Original subtitles

- [ Rings] - Hello?

Bob? Breakfast is on the table.

Honey, is this one of those new fad diets?

No. I meant the table out on the balcony.

It's such a beautiful morning, I thought we should have breakfast out here.

Oh, great idea, honey.

A beautiful view, a warm spring morning, plenty of sunshine.

- [ L/I/ind Howling] - That's what I love about Chicago.

Don't you think we've had about enough of the patio?

Yeah. Well, at least we don't have to wait for the coffee to cool.

- [Knocking] - Oh.

- Oh. Hi, Howard. - Hi. How are you?

Oh, I'm sorry. Were you, uh, just on your way out to eat?

No, actually, we'rejust on our way in to eat. Would you like some coffee?

- No, I just got a minute. - Oh.

I just came over to askyou if it's, uh-- if it's raining in Paris.

I couldn't tell you right off the top of my head, Howard.

Oh, well, uh, they got the weather of all the big cities in the paper.

Where's your paper?

Should be somewhere over Milwaukee by now.

- Aw, heck. - Are you flying to Paris, Howard?

Yeah, and I didn't wanna bring along the plastic rain cover to my cap unless I have to.

My flight bag is stuffed.

Why don't you put it in your pocket?

What, and ruin the lines of this uniform? I just had it tapered.

How about that? A bulge anywhere would spoil the entire effect.

What effect are you trying for, Howard?

I'm trying for the look of eagles.

Why don't you try some feathers?

Hey, this looks pretty good. Maybe I will have a little something.

I'll have one of these rolls, huh? These eggs belong to anybody?

- They're yours. - Thank you.

- [ Ringing] - Oh.

Hello? Oh, hi, Eleanor.

Just stepping out.

Oh, he's just stepping out.

What? Oh, okay. Hold on a minute.

It's your mother. She says it's important.

Hi, Mom.

I knowl shouldn't talkwith my mouth full.

Yeah, I saw the paper.

I didn't read it. I just saw it.

Mom, I was just stepping out. Pl-Please don't read “Dear Abby“-

I-I know she knows a lot about psychology.

All right. All right. Read it to me.

Well, I-l think “Sizzling in Cincinnati“ is overreacting.

Well, if her husband wants to go to bed with his socks on, who's he hurting?

Oh. What-What does Dear Abby say?

Mom, telling someone “lfyou let sleeping dogs lie, they'll never bite“...

is not my idea of psychology.

L-I know you're only trying to help, Mom.

I'll pass it on.

If anyone comes in my office with socks on.

I was just stepping out, Mom.

Fine. I'll call you later. All right, bye.

Why did you tell your mother you werejust stepping out the door when you weren't?

Honey, you-you know how well organized I am, right?

I figure, 12 minutes to shower. Then I got 2O minutes...

to dry off, to get dressed and shave, right?

Then I have five minutes to finish my breakfast.

If I talked to my mother, I'd have to miss my breakfast.

- Oh, I see. - But what I didn't plan on was explaining all this to you.

And now I've missed my train, and I'm really late.

Look, I'd be glad to drop you off at work on my way to the airport.

- Oh, thank you, Howard. - But I'm not leaving until 1:30 this afternoon.

- Thanks, Howard. - Bob?

I know the morning didn't start off too well...

so why don't we go out to dinner tonight?

- That'll be fun. - No.

Well, why don't we go to the movies?

- No. - Well, why don't we just go to bed early?

Hey, the movies isn't a bad idea.

I'll be home early, honey.

I just feel so helpless, because he's keeping everything to himself.

It's like I wasn't even around.

He hardly ever speaks to me.

Just leaves and never even says where he's going.

And if I even ask what time he'll be home...

hejust shrugs and says, “I don't know.“

Dr. Hartley...

I'm sure he has girlfriends, but he denies it.

Well, of course, Todd's 13 now.

Oh, I know he's growing up...

but I just don't think he loves me.

