All language subtitles for An.American.Carol.2008.720p.BluRay.x264-SiNNERS

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,657 1, 2, 3... 2 00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,926 Hi, Grandpa! 3 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,302 Hey! 4 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,600 - Ahh! - Grandpa, over here! 5 00:00:58,642 --> 00:00:59,685 Oh! 6 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,730 - Hey, hey, hey! - Grandpa! 7 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:06,441 Everybody now, happy Fourth of July! 8 00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,734 Thanks, Grandpa! 9 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,695 That's it, go ahead, kids. 10 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,822 Dig in. I made 'em myself. 11 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,115 - Bleh! - Blech! 12 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,868 Pretty good. How's that taste there, Timmy? 13 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,911 Uh, I'm not really hungry right now. 14 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,746 Why don't you tell us a story? 15 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:23,041 - Yeah! One of your great stories! - Yeah, one of your stories! 16 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:25,752 All right, how about the one that you kids always love? 17 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:28,797 - The, uh... the story of Scrooge. - Scrooge?! 18 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:31,633 - The guy who hated Christmas? - That's dumb. 19 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:35,554 Well, uh, sort of, but this Scrooge hated the Fourth of July. 20 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,347 Why does he hate the Fourth of July? 21 00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:41,476 Well, uh, the story begins high on a mountaintop, 22 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,396 far away in Afghanistan. 23 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,032 - Mohammed? - Yes, sir? 24 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,116 Quiet! Calm down! 25 00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,287 - They're all named Mohammed, sir. - Yes, of course. 26 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,206 I must remember to use last names. 27 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,500 - Hussein! - Yes, sir? 28 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:07,878 For God's sake, you! 29 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,801 - Is that your brother? - Hussein? 30 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,178 Why is he voting? 31 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,805 It's not his fault. He is the campaign manager. 32 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,350 - What? For who? - Mohammed Hussein. 33 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,686 - Yes, sir! - Quiet! 34 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,021 All right, everyone. 35 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,149 Well, who's going to be the first? 36 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,485 I am. 37 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:34,947 Ah, very good. Very good. And what is your name, young man? 38 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,907 - Mu... - Forget it. Mount up. 39 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:40,536 - Allahu Akbar. - What exactly did I volunteer for? 40 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,413 Messenger duty. Excellent pay. 41 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,916 But, sir, this bicycle... 42 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,377 - What's wrong? - Well, it's kind of rickety. 43 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,462 I don't know if it can get back up the hill. 44 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,673 I wouldn't worry about that. 45 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,092 - Maybe if I take some bombs off... - No, no, no. 46 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:58,470 - It is a part of the uniform. - Ah. 47 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,391 And it doesn't seem to have any brakes. 48 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,769 It's OK. Allah will stop you. 49 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,980 Of course. 50 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,946 Oh, yeah, Allah will stop me. 51 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,782 Aah! 52 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:23,036 Aah! 53 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,455 Oh! 54 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,456 Jesus! 55 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,001 You! Go get him. 56 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:35,007 I found the problem, sir! 57 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,718 This idiot forgot to pull the firing... 58 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,850 Don't you see? 59 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,436 We have at least destroyed an infidel's car. 60 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,938 That was my car. 61 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,659 What's going on here? 62 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,953 Huh? What are you people doing? 63 00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:07,247 Why are you voting in this infidel election? 64 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,166 Because we want democracy, 65 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,960 freedom, elect a president who will be accountable. 66 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,171 Enough! Mohammed, take care of him! 67 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,882 Mohammed, what in the name of Allah are you doing? 68 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:20,886 I'm not voting for president. But I feel strongly about Proposition 12. 69 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,305 A marriage should be between a man and a woman. 70 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,142 Or between a man and a really good-looking man. 71 00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:31,146 - Shut up. - This is what you vote for? 72 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:34,024 That and immigration. We need a guest worker program 73 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,818 so that the Mexicans can do the job the Taliban won't. 74 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,578 These Western ideas are dangerous. 75 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,413 We must resist them at every turn. 76 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,833 Leader, we're not strong anymore. 77 00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,210 Since the Americans came, people have hope. 78 00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:56,880 - They are voting, woman own businesses. - Yes, it is getting harder 79 00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:59,758 to find suicide bombers, and all the good ones are gone. 80 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,178 Sir, I think we might need a new recruitment video. 81 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,972 Look, ours... 82 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,599 it looks, you know, cheap. 83 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,396 This video will teach you. 84 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,439 Here are Ahmed and Ahman. 85 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,401 They may be brothers, but they couldn't be more different. 86 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,987 Ahmed knows punctuality is important. 87 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,865 He's sure to leave plenty of time to get to his bombing site. 88 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,371 Ahman leaves everything to the last minute. 89 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,373 Oh, shit! 90 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,126 Ahmed double checks the address of the site 91 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,460 so there are no mistakes. 92 00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:36,962 Ahman doesn't. 93 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,714 2518, 2519... 94 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,424 Shit! 95 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,634 Ahmed dresses properly, 96 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,888 wearing clothing that is loose enough to hide his explosives. 97 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,557 Ahman dresses inappropriately. 98 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:53,729 Oh. You are right. It is awful. 99 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,439 If I may suggest, sir, 100 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,276 what we need is a real Hollywood director to help us. 101 00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:02,863 But he must hate America. 102 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,866 This won't be hard to find in Hollywood. They all hate America. 103 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:10,078 Yes, but your average, girly-man Hollywood director won't be enough. 104 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:14,958 What we need is someone who really, really hates America. 105 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,796 Is the camera on? OK, action. Ahem. 106 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,757 I am on the island paradise, Cuba, 107 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,800 where there's a hospital on every block. 108 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:27,179 As we can see, Cubans have the very best health care in the world. 109 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,264 Not like America, where it can kill you. 110 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:31,975 I've got two Americans here, Bob and Joan Friedman, 111 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:35,020 injured during Hurricane Katrina, caused by you know who. 112 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,439 But haven't been able to get an American doctor 113 00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:40,609 to pay a house call to their gated community in Shaker Heights. 114 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,654 - Another mojito! - Why? Because we're spending money 115 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,323 on military buildup for this phony war on terror. 116 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:50,077 Doctor, we just want the same care you give your own people. 117 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,495 OK, then get in line. 118 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,538 Oh, oh! Comrades! 119 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,290 - End of the line, gringo! - No skipping! 120 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:57,876 Cuba is famous for its free prescription drug plan. 121 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,086 What do you have for me? 122 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,629 - Take these. - OK. 123 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,005 These are breath mints. 124 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:05,634 - S�, se�or. Take two. - Huh? 125 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,511 OK, pal, there ya go. 126 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,513 Free. That'll make you feel better. 127 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,056 - There you go. - Huh? 128 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,976 Free. You know, in America, that'd cost an arm and a leg. 129 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,979 - Aw, jeez. Dude. - Sorry. 130 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,565 That's OK, Paco, you'll be back on your feet in no time. 131 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:20,899 - Cuba. More... - Ready... 132 00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:21,984 - than the jewel... - Aim... 133 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,151 - of the Caribbean. - Fire! 134 00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:26,488 - A country that cares for its citizens. - Finally, we can move up! 135 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,073 God! This is paradise! 136 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:31,451 I gotta get back, but I can be assured that my American friends 137 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:34,371 are in good hands in the Cuban health care system. 138 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,540 It's time for me to leave 139 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:40,127 and say goodbye to all my little brown friends. 140 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,378 And it's off to America. 141 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,588 America! 142 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:43,922 He's going to America! 143 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,215 He said America! 