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1
00:00:01,980 --> 00:00:07,020
Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back - Comedy 2001 English
2
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,200
Bobby boy, stay here while Mammy
picks up the free cheese, OK?
3
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,270
This'll keep the sun
out of your eyes.
4
00:00:47,310 --> 00:00:50,110
You be good, now.
5
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,990
All right, don't you fucking
move, you little shit machine.
6
00:00:58,030 --> 00:01:00,780
Momma's gonna try to score.
7
00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:05,910
What the hell?
8
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,910
Excuse me.
Who's watching these babies?
9
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,620
Uh, the fat one's watching
the little one.
10
00:01:10,630 --> 00:01:12,420
Oh, nice parenting.
11
00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:14,870
Leave them out here like that
and see what happens.
12
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,420
Yo, fuck you,
you fucking square!
13
00:01:17,430 --> 00:01:19,260
Aw, keep on truckin'.
14
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:20,460
Did you hear that fucking guy
15
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,880
telling me how
to fucking raise you?
16
00:01:21,890 --> 00:01:23,430
Mother-fucker, man.
17
00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:24,770
Who does he fucking think he is?
18
00:01:24,810 --> 00:01:26,090
What's the worst fucking thing
that could happen to you
19
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:27,900
standing in front
of a fucking store, right?
20
00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:29,270
Fuck!
21
00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:33,110
Fuck.
22
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:34,570
Fuck.
23
00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:37,110
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
24
00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:38,780
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
25
00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:40,740
Mother, mother-fuck,
mother, mother-fuck, fuck.
26
00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:42,700
Mother-fuck, mother-fuck,
noise, noise, noise
27
00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:44,950
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4
28
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,250
Noise, noise, noise.
29
00:01:46,290 --> 00:01:48,250
Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz.
30
00:01:48,290 --> 00:01:50,000
Doin' coke, drinkin' beers.
31
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,170
Drinkin' beers, beers, beers.
32
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,090
Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts.
33
00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:55,920
Who smokes the blunts,
we smoke the blunts.
34
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,090
Rollin' blunts and smokin'
35
00:01:58,130 --> 00:01:59,680
Uh, let me get a nickel bag.
36
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,880
Fifteen bucks, little man.
37
00:02:01,890 --> 00:02:04,140
Put that shit in my hand.
38
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:06,270
If that money doesn't show.
39
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:07,840
Then you owe me, owe me, owe.
40
00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:09,970
My jungle love, yeah.
41
00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:11,560
Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe
42
00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:14,440
I think I want
to know ta, know ta.
43
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:15,980
Yeah, what?
44
00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,190
What the hell are you singing?
45
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,650
You don't know "Jungle Love"?
46
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:20,490
That shit is the mad notes
47
00:02:20,530 --> 00:02:22,450
written by God herself
48
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,790
and handed down to the greatest
band in the world
49
00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:26,910
the mother-fucking Time!
50
00:02:26,950 --> 00:02:28,540
You mean the guys
in that Prince movie?
51
00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:29,790
Yeah, "Purple Rain".
52
00:02:29,830 --> 00:02:32,630
That shit was so gay
fucking eighties style.
53
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,210
Hey!
54
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:38,050
Don't never say an unkind word
about the Time.
55
00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:40,630
Me and Silent Bob modelled
our whole fucking lives
56
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,050
around Morris Day and Jerome.
57
00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:45,810
I'm a smooth pimp
who loves the pussy
58
00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:47,670
and Tubby here's
my black manservant.
59
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,050
What?
60
00:02:49,130 --> 00:02:50,250
What'd I tell you two
61
00:02:50,260 --> 00:02:51,660
about dealing
in front of the store?
62
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,220
Now drop the kid
and peddle your wares
63
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,020
some-place else, burn boy.
64
00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,850
And for the record,
the Time sucked ass.
65
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:03,140
Yo, you guys wanna hear
something fucked up
66
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,480
about him and that Quick Stop boy?
67
00:03:07,780 --> 00:03:09,700
Are you even supposed
to be here today?
68
00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:11,230
Don't get me started.
69
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,450
Hey, can't we do something
70
00:03:12,490 --> 00:03:13,990
about those two stoners
hanging around
71
00:03:14,030 --> 00:03:15,360
outside the store all the time?
72
00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:16,660
Why? What'd they do now?
73
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,280
I'm trying to watch
"Clash of the Titans"
74
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,670
and all I can hear is those two
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00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:21,830
screaming about Morris Day
at the top of their lungs.
76
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,920
I thought the fat one
didn't really talk that much.
77
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,670
What, am I producing
an A&E biography about them?
78
00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:28,880
Uh, two packs of wraps.
79
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,500
Yo, how was the service?
80
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,130
What service?
81
00:03:32,140 --> 00:03:34,350
The one at the Unitarian Church
last week
82
00:03:34,390 --> 00:03:36,470
where you two got married
to each other.
83
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,100
What the hell
are you talking about?
84
00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:39,680
Jay said you guys had
a "Star Wars" theme wedding
85
00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:41,900
and you tied the knot
dressed like Storm-troopers.
86
00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:44,520
And he says you're the bitch,
and you're the butch.
87
00:03:44,570 --> 00:03:46,110
I'm the bitch?
88
00:03:46,150 --> 00:03:48,030
Well, if we were gay,
that's the way I'd see it.
89
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:48,780
Will you shut up?
90
00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:50,020
Holy shit, dude.
91
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,530
The honeymoon's over.
92
00:03:51,570 --> 00:03:52,820
Oh, that does it.
93
00:03:52,870 --> 00:03:55,580
I am going to do something
about these two stoner fucks
94
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:57,290
I should have done
a long time ago.
95
00:03:57,330 --> 00:03:59,150
Whoa!
96
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,290
What the fuck, Serpico?
What'd we do?
97
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:02,670
We got a report of two guys
98
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,340
hanging around outside
a store selling pot.
99
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:07,120
We don't smoke pot, yo.
100
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:09,760
No pot, huh?
What do you use this for?
101
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,250
What? I have a wiping problem.
102
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:12,760
I stick those
little pieces of paper
103
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,130
up my brown eye and bam!
104
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,720
No shit stains in my undies.
105
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,480
What, you don't believe me?
Let me show you.
106
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,600
Check this shit out.
Spread my cheeks
107
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,940
so that he can see
the fucking stink nuggets.
108
00:04:21,980 --> 00:04:24,310
Pull up your fucking pants, sir
Now!
109
00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:27,640
Let's go. Let's go.
110
00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:29,030
We're going down to the station.
111
00:04:29,070 --> 00:04:31,700
What, is it a fucking
crime to fart? Mother-fucker!
112
00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:34,730
No fucking way.
113
00:04:34,740 --> 00:04:37,620
Dante and Randall slapped you
with a restraining order?
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00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:39,240
Ain't that about a bitch?
115
00:04:39,290 --> 00:04:41,170
So, are you going to abide
by the court's ruling
116
00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:43,370
or are you going to go
"Bandit", Reynolds style?
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00:04:43,420 --> 00:04:45,210
The judge said if we
go within a hundred feet
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of the stores,
we get thrown into County.
119
00:04:47,670 --> 00:04:49,580
You know what they
make you do in County?
120
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,120
Toss the salad.
121
00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:52,356
I guess if you guys
really wanted
122
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:53,656
to hang out in front
of a convenience store
123
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,040
you could just buy your own now,
124
00:04:55,050 --> 00:04:56,720
what with all that money
you guys made.
125
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,560
Hell, yeah, bitch.
126
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,260
Wait a sec. What money?
127
00:05:00,270 --> 00:05:02,850
The money from the "Blunt man
and Chronic" movie.
128
00:05:05,730 --> 00:05:09,390
Oh, my God. Don't tell me
you have no idea
129
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,650
there's a movie being made
130
00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:13,650
of the comic you two
were the basis for.
131
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,820
What? Since when?
132
00:05:15,860 --> 00:05:18,080
Here's the pulse, all right?
133
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,780
And this is your finger.
134
00:05:19,790 --> 00:05:22,530
Far from the pulse,
jammed straight up your ass.
135
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:27,380
Say, would you like
a chocolate-covered pretzel?
136
00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:30,830
You see, kids,
if you read "Wizard",
137
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,640
you'd know that it's
the top story this month.
138
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:33,910
Check it out.
139
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,980
When the fuck did this happen?
140
00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:40,310
Well, after "X-Men"
hit at the box office
141
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,810
all the studios
started buying up
142
00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:43,570
every comic property
they could get
143
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:44,940
their dirty little hands on.
144
00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:47,570
Mir amax optioned
"Blunt man and Chronic".
145
00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:49,940
Mir amax? I thought they only
made classy pictures
146
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:53,450
like "The Piano"
or "The Crying Game".
147
00:05:53,490 --> 00:05:54,766
Yeah, well, once they made
"She's All That",
148
00:05:54,790 --> 00:05:56,070
everything went to hell.
149
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,420
So you're saying you haven't
gotten a monetary cut
150
00:05:58,460 --> 00:05:59,580
of the movie?
151
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:01,120
Didn't Holden McNeil
and Banky Edwards
152
00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:03,300
used to pay you likeness
rights for the comic book?
153
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:05,840
We haven't seen a fucking dime
for no movie.
154
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,800
Well, boys, I'm no lawyer,
but I think Holden and Banky
155
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:11,510
owe you some of that
proverbial phat cash.
156
00:06:11,550 --> 00:06:14,180
If I was you guys,
I would find Holden McNeil
157
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:15,810
and ask for my movie check.
158
00:06:15,850 --> 00:06:19,090
Shit, yeah. We got to get paid.
159
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,520
And on that note,
we cue the music.
160
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,780
Well.
161
00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:41,919
Look at these morose
mother fuckers right here.
162
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:45,000
Smells like somebody
shit in their cereal.
163
00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:47,720
Bung! Ha ha ha!
164
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,630
That was good. Come on in.
165
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,840
So, what brings
you two dirt merchants
166
00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:53,550
to my neck of the woods?
167
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,930
I'll tell you what our necks
are doing in your woods.
168
00:06:55,970 --> 00:06:58,090
Where's our mother-fucking
movie check?
169
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,440
You heard about that, huh?
I got nothing to do with it.
170
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,010
That's Banky's deal.
He owns the property now.
171
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:03,510
I sold my half of the "Blunt man
and Chronic" rights
172
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:04,690
to him years ago.
173
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:07,209
Why the fuck would you
do a thing like that?
174
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:09,390
Why in God's name
would I wanna keep writing
175
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,070
about characters whose
central preoccupation
176
00:07:12,110 --> 00:07:14,400
is weed, and dick and fart jokes?
177
00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:16,990
I mean, you got to grow, man.
178
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,040
Don't you ever want
anything more for yourself?
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00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:22,120
I know this poor hapless
son of a bitch does.
180
00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:24,200
I look into his sorry doe eyes
181
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,630
and I just
I see a man crying out.
182
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,050
He's crying out, "When, Lord?"
183
00:07:28,090 --> 00:07:30,710
"When the fuck can your servant"
184
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,340
"ditch this foul-mouthed
little chucklehead"
185
00:07:33,430 --> 00:07:36,140
"to whom I am a constant
victim of his folly"
186
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:37,460
"so much so that
it prevents him"
187
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,860
"from ever getting
to kiss a girl?"
188
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,060
"Fuck! When, Lord, when?"
189
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,890
"When's gonna be my time?"
190
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,770
He knows.
191
00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:49,650
I'm the chucklehead?
You're the fucking dumb-ass
192
00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:51,700
who gave your comic away,
and now you don't get
193
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:53,450
no fucking movie check, neither.
194
00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:54,676
When you're right, you're right.
195
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,540
I wish I held onto
a little piece of that thing
196
00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:58,120
because if the buzz
is any indicator,
197
00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:00,370
that movie's going
to make some huge bank.
198
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:01,910
What buzz?
199
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,200
The Internet buzz.
200
00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:05,580
What the fuck is the Internet?
201
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:07,330
The Internet
is a communications tool
202
00:08:07,340 --> 00:08:09,410
used the world over, where
people can come together
203
00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:11,910
to bitch about movies and share
pornography with one another.
204
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,300
Here's what we're looking for
Moviepoopshoot.com.
205
00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:16,880
Poop shoot. Yeah.
206
00:08:16,890 --> 00:08:19,770
This is a site populated
by militant movie buffs
207
00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:21,619
sad, pathetic little bastards
208
00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:23,140
living in their
parents' basement
209
00:08:23,190 --> 00:08:24,440
downloading scripts
210
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,640
and what they think
is inside information
211
00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:29,220
about movies and actors
they claim to despise
212
00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:30,570
yet can't stop discussing.
213
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:33,770
OK, this is about "Blunt man
and Chronic" right here.
214
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:34,990
"Inside sources tell me."
215
00:08:35,030 --> 00:08:36,426
"Mir amax is starting
production this Friday"
216
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:38,330
"on their adaptation
of underground comic fave."
217
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,580
"Blunt man and Chronic".
218
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,580
Friday? Shit, does it say
who's fucking playing us
219
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,500
in the movie?
220
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:43,710
No, but it's Mir amax
221
00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:45,670
so I'm sure it'll be
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
222
00:08:45,710 --> 00:08:47,580
You know, they put them
in a bunch of movies.
223
00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:48,950
Who?
224
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,760
You know, those kids
from "Good Will Hunting".
225
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,120
You mean that fucking movie
with Mork from Ork in it?
226
00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:54,680
Yeah, I wasn't a big fan, either
227
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,330
but Affleck was the bomb
in "Phantoms".
228
00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,880
Word, bitch. "Phantoms"
like a mother-fucker.
229
00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,060
What's up now?
230
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:02,640
Ahem. All right.
231
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,380
So, here we go. Now, this
is the shoot-back section.
232
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,030
This is where the people
who read the news
233
00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:08,770
get to chime in
with their two cents.
234
00:09:08,810 --> 00:09:10,150
For example, we got a guy here
235
00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:13,100
with the chick magnet
net handle "Wompa One"
236
00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:15,360
opining on what he thinks
about "Blunt man and Chronic".
237
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,230
He says, "Blunt man and Chronic
and their stupid alter egos".
238
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,490
"Jay and Silent Bob only work
in small doses, if at all."
239
00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:22,610
"They don't deserve
their own movie."
240
00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:24,250
He's got a point. Fuck him.
241
00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:25,460
What's the next one say?
242
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,740
This is entitled "Fuck Them
Up Their Stupid Asses".
243
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:30,460
"Blunt man and Chronic is
the worst comic I ever read."
244
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,460
"Jay and Silent Bob
are stupid characters,"
245
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,010
"a couple of stoners who spout
dumb-ass catch phrases,"
246
00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:36,590
"like a third-rate
Cheech and Chong"
247
00:09:36,630 --> 00:09:38,220
"or Bill and Ted."
248
00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,750
"Fuck Jay and Silent Bob."
249
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,770
"Fuck them up their stupid asses."
250
00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:44,770
Who the fuck said that shit?
251
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:46,440
A guy who calls himself
"Magnolia Fan".
252
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,880
All right, here,
check this one out.
253
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:49,650
"Jay and Silent Bob
are one-note jokes"
254
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,650
"that only stoners laugh at."
255
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:54,650
"They're fucking clown shoes."
256
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,650
"If they were real, I'd beat
the shit out of them"
257
00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:58,070
"for being so stupid."
258
00:09:58,110 --> 00:09:59,950
"I, for one, will be
boycotting this movie."
259
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,160
"Who's with me?"
260
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,700
Then there's, like,
fifty more posts
261
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:05,530
of people who are joining
Spartacus's here boycott.
262
00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:08,120
I'm gonna kill all these fucks.
263
00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:10,490
Let it go, man. They're
not talking about you guys.
264
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,950
They're talking about
"Blunt man and Chronic".
265
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,170
They said Jay and Silent Bob.
They used our real names.
266
00:10:17,220 --> 00:10:19,380
It doesn't matter if there's
a comic book version of us
267
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,340
and a real version,
268
00:10:20,390 --> 00:10:22,200
because no one knows
we're real in real life.
269
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:22,920
Really?
270
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:24,650
All these people
reading that shit
271
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:25,940
think the real
Jay and Silent Bob
272
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:26,990
are a couple jerkoffs
273
00:10:27,030 --> 00:10:28,910
because of what all
these dick-heads are writing
274
00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:30,490
about the comic book
Jay and Silent Bob.
275
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,710
Maybe one night
me and Lunch Box are out
276
00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:34,830
we're makin' some chick
and shit, and she's, like.
277
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,800
"Ooh, I wanna suck
youse guys' dicks off"
278
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,870
and she's, like,
"What's your names?"
279
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,420
And I'm, like,
"Jay and Silent Bob".
280
00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:42,750
Recognize.
281
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,600
And she's like, "Oh,
I've read on the Internet"
282
00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:45,930
"that fuckin' youse guys"
283
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:48,010
"are a couple of little
fuckin' jerkoffs".
284
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:51,230
And then she goes and sucks two
other guys' dicks off instead.
285
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:53,770
Well, fuck that.
We gotta put a stop
286
00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:55,440
to these fuckin' hateful
sons of bitches
287
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,650
before they ruin our good names.
288
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,690
First of all, I don't know
how good your names are.
289
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:01,229
Second of all, there's
not much you can do
290
00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:02,360
about stopping this bile.
291
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,450
The Internet has given
everyone in America a voice
292
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:05,886
and evidently, everyone
in America has chosen
293
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:07,620
to use that voice
to bitch about movies.
294
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,650
As long as there's a "Blunt man
and Chronic" movie,
295
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,500
the net nerds are gonna
have something negative
296
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,320
to say about it.
297
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:13,620
Well, wait a second.
298
00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:15,920
If there wasn't a "Blunt man
and Chronic" movie,
299
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,769
then those fuckers
wouldn't be saying shit
300
00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:19,590
about Jay and Silent Bob, right?
301
00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:22,050
They're not saying
anything about you now, OK?
302
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:24,220
They're talking about
fictional characters.
303
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:27,010
Fic-tio-nal cha-rac-ters.
304
00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:29,100
Am I am I getting
through to you at all?
305
00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:31,260
So all we gotta do is go stop
306
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:33,630
the fuckin' movie
from gettin' made.
307
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,440
Yeah, and forego the hundreds
of thousands of dollars
308
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,560
that you two would be
entitled to in the process.
309
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:39,900
What are you, fucking retarded?
310
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,530
I don't think
I'm alone in the world
311
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:44,030
in imagining this flick
may be the worst idea
312
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,200
since Greedo shooting first.
313
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,370
You know, it
a Jay and Silent Bob movie?
314
00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:51,370
Who would pay to see that?
315
00:11:56,460 --> 00:11:58,420
But, since it
appears inevitable,
316
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:00,380
I recommend that you guys
go hunt Banky down
317
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,300
and get yo' mother-fuckin'
movie check
318
00:12:02,340 --> 00:12:03,970
as you so succinctly put it
319
00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:05,490
'cause that's
what's important, right?
320
00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:08,250
Um, no, Holden McNeil.
321
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,290
The important thing here
is a fuckin' bunch
322
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,970
of mother fuckers
we don't even know
323
00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:13,640
callin' us ass holes
on the Internet,
324
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,690
to teenagers and guys
who can't even get laid.
