All language subtitles for S.t.H.2025.1080p.WEB.H264-CinemaCity

Hey, um, I think we need
some space in this relationship.

I, I love our thing,

but I need girls to know
I'm available for sex

and I, I think it looks
too much like we're dating.

We can totally
stay friends, but...

...I think we need
some time apart.

-Alex, fuck off.
-Fuck.

Jesus Christ.

-Who? Who thinks we're gay?
-Dude, everyone.

Literally every person
at school thinks we fuck.
Even Tristan.

-And nobody fucking talks to that kid.
--Say cheese.

-You're exaggerating.
-I'm not exaggerating.

Remember when the vice principal
made us rearrange her room,

-"'Cause you boys have
an eye for design"?
-Well, you do.

Last year, that gay senator
got elected and everybody

-congratulated us.
--Well, that was a nice thing

-that happened.
-We just got added
to the Gay-Straight Alliance

'cause they were short on gays.
What more evidence

-do you need?
-Well, at least they don't know

-you're a virgin.
-That's not even true.
I'm not a virgin.

-Lucid dreams don't count.
-Yes, they do.

- Wait, Mom, Mom, Mom.
Not too much.
-No.

-Please.
--I'm just taking off the ends, honey.

-Okay.
-Three, two--

No, bro. Mary,
take this all off. I mean,

he is really starting
to look like a girl.

-No!
-What? I'm just saying,

when they did your circumcision,
I think they sneezed

-and, you know, took it all off.
-I hate you.

Alex, you know
he's not circumcised.

-You've seen his penis.
-Mom!

College girls,
they're gonna love it.

I remember
I went crazy for grunge guys
back in the '90s.

And you just forgot
which bassist
is Ethan's dad or...

Really, Alex, that's the way
we're gonna go?

Your dad tried to sleep
with me, so...

-What?
-I said no 'cause I don't like
blue-collar.

Well, lucky for you,
I'm CEO-bound, so get in
on the ground floor, baby.

Stop. Stop flirting
with my mom.

Don't worry, baby,
I don't want a husband.
I've already got a son.

Whatever. I don't need this.

My dick belongs
to another anyway.

We suggest you decorate
your graduation caps

with any fun designs
that are relevant to you.

For instance,
Ethan and Alex,
you might do rainbows

or, or something like, um,
Bert and Ernie doing poppers
together.

You know?
something that feels organic.

Ethan, I am a pussytarian,
and this shit is giving me
an eating disorder.

Alex, you've never kissed
a woman on the mouth
or the pussy

-in your life.
-Shut the fuck up!
Don't tell anybody that.

-This is serious.
-If it were me,

you know, I, I might do
my Wellbutrin prescription

and, and my cat,
and, I don't know,

my ex-wife, who I, um...

...deeply respect
as, as a friend.

You could have just
joined theater at any point
and talked to her.

Yeah, like that was gonna
make me seem less gay.

Might as well walk around
with a dick in my mouth like...

..."To be or not to be."

What am I supposed to say, like,
"Hey, Sasha, I used to think

dick was yummy, yummy,
but now that I know your pussy's
on the menu..."

Your sexuality is
literally allowed to change.

-You know that, right?
-Not at this school.

Davis fucked that for all of us.

-What does that mean?
-Last year, remember he lied
about being gay

-till he got really close
to one of Sasha's girls?
-Play the game, Davis!

And at the end
of the year sleepover,
he fucked Jude Lee.

That's why they hate him.

Hey, now, Forest,
you can't hit the gay kids.

I am gay, Doug.

Well, your sport's gay, okay?
There's a difference.

-Well, then why don't you just go talk to Sasha?
-Becky...

It's literally
the last week of school.
What do you have to lose?

-Right in the lip ring!
-She thinks I'm gay.

I can't go backwards.
We just talked about this.

She'll never believe
I'm instantly changing
my sexuality.

I promise you that the moment
you open your mouth,

she will realize
that you are heterosexual.

Well, you want me to lose.
So that's homophobic, isn't it?

-Fuck off, Davis!
-Gladly!

Hey, this might be
inappropriate, but you guys know

where I can get some molly
around here?

Fuck! Fuck, Jacob!

Jacob, God damn it!

What did I say
about them homosexuals?

See, even when I try
to talk to girls,

I'm taking balls to the face.

-This is why I think we can't
live together next year.
-What?

If people think we're gay now,

imagine when we're living
in the same room.

-God,
we're gonna be in bunk beds.
-Alex, shut up.

When did this become
about college?

You don't understand.
If I don't start hitting pussy

on my dad's timeline,
my future is fucked.

Do you really wanna work
at your dad's
construction company?

No. I'm gonna own
my dad's construction company.

Apparently, virgins can't
own construction companies.

-Well, I mean, he's not wrong.
-Okay, whatever.

Alex, are you...
Are you being for real right now?

I love you.

You're my best friend.

And I know there's a world
where I'm getting hot girls

and you're in my life.

You just need to change
who you are
on a fundamental level.

-Alex!
-Wait, what?

You just need to change
who you are
on a fundamental level.

-Hey.
-I'm coming, Dad!

Wait, Alex, that's not
how you end a conversation.

-Can I help you, sir?
-Yeah.

-Let me see an ID.
-Well, what size?

Hey, Mom.

The color, material?

Would it be, like, a big problem

if I was gay?

I'm sorry.

Are we doing coming out?
Is that what's happening?

No, but...
I don't really--

No, no, it's just like,
if everyone else thinks
that I'm gay,

then am I not, like,
clocking something or...

Do you feel gay?

-Mom, stop. Stop.
-I mean-- No, I mean, I'm--

Sorry. Obviously no.

Is it--

Wait, is this about Alex?

Fuck, no.
I mean, even if I was gay,
it would not be for him.

I don't know,
he's kind of handsome.

Mom, first of all, ew.

But... No.

Look, Ethan, I think
you are an exceptional guy,

and how other people see you,
that's not who you are.

You decide who you are.

The homosexual,
it is true, at times,

does adopt the clothing
or the makeup of a woman

to lure members of his own sex,

but this is not so
for the transves--

-Hey.
-What? What?

Well-- Nothing.
I just, I, I wanna
stay friends still.

Can we do this later?
It's-- I'm trying to get
fucking ripped right now.

I, I just...
I was thinking last night, okay?

And, and the only way
that I could think of

to make you seem not super-gay
is if I was a girl, but--

-Dude, what are you
talking about?
-Well, think about it.

If everyone thinks
we're dating, right?

And I was just suddenly a girl,

then that would technically
make you straight.

But I would still be
fucking you.
Would you be fucking a butt?

Well, you would heterosexually
be fucking a butt.

That's not the problem.
The problem is that--

-You would be trans.
-Exactly.
And that's not something

I can just, like, lie about.

Well, maybe
we can lie about it.

Wh-- What-- No, I, I was
just saying that I can't, Alex.

-That's, like, really fucked up.
-No, no, no, no, no. Not you.

Both of us.
We both pretend to be trans.

Think about it. This will fix
all of our problems.

We're basically already
pretending to be gay,
so why don't we just, like,

level up and take it
one step further?
You're a genius.

-I can't tell if you're
being serious right now.
-No.

-You're a genius.
This is your best idea yet.
-Are you being serious?

-No. No. No.
-Come on.

-No, no, no, Alex.
-You're a genius. I love it.

Ethan, I just got...

Alex! Alex, stop!

This is a bad idea.

Alex!

Hey! hey!

Stop!

Would you relax?

It's gonna be fine.
Think about it.

They can't do shit to us
without being transphobic.

This plan is bulletproof, okay?

This is a direct path
to Sasha's heart.
Pussy.

Um, and her tits,
which are the pussies
of the chest. Put that on.

-Just put that on.
-Alex!

Ethan! Fuck,
you need a new name.

I don't think you can be
a girl named Ethan.

Blake Lively's name is Blake.

Yeah, but Ryan Reynolds
isn't going,

"Yeah, Blake,
that pussy is mine, Blake."

Well, what,
do you think he's going,
"Yeah, Blake Lively,

-that pussy is mine,
Blake Lively"?
-I don't know.

If I was fucking her, I think
I would call her Blake Lively.

I don't care! Alex, my mom
cannot find out about what--

whatever this is.
She was literally transphobic
last night to my face.

Okay, whose parents aren't
fucking transphobic? It's fine.

We'll just tell all the girls
my parents are Catholic,

and if they find out,
my dad will fucking crucify us

like girl dick's in the wind.

No. No, no, no, I'm sorry. Bye!

Don't leave--

Fuck.

-They're coming. They're coming.
-What? Who?

-The girls.
-All of them?

-Yeah!
-Fuck!

-What did you think
would happen?
-I don't know.

In my head, it was just Sasha.

-Why?
-She's all I think about.

-Fuck.
-No. Come here.

I don't want the girls
to see me change.
I don't want them to know

-I have a tiny dick.
-Then what was your plan here?

Because that seems
obviously bulging
to all of this!

You know
I'm still growing.

-Three inches out of both hands.
-My God!

Sit down!

-Wait. Ladies first.
-I hate you.

- I was talking about myself!
Please, y'all, help me.

Whoa.

Girl, what the fuck?

My God. How many tampons
did you lose up there?

At least two maybe?

-Forest, no, wash your hands, please.
--No,

vaginas are self-cleaning.
I can just reach up in there.

No, you can't.
That's how yeast infections happen.

You should know this.

Where are y'all going?

We're sanitizing our hands,
Victoria.

We don't wanna reach
inside of you
with shit on our fingers.

Okay.

Well, guys, y'all,
everyone just stop, okay?

Just let Sasha and Forest do it.

I feel like there's
too many cooks in my,
my kitchen.

I don't wanna get,
like, toxic shock, y'all.

-Hurry.
-My God. Babe.

I think you're really gonna have
to reach up inside me.

I need to dry my hands.

Just grab a towel
from the shower.

Hello. Hello, women.

-Those whores?
-Those whores

are starting rumors about us.

This is so exciting for me.

Welcome. Come on, come on.
Don't be shy.

Um, sorry,
what are your names?

I'm Alex, this is Ethan.

-Okay, Alexa and Ethana.
-Just Alex is good.

Shh. Don't interrupt me.

So, here's the deal.

Being a woman isn't
all fun and games

and shaking ass and self-care.

Especially if you're trans.

Okay? So if you're gonna
do this correctly,

you need to pass
like real girls.

Like this situation going on,
I...

I don't wanna be a bitch,
um, but you're built like
a cardboard box,

and this little mermaid getup
is not doing you any favors.

-I can take it off.
-Ooh. No.

Honestly, you should
probably wear a hoodie.

Forest is probably your size.
You could borrow from them.

Sup, player?

Not much, bro.

Come on. Okay? The weird girls
are the last venture of pussy

-we gotta hit for graduation.
-And that shit might be crazy.

-It might have dyed hair.
-I don't know, dude.

My sister says
they peg guys like me.

So you're a transgender woman?

Yeah. Both of us gals.

-You're doing much better
than her.
-Who?

Alexa.

Don't tell her I said that.

Okay.

Okay, so, what kind
of makeup look do you want?

Respectfully, I don't think
I'm much of a makeup girl.

Every girl's a makeup girl.
Girls wear makeup
and hate their legs,

and boys wear baseball hats
and don't wash their ass.

-That's how it works.
-Okay.

Fuck off, Jacob!

Look at these fagots.

Fantastic news!
We have a gender reveal!

Fuck!

So, what are your new names?

Just Ethan is fine.

-Okay.
-I'm actually keeping Alex too.

It's pretty gender fluid anyway.

You want some
of my gender fluid?

-He talking about pussy.
-Jacob!

And what are your pronouns?

Well, we'll make
an intercom announcement

so no one messes up.

She/her, he/him,

they/them, it/it--

Whoa, what are you doing?
You can't be in here!

You can't be in here. Come on,
I need to finish your makeup.

No, thank you.

If you don't let me do this,
it's like you're
taking something from me,

and that's not
very "girls supporting girls."

-
-Do you pee sitting down
or standing up?

I, I don't think you're allowed to ask that.
Really.

-What's that?
-Those are for the boys.

They wear them every show
to hold their mic packs.

We're not staying here.
The stage is for us to steal
and the costume room.

Ta-da!

-Wow.
-Did you pick that out yourself?

No. Alex just kind
of threw it at me, so...

I want you to try something on.

Take that bra off.

Ethan?

Sasha?

Hello?

-Jesus!
-Sorry.

I didn't think anyone was
in here.

Dude, is that a potato gun?

Yeah. Miss Beacher's having me
build it for graduation.

She wants confetti to,
like, go everywhere, and--

-Dude, how do you
get this to shoot?
-Bro.

-Duh.
-Please.

Safety first.
Okay. Gee, I'm sorry.

I'm so excited. I haven't seen
one of these in ages.

I, I tried to build one
when I was a kid,

but I always had, like,
that, you know, like,
turn valve thing,

and then every time I shot it,
it would go...

Yeah. Okay.

Well, you know, the secret to it
is an electric shut-off valve.

-Dude!
-For sprinklers.

Yeah, so I just wired that
to the button so it auto opens.

Dude, how do you know
how to do electrical?

Well, I have to make
the lights work for the shows.

That's, that's so sick.
I've always wanted to know
how to do this kind of stuff,

I-- My dad has, like,
a construction thing,

-but he won't teach me 'cause, like...
-I'm too short

and I don't have a girlfriend
and my dick's small.

It's fine, though.
I'm a man. He's a bitch.

-Whatever.
-You're a man?

-I thought you were a girl now?
-Yeah. That's--

Fuck. He is not gonna--

That's gonna be a tough one.

-Want me to show you
how I did it?
-For real?

-For real
-Dude.

-Did you make this yourself?
-Yes.

Sit, please.

My, top pick schools
didn't really see my talent,

so, I'm just gonna do
the costume program
at the City College

until I make, make enough money
to move to New York.

And then, I'm going to corner
a director and sing at them

and be cast
in Wickedimmediately.

- That was kinda good.
That was kinda good.

Okay.

-My God.
-What?

Your eyes are stunning.

I, I don't know why you hide
under all this hair.

Um--

-Close your eyes.
-Okay.

-This will all be over soon.
-No, no, it's, it's fine.

- Question for you.
? Yeah?

-Are you really trans?
-Are you not supposed
to ask that?

-Please.
I'm part of this gay shit.
-Okay, well,

if you're, like,
non-binary or whatever,

why are you always hanging out
with the girls?

Because you've seen
how the guys act.

Yeah, but not all boys
are like Jacob, you know?

No, actually,
I thought Ethan was pretty cool,

but turns out she's not a boy.

-Okay, well, what about me?
-You're cooler than I thought,

but, once again, not a boy.

Okay, well, now that I'm a girl,
can you, like, start inviting me
to girl shit?

What is this girl shit
you're imagining, bro?

We're not just, like,
sitting around fingering
each other all the time.

You should be.
But, like, don't you just,
like, hang out too?

Adjustable wrench.

-No, bro,
this is a socket wrench.
-I'm sorry.

Okay?

Hey.

How about you go grab
the fake fruit

-and then you can shoot this
when I finish up?
-For real?

-For real.
-Fuck, okay.

Shit, sorry. Okay. Got it.

It's under the football pads in,
baseball bats.

We did Damn Yankees.

You know baseball players
don't wear, like,

football pads, right?

Actors don't know that.

Sasha's actually having
a grad party tonight.

-You can come if you want.
-Yes! Yes!

Don't get too excited, though.
I'm only inviting you
'cause I want Ethan there.

Totally. Yeah. I'll, um, I'll,
I gotta check our schedules.

Busy night and everything,
but, um,

- we'll probably swing by.
No problem.

That, it, it feels like
that's maybe a little much.

Being a pretty girl
is always too much.

That's why it makes men so mad.

Thank God I'm not pretty,
so the men will love me.

Bitch, shut the fuck up.
Yes, you are.

All women are beautiful.
Even the ran through ones.

No, I just, um,
I meant that I'm not like a,

-like a girl-girl.
-That's transphobic.

Okay.

Take a look.

See?
I'm actually a genius.

Shit, um, I have to go to P.E.

- Here, let me help you
out of this.
. Okay.

-What's up? What's that face?
-Nothing.

You're looking
at me, like, ""

Not looking at you like, ""

I'm not thinking about you,
I'm thinking about me.

Hey, Mom.

-Do you think I look like you?
-See, I knew it.

-You are embarrassed of me.
-I'm not embarrassed, I just--

What? Are you asking,
"Are you gonna be ugly like me?"

Mom, you're literally not ugly.

Whatever.
I'm not complaining, I just,

I'm just reassuring you that,
no, you are not gonna grow up
to look like me

and you're not gonna grow up
to be like me either. Thank God.

I don't know,
I think you're doing just fine.

I mean, yeah, I think
I did pretty good with you.

You got your dad's good looks,
and you're a good person.

You get it.
You see me, you see women,

you get how shitty
and awful it is.

You're gonna be
one of the good guys.
I mean, thank God.

-I need to have a good man
around the house, okay?
-Yes.

And I'll make dinner,
and then, I don't know,
maybe we could watch something.

We could watch that stupid show
with the weird guys

-that make
the weird things and--
-Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

I will.

-I'm sorry.
-Don't be.

Yeah.

-Damn, your mom used to be hot?
-God, you scared
the shit out of me.

What, what are you doing
in my mom's room?

I have incredible news.

Okay, tell me over dinner.
My mom's cooking.

-Come on.
-No. No, no, no, no,
we don't have time.

-Also, don't tell her
what we're doing.
-What, what are we doing?

Okay, what do you think
of a pussy eating
a human centipede?

A pussypede, if you will.

-I think pink eye.
-Eye drops. Good call.

-What?
What are you talking about?
-Sasha's having a party tonight.

And guess who got us invited?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You are not skipping this
to go hang with your mom.

No, no, I, I, I just, I,
she's already cooking

and I promised her
that we'd watch her show.

So, you know,
but you, you can go.

That is some
Norman Bates-ass shit. Dude,
we're leaving for college soon.

You gotta separate
from this woman sometimes.

I-- I know, I know,
I j-- but I just,

I think she's
in a weird place and, like,

maybe she, like,
needs someone tonight.

Okay, well,
that someone could be a date.

We have a party to go to.
And honestly,

if she needs dick that bad,
I got a little time.

God, just-- Stop. Time out.

-Help me, help me take out
the garbage. Come on.
-All right.

Bro. How big do you think
your mom's tits are?

-I hate this bit. Stop.
-No, respectfully, respectfully.

I'm just wondering
if I can wear her lingerie
to the party tonight

'cause I'm trying to look sexy.

-Alex, can we just not go?
-What? No, no, no,
we have to go!

Please? Dude, for me. For me.

Okay? I just need to go
to this party tonight
so I can talk to Sasha,

and I can show her how awesome
and straight I am, and she'll
obviously fall in love with me,

and then next year, everybody
in college is gonna think that

I'm the guy
with the hot girlfriend,

and you can still
be my roommate. Okay?

And nobody will think that
I'm gay, literally ever again.

It's perfect. And you get to be
the wingman of the century.

Well, wingwoman, technically.

Come on. Just put on a dress
for a couple hours.

Nobody's gonna even know.
It's gonna be fun I think. Okay?

And then, as soon
as I'm making out with Sasha,
you can come home

and watch your stupid show
with your sexy mom.

-I guess, I--
-Yes! That's a yes.
That's a yes!

Fuck, we need clothes.

-Did you invite Victoria?
-Regretfully.

Bro, I hate that bitch!
She just fucking--

I swear, she just,
like, showed up one day.

Like, she just,
like, spawned in.

Do you think Alex
and Ethan are for real?

Ethan's definitely a girl.

You should see
how much she hates herself.

Why?

I don't know,
like, the whole Davis thing.

Yeah.
I really thought he was gay.

When we did
Romeo and Juliettogether,

he was totally staring
at Tristan's dick brand.

-Give me that.
-Right.

Yo, it's freaky in here.

-Would you calm down?
Nobody's in here.
-What about her?

I'll kill her. Come on.

Oof. Somebody died,
and it's our lucky day.

What kind of girl
do you wanna be?
You could be a country girl.

You could be a cabaret star.

Ethel, Bertha,
any of these old bags?

Canadian tuxedo.

Well, it's kind
of slutty, don't you think?

Yeah, but what girl
doesn't wanna be a slut?

I look like my aunt that makes
cheap jewelry in Tucson.

And you look like
you'd wear it.

I look like
I'd fucking break up a marriage.

-Why the socks?
-I don't wanna be an A-cup.

That's the worst thing
you could be..

Fuck, I'm lopsided.

-Does that happen to girls?
-I don't know.

Okay. Let me just--

Va-va-voom.

Alex.

Alex, I don't, I don't think--

I know my husband paid
for your abortion.

-We were sisters!
-You want a wig?

What are you?
Like, gay Easter bunny?

-What are you doing?
-I'm being sexy.

If I'm gay Easter bunny,

you're fucking marching-band
Elton John.

Elton John's kinda cool.

Help! My baby!

It has a full head of hair.

More looks!

-Whoa! My God!
-More looks!

Fuck. Are you okay?

-Yeah.
-Then more looks!

Can you see my balls?

Mama, I don't wanna go West.

You'll be shitting dysentery
if I have anything
to say about it.

-We're both going West!
-But, Mama--

That's not the sound
that unicorns make.

Okay, well, what,
do they make, like...

Am I tucked in?
Is that the... phrase?

What?

You look good.
You know I like them,

you know, kind of freaky
and mentally disturbed.

-Do they feel real?
-Should, should I?

I mean, have you ever felt
a boob before?

No, Alex, and neither have you.

-Like this?
-Bro, you gotta have it in you.

I don't know.

Forward, side, forward, side.

Come on.

Now throw your ass into it.

What do you say when you're
trying to, like, objectify
a woman's mental health?

Nothing. You don't say anything.

Sorry I love all women.

Shit, I look good.

I look like I'm about to coach
a girls basketball team

to a state championship.

Rebound, ladies!

Actually, you know what?

I look like Dolly.

Dude, come on!

Hey, I knew it was
you two bitches in there.

Motherfuck!

Ooh, Davis! What the fuck
are you doing here?

I don't know,
getting my pussy waxed.
What are you girls doing here?

We're going to Sasha's,
running from Jacob.

-You wanna drive us?
-Please.

-Fine.
-Yes! Shotgun!

Be careful.

-My God.
-Sorry.

Josh, you're not listening
to me. No. No, no, no. No.
Listen to me.

This party,
there's no boys here, okay?

There's trans girls here
and there's girls.

You come here,
I'm gonna fucking spit on you.

I'm gonna spit on you,
and I'm gonna smack you.

And not in the way
that you like, you dirty bitch.
Okay?

I won't touch your dick
for, like, so fucking long
if you show up,

I'm not even fucking
kidding you.

Ethan is all looking very hot,

and Alex is a...
completely different story.

-I love myself.
-That's totally valid.

It's just you can maybe
love yourself in a more
aesthetically pleasing way.

Whatever. Leather's
for the gays, isn't it?

- My God
-What, I'm learning, okay?
It's my community now.

I'm diving in.

Just shut up, please.

I mean...
you're definitely not
a leather queer.

- What do you know?
You're straight anyway.
-My God. No, I'm not!

-Yeah, well,
what about that girl?
-Jude Lee?

He's trans.

-What?
-Yeah, all right? He came out
a month into college.

He just didn't wanna
tell the girls,
so I kept his secret.

-You, you let the girls hate you
just to keep his secret?
-Yeah.

I mean, they're only allies
when it's convenient for them.

I'm not gonna surround myself
or be friends with people

that are constantly questioning
my sexuality.

- Yeah.
-Anyway, um...
be careful tonight,

stick together,
do not trust anyone
except each other.

-You got it?
-Got it.

Now, get out of my car,
because I have to go black out

-with my dads
and watch Funny Girl.
-Okay.

Alex, please be careful
with those big fucking feet.

-I'm trying-- I'm stuck...
-Let it ge--

-You gotta twist.
-...on the fringe. I'm stuck

-on the fringe.
-No, I know.

-Alex. Alex. Alex,
can you stop for a second?
-What?

-Let's go. Come on.
-I-- Look, just pause.

Can we, can we, can we do
a serious really fast?

I don't wanna do
a serious, okay?
They're seriously hot girls--

But, but I ne--
I need to do a serious.

Okay. I'm sorry.
Fuck your serious.

-I seriously need
to get this dick sucked.
-Well--

Welcome to womanhood, sluts.

And now,
the five merry mistresses

of the Ryder High Barebacks
in...

My-- Fuck.

-Is this straight vodka?
-Baby bitches
don't need chasers,

and I'm literally 18.

-Pussy!
-Pussy.

Pussy.

You need to learn
how to swallow.

-That's literally a female
coming of age experience.
-Bro, shut up.

-Not all of us suck dick.
-She's trans.

That doesn't automatically mean
that she sucks dick.

I actually
fuck women all the time, so--

You're trans-lesbian?
That's literally so special.

Wait. Y'all too never--

- No! That's never been true.
Okay?

-Come on.
We've all experimented.
-Really?

-No.
-I literally kissed you.

Yeah, and then you immediately
pulled back, said "Yuck,"

and set my whole
coming out experience,
like, at least a year back.

-Don't be a salty bitch.
-This is boring.

I wanna see y'all kiss.
Seven minutes in heaven.

No.

-Come on, come on, come on.
--Leave 'em be.

Leave 'em be.

-So...
-I'm not going to kiss you.

Okay, that's not what
the "so" was about.

What are you so smiley about?

Don't worry about it.
It doesn't have to do with you.

It doesn't have
to do with me?

Because last I checked,
we were stuck

-in somebody's
fucking truck together.
-Okay, well,

-it's not about you.
-What is it?

It--

I...

...think I might be trans.

-Yeah, you are. So am I.
-My God.

-Are you keeping up
with the plan?
-No, in, in, in real life.

What?

Back at the theater with Sasha,
she put this dress on me,

and once I had it on, you know,
something, like, kinda clicked.

And that, that was the thing,
the, the thing that I was trying

to tell you earlier,
that was the serious. So...

Are you fucking kidding me?

-You got fucking changed
in front of Sasha?
-What? What? No. What?

-Was she naked too?
-No. My God, Alex.

-My number one crush! Fuck.
-I-- Can-- Can I-- Alex!

-Does Sasha think about me
at all?
-Can I please get

-a reaction to this?
-To what? I'm heartbroken.

-To-- T-- Trans.
-Sorry, what does this have
to do with me?

My God,
it has nothing to do with you.
This isn't a you thing.

That's what I was trying to say.
It, it--

Are you still going
to be my friend?

-Bitch!
-Alex!

Sorry. Is that misogynistic
of me to say no?

-I probably shouldn't hit you--
-What? Just stop.

Tell me what's going
through your head right now.

I mean, honestly?

This makes
so much sense.

Every crush you've ever had
is a lesbian.

Facts.

-Okay, well, I--
-Facts.

Honestly, I used
to think it was like,

kind of like, like,
kind of look like dudes,

but this math actually makes
a lot more sense.

Hold on, hold on.
I have not, I have not

exclusively been attracted
to lesbians.

Do I need
to pull out the records? Okay.

Middle school, that girl
with the imaginary horse
she used to ride

- around the lunchroom?
What was her name?

-You know,
with the basketball shorts?
-Okay.

Well, basketball shorts aren't--
They don't,

don't directly mean lesbian.

Okay, well,
she's dating Claudia Parker now.

-Okay, fine. That's one.
-You also had a crush
on Claudia Parker.

That's two. Boom.

-Devastating for you
that they're dating now?
-It's fine.

-I'm just-- Sorry.
Don't shoot the messenger.
-It's fine!

What about Forest?

- Forest is gay.
Forest is hot.
-I--

Um, I mean,
Forest is kinda scary.

No, dude, Forest is actually
really cool. We're like...

-...homies now. Like, for real.
-I don't think you're hom--

Who do you think invited me
to this party? I can get you
in those non-binary pants.

Stop.

Stop. Gross, gross.

Look, I'm, I'm...

...I'm kind of having
a good time

for, like, the first time
in my life, so...

...could we just,
like, enjoy tonight?

Dude, yes! That's what
I'm fucking talking about!

-That hurt.
-Sorry. Okay.

That's the energy I like,
though.

-Yo, what's up?
-Hey, girl.

-Um, do you,
you come here a lot?
-This is my house.

Right.

Hi.

Can I, um--

Yes, you can sit down.

-Thanks for inviting us.
-Um, yeah,

I think we all just needed
some girl time.

Totally. I'm always looking
for girl time.

You should get that fixed.

Forest.

-So--
-So how did you know
that you weren't a girl?

Whoa. That's a crazy thing

-to come right out with.
-Yeah, I know. I'm--

I'm sorry. I,
I'll, I'll leave.

No. Hey. It's fine.

Just ask me in a different way.

Okay.

Um, how did you...

How did you know
that you weren't cis?

How do you?

So, I thought you were always
supposed to have known

and, like, wanted
to kill yourself and stuff?

Yeah, I, I guess, um,

I just sort of woke up one day
and was like,

"Fuck, Barbies are tight."

-Okay, I get it.
-Yeah.

-Word. Yeah, totally.
-Crossed off. Yeah.

I mean, my childhood was,
like, super traumatizing too.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, I was Annie and Annie.

- Fuck. Did you--
-So, lot of pressure.

-Yeah.
-Right?

Sasha put me in a dress,

and, and she did my makeup.

And, um, um,
something kind of...

...happened.

Okay. What happened?

Um...

...I guess...

...I saw myself getting older...

...and that's never happened
to me before.

I guess I've never really,
like, thought about the future.

I don't know, I just,
I realized, "

I can maybe... live like this."

-I don't know, I just, I--
-Welcome to the club.

It's actually pretty cool.
It's mostly awesome.

It's fun.

Actually,
it's not really that fun.

-There's fun parts of it.
-Cool.

You're so weird.

Caught me.

My God.

Stop. Okay.

Um... Well,
can you tell me about it?

Because I'm, I'm,
like, I'm new to this.

Yeah. I don't know if we're,
like, the same brand of this.

Like--

Totally. Yeah.

Um, I mean...

...we're both...

...um, maybe gay?

What?

I, I, I just, I,
you know, I said "gay."

Or... lesbian?

So, like, you made that?
You're, like,
multi-talented or whatever?

I mean, I wouldn't say that.

-More like multi-hyphenate.
-For sure.

-Or visionary.
-Yeah.

"Visionary." That suits you.

Thanks. I invented
the duct tape wallet.

So when you're thinking
about this future of yours,

what are you excited about?

What? I guess maybe
I have, like,

one thing
that I think about it, but--

Okay. Tell me.

-Well, it's kind of vague.
-Okay, tell me.

Okay. Um, um,

I think about holding hands.

- Platonically.
No, platonically.

Like, I, I, I mean, like
holding hands with other girls.

Um, 'cause, you know, like,

- like, girls can do that.
They can...-

...you know, be close
with each other and have fun

-and be hot and--
-Okay. So you're trying
to be hot.

No, no.

-I'm messing with you.
-So what's the list?

You can, like,
you can, like, make stuff,

you can, you can sing,
you can act.

-But, but...
-You, you can dance.

-...what do you think?
-I don't know,

I don't see you
doing much right now..

-I'm gonna finish this.
-Then finish it.

-Okay, I'll-- I got you.
-Yeah. Drink up.

- Come on, lightweight.
. Fuck you.

I don't know. I mean,
I, I just like the idea of,

you know, how girls
can be soft together and...-

...and, you know,
kind of have fun

and, and dance around,
and, and...

So you wanna dance.

You wanna dance.

-Right now?
-Yeah, let's dance.

Come on.

-What is this, a dance battle?
-I don't know.

Are you dance battling me now?

- You tell me.
-You want none of this.
You want none of this.

-Can't get me.
-What?

-Okay.
-Yeah,
you can put your hands there.

Yeah, that's what the girl does.

Okay. Copy.

Yeah. Sorry. Heard. Um--

-I-- I'm, I'm new to this.
-Yeah. I'm aware.

My God, this would be so hot
if I could be into you.

Okay, but how do you know
if someone is interested?

What?

You said you wanted
to dance platonically.

How can you know
if it's not platonic?

My God.
Do you wanna kiss me?

Yes. You can.

My God, I promise
I'm not into girls.

Well, that's good,
'cause I'm not a girl.

-What?
-Yeah, I, I'm a boy.

This whole,
this whole trans thing
is, like, totally a joke.

Are you being serious?

Um, yeah, yeah,
but nothing bad. I promise.
It was not in a bad--

I mean, Ethan just did it
because I have a huge crush
on you.

-We just wanted
to come hang out--
-You were making all of this up?

Well, no, not my,
not my feelings about you.
I mean, I,

I'm not just some guy who's
like, "I wanna fuck you."

Like, I, I, I think
you're really cool. I--

-Get the fuck out of my house.
-You made a duct tape wallet.

-No, Sasha,
you don't understand.
-Forest!

-They were lying. He, Ethan...
-No.

- ...is lying about being trans.
My God.
-That's not true. No.

-Not Ethan. It's just me.
-Get the fuck
out of my house!

-Now!
-Ethan.

What?

Did you not hear me?

Leave. Now!

-O-- O-- Okay.
-Ethan. Ethan.

Ethan.

What possibly made you tell her?

I didn't mean to, okay?
It just slipped out. I was,

I was trying to tell her
that you were telling the truth.

-But why?
-She said she wasn't into girls

and I wanted her
to know I was straight and I...

I just said the thing.
But I didn't mean to.

I didn't mean to.
I promise, Ethan, I promise.
It was an accident.

Please go away.

No.

I'm sorry. Ethan!

Fuck.

-Hi, Mom.
-Ethan?

I've had a, a really
horrible night.

So, um...

...can I, can I just have
a hug maybe?

Well, I-- No, I'd,
I'd like to...

I'd like to know what
I'm looking at, if that's okay.

Okay. Um...

-Mom--
-You know what?

Let's not. I don't wanna fight
about this tonight.

-It doesn't have to be a fight.
-Good night.

No.

Ethan?

Fuck.

-Ethan.
-You should go first.

-You go first. You're scarier.
-Got you.

Well, hello there, Mr. Alex.

Jacob.

-Sup, dude?
-Guys.

What? Don't act like
I'm so scary.

-I'm not a scary guy.
-I mean, you did steal

-Miss Beacher's cat last year.
-Hey, she had it coming, man.

Well, you shouldn't be scared
of me.

You're a legend.
We heard about what you did.

-Pretending to be trannies to get into the girls lockers?
-Bro.

That's insane. Like,
that's actually crazy, dude.

I don't think I would
have ever had the balls
to do some shit like that.

Yeah, well, you know.

You're gonna go down
in boy history for this shit,
dude.

Everyone is gonna remember
your name.

You might be even
more memorable than me, bro,
and I'm the fucking quarterback.

Well, I don't know
about all that.

Well, nah, I mean,
you won't, but you'll be big.

Do you know what a theater is?

Ethan.

-Guys, the stuff's actually over here.
--Bro, we're not actually

getting the graduation stuff.
Are you fucking kidding me?

Guys.

Guys, I don't think
we should be in here.

Bro, come on. We're joining you.

-Joining me?
-With the tranny thing?

We all wanna get
into that locker room.
Just none of us

really thought
this was possible,
but you proved us wrong.

You guys definitely
don't wanna go in there.

-We definitely do.
--Bro, you gotta do this one.

-This dress says "I fuck."
-Bro, shut the fuck up!

Let me pick my own shit!

Fuck.

Fuck. Jesus. Fuck!

-Davis! God.
-What the fuck do you want?

-Okay, listen--
-Do not come near me.

-I heard what you did.
--You did the same thing.

I didn't, and I told you
that I didn't, okay?

-Like, what is wrong with you?
-Okay, whatever.

Listen, Jacob
and the other boys,

they're getting in dresses,
and they're going
in the girls' locker room.

I wonder where they got
that bright idea.

Okay, well, it's a lot scarier
when they do it.

My God,
can you straight guys just,

-like, harass women as men, or--
-That's not--

That's not
what I was tr--

I was just trying to get
everybody understand

that me and Ethan
are not gay. Okay?

No offense, but it turns out
that she's actually a girl.

-What?
-Ethan.

She's, she's trans.

-Like, deadass.
-Shit.

Yeah, she told me
the other night
before everything got fucked,

and now I've been
looking for her
and I can't find her anywhere,

and I wanna go
to her house, but--

Can you help me?

-Why would I help you?
-Because, I don't know,

-like, queer solidarity?
-Not for you.

I'm not gay. Ethan is.

I know that you're not.

You say it all the time, Alex.

Please!

For Ethan.

Okay. How can I help you?

I need Dick Gobbler.

-Are you picking a song?
-Yes, I'm picking a song.

They didn't wait
to throw the first brick

at Stonewall until they got
the jukebox right.

You cannot talk about Stonewall,

'cause what the fuck
do you know about Stonewall?

-Well, I know that we need
to pick up the pace.
-Shh!

-Okay, see?
-See, the vibes are right.

-Let's go!
-

-My God.
-Bro, are you fucking

kidding me?

-That's a hate crime.
-Actually, this is a hate crime.

Well, saying this is
a hate crime is actually

-even more of a hate crime.
-Bro,

-so deep.
-Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Just get out.

I don't think so.

You know, I think we should all
take off our clothes.

I mean, that's what
the locker room is for, right?

-Right there, right there, right there.
-Okay, all right.

You knew you were taking me
to racism LA.

She's not racist. I'm Italian,
and I'm here all the time.

Okay.

Come on!

-Excu-- Are you out
of your fucking mind?
-Come on!

I know the kids are telling you
that you're gay, and maybe,

maybe they're saying
that you need to be a girl,

but I think
they're putting that on you.

And now you're doing this
because you're trying

-to explain
why you're different.
-That's not it,

-Mom.
-You are beautiful,
you're a handsome boy,

and I, I don't understand
why you wanna
throw that all away

-to be an ugly girl.
-Mom!

I'm, I'm not being mean.
I am just telling you the truth,

because you won't be pretty
and that makes life hard.

-You don't understand.
-I don't want your life!

-I don't wanna be like this.
-Sorry! Sorry!

So you don't want this?
You think I'm,

I'm trying to have this life,

I'm trying to get us
out of here, and I need you

to help me do that
because I don't have options,
Ethan,

and you don't either.

And if you do this,
if you just change everything,

if you, if you throw it away,
you're throwing away your future

and you're
throwing away mine too
and I don't understand

-how you can be so selfish.
-This isn't about me
being selfish.

It's not selfish for me
to want to be happy, Mom!

Happy? What,
you think you're gonna be happy?

Have you ever met
a happy transgender?

Ethan!

-What?
-Don't get mad at Ethan
about the dress

because it was my idea.

Because I'm actually gay.

This is my lover, Davis.

What? Um--

Yep. Very,
very much in love.

Okay? So Ethan doesn't deserve
any of your homophobia.

I do,
because I'm a real-life gay guy.

Alex, shut the fuck up!

-Guys, I know stage combat.
-Is that, like, real combat?

Yeah. Except no one gets hurt.

Not sure it's gonna be useful
in this situation.

Mom.

I, I wish I could be happy
in the body that you gave me.

I wish, I fucking wish that
I could do all of the things

that you think
I can do as a boy,

but I, I, I, I can't.

Every part of my body,
my, my brain, my, my lungs,

my, my fucking soul, every,

every part of me wants
to be understood

and, and thought of and seen
and held as a girl.

I want people
to see me that way.

I need it to live, Mom.

And I'm terrified.
I'm so scared.

I'm, I'm scared about how hard
it's going to be, but...

...the not doing it...

...it's so much harder, Mom.

It's so hard that it might
kill me.

I don't know if-- if you want
that kind of kid.

I wanna be your child.

I just can't be your son.

Sorry, I, I know
this isn't a good time,

but Jacob and all the boys
are trying to force their way

into the girls' locker room
in, in dresses.

-What?
-Yeah. So we k-- kind of need
to go if we're gonna stop them.

Um...

Okay. Okay.

-Okay, I have a plan.
-Grab the Damn Yankeesstuff.

-It's in the back.
-I think you need to stop
making plans.

-Okay, well, this one's better, bitch.
--Thank God,

'cause I don't know
if you could mess stuff up more.

-At least I'm doing something!
-Okay. I'm just gonna go

-get the stuff.
-Hey, you know I actually really
care about you, right? Hey.

-What? What do you want?
-Why are you still mad at me?

-Why do you think?
-I think you need to calm down

because I will fix
all this in a-- fuck--

-Like, so soon!
--You didn't fix anything, Alex.

You, you only started
more problems.

Okay, well,
what I started was your agenda,
which I actually think is

-a pretty two thumbs-up thing
to have done.
-You know my mom

won't talk to me anymore
because of you?

Who cares? We're going
to college.

-It doesn't matter.
-I care.

That's my mom.

She-- If I don't have her,
then I don't have anyone, Alex,

I don't have a family.

-That's not true.
I'm your family.
-No you're not.

You don't do the right thing,
Alex.

I know that you think
you're my friend, but...

...the only person
that you think about is you,

and I don't want people
in my life that are like that.

Well, what about next year?

I don't wanna live with you
next year.

I don't wanna be friends
with you anymore.

I think you were right,
and I think
we should be apart...

...for both of us.

I'm gonna go help Davis.

There's balls in here, bro.

Jacob, your biceps
are looking huge, man.

Thanks, bro.
I got this on my own.

You're looking absolutely cut.
The diet is for sure working.

You, you don't think I need
to work on my legs?

I feel like, I feel like
my legs are kind of mid.

No, man,
they look great.

-Like the definition here
looks insane.
-Shut up.

You sound like you're fucking.

-We are not fucking!
-You do sound like

-you're having sex out there.
-Someone find a crowbar
or something!

-Fuck off.
-It's Ethan.

-How is that different?
-My God.

She really is trans.
Stop being fucking assholes.

-Why would we trust you, Davis?
--Because Jude is a trans guy.

I'm still gay.

-Really?
-Yes!

You all need to get a lot better
about queer identity.

Now, please, let us the fuck in.

-Name yourself.
-Yo. It's Alex.

Sorry I ran, saw some hotties.
You know how it is.

I, I brought a crowbar.

It's locked.

I'm sorry.

You have nothing
to be sorry for. I--

I think I'm the one
that fucked up here.

I mean, I, I guess
straight culture is probably

the real problem, but--

I think Alex is
the real problem.

I think you're right.

Do you hate me?

No, I, I actua--
I actually really like you.

-Okay, so what are we gonna do?
-So Alex actually has a plan.

We have stuff here for you guys
to fight your way out,

and he's gonna give us a signal
when it's time to go.

-Okay. What's the signal?
-Sup?

Signal!

I guess that's it.

Get her!

-Are those from the play?
-Are those from the play?

I, I don't know.
Um, e-- everybody, grab some.

-What are you saying?
-Bring the gun!

Okay, okay!

Yeah, motherfuckers!

. Wow. Um--

Stage combat, bitch.

-Damn, you're gorgeous. What up?
-Hello. Can I help you
with something?

- No, what are you doing later?
Come on.

Yeah. You know, I'm not really
involved in this at all.

And I just will say,
also, loving the dresses.

You guys should try it out
more often.

You could have been
one of us, Alex!

I'll see titties somewhere else!

I'm sorry about everything
I said at the party.

It's, it's fine.
I mean, I mean, it's not fine.

It's, it's, it hurt like a bitch
when you said that, but...

...it'll be okay.

It was really all
Alex's fault anyway, so...

-How are you okay with him?
-Girl, I'm not.

- Bu--
-Would you,
like, get off of me?

This is where
I say something cool.

Okay, then say it.

-Um, thank you.
-

- You know, I don't believe
in labels, but, you know,

- we could see where things go.
I'm just saying, you know.

Boys rule. Girls drool.

-Tampons!
-

Fuck!

In light of recent events...

...we feel it is best
to get rid
of gendered bathrooms.

Apparently,
we can't trust any of you
with anything.

So, fuck it.
Use whatever bathroom you like.
Who cares?

Can you help me
with my makeup when you're done?

-No, I have to do my own.
-I know, bitch, that's why
I said when you're done.

My God,
why are you cursing at me?

This might not be, like,
a super good gender thing,

but do you know
how to tie a tie?

Yeah. Come here.

Are you and Alex still not good?

Um...
I haven't seen him since,

you know, the,
the big fight, so...

I'm sure he's just
in the other bathroom
getting ready.

-Yeah.
-Are you gonna leave
my collar up?

No. Sorry, sorry.

Hey.

Ethan?

-Um, no, it's, it's Alex.
-Jesus.

I know you, like...

...don't think that there's
any men in your life
now that Ethan's, like,

a girl or whatever, um,

and I know you're probably
like, "I lost all
the other men in my life,

-even though I know
how to suck dick," but--
-Jesus!

-I'm so-- I'm sorry.
-Alex.

But...

...I'm a man.

And I can step up, Mary.
I, I know I, like...

...have to go
to college and everything,

but I can, I can fix things
and I can take the trash out.

Whatever you need, okay?
So, don't...

...worry about Ethan,
'cause...

-...you got me, baby.
-Okay. Jesus.

Hon...

Alex, babe, look, I know,

I know we have our,
like, fun banter,

-but you are 30 years
younger than me.
-My God.

-Mary, not like that.
-I'm being a gentleman.

Okay, I guess what I came
to say is just like,

don't be mad at Ethan
for something she can't control.

I am not mad at her.

I'm--

I'm just...

I'm so scared, I don't--

Nobody wants to see
their kid get hurt, and I...

...I know how,

how hard and painful
this is gonna be for her,
and I just...

...I don't even,
I don't even know if I have

the strength to watch her
go through life with this...

...this burden on her.

Well, for what it's worth...

...I've known Ethan
almost as long as you have.

And the last couple hours

since I suggested
that we do this,

she's been
as happy as I've ever seen her.

Maybe happier.
And I've seen her pretty happy.
I'm... pretty funny.

I make her laugh a lot.

But... I don't know,
something's just...

...good for her
right now, you know?
And it's just cool to see...

...somebody you love
so happy and free.

I don't...

I don't even think
she wants to see me.

No, bro,
she definitely wants to see you..

I'm sorry.
Ma'am.

I think it just...

I think it would mean a lot
if you just came
and saw her graduate.

But I, I don't... I don't...

I don't even have anything
to wear. I didn't--

All my dresses are
just shit from high school.

Yeah, but I'm, I'm sure
you still fit in all those.

Yes, of course I fit into them.

I just--

They're, I mean--

I think they're
a little bit young for me now.

Respectfully...

...if your daughter's gonna wear
whatever dress
she fucking wants,

I think you should, too.

Okay? So find the hottest thing
in there,

put your makeup on,
put a smile on your face.

- We only graduate once.
Let's fucking do this, okay?

Okay. Go away. I'm not gonna
let you watch me change.

Okay. Gentleman, out.

Yeah.

Get in there and--

Um--

-Yeah.
-Sasha, let's go this way. Yeah.

Mom, you look really hot.

So do you.

I brought her.
I hope that's okay.

He offered to step in
and be man of the house.

No, actually,
what he said was,
"You got me, baby."

But not in a sexual way.

I'm a gentleman now.

I don't wanna fuck up
your makeup. Right?

So, um, I,
I should get a seat.

Um... Hey.

Hi.

I'm sorry...

...for everything.

And I, I, I do wanna fix things
and not be so selfish.

And... I'm really sorry that...

this all had to happen
this way, but...

...I'm really happy for you.

-Thank you.
-Of course.

You know, pussy makes
a guy crazy.

-My God.
-What can you do?

But, um...

...you'll always be my girl.

-And a sexy one at that!
-God.

Fellows! Ladies.

-Non-binaries?
-My God.

-Everybody! Sexy girl!
-Shut up.

I'm sorry, guys.
I, I'm sure it's too little,
too late, but I just--

I'm sorry for everything,
and Sasha especially,

I'm sorry, but,
um, I'm an ally now.

-Nice to see you as a boy.
-Really?

-Not like that.
-Right.

Wow. Moist.

-Are you sure
we're okay with him?
-He's trying,

and I think that's the best
we can ask right now.

-Hey, bro, do you wanna
help me fix this thing up?
-Yeah, totally. Yeah.

-You're literally drooling.
-No. I'm not.

If you and Forest
are gonna do long distance,

-you better not hurt them.
-But we're--
we're literally lesbians.

-Long distance
is different for us.
-So just because you're a girl

doesn't mean I'm above anything.

How are you gonna be
a bitch to me when I'm,
like, 3000 miles away?

I'm creative.

Crescent wrench.

Bro, I know shit now.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You know, no homo,
but I'm really gonna miss you.

It's been an honor
to stand beside you
these last 18 years, and...

...we've grown so much, but...

...I don't know how
I'm gonna do this without you.

Just cause you're not
in the urinal next to me does
not mean you're not in my heart.

-Okay?
-My God.

-I love you.
-I love you too.

See you on the other side.

Okay.

Yo, there's,
there's no soap in mine.

Davis fucked that
for all of us.

What do you mean?

Are you okay?

Fuck!

Sorry.

I looked right
at the lens again.

Hold on, hold on.

I would help you,

but I only know
how to take them off.

Sorry.

- Yeah.
Real women don't need shots.

- Rah-- Meow.
Okay, wait.

Every time I'd try to shoot,
it would go...

And--

Good fucking save, Jacob.

It's-- Well, there's,
there's blood on the dress,
though.

-What are your pronouns?
-Well, we can just

-borrow one of yours.
-Yeah.

I, I need these.

Every time we would shoot,
it would go...

But, Mama--

I got this, I got this.

It's kind of floppy.

-Like flaccid.
-We're gonna need a Viagra

on aisle two for this horn.

And then every time I shot it,
it would go...

So I thought it was always--
Blah.

Is that, like, real combat?

Yeah. But no one gets hurt.

Not seeing how that'll
be useful in this situation.

Not seeing how that'll
be useful in this situation.

Not seeing
how that'll be helpful.

I'm so sorry.

Fuck.

My God!

It's pretty good.

-It's a stick figure with tits.
-It's abstract.

I totally nailed her eyes.

Do you wanna know the truth
about this, First Lady?

My husband would have paid
for her abortion,
but she prefers it

-down the throat.
-What was that?

I'm so sorry.

What in the actual fuck?

...fucked Jude Lee.

That's why they hate him.

- If you're LGBT--
-Do you,
do you wanna start over?

I really liked
that level of chaos.

I'm not gonna lie.