144 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,969 - Take me! - Take me! 145 00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,388 I do want to say... 146 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,224 Whoa! Get out! Get out! 147 00:07:55,767 --> 00:08:00,022 So many people wanted to thank me, they rushed the boat. 148 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:03,192 These people know how bad it's gotten in America. 149 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:13,137 Well, I guess they wanted me to spread the word about what a paradise Cuba is. 150 00:08:13,921 --> 00:08:17,174 Aah! Off my boat! 151 00:08:17,257 --> 00:08:18,175 Yeah! 152 00:08:18,258 --> 00:08:20,594 He thought everybody loved his movies. 153 00:08:20,636 --> 00:08:22,054 - Did they? - No! 154 00:08:22,095 --> 00:08:25,182 Nobody loves documentaries. But people do find them restful. 155 00:08:27,309 --> 00:08:28,852 Thank you! Thank you! 156 00:08:28,936 --> 00:08:30,020 Thank you! 157 00:08:30,062 --> 00:08:33,190 Thank you for that great New York reception. 158 00:08:33,273 --> 00:08:35,400 But as important as this movie is, 159 00:08:35,484 --> 00:08:39,113 even more important is the largest peace demonstration 160 00:08:39,196 --> 00:08:40,823 the world has ever known. 161 00:08:40,864 --> 00:08:44,159 This Sunday, we're gonna abolish July 4th. 162 00:08:45,285 --> 00:08:46,912 Why did he hate Fourth of July? 163 00:08:46,995 --> 00:08:50,249 It was America's birthday party and he wasn't invited. 164 00:08:50,332 --> 00:08:52,668 Grandpa, get back to the story! 165 00:08:52,751 --> 00:08:55,754 We're sending packages to soldiers for the Fourth of July. 166 00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:58,799 They're far from their home, away from their families. 167 00:08:58,882 --> 00:09:02,344 They shouldn't be. Shouldn't you be in a tent somewhere, tyin' knots? 168 00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:07,015 Oh, ho, now, this is more like it! There ya go. 169 00:09:07,057 --> 00:09:11,353 I'll take three chocolate mints, three fudge... 170 00:09:11,437 --> 00:09:13,647 Oh, merit badges. What are those for? 171 00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:16,608 Oh. Well, this is for making a safety display. 172 00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:20,154 This one's for camping, and this is a good manners badge. 173 00:09:20,237 --> 00:09:21,447 Oh! 174 00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:23,740 For being respectful to a fat, ignorant, 175 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,075 traitorous sack of shit. 176 00:09:26,743 --> 00:09:28,036 Grandpa! 177 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,538 - Grandpa! - I heard you! 178 00:09:29,621 --> 00:09:31,331 Oh, what? I didn't say that. 179 00:09:31,373 --> 00:09:32,416 I said, uh... 180 00:09:32,499 --> 00:09:35,043 Fat, ignorant, America-hating traitor. 181 00:09:35,127 --> 00:09:37,045 - You did say that. - No, I didn't. 182 00:09:37,129 --> 00:09:39,006 Ha ha! The spirit is back. 183 00:09:39,089 --> 00:09:42,593 We are on a roll, people. This rally will be historic. 184 00:09:42,676 --> 00:09:45,637 - Most important since Nixon. - Nixon? 185 00:09:45,721 --> 00:09:48,223 Total dork president from around the Civil War. 186 00:09:48,307 --> 00:09:50,517 All the most important progressive organizations 187 00:09:50,601 --> 00:09:51,894 will be represented. Jane? 188 00:09:51,977 --> 00:09:55,397 So far, People For The Anti-American Way, 189 00:09:55,481 --> 00:09:59,026 Vegans Against Fur, Man-boy Love Boat, 190 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:01,987 Potawamie Casino, Church of Entitlement, 191 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:03,363 - and, um... - And? 192 00:10:03,447 --> 00:10:06,200 And... it's still early. 193 00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:07,242 The rally's Sunday! 194 00:10:07,326 --> 00:10:08,994 Don't worry, we'll get more. 195 00:10:09,077 --> 00:10:11,580 We're not shaving till they bring the troops home. 196 00:10:11,663 --> 00:10:14,208 - Thank you, boys. - They're women. 197 00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:17,836 Right. 198 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:18,962 Like all of us. 199 00:10:19,046 --> 00:10:24,134 We have to ban military recruiters from college campuses. They interfere... 200 00:10:24,218 --> 00:10:25,385 Excuse me. 201 00:10:25,469 --> 00:10:28,180 Oh. Are you here to join Sailors Against War? 202 00:10:28,263 --> 00:10:30,974 No, uh, I think all sailors are against war, 203 00:10:31,058 --> 00:10:32,559 but sometimes we have to fight. 204 00:10:32,643 --> 00:10:33,894 Soldiers Against Guns? 205 00:10:33,977 --> 00:10:36,855 No. Those guns come in handy when we do fight. 206 00:10:36,939 --> 00:10:39,233 The Don't Ask, Don't Tell Brigade? 207 00:10:39,316 --> 00:10:41,568 No, uh, please. 208 00:10:41,610 --> 00:10:44,404 I'm just here looking for my uncle. His name is... Oh. 209 00:10:44,488 --> 00:10:49,284 - Uncle Michael, hey. - Huh? Josh? 210 00:10:51,203 --> 00:10:54,498 Hey. This is my... nephew. 211 00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:58,127 Josh. He's, uh... 212 00:10:58,210 --> 00:10:59,753 What are you doin' here? 213 00:10:59,795 --> 00:11:03,006 I came here to invite you to our Fourth of July barbecue, 214 00:11:03,048 --> 00:11:04,299 like I do every year. 215 00:11:04,341 --> 00:11:07,970 Well, that's very nice of you... again, but I'm a little busy here. 216 00:11:08,011 --> 00:11:10,514 "Abolish July 4th." Are you kidding? 217 00:11:10,556 --> 00:11:13,600 This is no joke. Why should I celebrate a country 218 00:11:13,684 --> 00:11:17,062 that's caused oppression and terror all over the world? 219 00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:18,230 Is that how he felt? 220 00:11:18,272 --> 00:11:20,691 He was a war hero. P. T. 109. 221 00:11:20,774 --> 00:11:23,318 He would've come around. If he were alive today, 222 00:11:23,402 --> 00:11:26,113 this Sunday, he'd be marchin' with us in solidarity. 223 00:11:26,196 --> 00:11:28,949 Uncle Michael, I realize how strongly you feel, 224 00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:32,077 but Lily and I just... 225 00:11:32,119 --> 00:11:34,371 We won't be going too late. 226 00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:37,416 A lot of our guests are going to the Trace Adkins concert. 227 00:11:38,792 --> 00:11:41,628 - Who's Trace Adkins? - I'm good. 228 00:11:41,712 --> 00:11:43,630 He's a big country music star. 229 00:11:43,714 --> 00:11:46,258 Maybe not in New York, but in the rest of the country. 230 00:11:46,341 --> 00:11:48,177 Country music doesn't speak to me. 231 00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:51,263 Not just because the music's awful or the lyrics are stupid, 232 00:11:51,346 --> 00:11:54,641 or everybody dresses like that cowboy from the Village People. 233 00:11:54,725 --> 00:11:57,811 - How's little Billy? - Timmy. 234 00:11:57,895 --> 00:12:00,773 Not very well, I'm afraid, but he's got great spirit. 235 00:12:00,814 --> 00:12:03,859 - He'd love to see you. - Well, maybe I'll stop by next week. 236 00:12:03,942 --> 00:12:05,903 It'll probably be too late. 237 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:09,406 - Oh, little Jimmy. - Timmy. 238 00:12:09,490 --> 00:12:12,910 No. He'll probably still be around, but... 239 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:15,496 I'm shipping out to the Persian Gulf Sunday night. 240 00:12:15,537 --> 00:12:17,831 Well, can't you get out of it? 241 00:12:17,915 --> 00:12:20,793 I want to go. It's my duty. 242 00:12:20,876 --> 00:12:23,295 I don't get it. How can you be related to me? 243 00:12:23,378 --> 00:12:27,007 Mr. Malone, your 1:00 is here with people from Abolish The Military. 244 00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:31,595 Well, I guess I got some work to do. 245 00:12:31,678 --> 00:12:34,556 Well, you're invited in case you change your mind. 246 00:12:34,598 --> 00:12:35,641 Right. Sure. 247 00:12:35,682 --> 00:12:37,893 Uncle Michael, I came here in good spirits, 248 00:12:37,935 --> 00:12:40,312 and I don't want to let anything change that. 249 00:12:40,354 --> 00:12:43,524 Happy Fourth of July, everyone, and God bless America! 250 00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:46,693 � My country, 'tis of thee 251 00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:47,778 � Sweet land of... 252 00:12:47,861 --> 00:12:49,404 � Liberty 253 00:12:49,446 --> 00:12:52,366 � Lighted up by the rockets in the air... 254 00:12:52,449 --> 00:12:54,827 Grandpa, get back to the story! 255 00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:56,411 I've never left it. 256 00:13:07,589 --> 00:13:10,050 I'm meeting my agent, Todd Grosslight. 257 00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:11,385 Oh, yes. 258 00:13:11,468 --> 00:13:14,555 I'm sorry, sir, but gentlemen are required to wear a jacket. 259 00:13:14,638 --> 00:13:16,223 Look, don't you know who I am? 260 00:13:16,306 --> 00:13:17,724 I'm Michael Malone. 261 00:13:17,766 --> 00:13:20,978 Well, then perhaps a shower as well. 262 00:13:22,855 --> 00:13:25,941 What the hell? I didn't make the top 10? That's impossible! 263 00:13:26,024 --> 00:13:29,653 Apparently, the people who like your movies don't actually go to movies. 264 00:13:29,736 --> 00:13:33,073 No one wants to see Americans screwed by foreigners, except in porn. 265 00:13:33,157 --> 00:13:34,783 I haven't done porn in years! 266 00:13:37,953 --> 00:13:42,875 - Anyway, I'm an Oscar-winning director. - For a documentary. Come on. 267 00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:44,626 I know that. 268 00:13:44,710 --> 00:13:46,879 I gotta do a feature like John Ford. 269 00:13:46,962 --> 00:13:49,590 That man was a true filmmaker. 270 00:13:49,673 --> 00:13:53,385 The sweeping vision, the amazing panoramas of Monument Valley. 271 00:13:53,469 --> 00:13:54,970 And soldiers were good guys. 272 00:13:55,053 --> 00:13:58,223 But you're leading a demonstration against our troops. 273 00:13:58,265 --> 00:14:00,309 Oh, right, on the Fourth of July. 274 00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:03,520 - It's not against the troops. - Oh, save it for your crazies. 275 00:14:03,604 --> 00:14:06,023 Look, Mikey, 276 00:14:06,899 --> 00:14:09,735 this is a fickle town. 277 00:14:09,777 --> 00:14:11,820 See the maitre d' over there, huh? 278 00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:13,947 Used to be recurring on Seinfeld. 279 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:17,659 Hey, call me. 280 00:14:17,743 --> 00:14:19,745 Now, what is this feature you have in mind? 281 00:14:19,828 --> 00:14:23,707 It's a powerful drama about oppressed people adrift in a world gone mad. 282 00:14:23,791 --> 00:14:24,792 Hmm! 283 00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:28,837 It's anti-everything-America-stands-for without being anti-American. 284 00:14:28,921 --> 00:14:30,255 Hmm... 285 00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:34,468 Fascist America? Comedy, right? 286 00:14:34,551 --> 00:14:36,386 Wow. Did you bathe today? 287 00:14:36,470 --> 00:14:38,263 No. 288 00:14:41,225 --> 00:14:44,311 And now, live from New York City, 289 00:14:44,353 --> 00:14:46,647 it's the MooveAlong. Org Film Awards, 290 00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:49,733 hosted by Paris Hilton and Simon Rex. 291 00:14:49,775 --> 00:14:51,527 And now, here are your hosts, 292 00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:53,529 Paris Hilton and Simon Rex. 293 00:14:53,612 --> 00:14:56,949 We are gathered here tonight because we all share the same goals: 294 00:14:57,032 --> 00:15:00,494 Redistribution of wealth, freedom from the chains of materialism, 295 00:15:00,577 --> 00:15:02,871 and, of course, ending world hunger. 296 00:15:02,913 --> 00:15:05,582 Finally. I'm starving. 297 00:15:06,583 --> 00:15:10,045 It's our pleasure to present the most prestigious honor 298 00:15:10,129 --> 00:15:12,631 in documentary film, the Leni Riefenstahl Award. 299 00:15:14,550 --> 00:15:17,261 As Germany's most famous documentary filmmaker, 300 00:15:17,344 --> 00:15:20,013 Leni Riefenstahl celebrated the incredible rise 301 00:15:20,055 --> 00:15:21,974 of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler, 302 00:15:22,015 --> 00:15:25,185 becoming a tireless promoter of his campaign for change. 303 00:15:25,269 --> 00:15:27,855 Her pioneering use of the wide-angle lens 304 00:15:27,896 --> 00:15:30,524 to capture the scope of massive formations 305 00:15:30,607 --> 00:15:33,110 paved the way for generations of filmmakers. 306 00:15:33,152 --> 00:15:35,737 Through the creative manipulation of truth, 307 00:15:35,779 --> 00:15:40,117 she was able to influence history, demonstrating the power of film. 308 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:44,163 Although resulting in the death of over 60 million people, 309 00:15:44,246 --> 00:15:46,790 her place in any cinematic hall of fame is secure. 310 00:15:46,874 --> 00:15:51,128 And this year's award for best documentary director goes to... 311 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,756 Michael Malone for Die, You American Pigs. 312 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,385 This is Michael Malone's third Moove Along award. 313 00:15:58,427 --> 00:16:01,930 He previously won for his documentaries Shame On You, America, 314 00:16:01,972 --> 00:16:04,725 - and America Sucks A Big One. - Oh, OK. 315 00:16:04,808 --> 00:16:08,520 Hey. I try to tell the truth in my films, and I get attacked... 316 00:16:08,604 --> 00:16:11,064 But I'm gonna continue... 