325
00:12:16,730 --> 00:12:18,810
Puttin' a stop to that
is the most important thing
326
00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:20,020
we could ever do.
327
00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:22,190
So when's this movie
gettin' made?
328
00:12:22,230 --> 00:12:23,730
Uh, they start this Friday.
329
00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:26,700
So if today's Tuesday,
that gives us.
330
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,080
Eight days.
331
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,730
Uh, three by my count,
but close.
332
00:12:32,740 --> 00:12:33,950
Right.
333
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,160
My bad.
334
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,849
Three days to stop
that fuckin' stupid movie
335
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:40,460
from gettin' made.
Come on, Silent Bob.
336
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,000
We're goin' to Hollywood.
337
00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:04,400
Tickets?
338
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,570
Since when did they start
charging for the bus?
339
00:13:06,610 --> 00:13:08,310
Didn't we used to ride that shit
340
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,990
to school every morning
for free?
341
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:15,080
This sucks balls, man.
342
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,290
How come we
ain't gettin' no rides?
343
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,120
'Cause you're
doing it all wrong.
344
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:24,960
You gotta give the driver
a little incentive.
345
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,910
Like how?
346
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,340
Like this.
347
00:13:30,180 --> 00:13:32,260
Yeah, but what happens
when they pick you up
348
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,580
and you don't make
with the head?
349
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,170
Don't they kick your ass
to the curb?
350
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:37,560
Sure, if you don't
make with the head.
351
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,650
Yeah. Hey, if it'll get me
352
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,020
a couple of hundred miles
across the country
353
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:47,980
I'll take a shot in the mouth.
354
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:49,610
Yeah, but we ain't gay.
355
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:53,740
Don't be so suburban.
It's the new millennium.
356
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:56,910
Gay, straight
it's all the same now.
357
00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:59,200
There are no more lines.
358
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:03,320
Well, there's a line, and on
this side of it, we ain't gay.
359
00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:05,450
Hey, all the hitchers do this.
360
00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:07,840
Why do you think
people pick us up?
361
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,840
If you get a ride,
it's expected.
362
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,420
I don't care who the driver is.
363
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:15,390
It's the first rule in 'the book'.
364
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:16,890
What book?
365
00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:20,020
The unwritten 'book of the road'.
366
00:14:36,030 --> 00:14:37,830
Follow the rules of 'the book'
367
00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:40,860
and you get where
you're going in no time.
368
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:42,420
Excuse me.
369
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:10,560
I don't care
if it rains or freezes.
370
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:12,400
You both don't have
to sit back there.
371
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:14,610
Why doesn't one of you
come sit next to me?
372
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,410
Where are you boys from?
373
00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:26,330
New Jersey, but we're
on our way to Hollywood.
374
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:29,340
Oh, Hollywood, huh?
That's a long way away.
375
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:31,760
Yeah. Thank God
you picked us up.
376
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,380
Well, do unto others.
That's what 'the Book' says.
377
00:15:35,430 --> 00:15:37,550
Wait a sec.
You follow 'the book', too?
378
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,600
I live my life by it.
379
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,350
You?
380
00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:42,850
Of course. So
381
00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:45,340
you live by 'the Book', too?
382
00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:47,020
Well, you picked us up,
didn't you?
383
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:48,440
I gotta.
384
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,270
Well, that's good to hear.
385
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,390
But it's a lot easier to say
that you live by 'the Book'
386
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,860
than to actually do it.
387
00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:58,910
Can you do it?
388
00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,740
All right.
389
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,470
I can't believe this shit.
390
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:23,340
Five hours
and not a single ride.
391
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,880
Every day people
hitch to Hollywood
392
00:16:24,890 --> 00:16:26,640
to stop studios from
making films about 'em,
393
00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:28,010
but when you and me try it
394
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:30,230
it's like we're trapped
in a fuckin' cartoon.
395
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,240
Zoinks, yo.
396
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:49,670
Now we can finally
solve the mystery
397
00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:51,000
of the hitch hiking ghouls.
398
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,200
Pull off their masks and
let's see who they really are.
399
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,630
I don't think they are masks.
400
00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:55,840
And I don't think
401
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,720
that they're hitch hiking
girls, either.
402
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,800
Ghouls, you fuckin' moron,
not girls.
403
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:02,930
I wish they were
hitch hiking girls
404
00:17:02,970 --> 00:17:04,970
sexy hitch hiking girls.
405
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,180
Let's kick 'em out.
406
00:17:06,230 --> 00:17:07,680
We've got a mystery to solve.
407
00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:10,350
The only mystery here
is why we take our cues
408
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,230
from a dick in a neckerchief.
409
00:17:12,270 --> 00:17:13,400
Keep it up, beatnik.
410
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,030
I'll feed you
to the fuckin' dog!
411
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:17,770
I can't take
all of this fighting!
412
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:19,160
Yo!
413
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,580
Youse guys need to turn
those frowns upside down.
414
00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:25,940
And I got just
the thing for that.
415
00:17:25,950 --> 00:17:27,820
We call it.
416
00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:29,870
Doobie Snacks.
417
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,510
"I like to dream."
418
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:38,160
"Yes, yes."
419
00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,550
"Right between
the sound machine."
420
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:44,810
"On a cloud of sight
I drift in the night."
421
00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:48,140
"Any place it goes is right,
Goes far."
422
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:51,340
"To the stars
away from here, well."
423
00:17:51,350 --> 00:17:53,470
Ri, Ray and Rirent Rob.
424
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,320
"We can find."
425
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,030
I think they passed out. Great.
426
00:18:02,070 --> 00:18:03,690
What do we do with them now?
427
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:06,020
Let's cut out their kidneys and
sell it to the black market
428
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,910
and leave 'em in a seedy
motel bathtub full of ice.
429
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,040
Aaah!
430
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,420
No, no, no!
431
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,970
You see something? See anything?
432
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,720
Fuck, man, I had
a horrible dream.
433
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:28,100
Yo, man, I'm hungry.
Where can we get some breakfast?
434
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:36,360
Who's a friend to
the king of all the monkeys.
435
00:18:39,530 --> 00:18:41,150
Yeah.
436
00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:50,400
Ooh, check that shit out,
man, the Internet.
437
00:18:50,410 --> 00:18:52,130
Let's see if those fucks
wrote something new
438
00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:54,690
about us and that
stupid-ass flick.
439
00:18:57,130 --> 00:18:59,260
"Any movie based
on Jay and Silent Bob
440
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,620
"are gonna lick balls
441
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:03,180
"because they both,
in fact, lick balls".
442
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:04,590
Mother-fucker.
443
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,350
It's time
we wrote something back.
444
00:19:06,390 --> 00:19:08,680
Type this shit down.
445
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,720
All you mother fuckers
are gonna pay.
446
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,390
You all are the ones
who are the ball-lickers.
447
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,050
We're gonna fuck
your mothers while you watch
448
00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:18,970
and cry like
little whiny bitches.
449
00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:21,980
Once we get to Hollywood
and find those Mir amax fucks
450
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:23,450
who is makin' the movie
451
00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:25,239
we're gonna make them
eat our shit
452
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,870
then shit out our shit
453
00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:28,900
and then eat their shit
that's made up of our shit
454
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,080
that we made 'em eat.
455
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,660
And then all you mother-fucks
are next.
456
00:19:32,710 --> 00:19:35,170
Love, Jay and Silent Bob.
457
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:37,710
That'll show those fucks.
458
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:39,370
Now we can eat
our Egg-a-Mooby Muffin
459
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:40,590
then get back on the road
460
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,210
go to Hollywood,
and stop those fucks
461
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:43,540
from makin' that movie.
462
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,010
No more hairy-bush nuns,
no more dogs.
463
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:49,100
We keep our eye on the prize
and let nothing
464
00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:51,600
and I mean nothing, distract us.
465
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,240
Holy shit!
466
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,660
"Your love is like bad medicine."
467
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:14,070
"Bad medicine is what I need."
468
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,950
"Whoa oh oh, shake it up."
469
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,080
"Just like bad medicine."
470
00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:22,760
"There ain't no doctor
that can cure my disease."
471
00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:30,640
"Bad medicine."
472
00:20:35,390 --> 00:20:36,810
"I ain't got a fever."
473
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,060
"Got a permanent disease."
474
00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:45,560
"It'll take more than a doctor."
475
00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:47,990
"To prescribe a remedy"
476
00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:51,330
"I got all the symptoms,
count 'em, 1, 2, 3."
477
00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:52,830
"First I need."
478
00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:55,790
"That's what you get
for falling in love."
479
00:20:57,460 --> 00:20:59,210
"You get a little,
but it's never enough."
480
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,780
"On your knees."
481
00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:03,170
"That's what you get
for falling in love."
482
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:05,590
Oh, my God.
483
00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,300
Do you get free refills
with that?
484
00:21:07,340 --> 00:21:09,000
Oh, what, this?
485
00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:11,300
No, I use this
for protection, you know
486
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:13,640
so no guys try to grab
my shit or anything.
487
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,930
Ha ha! Hi, I'm Justice.
488
00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:18,060
And I am so fuckin' yours.
489
00:21:19,650 --> 00:21:20,940
I mean, hi. I'm Jay
490
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,560
and this is my hetero
life mate Silent Bob.
491
00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:24,780
It's nice to meet you.
492
00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:25,990
Justice, huh?
493
00:21:26,030 --> 00:21:27,610
That's a nice name.
494
00:21:27,650 --> 00:21:29,350
Jay and Justice.
495
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:30,910
Sittin' in a tree.
496
00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:34,540
FU-C-K-I-N-G
497
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:36,330
So, you come around here often?
498
00:21:36,370 --> 00:21:38,120
Oh, I'm not from around here.
499
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,960
My friends and I
are on a road trip.
500
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,830
Your friends, huh?
Where they at?
501
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,170
Oh. Let's see.
502
00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:46,880
Out there by that van.
503
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,710
"Inconceivable, unbelievable."
504
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,350
"Grammar like a hammer,
information receivable."
505
00:21:52,390 --> 00:21:54,470
"Sent by the Lord,
here and abroad."
506
00:21:54,510 --> 00:21:57,420
"With words that were thought
they could retort."
507
00:21:57,430 --> 00:22:00,230
"For force because
that makes run the boss."
508
00:22:00,270 --> 00:22:03,230
"So get lost because
I just tossed the poss."
509
00:22:03,270 --> 00:22:05,400
"Make way today,
and if I may, I say"
510
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,190
"I make pay with Jay,
so get away, OK?"
511
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,400
Hi.
512
00:22:09,450 --> 00:22:11,860
Dude, I think
I just filled the cup.
513
00:22:14,910 --> 00:22:16,660
Ladies, ladies, ladies.
514
00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:19,950
Jay and Silent Bob
are in the hiz-house.
515
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,240
Who the fuck are these guys?
516
00:22:22,250 --> 00:22:24,920
This is Jay and Silent Bob.
517
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,710
Guys, this is Sissy.
518
00:22:26,750 --> 00:22:28,710
Missy, and Chrissy. Here.
519
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,170
Where the fuck
did they come from?
520
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:32,130
I met 'em inside.
They're gonna hitch a ride.
521
00:22:32,180 --> 00:22:35,170
Yeah, I don't know if
that's such a good idea, Jussy.
522
00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:36,930
Sure it is, Juggs.
523
00:22:36,970 --> 00:22:38,670
Oh, my God.
524
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,350
He just called Sissy "Juggs".
525
00:22:40,390 --> 00:22:42,440
I'm on it. Chrissy, no.
526
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:43,760
We're in the middle
of suburbia, Chrissy.
527
00:22:43,770 --> 00:22:44,980
Let's try and act like it.
528
00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:47,230
What's with the knife?
We having cake or something?
529
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,890
Shit. He's retarded to boot.
530
00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:52,030
Yo, she called you retarded.
531
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:53,610
What is wrong with you, Justice?
532
00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:55,460
You do remember
where we're going, don't you?
533
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:56,940
And we have a job to do?
534
00:22:56,950 --> 00:22:58,636
They're just gonna tag along
for a few miles.
535
00:22:58,660 --> 00:23:00,020
They won't get in the way,
I swear.
536
00:23:00,021 --> 00:23:01,461
I swear, I don't know
what's going on
537
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:02,830
in your fuckin' brain lately.
538
00:23:02,870 --> 00:23:04,070
Please?
539
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,490
Look, fine.
They can ride with us
540
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:08,580
but they are so out of here
before we get to Boulder.
541
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,590
Honest Injun. Honest Injun.
542
00:23:10,630 --> 00:23:11,800
Shut up.
543
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,680
God, I can't believe
what a pushover you are.
544
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,640
I can't believe fine-ass bitches
like yourself eat that shit.
545
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,300
Don't you know
fast food makes girls fart?
546
00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:21,770
Hey, what's all
this talk about farting?
547
00:23:21,810 --> 00:23:24,650
Hi, Brent.
548
00:23:24,690 --> 00:23:26,310
This is Brent.
549
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:27,820
He's with us, too.
550
00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:30,320
Brent, tell these sillies
that girls don't fart.
551
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:35,110
Oh, of course they don't.
Only skeevy stoners fart.
552
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,200
What up, homies?
553
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:42,540
Wow. Three guys, four girls.
What's the count, boys?
554
00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:43,920
Let's rock.
555
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:47,290
Hey, Mr. Science Guy.
556
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:50,380
Don't spray that aerosol
in my eye.
557
00:23:50,420 --> 00:23:51,910
For I do.
558
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,720
For I
559
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,010
I don't really wanna die
560
00:23:57,390 --> 00:24:00,470
I'm a noble rabbit.
561
00:24:00,510 --> 00:24:03,230
What are you guys,
like a cover band or something?
562
00:24:03,270 --> 00:24:05,730
We're the Kansas State chapter
of SAAC.
563
00:24:05,770 --> 00:24:07,650
Students Against Animal Cruelty.
564
00:24:07,690 --> 00:24:09,480
And we're on our way to Colorado
565
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,600
to give Provasik
a piece of our minds.
566
00:24:11,610 --> 00:24:13,690
Whoo! Yeah! Whoo hoo!
567
00:24:13,740 --> 00:24:16,700
What the fuck are you bitches
babbling about?
568
00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:17,990
Hey!
569
00:24:18,030 --> 00:24:19,870
Watch the language, little boy.
570
00:24:19,910 --> 00:24:22,620
There's females present. Huh.
571
00:24:22,660 --> 00:24:24,750
Provasik Pharmaceuticals
572
00:24:24,790 --> 00:24:26,150
is a medical lab
where they perform
573
00:24:26,170 --> 00:24:27,830
gross experiments on animals.
574
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,720
What kind of animals
are we talkin' about here?
575
00:24:29,740 --> 00:24:31,960
Bears, rhinos, and shit?
576
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:37,590
No, more like dogs, cats,
rabbits, muskrats, beavers.
577
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,220
Heck, even monkeys.
578
00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:41,750
If we don't speak up for them,
who will?
579
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,920
Right, Jussy?
580
00:24:43,930 --> 00:24:45,310
Right, Brent.
581
00:24:50,770 --> 00:24:53,480
Uh, Brent, can I talk to you
over here for a second?
582
00:24:53,530 --> 00:24:54,820
Yeah, sure.
583
00:25:01,370 --> 00:25:02,910
Be honest, yo,
you're down with this
584
00:25:02,950 --> 00:25:04,870
for the fine-ass pussy, right?
585
00:25:04,910 --> 00:25:09,880
I'm down with this
because I love animals, stupid.
586
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,130
Even sheep?
587
00:25:11,170 --> 00:25:12,330
Of course.
588
00:25:12,340 --> 00:25:14,410
Sheep are beautiful creatures.
589
00:25:14,420 --> 00:25:16,550
They are beautiful, aren't they?
590
00:25:16,590 --> 00:25:18,130
Oh, God, yes.
591
00:25:18,180 --> 00:25:20,420
So that means
you'd fuck a sheep, right?
592
00:25:20,430 --> 00:25:22,630
What is your damage, little boy?
593
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,550
You got a sick and twisted
world perspective.
594
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:28,770
No, you're misunderstanding me,
Prince Valiant.
595
00:25:28,810 --> 00:25:31,190
I mean,
if you were another sheep
596
00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:34,690
would you fuck a sheep
if you were another sheep?
597
00:25:34,730 --> 00:25:40,520
Oh. Since you put it that way,
you bet your ass I would.
598
00:25:40,530 --> 00:25:42,120
Thought so.
599
00:25:43,370 --> 00:25:44,910
Yo, this mother-fucker
ain't one of us!
600
00:25:44,950 --> 00:25:46,330
He said he'd fuck a sheep!
601
00:25:46,370 --> 00:25:47,710
Wait! No!
602
00:25:47,750 --> 00:25:49,000
Aaah! Unhh!
603
00:25:50,210 --> 00:25:53,000
Now who's stupid,
you dirty sheep fucker!
604
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,060
"I can't believe
life's so complex."
605
00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:05,420
What the fuck
are we gonna do now?
606
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,980
Shut up, I'm thinking.
607
00:26:07,980 --> 00:26:09,730
Is Hollywood near
where we're going?
608
00:26:09,770 --> 00:26:11,519
Is that where you guys are from?
609
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,690
Yeah, right. Jersey represent.
610
00:26:13,730 --> 00:26:15,430
Oh.
611
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:16,820
A Jersey boy.
612
00:26:16,860 --> 00:26:19,030
Well, what brings you
all the way out here?
613
00:26:19,070 --> 00:26:20,870
We couldn't hang around
the Quick Stop no more
614
00:26:20,910 --> 00:26:22,160
'cause of the restraining order
615
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,870
which sucks ass
'cause it's been like
616
00:26:23,910 --> 00:26:25,910
mine and Silent Bob's home
since we were kids.
617
00:26:25,950 --> 00:26:28,250
Silent Bob even
busted his cherry there.
618
00:26:28,290 --> 00:26:30,210
You did?
619
00:26:30,250 --> 00:26:33,540
Oh, I bet she was a lucky girl.
620
00:26:36,050 --> 00:26:37,910
Look, fuck that fat fuck.
621
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,830
I'm trying to tell a story here.
622
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,090
Oh. Sorry.
623
00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,140
Anyway, we were talking
to Brodie
624
00:26:44,180 --> 00:26:46,090
and he told us about the
"Blunt man and Chronic" movie.
625
00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:47,390
So we went to see Holden McNeil
626
00:26:47,430 --> 00:26:49,630
and he showed us the Internet.
And that's where we found
627
00:26:49,670 --> 00:26:50,950
all these little
fuckin' jerkoffs
628
00:26:50,970 --> 00:26:52,130
talkin' shit about us.
629
00:26:52,140 --> 00:26:53,440
So we decided to go to Hollywood
630
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:54,920
and stop the movie
from gettin' made.
631
00:26:54,940 --> 00:26:56,070
And now we're here.
632
00:26:56,110 --> 00:26:58,900
I have no idea
what you just said.
633
00:26:58,940 --> 00:27:01,650
I get that a lot.
So you like animals, huh?
634
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:02,780
Sure.
635
00:27:02,820 --> 00:27:04,450
That's cool. Even snakes?
636
00:27:04,530 --> 00:27:05,950
Well, you can't
exclude an animal
637
00:27:05,990 --> 00:27:07,230
just 'cause they're not cuddly.
