All language subtitles for Sydney Cross - Blonde Chick gets Fucked On BangBus - BangBus

Never eat in a fucking ocean drive, man.
It's the worst rip -off in the world.

Dude, you gotta expect that. I mean,
come on.

I used to work in a restaurant in South
Beach, and all the waiters work in all

the restaurants. And these guys, in all
the restaurants in Ocean Drive, use the

cheapest liquor, and they charge you
like 20 bucks for a fucking... It's a

tourist trap. That's why I... That's one
of the reasons I hate coming to the

beach. Oh, look at that.

What? Oh, that's... Is that what you do?

I like it.

Jesus likes everything. Hey,

I don't discriminate, man. I'm all about
everything.

Jesus likes everything.

It's kind of dead for... So I guess
spring break's over.

The end of the high season, I guess.

Because like a week ago it was full of
European bitches everywhere.

No, actually a week ago they had a gay
pride parade, didn't they? Really? I

think that's not even out there, man.

Whatever. Whatever.

You can go there without being gay,
right? That's fine.

That's fine, dude. Because I can fill in
for you today.

Seriously, I don't even know I brought
you. I'm ready, man.

I'm good.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

No, no. It's cold. It's cold. It's cold
in here.

No, I just... I don't know. I saw it in
the store and I was just like... I don't

know why they would have something
that's... Is this for midgets or

Dude, that looks like a mold of miracle,
man. What's up?

Whatever, if they're selling it in
stores, it's doing well, right? I want

if I can get some action. Maybe I can
get a girl to play with it. I don't

We'll see.

Like it? No, it's probably... I don't
know if I could do what you do, man.

seriously, your job is hard.

Forgive the pun.

You know, like... I don't think I could
actually... Oh, shit.

If you could take care of her mom...
Hold on.

She's got a guy with her.

Who cares? I'm not jealous.

I don't get jealous.

Oh, shit. I'm so bad at this.

Well, I have a few Twitter suggestions.

If we don't find anything here, I heard
that Opalaka...

Hialeah. Oh, come on, dude. Come on,
dude.

I tried a... A place called Hobie Beach,
which I've never heard of. I've never

heard of Hobie Beach. I know where
Opelok is. You don't want to go there,

We found some good stuff in that area.

And if you do, you want to keep the
doors locked. You don't want to keep...

remember the Hialeah Changa? She was
hot, man.

Dude, Hialeah is not wrong, dude.

Hialeah? She almost cut us when we
called her a chonga, but she was hot.

Yeah, but I think Hialeah is a state of
mind, really, because it's not wood.

It's a suburb, you know? It's the only
city that has their own street names.

It's the only place in the U .S. where I
found an avenue full of motels just

like South America, where you can just
go and fuck.

Oh yeah, I love motels. You get a one
hour raid and you get in there and it

looks like you can choose Egypt, you can
choose Rome.

Yeah, they have those, they're famed.
They have those in Japan.

Yeah, like it's the only city in the US
where I found something like that.

Oh, hello.

Let's go somewhere where we can actually
like pull over or something. She gave

us the look of death. Yeah.

We looked like stalkers.

I guess we are, but still.

That's pretty normal for now.

I mean, there were a lot of people on
the beach. We can go back to the beach.

Yeah,

I think we should go back towards the
ocean.

I like that game.

I was looking, man. I like the one that
gave us that spice to it.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, I hate taxis. For people that
drive professionally, they just waste a

of your time. They're always cutting you
off.

I got in a taxi one time to go to the
airport, and the whole place reeked of a

joint. Like, that was freshly smoked.

And then I was... And then, I mean, good
for him, whatever. It's cool. But then

I pulled out a cigarette, and he was
like, oh, you can't smoke in here.

Seriously, bro.

Well,

I told him, I was like, dude, what if
you were picking up someone's

or some shit? You know, like, I don't
think they would have been cool with

Or whatever.

Wow, what the fuck is that?

That's a nice car.

Alright, yeah, we've run out of
pedestrians.

Well, I mean, here's a couple.

Damn, she's walking like she's... Is she
pregnant?

I don't know.

Never mind, she's already injured.

They're borderline... I don't know,
they're Asian.

They're Asian?

Oh yeah, borderline.

Borderline Asian. Let's just go back to
ocean.

What was that loud noise? Are you
chewing gum?

You didn't hear that loud pop?

Wait, wait, look.

There's three over here, man. Look, it's
got side boob going on.

Side boob? Yeah.

Well, it's got a bikini covering it.

Hello. We're on vacation.

Yeah, those are the best, actually.

I dig them. I thought I was the only
one. I really dig Middle Eastern girls.

Their features are awesome. Do you see
that blonde one way over there?

There's two right there?

The traffic is awesome

Excuse me, can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

What kind of music do you listen to?

All types of music.

No, we saw you from across the street,
and my friend was saying he thought you

listened to contemporary, like top 40. I
think you're like a rocker chick.

About everything? What's with the
camera?

Oh, we're just, no, it's 2012. We're
just trying to capture footage. We all

the day off, so we're trying to just
find something fun to do, you know?

I'm Ergo, sorry. Sorry about my friend.
We're doing some interviews.

We didn't mean to freak you out.

So wait, so you listen to all kinds of
music?

Yeah. Do you listen to hip -hop?

Yeah. Do you know why Snoop Dogg carries
an umbrella?

Why? For drizzle.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm not very good at this.

So what are you doing?

I'm just going to head to the beach.

Oh shit, that's right.

Yeah, it is a nice day. It is, it is.

So you got a towel?

In my bag. Cool. I was about to offer
you one. I carry towels with me

everywhere. Really? Why?

