Original subtitles

Dick?

Honey,

I just met the most perfect, wonderful woman

at the antiques shop,

and I can't wait for you to meet her.

Well, honey, I'm, you know--

I'm pretty satisfied with you, but let's hear it.

Her name is Irma Brown, she runs the antique shop,

and I think she'd be great for George.

Honey, couldn't you have just come back

with a rocking chair?

[ Sighs ]

Come on, Dick.

I just thought I'd invite Irma over tonight

and let George meet her.

Honey, why do all women

love to get involved in matchmaking?

I think it's a real bad idea.

I mean, you're responsible for the way

the relationship turns out.

And-- and if this thing blows up in George's face, then--

then we've gotta put up with his disappointment.

Yeah, but what if it goes great and they really hit it off?

Then, I've gotta put up with your gloating.

Jo-- Joanna, stay out of it. George is fine.

He's happy with his life the way it is.

Well, I'm ready for another big Saturday night.

See?

I'm gonna re-grout the bathroom in Room Six.

Oh, fix him up.

George, there's a woman I'd like you to meet.

Her name is Irma Brown,

and she runs an antique shop in Tyville.

-Tyville? -JOANNA: Uh--huh.

That's eight miles away.

So?

I don't know, Joanna.

Those long-distance relationships

are just trouble.

Now, George, I think she'd be perfect for you.

-Really? -Mm-hm.

Does she have blue eyes?

No.

Is she tall?

Well, no.

Does she have long hair?

Not really, uh--

Gee, Joanna, what made you think of me?

[ Chuckles ]

George, just let me call her up and invite her over tonight.

Well...

does she like butterscotch pudding?

Just give her a shot, George.

All right, all right. I'll see her.

Great.

I hope I did the right thing, Dick.

I was really looking forward to that re-grouting.

Hi. I'm Jim Ramming. I'm here to check in.

Do you, uh-- do you have a reservation?

Uh, no, but I don't think that should be a problem.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, you're in luck.

We-- we have a cancellation.

I thought there might be.

[ Chuckles ]

Uh,

I'll put you in Room Five.

Now you're sure that's the best room you have?

You, uh, wouldn't be holding back a better one?

Say, the Hamilton Room, hm?

[ Laughs ]

No, it's-- that's the only room available.

Sure it is.

[ Clears throat ]

Look-- look-- look, you--

you-- you don't have to do that here at the Stratford.

Oh, I-- I understand.

I'm terribly sorry. Terribly sorry.

Please, uh, forgive me.

[ Chuckles ]

Let me help you.

Oh, well, thank you.

That's terrific. Great job.

[ Chuckles ]

Ahoy, Popeye, Olive.

Is my Swee'Pea around?

[ Giggles ]

Come on, Michael.

We have just enough time to catch the eight o'clock show.

We're off.

Uh, hold on, Stephanie.

We have a new guest in Room Five,

a Mr. Ramming.

Did you bring him his towels?

Oh, Joanna, couldn't he drip dry just this once?

Stephanie.

Great. Terry-fuzz.

Don't worry, cupcake.

I'll help you tote him his towels.

Let's hurry.

Why bother going to the movies

if your grand entrance is in the dark?

Well? How do I look?

Oh, George, you look nice. Irma's going to be impressed.

And just remember, George,

you know, all blind dates don't work out. So...

if this one doesn't, you know, don't be too upset.

Dick, you could show a little support.

No, I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry, George. Have a terrific time tonight.

[ Clears throat ]

And remember, I-- I didn't have a thing to do with this.

I never know what to wear on these things.

I mean, I only have so many clothes.

And if I put on my best stuff for the first date,

she'll just be disappointed on the second.

-Irma, hi. -Hello.

It's good to see you.

Irma, this is my husband, Dick.

How do you do?

And this is George Utley.

Uh, hi.

Hi.

Normally, I'd never do this, but Joanna was very persistent.

Well, normally, I'd never agree.

Can I get anybody something to drink?

-Your mouth getting dry too? -[ Chuckles ]

Dick, I could use a hand with the drinks.

Hmm. Are you sure?

You've done such a good job so far.