317 00:16:11,148 --> 00:16:12,149 Oh. Ha. 318 00:16:12,191 --> 00:16:13,442 Oh. What is that? 319 00:16:15,778 --> 00:16:16,904 Ooh! Ooh! 320 00:16:21,784 --> 00:16:23,368 Get my good side. 321 00:16:23,452 --> 00:16:26,246 That concludes the non-televised portion of the show. 322 00:16:26,288 --> 00:16:27,539 Huh? 323 00:16:27,581 --> 00:16:29,541 And now the highlight of the evening: 324 00:16:29,666 --> 00:16:31,668 Best Feature Film Director. 325 00:16:31,710 --> 00:16:33,462 And the award goes to... 326 00:16:34,546 --> 00:16:36,173 George Mulrooney! 327 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,383 For That McCarthy Sure Was Bad. 328 00:16:38,467 --> 00:16:40,636 The heroic story of newscaster 329 00:16:40,719 --> 00:16:44,807 Edward R. Murrow, who half a century ago took on a drunken U.S. Senator 330 00:16:44,890 --> 00:16:47,059 who accused people of being communists. 331 00:16:47,142 --> 00:16:49,478 This is Mulrooney's 19th Moove Along Award 332 00:16:49,561 --> 00:16:52,815 to go with his 11 Oscars, 9 Emmys, and two Super Bowl rings. 333 00:16:52,856 --> 00:16:55,734 Thank you. I... I dedicate this award 334 00:16:55,818 --> 00:16:58,070 to all the courageous filmmakers 335 00:16:58,153 --> 00:16:59,863 who take on tough issues 336 00:16:59,905 --> 00:17:02,449 like McCarthyism, even though it no longer exists, 337 00:17:02,533 --> 00:17:05,661 or like slavery or Nazism, even though they ended, too. 338 00:17:05,744 --> 00:17:09,123 But you know, evil exists today. Like, well, Islamic terrorism. 339 00:17:09,164 --> 00:17:12,126 But like I'm gonna make that movie, right? 340 00:17:12,209 --> 00:17:15,379 Like I want to get beheaded. 341 00:17:18,715 --> 00:17:21,218 - Thank you! - George! Over here! 342 00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:23,387 Aah! 343 00:17:23,429 --> 00:17:25,431 Ooh! Mom? 344 00:17:38,777 --> 00:17:39,862 Huh! 345 00:17:40,863 --> 00:17:42,656 Oh! 346 00:17:43,657 --> 00:17:46,368 Wow. Mulrooney's so hot. 347 00:17:48,078 --> 00:17:49,580 Huh? Huh? 348 00:17:49,663 --> 00:17:51,540 Excuse us, Director Michael Malone. 349 00:17:51,623 --> 00:17:53,959 I am Ahmed, and this is my comrade Mohammed. 350 00:17:54,042 --> 00:17:55,002 Nice to meet you. 351 00:17:55,085 --> 00:17:59,047 Wait, no. We want you to direct a movie to inspire the final jihad. 352 00:17:59,131 --> 00:18:03,594 Oh, thanks, fellas, great idea, but I'm only doin' big-budget features. 353 00:18:03,677 --> 00:18:05,554 How big of a budget would you need? 354 00:18:05,637 --> 00:18:07,598 A feature? 10 million minimum. 355 00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:09,600 Call me when you sold enough falafel. 356 00:18:12,936 --> 00:18:15,230 Ahmed, Mohammed. 357 00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:16,315 Who are you? 358 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:17,608 It's me. 359 00:18:20,194 --> 00:18:21,487 - Aziz! - Shh! 360 00:18:22,946 --> 00:18:25,783 - What are you doing here? - We have a more important mission. 361 00:18:25,824 --> 00:18:27,910 - But the movie. - It can wait. 362 00:18:27,951 --> 00:18:31,455 This will be the most spectacular attack on the infidels ever. 363 00:18:31,538 --> 00:18:34,833 But we need to find someone important with the right connections. 364 00:18:34,917 --> 00:18:37,336 I'm directing Mulrooney's next picture. 365 00:18:37,419 --> 00:18:39,546 - Someone like that. - Director Akbar? 366 00:18:39,588 --> 00:18:41,965 Yes. What will it take to get him to cooperate? 367 00:18:42,049 --> 00:18:43,383 $10 million. 368 00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:46,220 Well, the opium crop is very good this year. 369 00:18:46,303 --> 00:18:48,097 Money will be no problem. 370 00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:49,598 Allahu Akbar. 371 00:18:51,141 --> 00:18:53,185 So I said to Spielberg, Steve, you can't... 372 00:18:53,268 --> 00:18:54,686 Ooh, crab cakes. 373 00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:56,688 Say, want to go to Clint's party with me? 374 00:18:56,772 --> 00:18:57,773 Director Akbar! 375 00:18:57,856 --> 00:19:01,485 - We have glorious news for you... - George! George! 376 00:19:01,568 --> 00:19:02,569 We have 10 million. 377 00:19:02,653 --> 00:19:05,781 Must have been a good opium crop this year. George, over here. 378 00:19:05,864 --> 00:19:09,368 - 10 million U.S. Dollars, cash. - Cash? Right! 379 00:19:09,451 --> 00:19:11,829 - Good! So you'll do it. - Yeah, right. 380 00:19:11,912 --> 00:19:14,790 Have your people contact my people. 381 00:19:15,833 --> 00:19:17,918 I bet she would look great in a burka. 382 00:19:25,342 --> 00:19:27,261 Now, Entertainment Tonight 383 00:19:27,344 --> 00:19:30,889 takes you behind the scenes to discover where are they now? 384 00:19:30,973 --> 00:19:34,476 We're going to find out whatever happened to Michael Malone, 385 00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:36,478 the beefy filmmaker who's trying to get 386 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,314 a new movie off the ground, a feature. 387 00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:41,733 After the news that his latest movie tanked... 388 00:19:41,817 --> 00:19:44,778 - What?! - Who is gonna bankroll that? 389 00:19:44,862 --> 00:19:47,531 This past Tuesday, we finally tracked down 390 00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:49,491 Clyde the orangutan... 391 00:19:53,078 --> 00:19:55,956 - Are you sure you have $10 million? - Absolutely. 392 00:19:56,039 --> 00:19:57,749 Then why'd you come to me? 393 00:19:57,833 --> 00:20:00,919 We heard you're a big, fat liar. Aah! 394 00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:03,589 Sorry. My friend is not detonating on all cylinders. 395 00:20:03,672 --> 00:20:06,467 He meant, your movies are filled with big, fat lies. 396 00:20:06,550 --> 00:20:09,470 It's OK. They're documentaries. They don't have to be true. 397 00:20:09,553 --> 00:20:11,555 Look, I love America. 398 00:20:11,597 --> 00:20:14,683 That's why it needs to be destroyed, so it'll come to its senses. 399 00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:17,227 Right. Well, anyway, we need your help. 400 00:20:17,311 --> 00:20:19,229 No matter how many people we kill, 401 00:20:19,313 --> 00:20:21,023 we cannot get rid of the Americans. 402 00:20:21,106 --> 00:20:23,108 We need a movie that shows we are winning. 403 00:20:23,192 --> 00:20:24,485 Even though we're not. Aah! 404 00:20:24,526 --> 00:20:26,612 Director Akbar, we already have an idea. 405 00:20:26,695 --> 00:20:29,156 It's a traditional Taliban love story. 406 00:20:29,239 --> 00:20:32,576 Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy cuts girl's head off. 407 00:20:32,659 --> 00:20:33,911 What? 408 00:20:33,994 --> 00:20:36,497 Happy ending. He preserves his honor. 409 00:20:36,580 --> 00:20:39,917 Look, guys, I'm not gonna do a movie about homicidal psychopaths 410 00:20:39,958 --> 00:20:41,335 who cut people's heads off. 411 00:20:41,418 --> 00:20:44,171 I'll do it, but it's gonna be my script. 412 00:20:44,213 --> 00:20:46,757 Dramatic story about how one courageous man 413 00:20:46,799 --> 00:20:49,176 took on the system and exposed America's evil. 414 00:20:49,218 --> 00:20:51,845 Like Hannah Montana. Wait! 415 00:20:51,887 --> 00:20:55,933 Thank you. Oh! 416 00:20:56,016 --> 00:20:57,935 You gonna finish that? 417 00:20:58,018 --> 00:21:00,270 Wait. He's going to work for terrorists? 418 00:21:00,354 --> 00:21:03,857 - It's looking that way, isn't it? - Doesn't that make him a terrorist? 419 00:21:03,899 --> 00:21:06,485 No, silly. That just makes him a total idiot. 420 00:21:08,445 --> 00:21:10,197 ...first-place tie. 421 00:21:11,490 --> 00:21:14,827 John F. Kennedy, 35th president of the United States, 422 00:21:14,910 --> 00:21:17,412 cut down by an assassin's bullet. 423 00:21:17,496 --> 00:21:21,416 The tears were not only for a president, but for what he stood for, 424 00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,752 the causes he held dear. 425 00:21:23,836 --> 00:21:27,297 Let us never negotiate out of fear, 426 00:21:27,381 --> 00:21:32,219 - but let us never fear to negotiate. - My hero. A man of peace. 427 00:21:32,302 --> 00:21:34,221 If only you were president now. 428 00:21:36,473 --> 00:21:37,433 Wait. 429 00:21:41,437 --> 00:21:43,981 If I were president, what? 430 00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:49,987 You said that I was a hero, a true peacemaker. 431 00:21:53,198 --> 00:21:54,575 You can't be here! 432 00:21:54,616 --> 00:21:56,160 You're dead! 433 00:21:56,243 --> 00:21:59,997 - You must redeem yourself. - How'd you do that? 434 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,458 This is the greatest country in history, 435 00:22:02,541 --> 00:22:04,918 and you have slandered it all over the globe. 436 00:22:05,002 --> 00:22:08,130 I was tryin' to be like you. You wouldn't have gone into Vietnam. 437 00:22:08,213 --> 00:22:10,716 - Who told you that? - Oliver Stone. In his movie. 438 00:22:10,799 --> 00:22:13,677 Oh, brother! Did you ever read my inaugural address? 439 00:22:13,761 --> 00:22:17,222 Of course! "Ask not what your country can do for you. 440 00:22:17,306 --> 00:22:18,766 Ask what..." Aah! 441 00:22:18,849 --> 00:22:21,769 Not that part. The part about going to war. 442 00:22:21,852 --> 00:22:24,021 - There was a war part? - Oh, brother. 443 00:22:28,484 --> 00:22:30,110 Let every nation know, 444 00:22:30,194 --> 00:22:32,571 whether they wish us well or ill, 445 00:22:32,613 --> 00:22:34,907 that we shall pay any price, 446 00:22:34,948 --> 00:22:36,825 bear any burden... 447 00:22:37,910 --> 00:22:41,163 Meet any hardship, support any friend, 448 00:22:41,205 --> 00:22:45,959 oppose any foe, to assure the survival 449 00:22:46,043 --> 00:22:47,544 and the success of liberty. 450 00:22:47,628 --> 00:22:50,088 Uh, thanks, folks. 451 00:22:50,172 --> 00:22:53,300 Oh! I didn't know about the war part. 452 00:22:53,383 --> 00:22:56,470 What do you think that meant? Draft another 8 U.N. Resolutions? 453 00:22:56,553 --> 00:22:57,930 You sound like Reagan. 454 00:22:58,013 --> 00:23:00,307 Thank you. You're not gonna eat that, are you? 455 00:23:00,390 --> 00:23:03,936 OK, look, you will be visited by three spirits. 456 00:23:04,019 --> 00:23:05,145 Listen to them. 457 00:23:05,229 --> 00:23:06,188 Learn from them. 458 00:23:06,271 --> 00:23:07,397 Oh, yeah. 459 00:23:07,439 --> 00:23:11,693 The spirits are gonna come scare me, and I'm gonna be born again, right? 460 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:14,696 What a douchebag. 461 00:23:16,990 --> 00:23:17,950 Hey, wait! 462 00:23:18,033 --> 00:23:20,786 Hey, when are these spirits gonna... Aah! 463 00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:32,506 Oh! 464 00:23:34,341 --> 00:23:35,676 What a nightmare. 465 00:23:36,885 --> 00:23:38,095 I'm gonna be late! 466 00:23:39,972 --> 00:23:40,973 Ooh! 467 00:23:41,056 --> 00:23:43,225 He rushed to Columbia University 468 00:23:43,308 --> 00:23:45,727 to lead a demonstration against the troops. 469 00:23:45,811 --> 00:23:48,730 - What's a demonstration? - Well, in this case, 470 00:23:48,814 --> 00:23:52,568 it's when students show how much they don't know by repeating it loudly. 471 00:23:52,651 --> 00:23:55,779 Peace, yes! Recruiters, no! 472 00:23:55,821 --> 00:23:58,740 Peace, yes! Recruiters, no! Peace, yes! Recruiters, no! 473 00:23:58,782 --> 00:24:00,617 Peace, yes! Recruiters, no! 474 00:24:00,659 --> 00:24:02,369 Peace, yes! Recruiters, no! 475 00:24:02,453 --> 00:24:03,912 Peace, yes, recruiters, no! 476 00:24:03,996 --> 00:24:07,082 There is nothing more important than stopping war! 477 00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:09,585 No more wars! No more wars! 478 00:24:09,668 --> 00:24:13,130 Because instead of fighting, we should talk to our enemies! 479 00:24:13,213 --> 00:24:15,007 Talk, don't fight! Talk, don't fight! 480 00:24:15,090 --> 00:24:19,470 Right! Right! Don't believe the government lies! 481 00:24:19,553 --> 00:24:21,930 Don't believe lies! Don't believe lies! 482 00:24:22,014 --> 00:24:25,142 Good... good. That's good chanting. Good. 483 00:24:25,184 --> 00:24:28,896 There is no terrorist threat! The government just wants to... 484 00:24:28,979 --> 00:24:31,482 The government just wants! The government just wants! 485 00:24:31,565 --> 00:24:35,152 That doesn't make any sense. Please hang on a second. Please, OK? 486 00:24:36,403 --> 00:24:38,947 The government is exaggerating the terrorist threat 487 00:24:39,031 --> 00:24:40,783 for its own nefarious purposes! 488 00:24:40,824 --> 00:24:44,328 What does nefarious mean? What does nefarious mean? 489 00:24:44,411 --> 00:24:47,664 Well, you know, it means... just hang on a second. 490 00:24:47,748 --> 00:24:50,459 Can we just stop chanting, please? 491 00:24:50,542 --> 00:24:53,504 - Stop, don't chant! Stop, don't... - Will you shut up?! 492 00:24:53,587 --> 00:24:55,631 Just shut up for a second! 493 00:24:55,714 --> 00:25:00,260 OK, uh... can we just try to listen for a minute 494 00:25:00,344 --> 00:25:01,720 without the chanting? 495 00:25:01,804 --> 00:25:03,972 OK, we have to stop... 496 00:25:04,056 --> 00:25:06,391 Hey! Free history term papers! 497 00:25:06,475 --> 00:25:07,726 Whoa! 498 00:25:07,768 --> 00:25:09,311 Oh! 499 00:25:12,564 --> 00:25:13,899 Ooh! 500 00:25:17,986 --> 00:25:19,321 Ooh, thanks a lot. 501 00:25:19,404 --> 00:25:20,739 That got a little wild. 502 00:25:22,866 --> 00:25:26,703 Hey, who are you? Army recruitin' senior citizens? 503 00:25:26,787 --> 00:25:28,163 Aah! Hey! 504 00:25:28,247 --> 00:25:33,335 That's "Hey, sir", maggot. I am General George S. Patton. 505 00:25:33,377 --> 00:25:34,920 That explains the slapping. 506 00:25:35,003 --> 00:25:37,548 You're General George Patton, from the movie? 507 00:25:37,631 --> 00:25:43,262 No. From the United States Army, back when this country was winning wars. 508 00:25:43,303 --> 00:25:46,181 Oh, my God, JFK. 509 00:25:46,265 --> 00:25:50,853 "You will be visited by three..." Aah! Hey! What's with all the slapping? 510 00:25:50,936 --> 00:25:53,230 It's my trademark. 511 00:25:53,313 --> 00:25:56,150 Well, maybe you ought to try a baseball cap. 512 00:25:56,233 --> 00:25:57,734 No more war! 513 00:25:57,818 --> 00:25:59,319 No more war! 514 00:25:59,403 --> 00:26:00,654 No more war! 515 00:26:00,737 --> 00:26:03,282 - Hey, where am I? - No more war! 516 00:26:03,365 --> 00:26:05,451 We pledge ourselves! 517 00:26:05,534 --> 00:26:09,621 We will not support the United States in any war! 518 00:26:09,705 --> 00:26:11,582 Right on, sister. 519 00:26:11,665 --> 00:26:14,835 - So, what's goin' on here? - Damn peace demonstration. 520 00:26:14,918 --> 00:26:18,422 Just like yours, only this is 1940. They don't want us to fight Hitler. 521 00:26:18,505 --> 00:26:21,049 - So they can't see us. - Right. 522 00:26:21,133 --> 00:26:22,551 Hmm. Aah! 523 00:26:22,634 --> 00:26:24,553 This is gonna be harder than I thought. 524 00:26:24,636 --> 00:26:26,680 I'm startin' to notice a pattern here. 525 00:26:26,764 --> 00:26:29,975 - Anyway, this never happened! - This absolutely happened. 526 00:26:30,017 --> 00:26:34,104 Well, they're pacifists. They understand war doesn't solve problems. 527 00:26:34,188 --> 00:26:37,191 The only way is to sign agreements like civilized people, 528 00:26:37,232 --> 00:26:40,986 - not like sadistic movie generals. - That general you saw was an actor! 529 00:26:41,069 --> 00:26:43,447 I'll show you what the real Patton was up against! 530 00:26:46,658 --> 00:26:49,661 OK, where are we now? Who's the guy dressed as a butler? 531 00:26:49,745 --> 00:26:51,663 Germany, September, 1938. 532 00:26:51,747 --> 00:26:55,167 That's Neville Chamberlain, weak-assed prime minister of England. 533 00:26:55,250 --> 00:26:57,920 Shh. He's gettin' a signed agreement. 534 00:26:58,003 --> 00:27:01,173 Right. This gives you all the Sudetenland, 535 00:27:01,215 --> 00:27:04,009 Austria, and a couple countries I can't pronounce. 536 00:27:04,093 --> 00:27:05,886 And we'll throw in Czechoslovakia. 537 00:27:05,969 --> 00:27:09,181 So that's C A, no. T... Oh! 538 00:27:09,264 --> 00:27:10,641 Let's make it Poland. 539 00:27:10,724 --> 00:27:13,435 The important thing is we now have hope. 540 00:27:13,477 --> 00:27:16,188 See? He stands for what's important. 541 00:27:16,271 --> 00:27:18,315 Does that look like standing to you? 542 00:27:19,316 --> 00:27:22,152 - There. How's that? - You missed a spot. 543 00:27:22,194 --> 00:27:25,572 Hey! Don't you see these guys are playin' you for a fool? 544 00:27:29,998 --> 00:27:33,502 - War is not the answer. - You wimpy little bastard! 545 00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:36,296 You're givin' this Nazi everything and gettin' nothin' in return! 546 00:27:36,338 --> 00:27:38,632 Not nothing. We get peace. 547 00:27:38,715 --> 00:27:41,927 � Kumbaya, my lord 548 00:27:42,010 --> 00:27:45,305 - � Kumbaya - And a damn fine cup of tea. 549 00:27:45,889 --> 00:27:48,559 Und we'll name a concentration camp after you. 550 00:27:48,642 --> 00:27:51,478 Think of it... Camp Auschwitz Chamberlain. 551 00:27:51,562 --> 00:27:52,563 Lovely. 552 00:27:56,581 --> 00:27:57,999 Hang on. I'm good at this. 553 00:27:58,041 --> 00:27:59,917 Mr. Herr President, 554 00:28:00,001 --> 00:28:03,046 obviously America's done something wrong to make you 555 00:28:03,129 --> 00:28:05,465 want to invade these countries and kill innocent people. 556 00:28:05,506 --> 00:28:09,218 - I'm just as frustrated as you. - Excuse me, Fuhrer... 557 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,887 - � You're a grand old flag... - May I have a word? 558 00:28:12,971 --> 00:28:16,683 Hang on. America keeps doing things to piss off the rest of the world. 559 00:28:16,766 --> 00:28:18,017 We bring it on ourselves. 560 00:28:18,059 --> 00:28:21,187 What do we do to address your understandable grievances? 561 00:28:21,271 --> 00:28:23,064 How about carbon emission credits? 562 00:28:23,147 --> 00:28:25,483 That'll offset your need to invade France... 563 00:28:25,567 --> 00:28:26,818 Aah! 564 00:28:26,860 --> 00:28:28,862 I don't know, but I been told, 565 00:28:28,945 --> 00:28:30,780 kill some Jews and take their gold. 566 00:28:30,864 --> 00:28:34,617 Third floor. Right. Sorry. 567 00:28:34,701 --> 00:28:37,662 They really should add flying to the things we can do. 568 00:28:37,745 --> 00:28:41,416 My point is talking to evil dictators gets you nothing. 569 00:28:41,499 --> 00:28:43,334 You know one thing they understand? 570 00:28:43,418 --> 00:28:45,837 I'm guessing some sort of physical violence. 571 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:49,048 - Strength. That's the only thing. - Right. I'll remember that. 572 00:28:49,132 --> 00:28:51,676 Is there anything you think is worth fighting for? 573 00:28:51,759 --> 00:28:55,430 Well, I'd kill to do a feature. Now, can we please just go home? 574 00:28:55,513 --> 00:28:58,808 Sure thing. Right home. Cigar? 575 00:28:58,892 --> 00:29:02,395 And support the imperialist big business tobacco lobby? Never. 576 00:29:02,478 --> 00:29:03,438 It's Cuban. 577 00:29:03,521 --> 00:29:07,358 Hmm... I guess I can make an exception. 578 00:29:07,442 --> 00:29:11,029 Ah! Takes me back. 579 00:29:11,112 --> 00:29:12,280 What the hell is this? 580 00:29:12,363 --> 00:29:15,867 - Your home. Maloneville, Alabama. - I live in Alabama? 581 00:29:15,950 --> 00:29:19,454 Didn't you hear? Around 1860, all the good jobs started to move south. 582 00:29:19,496 --> 00:29:21,539 - After the Civil War? - There was no war. 583 00:29:21,581 --> 00:29:24,000 Lincoln agreed with you. War was not the answer. 584 00:29:24,083 --> 00:29:26,753 - Saved 600,000 American lives. - Well, that's good. 585 00:29:26,836 --> 00:29:29,047 Good move for the economy here, too. 586 00:29:29,088 --> 00:29:31,466 - What? Why? - Cheap labor. 587 00:29:31,508 --> 00:29:34,177 Mass'a Malone! Mass'a Malone! 588 00:29:34,219 --> 00:29:36,763 I had the boys polish your trophies like you told us. 589 00:29:36,846 --> 00:29:38,223 Polish my trophies? 590 00:29:38,306 --> 00:29:40,433 I ain't know they gave awards for a documentary. 591 00:29:40,517 --> 00:29:43,811 You know, for your information... Wait! Who are these people? 592 00:29:43,895 --> 00:29:46,272 You're the biggest slave owner in the state. 593 00:29:46,356 --> 00:29:48,399 Mass'a Malone, you ain't recognized me? 594 00:29:48,483 --> 00:29:49,567 I's Rastus. 595 00:29:49,609 --> 00:29:52,278 What? Oh, this can't be happening. 596 00:29:53,321 --> 00:29:54,864 Hey, isn't that... 597 00:29:56,157 --> 00:29:58,117 Yeah, that's him, all right. 598 00:29:58,201 --> 00:30:00,203 Don't you worry, mass'a Malone. 599 00:30:00,286 --> 00:30:02,831 We got them bacon stains out of the upholstery. 600 00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:08,517 It's a good thing ol' Mr. Lincoln never fought no wars. 601 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:13,355 Oh... look, uh, Rastus, you know this isn't real, right? 602 00:30:13,439 --> 00:30:16,650 Whatever you say, mass'a. Whatever you say, I guess this old ni... 603 00:30:16,733 --> 00:30:18,485 No! Don't! Stop! Don't say that. 604 00:30:18,569 --> 00:30:20,863 Mass'a Malone! Mass'a Malone! Good news! 605 00:30:20,946 --> 00:30:24,450 Productivity is through the roof since you sold Daddy and the old folks! 606 00:30:24,491 --> 00:30:26,493 Now we can buy us about 20 new bucks 607 00:30:26,577 --> 00:30:28,328 and start pickin' some cotton! 608 00:30:28,412 --> 00:30:31,039 � The trouble I've seen... 609 00:30:32,923 --> 00:30:36,176 Rastus, tell me, how does old mass'a Malone treat his slaves? 610 00:30:36,218 --> 00:30:38,637 Mass'a Malone is the bestest, 611 00:30:38,679 --> 00:30:41,723 most kindliest mass'a a slave could have. 612 00:30:41,807 --> 00:30:44,351 Oh, he don't beat us unless we awful bad. 613 00:30:44,434 --> 00:30:47,396 And he don't sell the li'I children until they 6 months old. 614 00:30:47,479 --> 00:30:49,398 No, no, no! I... 615 00:30:49,481 --> 00:30:53,986 Mass'a, don't beat me! I ain't healed from the beatin' you gave me yesterday! 616 00:30:54,069 --> 00:30:56,780 No, I wasn't gonna be... Can you make them stop? 617 00:30:56,863 --> 00:30:58,031 Look, here, y'all! 618 00:30:58,115 --> 00:31:01,451 Mass'a don't want to hear slave shit! Kick somethin' into 4l4! 619 00:31:01,793 --> 00:31:02,794 1, 2, 3, 4. 620 00:31:02,878 --> 00:31:05,463 � Hava nagila, hava nagila 621 00:31:05,547 --> 00:31:08,842 � Hava nagila ve nis'mecha 622 00:31:08,884 --> 00:31:12,137 � Hava nagila, we are so happy 623 00:31:12,220 --> 00:31:14,890 � That mass'a owns us He is the best, yeah! 624 00:31:14,931 --> 00:31:16,683 I gotta get out of here! 625 00:31:16,766 --> 00:31:19,728 All right, mass'a leavin'. Everybody wave goodbye. 626 00:31:19,811 --> 00:31:23,064 - Hope you can buy some more of us. - We sure could use a baritone. 627 00:31:23,148 --> 00:31:24,608 - Huh? - Bye, Daddy. 628 00:31:24,691 --> 00:31:26,735 Bye, Daddy! 629 00:31:26,776 --> 00:31:29,070 - Bye, Daddy! - Bye, Daddy! 630 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,533 - Aw, that was sick. - Not as sick as slavery. 631 00:31:35,577 --> 00:31:39,164 Lincoln is revered now for fighting that war. 632 00:31:40,457 --> 00:31:41,625 Hey, you would know. 633 00:31:41,666 --> 00:31:44,794 Those rumors about Lincoln bein' gay. 634 00:31:44,878 --> 00:31:46,421 Why don't I just shoot you now? 635 00:31:46,463 --> 00:31:48,340 Well, maybe he just had a wide stance. 636 00:31:48,381 --> 00:31:50,133 Hang on. I gotta take this. Hello! 637 00:31:50,217 --> 00:31:51,760 Michael? Where are you? 638 00:31:51,843 --> 00:31:55,388 - Oh, I'm in, uh, D.C. - Yeah, right. Wherever you are, 639 00:31:55,472 --> 00:31:57,974 you're supposed to be at Columbia in the morning. 640 00:31:58,058 --> 00:31:59,392 I know. Of course. 641 00:31:59,434 --> 00:32:01,603 Jane... Hello? Hello? Jane? 642 00:32:04,064 --> 00:32:07,317 - Damn cell phones. - Here. Use mine. 643 00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:09,110 But do your minutes roll over to the next month? 644 00:32:09,110 --> 00:32:11,363 But do your minutes roll over to the next month? 645 00:32:11,404 --> 00:32:12,364 Course they do. 646 00:32:12,447 --> 00:32:15,700 - But do you get unlimited texting? - You think I was born yesterday? 647 00:32:18,537 --> 00:32:19,704 Your people. 648 00:32:19,746 --> 00:32:21,248 Yep, the students love me. 649 00:32:21,331 --> 00:32:23,124 Love you? They don't even know you. 650 00:32:23,208 --> 00:32:24,417 You're unique. 651 00:32:24,501 --> 00:32:26,628 A liberal director who can't even get laid 652 00:32:26,711 --> 00:32:29,256 at the University Peace Studies Department. 653 00:32:29,339 --> 00:32:32,300 - They flock to my movies. - They flock to slasher movies. 654 00:32:32,384 --> 00:32:34,886 They go to your movies 'cause professors tell them to. 655 00:32:34,970 --> 00:32:38,265 This is where they get information to support the peace movement. 656 00:32:38,306 --> 00:32:41,351 - It's called education. - It's called indoctrination. 657 00:32:41,434 --> 00:32:45,105 The American flag is a symbol of oppression all over the world. 658 00:32:45,188 --> 00:32:47,232 July 4th is a despicable celebration. 659 00:32:47,274 --> 00:32:50,068 I know that look. You're gonna try to teach me somethin'. 660 00:32:50,151 --> 00:32:52,362 Where we gonna go now, back in time? 661 00:32:52,404 --> 00:32:54,781 We don't have to. We're at a university. 662 00:32:56,283 --> 00:32:58,910 � Nothing has changed 663 00:32:58,994 --> 00:33:02,289 � We still think the same way 664 00:33:02,372 --> 00:33:05,458 � And if you think the way we do 665 00:33:05,542 --> 00:33:08,420 � We'll give you an A 666 00:33:08,503 --> 00:33:11,131 � And you get extra credit 667 00:33:11,214 --> 00:33:14,676 � If you're poor, black, or gay 668 00:33:14,759 --> 00:33:18,763 � Just be sure not to pray 669 00:33:18,805 --> 00:33:22,017 � Yes, everything's the same 670 00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:23,018 Mmm! 671 00:33:23,101 --> 00:33:24,227 Aah! 672 00:33:24,311 --> 00:33:26,021 Two, three, four. 673 00:33:26,104 --> 00:33:28,565 � The president's stupid, our soldiers are thugs 674 00:33:28,607 --> 00:33:30,442 � The government's dirty 675 00:33:30,483 --> 00:33:31,902 � Our cops are on drugs 676 00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:34,905 � But we still like our co-eds with blond hair and jugs 677 00:33:34,946 --> 00:33:38,325 � And America's to blame 678 00:33:38,366 --> 00:33:41,620 � Just like in 1968 679 00:33:41,703 --> 00:33:43,830 - Are you kidding? A musical number? - � 1968 680 00:33:43,914 --> 00:33:45,290 A little entertainment. 681 00:33:45,373 --> 00:33:47,626 � We were smart when we had something to part 682 00:33:47,709 --> 00:33:49,377 What kind of a soldier are you? 683 00:33:49,461 --> 00:33:51,713 Startin' to understand the boots and the whip. 684 00:33:51,796 --> 00:33:54,925 � 1968, things were really great 685 00:33:54,966 --> 00:33:56,676 � I used to ovulate 686 00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,971 � You gotta love 1968 687 00:34:00,055 --> 00:34:02,307 Hey, what are you doin' with our kids? 688 00:34:02,390 --> 00:34:03,350 � ...in the moon 689 00:34:03,433 --> 00:34:06,353 � And so what if there are facts That we forget to include? 690 00:34:06,436 --> 00:34:09,272 � We've already got tenure So your children are screwed 691 00:34:09,356 --> 00:34:12,609 � To a college with half a brain Nothin's changed 692 00:34:12,692 --> 00:34:14,945 What do your parents think you're doin' here? 693 00:34:15,028 --> 00:34:17,322 They're just happy to have us out of the house. 694 00:34:17,405 --> 00:34:20,283 Wanna hear what you're spending your life savings on? 695 00:34:20,367 --> 00:34:23,119 - I gave up an ass lift for this? - Take a look! 696 00:34:23,203 --> 00:34:25,789 � America's evil, it's a fascist regime 697 00:34:25,872 --> 00:34:29,084 � Take over the world It's the American dream 698 00:34:29,167 --> 00:34:31,711 � And pay no attention to the being supreme 699 00:34:31,795 --> 00:34:37,133 � He doesn't matter Anymore 700 00:34:39,886 --> 00:34:40,845 Oh. 701 00:34:40,929 --> 00:34:43,848 � Just like in 1968 702 00:34:45,183 --> 00:34:46,810 � 1968 703 00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:50,856 � 1968 704 00:34:50,939 --> 00:34:52,732 � 1968 705 00:34:52,816 --> 00:34:53,984 � Come on to 19 706 00:34:54,067 --> 00:34:55,694 � 1968 707 00:34:55,735 --> 00:34:56,987 � Let's keep singin' it 708 00:34:57,070 --> 00:34:58,989 � 1968 709 00:34:59,072 --> 00:35:02,158 - So, what do you think now? - I'm still against torture. 710 00:35:02,242 --> 00:35:04,494 OK, so they're a little behind the times. 711 00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:07,873 It doesn't make it OK for you to embarrass those great professors. 712 00:35:07,956 --> 00:35:09,833 Doin' a good job of that themselves. 713 00:35:09,916 --> 00:35:11,710 They're only tryin' to bring peace. 714 00:35:11,751 --> 00:35:15,255 By indoctrinating an entire generation to hate its own country. 715 00:35:15,255 --> 00:35:16,840 Well, they teach math, too. 716 00:35:18,049 --> 00:35:21,344 When was it in your life that you went so completely wrong? 717 00:35:21,386 --> 00:35:22,888 Was it in college? 718 00:35:22,971 --> 00:35:23,972 Before that? 719 00:35:24,055 --> 00:35:25,056 Was it a girl? 720 00:35:29,352 --> 00:35:31,897 - Michael! - Molly! 721 00:35:34,733 --> 00:35:38,570 Molly, I'm off to save the world, but I'll be back. 722 00:35:38,653 --> 00:35:41,615 Oh, Michael, war is such a terrible thing. 723 00:35:41,656 --> 00:35:42,699 I know, Molly. 724 00:35:42,782 --> 00:35:44,826 That's why I'm going off to film school. 725 00:35:44,910 --> 00:35:46,703 Film school? 726 00:35:46,786 --> 00:35:49,456 Yes. No sacrifice too great. 727 00:35:49,497 --> 00:35:51,082 You'll wait for me of course? 728 00:35:51,124 --> 00:35:53,043 Sure. Or course. 729 00:35:53,126 --> 00:35:54,628 Take your time. 730 00:36:00,383 --> 00:36:01,968 But she didn't wait, did she? 731 00:36:02,052 --> 00:36:05,180 She tried, but I was gone so long. 732 00:36:05,180 --> 00:36:08,099 Long? You were kicked out in the first semester. 733 00:36:09,351 --> 00:36:10,435 Coming! 734 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,692 - Molly. - Marty! 735 00:36:23,573 --> 00:36:24,908 Oh, my God! 736 00:36:24,991 --> 00:36:27,410 This can't be happening! 737 00:36:27,494 --> 00:36:28,662 My best friend? 738 00:36:28,745 --> 00:36:31,790 We fell in love while you were gone. 739 00:36:31,873 --> 00:36:34,251 No! I mean, he's in the army! 740 00:36:34,334 --> 00:36:36,711 How terrible! You got drafted! 741 00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:38,338 No, Michael. I enlisted. 742 00:36:38,421 --> 00:36:39,923 I want to serve my country. 743 00:36:40,006 --> 00:36:43,134 How could you want to serve the corrupt American war machine? 744 00:36:43,218 --> 00:36:45,554 - Molly. - Marty. 745 00:36:45,637 --> 00:36:48,848 I just love men in uniform. 746 00:36:48,932 --> 00:36:51,184 Oh, shoot. 747 00:36:54,563 --> 00:36:57,315 You know, that uniform always worked for me, too. 748 00:36:58,567 --> 00:37:00,610 So, you remember what happened next. 749 00:37:00,694 --> 00:37:03,572 Yeah, my first film. A daring expose on something... 750 00:37:03,655 --> 00:37:05,031 She did the astronaut, too? 751 00:37:05,115 --> 00:37:06,825 And the entire crew of the shuttle. 752 00:37:20,270 --> 00:37:23,607 Well, general, enjoyed this cruel little side trip, thank you, 753 00:37:23,691 --> 00:37:25,734 but I have an interview in 20 minutes. 754 00:37:25,818 --> 00:37:27,611 Don't worry, kid. 755 00:37:27,695 --> 00:37:29,571 Things are gonna get a lot worse. 756 00:37:36,501 --> 00:37:41,422 The demonstration is outside the Madison Square Garden. 757 00:37:41,506 --> 00:37:45,384 We need to get into artists' entrance where there are no metal detectors. 758 00:37:45,468 --> 00:37:48,346 Well, for that, we will need all-access media passes. 759 00:37:48,429 --> 00:37:49,347 Exactly. 760 00:37:49,430 --> 00:37:51,891 You must get these from director Malone. 761 00:37:51,974 --> 00:37:54,519 He can get them. He's a documentary filmmaker. 762 00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:58,815 Wait. You got us a documentary filmmaker? 763 00:37:58,898 --> 00:38:01,901 Yes, but, leader, he gets to go everywhere 764 00:38:01,984 --> 00:38:03,903 so he can document his hate of America. 765 00:38:03,986 --> 00:38:06,989 Where would they give all-access passes to someone like that? 766 00:38:07,073 --> 00:38:08,491 - America! - America! 767 00:38:11,410 --> 00:38:14,664 - Ahmed? Mohammed? - Oh, uh, director Akbar. 768 00:38:14,705 --> 00:38:18,584 - What are you doin' here? - We are here to watch your interview. 769 00:38:18,668 --> 00:38:21,712 - And talk about the movie. - Oh, yeah. 770 00:38:21,796 --> 00:38:23,464 Who's Mister Happy? 771 00:38:23,506 --> 00:38:26,467 Oh, him? Aziz is an actor. 772 00:38:27,677 --> 00:38:30,680 Well, he's also our contact to the foreign investors. 773 00:38:30,763 --> 00:38:34,183 Oh... Aziz, my man. Wonderful to meet you. 774 00:38:34,267 --> 00:38:38,479 You know, for financing a movie, you can get an associate producer credit. Huh? 775 00:38:38,563 --> 00:38:42,024 Oh, holdin' out for executive producer. Too clever for me. 776 00:38:42,108 --> 00:38:44,110 You must have been killer sellin' rugs. 777 00:38:44,193 --> 00:38:45,570 OK, we'll negotiate. 778 00:38:45,611 --> 00:38:47,697 How about joinin' me for the interview? 779 00:38:47,780 --> 00:38:51,784 - No, no, no, he can't be on TV. - I am here illegally. 780 00:38:51,868 --> 00:38:54,454 Mohammed and Ahmed have visas, but I could not. 781 00:38:54,495 --> 00:38:56,164 Yes, he was on some kind of list. 782 00:38:58,583 --> 00:39:01,878 I came through Mexico... with some friends. 783 00:39:01,919 --> 00:39:03,004 Great, great. 784 00:39:03,045 --> 00:39:04,839 Good thing that fence isn't up yet. 785 00:39:04,922 --> 00:39:07,008 This country was built by immigrants. 786 00:39:07,091 --> 00:39:10,136 No matter. We'll get you a nice cameo in the movie. 787 00:39:10,219 --> 00:39:13,181 Have to shave, though. You look like a terrorist. 788 00:39:19,854 --> 00:39:21,522 Aah! Help me! I'm on fire! 789 00:39:21,606 --> 00:39:23,107 Aah! Bam! 790 00:39:23,191 --> 00:39:24,358 Hey, a bomb went off! 791 00:39:27,111 --> 00:39:30,281 So what's the next step? Financing in place? 792 00:39:30,364 --> 00:39:31,282 Yes. 793 00:39:31,365 --> 00:39:33,326 But before the money is committed, 794 00:39:33,409 --> 00:39:35,620 I'll need media passes to your demonstration. 795 00:39:35,703 --> 00:39:36,704 Media passes? 796 00:39:36,788 --> 00:39:40,041 Well, uh, he wants to hear the great director speak. 797 00:39:40,166 --> 00:39:43,795 Oh, yes, all right. We can arrange that. 798 00:39:43,878 --> 00:39:47,256 Be good to have you there, show that everybody's against violence. 799 00:39:47,298 --> 00:39:50,301 Especially jihadists. 800 00:39:52,386 --> 00:39:53,346 What? 801 00:39:53,429 --> 00:39:55,640 We need to treat all cultures equally. 802 00:39:55,723 --> 00:39:58,226 Everyone is equal. 803 00:39:58,309 --> 00:40:01,687 Oh, damn. A thread. Right before the interview. 804 00:40:01,771 --> 00:40:02,980 Allow me. 805 00:40:07,026 --> 00:40:08,861 Oh, thanks there, Ali Baba. 806 00:40:11,114 --> 00:40:13,533 Hi. I'm Bill O'Reilly. Thanks for watching. 807 00:40:13,616 --> 00:40:16,369 Tonight's special segment is July 4th. 808 00:40:16,452 --> 00:40:19,705 Now, most folks will be celebrating by going to a barbecue, 809 00:40:19,789 --> 00:40:21,707 a parade, or here in New York City, 810 00:40:21,791 --> 00:40:25,878 to a Madison Square Garden country music concert for the troops. 811 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,631 But my guests tonight have different plans. 812 00:40:28,714 --> 00:40:31,134 Michael Malone is planning a demonstration 813 00:40:31,217 --> 00:40:34,345 - to abolish the Fourth of July. - Hi, Bill. 814 00:40:34,387 --> 00:40:38,433 And there are always fireworks with TV personality Rosie O'Connell. 815 00:40:38,516 --> 00:40:39,642 Good to be here, Bill. 816 00:40:39,684 --> 00:40:43,312 Rosie's gonna show us a clip from her documentary, but first, Mr. Malone, 817 00:40:43,354 --> 00:40:46,774 you're demonstrating against the troops on Independence Day? 818 00:40:46,858 --> 00:40:47,859 Come on. 819 00:40:47,942 --> 00:40:50,194 It's not against the troops. It's against... 820 00:40:50,278 --> 00:40:53,823 Look, we support the troops. We just don't want them to kill anyone. 821 00:40:53,906 --> 00:40:56,492 What? Don't you realize that these troops 822 00:40:56,576 --> 00:41:00,121 are the only ones standing between radical Islam and innocent people? 823 00:41:00,163 --> 00:41:01,414 Bill, there you go. 824 00:41:01,497 --> 00:41:03,958 You think all terrorists are radical Islamists. 825 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,209 That's profiling. 826 00:41:05,293 --> 00:41:08,421 Radical Christianity is as threatening as radical Islam. 827 00:41:08,504 --> 00:41:11,090 - I don't think she means... - It's exactly what I mean! 828 00:41:11,174 --> 00:41:12,258 You can't be serious. 829 00:41:12,341 --> 00:41:15,595 I'm serious and Michael agrees with me. Let's roll the clip. 830 00:41:15,678 --> 00:41:17,472 All right, roll it. 831 00:41:17,555 --> 00:41:20,266 The civilized world braces itself 832 00:41:20,349 --> 00:41:22,935 for an onslaught of death and destruction 833 00:41:23,019 --> 00:41:25,188 brought on by radical Christians 834 00:41:25,271 --> 00:41:29,317 as they attempt to spread their ideology through terror throughout the world. 835 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:38,534 Praise Jesus! 836 00:41:40,495 --> 00:41:42,121 Hail Mary full of grace! 837 00:41:42,205 --> 00:41:44,916 Look out! It's those Christians! 838 00:41:44,957 --> 00:41:47,627 72 virgins, here I come! 839 00:41:47,668 --> 00:41:49,253 We all pay the price 840 00:41:49,337 --> 00:41:52,548 for the increased security needs caused by the actions 841 00:41:52,632 --> 00:41:53,925 of radical Christians. 842 00:41:54,008 --> 00:41:56,427 I hate having to take these off every time. 843 00:41:56,469 --> 00:41:59,013 Yeah. Ever since that Christian hid explosives 844 00:41:59,055 --> 00:42:00,348 in the bottom of his shoes. 845 00:42:00,431 --> 00:42:03,059 You can't take this on. I'll have to confiscate it. 846 00:42:03,142 --> 00:42:04,102 Toothpaste? 847 00:42:04,185 --> 00:42:06,854 No liquids since the Christians tried to bomb that plane 848 00:42:06,938 --> 00:42:09,899 with smuggled nitroglycerine and let me take this as well. 849 00:42:10,983 --> 00:42:14,487 - Please remove all underclothing. - Oh, brother. 850 00:42:14,570 --> 00:42:17,990 - Ever since the underwear bomber. - The Christian underwear bomber. 851 00:42:18,032 --> 00:42:21,285 All items of underclothing must be placed in the trays. 852 00:42:21,369 --> 00:42:22,537 Damn those Christians. 853 00:42:22,620 --> 00:42:24,831 - Yipes! - My God! 854 00:42:24,914 --> 00:42:28,084 If you add extra bleach, you might get those stains out. 855 00:42:28,167 --> 00:42:30,294 - Hey! - Have you considered a change in diet? 856 00:42:30,378 --> 00:42:32,588 - What? - Honey? Wouldn't hurt. 857 00:42:35,258 --> 00:42:37,218 Ever since the suppository bomber... 858 00:42:37,301 --> 00:42:39,387 The Episcopal suppository bomber. 859 00:42:41,973 --> 00:42:45,059 That's not a documentary. That's The Flintstones. 860 00:42:45,143 --> 00:42:48,771 Bill, using reenactments to prove points is a sign of a great documentary. 861 00:42:48,813 --> 00:42:50,523 That's what we do. Right, Michael? 862 00:42:50,606 --> 00:42:53,943 Bill, you wouldn't get that, because you're a close-minded bigot! 863 00:42:53,985 --> 00:42:57,572 Actually, Rosie, I'm thinkin' your masterpiece may win some awards. 864 00:42:57,613 --> 00:43:00,908 Let's start it off with enshrining you in the Pinhead Hall of Fame. 865 00:43:00,992 --> 00:43:02,034 Keep it up, Bill. 866 00:43:02,118 --> 00:43:04,704 We wouldn't be at war at all if we didn't overreact 867 00:43:04,787 --> 00:43:06,164 to that phony 9l11 attack. 868 00:43:06,247 --> 00:43:08,916 You can't be serious. I rest my case. 869 00:43:08,958 --> 00:43:11,461 Can we talk about the Anti-War demonstration? 870 00:43:11,544 --> 00:43:14,714 You think those towers were brought down by planes? No, explosives. 871 00:43:14,714 --> 00:43:17,717 - Malone. - That's simply idiotic. No sane... 872 00:43:17,759 --> 00:43:20,094 It's the first time fire ever melted steel! 873 00:43:20,178 --> 00:43:23,473 Rosie, I've heard that claim. It's only made by complete morons. 874 00:43:23,556 --> 00:43:25,349 Now, Bill, our demonstration... 875 00:43:25,433 --> 00:43:28,311 Don't call me names. We weren't even invaded by a nation! 876 00:43:28,394 --> 00:43:29,729 She's a little far out. 877 00:43:29,812 --> 00:43:31,773 Here's a news flash for you, Malone. 878 00:43:31,856 --> 00:43:34,317 Your movies may not be as crazy as Rosie's, 879 00:43:34,358 --> 00:43:38,279 but yours are more dangerous because some idiots believe what you say. 880 00:43:38,362 --> 00:43:39,655 Because I tell the truth! 881 00:43:39,739 --> 00:43:42,325 Because you tell the audience what it wants to hear. 882 00:43:42,408 --> 00:43:43,993 At least nobody believes Rosie. 883 00:43:44,076 --> 00:43:46,704 You didn't even believe that Elvis is still alive. 884 00:43:46,788 --> 00:43:48,748 Or that we never landed on the Moon. 885 00:43:48,831 --> 00:43:52,126 I'm gonna take both and put 'em into my next documentary. 886 00:43:52,168 --> 00:43:55,671 Well, that concludes this look at the moderate left. 887 00:43:55,755 --> 00:43:59,258 Next week, we'll be looking at the crazies who populate the fringe. 888 00:44:03,012 --> 00:44:04,055 Mr. Malone? 889 00:44:04,138 --> 00:44:06,307 Mr. Malone? 890 00:44:06,390 --> 00:44:07,517 Mr. Malone? 891 00:44:07,558 --> 00:44:09,143 Grandpa? Grandpa! 892 00:44:09,227 --> 00:44:10,228 What? 893 00:44:14,811 --> 00:44:16,146 A Mr. Mohammed called. 894 00:44:16,229 --> 00:44:18,481 Something about not being late for rehearsal? 895 00:44:18,565 --> 00:44:20,317 Heather, I still have plenty of... 896 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:21,401 A rehearsal?! 897 00:44:21,484 --> 00:44:23,820 How could you be part of the evil military 898 00:44:23,862 --> 00:44:26,990 and kill my brothers and sisters who are defending their country? 899 00:44:27,073 --> 00:44:31,202 Yusef, there are no straight men left. Girls like me have to join the army. 900 00:44:31,286 --> 00:44:32,996 Yes, that's why I joined. 901 00:44:33,079 --> 00:44:35,415 She reads the lines with such conviction. 902 00:44:35,498 --> 00:44:38,793 Yes. This is so much better than building pipe bombs. 903 00:44:38,877 --> 00:44:40,045 What are you doing? 904 00:44:40,128 --> 00:44:42,631 W had to start rehearsals. We have no time to waste. 905 00:44:42,714 --> 00:44:44,299 - But we haven't even... - Shh! 906 00:44:44,382 --> 00:44:47,761 Say no to the army, run away to France where they have real men. 907 00:44:47,844 --> 00:44:50,138 No. The recruiters kidnap us off the street, 908 00:44:50,221 --> 00:44:53,058 talk to us for hours until we finally agree to sign up. 909 00:44:53,141 --> 00:44:54,225 Like Scientology. 910 00:44:54,267 --> 00:44:57,145 I'll ask the great leader Osama for us to stay together. 911 00:44:57,228 --> 00:44:58,730 - I didn't write that. - Shh! 912 00:44:58,813 --> 00:45:01,399 - To stay together. - Please. Director Akbar! 913 00:45:01,483 --> 00:45:03,443 - Huh? - For us to stay together... 914 00:45:05,226 --> 00:45:07,095 Is this a real sword? 915 00:45:07,179 --> 00:45:08,305 Yes. Be careful. 916 00:45:08,388 --> 00:45:10,223 Oh, my God. 917 00:45:10,265 --> 00:45:12,309 I will ask the great leader Osama. 918 00:45:12,392 --> 00:45:14,811 She's an infidel. Cut off her head. 919 00:45:14,895 --> 00:45:17,856 - Aah! - And cut off her balls, too! 920 00:45:17,939 --> 00:45:20,442 - Yaah! Come back here! - No! Not me! Kill her! 921 00:45:20,484 --> 00:45:22,611 - Death to the uncircumcised! - Asshole! 922 00:45:22,694 --> 00:45:24,905 - This sword is heavy! - Just one second. 923 00:45:24,946 --> 00:45:26,114 Give him more lines. 924 00:45:26,198 --> 00:45:28,825 - Hey, isn't that? - Yes, actor Akbar. 925 00:45:28,909 --> 00:45:30,494 Revered by all Americans. 926 00:45:30,577 --> 00:45:34,915 This isn't that kind of movie. This is serious, for adults. Not entertainment. 927 00:45:34,998 --> 00:45:37,709 - He will be hard to replace. - There is no replacing! 928 00:45:37,751 --> 00:45:41,254 This is about militants being held at Guantanamo without a lawyer! 929 00:45:41,296 --> 00:45:43,548 Meryl Streep already did that! 930 00:45:43,732 --> 00:45:46,651 What about the Marine who rapes and murders an Iraqi family? 931 00:45:46,735 --> 00:45:48,487 Brian De Palma, straight to video. 932 00:45:48,528 --> 00:45:50,864 Lawyer who fights wiretapping. 933 00:45:50,947 --> 00:45:51,865 Robert Redford. 934 00:45:51,948 --> 00:45:53,867 Soldier who's forced to go back to Iraq! 935 00:45:53,909 --> 00:45:56,036 - Has an Oscar buzz. - I want to see that! 936 00:45:56,119 --> 00:45:58,288 - We'll see it Friday. - It's a date. 937 00:45:59,623 --> 00:46:03,043 I know. All the really great anti-American films have been done. 938 00:46:03,126 --> 00:46:05,504 No way we can compete with Hollywood studios. 939 00:46:05,587 --> 00:46:07,923 Michael Malone? What are you doing here? 940 00:46:08,006 --> 00:46:12,094 - I'm directing this picture. - What? I don't do documentaries. 941 00:46:12,177 --> 00:46:15,472 - Malone! We're under attack! - Now what? 942 00:46:21,728 --> 00:46:23,814 - Come on! - Aah! 943 00:46:24,856 --> 00:46:26,358 I don't see an attack. 944 00:46:26,441 --> 00:46:29,194 - A gun? I don't... - Fine. I know. Talk, don't shoot. 945 00:46:29,277 --> 00:46:31,863 Think of that as a talkin' stick. Let's go, men! 946 00:46:31,947 --> 00:46:35,075 - Where are we going?! - Don't step in that! 947 00:46:38,203 --> 00:46:39,871 What's going on?! 948 00:46:39,955 --> 00:46:42,541 Sons of bitches! Get the hell out of this courtroom! 949 00:46:42,624 --> 00:46:46,211 - Stop! You can't just shoot people! - They're not people! They're the ACLU! 950 00:46:46,294 --> 00:46:48,088 What?! You still can't... 951 00:46:48,130 --> 00:46:49,339 Oh! Aah! 952 00:46:49,381 --> 00:46:51,133 Aah! Aah! 953 00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:57,931 Fire at will, boys! 954 00:46:58,682 --> 00:47:00,934 What's goin' on here? 955 00:47:01,017 --> 00:47:03,603 ACLU. They come around every now and then. 956 00:47:03,645 --> 00:47:05,772 No listenin' in on terrorists' calls. 957 00:47:05,814 --> 00:47:08,191 Be nice to Al Qaeda. Read 'em their rights. 958 00:47:09,651 --> 00:47:11,611 Separation of church and state. 959 00:47:11,653 --> 00:47:12,821 Aah! 960 00:47:12,904 --> 00:47:16,575 I'll tell you one thing about the undead. They are relentless. 961 00:47:16,575 --> 00:47:17,826 Aah! 962 00:47:17,868 --> 00:47:20,787 Gun control. That gets 'em a little riled up, too. 963 00:47:20,871 --> 00:47:22,289 Aah! 964 00:47:22,372 --> 00:47:24,958 I think we could use gun control right about now! 965 00:47:25,041 --> 00:47:26,418 Tell it to them. 966 00:47:26,501 --> 00:47:27,461 Aah! 967 00:47:28,587 --> 00:47:29,588 Aah! 968 00:47:29,671 --> 00:47:31,089 Try it. It's fun. 969 00:47:31,173 --> 00:47:32,841 Whoa! 970 00:47:32,924 --> 00:47:35,385 Try not to lead 'em so much next time. 971 00:47:35,469 --> 00:47:36,553 Aah! 972 00:47:36,595 --> 00:47:37,679 - Aah! - Aah! 973 00:47:38,305 --> 00:47:42,851 What we're tryin' to do here, son, is protect the Ten Commandments. 974 00:47:42,934 --> 00:47:44,144 There's still five left. 975 00:47:44,227 --> 00:47:47,856 Hey, judge! Is the "not killing" still up there? 976 00:47:47,898 --> 00:47:49,065 Aw, screw it! 977 00:47:50,025 --> 00:47:50,942 Aah! 978 00:47:51,026 --> 00:47:53,612 Guns are not the answer! 979 00:47:53,695 --> 00:47:56,448 - Aah! - Nice shot. 980 00:47:56,531 --> 00:47:58,158 Oh, my God, what have I done? 981 00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,577 The first one's always the best. 982 00:48:07,459 --> 00:48:09,252 OK, OK, give me that thing. 983 00:48:09,336 --> 00:48:10,295 Aah! 984 00:48:11,338 --> 00:48:12,380 Ooh! 985 00:48:12,464 --> 00:48:13,965 I bet they heard that. 986 00:48:14,049 --> 00:48:17,052 Come on! They're on the subway! 987 00:48:17,135 --> 00:48:18,637 Godspeed, General! 988 00:48:27,646 --> 00:48:29,439 I'll need to see your bag, please. 989 00:48:36,613 --> 00:48:38,615 This says we can't search their bags. 990 00:48:43,703 --> 00:48:45,622 Thank Allah for the ACLU. 991 00:48:45,664 --> 00:48:48,750 Now you are going to see the glory of jihad. 992 00:48:48,834 --> 00:48:51,461 They're going to fly a subway into a building? 993 00:48:55,006 --> 00:48:58,343 Subway into a building... hmm. 994 00:48:58,343 --> 00:49:01,888 Well, now you've gone too far! You're against privacy rights, too? 995 00:49:01,972 --> 00:49:04,391 Only when they interfere with survival rights. 996 00:49:10,439 --> 00:49:12,816 Enjoy your privacy rights in hell. 997 00:49:15,986 --> 00:49:18,822 The Patriot Act is spoiling everything. 998 00:49:18,864 --> 00:49:21,032 I can't believe I lent Fayed my backpack. 999 00:49:21,116 --> 00:49:22,117 Aah! 1000 00:49:24,786 --> 00:49:27,706 Sir, we are ready to do our duty. 1001 00:49:27,789 --> 00:49:30,584 Your job is to pick up the three all-access media passes 1002 00:49:30,625 --> 00:49:32,586 from the infidel director. 1003 00:49:32,669 --> 00:49:35,964 As America watches that concert on TV, 1004 00:49:36,047 --> 00:49:38,467 they will see the power of jihad. 1005 00:49:38,508 --> 00:49:41,011 You are going to blow up Madison Square Garden? 1006 00:49:41,094 --> 00:49:42,387 When that roof collapses 1007 00:49:42,471 --> 00:49:45,098 on 20,000 American soldiers and their families, 1008 00:49:45,182 --> 00:49:48,393 we will be held as martyrs throughout the Arab world. 1009 00:49:48,477 --> 00:49:50,771 But we will be dead. 1010 00:49:52,522 --> 00:49:53,774 Yes. 1011 00:49:53,857 --> 00:49:57,861 Isn't there like a remote control or a button or something? 1012 00:49:57,903 --> 00:50:01,239 Leader, we get the passes for it from the director Akbar. 1013 00:50:01,323 --> 00:50:02,324 Very good. 1014 00:50:02,407 --> 00:50:04,576 I'm gonna grab a knish. 1015 00:50:04,659 --> 00:50:06,328 Your families will be proud. 1016 00:50:09,748 --> 00:50:11,416 Is there nothing we can do? 1017 00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:14,419 Nothing. The plan is foolproof. 1018 00:50:40,870 --> 00:50:45,792 Enough already. It's not as if I'm against Santa Claus or the Boy Scouts. 1019 00:50:45,834 --> 00:50:46,918 Little tip for you. 1020 00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:48,586 Fascist uniforms, not cool. 1021 00:50:48,670 --> 00:50:50,922 - Or religion. - Or the Fourth of July? 1022 00:50:51,006 --> 00:50:54,092 Fourth of July? That reminds me. I got a demonstration. See ya. 1023 00:50:55,510 --> 00:50:56,511 You're leavin'? 1024 00:50:56,594 --> 00:50:59,055 Yep. End of the line for me, so conjure up some fog 1025 00:50:59,139 --> 00:51:02,434 - and get me the hell out of here. - Just go. This is real. 1026 00:51:02,475 --> 00:51:03,518 Are you sure? 1027 00:51:03,601 --> 00:51:05,311 That subway station was too clean. 1028 00:51:05,395 --> 00:51:06,730 Oh... unh! 1029 00:51:16,698 --> 00:51:18,116 That's the real America. 1030 00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:21,661 Proud to celebrate the Fourth of July, just like your own family. 1031 00:51:21,745 --> 00:51:25,165 - This is my own family. - Huh? 1032 00:51:25,248 --> 00:51:26,833 Oh, right. So it is. 1033 00:51:26,916 --> 00:51:28,335 Hey, do I smell burgers? 1034 00:51:30,045 --> 00:51:31,963 I made your favorite, sweet potatoes. 1035 00:51:32,047 --> 00:51:33,298 Aw, honey, you know, 1036 00:51:33,381 --> 00:51:35,842 what I think I'm gonna miss most is your cooking. 1037 00:51:35,925 --> 00:51:38,345 Not my kisses? 1038 00:51:39,137 --> 00:51:41,056 Should I set a place for Uncle Michael? 1039 00:51:41,097 --> 00:51:44,225 Oh, no, honey. Uncle Michael's still very busy. 1040 00:51:44,309 --> 00:51:46,353 I feel bad he keeps disappointing you. 1041 00:51:46,436 --> 00:51:48,980 Well, he'll come around. 1042 00:51:49,022 --> 00:51:52,817 - God bless us, everyone. - There he is, my gentle little Timmy. 1043 00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:55,570 What a beautiful day for a family picnic. 1044 00:51:55,612 --> 00:51:57,614 Hey, Timmy, ready for dessert? 1045 00:51:57,656 --> 00:52:01,076 Daddy, is your asshole uncle coming tonight? 1046 00:52:01,159 --> 00:52:02,285 Uh, well... 1047 00:52:02,327 --> 00:52:05,038 Uh, Timmy, you know Uncle Michael loves you. 1048 00:52:05,121 --> 00:52:07,332 That lard ass only loves himself. 1049 00:52:07,415 --> 00:52:09,459 Did he come up with money for my operation? 1050 00:52:09,542 --> 00:52:11,044 Uh, well, uh... 1051 00:52:11,127 --> 00:52:14,047 Documentaries don't actually pay enough to, uh... 1052 00:52:14,130 --> 00:52:17,592 - Daddy! - Beckah. Hi, sweetheart. 1053 00:52:17,676 --> 00:52:21,680 I see that Michael "I'm gonna get you a cornea transplant" Malone 1054 00:52:21,763 --> 00:52:23,056 stiffed you again. 1055 00:52:23,139 --> 00:52:25,809 Uh, honey, he's doin' everything he can. 1056 00:52:25,850 --> 00:52:29,688 I bet he spent time in the cornea market at the Cannes Film Festival. 1057 00:52:29,771 --> 00:52:30,772 Oh, good! 1058 00:52:30,855 --> 00:52:33,024 The boys have brought out Tiny Tina. 1059 00:52:33,108 --> 00:52:35,986 She's doing so much better on that new dialysis machine. 1060 00:52:36,069 --> 00:52:36,987 Hey, kids! 1061 00:52:37,070 --> 00:52:40,615 I don't suppose Uncle Jerkwad has showed up with the kidney. 1062 00:52:40,699 --> 00:52:42,993 I'm running a little short on time here. 1063 00:52:44,953 --> 00:52:45,954 - Ow! - Aah! 1064 00:52:46,037 --> 00:52:47,580 Oh! Come on! 1065 00:52:47,664 --> 00:52:49,124 Now, can't we go on to some other awful place? 1066 00:52:49,124 --> 00:52:50,291 Now, can't we go on to some other awful place? 1067 00:52:50,375 --> 00:52:52,711 - Where the hell are we? - Kandahar, Afghanistan. 1068 00:52:52,794 --> 00:52:54,587 But there's a war going on here! 1069 00:52:54,671 --> 00:52:56,089 - Since 9l11! - Down! 1070 00:52:57,972 --> 00:53:00,016 - Down! - They shouldn't be blindfolded. 1071 00:53:00,099 --> 00:53:02,811 - It's against the Geneva Convention. - They're the enemy. 1072 00:53:02,894 --> 00:53:06,314 - They're innocent till proven guilty. - Let me tell you something. 1073 00:53:06,397 --> 00:53:09,901 If they're on the battlefield and shooting at you, they're guilty! 1074 00:53:09,943 --> 00:53:11,653 That's not the point. 1075 00:53:11,736 --> 00:53:13,905 There's no reason to blindfold prisoners. 1076 00:53:13,988 --> 00:53:16,741 Fine. Take 'em off. 1077 00:53:19,369 --> 00:53:21,871 Michael Malone! Michael Malone! 1078 00:53:21,955 --> 00:53:24,082 Die You American Pigs! 1079 00:53:24,124 --> 00:53:25,583 He's much fatter in person. 1080 00:53:25,667 --> 00:53:26,668 OK, OK. 1081 00:53:26,751 --> 00:53:30,046 Let's see how fat I look with one of these blindfolds back on. 1082 00:53:30,130 --> 00:53:31,089 Oh! 1083 00:53:31,172 --> 00:53:32,423 Aah aah aah! 1084 00:53:32,423 --> 00:53:35,176 ...for my God is with me wherever I go. 1085 00:53:35,260 --> 00:53:37,053 Have mercy upon me, O God, 1086 00:53:37,137 --> 00:53:39,389 for it is an unfailing love. 1087 00:53:39,472 --> 00:53:41,432 Praise be to the Lord, my rock, 1088 00:53:41,516 --> 00:53:44,352 who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. 1089 00:53:44,435 --> 00:53:45,979 We're taking fire! 1090 00:53:54,446 --> 00:53:57,198 Aah! They're using real bullets! 1091 00:53:58,199 --> 00:54:00,201 Aah! Oh! 1092 00:54:00,285 --> 00:54:01,578 Oh! 1093 00:54:07,667 --> 00:54:10,128 Honestly, I've tried to show him, 1094 00:54:10,211 --> 00:54:12,881 but this one is just too bullheaded. 1095 00:54:12,964 --> 00:54:14,757 Father, please forgive me. 1096 00:54:14,799 --> 00:54:16,342 I have done my best. 1097 00:54:16,426 --> 00:54:19,179 This challenge was just too much. 1098 00:54:19,262 --> 00:54:22,223 I fear this battle is lost. 1099 00:54:24,309 --> 00:54:26,686 Oh, so now you're telling God? 1100 00:54:28,021 --> 00:54:29,439 Not that father. 1101 00:54:30,523 --> 00:54:33,485 You know, JFK was right. You are hopeless. 1102 00:54:38,907 --> 00:54:41,743 What?! Oh, George Washington. 1103 00:54:41,826 --> 00:54:45,371 Been dead for 200 years, not that that matters anymore. 1104 00:54:45,413 --> 00:54:48,166 It does matter, citizen Malone. 1105 00:54:48,249 --> 00:54:52,045 Nice costume. You here for the Halloween parade? 1106 00:54:53,713 --> 00:54:56,049 I'm here to talk to you about freedom. 1107 00:54:56,090 --> 00:54:59,385 - The greatest gift man has. - Freedom? 1108 00:54:59,469 --> 00:55:02,222 Very precarious gift, easily misused. 1109 00:55:02,305 --> 00:55:05,767 And when it is misused, easily lost. 1110 00:55:07,185 --> 00:55:09,354 Like freedom from pompous spirits. 1111 00:55:09,395 --> 00:55:11,773 Like freedom of speech, which you abuse. 1112 00:55:11,815 --> 00:55:13,191 Like freedom of religion. 1113 00:55:13,233 --> 00:55:16,402 This is St. Paul's Chapel, where I worshipped every Sunday... 1114 00:55:16,444 --> 00:55:19,239 ...when New York was the capital. 1115 00:55:19,906 --> 00:55:22,742 I sat right here on the morning of my inaugural 1116 00:55:22,826 --> 00:55:25,078 to pray for guidance in leading this nation. 1117 00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:30,250 If this place is so important, why don't they clean it? 1118 00:55:31,626 --> 00:55:34,295 - It's full of... - Dust. 1119 00:55:36,422 --> 00:55:37,841 From across the street. 1120 00:55:42,387 --> 00:55:43,596 Oh, my God. 1121 00:55:43,638 --> 00:55:45,849 It was the World Trade Center, 1122 00:55:45,890 --> 00:55:49,894 and this is the dust of 3,000 innocent human beings 1123 00:55:49,978 --> 00:55:53,148 and the great heroes who perished trying to save them. 1124 00:55:53,231 --> 00:55:54,399 Why'd you bring me here? 1125 00:55:54,482 --> 00:55:56,109 I'm not responsible for this. 1126 00:55:56,151 --> 00:55:57,777 It was our foreign policy. 1127 00:55:57,861 --> 00:55:59,821 It's our military bases overseas. 1128 00:55:59,904 --> 00:56:02,031 It's globalization. It's the CIA! 1129 00:56:02,115 --> 00:56:04,409 Is that what you're gonna say on judgment day? 1130 00:56:04,451 --> 00:56:07,412 Well, I've already been judged, and I won an Oscar. 1131 00:56:07,495 --> 00:56:09,873 For a documentary. 1132 00:56:12,292 --> 00:56:17,172 When you meet the Almighty, Michael, I'm afraid that won't do. 1133 00:56:18,673 --> 00:56:22,177 Only the truth will do. 1134 00:56:22,218 --> 00:56:23,386 I gotta get out of here. 1135 00:56:24,846 --> 00:56:26,473 Ooh! 1136 00:56:26,514 --> 00:56:28,266 Ow! 1137 00:56:28,349 --> 00:56:29,309 Ooh! 1138 00:56:37,609 --> 00:56:39,486 No! No! 1139 00:56:39,569 --> 00:56:41,404 No! No! 1140 00:56:44,073 --> 00:56:45,033 Aah! 1141 00:56:45,116 --> 00:56:47,577 Don't hurt me! I've always stood up for gay rights. 1142 00:56:49,287 --> 00:56:51,831 I'm the Angel of freakin' Death, you turdhead. 1143 00:56:51,915 --> 00:56:56,294 Boy, you do not wanna mess with the Angel of Death. 1144 00:56:56,377 --> 00:56:59,923 Listen, punk, there are consequences for what you do. 1145 00:56:59,964 --> 00:57:01,508 Let's go. 1146 00:57:02,425 --> 00:57:04,093 Oh, good, another field trip. 1147 00:57:04,135 --> 00:57:07,430 Can we go someplace cool this time, like Paris or Hollywood? 1148 00:57:07,514 --> 00:57:09,015 Now, that's a good idea. 1149 00:57:10,809 --> 00:57:13,102 What's goin' on here? Where are we? 1150 00:57:13,186 --> 00:57:17,232 Hollywood, just like you wanted, only now it's called Bin Laden City. 1151 00:57:17,273 --> 00:57:18,483 Oh, my God. 1152 00:57:18,525 --> 00:57:20,860 They kept the buildings. Just changed the signs. 1153 00:57:20,944 --> 00:57:23,363 Oh, no! This isn't happening! 1154 00:57:23,446 --> 00:57:25,907 We lost the war on terror. Nice work. 1155 00:57:25,990 --> 00:57:28,493 Great bunch of movies you made for the other side. 1156 00:57:29,536 --> 00:57:31,204 Oh, shit. 1157 00:57:31,246 --> 00:57:33,832 Yeah. Terrorists really appreciated your work. 1158 00:57:33,915 --> 00:57:38,169 Oh! Take me home. 1159 00:57:38,253 --> 00:57:39,754 My real home. 1160 00:57:39,838 --> 00:57:42,632 That's where we're goin'. Back to Michigan. 1161 00:57:47,137 --> 00:57:48,179 Ah, home. 1162 00:57:49,556 --> 00:57:50,557 Detroit! 1163 00:57:55,186 --> 00:57:56,646 This is all that's left? 1164 00:57:56,729 --> 00:57:59,774 Not much to work with, but if we put our heads together... 1165 00:57:59,816 --> 00:58:02,193 We'll never be able to identify this victim. 1166 00:58:02,235 --> 00:58:03,486 Why even bother? 1167 00:58:03,486 --> 00:58:04,904 I mean, it's one of 100,000. 1168 00:58:04,946 --> 00:58:07,407 What happened here? 100,000 people dead? 1169 00:58:07,449 --> 00:58:08,450 Listen. 1170 00:58:08,533 --> 00:58:11,828 The strange thing is the blast only killed a few hundred. 1171 00:58:11,911 --> 00:58:13,288 Radiation got the rest. 1172 00:58:13,371 --> 00:58:16,416 Nuclear attack on Detroit? 1173 00:58:16,499 --> 00:58:17,750 Oh, my God. 1174 00:58:17,834 --> 00:58:21,337 We found this in the wreckage of a television interview show. 1175 00:58:21,421 --> 00:58:22,964 Some big-ass celebrity. 1176 00:58:23,047 --> 00:58:24,591 You got that right. 1177 00:58:24,632 --> 00:58:26,384 This was near it. 1178 00:58:28,511 --> 00:58:30,638 Hey, that's Michael Malone's cap. 1179 00:58:30,722 --> 00:58:32,223 That explains the fat ass. 1180 00:58:32,265 --> 00:58:33,266 Check this out. 1181 00:58:33,349 --> 00:58:35,768 There is no terrorist threat. 1182 00:58:37,061 --> 00:58:38,938 Uh, yeah, yeah. I just forgot to sign 1183 00:58:38,980 --> 00:58:41,149 the please don't shoot my ass off agreement. 1184 00:58:43,526 --> 00:58:45,487 Do I look more like Michael Malone now? 1185 00:58:45,570 --> 00:58:47,322 Hey, spank my know-it-all ass. 1186 00:58:49,824 --> 00:58:50,992 I know! 1187 00:58:51,075 --> 00:58:54,162 Least everyone will be happy now that I've been nuked! 1188 00:58:56,122 --> 00:58:58,291 Don't let me die! And all those people! 1189 00:58:58,333 --> 00:59:00,418 I don't wanna die! Please, I don't wanna die! 1190 00:59:00,460 --> 00:59:02,337 � Yankee doodle went to town 1191 00:59:02,420 --> 00:59:03,880 � Riding on a big ass 1192 00:59:03,963 --> 00:59:06,424 I don't wanna die! Please! I don't wanna die! 1193 00:59:06,508 --> 00:59:08,092 Please! I don't wanna die. 1194 00:59:08,134 --> 00:59:09,886 I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. 1195 00:59:09,928 --> 00:59:10,011 I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. 1196 00:59:10,011 --> 00:59:13,014 I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. 1197 00:59:15,642 --> 00:59:17,435 I didn't die. I'm alive! 1198 00:59:17,519 --> 00:59:19,145 I'm here at Madison Square Garden 1199 00:59:19,187 --> 00:59:22,732 where Moovealong. Org is holding their Anti-Fourth-of-July rally. 1200 00:59:22,774 --> 00:59:24,317 I didn't miss it! 1201 00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,194 It wasn't a nightmare! 1202 00:59:26,236 --> 00:59:28,988 Except for that creepy George Washington guy. 1203 00:59:29,072 --> 00:59:30,782 It's a beautiful day! 1204 00:59:30,824 --> 00:59:33,618 They're all waiting for their leader, Michael Malone. 1205 00:59:35,328 --> 00:59:37,539 That's right, Michael Malone. 1206 00:59:37,580 --> 00:59:38,957 I'm so f... 1207 00:59:43,545 --> 00:59:44,879 Time to go. 1208 00:59:48,063 --> 00:59:49,439 I can't. I'm... sick. 1209 00:59:49,522 --> 00:59:51,274 Oh. You look terrible. 1210 00:59:51,316 --> 00:59:52,943 But you always look terrible. 1211 00:59:52,984 --> 00:59:55,737 Now come on. Millions of people are counting on you. 1212 00:59:55,820 --> 00:59:57,739 We love Michael Malone! 1213 00:59:57,781 --> 00:59:58,949 We love Michael Malone! 1214 00:59:59,032 --> 01:00:00,492 You gotta do the right thing. 1215 01:00:02,077 --> 01:00:03,703 Huh? 1216 01:00:03,787 --> 01:00:06,873 We don't care how! Leave now! We don't care how! 1217 01:00:06,957 --> 01:00:08,750 Leave now! We don't care how! 1218 01:00:16,967 --> 01:00:18,301 Director Akbar! 1219 01:00:19,553 --> 01:00:22,639 Director Akbar, our all-access media passes, 1220 01:00:22,681 --> 01:00:24,057 you have them? 1221 01:00:24,140 --> 01:00:26,434 Oh, yeah, uh, enjoy the, uh, demonstration. 1222 01:00:26,476 --> 01:00:28,603 - Thank you. - Mr. Malone, Mr. Malone! 1223 01:00:28,645 --> 01:00:30,397 What is your message to the troops 1224 01:00:30,438 --> 01:00:32,691 who have come for the Fourth of July concert? 1225 01:00:32,774 --> 01:00:34,442 Uh... uh... uh... 1226 01:00:34,526 --> 01:00:35,944 Give me that! 1227 01:00:36,027 --> 01:00:39,239 We're not gonna celebrate a country that sends soldiers to fight. 1228 01:00:39,322 --> 01:00:42,576 That's what Michael is here to say. Come on. Everyone's waiting. 1229 01:00:42,659 --> 01:00:44,661 Introduce Jimmy Carter and make a speech. 1230 01:00:44,744 --> 01:00:47,956 - Bring troops home! - Michael Malone will be here soon! 1231 01:00:48,039 --> 01:00:50,250 Feel free to just wander on up here. 1232 01:00:50,333 --> 01:00:52,502 And here's former President Jimmy Carter! 1233 01:00:52,586 --> 01:00:54,254 Israel is an apartheid state. 1234 01:00:54,337 --> 01:00:57,549 Uh, high taxes are good for you. 1235 01:00:57,632 --> 01:01:00,260 And after him, Michael Malone is gonna be here! 1236 01:01:00,343 --> 01:01:02,178 Uh, I gotta go to the bathroom. 1237 01:01:09,352 --> 01:01:11,062 Aah! 1238 01:01:11,146 --> 01:01:13,857 What am I gonna do? They're gonna kill me! 1239 01:01:13,940 --> 01:01:15,317 Aah! 1240 01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:17,569 You spineless bastard, act like a man. 1241 01:01:17,611 --> 01:01:20,071 Why'd you do that? I was gonna do something. 1242 01:01:20,155 --> 01:01:22,365 I just don't know what. Aah! 1243 01:01:22,407 --> 01:01:25,785 You can't sit here on the sidelines. It's time to take action. 1244 01:01:25,869 --> 01:01:28,163 I'm considering getting another hero. 1245 01:01:28,163 --> 01:01:29,164 Aah! 1246 01:01:29,247 --> 01:01:32,834 Hey! What are you doin' here? You're not a spirit. 1247 01:01:32,876 --> 01:01:35,378 I know. I just enjoy slapping you. 1248 01:01:35,462 --> 01:01:36,922 - Aah! - Listen to yourself! 1249 01:01:37,005 --> 01:01:40,508 The time has come to forget about the consequences and show courage! 1250 01:01:40,592 --> 01:01:42,052 You know what courage is? 1251 01:01:42,135 --> 01:01:44,387 You mean, like the lion in The Wizard Of Oz? 1252 01:01:45,263 --> 01:01:47,098 I had a more heroic reference in mind, 1253 01:01:47,182 --> 01:01:49,601 but if The Wizard Of Oz works for you, well, OK. 1254 01:01:49,684 --> 01:01:53,521 You know, is it possible for me to get a little privacy in here? 1255 01:01:53,605 --> 01:01:56,191 We are facing the greatest evil since Nazism. 1256 01:01:56,233 --> 01:01:58,318 What are you talking about? 1257 01:01:58,401 --> 01:02:01,154 To assure there will be no more war, I've taken the liberty 1258 01:02:01,196 --> 01:02:05,700 of arranging a formal surrender ceremony on the U.S.S. Missouri. 1259 01:02:17,587 --> 01:02:20,006 OK, stop! I'll do it. 1260 01:02:22,509 --> 01:02:23,927 Thank you, thank you. 1261 01:02:23,969 --> 01:02:26,972 Oh, look, here he is now, 1262 01:02:27,055 --> 01:02:28,848 a true heavyweight of the movement, 1263 01:02:28,932 --> 01:02:31,560 our brother, Michael Malone! 1264 01:02:31,643 --> 01:02:33,937 Ah... whoo. 1265 01:02:33,979 --> 01:02:36,189 Ah, thank you. Thank you. 1266 01:02:36,273 --> 01:02:38,400 Uh, I know what you all think is important. 1267 01:02:39,901 --> 01:02:41,945 Government-run health care. 1268 01:02:42,904 --> 01:02:44,281 Global warming. 1269 01:02:45,782 --> 01:02:47,951 No handguns allowed in your home. 1270 01:02:50,161 --> 01:02:52,664 And these things are all vital. 1271 01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:58,128 But they all come second to the most important thing of all. 1272 01:02:58,169 --> 01:03:00,046 We're in a real war, people. 1273 01:03:00,088 --> 01:03:02,007 These terrorists want to kill us all, 1274 01:03:02,090 --> 01:03:04,342 and you're acting like it's September 10th. 1275 01:03:08,013 --> 01:03:09,139 Traitor! 1276 01:03:18,148 --> 01:03:19,524 Where'd you get that?! 1277 01:03:19,566 --> 01:03:21,234 Aah! 1278 01:03:24,738 --> 01:03:26,072 Aah! 1279 01:03:26,114 --> 01:03:30,327 Hang on a second! Thanks, guys. Aah! 1280 01:03:30,410 --> 01:03:33,580 Oh, please! I don't blame you for wantin' to water-board me 1281 01:03:33,663 --> 01:03:35,624 in a secret CIA prison, but I've changed! 1282 01:03:35,707 --> 01:03:38,835 - We're trying to protect you. - Well, thank you for bein' here. 1283 01:03:38,919 --> 01:03:42,130 Don't thank us. Thank the recruiter that came to our campus. 1284 01:03:42,172 --> 01:03:44,090 What? You guys went to college? 1285 01:03:45,342 --> 01:03:50,972 And now, folks, give a big New York City welcome to... 1286 01:03:51,056 --> 01:03:52,974 ...Whiskey Falls! 1287 01:03:57,687 --> 01:03:58,897 Poor Aziz. 1288 01:03:58,939 --> 01:04:01,650 He was supposed to wait to detonate his bombs. 1289 01:04:01,691 --> 01:04:02,943 What a wanker. 1290 01:04:03,026 --> 01:04:05,403 Hey, let's get hot dogs and go see the show. 1291 01:04:07,405 --> 01:04:09,658 After we blow ourselves up. 1292 01:04:09,658 --> 01:04:12,994 After the bombs go off, I will personally kill you. 1293 01:04:13,036 --> 01:04:15,330 I can live with that. 1294 01:04:24,047 --> 01:04:26,007 Hey! Hey, it's that Michael Malone! 1295 01:04:26,091 --> 01:04:27,509 Oh, hey! 1296 01:04:27,592 --> 01:04:29,928 This is for people who support our troops. 1297 01:04:29,970 --> 01:04:32,722 You hate country music. What are you doin' here? 1298 01:04:32,806 --> 01:04:34,099 I had no choice. 1299 01:04:34,182 --> 01:04:36,810 I was about to be beaten by peace marchers! 1300 01:04:38,061 --> 01:04:40,855 And now, on the birthday of our nation, 1301 01:04:40,939 --> 01:04:42,524 we're proud to introduce a man 1302 01:04:42,607 --> 01:04:45,485 who has entertained troops all over the world. 1303 01:04:45,569 --> 01:04:50,282 Please welcome country music superstar Trace Adkins! 1304 01:04:52,951 --> 01:04:55,078 The Angel of Death is headlining? 1305 01:04:55,161 --> 01:04:56,830 Hello, New York City! 1306 01:04:56,871 --> 01:04:58,874 Director Akbar! 1307 01:04:58,957 --> 01:05:00,834 Director Akbar! Back here! 1308 01:05:00,917 --> 01:05:02,836 Shh! I'm gonna get killed. 1309 01:05:02,919 --> 01:05:04,212 I know. We all are. 1310 01:05:10,596 --> 01:05:13,974 We have to tell you something. Aziz is not an actor. 1311 01:05:14,057 --> 01:05:16,310 - He's not? - He's something else. 1312 01:05:16,393 --> 01:05:17,603 Think back. 1313 01:05:20,647 --> 01:05:23,483 You look like a terrorist. 1314 01:05:24,610 --> 01:05:26,862 You are going to blow up Madison Square Garden? 1315 01:05:26,945 --> 01:05:29,448 Bawk, bawk, bawk! 1316 01:05:29,531 --> 01:05:30,449 Bawk, bawk, bawk! 1317 01:05:32,826 --> 01:05:33,827 Bawk, bawk, bawk! 1318 01:05:34,328 --> 01:05:38,415 Wait! So you're saying he's a terrorist? 1319 01:05:39,791 --> 01:05:42,502 - And that would make you... - Filmmakers. 1320 01:05:42,586 --> 01:05:43,837 Right! 1321 01:05:43,921 --> 01:05:46,965 The "film" is set to go off at 7:00. 1322 01:05:52,930 --> 01:05:54,139 We have to stop him. 1323 01:05:54,181 --> 01:05:56,141 We'll never find him in this crowd. 1324 01:05:57,267 --> 01:06:01,104 There's only one place I can see everything. The stage. 1325 01:06:01,188 --> 01:06:02,231 They hate you. 1326 01:06:02,314 --> 01:06:04,191 They hated Stalin, too. 1327 01:06:04,274 --> 01:06:05,901 Look for him out in the house. 1328 01:06:05,984 --> 01:06:08,111 - Stalin? - The mentor of Oprah. 1329 01:06:08,195 --> 01:06:09,988 I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 1330 01:06:10,405 --> 01:06:12,658 So come on, let's not waste any more time. 1331 01:06:12,741 --> 01:06:13,742 Let me hear you. 1332 01:06:13,825 --> 01:06:15,869 Hey, Malone, get off the stage! 1333 01:06:15,953 --> 01:06:19,039 Get off the stage! 1334 01:06:19,122 --> 01:06:21,583 - What's he doin' here! - Well, uh... 1335 01:06:21,667 --> 01:06:24,711 - What are you doin' here?! - Damn it, where is he? 1336 01:06:24,753 --> 01:06:28,048 Uh, you probably all hate me, and I don't blame you. 1337 01:06:28,131 --> 01:06:29,675 I said a lot of bad things. 1338 01:06:29,758 --> 01:06:32,886 Uh, over the last few days, I learned a lot of lessons. 1339 01:06:32,928 --> 01:06:35,764 And now I know that terrorism is not our fault! 1340 01:06:37,140 --> 01:06:39,393 He's got to be out there somewhere. 1341 01:06:39,476 --> 01:06:43,981 And that, uh, we may not be perfect, but we're the good guys! 1342 01:06:44,064 --> 01:06:45,065 Yeah! 1343 01:06:45,148 --> 01:06:48,902 I'm sorry about what I said about country music, NASCAR, and Americans. 1344 01:06:48,986 --> 01:06:51,780 If you want to listen to dumb songs 1345 01:06:51,822 --> 01:06:53,448 About cowboys and trucks 1346 01:06:53,490 --> 01:06:55,993 and watch cars endlessly go around in circles. 1347 01:06:56,076 --> 01:06:58,704 Hey, what... Hey, this is the United States of America! 1348 01:06:58,787 --> 01:07:00,914 We're free to do what we want! 1349 01:07:00,956 --> 01:07:04,251 So if those of you who agree with me 1350 01:07:04,334 --> 01:07:07,004 that America should be destroyed, stand up now! 1351 01:07:08,881 --> 01:07:11,800 Yes! Die, you American pigs! 1352 01:07:11,884 --> 01:07:13,218 What?! 1353 01:07:13,260 --> 01:07:15,345 There he is! The terrorist! Get him! 1354 01:07:17,598 --> 01:07:19,099 We'll get him, director Akbar! 1355 01:07:21,018 --> 01:07:22,686 Get him! Get him! 1356 01:07:37,713 --> 01:07:40,048 - Aziz, don't do it! - Allahu Akbar. 1357 01:07:40,132 --> 01:07:41,174 - Wait! - Wait! 1358 01:07:43,343 --> 01:07:44,303 - Oh! - Oh! 1359 01:07:44,386 --> 01:07:46,263 OK, now we must disarm the bomb. 1360 01:07:46,346 --> 01:07:48,473 Then it's a good thing we're alert. 1361 01:07:51,184 --> 01:07:53,645 - The red one! - Which one's red? I'm color blind. 1362 01:07:53,687 --> 01:07:55,147 We don't have time. 1363 01:07:55,230 --> 01:07:57,649 I've never done this in a restroom. 1364 01:07:57,733 --> 01:08:00,777 Don't worry about it. Just relax and pull it gently. 1365 01:08:00,861 --> 01:08:01,945 - Like that? - Ooh! 1366 01:08:02,029 --> 01:08:02,988 Ooh! 1367 01:08:03,071 --> 01:08:04,156 Sailors. 1368 01:08:07,284 --> 01:08:10,370 Not that one! Don't pull that one! 1369 01:08:10,454 --> 01:08:12,664 Push harder! Put it in here. 1370 01:08:12,748 --> 01:08:13,707 Oh! 1371 01:08:13,790 --> 01:08:15,459 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He's waking up! 1372 01:08:15,542 --> 01:08:16,877 Do something! 1373 01:08:17,961 --> 01:08:18,920 - Huh? - Look! 1374 01:08:19,004 --> 01:08:20,547 Aah ha ha ha! 1375 01:08:20,631 --> 01:08:23,717 - That was amazing. - You're incredible. 1376 01:08:23,759 --> 01:08:24,760 Marines. 1377 01:08:37,272 --> 01:08:39,358 Director Akbar! Director Akbar! 1378 01:08:39,399 --> 01:08:41,610 Look! Look! 1379 01:08:41,693 --> 01:08:42,986 Ooh! 1380 01:08:47,616 --> 01:08:49,493 Got anything else to say, son? 1381 01:08:49,618 --> 01:08:53,497 Yeah! How about you rednecks Play some of that awful country music! 1382 01:08:57,751 --> 01:08:59,670 Welcome to the real America. 1383 01:09:00,921 --> 01:09:03,715 You know, you look much slimmer in person. 1384 01:09:06,677 --> 01:09:10,013 � This is the greatest country in the whole wide world 1385 01:09:10,097 --> 01:09:12,933 � The fastest horses The prettiest girls 1386 01:09:13,016 --> 01:09:16,269 � We got the Army, the Navy, Air Force, and Marines 1387 01:09:16,311 --> 01:09:19,231 � The finest fightin' force the world's ever seen 1388 01:09:19,314 --> 01:09:22,442 � We're the kind of people that get things done 1389 01:09:22,484 --> 01:09:24,111 � No doubt about it, folks 1390 01:09:24,194 --> 01:09:25,696 � We're still number one 1391 01:09:25,779 --> 01:09:26,780 � We got the nerve 1392 01:09:26,822 --> 01:09:27,781 � We got the nerve 1393 01:09:27,864 --> 01:09:28,824 � We got the will 1394 01:09:28,907 --> 01:09:29,825 � We got the will 1395 01:09:29,908 --> 01:09:30,909 � We are all together 1396 01:09:30,993 --> 01:09:34,663 � And you know that we are still America 1397 01:09:34,746 --> 01:09:38,208 � Yeah, I know the sun is risin' on a better day 1398 01:09:38,292 --> 01:09:39,751 � America, America 1399 01:09:51,263 --> 01:09:53,390 � America, America 1400 01:09:53,473 --> 01:09:58,186 � Yeah, I believe in you 1401 01:09:58,228 --> 01:10:01,064 New York City! 1402 01:10:01,148 --> 01:10:02,232 Whoo! 1403 01:10:02,316 --> 01:10:03,317 There is mosh pit? 1404 01:10:03,400 --> 01:10:05,235 Not in country music. 1405 01:10:05,277 --> 01:10:06,570 Aah! Oh! 1406 01:10:07,529 --> 01:10:09,406 Oh! 1407 01:10:09,489 --> 01:10:12,284 � America, America 1408 01:10:12,326 --> 01:10:14,828 � Ooh, ooh... � 1409 01:10:14,911 --> 01:10:16,038 Josh. 1410 01:10:31,928 --> 01:10:32,971 Josh! Josh! 1411 01:10:33,055 --> 01:10:34,222 Huh? 1412 01:10:36,224 --> 01:10:37,309 Josh, Josh! 1413 01:10:38,810 --> 01:10:39,978 Josh, Josh! 1414 01:10:40,062 --> 01:10:41,021 Carry on. 1415 01:10:41,104 --> 01:10:43,315 Daddy, look who's here. 1416 01:10:43,357 --> 01:10:46,234 - Uncle Asshole! - Josh! 1417 01:10:46,318 --> 01:10:47,611 Josh! 1418 01:10:55,827 --> 01:10:58,705 Can you forgive your stupid uncle for being too blind to see 1419 01:10:58,789 --> 01:11:01,208 what's been right in front of him this whole time? 1420 01:11:01,249 --> 01:11:03,251 Oh, nice! Blind jokes! 1421 01:11:03,293 --> 01:11:05,712 Uncle Michael, it's OK. 1422 01:11:05,796 --> 01:11:09,341 Well, I just want you to know that I care about you, and... 1423 01:11:09,383 --> 01:11:11,009 ...l'm proud of what you're doin'. 1424 01:11:11,051 --> 01:11:15,806 I always knew that, Uncle Michael. I always knew it. 1425 01:11:16,765 --> 01:11:18,684 Well, now you take care of yourself, 1426 01:11:18,767 --> 01:11:21,561 'cause there's a lot of bad people out there. 1427 01:11:21,645 --> 01:11:25,565 It's OK. As long as there's a lot of good people here. 1428 01:11:27,943 --> 01:11:29,736 If there's anything I can do... 1429 01:11:30,779 --> 01:11:32,656 Maybe I can send some DVDs of my movies. 1430 01:11:32,739 --> 01:11:34,032 That's all right. 1431 01:11:34,116 --> 01:11:36,952 We captured a lot of them when we took Saddam's palace. 1432 01:11:38,203 --> 01:11:40,831 Besides, I think most of the guys prefer features. 1433 01:11:42,374 --> 01:11:44,293 But I'd really appreciate it 1434 01:11:44,334 --> 01:11:47,254 if you could check in on Lily and the kids while I'm gone. 1435 01:11:47,337 --> 01:11:49,131 Yeah, I will. No problem. 1436 01:11:50,507 --> 01:11:52,175 You've made Josh so happy. 1437 01:11:52,259 --> 01:11:54,553 - Thanks, Jilly. - Lily. 1438 01:11:57,723 --> 01:11:59,599 Welcome to the fight, Uncle Michael. 1439 01:11:59,641 --> 01:12:01,560 This time I know our side will win. 1440 01:12:32,924 --> 01:12:34,801 - Ow! - Ow! 1441 01:12:34,843 --> 01:12:37,554 Aah! 1442 01:12:37,596 --> 01:12:38,639 Aah! 1443 01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:39,640 Aah! 1444 01:12:41,099 --> 01:12:42,768 Ow! 1445 01:12:42,851 --> 01:12:44,853 Help! 1446 01:12:44,936 --> 01:12:46,521 Aah! 1447 01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,357 Aah! 1448 01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:49,399 Don't worry, Josh! 1449 01:12:49,483 --> 01:12:51,610 I'll take care of the family! 1450 01:13:00,077 --> 01:13:01,453 Thought I'd find you here. 1451 01:13:02,829 --> 01:13:06,625 He's a good kid. Persian Gulf, volunteered. 1452 01:13:06,708 --> 01:13:09,461 I feel so useless. What can I do? 1453 01:13:09,503 --> 01:13:11,171 Well, you could start by being 1454 01:13:11,254 --> 01:13:14,257 as big a pain in the ass to the terrorists as you've been to us. 1455 01:13:14,341 --> 01:13:16,969 Like makin' a movie of the good things about America. 1456 01:13:17,052 --> 01:13:19,096 In Hollywood? Fat chance. 1457 01:13:19,179 --> 01:13:20,681 Sorry for bein' such a jerk. 1458 01:13:20,764 --> 01:13:22,808 Sorry I made you listen to country music. 1459 01:13:22,849 --> 01:13:23,850 Ah, forget it. 1460 01:13:23,934 --> 01:13:25,477 Hey, you want to grab a sandwich? 1461 01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:28,188 I'd love to. Used to get a good pastrami in Manhattan. 1462 01:13:28,272 --> 01:13:31,525 Before you got t-boned by that car. It was a spinal injury, right? 1463 01:13:31,608 --> 01:13:33,902 Tough day. Didn't see that comin'. 1464 01:13:33,944 --> 01:13:36,488 What do you think about stem cell research? 1465 01:13:36,571 --> 01:13:39,283 Let's not go there. A broken neck is a broken neck... 1466 01:13:39,324 --> 01:13:42,244 From then on, he always remembered to celebrate 1467 01:13:42,327 --> 01:13:43,704 the Fourth of July, 1468 01:13:43,787 --> 01:13:46,123 and he did what he could to help out the soldiers. 1469 01:13:46,206 --> 01:13:48,458 But most important, he devoted himself 1470 01:13:48,542 --> 01:13:50,669 to spreading a message of his hero. 1471 01:13:51,386 --> 01:13:52,838 My fellow Americans, 1472 01:13:52,921 --> 01:13:55,882 ask not what your country can do for you, 1473 01:13:55,966 --> 01:13:59,469 but rather, ask, uh... Uh... line! 1474 01:13:59,553 --> 01:14:02,472 You know, I don't think JFK would say this like that. 1475 01:14:02,514 --> 01:14:06,143 - It's become such a... - "What you can do for your country!" 1476 01:14:06,226 --> 01:14:09,521 Oh, cut! What are we gonna do? 1477 01:14:09,605 --> 01:14:12,107 Fire his ass. 1478 01:14:12,149 --> 01:14:13,775 That's my boy. 1479 01:14:13,859 --> 01:14:15,110 God bless us, everyone. 1480 01:14:15,152 --> 01:14:17,404 And God bless America! 1481 01:14:17,446 --> 01:14:20,490 And it turned out people actually wanted to see movies 1482 01:14:20,574 --> 01:14:22,576 that showed good things about America. 1483 01:14:22,659 --> 01:14:25,162 - Grandpa! - Oh, Grandpa, come on. 1484 01:14:25,245 --> 01:14:28,582 Hey. It's just a story. 1485 01:14:29,708 --> 01:14:31,335 My fellow Americans, 1486 01:14:31,418 --> 01:14:33,712 ask not what your country can do for you, 1487 01:14:33,754 --> 01:14:36,882 but rather ask what you can do for your country. 1488 01:14:37,633 --> 01:14:39,009 Cut! Print! 114111

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.