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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 (WHEEL CLICKS) 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:04,400 - Hello. 3 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:05,160 - Hey. 4 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:05,800 - Two. 5 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:06,880 - (GRUNTS) 6 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,240 (KEYS CLACK) 7 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:08,960 - Come on! 8 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:09,520 - (GRUNTS) 9 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,280 - (WHOOPS) 10 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,280 (KEYS CLACK) 11 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,440 - That's for the haters. 12 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,080 - (GRUNTS) 13 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,800 - Clink, clink. 14 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:17,600 - Chicken Little. - Cheep. 15 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,760 - (IMITATES GUNFIRE) 16 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:19,720 (KEYS CLACK) 17 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,240 Oh! 18 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:20,880 - (SHOUTS) 19 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:21,560 - Yaargh! 20 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,560 - He he he he! 21 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,360 (CLUNK!) 22 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,520 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 23 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,760 (DING!) 24 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:42,560 - Kia ora koutou katoa, and welcome to the second episode of season five of Taskmaster New Zealand. 25 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:47,640 My name is Jeremy Wells, and while you may have seen me playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare3 26 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,720 under the pseudonym 'DeathLord 69', 27 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,520 (LAUGHTER) here in this room, 28 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,920 I am known by the far more threatening title of the Taskmaster. 29 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,920 (CHEERING) Tonight... 30 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:04,400 five comedians will compete in a series of absurd and pointless tasks 31 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:08,280 in a desperate bid to get their hands on this... 32 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,920 - AUDIENCE: Ooooh! - ...a beautiful golden trophy 33 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:15,520 made to look exactly like the head of late '90s television icon Newsboy. 34 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:16,760 (LAUGHTER) 35 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,800 Competing for this trophy and what remains of their dignity, 36 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,040 we have Abby Howells... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 37 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,880 ...Ben Hurley... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 38 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,560 ...Hayley Sproull... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 39 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,040 ...and Tom Sainsbury. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 40 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,960 And tonight, representing Tofiga Fepulea'i here in the studio, 41 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:41,760 she's a winner of life and a loser of Taskmaster ― Madeleine Sami. 42 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,760 (CHEERING) 43 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,640 And to my left is the person who answers the question ― 44 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:53,160 'What if you combined Siri and Alexa and turned them into a single human man with sadness in his eyes? 45 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,080 (LAUGHTER) 46 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,840 Ladies and gentlemen ― Paul Williams! 47 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,120 (WILD CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 48 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,120 All right, what's the first task of the show? 49 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,280 - As always, we begin with a prize task. 50 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:08,920 We've asked each contestant to bring in the secret to their success. 51 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,200 - AUDIENCE: Ooooh! - OK. Mm. 52 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,960 Some very successful people up on stage here. - HAYLEY: Mm. 53 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,080 - Let's start with Ben. - Sure. The secret to my success 54 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:23,000 is a VHS of the 1986 movie starring Michael J Fox, 'The Secret to My Success'. 55 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,760 (LAUGHTER) 56 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,760 (WHOOPING, APPLAUSE) 57 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,200 - I actually still have this. I taped this off TV, 58 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,720 probably somewhere in the early '90s, on a repeat― - Oh... 59 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,680 - ...so it also has half an episode of Knight Rider. 60 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,400 - Oh! (LAUGHTER) 61 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,800 Hayley, what did you bring in? 62 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,680 - I've actually brought in my mother ― in the '90s, specifically. 63 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,720 And just a moment for the haircut. (LAUGHTER) 64 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,680 But I'm not gonna give you my mother, cos I still need her quite a bit ― 65 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:55,960 I want to give you an audio of her yelling at me to practise my scales every day on the piano. 66 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,600 I think we have a little, uh, clip of her... 67 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,800 - RECORDING: Turn that TV off and get on that piano! 68 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,800 Beethoven didn't have a TV, and that's why he's Beethoven. 69 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:07,920 (LAUGHTER) 70 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,720 You slam that piano lid one more time, 71 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:14,280 and you're not going to Jessica's party. (LAUGHTER) 72 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,480 - I didn't get to go to Jessica's party. - Oh. 73 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:22,480 - Is it weird to anyone else that Hayley's mum is former mother of the nation, Judy Bailey? 74 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:23,840 - Very similar. 75 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:24,480 - I don't know why, 76 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:30,120 but I've got a 'Judy Bailey having sex with Hilary Barry' sort of vibe when I look at her. 77 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,040 - From what I know about you, that is your dream. - Yeah. 78 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,040 (LAUGHTER) 79 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,160 - Let's move on to Madeleine. (LAUGHTER) 80 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,600 - Oh, the secret to my success ― it's my mortgage. 81 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,280 (LAUGHTER) 82 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,320 - Yeah, it's what keeps me up at night. 83 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,680 It's what wakes me up in the morning. It's the reason I'm on the stage right now. 84 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,080 - TOM: And the winner gets to take it home. 85 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,920 - I just found a loophole. - Yeah. 86 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,560 - Unless I win. 87 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:00,920 - Tom, what did you bring in? 88 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,240 - Well, every morning when I wake up at 5am 89 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,400 and I've written out my gratitude journal and just done some meditation, 90 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,000 (LAUGHTER) - Oh, bless. - I like to, um... 91 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:12,600 I like to have― - Namaste. - ...a sip of my home-made kombucha. 92 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,360 - HAYLEY: Ew. OK. (LAUGHTER) 93 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,880 - But it's got some special ingredients, 94 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,280 so I think we'll just look at the ingredients that we've got there. 95 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,320 So we've got guilt... (LAUGHTER) 96 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,680 ...shame, narcissism, people-pleasing, 97 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,760 and may contain traces of imposter syndrome. 98 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,160 So that's why it's― - HAYLEY: Yeah. Right. 99 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,880 - You know, you just have a sip of that and you're away ― very neurotically. 100 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:34,400 - Should it glow in the dark like the rod at the start of The Simpsons? - CHUCKLES: Yeah. 101 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,320 Gives me that beautiful kind of glow, I think. 102 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,520 - Abby. - Yes? 103 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:43,040 - What did you bring in? - Um, I brought in my autism assessment sheet. 104 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,240 (LAUGHTER) 105 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,240 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 106 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,480 So, um... I have it, 107 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,720 and I think my best qualities are my autistic qualities. 108 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:57,440 I know heaps about cool stuff like the Titanic and Phantom of the Opera, 109 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,640 and, uh, I can't tell a lie, 110 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,600 and I tell― take everything very literally. 111 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,120 - As part of the prize, does the autism come with, 112 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,040 or just the confirmation? - Oh. You wish! 113 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,800 (LAUGHTER) 114 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,400 - I just― I just want the Titanic knowledge. - Yeah, same! 115 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,960 - Oh. Oh my gosh, honestly― - Oh, you started her. 116 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,760 - I know. - Once you get into it... 117 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,040 - It wasn't just the rich people that survived, eh? It wasn't― That's a bit of a fallacy. 118 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,280 - Yes, a lot of rich people died ― or a lot of the rich men actually died. 119 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,160 - Oh, boo. - Yeah. Yeah. (LAUGHTER) 120 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,480 Yeah. - So devastating. 121 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,480 - Sometimes I make myself cry just thinking about being in that situation, you know? 122 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,640 And it's like, you're on the boat, and all the men were very gentle― 123 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,720 (LAUGHS) Sorry. (LAUGHTER) 124 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,240 All the men were very gentlemanly. - No, the men were nice. The men were good. 125 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,720 - Men are nice. They get a rough time. 126 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,920 - There were some baddies, though. Billy Zane's character. 127 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,720 - Yeah. He wasn't good. 128 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:51,040 - Yes, that's a really funny joke, but actually, it's not... (LAUGHTER) 129 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,640 ...historically accurate. (LAUGHS) 130 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,640 - Duh, Paul (!) - Paul. 131 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,040 - OK. Shall we score it? - We should. 132 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,320 - Oh, one point's going to be Madeleine. 133 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,080 - (SCOFFS) Oh, for... (LAUGHTER) 134 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:06,040 - No one wants that. - It's just a bit of a downer with the mortgage. 135 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,240 Ben's gonna get two. - Two! 136 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,840 - Hayley's gonna get three. - OK. 137 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:14,080 - Four points for Tom for the kombucha. - Thank you. 138 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,240 - And Abby's gonna get five points. 139 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,960 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 140 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,720 Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, 141 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:28,480 shall we, Paul? - Let's see how our contestants stack up in this one. 142 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,560 (EPIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) 143 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,440 - Hi, PW. 144 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,880 - Hi, TS. 145 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,640 - You all right, Paul? 146 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:40,640 - Yes. 147 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,640 - Hello, rainy Paul on a ball. 148 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:47,120 - Hello, rainy Hayley on the lawn. - It's a shame you couldn't get that to rhyme. 149 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,480 - All right. 150 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:49,320 Rrrr―aargh! 151 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:53,160 - Don't push that over, please. - OK. 152 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,040 - READS: 'Remove the blocks from the tower and place them back on top.' 153 00:06:56,040 --> 00:07:00,280 - 'You must follow the instructions written on every block you remove.' 154 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,680 - 'Blocks must be removed one at a time. 155 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,880 'Most blocks removed before the tower topples wins.' 156 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,760 - 'You have 20 minutes until the tower topples.' 157 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,720 - 'Your time starts now.' 158 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,920 OK. I guess I get underway. 159 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,920 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 160 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,840 - So, am I allowed to say― This is basically just a game of Jenga, isn't it? 161 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,840 - No. It's legally very different from Jenga. (LAUGHTER) 162 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,840 Jenga ― famously three blocks across. - Yes. 163 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,520 - This is four, so it's a completely different thing. - Totally. OK. 164 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:36,640 Well, who are we gonna see play this brand-new game that you've invented ― 165 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:37,720 first? - Up first, 166 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,240 it's Hayley, Hurley and Howells. 167 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,800 (LAUGHTER) 168 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,240 - OK. 169 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,240 All right. 170 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:50,280 - READS: 'Give the next three blocks a name and introduce them to Paul.' 171 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,320 Paul ― 172 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,040 I'd like you to meet Diane. 173 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,520 - Hello, Diane. - POSH: Diane's very well-to-do. 174 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,560 - Ooh, that one came out nice and easy. 175 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:02,520 READS: 'Write a beautiful poem and read it out while removing the next block.' 176 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,280 Block, block, 177 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,000 you never mock, 178 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,600 just like a... 179 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,000 nice warm sock. 180 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,280 (LAUGHTER) 181 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:14,480 - 'Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.' 182 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,280 (LAUGHTER) 183 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:22,040 - I'd like you to meet Paulette. She's Diane's sister. She's also quite fancy. 184 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,080 Quite racist as well. (LAUGHTER) 185 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,760 - 'Sing a brand-new original song about removing blocks.' 186 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,280 - # I love to remove blocks every day. 187 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,760 # I like to live my life in a precious way. 188 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,000 - Can I just do the poem in musical form? 189 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,840 # Block, block, you never mock, 190 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,680 # just like a... 191 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,160 # lovely warm... sock. 192 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,240 - This is Gavin. 193 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,240 Gavin is down-and-out. 194 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,840 - I've been there. Iamthere. 195 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,920 - 'The next block may only be pushed.' 196 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,400 - 'The next block you remove must be yellow.' 197 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,120 - 'Remove... (LAUGHS) the next block with your feet.' 198 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,400 - 'The next block you remove must be orange.' 199 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,200 - 'Pat yourself on the back before removing the next block.' 200 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,720 Well done, old chap. 201 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:09,520 - 'Remove the next block while standing at least 1m away.' 202 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,880 Aaaargh! 203 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:17,680 - 'Remove the next block while repeatedly doing high kicks.' 204 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,680 (LAUGHTER) 205 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,760 'Remove the next block standing on one leg.' 206 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,440 'Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.' 207 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:31,440 'Freeze for 20 seconds while halfway through removing the next block.' 208 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,720 (LAUGHTER) 209 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,960 - 'Remove the next block while standing at least 2m away.' 210 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,320 Oh, come on. 211 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,000 Can I have the tennis balls? - OK. 212 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,520 Imagine if this just flies out. 213 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,720 (TENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC) 214 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,600 (MUSIC BECOMES SERENE) 215 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,240 (EXCLAMATIONS, APPLAUSE) 216 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,360 (GIVES DISTORTED, SLO-MO ROAR) 217 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,520 (CHEERING) 218 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:05,160 - WHOOPS: Oh... ho ho! 219 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,000 Oh! 220 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,000 Oh no! 221 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,920 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 222 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,280 Did you see that coming? 223 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,720 - Maybe one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. - (LAUGHS) 224 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,200 - The risky one. 225 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,680 (JAUNTY OLD-TIME JAZZ MUSIC) 226 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,400 - GRUNTS: Oh... 227 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,520 - Heads. - Aargh! 228 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,760 (BLOCKS CLATTER) 229 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,280 - Watch out. - (SCREAMS) 230 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:31,560 Bloomin' 'eck! 231 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,560 - (BLOWS WHISTLE) - Oh. I didn't get it out. 232 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,560 - I still can't believe you threw the tennis ball and hit it out. - (LAUGHS) 233 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:39,080 I say this as a proud father of two daughters, 234 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,440 but it's the greatest thing I've ever achieved. (LAUGHTER) 235 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,440 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 236 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,960 - Unreal. - (LAUGHS) 237 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,920 - I think I speak for everyone here where I say 238 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,440 that is possibly the greatest thing that's ever happened in the history of New Zealand. 239 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,360 - HAYLEY: Yeah. (LAUGHTER) 240 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,240 - To be honest, yeah, I kind of wanted to just retire from Taskmaster at that point. 241 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,680 Like, leave on a high. - Retire from life, man. 242 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:07,160 - Yeah. True. - ABBY: Valhalla awaits. 243 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,160 (LAUGHTER) 244 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:17,800 - Hayley, you were tasked at one stage with giving the blocks names. - Yeah. Paulette and Diane. 245 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,560 - You ended up giving them full personalities with backstories ― one was racist. 246 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,480 - Yes. I think that's Paulette. She's quite racist. 247 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:28,880 She'll happily take you into the home if you are brown, but she would like to take a photo. 248 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,680 (LAUGHTER) 249 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,520 - This is very triggering for me. I'm... (LAUGHTER) 250 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,840 - Come, darling, I'll make you a fine sandwich, darling. 251 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,920 Come into my home― - OK. I'll do anything for free food. 252 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,040 - There you go. - I'm a stereotype. (LAUGHTER) 253 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:40,840 - Abby. - Mm? 254 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:46,400 - Talk us through the creative process of writing the song, 'I love to remove blocks every day, 255 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,080 'I like to live my life in a precious way.' (LAUGHTER) 256 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,920 - Quite a few times, I would do a task and then come back and sit in my little room 257 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,000 and think, 'Am I insane?' 258 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,520 (LAUGHTER) 259 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:01,600 And that was one of those moments, I think. 260 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,120 - So, the stats― - Yes. 261 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,160 - Hayley removed 18 blocks... - That's good. 262 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,280 - ...Ben, 20 blocks... - HAYLEY: OK. That's better. That's better. 263 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,920 - Abby, 28 blocks. - AUDIENCE: Oooh! - Oh my goodness. 264 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:17,040 - She was speedy. - Oh, who's talking about the ball now? (LAUGHS) 265 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,560 - All right ― well, that is the end of part one. 266 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,200 Join us for part two in just a moment, 267 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,840 where our comedians will probably just be playing a game of Monopoly. 268 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:25,840 We'll see you then. 269 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,840 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 270 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,040 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 271 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,320 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 272 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,640 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 273 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,000 Kia ora koutou ano ― welcome back to Taskmaster, 274 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,080 a show that is now witnessing a slow decline 275 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,120 after it peaked when Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball. 276 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,400 (LAUGHTER) 277 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,880 - What are we doing now, Paul? 278 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:55,640 - Our comedians were removing blocks from a tower and following the tasks written on the blocks. 279 00:12:55,640 --> 00:13:01,680 We've seen Abby, Ben and Hayley, so now it's time for Tofiga and Tom to tackle the tumblingtower. 280 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,880 - HAYLEY: Ooh! - TOM: Yeah. 281 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,080 - READS: 'Bribe Paul to do the next block for you.' 282 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,960 I'll be your friend if you can move this block. 283 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,720 - What does that mean ― 'be your friend'? 284 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,480 - I never liked you right from the start. 285 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,120 (LAUGHTER) I'm only doing it so you can help me with the tasks. 286 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:20,240 I'll be a real friend ― like, a genuine friend, if you can move this block for me. 287 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,840 - Which block? - That one there. 288 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:27,720 - READS: 'Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.' 289 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,720 - 'The next block you remove must be green.' 290 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,600 - (INHALES SHARPLY) Oh... 291 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:37,080 - 'Put this block back where you found it.' 292 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,680 OK. Next one. 293 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,960 - 'Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.' 294 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,480 (INTRIGUING MUSIC) 295 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,480 (LAUGHTER) 296 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,040 Ayyy! 297 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,840 'Remove the next block while standing... 298 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,840 - '...1m away.' 299 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,840 (QUIRKY MUSIC) 300 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,400 (EXCLAMATIONS, LAUGHTER) - Are you serious?! 301 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,880 (LAUGHTER) 302 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,600 - GRUNTS: Yeah. - AUDIENCE: Aww. 303 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,720 - I've stopped the clock. 304 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,080 - Are you kidding me? 305 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,240 - It was quite a strong wind, 306 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,640 but you did take one of the bottom blocks. 307 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,600 You happy with that? - Nah. 308 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,640 - Don't stab the duck. - I'm not gonna stab the duck. 309 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:36,680 (LAUGHTER) 310 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:37,320 Hi, honey. 311 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,320 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 312 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,480 - Be honest, Tom ― were you gonna stab that duck? 313 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:44,880 - Yeah, pretty much. - HAYLEY: Yeah. (LAUGHTER) 314 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,480 - The wind was against me. I refused to lose. 315 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,840 - How many blocks did Tom end up getting? 316 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,280 - Tom? Three blocks. 317 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,000 (LAUGHTER) 318 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,200 - Tofiga ― six blocks. - OK. 319 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,240 - How many friends did you get? 320 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,480 - One. (LAUGHTER, WHOOPING) 321 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,000 - Did you? - That was a big day for you. Do you guys keep in touch now? 322 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,280 - Let's just say it might not be by blood, but we are brothers. 323 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,080 (LAUGHTER) 324 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,080 - LAUGHS: Wow! (WHOOPING, APPLAUSE) 325 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,320 That's beautiful. 326 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,200 - OK, so how are we going to score that? 327 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,720 - That means... one point for Tom, 328 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,240 two points for Tofiga, three points for Hayley, 329 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,680 four points for Ben, 330 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,880 and five points― - Yay! - ...for Abby. 331 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,080 - Great. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 332 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,080 - Sexy. - Such a nerd. 333 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,920 - OK. So where does that leave our scores for the episode so far, Paul? 334 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,320 - Great question, Jeremy. 335 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,880 Out in first with a perfect 10 points ― 336 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,120 it's Abby Howells. 337 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,000 - BEN: Yeah! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 338 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,840 - All right ― what do you reckon about showing us another task, then, Paul? 339 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,080 - I reckon great idea, Jeremy. 340 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:51,080 I enjoyed this task more than anything in the world and I simply cannot wait to relive it. 341 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,080 (QUIRKY, TINNY MUSIC) 342 00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,600 - Ma'am. 343 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,720 - And to you, sir. 344 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,720 - Knock-knock. - Who's there? 345 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,640 - Orange. - Orange who? 346 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,400 - Orange you glad I didn't say banana? 347 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,520 - You never said banana. - Oh. 348 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,240 - Right. Let's do this. 349 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,000 - READS: 'Relive the best moment of your life.' 350 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:17,880 - 'Most amazing... reliving... the best moment... wins.' 351 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,920 - 'You have 30 minutes. Your time― - '...starts...' 352 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,640 - '...now.' 353 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,640 LAUGHS: Oh, man. 354 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,240 (SIGHS) What was the best moment of my life? 355 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,240 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 356 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:37,360 - So are we doing the reliving here? Am I gonna be judging the reliving part, 357 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,280 or are we judging the best moment ― who had the best moment? 358 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,760 - Best reliving. - OK, right. Right. Let's get stuck into it, then. 359 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,400 - Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life. 360 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,760 It's Hayley Sproull. (LAUGHTER) 361 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,760 - Best moment of my life. 362 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,440 NASAL: Meeting my fiance. 363 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:55,520 (LAUGHTER) 364 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:59,440 - Meeting your fiance? - Yeah. I hate women that are... are like that. 365 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,560 - Although I will say one of my best moments was meeting your fiance. 366 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,600 - That was one of the best moments of your life? 367 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,320 Let's do the moment I met my fiance. 368 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,160 OK, this is how it happened ― I was sitting in a drama school meeting, 369 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,520 and he walked in, and he's 6'6, 370 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,960 and I went like this... (INHALES SHARPLY) 371 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,080 And then my friend looked at me and laughed, 372 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,880 and then I turned to her and I said, 'That's mine.' 373 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,880 - OK. (LAUGHTER) - OK. 374 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,280 All right. (EXHALES SHARPLY) 375 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,440 Bit of a warm-up... before my scene in King Lear. 376 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:29,520 Hey... 377 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,000 My liege! 378 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,560 My lieeeege! 379 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,800 Huh... 380 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,080 Forsooth, my liege! 381 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,600 That's it. That's it. Now she's found it. 382 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,480 Forsooth, my liege! 383 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:40,880 (DRAMATIC STING) 384 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,800 (GASPS) 385 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,400 (STRUTTING GUITAR ROCK MUSIC) 386 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,120 (LAUGHTER, WHOOPING) 387 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:50,960 (MUSIC STOPS) 388 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,960 (LAUGHTER) 389 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,080 Mine. 390 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,080 (LAUGHTER) 391 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:03,200 - DRAWLS: Man, I wish somebody would come smoke a cigarette with me out on the smokers'steps. 392 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,200 - I will. (LAUGHTER) 393 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,680 - OK. 394 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,920 - (EXHALES) He's a big boy. 395 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,480 That's a big boy. 396 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,640 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 397 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,640 Wow. 398 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:24,120 - So, Hayley, you went from hating women who say that the greatest moment was meeting their fiance 399 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,960 to actually re-enacting it with Paul? - Yeah. 400 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:30,000 - Well, I felt terrible for saying it, because love is lovely, isn't it? 401 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:36,280 And then Paul was so fizzed over my fiance as well, I was like, 'Well, let's do a fantasy for both of us.' 402 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:41,440 - Why―? I didn't get why you were dressed like an apprentice witch. (LAUGHTER) 403 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:42,680 - Cos it's drama school. So you― 404 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,800 - Oh. - Where did you study drama? Hogwarts? 405 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,560 (LAUGHTER) - Honestly, not that dissimilar. 406 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,760 - So who have we got next, Paul? 407 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,480 - Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life. 408 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,680 (LAUGHTER) It's Abby Howells. 409 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:56,520 (APPLAUSE) 410 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,960 - (SIGHS) What was the best moment of my life? 411 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,280 I know what it is. 412 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:07,800 It was when I played the Lion in my high school production of The Wizard of Oz. (LAUGHS) 413 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,920 I came out at the end, and I got, like, the biggest cheer, 414 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:16,360 and my mum actually told me afterwards that I needed to tone it down a bit when I cameout, 415 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,600 but I didn't. 416 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:22,160 - The other cast members might watch this and they might think they got bigger cheers. 417 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,760 - It was the Lion show, baby. Everybody knew it. 418 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,760 - OK. - OK. 419 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,920 Let's do it. 420 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,000 - ECHOING: Lion! Lion! 421 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,880 Lion! Lion! Lion! Lion! (SOARING MUSIC) 422 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:36,520 Lion! 423 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,520 (MUSIC SWELLS) 424 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,200 (LAUGHTER) 425 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,200 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 426 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,400 (MUSIC FADES, APPLAUSE) 427 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,400 More Lion! More Lion! 428 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,120 - Did someone say more Lion? 429 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,840 (SOARING MUSIC RESUMES) 430 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,840 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 431 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,280 - ECHOING: Lion! Lion! 432 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,920 Lion! Lion! 433 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,280 Lion! 434 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,640 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 435 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,640 - HAYLEY: Rare timing. - Really great. 436 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,640 - Thank you. - If that was a true reflection of what actually happened, 437 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,880 I totally see what your mother was saying. (LAUGHTER) 438 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:26,080 I've never seen someone so happy with themselves in all my life. 439 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,160 - LAUGHS: That's what my mum said. (LAUGHTER) 440 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,840 - Did you do the voice, like in the movie? With the― - 100% I did the voice. 441 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,160 - 'Oh! Oh, lemme at him. Lemme at him.' - With a little― a little... 442 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,160 - Put 'em up. Put 'em up! 443 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,000 (LAUGHTER) - Oop, she's good! - Yeah. 444 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:43,480 - Paul, so far, we've had two drama students hooking up, and one of them getting a round of applause ― 445 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:47,400 do you think maybe we should go to one of the comedians who's actually had a child or something? 446 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,280 - Meeting this person was one of the top five moments of my life. (LAUGHTER) 447 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,280 It's Tofiga Fepulea'i. 448 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,840 - Best... moment of my life. 449 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,520 Having my kids. 450 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,240 - Having your kids do what? 451 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,560 (LAUGHTER) - When they were born. - Oh. 452 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,520 - You can be my wife. 453 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:06,400 - OK. (LAUGHTER) 454 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,880 - Is there a bed upstairs? - OK. 455 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:15,760 - To film the― thing. Not to make the babies, but... you know, you giving birth to the baby. 456 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,760 - OK. - OK. 457 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,800 Aren't you excited? I'm really excited. It's our first child. 458 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,840 - I'm excited. - So excited. 459 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:23,880 - (GROANS) 460 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,880 (LAUGHTER) 461 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,400 - You're doing fine. 462 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,000 - (GROANS) - Yeah. 463 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,000 - WAILS: Haaaaargh! 464 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,000 - I can see the feet! 465 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,480 I can see the feet, yeah? - (WAILS) 466 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,320 Oh! (WAILS) 467 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,320 - LAUGHS: Oh wow! 468 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,880 Hey, he looks like his mum! (LAUGHTER) 469 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,360 - OK. - What do you think we should name him? 470 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,440 (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) - I'm not sure. 471 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:47,960 - (LAUGHS) 472 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,960 - He's beautiful. 473 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,320 (LAUGHTER) Round two? - If you can make it quick. 474 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,560 - OK. - Cos there's an important rugby game on. 475 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,560 - (WAILS) - Oh, wow! 476 00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,360 Our second son. 477 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:04,360 Last one should be easy-pea, just like that. Just one push, and boom! 478 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,640 (LAUGHTER) - HIGH: Aaaaargh... 479 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,880 - Oh, and it's gone back in! You have to go ― again! 480 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,880 - (WAILS TUNEFULLY) 481 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,040 (LAUGHTER) 482 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,880 - Wahey! 483 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,600 Wow. Most incredible moment of my life. 484 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,880 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 485 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:28,680 - I'll tell you what ― That was my second time on Taskmaster New Zealand giving birth, 486 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,120 after I gave birth to Angella Dravid in season one. - That's right. 487 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:36,160 - And I tell you what, it doesn't get any easier. (LAUGHTER) 488 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:40,440 - MADELEINE: I really enjoyed the angelic way in which you screamed the pain. 489 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,360 - HAYLEY AND MADELEINE: # Oh... # - Yeah. 490 00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:46,960 - Very interesting interpretation of how a woman gives birth to a child. - Thank you. 491 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,680 Well, in fairness, I've only been at one birth. - HAYLEY: Right. 492 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,480 - And I was very young. (LAUGHTER) 493 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,600 I was split-seconds old. - Oh yeah. 494 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:00,000 I'd love to see more, but it's time for me to enjoy the best moment of my life, 495 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,720 which is throwing to an ad break during Taskmaster for the 47th time. (LAUGHTER) 496 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,720 Here we go. It's time for the ads. 497 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,520 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 498 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,520 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 499 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,080 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 500 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,080 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 501 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,440 Nau mai, hoki mai. Welcome back to Taskmaster. 502 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,240 Before the break, we were watching comedians re-enact the best moments of their lives, 503 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,800 and it turns out they haven't done much. 504 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,360 (LAUGHTER) Who have you got next for me, Paul? 505 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,160 - Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life. 506 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,840 (LAUGHTER) - It's Tom Sainsbury. 507 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,640 - Oh! (APPLAUSE) 508 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,720 - What's the best moment of my life? 509 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,680 Do you know what it was? - What? 510 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,520 - I don't know if we can do this legally. Can we re-enact Little Shop Of Horrors? 511 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,120 - We could probably do, like, a― - ...version of it. 512 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,200 - Were you in the play? - No, I was watching it. 513 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,920 - Oh. You watched it. - I was like― I watched it as an 8-year-old, 514 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,960 and it started me on my... It fired off everything in my brain. 515 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,960 - OK. - OK, let's do this. 516 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,600 - AMERICAN ACCENT: Where did you come from, strange little plant? 517 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,640 # Please 518 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:11,040 # get bigger for me. 519 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,080 Please... 520 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,520 # get bigger 521 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:20,600 # for me. # 522 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,880 (SCATTERED APPLAUSE) 523 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:28,360 - GRUFF: Please, Paulmore. Give me plasma. 524 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,520 - (GUFFAWS) 525 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,000 (LAUGHTER) 526 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,840 It's so funny. 527 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,160 - I'm a big Venus flytrap 528 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,880 from deep in the galaxy! 529 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,040 I want you inside me, Paulmore! 530 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,000 I want you inside me! - (GASPS) 531 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,880 - Aaah! - (GASPS) 532 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,080 - Aaah! 533 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,160 (SNAZZY BIG-BAND MUSIC) 534 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,920 - # Small boutique 535 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:57,120 # of terror. 536 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,120 - Whoo-hoo! - Thank you! 537 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:05,320 (SNAZZY MUSIC CONTINUES) 538 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,760 - Wow. This 'thea-treh' thing is amazing, Papa. 539 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:16,400 (SIGHS) I think I've been put on a different path in this lifetime. 540 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,400 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 541 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,400 (WHOOPING) 542 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,560 - I would like to say, for legal reasons, that wasnot Little Shop of Horrors. 543 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:31,600 - It was― What was it called? - Small Boutique of Terrors. - That's right. 544 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,160 - I was in a production of Little Shop of Horrors― - HAYLEY: Mm. Me too. 545 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,640 - For Onehunga High School. It was pretty cool. - BEN: Same. Hawera High School. 546 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,320 - Yeah. - You were in it too? - I was the dentist, 547 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:39,480 but I guess in your production, 548 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,720 I'd be, like, the podiatrist or something. - HAYLEY: Yeah, yeah. 549 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,720 - No, the orthodontist. - (LAUGHS) 550 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:47,120 - I've never been in it. - Oh, we should do it. All of us. - BEN: Yeah. 551 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:49,960 - Stay tuned for tickets for our performance― - TOM: Exactly. 552 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,840 - ...of Little Shop of Horrors. - I absolutely can't wait for that. 553 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,040 - What was it? What was it about, Little Shop of Horrors? 554 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,040 - A horror... 555 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:57,880 (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 556 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,360 - Shops. - ...a shop. - Shops. 557 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:00,520 - CHUCKLES: Um... No. 558 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,920 The musical element to it ― a play, a horror. 559 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,600 They― In the play, they all get eaten by the plant. And that just― 560 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,600 - Spoiler. (LAUGHTER) 561 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:14,360 - That just wonderfully excited me. - You know ― can a vegetarian eat a carnivorous plant? 562 00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,360 - Oh, good― - That's self-defence. 563 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,360 (LAUGHTER) 564 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,520 (SCATTERED APPLAUSE, WHOOPING) Wouldn't it be? It'd be self-defence. 565 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,400 - Like, if you got eaten by a broccoli... 566 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,320 - If I got eaten by broccoli, I'd be like, 'It was worth it.' 567 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,840 (LAUGHTER) - Me too. Me too. 568 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:34,000 - So we've only got one comedian left, and I know that he has two beautiful, healthy children, 569 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,800 so I think it's safe to assume he's going to relive that. 570 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,640 - Meeting this person... 571 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,640 (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 572 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,400 I've― I've met him. (LAUGHTER) 573 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,240 It's Ben. (WHOOPING) 574 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,720 - Mate, the best moment of my life was when I... 575 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,920 knocked that Jenga thing out with a tennis ball. (LAUGHTER) 576 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,920 (EPIC, SOARING MUSIC) 577 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,200 (LAUGHTER, LIGHT APPLAUSE) 578 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,480 I mean, that was... 579 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:03,240 quite something. 580 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,600 - We've got the blocks. - Yeah. 581 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,600 - And the ball. 582 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:08,840 - OK. 583 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,040 (LAUGHTER) 584 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,880 - Good luck, Ben Hurley. 585 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:16,160 You'll never be able to knock a block out of the tower with a tennis ball from way back there. 586 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:21,400 - Darn you, Paul! Why do you gotta make these tasks so gosh-darn hard? 587 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,720 - Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (LAUGHTER) 588 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,040 (LOW, DISTORTED EVIL LAUGHTER) 589 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,080 (MYSTICAL FLUTE MUSIC) 590 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,080 (OWL CALLS) 591 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,440 (GROWLS BESTIALLY) 592 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,040 (BLADE SINGS, THUDDING) 593 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,320 (EXCLAMATIONS, LAUGHTER) 594 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:37,600 (LAUGHTER) 595 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,480 - DISTORTED: Noooo! - (GIVES DISTORTED CHEER) 596 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,440 Ha! 597 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,520 (FUNKY MUSIC) 598 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,920 That's the kind of thing I do all the time. 599 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,680 - He's unbelievably cool. 600 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,960 (FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES) 601 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,120 - There's... nothing left for me here now. 602 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:56,720 (LAUGHTER) 603 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,960 Good luck with all your future endeavours, Earthlings. 604 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,840 (SOLEMN, HEAVENLY MUSIC) (DING!) 605 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,040 Thought so. 606 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,440 (HEAVENLY MUSIC CONTINUES) 607 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,000 (LAUGHTER) 608 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,000 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 609 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,680 - OK, so everyone's seen what happened earlier on in the episode. - Mm. 610 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:28,560 - Now we've seen your remembering of it, but everyone's seen the other. You think the two... 611 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:33,920 Can you see how they might not...? - Really in life, there is no true objectivity, Jeremy. 612 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,240 (LAUGHTER) Everything is seen through a lens, 613 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:37,920 and that was my lens. - HAYLEY: Wow. 614 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:41,120 - I feel like the second one was objectively worse. (LAUGHTER) 615 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,560 - I agree. - It's sort of like doing a remake of a movie too soon. 616 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,800 - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? 617 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,400 It's like, we don't need― - HAYLEY: Give it time. 618 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,480 - Yeah, we need, like, 20 years in between, not just straight away. - Yeah. 619 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,400 - It almost makes the first task seem shit now. 620 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:54,400 Do you know what I mean? - BEN: Hey! 621 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,520 - You're right, actually. - Sorry. - You don't even go here. 622 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,440 - Sorry, I'm just― I don't even go here. (LAUGHTER) 623 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,040 I'll go. I'll go. 624 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,680 - How do you want to score it? - (BLOWS AIR) This is gonna be quite difficult. 625 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,560 I― I think Ben definitely gets one point. 626 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:06,920 - AUDIENCE: Aww! - OK. 627 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,600 - Because I saw that― I just saw the original, and it was just nothing like it. 628 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,600 So― - It's too fresh. - ...there was nothing there for me. 629 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:16,080 - Um... Tofiga, I will give two points to. 630 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,360 I thought it was a great performance, but there were three moments. 631 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:23,000 I think, Hayley, three points for you ― great turnaround on what you thought was― 632 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,560 how you hated people that did things― - Mm. 633 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,360 and you became one of those people very quickly. So I appreciate that. - Thank you... 634 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:31,120 to my love. - Tom, I think four points for The Little Shop of Horrors, 635 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,640 and Abby― - Nerd. - ...five points. 636 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,680 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) - Well done, Abby. - Thank you. 637 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,520 - Well done. Well done. - Thank you, Hayley. 638 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:41,000 - It was very moving. It was very moving. - You have to― He's bullying me! 639 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,320 - OK, I'm about ready for another task. You got something for me, Paul? 640 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,640 - It's time for the first team task of the season. 641 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,240 (AUDIENCE WHOOPS, GASPS) But also... 642 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:51,920 it's time for the first top-secret mission of the season. 643 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:52,880 - AUDIENCE: Ooooh. 644 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,880 (QUIRKY, TINNY MUSIC) 645 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,400 - Hi, Paul. - Hello, Ben. 646 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,680 - (CHUCKLES) Hello, Paul. - Hello, Abby. 647 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,640 - What― What do I do? 648 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:08,720 (LAUGHTER) 649 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,160 Oh. In here? - Yeah. 650 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,160 - Have a wee look... 651 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,280 Oh... (CHUCKLES) 652 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,680 Just got really nervous. (LAUGHS) 653 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,600 READS: 'Be the most excited to meet your team-mates.' 654 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,480 - 'They can't know about this task.' 655 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,920 - 'One person on the other team has received this task.' 656 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,840 - 'If you're more excited than them, your team wins.' 657 00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,400 - 'Your time starts when you meet your team-mates.' 658 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,720 - Do you understand the task? 659 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:37,040 - Be excited? 660 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:37,840 - Yeah. 661 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,840 - Whoo! (LAUGHTER) 662 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,400 - Quite excited. - Yeah. 663 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,480 - No problem. No problem. 664 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,520 I'm quite excitable. 665 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:48,680 - OK. 666 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,320 I'm going. - Thank you, Ben. 667 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:51,480 - Whoo! 668 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,480 (LAUGHTER) 669 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,280 - Hey, Paul. - Ciao, Tofiga. 670 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,160 - Hi, Paul. - Ciao, Hayley. 671 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,160 - TOM, WARMLY: Hello. 672 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,800 Hi! Hello! 673 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,360 Hi! (CHUCKLES) (LAUGHTER) 674 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,360 - That was a nice surprise. - Hi! 675 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,120 CHUCKLES: Big fan. 676 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:11,360 Big fans! - Yeah. 677 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,480 - Do you have a task for me? - I do. 678 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,480 - Can I have it? - Not quite. 679 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,120 - Why not? 680 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,600 - Ohhhh! - (SHRIEKS JOYFULLY) 681 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,640 (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS) 682 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,280 - (LAUGHS) - This is the best! This is the best! 683 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,280 - (SHRIEKS) - Wa-hoo! 684 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:30,440 (LAUGHS) 685 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,360 - Not too bad. - No. - Hi, hello! 686 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,800 Hi, I'm Abby. Nice to meet you! - Oh my God― Hi, nice to meet you. - Hello. 687 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,800 It's so lovely to meet you. - Eh? Nice to meet you. 688 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,160 - What a cute outfit. - Oh, your outfit looks so nice. 689 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,200 - We all went for such cute outfits. - Yeah, I love it. - Did I? 690 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:46,440 - Boo! - Aargh! 691 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,280 - Did we just become best friends? 692 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:49,800 YEAHHH! 693 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,960 - (LAUGHS) - (YELLS JOYFULLY) 694 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,160 - Nice to meet you, eh. - Yeah, so nice to meet you. - Big fan as well. 695 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,280 - So nice― Oh my gosh. - Big― Big― I feel all sheepish. - I know. 696 00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,520 - Ah... I'm gonna do break dancing! 697 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:03,080 - What the hell are you doing? - Break dancing, I'm so happy! 698 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:03,680 Pow! 699 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,840 - Do you know, when you hugged me, um― you popped my bra strap. 700 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,560 (LAUGHTER) 701 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,400 - That's how excited we are. (SIGHS) Ah... 702 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:11,560 - Just let that... 703 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:15,240 - Yep, yup. Yup, that's for real. (APPLAUSE) 704 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:19,880 - So... (HAYLEY AND MADELEINE LAUGH) 705 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,360 before I score that, how do you think you went, Abby? 706 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:23,320 (LAUGHTER) 707 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:28,040 - I got stage fright, because I'd never met Tofiga before. 708 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:33,000 And I was like, 'Oh, he's gonna think you're a big silly goose if you go, "Ooh, er!"' 709 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,120 - It was already an awkward situation when Tom had walked in― 710 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:37,640 - Yeah. - ...and then by the time you arrived there, 711 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,960 there was, like, triple awkward going on. - Yeah. 712 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:44,280 What, you think Captain Autism is gonna make that less awkward? (LAUGHTER) 713 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,080 Yeah. 714 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,160 It's what I do, baby. 715 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,520 - So, Hayley, how do you feel about Ben now that you've watched that? 716 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,600 - Honestly? So betrayed. (LAUGHTER) 717 00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:01,360 - I wouldn't have done the streamer or the break dancing, but I would have done everything else. Normally. 718 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:05,080 - It all just feels like a lie to me now, and I don't trust you any more. - OK. 719 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,240 - That's a good old-fashioned trouncing, that one. 720 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,240 That's― - How do you want to score it? - Ooh, she's a 1-5 trouncing. 721 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,200 (GROANS, EXCLAMATIONS) There's no other way you can do it. 722 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,720 - So, one for Abby and her team― - Tom. 723 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,320 And Tofiga, yeah. - OK. - Sorry, team. 724 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,200 - And then she's a five for Ben and Hayley, 725 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,080 cos that was next-level from Ben. - Really, it was a lot. 726 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,680 - Is this the first time you've not got an A? 727 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:26,960 (LAUGHTER, GROANS) - She was perfect this episode. 728 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:31,880 - Oh, is this the first time you've talked to a woman? 729 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,200 (LAUGHTER) 730 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:38,120 - Uh, second ― and the first one's underwear fell off. 731 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,120 (LAUGHTER) 732 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,480 - So that's not the team task, obviously. - HAYLEY: OK. No, of course. 733 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,120 So I actually can't wait to find out what the actual team task is ― 734 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,160 and we're gonna learn together, in a few minutes. 735 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,560 Act excited ― it's another ad break. We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster. 736 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,280 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 737 00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,280 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 738 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:00,440 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 739 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,760 (APPLAUSE, WHOOPING) 740 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,000 Welcome back to Taskmaster. What's going on, Paul? 741 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,920 - We are in the midst of our first team task, 742 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,480 which began with a secret mission to act excited. 743 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:17,080 Ben acted extremely excited, and I think Abby forgot about the secret mission. 744 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,160 (LAUGHTER) - OK. All right. 745 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,640 Can we see the actual task now, please, Paul? 746 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,640 - Si. 747 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,840 - (ABBY LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS) 748 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,920 READS: 'Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.' 749 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,600 - 'If you break one of the three secret rules, 750 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:35,160 'you must step away from the tower, and Paul will trigger a punishment.' 751 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,280 - 'You cannot interfere with the punishment devices. 752 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,320 'Best and most leaning pasta tower wins.' 753 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,280 - 'You have 25 minutes. Your time starts now.' 754 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:44,600 - Oh my God, you didn't delay. 755 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:48,080 I always delay before I say, 'Your time starts now,' so I can think about it for free. 756 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:54,920 - I do too usually, but I'm just so excited that it's Hayley. - OK, well, what have you done? 757 00:34:54,920 --> 00:35:00,440 - So ― what's the idea here? We've got pasta― I heard 'pasta', and I heard 'secret rules'. 758 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:05,040 Yes. So the aim is to make the best and most leaning tower, 759 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:08,160 but that is made harder if they break my secret rules. 760 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:09,880 - Well, how do they know about the secret rules? 761 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,240 - They don't know about the secret rules. (LAUGHTER) 762 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,520 That's why they're secret. - It's mean. 763 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,520 - 'Ecco entrambe la squadre.' 764 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,240 'Guardere.' 765 00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:20,000 (LAUGHTER) 766 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,000 - Um― - So we don't know the rules, Paul? 767 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,680 - No. - If we accidentally break one, there's a punishment. 768 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:25,760 - Yeah. - OK. - OK. 769 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,160 - Step back, please. (FLICKS SWITCH) 770 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,160 (FANS WHIRR) 771 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,120 (LAUGHTER) 772 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,120 - Has anyone got any ideas to begin with? - Can we leave the lab? 773 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,560 - Oh yeah, good idea. 774 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,560 READS: 'Make a leaning tower of dry pasta. - Is this allowed, Paul? 775 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:39,040 - Step back, please. - ABBY AND TOM: Oh, no. 776 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,920 - So that's one of them. You can't leave the lab. - I didn't say that. 777 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:47,600 - What about, like, a pyramid? - Yeah, yeah― - Step back, please. 778 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,640 - Is it, like, 'P' words or something? (LAUGHS) 779 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:53,240 - The problem with pasta is it's dried, so... 780 00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:55,240 - Step back, please. 781 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,640 - OK. 782 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,840 - You're just gonna not talk any more? 783 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:02,920 (LAUGHTER) It's not talking. 784 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,120 We know it's not talking, Paul. 785 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,360 (LAUGHS) Oh, for... (LAUGHTER, GROANS) 786 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,760 - We can't say another 'P' word either. 787 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,760 - Oh, penis. (LAUGHS) 788 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,320 - Step back, please. (LAUGHTER) 789 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,120 - Everything starting with that letter, eh? 790 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,160 - Don't say 'Paul' again. - No, it's 'P' words. 791 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:20,760 Pyramid. Paul. 792 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:21,360 (WHACK!) 793 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,160 - Pasta. See? - Shh! 794 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:24,760 - It's all right. We're in purgatory. (LAUGHS) 795 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:26,800 - Oh, for God's sake. (LAUGHTER) 796 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:27,800 - OK, you've figured it out. - OK. 797 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,000 - Where would you recommend... On the seam? 798 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:34,880 - The seam of what? - The seam of the two... - ...materials. 799 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,080 Not gonna get us that easily, Paul. 800 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,080 Oh, f― (LAUGHTER) 801 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,240 Sorry, everyone. 802 00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:43,280 - Is there gonna be stuff on the outside now? 803 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:44,720 - Like, little... 804 00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:45,880 pou? 805 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,080 (AUDIENCE GROANS) - Step back, please. 806 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:48,920 - (WHISPERS) - Oh, Hayley. 807 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:54,520 - ABBY: Tom, this is excellent. - Mamma mia, this tower is really taking shape. 808 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,280 - (LAUGHS) 809 00:36:55,280 --> 00:37:00,040 - BEN: That is so sturdy. - That's not going anywhere. - That's not goin' nowhere. 810 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,040 - Step back, please. 811 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:03,480 (WHIZZ, RATTLING) 812 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,160 - Oh, come on! (AUDIENCE GROANS) 813 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:07,560 - (GASPS) 814 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,240 - I don't think we're allowed to touch. 815 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:10,880 - (MACHINE BEEPS) - You and me? - Mm. 816 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,680 - What about our undeniable chemistry? - LAUGHS: I know. 817 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,560 - And afterwards, we can cook it. 818 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:19,920 - BAD ITALIAN ACCENT: Just like 'ow my nonna does back in Italy. - (LAUGHS) 819 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,280 It's architecturally interesting, I think. 820 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,280 - Step back, please. 821 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,280 (GROANS, LAUGHTER) 822 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,480 12 minutes. 823 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:29,720 - Thank you. 824 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:31,000 - Thank you...? 825 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,160 - ...friend. (LAUGHTER) 826 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,920 - What did we do? How did we break the rule? 827 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,680 - I don't know. Think that guy was just being a prick. 828 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,160 - Mm.(GASPS) Oh... (LAUGHTER) 829 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,440 - (LAUGHS) - (CHUCKLES) 830 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,280 - If we just put the things in... 831 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,680 (LAUGHTER) - (BEN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) 832 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:50,560 - What do you―? 833 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:54,440 Ohhhh, wow! (LAUGHS) (GROANS, EXCLAMATIONS) 834 00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:57,120 - Ooh! - And that's got a lean. 835 00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,240 - Mamma mia, what a tower. - (LAUGHS) 836 00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:02,520 (LIVELY ACCORDION MUSIC) 837 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:03,600 - Mm. 838 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,560 It's prett― 839 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:06,360 (GROANS, LAUGHTER) 840 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,080 What? 841 00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:09,400 - 40 seconds. 842 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,040 - Oh... - Stay. 843 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:12,920 - TOM: Let's try and get a bit more height. 844 00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:14,360 - 16 seconds. 845 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,320 - I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try. - Oh... 846 00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:17,920 - (GASPS) - Oh! 847 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,120 - Oh, perfect. - Yes. - It's definitely leaning. 848 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,120 - Ooh. - (LAUGHS) 849 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,240 - I mean, now we're just... - Just making it look pretty. 850 00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:28,240 (LAUGHTER) 851 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:29,960 (SWITCH CLICKS) 852 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:30,840 - Bring it on. 853 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,880 - (BLOWS WHISTLE) 854 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:34,600 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 855 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,680 - LAUGHS: We did it! Yeah! 856 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:39,920 - Can you tell us the third rule? - No. - OK. 857 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,720 He never says anything. - BEN: No. 858 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:44,840 (WISTFUL MUSIC) 859 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,520 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS, GROANS) 860 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,800 (LAUGHTER, GROANS) 861 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:51,800 (APPLAUSE) 862 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:57,240 - OK... so am I meant to judge them before or after they were hit by that wrecking ball? 863 00:38:57,240 --> 00:38:58,240 - Before. - OK. 864 00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:02,840 - So the third rule was if they spoke in an Italian accent, 865 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,600 a giant meatball would swing down and destroy their tower. 866 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:06,680 - Ohhh. - OK. 867 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:10,240 - So I was kind of trying to prompt them. - You were? 868 00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:12,160 - Uh... - Just made you look like a psycho. 869 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:13,720 - Oh yes. (LAUGHTER) 870 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:17,640 - It was about the Leaning Tower ― the idea was that it was the best leaning tower, wasn't it? 871 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:18,280 - Yes. - Yeah. 872 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:23,200 And I thought that Abby, Tom and Tofiga's one actually looked slightly like that. 873 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,800 I mean, it looked like a giant phallus coming out of the Leaning Tower ― 874 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,320 I mean, here's the― There's a phallic part to it, 875 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,360 slightly on the right there, you've gotta say. 876 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:31,400 (LAUGHTER) Well, that's good. 877 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,360 - HAYLEY: I would like to point out that we used nothing but pasta. 878 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,760 We didn't have glue or tape or any kind of aid. 879 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,760 That was just a self-contained pasta structure. 880 00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,640 - That's a rubber band. (LAUGHTER) 881 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:46,840 - Made entirely from slightly sucked pasta. 882 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:47,680 (LAUGHTER) - OK. 883 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,840 I will go two points for Hayley and Ben, 884 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,280 and four points for Abby, Tofiga and Tom. 885 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:52,960 - OK. 886 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,680 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) - HAYLEY: Glue. Glue and tape. 887 00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:58,280 - Glue and tape. Who knew? - Glue and tape. 888 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,080 - So now that we've followed the three rules of pasta towers, 889 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,280 it's time for you to follow the three rules of advertising ― 890 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,000 buy, buy, buy ― we'll see you after this. 891 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,000 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 892 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,280 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 893 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,840 (UPBEAT FANFARE) 894 00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:16,720 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 895 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,200 Tena tatou ― welcome back to Taskmaster. 896 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,160 It's almost time for our live task, which could decide it all. 897 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,680 But first, Paul ― how's our scoreboard looking tonight? 898 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:30,040 - In first place, it's Abby Howells on 20 points. 899 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,040 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 900 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:34,320 - Interesting. 901 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:38,640 Everyone, please make your way to the stage for the live task. 902 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,440 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 903 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,640 ('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC) 904 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,000 OK, Paul ― who's reading the task tonight? 905 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,680 - Madeleine Sami, on behalf of Tofiga. 906 00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:51,080 - Thank you so much. And can I just say it's a privilege to be here... 907 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,160 and, uh... 908 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,760 go season one Taskmaster! OK, here we go. Um... (LAUGHTER) 909 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,000 - READS: 'Fan out your flame. 910 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,200 'You cannot move from or move your mat. 911 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:05,560 'You may not throw items. If your candle falls, you are disqualified. 912 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:10,360 'Fastest fanned-out flame wins.' 913 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,400 - Contestants ― ready? - HAYLEY: Yeah. - ABBY: Yes. 914 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,400 - (BLOWS WHISTLE) 915 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:15,720 - (BEN BLOWS AIR) 916 00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:18,000 - Feet back, Tom. Foot back. 917 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:22,240 Hayley, foot back, please. (AUDIENCE SHOUT) 918 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,600 - SQUEALS: Yeah! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 919 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,520 - Hayley! Hayley, foot back! - (BLOWS AIR) 920 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,000 - Tom. Foot on the mat, please. 921 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:34,480 - HAYLEY: Come on, Mads! Come on, Mads! Be a friend. Come on, Mads. 922 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:35,520 - Foot back. (LAUGHTER) 923 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,520 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 924 00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,640 - (TOM PANTS, GRUNTS) 925 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,920 Yeah. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 926 00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:46,120 - (BEN BLOWS AIR) (LAUGHTER) 927 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,360 - (ABBY GROANS IN FRUSTRATION) - Are we gonna battle out for one point? 928 00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,760 - Oh, no― Yeah. I will. (LAUGHTER) 929 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,200 - You couldn't have scripted this, Jeremy. 930 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,200 It's nerd verse jock. 931 00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:58,440 (LAUGHTER) 932 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,440 - (ABBY GRUNTS, PANTS) 933 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:02,680 - My God. 934 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,040 - Go out! (LAUGHTER) 935 00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:07,240 - She's practising sorcery. 936 00:42:07,240 --> 00:42:09,280 (LAUGHTER) 937 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,360 - Now, this is... (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) 938 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,080 Uh... 939 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,080 (LAUGHTER) 940 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,080 (APPLAUSE) 941 00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,080 (TENSE OLD-TIME MUSIC) 942 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:22,560 - TOM: You're flaming― You're inflaming it. You're adding oxygen. 943 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:26,640 - HAYLEY: Oh, there you go! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 944 00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,800 - Abby, would you like to blow out your flame? 945 00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:32,400 - (BLOWS SHARPLY) 946 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,400 Oh... (LAUGHTER) 947 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,720 (BLOWS AIR) (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 948 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,120 Aargh... 949 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,240 - Come back down and let's see how that's affected the scores. 950 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:44,080 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 951 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,480 ('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC) 952 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,480 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 953 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,760 - So, based on that live task, 954 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,720 Abby gets one point, Ben gets two, 955 00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:58,000 Tom gets three, four for Hayley, 956 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:03,400 and the winner of the live task, with five points, representing Tofiga, was Madeleine Sami. 957 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:04,960 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 958 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,720 - Well done. 959 00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:08,960 - Great― Great use of the jacket. - Thank you. 960 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,400 - OK, so where do we sit, though, for the episode? 961 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,280 - Our winner by one point ― second place was Hayley ― 962 00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,280 first place is Abby Howells! 963 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,800 - Oh, am I? (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Congratulations, Abby. 964 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,640 You're now the proud owner of five success-inducing secrets. 965 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,720 Go up and enjoy your bounty, please. - I was so close! 966 00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:28,160 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Well done, Abby. 967 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,840 - Thank you for joining us for another episode of Taskmaster tonight. 968 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,280 We've learnt how important it is to really make something of your life 969 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,480 so that your single greatest achievement 970 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:40,240 isn't watching an amateur production of Little Shop of Horrors― (LAUGHTER) 971 00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:43,440 or chucking a tennis ball at a block of wood. 972 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:44,280 (LAUGHTER) 973 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:49,840 But most importantly, we've learnt that the winner of Taskmaster season five, episode two 974 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,320 is Abby Howells! 975 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,320 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 976 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:57,440 I've been Jeremy Wells. We'll see you next time. Goodnight. Ka kite ano. 977 00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,840 ('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC) 978 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,200 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) 979 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,880 - Drink, drink, drink, drink, yeah. 980 00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:06,880 (CHANTS) 981 00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,520 - Whoa. (CHUCKLES) 982 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,680 - OK, Paul, shall we get down to business? 983 00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:16,560 (CROWD ROARS) 984 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:17,360 - PAINED: Aargh! 985 00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:18,680 (EXCLAMATIONS) 986 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,000 - That's five points from me. (LAUGHTER) 987 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:23,680 - SHOUTS: Yes! 988 00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:27,040 You're under arrest! - He can't help but be an alpha. 989 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:28,960 (LAUGHTER) 72745

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