So,

Joanna tells me that you grew up here at the inn

and that you love baseball

and that you're the best handyman around.

Gee, she didn't give me half as much to go on.

Well, there's not that much to tell.

I'm an antique dealer.

Actually, the family's been

in the furniture business for years.

My granddad sold 'em new, I sell 'em used.

I love antiques.

That's good to hear, 'cause sometimes I--

I never know what's creaking, me or my inventory.

Aw. [ Laughs ]

George, have you ever been to an estate auction?

There's one tonight in Tyville.

All the way over--? It sounds like fun.

You know, for a blind date,

you're much more handsome than I expected.

[ Chuckles ]

And for a girl without blue eyes or long hair, you're okay too.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, you're, uh-- you're leaving.

Oh, yes. It's back to Tyville.

Well, I'm sorry this-- this didn't work out.

Oh, no, Dick. I think Irma's great.

We're going to a big estate auction there.

Well, that's-- that's nice too.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, why can't we have more guests--?

Why can't we have more guests like Mr. Ramming?

[ Chuckles ]

I just wish we hadn't run out of towels.

[ Laughing ]

George, I'm so happy you had fun at the auction.

It was fun.

I'm just glad I sat on my hands.

Or who knows what else I would've bought.

Well, at least you got stuck with a famous memento.

The nutcracker

from Franklin Delano Roosevelt's very own kitchen.

Yeah, they told me it was one of his favorites.

They say he kept it jammed under his wheelchair

to keep it from rolling.

Thanks.

This place has the best water in town.

It's the ice.

You know, I'm having a real good time tonight.

Me too, George.

But then, it's hard to miss when you have good company,

good ice.

Oh, uh, let me give you a tip.

Uh, be careful of the � la mode.

The ice cream in here is so hard it squashes the pie.

[ Laughs ]

Thanks, but I think I see what I want already.

Butterscotch pudding.

Wow.

I didn't think this date could get any better.

You know, tomorrow night, farmer Mahoney

is throwing his annual barn dance.

It's a lot of fun.

B.Y.O.B.:

Bring Your Own Bale.

That does sound like fun.

It can get pretty wild.

Last year it started at 9

and ran straight through milking.

So shall we make it a date?

You're on.

So, you're seein' someone else.

I think he means you.

Cal.

Figures.

I come in for puddin',

I find you sippin' water with another guy.

Cal, we agreed not to see each other anymore.

Well, that didn't mean

the minute my back was turned

you had to go take up with a "Dapper Dan".

Please.

I guess goin' out with a tree surgeon

wasn't good enough for ya.

You had to find a pretty boy in a sports jacket.

What do you, anyway?

I'm the handyman at the Stratford Inn.

Oh, a handyman.

Mr. Hotsy Totsy.

Now just hold on a minute there.

Yeah, that figures.

Napkin in the lap and everything.

Well, you listen to me and you listen good,

Mr. Park Avenue,

I see you with my girl Irma again,

I'm gonna tattoo your face.

Suddenly I'm not in the mood for butterscotch pudding.

IRMA: I'm so embarrassed.

Maybe you should take me home

and forget about tomorrow's date.

No. I like you.

And no bully is gonna keep us from seeing each other.

And darn it, we're going to have that pudding!

[ Knocks on window ]

I'll pick you up tomorrow

[ Voice breaks ] at nine.

Good morning, George.

Good morning.

Okay, tell us all about last night with Irma.

Well, we went out to an auction--

Uh-huh.

--and got something to eat afterwards.

I almost got beat up,

we made another date for tonight and then I came home.

George, you almost got beat up?

Gee, Dick, you would have to harp on the one bad thing.

Pass the cream.

George, what happened?

Irma's old boyfriend, Cal, showed up at the diner.

And he threatened you?

Actually, it sounded more like a promise.

He said if I saw Irma again, he'd tattoo my face.

Was Irma serious with this guy?

She said they only went out for a little while.

She finally stopped dating him when he slugged an usher.

JOANNA: He beat somebody up at the movies?

At church.

Hey, there, hi there, ho there!

Hi, Michael.

Ooh, stop-over in Sullen City. What's all the hush fuss?

I fixed George up on a blind date

with somebody who has a very jealous ex-boyfriend.

That's easy, George. Drop her!

I can't do that.

Oh, I get it.

Hooked yourself a looker.

Looks have nothing to do with it.

Get real, Dick.

He's gonna get his head bashed in

by some bozo Bluto over a bow-wow?

George, maybe you can sic this guy on Michael.

Well, I hope I don't have to fight him,

but I'm still going out with Irma tonight.

George, you-- you can't get in a fight over a girl.

This isn't the 5th grade.

I wish it were.

I was taller than everybody else.

George, the-- the-- the point is, that fighting never--

never solved anything.

I mean, it-- it's-- it's pointless and barbaric.

And-- and no way for two mature grown men to--

to-- to deal with a-- a situation.

Yeah, tell that to Cal,

but first cut out some of those big words.

Dick, I don't think we have to worry about George.

He's always got that hammer.

Besides, we've got TV to transmit.

But first a morning dose of fresh squeeze

from my citrus sweet!

-[ Giggles ] -[ Chuckles ]

Ooh!

Ah, thanks for getting that door, pal.

Mr. Ramming, I don't want your money.

You know, I-- I kinda helped with that door thing.

You know, I'd, uh--

I'd really appreciate a nice table this morning.

-You know what I mean? -[ Chuckles ]

Certainly.

We have a very nice table right over here.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

Of course, there's an even nicer table right there.

Ah, yes!

[ Chuckles ]

What would you like this morning?

Pancakes, eggs, or cereal?

Well, I think I'm in the mood for something

a little more New Englandish. Um...

Why don't you see if you have a lobster back there?

Oh, Mr. Ramming,

I really don't think we have any... I'll see what I can do.

Stephanie,

you're taking advantage of Mr. Ramming.

Oh, come on, Joanna. He's begging for it.

Go back there and give him back his money.

[ Sighs ]

[ Heavy sigh ]

Here you go, Mr. Ramming.

You know, the proper way to do this

is just leave it under the plate.

Yes, and thank you for that-- that bit of advice.

-[ Laughs ] -[ Chuckles ]

CAL: So there you are.

You in the shiny overalls.

Uh-oh.

I called Irma this morning to ask her out for tonight.

She told me she was busy.

Well, it didn't take me long to figure out

she was going out with Mr. Fancy Pants here.

So I take a little pride in how I dress.

Now, now, now, George.

From what poor sap did you steal this one?

Joanna and her husband run the inn.

Your boss's wife?

That's it. Come on!

Outside!

-Uh... -Oh, wait a minute.

Just a minute here.

I will not have any fighting here.

All right.

Vickers Park, tonight, nine o'clock sharp.

I'm not going to be there, Cal,

because I have a date at nine, with Irma.

Okay,

eight o'clock.

And you better be there.

[ Sighs ]

George, you're not gonna go through with this?

Joanna, I'm not gonna be intimidated.

Besides, I couldn't back down

in front of the whole breakfast crowd.

Oh, Dick.

George just took off for Vickers Park

to fight Irma's old boyfriend.

What?

He came here and challenged George.

Did George at least take his hammer?

Dick.

All right, Joanna,

I'm gonna go there

and put a diplomatic end to this thing.

Oh, I don't know, Dick.

This Cal is pretty unreasonable.

Joanna, relax. I can handle this.

I've had a lot of people on-- on Vermont Today

with opposing views.

I've done the show for four years.

No one has been hurt and no one has been killed.

Dick, Cal is a little more bloodthirsty

than The League of Women Voters.

Joanna, calm down.

[ Sighs ]

Are you calm?

I-- I guess so.

See how good I am?

Mrs. Loudon, glad I caught you.

My room is nice, but I just saw a little bigger one,

and I was wondering if I could switch.

Mr. Ramming, you don't have to do that.

If the room is available, I will be glad to--

I don't think availability's going to be a problem.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

What room did you have in mind?

The blue one around the corner

with the big, comfortable bed and spacious walk-in closet.

That's my room.

Oh, I understand. So I guess it's...

very inconvenient.

[ Chuckling ] Oh, well.