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. They
say a towel is like your best friend.

can have one on you at all times. They
just always come in handy. You never

what's going to happen. Who is this guy?
Who is this guy?

He's like a comedian.

I like your shoes.

Thank you.

They're very... See, that's why I think
you're a rocker chick.

Or that's why I thought you were a
rocker chick.

Are you kidding me? Those look like
Jerusalem sandals.

Really? Is that anti -Semitic?

No. Okay.

Just checking.

It's cool if you are. I don't mind.

No, it's fine.

How old are you?

I'm 21.

21? Uh -huh. Oh, that's cool. Ding,
ding, ding. It's a good age to be.

Yeah. I miss those days.

Are you an alcoholic yet?

Not yet.

Yeah. Give it time. Catch us up with
you.

You know, actually... I think that girl
likes to get filmed. She's camera

-friendly, right? Yeah. Really? I did
not get you in that shot.

If, um...

If you want, you know, we're just
driving around having fun.

If you want to come with us, you can.

What's in it for me?

Fun.

Fun? All right, let's go. No, I'm just
kidding.

No, really, you would come?

We're good guys. Look at us. We're good
guys. Except Jesus over there. Come on.

Actually, I'm holding out on you. We
usually drive around and do interviews

just bystanders, strangers, you know.

We're trying to get... My mom told me to
never talk to strangers.

Well, my name is Marco.

I'm Sydney.

You're Sydney.

Your name is Sydney?

My name is Sydney. That sucks.

I mean, I know. I mean, it's a cool
name. It's just you can never actually

in Australia now.

Because, I mean, could you imagine if my
name was Miami?

That would just be retarded.

That's a cute name.

My next dog, Miami.

That's cool.

Well, actually, yeah, we drive around
and we try to meet people on the street.

And we try to just interview them. And
we're trying to compile a shitload of

footage. And then we're going to edit it
together and try to come up with

something. You know? We're trying to
cash in on the viral video trend, you

It's really bright out here. I usually
definitely, definitely don't.

Go with strangers.

But... But?

No.

Okay. Well,

can I just talk to you here?

Yeah.

Okay. Actually, we do pay.

It's not... I'm not just trying to waste
your time. I'll pay you like $60.

No. Okay.

How do I say this? I'm not trying to be
so creepy. It's just... All right.

Out here, like all those people that
keep walking behind you, if we actually

this footage for anything, I would have
to blur them out.

Because I don't have their permission to
use their image.

Actually, I don't know. Maybe for
documentaries, you don't need it. You're

Miami, right?

I'm from around the area.

You've never watched the show Miami
Interviews?

No.

It's a famous show.

Well, where's the logo?

Oh, we can show you our... Well, we
don't want all our fans jumping around

trying to get in the shot and
everything, you know? That's why we try

No, we're a legitimate company.

Yeah, that's the thing. We're blocking
traffic.

Okay, see, the thing is, like, I can't
control this environment, but I can

control the environment in here. We have
lights.

There's less noise. There's air
conditioning. Yeah, and, like, I don't

worry about people walking.

We can take you back to the beach.
That's really not an issue.

Why don't you offer a little more for
the interview? I mean, obviously, she's

busy, you know.

Okay, so you're just going to the beach
today?

Yeah, I'm just going to go hang out,
enjoy the sunset.

Do you have a job?

The sun, period.

Do you have a job? No.

Well, how can you say no to money? When
have you been paid $70 for just 10

minutes of your time?

Just to talk. All the time.

All the time, well.

I was just thinking, you know, I mean,
you seem like a cool person. You seem to

be enjoying our company. I really
don't... I mean, this is kind of like

meeting somebody at a bar. Have you
ever...

Gone home with somebody?

Or is that too personal?

I've had one night stand.

There you go. I think everybody had.
Yeah, yeah. It's human nature. It's

I'm 21. I mean, come on. Yeah, you keep
saying that.

This is no different, really. I mean, I
don't know. Like, would you feel more

comfortable if... I don't know.

We keep talking as if there's something
dangerous going on.

Really, we just want to take you for a
ride and ask you some questions. That's

it.

Yeah, could you open the door?

Just show her that there's no... Look,
you can take a look.

I mean,

if this isn't going to happen, you're
about to miss out on an opportunity to

make some money and some friends,
really, and have some fun. You keep

that you're young and you want to have
fun and all that.

Isn't this what you're supposed to be
doing, then?

Yeah. It's all about taking chances.
True that.

So do you want to come?

Nah.

Okay, so how could I help?

Why don't y 'all come to the beach with
me? Well, because we can't park on the

beach. And we're not going to make it in
the sand. We don't have the right

tires.

No, seriously, this is where we have to
do it. So what exactly are you asking?

I'm asking you if you will get in the
van with us, we'll drive around for 20

minutes, and I will pay $60 just to ask
you questions and hang out with you.

Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

Maybe if I had some friends with me.

We'll be your friends. Bring him over.

Girlfriends. Well, do you, okay, do you
have any friends in the area that you

can call?

No. We'll pay them, too.

I don't have my phone on me.

You don't have your phone on? No.

It's going to the beach. Why would I
bring my phone to the beach?

Oh, so you're like that Corona
commercial.

Are your friends as pretty as you or
not?

They're hotter.

They're hotter?

Yeah. Why don't we do this? Why don't
you, why don't we do an interview for

minutes, and if you like it, and if you
liked it, then we call your friends, and

then we can make, we can all get drinks
together.

Well, if it's not going to happen, if
you really want to pass on this

opportunity, that's fine.

You don't suffer from buyer's remorse,
do you?

Suffer from what?

Regret. You might regret not taking this
chance.

You know what I'm saying? Like we're
offering you a little adventure and

going to pass on it?

Because seriously, we're blocking
traffic.

I don't want to get in trouble.

I don't care.

Well, I do. Because if we can't
interview you, then I'd rather just move

You're really cool. I do want to hang
out with you. But if you're not going to

do it, we have to get some footage
today.

So, those are the keys to your heart? To
my virginity.

Oh, shit.

I'm boring myself.

So, do you want to come or not?

Like... Why not?

Really? Why not?

10 minutes, it's nothing.

Let's do it. Let's go.

It really was boring myself, man. Yeah,
man.

Fuck, she's a hard one to get. Wow.

Hard one.

Seriously?

Not in a bad way. It means you're smart.
I mean, you really should be kind of

reluctant to get in here. Look at that
chick. She's hot.

Oh, yeah.

She's with a guy. She's with five dudes.

Not that that's anything wrong with
that. I just, there's too many people.

like, be crowded.

Mama, myself, I'll catch the vulnerable
one, the lonely one.

Yeah. Oh, okay.

Ask her if she wants to come too. You
should ask her. I bet if you ask her,

she'll do the interview.

I'm not asking nobody to come. I'm not
putting nobody in danger. I don't know

what's going on. Don't bring anyone. We
don't look dangerous.

I mean, Jesus looks dangerous, but he's
the only one.

All right.

Okay, so what is everybody's name?

I'm Marco.

Marco? Yeah.

No, I'm Marco.

We have two. Polo.

There you go.

All right, yeah, it's Mirko, Moses, and
Marco.

Moses,

Marco, and Marco?

No, he's Mirko. Okay, then y 'all can
just call me Polo.

No, he's Mirko, like M -I -R -C -O.

It's K -O? Yeah. Oh, really? That's
cool.

Okay, um... It's the fancy seat.

Yeah. Oh, I use a K2.

The dyslexic seat. I use a K2. It's the
only way to spell.

It's like the porn way to spell.

Okay, so your name is Sydney?

Mm -hmm. And you're 21?

Yep. Okay, um, what do you do?

I party. I have fun.

I do my... I do me.

That's what you do? That's your life?
That's what I do. That's my life.

What do you do for money?

I got good friends. Let's put it that
way.

That's cool. You rely on generosity.
That's cool.

How long do you think you're going to be
able to keep doing that?

Not long.

I'm taking a break. I'm going to go to
school in a little bit.

But I'm having fun right now.

What do you want to study?

Criminal psychology.

Really? Why?

Because I love it. I want to catch her.
I don't know if I want to have her here.

I want to catch her. Get her out of
here, man.

Get her out of here. She's going to
start analyzing it. Wait, so you want to

like... What do you call it? Profiling
and all that stuff? Oh, yeah. Do you

think they were just in arresting
Charles Manson?

Absolutely. Why?

Because he wasn't at any of the murder
scenes. He didn't kill anybody.

So what?

He hypnotized girls. He made them kill
them.

That's what they said. I don't know. It
just seems so... Well, then again, I'm

not the same. He was the influence. He
was the brains behind the scenes.

He was still on the street.

Girls would be killing.

I don't know. I don't think it would
have happened.

I know.

I know. I'm just saying I think he would
have went disco because that was the

60s. The 70s were right around the
corner.

He would have went disco and he would
have found a new something.

He would have found a new disco bitch to
murder.

That wouldn't be such a bad thing.

What do you think about eating meat?

I think it's bad for you.

Why? Why?

Because. Bad for your body.

Could you elaborate?

Could I elaborate?

Yes, please.

I don't know if y 'all are going to
think I'm crazy.

No, no, no.

No, it's my religion.

What's your religion?

Christian. Really?

I read the Bible.

I do, too. That's why I'm not Christian.

What about tasting it, but not eating
it, like swallowing it?

Is that bad for you?

I don't know.

Wait, so... Did you just say swallow it?

Are we talking about beef or chicken
here? Which one?

We're talking about the two things.

Wait.

So somewhere in the Bible it says not to
eat meat?

Yeah, it does. I know it says not to eat
shellfish.

It says not to eat meat.

We were here to protect our animals, and
when God flooded the earth, he flooded

all the vegetation.

Therefore, we have no choice but to eat
meat.

Okay, but where do they get food in the
Middle East? It's like a desert, right?

Why? Pigeons.

Cacti. Pigeons?

Cacti. I don't think they have cacti
down there.

I've actually been there. I didn't see
any cactuses.

What did they do? Saw bushes.

Camel toast. I mean, camel milk.

Y 'all are nasty. Y 'all are a dirty
mind.

Why? That's so loud.

Camel milk?

Really? You've had camel milk?

Alright, wait. So why isn't... How come
most Christians are... They eat meat,

right?

Are you like a... You're part of some...
I consider myself a Christian. I have

my own relationship with my God.

I think she sent some cult, man. We
should probably like drop her off right

here. I told you I would think I was
crazy. No, I've just never heard that

theory. Hey, you asked.

Y 'all asked.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm glad you answered.

But I just... I've never heard that
theory before. There's something new to

Like I said, everybody has their own
logic.

So this one's the key to your virginity.
What about all the other little keys?

Well, this is the lock that I brought
out.

This is the key to... I'm not going to
say my heart because I'm a cold bitch.

You gave those keys out?

This is the key to my friendship. There
you go.

This is the lock on my heart.

Nobody will open it.

And this...

Is that good now?

Okay. I just came up with that.

Okay, how do you, like, I just want to
answer you some random questions so we

can get the interview done.

Where do you, like, do you, how do I say
this? How do you listen to music?

Usually headphones or layering it in my
house with socks.

No, I mean, do you still use a stereo?
Because most people use their cell

or MP3 player.

No, I use a stereo.

You do? Yeah, I got it to the wrong side
of my house. That's cool. No, I just

got rid of mine because I just noticed
that I don't use it. It's just taking up

space. Oh, I definitely use mine. Mine
has the thing where I can put my iPhone

in it.

What about, do you have a car?

No, I live in Miami. Why do I need a
car?

To get to the grocery store.

So you said you're from the area?

Yeah. Is your ass real?

Is my booty real? Yes.

Wow.

No, there's a plague of... That's not
normal in Miami. What kind of question

that? Well, there is a plague of... A
lot of girls in Miami have fake asses. A

lot of girls in Miami have fake asses.
Yeah. Yeah,

a lot of girls. But, yeah, I couldn't
pull off that look I'm wearing.

But you have a big ass, too, right?

I don't know. Do I? Show us, show us.

Is it that big, bud?

It's real.

I have a petite booty.

That's a good thing. That's kind of
lacking her hands on the wheel A

lot of a lot of girls are going for the
thick thing like being thick

got in style It's good it's hard to
maintain in Miami with all the rice and

beans and everything You're lucky

enjoy why you have it it slows down with
age

So you like protein on your face?

It depends on what aspect.

Avocados have protein.

Avocados, they don't have protein. I
thought they were full of fat.

Everything has protein. Everything has
protein?

Yeah. Even water?

Rice? No. Rice does. It does?

Yeah. You guys are such assholes.

I didn't know.

You're a foreign guy, dude.

You're a foreign dude.

Yeah, but I speak English.

What are you doing? Can you just chill
back here while they drive?

It's because I'm new to the country.

Oh,

these are all the people we've
interviewed.

Oh, okay.

Do you want to sign your name?

Fuck everyone?

The interview, that person?

You've lasted five minutes. The
interview, fuck everyone?

Interviewed what?

You've interviewed fuck everyone?

No, no, no, no, no. We just let
everybody tag whatever they want. Some

a little bit... Some people... Some of
the people we interview, we ask them

personal questions and they get upset.

Like, I don't know what they thought
they were getting into.

Like, if I start talking about sex, a
lot of people, especially girls, will

just... Oh, shit.

I say sex and you think money. That's
cool. You are from Miami.

Okay. That was mean.

Nah, it's a joke.

It's a joke. No, that's mine.

Oh, there's a really cute Cuban
restaurant here.

I said no to 60.

What?

So what do you want?

Look, Kuku's next bar. We should leave
her there.

Two more 20s. Give you what?

Two more 20s. You want $100?

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. You're
asking for my time.

Yeah, let's talk about this, actually.
You're asking for my time and my point

view.

You can't sell point of views.

Okay,

actually what I'm doing is I'm... You
don't even have a job. It's not like I'm

keeping you from anything. You have no
monetary loss. I'm the one... Alright, I

tell you... Wait, wait, wait. Okay, I'll
give you more money.

We're having a conversation, man.

Okay, look.

I'll give you more... Okay.

I never agreed to $100. But I'll give
you $100.

But... We're going to need more than 20
minutes of your time.

You've got to give me money.

And you've got to let me ask any
questions I want. You have to answer

questions. Dude, didn't you hear the
boss? We're on a budget, man.

A hundred.

You're just handing out money.

Nobody knows who our boss is.

You've got a whole lot of money.

I'm the boss.

You are anti -Semitic.

Oh, God. He's Jewish, actually.

So you think Pop Daddy is Jewish?

Donald Trump is Jewish?

Mel Gibson certainly isn't Jewish.
Somewhere down the line, we all got a

what in us.

Oh, God.

So you think Mel Gibson's Jewish
somewhere down the line?

I hope not.

Self -hatred kind of thing?

I would hope not, but who knows? All
right, yeah.

Okay. There's a lot of no's, huh?

So, okay, now you work for me. I'm your
boss. Okay. Okay.

So could you tuck in your shirt, please?

We want to look professional here. I'm
just kidding.

Does that look typed in? Is your belly
button pierced? No.

No? Okay. Do you plan on doing it? No.

No? Good. You don't have to. I don't
have any pierced. Do you have a tram

No.

No tattoos?

Yeah. I got two.

You got two? They're very small.

That's cool. All right. Well, I can't
see them. That's professional.

All right. So then let's shift gears.

I want to ask some personal questions.

Let's treat this like it's one of those
cable late -night interview shows.

Okay. Okay.

You're Christian.

I'm what?

Okay, but you also said that you have
one -night stands. Are you just, like,

relying on the forgiveness thing, or...?
Pretty much.

So, would you consider yourself, like, a
very sexual person, or...? Yeah.

I love that. Who doesn't love that?

Um, Mel Gibson.

So, I...

I don't know if that's true, actually.

So what does that mean to you, being a
sexual person?

I like being seductive.

Seductive? I like being considered sexy.
I like being looked at like I'm sexy.

Well, you are. I mean, that can't be
hard. Yeah, that's something I don't

So you like to pick up the guys, or you
like them to pick you up?

I guess there's ways. If I see something
I like, I pick them up.

And how do you do that?

It's not hard. I mean, I got the gold.

You got the gold? Yeah. You give them
your key?

Yeah, this one.

No, I mean, how do you do it? Like,
literally, no one's ever picked me up

before. Like, how does that work?

Do you flash them eyes or something?

Yeah, I have like... Can I see them?

So if you did that to me at a bar, I'd
know, oh, it's game.

Game time. Yeah, I'd go like this.

Really? Yeah.

Just like flag somebody over? Every
time.

And that means let's go in this
direction. It's never no words. If

stand with is like, no strings, no
words, just shut up and get it. Give me

wallet. Just like that.

Give me your money.

So nodding your head to the side means
let's go in this direction and have sex

somewhere? Yeah.

Really?

