All language subtitles for Corner Gas (2004) S06E02 Bend It Like Brent (1080p CTV Webrip x265 10bit AC3 5.1 English - JBENT)[TAoE]_track3_[eng]

Hey, Brent,

who's your favourite
football team?

The Riders, du-uh!

No, not Canadian football.

Oh. Then the, uh,
Minnesota Vikings.

No. Out on the pitch.

What do you mean, soccer?

Well, then it's a tie
between the Manchester-
I-Don't-Give-A-Craps

and the London-
Not-A-Real-Sports.

All right, then. I was gonna ask
you, but I'll ask Lacey instead.

Lacey, would you like to sponsor
the football team I'm coaching?

That's a great idea.

Minimum cash outlay,
advertising on the jerseys
for a whole season. Sure.

Hold on. I didn't
say I wasn't gonna do it.

You've been makin' fun
of football.

No, I've been makin' fun
of soccer.

All right, you
can both sponsor.

If that's all right
with you, luv?

I don't see why not.

Well, that's it
then, blokes.

Let's celebrate with
some bangers and mash
and ring up our mobiles

or my name isn't Sir
Aluminium Bootbonnet.

Is he havin' a laugh?

Or some kind of seizure.

♪ You can tell me that
your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it
took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can
stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot
goin' on ♪

Thanks for
pickin' me up.

Technically, running
out of gas isn't a
police emergency.

You guys are only responding
to your own emergencies now?

Nice.

What?

Uh, nothin'.

I just think you're goin'
a little fast, that's all.

I'm a cop. I get to go fast.

Besides, this isn't even fast.
It's not?

No. I'll show ya fast.

How fast we
goin' now? Shut up.

Free movies?

Let me explain the notion of
profit margin to you.

They're VHS tapes.

I got a DVD player, so
I'm givin' these away.

Summer of the Monkeys,
Orphans of the Sand,

Sparkle?

Ooo, and they're free.

Yep. Take them all if you want.

I would. But I'd have
to get a VCR.

Actually, first I'd have
to get a time machine

and travel back to 1995
where I could find a VCR.

Hey, free movies.

Step right up and grab
a handful of Hollywood D-listers

and some red hot
local tax credits.

What's the catch?

One of you must drive
a silver DeLorean.

Back to the Future?

Oh, it's in there,

just underneath
The Tommy Douglas Story.

Hey, hey, hey, came to
watch a match, did ya?

Thanks for donating the
footballs, by the way.

Oh, it's the least I could
do for our soccer team,

get them some soccer balls
to play soccer with.

The proper term
is football.

I think it's good for
the kids to hear

some of the British terminology.

What's the British term
for a person

who uses stupid British terms?

Wanker.

Good to know.
Yeah.

Sorry I'm late.
Here's the jerseys.

All right.
Thanks, Brent.

It's kinda thin.
Couldn't get nylon?

That's all there
was in the budget.

You should see the
jackets, though.

All right, jackets too.

Are these cool or what?

Don't tell me you wasted
part of the budget

on a jacket for yourself?

No. Yours is in there too.

Oh.

Oh-ho-ho, wow!

Stitched logos
and everything?

Yeah, well, I guess
these'll do.

Oy, lads, come and
get your jumpers!

Uh, how come we're
only doin' 30?

Nothing wrong with
being a little cautious.

Ah.

You're a little gun shy from
hittin' the ditch, aren't ya?

You know, when I was a kid,

my grandpa took me, uh,
horseback ridin',

and I fell off the horse.

And your grandpa made you get
right back on. I get it, Hank.

No, the-the horse stomped
on my ribs a bit

and then kicked me
in the head, twice.

Anyway... uh, what were
we talkin' about?

It doesn't matter.

What matters is that
I get over this.

So, here we go.

Okay.

Good.

Good.

Not good.

Did I ever tell ya
my horse story?

Kramer vs. Kramer?

Yeah. It's got that guy
from Seinfeld in it.

That's funny.

The mother's
leaving the kid.

Now what?

Oh, this stupid machine.
Where's the knob to fix this?

I'm lookin' at him.

And in the west--

Never mind,
I fixed it.

it's partly cloudy with
a chance of showers.

Otherwise, it looks like
an excellent weekend

to get out there and
explore... things.

Back to you, Sandra.

Thank you, Wanda. Excellent job.

Holy hell. Wanda's
in the movie.

No, she's not, you idiot.

She taped herself doing
some kinda skitch.

And in Winnipeg,

there's a canary who can sing
the National Anthem.

What's up in sports, Wendy?

Coming up, highlights,

and an update on
the Riders training camp.

You wanna try drivin' again?

I think I'll
just rest a bit.

I'm still a little
freaked out.

D.R.P.D.

Uh-huh?

Um, okay, I'll
be right there.

There's cattle on the road
west of town.

Oh, okay. I'll pull
over so you can drive.
No, no!

Oh, gotcha. Switch
seats on the fly.

No! No! You drive!

Oh, okay.

Uh, how do you
turn on the siren?

It's cattle
on the road. Right, right.

Just the lights, then.
Catch 'em by surprise.

And we're back,

with my special guest,
Winston Churchill.

Winston,

you were once quoted
as saying

that the price of greatness
is responsibility.

Would you care to
elaborate on that?

When one achieves greatness,

one must assume the role of
mentor to the masses.

I can't believe she
got Winston Churchill.

Oh, look closer.

I always thought Hitler
was a bit of a tool.

Holy hell.

She's like a Canadian
Rich Little.

Bring it in, bring it in.

All right, all right.
Good game, good game.

Now, we didn't win,
but we tried hard.

Did we try hard?

Because it looked to me
like we didn't try at all.

But at least we had fun.

Did we have fun losing?
Because keep playing like this,

we're gonna have a blast
all season, losing.

Come on, you guys, this
can't be all fun and games.

Hey, who wants candy?

No! Brent! Brent! Uh-uh.
I don't think you should

be giving the kids candy
when they lose.

It sends out the
wrong message.

That candy is for losers?

Okay, that's enough.
Just give back the candy.

Come on, kids,
give the candy back.

No candy for you.

Or you.

Candy is for winners.

Beautiful day, isn't it?
Yeah.

Partly cloudy, slight
chance of showers.

Thanks for the report.
Is this everything?

Uh, no.

Here's Oscar with
the spaghetti sauce.

Over to you, Oscar.
Thanks, Emma.

Coming up later,
we'll be making spaghetti.

Are you two okay?

Say hi to Winston for us.

Who the hell is Winston?

Geez.

A couple a nut bars.

Oh, God, no.

You're the coach of
the soccer team, right?

Actually, I'm one of the owners,
the main one, really.

I'm Peter's dad.

He plays on your team.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, he's the one named Peter,
with the, uh, shoes.

He really likes soccer.

In fact the other day
he was sayin'

how he wished he
could play more.

So I figure,
you bein' the owner--

Yeah, I don't really
like to micromanage.

Right.

Why don't you think on it
while you fill up my truck.

I have dual tanks,
by the way.

Oh, oh yeah, now
I remember Peter.

Sure. He's the one I was
thinkin' of makin' captain.

Hey, Emma.

Just curious. How was
the spaghetti last night?

Oh, just fine, thanks.

Super. Super.

Yeah, 'cause
spaghetti's... super.

All right, look, the tape you
were watching was an audition

tape that I did for a
broadcasting course in college.

I'm glad you had a good laugh,
but now I'd like it back.

Can't have it.

What? But that's my
private property.

We paid good money
for those tapes.

I gave them to you for free.

Ah-ha! You gave them to us.
They're ours.

Give 'em back.

No can do, Sissy Magoo.

You're hilarious,
by the way.

D.R.P.D.

Uh-huh? Trespasser? Okay.

Oh, sure, I can
check it out.

Um, are you within walking
distance of the police station?

No, I-I have a car.

Oh, hey, Hank, I need
to talk to you outside.

Okay, gimme a minute.
I'm almost finished my coffee.

I need to talk
to you right now.

I got a call about
a trespasser.

Why do you need
Hank for that?

He's, uh, uh...
a suspect.

Yeah. Let's go.

Oh, I get it.
You want me to--

Ow! What'd you do that for?
I was just gonna say--

Ow! Let's go!

Hey, Brent.

Can I talk to you about
yesterday's football match?

Hey, are you two talkin'
about the game yesterday?

Because I feel really
badly about the way

I handled things.

I'm so glad to
hear you say that.

I shouldn't of yelled at those
kids right after the game.

You took my candy away too.

I completely understand.

Junior football can get
a little crazy sometimes.

I shoulda made them
run laps first,

showed them the consequences
of their actions,

then laid into them.

Teach 'em a lesson.

Yeah,

next time.

Anyway, I gotta run. Bye.

Well, that was
pretty creepy.

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

She's a little overbearing
and I was hoping

you'd help me
keep her in check.

Sure, sure, no problem.

Listen, there's a player on your
team, Peter. How's he doin'?

Oh, he's not very good.
But he's tryin'.

Sounds like he needs
motivation.

Maybe you should make him
captain, play him more.

I play all my players equally.
Oh, sure, sure, of course.

I'm just sayin' play
Peter more, that's all.

I'll give it
some thought.

You do that. And then
make him captain,

and I'll look after Lacey and
the whole control freak thing.

Where to now?

I don't know.

Just, uh, just
drive around.

Oh, and, um...

wear this in case
Davis sees you.

Hey, swing by the Foo Mart.

Why? Somethin' big goin' down
at the Foo Mart?

Yeah, big thing at the Foo Mart.

No, no lights and siren.

No siren noises.

Here it is.

Good. Did you get
some good dirt on them?

Oh, yeah, Mom and Dad
tryin' to cook lobsters,

with hilarious results.

What am I supposed to do
with typewriter ribbon?

That's 8 millimetre film.

Where'd you get it, the attic
of the National Film Board?

That was shot
when I was a kid.

My parents didn't just
start doin' stupid stuff
when VCRs were invented.

How am I supposed to play this?
I have a DVD player.

You know what your problem is?

You're a techie freak, always
gotta have the latest gadget.

I thought there was some big
thing goin' on at the Foo Mart?

There was, a shoplifter.

Luckily I caught him and
was able to confiscate

this candy and magazine.

Look, I hate to
see ya like this.

I think it's time ya
try to drive again.

Get back on that horse.

Okay.

Here we go.

Okay.

Just start out slow and don't
bite off more than you can--

Whoo, boy,
that was scary.

Ah, too soon, I guess.

Hey, Oscar,
crazy question.

Long story, can't go into it.
Here's the thing.

I was wondering if you had
an 8 millimetre projector
I could borrow?

Projector? Well, sure,
Ben Franklin.

I'll get into
my horse and buggy

and see if I can
find one for ya.

Who is it?

It's Laura Secord.

She wants to borrow an
8 millimetre projector.

I'll just run to the
apocethary and see if
I can find one.

It's apothecary.

You'd know, wouldn't
ya, Thomas Edison?

Oh, Oscar, leave the
poor creature alone.

Our future world is
strange and new to her.

Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Comedy Hour,

I happen to have some
hilarious footage myself,

a little something
that I like to call,

Oscar and Emma vs. The Lobsters.

When I show this to everyone,

you will be the laughing stock
of the whole town.

Then why would we give you
our projector?

Well, on hindsight, I probably
shoulda told you that

after I got the projector.

Well, send us a telegram
when you find your
motion picture machine.

You're hilarious,
by the way.

Come on, hustle, hustle!

What's with the slow kid?
Who, Peter?

He's probably saving his
energy for a late game burst.

He's quite
the strategist. Hmm.

I don't know why
they made me captain.

I don't know anything
about this game.

I thought I was signing up
for football.

Hey, Davis, I think we
need to take Peter out.

Well, he looks like he's
havin' fun out there.

We need someone faster.
Take him out.

Fine.

Peter!

Don't listen to her, Davis.
I'll back ya. Leave him in.

Peter, stay out there.

I said pull him out.

Peter, in.

Leave him in, Davis.

Out.

Peter needs
to come out. In.

He's the captain.
He needs to stay in.

Out.
In.

All right, that's enough.

You two are the
worst sponsors ever.

And it's not about winning
or wanting to be liked,

it's about the lads
enjoying the game.

We need to fire Davis.

And play Peter more.

You can't fire Davis.

It's not an easy decision,
but as owners

we recognize that the real
problem is coaching.

You're not the owners.

I think that what Brent means
is that as business owners

we just want what's
best for the team.

You saw how he handled
that Peter thing.

He doesn't know when to
pull certain players.

He doesn't know when
to keep players in.

The bottom line is,
is we're losing.

But the kids are having fun.

You know what I'm getting here,

is that you're all okay with
being the parents of losers.

Do you always open
with an insult?

I think we all agree that
some changes need to be made.

All right, then.

Now, I know this can all
be a little unsettling,

so to help smooth things over,

I brought candy for everyone.

Brent, we don't give candy
to the parents of losers.

What are you doing?

Oh, just setting up
my magic picture box

to show something that
we call a Talkie.

Where'd ya get
the projector?

From the high school.
They were very helpful.

Who would steal a
50-year-old projector?

Holy hell. She's gonna
show the lobster film.

Well, maybe we were
a little hasty before?

We'll give you
your tape back.

Oh, I don't need the tape.

I need darkness. Hit the lights!

Oh, come on!

Dammit!

Yeah, no, thanks. I'll have my
driver stop by and pick it up.

Yeah. Okay.

Great. Now I have to go
pick up your driver?
No.

We just have to swing by
and pick up some stuff
for my garden.

You must be
Karen's driver?

No. I just drive her around
and run errands for her.

Hey, driver, let's go.
Break-in at the high school.

Hi, Davis.

I just had a rough meeting
with the parents.

Well, it-it had to be done.

We fought for ya, buddy.

In the end, they
made up their minds.

They want new sponsors.

You mean a new coach.

No. New sponsors.
I mean I fought for ya.

But in the end they didn't like
being called parents of losers.

She said it, I didn't.

Well, that's what they are.

Look, see, it's right here.

Look!

If you wanna see something
really funny,

you should all come over to our
place and watch our Wanda video.

She does impressions.

She's no Little Richard,
but she's pretty good.

No! No-no-no!

There's a lobster
pinching Oscar's nose!

This stuff only happens
in cartoons, people!

Whoa. Easy, there, Hank.
Goin' a little fast.

I don't think we're
goin' fast enough.

Whooo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

I don't even think I need
my hands on the wheel!

Whooooo-hoo-hoo!

Okay, oh-- Hank,
look out for the cat!

Oh!

What are ya lookin' at?

I think Hank just hit the
ditch across the street.

Ah, you're right.

That can-that can
really rattle ya.

Move over. Let me drive.

Thank you. Thank you very much.
Great to be here.

I'd like to do a few
impressions for you.

She's gonna do
some impressions.

First, John Wayne.

Well, listen here, pilgrim.

Thank you.

Now I'd like to do
a couple impressions

of some folks from
my old hometown.

Oh.

We got a guy there that
goes by the name of Oscar.

Jackass!

Shaddap, jackass!

That sounds nothing
like me, you jackasses!

And believe it or not,

Oscar has a wife.

My name is Emma

and I have the most
incredible garden.

Blah, blah, blah.
Have you seen my garden?

This is gettin'
good again.

Good hustlin' out there!

Watch the defence!
Ah, hah, thatta boy!

There we go.

Booo-oooo! Boo!

Hey, number six, you
kick like a girl!

She is a girl.

Oh.

Well, the truth hurts sometimes.

Oh, boo! Losers!

The coach is a winker!

It's wanker.

Oh. Well, I don't
speak English.

Captioning by VerticalSync
www.verticalsync.com

♪ I don't know the same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know
I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know
Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

Want to have a gas online?
Visit us at cornergas.com

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