All language subtitles for Newhart S06E20.eng

George?

You're in Room 4,
to the left.

Well!

[ Clears throat ]

Honey, I have incredible news.

Dick, guess what that is.

Off the top of my head,
I'm guessing a woman.

Honey, I just got off
the phone with--

Dick, that's our 4998th guest
to check in.

Honey, don't you think
we're pushing

-the occupancy limit a little?
-[ Chuckles ]

Two more check-ins,
and it'll be our 5000th guest

since we bought the Stratford.

-Really?
-Yeah.

5000?

Let's see, there was the
Johnsons, the Lusterkaufs...

Yep, 5000.

Well, this is a big occasion.
We should have a celebration.

That'd be neat!

We could have a big cake.

Yeah, and confetti.

Maybe a little gift.

And confetti!

And a plaque.

-And confet--
-All right, George!

Come on, Dick.

How many times do I get to say
"Confetti!" in this place?

I mean, this is really exciting.

[ Laughs ]

So, Dick, tell us your news.

Oh, I just got off the phone
with my publisher,

and guess who's coming here
to illustrate my new book?

Who?

Corinne Denby.

Oh. That's nice.

Well, you know,
it would've been exciting

if I-- I didn't have to follow
that 5000th guest thing.

Don't worry, Dick.

I'll get enough confetti
for both.

Honey-- honey, you remember
Corinne Denby.

She-- she's the best illustrator
in the business.

I mean, imagine her and me
working-- working together.

It-- It's like a-- a veritable
who's who of-- of-- how to.

Yes, I remember who she is,
Dick.

You always go on and on
about how talented she is.

Like she was God's gift
to captions.

Like some sort of Joan of Art.

And whenever I talk about her,
you always get that face.

Like that one now.

Actually, Dick,
I'm really glad.

You're finally getting
the chance

to work alone in a room

with an incredibly dynamic woman
you find totally fascinating.

Really, I'm happy.

I guess she's going off
to beam in private.

Joanna, I think I got
enough confetti.

George, don't you think
that's a little much?

I mean, you-- you dump that
on someone,

you're liable
to snap their spine.

It was a bargain, Dick.

Five dollars for the whole bag.

Boy, that is cheap.

Yeah, I hope they're
not irregulars.

Oh, wait a minute.

That stuff isn't trained
to go back in the bag, is it?

No.

Well, then, I think
we should go with

the standard confetti rule:

You throw it,
you clean it up.

Hey, now there's just
two more check-ins

before the 5000th guest.

So what's our signal gonna be?

How about, uh, "Hey, everybody,
it's the 5000th guest!"

Might work.

All right. I'm here.

Hi, you-- you must be Corinne.
I'm-- I'm Dick Loudon.

Hi.

My, this is very charming.

It's very quaint.

You do have indoor plumbing?

Yes. And this is my wife,
Joanna.

And-- and our handyman, George.

Nice to meet you, Corinne,
or should I say, 4999.

What?

You just missed being
our 5000th guest

to stay here at the Stratford.

And-- and having
about a ton of confetti

dumped on you.

Well,

always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.

This, uh-- this is-- is great.

I'm a-- I'm a huge,
huge fan of yours.

I-- I love the--
I love The , uh--

The Illustrated History of--
of Car Interiors.

I mean, your drawing
of the '65 Mustang

was-- was so lifelike

that when I-- I finally saw
the real thing,

that-- that third dimension
ruined it for me.

Uh-huh.

The publisher, uh, sent me
some of your Mr. Fixit books.

Yeah. And-- and?

I didn't bother to read 'em yet.

Ah.

Uh, George?

You're gonna be in Room 2,
upstairs to the right.

Thank you.

I-- I guess after that
long trip,

you'll wanna go up
to your room and

"draw" a bath?

[ Laughs ]

You'll have to use that,

in the book after this one.

Here's the proud innkeeper
and innkeepess.

Michael, what are you
doing here?

Dick, this 5000th guest thing
is a major event in this town.

It's not like we're blessed
with random killings

to fill the news every night.

And I'll be covering it
from the first Roman candle

till you've ta-ra'd
your last boom-de-ay.

Michael, there is no band
and no boom-de-ay.

Oh, really, Dick?
How're you gonna celebrate?

Give the guy a noogie?

We have confetti.

Wow.
Down, you goosebumps?

[ Giggles ]

So, uh, wherefore art five-thou?

There's a guy
coming up the walk,

and he's got 5000th guest
written all over him!

JOANNA: Okay, this is it!

Everybody get ready!
Here we go!

Oh!

Please, God of Ratings,
let him be good-looking.

George, if he's not, hide him
in a flurry of confetti.

Right, Michael.

Hey, everybody,
it's the 5000th guest!

-Whee.
-[ Spins ratchet ]

Here-- here-- here you go.

Tell us what you're feeling.

I was wondering how
to get to Red Meadow Lane.

What?

You're not here to check in?

No.

Red Meadow Lane
is two miles down,

past the fire station.

Ah. Thank you.

Give-- give me the gift back.

Why?

Because that's
for our 5000th guest,

which we thought you were.

Well, am I any special number

of people who come by
and ask for directions?

No.

Well, now next time

I'm not gonna have
any enthusiasm.

Oh, that could've been me.

Good, uh--
good morning, Corinne.

-Good morning.
-Oh, so you're Corinne.

Hi. I'm Michael Harris.

Dick says you're
about the greatest thing

to come into his life
in a long, long time.

Oh. Sorry, JoJo.

[ Chuckles ]

I'll-- I'll just be outside

getting some
establishing shots.

Well, I'm, uh-- I'm ready
to get started if-- if you are.

I just want to tell you again
how excited I am

about our-- our collaboration.

Oh, yeah, me too.

My accountant said that this
could be just the thing

to pay off my back taxes.

Well, let me show you the room
where you'll be

paying them off in.

[ Chuckles ]

I-- I had George move your, uh,
drawing board.

[ Scraping noise ]

But you-- you can put it any--
anywhere you want.

What? It's a shelf.

And it's-- and it's--
it's great.

I-- I-- I think I've come up
with, uh, the perfect
title for--

for-- for this book.

Another one?

"Let's Build...

a Media Room."

Let's do better.

You've shot down every title
I-- I pitched.

Well, solely because
I'm shooting

for something a
little different.

Something good.

I don't think your shelf
is so great.

Oh, come on.

You'd feel a lot worse if I said

I liked your stuff,
and I didn't.

Try me.

[ Sighs ]

[ Taps pencil ]

Oh, could you please put--
Uh, the tapping. Please.

What?

Well, you know, it's funny,
but any other time

I really enjoy listening

to an annoying,
relentless noise.

Okay, how-- how 'bout this one?

"Today's Storage Closet...

is Tomorrow's Media Room."

It's okay.

Yeah, it is pretty good,
isn't it?

Oh, great.

Now let's waste some time
gloating.

What-- what--
what are you doing?

I'm signalling my compatriots
in a waiting sub.

Look, this-- this room
is kinda small,

and I think that the smoke
will-- will irritate me.

So?

So don't do it.

But I'll get cranky.

I'm afraid that foursome
has already teed off.

Okay, Steph.

Now, cute.

[ Giggles ]

Cuter.

Cutest.

Oh, that's incredible, Steph!

I know. Even I'm amazed
at my range.

What are you doing?

It's a video vignette
of my muffin in motion.

So future generations will know
there was a time

when people actually
looked this good.

Hey, JoJo, why don't you
get into the shot?

Michael!

For contrast, cuppers!

You know, they say the camera
puts 10 pounds on you.

Cut!

But, Steph!

Well, Michael, you put 10 pounds
on a petite,

and she looks like someone

who should wear one of those
bathing suits with a skirt.

George, where have you been?

Mr. Shepard should be
checking in any minute.

Oh, Stephanie used
a vacuum cleaner

to pick up the confetti.

I've been trying
to pick out the confetti

from the plain garbage.

I think I'll ask Dick if
he could help me with this.

Oh, he's busy, George.

He's in there
with the greatest person

to come into his life
in a long time.

Get out of my office!

Gladly.

And take your filthy cigarettes
with you!

And you can tap your pencil
straight to Hell!

I can't work with that woman!

Has the-- has the she--demon
come down for breakfast yet?

No, and you don't have to
put on that

"I hate her" act anymore.

Honey, this isn't an act.

I despise her.

I mean, she criticizes
everything I write.

She's driving me nuts.

Well, something about Miss Denby
must inspire you,

'cause this is some
of your best work.

Okay. Okay, what--

what we wrote was--
was really good,

but I-- I keep thinking about
all the pretty good things

I could've written

in the-- in the five years
she's taken off my life.

Besides, I discovered I have
a hidden talent.

What are these?

Those are illustrations
for the book.

Of what?

Of a media room.

You see--
you see the build-ins?

Dick, do shelves have cheeks?

Good morning, guys.

Hey, these are great.

Thank you, George.

Sure.

Did the kid who's staying
in Room 3 do them?

Okay, so I need her.

I knew it.

What?

I knew you couldn't stay away
from her for long.

Dick, is this is supposed to be
an elephant in a hamper?

It's work in progress, George.

Isn't very far along, is it?

Can I have breakfast...

or are you planning
to throw me out hungry?

[ Clears throat ]

Would you like some coffee?

Sure.

No cream, no sugar, no poison.

Look,

we acted pretty rotten and--
and edgy in that room yesterday.

Especially you.

But, uh, I-- I've been
looking over the--

the work we've done and--

well, we did some pretty
damned good work.

Especially me.

So I-- I think we should
go back there and--

try to be tolerant
of each other's habits,

and I think we can finish this

and have something we're...

both gonna be proud of.

Well, I guess we could
give it another shot.

I mean, I've already spent
the advance.

So let's go in there
and be nice.

So I can get the hell
out of here.

Great.

The kid in Room 3?

Yeah. Yeah, he's--
he's pretty good.

Yeah.

George, you've been up here
the whole time?

Not the whole time, Joanna.

I went to the dining room

and swiped a piece
of the cake.

I just couldn't take it anymore.

That's okay, George.

Well, here's a stupid question.
Did I miss anything?

We're still stuck at 4999.

Maybe I should change this
5000th customer coverage

into a report on the sorry state
of a country inn on the outs.

Has the Stratford become
a deathbed and breakfast?

[ Giggling ]

Oh, by the way, JoJo,

George took a piece of cake.

I already told her.

Hey! There's two people
coming up the walk,

-with luggage!
-Oh!

Okay, let's get this
5000th guest thing over with,

but after this,
no more counting.

-Hey--
-Let's keep driving.

Honey, this looks like
a nice place.

Let's check in.

We promise we'll make your stay
a special one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sign in.

If we keep going, we can get
to Aunt Lydia's by five.

You know how you feel
about her.

Yeah. The sooner we get there
the sooner we can leave.

Besides, this place
is falling apart.

The paint is peeling.

Yeah.

Maybe we should've told 'em
they were the 5000th guest.

It would've been
a hollow victory.

Uh, could-- uh, could-- could
I-- could I get you--

get you a-- a-- cup of coffee?

Oh, that's very kind of you,

but I'd be more than happy
to get it for myself.

Pl--Please-- please, it--
it would be--

it would be my pleasure.

Okay.

[ Laughs ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

You-- you know, I-- I don't--

I don't think
your drawing table

was de-- was designed for--
for this.

Uh...

why-- why don't--
why don't I--?

I'll just--
I'll just hold it for you.

Oh, no. No, that's okay.
I'll manage.

You're incredible.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, this is great coffee.
It's great.

You drink it great.

I know!

[ Laughing ]

[ Pencil tapping ]

Oh! I'm sorry.

No, no, no. That's okay.

[ Chuckles ]

What-- what--
what do you think of this?

"Store your tapes
an adequate distance

from your speaker magnets--"

Uh-huh?

DICK: --or...

when you go to use a tape,

you may draw...

a blank."

[ Laughing ]

Oh, that's brilliant,
tremendous.

I mean, I've gotta
hand it to you,

that tapping really paid off.

[ Sighs ]

You know, I think the whole

smoking part of these things
is overrated.

Oh, why don't you--

why don't you go ahead
and light one up? Uh, here.

Huh?

A-- allow me.

Y--you know, that-- uh, that
diagram is-- is a classic.

I'm-- I'm gonna--
I'm gonna change--

change my sentence to--
to describe that hinge.

Mmm, no, no, no, no.

Don't you touch
that genius sentence.

It's very easy for me
to erase this hinge.

But it's-- it's--
it's a brilliant hinge.

I mean, it-- it-- it-- it jumps
off the page at you.

I-- I mean, I can--
I can almost hear it,

uh, squeaking.

Oh, it's not annoying you,
is it?

No! No, no.

Please, let me--

let me change
my sentence.

Okay, great.

[ Clears throat ]

You know,

C--Corinne, I-- I--
I have to hand it you--

-CORINNE: Huh?
-I mean, you-- you've been so--

so sweet and-- and--
and terrific

I mean, just, you know--
just look at-- look at all--

all the work we've done.

You know, ev-- everything is--
it's so--

[ Sighs ]

Is-- Is it just me
or is all this stuff blech?

Well,

as long as we're being honest,
and let's,

I mean, this drawing
wouldn't even get me

into a matchbook art school.

Yeah, this getting along stuff
is making me bad.

It's also making me sick.

Yeah, it's just--

it's just not clicking the--
the-- the way it used to.

[ Sighs ]

So take that pile of pages,

and whip it into something

that I can read
without retching!

I will, as soon as you
take that filthy cigarette

out of my face!

[ Blows smoke ]

Now we're cookin'.

I'm outta this hell palace.

Good. You're already
pre-checked out,

so you don't have to
break your stride.

Fine!

Chimney!

Tapper!

I'm beginning to think
you really don't like her.

Well, at least the book
is finished and she's gone.

[ Pencil tapping ]

Dick. Dick, uh--

[ Sighs ]

The cab driver told me that
the airport was fogged in.

I can't leave!

Then...

you have-- you have to
check in again.

Yeah.

Pinch me.

It's the 5000th guest!

So it is.

Meow.