Original subtitles

In swinging London, whether you want to buy low hipsters or rent a man's chest wig for the weekend

The King's Road Chelsea is the place to look, They come in all shapes, sizes & sexes

Alan?

Come on, I'm not going to hurt you, and stop screaming.

I have sensitive eardrums. What's your name?

J-J-J...

Would this, er, be you?

Well, Josephine, what are you - friend, mistress or wife?

Model.

I'm a friend, too.

I was a friend.

The name is Templar.

Simon Templar.

All right now?

I... I live downstairs.

I've modelled for him for some time now.

He hated being interrupted when he was painting.

So if he didn't want me, he'd hang that card outside on the door.

I see. Now it's your turn.

Well, he, er...he had a show about a month ago.

I went to it, ended up buying one of his pictures.

Afterwards, we had a chat over a drink.

Out of the blue this morning, he telephoned me, asked me to come over,

said something about being onto a gigantic swindle. Swindle?

He didn't go into any detail.

Unfortunately, I had a lunch date.

When I got here, the door was open,

I walked in, and found him.

Shouldn't we... Don't you think we ought to...

Call the police?

In a minute.

"Brenda's P-A."

Pa. Meaning valour? I don't know.

Who is Brenda anyway? She's in here.

That's Brenda.

Who is she? I wish I knew.

Why the rose? Because he loved her, I suppose.

I asked him about her quite often.

But whenever I did, he'd change the subject.

You know, I've met her. Really?

I don't know where or when.

Mr Templar, when are we going to phone the police?

Now.

Hello?

'Mr Alan Williams, please.'

Speaking.

'This is Diane Huntley's message service.

Miss Huntley says would you bring your friend to the recording studiosat 4:30?

It's the third floor, 72 Wardour Street.'

Fine, I'll be there.

Goodbye.

I'll tell you what, you call the police.

Get through to Scotland Yard, ask for Chief Inspector Claud Eustace Teal.

Tell him everything, exactly as it happened.

And say that I shall be available for questioning at my convenience.

You're leaving? You've got the idea.

It appears that Alan and I have an appointment at 4:30.

I intend to keep it.

Stand by.

Run the tape.

# Something you should know

# I think it's only fair

# Soon I'll have to go

# Although I don't know where

# I've been around for far too long

# I've seen too many things go wrong

# There's something you should know

# For you won't see me no more

# Something you should know

# I think you have the right

# Now the flame is low

# That kept our love all right

# Time I must go there is no doubt

# Because the flame is nearly out

# There's something you should know

# You won't see me no more

# I don't want to make you cry

# But I have to...say goodbye

# There's something you should know #

Cut it!

Today's a record. Seven fights.

When the devil wanted to louse up the world for the rest of us,

he gave us girl singers.

Oh, not again.

With musicians at �36 a session, she's meditating.

# There's something you should know

# Boy, you won't see me no more

# There's something you should know

# I think you have the right

# Now the flame is low

# That kept our love all right

# Time I must go, there is no doubt

# Because the flame is nearly out

# There's something you should know Great.

When she's really on, there's no-one better.

And cut it!

Great, baby! All right, pack it up, boys.

Diane, in here, please.

Well? How was I?

It was fair. I was great!

Don't be modest, it's not necessary.

Excuse me, I want a word with Ronnie.

He's always displacing my inner truth.

Oh, I'll mention it to him.

Hey, you must be Simon Templar, Alan's friend.

I am Simon Templar, everybody's friend.

I admire that. Obviously you believe in spontaneous love.

If it's not spontaneous, it's not worth having, is it?

I've been trying to convince Alan of that for years.

Where is he?

Well, unfortunately... I know, he got cold feet.

In a manner of speaking, yes.

Poor Alan.

Oh, excuse me.

Boys, I'll listen to the playback later.

He needs serenity so desperately.

What makes you think he doesn't have it now?

Oh, I know Alan.

Well, do you want to come anyway?

Would be delighted.

Alan did tell you where we were going?

Oh, yes, he, er...told me everything.

I say to you

that love is the final word to all my teachings.

Love is the foundation stone on which you build your life.

Love for every living creature on this earth.

The love that you hold for other people...

..will generate the same love in them.

If in your life you met a man with only one arm,

you would never hate him for this.

In the same way,

if you meet a man who is cruel, or unjust,

do not hate him for this imperfection.

Because it is not his fault.

You must love him even more... than you would

if he were a whole man in health.

Have any of you questions?

Yes, Guru, I have a question.

Mr Templar?

Today I lost a friend through death.

You must know that your friend is at peace.

He has gone to the serenity of the all-illumined mind.

Excuse me, Guru, but how did you know my friend was a man?

In death, there is no male and no female,...

..only the perpetual human spirit.

Are there other questions?

Then the meditation is complete.

I'd like to give something. That's very kind of you, madam.

�1,000!

Oh, Madam Novkova, you're too generous.

For how he has helped me, it is nothing.

I made it payable to cash, as you said.

All right? Oh, yes. Marvellous.

You see, we're not yet classified as a tax-exempt religious organisation.

I hope it helps. He's a truly good man.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.And you, Mr Templar.

Isn't he marvellous? Marvellous.

Oh, Guru, Madam Novkova gave us a cheque.

You'll never guess for how much. Mrs White, please,

you know I'm not interested in money.

I hope you will come again, Mr Templar.

Oh, I'm sure I will.

The question of your departed friend - I hope I helped.

Unfortunately, my friend died in a rather tragic and unnecessary way.

A wasting disease? No, it was much more sudden.

A knife in the back.

And then what happened? Alan rang me this morning

and asked if he could bring Simon to the meditation session.

The what? Meditation, Claud.

Transcendental meditation. You should try it.

I didn't ask you. Sorry, Claud.

Shall I go on? Yes, go on.

So I said of course, and had my message service phone

and tell him where to pick me up.

A relative of yours, I presume. Yes, Claud.

That is why I'm an orphan.

You've probably gathered by now, darling,

that Claud dislikes the bizarre.

Which is why he dislikes me, of course.

I thought I'd get that in before you did.

Is there anything else? No, I have said it all.

So has Diane. What about his friends?

I'm afraid I didn't know him that well.

Judging by his paintings, he probably didn't have any.

You might try Josephine downstairs. I already have.

When I want to question you again, I'll send for you.

Always a pleasure to see you, Claud.

The feeling is far from mutual.

Freud would have said he loved me.

Can we leave now? Diane, were you close to him?

Not really. I loved some of his pictures.

Bought a few.

Tried to buy that one, but he wouldn't sell it.

Lovely, isn't she? Very.

Look, I really must go. I'm opening at the Talk of the Town tonight.

I shall be late. Fine, I'll drive you.

Diane, I wish I could remember where I've seen her.

It's Brenda Stafford.

The singer? She died, didn't she?

Killed herself six months ago.

Jumped off a subway platform in front of a train.

What else can you tell me about her?

Everything about Brenda was...temporary.

Every few months, she'd change her hair colour, her wardrobe,

her agent, and her friends.

Even her name.

You know, she was originally Brenda Williams.

Williams? Yes, she was Alan's sister.

Oh, look, this will do fine.

Looking for something?

Who are you?

Come on, I said: who are you?

I said: are you looking for something?

Now, what are you looking for?

Mr Templar, are you all right?

I'll live, I think. I heard the noise so I came up.

It sounded like a fight. That's very observant.

It felt like a fight. I'll get you a drink.

No, thanks.

I'm driving.

What happened?

I lost.

There were two of them.

They were looking for something.

The question is, what?

It couldn't have been money. Oh? Why not?

He was broke.

Owed me �4.10.

When did you last see him? Yesterday.

Did he do anything, say anything unusual?

Mr Templar, he never talked much to me.

I'm really not very bright. Oh, I don't know about that.

He ever mention meditation, Indian philosophy?

Good heavens, no.

Yet today, out of the blue, he wanted me to meet a guru.

What's that? Guru.

Indian holy man.

Now, what were they after?

He WAS investigating the guru.

No idea what that means.

Nor have I. Hello!

Brenda's bank statement for the month she died.

�13,278.

But somebody's written �27,278.

Brenda? Yes.

Brenda Williams. His sister.

Better known as Brenda Stafford, the singer.

She's his sister?!

Yes.

Then why all the mystery - The bit about the rose?

Why wouldn't he talk about her to anybody?

She killed herself.

She has that much money and she kills herself?!

People do sometimes.

If I had that much, I'd want to live forever.

What's that?

Ed Bearsley, Fern Cottage, Cowden, Kent?

Who's he? That I'm going to find out.

What does it all mean? I don't know.

But whoever they are, they wanted the contents of this envelope

badly enough to kill for it.

Looking for Mr Bearsley, are you? Yes.

Nobody at home. Nobody ever is.

Haven't been for the last two years.

Bearsley is loaded.

Hello?

Oh, good morning.

No, no mail except the light bill.

Oh, and they came and fixed the roof.

Yes, of course.

Is there anything else?

All right. Goodbye.

Good day, I'd like to see Mr Bearsley, please.

Believe me, dear, I would too.

I beg your pardon? Like to see Mr Bearsley.

I never have.

But you, er, do work for him. That's right, dear, I do.

Three mornings a week, nine till 12.

But never in two years have I ever laid eyes on him.

Oh, I see. I don't. It's a mystery.

I get my instructions from his telephone message service.

And then if I have anything to report, I phone them.

Do you think you could let me have his number?

Oh, well, I'm not sure if... I'm an old friend.

I knew him in Bombay. Oh.

Oh, well, in that case, it's 328 0352.

328 0352. Yeah.

Thank you very much.

Sure you wouldn't like a cup of tea or a glass of sherry?

Thanks, I never touch it.

Thank you.

Claud, dear boy, you, er, wanted to see me.

No, I sent for you. There's a difference.

Oh, is there? Oh, dear.

I'm sorry.

You were absolutely right about these.

Oh, I know what that admission cost you.

They're the serial numbers from three �5 notes.

I went to Bearsley's bank.

As I suggested - the Bombay Bank in Cannon Street.

Yes. That's absolutely splendid, Claud.

What did you find out?

Bearsley's had an account with them for two years.

All his deposits are made by post.

The manager's never met him.

Oh? And where do they mail the receipts?

To a place called Fern Co-

I'll, er, keep that confidential for the moment.

Oh, I quite understand, Claud.

Do go on.

Your dead artist friend, Alan Williams,

took the manager the serial numbers two weeks ago.

He requested the manager personally to watch for them,

in the deposit that would be put in by Bearsley.

And they turned up in Bearsley's deposit. They did.

And the bank manager notified Williams accordingly.

When? Two days ago.

The day before he was murdered.

Hm. So, all you have to do now, Claud,

is track down the elusive Mr Bearsley.

I'm, er, working on it. Good, Claud.

Just one point. Yes, Claud?

How did you know that Bearsley had an account in the Bombay Bank?

Well, I'll, er,

have to keep that information confidential at the moment.

Did you find anything else behind that picture?

Claud, are you suggesting that I would withhold evidence

from Scotland Yard? Yes.

I think you've gone too far, Claud.

That is not kindly. Not kindly at all.

Kindness is an emotion I feel only seldom, and never towards you.

She committed suicide. Really?

She jumped under a train. She was a pop singer.

Unbalanced.

Hysterical. Oh, now, come on, Claud.

It doesn't necessarily follow

that all pop singers are hysterical and unbalanced.

Do you need me any more? I wasn't aware I needed you at all.

In that case, I'll run along.

Where? Oh, didn't I tell you?

I'm going to make a record.

Thank you, Sergeant.

An invisible man named Bearsley,

together with the serial numbers of three �5 notes.

What do you make of it? Absolutely nothing.

Simon, I think I can explain the serial numbers.

We're waiting with bated breath.

Well, two weeks ago Alan gave me three �5 notes.

He said I was to give them to the guru.

I remember I was a bit puzzled at the time.

About what? Alan was always so against the guru.

I was surprised at the sudden switch.

He put the three fivers into an envelope.

He was very specific about that.

I had to give the guru those particular notes.

We've got it.

What, that the guru is Bearsley? Sure, and he's feathering his nest.

I don't believe it.

Then how come the notes turn up in Bearsley's deposit?

The bank manager could have been mistaken.Oh, baby, come on.

This joker's a phoney and a fake. How do you know?

You've never even met him. Then introduce me.

I should have 10% of this guy, I'd make a fortune.

You are disgusting, you really are.

Diane, there's another thing.

Brenda's bank statement for the last month of her life.

It looks as though she gave the guru �14,000.

You've got to be kidding.

Apparently, that's what Alan was investigating.

The bank statement showed that she had �13,000 odd.

Alan thought it should have been �27,000.

That figures. The guru is a crook

and Brenda was cookier than a house fly on LSD.

Did you know her well? Too well. I was her agent.

You never told me. I was never asked.

I don't care what either of you say!

The guru is a rare and good man.

In fact, he's the only really honest man I've ever met.

You have a limited circle of friends.

OK, hurry it up, boys.

Simon, if it is true,

if the guru really is a crook,

does it mean he's a murderer as well?

I'm afraid it does.

Well, I hope I haven't upset her.

Ah, forget it. It'll do her good to face the truth about this phoney.

May I use your phone? Yeah, go ahead.

Hello, I'd like to leave a message for Mr Ed Bearsley, please.

Would you ask him to call Simon Templar?

Tell him I'll be at Alan Williams' studio at five o'clock.

Oh, the number is, er, 434 7211.

That's right.

Thank you.

Do you really think he'll call? Who knows?

But at least it's worth a try.

Guru, Mr Templar wants to see you.

He says it's important. Then do not keep him waiting.

Come in, Mr Templar.

Thank you, Mrs White. Welcome, Mr Templar.

I had not expected to see you again quite so soon.

Well, Guru, I need your help. It is yours. Please sit down.

I'm looking for someone. Yes?

By the name of Ed Bearsley.

Does it mean anything to you? I'm sorry, no.

He came to England around two years ago.

As a matter of fact, about the same time you did.

I meet so many people, Mr Templar. They come from all over the world.

And we're constantly expanding.

We're opening a new centre in Paris next month.

That must cost a great deal of money.

Some of my supporters are very generous.

Such as Brenda Stafford?

Life for her was a long and perilous course.

Were you surprised when she killed herself?

No.

I confess it freely - Brenda Stafford was one of my greatest failures.

But not financially. Whatever are you saying?

I'm saying that before she died,

she gave you �14,000.

You're surely not serious. Oh, I am, very.

On several occasions, Brenda gave generous donations to the cause,

but never anything like the amount you mention.

Mrs White, the ledger, please.

Guru, it is not necessary for you to be questioned like this.

Mrs White, please, bring the books.

This is the cottage.

I can assure you I have never seen it.

Nor have I ever heard of this Fern Cottage.

In fact, I have never been in the county of Kent.

And you are at perfect liberty to look at my books.

Every donation is scrupulously recorded.

Thank you.

But books can be fiddled, can't they?

I mean, they can put down anything they like.

Quite true. Thanks.

So really, you're no closer than ever to finding this Ed Bearsley.

Darling, it is no longer necessary for me to find him.

HE is going to find me.

Has he called yet? Not yet.

I'll give him till 5:30.

Hello? Yes, Simon Templar speaking.

Er, I was expecting to hear from you, Mr Bearsley.

Well, let's put it this way,

I know who killed Alan Williams.

And what's more, I can prove it.

However, I am a reasonable man.

And I am quite willing to sell the evidence.

The price?

�14,000.

It's better than going to prison, isn't it? I'll tell you what we'll do.

You meet me in the Hyde Park underground garage at ten tonight.

Use the Park Lane entrance, and bring the money to bay 26.

Oh, one other thing.

Don't keep me waiting.

# I will be everywhere you go

# Baby, I'm out to get you

# I'll make progress though it may seem slow

# Baby, I'm out to get you

# All of the time I'll be on your mind

# Look around, I'll not be far behind

# There is nothing that you can do

# Baby, I'm out to get you

# You can run everywhere

# You can hide, I'll be there

# You can run everywhere

# You can hide, I'll be there

# And you won't get away from me

# There is nothing that you can do

# Baby, I'm out to get you

# There is nothing...

I'm sorry, Johnny. Cut it!

I'm too upset today. I can't go on!

All right, we may as well call it a day.

OK, pack it up, boys, it's temperament day in the disc factory.

Mrs White, I must see the guru! It's very urgent.

I'm sorry, the guru... The guru cannot be disturbed!

Guru, I'm sorry to disturb you. She just brushed past.

It's terribly important. I couldn't stop her.

Please! I am always available to anyone who needs me.

Miss Huntley, calm yourself.

Sit down.

What is this all about?

Mr Templar, and Johnny Fox, my agent,

they've been saying the most terrible things.

And you are hurt and angry.

Well, not about me. About you.

You know the old proverb about sticks and stones?

Yes, but they say you're a fraud, and a crook.

Guru, it is not necessary for you to have to listen to this.

Mrs White, please. I appreciate your loyalty,

and the loyalty also of Ashok.

But I need no defence, because it is not necessary.

Guru, please let me tell you.

Perhaps you remember two weeks ago

I brought you a donation from a friend.

There were three �5 notes.

My dear Diane, it is absolutely and totally untrue.

Of course it is.

I have never even heard of this man Bearsley.

And as I said to Mr Templar,

I have never even been in the county of Kent,

let alone this Fern Cottage.

Diane, I've come to take you home.

Thank you, Guru. Thank you for coming.

And please, do not fear for me.

Oh, but it's so outrageous! Please.

Ashok, please show our friends out.

Mrs White, in this house

we must practise what we preach.

There is to be no animosity, no hate.

Ashok, I am worried.

Yes, master, I know.

Sit with me a moment,

and let us search

for the calmness of the all-illumined mind.

Claud, please, just this once, don't be stubborn!

I tell you, I don't like it. Chief Inspector?

I'm on duty.

Claud, I'll admit, my methods are a little unorthodox.

Unorthodox? They're arrogant, illegal, dangerously incompetent,

and criminal. I agree.

All right, go ahead.

Claud, there are times when I think you are a truly extraordinary man.

Well,...I'll drink to that.

Ashok,...

..I have made my decision.

Please bring the motor car.

We must make a short journey.

Right, let's have a little chat.

Good evening, Ashok.

Put the lights out, Ashok, will you?

So, we got here.

That's fairly obvious, isn't it?

Guru, you'd better speak to Inspector Teal about the all-illumined mind.

Mark you, from where I'm standing, it's pretty well illuminated already.

So, all we have to do is wait.

In the dark, I think - it has more element of surprise.

If you ask me, this is a complete waste of time.

Patience, Claud, patience.

Solved any good cases ever? Er, lately, Claud?

Mr Bearsley.

Why don't you sit down?

So it is true.

Yes.

Is that all you have to say? What do you want me to say?

You know what I've done. Yes.

But we don't know why.

I lived in India for many years.

My husband was a civil servant.

I learned a great deal

about the religions, the languages, the customs.

But when he died, I came back to England with nothing.

Except this cottage.

Then, about two years ago,

I met the guru.

I was very familiar with his type. Trusting and honest.

Impractical and a dreamer.

You said you believed in what I taught.

I said a lot of things.

When I offered to work for him for nothing,

he was deeply touched.

I did his banking, his bookkeeping.

He had no idea how much people gave.

So you siphoned some of it off.

It was the fact that my husband's name was Edward

and mine is Edna that first gave me the idea.

You created a mythical character.

People who don't exist cannot pay taxes...or go to prison.

And the donations that were made by cheque

went into the guru's account.

Yes. And the ones in cash into Ed Bearsley's.

What made Alan Williams start investigating?

Brenda Stafford donated a very expensive ring.

Your property, Guru.

Alan Williams wanted it back. So you killed him.

No, Claud,...she didn't.

You see?

So the guru's books were cooked - I told you.

But the guru wasn't at the soup.

This particular broth was spoiled by Mrs White.

Well, I figured as much. Very clever boy, Foxie.

Now, at the risk of repeating myself,

I'll jog your memory a little.

Your ex-client, Brenda.

After her tragic death, her brother Alan

started investigating her finances.

He figured she was worth about �27,000,

but her bank statement showed only 13.

So Alan began to wonder: where, oh where, had 14,000 gone?

What's the matter, Foxie? Nervous?

Templar, listen... No, you listen!

Alan went to the recording company & found out they had written a cheque to Brenda for �14,000.

After she died!

The record company sent the cheque to you - quite naturally,

you being her agent. But you weren't satisfied with your usual 10%.

You wanted her 90% as well.

I had to, I was desperate.

So when Alan said he was onto a swindle,

he didn't mean the guru, he meant you.

And when he challenged you with it, you stuck a knife in his back.

No, I didn't, it was Tony.

Tony being the gorilla you had waiting in the garage for me?

Yes. I said if he'd help me we'd split the money.

He broke into Alan's flat to look for the envelope. He killed him.

And since Tony died from a bullet you meant for me,

he can't deny it, can he?

It was you who squeezed the trigger. Oh, come on, Foxie,

admit it.

Just for the record.

Yes, but you'll never prove a thing.

All right, Claud, or do you want more?

Cheer up, Foxie, the record you just made

may find its way into the Top Ten.

Here you are, Claud. You'll find my fingerprints on it,

so don't let them confuse you. While you're charging him, I'll pop along.

Oh, Templar. Claude, please.

Don't break the habit of a lifetime by thanking me.

And one other thing - call me Simon.

Good night, Templar.