Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:08,260
Did you know old Muscroft was dead?
I hope they've double-checked, else
he'll be back to cause more misery.
2
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:13,260
They'll be burying him tomorrow
so he must be reasonably convincing.
3
00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:17,680
I thought he'd live forever.
You can't imagine God wanting him.
4
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,460
You know him.
He'll have pushed his way in.
5
00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:26,280
It'll test the vicar having to find
something nice to say about him.
6
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,900
I believe under those circumstances
7
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:32,760
they have a dispensation
which allows them to lie.
8
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,920
TOM:
Right, Smiler, get yourself a chair.
9
00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:12,360
What am I supposed to do?
10
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,680
Be the audience.
Judge the effect of the performance.
11
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,180
See if you can see the lips moving.
12
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:26,520
My name is Waldo.
A funny thing happened to me
on the way to the kennel.
13
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,300
What are you waiting for?
14
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:36,660
To hear about the funny thing that
happened on the way to the kennel.
15
00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:40,360
I haven't written it yet!
Did you see the lips move?
16
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,820
His lips were moving all the time.
17
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,020
Not him, me!
Did you see MY lips move?
18
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:53,940
I wasn't watching your lips.
He was the one that was speaking.
19
00:01:53,940 --> 00:02:00,480
Hey. Can you see MY lips move?
Move your bodies and get
some of that furniture moved.
20
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:05,440
One day Waldo and I will be famous,
starting with the Huddersfield Fair.
21
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:09,760
You'll be telling everybody
I used to rehearse in your shop.
22
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:17,040
Hmm, for hire of rehearsal room
for, let's see, er...
several hours per week...
23
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,560
We're going, we're going!
24
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,520
There'll be nobody there.
25
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:29,940
Do you think
we ought to go to the funeral?
Why? He won't come to ours.
26
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:34,920
Typical Muscroft. Anti-social to the
end. What's up with Billy Ingleton?
27
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:42,700
I've seen this before.
You're not supposed to scratch it,
but it gets unbearable.
28
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:49,640
All those years dreaming of knowing
Pavarotti. It was bound to get him
in the end. Looks like both ends.
29
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:56,100
Hey up, lads. Hey, come and look at
this. Oh, you're going to love it!
30
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:59,700
If it's his rash,
I don't wish to look.
31
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:04,120
I haven't got a rash.
Are you going to have a look or not?
32
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:09,200
I once had a nasty experience
following an invitation like that.
33
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,660
Oh, this is one-off is this.
34
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,840
There she is. Something rare is this.
35
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,400
A prehistoric transit van.
36
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,020
Billy Ingleton's found a fossil.
37
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:45,800
This is really exciting.
I bet Muscroft's having more fun
than this.
38
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:52,280
I bet he's a better colour.
Wait till you hear
where this one's different.
39
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,260
Just listen to this.
40
00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,480
Get ready for this.
41
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,560
ENGINE ROARS
42
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:05,540
A noisy diesel engine.
We could have missed this(!)
43
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,020
Not the engine. Listen to this.
44
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:12,100
MUSIC: "The Blue Danube"
45
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,480
HOOT-HOOT!
46
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:25,300
How about that, then?
A travelling fairground organ.
47
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:27,720
And she's mine. All mine.
48
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,780
JUMBLE OF NOTES AND SOUNDS
49
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:39,520
Well. I'm an honest man.
It has to be admitted.
She needs a touch of work.
50
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,540
PHWRRRT!
51
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:49,120
I know what it is. I've got it!
Barry, you startled me!
I know where I've been going wrong.
52
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,260
Oh, Barry, you've got another woman.
53
00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:57,060
No, I've been going wrong with golf,
with the captain. He hates me.
54
00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:59,800
That's better than another woman.
55
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:06,400
He hates me and it's not my fault.
It's always been because I've been
involved with other people.
56
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:12,680
Well, I'm avoiding people who are
likely to get me into trouble
with the captain.
57
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,480
The solution is - no more people.
Cancel all social engagements.
58
00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:23,320
Barry, we've got no social
engagements. Good thinking, Glenda.
59
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:31,020
What's tha going to do
when it's finished?
60
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:33,620
There's a big demand for these.
61
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:39,240
It's passed ME by.
I have yet to meet anyone
desperate for a fairground organ.
62
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,840
You don't move
in the right circles.
63
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:49,320
HAMMERING
Could you play that bit again,
Billy? We couldn't spot the tune.
64
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,700
You will. Jump in and start her up.
65
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:55,780
You do it! You're the one
with music in your blood.
66
00:05:55,780 --> 00:06:02,560
I've got to watch what happens. Just
get in the cab, switch on the engine
and pull that lever. He means you.
67
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:08,680
Robin Hood would not have hesitated.
Not my area of expertise.
But chatting up barmaids is.
68
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:13,460
I was only explaining how to make
her own arrows, with great accuracy.
69
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:18,240
Was that before or after you fell
off your stool? I had a wobbly.
70
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,960
We all thought so at the time.
71
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,600
This is your captain speaking.
Are you ready?
72
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,240
I'm ready, I'm ready!
73
00:06:39,620 --> 00:06:43,080
You've left it in gear,
you stupid fool.
74
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,580
Nobody said anything about gear.
75
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:52,920
I'll pull the lever, you stay in
the back and listen for an air leak.
I can do that. Listening I can do.
76
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:57,200
Why did he leave it in gear?
The man's a muffin.
77
00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:02,520
This is your muffin speaking. Shout
when you're ready. We're ready!
78
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,640
MUSIC BLARES
79
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:22,740
If you'll accept a question
from a deaf person -
80
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:29,280
what's the good of an organ
if you can't hear it
for the noise of the engine?
81
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,240
All right, then. Plan B.
I'll run it from a battery.
82
00:07:36,140 --> 00:07:43,460
Apparently, Billy Ingleton went
over 200 miles to buy an old van
full of fairground organ.
83
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:47,460
Oh, the things they do collect.
Tell me about it.
84
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:53,700
Does this fairground organ work?
I expect so.
85
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,360
Not that I'm trying to pry
under that lovely hat,
86
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,200
but are you thinking
what I'm thinking? Well...
87
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:08,180
I was thinking it could be useful
at the Huddersfield fair.
It could draw us a crowd.
88
00:08:08,180 --> 00:08:10,680
That hat could draw us a crowd.
89
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:16,600
I like a serious hat. I like a hat
that says "no trespassing".
90
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,600
In my opinion, Mrs Batty,
you've cracked it.
91
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:25,240
Our Roz could have done
with a hat like that.
92
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:31,960
She weren't the type to get away
with no trespassing. Took her all
her time to keep 'em off the grass.
93
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:35,840
What do you mean...?
Drink your coffee!
94
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:42,240
Well, if we've got an organ
and he can't find a monkey,
I know just the person we can use.
95
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:48,500
Would he be willing to take it
to the fair, or shall we have to
make him an offer he can't refuse?
96
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:52,100
Billy Ingleton?
Of course he'll be willing.
97
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:57,260
Besides, he'll be like all men,
pining to show it off somewhere.
98
00:08:57,260 --> 00:09:03,440
We'll have to listen to that organ
first - make sure it works
before we get him involved.
99
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,260
I wish mine had a mechanical hobby.
100
00:09:06,260 --> 00:09:08,840
My Barry's given up ALL hobbies.
101
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,520
He's breaking off all human contact.
102
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:18,080
They all do, love, when they work
for a building society.
It's a condition of employment.
103
00:09:27,540 --> 00:09:30,200
Excuse me! I-I need a battery.
104
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,880
I've heard rumours to that effect.
105
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:37,920
It's to drive an organ. Please.
No details. Keep them to yourself.
106
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:42,680
A fairground organ. Oh, you've
no idea what a relief THAT is.
107
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:48,680
Who told you before I've had time
to have the notices printed?
Who told me what?
108
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:56,420
About the gigantic reductions
on batteries for driving fairground
organs. I...I...I must be psychic.
109
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:02,220
Consult yourself about
how much you're willing to spend.
110
00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:06,740
Oh, money's no object
when you're fulfilling a dream.
111
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:09,240
Not only psychic. Totally potty.
112
00:10:10,260 --> 00:10:12,660
Come in the back, lad,
113
00:10:12,660 --> 00:10:15,160
before you die on me or something.
114
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:30,240
GRR-RR! GRR-RR!
115
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:43,980
How long does this rehearsal
go on for? Don't ask me.
Nobody tells me anything.
116
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:48,140
Why aren't you in rehearsal?
I'm not part of the act.
