Original subtitles

He tells me while Im connecting with him

there was heart issues that he was dealing with here in the physical world.

He did. He had triple bypass, he had angina.

Is that the same thing as agita?

No. [audience laughing]

He probably had that too.

Thats why my mother gives me, the agita.

[audience laughing]

[Matt] Hey, babe. [Alexa] Hi.

Wait, how come your muscles bigger than mine?

Avas been working that out for the pageant.

Oh babe, oh, my God, babe, those are guns.

I dont like that you could kick my ass.

Well you dont like to do physical activity,

so I dont know what to tell ya.

Did you do this? Me?

I didnt do that.

[Alexa] You even left a fork in it.

That is not me.

This is Angela Fraser, written all over it.

I think youre taking the long way around

to Matts house, I mean, I never even seen these streets before.

You wanted me to drive from Boston

all the way to Rhode Island, now you gotta sit and wait.

I just cant drive the freeway.

My mom grew up in Cranston, but when me and my brother were kids,

the family move up to Boston,

and then my brother moved back to Cranston

thinking he could get away from Angela Fraser.

However, an hour drive is no barrier to that woman.

You know its good that I work in his office with him.

So I can see exactly what hes doing.

Exactly what Alexas,

what shes working on. Oh, you just outed yourself.

Youre not gonna work, youre going to ficanas.

Well you know, also Im taking to him the lasagna,

you know his girlfriend aint giving him food,

so someone‐‐ Hold on.

Is the whole reason Im driving you,

so that you can give Matt this lasagna?

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hey, hey, hey,

you have to wait til hes doing the act thats bad.

He was doing the act that was bad.

Now he doesnt know what he did wrong.

Oh he knows what he did wrong.

What am I gonna do with you?

Raising kids with you some day,

is gonna be an adventure.

You know what Im saying?

My renter is moving out soon,

and I would love to move back to Cranston,

back to my roots,

back to the house where you and Matthew were born.

Now I understand why my mother never sold the Cranston house.

It gave her an option to move closer to Matt.

I hate Boston.

I dont have anything in Boston.

Oh you have nothing in Boston?

No. Well, what about me?

I literally live with you.

My mom definitely has a favorite child,

my brother, because hes really good at ass kissing,

and I just never, Ive never appreciated the art.

Didnt you enjoy the ride with me?

Ill enjoy it better when I get a piece of lasagna.

I only took enough for Matt.

[Angela] Well, thank you, Maria.

[Maria] Say hi to your favorite child for me.

Five, eight...

Matt, let me in. Its your mother.

Is that our door? I got food for you.

Matthew, let me in.

Every time shes at the door, its like the Osama Bin Laden raid.

Theres not a week that goes by that Im not changing that door code.

Hi Matthew, I took you some lunch.

How is it that you live in a different state,

but yet youre always here?

When I moved out of my parents house in Boston,

I set up a boundary, so that this way Angela Fraser

just couldnt show up unannounced,

its called the state line,

but apparently my mom just doesnt understand

how to respect boundaries.

This is like a little bit too close.

That was a little too far away.

Hi, Angela! Hi, how are you?

Good, how are you? Good.

[Alexa] I feel like its at least once a day,

especially on her days off,

I see Angela in my house, unannounced.

I dont know when my mothers gonna appear,

shes like freaking Houdini, she just pops out of a hat.

I have no control over that.

This is the problem, yes you do.

You try to control her.

I dont understand how youre here right now,

I didnt think she was gonna be here.

Why wouldnt she be here, she lives here.

You dont live here. But I lived here before her.

You never lived here!

Oh no but I used to come here all the time.

Thats a lie. No, no no!

[screams] Oh, my God, wait a minute!

Dont you dare, dont you even dare.

[Ava] Ill be in charge of everything with the cookies.

I dont like to bake, I like to cook.

What do you cook? I cook!

Why do you bust my balls?

[Alexa] Hello?

[Sharon] Its about time!

Hi! Hi!

Hi. Hi.

Oh your hair looks good.

[Alexa] Matt and I are rarely apart,

but Angela dropping by all the time,

makes me wanna escape to my own moms house.

Ill take Sharons type of crazy,

over Angelas type of crazy any day.

We were just talking about how Mom doesnt cook.

I made a beef "bahley" soup, that youre welcome‐‐

Whats a beef bolli soup?

Its a beef "bahley" soup. Its a good soup.

Now, is that B‐O‐L‐L‐I?

I thought she was talking about the place.

Like the gym?

Thats Ballys, youse two [bleep].

Then what place is Bali? Indonesia!

Isnt that where it is? Oh, Bali!

No, B‐A‐R‐L‐E‐Y! Barley!

[oven beeping]

[Ava] What do you think?

I like them like this. Theyre gonna flatten down.

[Sharon] Those look awesome!

If you wanna be pageant ready, you really need to stop eating like [bleep].

Youre just like, "rah, rah, rah."

No, youre "rah, rah, rah"!

Im staying out of this.

[Alexa] I competed at Miss Rhode Island USA last year,

and I made third runner up.

And here I am again,

about to start the entire journey all over.

Cookies!

Cooking with class. Cooking with class and ass!

Ooh, ow! Do that again, say my name.

[Alexa] Ew!

Guys, they have Lobster Bar pizza.

Creamy mozzarella, goat cheese, asparagus,

roasted red peppers, finished with arugula.

Oh my. I am pissed right now.

Why? You said casual lunch.

Okay, so? This is not casual!

This is casual.

I think this is casual. No, its not

Any time were in Newport, we wanna be in the whites

and the blacks. Yeah.

I wanna match the yachts.

Theres something different about you.

Ooh, did you get a new haircut, looks cute.

I got a new lipstick. [Alexa] Ooh yes!

Youre dating somebody. No.

Yes you are. Im not!

Shes dating somebody! I am not!

Yes you are! Why do you always do this?

Whats his name? Whats he like?

Nope, hes nothing like you guys. Oh yes, I see that smile!

Okay, Im dating someone, but like, I want it to be low key.

Im dating someone, but if he meets my family,

he is going to run, and I wouldnt blame him.

I mean well, how recent is the guy?

Im sensing like two weeks. About two weeks.

Whoa. Well, Matthew, psychic...

Oh. ...I know something that you dont know.

Now youre making me nervous.

Moms moving back.

What do you mean Moms moving back?

Moms moving back to Rhode Island.

Yeah, all right. No.

No way, shes moving back.

Yes she is, look at this smile.

This is the smile of someone

that wont be living with Mom for long.

Ill be staying in the family house in Boston.

Ill be waving them off like they used to do

back in the day with a white handkerchief,

"Good bye, I wont miss you!

Auf wiedersehen, dont come back."

Its very hard to think a happy thought right now.

Im freaking out.

Shes moving back, right down the street from you guys.

Wow.

I mean like, seven minutes from your house.

Moms gonna be coming back, cleaning up the house, and getting it ready.

[Matt] Im scared, like dead people dont scare me.

My mother moving back to Rhode Island, that scares me.

Like, the more that I try to get away,

the more she tries to suck on.

Has she lost her [bleep] mind?

Did she ever have one? I dont believe you.

They say so many things and then they never do it.

All the time. Especially your mom.

Theres no way. Im gonna call her.

[Maria] All right.

[phone ringing]

[Angela] Matt, how are you?

Did you tell Maria youre moving back to Cranston?

[Angela] Oh, didnt I tell you?

Im gonna be near you, I can work with you,

I can take you all coffee in the morning.

No, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.

[Angela] Im gonna be home, where I belong.

Matt, dont you love your mother?

Are you [bleep] kidding me right now?

[sighs] I cant.

All right, bye‐bye.

You werent kidding. I wouldnt lie like that.

Id rather have a watermelon shoved up my ass.

What, why?

Isnt it nice being the favorite?

[groans]

Matt, look at all these sparkly ones.

Kind of a mix between like Marilyn Monroe and Barney.

The spirits say, "uh‐uh."

[Matt]

[Rod]

[Matt] We havent been in this house in years,

we dont even know what it looks like.

I mean, its been rented out,

they havent even been there.

Alexa and I are going to meet my family,

and go check on Rod and Angelas old house,

and we have no idea what to expect.

I dont know who the past renter was, but I can guarantee you,

their cleanliness was not up to our standards.

No. At least not up to mine.

My parents living so far away,

we couldnt just send her home,

but now, we dont have to answer the door.

Thats insane,

she literally thinks the guest bedroom is her room.

If my mother starts that crap,

Im gonna have to go into my bag of tricks.

What does it take for you to take that out?

One time I called the police on their party.

Why? Because I wanted it to end early.

They were loud, they were crazy, they wouldnt let me leave,

so I pretended I was a neighbor and I called the police.

Came down, they shut it down, they still dont know it was me.

[Matt] Shes going to respect boundaries

one way or another.

[Angela] Im so excited!

The house looks beautiful.

Although it looks kind of messy,

I dont like the lawn. [Rod] Yeah.

I think its a sign that its raining.

This place is miserable.

[Matt] Being in this neighborhood is bringing back memories.

I used to ride my bike.

I think I was the only kid in the neighborhood

that had training wheels on their bike till I was 13.

13? Babe, I just was not athletic,

I couldnt keep my balance. On a bike?

On my bike, I couldnt! Oh, boy.

Here we are! Eight minutes.

Oh, my God, I at least thought they would be 10 minutes away.

Oh, here he is, here comes Matthew the numb nuts.

All right whats going on out here?

All right, come on, lets go in.

Hold on, I cant go in yet. Why?

Alexa and I had to stop at the hardware store.

[Angela] And whatd you get? [Rod] Matt what is all this [bleep]?

[Matt] I cant go in with dirt and grime.

[Maria] Thank God, thank you. [Matt] I got you a suit...

Thank you. ...because I love you and I care about you.

These two numb nuts are on their own.

Theres a couple things that I dont do,

being Italian and being a clean American.

One, I dont eat out of peoples kitchens that I dont know.

Two, I dont eat meatballs out.

Three, I never go anywhere unless Im fully prepared.

I dont know what I could catch in this house!

Well Im getting wet, so lets go in.

Lets go inside we can put all this stuff on.

Oh, my God, I can smell‐‐ Oh, my God it stinks in here!

[Alexa] Oh, my God, its so nasty in here.

[Angela] This is terrible! [Maria] Oh, my God, no.

[Maria] Ew.

No, no!

The house felt like, post apocalyptic.

I almost died. Oh, my God.

The smell almost knocked me out.

Oh, my God, Im having like a gag feeling. [gags]

This is terrible.

[Angela]

[Matt]

[Rod]

[Matt]

[Rod]

[Matt]

[Rod]

[Matt]

[Angela]

[Rod]

[Angela]

[Matt]

[Rod]

[Maria]

[Matt] Now that the house is destroyed,

my parents can go back to Boston,

and wait there till renovations are done.

Oh, thank God I can take this mask off.

Matthew, me and your father cant stay here tonight,

so we were thinking that since you live close by,

we can come and sleep at your house for a couple of nights and talk about it...

No, no, no, no, no. ...while were working on the house.

You have to reserve that right until your decrepit and [bleep].

I gotta get the hell outta here, I feel like I wanna kill somebody, I gotta go.

You stayed with us for 24 years,

we can stay with you for a couple of days.

Oh no, no, no, you can go, but guess what,

I locked the door and I know the code.

Wanna go to dinner?

[Alexa] That actually sounds really good.

God bless.

Do these sounds sound familiar to you?

[smacks]

[moans]

Ooh, ooh!

If I was in a pageant, I would want something sparkly,

Wouldnt that dress wear you?

Im so much more sparkly than a dress.

Oh, my God.

shes talking to me about when she had passed here in the physical world.

I was laying in the bed with her, holding her hand.

Wait a minute, youre bull‐[bleep] me.

No Im not.

Your mothers‐‐ oh, your mother says to me, she goes,

"She didnt spend the whole morning with me"

She goes, "She stayed next to me,"

she goes, "But they had donuts and coffee!"

She was in the dining room. I was right there!

[crowd laughing]

[Matt] Thank God, we can get out of the house.

[Alexa] And away from your parents for like two seconds.

[Matt] You excited today?

Im so excited, this is one of my absolute favorite parts

of, like, prepping for the pageant.

Dress shopping? Yes!

Do you psychically see something already in your mind.

I feel like a glistening white, like an angel.

I mean if I was in a pageant,

I would want something that when the light hit me,

you could land a friggin plane.

Id want something that was so sparkly

and so out there.

Id want it so that people would have to put on the sunglasses.

Wouldnt that dress wear you?

Oh no, honey, cause Im so much more sparkly than a dress.

Oh, my God.

Some of these dresses are so tight,

I wouldnt know what to do with the undercarriage.

Hopefully you wouldnt be getting a really tight dress.

Id have to duct tape it to the side of my leg and strap it around.

Would I separate the balls and do one on each leg?

Oh, my God.

If there was a unisex competition, and I entered,

I would win.

Youve never been in a pageant.

Doesnt matter, I can read the judges.

Thats cheating.

Now listen, were here for a dress for me, not for you.

Whats that supposed to mean?

All right! Right this way.

[Alexa] My eyes already went straight to this one.

See my eyes went over here.

Me and you are going in two different departments here.

Dress shopping with Matt is a little bit tough.

You see this is like a neck line Im looking for.

Honey, that looks like an oyster,

and I was a judge for the Miss Massachusetts pageant.

Matt judged, like, one pageant in his whole life,

and now he thinks hes like a pageant coach.

I think I was actually Judges Chair if I remember.

Then thats not even being a judge,

thats like collecting their paperwork

and making sure theyre all sitting in the same seats.

Never mind, I wasnt that, I wasnt that.

Matt, look at all these sparkly ones.

Yeah, this looks a little too floppy.

This would be a great color.

Its kind of like a mix between Marilyn Monroe and Barney.

Hes also too opinionated,

and he tend to just take over everything.

Oh, my God!

Oh, Santa, just for me?

This looks ridiculous, back in.

Thats nice!

Let me just pull this back.

Look at how much better this looks.

Whoa, whoa, you want me naked on stage?

Honey, advertising pays.

Ooh, babe, I like this one!

Come here!

What are you seeing, like, psychically?

Well, this isnt gonna be the one

that youre going to wear.

Worst case scenario, you come back,

and you get this one if Im wrong,

but Im not wrong.

[Matt] That needs to go back on the rack.

The spirits say "uh‐uh."

Next time, you and the spirits can stay home

so that I can actually find a dress.

No, its not my color.

Oh, good morning! Hi, gorgeous.

Hello!

Did you get any sleep last night?

Well you know, its hard to sleep in this house.

I gotta tell you, Ive been up. I have not slept all night.

Why? I was hearing noises.

What kind of noises? Why dont you tell me?

Do these sounds sound familiar to you?

[smacks]

[moans]

[laughs]

You should be happy that me and your father

still have our morning cookie.

You think thats funny?

I dont find it funny cause I was up all night.

Im gonna make some eggs,

Im gonna make some English muffins.

Did you ask permission to go in there?

I dont have to. Im your mother.

[Matt] My parents have only been living with us now

for about two days. Two days too long.

Hey, whats going on? Oh, God.

This isnt sisterhood of the traveling robes, okay?

I left towels for you, and you put on our robes.

All right, but Im just saying,

when I go stay at the Army Navy Club, right?

They have robes hanging up in there,

and you put them on.

This is not the Army Navy Club, this is my house.

I like that room in there,

with the two paintings on the wall,

those are black‐capped chickadees,

thats the Maine state bird.

Last night, from what I hear,

all you were seeing was the ceiling.

We were going, "Ooh, ooh!"

[laughs]

Chris?

Yes, how are you today? Whats going on?

I thought this was gonna be a couple of days?

Its considerably worse than we thought it was.

Molds literally in everything.

We have to tear apart your house, unfortunately.

You have a moisture issue in the house, so it created mold.

I mean, whats the timeline here? Is it a week?

Its gonna be about three weeks.

Three weeks?

I cant have my mom and dad

in the house for three more weeks.

Im about to have a heart attack.

Listen, you have no idea what Im going through.

My parents, theyre staying with me

while this project is being done.

Sorry about that. Not as sorry as I am.

My parents are in the next room over.

I woke up, there was a sock on the door.

Got it. Got it?

Chris, we need to‐‐ Nothing much we can do.

Were gonna fix it for you. I mean, my familys,

theyre eating me out of house and home.

Theyre all throw‐‐ all of my‐‐ I cant live!

Gotcha.

My family is driving me crazy.

Well go as fast as we can. Its a process.

Listen, my par‐‐ my family is going as fast as they can

in the bedroom next door.

Yep, just gonna throw this away, all right?

All right, you know what?

Im just gonna let you do your thing.

Okay, thank you.

[Angela] Hi Matt!

Listen, I have bad news right now.

I just met with Chris,

and theres so much wrong in this house,

like, its literally uninhabitable. Oh, my God.

And, more importantly,

youre not gonna be able to get in there... Yeah.

...until, like, three weeks.

Thats all right though, Matt.

So it takes three weeks. They gotta fix it.

Right, well just have to stay here,

three more weeks of my good cooking.

No, Ma, you cant stay at my house.

Im excited, Im gonna be living with you

for like a month. Im done.

No, no, nope, nope.

No‐‐ Nope, nope.

Nope.

I love you guys, I enjoyed having you,

but its time to get back to normal life.

You just gotta get back to Boston.

Youre not having your morning cookie in my house.

I really enjoy having my cookie at your house,

its kind of adventurous.

Adventure?

Who the hell do you think you are, Indiana Jones?

Lets just say, like, for Saturday morning,

me and Mom will get up early, well go to breakfast,

and go home.

You gotta be packed up and gone on Saturday.

Yeah. Yeah, Saturday, Sunday, yeah.

At the end of the day, I am so appreciative of one thing, my family.

And Ill be home soon. I love you!

Bye! All right, bye‐bye.

I love my family to death,

but to be honest with you, death might have to be the end,

cause thats all I need is my mother in my ear 24/7.

My God.

How would Matthew like it

if there was a picture of me looking down at him

while hes on the bidet?

Oh, my God. We should prank him!

Operation pic switch!

Now look lovingly at your thigh. [Maria] What?

I almost feel like Im the one being pranked here.

Too good!

[Rod] Matt, I wanna buy another kilt.

When are we going shopping?

Im the complete opposite of Rod.

Im like Gucci. Hes like Kmart.

There might be a nice, bedazzled kilt there.

Youd have a better chance at seeing Christ.

Oh, my God. Ah!

[Matt] I can drop the balls in the bidet!

Like, Im so proud.