All language subtitles for Columbo (1968) - S03E02 - Any Old Port in a Storm (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)

An exciting meal has been ruined
by the presence of this liquid filth.

Now you’ve blown the money.

I’m just happy you didn’t
report me to my superior.

This Gun for Hire.

No offense to your mother.

Why were you assigned
to the case?

I mean, you’re... you’re
in Homicide, aren’t you?

I just go where they tell me to.

Of course, the first thing
I wanted was a cold beer.

You really are
a sly one, Lieutenant.

Titian would have gone mad
trying to mix so beautiful a red.

And he would have failed
dismally in the attempt.

Color like this was born
a hundred years ago in Italy,

suffered through decades
of the Piemonte winter,

survived a steerage ocean voyage
to America and lived to bloom afresh,

under the rich California sun.

Drink, gentlemen.

It tastes as good as it looks.

Mmm.

It is everything you said, Adrian.

Such a...
Such a delicate aftertaste.

Are you bottling it for sale?

Oh, Lord, no.

We only press ten cases a year.

It’s as much as I can do to stop
myself from drinking the entire crop.

A shame. I know a great many people
who would pay a lot of money for it.

The cost would be prohibitive.

I’d rather serve it to my friends
and watch their faces...

than sell it to some Texan bumpkin
who’ll stick it in the freezer...

and bring it out
with a homemade chili.

I’m from Texas.

Yes, but you, my dear Falcon,
are a connoisseur.

Relax, gentlemen.
Help yourselves to a slice of cheese.

I’1l be with you in a moment.

I have a superb claret
breathing in my office.

What do you think?

He’s our man.

Yes, definitely. I can’t think
of anyone who has done more...

for the wine business
than Adrian Carsini.

Then it’s settled.

I thought you’d be here.

Only a fanatic works on Sunday.

My dear little brother.

Would you care for a sip of the wine
that made Carsini famous?

I’d rather have some wine
that made Carsini rich.

Oh, I see. We’re gonna have to listen
to the same tired old harangue?

Adrian, I need some money.

You know, Ric,
you are so remarkably gauche.

It pains me to feel we have the same
blood coursing through our veins.

I’m getting married.

Congratulations.

Who is it this time?
A waitress or a topless dancer?

She happens
to be a very nice girl.

All your wives were.

She’s waiting for me at the
Casa Rojo, you know, in Acapulco.

We’re, uh, we’re getting
married tomorrow.

I got my bags and scuba gear
in the car, but...

But, uh...

I’m embarrassed. I don’t have
the money for airfare.

You don’t have the money
for the airfare?

We’1l discuss this later.

You know, Adrian,

Papa gave you the cash,
but he gave me this property.

Now you’ve blown the money.

I’ve let you run this place...

because I thought, well,
maybe you can make a go of it.

But, no, no,
you’re just like he was.

Our father was a good man.
A good Italian.

He provided the wine.

My mother was English.
She provided the breeding.

Your mother, on the other hand,
appears to have been responsible...

for all the coarser sides
of your nature.

I’1l overlook that remark.

You would be wise to do exactly that.
Now, I’m in rather a hurry.

I have three gentlemen in the
tasting room who are about to make me...

the Man of the Year
in our industry.

There’s a rather splendid
wine auction in New York City tomorrow...

and I intend to be there.

I’m selling the land.

What?

The Marino Brothers
have made me an offer,

and I’m accepting it.

The Marino Brothers?

The Marino Brothers?

The Marino Brothers?

The 69-cents-a-gallon
Marino Brothers?

They don’t make wine.

They don’t even
make good mouthwash!

But they make money, huh.

I mean, you snobs can drink your wine,
but I want the cash.

To squander on fast cars
and faster women?

Don’t talk about spending.

You don’t know this,
but I’ve kept a complete record...

of all the company money
that you spent on wines...

that are so fancy and expensive
that you’1ll never drink them.

At least I know how
to have fun with money.

You’re an adolescent
imbecile, Ric.

Do you think I’m gonna sit by...

and let some
muscle-bound hedonist...

throw me out of
what is rightfully mine?

Hey.

Don’t worry.
You’1l be taken care of.

I’m sure the Marino Brothers
will let you lick...

the labels of
their new carbonated rosé.

You think I’m gonna...
I... I... I have given...

25 years of my life to this land!

You think I’m gonna let
some ignorant Neapolitan...

turn it into a wino heaven?

I don’t think you have any choice.

Yes, I do.

Ric.

Ric.

Oh, Mr. Carsini!

Oh. Hello, Karen. I didn’t
expect you here today.

Well, I had some last-minute things
to go over before our trip to New York.

I saw Mr. Ric’s car outside.
Is he with you?

He was. He, uh, went down to the
cooperage department, I think.

Now, no paperwork today.

Today is Sunday.
Only a fanatic works on a Sunday.

But, Mr. Carsini...

Well, why don’t you go back
and pack some more splendid gowns?

We’re going to be in New York
for a whole week instead of two days.

I... I shall need a... a tuxedo
and... and... and several suits.

Oh, yes. Shall I get tickets
for some Broadway shows?

Oh, no, no, no, we won’t have time
for that with all the wine auctions.

You run along now.
I’1l see you at the airport.

Gentlemen, you are
going to adore this one.

I tried a bottle of it
two years ago,

but it was still on the uphill
Side of perfection.

It should be just
about right now.

Eh, Falcon, uh,
would you do the honors?

Adrian, I’m delighted.

Isn’t it a pity that
so much of a great wine...

must be lost to the sediment?

Yeah. At least four healthy sips,
or two unhealthy swallows.

We, um, we have something
to tell you, Adrian.

I thought we’d let you know
during the New York trip,

but why wait?

Is... Is there something wrong?

Not at all.

The society has decided
to make you...

the Man of the Year.

Oh.

Gentlemen, you honor me
beyond my accomplishments.

May our enemies never be
as happy as we are at this moment.

I don’t know how to thank you,
gentlemen, for the honor you’ve done me.

I can’t wait
to tell my brother, Ric.

He owns the entire vineyard,
you know.

So in a sense, he is as much
a recipient of this accolade as I am.

Unfortunately, he’s on his way
to Acapulco.

I’1l tell him as soon as I can.

Ciao.

- Congratulations again, Adrian.
- Thank you.

Delightful afternoon.

Okay, don’t be late.

Karen, my sweet,

as soon as we land,
send a letter to my dear brother, Ric.

He’s on his way
to the Casa Rojo in Acapulco.

Tell him about
the Man of the Year award and...

say I’m looking forward to seeing him
on his return in a week or two.

Shall I make it a telegram?

Oh, Lord, no.
A letter will suffice.

I dislike sending telegrams,
or receiving them.

There’s something about a telegram
that makes one feel that...

some kind of tragedy has occurred.

Have you got my checkbook
with you?

Yes, Mr. Carsini.

Make out a check
for $5,000 to my brother.

$5,000?

He’s getting married.

It may help to start him off
in the right direction.

You’re very generous.

What else is money for?

Good breeding.
Interesting aftertaste.

But they’ve left
the skins in too long.

I’d say Gewiirztraminer, imported,
of course. Vintage ’69 or...

No, ’70.
Probably a Chateau Vérité.

Well, that’s incredible.
Utterly fantastic.

That’s exactly what it is.
How in the world did you do it?

Simplicity itself.

While the rest of you were
savoring the delicate bouquet,

I was peeking at the label.

Shall we go in, gentlemen,
and stimulate the economy?

Quick, Karen.

Come, come, ladies and gentlemen.
Here is a noble wine...

bottled the very year that California
was annexed to the United States.

You’re not buying wine,
you’re buying a bottle of history.

Shall we start the bidding,
say at $1,000?

Do I hear $1,000?
Who’11 open the bidding at $1,000?

How much have we spent thus far?

$18,000.

I think I really
would like that bottle.

Oh, Mr. Carsini, we bought
the other wine in case lots.

This will cost more...

Yeah, I... I know, I know, Karen.

It’s too expensive to drink,
and I can’t afford it.

But life is short, Karen.
Life is painfully short.

$1,000.

$1,000 I have.
That is a fair beginning.

Now, let’s have an auction.

$1,000 I’m bid for this rare
and priceless bottle.

$1,000. Do I hear $2,000?
$1,000. Do I hear $2,000?

$2,000.

$2,000. And to you, sir.

$3,000 I have. $3,000 I have.
Who will make it $4,000?

$4,000... $4,000 I have.

Thank you, sir. $4,000 I have
for this rare and priceless wine.

$4,000, who will make it $5,000?
$4,000, do I hear $5,000?

Do I hear $5,000?
$5,000 I have.

$5,000, do I hear $6,000?
$5,000 going to $6,000.

Do we really need it, Mr. Carsini?

Nobody really needs
a $5,000 bottle of wine, Karen.

I just don’t want
anybody else to have it.

$5,000 I have,
who will make it $6,000?

$5,000 once. $5,000 twice.

Third and last call.

Sold to Mr. Adrian Carsini
of California for $5,000.

Congratulations, sir.

2:00 in the morning, ma’am,
I don’t know how I can help you.

What you want is Missing Persons.
I’m in Homicide.

I know that, Lieutenant. But I went up
to Missing Persons,

and there’s no one there.

And Ric is not the type of person
who would just turn up missing.

The only thing I can suggest to you
is to come in the morning,

see Capt. Marvin Krosinsky
in Missing Persons.

He’s a very capable fellow.

He’s a little hard of hearing
in his right ear, so stand on his left.

I’m sure something’s happened to Ric.

There’s nothin’ I can do,
ma’am, really, uh, until...

Until a body is found?

I didn’t want to say that,
but that’s the fact.

I understand.

How long has he been missing?

Three days. We were supposed
to be married in Acapulco.

I waited there until tonight...

and when I didn’t hear
from him, I came back to town.

You two didn’t have a fight
or anything, did you?

No, but...

Maybe he got cold feet.
That’s been known to happen.

Was he married before?

Three times.

Three times?

I guess his feet are
warm enough by now.

Does he have any relatives?

A half-brother.

And, evidently he expected Ric to be
in Acapulco, too, because...

he sent this letter and a check
for $5,000 as a wedding present.

Can I keep this?

Certainly.

When was the last time
you spoke to him?

I spoke to him
on the phone Sunday.

He said he’d been scuba diving
that morning and that...

he was now on his way to the winery
to speak to his brother.

Well, ma’am,
I’m gonna get into this.

I see he’s an Italian, and we Italians
have got to stick together.

Thank you very much, Lieutenant.
And if you need me for anything,

I’m usually at
one of the numbers on here.

Do you have a picture?

Oh, sure.

Hard to find a missing person
without a picture.

Here’s one of the two of us.
It was taken about three weeks ago.

He’s a terrific-looking guy.
I don’t blame you for being worried.

You’re sure
this fellow’s Italian?

The family was from Milan.

Oh, from up north. Oh, yes.
They make ’em blonde up there.

His full name is
Enrico Giuseppi Carsini.

Well, you can’t get
more Italian than that.

If anything turns up,
you’1l hear from me.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

Better fasten your seatbelt,
Mr. Carsini, we’re landing.

Will you open that wine
when we honor you at the dinner?

This wine? Never.

Most wines are
meant for drinking,

but wines like that are meant
for buying and selling.

Well, it was
a splendid trip, wasn’t it?

Will you be needing a lift,
Mr. Carsini?

No, thank you, Karen.
I left my car in the lot.

Is yours there?

No, I’1l take a cab.

Right.

Hey, Lieutenant.

Coast Guard spotted
the body this morning.

It’s too close to shore for them,
so they called us.

- Any make yet?
- I called Krosinsky at Missing Persons.

You know, the usual number of absent.
We’1l know in a minute.

Hey, can I light that for you?

No, no, thanks.

Trying to cut down.
All I do is chew ’em lately.

Why don’t you chew
a cheaper cigar?

I don’t want to cut down
on my standard of living.

That’s some piece
of machinery, huh.

Look at that finish.

Hey, you know what. I bet there’s
20 coats of paint, at least.

Easy.

It’d probably cost
a whole year’s salary.

Easy.

Hey, look at that wood.

You don’t have a pencil, do you?

No, I don’t.

Would you like to have
a car like this, Lieutenant?