Wow, you must not give a lot of pussy.

No. Well, it's not that. It's just that
I'm not interested in it anymore.

Seriously. No, actually, my grip is so
tight, like, because from masturbating

all my life, that I can't find an equal.

I can't find an equal. If I could find a
girl that could fuck me as good as I

fuck myself, that would be marriage
material right there. That's horrible.

You think you can beat a side grip?

A side grip?

Yeah.

Yeah, man, I'm sick of loose pussies.
What about that? Dude, I don't know

you've been, man. All right. You seem
pretty open.

So these questions, and that's cool. I'm
a very open -minded person.

All right.

So what about that? Like, guys, we have
to be paranoid about our penis size.

What about girls and their vagina width,
I guess?

All you got to do is crunches.

Crunches? Mm -hmm, crunches and squats.
Really?

Yep. I thought it was like Kegel
exercises where you, like, try to pick

bottles with it and stuff.

No, that's just slutty.

That's slutty? How?

Because he's going to want to stick
something out there to get it.

Show them the little toy you bought,
Mark.

No, no, no, no.

That's a little weird.

I want to see it.

It's not a toy.

It's a way of life. It's a souvenir.

God, it's so loud out here.

Okay, so would you... Yeah, I know.

Y 'all said there was AC.

There is. It's just kind of weak. Oh,
come on.

Look, I already paid you for the time.

It's on tape.

It's on tape.

There is air conditioning. Look,

my face is red and I'm sweaty.

You hear that?

I don't feel it.

That's the point, though, because it's
too loud. I'm not going to be able to

shoot the video.

It's too, um... No, don't roll down the
window, please. It's so loud out there.

Alright, back to what I was talking
about.

So, um... Okay, me, for example, I have
a below -average penis.

I'll admit that. I really don't mind.
That's why I masturbate so much.

How would you describe your vagina?

I have a big cat.

A big cat? Is it fat?

Yeah. I'm talking about... Of course she
caught the camel with the thing right

away. No, I'm talking about diameter.

Like, is it tight? Is it loose?

I don't know for myself. I don't know.
There's that experience.

I know word of mouth.

But word of mouth is what I always have
to rely on. So I don't know.

Yeah, I know. See, that's not fair,
because you guys have no range. We have

go by inches, and you guys don't have
to... I've never fucked a girl, so I

know the difference between a fat pussy
and a loose... or a tight pussy and a

loose pussy. I don't know. You've never
messed with another girl? No.

Never? Never.

Do you even... do you think about it or
anything?

No, I've kissed girls, but I've never...
Well, that would count as messing

around.

Why'd you do that?

Why'd I do what? Kiss her.

Kiss girls? Yeah.

Because I was young and I wanted to make
sure I could kiss. I was training for

boys when I was young.

Yeah, so it was for training purposes.

Right, training purposes. Yeah, exactly.

That's right. Have you ever done that?

Oh, kiss a girl? No, kiss a guy for
training purposes.

Girl thing.

Do you ever venture out? I think he is.

You're the one that was like a
lifeguard.

It's a girl thing. Is that a bad thing?

To be a lifeguard?

Oh, you've got to give mouth -to -mouth
to everybody.

Not me.

Where are you from?

Huh? Where are you from? I'm from Cuba.

Cuba?

Where are you from?

He's a fucking liar, dude.

Where are you from, really? From Cuba.
No, you're not. Where are you from?

Don't lie?

Don't lie.

Anyway, this interview is about you.
Yeah, he will then.

What's the big deal?

What did she say? What?

What did she say? I think she speaks
Spanish. He's Norwegian.

It's really not a big deal.

Wait, so are you trying to turn the
tables on the interview or something?

Trying. I don't even know where I'm
from.

I don't know. I know I got a kid.

I do too.

Let's stop somewhere when we can.

Yeah, I don't know where I'm from.

Seriously. Okay, what's the question?
What are you, adopted?

Well, yeah, but my adoptive parents
found me in a basket floating up the

And then there was these pharaohs and
some... No, that's Moses.

That wasn't... No, I'm from Texas.

Yeah, and why are you so little? I heard
big things come from Texas. How am I

little? You just told me you were a
little average. Oh, yeah, my dick. I

look at my body size. But I've always
heard big things come from Texas.

No, they say everything's big in Texas.
No, but the thing is, I was born in

Texas. Except for Marco's dick.

Yeah, but I compensate for it with my
belly. Or maybe I have a big dick. It

looks small compared to my belly. I
really don't know.

But, see, I was born in Texas, and then
I moved to Spain, and then I moved back

to Texas. So somewhere in between, I
think, maybe the Spanish influence,

it shrunk my dick.

Really? I'm not sure why Spanish guys
have bigger dicks than my wife. Dude,

yeah. Spanish people, people in Spain
are white.

They're European.

Their wife had Latina on there from a
whole different breed.

So do they.

So do Italians. It's not like they're
Irish.

Huh? It's not like they're Irish.

Irish people, they have small dicks?

That's the worst?

I have Irish blood in me, and I got a
fat cat. Who knows?

What is this fat cat thing?

Yeah, I do, actually.

A lucky Irish girl. What is fat cat? I
still don't understand what you're

talking about.

Fat pussy.

Oh, like big on the outside?

Yeah. Is it chunky?

I have a fat cat. Yeah.

That's cool.

It's pretty cool.

But it's off point. All right, so we
used the bathroom. You feel better? I

so much better.

Yeah? I feel like a whole new person.

A whole new person. I'm surprised she
actually got back into the bus.

Yeah, well, me too.

I know, that's... Yeah,

I know, I lied.

Yeah.

I lied.

I didn't really have to use the
bathroom. I just wanted to follow you in

Oh, yeah, well, we're still on the
beach.

Oh, but on ocean?

Yeah, because when I'm ready to get hot
as hell in here, I'm, like, ready to get

ocean.

What are you doing? It's really good.

So I brought my baby too. Really good
buses.

She's got a hundred of my dollars. She
can just take a taxi. You can take a

right now.

All right. So let's get back on subject.

Okay.

We were talking about vaginas. So we can
talk about something else.

Are you satisfied with your body?

Very much so.

Very much so. What's your favorite part?

My stomach.

Your stomach? Yeah. Because it's flat?

Yeah. My stomach. That's cool.

What about your breast?

them too.

They're tiny.

They don't ever sag.

I wasn't going to say it.

Do you even bother wearing a bra?

No. That's hot. No? No. That's hot?

I don't need to.

What is it? Oh, you've got a bikini on.
Yeah. Yeah, you're going to the beach.

Duh. That's cool.

Do the bottoms match the top? Mm -hmm.

Is it a thong?

No, a Brazilian cut.

I don't even know what that means.
Doesn't that mean tranny? What does that

mean, Michael?

Yeah. Do you ever wear thongs?

Uh, yeah.

Are they uncomfortable?

No. I mean, like, is it like having a
wedgie all day?

No. No?

No, because they're very thin, so you
can't feel them.

I don't know. I've never tried it. When
I get home, I'll put a shoelace up my

butt. It's not like having granny
panties with your ass.

Yeah. I like granny panties. I like
little white cotton things, you know?

just look more... I like them to sleep
in and to walk around in my house if I'm

not naked.

Oh, you usually walk around naked?

Yeah.

So does that mean you keep your blinds
closed all the time?

Um, no.

Okay, and where did you say... During
the night I do, but during the day it's

sunny out here where I am, I can't see
my house.

Really? Where did you say you live?

In this area.

I'm not going to tell you where I live.

I was going to get some really good
footage.

That's cool. Hey, do you mind... Are you
comfortable?

Because I kind of want to go back there.
I feel like there's always a chair

blocking something or he's really...

He's all the way down here, and you're
all the way up here.

Okay. All right, cool.

Damn it.

No,

I just wanted to see.

Okay.

Oh, it's kind of... Yeah, the light is
better back here.

So what are you going to do with your
degree in criminal whatever?

Criminal psychology?

Yeah.

I want to go work for like, I don't
know, like NCIS or something.

I'm going to go out to this day. I'm
ready to travel.

NCIS, isn't that... New York.

NCIS?

Isn't that like Naval Criminal
Investigation Service?

Yeah. So you'd have to join the Navy?

No. No? No. I really don't know how to
work.

No, you wouldn't have to be like a
fucking seaman.

I think you've got to start somewhere.
Are they officers?

It's not like I would be, yeah, it's not
like I would be doing the whole, this

thing. This thing?

Hey, Moses, could you turn the air
conditioning down one notch back here?

you serious?

But turn one notch up in the front so we
still get something.

There you go. Yeah, there's a vent right
over me.

Do I get to sign my name?

Yeah. Yeah.

Why are there, like, dicks everywhere?

Where? On the people, like, drawings of
penises.

I don't know.

To the Miami ghetto sleep.

Do you take a lot of pictures of
yourself,

like, in the mirror?

No, not really.

Have you ever done it?

What, for like your profile pic or
whatever?

No, my profile pic usually stays with my
friends. Do you make duck lips when you

take a picture?

Sometimes. What is that? I don't
understand.

It's a Miami thing.

Is it? Yeah.

No, because I see it all over the place.

I guess it's a young people thing.

I do not understand.

I don't know. I've never been out of
Miami. I've never been out of this area.

That's why I want to go.

You've never been out of Miami?

No. I'm ready to hit... I want to see
different things. You haven't even gone

to, like, Orlando?

Nope.

Jesus.

That's sad, man.

It is.

Yeah. I've traveled a lot.

I'm not bragging.

I find it's very necessary.

It is. I totally agree with you. You're
in a bubble right now. Yep.

Cool. I know somebody that goes there
right now.

Really? For computer science.

I don't know. It sounds boring to me.

Let's go back to what we were talking
about before.

Really?

I tried.

Okay. Let's go back to what we were
talking about before.

You're... Okay.

Okay, you say you're a sexual person,
and I believe you because you're so open

about it.

When's the last time you had sex?

Probably a weekend ago.

Probably?

And what was the story? Like, where'd
you... Barf? Yeah, barf. I don't do

boyfriend things.

Why not?

Because that brings just heartache and
headache.

Responsibility. So you've had a bad
experience?

Haven't we all?

Uh, sure. Until we say fuck it?

Yeah, but I think it's human nature. I
think we need a partner. It is.

Like penguins. I don't think I need
anybody.

I got me.

Alright.

I just think let's pull it their way.

Yeah. Something nice to look at.

Yeah. So how do you do it then? You
always pick up a stranger or you got

buddies?

I have fuck buddies. I like anonymous
sex.

That's okay.

So what do you do the rest of the time?

Do me.

You do what I do, right?

Yeah. What do you mean?

No, she does herself.

Where is your mind? Sometimes I fuck
myself better than ever.

That's what I'm talking about. That's
what I was saying earlier. I know what I

like. I know what I like.

Do you like your hair?

Yeah, yeah.

We have toys.

So do we.

Do you carry a pocket pussy with you
everywhere?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't
masturbate outside of the house. What

you? What do you do?

Yeah, actually, he gets a lot of girls.

I think it's the accent.

What's your accent?

You haven't said much.

Oh? Your accent.

Well, I don't know.

I don't know.

All right, the answer. You're going to
need to start, like, do interviews. You

don't know?