Mr. Ramming, uh--

I was told the room could be made available.

Well, who told you that? I--

Stephanie!

Oh, come on, Joanna.

Where's your sense of adventure?

You and Dick could pack up a few items

and just take off for Room Six.

Think of it as a vacation.

Absolutely not.

Sorry, Mr. Ramming.

Oh, George, are you okay?

Uh, yeah. I didn't even make it to the park.

Oh, good.

You've come to your senses?

Uh, no. I've gotta get my tire iron.

George!

-I got a flat tire. -Oh.

And I must've forgotten to put the jack back in the truck

after I took off the snow tires.

Serves me right for being in such a rush for spring.

Well, Dick just left to break up the fight.

Didn't he pass you?

No. Darn it.

I guess I'd better jog over there

and give Dick something to break up.

George, take my car.

If you really insist on fighting this guy,

I don't want you to show up winded.

Thanks.

Is that guy really gonna fight somebody?

I'm afraid so.

Twenty bucks to tell me where Vickers Park is.

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Dog barking ]

H-- Hi.

You, uh--

[ Clears throat ] you wouldn't--

you wouldn't be looking for--

for-- for George Utley, would ya?

What's it to you?

I'm-- I'm-- I'm Dick Loudon. Um--

[ Clears throat ]

Um-- George-- George works for me. I'm--

sort of, uh-- sort of, you know, look-- looking for him too.

Ah, you found out about your wife, huh?

Well, you're gonna have to stand in line,

'cause I got first crack at that gigolo.

George, uh-- George isn't a gigolo.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, man, open your eyes.

All right, listen, you do what you want,

but I warned Utley what I'd do to him

if I caught him with my Irma again.

Look, look, why don't-- why don't we, uh--

[ Clears throat, inhales ]

take a deep breath and, um, just kind of,

collect our thoughts and, uh--

and just, uh, you know,

discuss this thing like the, uh-- like the--

the two-- two adults that-- that we are.

Come on, come on, come on.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, I get it.

Pretty boy sends his snotty rich boss

to beg for his hide.

Uh, Cal,

I mean, don't you-- don't you feel silly,

you know,

calling people names?

I mean, it-- you know,

[ Laughing ]

it-- it really makes you seem small.

In-- in-- in the-- in the abstract, of course.

Now I know why Utley isn't here.

He's a dirty lousy coward.

Cal,

you're-- you're not even trying to discuss this thing

like the two grown-up men that we are.

Not only is he the biggest chicken in the world,

but he sends a little pasty-faced

Lord Fauntleroy in his place.

Cal,

you got five seconds

to get your hand off my swing.

Oh, Dick.

How'd it go?

[ Clears throat ]

JOANNA: A black eye, Dick?

You-- you should see the other guy.

Oh.

Yeah, I didn't mean to hit Cal so hard,

but when he hauled off and socked Dick--

Sucker punched.

--well, Joanna, I lost my head.

George, fighting like schoolboys.

You're right.

I almost feel like grounding myself.

But when that guy hit my friend--

Sucker punched!

Anyway, I feel awful. You were right, Dick.

Fighting is a silly way to solve a problem.

It's barbaric, it's pointless, and it's no way

-for two mature men-- -Oh, shut up, George.

Well, I can't remember when I've had a nicer vacation.

[ Chuckles ]

I'd stay another week, but, uh, this place costs a mint.

[ Chuckles ]

Still, I just have to thank you.

And you, uh-- [ Chuckles ]

and, uh, you.

[ Sighs ]

Mist-- Mister Ramming, we, uh-- we appreciate your generosity,

but all these tips aren't going to get you

better treatment here at the Stratford.

[ Clears throat ]

Gee, I always-- always thought the only way

to get better service was to buy it.

You don't have to do that.

Most people would be glad to help.

Gee, I'm really touched.

I-- I don't know what to say, uh--

I-- I gotta give you something!

Don't!

-Uh, Mister? You order a cab? -Yeah.

Well, thanks again. For everything.

-[ Chuckles ] -JOANNA: Buh-bye.

[ Door closing ]

I wonder if any of that sunk in.

TAXI DRIVER: Gee, thanks, mister!

Meow.