Original subtitles

- [ Rings] - Hello?

[Man On Radio] Good morning. It's 7:30, and a clear day here in Chicago.

This is Helicopter 2. Traffic continues to be snarled along Michigan Avenue--

[off]

- Morning, honey. - Mmm.

Emily, HONEY?

H I, sweetheart.

What-What's the matter?

I'm feeling kind of headachy and queasy, you know?

That's great. Maybe you've got morning sickness.

I think I'm coming down with something.

That's what I mean. Maybe you're coming down with a baby.

Maybe I'm coming down with a cold.

I can never read these things.

Honey, you have a temperature.

- How much? - 98.6.

- That's normal. - Then you have a normal temperature.

[Chuckles] I feel better already.

I'm start-- starting to feel pretty good myself.

[Phone Ringing]

Hello? Hold onjust a minute.

- It's for you. - Me? Hello?

Gorman School, Room 121.

Fine. Okay. Y-Yes. Bye.

- Oh, I'm sorry, honey. - You're not gonna teach today.

I guess a lot of teachers are calling in sick.

What would happen if you called in sick? Would they send a substitute substitute teacher?

Well, Bob, until we have a family of our own...

substitute teaching is a good way for me to keep busy.

If you get any busier, we won't have time for a family.

Bob? What time is your first appointment?

Hour and a half.

How much time do you have?

Oh, the Gorman School is 15 minutes away.

I'll have to eat breakfast, dress. That leaves eight minutes.

- Why are we talking? - [ Doorbell Rings ]

- Bob, the doorbell. - I didn't hear it.

- [ Doorbell Ringing] - I heard it.

All right. I'll be right back.

- Morning, Bob. - Morning, Arthur.

- Here's your paper. - Thank you very much, Arthur.

[Knocking]

Uh, look, Bob, I really didn't come byjust to give you your paper and say good morning.

- Can I talk to you for a minute? - Arthur, I--

Oh, now, Bob, I know it's early, but I have to apologize...

for some of those things I said to you at the meeting here last night.

- Ah, don't-- - Now, look, Bob, actually, I like the way...

this condominium is being run.

- I thinkyou're doing a bang-upjob as chairman. - Well, thank you, Arthur.

But you're not perfect.

Arthur, it's awfully early, and it is getting late.

If we've got money to spend on this building...

for Pete's sake, let's do something more constructive with it.

- Fine, fine. - Like chopping down that tree out there.

Arthur, what's wrong with the tree? It's a nice tree.

Sure it's a nice tree. Up here.

You get the leaves and the birds.

On the first floor, I get the leaves.

And the birds.

Arthur, let's discuss it at the next meeting. Right now, I--

Okay, okay, Bobby, andjust to show you there's no hard feelings...

I want to invite you and the missus down for dinner tonight.

- Tonight-- - Bob, my brother and his wife will be there.

- Wejust can't-- - In fact, all the people on the first floor will be there.

It's our first first-floor party.

- Maybe some other time we-- - Bob, I'm gonna stand right here until you say yes.

- Yes. - Good.

Oh, dress casually, Bob. Oh, one more thing.

Don't eat any beefteriyaki for lunch, huh? 'Cause that's what we're having for dinner.

I'll try to stay away from that.

- Bob? - I'm coming, honey.

- What do you want for breakfast? - [Whimpers]

I know, sweetheart, but I had to get ready for school.

Is there anything you feel like for breakfast?

Beef teriya ki.

Yeah?Yeah?

Ah! Well, listen. Sounds like you got a winner.

How tall is he?

Mm-hmm.And how tall without his hat?

[Clears Throat] Carol, do I have any messages?

Oh,yes. Listen, Alice, I got to get back to work.

Oh, sure. Let's go to a movie.

Well, you pick me up here at 6:00.

All right, then. I could stop by your place at 7:00.

Or we could meet at the movie at 8:00.

- Carol-- - Yeah. Uh, I'll call you about 5:00.

Okay, you call me at 3:00 or 4:00.

I'll be here except lunch. That's 1:00 and 2:00. Bye.

“Yég? _ M -

- Now, your all-night message service called. - What'd they say?

“No messages.“

Why don't you just keep that, so the next time I don't get any messages...

you won't have to write it down.

Hey, Bob. Guess what?

I just got a cancellation. Isn't that fantastic?

You know, you're the only one I know who gets excited about a cancellation.

Why shouldn't I be? Now I have a whole hour where I don't have to work on kids' teeth.

- I can do whatever I want. - So what are you gonna do?

Need your teeth cleaned?

- I'm not in any mood to have my teeth cleaned. - Hey, Bob.

- Besides not wanting your teeth cleaned, what's bothering you? - Nothing.

Bob, I know when you're bothered. Now, what's bothering you, Bob?

- Nothing's bothering me. Everything is fine.just fine. - You really mean that?

- Sure. - Okay.

- Besides, I don't want to talk about it. - Aha!

Bob, we're friends.

You're holding something in. I've got a free hour to waste.

Let's not waste it.

Jerry, it isn't that important. I mean, I've got phone calls to make.

You've got phone calls to make. I want to have a baby.

Sure you wouldn't rather have your teeth cleaned?

That's why you're not a psychologist.

Well, I don't know what to say to such a heavy statement like that.

It's not that heavy. I mean, Emily and I have been married for three years.

I'm a psychologist. She's a teacher.

We'd be perfect parents.

Yeah. Now ifyoujust had a kid.

We'd be more perfect.

- Why don't you do what my parents did? - What? Have you?

No.

As a matter of fact, they didn't have me. They adopted me.

- You're adoptedJerry? - Yeah. Isn't that fantastic?

Well, how come you never told me you were adopted?

Well, I don't know. It's kind of a hard thing to work in to your average conversation.

- Adopted. - Yeah.

You couldn't tell, could you?

No.

So listen. Why don't you and Emily adopt one, like me?

Somehow we pictured a younger babyJerry.

Get a younger me. Look how good I turned out.

I turned out okay, didn't I, Bob?

Well, you turned out greatjerry.

Emily and I thought we might try for one of our own.

- Oh. - I mean, no offense.

Oh, I hear some of them turn out pretty good too.

Did your parents tell you right away or did they wait or what?

Oh, no, no. They didn't tell me right out.

But I kind of suspected. They were always saying subtle things like...

“We love you more because we picked you.“

- Welcome, welcome. - Hi! Oh, I love your apron.

Bob and Emily Hartley from the fourth floor.

This is my brotherjack, his wife, Myrna. They just moved in next door.

- Oh, you know Margaret, of course. - Sure.

- That's Scottie and Eric. - Hi, fellas. I love your pajamas.

[Both Giggling]

Okay. Kiss everybody good night and let's go to bed now. Hurry up.

So, what are you drinking these days, Bob?

- Uh, scotch and soda. - Okay. Emily?

- I don't know. What do you have? - I have everything.

- Well, then, I'd like a glass of wine. - I don't have any.

Ooh! Now I do!

Oh. I hope you don't mind domestic wine.

- [ Kisses] - Oh, uh, good night.

- Can't we stay up forjust one more hour? - Absolutely not.

- Oh, they never give up trying, do they? - I guess not, no.

- We've got five, and they never give up trying. - How many do you have?

- None. - Yet.

What are you? Newlyweds?

Well, kind of. We've only been married three years.

Three years? We had our first kid eight months after we were married.

Hey, come on. Let's change the subject, okay?

Come on. Bob doesn't want to hear about kids.

Oh, I don't mind. I love to hear about kids.

Well, I mind. That's all I've heard about since I got home.

- Well, I finally got the kids to bed. - And I'm still hearing about it.

You know, some friends of ours were in the same situation you're in.

Um, we're not in any sort of situation.

Oh, come on, Myrna. We're embarrassing them. Let's change the subject.

Ooh! He kicked.

Yeah? Well, let me feel.

Chuckling} Hey. Hey, this kid can really kick.

Bob, you want to feel Margaret's stomach?

No.

Come on, Bob. Come on. It's all right.

Come on over and feel Margaret's stomach. Come on!

Listen, Margaret, tell him it's all right for him to feel your stomach.

It's all right to feel my stomach. Everybody does.

Oh, that's-- That's fine. That'sjust--

Oh, Bob, that was-- Come on. Now, really sit down and feel him kick.

- Was-- Was that-- - [ Chuckling]

That's wild.

- Is that another? - Mm-hmm.

- Oh, honey, this is wonderful. - [ Doorbell Rings ]

- Hey, everybody! - [Arthur] Hey Mikel

Does everybody know Mike Mitchell from across the hall?

- Where's Nancy? - Putting the kids to bed.

- Hi, Bob! - Hey, Mike.

I didn't know the chairman of the building association was gonna be here.

Is there any way we can get plastic trash cans instead of those noisy metal ones?

Mike, I'm not here as chairman of the building association.

I'm just here to have a good time.

Uh, Bob. Uh, speaking of having a good time, you about done there?

- Sit down, Mike. - Thank you very much.

What do you want, Margaret-- a boy or a girl?

- Well, of course I want a girl-- - Oh, come on, now. Let's change the subject.

No more talk about kids.

Um, before you change the subject...

there is just one more thing I'd like to say about kids.

I think we're gonna have one.

Arthur} Terrific! Great!

We are? When?

- Tomorrow morning. - Tomorrow morning?

As soon as the adoption agency opens.

Oh, that's great. Come on, Let's have some domestic champagne.

[All Chattering]

* Emily? _ Hmm?

- Why did you say that? - What?

Oh. You mean what I said downstairs about adopting the baby?

That's right.

Well, everybody was talking about kids, and...

I saw the expression on your face when you had your hand on Margaret's stomach...

and I just-- I felt so left out I just had to say something.

Emily, there are a lot of good reasons for adopting a child...

but having to say something at a party is not one of them.

Well, why not? I mean, you've been thinking about it, haven't you?

- Well-- - Well, come on, now. You've been thinking about it.

- I've been thinking about it. - Well, see?

I've been thinking that one day you and I might sit down and discuss it.

You know, just the two of us. Alone.

Not at a party.

Oh, Bob.

I have to apologize for bringing it up at the party.

- That was kind of dumb of me, wasn't it? - Emily?

- Hmm? - You're right.

Well, I know.

I know.

But... we're alone now...

just the two of us.

And we could... talk about it.

I mean, Bob, we know we're gonna have a family eventually.

All I'm saying is, why wait? We could have our first baby right away.

You know, honey...

I remember when I was a kid, there used to be this hobby store.

They used to have these model planes, you know, hanging from the ceiling...

and they were, like, P-38s and Corsairs and Spitfires.

They were really neat.

But you could never get the finished planes hanging from the ceiling.

You had to buy a kit...

and build it from scratch.

I guess I'm just accustomed to thinking that way.

Bob, I don't see the comparison. We're gonna love whatever baby we have.

Emily, you-- you really want to adopt now...

rather than--

than... build it from the kit?

Why not? You just said the finished ones are really neat.

They were.

Besides, I-- I just remembered something about building them from the kit.

My-- My brother always had to help me.

Dr. Hartley, I got to thank you for pointing that out to me.

Well, that's what we're here for, Mr. Carlin.

Uh, Carol, you want to fill out an appointment card for Mr. Carlin? 10:30 Thursday.

It's so easy to believe other people are incompetent when it's just me being overly critical.

Here we go, Mr. Carlin.

Oh, thanks, Carol. You know, before this session...

if somebody handed me a messy card like this, I probably would have...

gotten all upset and said something like, uh...

