All language subtitles for Bewitched.S08E05.Bewitched.Bothered.and.Baldoni.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

And here,
ladies and gentlemen,

is the famous
Galafedgio Venus.

Also known
as Aphrodite.

Also known as big,
big troublemaker.

Ah, Venus,
the goddess of love.

The high priestess
of hanky-panky.

And now, a special treat
for the ladies.

Come this way.

Galafedgio Adonis.

Mythology's strongest man

And greatest lover.

He had to be.

He was the boyfriend
of Venus.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
follow me upstairs,

and we will visit with the
great works of the Renaissance.

This is where we came in,
let's split.

Oh.

Aren't they adorable?

I like your kind
of doll better.

I think she's cute, too.

Tell me
I didn't hear anything.

Mother!

Where? Where?

Now, that's what I call
bad casting.

Your mother as a doll.

Mother, what are you
doing in Rome?

What are you doing in Rome?

I thought
you were staying in Pisa.

Well, we are.
We have a lovely villa.

But Darrin had

a business appointment
this afternoon,

so we thought we'd do
a little sightseeing.

Oh.

And what's more important,

who's home
minding the children?

Esmeralda is covering for me.

And Tabitha wanted
spaghetti for lunch.

Well, why didn't you
go to the market

like anybody else?

I'm not like anybody else.

Nor are my grandchildren.

When they want
Italian spaghetti,

they get Italian spaghetti.

But, Mother,
you promised!

Speaking of promises,
I almost forgot.

Uh, I made a promise
to the children

That I would kiss their mama
and their papa for them.

Oh.

Uh...

Well, half a promise
is better than none.

I appreciate that, Endora.

I have a business luncheon

and I don't want
to lose my appetite.

I better get going.

See you back at the villa,
honey. Ciao.

And it's always a pleasure to
say goodbye to you, Endora.

Oh, my!
What big eyes he has.

Mother, what's the real
reason you're in Rome?

That's the reason.

A mortal creature
like Durwood

transplanted from his quarter
acre of suburban crabgrass

to this romantic
Roman carnival

can go bananas.

And I don't want
my little girl to get hurt.

Oh, well,

I appreciate the concern,
mamma mia.

It's been nice
chatting with you.

But we're having guests
for the weekend,

so I have to do
the marketing.

Arrivederci.

[Endora] Arrivederci.

Oh, you poor,
trusting child.

When will you ever learn
that Mother knows best?

And what mother knows best

is how to prove she's right.

Elizabeth Montgomery in...

Bewitched.

Marble Venus though you be,

I'll take thy marble heart
from thee,

and turn it
into flame and fire,

to light
a mortal man's desire.

That feels so good.

You'll feel even better
when you're properly dressed.

What is this I'm wearing?

A woman's greatest
weapon, a clinging dress.

You look stunning in it.

Oh, I know, I know.

But how did you do it
and why?

Well, "how," it's just
a little parlor trick.

"Why," I'll tell you as
soon as we get out of here.

Oh, half a moment, dear.

Now you won't be
missed for hours.

Come along, dear.

Oh, mi scusi,

I did not know
this table was occupied.

I'm sorry.

No, don't go.

I'd be honored
if you'd join me.

Grazie.

Oh.

How charming you are.

Thank you. I feel charming.

I don't mean I feel charming,
I mean I'm charmed by your...

Your eyes.

You have the most
remarkable eyes.

Green, aren't they?

That is your favorite color?

Yeah.

Then they are green.

Ahem, so, this is Rome.

This is tourist Rome.

May I show you
the real Rome?

Would you?
That would be very nice.

But impossible.

I have this business meeting
with my boss and a client.

It's very important.

It is so important?

But not that important.
Let's go.

And it's not as though

Larry can't talk
to the client by himself.

Well, if he is the boss,

he certainly should be
able to, no?

Oui. Uh, si.

Good morning.

Mmm. Mmm!

[Larry] I'm Mr. Tate.

Hi, Sam. How's Darrin?

Will he live?

What are you
talking about?

He didn't show up
for the meeting with Baldoni.

So, I can only conclude

he was in some
terrible accident.

And if he wasn't,
he's gonna wish he were.

Hello. I'm home.

Hi, Larry. Sweetheart.

Sam, the most amazing thing
happened to me.

Let me guess.

You were kidnapped,
and you escaped.

Anything less,
I won't accept.

No. What happened was, uh,

I bumped into this Italian.

But, Darrin,

You had a business appointment
with Larry and Mr. Baldoni.

Oh, don't worry, Larry.

Baldoni and his wife
are driving up for dinner

and to spend the weekend.

We'll make it up
to 'em then.

That's your whole
explanation?

Well, uh...

Uh, after I
bumped into this Italian,

we sort of took a walk.

Oh.

Why, is there anything wrong
with an American tourist

trying to make a good impression
on his European cousin?

We, uh, exchanged ideas.

You know,
it's really quite sad.

Do you realize how hard
it is for a European

to get a working visa
in the United States

if you don't have a job
waiting for you?

This Italian cousin
of yours,

uh, what sort of work
does she do?

Oh, did I say
it was a she?

You didn't say it was a he,

so I figured
it had to be a she.

Oh.

A lady cousin.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, anyway, um,
I thought you could

use some help with
the dinner party tonight.

The villa comes
with four in-help.

Oh, I figured
that's what you'd say.

But actually it's not so much
for tonight,

I was thinking
of taking her home with us.

Home?

Where we live?
Well, sure.

You could use some help
around the house.

Well, just temporarily,
of course,

till she got settled.

Anyway, uh, she, uh...

She's waiting outside.

Oh.

Oh, well, uh,
show her in.

I guess that's the, uh,
courteous thing to do. Huh?

Ah, excuse me.

Vanessa, come in, please.

Vanessa, uh,
this is my, uh...

Uh...

Wife.

Wife.

And I'm, uh...

Uh...

Uh...
Larry Tate.

Buongiorno.

Buongiorno.

Oh, I'm so delighted
to meet you all.

And I accept the position.

You've had experience
as a housekeeper?

No.

[Darrin] Well, that's perfect, Sam.

That means she hasn't
developed any bad habits.

We can break her in
just the way we want her.

Darrin, could I
speak to you privately?

Sorry.

Mine won't take long.

Excuse me. Come on.

Oh, you'll be
serving tonight.

So, why don't you
go into the kitchen

and one of the girls
can find you an apron.

I have to go upstairs
and take care of something.

Si, signora.

Whew!

Mother,
you show up here pronto!

I don't know what you're up to,
or who that girl is,

but you're not
proving anything.

A monk wouldn't be
safe with her!

"Monk or monkey,
what's the difference?"

Sam, I've been talking to Larry
and he's concerned.

And what he's concerned
about is that you're concerned.

But it's really nothing
to be concerned about.

I'm not concerned.

Now, look, I realize
that Vanessa

is not your average maid.

You can bet my sweet mother
she isn't.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm not sure what it is,

but there's something
very strange about her.

And it's quite possible

that Mother's weird sense
of humor is hard at work.

Yes?

[Vanessa] It is me, signora.

I want you to see
how I look in the apron.

Oh, come in, Vanessa.

So, then, it's nice?

Uh...

Well, uh, Vanessa,
when I said

an apron, I didn't mean
just an apron.

Now, why don't you
be a good girl and go out.

Backwards.

And, uh, we'll make sure
you get a uniform

to go with that apron.

Si, signora.

Doesn't that
tell you anything?

It just means
she's inexperienced.

She may be many things,
Darrin,

but inexperienced
is not one of 'em.

Signor Baldoni,
a thousand apologies

for missing
this afternoon's appointment.

Grazie.

Uh, but you see, uh,
I was waylaid...

At the Vatican,
waiting to see the Pope.

In that case, you will
forgive him, Ernesto, huh?

If your advertising
is as imaginative

as your excuses,

then the house of Baldoni
will do very well in America.

Well, please,
come on in.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Baldoni,
this is my wife, Samantha.

Oh, how do you do?
It is a pleasure.

Hi, Sam.

And our maid,
Vanessa.

Hello, Vanessa.
Nice to see you again.

May I fix our guest
a cocktail?

Martini for me.

I will have
a glass of water.

I'll have a martini
with a twist of legs.

Lemon.

I've never seen
such beautiful

hazel eyes.
They're brown.

They're green.

They are hazel.

Come on,
I'll prove it to you.

Excuse me, Mrs. Stephens,

but does your maid
come with the villa?

Uh, not really.
She's a friend of the family.

I would rather have Lucrezia
Borgia as a friend.

They're definitely hazel!

Brown.

They're green
and stop crowding her.

Call me if one of them

suggests playing
Spin the Bottle.

Spin the Bottle?

Just an American joke.

I think.

Hello?

Si.

Si. Signor Baldoni,
it's for you.

Oh.

Uh, scusi.

Sweetheart.

Grazie.

Hello.

Oh, yes, Guido.

What? How?

Why was I not
informed sooner?

I appreciate it, Guido.

This is fantastic!

What has happened,
Ernesto?

That was Guido Compapasso.

See, he is the director
of the National Museum

and I am on the
board of trustees.

He has just informed me
that the statue of Venus,

the Galafedgio Venus,

has been stolen
in broad daylight!

[Baldoni] it is the
crime of the century!

Uh...

Would you all
excuse me, please?

Crimes of the century
give me a headache.

Mother. Mother.

I know who Vanessa is,
and you know who Vanessa is,

and I want Vanessa like Vanessa
was and I want it now!

"Patience is its own reward.
Remember, mother knows best."

What Mother knows best is
how to cause a lot of trouble.

Sam, what's wrong with you?
We have guests.

I know.

And we also have a maid

who happens to be
the crime of the century.

Hmm?

Venus. The goddess of love.

The one we saw at the museum
this afternoon.

Mother zapped her
into human form.

Are you sure?

It's a wise daughter
who knows her own mother.

If she has that effect on me,

what about
Larry and Mr. Baldoni?

Oh.

[Mrs. Baldoni] Ernesto, what
do you think you are doing?

I am only reading her palm.

In a minute

you'll be reading
the back of my hand!

Why is she
fooling around with him,

if I'm supposed
to be her pigeon?

Fooling around
is her business.

Is there any way you can
put her out of business?

Maybe.

A quick trip to Rome.

Sweetheart, you go down there

and try to keep everything
under control,

Uh, including yourself.
Ciao.

Though of marble
you be carved,

for a woman you are starved.

So back you go
to flesh and sinew.

The fairest of them all
will win you.

Cara mia.

Oh.

Forget it, Adonis. I am not
the fairest of them all.

Well, you will do

until something better
comes along.

Something better
is waiting for you

at my villa.

Well, I guess I'll have to get
you into some decent clothes.

Who are you?

A matchmaker.

And have I got
a match for you!

Of course, as the House of
Baldoni's goodwill ambassador,

you will have
an unlimited expense account

in the finest hotels
in Europe.

And, every once in a while,
I might join you

in Zurich or Paris.

Yes, of course.

After you have
come out of the hospital.

I'm sorry, Mr. Baldoni,
but, uh,

I have Vanessa under
exclusive contract as a maid.

Besides, Vanessa, you wouldn't
want to break up a happy marriage.

However, my marriage could
stand a little breaking.

How would you like to be
my private secretary?

Larry, does she look like
a private secretary to you?

Well, she looks more

like a private secretary
than she does a maid.

Well, I don't care
what she looks like,

I saw her first.

[Sam] Hi.

Oh, Adonis.

Venus.

What did they
call each other?

Venus and Adonis.

Uh, pet names.

This is Alberto, Mr. and
Mrs. Baldoni, my husband Darrin,

and his business associate
Larry Tate.

Mr. and Mrs. Baldoni, I'd
like you to meet Albert... O.

Alberto.

Alberto.

What a beautiful
young man you are.

I have never seen
such eyes.

What color are they?

[Adonis] What is your
favorite color, signora?

Black.

And they are black.

Like the velvet night.

Isabella, you are making
a fool of yourself!

Me? And what about you,
you old goat?

Who are you
calling an old goat?

Me. She was looking at me
when she said that.

You're right, signora.

The pretty faces
turn my head.

I should be ashamed
of myself.

Uh, Sam, uh, why don't you

take the lovebirds
out in the garden

So they can have
a little more privacy?

Right.

Come on, you crazy kids.

Mother.

Mother. It's now
or never.

Please.

Pretty please?

Oh, I'm so sorry for the
delay, darling. Shh, shh, shh.

But I was waiting
for Esmeralda to return.

Mother, never mind.

We have to get those statues
back where they belong.

Oh?

They seem to be
very happy where they are.

Mother, that's Adonis!

I got him to run a little pass
interference for Darrin.

Copycats.

Okay, okay.

Okay, fun and games
are over.

Break it up, you two,
we have to send you back.

All right, Mother,
together now.

One, two, and three.

Mother!

Oh, Mother, we can't
send them back like that!

Why not? I think it's sweet.

What are people gonna say

when they see those two statues
holding hands?

Nothing.

What's one more miracle in
the enchanted city of Rome?

Ciao.

Where are Venus
and what's-his-name?

Adonis and what's-her-name
are back in the museum.

You gotta admit, that
goddess was some goddess.

And you are to be
congratulated for putting up

what little struggle
you put up to resist her.

Well, it wasn't easy.

For a while there,
it was, uh, touch and go.

Touch what and go where?

Sam.

Well?