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1
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,057
Stop, Dick.
2
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:01,259
Stop what?
3
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:03,795
Stop hiding your figs
under the toast.
4
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:10,002
Joanna, don't be silly.
I'm not hiding figs
under my toast.
5
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:18,510
Well, what do you know, figs!
6
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:21,379
We talked about this before.
Now, you've gotta start
eating better,
7
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,582
and that means getting
more fruit in your diet.
8
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,217
I don't like people
telling me how to eat,
9
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,918
that's why
I became a grownup.
10
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,256
He's not eating
his figs.
11
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,426
I was saving them
for dessert.
12
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,597
Just try them,
they're delicious.
13
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:39,864
I hate figs.
14
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,065
They're full of vitamins.
15
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,600
I hate vitamins.
16
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,869
That's dumb.
Why would anybody
hate vitamins?
17
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,539
Because they come
in things like figs.
18
00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:53,545
(PANTING)
19
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,280
Anything wrong?
20
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,383
I think I'm gonna faint.
21
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,557
I really think
I'm gonna faint.
22
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,192
Stop clowning, Kirk.
23
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,494
Wait a minute.
24
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,129
KIRK: Oh, God.
I don't think
he's lying this time.
25
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:12,263
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
26
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,565
Let's get him to a chair.
27
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,800
Kirk! Kirk!
28
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,635
What happened?
Take it easy,
take it easy.
29
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:17,803
I'll get a cold towel.
30
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,103
I'll get him
some water.
31
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:21,540
I'll get him
some figs.
32
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,441
JOANNA: Dick!
33
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:24,809
Kirk,
what's the matter?
34
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,278
A man just held up my cafe.
35
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,280
What?
What?
Was anyone hurt?
36
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:32,250
No, fortunately,
being breakfast,
the place was empty.
37
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,485
Well, what happened?
38
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,586
This guy came into my cafe.
39
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,224
He looked like
all my other customers,
hostile, nervous, trembling.
40
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:43,161
I said,
"Can I help you?"
He said, "Yeah."
41
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,896
Then he grabbed my
radio off the counter
42
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,197
and threatened to hit me
over the head with it
43
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,599
if I didn't give him
all my money.
44
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,834
He actually said that?
45
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,335
I think so.
46
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,170
All I could really hear
was Melissa Manchester
47
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:54,339
singing Don't Cry Out Loud.
48
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,475
How much money
did he get?
49
00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:00,345
All my life savings,
$2,000.
50
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,548
$2,000?
You said you were broke.
How did you save $2,000?
51
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,785
Same way as everybody else.
It was my tax refund.
52
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,588
Kirk, this is terrible.
Did you call the police?
53
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:14,259
No, no, I was too upset
to do anything like that.
54
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,094
You should call
your insurance company.
55
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,363
Them, I called.
56
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,965
Well, then,
just try to calm down.
57
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,566
You weren't hurt,
and your insurance company
58
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,068
will reimburse you
for everything.
59
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:26,804
I hope so. I don't know.
I don't trust anyone anymore.
60
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,173
Kirk,
it was just one incident.
61
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,141
You can't stop
trusting people.
62
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,877
You don't know
what it feels like to
be threatened like that.
63
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:34,746
I was terrorized, Dick.
64
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,982
There's no telling
what kind of
psychological trauma
65
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:39,184
I may have suffered.
66
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:42,887
Right now, I'm afraid to
walk out on the street again.
67
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,258
Kirk,
is there anything I can do?
68
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,959
How about a movie?
69
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:53,965
Here you go.
70
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,433
You'll be in Room 8
71
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:56,802
and I'll have somebody
bring your bags up
in a minute.
72
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,269
Thank you.
73
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,439
Oh, Dick, this is
Mr. and Mrs. Powell.
74
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,175
They're spending
their honeymoon with us.
75
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,011
Oh, congratulations.
We hope you enjoy
your stay here.
76
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,146
Thank you,
I'm sure we will.
77
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,348
Well, here we go.
78
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,290
Oh, I always think
that's so romantic.
79
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,925
Why didn't you ever carry me
over the threshold?
80
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,161
We talked about that,
remember?
We did?
