'm Larry,
this is my brother Darryl

and that's my
other brother Darryl.

So, how are you doing?

Okay, except I throwed
my back out last week
crawling under a house.

Sounds like a tough job.

Wasn't a job. I just like
crawling under houses.

Where's the little lady?

Mrs. Newton is
down those stairs.

Thank you.
If you don't mind
my asking,

how do you go about
this sort of thing?

Well, we usually just wait
until we get down there
to see what's the most fun.

You seem real eager
to get started.

Honey, do you have
any questions for the guys?

Do you have any questions?

Dig her up, right?

Right.
No questions.

We're doing
the right thing,
aren't we?

Honey, we talked this over.
You wanted her
next to her husband.

You're right.
You're right.

(SIGHS) So, if it's right,
why do I feel so awful?

Honey, a lot of times,
when you do the right thing,

it makes your flesh crawl.

No, no. It's not that.

It's just that
things have changed
since we started this.

I mean, now we're talking
about a real person,

a woman that
I have come to know
and care about.

I mean, Sarah was
a wife and a mother

and she suffered
a lot of indignity,

what with being
hung and all,

and I think maybe
we should reconsider.

You mean leave her
down there?

But I thought
you said her place was
next to her husband?

Well, her husband was a jerk.

What are you talking about?

Okay, where was he when Sarah
was being tried as a witch?

Did he speak up for her?

Well, maybe he couldn't
speak up for her.
Why not?

Who knows what
she'd turn him into?

No, it's not funny, Dick.

I thought you said
you couldn't sleep at night
knowing she was down there.

Well, now I'm not sure
I could sleep nights
knowing we moved her.

I guess I'm starting
to feel protective.

Nobody else ever
looked out for her.

You're serious about this?

Yes, I am.

You understand,
don't you, honey?

Well, of course. I just...

I don't know
how to break the news
to Larry, Darryl and Darryl.

Um...

Guys?

You wanna come
up here a second?

Yep?

So, how far have you gone?

We're still flipping
for the first digs.

(STUTTERING) I don't know
quite how to tell you this,
but my wife and I,

we've changed our minds
about moving Mrs. Newton.

This comes as
quite a shock.

But, you know,
of course we'll be glad
to pay you for your time.

And if there's
anything like this ever,
you know, comes up again,

you'll certainly be
the first ones we'll call.

(CLEARS THROAT)
I wish there was some way
of making this up to you.

Dick, there was that
dead possum out by the well.

We'll take it.
Darryl. Darryl!

Dick, the men are here
to put in the new furnace.