638
00:27:07,250 --> 00:27:08,790
Of course I like snakes.
639
00:27:08,830 --> 00:27:10,290
How 'bout trouser snakes?
640
00:27:10,330 --> 00:27:12,670
Ooh. What's a trouser snake?
641
00:27:12,710 --> 00:27:13,870
Uh.
642
00:27:17,380 --> 00:27:19,420
What the fuck
are you waiting for?
643
00:27:19,460 --> 00:27:20,800
She went for the setup.
644
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,550
Reach in your pants
and pull your cock out, bitch.
645
00:27:23,590 --> 00:27:25,140
Girls like that kind of shit.
646
00:27:27,970 --> 00:27:29,140
Right about here's
647
00:27:29,180 --> 00:27:30,620
where the angel's
supposed to show up
648
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,350
and tell you not
to pull your dick out
649
00:27:32,390 --> 00:27:33,970
but we bitch-slapped
that mother-fucker
650
00:27:33,980 --> 00:27:36,770
and sent him packing,
so it's smooth sailing.
651
00:27:36,810 --> 00:27:38,520
Let him rip, boy.
652
00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:48,330
Jesus loves the little children.
653
00:27:48,370 --> 00:27:49,700
Oh, sorry I'm late.
654
00:27:49,740 --> 00:27:51,370
So what's the deal here?
655
00:27:52,710 --> 00:27:54,200
Oh, shit. Don't tell me you're
656
00:27:54,210 --> 00:27:55,540
thinkin' of whippin'
your dick out
657
00:27:55,580 --> 00:27:57,290
at this fine piece
of woman, are you?
658
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,290
Tell you what.
Look over at Silent Bob
659
00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:02,880
and see if he thinks
it's a good idea
660
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,880
you whip your dick out.
661
00:28:07,050 --> 00:28:09,890
That's it, boy.
Put the dick down.
662
00:28:09,930 --> 00:28:12,180
You gotta go from the heart, yo.
663
00:28:12,220 --> 00:28:15,060
No little perv bullshit's
gonna work for this one.
664
00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:16,850
Be smooth.
665
00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:18,860
Be Don Juan de la Nooch.
666
00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:20,440
I gotta go beat the shit outta
667
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,440
two sucker-punchin'
little bitches.
668
00:28:22,490 --> 00:28:25,900
Remember, don't pull
your dick out until she asks
669
00:28:25,910 --> 00:28:27,450
or until she's sleepin'.
670
00:28:27,490 --> 00:28:28,950
Bye.
671
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:34,330
Don't ask.
672
00:28:34,370 --> 00:28:36,210
So what can a smooth
pimp daddy like myself
673
00:28:36,250 --> 00:28:37,580
do to help the animals?
674
00:28:37,630 --> 00:28:41,380
Oh, you really don't want
to help us.
675
00:28:41,420 --> 00:28:42,820
What the fuck
are you talkin' about?
676
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,210
Sure I do.
I'd do anything for you.
677
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:47,930
I mean youse guys.
678
00:28:47,970 --> 00:28:49,470
I'd do anything for youse guys
679
00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:51,010
'cause for the lift and shit.
680
00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:52,680
OK, well, um
681
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,520
let me just talk
to the other girls
682
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:55,690
and get back to you.
683
00:28:55,730 --> 00:28:58,730
Why don't you do that?
I'll be right here waitin'.
684
00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:16,010
Fuck you, fatty.
685
00:29:33,650 --> 00:29:34,940
Thank you.
686
00:29:35,020 --> 00:29:36,150
Whew.
687
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,400
Uh, you guys
want anything from inside?
688
00:29:38,490 --> 00:29:40,820
No, we're cool. No? OK.
689
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,100
Just isn't the same, is it?
690
00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:11,510
This place licks balls
compared to the Quick Stop.
691
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,060
Speakin' of lickin' balls, man,
how 'bout that Justice chick?
692
00:30:14,110 --> 00:30:15,600
She is too fine.
693
00:30:15,610 --> 00:30:18,320
And she smells
so fuckin' pretty.
694
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,190
She has a nice voice, too.
695
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:21,990
And that body
696
00:30:22,030 --> 00:30:23,410
fuckin' smokin'.
697
00:30:23,450 --> 00:30:25,410
You know, she didn't
tell me to fuck off once
698
00:30:25,450 --> 00:30:26,610
when I was talkin' to her,
699
00:30:26,620 --> 00:30:29,290
or pull out the fuckin'
pepper spray or anything.
700
00:30:29,330 --> 00:30:33,370
You know, Lunch Box,
she could be the one.
701
00:30:33,420 --> 00:30:35,630
Smooth move, Justice.
702
00:30:35,670 --> 00:30:37,870
Nice going, four eyes. Ow!
703
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,560
Why the fuck did you
let that little stoner
704
00:30:39,580 --> 00:30:40,870
throw Brent out of the van?
705
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,220
Oh, please. If I had to listen
706
00:30:42,260 --> 00:30:43,630
to one more
of those stupid songs
707
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:45,040
I was gonna
throw him out myself.
708
00:30:45,050 --> 00:30:48,430
We needed Brent, Justice.
He was our patsy, remember?
709
00:30:48,470 --> 00:30:49,770
We'll just find someone else.
710
00:30:49,810 --> 00:30:50,996
Besides, I didn't see you trying
711
00:30:51,020 --> 00:30:52,340
to stop Jay
from throwing him out.
712
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:53,850
Yeah, I didn't want
to blow our cover.
713
00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:55,980
Cover, schmover.
You all hated his songs, too.
714
00:30:56,020 --> 00:30:57,379
Not as much as I hate you.
715
00:30:57,380 --> 00:30:59,060
We have a very simple gang
here, Justice.
716
00:30:59,070 --> 00:31:00,730
I'm the brains,
Chrissy's the brawn
717
00:31:00,740 --> 00:31:01,900
and Missy's the tech girl
718
00:31:01,940 --> 00:31:03,256
but lately, I'm having
a little trouble
719
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:04,860
figuring out
what you're doing here.
720
00:31:04,910 --> 00:31:06,910
Shit, your name doesn't
even fit the rhyme scheme.
721
00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:08,966
Since you let our patsy slip
away, you've gotta convince
722
00:31:08,990 --> 00:31:10,910
the little kid and the fat guy
to take his place.
723
00:31:10,930 --> 00:31:12,790
They've gotta break
into Provasik now.
724
00:31:12,830 --> 00:31:14,080
Uh-uh.
725
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,000
Uh-huh. You'll do it or you're
out of the gang, Justice.
726
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,340
Just use the little one's
crush on you to convince him
727
00:31:19,380 --> 00:31:21,550
since he's so fucking
in love with you.
728
00:31:21,590 --> 00:31:23,130
Jay? No, he's not.
729
00:31:23,170 --> 00:31:24,590
What am I, blind?
730
00:31:24,630 --> 00:31:26,590
He wasn't kissing your hand
in the back of the van
731
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,140
like he was fucking Lord Byron?
732
00:31:28,180 --> 00:31:30,430
Well, maybe he just has manners.
733
00:31:32,270 --> 00:31:34,139
Yo, baby, you ever have
your ass hole licked
734
00:31:34,140 --> 00:31:36,900
by a fat man in an overcoat?
735
00:31:36,940 --> 00:31:38,400
Yeah.
736
00:31:38,439 --> 00:31:40,319
We got about two hours
before we get to Boulder.
737
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,160
That'll give you
plenty of time to work on him.
738
00:31:42,180 --> 00:31:43,820
I'm not gonna do it.
Why the fuck not?
739
00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:45,410
Because he's just so innocent!
740
00:31:45,490 --> 00:31:47,160
Look at him.
741
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,790
Who's it gonna be, Jussy,
him or us?
742
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,410
Steal a monkey?
Shit, no problem.
743
00:31:57,420 --> 00:32:00,910
It's not stealing a monkey.
I mean, it's liberating it.
744
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,300
Wait a second.
745
00:32:03,340 --> 00:32:05,000
Did you say "no problem"?
746
00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:07,180
Yeah. Fuck,
we steal monkeys all the time.
747
00:32:07,220 --> 00:32:08,430
Right, Lunch Box?
748
00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:12,520
Well, it's not like
it's a bad thing.
749
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,480
I mean, it's for a good cause.
750
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:19,020
Oh, it's for the best cause,
ma Cherie the cause of love.
751
00:32:20,150 --> 00:32:21,650
Snoogans.
752
00:32:21,690 --> 00:32:24,440
What the heck is that?
What's what?
753
00:32:24,490 --> 00:32:26,150
Snoogans, I believe it was.
754
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:27,780
What the fuck
do you think it means?
755
00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:31,830
It means I'm kidding.
Oh. Well, that's too bad.
756
00:32:38,710 --> 00:32:41,960
I can't believe
I'm gonna get some pussy.
757
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,960
For stealing the monkey.
758
00:32:44,010 --> 00:32:45,720
Stealing the little monk.
759
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:48,090
If I had known that shit earlier
760
00:32:48,130 --> 00:32:49,490
man, I'd have been
stealin' monkeys
761
00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:51,680
since I was, like,
seven and shit.
762
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,020
Don't, mother-fucker.
Don't you ruin this for me.
763
00:32:54,100 --> 00:32:55,616
Me and Justice are gonna
get married one day
764
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,260
so don't be giving me
no look like, "Oh
765
00:32:57,270 --> 00:32:59,020
"we ain't gonna steal
the monkey and shit".
766
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:00,690
I'm Morris Day,
you're Jerome, bitch.
767
00:33:00,730 --> 00:33:01,890
Don't forget that.
768
00:33:01,900 --> 00:33:05,190
That girl
that girl's in love with me.
769
00:33:05,230 --> 00:33:07,030
They're gonna do it.
770
00:33:07,070 --> 00:33:10,870
Good. They do their part,
and we'll do ours.
771
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,930
Oh, hey, remember. We meet
back here when you're done.
772
00:33:29,010 --> 00:33:30,430
You sure you're OK with this?
773
00:33:30,469 --> 00:33:32,750
As sure as I am that you're
the hottest bitch I ever seen.
774
00:33:32,770 --> 00:33:34,590
Fucker! Easy, tigress.
775
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,090
What's twistin'
this bitch's tit?
776
00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:40,309
Maybe it's because women don't
like to be called bitches, Jay.
777
00:33:40,310 --> 00:33:42,260
They don't?
778
00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:44,110
How 'bout "fine piece of ass"?
779
00:33:44,150 --> 00:33:45,390
How about not?
780
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,240
What the fuck am I supposed
to call you, then?
781
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:48,900
Something sweet, you big goof.
782
00:33:48,950 --> 00:33:50,610
Something nice.
783
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:52,950
Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck?
784
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,610
OK, that's a start.
785
00:33:57,620 --> 00:33:59,250
Jay, uh, before you go
786
00:33:59,290 --> 00:34:01,740
could you say something into
the camera about the clitoris?
787
00:34:01,750 --> 00:34:03,040
Man, you're such a bitch!
788
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,950
Shut up, Justice.
She's just a little embarrassed.
789
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,080
See, Jussy and I are putting
together this documentary
790
00:34:08,100 --> 00:34:09,970
for our human sexuality class
791
00:34:10,050 --> 00:34:12,839
and we need a male perspective
on the clitoris.
792
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,960
The female clitoris?
793
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,170
Uh, yeah.
794
00:34:16,180 --> 00:34:17,780
Jay, you know,
you don't have to do this.
795
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:18,970
No, it's cool, hon.
796
00:34:18,980 --> 00:34:20,820
There's a few things
I could say about the clit
797
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:22,050
I'd like you to hear.
798
00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:27,400
I am the master of the clit!
799
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:28,780
Remember this fucking face!
800
00:34:28,820 --> 00:34:31,270
Wherever you see clit,
you'll see this fucking face.
801
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,190
I make that shit work!
802
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,030
No one rules the clit like me.
803
00:34:35,070 --> 00:34:36,360
Not this little fuck
804
00:34:36,370 --> 00:34:38,369
none of you little fucks
out there.
805
00:34:38,370 --> 00:34:40,750
I am the clit commander!
806
00:34:40,830 --> 00:34:42,170
When it comes down to business
807
00:34:42,210 --> 00:34:44,540
this is what I do
I pinch it like this.
808
00:34:44,580 --> 00:34:47,050
Ooh, you little fuck.
809
00:34:47,090 --> 00:34:48,670
Then I rub my nose.
810
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,500
Awesome. Knock 'em dead, tiger.
811
00:34:52,510 --> 00:34:54,890
Oh, I will. Girls.
812
00:34:56,510 --> 00:35:00,060
So, you think I could get
a little kiss for good luck?
813
00:35:04,850 --> 00:35:07,860
Think I can get a little
blow job for good luck?
814
00:35:09,230 --> 00:35:10,810
No. Go.
815
00:35:10,820 --> 00:35:12,030
Fuck.
816
00:35:16,870 --> 00:35:19,290
Get off my Kool-Aid,
mother-fucker!
817
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,760
Jussy, come on.
818
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,260
They in?
819
00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:13,720
You could say that.
820
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,880
Time to shine. Let's go.
821
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:14,030
You are so gay.
822
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,190
All right, once we get upstairs
823
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,730
I want complete silence.
824
00:37:23,740 --> 00:37:26,000
Missy whipped this up.
It counts our decibel level.
825
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,280
If it goes into the red
alarm, we're dead.
826
00:37:28,290 --> 00:37:30,530
So that means not even the
slightest noise. You got that?
827
00:37:30,550 --> 00:37:31,760
I got it. Good.
828
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,420
Meow.
829
00:37:41,430 --> 00:37:43,550
Justice, move your ass!
830
00:38:05,830 --> 00:38:07,030
Whoa.
831
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:10,150
Check this shit out, Lunch Box
animal tranquillizer.
832
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,790
This shit fucks you up
like Percocet.
833
00:38:12,830 --> 00:38:14,130
Hold this.
834
00:38:16,460 --> 00:38:18,880
Keep this shit,
so later me and Justice
835
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:22,420
can shoot each other with it and
fuck like stoned test bunnies.
836
00:38:22,430 --> 00:38:23,850
Unh, unh.
837
00:38:24,850 --> 00:38:26,060
Bong!
838
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:46,910
Suzanne.
839
00:38:48,830 --> 00:38:50,080
Boo-ta.
840
00:39:44,010 --> 00:39:45,180
Ah.
841
00:40:51,660 --> 00:40:54,330
Holy fuck!
The little stoner was right!
842
00:40:54,370 --> 00:40:56,080
Jesus.
843
00:41:00,330 --> 00:41:01,790
Move, move, move!
844
00:41:06,510 --> 00:41:07,880
Move ass!
845
00:41:08,930 --> 00:41:11,180
I can't believe it.
Months of planning
846
00:41:11,220 --> 00:41:12,576
and it's all blown
by a fucking fart.
847
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:13,906
You can't just
leave 'em here like this.
848
00:41:13,930 --> 00:41:15,706
That alarm's gonna bring
the cops here any minute.
849
00:41:15,730 --> 00:41:17,036
That's always been the plan,
Justice.
850
00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:18,620
They take the heat
off of us long enough
851
00:41:18,660 --> 00:41:19,820
until we can get out of town.
852
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:20,840
But.
853
00:41:24,940 --> 00:41:26,740
Kaboom, you little stoner fucks.
854
00:41:27,700 --> 00:41:29,650
Let's go! It's set!
855
00:41:29,660 --> 00:41:30,910
Whoo! Ow!
856
00:41:30,950 --> 00:41:32,240
All right!
857
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,870
What the fuck you lookin' at?
858
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,510
There ain't no snacks here, man.
859
00:41:46,550 --> 00:41:49,300
Now, we got what we came for.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
860
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,350
Yeah, I know it's sad, man
861
00:41:54,390 --> 00:41:56,350
but what are we supposed
to do about it?
862
00:42:05,860 --> 00:42:08,780
Yo, just open the door!
863
00:42:10,450 --> 00:42:12,450
Oh, shit.
864
00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:22,500
Drop the bag! Now!
865
00:42:50,490 --> 00:42:51,700
No.
866
00:42:53,660 --> 00:42:54,910
Justice.
867
00:42:58,950 --> 00:43:03,460
Justice!
868
00:43:23,900 --> 00:43:25,850
You mind if I leave that there?
869
00:43:25,860 --> 00:43:27,110
Is that.
870
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,360
My, oh, my, oh, my.
871
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,700
Who let the cats out, huh?
872
00:43:34,740 --> 00:43:36,690
Wait. Is that.
873
00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:37,830
Excuse me.
874
00:43:37,870 --> 00:43:40,070
Who the hell are you?
875
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:41,290
Federal Wildlife Marshal.
876
00:43:41,330 --> 00:43:43,410
This investigation's now
under my jurisdiction.
877
00:43:43,460 --> 00:43:44,620
Oh, really? And why is that?
878
00:43:44,670 --> 00:43:46,350
Because someone let
a whole mess of animals
879
00:43:46,370 --> 00:43:47,540
out of their cages, sir.
880
00:43:47,590 --> 00:43:49,200
We believe that was just
a diversionary tactic
881
00:43:49,210 --> 00:43:51,050
used to call attention
away from the real heist
882
00:43:51,070 --> 00:43:52,420
over here
at the Diamond Exchange.
883
00:43:52,470 --> 00:43:55,010
Yeah, right.
That's a believable scenario.
884
00:43:55,050 --> 00:43:57,850
Sounds more like something
out of a bad movie.
885
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:00,810
Sir
886
00:44:00,850 --> 00:44:03,100
the Provasik people
say they rounded up
887
00:44:03,140 --> 00:44:07,650
all their animals
except for one an orangutan.
888
00:44:07,690 --> 00:44:10,690
The most dangerous animal
known to man.
889
00:44:10,730 --> 00:44:12,900
Sir, this was just delivered
to the station.
890
00:44:12,940 --> 00:44:14,890
What is what is it what is it?
891
00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:16,136
A tape of the terrorists
who claim responsibility
892
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:17,320
for the break-in.
893
00:44:17,370 --> 00:44:18,730
Do you have a VCR?
894
00:44:18,740 --> 00:44:21,240
"I am the clit commander."
895
00:44:21,290 --> 00:44:24,070
Oh, my God.
896
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:25,950
Plaschke, Willenholly.
897
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,340
Yeah, look, I need you to get
me on the national news pronto.
898
00:44:29,380 --> 00:44:32,670
Why? Because we may
very well be dealing
899
00:44:32,710 --> 00:44:35,680
with the two most dangerous men
on the planet.
900
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,890
This is Jussy's monkey.
901
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,940
Justice died for you,
you little monkey fuck!
902
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,190
Do something, Tons of Fun.
903
00:44:58,110 --> 00:44:59,520
Holy fuck.
904
00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:01,450
Is that thing waving at us?
905
00:45:02,990 --> 00:45:05,990
Holy shit, it understood us.
906
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,420
Maybe it's some kind
of super monkey.
907
00:45:14,010 --> 00:45:15,590
You're my fuckin' bitch.
908
00:45:15,630 --> 00:45:16,970
You get my back.
909
00:45:17,010 --> 00:45:19,430
Don't be taking
this fuckin' chimp's side.
910
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,180
What if there's more
super monkeys up at that lab?
911
00:45:36,190 --> 00:45:38,820
Maybe they're making
an army of 'em up there.
912
00:45:38,860 --> 00:45:40,740
Holy shit!
913
00:45:40,780 --> 00:45:43,320
Maybe it's a conspiracy,
like in the "X-Files".
914
00:45:43,330 --> 00:45:45,410
Roswell-style.
915
00:45:47,750 --> 00:45:48,870
This little monkey
916
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:50,540
could be the fuckin'
damn dirty ape
917
00:45:50,580 --> 00:45:53,920
responsible for the fall
of the human race.
918
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,370
Aaah!
919
00:45:55,380 --> 00:45:59,260
In this world gone mad,
we won't spank the monkey
920
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:02,010
the monkey will spank us.
921
00:46:02,050 --> 00:46:05,010
I'm not even supposed
to be here today.
922
00:46:05,060 --> 00:46:06,210
Aaah!
923
00:46:06,220 --> 00:46:08,060
And after the fall of man
924
00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:10,470
these monkey fucks will
start wearing our clothes
925
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:13,360
and rebuilding the world
in their image.
926
00:46:14,690 --> 00:46:17,680
Oh, when only those
as super-smart as me
927
00:46:17,690 --> 00:46:20,850
will be left alive
to bitterly cry
928
00:46:20,860 --> 00:46:23,410
you maniacs!
929
00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:24,860
Damn youse!
930
00:46:24,870 --> 00:46:29,120
God damn youse all to hell!
931
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:33,500
Shit.
Not on my watch, mother-fucker.
932
00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:36,840
Die, you super monkey fuck! Aah!
933
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:48,180
All right, you can live for now.
934
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,470
Did you see that shit, man?
Bitches love me.
935
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:53,980
Come on,
let's get something to eat.
936
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,320
What, man, we ain't hiding
in the woods no more.
937
00:46:58,360 --> 00:46:59,740
We gotta get to Hollywood.
938
00:46:59,780 --> 00:47:01,200
Besides, we're in the clear, yo.
939
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:04,070
It's not like anyone
knows we stole the monkey.
940
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:05,280
Bitch.
941
00:47:06,620 --> 00:47:09,820
I'm Reg Hartner with an
exclusive "News Now" bulletin.
942
00:47:09,830 --> 00:47:12,460
The Provasik animal-testing
facility in Boulder
943
00:47:12,500 --> 00:47:15,030
was the focus of an attack
by a terroristic
944
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,160
primate rescue syndicate
calling themselves
945
00:47:17,170 --> 00:47:20,910
the Coalition for Liberation
of Itinerant Tree-dwellers
946
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,250
or simply C.L.I.T.
947
00:47:23,260 --> 00:47:25,340
In a videotape sent
to authorities this morning
948
00:47:25,390 --> 00:47:27,130
credit for the liberation
of an orangutan
949
00:47:27,140 --> 00:47:30,560
from the lab last night
is taken by these men
950
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:32,600
identified in literature
that accompanied the tape
951
00:47:32,690 --> 00:47:35,510
as Jay and Silent Bob.
952
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,690
In this chilling clip,
they make it very clear
953
00:47:37,730 --> 00:47:41,610
that they are in control
of the C.L.I.T.
954
00:47:41,650 --> 00:47:43,310
We are the C.L.I. T.
None of you are safe.
955
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,660
Now tremble before the might
of our merciless leader.
956
00:47:45,700 --> 00:47:47,830
I am the C.L.I.T. commander!
957
00:47:47,910 --> 00:47:49,870
Terrifying.
958
00:47:49,910 --> 00:47:51,660
Now here to help us
explain this footage
959
00:47:51,700 --> 00:47:53,710
is Federal Wildlife
Marshal Willenholly.
960
00:47:53,750 --> 00:47:55,430
Marshal Willenholly,
thanks for joining us.
961
00:47:55,450 --> 00:47:58,840
At this point, what can you
tell us about the C.L.I.T.?
962
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:00,920
From the intelligence
we've been gathering
963
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:02,470
we've discovered
that the C.L.I.T
964
00:48:02,510 --> 00:48:05,470
is actually a tiny offshoot
of the L.A.B.I.A.
965
00:48:05,510 --> 00:48:07,790
Uh, the Liberate Apes Before
Imprisoning Apes movement?
966
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,100
Exactly.
967
00:48:09,140 --> 00:48:11,050
Now, the two men
that you saw in the video
968
00:48:11,060 --> 00:48:14,970
they go by the obvious code
names of Jay and Silent Bob.
969
00:48:14,980 --> 00:48:17,520
If anyone out there
should come across them
970
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:21,190
or any other C.L.I.T.ies,
please exercise extreme caution.
971
00:48:21,230 --> 00:48:24,190
See? Told you that restraining
order was a good idea.
972
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,560
What response
do you hope to elicit
973
00:48:25,580 --> 00:48:28,370
by putting this kind
of pressure on the C.L.I.T.?
974
00:48:28,410 --> 00:48:29,580
It's a difficult situation.
975
00:48:29,620 --> 00:48:31,790
You don't want to rub
the C.L.I.T. the wrong way.
976
00:48:31,830 --> 00:48:33,190
Nights like this
977
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,160
I miss dating a lesbian.
978
00:48:35,210 --> 00:48:36,750
Is that your cell phone, sir?
979
00:48:36,790 --> 00:48:40,740
Plaschke.
Give me a friggin' break.
980
00:48:40,750 --> 00:48:42,500
I'm on my way. We've got 'em.
981
00:48:42,510 --> 00:48:44,910
They're in Utah.
Citizens of Utah
982
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:47,890
stimulation of the C.L.I.T.
is not recommended.
983
00:48:47,930 --> 00:48:49,850
Well, your plan worked.
984
00:48:49,890 --> 00:48:52,550
The news is all about
Jay, Bob, and your C.L.I. T
985
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:54,840
with almost no mention
of the diamond heist.
986
00:48:54,850 --> 00:48:57,100
I told you those two
were the perfect patsies.
987
00:48:57,150 --> 00:48:58,310
Don't you have any regret?
988
00:48:58,350 --> 00:49:00,860
Jay and Bob don't deserve this.
They were really sweet.
989
00:49:00,940 --> 00:49:02,770
The only thing I regret
is not gutting
990
00:49:02,780 --> 00:49:04,810
that little trout-mouth prick
like a fish
991
00:49:04,820 --> 00:49:07,900
and playing twister
with his vitals. Mmm!
992
00:49:07,910 --> 00:49:09,270
You know,
I don't get you, Justice.
993
00:49:09,290 --> 00:49:11,020
You used to be
all about this girl stuff
994
00:49:11,030 --> 00:49:13,790
stealing, boning,
blowing shit up
995
00:49:13,830 --> 00:49:15,636
and now you're like this
little priss with a conscience.
996
00:49:15,660 --> 00:49:17,070
It's really a fucking drag.
997
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,620
We all gotta grow up sometime.
998
00:49:18,670 --> 00:49:20,160
Oh, ifmoping around
over some boy
999
00:49:20,170 --> 00:49:21,460
you're crushing on is growing up
1000
00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:24,290
then pass me
my Wonder Woman Underoos. Ow!
1001
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:26,250
Yo, Marvellous Pizza
coming thr hey!
1002
00:49:26,260 --> 00:49:27,460
Hi.
1003
00:49:27,470 --> 00:49:28,870
You the gals
that ordered the pizza?
1004
00:49:28,890 --> 00:49:30,510
This dopey bitch
ordered a large plain
1005
00:49:30,550 --> 00:49:34,470
but I could go for
some hot thick Sicilian.
1006
00:49:35,430 --> 00:49:36,770
No charge, lady.
1007
00:49:36,810 --> 00:49:38,390
Hurry!
1008
00:49:43,980 --> 00:49:45,650
I'm sorry, Jay.
1009
00:49:49,490 --> 00:49:52,330
You know, Justice died
trying to save this monkey
1010
00:49:52,370 --> 00:49:53,780
so maybe we should
keep it around.
1011
00:49:53,790 --> 00:49:56,500
That way,
we can honour her memory.
1012
00:49:59,710 --> 00:50:01,500
Now ain't you glad
we came here to eat?
1013
00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:03,250
And you were all piss-scared
1014
00:50:03,290 --> 00:50:05,590
we'd get busted
by the cops or something.
1015
00:50:05,630 --> 00:50:07,260
You know what I say.
1016
00:50:07,300 --> 00:50:08,760
Fuck the police.
1017
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:11,040
Fuck, fuck, fuck the police.
1018
00:50:11,050 --> 00:50:13,130
Yo, yo, fuck the police.
1019
00:50:13,140 --> 00:50:14,890
Fuck, fuck, fuck the police.
1020
00:50:14,930 --> 00:50:16,130
Yo, fuck 'em.
1021
00:50:16,140 --> 00:50:19,390
This is the Utah State Police.
1022
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,220
Boys, we know you're in there.
1023
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:23,680
Come on out
with your hands in the air
1024
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,710
and surrender the orangutan.
1025
00:50:26,750 --> 00:50:28,750
Think they're talking about us?
1026
00:50:33,970 --> 00:50:35,340
Sorry.
1027
00:50:35,390 --> 00:50:36,640
Don't shoot.
1028
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:37,970
Hold your fire.
1029
00:50:38,010 --> 00:50:39,560
Who the hell are you?
1030
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,520
Federal Wildlife Marshal.
Is the monkey in there?
1031
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:43,890
The ape. What?
1032
00:50:43,940 --> 00:50:45,220
Orangutan's a member
of the great ape family.
1033
00:50:45,230 --> 00:50:46,440
It's not a monkey.
1034
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:48,480
Look, who's the Federal
Wildlife Marshal here?
1035
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:49,890
Me or you?
1036
00:50:49,900 --> 00:50:51,740
That's what I thought.
Can I use your
1037
00:50:55,030 --> 00:50:57,480
Jay and Silent Bob.
1038
00:50:57,490 --> 00:50:59,660
Your C.L.I.T.
doesn't stand a chance.
1039
00:50:59,700 --> 00:51:01,030
Anyone not harbouring
1040
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,570
a fugitive monkey in there
should hit the deck.
1041
00:51:03,580 --> 00:51:05,170
We are going to open fire.
1042
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:08,460
What the fuck
are you waiting for?
1043
00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:10,170
Get out there
and give him the monkey.
1044
00:51:12,050 --> 00:51:14,830
Look, man, fuckin' maybe
it ain't so bad up at that lab.
1045
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:16,480
Maybe they experiment
on 'em by making 'em
1046
00:51:16,530 --> 00:51:18,370
fuck a bunch of different
good-lookin' monkeys.
1047
00:51:18,390 --> 00:51:19,790
We don't know.
1048
00:51:20,060 --> 00:51:21,820
You stay out of this,
you weepy little chimp.
1049
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:23,810
Fuck, man, I'm no strategist.
1050
00:51:23,850 --> 00:51:25,410
You're the guy
who makes the blueprints.
1051
00:51:25,430 --> 00:51:27,850
I don't have the fuckin'
smarts of a little
1052
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:32,690
kid.
1053
00:51:32,730 --> 00:51:34,060
Do not shoot!
1054
00:51:34,070 --> 00:51:35,780
Don't shoot!
1055
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,310
We're just, uh,
trying to take our son
1056
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:41,020
out of this hostile environment.
1057
00:51:41,030 --> 00:51:42,490
Their son?
1058
00:51:42,540 --> 00:51:44,060
Maybe they're one
of those gay couples.
1059
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:46,210
Yeah, we're gay
1060
00:51:46,290 --> 00:51:48,250
and this is
our adopted love child.
1061
00:51:48,290 --> 00:51:50,040
We're not from around here.
1062
00:51:50,090 --> 00:51:52,439
Don't make us go back
to our liberal city home
1063
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,439
with tales
of prejudice and bigotry
1064
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:56,090
from in the heart of Utah.
1065
00:51:56,130 --> 00:51:58,580
Oh, God, this is
the last thing I need
1066
00:51:58,590 --> 00:52:01,220
a bunch of uppity homosexuals
shooting their mouths off
1067
00:52:01,260 --> 00:52:02,579
to the liberal media
1068
00:52:02,580 --> 00:52:05,230
that the Federal Wildlife
Marshal office persecutes gays.
1069
00:52:05,310 --> 00:52:07,760
Are you fuckin' crazy?
Now, they may be gay
1070
00:52:07,770 --> 00:52:09,840
but that's not their son.
That's the ape.
1071
00:52:09,850 --> 00:52:13,020
I think I would recognize
an ape if I saw one, OK?
1072
00:52:13,070 --> 00:52:14,890
And the only thing
I do recognize right now
1073
00:52:14,900 --> 00:52:18,200
is the political fiasco here
that I'm about to avoid
1074
00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:20,200
by letting this butt-fucking
Brady Bunch go.
1075
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:21,450
Ahh.
1076
00:52:25,330 --> 00:52:27,290
You are free to leave, sirs.
1077
00:52:29,330 --> 00:52:30,450
Yes, you sirs.
1078
00:52:30,460 --> 00:52:32,750
So we can just go? Yes, sir.
1079
00:52:32,790 --> 00:52:34,240
Please accept my apologies
1080
00:52:34,250 --> 00:52:36,250
for detaining you
and your unorthodox
1081
00:52:36,260 --> 00:52:39,720
but constitutionally
protected family unit.
1082
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:42,050
Un-fuckin'believable.
1083
00:52:42,100 --> 00:52:44,260
I might add that's
one fine-looking boy
1084
00:52:44,310 --> 00:52:45,510
you're raising there.
1085
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,020
Hell, yeah. That's
'cause he's from my sperm.
1086
00:52:48,060 --> 00:52:50,020
See, I knocked up this
hot woman friend of ours
1087
00:52:50,060 --> 00:52:51,230
who I fuck on the side
1088
00:52:51,270 --> 00:52:52,940
so I'm not to be all the way gay.
1089
00:52:56,110 --> 00:52:58,150
He loves the cock.
1090
00:52:58,190 --> 00:53:00,490
Well, he certainly
looks insatiable.
1091
00:53:01,490 --> 00:53:03,490
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
1092
00:53:09,260 --> 00:53:10,860
Well, it's not my way,
but I'll be damned
1093
00:53:10,870 --> 00:53:12,330
if there doesn't go
one happy family.
1094
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:14,990
All right, gang.
1095
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,950
Let's just shoot
some tear gas into the diner,
1096
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:19,000
and then, when the guys
come out with the monkey.
1097
00:53:19,010 --> 00:53:21,760
Fuck beans!
That was them, wasn't it?
1098
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,930
Shit, I said you love the cock.
1099
00:53:24,970 --> 00:53:27,310
I gotta be the craftiest
mother-fucker alive.
1100
00:53:31,020 --> 00:53:33,310
Flee, fat ass, flee!
1101
00:53:41,070 --> 00:53:43,070
Head for the sewer!
1102
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:48,740
Stage dive!
1103
00:53:48,750 --> 00:53:50,080
Ohh!
1104
00:53:58,250 --> 00:54:00,550
You fat fuck.
1105
00:54:00,590 --> 00:54:03,680
Fire a warning shot
into his bulbous ass.
1106
00:54:04,930 --> 00:54:08,100
Suck it in!
Think thin! Think thin!
1107
00:54:08,140 --> 00:54:10,230
One rectal breach comin' up.
1108
00:54:10,270 --> 00:54:11,730
Suck it in!
1109
00:54:12,310 --> 00:54:13,850
Incoming!
1110
00:54:22,950 --> 00:54:25,320
Just like Winnie the Pooh.
1111
00:54:30,290 --> 00:54:33,210
That was just
an incredibly daring escape.
1112
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,890
All right, here's the deal.
You and your men stay up here.
1113
00:54:36,930 --> 00:54:38,890
When I corner him,
I'll call for backup.
1114
00:54:40,470 --> 00:54:42,390
I'm counting on you, Sheriff.
1115
00:54:44,180 --> 00:54:45,940
You've taught me so much.
1116
00:54:54,530 --> 00:54:56,780
Ow. Ow. Ow!
1117
00:54:56,820 --> 00:54:58,910
Fuck this ass hole.
1118
00:54:58,950 --> 00:55:00,910
Let's go back
to the station house
1119
00:55:00,950 --> 00:55:02,610
and cornhole us a drunk.
1120
00:55:02,620 --> 00:55:04,410
Yeah. Let's go.
1121
00:55:07,580 --> 00:55:09,540
The whole fuckin'
world's against us, dude
1122
00:55:09,580 --> 00:55:11,090
I swear to God!
1123
00:55:11,130 --> 00:55:16,260
Put the monkey down
and your hands up!
1124
00:55:17,590 --> 00:55:19,430
Let's do, misters!
You wanna get shot?
1125
00:55:20,550 --> 00:55:22,130
I didn't think so.
1126
00:55:22,140 --> 00:55:26,090
Look, man, she doesn't
wanna go back to the lab.
1127
00:55:26,100 --> 00:55:28,730
And for the record, I ain't gay.
1128
00:55:28,770 --> 00:55:31,060
And for the record,
while we're on the subject
1129
00:55:31,110 --> 00:55:34,070
I knew that that wasn't
a real little boy.
1130
00:55:34,110 --> 00:55:37,690
For one more record,
he loves the cock.
1131
00:55:37,700 --> 00:55:41,310
On your knees, Texas Pete.
Let's go!
1132
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:44,360
See, man? He's lined us up
like fuckin' circus seals.
1133
00:55:44,370 --> 00:55:45,620
Well, I'm goin' first.
1134
00:55:45,660 --> 00:55:47,389
I don't want no mouthful
of monkey spit
1135
00:55:47,390 --> 00:55:49,080
if I gotta blow
this fuckin' G-man.
1136
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:50,920
What are you talking about?
1137
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:52,340
Look, no one's gonna get blown.
1138
00:55:53,670 --> 00:55:55,260
Dude! Whoa!
1139
00:55:55,300 --> 00:55:56,510
Shit!
1140
00:55:57,920 --> 00:55:59,510
Wow!
1141
00:55:59,550 --> 00:56:01,180
These guys are good.
1142
00:56:01,220 --> 00:56:02,470
Very good.
1143
00:56:05,350 --> 00:56:09,310
Yaaah!
1144
00:56:09,390 --> 00:56:11,400
Hey, law dog!
1145
00:56:12,860 --> 00:56:14,010
Hey!
1146
00:56:14,020 --> 00:56:17,850
See you in hell, cock-smoker!
1147
00:56:17,860 --> 00:56:20,020
Oh, fuck me!
1148
00:56:20,030 --> 00:56:22,530
Aah!
1149
00:56:44,100 --> 00:56:46,260
Hey! Get the fuck off her!
1150
00:56:46,310 --> 00:56:48,600
That's my ex-girlfriend's
monkey!
1151
00:56:50,230 --> 00:56:51,770
Hey!
1152
00:56:51,810 --> 00:56:53,690
That monkey don't belong to you!
1153
00:57:00,900 --> 00:57:04,070
Man, who the fuck
just steals a monkey?
1154
00:57:05,450 --> 00:57:06,980
Oh, yeah.
1155
00:57:06,990 --> 00:57:08,370
Well, this fuckin' blows, man.