81
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:26,531
Yeah, I asked you
if you wanted to go through
a basically sexist tradition
82
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:27,999
and probably the two of us
would look like idiots,
83
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,168
and you said, "I guess not."
84
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,814
Hi, I'm looking
for the owner.
85
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,250
Hi, you found him.
86
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:48,186
Hi, Tom Carson,
World Mutual
Home and Casualty.
87
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:51,389
Hello, Dick Loudon,
and we don't need
any insurance.
88
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,658
Mr. Loudon,
we're the insurance carrier
89
00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,393
for the Minuteman Cafe.
90
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:58,729
I'm investigating the robbery
they had over there earlier
this week.
91
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,031
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
92
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,500
Just making my report.
93
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:05,636
Need to
ask a few neighbors
some routine questions
94
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,639
concerning
Mr. Devane's character.
95
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:11,542
Well, I can certainly
vouch for the fact
that he's a character.
96
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,145
Yeah.
97
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:16,781
How long have you
known Mr. Devane?
98
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,850
Actually,
not that long.
99
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,818
But during the time
you have known him,
100
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,788
he's impressed you
as being pretty reputable?
101
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:28,793
Yes. Yes,
he's pretty reputable.
102
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:36,668
Of course, you know,
it depends on your
definition of reputable.
103
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:41,173
Would you say he is
basically an honest person?
104
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,340
Yes.
105
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,945
Basically.
106
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:52,550
I'm just trying to
determine whether or not
Mr. Devane is an honest man,
107
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:55,287
and I sense some
evasiveness on your part.
108
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,554
(CHUCKLES)
109
00:05:56,623 --> 00:06:01,326
I'm certainly not
trying to be evasive.
110
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:04,262
Well, then,
would you please
just answer the question?
111
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:06,097
Yes or no?
112
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,365
What question is that?
113
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,901
Is Mr. Devane honest?
114
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,937
Look, I'm sure
Kirk didn't lie
about the robbery.
115
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,973
Are you're saying
he lies about other things?
116
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:21,146
He fibs.
He fibs for fun.
He's a fun fibber.
117
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:26,217
Mr. Loudon, what you're
saying is very serious.
118
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,585
No, no, it isn't.
119
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,888
Yes, it is. You're saying
Mr. Devane can't be trusted.
120
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,957
I never said that.
121
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,292
Never said what?
122
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,027
I never said that
Kirk couldn't be trusted.
123
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,062
You say that
all the time.
124
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,698
Who's this?
125
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,433
George Utley.
126
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:43,535
Do you know Kirk Devane?
127
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,602
Sure.
128
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,303
If you had to,
would you describe him
129
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,740
as basically honest
or basically dishonest?
130
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,410
Well, that depends.
131
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:54,813
On what?
132
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,347
Who are you?
133
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,418
This is Mr. Carson.
134
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,887
He's investigating
the robbery at Kirk's cafe.
135
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,190
See, any time anyone
claims to be robbed
136
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:08,593
and we don't know whether or
not they're telling the truth,
137
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,662
we have to investigate.
138
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,463
Well, I know Kirk
is telling the truth.
139
00:07:12,532 --> 00:07:13,732
How do you know that?
140
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,667
Well, because when
Kirk told us about it,
141
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:18,870
Dick said,
"I don't think
he's lying this time."
142
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:27,245
Well, I'd like to thank
both of you gentlemen
very much for your help.
143
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:31,082
Mr. Carson,
I hope we didn't give you
the wrong impression of Kirk.
144
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,684
Don't think so.
145
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,955
Shoot.
What's wrong?
146
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,291
Oh, I think
I got Kirk in trouble.
147
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,261
I feel like a traitor.
I feel like the worst
kind of turncoat.
148
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,631
Oh, I feel the same way.
149
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,065
Why?
You didn't do anything.
150
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,767
No, I meant about you.
151
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,072
That was delicious.
152
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,539
Thank you.
Have a good day.
153
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,141
Thanks, we will.
154
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,916
Honey, I'm so glad
you decided to let
me make you
155
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,418
a healthy breakfast
for a change.
156
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,755
Well, I guess
one healthy breakfast
isn't going to kill me.
157
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,057
I know after you eat this,
you're going to have more
energy
158
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,826
and you're going to
feel better all day.
159
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,796
Good morning, Dick.
160
00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:23,968
Good morning, George.
161
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:27,105
Would you pass
the butter, please?
162
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:32,610
Thank you.
163
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,984
Would you pass the jam?
164
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:01,072
Would you pass
the syrup, please?
165
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,146
(WHISTLING)
166
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:16,955
Thank you.
167
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,029
Do we have any
powdered sugar?
168
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,833
I can't eat this.
169
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:35,140
All right,
I'll get you a stack
of cholesterol and fat.
170
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:38,743
Do you want to explain to me
what happened over here
yesterday?
171
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,078
Kirk,
what are you
talking about?
172
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,280
I'm talking about someone
singing like a canary
173
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:44,282
to the insurance investigator.
174
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,817
All right, Dick,
here's your breakfast.
175
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:47,786
Oh, sure.
Sing like a bird,
176
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:48,853
eat like a pig.
177
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,624
Is there a problem, Kirk?
178
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,125
Problem?
179
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,361
When that investigator
left my cafe yesterday,
180
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,795
everything was fine.
181
00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,430
Now he's snooping
all over town,
182
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,532
asking people
questions about me.
183
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,535
Apparently, someone
has led him to believe
184
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,537
I might not be
telling the truth.
185
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,672
I guess
that would be Dick.
186
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:15,212
Kirk, Dick didn't tell
the investigator anything
he couldn't have heard
187
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,748
from 100 other people.
188
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:18,716
But he might not have
talked to 100 other people
189
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,152
if Dick hadn't told him
I was a liar.
190
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,621
I only said
you lied occasionally.
191
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,657
Couldn't you have
stretched the truth?
192
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,660
That was
stretching the truth.
193
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,696
Well, thanks to you,
I'm trapped now.
194
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,430
What do you mean?
195
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,099
They've asked me to
drive up
196
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,468
to Burlington this afternoon
to take a lie detector test.
197
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:38,603
What's wrong with that?
198
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:39,904
What if I don't pass?
199
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:44,108
Kirk, if you're telling
the truth about the robbery,
200
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,843
you have nothing to fear.
201
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,678
Dick, you know how I am.
202
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:51,449
There's something inside me
that won't allow me
to tell the truth.
203
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,884
I'm just afraid if they
hook me up to that machine,
204
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:55,186
I'll burst into flames.
205
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,523
All right, would it
make you feel better
206
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:00,025
if I went along with you?
207
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,993
Are you volunteering
because you're my friend,
208
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,527
or because
you feel guilty?
209
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,563
Because I feel guilty.
210
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,968
Kirk, if you want me to,
I'll go with you.
211
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:14,138
Thank you, Leslie,
but I'd never drag
someone I care about
212
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,607
down into this slimy,
seamy mess.
213
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,643
I'll take Dick.
214
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:40,364
If I pass out, you won't let
my head hit the floor,
will you?
215
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,099
Kirk, relax,
it's gonna be fine.
216
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,968
This is all so sick, Dick.
217
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,770
Hooking people up to machines,
probing their minds,
218
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:50,875
injecting them
with electrical impulses,
making them pay for parking.
219
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,777
Kirk,
you don't have
to go through this.
220
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:55,446
I do if I want to get
what's rightfully mine.
221
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:58,316
The money I got from
cheating on my taxes.
222
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,588
Mr. Devane, here's the water
you asked for.
223
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,391
Thanks, could you
throw it on the machine?
224
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,726
He's joking.
225
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,697
And now, Mr. Devane,
as I said before,
226
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,632
I'll be instructing you
through the test.
227
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,735
You'll be asked a series
of questions in random order.
228
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:21,106
Your answers will be
registered according
to your blood pressure,
229
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,940
respiration
and skin response,
230
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,909
so it is important
that you remain calm.
231
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,244
Calm, okay.
232
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:31,583
Remember,
all of your responses
are to be yes or no.
233
00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:32,850
KIRK: Yes or no.
234
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,252
Do you understand?
Yes.
235
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,520
Very well, let's begin.
236
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,756
Is your name Kirk Devane?
Yes.
237
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,724
Are you
a resident of Vermont?
Yes.
238
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,161
Have you ever been
convicted of a felony?
Yes.
239
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,366
Are you in this
country illegally?
Yes.
240
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,803
Wait a minute.
241
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,073
Kirk, you're not even
listening to the questions.
242
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:57,308
What?
You're not listening
to what he's asking.
243
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,143
What did he say?
244
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:01,345
Why don't we begin again?
245
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,347
Now, just relax
and pay attention.
246
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,349
Relax.
Okay, yes.
247
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,418
Is your name Kirk Devane?
Yes.
248
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,787
Do you run
the Minuteman Cafe?
Yes.
249
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:12,490
Do you use illegal narcotics
on a regular basis?
250
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:13,624
Yes.
251
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:19,364
Wait a minute,
he's doing it again.
252
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,700
I don't understand.
I'm not getting any variation.
253
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:29,873
You mean the machine
isn't registering
that he's lying?
254
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:33,244
It barely registers anything.
The pins haven't moved.
255
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,713
According to this,
he's in a coma.
256
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,718
Well, maybe
the machine's broken.
257
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:46,224
No, it was working
earlier today.
258
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:50,895
Would you mind answering
a few questions just to
test it?
259
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,865
Me?
Well, it will
only take a minute.
260
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:59,570
Here, just let me
get you unfastened here.
261
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,976
There you go,
you're free.
262
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:08,912
Would you stand up,
please?
263
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,114
Yes.
264
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,652
Kirk, would you
hold my coat?
265
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:16,920
Yes.
266
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:26,263
This must be
fascinating work.
267
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:27,664
Yes.
268
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:37,008
Never taken
a polygraph test before,
269
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:39,210
but then again,
why would I?
270
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,782
What do they call you,
polygraphers?
271
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,618
Polygraphists?
272
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:51,088
Lie guys?
273
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:56,427
The actual term is
polygraph examiner,
274
00:14:56,496 --> 00:15:00,264
but you can call me Polly.
275
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,271
There now,
that does it.
276
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,373
Now, remember to relax.
277
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:14,779
Make all of your
responses yes or no.
278
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:17,281
Right. I mean, yes.
279
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,949
Fine, then let's begin.
280
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:20,284
Is your name Dick Loudon?
281
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:21,552
Yes. No.
282
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,688
My friends call me Dick
283
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,791
but my name is
Richard Loudon.
284
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:30,060
Just answer yes or no.
These aren't trick questions.
285
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,330
I'm sorry.
286
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:36,600
Are you
a resident of Vermont?
287
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,903
Yes. No.
288
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:41,672
What I mean is,
I live here now,
289
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,574
but I've only lived here
for a couple of months,
290
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,677
so I'm, you know,
not sure I'm
a legal resident.
291
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,878
I'm doing it again,
aren't I?
292
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,613
That's all right.
293
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:53,117
You do show
that the instrument
is definitely working.
294
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,053
DICK: Then how do you
explain his test?
295
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,355
I can't explain it.
296
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:02,193
For some reason,
he doesn't register
on the polygraph.
297
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:03,528
What does this mean?
298
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,895
If he doesn't register,
299
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,098
it means there's nothing
I can do to support his claim.
300
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,901
I'm sorry.
301
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:23,381
I'm sorry, too, Kirk.
302
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,683
Looks like the only way
I'm gonna get my money
back now
303
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,919
is to go out and find
the guy who stole it.
304
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,087
How are you
gonna do that?
305
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,223
We'll ask around.
306
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,525
We'll start with
the seediest place in town.
307
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:35,793
That would be
your place.
308
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:39,664
Okay, we'll start with
the second seediest place.
309
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,766
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
310
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,647
Kirk, this is crazy.
It's not crazy.
311
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:59,217
This is the kind of place
where crummy people hang out.
312
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:00,818
Hi, Kirk.
Hi, nice to see you.
313
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:02,987
How's it going?
Good to see you.
314
00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:04,489
Nice to see you.
315
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,892
Kirk, what are we
doing here?
316
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,828
Looking for my robber.
317
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,196
What'll you gentlemen have?
318
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,431
Look, we don't have time
to order.
319
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,001
We just want to know
if you've seen
anybody around here
320
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,237
who might be
a vicious criminal.
321
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:20,671
What are you talking about?
322
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:24,008
His cafe was robbed.
He's trying to
find out who did it.
323
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,577
Oh, you must be
from the Minuteman.
324
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,546
See,
they have heard about it.
325
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:29,914
Everybody's heard about it.
326
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:32,450
Oh, yeah. We were talking,
327
00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:35,786
and we figured
whoever did it must
be from out of town.
328
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,421
Why is that?
329
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,157
Well, because no one from
this town would go in there.
330
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:43,994
Did you want
anything on the menu?
331
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,362
No.
332
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,666
Let's go.
Just give me one
last shot at it.
333
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,035
What are you gonna do?
334
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,504
I'm not gonna do
anything embarrassing.
335
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,939
I'm just gonna offer a reward
for any information
336
00:17:56,008 --> 00:18:00,378
leading to the arrest,
conviction and execution
of the person who did it.
337
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,878
Kirk, that's ridiculous.
338
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,547
It's ridiculous to
make a plea for help?
339
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:07,151
Dick, these people,
cruddy as they are,
are still my neighbors.
340
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:11,756
And around here,
neighbors are always
willing to lend a hand.
341
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,290
People, hello.
342
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,160
Everyone,
could you listen up,
please, just for a second?
343
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,395
Could you just listen up?
Thank you.
344
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,197
As you may
or may not know,
345
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,900
the Minuteman Cafe
was robbed last week.
346
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:25,269
(CHEERING)
347
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:28,539
(WHISTLING)
348
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:47,758
Say, would you
teach me how to do that?
349
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,860
Do what?
Sew.
350
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,996
George,
why do you want
to learn how to sew?
351
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:55,198
Well, every once in a while
I knock a button off of
one of my shirts
352
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,734
and I'd like to be
able to sew it back on.
353
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,336
This is one of your shirts.
354
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,371
Oh? Well, then, never mind.
355
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,678
There you are.
356
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,980
I thought you guys
would've been back
hours ago.
357
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,882
How did the test go?
358
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:15,185
You know how a vampire
doesn't show up in a mirror?
359
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:22,826
Kirk doesn't show up
on a lie detector test.
360
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,561
What do you mean?
361
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,864
It was a waste of time.
The test didn't prove
anything.
362
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:30,234
Well, if the test
didn't prove anything,
what happens now?
363
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,602
Well,
we don't know for sure,
but it doesn't look good.
364
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:36,440
2,000 hard-earned bucks
down the drain.
365
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,543
Look, Kirk, I know
you're feeling lousy,
366
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:41,979
but, I mean, it's not
the end of the world.
367
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:44,848
You know,
you're right, Dick.
I feel totally better.
368
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,987
All right,
I know it's a cliche,
369
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,789
but instead of feeling down,
370
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,657
just, you know,
count your blessings.
371
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,359
Okay, let's count them.
372
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,528
I'm broke, I'm alone,
I have no credibility,
and I'm good-looking.
373
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,796
That's one out of four.
374
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,232
You know,
I've been listening to you
375
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:02,499
all day go on like this,
376
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:04,435
and I'm trying
to be sympathetic,
377
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:06,470
but I think you're
overlooking one thing.
378
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,106
I mean, this whole
ordeal is your fault.
379
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:12,943
Let's give a hand for the most
insensitive man in America.
380
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,246
It's not insensitive,
it's true.
381
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,648
This whole ordeal
is the classic story
382
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,750
of the little boy
that cried wolf.
383
00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:21,418
What story is that?
384
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,392
You never heard the story
about the little boy that
cried wolf?
385
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,061
Nope.
386
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:34,365
Well,
it's a story about
this little shepherd boy,
387
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,066
and he was out
watching over his lambs.
388
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,668
His what?
His lambs.
389
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,336
You mean his sheep.
390
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,971
Lambs are sheep.
391
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,174
Honey, there's
no such thing as
a flock of lambs.
392
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,947
I didn't say flock.
It could have been
a pair of lambs.
393
00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:51,449
I always heard it was goats.
394
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,784
All right, whatever.
395
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:57,621
Anyway, the point is
he was out watching over
his herd of whatever,
396
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,290
and he was bored.
397
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,325
And he thought it'd
be fun to run into town
398
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,594
and tell everyone
that he had seen a wolf.