117
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:52,920
That young lady, whoever she is,
is not part of the act. She is now.
118
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:04,980
Ah, ha-ha. An agitated Howard.
I usually only see that
when Pearl's about.
119
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:10,320
I just hate to see young ladies
being led astray by showbiz.
120
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,340
Rehearsal in progress?
121
00:11:12,340 --> 00:11:16,420
He's practising ventriloquism
with Waldo.
122
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:19,140
Then why does he need a young lady?
123
00:11:19,140 --> 00:11:21,560
Listen who's talking.
124
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:25,320
He says it lends a bit of glamour
to the act.
125
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:29,700
I hate people lending
MY bit of glamour to their act.
126
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:33,380
You'll have to compete, Howard.
Be irresistible.
127
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,220
Well, do your best.
You'll have to form your own act.
128
00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:41,380
One that needs
a bit of Marina's glamour.
129
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:46,860
Tha could be
Ann Zeigler and Webster Booth.
She looks a lot like Webster Booth.
130
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:49,700
What can I do? I can't do anything.
131
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:54,360
If we pop a ferret in your trousers,
you could do Elvis impressions.
132
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,960
An audience already.
133
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,280
And it's all male.
134
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:08,420
Oh, Howard, show business
is so exciting. It looks like it.
135
00:12:09,460 --> 00:12:11,960
What's he staring at?
136
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,840
You've got lipstick on.
137
00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:19,180
Oh, it's Waldo.
He's very affectionate.
138
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:24,160
Waldo wears lipstick? You know
what they're like in showbiz.
139
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:33,980
You try to defend yourself,
but she kisses you.
Oh, don't tell me, I've been there.
140
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:37,960
Oh, tha never said.
I don't like to talk about it.
141
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,400
ORGAN PLAYS "The Blue Danube"
142
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:47,480
When I've finished, it won't look
like this. It'll look great.
143
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:52,360
How long will that be? You won't
recognise it in a week. A week?!
144
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:58,180
What have you got in mind?
If I pushed her,
I could do it in about four days.
145
00:12:58,180 --> 00:13:01,320
- BOTH: Four days?
- What's the hurry?
146
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:05,660
I'll tell you what the hurry is.
We need it tomorrow afternoon.
147
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,720
Tomorrow afternoon? Good.
148
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:14,080
That's settled. Now, get it to play
something more recognisably English.
149
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:17,400
Have you got any more suggestions?
Yes.
150
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:23,400
We suggest you stop chatting
and get a move on.
We need it tomorrow afternoon.
151
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:33,520
She's being lured away
by the glitter of showbiz.
152
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,840
YOU can glitter, Howard. I saw you
once, spraying the Christmas tree.
153
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:44,520
You were visible in the dark
for nearly a week. You need
a few sequins here and there,
154
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,880
especially THERE.
Tha'll have to lure her back.
155
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,340
But what can I do?
156
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:53,900
Think of something to lure her back
157
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:59,240
from the glitter of show business,
to the glitter of monkey business.
158
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:04,080
I can't play any musical instrument.
Tha'll have to sing or dance.
159
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:08,760
Or both. You can do both.
Nature has kindly arranged things
160
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:13,440
so that a person can dance
at one end and sing at the other.
161
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:17,260
"That Howard," they'll say.
"Talented at both ends."
162
00:14:17,260 --> 00:14:20,140
Trouble is...the bits in between.
163
00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:22,880
Could I learn to sing and dance?
164
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:27,160
We can soon find out.
Show us a step or two. Here?
165
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,600
Be a little twinkle-toes.
166
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:34,820
Over there, by the DJ gubbins.
Nobody's watching. Give us a turn.
167
00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:37,220
He often gives ME a turn.
168
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,940
I can't do it on my own.
169
00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:45,440
We'll be your backing group.
You sing, we do the do-wahs.
170
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,040
I can't do it.
171
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,880
I bet with another drink you could.
172
00:14:56,144 --> 00:14:58,784
I call that almost human.
173
00:14:58,784 --> 00:15:04,804
I don't want to rain on his parade,
but it's a fairground organ,
not a circus.
174
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:08,704
He could crack his whip -
that'd draw attention.
175
00:15:08,704 --> 00:15:13,004
Or he could crack his FACE!
I hate it!
176
00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:17,024
It's YOUR face, love.
If you can't stand it, who can?
177
00:15:17,024 --> 00:15:20,504
I don't mean the face,
I mean the outfit.
178
00:15:20,504 --> 00:15:22,984
Can he even CRACK his whip?
179
00:15:22,984 --> 00:15:26,124
Not in here!
This place is full of antiques.
180
00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:31,104
Antique? I may be growing old
but it's only on the outside.
181
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:36,644
I refuse to grow old. My view is
if you can't take it with you,
don't go.
182
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:39,064
I don't miss not being young now.
183
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,984
You nearly missed it first time.
184
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:46,584
Well, I suppose it's different if
you're not doing anything with it.
185
00:15:47,684 --> 00:15:51,224
Not long ago,
you felt you could do anything.
186
00:15:51,224 --> 00:15:56,264
Then you marry, find out how useless
they are, and have to do everything!
187
00:15:56,264 --> 00:16:01,284
Their incompetence finally forms
a bond between you. It's true.
188
00:16:01,284 --> 00:16:06,304
They sneak up on you affection-wise,
play on your sympathy. On yours?!
189
00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:10,464
He'd have found it easier
learning to play the piano.
190
00:16:10,464 --> 00:16:16,264
You have to maintain the impression
that you're not there
just for amusement.
191
00:16:16,264 --> 00:16:19,404
Ooh, you pulled that off
pretty well.
192
00:16:19,404 --> 00:16:22,084
That's where a lot of us went wrong.
193
00:16:22,084 --> 00:16:26,784
I didn't. I was always afraid
they'd find where I'd hid my purse.
194
00:16:26,784 --> 00:16:31,364
He doesn't look as though
he ever went far wrong, either.
195
00:16:31,364 --> 00:16:35,624
Won't his trousers get in the way?
They're a bit baggy.
196
00:16:35,624 --> 00:16:40,184
The eye of the trained outfitter
would never blame the trousers.
197
00:16:40,184 --> 00:16:42,764
He's not filling
the available space!
198
00:16:42,764 --> 00:16:45,344
And as it's for charity,
199
00:16:45,344 --> 00:16:49,184
I shall be hiring the costume
very reasonably.
200
00:16:50,224 --> 00:16:52,804
I thought you'd be donating it!
201
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:57,844
I must get a hearing aid.
I'm going as deaf as a brick.
202
00:16:57,844 --> 00:17:02,724
# Dream, when you're feeling blue
203
00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:05,424
# Do wah, do wah
Do wah, do wah
204
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:09,784
# Dream, that's the thing to do
205
00:17:09,784 --> 00:17:12,544
# Do wah, do wah, do wah, do wah
206
00:17:12,544 --> 00:17:18,724
# Just watch the smoke rings rise
in the air... Do wah!
207
00:17:18,724 --> 00:17:22,224
# You'll find your share... Do wah!
208
00:17:22,224 --> 00:17:25,104
# ..of memories there, so...
209
00:17:25,104 --> 00:17:29,284
# Dream the whole day through
210
00:17:29,284 --> 00:17:31,724
# Do wah, do wah
Do wah, do wah
211
00:17:31,724 --> 00:17:38,924
# Dream, and it'll all come true
Do wah, do wah, do wah, do wah
212
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:45,064
# Things never are
as bad as they seem... #
213
00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:50,584
I thought he was unnecessarily rude.
214
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:56,224
Tha's just miffed
cos he didn't book thee. He came in
just as you were improving.
215
00:17:56,224 --> 00:18:01,704
We were filled with admiration.
It's been a privilege
to do-wah for you.
216
00:18:01,704 --> 00:18:06,284
All I had to say was do-wah
and I kept forgetting my line.
217
00:18:06,284 --> 00:18:10,744
There must be something show-bizzy
I can do with Marina.
218
00:18:17,804 --> 00:18:22,264
Tell 'em you've just washed it
and you can't do a thing with it.
219
00:18:22,264 --> 00:18:24,664
It ain't easy to crack a whip!
220
00:18:24,664 --> 00:18:27,064
It's Smiler.
221
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:33,144
It's not often
one finds a personality
so finely attuned to bad dressing.
222
00:18:33,144 --> 00:18:38,644
It wasn't my idea!
No. Only a committee
could produce something like that.
223
00:18:38,644 --> 00:18:41,064
Can any of you lot crack a whip?