1156
00:57:08,410 --> 00:57:10,099
We have one more day
to stop these fucks
1157
00:57:10,100 --> 00:57:11,290
from shooting this movie
1158
00:57:11,330 --> 00:57:13,580
and they fuckin' took
the one thing I had left
1159
00:57:13,630 --> 00:57:15,590
from the one woman
I loved enough
1160
00:57:15,630 --> 00:57:17,590
not to stick my hand
down her pants.
1161
00:57:19,010 --> 00:57:20,470
What, go after the monkey?
1162
00:57:20,510 --> 00:57:22,470
How the fuck do we know
where that car's going?
1163
00:57:25,180 --> 00:57:26,760
Don't just point like.
1164
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:31,480
Wh you gotta take a shit.
1165
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:34,060
No, no, no,
you gotta take a salad.
1166
00:57:35,230 --> 00:57:36,640
What the fuck
are you trying to say?
1167
00:57:36,650 --> 00:57:38,980
Just say it, man. Don't
make me ask twenty questions.
1168
00:57:39,030 --> 00:57:41,850
You could always tell that
stupid Amy story all the time
1169
00:57:41,860 --> 00:57:44,719
but you can't spit out fuckin',
"Yo, Jay, I disagree"
1170
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:46,950
or "Yo, those are
some good cheese fries".
1171
00:57:49,330 --> 00:57:51,330
Just fuckin' say it already!
1172
00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:55,820
The sign on the back of the car
1173
00:57:55,830 --> 00:58:00,420
said "Critters of Hollywood,"
you dumb fuck!
1174
00:58:05,590 --> 00:58:08,350
Say it, don't spray it.
1175
00:58:09,850 --> 00:58:11,310
And might I add
1176
00:58:11,350 --> 00:58:14,350
that is one fine-looking boy
you are raising.
1177
00:58:19,780 --> 00:58:20,940
Well
1178
00:58:20,980 --> 00:58:23,030
if it isn't the wildlife expert.
1179
00:58:23,070 --> 00:58:24,490
Heh.
1180
00:58:24,530 --> 00:58:25,990
Your office faxed this over.
1181
00:58:26,070 --> 00:58:28,990
Now, the guy said it was a post
from an Internet chat board
1182
00:58:29,030 --> 00:58:31,580
signed by a "Jay and Silent Bob".
1183
00:58:33,750 --> 00:58:37,380
"All you mother fuckers
are gonna pay."
1184
00:58:37,420 --> 00:58:39,340
"You are the ones
who are ball-lickers."
1185
00:58:39,380 --> 00:58:41,130
"Gonna fuck your mothers
while you watch"
1186
00:58:41,170 --> 00:58:45,090
"and cry like little bitches.
Once we get to Hollywood, we."
1187
00:58:46,300 --> 00:58:47,550
They're going to Hollywood.
1188
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:58,860
"You see me driving
down the street."
1189
00:59:02,860 --> 00:59:05,740
"I look so fucking good."
1190
00:59:11,700 --> 00:59:15,200
What? It's not like cheating.
Justice blew up.
1191
00:59:15,210 --> 00:59:18,040
All right, here's the plan.
First we find out
1192
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:19,370
where they're
shooting this movie
1193
00:59:19,380 --> 00:59:20,880
and after we bust that shit up
1194
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:22,590
we can start lookin'
for the monkey.
1195
00:59:22,630 --> 00:59:24,439
But before we do
any of that shit
1196
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:26,590
we gotta find a mother-fucker
in the know
1197
00:59:26,630 --> 00:59:28,030
someone like
the mayor of Hollywood.
1198
00:59:28,050 --> 00:59:29,890
Crack? Want some crack?
1199
00:59:29,930 --> 00:59:31,290
Get you high?
1200
00:59:31,300 --> 00:59:33,310
No, man, but you want some weed?
1201
00:59:33,350 --> 00:59:35,140
You on the job?
1202
00:59:35,180 --> 00:59:37,270
Yeah, boy!
1203
00:59:37,310 --> 00:59:39,350
Jersey Local 404.
1204
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:40,600
Ho, ho, man!
1205
00:59:40,610 --> 00:59:44,280
Pumpkin Escobar,
Los Angeles Local 305.
1206
00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:45,770
Oh, shit! What up?
1207
00:59:45,780 --> 00:59:48,280
Aw, man, it's a small world!
1208
00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:49,759
Hey, lemme ask you a question.
1209
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:51,990
You dudes gettin' on medical
out there in Jersey yet?
1210
00:59:52,030 --> 00:59:55,250
Shit, no. We might have
to strike in September.
1211
00:59:55,290 --> 00:59:58,070
Aw, man. "Norma Rae"
like a mother-fucker, huh?
1212
00:59:58,080 --> 00:59:59,396
Yo, maybe you can help
us out. You know where
1213
00:59:59,420 --> 01:00:00,860
they're shootin'
a movie around here?
1214
01:00:00,910 --> 01:00:02,230
You askin' me
a question like that
1215
01:00:02,250 --> 01:00:03,800
in Holly weird, man?
You got to come
1216
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:05,840
a little bit
more specific than that.
1217
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,130
It's a Mir amax flick.
We gotta bust it up,
1218
01:00:08,180 --> 01:00:10,170
so people stop callin' us
names on the Internet,
1219
01:00:10,180 --> 01:00:12,210
even though they're not
really talkin' about us,
1220
01:00:12,220 --> 01:00:13,720
but characters based on us.
1221
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:16,340
And at the same time,
find my ex-girlfriend,
1222
01:00:16,350 --> 01:00:18,850
who was killed
in a car explosion's monkey.
1223
01:00:18,890 --> 01:00:21,650
Man, I don't know
what the fuck you just said
1224
01:00:21,690 --> 01:00:24,900
little kid,
but you special, man.
1225
01:00:24,940 --> 01:00:28,950
You reached out, and you
touched a brother heart.
1226
01:00:28,990 --> 01:00:30,700
So I'm gonna
give you some direction.
1227
01:00:30,740 --> 01:00:32,450
Gimme the map, Scott.
1228
01:00:32,490 --> 01:00:33,990
Gimme the map, Scott!
1229
01:00:34,030 --> 01:00:35,370
You know where Mir amax is at?
1230
01:00:35,410 --> 01:00:37,250
Mir amax? Ha ha ha!
1231
01:00:43,130 --> 01:00:45,550
Is Hollywood ready
for Jay and Silent Bob?
1232
01:00:45,590 --> 01:00:48,170
A source at the Federal
Wildlife Marshal's office
1233
01:00:48,260 --> 01:00:50,380
tells us that a posting
was pulled off
1234
01:00:50,430 --> 01:00:52,760
an Internet movie chat board
allegedly written
1235
01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:55,119
by the two domestic terrorists
themselves.
1236
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:57,380
It's sending
a shockave through Hollywood.
1237
01:00:57,390 --> 01:01:01,270
Jules Asner is on the scene
at Mir amax Studios. Jules?
1238
01:01:01,310 --> 01:01:04,400
Steve, the tenor of Tinseltown
is one of terror today,
1239
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:06,940
after the Federal Wildlife
Marshal's office has learned
1240
01:01:06,980 --> 01:01:09,400
that hot new terrorists
Jay and Silent Bob
1241
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:11,150
have targeted Mir amax Studios
1242
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,490
for their next campaign
of blood, violence
1243
01:01:13,530 --> 01:01:14,990
and monkey theft.
1244
01:01:15,030 --> 01:01:18,250
In a posting pulled off
of Moviepoopshoot.com,
1245
01:01:18,290 --> 01:01:20,990
the gruesome twosome
threatened, and I quote.
1246
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:23,790
"Once we get to Hollywood
and find those Mir amax"
1247
01:01:23,830 --> 01:01:25,620
"expletive deleted-
who are making"
1248
01:01:25,630 --> 01:01:27,120
"the "Blunt man and Chronic" movie"
1249
01:01:27,130 --> 01:01:29,620
"we're gonna make them eat
our expletive deleted-"
1250
01:01:29,630 --> 01:01:31,720
"then expletive deleted out our"
1251
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:34,930
"expletive deleted then eat
their expletive deleted-"
1252
01:01:34,970 --> 01:01:37,250
"which is made up of our
expletive deleted-"
1253
01:01:37,260 --> 01:01:39,560
"that we made them eat".
Unquote.
1254
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,600
So far we've been unable
to get a statement
1255
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:43,400
from anybody here at the studio.
1256
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:45,930
But no sign
of Jay and Silent Bob?
1257
01:01:45,940 --> 01:01:47,610
None whatsoever
1258
01:01:50,150 --> 01:01:51,980
what Jay and Silent Bob
even look like
1259
01:01:51,990 --> 01:01:54,910
so for all we know, they could
already be on the lot.
1260
01:01:54,950 --> 01:01:56,280
Shit!
1261
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:57,490
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon
1262
01:01:57,530 --> 01:01:59,450
are shooting a project
on the lot.
1263
01:01:59,490 --> 01:02:00,810
Have you seen them
roaming around?
1264
01:02:00,830 --> 01:02:02,290
No, Steve, but.
1265
01:02:03,460 --> 01:02:04,920
Fuck it.
1266
01:02:15,470 --> 01:02:16,720
OK.
1267
01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:19,010
He's got a pass. Let him in.
1268
01:02:20,810 --> 01:02:24,100
We gotta play this just right.
1269
01:02:34,530 --> 01:02:37,990
Hey! You don't have a pass!
1270
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:43,790
Whoa!
1271
01:02:57,550 --> 01:02:59,810
I hate how fake Hollywood is.
1272
01:02:59,850 --> 01:03:01,130
Where do you think you're going?
1273
01:03:01,150 --> 01:03:02,480
Get off of me!
1274
01:03:04,310 --> 01:03:06,100
Don't.
1275
01:03:06,140 --> 01:03:08,690
Echo Base, I've got a 10-07,
1276
01:03:08,730 --> 01:03:11,060
two unauthorized on the lot,
requesting backup.
1277
01:03:11,070 --> 01:03:12,730
I thought that was a 10-82.
1278
01:03:12,780 --> 01:03:15,110
No, sir, a 10-82 is
disappearing a dead hooker
1279
01:03:15,150 --> 01:03:16,560
from Ben Affleck's trailer.
1280
01:03:16,570 --> 01:03:19,240
Ooh, that Affleck.
Backup on the way.
1281
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:20,450
Hey, I'll make you a deal.
1282
01:03:20,490 --> 01:03:23,500
This guy will suck
your dick off if you let us go.
1283
01:03:23,580 --> 01:03:24,860
Heh.
Contrary to what you believe
1284
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:27,780
not everyone in the industry
is a homosexual.
1285
01:03:27,790 --> 01:03:29,500
How about this deal?
1286
01:03:29,540 --> 01:03:34,380
He'll suck my dick
while you watch and jerk off.
1287
01:03:34,420 --> 01:03:36,090
All right.
1288
01:03:37,510 --> 01:03:40,420
Make it fastand sexy.
1289
01:03:40,430 --> 01:03:41,920
It's either this or jail
1290
01:03:41,930 --> 01:03:44,520
and you know
what they do to you in jail.
1291
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,140
I was a guard.
1292
01:03:47,940 --> 01:03:49,310
All right.
1293
01:03:49,350 --> 01:03:51,400
And after it's all over,
you say:
1294
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:53,900
"Oh, what a lovely tea party".
1295
01:04:04,850 --> 01:04:06,650
What the fuck you waitin' for,
bitch?
1296
01:04:06,690 --> 01:04:10,610
Start suckin'. Bong-ing!
1297
01:04:19,580 --> 01:04:21,620
Worth a shot.
1298
01:04:21,660 --> 01:04:24,960
Like a shot in your
fuckin' mouth, you gay bitch.
1299
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:28,170
Ew, dude, you were really
gonna suck my dick.
1300
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:34,420
All right, now,
remember what I said.
1301
01:04:34,670 --> 01:04:38,220
Do not look at Ben or Matt
directly in the eyes
1302
01:04:38,260 --> 01:04:39,600
or you will be fired.
1303
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:41,380
Does everybody understand that?
1304
01:04:41,390 --> 01:04:43,180
Thank you.
1305
01:04:46,140 --> 01:04:47,600
You frosted your hair, though.
1306
01:04:49,240 --> 01:04:52,330
Yeah, I frosted my hair,
but it looks good.
1307
01:04:52,370 --> 01:04:54,870
This has got to be
the Blunt man flick.
1308
01:04:54,910 --> 01:04:57,750
There's those two fucks
from the Mork movie.
1309
01:04:57,790 --> 01:04:59,110
Lips, teeth, tongue,
or lion face?
1310
01:04:59,130 --> 01:05:01,290
Lion face. Ha!
1311
01:05:01,330 --> 01:05:02,580
Lemon face. Ooh.
1312
01:05:02,590 --> 01:05:03,800
Lion face. Ha!
1313
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:05,080
Lemon face. Ooh.
1314
01:05:05,090 --> 01:05:07,380
Break it down.
Where we taking it from, Gus?
1315
01:05:09,510 --> 01:05:10,640
Gus?
1316
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:11,880
I'm busy.
1317
01:05:11,890 --> 01:05:13,100
You're a true artist, Gus.
1318
01:05:13,140 --> 01:05:14,880
Just take it from,
"It's a good course".
1319
01:05:14,890 --> 01:05:17,156
What, you're the director now?
Hey, shove it, "Bounce" boy.
1320
01:05:17,180 --> 01:05:18,316
Let's remember who talked who
1321
01:05:18,340 --> 01:05:19,776
into doing this shit
in the first place.
1322
01:05:19,800 --> 01:05:22,109
I mean, talking me into "Dogma"
is one thing, but this is.
1323
01:05:22,110 --> 01:05:23,520
Look, I'm sorry
I dragged you away
1324
01:05:23,570 --> 01:05:25,570
from whatever gay serial killers
1325
01:05:25,610 --> 01:05:27,740
who ride horses
and like to play golf
1326
01:05:27,780 --> 01:05:29,620
touchy-feely picture
you're gonna do this week.
1327
01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:31,740
I take it you haven't seen
"Forces of Nature".
1328
01:05:31,780 --> 01:05:33,660
You're like a child.
What do I keep telling you?
1329
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,490
You gotta do the safe picture,
then you do the art picture.
1330
01:05:36,540 --> 01:05:38,380
Then sometimes you gotta
do the payback picture
1331
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:39,800
'cause your friend
says you owe him.
1332
01:05:42,290 --> 01:05:44,050
Then sometimes you gotta
go back to the well.
1333
01:05:44,090 --> 01:05:45,810
Yeah, and sometimes
you do "Reindeer Games".
1334
01:05:45,830 --> 01:05:47,260
See, that's just mean.
1335
01:05:47,300 --> 01:05:52,460
All we gotta do is figure out
how to get closer to 'em.
1336
01:05:52,470 --> 01:05:55,220
Get over OK, you, little kid,
you're here.
1337
01:05:55,260 --> 01:05:56,970
Your buddy's right here.
1338
01:05:57,020 --> 01:05:58,600
Just stand there and react.
1339
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:02,010
Don't say anything
especially you.
1340
01:06:02,020 --> 01:06:03,190
All right, people!
1341
01:06:03,230 --> 01:06:04,610
That's pretty funny.
1342
01:06:04,650 --> 01:06:07,610
Lock it up,
we're going for picture.
1343
01:06:07,650 --> 01:06:08,850
Make it happen, guys.
1344
01:06:08,860 --> 01:06:10,140
Get your fuckin' hands off me.
1345
01:06:10,150 --> 01:06:11,610
Fuck off, will you?
1346
01:06:11,660 --> 01:06:13,450
All right. On the count of three
1347
01:06:13,490 --> 01:06:15,740
we rush these fucks
and beat the shit out of 'em
1348
01:06:15,780 --> 01:06:17,020
'cause if they're all fucked up
1349
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:18,870
they can't make that movie,
right?
1350
01:06:18,910 --> 01:06:20,410
Ready?
1351
01:06:20,460 --> 01:06:23,500
1, 2, 3!
1352
01:06:23,540 --> 01:06:25,830
"Good Will Hunting 2,
Hunting Season",
1353
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:28,380
scene 16, take 5.
1354
01:06:31,050 --> 01:06:33,050
Think about the pay-check. OK.
1355
01:06:38,770 --> 01:06:41,020
So, action, Gus, or
1356
01:06:41,060 --> 01:06:44,150
Jesus, Ben,
I said I'm busy. Busy.
1357
01:06:46,980 --> 01:06:49,150
Yeah, I do remember the class,
1358
01:06:49,190 --> 01:06:51,990
but frankly,
I found it rather elementary.
1359
01:06:52,030 --> 01:06:53,350
I remember that class.
1360
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:56,240
It was just between
recess and lunch.
1361
01:06:56,280 --> 01:06:59,490
Are we gonna have
a problem again?
1362
01:06:59,540 --> 01:07:01,740
I was still just hoping
you might be able
1363
01:07:01,750 --> 01:07:05,530
to give me a little insight
into the Southern colonies!
1364
01:07:05,540 --> 01:07:07,670
See, Wood says.
1365
01:07:07,710 --> 01:07:09,380
What'd I say? What'd I tell you?
1366
01:07:09,420 --> 01:07:11,380
You'd be back in here
regurgitating Gordon Wood.
1367
01:07:11,420 --> 01:07:12,840
But you forgot about Vickers.
1368
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:17,720
No, I just read Vickers, so I'm
up on inherited wealth, Hunting.
1369
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:20,930
But you're no longer the angry,
brilliant young mind
1370
01:07:20,970 --> 01:07:24,390
you once were, just itching
to vent your frustrations.
1371
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:26,900
No, you stopped
hitting the books
1372
01:07:26,980 --> 01:07:29,480
with a vengeance,
and now I've read shit
1373
01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:32,430
you haven't even
heard about yet.
1374
01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:34,650
Face facts, my friend.
1375
01:07:34,700 --> 01:07:39,240
You're just no longer
that good Will Hunting.
1376
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:47,250
Now how do you like them apples?
1377
01:07:49,460 --> 01:07:51,700
I don't like the sound
of them apples, Will.
1378
01:07:51,710 --> 01:07:53,050
What are we gonna do?
1379
01:07:53,090 --> 01:07:55,380
Chuckie? Yeah?
1380
01:07:55,430 --> 01:07:58,090
It's hunting season.
1381
01:08:02,770 --> 01:08:04,730
Apple sauce, bitch.
1382
01:08:06,850 --> 01:08:08,300
Sorry to interrupt, sirs
1383
01:08:08,310 --> 01:08:10,320
but we've got a 10-07
on our hands.
1384
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:12,310
Ah, Jesus. Again, Ben?
1385
01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:13,530
No, bullshit!
1386
01:08:13,570 --> 01:08:16,360
'Cause I wasn't
with a hooker today. Ha ha!
1387
01:08:16,400 --> 01:08:17,490
There they are!
1388
01:08:17,530 --> 01:08:20,990
Affleck, you da bomb
in "Phantoms", yo!
1389
01:08:23,160 --> 01:08:24,620
Get 'em!
1390
01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:38,720
Watch it!
1391
01:08:56,030 --> 01:08:57,200
Aah!
1392
01:09:02,370 --> 01:09:05,660
All right, you bastard.
Let's see who you really are.
1393
01:09:09,330 --> 01:09:12,340
Fucking Mir amax. Cut!
1394
01:09:14,460 --> 01:09:16,340
Shannen, usually I say cut.
1395
01:09:16,380 --> 01:09:17,550
A monkey, Wes?
1396
01:09:17,590 --> 01:09:20,720
I mean, Jesus, you guys aren't
even trying anymore, are you?
1397
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:23,760
What? The market research
says people love monkeys.
1398
01:09:27,270 --> 01:09:29,220
We love this monkey!
1399
01:09:29,230 --> 01:09:30,770
Do somethin'.
1400
01:09:30,810 --> 01:09:32,020
See?
1401
01:09:32,060 --> 01:09:33,360
There they are. There they are.
1402
01:09:43,070 --> 01:09:44,240
There they go. There they go!
1403
01:09:52,130 --> 01:09:53,670
Punch it!
1404
01:09:57,590 --> 01:09:59,220
Fuck!
1405
01:10:05,810 --> 01:10:08,140
Those are some magical guys.
1406
01:10:22,700 --> 01:10:25,360
Ew, dude.
I fuckin' knew it, man.
1407
01:10:25,370 --> 01:10:28,160
You love that shit, don't you?
1408
01:10:32,210 --> 01:10:33,710
Holy shit,
that looked like it hurt.
1409
01:10:33,750 --> 01:10:36,420
A are you guys all right?
1410
01:10:36,460 --> 01:10:38,300
Let's get you guys
on your feet. Come on.
1411
01:10:49,140 --> 01:10:51,140
Hey, wait a second.
1412
01:10:51,180 --> 01:10:52,970
Aren't you that guy
that fucked the pie?
1413
01:10:52,980 --> 01:10:54,190
You see, man?
1414
01:10:54,230 --> 01:10:56,730
You see? It's never it's never.
1415
01:10:56,770 --> 01:10:58,970
"Hey, hey, you were
in 'Loser', weren't you?"
1416
01:10:58,980 --> 01:11:00,620
Or "Dude, you rocked
in 'Boys and Girls".'
1417
01:11:00,650 --> 01:11:03,150
No, it always comes back
to that fuckin' pie.
1418
01:11:03,200 --> 01:11:05,490
I'm haunted by it!
You put your dick in a pie.
1419
01:11:05,530 --> 01:11:07,230
Enough!
1420
01:11:07,240 --> 01:11:09,410
I'm Jason Biggs.
1421
01:11:09,490 --> 01:11:10,490
Yo, man, did you really
get to third base
1422
01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:12,320
with that Russian chick
like in the movie?
1423
01:11:12,330 --> 01:11:15,670
You mean Shannon? No.
1424
01:11:15,710 --> 01:11:17,450
Man, she is fuckin' fine.
1425
01:11:17,460 --> 01:11:19,500
If I was you,
I would've been like.
1426
01:11:23,880 --> 01:11:27,010
You like that? You like that?
1427
01:11:27,050 --> 01:11:29,760
What, you never
did one of these?
1428
01:11:31,600 --> 01:11:33,140
Wait, wait, none of that.
1429
01:11:33,180 --> 01:11:34,720
Oh, yeah.
1430
01:11:34,730 --> 01:11:37,230
Done plenty of that, my friend.
1431
01:11:37,270 --> 01:11:39,520
Holy shit, you're the Dawson.
1432
01:11:39,570 --> 01:11:41,320
James, actually.
James Van Der Beek.
1433
01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:43,610
What's up with Pacey
stealing Joey away from you?
1434
01:11:43,650 --> 01:11:45,570
If I was you, I would've
drowned-Ed his ass
1435
01:11:45,610 --> 01:11:46,810
in the creek and shit.
1436
01:11:46,820 --> 01:11:48,730
You actually watch that show?
1437
01:11:48,740 --> 01:11:50,900
Yeah, for Joey, man.
She is too fine.
1438
01:11:50,910 --> 01:11:52,700
Did you ever get
to third base with her?
1439
01:11:52,750 --> 01:11:54,070
Actually,
there was this one time.
1440
01:11:54,090 --> 01:11:55,640
Wait a minute. Who are you guys?
1441
01:11:56,880 --> 01:11:59,500
They're our stunt doubles,
dumbass.
1442
01:11:59,540 --> 01:12:01,760
R-right? Of course.
1443
01:12:03,130 --> 01:12:05,430
Stunt doubles for what?
1444
01:12:05,470 --> 01:12:07,750
For the movie that we're
shooting in about 15 minutes?
1445
01:12:07,760 --> 01:12:09,160
"Blunt man and Chronic
Strike Back"?
1446
01:12:09,180 --> 01:12:12,220
Yeah, you're doubling me,
obviously.
1447
01:12:12,270 --> 01:12:14,850
I'm playing Blunt man,
a.k.a. Silent Bill.
1448
01:12:14,890 --> 01:12:16,190
Bob. Right.
1449
01:12:16,230 --> 01:12:18,940
And, uh, and
and he's playing Chronic.
1450
01:12:18,980 --> 01:12:21,940
A.K.A. Ray. Jay. Fuck!
1451
01:12:21,980 --> 01:12:23,360
Biggs, you even read the script?
1452
01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:24,820
There's a script?
1453
01:12:24,860 --> 01:12:29,230
Listen to me you would
last a day on the "Creek".
1454
01:12:29,240 --> 01:12:30,410
A day?
1455
01:12:30,450 --> 01:12:31,810
Wait a second.
We'll be right back.
1456
01:12:31,830 --> 01:12:33,360
Fuck you
and your "Dawson's" crap.
1457
01:12:33,370 --> 01:12:35,410
Go to hell, Pacey. Go to hell.
1458
01:12:35,500 --> 01:12:36,960
At least call me
the right character.
1459
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,760
These are the fucks
that are playing us here.
1460
01:12:38,780 --> 01:12:41,490
You take 'em out
biggety bamno movie.
1461
01:12:43,300 --> 01:12:45,340
Useless little ape.
1462
01:12:45,380 --> 01:12:48,470
What's with the weird
gay huddle going on over there?
1463
01:12:48,510 --> 01:12:50,000
Let me put my arm over yours.
1464
01:12:50,010 --> 01:12:51,180
Gay? What's gay about it?
1465
01:12:51,220 --> 01:12:52,780
It's two guys talking
in a corner, dude.
1466
01:12:52,810 --> 01:12:54,850
Yeah, but
Why are you such a homophobe?
1467
01:12:54,890 --> 01:12:56,310
A homophobe?
1468
01:12:56,350 --> 01:12:57,666
You're always like,
"Oh, that's gay, man".
1469
01:12:57,690 --> 01:12:59,810
"Oh, look at that gay huddle".
"Look at that gay dog".
1470
01:12:59,830 --> 01:13:01,060
Dude, that is so gay. I.
1471
01:13:01,110 --> 01:13:03,440
Yeah, see?
1472
01:13:03,480 --> 01:13:05,990
I love gay people, OK?
I'm sure you do.
1473
01:13:07,240 --> 01:13:08,400
Oh, look at the monkey!
1474
01:13:08,410 --> 01:13:09,890
You're gonna tell me
the monkey's gay.
1475
01:13:09,910 --> 01:13:12,690
How do you know he doesn't
smoke monkey pole, huh?
1476
01:13:12,700 --> 01:13:14,190
Look, he's so cute.
1477
01:13:14,200 --> 01:13:15,660
So cute!
1478
01:13:15,700 --> 01:13:16,870
Whoa!
1479
01:13:16,910 --> 01:13:18,750
All right, you go in there,
start swinging.
1480
01:13:18,790 --> 01:13:21,030
Don't stop until these
little young Hollywood fucks
1481
01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:23,040
are out of commission.
Ready? Break.
1482
01:13:30,220 --> 01:13:32,180
That's one funky monkey.
1483
01:13:34,560 --> 01:13:38,020
Mr. Biggs, Mr. Van Der Beek,
this is Security.
1484
01:13:38,060 --> 01:13:39,600
There are two intruders
on the lot.
1485
01:13:39,640 --> 01:13:42,050
They crashed through a window
we believe might be yours.
1486
01:13:42,340 --> 01:13:44,400
Uh, yeah, they're in here.
1487
01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:47,020
Do they have you held hostage?
1488
01:13:47,030 --> 01:13:48,860
Do you want us
to call your publicists?
1489
01:13:48,900 --> 01:13:52,150
No, uh, we kicked
those guys' asses bad.
1490
01:13:52,160 --> 01:13:54,530
Real bad!
1491
01:13:54,580 --> 01:13:57,150
Well, great job, sirs.
If you'll let us in
1492
01:13:57,160 --> 01:13:58,460
we'll take over from here.
1493
01:13:58,500 --> 01:14:02,830
Um, no, me and Jason Biggs
are naked in here butt naked.
1494
01:14:02,880 --> 01:14:04,000
Together.
1495
01:14:04,090 --> 01:14:06,920
Oh. OK.
1496
01:14:06,960 --> 01:14:10,800
Well, we'll wait out here
till you clean up.
1497
01:14:20,440 --> 01:14:21,920
What are we gonna do?
How are we gonna
1498
01:14:21,940 --> 01:14:24,150
get out of here without
them fuckin' seeing us?
1499
01:14:27,780 --> 01:14:31,810
You've got the wrong guys!
Doesn't anybody watch the WB?
1500
01:14:31,820 --> 01:14:35,160
I'm a teen idol, damn it!
Don't you recognize me?
1501
01:14:35,200 --> 01:14:37,620
Look at me! I'm the pie fucker!
1502
01:14:39,950 --> 01:14:43,220
Yeah, well, in prison,
he'll be the pie.
1503
01:14:45,130 --> 01:14:47,200
This was a good idea, Lunch Box.
1504
01:14:47,210 --> 01:14:49,840
In these outfits,
we're totally incognito.
1505
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:51,400
Mr. Biggs, Mr. Van Der Beek!
1506
01:14:52,300 --> 01:14:54,470
Great. Looks like you've
changed costumes already.
1507
01:14:54,510 --> 01:14:55,680
Let's get you to the set.
1508
01:14:55,720 --> 01:14:57,640
The director doesn't like
to be kept waiting, OK?
1509
01:14:57,660 --> 01:14:59,370
Silent Bob!
1510
01:15:00,770 --> 01:15:02,100
Look at all these crackers.
1511
01:15:02,140 --> 01:15:04,810
$70 million,
I can't even get a black grip.
1512
01:15:04,850 --> 01:15:06,690
It's a shame. It's a damn shame.
1513
01:15:06,730 --> 01:15:07,940
Here's your coffee, sir.
1514
01:15:09,320 --> 01:15:11,520
You spit in this?
I didn't spit in it, sir.
1515
01:15:11,530 --> 01:15:12,860
Any boogers in it?
1516
01:15:12,900 --> 01:15:14,110
There's no boogers in it, sir.
1517
01:15:14,160 --> 01:15:15,560
You went to film school,
didn't you?
1518
01:15:15,580 --> 01:15:17,330
Must piss you off
to see a black man
1519
01:15:17,370 --> 01:15:18,540
running a big old production
1520
01:15:18,580 --> 01:15:21,290
like this, huh?
You went to film school.
1521
01:15:21,330 --> 01:15:24,820
Does your daddy know that you
give a nigger his coffee?
1522
01:15:24,830 --> 01:15:27,340
It would kill him, wouldn't it?
1523
01:15:27,380 --> 01:15:28,660
There's no boogers in it, sir.
1524
01:15:28,670 --> 01:15:30,760
Then taste it. Taste it!
1525
01:15:30,800 --> 01:15:33,080
Taste the booger flavour.
I know it's in there.
1526
01:15:34,300 --> 01:15:35,300
It's all good, sir.
1527
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:36,640
No, it ain't all good!
1528
01:15:36,650 --> 01:15:37,950
Now clean that shit up.
1529
01:15:37,990 --> 01:15:39,410
That's right.
Get me a white boy.
1530
01:15:39,450 --> 01:15:43,120
Get me a blonde-hair white boy,
so I can enjoy that shit.
1531
01:15:43,160 --> 01:15:44,290
You the man, sir.
1532
01:15:44,330 --> 01:15:46,160
No, you the man,
and that's the problem.
1533
01:15:46,200 --> 01:15:47,960
Uh, Chaka?
1534
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:49,320
Yeah. Hi, I'm Banky Edwards
1535
01:15:49,330 --> 01:15:50,850
the creator
of "Blunt man and Chronic".
1536
01:15:50,870 --> 01:15:53,250
We met a few weeks back.
I'm the executive producer.
1537
01:15:53,300 --> 01:15:55,170
Oh, you the executive producer!
1538
01:15:55,210 --> 01:15:57,670
Why don't you
executive produce me a latte?
1539
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:00,000
De-cracker-Nate it, OK, Fucky?
1540
01:16:00,010 --> 01:16:02,470
It's Banky. No, it is Fucky.
1541
01:16:02,510 --> 01:16:04,830
I wanted you to know that I
respect your work as an artist.
1542
01:16:04,850 --> 01:16:06,640
I'm something of an artist
myself.
1543
01:16:06,730 --> 01:16:08,209
I I was the inker
on the comic book.
1544
01:16:08,210 --> 01:16:09,520
Yeah, man, you a tracer, OK?
1545
01:16:09,560 --> 01:16:11,650
Nobody else got the heart
to tell you.
1546
01:16:11,690 --> 01:16:13,110
You trace.
You go around the lines.
1547
01:16:13,150 --> 01:16:14,419
You are a tracer, OK?
1548
01:16:14,420 --> 01:16:16,350
You think Fat Albert
had a tracer? No!
1549
01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:18,560
Bill Cosby did the whole
thing with a ruler
1550
01:16:18,570 --> 01:16:20,200
and it was excellent!
1551
01:16:21,530 --> 01:16:24,620
Crack-crack-cracker? Crack?
1552
01:16:24,660 --> 01:16:26,830
Uh, Biggs and Van Der Beek
are on the set, Chaka.
1553
01:16:26,870 --> 01:16:28,040
Well, I don't see 'em!
1554
01:16:28,080 --> 01:16:29,830
Where are the stars
of this piece of shit?
1555
01:16:46,470 --> 01:16:49,170
Damn, this must've set 'em back
a couple hundred bucks.
1556
01:16:49,180 --> 01:16:51,310
Get out of my way, man.
1557
01:16:51,350 --> 01:16:52,840
What the fuck is that?
1558
01:16:52,850 --> 01:16:54,860
Look at this.
A gay hood ornament
1559
01:16:54,900 --> 01:16:56,690
and "The Colour Purple".
1560
01:16:56,730 --> 01:16:58,100
Who the fuck are you?
1561
01:16:58,110 --> 01:16:59,650
Who the fuck am I?
I'm the director!
1562
01:16:59,700 --> 01:17:01,700
Chaka Luther King,
that's who the fuck I am.
1563
01:17:01,740 --> 01:17:02,910
No, wait a second.
1564
01:17:02,950 --> 01:17:04,830
I thought Banky and Holden
created this shit.
1565
01:17:04,870 --> 01:17:06,080
And I'm stealin' it.
1566
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:07,820
I'm takin' it back
for the black man
1567
01:17:07,830 --> 01:17:09,360
to make up for all the shit
1568
01:17:09,370 --> 01:17:11,460
that you mother fuckers
are takin' from us.
1569
01:17:11,500 --> 01:17:14,040
Do you know that I came up with
the idea for "Sesame Street"?
1570
01:17:14,080 --> 01:17:15,910
I came up with it before PBS.
1571
01:17:15,920 --> 01:17:17,920
The white man stole it.
That's right.
1572
01:17:17,960 --> 01:17:20,010
I was gonna call it "N.W.P".
1573
01:17:20,050 --> 01:17:22,930
"Niggas With Puppets".
Catchy, ain't it?
1574
01:17:22,970 --> 01:17:24,800
All right, enough
of this small talk.
1575
01:17:24,850 --> 01:17:26,590
Let's shoot. Wait a sec.
1576
01:17:26,600 --> 01:17:27,810
Aren't you gonna direct us?
1577
01:17:27,850 --> 01:17:29,930
Man, I will direct you
to the unemployment line
1578
01:17:30,020 --> 01:17:32,100
if you don't stop
back talking me, OK, cracker?
1579
01:17:32,140 --> 01:17:34,421
We don't know what we're doing.
We didn't read the script.
1580
01:17:34,460 --> 01:17:35,669
Hey, it ain't that hard, man.
1581
01:17:35,670 --> 01:17:38,430
I film the mother-fucker, right?
Then I yell "Cut".
1582
01:17:38,440 --> 01:17:40,240
Then I run the fuck out of here
1583
01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:43,030
go to my trailer, 'cause I got
more white girls in there
1584
01:17:43,070 --> 01:17:45,240
than the first lifeboat
on the Titanic
1585
01:17:45,280 --> 01:17:46,940
and they all want
a part in my movie
1586
01:17:46,950 --> 01:17:48,730
and I got just the part for 'em.
1587
01:17:48,740 --> 01:17:50,250
So you ready to do this?
1588
01:17:50,290 --> 01:17:52,920
All right!
Let's roll with the new.
1589
01:17:52,960 --> 01:17:54,440
All right,
quiet on the set, everyone.
1590
01:17:54,460 --> 01:17:56,099
Quiet on the set! Picture's up!
1591
01:17:56,100 --> 01:17:58,420
I got you new coffee, sir
booger-free.
1592
01:17:58,460 --> 01:18:00,460
Get that shit
the fuck out of here.
1593
01:18:00,510 --> 01:18:02,340
You guys look pretty badass.
1594
01:18:03,590 --> 01:18:05,219
"Blunt man and Chronic
Strike Back"
1595
01:18:05,220 --> 01:18:07,350
scene 37, take one.
1596
01:18:12,520 --> 01:18:14,310
What are we waiting for? Action!
1597
01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:22,780
Umsnootchie bootchies?
1598
01:18:26,910 --> 01:18:28,700
What the fuck?
1599
01:18:37,540 --> 01:18:39,039
You thought I'd never find
1600
01:18:39,040 --> 01:18:42,550
your precious Blunt-cave,
did you, Hemp knight?
1601
01:18:43,550 --> 01:18:51,470
But now you and your sidekick
are finally in the grasp
1602
01:18:51,520 --> 01:18:53,230
of Cock-Knocker!
1603
01:18:54,520 --> 01:18:58,650
Why do they call you
Cock-Knocker?
1604
01:18:58,690 --> 01:19:01,310
Actually, there's a funny story
behind that.
1605
01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:04,150
You're gonna love this.
True story.
1606
01:19:05,820 --> 01:19:08,740
Avenge me Hemp knight.
1607
01:19:15,580 --> 01:19:18,210
I think George Lucas
gonna sue somebody.
1608
01:19:19,500 --> 01:19:24,090
Any last words before
I bust your balls, Blunt man?
1609
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:11,930
Dance, pie-fucker!
1610
01:20:14,220 --> 01:20:15,810
Damn, these white boys
can't fight.
1611
01:20:17,600 --> 01:20:20,810
Don't fuck with
a Jedi Master, son.
1612
01:20:25,280 --> 01:20:26,650
Yo, bitch fist!
1613
01:20:29,780 --> 01:20:34,200
Call me Darth Balls. Bong!
1614
01:20:34,240 --> 01:20:35,790
Good Lord.
1615
01:20:40,540 --> 01:20:42,290
Hey, that wasn't in the script.
1616
01:21:10,610 --> 01:21:12,860
So this is Hollywood?
1617
01:21:12,910 --> 01:21:18,330
Well, then lights, camera,
action, Jay and Silent Bob.
1618
01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:23,460
Freeze, you terrorist
sons of bitches!
1619
01:21:24,710 --> 01:21:26,170
My God!
1620
01:21:27,420 --> 01:21:30,510
Oh! Oh, my God.
1621
01:21:30,590 --> 01:21:34,130
Oh. Uh, sorry, everyone.
1622
01:21:34,140 --> 01:21:35,680
That was supposed
to be a warning shot.
1623
01:21:35,760 --> 01:21:37,560
I'm obviously on the wrong set.
1624
01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:39,930
Um, is he gonna be OK?
1625
01:21:41,770 --> 01:21:43,310
Not good.
1626
01:21:49,480 --> 01:21:52,450
You are not upstaging me,
Van Der Beek.
1627
01:22:00,290 --> 01:22:02,120
Man, this movie's
gonna make "House Party"
1628
01:22:02,160 --> 01:22:03,750
look like "House Party 2".
1629
01:22:03,830 --> 01:22:04,990
Or "House Party 3".
1630
01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:06,790
Shut the fuck up. Yes, sir.
1631
01:22:06,840 --> 01:22:09,760
Chaka!
Call off Dawson, will you?
1632
01:22:14,010 --> 01:22:15,130
Chaka!
1633
01:22:15,140 --> 01:22:17,220
Can I get a cut here?
1634
01:22:22,350 --> 01:22:24,350
Not again.
1635
01:22:25,810 --> 01:22:27,810
Now whose balls
have been busted, bitch?
1636
01:22:27,860 --> 01:22:30,060
All right, that's it.
I am out of here.
1637
01:22:30,070 --> 01:22:31,820
Chaka, I'll be in my trailer.
1638
01:22:32,280 --> 01:22:34,140
What the fuck?!
1639
01:22:34,150 --> 01:22:36,820
C.L.I.T. stops here,
Jay and Silent Bob!
1640
01:22:36,870 --> 01:22:39,190
Another white boy
in this movie? Damn!
1641
01:22:39,200 --> 01:22:42,860
Federal Wildlife Marshal.
Everyone stay cool.
1642
01:22:42,870 --> 01:22:44,670
Go back to making
your adult movie.
1643
01:22:44,710 --> 01:22:46,990
These men are the leaders
of a terrorist organization
1644
01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:49,170
wanted for the abduction
of a little monkey.
1645
01:22:49,210 --> 01:22:51,000
They didn't really
steal that monkey.
1646
01:22:51,050 --> 01:22:54,300
It was just a diversion
so that we could steal these.
1647
01:22:54,340 --> 01:22:56,020
And they're not the leaders
of the C.L.I.T.
1648
01:22:56,040 --> 01:22:57,300
The C.L.I.T. is not real.
1649
01:22:57,340 --> 01:22:59,010
No, no, no.
No, the C.L.I.T.'s real.
1650
01:22:59,050 --> 01:23:00,720
The C.L.I.T.'s real all right.
1651
01:23:00,760 --> 01:23:03,060
It's the female orgasm
that's the myth.
1652
01:23:03,100 --> 01:23:05,020
You know what I'm talking about?
1653
01:23:05,060 --> 01:23:06,350
Are you guys all right?
1654
01:23:06,400 --> 01:23:08,850
I thought you blew up,
Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck.
1655
01:23:08,860 --> 01:23:11,320
You remembered!
1656
01:23:11,360 --> 01:23:13,990
Oh, it was a frame-up, Jay.
1657
01:23:14,030 --> 01:23:17,690
Missy, Sissy, Chrissy, and I
are international jewel thieves.
1658
01:23:17,700 --> 01:23:19,740
We were setting you up
to be a patsy
1659
01:23:19,780 --> 01:23:23,160
but I couldn't go through
with it because I
1660
01:23:23,200 --> 01:23:25,370
because I love you.
1661
01:23:25,410 --> 01:23:27,170
Yeah? That means
you're gonna fuck me, right?
1662
01:23:27,190 --> 01:23:28,330
Of course.
1663
01:23:28,380 --> 01:23:30,990
If she does, it'll
be considered necrophilia
1664
01:23:31,000 --> 01:23:34,420
because she's gonna be
one dead bitch.
1665
01:23:34,460 --> 01:23:37,090
Hi, Jussy.
We catch you at a bad time?
1666
01:23:37,130 --> 01:23:39,590
You should have just let
these guys go down, Jussy.
1667
01:23:39,600 --> 01:23:40,946
I wanted to go down,
but this angel
1668
01:23:40,970 --> 01:23:42,156
popped on my shoulder
and was, like, "Listen".
1669
01:23:42,180 --> 01:23:43,350
And I was, like, "What's up?"
1670
01:23:43,390 --> 01:23:44,750
Shut the fuck up
before I shoot you
1671
01:23:44,770 --> 01:23:46,439
where you stand in
your pansy red booties.
1672
01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:49,720
Holy shit, I am wearing
pansy red booties.
1673
01:23:49,730 --> 01:23:51,499
Why the fuck didn't you tell me?
1674
01:23:51,500 --> 01:23:53,230
Let's have those diamonds,
Justice.
1675
01:23:53,280 --> 01:23:54,610
I can't do that, Sissy.
1676
01:23:54,650 --> 01:23:56,650
Then lover boy gets one
in the fucking brain.
1677
01:23:58,280 --> 01:23:59,910
Yo, lovely ladies!
1678
01:23:59,950 --> 01:24:01,610
Would any of y'all
like a private audition
1679
01:24:01,620 --> 01:24:02,910
to be in my movie?
1680
01:24:02,950 --> 01:24:04,410
Bring that ass over. Come on!
1681
01:24:10,710 --> 01:24:12,420
Shit! Shit! Shit!
1682
01:24:15,170 --> 01:24:16,970
Oh, fuck me!
1683
01:24:23,810 --> 01:24:25,600
Crazy crackers with guns?
1684
01:24:25,640 --> 01:24:28,190
Time for me to get
my black ass out of here.
1685
01:24:33,190 --> 01:24:35,940
You really let me down, Justice.
Throwing it all away
1686
01:24:35,980 --> 01:24:37,660
for a little stoner
with bad pronunciation.
1687
01:24:37,690 --> 01:24:38,860
What's it gonna be, Sissy?
1688
01:24:38,900 --> 01:24:41,810
Which fighting style do you
want me to kick your ass in?
1689
01:24:41,820 --> 01:24:43,080
Are you kidding me?
1690
01:24:43,120 --> 01:24:44,480
I taught you
all your moves myself.
1691
01:24:44,490 --> 01:24:47,530
There's no style you can bust
that I can't defend against.
1692
01:24:47,540 --> 01:24:49,080
You're no match
for my Shao Lin Monk.
1693
01:24:49,120 --> 01:24:51,250
Yeah, but I'll bury you
with my Crouching Tiger.
1694
01:24:51,290 --> 01:24:53,960
A little Venus Fly trap?
I'll counter with Dragon Queen.
1695
01:24:54,000 --> 01:24:57,420
How about a little "Bitch,
My Man Ain't Your Baby's Daddy?"
1696
01:24:57,460 --> 01:24:58,790
Bring it on.
1697
01:24:58,800 --> 01:25:00,180
Aah!
1698
01:25:01,760 --> 01:25:04,350
Fucking stupid bitch!
1699
01:25:04,390 --> 01:25:06,300
Yo, I hope one rips off
the other one's shirt
1700
01:25:06,310 --> 01:25:07,920
and we see some fuckin' titties
1701
01:25:07,930 --> 01:25:10,480
floppin' around and shit
in the air. Yeah!
1702
01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:14,770
Mr. Biggs, Mr. Van Der Beek,
I just wanted to say hi. I'm.
1703
01:25:14,820 --> 01:25:16,360
Banky fuckin' Edwards!
1704
01:25:16,400 --> 01:25:18,490
Just the mother-fucker
we came to see!
1705
01:25:18,530 --> 01:25:20,820
Holy shit! What the fuck
are you guys doing here?
1706
01:25:26,370 --> 01:25:28,370
Why the hell
are you shooting at me?
1707
01:25:28,410 --> 01:25:29,870
Two reasons.
1708
01:25:29,910 --> 01:25:33,040
One we're walkin',
talkin' bad-girl cliches!
1709
01:25:33,080 --> 01:25:35,540
And two because you're a man!
1710
01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:38,550
Only on the outside.
1711
01:25:38,590 --> 01:25:41,010
Stop the movie? Are you crazy?
1712
01:25:41,050 --> 01:25:43,500
All these ass holes on the
Internet are calling us names
1713
01:25:43,510 --> 01:25:44,950
because of
this fucking stupid movie.
1714
01:25:44,970 --> 01:25:48,180
That's what the Internet's for
slandering others anonymously.
1715
01:25:48,220 --> 01:25:50,600
Stopping the flick
isn't gonna stop that!
1716
01:25:55,440 --> 01:25:56,560
This isn't fair!
1717
01:25:56,570 --> 01:25:59,070
We came to Hollywood,
I fell in love.
1718
01:25:59,110 --> 01:26:01,450
Fuckin' we stole a monkey,
we got shot at
1719
01:26:01,490 --> 01:26:03,949
and I got punched in
the motherfuckin' nuts
1720
01:26:03,950 --> 01:26:06,240
by a guy named Cock-Knocker!
1721
01:26:06,280 --> 01:26:08,830
You know what? I feel
for you boys, I really do.
1722
01:26:08,870 --> 01:26:11,070
But Mir amax
you know, Mir amax Films
1723
01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:13,580
paid me a shit load of money
for "Blunt man and Chronic"
1724
01:26:13,620 --> 01:26:16,160
so it occurs to me
that people bad-mouthing you
1725
01:26:16,170 --> 01:26:19,710
on some website
is none of my fucking concern!
1726
01:26:19,760 --> 01:26:21,970
Oh, but I think it is.
1727
01:26:25,220 --> 01:26:27,319
We had a deal with you
on the comics, remember
1728
01:26:27,320 --> 01:26:28,510
for likeness rights
1729
01:26:28,560 --> 01:26:30,600
and as we're not only
the artistic basis,
1730
01:26:30,640 --> 01:26:32,600
but also, obviously,
the character basis
1731
01:26:32,640 --> 01:26:35,459
for your intellectual property,
"Blunt man and Chronic",
1732
01:26:35,460 --> 01:26:38,270
when said property was optioned
by Mir amax Films,
1733
01:26:38,320 --> 01:26:41,320
you were legally obliged
to secure our permission
1734
01:26:41,360 --> 01:26:43,520
to transfer the concept
to another medium.
1735
01:26:43,530 --> 01:26:46,110
As you failed to do that, Banky,
1736
01:26:46,160 --> 01:26:48,490
you are in breach
of the original contract,
1737
01:26:48,530 --> 01:26:52,580
'ergo', you find yourself
in a very actionable position.
1738
01:26:52,620 --> 01:26:54,790
Yeah.
1739
01:26:57,500 --> 01:26:59,290
You guys are gonna ruin
my movie career.
1740
01:26:59,340 --> 01:27:01,620
Well, we want something
for our mental anguish.
1741
01:27:01,630 --> 01:27:03,960
Tell you what
we'll settle this monetarily.
1742
01:27:03,970 --> 01:27:05,510
I'll give you half
of what I make.
1743
01:27:05,550 --> 01:27:07,680
Half?
Half's not good enough? Fine.
1744
01:27:07,720 --> 01:27:09,510
I'll give you two-thirds
of what I make.
1745
01:27:09,550 --> 01:27:11,520
Fuck you. You already said half.
1746
01:27:11,560 --> 01:27:12,720
You can't take it back.
1747
01:27:12,770 --> 01:27:14,770
Done.
1748
01:27:19,860 --> 01:27:22,140
Your shit is so tired, Justice.
1749
01:27:22,150 --> 01:27:26,280
Call me Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck
bitch.
1750
01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:37,330
Hello?
1751
01:27:37,370 --> 01:27:39,250
Truce?
1752
01:27:42,550 --> 01:27:44,790
I think I killed both of them.
1753
01:27:44,800 --> 01:27:46,880
I am an excellent marksman.
I've always.
1754
01:27:47,680 --> 01:27:49,760
Oh God.
1755
01:27:51,850 --> 01:27:54,520
Come on, you guys. It's over.
1756
01:27:57,640 --> 01:27:59,600
You all right,
Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck?
1757
01:27:59,610 --> 01:28:02,150
I was just about to jump in
and fuckin' get your back.
1758
01:28:03,730 --> 01:28:05,940
Holy shit, the cops.
We gotta get out of here.
1759
01:28:05,990 --> 01:28:08,860
No, no, no.
I'm tired of running.
1760
01:28:08,910 --> 01:28:12,860
Oh, Marshal. Hey, you awake?
1761
01:28:12,870 --> 01:28:14,580
Wake up, Marshal.
1762
01:28:14,620 --> 01:28:15,940
Oh. Are you OK?
1763
01:28:15,950 --> 01:28:18,990
Oh, my God, I'm paralysed!
1764
01:28:19,000 --> 01:28:22,170
That monkey shot me in the ass
and paralysed me!
1765
01:28:22,210 --> 01:28:25,330
Oh, sweet irony!
1766
01:28:25,340 --> 01:28:27,540
You're not paralysed.
It was just a tranquillizer.
1767
01:28:27,550 --> 01:28:31,050
Oh, Jesus! Ow!
1768
01:28:31,140 --> 01:28:33,550
Tranked by a little monkey!
1769
01:28:33,560 --> 01:28:34,890
My friends in the Bureau
1770
01:28:34,930 --> 01:28:37,300
are never gonna let me
hear the end of this.
1771
01:28:37,310 --> 01:28:38,760
You have friends in the FBI?
1772
01:28:38,770 --> 01:28:42,060
Uh-huh. They all made it in,
but I failed the exam.
1773
01:28:42,110 --> 01:28:44,070
Why the hell else
do you think I became
1774
01:28:44,110 --> 01:28:45,600
a Federal Wildlife Marshal?
1775
01:28:45,610 --> 01:28:48,730
I'll tell you why!
Because I'm a joke!
1776
01:28:48,740 --> 01:28:50,570
Maybe not.
1777
01:28:50,610 --> 01:28:52,730
I can make you a deal that
will get you into the FBI
1778
01:28:52,740 --> 01:28:54,660
regardless of test scores.
1779
01:28:54,700 --> 01:28:56,750
What kind of deal?
1780
01:28:56,790 --> 01:28:59,290
You get the charges dropped
against Jay and Silent Bob
1781
01:28:59,330 --> 01:29:00,790
and say you never found the ape.
1782
01:29:00,830 --> 01:29:03,120
In exchange, I will give you
the diamonds we stole
1783
01:29:03,130 --> 01:29:05,250
and turn in Missy, Chrissy,
Sissy, and myself.
1784
01:29:05,340 --> 01:29:06,840
But I want a reduced sentence.
1785
01:29:06,880 --> 01:29:08,340
You'd be willing to do that?
1786
01:29:12,970 --> 01:29:17,810
For him,
I'd be willing to do anything.
1787
01:29:22,020 --> 01:29:25,470
I'm an international jewel thief
who's facing a jail sentence.
1788
01:29:25,480 --> 01:29:27,780
That's all right.
I'm a junkie with a monkey.
1789
01:29:27,820 --> 01:29:29,860
If I go to prison,
will you wait for me?
1790
01:29:29,900 --> 01:29:31,150
I don't know.
1791
01:29:31,200 --> 01:29:32,820
Will you fuck me
when you get out?
1792
01:29:40,080 --> 01:29:43,030
Don't change the subject.
Will we fuck when you get out?
1793
01:29:43,040 --> 01:29:44,710
Snoogans.
1794
01:29:52,050 --> 01:29:55,430
Wow, there's a lot of love
in the room.
1795
01:29:55,470 --> 01:29:57,760
Regardless of what
you may have heard
1796
01:29:57,810 --> 01:29:59,640
I do not kiss guys.
1797
01:29:59,680 --> 01:30:03,900
OK. Play it cool, hotshot.
1798
01:30:08,480 --> 01:30:11,030
Sorry, Justice. We gotta go.
1799
01:30:12,780 --> 01:30:14,110
Hey, stop stealing monkeys.
1800
01:30:14,160 --> 01:30:16,620
Fuck you. Fair enough.
1801
01:30:21,870 --> 01:30:23,240
Wait for me.
1802
01:30:23,250 --> 01:30:24,670
What, here?
1803
01:30:38,720 --> 01:30:41,730
Well, boys, you're rich, in love.
1804
01:30:41,770 --> 01:30:43,510
Well, you're in love.
1805
01:30:43,520 --> 01:30:45,510
To top it off,
you got your own monkey.
1806
01:30:45,520 --> 01:30:47,999
What more could two guys
from Jersey possibly want?
1807
01:30:48,000 --> 01:30:50,440
Well, to have these fucks
stop talking shit about us
1808
01:30:50,480 --> 01:30:51,770
on the Internet for starters.
1809
01:30:51,780 --> 01:30:53,140
What have I been telling you?
1810
01:30:53,150 --> 01:30:54,820
There's not much
you can do to stop that.
1811
01:30:54,910 --> 01:30:56,740
Well, short of showing up
at all their houses
1812
01:30:56,780 --> 01:30:59,030
and beating the shit
out of them, I guess.
1813
01:31:05,500 --> 01:31:07,460
You know, with all the money
we're making, man,
1814
01:31:07,500 --> 01:31:09,590
we could buy
a lot of plane tickets.
1815
01:31:09,670 --> 01:31:12,420
"How many people
want to kick some ass."
1816
01:31:15,470 --> 01:31:16,640
Yeah?
1817
01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:21,770
Do you post as "Magnolia Fan"
on Moviepoopshoot.com?
1818
01:31:21,850 --> 01:31:22,980
Yeah.
1819
01:31:23,020 --> 01:31:26,680
Did you write
"Fuck Jay and Silent Bob".
1820
01:31:26,690 --> 01:31:29,640
"Fuck them and
their stupid asses"?
1821
01:31:29,650 --> 01:31:31,940
Yeah. A while ago. So?
1822
01:31:31,980 --> 01:31:34,350
"How many people
want to kick some ass"
1823
01:31:34,360 --> 01:31:36,490
"I do, I do."
1824
01:31:36,530 --> 01:31:39,620
"And how many people
are sick of holding it back"
1825
01:31:39,660 --> 01:31:40,780
"I want."
1826
01:31:40,870 --> 01:31:42,700
On Moviepoopshoot.com
1827
01:31:42,740 --> 01:31:45,500
did you say
Jay and Silent Bob are
1828
01:31:45,540 --> 01:31:48,670
quote "fucking clown shoes,
and if they were real"
1829
01:31:48,710 --> 01:31:50,750
"I'd kick the shit out of
them for being so stupid"?
1830
01:31:50,770 --> 01:31:52,550
Yeah. Really?
1831
01:31:52,590 --> 01:31:54,880
"How many people
are sick of holding it back"
1832
01:31:54,920 --> 01:31:56,380
"I am, I am."
1833
01:31:56,430 --> 01:31:59,890
"How many people
want to kick some ass."
1834
01:32:01,510 --> 01:32:04,640
"How many people
want to kick some ass."
1835
01:32:07,190 --> 01:32:10,510
"How many people
want to kick some ass."
1836
01:32:10,520 --> 01:32:12,020
"What you gonna do."
1837
01:32:12,070 --> 01:32:13,550
"When you're sick
of holding it back."
1838
01:32:13,570 --> 01:32:15,860
That's right. That's it.
1839
01:32:17,610 --> 01:32:21,410
Right. That's right.
1840
01:32:21,450 --> 01:32:23,540
That's right.
1841
01:32:24,540 --> 01:32:28,000
That's right. Right.
1842
01:32:29,000 --> 01:32:30,210
Right.
1843
01:32:30,250 --> 01:32:32,170
"I think I'll kick some ass."
1844
01:32:32,210 --> 01:32:34,760
"How many people
want to kick some ass"
1845
01:32:34,800 --> 01:32:36,510
"I would if I could."
1846
01:32:36,550 --> 01:32:41,640
"But I'm really just
a sensitive artist"
1847
01:32:41,680 --> 01:32:47,100
"I'm really just
a sensitive artist."
1848
01:32:50,100 --> 01:32:51,680
That's beautiful, man.
1849
01:32:51,690 --> 01:32:54,180
Now that was worse than
"Clash of the Titans".
1850
01:32:54,190 --> 01:32:56,990
I can't believe
Judi Dench played me.
1851
01:32:57,030 --> 01:32:59,070
Heh. Remind me to renew
that restraining order.
1852
01:32:59,110 --> 01:33:00,400
Why?
1853
01:33:00,410 --> 01:33:02,940
'Cause I'm gonna blast that
flick on the Internet tonight.
1854
01:33:02,950 --> 01:33:05,620
Why can't Hollywood ever make
a decent comic book movie?
1855
01:33:05,660 --> 01:33:07,910
Tell 'em, Steve-Dave.
Would you stop saying that?
1856
01:33:07,960 --> 01:33:11,660
Well that was just another
paean to male adolescence
1857
01:33:11,670 --> 01:33:13,660
and its refusal to grow up.
1858
01:33:13,670 --> 01:33:16,160
Yeah, sis, but it was
better than "Mall rats".
1859
01:33:16,170 --> 01:33:17,920
At least Holden
had the good sense
1860
01:33:17,970 --> 01:33:19,300
to keep his name off of it.
1861
01:33:19,340 --> 01:33:22,930
Why wouldn't Mir amax option
his other comic instead
1862
01:33:22,970 --> 01:33:26,180
the one with you and him
and your "relationship"?
1863
01:33:26,220 --> 01:33:30,140
What, "Chasing Amy"?
That'd never work as a movie.
1864
01:33:30,190 --> 01:33:31,310
But
1865
01:33:31,350 --> 01:33:32,940
I'm so fucking embarrassed.
1866
01:33:32,980 --> 01:33:34,150
Well, honey, you should be.
1867
01:33:34,190 --> 01:33:36,100
Took your characters
and turned them
1868
01:33:36,110 --> 01:33:38,810
into one 90-minute-long
gay joke.
1869
01:33:38,820 --> 01:33:40,540
It's like watching
"Batman and Robin" again.
1870
01:33:40,560 --> 01:33:42,530
Thanks. That means a lot
coming from the guy
1871
01:33:42,570 --> 01:33:44,190
who pretends to be Shaft
1872
01:33:44,200 --> 01:33:45,830
as opposed to the guy
who takes shaft.
1873
01:33:45,870 --> 01:33:48,620
Uh-uh. I don't hear you
complaining nightly.
1874
01:33:49,960 --> 01:33:50,976
I don't get out
to the movies much,
1875
01:33:51,000 --> 01:33:52,800
but I just have to say
"Blunt man and Chronic"
1876
01:33:52,830 --> 01:33:54,030
was blunt-tastic.
1877
01:33:54,040 --> 01:33:56,550
Are these leg cuffs
really necessary?
1878
01:33:56,590 --> 01:33:58,880
Don't make me
shoot you, Justice.
1879
01:33:58,920 --> 01:34:00,540
Yo!
1880
01:34:00,550 --> 01:34:02,220
The party's across the street,
1881
01:34:02,260 --> 01:34:04,720
featuring the greatest
band in the world!
1882
01:34:04,760 --> 01:34:07,560
Morris Day and the Time!
1883
01:34:25,570 --> 01:34:26,940
♪ "I" ♪
1884
01:34:26,950 --> 01:34:29,410
♪ "I've been watching you" ♪
1885
01:34:29,450 --> 01:34:31,000
♪ "I think I want to know you." ♪
1886
01:34:31,040 --> 01:34:32,860
♪ "Know you" ♪
1887
01:34:32,870 --> 01:34:34,710
♪ "I said, I" ♪
1888
01:34:34,750 --> 01:34:37,160
♪ "I'm a little dangerous." ♪
1889
01:34:37,170 --> 01:34:38,670
♪ "Girl, I'd love to show you." ♪
1890
01:34:38,750 --> 01:34:39,920
♪ "Show you." ♪
1891
01:34:39,960 --> 01:34:42,420
♪ "My jungle love." ♪
1892
01:34:45,090 --> 01:34:47,260
♪ "I think I want to know you." ♪
1893
01:34:48,760 --> 01:34:50,020
♪ "Jungle love." ♪
1894
01:34:52,730 --> 01:34:54,270
♪ "Girl, I'd love to show you." ♪
1895
01:34:54,310 --> 01:34:55,510
♪ "Show you." ♪
1896
01:34:55,520 --> 01:34:56,720
♪ "Wait a minute." ♪
1897
01:34:56,730 --> 01:34:58,150
♪ "You." ♪
1898
01:34:58,190 --> 01:35:00,470
♪ "You got a pretty car" ♪
1899
01:35:00,480 --> 01:35:01,800
♪ "I think I want to drive it." ♪
1900
01:35:01,824 --> 01:35:02,900
♪ "Drive it" ♪
1901
01:35:02,950 --> 01:35:04,360
♪ "I ain't playin', baby" ♪
1902
01:35:04,400 --> 01:35:06,200
♪ "I said, I." ♪
1903
01:35:06,240 --> 01:35:07,980
♪ "Drive a little dangerous" ♪
1904
01:35:07,990 --> 01:35:10,410
♪ "I'll take you to the crib, ♪
♪ rip you off." ♪
1905
01:35:10,450 --> 01:35:12,330
♪ "Jungle love, look out." ♪
1906
01:35:16,210 --> 01:35:18,250
♪ "I think I want to know you." ♪
1907
01:35:18,290 --> 01:35:21,050
♪ "Ohh, Jungle love." ♪
1908
01:35:23,510 --> 01:35:26,090
♪ "Girl, I'd love to show you." ♪
1909
01:35:26,130 --> 01:35:27,590
♪ "Oh, wait a minute." ♪
1910
01:35:27,640 --> 01:35:29,460
♪ "Jerome" "Morris?" ♪
1911
01:35:29,470 --> 01:35:31,350
♪ "I think we need ♪
♪ to funk them up again." ♪
1912
01:35:31,390 --> 01:35:33,310
♪ "All right, ♪
♪ we'll turn that shit around." ♪
1913
01:35:33,334 --> 01:35:34,744
♪ "Yes, good call." ♪
1914
01:35:53,000 --> 01:35:54,120
♪ And I'll be, like. ♪
1915
01:35:54,160 --> 01:35:57,000
♪ What, you don't know ♪
♪ fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? ♪
1916
01:35:57,040 --> 01:36:00,000
♪ The fuckin' mack daddys ♪
♪ of fuckin' Jersey? ♪
1917
01:36:00,040 --> 01:36:02,400
♪ And she'll be, like, "Oh, ♪
♪ I've read on the Internet" ♪
1918
01:36:02,424 --> 01:36:04,784
♪ "that youse guys are ♪
♪ a couple of little fuck holes." ♪
1919
01:36:44,590 --> 01:36:47,050
♪ "Yeah, I got a bearskin rug, ♪
♪ y'all sing it." ♪
1920
01:36:48,880 --> 01:36:51,090
♪ "I got a fireplace, ♪
♪ yo, I can't hear ta." ♪
1921
01:36:52,510 --> 01:36:54,720
♪ "Well, I'm all the way ♪
♪ live L.A." ♪
1922
01:36:56,430 --> 01:36:58,890
♪ "Oh, the things I can do to you." ♪
1923
01:36:58,940 --> 01:37:00,810
♪ "Play it." ♪
1924
01:37:37,850 --> 01:37:41,480
♪ "It's like I don't care ♪
♪ about nothin', man." ♪
1925
01:37:43,360 --> 01:37:45,230
♪ "Roll another blunt." ♪
1926
01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:07,300
♪ "I was gonna clean my room." ♪
1927
01:38:07,340 --> 01:38:09,760
♪ "Until I got high" ♪
1928
01:38:09,800 --> 01:38:12,960
♪ "I was gonna get up ♪
♪ and find the broom." ♪
1929
01:38:12,970 --> 01:38:15,970
♪ "But then I got high." ♪
1930
01:38:16,010 --> 01:38:19,930
♪ "My room is still messed up, ♪
♪ and I know why." ♪
1931
01:38:19,980 --> 01:38:21,220
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
1932
01:38:21,230 --> 01:38:22,810
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1933
01:38:22,850 --> 01:38:26,520
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1934
01:38:28,400 --> 01:38:30,350
♪ "I was gonna go to class." ♪
1935
01:38:30,360 --> 01:38:31,850
♪ "Before I got high." ♪
1936
01:38:31,860 --> 01:38:33,610
♪ "Come on, y'all, check it out" ♪
1937
01:38:33,660 --> 01:38:35,900
♪ "I could a cheated, ♪
♪ and I could a passed." ♪
1938
01:38:35,910 --> 01:38:38,910
♪ "But I got high" ♪
1939
01:38:38,950 --> 01:38:43,210
♪ "I'm taking it next semester, ♪
♪ and I know why." ♪
1940
01:38:43,250 --> 01:38:44,450
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
1941
01:38:44,460 --> 01:38:46,340
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1942
01:38:46,380 --> 01:38:49,700
♪ "Because I got high, ♪
♪ because I got high." ♪
1943
01:38:49,710 --> 01:38:51,010
♪ "Go to the next one" ♪
1944
01:38:51,050 --> 01:38:53,340
♪ "I was gonna go to work." ♪
1945
01:38:53,380 --> 01:38:54,930
♪ "But then I got high." ♪
1946
01:38:56,930 --> 01:38:59,350
♪ "I just got a new promotion." ♪
1947
01:38:59,390 --> 01:39:01,560
♪ "But I got high." ♪
1948
01:39:03,190 --> 01:39:06,310
♪ "Now I'm selling dope, ♪
♪ and I know why." ♪
1949
01:39:06,360 --> 01:39:07,760
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
1950
01:39:07,770 --> 01:39:09,390
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1951
01:39:09,400 --> 01:39:12,780
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1952
01:39:14,820 --> 01:39:16,730
♪ "I was gonna go to court." ♪
1953
01:39:16,740 --> 01:39:18,950
♪ "Before I got high" ♪
1954
01:39:18,990 --> 01:39:22,410
♪ "I was gonna pay ♪
♪ my child support." ♪
1955
01:39:22,450 --> 01:39:23,870
♪ "But then I got high." ♪
1956
01:39:23,910 --> 01:39:25,870
♪ "No, you wasn't." ♪
1957
01:39:25,960 --> 01:39:29,040
♪ "They took my whole pay-check, ♪
♪ and I know why." ♪
1958
01:39:29,090 --> 01:39:30,330
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
1959
01:39:30,340 --> 01:39:32,370
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1960
01:39:32,380 --> 01:39:36,050
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1961
01:39:37,930 --> 01:39:39,920
♪ "I wasn't gonna run ♪
♪ from the cops." ♪
1962
01:39:39,930 --> 01:39:41,550
♪ "But I was high" ♪
1963
01:39:41,560 --> 01:39:43,090
♪ "I'm serious, man" ♪
1964
01:39:43,100 --> 01:39:45,630
♪ "I was gonna pull ♪
♪ right over and stop." ♪
1965
01:39:45,640 --> 01:39:48,860
♪ "But I was high." ♪
1966
01:39:48,900 --> 01:39:52,600
♪ "Now I'm a paraplegic, ♪
♪ and I know why." ♪
1967
01:39:52,610 --> 01:39:53,930
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
1968
01:39:53,940 --> 01:39:55,570
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1969
01:39:55,650 --> 01:39:59,120
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1970
01:40:00,950 --> 01:40:02,990
♪ "I was gonna pay my car note." ♪
1971
01:40:03,000 --> 01:40:04,190
♪ "Until I got high." ♪
1972
01:40:04,200 --> 01:40:05,620
♪ "Say what, say what" ♪
1973
01:40:05,660 --> 01:40:08,750
♪ "I wasn't gonna gamble ♪
♪ on the boat." ♪
1974
01:40:08,790 --> 01:40:11,710
♪ "But then I got high." ♪
1975
01:40:11,750 --> 01:40:15,720
♪ "Now the tow truck's ♪
♪ pulling away, and I know why." ♪
1976
01:40:15,760 --> 01:40:17,010
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
1977
01:40:17,050 --> 01:40:18,640
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1978
01:40:18,680 --> 01:40:22,010
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1979
01:40:24,140 --> 01:40:26,010
♪ "I was gonna make love to you." ♪
1980
01:40:26,020 --> 01:40:27,730
♪ "But then I got high" ♪
1981
01:40:27,770 --> 01:40:29,100
♪ "I'm serious" ♪
1982
01:40:29,150 --> 01:40:31,730
♪ "I was gonna eat yo pussy, too." ♪
1983
01:40:31,770 --> 01:40:35,280
♪ "But then I got high." ♪
1984
01:40:35,320 --> 01:40:39,190
♪ "Now I'm jacking off, ♪
♪ and I know why." ♪
1985
01:40:39,200 --> 01:40:40,560
♪ "Turn the shit off." ♪
1986
01:40:40,570 --> 01:40:41,780
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1987
01:40:41,830 --> 01:40:42,990
♪ "Keep going." ♪
1988
01:40:43,040 --> 01:40:45,830
♪ "Hey, do that over, man." ♪
1989
01:40:47,160 --> 01:40:49,210
♪ "I messed up my entire life." ♪
1990
01:40:49,250 --> 01:40:51,210
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1991
01:40:51,290 --> 01:40:52,540
♪ "Go, go, go" ♪
1992
01:40:52,590 --> 01:40:55,090
♪ "I lost my kids and wife." ♪
1993
01:40:55,130 --> 01:40:56,960
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1994
01:40:56,970 --> 01:40:58,630
♪ "Say what, say what." ♪
1995
01:40:58,680 --> 01:41:02,140
♪ "Now I'm sleeping on ♪
♪ the side walk, and I know why." ♪
1996
01:41:02,180 --> 01:41:03,430
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
1997
01:41:03,470 --> 01:41:05,050
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I got high." ♪
1998
01:41:05,060 --> 01:41:08,390
♪ "Because I got high." ♪
1999
01:41:10,730 --> 01:41:12,440
♪ "I'm gonna stop ♪
♪ singing this song." ♪
2000
01:41:12,480 --> 01:41:14,070
♪ "Because I'm high." ♪
2001
01:41:14,110 --> 01:41:15,820
♪ "Present tense" ♪
2002
01:41:15,860 --> 01:41:18,150
♪ "I'm singing ♪
♪ this whole thing wrong." ♪
2003
01:41:18,200 --> 01:41:21,160
♪ "Because I'm high." ♪
2004
01:41:21,200 --> 01:41:25,480
♪ "And if I don't sell one copy ♪
♪ I'll know why." ♪
2005
01:41:25,490 --> 01:41:26,750
♪ "Why, man?" ♪
2006
01:41:26,790 --> 01:41:28,290
♪ "Yeah, 'cause I'm high" ♪
2007
01:41:28,330 --> 01:41:31,380
♪ "'Cause I'm high." ♪
2008
01:41:31,420 --> 01:41:33,210
♪ "Are you really high now, man?" ♪
2009
01:41:36,800 --> 01:41:38,130
♪ "He really is high, man." ♪
2010
01:41:39,420 --> 01:41:40,800
♪ "Get jiggy with it." ♪
2011
01:41:43,140 --> 01:41:45,600
♪ "Oh, bring it back, ♪
♪ bring it back, bring it back." ♪
2012
01:41:48,270 --> 01:41:50,140
♪ "Say what, say what, oh" ♪
2013
01:41:50,190 --> 01:41:54,360
♪ "'Cause I'm high." ♪
2014
01:41:56,230 --> 01:42:01,740
♪ "Yo, my name is Afroman, ♪
♪ and I'm from East Palmdale." ♪
2015
01:42:01,780 --> 01:42:07,230
♪ "And all the weed I be smokin' ♪
♪ is farmer's hay." ♪
2016
01:42:07,240 --> 01:42:08,910
♪ "Excellent delivery" ♪
2017
01:42:08,950 --> 01:42:11,820
♪ "I don't believe in Hitler, ♪
♪ that's what I said." ♪
2018
01:42:11,830 --> 01:42:13,000
♪ "Oh, my goodness." ♪
2019
01:42:13,040 --> 01:42:14,790
♪ "So all of you skins." ♪
2020
01:42:14,840 --> 01:42:16,130
♪ "Skins?" ♪
2021
01:42:16,170 --> 01:42:17,960
♪ "Please give me more head." ♪
2022
01:42:18,010 --> 01:42:20,720
♪ "Mother-fuck, ha ha." ♪
2023
01:42:22,470 --> 01:42:25,540
♪ "Afro-motherfuckin 'M-A-N." ♪
2024
01:42:25,550 --> 01:42:26,890
♪ "M-A-N" ♪
2025
01:42:26,930 --> 01:42:30,060
♪ "Yeah, yeah, yeah." ♪
2026
01:42:30,100 --> 01:42:31,550
♪ "Unh, unh." ♪
2027
01:42:31,560 --> 01:42:34,270
♪ "A-E-I-O-U" ♪
2028
01:42:34,310 --> 01:42:37,150
♪ "And sometimes W." ♪
2029
01:42:37,190 --> 01:42:40,030
♪ "We ain't gonna sell none of ♪
♪ these motherfuckin' albums." ♪
2030
01:42:40,070 --> 01:42:42,730
♪ "Let's go back and hang ♪
♪ some more chickens, cuz." ♪
2031
01:42:42,740 --> 01:42:44,190
♪ "Fuck it." ♪
2032
01:42:44,200 --> 01:42:47,280
♪ "Fuck the corporate world, ♪
♪ biatch!" ♪
2033
01:44:01,480 --> 01:44:02,650
Snoogans.
2034
01:44:02,690 --> 01:44:03,850
What the heck is that?
2035
01:44:03,860 --> 01:44:05,360
What the fuck
do you think it means?
2036
01:44:05,420 --> 01:44:06,740
It means I'm kiddin'.
149721
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