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1
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:58,424
- I still don't
know where we fit in the world.
2
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,931
I thought leaving faith
behind would relieve
3
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,367
the dissonance I always felt.
4
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,472
It didn't.
5
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:21,980
Through it all, I find myself
holding onto these values.
6
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:26,852
So does Chris, my former
mission companion.
7
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,789
For one reason or
another, we've had trouble
8
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,158
finding our way.
9
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,765
It's been a year
since I've seen him,
10
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:43,535
and tomorrow, he comes
back to the Northwest.
11
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:48,807
We've agreed to put it all
behind us and start fresh,
12
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,879
uninhibited by the Church,
our families, distance,
13
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,347
or anything else.
14
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,183
We deserve that.
15
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,720
Everyone does.
16
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,526
* Don't you wanna fall *
17
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,128
* Don't you wanna fly *
18
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:13,265
* Don't you wanna be
dangled over the edge *
19
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:18,570
* Of this aching romance *
20
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:34,988
- Hey.
- Hey.
21
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,423
I cannot believe you're
going to be here tomorrow.
22
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:39,992
- I know.
23
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,928
- I can introduce you to
all my friends finally.
24
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,731
- I can introduce
you to my friend.
25
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,733
- Hi.
26
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,937
- Hi, Kaylee.
- Hi.
27
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,138
- How are you?
28
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,439
- Good.
29
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:57,209
- You are so cute, I
can't even stand it.
30
00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,011
- It's past her bedtime.
31
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,145
Do you want to say goodnight?
32
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,848
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Kaylee.
33
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,684
- All right, wanna take Gillian,
and go brush all your guys' teeth.
34
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:06,985
God bless you.
35
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,520
- Gesundheit.
36
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,456
- I'll be in tuck you
in just a sec, okay.
37
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,863
- I'm so excited to see you.
38
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,233
- I know, it'll be
good to see you, too.
39
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,904
I better hit the hay as well.
40
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,640
- Yeah, um...
41
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:37,950
Uh... so I know that
we discussed this,
42
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,785
and I know that you're
trying to figure it all out,
43
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,921
but I just want to say that...
44
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,790
you know,
she's more than welcome
45
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,826
to come up with you
next time you come up,
46
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,361
if that's okay.
47
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:54,299
- Yeah, no, I'll
think about that.
48
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,335
- Okay, great.
49
00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,138
- Well, goodnight,
I'll see you soon.
50
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,640
- Yeah, goodnight.
51
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,181
I love you, I love you, Chris.
52
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:12,251
Just... I love you.
53
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:17,289
Why can't I just say that
like a normal person?
54
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,225
- RJ?
55
00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:22,494
- Okay, yeah, hi.
56
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,597
- Hi, no, I'm still here, did
you want me to hang up?
57
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,467
- Well, sure that'd be...
- Or I can.
58
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,202
Not that I want
to hang up on you.
59
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,371
- No, I know.
- Okay.
60
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:36,008
- Alright, goodnight.
- Yep, goodnight.
61
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,442
- Bye.
62
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:48,120
* Ride the big one *
63
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,322
* Don't you wanna fall *
64
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:52,190
* Don't you wanna fly *
65
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:56,461
* Don't you wanna be
dangled over the edge *
66
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:02,067
* Of this aching romance *
67
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:05,904
* If it's going to
end then I wanna know *
68
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:09,408
* Let me squeeze
out every moment *
69
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,276
* But if there's nothing left *
70
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,345
* Can you tell me why *
71
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:18,383
* That it is you're
holding onto me *
72
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:24,823
* Like it's the end
of the world *
73
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,429
Hey.
74
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,236
- Thanks for coming to get me.
75
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,505
- You look good.
76
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,008
- Thank you.
- I think I lost a little weight.
77
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,543
- It looks good.
78
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,911
- Thanks.
79
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:06,498
I'm really happy you're here.
80
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:10,936
I didn't think you'd ever
speak to me again after the...
81
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:14,072
- I said I forgive you,
and I meant it.
82
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,441
I just think people were
legitimately confused
83
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,977
why two men were kissing at
my parents' anniversary party.
84
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,078
- I was trying to
make a statement.
85
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,481
- Well, mission accomplished.
86
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,019
- You know I'm excited for
you to meet Adina and Sheris.
87
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,721
- Yeah, they sound great.
88
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,356
- Any my friend Ryan.
89
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,125
- Oh he is the
returning missionary
90
00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:34,726
you were telling me about?
91
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,131
Great.
92
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,887
- Yeah, I'll be there.
93
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,857
Okay, give her my love, please.
94
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,895
Alright, thank you.
95
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,696
Okay, bye.
96
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,200
Sometimes it feels
like I'm still married.
97
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,538
Thanks.
98
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,318
- You hungry?
99
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,387
- I could eat.
100
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,287
- Am I that hard to be around?
101
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,726
- No.
102
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,293
- So how is life after
pharmaceutical sales?
103
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,330
- Well, I haven't heard
back from any of the schools
104
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,598
that I've applied to.
105
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,033
I've got my heart set on
sticking close to home.
106
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,872
What about you, how's work?
107
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,573
- Work's going well.
108
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,645
I haven't written anything
original in a while.
109
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,659
- I forgot to tell
you my sister read
110
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,394
one of your books.
111
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,762
- Oh, which one?
112
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,365
- The really dirty one.
113
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,867
- Yeah, tell her I'm sorry.
114
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,069
- It's just that she knew
you were talking about me,
115
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,504
and it was like...
116
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,072
- I know that's why
I'm apologizing.
117
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,341
How is Chelsea?
118
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,645
- She's good, it's Greg
that I don't talk to,
119
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,414
but you already knew that.
120
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,850
- Do they know that you're
here with me right now?
121
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,785
- My Mom does.
122
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:17,389
My Dad, he's...
123
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,527
- Let's loosen up.
124
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:23,762
- Okay.
125
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,938
- No, I don't drink.
126
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,974
- Come on, you have
no where else to be.
127
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,316
How often do I get to see you?
128
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,153
- Alright, I'll do one.
129
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,904
- Another one?
130
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,907
- You know you can't get me drunk.
- I just got here.
131
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,710
- I'm not trying to get you
drunk, it's just happening.
132
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,584
- Why does it take us so
long to get comfortable?
133
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,918
- I don't know.
134
00:10:54,955 --> 00:11:00,692
I feel like I still get...
nervous around you.
135
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,327
- Yeah, I get nervous, too.
136
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,895
- After all this time.
137
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:08,233
- Yeah, we're just
two fluttering hearts.
138
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,448
- I missed you.
- I missed you.
139
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,624
- You know, I think I can do
140
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,393
this whole Northwest thing.
141
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,197
- What? You are doing it.
142
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,398
- What?
143
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,601
- You're hanging out
with gay, bearded men,
144
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,069
and you're drinking beer.
145
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:22,207
- And what about the
Salt Lake City thing?
146
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,541
- What about it?
147
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,745
- Could you do it?
148
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,547
- I think you
could barely do it.
149
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,551
- Well, maybe you won't have to.
150
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,960
- Okay.
151
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,595
- Where are you going?
152
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:46,064
- I am headed back to your
house to get some more beer.
153
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,132
- I thought you said
you weren't drinking.
154
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,668
- You, sir, have
opened the flood gates.
155
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,670
I'm past the point of no return.
156
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,773
- You can't just say
that and then walk away.
157
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,274
- Too late.
158
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,542
- Come on, ugh.
159
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:09,888
You'll be okay.
160
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:16,060
- I think it's...
- It's a little dry.
161
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,264
We'll be okay.
162
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,299
- I'm good.
163
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:33,044
- Hey did you...
- sleep with anybody else
164
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,813
since I saw you last?
165
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,783
- I had sex with
Paul after Salt Lake.
166
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,285
- I knew about that.
167
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,854
I saw you after that.
168
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:45,857
- Yeah, I just didn't know
if I'd ever see you again.
169
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,859
- Don't worry about it.
170
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:53,832
Was there anybody else?
171
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:59,404
- Um, like a night here, and a
night there, but nothing real.
172
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:08,646
- Yeah, I had to break a
couple bad habits myself.
173
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,448
- What makes them bad?
174
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:14,953
- Just, oing places, and...
175
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,060
meeting people.
176
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,272
What do you think about that?
177
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:39,344
- I think that we shouldn't
feel like we're bad people
178
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,745
all the time.
179
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:45,817
It's okay to have sex, you
know, we're supposed to cum.
180
00:14:45,819 --> 00:14:48,186
We're supposed to cum.
181
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:52,090
We are animals, it's okay.
182
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,426
We're okay.
183
00:14:56,997 --> 00:15:01,199
- You're not, you're
not going to judge me?
184
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:02,600
- No.
185
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,871
- I just wanted to get
it all out in the open.
186
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,741
- Yeah, it's fine.
187
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:15,713
We can get everything
out in the open.
188
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:21,286
Every last thing we can
get out in the open.
189
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:30,161
Three, two... one.
190
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,631
- Hey.
191
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,072
Good morning.
192
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,745
Do you want some coffee?
193
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,513
- I am a Mormon, sir.
194
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,783
- So now you're a Mormon?
195
00:16:58,785 --> 00:16:59,785
- Amen.
196
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:09,560
- Get up, get up.
197
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,731
Get up.
198
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,705
- Oh.
199
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:21,939
- What?
200
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,041
- My breath.
201
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,510
- I don't mind, come on.
202
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,145
- I do.
203
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:30,314
- Come on, go.
204
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,526
I wasn't ready for that.
205
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,761
- Then why did you
tell me to do it?
206
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,898
- I'm just kidding.
207
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:56,107
I'll go make us some breakfast.
208
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:22,133
Hey, how do you want
your eggs cooked?
209
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,778
- Everything's so bright.
210
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,848
- It's called day.
211
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,786
- Thank you for breakfast.
212
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,221
- You're welcome.
213
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,694
- Where does your
head hurt, there?
214
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,362
- Right here. Oh.
215
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,770
- Well, you gotta
drink more water.
216
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,272
Keep going.
217
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,246
Here, I'm going to
get you some more.
218
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,281
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
219
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,695
- "New IDS guidelines say
children of same-sex couples...
220
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,698
will not be baptized
in the Church."
221
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:10,708
I know you want to discuss this,
222
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,109
but if you'll just
give me a moment
223
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,191
- to read the whole article.
- They're joking, right?
224
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:23,054
It says they're doing this
for their own protection,
225
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,823
that children from gay
marriages can't be treated
226
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,458
like everyone else.
227
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:34,098
Punishing children for
the sins of their own fathers.
228
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,701
We don't even believe in that.
229
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,406
You can interpret
this any way you want,
230
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:43,641
but I am done.
231
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,445
- I don't think you mean that.
232
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,752
- That's Adina.
233
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:58,889
- Hello, hi!
234
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,925
- Hi.
- Hi!
235
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:05,429
I'm Adina, I've heard
so much about you.
236
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:06,697
- I'm Chris.
237
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,633
- Yeah, I know.
238
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,235
- Nice to meet you.
239
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:14,372
- Yeah, what's this?
240
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:15,439
- What?
241
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,575
- The love of your
life is finally here,
242
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:19,010
and you make him this?
243
00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:21,045
- Well, it's all I had.
244
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,187
- Where's Sheris?
245
00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:31,922
- Not sure.
246
00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:33,691
- Is everything okay?
247
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:37,061
- No, but I'll be fine.
248
00:21:43,236 --> 00:21:44,802
Come on.
249
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,270
- What?
250
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,039
- I'm a lip kisser, come on.
251
00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:49,273
- Oh?
252
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:55,413
- What, you were married
to a woman once, you'll be fine.
253
00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:03,020
- He has soft lips.
254
00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:12,963
Back and forth?
255
00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:14,332
Back and forth?
256
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,033
Yeah, you know it's like...
257
00:22:16,035 --> 00:22:17,234
- No, that's up and down.
258
00:22:17,236 --> 00:22:18,436
- Together.
259
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,037
- I assume that people
poop up and down.
260
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:22,406
- Okay, moving on,
having anuses for eyes.
261
00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:24,942
- Hey. Hey.
- Hey.
262
00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:27,745
- Hey, girl.
- Hi.
263
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,313
- Hey. Ryan.
- Chris.
264
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:31,248
- Oh, it's great to
finally meet you.
265
00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,383
- Thank you.
- Nice to meet you.
266
00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:33,651
- Hey.
267
00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:35,186
- Ryan.
- Anya.
268
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:36,987
- Steve. Nice to meet you.
269
00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:38,856
- Hey.
- Hey, buddy.
270
00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:42,259
- Oh, you guys
started without me?
271
00:22:42,261 --> 00:22:43,728
- Yeah, we had
some really great ones,
272
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:44,774
but you can still deal
yourself in though.
273
00:22:44,786 --> 00:22:45,396
But you gotta catch up.
274
00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:47,498
- Yeah take seven and pick two.
275
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,201
- Chris, how long
are you in town for?
276
00:22:50,203 --> 00:22:51,602
- Oh just through tomorrow.
277
00:22:51,604 --> 00:22:53,337
- You have work or?
278
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:54,705
- I have a
six-year-old daughter.
279
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,607
- Oh!
- Really?
280
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,176
- And what do you do Ryan?
281
00:22:59,178 --> 00:23:00,444
- Oh, I'm a masseur.
282
00:23:00,446 --> 00:23:02,813
- How long have you
been doing that?
283
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:05,783
- Oh, I actually just graduated,
so I'm just starting out.
284
00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:08,919
Actually RJ is my only client.
285
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:10,221
- You're only client?
286
00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:11,756
- Yeah, I'm hoping
it'll take off.
287
00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:14,725
It's mostly word of mouth,
but he's giving me lots
288
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,327
of practice.
289
00:23:17,263 --> 00:23:20,598
We all know how
tense he gets, right.
290
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,601
- Wow, maybe like a
website or business cards.
291
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:26,904
- Yeah, you know, I gotta
handle that side as well.
292
00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:29,907
I'm feeling it out, literally.
293
00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:33,911
- Good card.
- It's so accurate, too.
294
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,813
- Your turn.
- Oh, sure, okay.
295
00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:38,082
- Lifetime presents, A
Sad Handjob: The Story
296
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:40,951
of a Homoerotic
Volleyball Montage.
297
00:23:41,888 --> 00:23:43,154
- I'd watch that.
298
00:23:46,692 --> 00:23:49,794
- I can't believe I'm
smoking pot with you, Chris.
299
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:51,829
Your dad's a member
of the Quorum.
300
00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:53,431
- Yes he is.
301
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:55,866
- Yeah, that's a tough
one for us right now.
302
00:23:55,868 --> 00:24:00,137
- Yeah, I heard...
- but to be expected.
303
00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:05,075
- So where did you serve
your mission, Ryan?
304
00:24:05,077 --> 00:24:08,179
- I spent my mission
in Mexico City
305
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:15,519
It was beautiful...
and so was my companion.
306
00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:22,126
For a year straight...
307
00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:26,831
he would always change
in front of me...
308
00:24:26,833 --> 00:24:31,135
totally innocent,
but he knew what he was doing.
309
00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:35,973
And then one night,
we were on a bus
310
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:40,411
heading back to our district, and
I fell asleep on his shoulder.
311
00:24:40,413 --> 00:24:43,781
While I was sleeping,
he had taken my hand,
312
00:24:43,783 --> 00:24:47,084
and he was holding it
in a patriarchal grip.
313
00:24:47,086 --> 00:24:51,522
I woke up... like this...
314
00:24:51,524 --> 00:24:54,692
and I looked up
into his eyes, and...
315
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:59,730
I saw a lust and love
and longing...
316
00:25:02,301 --> 00:25:07,571
but I also saw
this deep sadness...
317
00:25:10,276 --> 00:25:12,877
because we both knew
318
00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:16,914
we could never be together...
319
00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:22,019
and it would just be this moment
in the back of a bus.
320
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:27,791
We got sent home shortly after.
321
00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:31,695
I haven't seen him since.
322
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:45,609
But seeing you guys
together after so long...
323
00:25:45,611 --> 00:25:47,077
it gives me hope.
324
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:51,749
I'm going to go.
325
00:25:52,518 --> 00:25:54,018
- Really?
326
00:25:54,020 --> 00:25:58,188
- Yeah...
- It was nice to meet you.
327
00:25:58,190 --> 00:25:59,557
- Yeah, you too.
328
00:26:00,192 --> 00:26:01,859
- Are you okay?
329
00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:03,594
- Not really.
330
00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:05,996
- Hey, hey, hey...
331
00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:14,171
Love you.
332
00:26:15,107 --> 00:26:16,507
- Love you, too.
333
00:26:26,986 --> 00:26:28,752
- Where did you guys meet?
334
00:26:28,754 --> 00:26:30,621
- Um, we met at Affirmations.
335
00:26:30,623 --> 00:26:32,615
It's like a support group
for recovering Mormons.
336
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:33,715
- Yeah, I know what it is.
337
00:26:35,628 --> 00:26:38,329
- Yeah, his parents kicked
him out of the house.
338
00:26:38,331 --> 00:26:39,763
- Wow.
339
00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:43,334
- I don't know,
I feel bad for him.
340
00:26:44,670 --> 00:26:47,137
He's out here without
no family or friends.
341
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:50,407
- Wow.
342
00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:54,278
- You okay?
343
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:56,680
- Yeah.
344
00:27:00,019 --> 00:27:01,352
- You coming?
345
00:27:01,354 --> 00:27:02,419
- Yeah.
346
00:27:08,961 --> 00:27:11,261
- Oops, sorry.
- It's okay.
347
00:27:25,611 --> 00:27:27,611
- Have you and Ryan ever...?
348
00:27:31,083 --> 00:27:32,216
- No.
349
00:27:41,627 --> 00:27:43,360
- He sure loves you.
350
00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:52,770
- Do you love me?
351
00:30:39,205 --> 00:30:40,370
- Do you want some water?
352
00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:41,839
What are those?
353
00:30:41,841 --> 00:30:45,042
- Oh, I have pressure
points in my back.
354
00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:46,844
- What's wrong with your back?
355
00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:51,148
- Just all those years of
carrying around a heavy suitcase.
356
00:30:54,687 --> 00:30:55,986
- Thank you.
357
00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,287
- Yeah.
358
00:31:06,265 --> 00:31:08,098
- Whoa, it got chilly.
359
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,181
Can I ask you something?
360
00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:25,215
- Sure.
361
00:31:26,418 --> 00:31:29,786
- Would you consider going to
a sacrament meeting with me?
362
00:31:32,524 --> 00:31:36,593
- Chris, I just don't
know what the point is.
363
00:31:36,595 --> 00:31:38,328
- I don't think it's
coincidence that you live
364
00:31:38,330 --> 00:31:40,664
only a few blocks
away from the war.
365
00:31:40,666 --> 00:31:43,367
It's not too late to come back.
366
00:31:43,369 --> 00:31:45,235
- Where do you think I've gone?
367
00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:48,372
- Not far, unless all of that
stuff in your living room
368
00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:49,740
is just for show.
369
00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:51,942
- I'm still trying to figure
out what they're trying
370
00:31:51,944 --> 00:31:54,411
to say with this announcement.
371
00:31:57,383 --> 00:32:01,518
By the way...
did you know?
372
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,520
- What?
373
00:32:03,522 --> 00:32:05,822
- About the policy, did
you know before they made
374
00:32:05,824 --> 00:32:07,157
the announcement?
375
00:32:07,159 --> 00:32:09,860
- No... You honestly think
that I knew about that.
376
00:32:09,862 --> 00:32:14,698
- I don't know, I just... I don't
know, I thought that if you did,
377
00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:17,701
maybe there was something
you could've done about it.
378
00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:19,803
- I don't know.
- Like what?
379
00:32:20,572 --> 00:32:22,439
- Talk to your father.
380
00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:25,309
- What possible
good would that do?
381
00:32:29,882 --> 00:32:32,683
- I don't know, he's
like an inside voice.
382
00:32:32,685 --> 00:32:35,719
One of the twelve
apostles has a gay son.
383
00:32:35,721 --> 00:32:37,054
I mean if that's not a prophecy,
384
00:32:37,056 --> 00:32:41,058
then I don't know what is.
385
00:32:45,331 --> 00:32:47,597
Do you ever think about it?
386
00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:51,368
What it would be like?
387
00:32:51,370 --> 00:32:52,336
- What?
388
00:32:52,338 --> 00:32:54,838
- I think about it
all the time...
389
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:58,675
with you, getting married...
390
00:33:02,047 --> 00:33:06,984
in the Church with
the Sealer above us,
391
00:33:06,986 --> 00:33:09,453
my parents and your parents.
392
00:33:11,924 --> 00:33:17,594
I do... but it's not
going to happen.
393
00:33:18,497 --> 00:33:20,097
Not like that.
394
00:33:22,067 --> 00:33:24,434
You know what the Church does?
395
00:33:24,436 --> 00:33:27,104
They convince me more and
more that maybe Joseph Smith
396
00:33:27,106 --> 00:33:28,939
really did make it all up.
397
00:33:28,941 --> 00:33:30,540
- Don't do that.
398
00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,609
- How can you be a part of
something that alienates
399
00:33:32,611 --> 00:33:35,679
parents from their children?
400
00:33:35,681 --> 00:33:38,215
Don't you understand
what this means for you?
401
00:33:38,217 --> 00:33:40,283
- I've stuck with the
Church through all of its
402
00:33:40,285 --> 00:33:42,886
flaws and idiosyncrasies,
just like I've stuck with you
403
00:33:42,888 --> 00:33:44,755
through all of these years.
404
00:33:44,757 --> 00:33:46,723
- What are you talking about?
405
00:33:46,725 --> 00:33:48,825
I'm done with it,
I've had my fill.
406
00:33:48,827 --> 00:33:51,328
- No, you gave up,
that's different.
407
00:33:51,330 --> 00:33:53,130
- And you don't have
the courage to leave.
408
00:33:53,132 --> 00:33:54,865
- I don't want to leave.
409
00:33:54,867 --> 00:33:58,235
- How are you okay with
the way the treat you,
410
00:33:58,237 --> 00:34:01,571
or the way they treat your
family or your daughter?
411
00:34:01,573 --> 00:34:03,407
As a father, how
do you accept that?
412
00:34:03,409 --> 00:34:05,842
- Everything I do is for her.
413
00:34:06,912 --> 00:34:09,112
You can question my beliefs
as a man of the faith,
414
00:34:09,114 --> 00:34:12,549
but don't you ever question
my devotion to my daughter.
415
00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:13,950
- I'm sorry.
416
00:34:17,423 --> 00:34:19,456
I'm sorry.
417
00:34:22,861 --> 00:34:24,861
- What am I doing here?
418
00:34:26,598 --> 00:34:28,498
What am I doing?
419
00:34:32,137 --> 00:34:34,738
I just feel obligated
to you, you know.
420
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:37,941
I just keep coming
back and coming back
421
00:34:37,943 --> 00:34:40,377
because it's all that I know.
422
00:34:41,213 --> 00:34:42,612
- Wow.
423
00:34:58,130 --> 00:34:59,362
- Ricky?
424
00:35:01,867 --> 00:35:05,836
- Hey... are you alright?
425
00:35:05,838 --> 00:35:07,237
Hey.
426
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:08,939
What's wrong?
427
00:35:09,575 --> 00:35:10,841
Are you alright?
428
00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:13,743
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy, easy,
429
00:35:13,745 --> 00:35:15,212
Okay.
430
00:35:15,214 --> 00:35:21,051
What's wrong? Hey, look at me...
I'm right here.
431
00:35:22,588 --> 00:35:26,823
Breathe... Are you alright?
432
00:35:26,825 --> 00:35:28,959
- I get these sometimes.
433
00:35:29,595 --> 00:35:33,964
- Hey, hey... Alright,
434
00:35:34,900 --> 00:35:36,933
Alright.
435
00:36:13,705 --> 00:36:15,238
Back to real life.
436
00:36:16,875 --> 00:36:18,575
- This is real life.
437
00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:26,183
I'm sorry we keep
fucking things up.
438
00:36:26,185 --> 00:36:28,585
- You don't have to be sorry.
439
00:36:40,899 --> 00:36:42,032
- Okay.
440
00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:57,267
- Thanks.
441
00:39:53,825 --> 00:39:55,592
- Call Chris.
442
00:39:58,096 --> 00:40:00,930
- Say the list
number of the one you...
443
00:40:00,932 --> 00:40:03,099
Calling the mobile
number for Chris.
444
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:17,714
- Hello.
445
00:40:17,716 --> 00:40:22,886
- Chris, Chris, I just heard.
446
00:40:22,888 --> 00:40:24,954
I'm so sorry.
447
00:40:25,791 --> 00:40:27,257
Is there anything I can I do?
448
00:40:29,294 --> 00:40:32,284
Would you consider
coming to Salt Lake?
449
00:40:32,296 --> 00:40:33,296
Yeah.
450
00:40:34,633 --> 00:40:36,633
- I can make
all the arrangements.
451
00:40:36,635 --> 00:40:38,935
- No, don't worry about it.
- I'll get there.
452
00:40:41,072 --> 00:40:42,906
- The service is tomorrow.
453
00:40:42,908 --> 00:40:44,174
- Yeah, that's fine.
454
00:40:45,343 --> 00:40:48,244
- Okay,
I'll send you all the details.
455
00:40:48,246 --> 00:40:49,712
I'll see you soon.
456
00:40:49,714 --> 00:40:51,314
- Are you okay?
457
00:40:57,289 --> 00:40:59,989
- It'll just be
good to have you here.
458
00:40:59,991 --> 00:41:02,425
- Yeah, I want to
be there with you.
459
00:41:04,095 --> 00:41:05,428
- I'll see you soon, RJ.
460
00:41:05,430 --> 00:41:08,298
- Okay, I love you.
461
00:41:13,538 --> 00:41:18,141
- Elder Merrill's
gonna pitch a fit when he sees you.
462
00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:21,544
I think I'd like
to be there with you.
463
00:41:21,546 --> 00:41:23,580
- Uh...
464
00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:27,150
- I just-I think I should
do it alone.
465
00:41:28,253 --> 00:41:33,056
- Look, son,
I never told you this, but...
466
00:41:34,326 --> 00:41:37,494
I had a conversation with him.
467
00:41:37,496 --> 00:41:38,928
- Wait, when?
468
00:41:40,298 --> 00:41:44,667
- We talked when you were
in Salt Lake City with Chris.
469
00:41:46,538 --> 00:41:49,272
I was a bit direct.
470
00:41:50,509 --> 00:41:52,075
- How so?
471
00:41:53,044 --> 00:41:54,744
- Doesn't matter now.
472
00:41:54,746 --> 00:41:57,146
Back then I had my reasons.
473
00:41:58,650 --> 00:42:02,919
- Um... okay.
474
00:42:04,656 --> 00:42:06,689
What does Mom think?
475
00:42:07,592 --> 00:42:10,426
- She backs me up on this.
476
00:42:10,428 --> 00:42:12,762
- What about your foot?
477
00:42:12,764 --> 00:42:15,064
- It'll be fine, RJ.
478
00:42:17,802 --> 00:42:19,335
- Okay.
479
00:42:20,505 --> 00:42:23,540
- Alright, son, I'll see you
in the morning in Salt Lake.
480
00:42:23,542 --> 00:42:25,341
- Yeah, I'll see
you in the morning.
481
00:42:25,343 --> 00:42:27,143
- Alright, bye.
- Bye.
482
00:42:33,552 --> 00:42:34,651
- Where are you headed today?
483
00:42:34,653 --> 00:42:35,718
- Uh, Utah.
484
00:42:37,322 --> 00:42:38,488
- Will you be checking
any bags today?
485
00:42:38,490 --> 00:42:39,856
- No thanks.
486
00:42:41,793 --> 00:42:42,992
- There you go, sir,
have a good flight.
487
00:42:42,994 --> 00:42:44,494
- Thank you.
488
00:44:11,850 --> 00:44:14,617
- Hi, thank you.
489
00:44:22,861 --> 00:44:24,260
Hey.
490
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:32,568
Hi.
Thank you for coming.
491
00:44:32,570 --> 00:44:35,304
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
492
00:44:48,953 --> 00:44:50,353
- Hi, Kaylee.
493
00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:51,721
- Hi.
494
00:44:51,723 --> 00:44:52,989
- You look really pretty.
495
00:44:52,991 --> 00:44:54,691
- Thank you.
- I like your shoes.
496
00:44:54,693 --> 00:44:56,159
- Thank you.
497
00:44:56,161 --> 00:44:57,627
- She gets a little shy.
498
00:44:57,629 --> 00:44:58,995
- It's okay.
499
00:45:08,139 --> 00:45:09,405
- I'm glad you're here.
500
00:45:09,407 --> 00:45:10,773
- Me too.
501
00:45:14,946 --> 00:45:16,979
- Hey, shall I take
her for a little why?
502
00:45:16,981 --> 00:45:19,671
Yeah absolutely, you wanna
go with Grandma, honey?
503
00:45:19,683 --> 00:45:20,583
Yeah.
504
00:45:20,585 --> 00:45:22,985
I'll see you later, sweetie.
505
00:45:31,196 --> 00:45:32,295
You look good.
506
00:45:32,297 --> 00:45:34,330
- You too.
- Thanks.
507
00:45:35,767 --> 00:45:38,201
- I'm sorry.
- It's a very tough situation.
508
00:45:38,203 --> 00:45:41,270
- It's challenging, yeah.
- Yeah.
509
00:45:41,272 --> 00:45:43,239
- Are you okay?
510
00:45:43,241 --> 00:45:45,908
- Yeah, he's walking over here.
511
00:45:46,978 --> 00:45:50,580
- It's gonna be fine.
- I'm right here.
512
00:45:50,582 --> 00:45:52,749
- I think they're
starting to recognize me.
513
00:45:52,751 --> 00:45:54,450
- They probably are.
514
00:45:56,187 --> 00:45:58,254
Hey, just don't kiss me.
515
00:46:00,792 --> 00:46:02,825
Sorry, that wasn't funny.
516
00:46:09,634 --> 00:46:12,552
- RJ.
517
00:46:12,553 --> 00:46:15,471
- Elder Merrill, I want you to
know I'm very sorry for your loss.
518
00:46:15,473 --> 00:46:17,206
- I appreciate that.
519
00:46:18,176 --> 00:46:20,443
Chris didn't tell me
that you were coming.
520
00:46:20,445 --> 00:46:22,178
- I invited him, Dad.
521
00:46:22,180 --> 00:46:26,382
- Elder Merrill,
I'm Tom Smith, RJ's father.
522
00:46:26,384 --> 00:46:27,950
- Oh, right.
523
00:46:30,455 --> 00:46:33,055
- I can't begin to know what
you're going through right now.
524
00:46:33,057 --> 00:46:37,360
Saying sorry isn't enough
to express my sympathies.
525
00:46:39,664 --> 00:46:42,398
- Thank you, Brother Smith.
526
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,434
- And you must be Chris, brother Smith.
- Yes.
527
00:46:47,672 --> 00:46:50,907
I've heard so many
great things about you.
528
00:46:52,343 --> 00:46:53,609
Welcome.
529
00:46:54,279 --> 00:46:55,511
What happened?
530
00:46:55,513 --> 00:46:57,180
- Oh, an accident at work.
531
00:46:58,049 --> 00:47:01,918
- Elder Smith,
I thought that was you.
532
00:47:03,221 --> 00:47:04,487
How are you?
533
00:47:11,796 --> 00:47:13,529
- RJ, are you okay, son?
534
00:47:13,531 --> 00:47:15,131
- I'm sorry.
535
00:47:15,533 --> 00:47:16,899
- RJ?
536
00:47:19,938 --> 00:47:21,704
- Excuse me.
537
00:47:30,215 --> 00:47:32,582
Easy, hey, easy.
538
00:47:34,686 --> 00:47:36,185
- I'm so sorry.
539
00:47:36,187 --> 00:47:37,187
- It's okay.
540
00:47:37,789 --> 00:47:39,522
- That was so weird.
- Yeah.
541
00:47:40,959 --> 00:47:43,893
- Our mission president...
542
00:47:43,895 --> 00:47:47,263
and the look that your father
gave me, he hates me.
543
00:47:47,265 --> 00:47:50,266
- Okay. Okay.
- He doesn't hate you.
544
00:47:50,268 --> 00:47:52,134
- I just wanted to
be here for you.
545
00:47:52,136 --> 00:47:55,972
- You are, you're here.
546
00:47:55,974 --> 00:47:58,007
Rest.
547
00:47:59,644 --> 00:48:01,978
Easy, easy, easy.
548
00:48:03,548 --> 00:48:07,283
There we go, there
we go, there we go.
549
00:48:13,524 --> 00:48:15,124
- They're gonna be alright.
550
00:48:15,126 --> 00:48:17,693
- Yeah, why don't you
and RJ stick around,
551
00:48:17,695 --> 00:48:19,795
and we'll get some dinner?
552
00:48:19,797 --> 00:48:23,099
- Oh, Elder Merrill, I couldn't
intrude on your mourning.
553
00:48:23,101 --> 00:48:24,166
- We need to have a talk.
554
00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:26,602
We need to have a
candid conversation,
555
00:48:26,604 --> 00:48:28,337
and I would like you and RJ
556
00:48:28,339 --> 00:48:31,540
to join us for dinner tonight,
alright?
557
00:48:31,542 --> 00:48:32,742
- Absolutely.
558
00:48:32,744 --> 00:48:34,243
- Good, thank you.
559
00:48:58,403 --> 00:49:00,569
- Welcome.
- Thank you.
560
00:49:07,378 --> 00:49:10,179
So, I hear you're
going to law school.
561
00:49:10,181 --> 00:49:11,714
- I'm still applying.
562
00:49:11,716 --> 00:49:13,182
- I bet your mother was proud.
563
00:49:13,184 --> 00:49:14,617
- Yeah, she was.
564
00:49:15,820 --> 00:49:19,822
As far as she was concerned,
I was already practicing law.
565
00:49:19,824 --> 00:49:22,892
- My old mission companion
became an attorney.
566
00:49:22,894 --> 00:49:26,796
I saw him and some of my
other companions recently.
567
00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:32,234
We met up for a night, and
life didn't skip a beat,
568
00:49:32,236 --> 00:49:34,270
let me tell you.
569
00:49:34,272 --> 00:49:37,073
We picked up right
where we left off.
570
00:49:37,075 --> 00:49:40,309
We shared our blessings,
and our tragedies,
571
00:49:40,311 --> 00:49:44,180
love and heartbreak.
572
00:49:46,951 --> 00:49:51,220
Some of them... I had no idea
what they were going through
573
00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:52,822
back then.
574
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:59,195
It's nice to have
people in your life
575
00:49:59,197 --> 00:50:01,097
you can depend on.
576
00:50:03,935 --> 00:50:06,836
- I'm Greg, Chris's brother.
577
00:50:06,838 --> 00:50:09,372
- Thomas Smith, RJ's father.
578
00:50:09,374 --> 00:50:10,773
- It's good to see you again.
579
00:50:10,775 --> 00:50:12,274
- Thank you.
580
00:50:19,684 --> 00:50:22,451
Did you know my mother?
581
00:50:22,453 --> 00:50:25,755
- Okay, Greg, I know that
you don't care much for me,
582
00:50:25,757 --> 00:50:27,456
so maybe we should...
583
00:50:27,458 --> 00:50:31,560
- I would like to sit
here and mourn my mother
584
00:50:31,562 --> 00:50:34,730
without the shadow
of my brother's past
585
00:50:34,732 --> 00:50:37,266
looming over this sacred moment.
586
00:50:40,038 --> 00:50:42,004
- I'm sorry.
- May I have that?
587
00:50:42,006 --> 00:50:44,173
- You're really going to
do this right now, Greg?
588
00:50:44,175 --> 00:50:48,077
- Our father asked me to
be here, and here I am.
589
00:50:50,915 --> 00:50:52,214
Dad.
590
00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:56,986
- Boys, Brother Smith, RJ.
591
00:50:56,988 --> 00:50:58,454
- Elder Merrill.
592
00:50:58,456 --> 00:50:59,955
- Good to see you.
593
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:08,731
- I didn't know what to get, so I
got a variety of foods, pad Thai.
594
00:51:08,733 --> 00:51:10,800
- I hope Thai is
good for everyone.
595
00:51:10,802 --> 00:51:14,537
We didn't have much left
after the reception, so...
596
00:51:14,539 --> 00:51:17,706
Looks good, nice and hot.
597
00:51:17,708 --> 00:51:19,875
Brother Smith, would
you like to pray for us?
598
00:51:19,877 --> 00:51:23,212
- Elder Merrill, I'd
be honored if a member
599
00:51:23,214 --> 00:51:25,381
of the Quorum would
say a blessing.
600
00:51:25,383 --> 00:51:29,185
- Okay, call me Noah, alright?
601
00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:31,253
- Let's pray.
602
00:51:34,325 --> 00:51:37,693
Our Heavenly Father,
thank you for bringing
603
00:51:37,695 --> 00:51:41,530
Tom and RJ safely to us
today and as our families
604
00:51:41,532 --> 00:51:43,966
come together, please help
us guide our conversation,
605
00:51:43,968 --> 00:51:47,870
help us discover what
is best for everyone,
606
00:51:47,872 --> 00:51:50,005
in the name of
Jesus Christ, Amen.
607
00:51:50,007 --> 00:51:51,540
- Amen.
608
00:52:07,258 --> 00:52:09,892
- Brother Smith and RJ,
thank you both
609
00:52:09,894 --> 00:52:14,230
for being here today, it was
very gracious of you to come.
610
00:52:17,401 --> 00:52:22,505
I have to make clear right
now and bear testimony
611
00:52:22,507 --> 00:52:25,374
to each of you that...
612
00:52:27,211 --> 00:52:29,478
sexual relations
613
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:33,349
between two of the
same sex is wrong.
614
00:52:33,351 --> 00:52:37,319
By doing so, our children
become apostates,
615
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:40,990
and should be culled
from the kingdom.
616
00:52:40,992 --> 00:52:44,393
Now the rest of the world may
be taking a different path,
617
00:52:44,395 --> 00:52:48,097
but we remain faithful
to the Gospel.
618
00:52:48,099 --> 00:52:50,966
- You've made some pretty
bold assumptions, Dad.
619
00:52:50,968 --> 00:52:53,602
- I've seen it with
my own eyes, Chris.
620
00:52:53,604 --> 00:52:55,037
I've read his book.
621
00:52:56,307 --> 00:52:57,806
- There's a book?
622
00:52:57,808 --> 00:53:01,243
- It's a detailed account
of their mission together.
623
00:53:01,245 --> 00:53:04,013
And you, how do you feel
about this, having your
624
00:53:04,015 --> 00:53:06,882
adventures out there in
print for everyone to see?
625
00:53:06,884 --> 00:53:08,617
- I wouldn't want them in print.
626
00:53:08,619 --> 00:53:11,554
- Well, no one would read
a book about you, Greg.
627
00:53:12,657 --> 00:53:14,390
- Did you read the whole thing?
628
00:53:14,392 --> 00:53:17,459
- I read as much as I could.
629
00:53:17,461 --> 00:53:19,495
- What about the part when
they helped the veteran
630
00:53:19,497 --> 00:53:24,366
with PTSD make his peace with
heavenly Father and himself.
631
00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:26,035
Did you read that?
632
00:53:27,838 --> 00:53:30,539
- Your son and I fell in love.
633
00:53:32,276 --> 00:53:36,345
We did things that people do
when they love each other.
634
00:53:38,149 --> 00:53:41,016
- Faith isn't a Kinsey scale.
635
00:53:41,018 --> 00:53:42,918
You're either a man of faith,
or you're not.
636
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:47,189
- Elder Merrill, I can assure you, RJ...
- Dad.
637
00:53:47,191 --> 00:53:49,658
Like it or not,
I'm in your life.
638
00:53:52,129 --> 00:53:56,198
A man of God or not, I feel the
loss of this woman tonight,
639
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:58,267
and I feel it through him.
640
00:53:59,670 --> 00:54:04,039
And he's a man that I love
and whose family I love.
641
00:54:10,648 --> 00:54:13,015
- My mother would've loved you.
642
00:54:14,986 --> 00:54:16,285
Just like I do.
643
00:54:28,899 --> 00:54:32,268
- So what's this
going to look like?
644
00:54:32,270 --> 00:54:34,570
- What's what
going to look like?
645
00:54:34,572 --> 00:54:35,938
- This.
646
00:54:36,307 --> 00:54:37,773
- What?
647
00:54:37,775 --> 00:54:40,409
You two, with him in Seattle?
648
00:54:40,411 --> 00:54:42,611
- Well, RJ moved
to Portland, Dad.
649
00:54:42,613 --> 00:54:44,680
- Well, that's the same thing.
650
00:54:44,682 --> 00:54:46,148
Kaylee's in Salt Lake City.
651
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:52,755
- RJ and I aren't
together right now.
652
00:54:53,991 --> 00:54:56,625
- Wait a minute, I thought
that you guys were...
653
00:54:57,862 --> 00:54:58,862
ya know.
654
00:54:59,997 --> 00:55:03,565
- Yeah why not? I just heard
you say that you love him.
655
00:55:17,014 --> 00:55:20,449
Do you mind if I ask
what the problem is?
656
00:55:23,254 --> 00:55:30,025
- The Church... and where
we fit inside of it all.
657
00:55:30,027 --> 00:55:31,360
We don't know.
658
00:55:36,133 --> 00:55:37,533
- I see.
659
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:49,778
Thanks.
660
00:55:49,780 --> 00:55:52,715
RJ, thank you for
being here for Chris.
661
00:55:52,717 --> 00:55:54,483
- Mm-hmm.
662
00:56:06,697 --> 00:56:08,664
- Thank you for coming.
663
00:56:34,325 --> 00:56:38,761
- Son, give me a hand.
- Thanks.
664
00:56:43,601 --> 00:56:49,905
You know, RJ, I get it...
about Chris. I mean.
665
00:56:52,076 --> 00:56:55,411
Your mother and I
want the best for you, and...
666
00:56:57,081 --> 00:56:59,782
I can't think of anyone
better for you than him.
667
00:57:05,356 --> 00:57:10,659
I want you to know...
I'm proud of you, son.
668
00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:14,296
- For what?
669
00:57:14,298 --> 00:57:17,866
- For...
- being a good human being...
670
00:57:21,772 --> 00:57:27,443
and for having the fortitude
to... follow your heart.
671
00:57:31,582 --> 00:57:35,350
I knew someone in
your situation once.
672
00:57:39,323 --> 00:57:43,292
He wasn't nearly as
courageous as you and Chris.
673
00:57:44,895 --> 00:57:47,296
- Yeah, I think I remember
you talking about him.
674
00:57:50,401 --> 00:57:53,035
Do you know what
happened to him?
675
00:57:57,541 --> 00:57:59,041
Is he okay?
676
00:58:06,984 --> 00:58:11,653
- He is... he's fine.
677
00:58:14,258 --> 00:58:16,124
- Well if you ever
want to talk about him,
678
00:58:16,126 --> 00:58:17,593
I'll listen.
679
00:58:20,631 --> 00:58:21,930
- Thank you, son.
680
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:45,120
* Looking at the sun *
681
00:58:45,122 --> 00:58:49,358
* You think there's only
one light in the sky *
682
00:58:50,961 --> 00:58:54,396
* You wouldn't be right *
683
00:58:54,398 --> 00:58:58,100
* Wait until the night comes *
684
00:59:02,473 --> 00:59:06,441
* See a trillion suns
spinning up above *
685
00:59:08,512 --> 00:59:11,346
* That's how it is *
686
00:59:11,348 --> 00:59:15,317
* That's how it is when *
687
00:59:27,631 --> 00:59:29,231
- Have a seat.
688
00:59:31,001 --> 00:59:32,668
- Is Sheris here?
689
00:59:32,670 --> 00:59:33,969
- She's asleep.
690
00:59:35,639 --> 00:59:38,006
- Is everything okay?
691
00:59:38,008 --> 00:59:40,075
- Yeah, we're fine.
692
00:59:40,077 --> 00:59:42,578
Now tell me about Salt Lake.
693
00:59:43,681 --> 00:59:47,316
- Well, it was really
sad and really sweet.
694
00:59:48,752 --> 00:59:53,055
And we said goodbye,
and... now I'm here.
695
00:59:54,458 --> 00:59:57,859
- Well that doesn't
make any sense.
696
00:59:59,196 --> 01:00:03,165
You guys have been at this
what, six, seven years.
697
01:00:03,167 --> 01:00:08,704
I love you, no I don't,
I'm Mormon, no I'm not.
698
01:00:08,706 --> 01:00:12,207
My parents will be mad if
we fuck, we shouldn't fuck.
699
01:00:12,209 --> 01:00:14,843
Fucking is against our religion.
700
01:00:14,845 --> 01:00:16,878
If everyone would just
stop giving a fuck about
701
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,247
who everyone else was
fucking then there wouldn't
702
01:00:19,249 --> 01:00:21,049
be a problem.
703
01:00:21,051 --> 01:00:23,785
I don't care who anyone
fucks except for Sharis.
704
01:00:23,787 --> 01:00:26,288
Why should I care about
who that guy fucks,
705
01:00:26,290 --> 01:00:30,459
or that guy fucks, or that
guy fucks, or that guy fucks,
706
01:00:30,461 --> 01:00:32,628
it's all bullshit.
707
01:00:33,464 --> 01:00:34,796
- Yeah, I agree.
708
01:00:36,467 --> 01:00:40,802
- Good, so then what
are you afraid of?
709
01:00:43,073 --> 01:00:44,740
- Nothing.
710
01:00:54,685 --> 01:00:58,487
- You know there's a
community of people out there
711
01:00:58,489 --> 01:01:03,759
who love you and
want you to be happy
712
01:01:03,761 --> 01:01:08,163
and we want you to find love.
713
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:12,467
- You know, I could do it.
714
01:01:14,538 --> 01:01:21,209
I could-I could compromise if
it meant living a life with him.
715
01:01:22,646 --> 01:01:24,346
- So then why don't you?
716
01:01:25,516 --> 01:01:30,018
- Because you're either gay,
or you're a man of faith...
717
01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:32,821
but apparently
you can't be both.
718
01:01:36,060 --> 01:01:38,093
- Hey.
- Hi.
719
01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:46,268
- You know, you can tell
her to stop talking.
720
01:01:46,270 --> 01:01:47,703
That's what I do.
721
01:01:52,309 --> 01:01:53,975
Waking me up.
722
01:01:55,179 --> 01:01:56,378
Hi.
723
01:02:04,354 --> 01:02:06,655
I heard about Chris's mom.
724
01:02:10,527 --> 01:02:12,127
How are you doing?
725
01:02:13,363 --> 01:02:15,397
- Eh...
726
01:02:16,300 --> 01:02:17,999
- Come here.
727
01:02:29,713 --> 01:02:33,348
- You make me feel like
a baby when you do that.
728
01:02:33,350 --> 01:02:35,217
- Because you are one.
729
01:03:18,695 --> 01:03:21,496
- No, no, no.
- Do one more with me.
730
01:03:21,498 --> 01:03:24,299
- No, I'm good.
- Just one more, come on.
731
01:03:24,301 --> 01:03:27,903
- No, really, I'm good.
- Fine.
732
01:03:30,641 --> 01:03:32,541
- You are falling apart.
733
01:03:32,543 --> 01:03:37,879
- Am I? I think I'm
finally letting loose.
734
01:03:37,881 --> 01:03:39,981
- Well, you've been
letting loose for a while.
735
01:03:39,983 --> 01:03:42,684
- Well, you need to loosen up.
736
01:03:56,934 --> 01:03:58,500
What do we do now?
737
01:04:00,270 --> 01:04:03,638
- Well I pass out because I have
to go be an editor in the morning.
738
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:07,542
- No, no, no, I mean
your body of work.
739
01:04:07,544 --> 01:04:11,446
Those books on the shelf, they're
filled with your feelings
740
01:04:11,448 --> 01:04:12,981
about this man.
741
01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:15,083
He was your muse.
742
01:04:18,155 --> 01:04:20,055
- I'll find a new one.
743
01:04:22,192 --> 01:04:24,292
- I could be your muse.
744
01:04:25,429 --> 01:04:27,128
I make a great muse.
745
01:04:28,699 --> 01:04:30,198
- Yeah, you are.
746
01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:39,641
- What?
747
01:04:40,310 --> 01:04:41,710
- Nothing.
748
01:05:35,098 --> 01:05:40,302
- Okay, okay,
no, okay, okay, okay.
749
01:05:42,406 --> 01:05:43,538
- He's not here.
750
01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:45,373
- It's not about him.
751
01:05:46,476 --> 01:05:48,009
- You're attracted to me right?
752
01:05:48,011 --> 01:05:50,445
- Of course, you're beautiful.
753
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:07,228
Hey come on, please don't be...
754
01:06:07,230 --> 01:06:10,265
Don't let this
be awkward between us.
755
01:06:10,267 --> 01:06:12,200
- Too late.
756
01:06:12,202 --> 01:06:14,836
- Look, I have feelings for you.
757
01:06:15,639 --> 01:06:18,807
And they are
complicated feelings.
758
01:06:18,809 --> 01:06:20,709
We just can't have sex.
759
01:06:21,912 --> 01:06:23,745
It'll mess it up.
760
01:06:23,747 --> 01:06:26,915
- We both know what it's
like to love something
761
01:06:26,917 --> 01:06:30,819
that doesn't love
us back, don't we?
762
01:06:33,757 --> 01:06:38,059
- Ryan... come on.
763
01:06:38,562 --> 01:06:39,661
- What?
764
01:06:39,663 --> 01:06:41,997
- Come here, come on.
765
01:06:44,234 --> 01:06:46,267
Come here.
766
01:07:02,219 --> 01:07:05,253
- Do you still
believe in God, RJ?
767
01:07:07,858 --> 01:07:11,026
Do you think that
He's here right now?
768
01:07:21,505 --> 01:07:24,906
Because I'm starting to
see our Heavenly Father...
769
01:07:24,908 --> 01:07:31,646
like I see the Prophet
or the other leaders, as...
770
01:07:31,648 --> 01:07:33,982
flawed men.
771
01:07:35,652 --> 01:07:38,720
I don't want to
see Him like that.
772
01:07:40,290 --> 01:07:44,292
I want to know that He's
here, and that He loves me.
773
01:07:47,898 --> 01:07:50,398
- Do you feel loved right now?
774
01:07:54,538 --> 01:07:56,471
- In this moment, I do.
775
01:08:00,644 --> 01:08:02,277
- Then maybe He is.
776
01:08:12,189 --> 01:08:14,456
- I have to admit...
777
01:08:14,458 --> 01:08:18,460
I didn't want you and Chris
to work out.
778
01:08:18,462 --> 01:08:19,594
- I know that.
779
01:08:20,764 --> 01:08:23,998
- I just didn't want
to lose what we have.
780
01:08:26,369 --> 01:08:29,471
- I am not what you want,
and I think you know that.
781
01:08:31,908 --> 01:08:35,710
- I looked at you guys,
and I thought to myself,
782
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:42,617
"I want that... I want that.
783
01:08:43,687 --> 01:08:46,087
Or something like that."
784
01:08:46,089 --> 01:08:48,022
- You can have it.
785
01:08:51,161 --> 01:08:53,428
- I want a family some day, RJ.
786
01:08:53,430 --> 01:08:55,630
I want a Temple wedding.
787
01:08:55,632 --> 01:08:58,133
I don't want to be told that
I'm going to be banished
788
01:08:58,135 --> 01:09:00,702
to the outer darkness
for wanting that.
789
01:09:02,239 --> 01:09:05,106
I have been to the dark places,
790
01:09:05,108 --> 01:09:07,842
and I had to pull myself out.
791
01:09:10,914 --> 01:09:12,947
I don't want to go back there.
792
01:09:30,100 --> 01:09:36,371
- You can have all of that,
but not if you're gone.
793
01:09:58,428 --> 01:10:00,161
- What do we do now?
794
01:10:08,538 --> 01:10:11,339
- We call your
mission companion.
795
01:10:11,341 --> 01:10:13,975
- No, no we don't.
- Yeah. Yeah.
796
01:10:15,412 --> 01:10:19,747
- Come on is there a way to
get a hold of Elder Petersen?
797
01:10:21,751 --> 01:10:23,251
- Maybe.
798
01:10:24,821 --> 01:10:26,521
- Then let's call him.
799
01:10:26,523 --> 01:10:30,358
- It's probably not even
his number any more.
800
01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:32,860
Besides he wouldn't
pick up, he's probably
801
01:10:32,862 --> 01:10:35,463
out with his friends
or something.
802
01:10:35,465 --> 01:10:38,199
At BYU, it's like 2 am.
803
01:10:39,336 --> 01:10:43,605
- Okay, well maybe not, but
still he wouldn't pick up.
804
01:10:44,874 --> 01:10:47,075
- Well then it doesn't matter.
805
01:10:47,077 --> 01:10:49,143
- He might be angry with me.
806
01:10:49,145 --> 01:10:50,211
- Why?
807
01:10:53,550 --> 01:10:56,251
- He went home for what we did.
808
01:11:01,558 --> 01:11:02,590
He's ashamed.
809
01:11:06,830 --> 01:11:10,231
- He could fall in
love with another boy,
810
01:11:11,468 --> 01:11:15,837
or worse, he could marry
some unsuspecting girl.
811
01:11:15,839 --> 01:11:18,139
- I've been drinking.
812
01:11:18,141 --> 01:11:20,441
- That'll only help.
813
01:11:20,443 --> 01:11:23,411
- I'll call him some other time.
814
01:11:23,413 --> 01:11:25,747
- No, no, tonight, we're
gonna call him tonight.
815
01:11:25,749 --> 01:11:28,750
- Chris never answered your
calls after your mission.
816
01:11:28,752 --> 01:11:30,918
- Yeah, I didn't try hard enough.
- Well, he didn't let you.
817
01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:33,921
- I could've tried harder.
- Don't fuck this up like I did.
818
01:11:33,923 --> 01:11:35,256
- You didn't.
819
01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:39,694
- Come on let me see your phone.
820
01:11:39,696 --> 01:11:41,496
- It's probably dead.
821
01:11:46,469 --> 01:11:48,236
- You're not going
to do it, come on.
822
01:11:48,238 --> 01:11:50,305
- Just let me sort it out.
823
01:11:52,342 --> 01:11:54,208
- His roommates are
probably out right now
824
01:11:54,210 --> 01:11:55,810
soaking with their girlfriends.
825
01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:57,278
- Gross.
826
01:11:59,783 --> 01:12:04,585
- He's alone in his dorm,
and he wants you to call him.
827
01:12:04,587 --> 01:12:05,953
- No, he doesn't.
828
01:12:09,059 --> 01:12:12,960
- You know when you think
about someone you love,
829
01:12:12,962 --> 01:12:16,831
it's usually because they're
thinking about you, too.
830
01:12:37,420 --> 01:12:39,387
- Hello?
831
01:12:41,691 --> 01:12:43,324
- It's Ryan.
832
01:12:46,062 --> 01:12:48,229
I'm in Portland.
833
01:12:49,199 --> 01:12:51,466
That's cool.
834
01:12:51,468 --> 01:12:53,701
How did you know I'd be up?
835
01:12:53,703 --> 01:12:55,436
- Just luck, I guess.
836
01:12:56,506 --> 01:13:01,008
It's nice to hear from you.
837
01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:04,645
- It's so good to
hear your voice.
838
01:13:04,647 --> 01:13:06,180
It's weird you'd called,
839
01:13:06,182 --> 01:13:08,116
I've been thinking about you.
840
01:13:08,118 --> 01:13:09,450
- You have?
841
01:13:09,452 --> 01:13:13,821
- Yeah,
like all the flipping time.
842
01:13:19,429 --> 01:13:21,062
- Are you alone?
843
01:13:22,532 --> 01:13:25,266
Yeah, are you?
844
01:13:26,336 --> 01:13:28,035
- Yeah, I am.
845
01:13:29,773 --> 01:13:32,039
So, how have you been?
846
01:13:33,743 --> 01:13:36,611
- Good.
847
01:13:40,517 --> 01:13:43,451
I miss you.
848
01:13:44,487 --> 01:13:45,753
- I miss you, too.
849
01:13:46,623 --> 01:13:49,257
- Really?
- Yeah.
850
01:13:52,562 --> 01:13:55,029
- I wish I could see your face.
851
01:13:58,635 --> 01:14:01,169
- Well maybe we could
make that happen.
