All language subtitles for Bewitched.S07E23.Money.Happy.Returns.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[Samantha] Okay, okay, come on.

Come on. Morning
swim is over.

Here, sweetheart. You hop
out here and grab this.

Mommy, are we ever
gonna have a real pool?

Yes, when we can afford
the right kind.

What kind is that?
The kind we can afford.

Oh. Goodness.
He's all dripping wet.

Now, I'll tell you what.
You take-- Oopsie.

You take Adam upstairs,
get him dried off,

and get ready
for breakfast, okay?

Okay.

Boy, I'd love that.
A big, beautiful pool.

I heard that.

I heard that poor child
gasp for water.

Good morning, Mother.

To think my grandchildren,

who are honor-born to ride
the wings of the wind.

To think my grandchildren
would be found swimming

in this Olympic-size
rubber band.

It's just too disgusting.

What else is new?

Oh. Well, if it isn't
El Cheapo.

Good morning, El Moutho.

Okay, you two,
n-now, stop that.

Uh, sweetheart, would you
please empty the pool?

I'm gonna take
the kids shopping,

and we won't be needing it
for the rest of the afternoon.

How can that miserly
husband of yours

allow my grandchildren
to spend another summer

sweltering in
the unbearable heat?

Mother, we don't
exactly live

at the corner of
Sahara and Equator,

so will you stop ranting?

As you wish,
my darling.

But my grandchildren
shall have what they want.

Mother, what did you do?

About what?

Did you pop a pool
into our back yard?

Why?

Darrin's out there.

I was out there.

But I just came in
with the tide.

Mm. Hi. Mother
got rid of the pool.

Isn't that nice?
One down, one to go.

I won't have time
for breakfast, Sam.

My morning swim made me
a little late for work.

Oh, but you look so refreshed.

Well, under this calm,
refreshed exterior,

is a burning urge to invite you
to a lynching, Endora. Yours.

No one seems to appreciate me.

Mother, it isn't as if
we don't appreciate you.

We will get our own pool
with our own money

when we can afford it.

Which will probably
be never.

Keep your cool, sweetheart.

I'll be out of the office
most of the day.

Larry and I have appointments
all over town.

And when I come home,
if your mother isn't here,

I won't exactly
be disappointed.

Don't worry,
she won't be here.

Mm.

[Larry] All in all, we didn't do badly.

We're in with
the Patterson account

and Pridewell is
a definite maybe.

[Darrin] With the new approach, we can still
land the Cushman Restaurant account too.

If you fellas are gonna
talk any longer,

I'm gonna have to
put my meter down again.

Ah. I didn't realize
we were at the office.

Time stands still when he counts
money in the bank. Heh-heh-heh.

Oh, Darrin, take care
of the cab, will you?

I just remembered I'm expecting
a call from the coast.

Oh. Thanks a lot.

Here, keep the change.
Ah. Thanks, thanks.

Hey! You forgot something.

Just what I need,
one more thing. Heh-heh.

Just shove it under
the arm here. Okay.

Thank you.
Right.

Yes, Darrin?

Uh. Larry, did you leave
something in the cab?

I don't know.
Did you find something?

If you left it behind.

If I left it behind and you
found it, I must have lost it.

Or let me put it another way.
What are we talking about?

I'm asking you if you left
an envelope in the cab.

Well, what's in it?

Hold on.

Hello? Darrin?

Darrin?

Uh. Yes.

Well, what is it?

What is what?

What you found.

What I found?

Oh, you're asking what I found.

It's, uh... It's, uh...

It's a not yours.

What?

Uh, it's just a, um, message
from my mother-in-law.

How sweet.

Does she often send you
little notes?

Oh, yeah.

Big ones too.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Darrin.

Wanna hear something funny?
Sure.

Really funny?
Yeah.

Hilarious, in fact?

Uh-oh. It's getting funnier
every second.

You're not going to believe it.

