All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.S05E15.No.Time.Like.the.Presents.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-QOQ_track3_[eng]

Oh, man, the sun woke me up
early this morning.

They should have daylight
savings in this province.

Nah, it's better for
the farmers this way.

I'm with Lacey, do that spring
back, fall forward thing.

No, it's spring forward,
fall back.

But then you're right
back where you started.

No, you go an hour ahead
in the spring,

so spring ahead, fall forward.

No. Then you'd just
be going forward.

Yeah, that's the idea.

You have to go back
in the fall.

Back fall, spring back?

Now you're gettin' it.

No wonder this hasn't
caught on here. It's
obviously too complicated.

Okay, let's walk her
through this again.

This time, focus.

♪ You can tell me that
your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it
took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can
stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot
goin' on ♪♪

Hello?

Where are ya? I need gas.

It's eight in the morning.

Nine by my watch. I'm on
Daylight Savings Time now.

Well, your Daylight Savings Time

is cutting into my
Brent Likes Sleeping Time.

It's awesome.

It's lighter at night, I save
on electricity, a win-win.

No, win-win implies
that both sides win.

This is more like win-annoy.

I'm not annoyed. I mean
I can't get gas, but--

hey, you should switch over,
stop livin' in the past.

How about instead I buy
you breakfast

and in exchange you never phone
me before work again?

Deal.

Mm.

What time?

In an hour.

So... now?

Hey, guys.
This is my cousin, Nora.

She's just passing through
town on her way to BC.

Oh, this is my friend, Davis,

and this is my friend, Karen,

and this is Lacey.

Hi, how are ya?

Well, I should show Nora
the rest of Dog River.

It should be the most exciting
three minutes of her life.

Okay, well, see ya
later, guys. Come on.

That was weird.

Yeah.

Who names their kid Nora?

No. She introduced Davis as a
friend and you as a friend

and me just as Lacey.

That is weird. Davis and
Wanda aren't friends.

We're not?

Why wouldn't she introduce
me as her friend? You know?

Maybe you're not Wanda's friend.
I just found out I'm not.

I'm sure it's nothing.
She probably didn't feel

the need to spell it out,
that's all.

Yeah, you're probably right.
Wanda and I are friends.

Yeah. It's either that or
she really doesn't like you

and now you're embarrassed
because you've been lying

to yourself about the friends
you've made here.

But it's probably
Karen's thing.

Well, it's done.

It better be.
What's done?

All my Christmas shopping.

Christmas? It's July, woman.

Well, I wanted to
get a jump on it.

Remember last year?

It's the 24th and I haven't
started shopping.

It's the 24th of
September, woman.

Yeah, but I wanted to get a jump
on it. Remember last year?

It's Christmas Day and I
haven't bought a thing.

We just opened our gifts.

No, I mean for next year.

At least wait until
September, woman.

I don't know
why you bother.

Last year all you got
people were crappy socks.

That's because I
left it too late.

Hey. I thought we were
meetin' for breakfast at 10.

10 my time.
What did you think?

I was over there
at 10 your time.

I meant 10 your time.
What did you think?

I think you should
avoid confusion

and just move ahead
an hour, like me.

You're ahead an hour?
What's the future like?

Do I get replaced
by a robot?

How do we know you're
not already a robot?

That's ridiculous.
Foolish human.

I mean--

Robots don't replace us,
they enslave us.

So Brent's a robot.

You guys really don't
understand this Daylight
Savings Time, do ya?

Hey, coppers.

Wanna know what you're
getting' for Christmas?

A promise you'll never
call us coppers again?

Emma's done all her
Christmas shopping.

10 bucks and I'll
tell ya what ya got.

I don't have 10 bucks.

I could lend ya my nightstick
for a couple days.

Just don't hit
anyone with it.

I can't promise that.

Just don't hit us with it.

Okay.

You're gettin' oven mitts.

That's it?

What am I getting?

Is this your nightstick?

But I already have oven mitts.

That's not my problem.

Does this leave
any kinda mark?

I'll let you wear my hat
for the rest of the week.

Deal. You're gettin' one of
those things that hook

over your shower head,
to hold shampoo bottles.

That sucks.
That is pretty bad.

It's better than oven mitts.
Oh, I don't think so.

Geez, you got a big head.

Brent's not here.

No biggie.

So what if both my Corner Gas
friends aren't around. Right?

Mm-hmm.

So you agree, both
of us are friends?

Why? Who said you and Brent
weren't friends?

No. S-some people weren't sure
if you and I were friends.

Can you believe it?
Man!

Japan is way ahead of us
in robot technology.

Totally.

Anyway, what would you
say to those people

who think we're not friends.

Same thing as you,
probably.

Damn.

We should at least have
a robot that pumps gas.

Yeah.

So I'll talk to
ya later... friend.

Oh, Emma, what a surprise.

What, that my doorbell
rang when you pressed it?

No. I was just walking by
and I thought,

"Maybe Emma would like some
extra casserole."

Oh. So you were walking
around with a casserole?

Well, to cool it off.
It was very hot.

Not that I could tell, though,

wearing these amazing oven
mitts, which I already own.

Well, it does look good.

Yes. And these oven
mitts are good too.

They look a little
worn, if you ask me.

Oh, you want to see worn.

You should see my TV.

Sure could use a
new one of those.

Big screen, plasma maybe.

Well, see ya later.

Well, don't I get
the casserole?

Oh. I guess.

Oh.

Oh.

Hey, what's the
lunch special?

BLT and fries.

But I don't start
serving that till noon.

But it's 12:30. Oh, right, I
forgot. I'm three hours ahead.

If you're on Daylight
Savings Time, you're
only one hour ahead.

I know. But I woke up at
seven and couldn't get
back to sleep,

so I moved my watch ahead two
hours and got up at nine.

It felt good to sleep in.

Hank, I try and stick up for ya,
but you make it so hard.

I appreciate the effort.

Hey, can I borrow some
money for lunch?

First of all, no.
And second of all, no.,

And third of all,
it's 9:30 in morning.

He's moved ahead three hours.

What is with you?
What's the big deal?

The whole east coast
is three hours ahead,

I don't see ya
raggin' on them.

You ever think of movin' there?
Save us a lotta trouble.

Haven't they
suffered enough?

Too bad you changed your
time again, because I was
gonna lend ya money for lunch.

You said just now you wouldn't.
Just now my time.

You're three hours ahead.
I don't have the money then.

Damn.

Corner Gas.

Hey-yaa.

Hello?

It's me, Lacey.

Whatcha doin'?

Working.
Me too.

How's work?

A thrill a minute.
Did you have lunch?

I didn't see ya come in here.

I brought it from home.
Cool.

What did ya have?

Look, do you need something?

No. No, no. I just called to
chat, you know, like, ah, oo-ah,

what do you call those people
who phone you just to chat?

You don't want to know
what I call them.

Oh, Wanda, you're a riot.

But I guess we're
such good friends,

we can joke around like that.

Okay. Well, gotta go.

Okay. But you hang up first.

Okay.

Bye.

Licence and registration.

Oscar?

Oh. Hey, Emma.

Didn't expect to see you here.

Coming out of our house?

Why do you have that
guilty look on your face?

That's my angry face.
You got it confused.

What are you so angry about?

You being so nosey.
What's in the bag?

Oh. I'm returning Davis's gift.

It turns out he already
has oven mitts.

Apparently he just loves him.

Really? So what are you
gettin' him instead?

Oh, one of those daytimer
planner thingies.

Ah, good to know.

Why?

Uh, so I don't get him
the same thing.

See ya later.

Why is there a cop hat
in my rosebush?

Have you noticed anything
different about Lacey, lately?

She's too upbeat, a little
needy, overly fastidious.

Nope, same old Lacey.

Ah, she's more
needy than usual.

She's hangin' on me
like an orphan chimp.

"Let's do stuff."
"Let's have lunch."

"Let's... do stuff."
It's weird.

Well, you know, sometimes
you take people for granted.

I do not.

Like the other day,
with your cousin, Nora.
I have a cousin Nora?

Yeah. You introduced me and
Davis to her as your friends,
but not Lacey.

Hm, Nora?

I thought it was Myrna.

Wanda.

All right, I'll
talk to Lacey.

Nora?

Hey, you guys want to watch
UFC at the bar tonight?

What time's it on?
It says here nine Pacific.

So midnight my time?

No, one in the
morning your time.

What's Pacific
compared to us?

An hour behind.
So ten our time.

Yeah, but Hank's
three hours ahead.

Same time zone as the
Atlantic provinces.

But it's not being broadcast
in the Atlantic provinces.

Great. Now how am I
supposed to watch it?

With us at nine.

Ten, to specific,
nine to be Pacific.

I thought he was Atlantic.

Maybe I'll just
rent a movie.

I think Oscar's telling
people what I'm getting
them for Christmas.

Oh, that is just so sad.

I know. He's got
nothing better to do.

I meant you buying
all your gifts in July.

Woman, relax.

Well, at least I know
who my friends are.

Hey, there, pal.
Hi, Wanda.

I was talking to Lacey.
Oh.

Really?

Just came to check in
on my-my buddy,

my bosom buddy... and pal...

and chummy old... cohort.

So... whatcha doin'?

Well, I should go now, now that
I've said a friendly hello

to you, a friend.

Okay.
Okay.

Bye.

We're friends.

I gathered.

Looks like my oven mitt
trick worked with Emma.

You have an oven mitt trick?
More of a skit, really.

I pretended that I
love my oven mitts.

I didn't have to pretend much.
It comes from a real place.

You did all that to
avoid a Christmas gift?

It was worth it. Now Emma's
getting me a daytimer.

I was hopin' for a TV,
but a daytimer's good, my
second choice.

How do you know you're
getting a daytimer?

I struck a deal
with Oscar.

See this badge?

It's your worst nightmare, punk.

EMMA:
Oscar, what are
you doing in there?

Uh, I'll-I'll-I'll-I'll
be right out.

Wow.

A daytimer's way better
than a shampoo bottle holder.

No kiddin'. You should
come up with a skit.

Oh. Hi, Emma. Here I am.
Haven't forgotten.

What's this about?

We're supposed to meet
for coffee, right?

I don't think so.

Oh.

Dentist, no.

Oops, forgot my
mom's birthday.

Ah, oh, oh, okay,
here it is, there.

It says, "Coffee on
the 12th with E."

The rest of the name
was ripped off.

It's the 11th. And how
do you know I'm E?

You should get yourself
better organized.

If only I had some kind
of timing of days book

to keep it straight.

Davis has got one.
He finds it really handy.

Davis has daytimer?

Well, I gotta go.

Although I don't know where
and I might already be late.

Oh, I'm starting
to hate Christmas.

Hello?

Mornin', sunshine.

Let me guess. It's four
in the morning your time

and you're wondering
why I'm not open?

No. According to my clock,
it's 9:30,

which means you're
late for work.

Oh.

My glib comment
seems less funny now.

I have to admit the time change
was gettin' a little confusin'.

Oh, I don't know if
I'd call ya a bonehead.

I didn't say bonehead.

Well, regardless. I'm just
glad you switched back.

Oh, I didn't switch back.
I moved ahead 12 hours.

It's a lot easier
to keep track of.

Stayin' in the same time
zone would be easier.

This way I get to sleep
all day when it's dark.

I mean the only downside
is I'm up all night.

I wonder if I can move my
watch back five minutes

to before this
conversation started.

Hey.

Hey. What are doin'
up so late?

So, that's it.

I'm giving Karen the daytimer
and Davis the shower thing.

So, just to recap, because this
could be confusing, for you:

Shaving kit, Davis;
daytimer, Karen;

shampoo thing, Lacey.

Or maybe it's better if
I give Lacey the daytimer,

Karen the shampoo thing,
and Davis the shaving kit.

Right. Shaving kit, Davis;

Lacey, daytimer;

Karen, shampoo thing.

No.

I said: Karen, daytimer;
Lacey, shaving kit;

and Davis golf balls.

There's golf balls now?

For whoever gets
the shower thing.

That's Lacey.
No.

Karen?
No.

Davis?
Bye.

Hey.

So, I've just
been thinking.

The other day
when you came in here

saying we were friends,
which I appreciate,

I just wanted to make
sure that you weren't

overcompensating because
we aren't really friends?

What?

No.

I mean you never actually said
the words, "I'm your friend,"

but I know you meant it.

Of course I did.

I don't casually toss
around words like cohort.

Yeah. But you never said
you're my buddy, my cohort.

I know this sounds silly,

but I need to hear
you say you're my friend.

I'm your friend.

I know you're my friend.

But am I your friend?

Yes. You're a friend.

Ah! See, you did it again.

You said "a friend."

Technically I could
be anybody's friend.

I wanna be your friend.

You are.
Are what?

A friend?
No.

We're not friends?

Oh.

What a nut.

Hey, Emma. Wanna hear
somethin' funny?

Not really.

I was golfin' the
other day and I opened

my golf bag and all these
brand new golf balls fell out.

I thought I
didn't have any.

There was golf ball
after golf ball.

When's the funny part?

It's not so much funny ha-ha,
it's more funny--
Boring?

Hey, guys.
What a day.

I was doing some cleaning
in the basement

and I found all these golf
balls, oodles of them.

It was good, because now
obviously I won't need
to get any.

It would be stupid
to get any more.

Are you sure it was
golf balls?

Because I'm the one
with golf balls.

Oh, I'm pretty
sure it was me.

I think if you
look again you'll find

a shaving kit in
your basement.

Hey, what's goin' on?

I'm enjoying
Christmas again.

Whoo.

Have I had a lot to drink.

I feel pretty bombed.

You must be.

You just used the word bombed
to describe being drunk.

Well, I guess I'm gonna
get in my car and drive home.

Okay. See ya later.

I know, it's not safe.
But it's not far.

You know, that reminds
me of that ad.

Some things don't let
some things drive drunk.

You know that ad?

I mostly watch PBS.

Friends.

Friends don't let
friends drive drunk.

Fine. I'll drive you home.

No, I want Wanda to.

Look, I know
you're not drunk.

I saw Phil giving you
apple juice all night.

Okay. Okay, fine.

But I cannot believe that
you wouldn't even offer.

A-apple juice?

But I was going drink
for drink with you.

I think I-I need
a lift home.

I'll give ya a lift, buddy.

Unbelievable.

What? You got him bombed.

Come on, slugger.

Wanda, you're
Yeah.

What's to argue?

It's two-hour parking and
you were there all morning.

Just pay the ticket.

This was issued at 11 a.m.,
and because I'm 12 hours ahead,

that's actually
11 p.m. my time.

And parking is
free after six.

So, technically, my truck
isn't even parked there yet.

This is harassment.

A little help here, Brent?

Mm. You've saved
a lotta daylight

movin' ahead 12 hours,
haven't ya?

Sure have.

Think how much more you'd
save if you moved another
12 hours ahead.

Yeah. It would be like
being on Australian time.

Fair dinkum.

Cool. So, uh, for you guys it
would be 1 in the afternoon,

but for me it
would actually
be 1 p.m. I'm in.

Except that tomorrow morning
you were parking there

too long during the day.

Yeah. You really should have
moved your car sooner
tomorrow morning.

Oh. I guess I'll pay
the ticket, then.

Thanks, Brent.

I owe ya one.

Fresh donuts, anyone?

No, thanks. I don't
like day-olds.

I'll explain later.

Hey, guys.

This is my friend
Janice, from Weyburn.

We're grabbin' a coffee.

Hey, there.

Oh. This is my friend, Lacey.

We're back.

What?

I mean hello.

And these are my other friends,
Karen and Brent.

And here comes my
good friend, Davis.

See? I'm her friend.

Good friend.

What?

Next time just say,
"This is everybody."

Well, it's time for
the gifts, everyone.

Lacey. Lacey.

We're opening gifts now.

This is so exciting. I have
no idea what I'm getting.

Me neither.

There must be some
kinda mistake.

All I got were
these crappy socks.

Me too.

We all got crappy socks.

Are ya surprised?

Davis, get your nightstick.

I'm on it.

Captioning by VerticalSync
www.verticalsync.com

♪ I don't know the same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know
I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know
Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

Want to have a gas online?
Visit us at cornergas.com

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪♪