Original subtitles

- [ Rings] - Hello?

Oh, Bob, I can't believe we're finally home.

Four hours to fly from Mexico City to Chicago...

and two hours to drive from the airport to the house.

You forgot the 3 hours it took me to get you from the insurance counter and onto the plane.

I can't help it. I'll always be afraid of flying. I'm just glad we made it.

- So was the Mexican insurance company. - Oh.

- Hi! - Oh, hi, Howard! Oh, I missed you!

- I missed you too. - Thank you for collecting the mail.

Bob, how are ya? Wow, it's great to see you. How was Mexico?

It was just great. We went on all the tours, went to the best restaurants.

- We did everything there was to do in Mexico. - Did you get sick?

- No. - Well, then you did almost everything.

Anything exciting happen here, Howie?

No, everything was pretty dull, except for the fire.

Fire?

Nobody got hurt, but the whole top floor-- whew-- totaled.

Well, look, good seeing you, Bob.

- Good seeing you too, Howard. - Oh, one thing.

When you get on the elevator, don't press the 10th floor. You mightjust keep on going.

Okay, Mrs. Snyder, yes. I'll have Doctor call you. Right. Bye.

- Well, I'm home. - Bob, welcome home!

Welcome back. Now tell me all about your trip.

- Well, where do I-- - [ Phone Ringing]

Doctor's office. Oh, Mr. Walters.

Listen, Dr. Tupperman wondered if you'd mind coming in again.

It seems the laboratory misplaced your, uh, sample.

No, I don't think it would be a very good idea to mail it in.

Well, good luck, Mr. Walters.

Bob, I tell you-- this place has been a madhouse ever since you left.

Now I'm dying to know all about your trip.

- Well, we took a lot of pictures. - I'd love to see 'em.

- Here's one of Emily at the Hanging Gardens. - Oh.

[Ringing]

Doctor's offi ce.

Oh. Hi,Alan.

Oh, nothing much.

Oh, really?

Oh, well, Alan, I'm dying to hear all about it.

But I have to get back to work right now.

- Bye. - Here's one of Emily and I.

Bob! Welcome back!

- ThankyouJerry. - Tell me all about Mexico. It must have been fantastic.

- I was just showing Carol this picture-- - [ Ringing]

I was just showing you this picture of Emily in front of the Hanging Gardens.

Bob, excuse me. This is a business call.

- Is it for me? - No, it's for me, and it's kind of hard to hear.

That's it.

I've had it.

Nothing. it's just one of our psychologists. You know how cranky they can get.

Boy, have I missed talking with you.

- Jerry, Mexico was-- - Before you get into that...

one thing happened while you were gone I wanna tell you.

- What? - I'm engaged.

- Engaged to be married? - Yeah. Isn't that fantastic?

- I thought you were gonna break it off with Gail. - I was going to.

But that doesn't matter because I'm not engaged to Gail.

But thanks for reminding me, 'cause now I really have to break it off with her.

Well, who is it? Do I know her?

I don't think so. I didn't know her myself until nine and a half days ago.

- Tell me about her. - Well, she rents my chair.

- She cleans teeth in it. - Oh.

She's an oral hygienist. Bob, you'rejust gonna love her.

I mean, she's dependable, well-organized-- she's got all her own instruments.

She certainly sounds well-equipped.

Oh, that too!

- Excuse meJerry. - [Whispering] That's her.

You better get back to your office. Your impression compound is hardening.

Hear that, Bob? Isn't that fantastic?

I mean, a lot of girls can say, “Your impression compound is hardening”...

but how many of them look that great while they're saying it.

You two get to know each other. I'll be right back.

- You must be Bob Hartley. - Yes.

And you, uh-- [Clears Throat] you rentjerrys chair.

That's right.

You know,jerry'sjust told me so much about you, Bob.

Well, he hasn't told me enough about you. He never told me your name.

Oh, it's Cynthia. Cynthia Fremont.

And if you ever forget, you can just take a little peek right there.

[Clears Throat] Well, I'm sure I won't forget.

Well, what do you think, you two?

Huh? Aren't you both fantastic?

Excuse me,)erry. Jennifer Winters has to cancel today.

So how about ifshe comes in Wednesday at 4:00?

No, no, that won't work.jerry's going to start taking Wednesday afternoons off.

Well, how about Thursday at 4:OO,jerry?

Mm-mmmjerrys at the free clinic Thursday at 4:00.

WelLJerry, how about Friday at 4:00?

No, Friday at 4:00 Jerry's fitting a headgear.

Why don't you make it Tuesday at 4:00?

WhyJerry, I thought you played handball at the “Y“ Tuesday at 4:00.

Nope. I don't need handball anymore.

Make it Tuesday at 4:00.

Thank you.

Well, it was awfully nice meeting you, Bob.

I have to go now and clean my instruments. Bye-bye.

And she's so clean, Bob.

Before she even works on a patient, she washes her hands all the way up to the elbow.

That's a very important trait in a person-- clean elbows.

- Well, I gotta go, Bob. - Oh,jerry.

- Yeah, Bob? - We have a lot of catching up to do. Why don't we have lunch?

- Gee, I don't know. I better check. - Check?

- Cynthia doesn't like to eat alone. - Have herjoin us.

She might not feel like it. I'll check with her and get back to you later.

Oh,jerry, tomorrow night we're showing slides of Mexico. Can you make it?

Sounds great. I'll check with Cynthia. Can I have the key to the men's room?

- Oh, sure. - Thank you.

I'm surprised he didn't have to check with Cynthia on that.

He usually does.

This is a very primitive village that Emily and I visited.

It's primitive all right. Look how old the Cadillacs are.

Oh, this is a picture I took of Bob by a big waterfall.

Emily, where's Bob?

From where I was standing, I had to decide between Bob and the waterfall.

You made the right choice. You can get Bob anytime.

Oh, there it is. This is the University of Mexico.

- Great shot. - OhJerry, we'vejust got to go to Mexico.

Just look at that beautiful mural.

The whole building's a mosaic.

It's the greatest shot yet-- the color, the focus. How'd you do it?

I bought it at a drugstore.

Good.

Oh, this is a shot of Emily and I in front of the Aztec god of fertility.

Is he single?

Nice shot, Bob. Who took that?

One of those local friendly guys that hangs around.

I showed him how to use the camera.

And this is a shot of the nice policeman that helped me get the camera back.

And that's it. Somebody wanna get the lights?

I'll get 'em. I'll get 'em.

Uh, can somebody turn on alight sol can find the lights?

[Emily] Howard, I'll get it.

At least I got the right wall.

- I'll get us some more dip. - Bob, the slides werejust wonderful.

Thank you. Thank you. And as a reward for your unsolicited compliments...

I'm gonna serve you my very best brandy.

- Oh, great. Jerry, youfirejust got to take some time out...

so we can get to Mexico.

It's really hard to get away with my schedule so busy.

But, sweetheart, you'vejust got to take the time. He never takes time for himself.

He works so hard, he never even takes a vacation.

I can't even remember the last vacation Arthur and I had.

Yes, I can. It was when the kids went to camp, and we stayed home.

Jerry, we really have to be going. You have an 8:00 appointment in the morning.

Bob's getting the brandy. Let's just stay a little longer.

Sweetheart, you know how you need your eight hours.

Whenjerry doesn't get his eight hours, he'sjust an old grump.

That's funny. When I get my eight hours, I'm just an old grump.

Really?

Can't we just stay for one little nightcap?

- All right, but a short one. - [Bob] Well, here it is.

This isn't your average brandy. This is French cognac.

This is the kind that Napoleon used to serve his generals.

Very rare, very expensive, but it's worth it.

I can get that stuff at the Dublin airport.

Duty-free. Two bucks for a whole quart.

Thanks, Howard.

It's okay.

[Exhales Sharply] Great nightcap, Bob.

Cynthia's right. I really need my eight hours.

You see, Emily-- I knowjerry better than he knows himself.

I'll show you where your coats are, Cynthia.

Bob, could I talk to you a second?

- Sure. Howard, do you wanna do the honors? - Sure.

Bob, you better get out the old tuxedo.

I don't have an old tuxedo.

Then you better get out the old rented tuxedo because Cynthia and I set the date.

- Oh. When is it? - Sunday. Isn't that fantastic?

- It's fantastic. It's fantastically fast. - Yeah, isn't it?

Is this your choiceJerry?

What are you suggesting, Bob? Of course it's my choice.

Jerry, sit down.

Sometimes, you know, some beautiful women...

well, they have a way of making youjump without really realizing it.

Bob, I know what you're saying.

And I appreciate your saying it. But do I look like...

the kind of a man who would get involved with a woman who'd make mejump through a hoop?

- [er/y let'; go. - Right, honey.

- Good nightjerry. - Good night.

Good night.

- Good night, Carol. - Good night, Margaret.

- Good night. - Listen, thank you, Emily.

And anytime you want, come over to my place, I'll show you my vacation slides.

I have some breathtaking shots...

of romantic, spectacular Davenport, Iowa.

Out.

Oh, it's nice having people over...

but it's even nicer when they leave.

Hi, Howard.

It's a real break living across the hall. You can stay longer.

Well, I guess that's long enough. Nice party.

- Good night. - Good night.

Well, that was a nice get-together, wasn't it, Bob?

- Yeah. - Bob, what's the matter?

Oh, no, I was just thinking about poorjerry.

- Poor w“? H - UM sag “mm EH'; *-?

- Yeah. - I wonder why I said that.

You know what he told me tonight?

- He's gonna marry Cynthia. - I thought you said they just met.

They did. Ten and a half-- eleven days ago now.

At the rate they're going now, they're gonna have three kids by the end of the week.

What do you, uh-- What do you think of Cynthia?

Well, it's pretty obvious. She's very nice, very pretty and very sure of herself.

- Why? What do you think? - I think she's a back buster.

A what?

- A what? - A back buster.

Somebody who stays on a guy's back until she busts it.

Bob, how can you say a thing like that?

Emily, I've had a lot of experience in this area.

I mean, this is my field.

I mean, it's not healthy for a relationship between a man and a woman...

for the woman to be stronger than the man.

I mean, there are few instances where a man wants a woman as strong-- as strong as he is.

B e And this happens to be one of them.

Can you help me with this?

[Voice Deepens] Sure, sweetheart.

Carol. Carol, would you make reservations for dinner...

at the Fireplace Room, 7:00 tonight for two?

- Sure. - And make sure we get a booth, not a table.

- That's important, so don't forget. - Right.

A booth next to the fireplace.

Any special type logs you'd like burning in the fireplace?

Bob! Oh, Bob. I just wanted to tell you what a great time...

Jerry and I had at your house last night.

Did anyone else feel sick this morning?

Hmm?

Whenjerry came into work this morning, he said he felt a little sick.

And I thought it may have been the clip. It did look a little green.

Well, it was avocado dip.

Yes, I know, but I thought it maybe looked a little too green, you know?

Maybe you should have Emily check it out.

I doubt ifit was the dip. It's the same kind she always buys.

It could have been a bad batch. You never can be too careful about things like that.

Right. I'll call Emily and have her throw out whatever was leftover.

I think that's very wise. Thank you. See you later.

Bob, listen, I overheard the green part of that conversation.

I had that dip last night, and the only thing wrong with it was I couldn't stop eating it.

- It was delicious. - It was, wasn't it?

- Yeah. - And you feel all right this morning?

Except for the fact that I got eight hours' sleep, I feel fine.

- Good morning, Bob. - HLJerry. How do you feel?