399
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:04,728
He cried, "Wolf."
400
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,130
What?
401
00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:08,032
Honey,
I don't mean to interrupt,
but you said the little boy
402
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,900
went into town
and told everyone
he'd seen a wolf.
403
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:13,370
Actually, he cried, "Wolf,"
and the whole town
came running.
404
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,839
The way I heard it,
405
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:20,978
only his mother and
father came running.
406
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:22,747
I thought everybody
came running right away.
407
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:25,816
What difference does it make?
408
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:29,186
If it doesn't
make any difference,
why are you telling the story?
409
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:30,387
Just hear me out.
410
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,056
The little shepherd
boy kept crying "wolf"
411
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,857
because he enjoyed
fooling people.
412
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:36,626
But he had
cried "wolf" so much
that when a wolf really came,
413
00:21:36,696 --> 00:21:39,463
no one believed him
and no one came to help him.
414
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:43,066
Is there supposed to
be a point to this?
415
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,169
Yes, the wolf ate his lambs.
Sheep.
416
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,303
Goats.
417
00:21:46,372 --> 00:21:49,073
I thought the wolf
ate the little boy.
418
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:55,479
I don't care if the wolf
ate the whole damn town.
419
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,982
I mean,
the moral of the story is
that someone or something
420
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:01,752
somewhere, somehow,
got eaten by the wolf
421
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:03,454
because the little
shepherd boy lied
422
00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:05,489
and no one
believed him anymore.
423
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:08,192
This is a religious story,
isn't it?
424
00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:11,628
No.
425
00:22:11,697 --> 00:22:13,797
Don't you understand
what he's saying?
426
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:17,268
If you lie all the time,
no one's gonna believe you.
427
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,002
Even if you're
telling the truth?
428
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:21,272
That's right,
that's exactly
what happened here.
429
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:24,408
All your chickens
have come home to roost.
430
00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:27,411
Why are you suddenly
obsessed with livestock?
431
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:31,148
(EXCLAIMS)
432
00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:34,351
Kirk, what Dick
is trying to say
433
00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:36,353
is that when you were
telling all those lies
434
00:22:36,422 --> 00:22:38,322
they may have
seemed harmless,
435
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:39,823
but at a time
like this, you see,
436
00:22:39,892 --> 00:22:42,226
it's really important
that people believe you.
437
00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:47,798
All right, just
give me a second
to think about this.
438
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:50,900
You're saying
the $2,000 I lost
439
00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:54,571
is paying for
all the hundreds
and hundreds and hundreds
440
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,075
of senseless and
stupid lies I've told
in the course of my life?
441
00:22:58,143 --> 00:23:00,310
I think that's right.
It's not fair.
442
00:23:01,781 --> 00:23:03,146
Who said life was fair?
443
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,282
Oh, that might have been me.
444
00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:15,959
Now, let me
get this straight.
445
00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:17,461
You all know the story,
right?
446
00:23:17,530 --> 00:23:18,728
Yeah.
447
00:23:18,797 --> 00:23:20,230
Who told it to you?
Our parents.
448
00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:21,965
Yeah.
Yeah.
449
00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:24,401
Can I use your phone, Dick?
Sure.
450
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:34,745
(SIGHS)
451
00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:39,016
Hi, Mom, this is Kirk.
452
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:42,820
Oh, come on,
don't start crying.
453
00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:47,091
I know it's been a long time.
454
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:48,558
Since 1978?
455
00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:51,762
Vermont.
456
00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:53,030
Yeah, I own a little cafe.
457
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,832
Look, I don't have
time to chit-chat.
458
00:23:59,005 --> 00:24:00,905
Mom,
459
00:24:00,973 --> 00:24:02,339
why didn't you ever
tell me the story
460
00:24:02,408 --> 00:24:04,909
about the little boy
who cried wolf?
461
00:24:05,912 --> 00:24:07,578
Well, they said
it was a wolf.
462
00:24:07,646 --> 00:24:09,045
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
463
00:24:12,718 --> 00:24:15,452
Of course
I love you.
464
00:24:15,521 --> 00:24:18,655
Do I have
to keep telling you that
over and over and over again
465
00:24:18,724 --> 00:24:20,090
every five years?
466
00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:21,458
I love you.
34857
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