Sweetheart, I love the way
you come right to the point.

Uh, maybe I can help you.

It has something to do
with Mother, right?

Right.

We said we wouldn't put in
a pool until we could afford it,

so she conveniently zapped up
a plain, unmarked envelope

with I don't know how many
thousands of dollars in it.

Uh, where did she zap it up?

In the cab.

I would appreciate it
if you get hold of her,

and tell her to zap it
out of my life.

We're not interested.

Y-yeah. Okay, sweetheart. Bye.

Mother!

Mother, is it possible

that you could be lurking
somewhere nearby?

I never lurk.
What's your problem?

Mother, that wasn't funny.
What?

It wasn't funny at all.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

As a matter of fact,
it was insulting.

You must have a pretty
low opinion of Darrin

to think that he
wouldn't see through

something so obvious.

You're quite right about
my opinion of Durwood,

but if you don't tell me
what this is all about,

I shall scream and shatter
glass all over Westport.

Darrin found a ton
of money in a taxi.

Wonderful.

I hope he found enough to get
his parched children a pool.

He found enough to get them
an entire ocean.

And I will thank you to zap it
back where it came from.

You know I always take credit
where credit is due,

and once in a while,
where it isn't.

But in this case,

if I were to do such a thing,
I would be much more clever.

That feeble zap was not mine.

Witch's honor?

Witch's honor.

Well, if you didn't
leave the money in the cab,

who did?

Are you the gentleman
that called the dispatcher?

It was I.
Oh, yeah. Two rides ago.

First time anything like that
ever happened to me.

Somebody calling the dispatcher
requesting my services.

You give a very smooth ride.
Thank you.

Where to?
Uh. Nowhere.

Oh, I get it.
You lost something?

Yes. Something
very dear to me.

Something I want back
badly.

I know the guy that's got it.

That's him.

Follow him.

Follow him? Why?

Why don't you just go over
and ask for the envelope?

This area is too crowded.

To ask a fella
for an envelope?

There's so much noise,

maybe he wouldn't be
able to hear me.

Follow him.

That's a lot of money.

One hundred thousand dollars.
I counted it.

This guy lives at 1164
Morning Glory Circle.

I'm going in there now
after the money.

If something should
happen to me, you know.

Anyway, I need you
to pick me up.

Hey, don't get so heavy
about it. Nobody's perfect.

Hm.

At first, I hoped the money
was counterfeit.

But I took $100 bill down
to the bank, and no such luck.

Your mother must have zapped it
out of a Federal Reserve Bank.

Darrin, I know my mother
is not responsible.

She gave me
her witch's honor.

Her witch's honor is like
getting the Boy Scout salute

from Benedict Arnold.

Darrin, you're acting
very flaky.

May I join you?

I love to watch him
go to pieces.

I'm glad you're here,
O weird one.

Samantha, let me change him
into a ripe melon

in a field of fruit flies.

Never mind that.

Just zap this money back
where it came from.

I don't know where it came from.

Now, I better be leaving,
Samantha,

before I make him get down
on all four knees and apologize.

Four knees?

He'll be a billy goat.

Sam, can't you send it back?

Darrin, did you ever
think of the possibility

that this money might
have been lost by someone?

I called the lost and found
at the cab company.

Somebody lost an umbrella
with a rib missing,

and some lady
lost a pair of gloves.

But nobody lost
an envelope

with enough money in it
to choke a horse.

That's it.

That's the answer
to whose money it might be.

A horse lost it?

A horse player or a bookie.

Or, who knows,
maybe even a gangster

who'd be afraid
to report the loss.

Oh, come on, Sam.
I mean, gangsters?

What you won't think of
to defend your mother.

Darrin, you're
overreacting.

I know Mother's been
a problem in the past,

but believe me,
this incident is not her work.

How can you be so sure?

Unless it's because you--

What?

Oh, no, you wouldn't
have done it.

Darrin, are you accusing me?