I got one...
Uh, a car like this?

I’d love it.
I wouldn’t even drive it.

I’d park it out in the front of the house
and sit and watch it from the kitchen.

Hey, feel this carpeting.

Well, I’d like to have
that in my den.

Ankle deep.
You know, that’s livin’.

John.

Been dead a few days.

A friend of mine
once fell off his boat.

We found him.

Looked the same way.
Very puckered.

How old do you think he was?

29 next July.

Well, you guess people’s ages
at Long Beach, or what?

No, I just know him.

Every year on his birthday,
he’d throw a big party,

and I once worked
as a waiter for him.

His name’s Carsini.

When, when did it happen?

They found the body this morning.

Was it a car accident?

No, sir, he was scuba diving
in the ocean.

He... He drowned?

I don’t think so, Joan.
I think...

Apparently during a deep dive,
his head hit a rock...

and he lost consciousness
and he ran out of oxygen.

He suffocated.

I warned him over and over again
to stop going in twice in one day.

It was too tiring.

Should I have the police
notify the brother?

Joan, would you prefer I have
the authorities notify the brother...

or do you want to do it?

You, i-it’s better.

They weren’t full brothers,
they were half-brothers.

Yeah, they weren’t that close.

Actually, Ric didn’t
even like him at all.

All right, I’1l have the authorities
notify the brother.

How come the two brothers
weren’t that close?

It was the business,
and Adrian’s eccentricities.

He took a fortune
and ran it into a shoestring.

He’s also a bit of a snob.

It... It was mostly business.

See, Adrian ran it like a hobby,
and Ric resented that.

Ric wanted to sell the business
so that we could get married.

It didn’t make any difference
to me, Lieutenant, because...

I’m very comfortable,
but Ric felt...

D-D-Do you mind
if I g-go inside?

I think the truth of the matter
is getting to me, and...

Oh, what a blow.

The guy was a heck of an athlete,
I’1l tell you that.

He was?

Yeah. Knew him eight years.
Diving, eh?

Diving.

That’s awful.

In a rather bizarre accident,
the body of Enrico Carsini,

heir to the winery
that bears his name,

was pulled from the surf
early this morning.

Carsini was a local sportsman,

and well known in the area
as a playboy.

Preliminary reports appear
to indicate that he was scuba diving...

in a desolate area
when the accident occurred.

You may recall in the past...

that Carsini was
an amateur racing driver...

who won many races, many trophies,

but refused to turn professional...

as he considered himself in for
the sport rather than the money.

Never dive without a buddy.

.-- about the case. Doctor?

Our preliminary
examination shows that...

Mr. Carsini died of suffocation
SIX days ago,

rather than drowning.

We found evidence
of a Sharp blow to the head.

My theory, strictly
unofficial, of course...

The trouble is I don’t have
any buddies left.

..- Probably struck a rock during
@ dive, knocked unconscious,

and died before he woke up.
Thus, we surmise that he...

probably ran out of air
and died of suffocation.

I’m sorry that I bothered you.

The complete report
will be issued after the autopsy.

- When did he say the fellow died?
- $ix days ago.

Did it rain last Tuesday?

I don’t remember.

Bartender.

- Another beer?
- Did it rain last Tuesday?

Mister, I can’t remember
what happened this morning.

- Got change for a quarter?
- Yes, Sir.

- Did it rain last Tuesday?
- Huh?

Last Tuesday, did it rain?

Oh, I... I don’t know.

Operator, may I have the number
for the weather bureau, please?

No, that’s tomorrow’s weather.
I want information...

concerning last week’s weather.

What time do they close?

Oh.

All right, give me the number
for the newspaper, the LA Chronicle.

Thank you.

Excuse me, sif.

Do you happen to remember,
did it rain last Tuesday?

I’m sorry, I don’t remember.

- Ma’ am?
- No, I don’t.

I don’t know if you can help me
at this hour or not, sir, but...

I want information
concerning last week’s weather.

9:00 to 5:00.
Okay. Thank you very much.

Uh, excuse me.
My name is Lt. Columbo.

I’m with the Los Angeles
Police Department.

And I need a little help.

Uh, can anybody here tell me,
did it rain last Tuesday?

There are many misconceptions
about winemaking.

For example,
my father was a winemaker...

and I’ve never stepped on a grape,
except by mistake, in my life.

Now, years ago, in the old days,

they did use women to crush
the grapes with their feet.

But then the men objected because...

the girls were always
Sitting down on the job.

Carsini Wineries have been
the recipients of...

many gold medals and other awards,

some of which you’1ll see displayed
in this case right here.

Excuse me, sif.

I don’t drink myself, so forgive
me if I sound stupid, but...

Don’t be silly. Go ahead.

I don’t know the difference
between grapes.

All I know is green or red,
or seedless or seeded.

How many different kinds
of wines do you make?

We specialize in six,
but actually there are over 100...

including champagne,
which we don’t produce.

How come you don’t
produce champagne?

Because Mr. Carsini
does not like champagne.

He claims bubbles
obscure the flavor.

We buy our bottles in bulk,
and keep them here,

until they’re ready to be filled
with the various Carsini vintages.

They are shipped in
sterilized and brand-new.

But I thought you fellows
produced your own bottles.

Actually, we have this agreement
with the manufacturer.

We don’t make bottles
if he doesn’t try to make wine.

Ah, just kidding, really.

Mr. Carsini feels it’s better
to do one thing really well...

than a lot of things
in a slipshod fashion.

All right,
will you follow me, please?

Must be a tough boss, Carsini.

I mean, he sounds like
he demands perfection.

He does. But he pays the best
wages around for comparable work.

Maybe I could get a job
around here.

Do you know anything about wine?

Well, my grandfather
used to let me stomp...

on the grapes when we
made the stuff at home.

Mr. Carsini’s office?

Huh? No. No. No.

Uh, Mr. Carsini...
Here. Here. The office is here.

Uh, Mr... Mr. Ric is dead.

Yeah, so I heard.

You know,
I’m surprised that, uh,

they didn’t close the place
out of respect.

Everybody surprised.

Oh, you know
what Mr. Adrian did?

He called all the workers
this morning. And he said,

“Ric, my brother,
was a very special man.

I’m sure that
he would have said to you...

what I’m saying to you now.

He wanted you and everybody here,
including me, to work”

- That was, Ric would want you to work?
- Yeah.

He was that kind of man?

Was he that kind of man?

- No. No.
- No?

Is there a phone around?

Phone? Yeah, right there.

I want to speak
to someone down there...

that can give me
the weather of last Tuesday.

That’s Tuesday the 18th.
I’1l hold.

You don’t say.

You don’t say.

I hear you.

I hear you.

Thank you very much.

Yes, thank you very much, Lieutenant.
Much better.

Uh, Miss Stacey, I just want to ask
you one question, if you don’t mind.

Go ahead.

How did your boyfriend
feel about his car?

Sometimes I think he loved it
more than he loved me.

He did? Thank you very much.

Is that it?

That’s it.

Yes?

Is Mr. Carsini in?

Your name, please?

Is he in?

I must have your name.

Why would you want my name
when you have such a nice name yourself?

Karen Fielding,
I think that’s a lovely name.

Look, whoever you are,
I’m a busy woman...

and I don’t have time for games.

My name is Lt. Columbo.
I’m with the Police Department.

Oh. Mr. Carsini is not
in his office right now.

I see. Is he in mourning?

No, he’s in the lab.

I can have him here
in a few minutes.

Don’t bother, ma’ am.
That’s all right.

Point me in the right direction.
I’1l find him. I’m good at that.

I’m sorry about Mr. Ric, sir.
We in the lab share your grief.

Oh, well, the Lord giveth
and the Lord...

You know, it was a shock
for all of us.

It’s hard to believe
that I’m now...

the last surviving member
of my family.

Are you going to change
anything here?

I mean, uh,
some of uS were wondering...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No. Don’t worry
about a thing, Jerry.

The winery will go on doing
what it’s always done:

providing the very best wine
we can.

That’s the way
Ric would’ ve wanted it.

Mr. Carsini?

Yes?

May I speak to you for a moment?
Your secretary sent me over.

If it’s about a position,

the personnel office is open
from 9:00 to 5:00.

The man you want to see there is...

Let’s go to my office.

It will only take a moment, sir.
I know how valuable your time is.

Oh, please, sir, I would
rather you didn’t smoke.

Ha, I’m sorry.

The fumes destroy
the delicate taste of good wine.

I... I know some people
believe that...

a good cigar goes
with their glass of wine, but...

I’m afraid I feel they clash.

- I’m sure you understand.
- Absolutely.

You are going to adore this wine.

Can you tell me what it is?

No, sir. You mean
what kind of wine it is?

- Yeah.
- Oh, no.

You’re an Italian, aren’t you?

Yes, Sir, on both sides.

Well, you should know about good wine.
It goes with the heritage.

Well, I guess I kind of missed up
in that department.

I got to tell you somethin’ else.

I’m probably the only Italian
in the world who can’t sing, either.

That’s very amusing.

Well, Mr. Columbo,
I don’t want to rush you.

Take all the time you need,
but I have some wine here to decant.

So if you don’t mind, I’1l go on doing
what I have to do and we can talk.

If that’s acceptable to you.

Absolutely.

Did you say
you were a lieutenant?

Yes, Sir, a lieutenant.

Hmm.

What exactly do you want of me?

Well, sir, I imagine you must be pretty
shook up by your brother’s death.

Not at all.

I don’t understand.

I’m amazed he lived
as long as he did.

But he was such a young man,
he was in such good condition.

Ric took too many chances.

Auto racing, skydiving,
all this underwater rubbish.

Of course, I’m saddened by his death.

One doesn’t lose a brother
and remain emotionless.

I... I have to take solace
from the fact that...

he had such a happy life.

Wasn’t the sort of life
I’d choose for myself, but...

it was good for him.

What did you say
you’1l do there? Decant?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You see, I have
a taster’s luncheon at 1:00.

It is now precisely 10:30.

And this particular wine
needs to breathe...

for two and one-half hours.

I’m simply pouring the wine
from the bottle into the decanter...

to let it breathe a little bit.

The important thing is that the sediment
inside the bottle remains inside.

It’s quite a little art.

One mistake now could be disaster.

There. Hmm.

That’s one thing I don’t allow
anyone else to do for me.

According to my records, sir,

you were the last person
to see your brother alive.

Was I? Uh...

I certainly saw him on the Sunday,
the Sunday before last.

W-Was that the day he died?

The closest we could come, sir,
was Tuesday the 18th.

Are you sure
you saw him on a Sunday?

Couldn’t have been a Monday
or a Tuesday?

Um, yeah, excuse me, one moment.

Uh, Karen?

Yes, Mr. Carsini1?

Would you come in here
for a moment?

I just want to check up
on a date.

So much has happened
during the last week.

Yes?

Uh, Karen,

do you happen to recollect
exactly which day,

uh, Ric came to the office?

Yes, he was here on the 16th.

How can you be sure
it was the 16th?

It was the same day
we left for New York.

I see. And how long
were you in New York?

Seven glorious days in Fun City.

Will that be all?

Yes, thank you, Karen.

And you say, um,

my brother died two days
after that?

Yes.

Well, then I certainly couldn’t be
the last one to see him alive.

Unless he went into hiding
for two days, and...

that certainly doesn’t
sound like Ric.

Is this an official
interrogation, Lieutenant?

No, sir, I’m not going
to write anything down.

No, I just thought
we’d chat and sip some wine.

Couple of things that bother me.

Don’t ever try to get
last week’s weather...

at 11:00 at night.
It’s no fun.

Uh, the weather
for Tuesday the 18th.

Intermittent showers.

Would your brother go swimming
on a rainy day like that?

Doesn’t really
make much difference...

if the person is
underneath the water. Does it?

I suppose not.

You know, that car was out there
for five or six days.

I can’t imagine why nobody
reported seeing it.

By all accounts,
it’s a pretty desolate spot.

And you know
what people are, Lieutenant.

They don’t like to get involved.

Hmm.

Girl told me
that he loved that car.

Sorry?

Is that a... a statement
or a question?

Well, it just
doesn’t make any sense.

Uh...

“Complete weather report,
Tuesday the 18th. High 48. Low 42.

Overcast all day. Threatening clouds
and scattered showers in the morning,

continuous light-to-heavy
rains in the afternoon. ”

Can’t imagine why he would
leave the top down.

I’m afraid I don’t know
anything about motorcars.

My life begins
and ends with wine.

Hmm.

Wait a minute. I can think of
a possible explanation.

Can you, sir?

Yeah, let us for a moment hypothesize
that Ric put the top up.

But didn’t fasten it...

because he was
coming back to the car.

Now, with this rainfall
we get very high winds...

from time to time.
The wind must’ve flipped the top back,

and voila!

Possibility, sir.

More wine?

- No.
- No?

Oh, boy.

- You all right?
- I didn’t realize I drank that much.

What do you call that stuff?

Cabernet Sauvignon.

Usually I don’t drink anything I can’t
pronounce, but I got a lot to learn.

First thing I got to learn is
how to hold my Cabernet Sauvignon.

Thank you very much.

It was a pleasure.

Say, would you mind if I came back
again? Unofficially?

What for?

To be frank,
learn more about wines.

I see where my education
has been badly neglected.

Didn’t your family
ever drink wines at home?

Closest we ever came to it was
my father’s job during Prohibition.

Bootlegger?

No, he was the tail gunner
on a beer truck.

Lieutenant, it’s for you.

Oh, thank you very much.

I left this number.
I hope you don’t mind.

Not at all.
Drive carefully now.

Medical examiner? Oh, Good.

Two days? Two days?

Empty.

Strange.

Thanks.

Thank you very much.

Do you know
your way out, Lieutenant?

Oh, Miss Fielding, I’m sorry
about being flip like I was before.

That’s not like me. I don’t want you
to be angry at me.

It’s quite all right, Lieutenant.

- Lieutenant.
- Could I pop in here for a moment?

Oh, let me buzz first.

It’ll take just a second.

Sir?

You really think
it gets that windy up there?

Pardon me?

Your brother’s car.
I’m talking about the...

convertible tops. You know,
they’re pretty heavy.

I could see where a wind might
come along and flip the top open.

Maybe even halfway back.
Maybe three-quarters.

But not all the way down.

Did you see the car?

Yes, sir, I did.

Do you remember
how the convertible top was?

Well, I’m not very good
on details.

That’s why I write everything down.

Uh...

My handwriting is so bad, sometimes
I think I should have been a doctor.

Ah, here it is. Top down.

Doesn’t say how far down.
Well, what’s the difference.

There’s a photograph.
I’1l check the picture on it.

See you around, sir.

Right.

I’1l try and make this
as painless as possible.

I just spoke
to the medical examiner.

Was Ric any kind
of a health fanatic?

No.

Was Ric on any kind
of a strange diet?

Is there any reason why Ric
wouldn’t eat for days on end?

None. Never.
He was a tremendous eater.

He was an athlete.
Burned it right out.

Yeah, matter of fact, I can’t think of
anything he didn’t like eating.

Except Brussels sprouts.

I can’t figure this thing out.

Why?

The medical examiner told me...

that Ric hadn’t eaten anything
for two days prior to his death.

That doesn’t make any sense.

That kind of fasting
makes a person weak.

Does it seem logical to you
that a person would...

starve himself for two days
and then go scuba diving?

No.

I thought you’d say that.

Oh, no, Lieutenant.
You go right ahead.

Ask anything you want.

Now, you understand that
this is just a routine questioning.

Nobody’s accusing
anybody of anything.

Of course.

You have a pencil I can borrow?

Hmm, here.

Thank you very much.

Oh, that’s a beauty.

Now, you gentlemen
were with Mr. Carsini...

on Sunday the 16th
the day he left for New York?

Yes, we were all together
in his tasting room.

Did you happen to see his brother?

No.

Mr. Stein?

No, I didn’t see his brother.

From the time that you got
there until you left,

you were always with Mr. Carsini?

Yes.

He never left the room?

No.

Well, there was that one time...

when he got that
incredible bottle of claret.

How long was he gone?

Well, not long,
four or five minutes.

I remember now
it took him a little longer...

because his secretary came in
and he was talking to her.

He mentioned that.

Then what happened?

Well, nothing.
We just had a wonderful time.

He brought back
this superb bottle of claret.

He was in a very good mood.

We were looking forward to the moment
when we’d tell him that he’d...

A little bit more slowly.

Well, we were looking forward
to the moment when we would...

tell him that
he had won the award.

I felt very good about that.
He, he deserved it.

And, of course, I took a particular
delight in the fact...

that he allowed me
to decant the claret.

Adrian then made a toast,
which I remember.

“May our enemies never be
as happy aS we are at this moment.”

He allowed you
to decant the claret?

Yes. I was honored.

A man needs
a very steady hand for that.

Oh, yes, very steady.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Sir.

Would you care
for a bit of wine, Lieutenant?

We have a very fine Chablis.

No, thank you.

I’m still a little hung over
from Mr. Carsini’s Cabernet...

whatchamacallit.

Oh, Lieutenant.

My pencil.

Oh.

My friend, they tell me
that you know more...

about wine than
just about anybody.

Correction. Than anybody.

I want to you to teach me
everything you know.

It took me 40 years
to acquire my expertise.

Well, what can you do
in an hour-and-a-half?

Oh, just the very basics.

Let’s start with this.

How can you tell a good wine
from an average wine?

By the price.

I think you’re really
gonna like this wine.

- It’s, uh...
- Don’t tell me. Let me guess.

Sensitive breeding.

Rich bouquet.

Strong vinosity.

Well, it’s a Burgundy.
I’m just not sure...

whether it’s a Pinot Noir
or a Gamay.

That’s really excellent.

You astound me.

It is, in fact, a Pinot Noir.

How’d you guess it?

I know Carsini
only makes three red wines,

two Burgundies, Pinot Noir
and a Gamay,

and one claret, Cabernet Sauvignon.

You served me the Cabernet Sauvignon
the other day.

It didn’t taste like this.

So I know that this has
to be a Burgundy.

And it’s either a Pinot Noir
or a Gamay.

You really are
a sly one, Lieutenant.

I’ve been doin’ a little research.

You know, up until now, I thought that
wines were only to drink.

But I find out that people
actually invest in them.

Oh, yeah.

And the longer you keep them,
the more valuable they get.

I’ve heard that some wines cost
as much as $100 a bottle.

Well, that’s really
a fairly medium price.

I... I have paid
as much as $5,000.

$5,000?

$5,000 for a bottle of wine.

You know, my father
never made $500 in one year?

Can you imagine drinking
a year’s pay in one night?

Can I see?

Is it possible for me to see
one of those expensive bottles?

Not drink it. Just see it.

Well, I, uh, I keep them
in a locked vault.

I’ve never seen anythin’ like it.

Uh-uh.

I’d really appreciate it.

Well, if you really want to,

I’d be delighted to show them to you.

Like a crypt.

I think I saw something
like this in a vampire movie.

To me it’s a very beautiful room.

Why do they keep wines
in a place like this?

To protect the wine
against extreme heat.

Right now, it’s no problem,

but in the summer
it gets very hot outside,

and that could damage the wine.

That’s why
I keep a humidifier...

and air conditioner
turned on the whole time.

I was wondering
what that noise was.

Hmm. Oh.

Do you have a phone, sir?

Yes, of course,
what’s the problem?

I’d like to call my wife.
It’1l only take a moment.

Be my guest.
It’s in the office.

Thank you.

It’s nothing serious.

Remember the day
we went on the picnic...

and it got so hot
we had to come home?

Was it last week
or the week before?

What day last week?
How hot did it get?

All right, I’1l go
to the weather bureau.

Head of lettuce
and two quarts of milk.

All right.

Thank you very much.
Sorry to hold you up.

Oh, that’s all right.

I have to remember: head of lettuce
and two quarts of milk.

Tell you, I’d sure hate to get
accidentally trapped in here.

It reminds me of that
Edgar Allan Poe short story,

The Cask of...

I know what it is.
It begins with an “A.”

I just can’t pronounce it.

Amontillado.

Of course, if somebody
did get trapped in here,

they’d sure have
plenty to drink.

Nobody could get trapped in here.
The door locks from the outside only.

That’s a beautiful bottle.

How much is that fella worth?

Oh, that’s something
I picked up in, uh, in Spain in 1958.

It’s worth about $1,000.

Amazing. These bottles
are actually beautiful.

Yes, I... I think so.

Here’s an old one.
I can’t read that label.

Oh, that’s a... a claret.
That’s a Bordeaux Rouge.

It’s worth about $1,500.

Claret?

Oh, that’s what you served
Mr. Falcon and Mr. Stein...

that Sunday
when you went to New York.

Yeah, that was also a claret.
Uh, may I?

I remember that.
They mentioned that.

Of course, that was
a cheaper wine you gave them.

That was an ordinary wine, wasn’t it?

On the contrary, it was one of my
most precious wines.

My father put that down in 1947.

Really?

Hmm. Strange.

Why?

It was a special occasion.

I thought it merited
a rather special wine.

No, sir, I was referring to
the fact that you...

didn’t decant the wine yourself.

You said you never allow anyone else
to decant precious wine.

Well, didn’t I decant it?
I don’t recollect.

I have a statement here, sir, from...

Oh. Oh, yes, I remember.

I-I-I do remember.

Uh, I thought it would be
a nice gesture. You see,

I knew he was going to
give me this award, Man of the Year.

I thought it would
show my appreciation.

Besides, Mr. Falcon
is more than capable.

He has a very steady hand.

Yes.

Hmm.

Have you seen enough?

Are you sure somebody couldn’t
accidentally be trapped in here?

Lieutenant, you really
are one of a kind.

Do you want me
to prove it to you?

I’1l1 tell you what I’m going to do.
I’m going to go outside.

I’m going to close the door.

And I’m not going to
tell you how to open it.

I’m gonna see how long
it takes you to find your way out.

It’s very simple.
All you have to do is push it.

Didn’t I tell you?

You shouldn’t be so skeptical.

Your brother’s check,
that $5,000 check,

I meant to bring it out this
afternoon. Sir,

I forgot it. I’1l get it to you.

Oh, just tear it up.

Uh, it was a very generous
gesture on your part, sir,

regardless of how
things worked out.

It was a wedding present.

Are you driving back into town,
Lieutenant? Just what are your plans?

Oh, uh... I think I’1l be
running along now, sir.

Thank you very much,
I certainly enjoyed it.

Appreciate your time.

Bye.

Uh, Lie-Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, when are you
going to release my brother’s body?

It was his wish
to be cremated and...

I’1l check on that this afternoon,
Sir. Probably a few days.

Well, wh-what’s the delay
in an accident case?

Beats me, sir.

Why were you assigned to the case?

I mean, you’re...
you’re in Homicide, aren’t you?

I just go
where they tell me to, sir.

Well, doesn’t look right to me.
It looks like they, uh,

they suspect someone of foul play.

Well, maybe they do, sir,
but you have nothing to worry about.

You were 3,000 miles away
at the time of his death. Right?

Right.

I’1l1 be running along.

Oh. Mr. Carsini.

Sir, I just remembered
one of the reasons...

they’re not releasing
your brother’s body.

I forgot to tell you
the other day.

Well, do you know
your brother’s car?

It stayed out
on that cliff for a week.

During that time, it rained
and then we had some sun.

But when we saw the car
the morning we found the body...

it looked like it just
came off a showroom floor.

What’s your point?

No water marks.
Can you explain that?

No, I can’t.

Well, there must be a reason for it.
There always is.

When you find it,
will you tell me?

Believe me, sir,
you'll be the first to know.

- Yes?
- Uh, Miss Fielding?

Isn’t it a little late
for police business?

Oh, this is
kind of unofficial.

All right.

But there’s an Alan Ladd movie
I want to see on at 11:00.

Well, I’1l be out of here
long before then.

Well, go on.

About that trip
that you took to New York.

What about it?

We were both in New York
on business.

Look, I don’t see
how I can help you.

Neither of us were here
when Mr. Ric died.

Did you see Ric Carsini
leave the winery on that Sunday?

I, I saw him arrive
and I saw him leave.

He was in the building
about 15 minutes, then he drove off.

Hmm.

Excuse me for just a moment.

“Norman, security guard:

I saw Mr. Ric arrive
at approximately 12:30,

but I never saw him leave”

Well, Norman is
the winery’s best customer.

Mr. Carsini only keeps him on...

because he couldn’t get
a job anywhere else.

I think that does it.
I’m closin’ up this case.

I’m glad you finally see the truth.

- May I use your phone?
- Yes.

Thank you very much.
This should just take a second.

Ah, which one is it?

What?

Which Alan Ladd movie is it?

This Gun for Hire.

Oh, that’s a good one. That’s
the one where he has the broken wrist.

Hello, Mr. Carsini?
This is Lt. Columbo.

Look, I feel like
I’ve made a fool of myself.

No, there was one thing
that was bothering me.

I just spoke to your secretary...

and she straightened
the whole thing out.

I’m really calling you to apologize
for giving you such a hard time.

No, it’s not okay.
Don’t be so gracious.

I want to make it up to you.

I want to buy you and Karen a meal
in the best restaurant in town.

No. No, I want you
to pick out the restaurant...

and I’m going to
pick up the check.

I insist.

I’ve heard of it.
Tomorrow night.

Fine. If I can get a baby-sitter,
I’1l bring my wife along.

Lovely. See you tomorrow.

I wish I could
watch it with you.

Well, maybe I’1l catch
the last few minutes at home.

Thank you very much.
See you tomorrow.

Thank you.

I’m sorry to bother you.
I wanted to ask you one more question.

What is it?

How long have you worked
for Mr. Carsini?

12 years.

Well, that long?
You must like him very much.

I’1l see you tomorrow.

You know,
it’s after 6:30, Karen.

We have to hurry
if we’re to meet Lt. Columbo.

Do you have everything here, or
do you have to go back to the house?

No, I’m fine, Mr. Carsini.

You know, it’s funny.

Here we are, going out on what
normally would be described as a date,

and you’re still
calling me Mr. Carsini.

Well, I... I...

No, no, no, no, it’s...
it’s perfectly proper.

Things have always been
quite proper between us.

Perhaps, just for tonight,

we could suspend the formalities
and you may call me Adrian.

Thank you, Adrian.

Maybe, if all goes well,

after tonight we’1ll suspend
the formalities altogether.

Ah, that would be very nice.

I still wish we weren’t having dinner
with that man, though.

Lt. Columbo? Why not?

He still suspects you
of killing your brother.

Does he? He has no cause.
After all, I was 3,000 miles away.

I know. And so does he.
But he still suspects you.

Do you suspect me?

Well, you’ve been quite a
different person the last week.

Even in New York, at certain moments
you seemed very preoccupied.

I asked you a specific question.
Do you suspect me?

I’d like an answer.

No.

Good. Well, let’s go to dinner.

Well, you sure don’t see
very many of these things around.

I got over 100,000 miles on it.

You take care of your car,
it’1l take care of you.

Columbo. Columbo.

Oui. Monsieur Columbo,
party of three.

Walk this way, please.

Uh, we trust
you will enjoy the dinner.

Thank you. Uh, sir, could you
please send me the wine steward?

But of course.

Uh, white wine steward
or the red wine steward?

Columbo.

What is this? A table by the kitchen?
This will never do.

I’m sorry, Monsieur Carsini,
but when he walked in...

Just get us a better table
and stop simpering.

Immediately.

I wonder what this check
is gonna look like.

I tell you, I always
get nervous when...

a place has a menu that
doesn’t include the prices.

J.P. Morgan was once asked
how much his yacht would cost.

His reply,
if I remember correctly, was:

“If you have to ask the price,
you can’t afford it.”

In this restaurant, if you have to look
at the prices on the menu,

you can’t afford to eat here.

Well, sir, it was good,
wasn’t it?

Superb.

That’s the important thing.

And equally superb
was your wine selection.

I must admit I would never have
thought of Moselle with the oysters,

or Zinfandel with the meat.

I’m astounded by your
newly-acquired knowledge.

I can’t wait to hear...

what you’ve planned
for our after-dinner wine.

I tell you, I did my homework
very well on that.

Wait one moment.

Uh...

I know exactly what I want.
I’m just praying that they have it.

You got a minute?

No. Bring me a bottle of Ferrier
Vintage Port, 1945.

Ferrier, ‘45?

You do have it, don’t you?

My dear Columbo,

I’m afraid you’ve set this man
an impossible task.

I’m familiar with this
particular vintage port...

and I would hasten to wager
that he does not have it in his cellar.

Moreover, the price
would be prohibitive.

Allow me to check on it, sir.

I hope they have it.

I also hope my wife doesn’t find out
what this meal costs.

Where is your wife?
You said she might come along.

Well, we’re having trouble
with the baby-sitter.

Our regular girl has
her finals tomorrow...

and everybody else
is down there at the rock concert.

You know what it is
when you have kids.

My dear Lieutenant,

it’s not fair for you
to pay for this entire meal.

At least,
let me take up half of it.

No, no, I insist. No.

Not on your life.
I deserve to pay for this.

You know, I embarrassed you
by suspecting you.

No, no, sir. This is on me.

Uh, the fact is...

I’m just happy you didn’t
report me to my superior.

I should be grateful to you.

We had one bottle, sir.

Oh, terrific.

Good heavens.

Thank you.

My dear Karen,
I implore you not to smoke.

You’1l ruin an exciting
taste experience...

with the bitterness
of the tobacco.

Very well, Mr... Adrian.

Tastes terrific to me.

Drinks all around.

Drinks all...

Wonderful. What body.

This is dreadful.

Monsieur...

This is dreadful.
Don’t you realize...

that a great wine
is like a great work of art?

It has to be nurtured,
it has to be taken care of.

You have subjected this port
to a temperature...

in excess of 150 degrees.

Such disdain cannot
and must not be tolerated.

I advise you
not to pay for the check.

But, sir, I think that...

This wine has been oxidized
by overheating.

Where did you keep it,
on top of the stove?

Don’t you know any delicate
wine spoils by being subjected...

to a rapid change in temperature?

Serving this iodine is an insult!

Is there something wrong?

Is there something wrong?
Everything is wrong!

An exciting meal has been ruined
by the presence of this liquid filth.

It is not our intention...
There will be no check for this table.

We have our reputation to uphold.

We had a good meal.

I apologize. I apologize.

We had a very good meal.

Thank you very much.
No, it’s all right.

Thank you. Thank you.

What is it?

That’s a heck of a way to beat the check.
I’m gonna have to remember that.

I’m sorry I lost my temper.

But that port,
that was really very bad.

- It was bad, wasn’t it?
- Mmm-hmm.

I couldn’t tell. Could you?

No.

Such a subtle difference.

- And that’s just because of the heat.
- Mmm-hmm.

Amazing. Oh, that reminds me.

I have to have my refrigerator fixed.
You remember that day here, last week...

Well, you weren’t here, were you?
Oh, you were in New York. Oh, right.

We had a day here, last week.
I want to tell you.

You know, the temperature
went up to 109.

Strangest weather.

Took my wife and my kid
out on a picnic.

You know, it got so hot
we had to come back.

Of course, the first thing
I wanted was a cold beer.

Took the stuff out of the icebox.
The stuff was just as warm as coffee.

I don’t know how
the English drink it that way.

No offense to your mother.

I guess she didn’t drink much beer.

Well, anyway,

I don’t think we’ll be seeing
one another again.

It’s been a pleasure.

It’s very nice meeting you.

Miss Fielding, lovely meeting you.

And I want to thank you very much
for helping me close out the case.

Me?

Oh, yes, ma’am.

If you hadn’t told me that you saw
Ric leaving the winery that Sunday,

quite frankly,
I’d still have my suspicions.

But you showed me it doesn’t
pay to be cynical. Thank you.

Your car’s ready, Mr. Carsini.

Thanks for the dinner.

You’ re welcome.

Why did you lie, Karen?

I thought I was helping you.

Thank you. Come again.

There was no need for you
to endanger yourself.

After all, you are
only an employee.

I wanted to help you.

I thought you would be in trouble
if I didn’t say anything.

And I care about you, Adrian,
don’t you see?

I don’t have anything else.

I care about you.

12 years.

12 years, the efficient,
dutiful, quiet secretary.

Sterile and passionless.

Then, in the face of danger,
the truth emerges.

Remarkable.

Do you feel anything towards me?

I don’t know, Karen.
I really don’t know.

You did have something to do
with Mr. Ric’s death, didn’t you?

Is that why you lied?

Because you thought I killed him?

I wouldn’t blame you for it.

He wanted to take away
the only thing you ever loved.

We’1l discuss this
in the morning, Karen.

Nobody would blame you for it.

You could always say
it was an accident.

There was no need
for you to lie, Karen.

Columbo had no proof whatsoever.

Now you have a hold over me.

And I don’t like
being in that position.

Why, why don’t we take a vacation,
Adrian? Just the two of us.

Go away somewhere,
get to know each other.

I have a better idea.
You go to Paris.

There’s another wine
convention in the offing.

You could work out
the itineraries for us.

I’1l join you shortly.

You’re trying to get rid of me.

Karen, it’s, it’s very late...

and I have a number of things to do.

You’re trying to turn me
back into an employee.

You were never anything
but an employee.

Not anymore, Adrian.

Not anymore.
I’m your partner now.

And I intend getting
a great deal more from you than...

$700 a month and
two weeks’ paid vacation.

I gave you 12 years of my life. Now
it’s your turn to give me something.

You can’t force me
into loving you, Karen.

Maybe not.

But you don’t have
to love me to marry me.

Lots of marriages have
been built on much less.

We’1l talk about it
in the morning.

They were all ruined, weren’t they?

Well, these are just
some inferior wines.

I was trying to...

Chateau d’Issan, 1938?
Inferior?

Well, a great label doesn’t
always denote a great wine.

Thursday the 20th.
That’s what did it, sir.

You know, it got very hot in that vault
with the ventilation turned off.

That one day, that Thursday,
it hit 109 degrees outside.

So inside, the temperature
went way up. Over 150 degrees.

Wine overheated. That was it.

That’s why I mentioned
that hot day outside the restaurant.

I knew it would ring a bell.

I figured you’d have to get around
to disposing of the wine, sooner or later.

It must be killing you
to throw all this stuff away.

Yeah, you have no idea,
it’s like...

How did you know?

How did I know?

Well, sir.
Do you mind if I smoke?

Well, now...

I did a terrible thing, sir.

You remember the day
when we were in the vault...

and I kept saying
if somebody got locked in,

there’d be no way to get out?

In order to prove me wrong,

you Closed the door
and left me in there alone?

Well, I took that opportunity
to steal a bottle of port,

your port.
Ferrier Vintage Port, 1945.

That’s right, sir.

That bottle of wine in the restaurant,
that was your wine.

See, the wine steward was in on it.
And you did the rest.

I surely did, didn’t I?

That’s ironic.

Sir.

Well, I-I’m probably one
of the few men in the world...

who could’ve told you
that wine was spoiled...

and told you it was
because it was overheated.

Yes, sir. It required
a very delicate palate.

109 degrees.

Is that some kind of a record
for that day in the year?

No, sir.

Notebook.

No, sir,

it hit 111 in 1938,
and 111 in 1870.

The weather bureau doesn’t
keep records before then.

That’s a pity. I would have
liked it to be a record.

Shall we go?

Uh, we’ll take my car, sir.
It’s parked right around the corner.

I’1l send somebody
to pick up yours.

Do I get a confession, sir?

Oh, yes, I’1l confess.
There’s no remorse attached to it.

It’s a great weight
off my mind, as a matter of fact.

Why is that, sir?

Well, you see,

Karen guessed the truth.
She’s turning the thumbscrews on me.

She’s quite a little
iron maiden, that lady.

I guess freedom
is purely relative.

Who’s gonna look after all this?

The grapes, the plant?

It’1l go on, sir.

It’s the only place in my
entire life where I was ever...

really happy.

I took the liberty
of bringing along a surprise.

Huh?

Montefiascone.

That’s an excellent dessert wine.

I was hoping you’d like it.

And very suitable
for the final course.

You’ve learned very well, Lieutenant.

Thank you, Sir.

That’s the nicest thing
anybody’s ever said to me.