Well, I'm sure he loves you, and one day he'll be secure enough to tell you.

In the meantime, I'djust hold him a little more loosely.

You know, if you let sleeping dogs lie, they'll never bite.

I didn't mean that.

But-- But that's very good.

I never looked at it that way.

Our dog hates it when I wake him up.

You always know just the right thing to say.

Well, almost always.

Right now, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say, “Our time's up."

You even say that well.

Thank you.

It must really be a gift knowing what you know...

being able to solve all your own problems.

See you next week. Oh, your hanky!

[Shouting, indistinct] I have it--

Bring it back next week, Mrs. Walker.

Carol, order me a case of Kleenex for Mrs. Walker.

- No Mr. Hastings. - Oh, he's late.

Being chronically late is the problem he's seeing me about.

I don't think I'm making too much headway.

Now, Bob, it's none of my business...

but is being late a serious enough problem to see a psychologist about?

Well, Mr. Hastings is a lifeguard.

Yeah, well, you don't wanna be late for one of those.

Hi, Bob. Hi, Carol. Listen, you got any plans for Friday night?

- I'm free. - No, I meant Bob.

Well, actually, I'm busy.

No, I'm-l'm free. WhyJerry?

Two tickets to the Bulls-Lakers game Friday night.

- You wanna go? - Sure.

Hey, Bob, you're not happy enough about these tickets to the Bulls-Lakers game.

Somethings bugging you. I can tell. Now, what's bugging you, Bob?

UhJerry, you're gonna have to face it.

You're an orthodontist, not a psychologist.

You don't think it takes psychology to get a kid to sit in my chair...

while I'm putting all that steel and wire into his mouth?

Well, maybe it does. What kind of psychology do you use?

I tell him if he's not good, I won't give him a balloon.

- Jerry, I had kind of a rough morning. - Well, that's it.

That's what's bugging you, Bob. Come on.

Now,just relax and describe your morning to me.

Oh, it was nothing serious. My mother called, and I missed the train and my breakfast.

You know, the-the whole clay just got off on the wrong foot.

Uh-huh. So, the psychologist is having a little problem with his mother, huh?

No, not at all. She's a wonderful woman...

and she means well, and I love her.

It's just-- Well, I've never been able to communicate with her.

I mean, conversation in our family was listening to my mother talk.

I guess that's why I became a psychologist, you know?

I had all those years of listening practice.

I just wish I could get through to her, you know?

- Well, have you ever tried telling her that? - She'd never listen.

- [Knocking] - Bob, Mr. Hastings is here.

- Oh, tell him in just a minute. - Oh, Bob.

Do you really wanna do that?

I mean, he is so proud about being only 18 minutes late.

He's never been late this early before.

- You'd better send him in. - Oh, bless your heart.

Jerry, I-l appreciate your helping me bring it out in the open.

It was easy, Bob. You're a real good patient. And here's your balloon.

How about me? Not a bad psychologist, eh, Bob?

Uh, fair.

- [Knocking] - Come in.

- Hi. - Hi, Margaret.

I'm just returning Dr. Haim Ginott.

He says sibling rivalry is normal, sol shouldn't be concerned.

Oh? Do your kids fight a lot?

I'll say. They're each determined the other will never reach puberty.

I'm tired of reading serious stuff. I want something light.

How does that look?

- Sexy. - [ Sighs]

Is your husband coming home, or are you having an affair?

Both. I'm having an affair with my husband.

I wish I could have an affairwith my husband.

But a table like this loses something when it's set for four and a high chair.

- Hi, honey. - Oh, hi, darling.

- Oh, hello, Margaret. -just leaving.

I think I'll borrow the marriage manual again.

It's always good for a few laughs.

Honey, uh, I know we're doing something special tonight, and I'm looking forward to it...

but I can't remember what it is.

We're staying home and not doing anything tonight.

That's what it was. When-When do we start?

Right after some dinner and a little wine.

- You did all that for me? - Yes.

You know, honey, you deserve a night out.

You-You and Margaret should go out one night. Like, Friday night.

Oh, Bob, I don't know.

And just so you won't feel guilty about me being home alone...

I'll go along withjerry and keep him company at the Bulls-Laker game.

[Chuckles] Now I know.

By the way, Bob, your mother called.

Again? What-What for?

You were supposed to call her back, and apparently you didn't.

I did it again. You know, I've really been neglecting her.

Aren't you and your mother getting along?

Oh, we're getting along fine. lt'sjust-- I don't know.

I'm not relaxed around her, you know?

I always have the feeling that I didn't measure up.

I mean, if I don't wanna be a cartoonist...

I don't have to be a cartoonist, you know?

A cartoonist?

When I was a kid, I drew this picture of my Aunt Theresa.

And my mother looks at it with this regret. She says...

“You never kept up with your cartooning, did you, Son?“

I mean, as if being a psychologist was a part-timejob or something.

And why do you name a person Robert if you're gonna call him Sonny all his life?

But you don't like to be called Robert.

I know. You see how unreasonable I am?

Bob, you know, when my mother and I have a problem...

we get together and we just scream and yell and holler...

and it always winds up with us saying how much we love each other.

Emily, when-- when I was nine years old...

I had a-- I had a little dog...

and he had brown freckles all over his face.

And I called him Freckles.

And one day, I was playing with him in the room.

And I looked down at his little face. Impulsively, I just said...

“I love you.“

And my mother was walking through the room at that time and she said...

“I love you too, Son.“

I mean, that was the last time I told my motherl loved her...

and I was talking to a dog.

Bob, mothers always know.

No, they don't. That's why some of them wind up going to psychologists.

I mean, I've got to tell her that-that I love her.

Well, why don't you just go and call her on the phone and tell her you love her?

Well, she'd think something was wrong.

L-I got it. My dad's away fishing.

So I'll call Mom and I'll have her come over for dinner...

andjust at the right moment I'll say, “Mom, I love you.“

Oh, Bob, that's nice.

- Yeah, isn't it? - Yeah.

Mom? Yeah, how would you like to come over for dinner Thursday night?

No, no. Don't cancel your bridge game.

Um, how about Wednesday night?

Oh. Well, how-how about Friday night?

Fine. We'll see you here Friday night. Bye.

Friday night, I definitely tell my mother I love her.

Isn't Friday the night you're going to the basketball game?

Yes.

Friday was the night I was going to the basketball game withjerry.

Now I gotta return the ticket to him...

and have dinner with my mother sol can tell her I love her.

It's not off to a great start, is it?

- Ready? - In a sec.

Jerry, I'm really glad Bob canceled, and you're gonna take me to the basketball game.

Well, I'm really glad that you changed your plans.

Oh, sure. I can wash my hair tomorrow night.

I Typing]

When you cover your typewriter for the night, doesn't that usually stop it?

Oh, that's Bob. I thought I didn't see him go out.

I wonder what he's doing here.

- Bob? - Hey, Bob, you're gonna miss your train.

No, I'll watch the time. Listen, enjoy the game.

Oh, I'm sure we will. Listen, are fifth row center seats good at a basketball game?

- Yes. - Hey, Bob, what are you doing here so late?

Oh, I got some correspondence. You know how it piles up.

Bob, I can do that for you on Monday.

No, this is personal stuff. Emily and I took a cruise a couple years ago.

We ran into this couple-- Vince and Natalie Thompson, or Thurston--

and as we were getting off the boat, they yelled, “Write!”

We said, “We'll write!“

- We never wrote. - Bob, do it Monday.

Come on,jerry. We'll miss the kickoff.

I'll be right with you. Hey, Bob, while you're at it...

why don't you type your mother a letter telling heryou'll be late for dinner tonight?

You think I'm doing this because I'm afraid to confront my mother.

I wouldn't put it that, uh, truthfully.

You're rightjerry. I was reverting to my old habits.