Well, he's here for scenery.

So, um.

Yeah, okay.

That's it. What are you looking at?
Yeah.

How about you?

Uh -huh. Let's talk about you.

So how often do you masturbate, then?

All the time.

All the time?

Like, daily?

Yes, it's very healthy.

Yes, it is. I'm not judging.

It's very healthy. If there was an
Olympics for jerking off, I would be on

team. It's my therapy, my stress
reliever.

Really? Yeah,

that's how I go to sleep. I don't think
anybody wants to listen to me talk about

that, though.

Is that how you keep in shape?

Huh? Is that how you keep in shape?

I'm that and I walk a lot.

I don't have a car.

No, I walk the beach a lot.

When I can. I like walking when it's
very hot.

There's not too many boats.

Not like a boat.

A boat?

Yeah,

that's what they do.

check it though it's like underwater
yeah it's been there for months yeah

just haven't cleaned it up yeah it's
probably from one of the last hurricanes

okay um do you consider yourself like a
party girl uh yeah i'm not a very big

drinker i like to go out and socialize i
consider myself a socializer a

communicator no i mean like uh okay like
at mardi gras would you be one of the

girls flashing yeah yeah yeah have you
done it before

Do you have to go woo when you do it?
No, I'm not a woo girl. Okay, so that's

not part of the deal.

It just seems like everybody does that.
Just like the duck lips, man. Maybe it's

your generation. I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay. When's the last occasion that you
flashed somebody?

I don't know.

I think it's on the interstate.

On the interstate? Yeah.

What, like a trucker?

No, I think it was this little Hispanic
guy.

A little Hispanica. Yeah.

Just her reaction?

Well, my friend did it. She mooned them,
and then I clashed them.

I don't know which one I'd rather, you
know, getting mooned or getting clashed.

I don't know. They're both pretty hot.
Yeah.

Yeah,

but, I mean, you can see tits at the
beach any day.

You know what I mean? Not naked tits.
Yeah, you can.

Or a top of the beach. Miami Beach has a
top of the beach.

Top's optional.

Yeah, but that's not just me.

I'm talking about... Okay, whatever.

Still digging your shoes.

I think maybe I got a fetish for them.

Do you? Do you like my feet?

I'm not so much into... Well, yeah, I am
feeling a little something.

I don't know.

It is kind of working.

Okay, I feel like I'm, like... Can you
flash me?

I don't know how I'm supposed to ask
that. I don't know if that's bad.

But I'm jealous... She just said she
flashes.

Little Hispanic. Yeah, I know. That's
why I'm jealous of this little Hispanic

guy. Would you really do it?

I mean... Sure.

Nice.

Nice. I like that they're natural.

Yeah. So that was this key, the little
one, right? We already opened the first

one. You got... We already unlocked the
first one. Your top must be really

tight. You got this, like, red line.

It's a bikini.

I gotta make sure it don't come off on
the beach. There's kids on the beach.

Oh, yeah, let's talk about that.

Uh, jeez.

Tell me, Curtis.

I'm dumbfounded. I asked you to flash
me, and you just... They're out. They're

out there.

That's nice, though. Are you comfortable
like this?

Yeah.

I'm completely comfortable in my body.

You're completely comfortable? My own
skin.

Really? You're completely comfortable?

Do you get nervous when I do this?

No.

Wow. Okay.

All right.

Yeah,

I know. You're just so, like, forward. I
don't understand.

I feel like I should, like... I have
tits in front of me. What do you want me

do? Yeah.

I feel like I should... Jesus.

She's not rejected.

All right. Can you back up? I need to
talk to her.

Is this what...

I just don't... It's, like, too easy.

Did you go to a Catholic school?

Nope. No?

Where's... Oh, dude, those are the worst
ones.

No. No, actually, they usually...
They're repressed for so long that they

crazy later on in life.

And they do things like this. That's
right.

No, they do worse things. They fuck
the... Okay.

Yeah, every single one.

Okay.

Where...

in the Bible does it say that this is
okay?

It does not.

It does not.

So you're falling back on the
forgiveness thing.

I think the Ten Commandments, we should
all strive for them, but Jesus knows

that humans are completely stupid, and
that's why he hung himself on the cross,

because there's too much temptation in
this world.

I don't think he did it himself, but
you're right, we are stupid.

Let's all get stupid.

Let's all get stupid.

We're young, wild, and free.

Yes, you are.

Fuck, I'm just going to throw it out
there. Whatever.

You already have $100.

Mm -hmm.

Congratulations. Thanks.

What would I have to do? I shouldn't
have even brought up the money. I'm so

fucking stupid.

What would I have to do to see your
bikini bottom?

I mean, you were going to take them off
at the beach anyways.

What's the big deal? My bikini bottom?

Yeah, yeah, just take off your shorts.

You need $20 for me to see what you were
about to show everybody else for free

at the beach. I think after what we just
saw, she doesn't even need the $20.

Sure I do. Yeah, but I'm asking her.
Sure I do.

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fine. Yeah, I'll give you $20. I really
don't care.

Oh, I have to hand it to you right now.
You guys love offering her money, man.

She'll do it without the money.

I'm a female.

A smart one, too. My pocket's just
getting lighter and lighter and lighter.

Yeah, but your mind is getting fuller
and fuller and fuller. Of shit.

Of shit.

Asshole. Do you need help?

I do.

Look at this guy.

Ah, don't take off!

I thought you were going to show us
your... Ah, you said the bikini box.

You see, man? $20 for this?

It's crazy.

It's a step.

It's a step towards salvation.

Right, Sydney?

Oh,

yeah.

So is that actually meant for just
tanning, or you can actually go in the

with that?

Yeah, it's meant for, like, doing
anything I want in it. I love it.

You love it?

That's cool. Uh, jeez.

I love that show.

Me too. Um, now I want to see more.

Um. I want to see more green.

You are, um. You already spoiled her,
man.

I know, man. I feel like I'm your sugar
daddy. Hey, I'm working for it, right?

Yeah, you're a working girl. Sugar
daddies give her free just to be pretty.

Well, I'll show you mine. I've been nice
and I've been pretty.

That's all you gotta do in life, right?

Uh.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Yeah, you said it was little. It's not
that bad.

You and your little toy.

It's not that bad.

No, I'm kidding. I was shopping in a sex
shop and I found this. I just could not

believe that they actually sold those.
Look how little.

It wasn't even in the novelty section.

It's my business, I told you.

And it's so lifelike.

How about that?

Oh, that's... Speaking of Brazilian cut,
yeah.

Okay, oh, Jesus.

Yeah, I do want to get those bottoms off
you, though.

I bet you do.

Is that possible?

Oh, no.

You keep going back to the money, but, I
mean, I see you smiling. You're liking

this attention and everything.

I'm not trying to, like, negotiate with
you. I don't know.

Get him naked.

Get him naked?

Yeah.

You feel lonely?

Yummy, you work here.

Take your pants off.

Yeah, you work here.

As he does, I'll do.

Okay. Come on, dude.

I guess you are.

I'll let you take your pants off.

I already took my shorts off.

Okay, he's going to take them all off.

He's going to drop them.

Challenge accepted.

You mind if I charm him?

Kind of. Yeah, I wish I was... You're
so...

You're such an extrovert, you know?
Like, you're very forward, very... I

even know the word, because I've never
been like that.

Open. Open? Open -minded.

I don't think it's open -minded.

Gotta be open to the experience.

This is true.

This is life.

That it is, that it is.

I'm riding around Miami naked.

You do have a fat cat.

Yeah, I do.

That's good.

That's a fat cat?

That is a fat cat.

Moses is like, holy shit.

Don't hit anything.

Yeah.

Can I see it from the back?

From the back?

Yeah, like from behind.

Sure.

Do you do anal?

So you've tried it?

Of course.

Take a look.

Look at that, man.

She wasn't lying, huh?

Yeah.

Look at his face.

Oh, Jesus.

Sydney? Uh -huh?

I love you.

Yeah? I'm just kidding. I do in that
whole Christian sort of way.

Good, um... Bye, man. This is mine. Is
there any way, um... Do you like my

friend over there?

He's hot. He definitely is.

Are you feeling crazy?

I don't think you could get more crazy
than riding around naked with strangers

in a van, riding from my hand with a
pocket dildo in my hand. That's very

descriptive.

Uh... Uh -oh, it's getting dark.

I keep waiting for you to tell them to
stop, but it's not happening.

Yeah.

Could you guys just go crazy, have fun,
and I'll just sit here and watch?

It's kind of like a fantasy.

It's a fantasy of yours?

Yeah. Well, being a Christian, I guess I
could make somebody's fantasy. Sure.

Bang bro.

Not bad, huh?

Hey, Sidney, do you mind, can you sit on
the floor right here?

My leg is cramping up, but I still want
to watch.

You hear this, huh?

Get left out. Okay.

Let's move this to the floor.

You alright?

I don't even have to push her down. She
just likes the guy on her.

She didn't like that.

I guess so.

Yes.

Have fun.

Awesome. Hey, let's go back to the
beach.

Go wash off in the ocean.

Someday it'll be our turn, little buddy.

Just hang in there.

This place is all dirty.

It's riddled with condoms and lube.

It's definitely a mess. No, it's cool.
That's what it's here for.

Oh, shit, yeah.

You said you were going to call some
friends and we could all hang out?

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Cool.

You should just call them now because...

We could all meet up at the same time.
We've got to wait until we get back to

the beach.

I don't have my phone with me.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Fuck, I said that earlier.

Mirko, can she use your phone?

No signal.

Get what you pay for.

All right, y 'all. Moses, let's use
your... Can we use your phone?

You don't have... All right, let me use
your phone.

Mine's dead.

I have a beeper. How the hell... You
have a beeper? I have... Poor of us.

There's no cell phones. Let's beep your
friends.

No, it's cool.

Are there still pay phones in 2012?

There might be for the homeless people.
No.

No, yeah, there's probably pay phones at
gas stations for poor people. They

usually have them there.

You better not flag someone down.

I think it would be easier to find a pay
phone than a good Samaritan that's

going to let you use their phone. I
wouldn't let someone use my phone.

I would think it was a spam. If she
flashes something, dude, she'll probably

it. I don't know.

No shit?

No really, no way.

Yeah. Oh, cool.

All right.

Go ahead. You might want to be snappy
about it. It looks like it's going to

start raining.

I know. You think if it's raining here,
it's going to be raining on the beach?

No. Well,

we're going to a bar anyway.

Yeah, that's true.

I'm going to film you using the last
cell phone, the last pay phone in

existence.

Oh shit, it really is raining.

Wait, do you know their phone numbers?

Yeah.

I don't know anybody's phone number
because I have a phone. It does

automatically.

Do you know the number to a taxi?

No, why?

Bye -bye.

Bye -bye.

Bye -bye.

I think she thinks we're joking.

I can't see a fucking thing.

Was she good?

Did you fuck her?

Then what are you talking about?

Mirko, was she good?

Really?

Like, the blowjob, that looked good.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah,

she was digging it.

Fucking dude, she has 120 of my dollars.

I forgot to get the...

I don't think we should go back, though.

No. Probably not. I guess it's a happy
ending because at least he has money for

a taxi.

You know what I'm saying?

Or an umbrella.