- Lousy. - You think it was the dip last night at the party?

What dip? It was the Bulls. They blew a 10-point lead. I'm sick about it.

- Can I see you a minute? -Yeah.

Just sit down there a minute, Bob.

Now, I wanna talk to you about best man at my wedding.

- Oh. - Now, Bob, there'; no zfiscussion.

You're my best friend. I've known you longer than--

well, than anyone else I can think of.

The best man at my wedding is gonna be Bernie Tupperman.

- Who? - Tupperman.

You see, Bob, while you were in Mexico, Tupperman introduced me to Cynthia.

And, well, you know the rest. Anyway...

Cynthia suggested Tupperman because she felt it would be good luck.

You know how women are about weddings.

How-How do you feeLjerry? I mean, how do you feel about Tupperman being best man?

He's not a bad guy.

Certainly is one of your top urologists.

Was this your choiceJerry?

Oh. Oh, Bob.

I know. Your feelings are hurt because I didn't askyou to be best man.

But I've got a job for you that's much more important than best man.

- Jerry, it isn't that. - Oh, Bob, I mean it.

I wouldn't even trust this job to Tupperman.

- What is it? - I'd really be honored, Bob, if you'd do it for me.

- What is it? - Head usher.

Head usher?

Maybe you don't understand how important thejob of head usher is.

I mean, you've gotta make sure that all the guests are greeted properly...

and that nobody's offended...

and that everybody's in a real straight line.

Jerry, I'll be proud and happy to be your head usher, but you don't have to sell me.

- It isn't that big a deal. - It is a big deal, Bob.

I fought like mad to get you that job.

Cynthia wanted her brother.

Emily, you wanna hurry up. The guys are gonna be here any minute.

All right, I'm leaving.

Is it such a crime ifone of them sees me?

Honey, the big attraction of a bachelor stag party is there are no women.

I understand. You guys wanna be free to swear and spit a lot.

- Honey, where are the chips? - In the kitchen next to the dip.

Poker chips.

Oh. They're right in-- I thinktheyre in here.

Yeah, here they are.

You know, this romance thing ofjerry's is going much too fast.

If there's one thing I'm not prepared for tonight, it's to throw a stag party forjerry.

- Then Why'd you volunteer? - I didn't volunteer.

Thejob automatically became mine when the best man had to perform a gallbladder operation.

- Oh. - I think I got everything.

I got the chips, the cards, the ice, the food, the liquor.

- There's only thing left I have to get. - What's that?

- You out of here. - [ Mock Chuckle]

You sure you don't want me to stick around and help?

I could come out of the cake. [Laughing]

I'm leaving!

- [ Phone Ringing] - That'll be Margaret wondering what happened to me.

- I'll tell her where you are. - Okay.

Hello?

Oh, hLJerry. Where are you?

You're not coming here?

Jerry, it's my duty as head usher to inform you...

that this bachelor party is being thrown for you.

Off?

The wedding is off. Jerry, where are you calling from?

A bridge?

You're working on a bridge in your office.

Jerry, you gonna be there for a while?

I was gonna be in the neighborhood in, oh, 27 minutes.

I thought I'd-- I thought I'djust drop by.

All right, good-bye. This whole thing is going too fast.

- Well, what happened? - The Wedding's off.

I don't know why, but I'm gonna find out.

- Uh-oh. - What's the matter?

Emily, in about three minutes, 2O guys are gonna pour in here...

prepared to drink and play poker and open funny gifts.

Oh, I understand. You want me--

Take off your coat and be prepared to spit and swear a lot.

- Jerry, are you all right? - Yeah.

I was just lying here thinking.

- Mind if I join you? - Not at all. Pull up a stool.

Can I get you a drink?

Of course, all I have is mouthwash.

No, I don't think so.

_ 50.. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think that's enough small-talkjerry. What the heck happened?

Bob, Sunday I'm marrying a girl I hardly know.

Now that's not good, is it, Bob?

So I'm not marrying her this Sunday. The Wedding's postponed.

- Till when? - Way, way in the future.

- Jerry, way, way in the future for you could be Tuesday. - No.

No, Bob. I really mean it.

You were right. She's a very strong woman.

She was pushing me into a decision that just wasn't mine.

But no more. I'm not marrying her until I'm ready, and that's it.

What'd she say when you told her?

I don't know. I'm scared to tell her.

Jerry, sooner or later you have to tell her.

I mean, how're you gonna stand up to a woman while you're lying down in a chair?

You're right, Bob. You're absolutely right.

I just gotta be a man and tell her face-to-face.

I'll call her on the phone right now.

- Jerry, I'll leave. - Oh, no! I mean, no.

You just-- You just stay.

What better time than this to have a psychologist in the same room with you?

[Tapping Keypad

Hello, honey? Hi. What are you doing? Oh.

Not good, Bob. She's shortening the wedding dress.

You better tell henjerry, before it gets too short.

Right. Hello, honey?

Uh, why don't you stop shortening your wedding dress?

Now, before you say anything, let mejust explain one thing to you.

The wedding is off. No, no, no, no, no. Now what I mean by that...

is that lately I've been getting these really strong feelings of indecision.

So why don't we just slow this whole thing down?

I mean, really just get to know each other.

And then when I come to the same decision that you've come to, then we'll get married.

So no one will feel like they're being pushed, okay, honey?

That'll be fine with me too, honey. Good. Good-bye.

Oh, I feel better.

See, the classic domineering woman really wants a man to be stronger than she is.

- Yeah. - What'd she say?

She said if we weren't married by Sunday, she never wanted to see me again.

Oh.

Well, the whole thing's off for good now, Bob. She's even canceling the lease on my chair.

- I feel bad for you,jerry. - Well, you should feel good.

'Cause that's the way I'm feeling-- good.

Boy, this was a great experience, Bob. I learned a lot...

like, uh, I never knew the size of my ring finger before.

I'm a nine, Bob.

I'm a six and a half.

That's okay. Look how happily married you are.

So, what are-- what are you gonna do,jerry?

I'm just gonna sit here and slow down.

Boy, Bob-- Do you realize what she made me do to you?

I mean,just between you and me...

being usher is not such a hotjob.

Head usher.

I guess I can tell you now. There was only gonna be the one usher.

Jerry, uh, head usher or best man or friend, I mean, that isn't important.

What's important is that you're happy, and you're doing what you want with your life.

Thanks, Bob. I guess I'll get out of my chair now.

Why don't we go to your party and we'll have some laughs?

Oh, gee, I really don't feel like laughing at funny gifts right now, Bob.

No, neither do I. We'll have a drink.

I'll call Emily and tell her to let the boys go home.

They're probably all sitting around depressed and waiting for you.

Honey. Yeah, the wedding is off. Jerry's fine...

and we're gonna go out and have a drink.

I imagine the guys are kind of depressed, huh?

Honey, can you speak up? I can't hearyou over the loud laughing.

Honey, I don't wanna hear about the funny gifts.

I'll see ya later. Let's have that drinlgjer.

- What did she say, Bob? - She said she's glad you're fine...

and she's working on an inside straight.

Hi, honey.

H I, Bob. How's j erry?

He's fantastic. How'd the party go?

Oh, Bob, I can honestly say this is the best bachelor stag party I've ever been to.

- Uh-huh. - The guys were so sweet.

- They let me play in every hand. - How much did you drop?

Oh, Bob, that's not why they let me play.

- How much? - I only had five dollars in my purse.

What did you do when that was gone?

You know that big jar of pennies you've been saving?

Emily, there must have been 50, 6O dollars in thatjar of pennies.

$72.08.

All gone?

Of course not, Bob.

- How much is left? - The eight cents.

Well, it's a beginning.

[ Mews]