- Yeah. - I'm glad you pointed it out to me.

Well, am I still only a fair psychologist, Bob?

- You're getting better. - Gee, I'm sorryyou can't come with us to the game.

You know, if the Bulls win this one, they're in the play-offs.

May be the best game of the season.

You're back to fainjerry.

Emily, where's-- where's my plaid shirt?

You know, the one my mother got me for Christmas?

Oh. It's in the rag bag.

Oh, that's right. I washed the car with it, didn't I?

If-lfshe asks about it, don't tell her, all right?

Bob,just relax. What do you have to worry about?

You're right, honey. She'll come. We'll have dinner. We'll talk.

- And then, at the right moment, I'll say, “Mom, I love you.“ - [ Doorbell Buzzes ]

You get it.

I know she's gonna ask about that shirt.

- Hello, Sonny, dear. - Hi, Mom.

Oh, Emily, I hope you didn't go to a lot of fuss.

No, no. We didn't, Eleanor. Let me take your coat.

Oh, thank you. How are you, Sonny?

Let me look at you.

My goodness, I thinkyou've grown.

- No. - Oh!

You know, Sonny, this is such a nice building.

Haven't things been rearranged, Emily?

Gee, I don't think so, Eleanor. Oh, yeah, that couch.

- But we moved that around months ago. - Oh.

Yeah, we used to have to zigzag to get from the bedroom to the kitchen.

Now we-- wejust-- we zig.

My, it's been such a long time since I've been here.

Well, we're gonna rectify that, Mom.

- Would you excuse me for a minute? - Oh, let me help.

Oh, no, no, You just sit down and relax.

I'm sure you and Bob have a lot of things to talk about.

Oh! It's so nice living in an apartment.

It's so carefree. None of the responsibilities of a real home.

You know, Mom, I was-- I was just thinking...

how nice it is, you know, to sit down and talk, you know, alone.

Is there something wrong between you and Emily?

No, not at all.

I mean, with Dad out of town, it's nice to have you over here and just talk, you know?

- I wonder why he does that. - Does-Does what?

He goes all the way to Wisconsin to catch a fish...

when we livejust three blocks from Lake Michigan.

Mom, I was-- I was thinking today that--

Oh! That reminds me.

Who do you think I talked to on the phone today? Your Aunt Theresa.

Well, aren't you going to ask how she is?

How's-How's Aunt Theresa?

Just fine.

Mom, why did you have me ask how Aunt Theresa is when she's fine?

Oh, she wasn't fine last week.

You know, it's her knees. It's the wind.

Yeah, wind-- wind will do that to knees.

Emily, when Sonny was in the third grade...

he drew the most wonderful cartoon of Aunt Theresa.

It was so good, we hung it on the wall...

and everybody would just stop and say, “That's Theresa.”

He really caught her.

You never kept up with it though.

You know, Mom, being a psychologist is not exactly--

Yes,yes, I know, dear. But I think that's getting awfully faddy these days.

I read an article about a psychologist...

who called all his patients into the office...

and they all undressed, and then they sat around and talked about life.

L-I hope you're not mixed up in anything like that.

No, Mom, we-we leave our clothes on all the time.

I'm glad, dear. I'll have to call Aunt Theresa in the morning and tell her.

Oh, say, why-why don't you call her?

She was kind of hurt when you didn't ask her about her knees.

But I told her you were so busy, uh, doing whatever you do.

Mom, I think I'll have a drink.

- If you don't mind. - Of course not. You're a grown-up man, Sonny.

Bob, you're not gonna have a drink, are you? I'm just about to serve the salad.

Honey, I don't want a drink. I just needed some time out.

It's like a boxer between rounds, you know?

Emily, is there anything I can do?

- Oh, no, Eleanor. just-just eat, Mom.

Emily's dished up the salads, and the salt and peppefs right on the table.

- Eleanor. - Oh, my, what a pretty salad.

Those tomatoes. Oh, I just love those little tiny round ones.

Oh. Well, I just bought 'em at the market.

You're lucky to have married such a good shopper.

Mom, uh, do you remember my dog Freckles?

Oh,yes, Freckles. How you loved that dog.

How you pleaded with us if you could keep him...

and we said okay if you'd feed him and clean up after him.

Do you remember that, Sonny?

But you didn't clean up after him.

You remember who did? Your father and I did. Well, usuallyl did.

But, uh, I'm not complaining.

You could've given me a hand.

I think I'll see if Emily needs some help.

Sonny, I'm not complaining about the duck and the turtle either.

Right.

I'm not gonna make it through the roast beef.

You don't sound like you were very responsible when you were a kid.

Emily, one mother at a time, all right?

I'm just trying to cheer you up.

Honey, all I need is the stool, and just splash me with some cold water...

and I'll go back out there in a minute.

- [ Timer D/ngs] - A minute is up already?

That's the roast. It's ready.

Why is it so hard when it should be so easy?

Because it's your mother and not somebody else's.

Well, maybe I should practice on your mother.

And then when I got good with her, I can invite my mother--

- Round two. - [ Doorbell Buzzes ]

- 0/1. - These rounds are getting shorter and shorter.

I'll get it.

- I'll cut the roast. - Be careful.

Don't cut yourself, dear.

- Oh! Hi, Howard. - Hi. I'm back.

Well, here's your mail. And you didn't get any phone calls. Oops!

- And I watered your plant yesterday. - Thank you.

- Let me tell you about Paris. It was really exciting. - Well, uh--

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company. I'll come back a little later.

No, no. That's all right, Howard. Why don't you join us?

We-- We're just starting our salads, but we'll eat slow.

- You haven't eaten yet, have you? - Yes, actually.

Great, great. Then you can join us.

Eleanor, this is Howard Borden, our neighbor from across the hall.

So when I couldn't find it, I just gave up and went back to the hotel.

Well, how could you be in Paris and not find the Eiffel Tower?

Well, I couldrft read the map. It was in French.

I'm gonna warm up the coffee. Honey, would you bring the coffeepot?

- Yeah. - [ Eleanor] I know what you mean.

It's so easy to get lost these days.

I went to Marshall Field's one time--

Bob, you'rejust never gonna have a minute alone with your mother...

unless you ask Howard to leave.

You're right. I'll, um-- I'll pull him aside...

- and I'll politely ask him to leave. - Right.

- Gotta leave, Bob. - So soon?

Eleanor] Me too.

-I guess it is getting late. - Thanks for the dinner.

- That was even better than the one I had earlier this evening. - Anytime.

You be careful navigating across the hall, Howard.

Don't worry, Mrs. Hartley. I left a trail of bread crumbs.

- That's funny. - Lucky guy. Your mother has a marvelous sense of humor.

- Well, good night, everybody. - Good night, Howard.

Good night. Oh, he's very nice.

Would you get my coat, dear?

Where did this night go?

Emily, everything's been perfect.

Eleanor, it was wonderful having you.

- I don't know when I've had such a lovely evening. - Oh.

Well, good night.

Oh, uh, Mom?

Say, uh-- Say hi to Dad.

I will, dear. Good night.

-I didn't do it, did I? - Well, she knows.

She doesn't need the words.

- Honey, I love you. - Mmm.

It's so easy to tell you. The next time she comes here, I will definitely tell her.

I forgot my gloves.

Your father's right. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on.

- Uh, Mom? - Yes?

Um, it was great having you. We'll do it again.

- Soon, I hope. Well, good night again. - Eleanor?

We loved having you.

Don't you, Bob?

Yeah, yeah, Mom. Uh, love.

So dol.

I think between the three of us, I said it.

[Ringing]

Hello? Oh, hi, Mom.

No, no, we're not asleep yet. As a matter of fact, I'm glad you called.

Mom, I love you.

Yeah, hold on. I'll let you talk to Emily. It's your mother.

[ Mews]