Original subtitles

All change.

This is not my street. What's the idea? Where are we?

Painter Street, Chelsea. Why?

You like a bit of adventure, don't you?

It depends. 54. Top floor.

Ask for Perry Loudon.

Hey!

'Marvellous, isn't it?

Give people an inkling of your taste for something

and they think you want it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Like Sir Winston and those gift cigars.

I told you not to come back here!

What do you want?

Well, for a start, how about an explanation?

Get out! Beat it!

And take your flaming sculpture with you!

What sculpture?

Er...what is it?

In case you should forget, it's on the back.

"Portrait of a Rat. The Double Crossing Simon Templar."

OK, I'm hooked. Now what's it all about?

Out!

I'll go as soon as we get a few things straight.

They ARE straight!

I thought you were my pal. Now I know!

All right, what have I done? You walked off with my girl!

The best model I ever had!

I ought to kill you! But we've never even met!

Never met?! OK, where?

I trusted you! I left you here alone with her in the flat!

I must have been crazy!

Must have been crazy? You still ARE, sonny boy!

Come on, take a good look.

But you're not...Simon Templar.

Not a sound, and don't move!

All right, turn around.

That's enough.

Don't forget the fingerprints.

This won't take long, I'll be down in a few minutes.Right, sir.

Come on, Templar, I know you're in there!

Well! As I live and breathe!

The pride of Scotland Yard, Claud Eustace Teal.

Where's Perry Loudon? Oh, he popped out.

When? A moment ago.

Why didn't I see him?

Well, he, er, went down the fire escape.

We were thirsty, so he went out for some beer.

You're lying. All right, so I'm lying.

But if you can finda can of beer in the place,

I'll clean all the windows in the new New Scotland Yard for nothing.

See? Not a beer in the place.

I've reason to believe something's happened to Perry Loudon.

Oh? What reason? Phone call.

From whom? Anonymous.

Oh, really, Claude, how old are you?

Claimed to be one of the other tenants -

said you and Perry were fighting.

Yes, well, there was a fight on television.

We could hear it right through the floorboards.

If you weren't fighting, how do you explain this mess?

I am not a psychologist.

It's something to do with artists having to create out of chaos.

What's in there?

There must be some other way for you to get your kicks.

Er, I'm terribly sorry. Really, I had no idea...

Get your hands off me!

My most sincere apologies. What?

What was that? The excuse - I'm fascinated to hear it.

I'm a police officer. I've heard it. Get lost.

Very pretty. Goodbye.

He really is a police officer. Look at his feet.

You're right.

OK. My name's Cassie Lane.

Oh, he's George.

And let me introduce you to... Casper.

I'm an artist. They're what I create.

And my address is... I know the address.

Have you by any chance heard anything suspicious in, say,

the last 20 minutes? Have I?!

Two men broke into my studio, stripped the bed clothes off me,

trotted out the wackiest excuse... Sorry about that.

I won't trouble you further. Good night.

Well, don't I even get a parking ticket out of this?

Free zone. Really?

I thought it was becoming a public highway.

Good night.

Shut your eyes, boys.

You're cheating, Casper.

I'm not leaving here till I've seen Perry Loudon.

Why don't you go out and find him? Why can't I wait here?

Because Perry's an artist.

He may pop out for a drink one moment, run into somebody,

turn up three weeks later with a sun tan

leading a troupe of African elephants.

There are six locals. I suggest you start with the Red Lion,

and if he's not there, try the others.

If I don't find him, I'll be back.

Promises, promises, promises.

Follow Templar if he leaves and report his movements. Yes, sir.

Why hasn't he arrested him?

Hold it!

I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you!

Look, I am busy. Do you want something?

You.

I'm flattered.

Lithe, perfectly balanced,

coordination like a cat.

Man of Action, I shall call you.

Would you mind stripping to the waist?

Later. Now if you don't mind, there is something I have to do. Alone.

Up there?

Oh, go on, I'll watch.

I mean, I watch my models move about for hours

before I hit on the right pose for them.

I am not your model and I am busy. Now, please go.

Why?

Oh, dear.

Is that...blood?

I'm afraid so. You've murdered somebody!

I... No, no. Don't tell me.

I don't want to get involved. I have not murdered anyone!

But someone has! Perry. No!

No, I'm...I'm not going to feel sorry for him.

I hardly knew him. I'm just...going to...

Going to what? ..going to faint.

What's going on? I haven't a clue.

Is Jack there?

Cassie, I have to work a miracle in nothing flat.

Will you help me? No, no, no!

I don't want to get involved.

Do you want me to model for you? No!

My boys and me, we live our own life.

Boys? Oh, you mean those dummies?!

Oh, Jack, it's Simon Templar. I want you to store something for me.

A sculpture. In the name of Perry Loudon.

The address is 54 Painter Street.

No, that's no good. Straight away.

Jack, please don't argue. This is vital.

Thanks.

I'll, um, see you again sometime. This non-involvement of yours-

how far does it go if the police should question you?

Oh, I, um... I know absolutely nothing.

Good. Then you can mix me some plaster of Paris.

Just, um...mix it?

Just mix it, that's all.

Well, I think that'd be all right. Good.

I mean, um...that's a normal part of my work, isn't it?

Of course.

It's ready. Good.

Now, how about getting me some of Perry's clothes?

I've gone far enough. Be a devil and go a little further.

I suppose so.

So long as I don't know what it's all about.

In that case, you'd better take a little walk.

After you've got the clothes.

Right. One, two, lift.

Blimey, this is heavy. For heaven's sake, don't drop it.

OK, up the stairs.

Now remember, if anybody stops you...

Yeah, I know - Perry Loudon told us to pick it up.

Right, got it? Right.

Thanks, boys.

Well, that's that. I could kill you!

I'm sorry. You've ruined everything.

My life - I had it so well worked out.

And now I'm involved in your beastly affairs right up to my neck.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Control, we think something's gone wrong.

Templar's still free.

Some men have just taken out a big statue thing,

and they're putting it in the back of a van. It could contain a body.

MAN: 'Follow it. See where they take it.

Hear that, 1-4?' Yes, Control.

Thanks, I feel better now.

Good. Now, er, let's figure this out.

Someone, Mr X, wanted Perry dead and me jailed for life.

So he got someone looking like me, calling himself Simon Templar,

to work his way into Perry's life.

And then run off with his girlfriend?

Yes.

Establishing a hate relationship that could end up in murder.

And did.

Painstaking chap, this Mr X.

How do we find out who he is?

Odd.

My name, and that's not my number.

Six,...one, two, three.

MAN: 'Hello?'

Could I speak to Simon Templar, please?

'Simon Templar speaking.'

Now what?

Now we call Enquiries and... see if we can get the address.

Then pick up my car.

Haven't been out for months, have we, George?

Just what is your relationship with George?

He adores me. Probably terribly jealous of you.

Well, I'm jealous of him.

Just what are you going to say to this man?

Well, how would you go about finding a double for someone?

I wouldn't know. You'd look in Spotlight.

What's that? Actors' directory.

Which probably means that this character is an actor, not a crook.

So if he's tackled right, he'll talk.

In fact, we'll probably have a job shutting him up.

Now stand back, please. Stand back.

Give the ambulance men room, please.

What happened? Chap fell from the top.

Suicide, they reckon.

You're sure George will be all right in the car?

With the windows closed.

Don't worry.

The rate he breathes, he'll probably live till...Doomsday.

Where did he fit into this? Who, George?

No, the man who fell from the building.

What building?

My sergeant followed you. He says the corpse was so like you

it was revolting.

Well, it was my long-lost twin brother.

Murdered by my wicked uncle.

Misleading the law won't help you one bit.

Correction - the law is quite capable of misleading itself.

And there's no trace of Perry Loudon anywhere.

Well, you'll just have to wait for the sound of elephants.

Prices people pay for these metallic monstrosities.

Look at this. �700 Finlay Thorpe-Jones paid him

for what was probably scrap metal.

Hm. There's another entry under the same heading.

�2,000 cash.

What would that be for? Retirement benefit?

Suppose Perry Loudon were a blackmailer.

What an ideal way of collecting his payments.

Did Finlay Thorpe-Jones hire you to knock Perry off?

Anybody mind if I ask who is Finlay Thorpe-Jones?

Gambling club operator. Rich, unscrupulous.

Did he hire you? No.

Anyway, Perry Loudon is alive and well. He phoned.

When? Just before we left.

Like I said, he ran into someone and is off on the binge.

So you might as well trot off home to bed.

Thank you, I'm staying here.

Claud, three's a crowd.

Then go, I'm not stopping you.

OK.

Come on, Cass. Just don't leave the universe.

Ho, ho

You know, that �2,000 in cash could be the reason Perry was murdered.

Come on, let's follow it up.

Hey, Perry! We're on our way up! Roll back the carpet!

What carpet? All he's got is bare boards!

Are you sure they're expecting us? No, darling, but who cares?

Poor Claud.

Where's Perry? Oi, Perry!

Who are you, Perry's granddad?

Oh, isn't he dishy!

Oh, boy!

Oh, yes!

Get off!

That's it.

We'll park around the corner.

Are you coming?

Charming. Look after her, George.

Good evening, sir. Good evening.

Mr Finlay Thorpe-Jones.

Your name, sir? Simon Templar.

Would you care to wait, sir? Thank you.

Very good, sir.

Would you come this way, Mr Templar? Thank you.

Ah, Templar. Won't keep you a moment.

It's OK.

Ah, most impressive collection.

Which is Perry Loudon's latest masterpiece?

Just behind you.

Thank you.

Now, Templar...

How much would you pay for a thing like this?

�700?

Either you read minds or you've been doing your homework.

Plus �2,000 cash on the side?

For what?

Oh, the figure just popped into my head.

Are you trying to tell me something? Perhaps.

Suppose it was to the effect that Perry Loudon is dead. Murdered.

What would you say to that?

Very little, actually. He was past his best.

Of course, it might put the price of my collection up a bit.

How much is a bit?

I'm a gambler, Templar, not a killer.

In round figures. Two, three thousand pounds.

Which I can make here in less than a week.

You're off trail somewhere. Sorry.

TEMPLAR: There could be another motive.

THORPE-JONES: What possible motive? Blackmail.

Perry Loudon blackmail me?! On what grounds?

I don't know. But if he was, I'll find out,

so you may as well tell me now.

Templar, if I had killed Loudon and you accused me of it,

I wouldn't let you walk out of here.

There's your answer.

If you'd like to stay and gamble, I'll lend you a dinner jacket.

Thanks, but er... lace gives me hay fever.

What did you make of that?

He was sounding me out. Why?

Why come to me?

If Perry Loudon IS dead, and there's something that implicates me,

I want to know about it.

Ssh. Listen.

You're sure the sum of �2,000 means nothing to you?

Not a thing, sir.

Take Brooks. Check the whole thing out from A to Z.

I want a full report. OK.

And while you're at it, get a man onto Templar. Right.

Is that Finlay Thorpe-Jones? Mm-hm.

Whoever these characters are,

they've managed to set up a TV camera in his study.

Got it.

The camera - it's in Perry Loudon's sculpture.

Right, I'm off, then. Be good. Sure. See you later.

That explains the �2,000.

You mean these men bribed Perry

to incorporate a TV camera in his sculpture?

Or their boss did. Why?

The sculpture was commissioned by Finlay Thorpe-Jones.

They knew he would put it in his study, with the rest of his stuff.

From that second on, they could watch his every move.

Good evening, sir. Thank you.

Usual routine. Right.

Good night. Good night.

Mr Shard, Jimson here.

The usual packages have arrived.

Thank you, sir.

Good evening, sir. Can I help you?

Yes, I'm not sure whether I have the right building or not.

I'm looking for a Mr Bergsteen. No, sir, not here.

Oh, well maybe it's Bergstein.

No, sir.

Well, it's Berg something or other, or something or other Berg.

I wrote it on a piece of paper and lost it.

Do you have a list of tenants? Strictly confidential, sir. Sorry.

Oh, well, what can I do?

I'm sorry, sir, I can't help you.

Thanks. Hey!

Oh, I...thought I recognised the smell.

Luxury and corruption. I must be on the wrong floor. Excuse me.

Urgh!

MAN: Bring him here!

Good evening, Mr Templar.

Adolf Vogler.

Yes, it's me, not a ghost.

Allow my men to check you over.

Shard has arrived.

I'm glad you have come.

You see, it would be a pity to lock you up

without you having known that it was I who arranged it all.

You see, I'm not so easy to kill as you imagined.

Thanks to you, I have a knife scar 5 centimetres long in my back.

How did you get the police doctor to sign the death certificate?

Power.

I have a file on everyone who is anyone in the whole of Europe.

Yes, but I remember personally destroying those files.

And I personally had copies in a safe deposit in Geneva.

Thank you, Shard.

I have these copies with me now,

helping me to extend my empire.

Which seems to include Mr Finlay Thorpe-Jones.

Tell me one thing.

Bribing Perry Loudon to put a TV camera in his sculpture I understand.

But then killing him and planting a double so that I would take the rap -

why?

Mr Finlay Thorpe-Jones is a very exceptional young man.

I needed a list of his sins for particular reasons.

And the only flaw in his whole concept

was his obsession for modern sculpture.

And so...you I just added for revenge.

A mistake. You think so?

Inspector Teal is plodding in my footsteps.

You kill me, he'll get you for sure. Get me?

Adolf Vogler doesn't exist - he's dead.

The Swiss police will swear to it.

Besides, I'm not going to kill you.

I'm just going to hand you back to the law.

All right, hold him.

Carl!

Don't be alarmed, it's just a sedative.

To ensure ease of handling.

Argh!

Get after him! Argh!

Argh!

All right, let him go!

You look disgusting! Go and get cleaned up!

Scotland Yard?

Put me through to Chief Inspector Teal, will you, please?

Well, Claud, I thought you'd still be at the party.

No, I went back to the Yard. And I had another phone call.

You ARE getting popular. Anonymous, of course.

The caller told me something very interesting,

which we are now going to investigate.

Did he speak with a German accent?

Why do you ask?

Just wondered.

In you get, both of you.

Ah, good, you're here.

Now we'll see what really happened to Perry Loudon.

Right.

Sorry about this, Simon. Oh, it's nothing.

We'll see.

Claude there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Well, better late than never.

I say. Blonde hairs all over your coat. What will your wife say?

Break it open.

Claud, I don't know what that was supposed to prove,

but if you can't put it back together again,

that's six months of your precious salary up the spout.

Shall we go, Cassie?

Come on, Jack.

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

Well, Claud will be back as soon as he gets over his shock.

We must hit on a plan awfully fast. I've lost track. Plan for what?

Pinning the blame where it belongs - on Vogler. Come on, let's get George.

# Slap on green, I said green

# Black, yellow, brown

# No colour bar in this here town

# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Paint it, paint it red, red, red

# Now I said brown, brown yeah, yeah, yeah

# Black, yellow, brown

# No colour bar in this here... #

Don't touch him! His name's George. He's super!

How about this one? Can HE talk?

He's dishy. I bags him. You bags everything.

That's yours. Now, cool it, girls, huh?

He CAN talk! Hey, what did you press?

Why don't you finish your communal abstract?

We must put George to bed.

What happened to all the music? Let's get on with the party, huh?

Yeah, come on, kids, we ain't finished the painting yet.

Hey, are you a model? Er, no, I am life size.

Come on, get switched on. Come and join in the fun.

Yes, in one minute.

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Yeah, yeah, yeah

# Black, yellow, brown

# No colour bar in this here town

# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Black, yellow, brown

# No colour bar in this here town... #

Simon, I can't stand this. They're all mad!

I have an idea. We are going to slip away.

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Hey, let's go over there. Marvellous!

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #

Hey, come on.

But you can't depend on them. Don't worry, I'll talk them into it.

No, leave him alone!

Hey, this one's freaky!

Careful, he bites. Don't touch him!

Oh, dear, that's embarrassing, isn't it?

I think you'd all better sit down.

I have a rather strange tale to unfold.

Evening, m'lord, lady.

Good night.Good night, your ladyship, your lordship.

Good night, sir. Good night.

Well, is that the lot? Yes, John, they're the last.

You can lock up now.

Get it out of here! Sorry,

the underground car park's full.

Out! Out!

They've got it locked in the up position-

one of their safety precautions. Now what?

Plan B.

Here we go.

Oh, I AM sorry.

Let me...

Police? Oh, I AM sorry. How did this happen?

He's almost there.

It's the floor below the penthouse.

Urgh!

Turn it off!

What's going on here? Come on, what's going on here?

Break it up, come on.

Come on, let the man breathe now. Come on.

What can he be doing?!

Here the comes.

Come on, break it up! Get 'em out!

It's here, everybody!

Come on!

Take it easy. Right.

Steady as she goes.Got it? Straight in the back with it.

Good. Put him in the cupboard there.

You'll find drinks in there - help yourselves.

The record player's over there.

Here, help me get rid of these. Sure!

Hey!

Strangers in the camp! Come on, girls, get 'em!

What's going on in here?! Have you lost your senses?

Get the management! Get the police!

Templar!

Hello, Adolf.

I might have guessed you'd be behind all this, Templar.

There comes a time, Vogler, to coin a phrase,

when all good parties must come to the aid of the man.

Get me Chief Inspector Teal of Scotland Yard!

My government will have a great deal to say about this, Chief Inspector,

a VERY great deal.

Claud, doesn't this all strike you as being the teeniest weeniest bit odd?

I'll listen to your explanations at the Yard.

You'll listen to my explanations now! This is Vogler! Adolf Vogler!

Vogler?

Here's his microfilm on people in whom we are interested.

Perry Loudon and Finlay Thorpe-Jones.

He's talking rubbish! Can't you see? He's lying to save his own skin!

Vogler? You mean THE Vogler? The same.

You can break him down later.

In the meantime, you might like to take a look in that cupboard.

Who is he? Perry Loudon.

Vogel had him killed to keep him quiet.

Can't you see he's lying?

If he's lying, Mr whatever your name is,

you've nothing to fear.

On the other hand, if he's telling the truth...

Claud, I always tell the truth.

I must be getting back to Casper and George.

They'll be getting lonely.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here.

Enough of Casper and George, you stay with REAL people.

If you can call them real people.