224
00:18:41,064 --> 00:18:45,764
Oh, not me. I failed conkers.
I once had to arrest a lady
225
00:18:45,764 --> 00:18:50,304
who was said to be very
accomplished with such equipment.
226
00:18:50,304 --> 00:18:55,064
If I can handle a longbow, I can
certainly crack a whip. Give it here.
227
00:18:59,464 --> 00:19:02,464
CLATTER!
228
00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:16,664
Oh, Barry, I wish
you weren't going off alone.
229
00:19:16,664 --> 00:19:23,664
Alone is fine. Alone is safe.
Being with people
is what got me thrown out of golf.
230
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:28,644
Couldn't you be NEARLY alone
and have a few selected friends? No.
231
00:19:29,484 --> 00:19:36,024
I'm going to be...Barry of the Hills,
that lone figure
sometimes seen on the horizon.
232
00:19:36,024 --> 00:19:38,624
But, Barry, what about me?
233
00:19:38,624 --> 00:19:41,784
You're the woman
of Barry of the Hills.
234
00:19:41,784 --> 00:19:45,604
You're the woman
Barry of the Hills comes home to.
235
00:19:48,664 --> 00:19:51,124
Keep your home fires burning, kid.
236
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:55,724
Oh, Barry, I think I could get
used to you being alone.
237
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:05,784
Well, where's he going, then?
238
00:20:05,784 --> 00:20:12,044
That's my Barry of the Hills,
a lone figure sometimes seen
on the horizon.
239
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:17,044
You're as daft as he is! It's true.
They rub off on you, don't they?
240
00:20:17,044 --> 00:20:23,624
They do. But I always think how much
less fun life would be without them.
That's true.
241
00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:27,344
Are you ready
for the Huddersfield fair, then?
242
00:20:27,344 --> 00:20:34,264
Oh, how are we getting there?
Well, I understand we're travelling
in style, courtesy of Mr Entwistle.
243
00:20:40,024 --> 00:20:42,504
Oh, who's a pretty van, then?
244
00:20:45,004 --> 00:20:47,584
At least it looks CLEAN.
245
00:20:47,584 --> 00:20:51,204
Hey up, lads!
Hey, have a look at this.
246
00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:59,864
I'm so proud
247
00:20:59,864 --> 00:21:06,164
cos they said
that I, me, Billy Ingleton
would never amount to anything.
248
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:09,544
They even gave it to me in writing.
249
00:21:09,544 --> 00:21:14,324
I believed them. I took it for
granted that I'd be nobody, forever,
250
00:21:14,324 --> 00:21:17,624
that I was doomed
to wander the streets
251
00:21:17,624 --> 00:21:21,284
through a cruel world,
without recognition.
252
00:21:21,284 --> 00:21:28,204
Even at family gatherings,
my dad used to say,
"Oh, this is our thingamabob."
253
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,644
And my mother used to say...
254
00:21:30,644 --> 00:21:32,964
"It's our whatsisname."
255
00:21:33,964 --> 00:21:39,944
Obviously my parents didn't want me.
But the world should see me now.
256
00:21:41,624 --> 00:21:46,424
# If they could see me now
That little gang of mine... #
257
00:21:53,904 --> 00:21:58,284
All right, lads.
Don't just stand there. Get in.
258
00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:00,504
All aboard!
259
00:22:14,944 --> 00:22:18,704
I thought you said
you'd take us to the fair in style.
260
00:22:18,704 --> 00:22:20,964
In Hull, this is style.
261
00:22:32,424 --> 00:22:37,344
Meanest man in Yorkshire.
I thought that was the inspector.
262
00:22:37,344 --> 00:22:41,124
It probably is now.
He's on the short-list anyway.
263
00:22:41,124 --> 00:22:44,864
I think it's rotten -
her, on her own, at his funeral.
264
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:49,104
Much as I dislike the inspector,
I'd go to his funeral.
265
00:22:49,104 --> 00:22:56,524
Willingly. Inspectors don't die.
They retire and are handed back
into the custody of their wives.
266
00:22:56,524 --> 00:23:01,544
I feel better already. More than
you can say for Mrs Muscroft.
267
00:23:01,544 --> 00:23:05,304
If he was such a pain,
why is she weeping?
268
00:23:05,304 --> 00:23:07,424
Must've loved him.
269
00:23:07,424 --> 00:23:09,944
Women are funny that way.
270
00:23:09,944 --> 00:23:12,344
They're funnier than that!
271
00:23:25,064 --> 00:23:28,344
Oh... Oh, it's good, isn't it? Yes.
272
00:23:28,344 --> 00:23:33,704
Oh, this is the life.
A man alone in the wilderness
puts things in perspective.
273
00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:36,224
Who needs golf?
274
00:23:37,444 --> 00:23:39,824
Oh, stop lying, Barry.
275
00:23:39,824 --> 00:23:42,184
YOU need golf.
276
00:23:42,184 --> 00:23:46,484
Oh, pull yourself together...
watch some birds.
277
00:23:46,484 --> 00:23:48,804
Watch some wildlife.
278
00:23:52,684 --> 00:23:55,064
The captain's car!
279
00:23:55,064 --> 00:23:59,584
It is! The captain's car -
broken down way out here.
280
00:24:00,884 --> 00:24:04,344
I can help! I could go for petrol!
281
00:24:05,484 --> 00:24:08,984
Steady, my captain!
Help is on the way.
282
00:24:13,544 --> 00:24:18,444
This is it - nobody'll ever
recognise us under all this.
283
00:24:18,444 --> 00:24:22,444
But how can anyone
look glamorous in this lot?
284
00:24:22,444 --> 00:24:26,124
I don't know how you do it,
but you do it.
285
00:24:26,124 --> 00:24:28,684
Oh, Howard.
286
00:24:28,684 --> 00:24:30,724
Oh, Marina...
287
00:24:30,724 --> 00:24:32,544
Oh, heck!
288
00:24:35,044 --> 00:24:37,344
Hello, Howard!
289
00:24:47,824 --> 00:24:50,324
I'm coming, my captain!
290
00:24:55,604 --> 00:25:03,104
You again! How dare you interfere
when Mrs Rimmington and I were
planning our competition strategy?
291
00:25:11,084 --> 00:25:13,324
Oh, really!
292
00:25:22,404 --> 00:25:26,864
She's on her own. Well,
he were never going to be popular.
293
00:25:26,864 --> 00:25:29,364
Yeah, but on her own...
294
00:26:00,324 --> 00:26:06,864
Mrs Rimmington kindly pointed out
that, er, well, it would be a shame
for us to fall out,
295
00:26:06,864 --> 00:26:10,424
especially since you were
only trying to help.
296
00:26:10,424 --> 00:26:16,564
And she also reminds me
of how impressed I am
with your ability as a golfing man.
297
00:26:16,564 --> 00:26:20,064
Me? Yeah, I bet you thought
we hadn't noticed.
298
00:26:20,064 --> 00:26:23,724
I don't know what to say.
Good thinking.
299
00:26:25,004 --> 00:26:27,404
Why don't we keep it that way?
300
00:26:27,404 --> 00:26:31,744
I mean, it would be unwise
to let our competitors know
301
00:26:31,744 --> 00:26:38,144
that Mrs Rimmington and I have
these little...planning sessions.
302
00:26:38,144 --> 00:26:43,504
Don't want to put the opposition
on their guard now, do we? No! No...
303
00:26:43,504 --> 00:26:48,484
Could I ask if I'll be welcome
at the golf club? Welcome?
304
00:26:48,484 --> 00:26:50,224
You?!
305
00:26:50,224 --> 00:26:52,564
Of course you are!
306
00:26:52,564 --> 00:26:55,744
More than welcome! Ohh!
307
00:26:55,744 --> 00:26:58,964
Oh! I...
308
00:26:58,964 --> 00:27:00,484
Oh!
309
00:27:15,264 --> 00:27:21,864
We have entrusted Wilbert
to God's mercy, and we now commit
his body to the ground.
310
00:27:21,864 --> 00:27:26,864
Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,
dust to dust...
311
00:27:26,864 --> 00:27:31,344
ORGAN PLAYS "Oh, I Do Like To Be
Beside The Seaside"
312
00:27:43,864 --> 00:27:48,624
In sure and certain hope
of resurrection to eternal life...
313
00:28:34,604 --> 00:28:40,044
Sorry about the organ. No, love.
It proved a lot of people wrong.
314
00:28:40,044 --> 00:28:43,524
They all said
it'd be a QUIET funeral.
28153
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof