All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.S03E14.Friend.of.a.Friend.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-QOQ_track3_[eng]

My friend from college
is coming to Dog River.

I didn't know
you went to college.

No big deal. Everyone
goes to college.

I didn't.

I didn't.

I didn't.

I didn't.

I did. But I don't go around
braggin' about it.

I thought just you
and I were talking.

Anyway--

So your friend is coming?

Yeah, Connie. We had
some great times,

you know the kind
you only have in college.

Well, you'd know
if you went.

Right, Wanda?

I went there to learn,
not to socialize.

And that's coming across.

Gee, I hope you didn't think
I was bragging about college.

No, I didn't.

I did.

I did.

I did.

I did.

Ah, don't pay any
attention to them.

Now, could I get a
refill there, professor?

♪ You can tell me that
your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it
took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can
stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot
goin' on ♪♪

Connie, you made it.

You look great.

It's so good to see you.
I didn't even recognize you.

Thanks.

Okay.
back to my place.

Oh. Uh, this is Davis
and this is Karen.

I'll just tell my cook
to watch the restaurant.

Hi, there.

Well, aren't you
a hefty fellah.

Huh?

I thought Chips was
cancelled, Ponch.

Okay. Let's go.

Anyway, nice to meet you.
See you guys.

Was she just rude to me?

Oh, don't feel bad.

Ponch was everybody's
favourite.

OSCAR:
How much for the milk?

Two twenty-five.

Rip off.

This used to be my place.
I should get a discount.

For you, two and a quarter.
Wait a minute.

Make a decision. That milk
expires in 20 minutes.

What's to stop me from
buying this at the Co-op?

You were barred from
the Co-op two years ago.

So unless you have a bucket and
a stool, you're payin' for milk.

Oh, you'd also need a cow.

This place needs a
loyalty rewards program.

All the good
places have them.

You didn't have one when
you owned the place.

Always lookin' back,
livin' in the past.

When I ran this place,
we looked forward.

Okay, okay. I'm giving you

a brand new Corner Gas
customer discount card.

But this is just
a scrap of paper.

A true reflection of how
we value you as a customer.

That's better.

Oh, that milk costs two twenty--
ah, forget it.

Hey, can I get a card?

What are you doin'?

I'm looking up my friend
on the Internet.

She's doin' undercover.

Ooo. I don't know that site.

(sighs)
Undercover Police Officer,
that's what I wanted to do.

You could never do undercover.

You have to be able to act.

I act like I get along
with you, don't I?

HANK:
You know what I hate?

When people say,
"You know what I hate"?

No. But that is annoying.

I hate when somebody makes
an honest mistake

and then says that they lied.

I don't follow ya.
Ask me what day it is.

What day is it?

Friday.

No, wait. I lied.
It's Thursday.

See, that kinda thing.

Except today is Friday.

If you knew,
why did ya ask?

Hi, guys.

Brent, Hank, this is
my friend, Connie.

Hey, there.
Hi, Connie.

Brent owns the gas station.

Well, no surprises there.

I'm gonna go wash my hands.

It's really nice meeting you.

See you guys.

Did you find that rude?

No.

Okay, wait. I lied.

Yes, I did.

You're right.
That is annoying.

Hey, Wanda, are my hands dirty?

Well, we're none of us innocent.

No, I-I mean literally
are they dirty?

Oh.

As far as gas jockeys go, no.

What about other kinds
of jockeys?

Compared to disc, yes.
Compared to horse, no.

Horses don't have hands.

Touché.

I should tell you, I started
a customer rewards card.

Don't worry, you won't
have to do any work.

Don't worry, I won't.

A customer rewards card.
Good idea. Creates goodwill.

We don't need goodwill.

You only need goodwill
if you have competition.

Relax. It'll be easy.

Can I have one?
No.

But I'm a regular.
No.

I'm here all the time.
No.

See how easy it is?

Brent?

This is startin'
to feel like work.

Give him a card.

Okay.

But this only works if you
start payin' for stuff.

I'll cherish this forever.

Thank you.

There's no way I'm dirtier
than a disc jockey.

I lost my card.
Can I get another one?

Hey, Lacey.

I heard you were going
around braggin' about

how you went to college.

Well, just so you know, I have
a Master's in History.

That's great.

A couple of red wines?

Thanks.

Did I mention I was engaged?

Oh, congratulations.

You found somebody you love.

No, I'm just engaged.

Oh.

Would you be my
maid of honour?

Oh, would be honoured.

I thought you would ask Sally.

I know.

I was Sally's maid of honour
when she married Bill.

Oh, that's right.

But now I'm marrying Bill.

Oh.
(nervous chuckle)

Well, uh-well, I-I-I have
been out of the loop.

Hey, Brent. I hear you guys
are giving away loyalty cards.

How did you hear
about that?

Look what I have, Paul.

Do you have one? Huh? Huh?

It's a pilot project. I don't
have much to do with it.

How about a rye and water
on the house?

Sounds good, Prestige Customer.
Tell Wanda I said it was okay.

Hey, hey, anytime
there, Barkeep.

You want another round?

Well, give the man
a prize.

And I had you sized up
for an ignorant bumpkin.

Hmm.

I'm gonna go sit
somewhere else.

Oh, isn't she great?

Brent, isn't she great?

Well, she-she's, um...

hey, look, pickled eggs.

You know she's gone on
to a better place.

They have phones
in Saskatoon.

Should we tell someone
if someone's friend's

being rude to someone?

What are you
talking about?

Would you want to know
if someone close to you

was being rude
to everyone?

Oh. This is about Oscar.

No, no, no, no.
Listen.

Hey, Brent.

If everyone thought one of
your friends was a big jerk,

wouldn't you want
to know about it?

Oh, that reminds me. I need
to talk to you about Hank.

I'd like to see you
go up against Connie.

You're two peas in a pod.

Geez, that would be good.
Battle of the Rude.

Are you saying I'm rude?

You didn't let me finish.
The Rude versus the Witty.

You're witty, with a
slightly abrasive edge,

that we all love.

In a pod.

Hey, Mom. What do you think of
this Connie thing?

I'm not gonna gossip. It just
makes people miserable.

So I hear you have
some kinda new card?

Ah-ha. But isn't that gossip?

If you don't give me one,
I'll make you miserable.

Well,

I guess if anybody deserves
a card, it's the boss's mom.

I'll have my associate
Wanda hook you up.

Are your hands
always this dirty?

That was rude of you
to disrespect me.

I didn't disrespect you.

You said I couldn't
do undercover work.

Oh. So now being honest
is being rude?

I could do
undercover work.

I know you could.

It's just that you'd be really
bad at it, that's all.

OSCAR:
Hey, Karen.

Can I talk to you, or are
you in the middle of

some kind of undercover
operation?

(chuckles)

You told Oscar?

It-it just came up in
casual conversation.

Hey, Oscar.

Karen thinks she would be
good at undercover work.

Isn't that funny?
(chuckles)

That is funny.

But have you seen this?

So, is this the
same card Oscar got?

Yeah, totally equal.

It should be better,
shouldn't it?

Well, it's-it's just that
if you give Oscar and me

the same card, you make
us out to be the same.

I thought you would
be above this.

Emma with two M's.

Hey, Brent.
Hey, guys.

Anything, uh, new
at the station?

Nah, not really.

Nothing?

Nothing different?

Uh, no.

Really?

Nothing new at all?

Oh, the card.
Do you want a card?

Well, if you think
we deserve them, sure.

Absolutely.

From now on, you guys
are Elite members.

Just Elite?

Gold Elite.

Tell Wanda I said
make it happen.

Hey, Karen.

I heard what Davis was saying,
and I want you to know,

I think you'd be great
at undercover work.

Uh... thanks?

I mean you're so
emotionless and cold,

you'd be perfect.

In fact, you have such
a flat personality,

you could easily slip into
other people's skin.

Appreciate that.

The way you drift in
and out of people's lives

without leaving any
permanent roots,

you'd make a perfect
undercover agent.

Why all the compliments?

I need you to help me show
Lacey that her friend is rude.

Lacey wouldn't listen to me.

No, she wouldn't. That's why
I need you to wear a wire.

Talk to Connie and get her
on tape being rude.

Then Lacey would have
to believe it.

Plus, you could prove to Davis
that you can do undercover work.

Oh, I'm not sure about that.

But this does give me an idea.

Wait here.

Well, hey, tell me the idea.

I leave and
I don't help you.

How come Hank and Paul have the
same level of card that I do?

Oh, they're Prestige.

You're Senior Prestige.

I let you backdate your
insurance that time

you drove your car--

Okay, okay.

You're Platinum.

I'll just need to access
your file to input

the necessary changes.

Pla-ti-num.

Congratulations.

Cool.

Platinum now?

I slipped it in between
Gold Elite and VIP Titanium.

You have got to stop
handing out new cards.

You said I wouldn't
have to do any work.

How is not handing out
cards doing any work?

I don't know.

It smells like work.

How come Wes is Platinum
and not me?

Hey, pass me the ketchup,
will ya?

What, are ya deaf?
Pass me the ketchup.

Please, just leave me alone.,

What? I just want
the ketchup.

Help, Police.

What is it?

That man is bothering me.

What man?

She means me, Jackass.

I just asked her
for ketchup.

Did you say please?

Okay, I want to help
the crazy homeless

as much as the next guy,
but that man is harassing me.

I'm not homeless.

Please, just stay away from me.

Arrest him or something.

I'm sorry, Ma'am,
there's nothing I can do.

Do you mean legally
or physically?

Because I bet if he were
a piece of ham,

you'd go right after him.

What ham?

You are the worst police
officer I have ever met.

You're incompetent and lazy.

Lazy?

Hi.

You must be Connie.

What a friendly
little town.

Everyone keeps
talking to me.

Hi. My name's Em--
It doesn't matter.

Huh?

Let me get this straight.

Oscar is calling
my friend rude?

She is. I saw it.

She wouldn't pass me ketchup
because I'm homeless

and said I was bothering her.

Bothering someone.

Well, that doesn't
sound like you.

(scoffs)

She said I was lazy.

She called me
a piece of ham.

Okay.

I have work to do.

I don't even like ham.

Pass me the ketchup.

Stop bothering me.

Yeah. And your point is?

Engage away.

Someone should tell Lacey.

Well, I'd feel
weird doin' it.

I'll do it.

It would be awkward.
Might hurt Lacey's feelings.

Let me do it.

It will require
some sensitivity.

Mmmph. I want to do it.

Pick me, pick me!
Ooo, ooo, ooof!

I think Horshack
wants to do it.

You haven't even met Connie.

Still, I'd love to see Connie
and Wanda go head to head.

Oh, I'd take care
of her rudeness.

Yeah. Sometimes you have to
fight fire with--

Wit. Fight fire with wit,
is the old saying.

Look, I share a workspace
with Lacey.

I think we all know
who should do this.

I have to tell y you
something about Connie.

Oh.

Can you believe that Oscar
accused her of being rude?

His behaviour must
just roll off you.

That's what I'm here about.

I don't think there's
anything you can do.

You've been together
so long you can't change him.

No, it's about your friend.

She's really rude and
you seem blind to it.

Oh, okay.

Oh, I-I see what's
happening here.

This is classic transference.

You can't stand Oscar's
rudeness,

so you're projecting it
onto Connie.

No. You're embarrassed by
Connie's rudeness

and you're transferring it
onto Oscar.

Not transferring, projecting.

On Oscar?

To Connie.

Oh, wait. Who's transferring
and who's projecting?

All I know is your
friend's a bitch.

Hey, Davis.
You got any wires?

Wires? Like telephone wires?

No, like undercover wires.
I wanna wear one.

Oh, okay.

Now, you just tape this to your
body under your clothes.

What kinda tape
do you use?

I don't know. Maybe duct.

Okay, thanks.

Hey, you don't think
I'm incompetent, do ya?

No. You're giving me
this stuff, aren't ya?

That's very competent.

Thanks.

Hey, Connie.
Remember me, Hank?

Uh, hi.

How are you liking
What?

I said how are you
liking Dog River?

Look, I don't have
any spare change.

Leave me alone,
and take a bath.

Okay, Lacey,
here's the proof.

What proof?

Listen.

(Hank singing badly)

Oh? Just hold on one second.

(Hank singing another
song, badly)

Just, uh, one second.

Sorry, just--

Okay, this-this is supposed
to be your friend bein' rude.

You taped my friend?

Well, I would have if Davis
gave me the right equipment.

Man, he's so incompetent.

Why would you do
something like that?

Huh?

Well, because Karen
wanted to go undercover.

So this was Karen's idea?

Yeah.

You know how emotionless
and cold she is.

Real nice, Karen.

What?

I'm hearing rumours that
there's another, better card.

Who told you?

A couple of people.

Look at this, Oscar,
Plutonium.

Platypus.

Geranium.

Are you trying
to say Platinum?

Whatever. Fork it over.

Actually, there's
a new system now.

You're on the ground floor.

No more cards. We use points.

Points?

Yeah.

This bag of pretzels, for
most people, a buck 25.

For you, 125 points.

Oh. I'm likin' points.

You want to buy this
bag of pretzels?

You pay me $1.25,
I give you 125 points.

It's like money.

Exactly, exactly
like money.

But, uh... keep this
under your hat.

It's pretty exclusive.

Mum's the word.

Put me down for a thousand.

Thanks for coming.

This is about Connie.

I don't need people who
I thought were my friends

telling me that my
other friend is rude.

She is rude.

I know. That's why I don't
need you to tell me.

You knew she was rude?

Of course. Connie's rude.

She has always been rude.

It makes things awkward
sometimes, but I guess

I hang out with her because
I feel sorry for her.

You feel sorry for me?

Connie... hi.

You're right, that is awkward.

Oh, right. It's on the Q.T.

Here's my money. Thanks.

What was that about?

We lost the card system.
We're on points now.

Oh.

I was just about to introduce
a new Ultra Aluminum level.

I can still play
the big wheel.

Instead of handing out cards,
I'll hand out points.

Points are cash.

Oh. They're on their own.

So, I'm rude, and our
entire relationship

is based on a foundation
of lies and deceit?

It looks that way.

Are you still going to be
my maid of honour?

Of course.

WANDA:
So...

is this your friend, Connie?

Yeah.

Oh, you two haven't met.

Nope.

But I've heard a few stories
about her rudeness.

O-kay, Wanda, you
don't have to do this.

Relax. This will only
take a second.

Just stand back there with
your lollipop pants

and let me take care of this.

Lollipop pants?

I wasn't gonna say
anything, but yeah.

I've never seen anyone
wear a test pattern before.

Yeah, no kidding.

Say hi to the Partridge
Family for me.

That's hilarious.

Yeah, well, I am
full of wit.

Rhymes with wit.

It's nice to see you.

Wow. Is she always
that rude?

Yeah.

Closed Captioning by

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♪ I don't know the same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know
I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know
Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

Want to have a gas online?
Visit us at cornergas.com

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪♪