All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.S03E04.Will.and.Brent.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-QOQ_track3_[eng]

Hi.

Hank?

Oh.

Thanks.

Ah-uh.

The whole idea of the new
board is to keep it neater.

That way bulletins don't
cover each other up.

That's not a bulletin. That's a
for sale ad for my truck mats.

Oh, it doesn't matter.

My truck mats don't matter?

No. It-it doesn't matter if
it's a bulletin or an ad.

I'm trying to
organize the board.

It's like painting
lines in a parking lot.

There's order and then
people just don't park

all over the place.

Yeah, but bulletins are
all different sizes.

How are you gonna know
where to paint the lines?

I'm not gonna
paint lines, Hank.

Geez, you give up
too easy, Lacey.

You'll have to commit if
you want this to work.

All I'm saying is people
around here aren't great

at communicating and the
new board is gonna change that.

Holy hell!
A new bulletin board.

I didn't hear anything.

There was no bulletin on
the old board about it.

Nice communicatin'.

♪ You can tell me that
your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it
took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can
stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot
goin' on ♪♪

It's simple. All bulletins--

What if it's not
a bulletin?

Bulletins, memos,
missives, what have you.

It seems a little
loosey goosey.

Yeah, it's no sprawling
tack board

with three-year-old
missing cat notices.

You make it sound as if
Whiskers isn't coming back.

Harsh.

Look, this will be better.

Notices will be taken down
two days after the event.

And I'm thinking,
for readability,

larger bulletins at the top,
smaller ones at the bottom.

(deep voice)
This bulletin just in.

Lacey's bulletin board
has too many rules.

Rules.

I should post some rules.

Way to go.

Pylons? It's a drinking
and driving program.

We don't need pylons.

People put up fierce
resistance to checkstops.

Pylons help diffuse that.

Makes it more festive.

We've already got
a breathalyzer,
so we're done here.

Okay. I'll call and
cancel the pylons.

I'll call.

Whenever you call, they
talk you into stuff.

Fine. But I have a rapport
with the sales rep.

Don't blame me if
she's cold to ya.

I sell the stuff and
I still can't believe

the crap he orders.

I know.
He's unbelievable.

(laughing)

Is she talkin'
Yeah.

That's why we
have to plan this.

I want to make sure Brent gets
the furniture and the couch.

I love that couch.

But you're not
gonna need it.

I hate thinkin'
about these things.

What's goin' on?

Wouldn't you
like to nosey.

Well, that was a
little awkward.

These booths are tight
and you're not as thin--

No, I just overheard what
I'm getting from my parents

when they, you know?

Celebrate your birthday?

I think he meant
pass away, Hank.

What? What kinda birthday
present is that?

So what are they gonna give you?

It's not about that.

I know. But what are
they gonna give ya?

Well, all their furniture, for
one thing, and that great couch.

But it's not about that.

So that's what this is all
about to you, a couch?

No.

It's just weird hearin'
your parents talk about it.

It kinda gets ya thinkin'.
Yeah.

Do you buy a new couch or not?

I didn't know they had a will.

You should check.
A lot of people don't,

then the government swoops in
and takes their couch.

Who, the Federal
Department of Swooping?

I don't know what department.,

But they should have a will.
I got one.

In fact, uh, Lacey, you
know my paper towel hanger--

Ah, don't spoil the surprise.,

Oh.

I was looking forward
to those pylons.

I think everyone was.

It was a waste of money.

We could get a new breathalyzer
for what the pylons cost.

Okay, we did get a new
breathalyzer for what they cost.

What?

It was marked down. And she
threw in a carrying case.

But we don't need
a new breathalyzer.

We need it more than pylons.

And it chimes.

Gadgets. That's your answer
to everything.

Different chimes,
musical chimes.

All chimes are musical.

That's my point.

EMMA:
Brent, listen.

Oscar and I were talking
and we would like you

to have some of our things
when we, you know?

Die?

How ya doin', Blurty?

I think what Hank meant
to say was pass away.

What the hell are
you talking about?

I overheard you talkin'
about giving me your stuff.

We meant you could have it
when we move to a smaller place,

which I'm not sure we will.

You told me they were dyin'.

You told him what?

Brent was convinced you
were dyin' and was hopin'
to get your couch.

Is that true?

Everything except
what Hank said.

Now I know you don't like it,
but it's gotta be done.

What's he talking about?

Drinking and
driving checkstops.

See? Fierce resistance.

What drinking and
driving checkstops?

It's a new program to
discourage drinking
and driving.

Systematically Limit Impaired
Driving Everywhere,

or SLIDE.

SLIDE? That's not discouraging.
Slides are fun.

You may as well call it
the-the Drunky Bars

or the Boozy-Go-Round.

Well, it's festive anyway.

So, when are these
slidey things happening?

Karen put a notice up
on the bulletin board.

Ah, I took it down.

There was no date on it.

That is one of the rules.

Probably pinned up with a
wrong-coloured thumb tack too.

Are you seeing
this resistance?

Fierce.

I don't want your couch.

You don't like our couch? Fine.

We'll give it to
someone else. Hank?

No, I want your couch.
Obviously.

That's it, Emma.
We're changin' the will.

We don't have a will.
That's what I thought.

Part of your plan, huh?
This isn't about me.

That's it, Emma.
We're gettin' a will.

I'm surprised at you, Brent.

I'm actually
trying to help.

Yeah! Help yourself
to a couch.

You got them to get a will.
That's step one.

So you don't want
to kill your dad?

Not for his stuff.

Do they have a lawyer?

No. I think they're
doin' it themselves.

(stiffly)
What have
you got there?

A legal will kit.

Hmm.

An easy and convenient way
to make your wishes known

to loved ones.

They don't talk like that.

They would if they were making a
commercial for legal will kits.

True. Where else would you hear
a conversation like that?

(naturally)
What have you got there?

A legal will kit.
It's kind of an easy and
convenient way to make

your wishes known
to loved ones.

Ah, so Brent talked you
into it?

He sure did.

KAREN:
I'm not sure about this
location for a checkstop.

DAVIS:
Maybe you can buy another gadget
to tell us where to set up.

Shouldn't we be closer
to town, you know,

where the drivers are?

Then they'll see us
and avoid us.

Right. Because them avoiding
us now isn't a problem.

I figured it out.

You can't deal with your
parents' mortality.

Obsessing on their stuff
eases the pain.

We all see it.

We?

Yeah, Hank and his many
paranoid delusions.

Look, you can call me
Paranoia all you want.

But that's why you're lookin' at
your parents with dollar signs
in your eyes.

What's he gonna inherit,
a green hat and a ball of yarn?

Well, they do have
that great couch.

It's not about that.

I'm just saying you were public
about your lust for their stuff.

If anything happens
to Oscar and Emma,

who will they suspect?

And by "they," you mean you?

I'm just tryin' to help
a buddy out. So sue me.

Then you'd have a ball
of yarn and two hats.

Look, Hank, I appreciate
what you're saying,

but I think I'm gonna be okay.

I'm not givin' Brent
a damn thing.

Nothing good anyway.

Yeah.

Sorry you had to wait
so long for the fries.

They're on the house.

Really?

Just for that, I'm willing
you our night table.

Oh, thanks.

But I don't really
need a night table.

How about the credenza?

We're giving the
credenza to Jed Wilcox.

But you don't even
like Jed Wilcox.

It's a lousy credenza.
A leg keeps fallin' off.

Well, I can see I'm not
gonna get anything out of this.

Fries are three bucks.

This is payback for the
bulletin, isn't it?

It's just a standard
road check.

Okay.

So, how does this
SLIDE thing work?

Do I just drive up really fast
and slam on the brakes?

It's not SLIDE anymore. We
changed the name of the program

to Fully Reduce Impaired
Driving Anywhere.

Or FRIDA.

It's not as strong an acronym,
but it's friendly.

Oh, hey.

Is that a new
breathalyzer? Cool.

Still, you must be
pretty disappointed
we don't have pylons.

You know why we couldn't
afford pylons?

Do I just blow in it like this?

I'll tell you why
we don't have pylons.

Wait for it.

(chiming a tune)

Outstanding.

Hey, guys, check this out.

(blowing)

(chiming a different tune)

Cool.

I did kind of obsess
about my parents' stuff.

Am I a bad son?

No.

Mind you, my kid sticks peanut
butter up my nose while I sleep,

so maybe I'm not
a good barometer.

If you want to smooth things
over with your parents,

just spend more time with them.

Have some fun together.

(upbeat music)

Twister with your parents,

that's your idea of fun?

It could be.

(chiming a tune)

Hank, you already
had a try.

OSCAR:
You don't even have a car.

Yeah, I'm walkin'
under the influence.

Well, move it along.
I wanna get FRIDA'd.

Yeah, me too.

This is workin' out okay.

If you're into gadgets.

(chiming),

Hi, Brent.

Hey. Hey, Mom.

I think we got off on the wrong
foot with this will thing.

Oh, no, no.
It was a wakeup call.

Your scheming was just
the push we needed.

I wasn't scheming. I just--

Most people your age have wills.

What do you mean our age?

I said... wage.

People of your wage... bracket,
is what I said.

Oh, don't worry about it.
I'm not blaming you.

We obviously just
raised you wrong.

But this is kinda fun.

We've been willing away
all kinds of stuff

to all kinds of people.

Oh. Well, that's good.

What people? Like who I mean?

All kinds of people.

Like family?

A little goes a long way.

Well, that's-that's nice.

You're sharing your wealth,
while also making sure

you take care of your own.

Well, like you said, Brent,
it's not about you.

That was good advice.

Yeah.

Oh.

Sorry. Sorry.

This bulletin board
is just for rules

for the other bulletin board.

That way people can
always see them.

This is the bulletin board
for actual bulletins.

Doesn't the "Post no bills"
break the Rules Only

on the rule board rule?

Technically that
is an instruction.

So while not a formal
numbered rule, it is a rule.

But these are rules for
next week's silent auction.

Shouldn't they be posted
on the rule board?

Touché.

No touché.

Even thought by definition
they are rules,

because they're not rules
about the bulletin board.

So they go up on the
bulletin bulletin board.

Your bulletin board sucks.

Boardsze .

You sure love a backlash,
don't ya?

use the breathalyzer.

But everyone loves it.

But they've done studies.

They say that human assessment
is more reliable.

Do you know what
they love about it?

I think it puts up
barriers.

(blowing)

Where's the chime?

It failed the field test.

Hey, try chime number 48.

It's supposed to be
the theme to Rocky .

(blowing)

(chiming)

(chimes running down
and stopping)

Hey, Dad.

Hey, you wanna go for a
bike ride or somethin',

play some Twister?

It's too late to suck up
now, Johnny Golddigger.

First of all, it's
Jimmy Golddigger.

Second of all, I'm not lookin'
to marry ya for your money.

Well, when I'm done,
I won't have any.

What do ya think of that?

You bought a backhoe?

I'm gonna get the whole
driveway relandscaped.

It's gonna cost me a fortune.

Well, I see you've
thought this through.

The rest is goin'
to charity.

A round of applause for
Oscar Leroy

and his generous donation
of $11.65.

(weak applause)

It'll be more than
that, Smart Guy.

$15.65.

(weak applause)

The point is, it'll teach you
a lesson about countin'

your chickens before the father
of the chickens dies.

Ah, that old chestnut.

You young people think
you're entitled to everything.

Can I at least have your
giant novelty cheque book?

No.

Well, we'll get started
on this right away.

Oh, and thanks for
the offer on the couch,

but it's just too big
for my place.

Unbelievable.

(chuckling)

Hey, do you know if they're
still doin' the checkstops?

I heard their breathalyzer
plays movie themes.

Well, if there's anything about
it, it'll be up on the board,

which I think
you'll find is quite...

tidy.

It sure is.

If you can figure out
a way to stop serving food,

your plates will stay tidy too.

Don't you want people
to use this?

Oh, there is a bulletin,
right down there. See?

Someone has used my board
to let the town know...

that there's a no rules
bulletin board at Corner Gas.

There is?

Oh.

We just need to figure out
a different test, that's all.

What are things you can't
do when you're drunk?

Say no to pizza?

Stop yelling at you for
breaking my breathalyzer?

No.

Like play pickup sticks.

I can play pickup sticks when
I'm drunk. Everyone can.

Really?

I hope I kept the receipt
for the pickup sticks.

So you can see it's a
fairly big responsibility,

but that's what
an executor is.

Okay.

So where-where does the
axe and the mask come in?

That's an executioner.
That's something different.

Right.

So do I wear
the mask or not?

Lacey, will you be
executor of our will?

Oh, I don't know, Emma.

That's a pretty big
responsibility.

If you say yes, I'll put
a new bulletin on your board.

My board doesn't need your pity.

It is just a slow season
for bulletins.

I have a bulletin.

Here's a tack, if you
can find any space.

Okay, enough's enough.

I get nothin' in your will
and now you're lookin'

for an executor.

Why would you think that?
Hank told me.

Actually, he told me you
were looking for an examplitor,

but I figured out
what he meant.

We'd never pick Hank over you.

No. We'd pick Davis over you.

Why Davis?

He knows the law.

The game is pickup sticks.

I'll tell you what.

Let me go and I'll make
you executor of our will.

What's in it for me?

How about our couch?

All right!

He's solid.

Hey, Lacey, I need your boards.

I'm up to my armpits
in bulletins.

That's almost two
feet of bulletins.

Just take 'em. They're not
doin' any good here.

That was on purpose.

Mrs. Owens is just about
done with the ball and cup.

Well, what about
the breathalyzer?

I wanted to hear it
do Live and Let Die .

I have a breathalyzer.

Great.

Cue up the theme to
The Good, Bad, and the Ugly .

Sorry, it's just a courtesy
breath tester. It doesn't chime.

I don't give a rat's ass.
I just want this over with.

It looks like you
could use a drink.

The sales rep hooked me up.
We have a bit of a rapport.

Is that a new safety vest?

See?

It's harder than you think.

Hey, everybody.

The old bulletin board
at The Ruby is back

and there's only one rule.

No, the only rule is
there are no rules.

So are there rules or not?

No, I-I was just
trying to make a point.

There are no rules.

It sounds confusin'.

We'll stay here,
thanks very much.

Actually, I don't really
like the bulletin boards.

Too cluttery.
I'm shuttin' 'em down.

You're just mad because
Oscar and Emma

wouldn't give you the couch.

It's not about that.

Murderer.

Who said that?

Let-let's go to The Ruby.

You should try this.

It's harder than
you think.

Geez, I come out
all right.

It's good to plan
for the future.

For the future, eh?

(soft music)

Who are you?

I'm you, 20 years from now.

Wow. Is this our place?

Yep, bought and paid for,

with a couple a cool million
left over for kicks.

I guess we did okay.

Hey, Jackass.

Dad, do you live with me?

I'm not your dad.

I'm you, 22 years from now.

Noooooo!

(echoing)

You done?

Yeah, I usually wake up
when I do that.

I'm gettin' a drink.

Closed Captioning by

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♪ I don't know the same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know
I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know
Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

Want to have a gas online?
Visit us at cornergas.com

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪♪