Original subtitles

Hi.

I'm The Amazing Larry,

this is my Stupefying Brother Darryl,

and this my other Stupefying Brother Darryl.

Is-- is it just me or is that intro getting longer?

We're just doing the traditional magician's practice

of putting a colorful adjective before our names.

Oh, great.

They're-- they're magicians now.

Oh, boy! I love magic!

In our never-ending dream to lure the elusive customer,

we've decided to offer magic with every meal.

We thought to sharpen our skills,

we'd try some illusions out on you folks.

First, the simple but classic bloody finger in a box.

Open it.

Larry, you-- you did say it's an illusion?

After a heated debate,

we decided that was the way to go.

We feel this will stimulate the sales of finger foods.

I don't think so, guys.

Really?

Well, we are working on a dove act.

We haven't learned any tricks yet,

but we sure enjoy stuffin' birds in our clothes.

Hey, who doesn't?

Come on, Darryl. Let's go outside and give 'em some air.

Mine are gettin' fidgety.

Gee, now I'm going to be up all night,

figuring out how they did that finger in the box thing.

Hola , Loudons.

Bonita senorita.

Your numero uno hombre esta aqui.

[ Giggles ]

Maybe I could tip off Immigration about him.

Uh, while we're waiting for Steph to perfect her puss,

answer me this hypothetical query.

If I were really in the lurch, back to wall situation,

and gave you ample notice,

could I bring someone from the station

over for dinner?

I guess so, with ample notice.

That's nice.

How's five minutes?

What?

I'm in a bind.

Steph's been all over me because I haven't seen much

of her lately,

but I also schedded a dinner meeting

with one of the station's bigger stars.

And instead of letting my innocent cupcake down

and enduring God knows what punishment...

[ Chuckles ]

I thought, you know, why not combine the two

and have dinner right here?

How 'bout because I hate the idea?

Oh, really?

Well, I think you'll change your tune

when you hear who the star is.

Your old friend and cohostess, Buffy Denver.

Buffy Denver?

The-- the happy time weather girl

that-- that almost destroyed my television career?

Okay, Michael, let's go.

I, uh, I have a super surprise for supper, Cuppers.

We're staying here and having dinner

with Buffy Denver.

Ew!

I hate her.

You know, I'm starting to sense a few holes in this plan.

But I'd appreciate it

if you'd all change your attitudes,

especially since Buff's coming up the walk.

Honey, I'm, uh--

I'm going to hide under the registration desk

for the evening.

Michael! Dicky!

[ Laughs ]

Oh! Oh, it's really, really great to see you again!

[ Laughs ]

I mean, we have been working

at the same station for over a year,

and we never see each other!

[ Laughs ]

Have you been avoiding me?

[ Laughs ]

[ Giggles ]

Honey, next time I wanna hide under the desk, don't stop me.

So, Dicky, introduce me to all your pretty people.

Right.

This, uh-- This is my wife, Joanna.

Hi, Joey.

[ Giggles ]

It's so incredibly nice to meet you.

Your husband is such a major dream machine.

[ Giggles ]

And this is my megalove, Stephanie Vanderkellen.

Hi.

She is so incredibly, phantasmically gorgeous!

[ Gasps ]

And I love what you're wearing!

I mean, is she perfect, or what?

[ Laughs ]

Actually, she's not as bad as I thought.

So, Buffy, how are you enjoying your On the Town show?

Oh, it's just so incredibly fantastic.

My favorite is when I'm covering stories

that I actually understand, you know?

So it's not just a bunch of meaningless words.

[ Laughs ]

So, Dicky, when are we gonna work together again? Huh?

Huh?

Primo notion.

I think with the right concept, you two--

But scheduling makes it impossible.

Well, enough, uh, idle yackity-yackita.

Let's discuss some bizwax.

Now, Buff, you said you had some new

-creative ideas for the show? -BUFFY: Yes, Michael.

Now, you know I'm very concerned about the quality of the show,

and I think a great way to raise the quality of the show

would be to raise the quality of my outfits.

You know, I don't usually get involved in business stuff,

but that makes total sense.

Thank you!

[ Giggling ]

See, the station should be buying me

the kind of gorgeous stuff she has.

Where did you get that?

Well, you can't find anything decent around here

within a 63 mile radius.

Tell me about it.

[ Gags, laughs ]

Well, I'm done.

You know, I bet with your fantastic taste,

you could really help me improve my look.

Oh, don't be silly. Of course I could.

[ Laughs ]

I would give just anything to see your closet.

Okay, but it'll take days.

[ Gasps ]

Terrif! I've got days!

[ Giggling ]

You know, I-- I think you two would have a-- a lot more fun

outside that 63 mile radius.

Come on.

Let's start going through my winter wools right now.

Oh, this is turning out to be the most

incredibly, fantastic night!

I'm sorry to rush off, Dicky,

but it sounds like we'll be seeing

a lot more of each other anyway.

[ Giggles ] Bye.

[ Giggles ]

[ Door closing ]

I'll get you for this.

Dick?

I'm just making sure the roo-- the room is-- is Buffy-free.

I'm all out of inane conversation.

She's upstairs with Stephanie.

Listen, honey,

I know she's been around a lot lately,

but you don't have to hide.

Honey, it's self-preservation.

I mean, all that giggling and--

and endless, uh, cutesy talk about makeup and--

and fabric and colors.

I mean, I'm-- I'm losing brain cells here.

Honey, while-- while-- while we have a minute alone,

let's-- let's talk smart.

Um, how-- how-- how 'bout that Tolstoy, huh?

[ Giggling ]

Dicky!

[ Giggles ]

I have been having the most fantastically, wonderful time!

I mean, Stephanie is the most incredibly amazing person.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, stop it. They know.

[ Laughs ]

So are-- are you two going out for a while?

There's a-- there's a whole wacky town

waitin' for ya out there.

[ Giggles ]

No. First, we're gonna get something to eat,

and then Buffy's gonna make me up,

and then I'm gonna make her up,

and then we're going to moisturize and do it all again.

[ Giggles ]

Until it gets dark.

[ Giggles ]

See ya!

[ Giggles ]

It's the pajama party that never ends.

Hi. I'm Siegfried,

this is my brother Roy,

and this is my other brother Roy.

Guys, I-- I hate to be the one to tell you this,

but there-- there already is a Siegfried and Roy.

We know.

But we're Siegfried and Roy and Roy.

Oh, boy! More magic!

For this one, we'll need a volunteer from the audience.

I volunteer Dick.

What?

Please, Dick.

I'd volunteer myself, but I don't wanna miss this. Come on.

Well, with-- with Buffy here, how much worse could this be?

Now, we have never met before. Correct?

Larry, just get on with it.

I will now attempt to saw this man in half.

Neat!

La-- Larry! Larry, you've done this trick before, right?

There's a trick?

George, get me out of here!

No need to panic.

Darryl here is packin' plenty of Mercurochrome.

DICK: George!

Too bad.

This really throws off our rehearsal schedule.

We planned to perfect the sawin' in half this week

and then work on the puttin' back together next week.

"I volunteer Dick."

Sorry.

They just seemed so darned professional.

Well, you're all dressed up.

Buffy and I are going to a nice restaurant

for lunch.

We're going to point out what's wrong

with what other people are wearing.

Whoever finds the most faults gets treated.

You two seem to have gotten really close.

[ Sighs ]

Joanna, Buffy's totally obsessed with her appearance.

She spends every cent she makes on clothes,

hours a day on her face,

I mean, she's the first normal person

I've met in Vermont.

It's so nice to finally have someone I can have

a girl-to-girl chat with.

Well, I was always here.

Ah.

That's sweet, Joanna.

But I always felt that it was a burden for you

to have to reach so far back in your memory

to try to understand what a girl my age

was going through.

Speak up, child.

My hearing isn't what it used to be.

[ Laughs ]

Now, Joanna, don't be jealous.

There are negatives with Buffy.

Like when we get dressed up like this,

there's always a slight danger

that she might look almost as good as I do.

But I still like her enough to have bought her something.

You bought something for someone else?

I must have wrapped and unwrapped it a dozen times.

Until you got it perfect?

Until I decided not to keep it for myself.

I realized I felt strongly enough about Buffy

to make the sacrifice.

Hi, everybody, it's me!

[ Giggles ]

Oh, Stephie, you look really, really terrific.

And you look even better.

[ Giggles ]

Well, I'll just get my coat and then we can go.

And then I have a surprise for you

that was so incredibly nice of me.

Stephie, you're never gonna believe this,

but right before I left,

I got a call from a girlfriend that I haven't seen in, like, days,

and she invited me

to some kind of party this afternoon

that sounded like really, really, really

a lot of fun, so I said yes.

[ Giggles ]

What?

You mean you're cancelling?

On me?

Yeah, but we'll do this restaurant thing

real, real, real, real soon.

Promise.

[ Giggles ] But I'm late.

Huggies! Ooh!

[ Giggles ]

Bye!

But I even bought you--

Uh...

you, uh-- you can-- you can make fun of,

you know, of what-- what we're wearing.

This is the worst,

most horrible feeling I've ever had in my life.

I think I'm going to die.

No, it's okay.

I think I'm over the worst part.

Is that what they call...

"being stood up?"

That phrase could apply.

Oh, my God.

You hear about it happening to other people,

you even do it to other people,

but you never think it's going to happen to you.

I wonder if the others I've stood up in my past

felt as badly as this.

Oh, that's silly.

No one's as sensitive as I am.

[ Sighs ]

This really hurts.

Even knowing I get to keep the gift

doesn't help.

How could she do this?

I mean, have you ever met anyone so selfish and shallow?

I'm, uh-- I'm-- I'm a blank.

Uh, Dick, here's the invoice--

Michael, I've been stood up!

Oh, my God!

Steph, are you going to die?

It was, uh, touch and go there for a while, but...

I think she's over the worst of it.

Oh, thank goodness.

Can you believe that Buffer!

Michael, take me upstairs.

I think this is going to lay me up

for quite a while.

Steph, do you think you and Buff

will ever be able to be friends again after this?

Michael, I've been thinking about that,

and the same phrase keeps repeating itself

over and over again in my mind,

"No way in hell."

Hi. I'm Larry.

-This is my brother Darryl and-- -What--?

What happened to the fancy magician adjectives?

Well, we decided to hang up the ol'...

...whatever it is that magicians hang up when they quit.

Why-- why-- why the change of heart, guys?

Well, we were doing the breakfast show

for some customers,

and Darryl went a little too heavy

on the flash powder.

We found it doesn't take much

to make your cheaper lady's wigs go up

[ Snaps fingers ] like that.

We tried to tell Mrs. Epstein that blonde

with charcoal streaks of black was stylish,

but she didn't wanna be reasoned with.

She just wanted to be put out.

We parted on good terms, though.

We gave her 20 dollars, so she could buy

an even nicer wig.

Wow, for that-- for that kind of money, you won't--

you won't be able to see the--

the cloth through the hair anymore.

Now we gotta think up other non-combustible ways

to increase business.

Too bad, too. Just when we were gettin' good.

Dicky!

[ Laughs ]

Uh, Buffy.

[ Giggles ] How are you?

I-- I was fine.

[ Giggles ]

What, uh-- what-- what are you doing here?

I'm here to see Stephie, silly. We have a lunch date.

Oh, hi, Buffy.

Listen, I know you came all this way,

but I just got a call from a friend of mine

who's just dying to see me this afternoon

so I said yes.

[ Laughs ]

But I promise we'll do this lunch thing again

real, real, real, real soon. Huggies! Bye!

Oh, okay, Stephie. Have a good time!

[ Scoffs ]

You do realize I'm cancelling a planned lunch with you

without any notice?

Uh-huh. Have fun!

Pretty devastating, huh?

What?

[ Giggles ]

Well, you know, because--

Well, just never mind.

Well, this leaves me

with a whole amazing afternoon free!

[ Laughs ]

Oh, good-- good for you.

I know! I'll spend it with Dicky!

[ Giggles ]

Wh-- Uh, what?

We can reminisce about all the fun

we had together last year!

You better start.

I'm kinda fuzzy on anything that happened

over three months ago.

[ Laughs ]

No, uh-- Let-- Let's go see Stephanie.

-But she has a lunch date. -No-- No, she doesn't.

And-- and-- and you talk to her.

Just talk to anyone-- anybody but me.

-[ Giggles ] -[ Laughs ]

[ Knocks on the door ]

Dick! What are you doing here?

I have to get ready

for my very important lunch date.

See? I told you.

Stephanie doesn't have a lunch date.

Do so!

Traitor.

Look, I'm the last one

to try to patch up this relationship,

but-- but now she's after me.

I-- I-- I-- I want you two to-- to make up.

He wants to watch while we put on makeup?

Is Dicky some kind of freakazoid?

I'm not a freakazoid.

I want you to make up with each other.

But we're not mad.

Stephanie is. At you.

Come on. [ Laughs ]

She is, because you-- you stood her up yesterday.

But I had a better offer.

But that isn't polite and-- and-- and you hurt her.

[ Faint laugh ]

She stood you up today,

because you stood her up yesterday,

and she wanted to make you feel the same pain that she felt.

So when she cancelled our lunch,

she was trying to make me feel bad.

Exactly.

Hey, that's really mean!

Good, it worked.

It doesn't matter that it worked.

What matters is that you two are--

are back together again.

What am I talking about?

I don't want to get back together with her.

She's insensitive.

And she pulls mean, hard-to-understand tricks.

But-- but-- but part of friendship is accepting

each other's faults.

I mean, uh, neither of you is perfect.

-What? -What?

Well, I mean, you-- you could be a--

a little-- little more considerate.

[ Gasps ]

You are yelling at me.

[ Sobs ]

All-- al-- al right, all right, take-- take it easy.

You-- you're not the only--

You're not the only one at fault here.

[ Sobs ]

And-- and Stephanie can be a-- a little too de-- demanding.

[ Crying ] Well, thank you very much, Dick.

[ Sobbing ]

Great.

Stereo!

[ Wails, sobs ]

Oh.

Oh, Buffy.

Don't cry.

I-- I don't think you're as bad as Dick says.

And I don't think you're as bad as Dick says.

Well, Dick's always so critical of everyone.

Well, does this mean we can still be friends?

Maybe.

I guess it's not that bad that you're insensitive.

Besides, I think I'm probably superior enough

to tolerate your lack of inner depth.

Thank you, Stephie.

I didn't understand the words, but the tone was sweet.

Maybe our problem was...

we were spending too much time together.

Uh, especially here at-- at the inn.

I have been starting to miss Michael.

Well, I hope we can work something out,

because I think you're really, really terrific.

You see?

There are so many things about you I like.

[ Laughs ]

Well, I guess the burden does fall on

the more advanced and developed of us

to overlook the shortcomings of others.

Besides, who am I to deprive you of me?

Oh.

Oh, Stephie.

I just think I've found a friend for life.

[ Laughs ]

Oh!

Oh, my God. What have I done?

Dick, could we have some privacy, please?

See? I told you he likes watching.

[ Giggles ]

Oh!

Oh, my God!

[ Giggling ]

I wonder if I could have George...

seal up this door forever.

Meow.