852
01:14:01,171 --> 01:14:04,172
- Really?
- Yeah.
853
01:14:09,245 --> 01:14:13,114
- I remember how you
used to look at me.
854
01:14:13,116 --> 01:14:16,451
- Like you were the only
person in the world?
855
01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:18,352
- Yeah.
856
01:14:18,354 --> 01:14:20,755
- It's because that's all I saw.
857
01:14:24,194 --> 01:14:26,594
I love you.
858
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:32,834
- I love you, too.
859
01:14:34,771 --> 01:14:37,505
So much.
860
01:14:41,311 --> 01:14:45,980
- I'm coming home,
I think it's time.
861
01:16:20,410 --> 01:16:22,109
- President, may I sit?
862
01:16:22,111 --> 01:16:24,591
- Yes, brother Merrill.
863
01:16:31,554 --> 01:16:34,655
Let me first say that
I am praying for you.
864
01:16:34,657 --> 01:16:37,258
I've been speaking with
our Heavenly Father,
865
01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:38,960
and He loves you.
866
01:16:38,962 --> 01:16:42,863
Debbie was dear to
me and to Francis.
867
01:16:42,865 --> 01:16:45,566
How are Chelsea, and Greg,
Chris and Kaylee?
868
01:16:47,136 --> 01:16:51,205
- Well Chelsea is taking
it pretty hard, as is Greg.
869
01:16:52,308 --> 01:16:55,876
Kaylee, we tell her
that Deedee has gone on
870
01:16:55,878 --> 01:16:59,847
to her eternal family, but
you know, she's a child.
871
01:17:01,184 --> 01:17:03,818
Chris has been a rock.
872
01:17:03,820 --> 01:17:06,420
And he's actually a
big part of the reason
873
01:17:06,422 --> 01:17:08,522
I'm here today.
874
01:17:08,524 --> 01:17:10,291
- Oh?
875
01:17:10,293 --> 01:17:14,629
- He suffered from same-sex
attraction for many years.
876
01:17:14,631 --> 01:17:19,133
I tried, I did everything
I could to help him,
877
01:17:19,135 --> 01:17:21,936
but I've stopped that now.
878
01:17:21,938 --> 01:17:25,072
- It's a very difficult
situation.
879
01:17:25,074 --> 01:17:29,343
- I realized that he
is fine the way he is.
880
01:17:29,345 --> 01:17:32,380
There's no need
for him to change.
881
01:17:33,149 --> 01:17:34,582
- Brother Merrill,
882
01:17:34,584 --> 01:17:38,452
you know that Lucifer will
try every trick to mislead us.
883
01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:42,923
- You continue to
teach me to be open
884
01:17:42,925 --> 01:17:46,694
to the promptings of the
spirit, and I feel my heart
885
01:17:46,696 --> 01:17:49,764
softening towards Chris
and the many faithful
886
01:17:49,766 --> 01:17:51,132
who are like him.
887
01:17:57,073 --> 01:17:59,473
Where's our spirituality?
888
01:17:59,475 --> 01:18:02,810
Where's our response
to the love of God?
889
01:18:04,981 --> 01:18:09,016
This doesn't feel like
love, making people choose...
890
01:18:10,319 --> 01:18:13,921
separating ourselves
from them for eternity.
891
01:18:17,727 --> 01:18:21,762
Have you seen what's
happening in the world?
892
01:18:21,764 --> 01:18:27,234
People are being killed,
beaten, discriminated against
893
01:18:27,236 --> 01:18:32,073
every day, my son among them.
894
01:18:32,075 --> 01:18:33,274
- I understand,
895
01:18:33,276 --> 01:18:37,745
brother Merrill, but I
have heard from the Lord...
896
01:18:37,747 --> 01:18:41,849
is that we have to proceed
as we already have.
897
01:18:42,952 --> 01:18:45,953
- Well, I, too, have talked
to our Heavenly Father.
898
01:18:45,955 --> 01:18:47,503
Oh, have you?
899
01:18:47,515 --> 01:18:52,193
Yes and He told me that
we, the apostles, and...
900
01:18:54,163 --> 01:18:57,431
the Quorum must continue
to discuss this matter.
901
01:19:05,341 --> 01:19:08,743
- Alright, son, you'll
have your meeting.
902
01:19:10,012 --> 01:19:14,281
In the meantime,
Noah, get some rest.
903
01:19:14,283 --> 01:19:15,850
You're going through
much more now
904
01:19:15,852 --> 01:19:17,618
than you may realize.
905
01:19:19,122 --> 01:19:22,790
- Thank you, but I really
need to work right now.
906
01:19:24,193 --> 01:19:25,960
- I understand.
907
01:19:25,962 --> 01:19:27,628
Let us pray.
908
01:19:27,630 --> 01:19:28,963
- Of course.
909
01:19:32,101 --> 01:19:37,238
- Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank you for the friendships
910
01:19:38,674 --> 01:19:45,379
that support us in difficult times...
when we lose family
911
01:19:45,381 --> 01:19:49,250
until we see them
again in eternal life,
912
01:19:49,252 --> 01:19:50,818
it is very hard.
913
01:19:54,323 --> 01:19:56,490
- Okay. Do you remember which
order these go in?
914
01:19:56,492 --> 01:19:57,525
- Yeah.
915
01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:01,095
- Alright, put 'em
in order for me.
916
01:20:09,105 --> 01:20:12,206
Very good, good job.
917
01:20:14,110 --> 01:20:17,244
So can you tell me where
Grandma is, do you remember?
918
01:20:17,246 --> 01:20:20,781
Very good, that's the spirit world.
That's paradise.
919
01:20:20,783 --> 01:20:22,583
That's where she's
waiting for all of us.
920
01:20:22,585 --> 01:20:24,919
- Here?
- Yep, right there.
921
01:20:24,921 --> 01:20:28,022
- Yeah, right there,
and one day, we will all
922
01:20:28,024 --> 01:20:30,858
be together right here.
923
01:20:30,860 --> 01:20:34,361
So it'll be you, and me, and
Mommy's going to be there,
924
01:20:34,363 --> 01:20:38,566
and your Grandma, and we
will all be together forever.
925
01:20:38,568 --> 01:20:40,501
- RJ, too?
926
01:20:43,806 --> 01:20:46,774
- Yeah, of course,
he'll be there.
927
01:20:50,213 --> 01:20:52,613
Of course, he'll be there, baby.
928
01:20:56,185 --> 01:20:57,918
Oh, your Mommy's going to
be here in a few minutes.
929
01:20:57,920 --> 01:20:59,720
Do you want to go
outside and wait for her?
930
01:20:59,722 --> 01:21:01,222
See if we can see her drive up?
931
01:21:01,224 --> 01:21:02,756
- Yeah.
- Okay.
932
01:21:45,301 --> 01:21:47,902
- You promise you're not mad
that I'm not going to BYU?
933
01:21:47,904 --> 01:21:49,336
- I'm not mad.
934
01:21:50,306 --> 01:21:51,972
This makes so more sense.
935
01:21:51,974 --> 01:21:54,675
You won't have to
disrupt Kaylee's life.
936
01:21:55,912 --> 01:21:57,878
This place is beautiful.
937
01:21:57,880 --> 01:21:59,313
- Yeah.
938
01:21:59,315 --> 01:22:01,181
It's the right thing.
939
01:22:06,055 --> 01:22:09,456
I was thinking about our
dinner with the Smiths,
940
01:22:09,458 --> 01:22:12,159
and how much I wished your
mom could have been there
941
01:22:12,161 --> 01:22:14,261
for that.
942
01:22:19,802 --> 01:22:23,137
It had a life marker
feel about it.
943
01:22:27,143 --> 01:22:32,146
It's inspired me to
bring some matters up
944
01:22:32,148 --> 01:22:34,148
before the Quorum.
945
01:22:34,150 --> 01:22:37,484
I'm going to broach the
subject of the new policy
946
01:22:37,486 --> 01:22:40,955
and also same-sex
marriage in the Church.
947
01:22:45,761 --> 01:22:48,095
What do you think about that?
948
01:22:52,068 --> 01:22:56,870
- I don't think I ever told
you this, but... while I was
949
01:22:56,872 --> 01:23:02,476
in therapy... they told
me time and again,
950
01:23:02,478 --> 01:23:05,980
you can choose God or
you can choose love.
951
01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:10,784
Well, to me, they're
one in the same.
952
01:23:10,786 --> 01:23:14,421
My own daughter knows
that, a child knows that.
953
01:23:17,626 --> 01:23:20,561
I'm not going to let
anyone tell me who I can
954
01:23:20,563 --> 01:23:25,199
and can't be with... and I'm
not going to let anyone...
955
01:23:25,201 --> 01:23:28,435
define those choices
for me either.
956
01:23:34,543 --> 01:23:38,946
This meeting with the
President, with the Quorum...
957
01:23:41,550 --> 01:23:45,652
thank you, but I hope you're
not doing it just for me.
958
01:23:48,090 --> 01:23:49,390
I hope you're doing
it because you know
959
01:23:49,392 --> 01:23:51,992
it's the right thing to do.
960
01:23:54,163 --> 01:23:58,265
- As a member of the
Quorum, I'm limited.
961
01:23:58,267 --> 01:24:02,136
I'm one voice in that
room, but I'm going to have
962
01:24:02,138 --> 01:24:04,071
your mom with me.
963
01:24:09,645 --> 01:24:14,481
You know... when I saw
you and RJ together,
964
01:24:14,483 --> 01:24:18,318
when he had his panic attack,
and you ran after him...
965
01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:21,388
reassured him, talked
him through it.
966
01:24:22,758 --> 01:24:26,760
That reminded me so
much of your mom and I,
967
01:24:26,762 --> 01:24:29,096
and how we cared for each other.
968
01:24:29,732 --> 01:24:31,398
That's love.
969
01:24:32,234 --> 01:24:34,268
I saw that with you.
970
01:24:35,805 --> 01:24:40,474
It's like a dream...
971
01:24:40,476 --> 01:24:44,011
this life,
it only lasts so long.
972
01:24:50,820 --> 01:24:52,386
I love you, son.
973
01:24:53,589 --> 01:24:55,522
- I love you, too, Dad.
974
01:24:59,195 --> 01:25:00,828
- God, I miss her.
975
01:25:02,364 --> 01:25:03,764
- Me too.
976
01:25:05,468 --> 01:25:09,736
* His love shall light my way *
977
01:25:09,738 --> 01:25:14,274
* Through darkness
and through doubt *
978
01:25:14,276 --> 01:25:18,212
* Imprisoned by uncertainty *
979
01:25:19,048 --> 01:25:22,850
* His love has brought me out *
980
01:26:54,743 --> 01:26:57,110
- Hey.
- Hi.
981
01:26:57,112 --> 01:26:58,645
- How long have you been here?
982
01:26:58,647 --> 01:27:00,681
- Three and a half hours.
983
01:27:00,683 --> 01:27:02,482
- I'm so sorry.
984
01:27:02,484 --> 01:27:03,550
- It's okay.
985
01:27:05,254 --> 01:27:06,553
- You got into law school.
986
01:27:06,555 --> 01:27:09,289
- I did.
987
01:27:11,994 --> 01:27:16,563
- Congratulations.
- Thank you... Oh, okay.
988
01:28:54,196 --> 01:28:58,365
- Have you had time... to think?
989
01:29:12,948 --> 01:29:15,549
You don't have to
be strong for me.
990
01:29:47,282 --> 01:29:49,750
- I never got to say goodbye.
991
01:29:52,521 --> 01:29:54,821
She was so good.
992
01:32:39,821 --> 01:32:43,056
- Hi, you've reached
the voice-mail box of Christopher Merrill.
993
01:32:43,058 --> 01:32:46,593
- Chris, as a member of
the Quorum of the Twelve,
994
01:32:46,595 --> 01:32:49,563
I have to tell you that
I cannot support you,
995
01:32:49,565 --> 01:32:53,700
but as your father,
you have my blessing.
996
01:32:53,702 --> 01:32:56,536
You don't need it,
but you have it.
997
01:33:09,785 --> 01:33:12,152
- Hey, hey, you have time.
998
01:33:12,154 --> 01:33:13,820
You're not going to
miss your flight.
999
01:33:13,822 --> 01:33:16,122
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
1000
01:33:21,630 --> 01:33:25,532
What's in going to be like
when you start school?
1001
01:33:25,534 --> 01:33:28,101
- Well, you know there's
going to be breaks every now
1002
01:33:28,103 --> 01:33:33,940
and then, and it's
only three years.
1003
01:33:33,942 --> 01:33:37,444
- A lot can happen
in three years.
1004
01:33:37,446 --> 01:33:39,479
- Yeah.
1005
01:33:39,481 --> 01:33:40,747
- I just feel like
you're going to leave,
1006
01:33:40,749 --> 01:33:43,216
and everything's
going to be the same.
1007
01:33:43,218 --> 01:33:44,884
- RJ, I know why
you feel that way.
1008
01:33:44,886 --> 01:33:47,087
- I prayed this morning.
1009
01:33:49,825 --> 01:33:54,327
I prayed for Heavenly
Father to give me strength.
1010
01:33:54,329 --> 01:33:58,164
I prayed for strength
to let us go,
1011
01:33:59,368 --> 01:34:01,735
so that you could attend to
matters in your own life,
1012
01:34:01,737 --> 01:34:03,870
and I could do the same.
1013
01:34:06,708 --> 01:34:09,909
I know that the Church
has betrayed us...
1014
01:34:11,213 --> 01:34:19,185
and it's excluded us, and
it's been... heart breaking...
1015
01:34:19,187 --> 01:34:20,987
but when you're
wrapped up in it,
1016
01:34:20,989 --> 01:34:22,822
I can't live without it.
1017
01:34:31,099 --> 01:34:35,769
- I know it's been really
crazy the last couple
1018
01:34:35,771 --> 01:34:39,506
of weeks, and for my part,
I apologize for that...
1019
01:34:44,746 --> 01:34:46,079
but if it's taught me anything,
1020
01:34:46,081 --> 01:34:49,015
it's that life is way too short.
1021
01:34:50,352 --> 01:34:54,454
For the first time in my
life, I know what I want
1022
01:34:54,456 --> 01:34:55,955
and who I want.
1023
01:34:58,026 --> 01:34:59,426
I want you.
1024
01:35:02,698 --> 01:35:08,068
And Kaylee, and the Church,
I want it all...
1025
01:35:09,204 --> 01:35:11,071
because we deserve it.
1026
01:35:11,807 --> 01:35:13,440
- I want it all, too.
1027
01:35:13,442 --> 01:35:15,809
I want everything.
1028
01:35:15,811 --> 01:35:19,679
It belongs to us as much as
it belongs to anyone else...
1029
01:35:21,283 --> 01:35:25,819
and nobody can tell us
what our options are...
1030
01:35:25,821 --> 01:35:28,121
and I don't want to
fuck around anymore.
1031
01:35:35,197 --> 01:35:40,667
- Well, I had this whole
other thing planned.
1032
01:35:48,944 --> 01:35:52,378
I called your dad recently...
1033
01:35:54,549 --> 01:35:59,719
and the reason I called him was to
ask his permission to marry his son.
1034
01:36:24,746 --> 01:36:26,412
Will you marry me?
1035
01:36:30,318 --> 01:36:34,621
Yes...
1036
01:36:34,623 --> 01:36:36,656
I love you.
1037
01:36:37,759 --> 01:36:39,526
- I love you so much.
1038
01:36:48,036 --> 01:36:50,837
I will never leave you again.
1039
01:37:04,486 --> 01:37:07,120
You need some tissue?
1040
01:37:07,122 --> 01:37:08,621
- No, no I'm okay.
1041
01:37:10,559 --> 01:37:13,059
- I have a plane to catch.
1042
01:37:13,061 --> 01:37:15,562
- You said you would never leave.
- Just this once.
1043
01:37:15,564 --> 01:37:17,397
- Okay.
- Okay.
1044
01:37:25,807 --> 01:37:28,842
- Our dear Heavenly Father,
we're so very grateful
1045
01:37:28,844 --> 01:37:33,479
for this blessed day, to be
here, with these two young men.
1046
01:37:33,481 --> 01:37:36,182
We pray that thy
spirit will be with us,
1047
01:37:36,184 --> 01:37:39,052
and it will bless them
and strengthen them
1048
01:37:39,054 --> 01:37:41,588
as they endure life's
challenges together.
1049
01:37:41,590 --> 01:37:44,157
We pray that all will be
enriched by this experience
1050
01:37:44,159 --> 01:37:45,625
as we leave today,
1051
01:37:45,627 --> 01:37:48,862
and that we will always
remember to treat thy children
1052
01:37:48,864 --> 01:37:53,132
with the utmost of love,
kindness, and patience,
1053
01:37:53,134 --> 01:37:55,735
and we ask these things
humbly in the name of thy Son,
1054
01:37:55,737 --> 01:37:57,637
Jesus Christ, Amen.
1055
01:37:57,639 --> 01:37:59,272
- Amen.
1056
01:38:03,545 --> 01:38:05,245
- And now the rings.
1057
01:38:25,367 --> 01:38:29,002
Brethren, do you take
one another by the hand
1058
01:38:30,472 --> 01:38:34,173
and receive each other to
be your lawful and wedded
1059
01:38:34,175 --> 01:38:37,310
husband for time
and all eternity,
1060
01:38:39,781 --> 01:38:43,049
and this you do in the
presence of God, angels,
1061
01:38:43,051 --> 01:38:49,622
and these witnesses of your
own free will and choice?
1062
01:38:49,624 --> 01:38:51,291
- Yes.
1063
01:38:51,793 --> 01:38:53,159
- Yes.
1064
01:38:54,362 --> 01:38:58,665
- By the power vested in me,
I now pronounce you husbands.
1065
01:39:29,864 --> 01:39:37,603
- My name is RJ Smith, and I
married Chris, the love of my life...
1066
01:39:37,605 --> 01:39:41,374
in December of 2016,
in Portland, Oregon,
1067
01:39:44,179 --> 01:39:46,779
our families were both there,
1068
01:39:46,781 --> 01:39:49,482
including my stepdaughter
Kaylee.
1069
01:39:52,287 --> 01:39:55,088
I soon moved to
Salt Lake with them.
1070
01:39:56,992 --> 01:39:59,092
I got a job as an
adjunct professor
1071
01:39:59,094 --> 01:40:05,798
at the University of Utah,
and I finished my new book.
1072
01:40:08,503 --> 01:40:12,872
I finally found a way to join the
two opposing sides of myself.
1073
01:40:17,512 --> 01:40:23,216
My first day in our home,
we knelt down and prayed.
1074
01:40:26,888 --> 01:40:31,758
Chris said to me softly,
"This is it."
1075
01:40:34,529 --> 01:40:36,295
This is what we have.
1076
01:40:39,467 --> 01:40:42,702
"This is what we've
been fighting for."
1077
01:40:43,905 --> 01:40:49,142
He said it was all worth it...
and he was right.
71516
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