Original subtitles

[Yawning]

Oh! Good morning, sweetheart.

- What are you gonna do today? - I've got lots of things to do.

First, I'm gonna see you off to work.

Then I'll probably go out on the patio and work on my tan.

Then I guess I'll take a hot shower and maybe a nap.

By then you should be home.

Honey, maybe we should go out to dinner tonight.

I don't think I'm gonna feel like cooking.

That building a tan can really take it out of you.

Well, Bob, I'm just bored.

I wish there were summer school for third grade...

- sol could at least teach during my vacation. - [ Bell Ding; ]

Emily, working during a vacation from work is not a vacation from work.

You owe it to yourself. Youjust gotta find something to do.

- Like what? - [KnQckAt Door]

- Would you get the door? - Oh, sure.

But that still leaves me with two months of nothing to do.

Hi, Howard.

Hi, Emily. How'd you know it was me?

- You're wearing a uniform, and I recognized your face. - Oh, well...

I just wanted to tell you that I just got back.

I didn't even know you were out of town.

I wasn't. I just got back from a party. Wow!

How come you're wearing your uniform?

It was a costume party.

- Uh, come in, Howard. - Oh, yeah. Come in, Howard.

I love costume parties, but I like to go as myself.

It's pretty hard to pick up a girl when you're dressed as a chicken.

Howard, Emily and I werejust discussing what to do with your time off.

- Thank you, honey. - Thank you very much. Thanks.

You have a lot of time off, right? You're on three days, and then you're off three.

Yeah, they call it “three on and three off.“ Oh, thank you.

- What do you do with your three off? - Oh, I keep myself busy.

I took upjogging last month, but it didn't work out.

Emily wouldn't care for running.

- How about handball? That's good exercise. - That's a man's sport.

Women have hands.

It's too hard. It's too strenuous.

They wanna be equal. Let them do some of the hard stuff.

How about Ping-Pong? No, you need a partner. Does she have any Chinese friends?

Honey, where are you going?

Oh, I just thought while you two were deciding...

the half of me that's awake would gojoin the other half of me that's still asleep.

I think I'll go downtown early and have another breakfast.

For some reason, this didn't stick with me.

- How about riding horseback? - No, I think I'll take the train.

- Hi, Carol. Anything for me? - Oh, yeah, Bob.

- Jerry wants to see you. He says it's extremely urgent. - Mm-hmm.

- Bob, aren't you gonna see him? - You have to interpretjerry.

The last time he told me it was extremely urgent...

he wanted me to have my teeth cleaned.

Bob, it sounded really important.

- It did? Is he free now? - As a matter of fact, he is.

His I 0:00 appointmentjust went into extra innings in a little league game.

Wh-Wheres my 10:00 appointment? My new patient?

He called, said he'd be late.

Bob, I think this one's going to be a dilly.

- Why? Because he's late? - No. Because of the reason he's late.

He's having trouble finding a sitter for his chimp.

Gee, you'd think he could find some teenage chimps glad to pick up the extra money.

Oh, I like that.

- HLJerry. - Hey, Bob. How ya doin'?

- What's extremely urgent? - Bob, do you realize...

it's been six months since you had your teeth cleaned?

- That's what I thought. - Bob, your teeth are your friends.

Youjust take care of them, and they'll never leave you.

I can't do it today. I got a lot of things on my mind.

Well, why don't you just sit down, and we'll talk about it...

and I'll get your teeth at the same time.

That's good. just hop in there.

Put your little feet up. I'm all ears.

Emily and I are having problems.

Oh, really?

- Jerry, do I have to wear this? - Yes.

I feel a little silly talking about my marriage with Tommy Tooth staring up at me.

- Can't you turn it over? - Yes.

Most kids prefer Tammy Tooth to Tommy anyway.

So, what's wrong with Emily?

I don't know. She's so disinterested. She has no drive, no energy.

She's just happy to sit around all clay and--

Okay,just open. Go on.

How are you gonna be able to hear what I say with your hands in my mouth?

Hey, Bob, I've had people talking to me with my hands in their mouths for years.

It's kind of like understanding a foreign language.

- Go ahead. - Well-- [ Continues, indistinct]

- “It happens every summer, you know.“ - [Continues]

- “But this time, it's different.“ - [Continues]

Worse, huh? A little wider, please.

[Continues]

You're afraid that it's something beeper.

- Deeper. - Deeper. Right.

[Continues]

You're afraid that she's getting bored with you, huh? Rinse and spit.

Bob, it's not you.

Most schoolteachers go through this summer-boredom thing.

Last summer, it happened to my Aunt Louise real bad.

But when it was over, it turned out to be the best summer she ever had.

- What'd she do? - She had an affair.

- That's the last thing I wanna hear. - Yeah.

My uncle wasn't too thrilled when he found out either.

I don't know. Maybe I'm not paying any attention to her.

Maybe I should take her out to dinner to a nice place.

- That's fine.just open up. - That's all the time I have right now.

- I'm gonna have to close. - Bob, I'm not finished yet.

I got a new patient coming in. It wouldn't look good if I was late.

Hey, Bob, it wouldn't look good if you were wearing that bib either.

Honey, I'm home.

Emily?

Are you sleeping?

- Oh, hi, Bob! - Hi, honey. Where you been?

I took your advice. Wait till you see what I did.

Oh, Bob, look!

You had your wedding dress shortened.

Bob, I can't believe how I was stagnating.

I almost wasted a whole half a summer doing nothing...

but now I've taken up tennis, and I got all the equipment.

Wait till you see. Look, Bob, a tennis sweater, huh?

And wait. This is the best part. Bob, look.

I got a wristband. Isn't that terrific?

- Huh? - Honey, how about a tennis racket?

Oh, I didn't have time to get one of those.

But I borrowed my pro's, and he's gonna order one for me.

- You have a pro and everything? - Yes. And he's such a sweet man.

You know what? We were talking over coffee...

and he says he has a lot of personal problems.

Isn't that wonderful?

- No, not for him. - What I mean is...

when I told him you were a psychologist...

he said he was looking for one, and I think he's gonna call you.

Honey, you're gonna get out of the kitchen 'cause we're going out to dinner tonight.

Oh, Bob, I was gonna play tennis tonight.

I was just putting this in the oven for you.

I could cancel if you want.

No, don't cancel.

How, uh, late does your pro work?

Oh, I'm not playing with him. I'm playing with Howard.

[Chuckles]

How-- How-- Howard plays tennis?

No. That's what's so terrific. I can start winning right away.

When the bell goes off, honey, your dinner is ready.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Would you like to come and watch us?

No, no. I'll just wait here for the bell to go off.

- Open wider, please. - [ Indistinct]

Uh-huh. I understand you completely, Bob, but I still don't know what your problem is.

A few days ago, you complained because she wasn't doing enough...

and now you're complaining because she's doing too much.

Don't you thinkyou're kind of hard to please? Come on. Open wider.

What do you think I am, a snake?

I can only open my mouth so far.

What are you cleaning, my tonsils?

You know, if you were one of my regular customers...

you would have lost your “I was good at the dentist“ balloon...

for that smart remark.

- Get it open. - Excuse me.

There is the most gorgeous person out there I have ever seen in my entire life.

- Who is she? - He. He.

His name is Stan Connors, Bob, and he says he has an appointment to see you.

That-- That must be Emily's pro.

Oh, I'll bet he is!

What kind of problems could a guy who looks that good have?

- Carol, I've never seen you like this before. - I've never been this way.

But it sure has been worth waiting for.

-I guess I gotta go,jerry. - Okay, Bob.

Next time, we'll get the eyeteeth and the molars, and we'll be done.

By that time, we'll be ready to start on your lowers again.

It's never ending, kind of like painting the Golden Gate Bridge.

- That's him. - Oh.

- Hi, I'm Bob Hartley. - I'm Stan Connors.

And I'm right outside if anybody wants me. For anything.

- S-Sit down. - Thank you. Thank you.

I'm sorry I'm dressed like this, but I'm in-between lessons.

In fact, I just gave Emily one. You have a terrific wife.

I mean, she said some pretty terrific things about you.

- She said some terrific things about you. - 0/1.

She said you had a lot of problems.

I mean, those weren't the terrific things.

Well, I didn't tell her exactly what they were.

I thought I'd save them all up for you.

Well, good. What seems to be your problem, Stan?

Well, Bob, I really feel kind of funny talking about it.

I mean, it's something Fvejust had to live with my whole life.

L'vejust been carrying it around and never learned how to deal with it.

This is the time to deal with it.

Bob, you have no idea...

what it's like to be incredibly good-looking.

L-- I suppose not.

Women just come on with me all the time.

And, Bob, when they do, I just can't turn 'em down.

Guess how many different women I've been acquainted with.

L-- I don't know. H-How many?

F don't know. That's how many.

I stopped counting when I was 19 years old.

That's about the time I started counting.

Well, Bob, it's become a real obsession with me.

I mean, I have this terrible fear...

that when I get to the end of my life, there's gonna be one girl I've missed.

Isn't that silly?

Stan, you know, my wife is taking tennis lessons from you. [ Laughs]

- Well, I, uh-- - No, Bob. No.

Emily is one of the few women that I haven't felt that way about.

- I hope you're not offended. - No, I'm pleased, as a matter of fact.

And, Bob, it hasn't been easy.

I mean, that hair, those eyes, that face.

Bob, your wife is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

L-- I think it's gonna work out real fine, Stan.

Me too. I really feel a lot better.

- How would Thursday at 2:30 be? - Uh, that's fine. Fine.

- Carol, do you wanna make-- - Got it.

Thank you. You really work fast.

Okay, Stan. Uh--

- That'll be Thursday at 2:30. - Right.

- Oh, uh, Stan? - Huh?

Yeah, we'll take the next elevator.

- What? - I-- I know her father.

I understand. I'll take the stairs. It's better exercise anyway.

Absolutely gorgeous.

Thank you.

Bob, I feel so good and relaxed.

Oh, how was work today?

- I had three more teeth done. - Oh.

Oh, and Stan Connors was in today.

- Oh, isn't he nice? - He's a very troubled man, Emily.

Oh, really? Gee, he hides it so well.

When we're together, we're always laughing and having a good time.

Honey, you know how when anything bothers us, we discuss it?

Yeah.

- Well, is there anything bothering you? - No.

Then I guess it's my turn.

Emily, I'm beginning to feel an uncomfortableness with you and Stan.

- Oh, Bob-- - Now, honey, hold it just a minute.

The best way for me to get over this uncomfortableness...

is to ask some simple questions, and you give me some honest answers...

and then the uncomfortableness will just go away.

Okay.

Uh, do you find Stan very attractive?

Oh, yes.

That didn't work out too well.

Do you enjoy being in his company? Do you like to be with him a lot?

Oh, very much.

That didn't work out either.

Doyou like him more than you love me?

Oh, Bob, of course not.

Well, now we know it's somewhere in the middle.

We'll just have to pinpoint it.

Bob, you know, when I was in high school...

and my girlfriends and I started really seriously dating...

they always went for the obvious guys.

You know, the big, tall, good-looking ones.

The football players or the guys on the swimming team...

or the captain of the baseball team.

You know who I went with?

The second trumpet player in the school band.

Bob, what I'm trying to say is...

I just never went for those big, good-looking guys like Stan.

That's why I married you.

That didn't end up as good as it started out.

Right.

Emily, this may come as a shock to you...

but in high school, I was considered great-looking.

You're kidding!

No. I think it was my hair. I had--l had great hair.

I was the first kid in school to ever have a flattop with a ducktail.

Oh.

Well, Bob, I love you for what's under your hair.

Now, how about that feeling of uncomfortableness now?

It's all gone. See, it's so much better when we talk it out.

Mmm.

Oh, Bob, I invited Stan to the party Saturday night.

- Maybe I shouldn't have done that. - Honey, don't be silly.

You just explained that you're not attracted to attractive men.

I mean, that's why you like me.

You know, no matter who says that, it doesn't end up right.

And then that brings us back to the living room, which is the end of our tour.

I've seen this house 12 times. I still just love it.

Oh, thank you, Carol. I've seen it more than that, and I still love it.

Sit down here, love.

You know, I can't get over the feeling that I've met you before.

- Really? - Of course.

Of course you have. Marci's my oldest patient.

He talked me into getting my teeth straightened. Isn't he wonderful?

What she doesn't know is once they're in my chair, they're mine for three years.

I'm so glad I decided to come tonight, even though I don't have a date.

Does the fact that Stan Connors is coming...

have anything to do with the fact that you don't have a date?

Well, that and a call to my boyfriend telling him I was gonna be sick tonight.

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ] - Oh. No, I'll get it.

- Thankyoujerry, would you-- - Sure.

- Hi. - Hello.

It's for you.

- Hi, Howard. - This is my date. This is Cheryl Sherwood.

This is Emily Hartley. This is Bob Hartley.

This isjerry Something-or-other, and I don't know anybody else.

- Uh, Howard, this is Carol Kester. - Hello.

Excuse me. I think I'll just go freshen up my natural look.

Howard, maybe I should've told you it isn't a costume party.

I know that. We're going to the airport right after the party.

I tried to get her to change at my place, but she wouldn't go for it.

It must be fun being a stewardess, huh?

Oh, I'm not a stewardess. I rent cars at the airport.

Oh.

But Cheryl's the best. Last month, she rented more T-birds than any other girl.

- She got a gold key chain for it. - Oh!

- Would you like something to drink? - No, I don't think so.

- I'm flying, and she's renting. Maybe something soft. - [ Doorbell Buzzes ]

Oh, I'll get it, honey.

You must've eaten a lot of candy when you were little.

- Hi, Emily. - Everybody, this is Stan Connors, my pro.

Uh, tennis pro.

Hi, Bob.

- This isjerry Robinson and-- - Marci Wintersall.

- And this is Howard Borden. - How are you?

And “Hi. my name is Cheryl Sherwood.“

Forgive me if I don't remember all your names right away.

You couldn't be expected to. What would you like to drink?

Whatever Cheryl and Marci are having.

That-- That would be cream soda.

Oh. Well, I'll still have what they're having...

just substitute scotch for cream soda.

- Well, hi, Carol. - Oh, you remembered my name.

Carol Kester. Now, who could forget such a pretty name?

- Emily, I love your place. lt'sjust super. - Thank you, Stan.

- Would you like to go on a tour? - Great. I'd love to.

- Well, this is the bookcase. - It sounds fascinating.

- I'll show you where it is. - Yes. Thank you.

- Chip dip? - No.

You know, I never get tired of seeing that den.

I don't get it. Cheryl wasn't at all interested in seeing my apartment...

and it has the same floor plan as this one.

It must be the den. My apartment doesn't have a den in it.

- Where are you flying tonight, Howard? - I don't know.

You are gonna ask someone before you take off, aren't you, Howard?

I know we're starting for New York.

But this is the fog season, and who knows where we'll end up.

Bob, I just love your apartment.

It's just great, really.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah, sure, Stan.

Bob, I find this very hard to do, and I hate to even bring it up at a party...

but, well, I have to quit being your patient.

Somebodys been coming on with me.

Well, why do you have to quit being my patient?

Well, I'd rather not talk about it.

You were never afraid to talk about it before.

It was never Emily before.

- I think that's yours, Stan. - I'm sorry, Bob.

Of course, you realize I don't believe you.

- Wh-What happened? - Nothing.

- What happened if nothing happened? - It's eye contact, Bob.

I know. I can tell. I'm an expert.

- Well, how'; eveg/thing going in here? - [Clears Throat]

Stan, you know, psychologists aren't supposed to discuss cases with anyone...

even theirwives, but since you just quit me--

Emily, Stan says you've been coming on with him.

What? Stan, when did I come on with you?

Well, on the tennis court this morning andjust a few minutes ago in the den.

- And you're doing it again right now. - [ Scoffs]

Stan, I am gonna tell you something, and you better believe this.

I love my husband. I wouldn't endanger our marriage for the world.

I mean, you're a very sweet guy, and you're fun to be with...

and you are a terrific tennis teacher, and that's it.

Now, I am going to take this dip...

and go back to the party.

You know, Bob, maybe she wasn't coming on with me.

Mm-hmm.

Well, she's the first.

What about the time you thought your sister-in-law was coming on with you...

as she was coming down the aisle on her wedding clay?

Well, okay, two.

Or the time you went to the ice show and you swore that Peggy Fleming...

couldn't take her eyes off you?

I see what you're getting at.

You think maybe a lot of it's been myimagination?

Why don't we discuss it in my office Thursday, huh?

Sure. Bob, I don't know how to thank you.

Excuse me.

L-- I just can't stop thinking about how smashing it would be...

to take tennis lessons with you.

I just think it would be so much fun.

You do take beginners, don't you?

[Clears Throat] Bob?

Definitely not your imagination.

[Exhales]

Yes, I do take beginners.

The patient's going up higher. I take my eyes off him for a second.

I go over to the tray and I look up, and there's the patient--

[Jerry Laughs, Continues, indistinct]

Thanks a lot, Bob. I'll see you next week, huh?

All right, Stan.

Excuse me.

You know, it's amazing how most women find him attractive.

Oh, I don't think so.

Women don't go for good-looking guys like that anymore.

How do you explain the fact that seven women were waiting for him to come out of my office?

Hey, they were standing here listening to me tell them a funny story.

How do you explain the fact that they left when he left?

I finished my story. [Chuckles]

I did finish my story, didn't I?

No, I didn't finish.

[ Mews]