“She shouldn't be holding a responsible position like this“...

but, uh, I know how to deal with it now.

Good.

Have you ever seen such sloppy work in your life?

I thinkyodrejust being overcritical again, Mr. Carlin.

Carol, I can't make this out either.

Oh, neither can I. What was the day and time again?

Uh, it's 10:30 Thursday. I'll have my secretary remind me.

Bob, I typed it for him last week, and he hollered at me.

Now, he said it wasn't centered.

I cannot be all things to all people.

- Hi, Bob. - HLJerry. Uh,you got a minute?

Uh, sure. In fact, I've got, uh, two minutes and 43 seconds.

Two minutes and 43 seconds?

Yeah. I got some X-rays in the soup. I gotta take 'em out before they turn black.

- What's up? - Remember the other day you were talking about being adopted?

Yeah, wasn't that fantastic?

Well, Emilyjust called, and, uh, someone from the adoption agency...

is coming by the apartment, and they're gonna interview us.

That is fantastic.

I just wonder, uh, what's an adoption interview like?

Bob, I was only three weeks old.

No, I meant, do you know anyone who went through it?

- You know, what kind of questions do they ask? - What are you worried about?

I don't know. I might-- might not qualify.

Areyou kidding? Well, you'll make a great dad.

Look at all the fun we have at the ball games together.

I'm really-- You know, I'm confused about the whole adoption thing.

I mean, I don't know ifl'm ready for a baby right now.

And then again, maybe I am. What do you think?

Bob, I want to tell you something as a friend.

You know a lot about yourself, but I know a lot about you too.

- Bob-- Oops. Gotta go. - [ Buzzer Buzzes ]

Bob? It's 8:00.

[Bob] What time does that woman from the adoption agency get here?

- 8:00. - Al/right. I'm almost dressed.

Honey, you have been getting dressed for almost an hour.

Bob, you're not gonna wear that, are you?

Yes, I am, underneath whatever I wear over it.

I can't seem to decide.

I've gone through everything in my closet, and I don't want to get too dressed up...

but I don't want to be too informal.

I want tojust make the right impression.

Why don't you wear that sport shirt my mother gave you for your birthday?

- I hate that shirt! - You never told me that before.

You never asked me to wear it before.

- I would love a scotch and soda. - I'll get you one.

Honey, I don't want that woman from the agency thinking I drink.

- But, Bob, you do. - But not as much as she's gonna think I drink...

ifshe comes in here and sees me holding a scotch and soda.

You know, it's really funny.

I mean, I know it's only an interview...

and I know we have all the qualifications...

and we're gonna make a terrific first impression, but...

I still can't help feeling nervous, and I don't know why.

See, that's the advantage to having a Ph.D in psychology.

I mean, Fm nervous, but I know why.

- Why? - 'Cause you're nervous.

And I have tremendous respect for your instincts.

- How do I look? - Perfect.

- [ Doorbell Rings ] - Still don't like this shirt.

Hello. Uh, Vmjoan Radford from the adoption agency.

- Oh, won't you come in? - Thank you.

This isjoan Radford from the adoption agency.

This is my wife, Emily.

- Hello. - Hello. How do you do?

- Then you must be Mr. Hartley. - [Titters]

I guess I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Bob Hartley.

Oh,joan Radford from the adoption agency.

And this is my wife, Emily.

U h, yes. We've already met.

- Would you like to sit down? - Oh, thank you.

- This is a lovely apartment. - Oh, thank you.

It isn't nearly as lovely as it usually is.

The cleaning woman comes in tomorrow, and then it's--

then it's as lovely as it usually is.

[Clears Throat] It's a lot lovelier then.

Yeah. Listen, uh, before we begin...

I'd like to say something that I hope will put you both at ease.

- I hope you can. - Yes, well...

I'm really here for only one reason, and that's to get to know you.

And I realize there's always that tendency to try to make false impressions and overdo it...

so why don't the two of you just relax and be yourselves, okay?

-[Sighs] - I'm glad you said that.

I would imagine in,you know, a situation like this...

that, uh, people would tend to overreact and, uh...

that would create a false impression, you know, and--

Uh, I-l think I'll get us some coffee.

Uh, Bob, can I get you a scotch and soda?

I don't drink.

Excuse me.

Uh, Mr. Hartley, while we're waiting, why don't you show me the rest of the apartment?

Oh, great. Great, I'll give you the-- the grand tour.

- Okay. _ Uh"

Well, as long as we're in this room, uh...

this, as you may have guessed, is the living room.

Yes. It's lovely.

And, uh...

- over here is the-- is the kitchen. - Mm-hmm.

- Hi, honey. - Hi, dear.

And over here is the bedroom, and through there is the bath.

Well, where is the baby's room?

We don't have a baby.

Mr. Hartley, when you do have a baby, where will it sleep?

Oh, probably in my den.

- But then it wouldn't be my den. It'd be the baby's... den. - Yes, uh--

- May I see it? - Yes.

Oh, I s-- I see what you mean.

Uh, right now, there's a lot of mahogany...

but we plan to hang a lot of pictures of... ducks and--

Oh, my goodness. What a lot of books you have.

Yes, I've-- I've read them all.

Well, why don't you just, uh, browse in the baby's den...

and I think I'll help my wife with the coffee.

- Okay. - Looks like it might be kind of heavy.

I think she likes me.

Bob, don't you think you're overdoing it just a little?

Maybe I am, but the minute that woman walked through that door...

I realized how much I wanted this baby...

and I'm just using all the psychology I know to get it.

Well, she knows psychology too, and she can tell when you're overdoing it.

Bob, we're good the way we are.

I don't know.

It doesn't hurt to be a little better than we are.

Oh, Bob, you can't be better than you are. You're the best.

Honey, I thinkyou're a terrific person and a terrific wife.

And I think you're gonna be a marvelous mother.

Mr. Hartley, uh, don't you think you're overdoing it?

During your average week, how often would you say that you had dinner out?

- Oh, hardly ever at all. - Uh-huh.

That's because Emily's such a good cook.

- And that's true. I'm not overdoing it. - I believe you.

- Thank you. - Now, do either one of you smoke?

No. We think it's a filthy and disgusting habit.

I'm sorry to hear that. I left my cigarettes at home, and I'd really like one.

Okay, good. Well, those are all the questions I have for now.

I just want to leave this form for you to fill out.

But I must say in all honesty, the two of you seem perfectly suited to adopt a baby.

- Does that mean we passed? - Well, yes.

There is just one small problem...

and that is we don't have any babies available right now.

- You're kidding. - No, I'm not.

And our requests are so heavy that it--

it looks like it could take anywhere from nine months to a year before we can deliver.

- Nine months? You could have a baby in nine months. - Right.

You don't have any in stock?

No.

The-- The one from the kit...

could be here before the one from the ceiling.

What?

- Nothing. Nothing. - Oh, boy!

Well, honey, nine months isn't that long a time.

We're gonna have to wait nine months anyway.

It's still a long time.

You're right. It is a long time.

But it'll give us time to be better parents.

It'll give us time to, uh-- to adjust...

and to prepare things...

and to... hang ducks in the den.

Bob, don't you think Mrs. Radford will think we're overdoing it?

Let her.

Bob, I'm sorryl ran out on your problem yesterday.

How did it go last night?

Before we start with my problem, how much time do you have?

- {Buzzer Buzzes] - Om'. Gama go.

But I want to hear about your problem. Come on. Tell me on the way to the darkroom.

Well, we're probably gonna have to wait a year to get a baby.

- Oh, that's too bad. - Well, it'll give us time to adjust...

and time to maybe have one of our own.

Time to hang duckies.

[ Mews]