I didn't accuse you.

Oh, yes, you did.

You're being obstinate,
stubborn,

childish and pigheaded.

Terrific. You didn't
leave out anything.

Oh, yes, I did.

You are being
intractable, obtuse,

unyielding and pigheaded.

You used that one already.

Well, there are just
a few more I may use again,

so I think I'd better go out

and get some air
for a little while.

Thank you very much.

My pleasure.

And I hope nobody
comes for it.

Where are you going?
I don't know.

I may go to a movie,
I may go and visit Louise,

I may go to the moon.

But wherever I go, I will have
better company than here.

Here, keep the change.
Ah, thanks.

How do you do?
How do you do?

What can I do for you?
My name is Rudolph Kosko.

"Rudolph Kosko. Public relations
and advertising."

What a coincidence.
I'm in advertising too.

Heh. We have something else
the envelope.

The envelope?

Yes, the one the cab driver
found and gave to you.

It's a very special envelope
in that it contains $100,000

of which I am very fond.

Oh, that envelope. Heh.

Yes. Well, if you'll just give
it to me, I'll be on my way.

Uh, I'm afraid
I can't do that.

J-j-just who do you
think you are?

I am somebody who,

when you use
an ill-considered tone to me,

you do something more
courageous than you realize.

Well, what are you
trying to say?

I'm saying I want
my $100,000 back,

and I don't want
any complications.

Oh, there are no
complications. Good.

Except for one.
One little complication.

I don't have the money.

I mean, it's around,
but it's not.

One little complication.

Where is it?

My wife has it,
but she's not here.

Where is she?

Well, she might be anywhere.
The movies, the moon.

If that's supposed
to be funny, I don't get it.

Call your wife.

I wouldn't know
where to start.

I'll start by
calling Louise.

Yeah, you do that.

Louise.

Hello, Louise. Look,
I know Sam isn't there yet,

but as soon as she comes--

What?

Oh, the kids are fine.
Look, as soon as she walks in--

I'm fine too.

And my mother is fine.
Look, Louise,

as soon as Sam gets there,
tell her to call me.

She's not there yet.
Heh-heh-heh.

Men. They're all alike.

Darrin called and sounded like

he was having
a nervous breakdown.

Oh, what a performance.

Well, I don't blow up
at Darrin often,

but this time he really
asked for it.

That's him again.

Yes, Darrin?

Oh, she's here,

but I'm not sure she
wants to talk to you.

Yes, I do.

Shh. Let him stew for a while.

I'm sorry, Darrin, but you'll
just have to call back.

Louise.

Well, let him cook
till he's well-done.

You wouldn't have understood
him anyway. He's so incoherent.

Incoherent about what?

Oh. Something about somebody
coming over for the money,

life or death.

It's always life or death.

Louise, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,

but it sounds like there
might be something wrong.

Mr. Kosko,
I'm so glad you showed up.

I knew that money
belonged to someone.

Heh. It usually does,
and I'd like to have it back.

Well, now, I-I don't
know if I should.

I mean, you must admit
it was rather careless of you.

I mean, $100,000
is a lot of money

to leave in the back
of a cab, or anywhere.

Except a bank.

Lady, I know it's a lot,

but since we're approaching
the dinner hour,

let us conclude
our little transaction

without further stalling.

Sam, why don't you
just whip out the money

and give it to Mr. Kosko?

Yeah, well, I will, but I want
to ask him something first.

Mr. Kosko, where did you
get all that money?

I got it selling
Girl Scout cookies,

and I'd like it back now.

Now.

Come on, Sam.
I'm sure Mr. Kosko

has a lot more
cookies to sell.

He's a very busy man.

This is a very
busy house.

Who are you?

I'm associated
with Mr. Kosko.

This is Mr. Braun.

Oh, I get it.

You're the brains
and you're the Braun.

Hey, that's not bad.
I'll use that.

I don't get it.

Ever thought of putting
in a revolving door?

Heh-heh.

Darrin, I've put together
some rough layouts

on the Cushman account.

Using women's lib--

Oh, I didn't know
you had guests.

Hi, Larry.
Sam.

This is Mr. Kosko
and Mr. Braun.

Of Kosko and Braun,

public relations
and advertising.

Kosko and Braun,

public relations
and advertising.

If I didn't know I could
count on your loyalty,

I'd suspect you were negotiating
with another company.

Oh, I'm not negotiating
with them.

They're, um,
negotiating with me.

And to think
I ran over here as a pal,

offering you ideas
for the Cushman account.

Larry, they're not
even in advertising.

They just advertise
they're in advertising.

Well, what business
are they in?

Money.

I-it's a long story, Larry,

but that envelope I told
you about this morning

had money in it, and--

You mean you took money
from them already?

I'll explain later.

I can give a bonus too.

How much money
was in that envelope?

Larry, will you
let me explain later?

No, no. I'll give you
a 15 percent raise right now.

Forget it.

I'm not leaving until
I know where we stand.

Darrin...

Take it.

I'll take it.

Larry, we were here first.

And a $2500 bonus.
I'll take it.

Good.

That'll teach you to try
to steal my employees.

Sam.

Ungh!
I'll see you tomorrow.

You work for
that fruitcake?

Mm-hm.

Well, shall we proceed?

Without a doubt.

Well, Sam,
get them the money.

Okay, but you'll
have to turn around.

What for?

I don't want you to see
where my hiding place is.

Let's turn around.

You too.
It's her hiding place.

Right.

Gentlemen.

I'm having a little trouble

remembering where
my hiding place is.

Would this, uh,
jog your memory?

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Lady, the boys don't like

having their collections
tampered with.

The boys?

The boy--

We want our money,
and we want it now.

Would you consider a check?

I'm gonna count to three.

Sam, give them the money.

I'm counting. One, two...

Hey, what's going on here?

Something weird's happening.

Lady, did you do
something sneaky?

Okay, we know
you're in there, Kosko, Braun.

Come out with your hands up.
The house is surrounded.

Sounds like the whole
police force is outside.

Come on out, Kosko, Braun.

Gladly. Anything to get
out of this crazy place.

We're coming peacefully.

See? We're unarmed.

You know something, Kosko?
I think we're going bananas.

Oh, am I glad you
fellas happened by.

We just didn't
happen by.

We heard all the sirens.
We thought something was up.

Like I always say,

police are always around
when you need them.

Officer, these gentlemen

are members of some boys' club
who make collections.

Maybe you'd like to see
what they've collected.

And you seemed
like such a nice lady.

Officer, we didn't
do nothing, honest.

Who said you did
anything honest?

Hey, there's a lot of loot here.

Come on. Let's go downtown
and do a lot of talking.

Come on.

Sweetheart, I'll never
doubt you again.

And I'm sorry for the--

It was all part
of a master plan.

Master plan?
Yes.

To give Larry a reason
for offering you

a 15 percent raise
and a $2500 bonus.

Is that true?

No. But it would have
been rather clever.

All right, Larry, all right.
If you insist.

See you in the morning.

Is that Larry Tate
a beautiful person?

Is he one of the great
people of the world?

I told him the truth
about Kosko and Braun.

And do you think
he'd back down on the raise

and the six-week vacation?

He would.
He did.

Because you're
a yo-yo.

Well, the bad fairy
is here again.

Mother, you missed
a fair share of excitement.

Would I miss it?

Figures. Snoopy
wouldn't miss a thing.

But dum-dum here has
the brain of a dropout guppy.

Why did you tell
Larry Tate the truth?

He need never have known.

Darrin would know.

Ick, ick, ick.

It's an act of sheer stupidity.

Maybe it was stupid,
but I love him for it.

What?

Oh. Oh, sweetheart,
you know what I didn't mean.