Original subtitles

Gee, you two are back early.

Stupid, stupid rural people.

What happened?

You know that garden party Michael and I were invited to?

It turned out they expected us to weed.

I haven't been to one good party since I moved here to Vermont.

Steph's right.

When it comes to parties,

the people in this town are all poopers.

And you can quote me.

I don't think there'd be much doubt

who said that, Michael.

Michael, if you joined the Beavers,

you'd have a great party to go to every week.

They have beer and darts

and sometimes some of the guys

even bring their dogs.

Well, gee, George, if word gets out about this,

nobody'll hang out at Hef's mansion anymore.

Michael, I know.

Why don't we throw a party?

Stephanie, that's really nice of you.

Thanks, Joanna.

I figure, if we throw a party, all the people who come

will learn to throw better parties

for us to go to in the future.

Shall we party-plan, hostess?

Okay, host.

[ Chuckles ]

Hi, I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other brother Darryl.

And this is our buddy, Sam.

Hi.

Darryl and Sam met at a hollering contest

a few days ago.

I think they hit it off because Darryl

was such easy competition.

Yeah!

Well, thank-- thanks for bringing Sam over, Larry.

Sam just started work over at Cooper's garage.

Yeah, if you come in, I'll wash your windshield for free.

Once.

Well, we'll-- we'll make sure and try

and take advantage of that.

When?

Can-- can we leave it loose?

Oh, by the way, could we borrow a toothbrush?

Sam unexpectedly stayed for dinner.

We'd lend him ours, but we only have the two.

I think we have some extras.

So on the invitations, we'll say--

Oops. Ixnay on the arty-pay.

Excuse me, Miss Stephanie,

but we couldn't help overhearin'

that you're planning an arty-pay.

Well, we'd be happy to cater it for you.

Thanks, Larry, but...

I don't think this is gonna be that fancy of an affair.

Okay, Sam, here you go.

Remember: up and down, never across.

Thanks. I'll get this right back to you.

Oh, no. There's another one.

I can't decide whether to have raspberry jam or marmalade

on my toast this morning.

Well George, I had the jam, and it was very good.

But I had the jam yesterday morning.

Then, have the marmalade.

Yeah, but except for yesterday, I almost always have that.

I've, uh...

I've got it George.

Why don't you have it half with marmalade and half with jam?

Gee Dick, isn't that sort of copping out?

Thanks, Dick.

Okay, Steph, we've covered all the details.

Now all we need to do is find the right party theme.

I know.

How about a theme where people have to bring us presents?

Yeah.

We'll have it at my place,

and we'll call it a housewarming party.

Ooh!

Mi-- Michael,

you've lived there for three years.

Dick, if you spread that around,

it could really bring down the party.

Hi. I'm Larry--

We know everybody, Larry.

Good. Intro on the extra guy's been taking a lot out of me.

Oh, here's the toothbrush back, as promised.

That's-- that's-- that's all right, Sam.

Why-- Why don't you just keep that?

So what have you guys been up to?

Well...

I took 'em on a free tour of the gas station where I work.

Yeah. We held Darryl's nose and pumped him up with air

to see if we could get him to float.

It didn't work.

Well, thank-- thanks for mentioning it. It...

you know, saves us from trying it.

There's something moldy in the refrigerator,

and I'm not touching it.

Excuse us.

Um...

Larry, didn't you hear about the mold?

Uh-huh.

What-- what-- what is it, Larry?

What would you do if some guy kept comin' around

bothering you all the time?

Well...

Of course, I'll... you know, I'll have to use my imagination.

The thing is, it just ain't the same doing things

with Darryl and Sam instead of just Darryl.

I mean, you take bath time.

The river's big enough for all four of us, but...

Um, I'm a modest man.

Lar-- Larry. Larry, um...

You know, when-- when you make new friends,

you have to make certain adjustments.

Not usually the one you described,

but, uh, generally, friends are-- are-- are worth it.

Yeah, I guess.

It's just that Darryl and I have always been like... this.

I don't want that to change.

Well, Larry, I don't think you have to worry.

I've never seen brothers closer than you

and Darryl and Darryl.

Not even Hans, Hans, and Ed?

Not even them.

Time for the best part of the day, cleanup.

And the sooner we're done, the sooner we can get

to our Wednesday night firefly catching contest.

Okay, let's start with refilling them straw machines.

Hi, everybody.

Sam? We wasn't expecting you.

Well, you shoulda.

I hang around here all the time. Whatcha doing?

What's it look like?

We're rounding up the reusables.

Oh, I'll help ya.

Okay, guys, this is the last straw.

[ Laughs ]

Just for future reference, that's my job.

And my joke.

Come on, Darryl, we ain't done yet.

We still gotta clean the tables and the floor.

And scrape all the grease off the grill

for safe-keepin'.

Well-- Well, I'll take the grease.

Sure, grab the glamour job.

What do I do with the grease?

Pour it in the bucket in the refrigerator.

Oh, and just so you won't be beatin' 'em to it,

Darryl gets to lick the bowl.

Okay, work's done.

Let's limber up those tongues and get after them fireflies.

Is that the plan for tonight?

Well, that sounds good,

but they got these new shopping carts

over at the market.

I thought we could do wheelies through the produce.

Seems like we got us

an embarrassment of choices here tonight.

But I'm afraid fireflies is kind of a family tradition.

Hold on, Darryl.

You pickin' those shopping carts over them glow bugs?

Well... okay, if that's your choice.

Aren't you comin', Larry?

No, thanks.

Somebody's gotta maintain the balance of nature.

Okay. Let's go, guys.

Well, go on.

I've been wantin' some time to myself.

Don't take no wobbly wheels.

Sure is quiet around here without Darryl.

[ One by Three Dog Night plays ]

JOANNA: Dick, Larry really misses the Darryls.

He's obviously very lonely.

He needs a friend.

Yeah.

Why don't you spend some time with him?

You-- you mean voluntarily?

Come on, Dick.

If you do this, there's a big kiss in it for you.

From-- from you, right?

Um, La-- Uh, Larry?

Yeah?

Uh, I was, uh-- I was just thinking.

Maybe we, uh...

maybe we oughta, you know, go out and-- and do something.

You mean it?

Well...

I-- I guess.

All right! What should we do?

Oh, why don't we go for a-- for a-- a walk in the woods?

I think we should start with something

a little less intimate.

Mind if I suggest an activity?

O-- Okay, as-- as long as it doesn't involve

a follow-up tetanus shot.

I guess that rules out wolf taunting.

Larry, this-- this isn't gonna work.

What?

Well, it-- it's obvious you-- you-- you miss your brothers.

Right now, I-- I miss them, too.

But-- But maybe it might be a-- a good idea if-- if we got, uh...

...Sam a new friend.

And-- and that way, the Darryls could,

you know, spend more time with you.

Okay.

I'll take your idea and shove it through my head.

That's all I ask.

Hi, Larry.

To quote an extremely popular Beatles tune,

"Hello. Good-bye."

Oh, hi, JoJo. And here's your personal party invite.

Oh, George. You're invited to our party, too.

Gee, thanks, Stephanie.

That's right, George, but I must tell you,

there is a no-plaid rule.

Oh, then, I'll have to think about it.

[ Knocking at door ]

Hi.

Hi.

So, I hear you're into snakes.

No.

Are these books or somethin'?

Yeah.

What are you doing with 'em?

I, uh...

I read-- I read and-- and write them.

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, sure. [ Chuckles ]

Wanna go spit in the reservoir till the water level rises?

No.

Tell me something, is it just me,

or aren't we sparkin' to each other?

It's not just you.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, boy, that Larry pulled some joke on me.

[ Laughs ]

He said you'd be interesting.

[ Chuckles ]

So, uh-- So-- so, Larry...

Larry-- Larry sent you over.

Uh, I-- I'm sorry, Sam, but I'm--

I'm not looking for, uh--

for new-- new friends right now.

I think you're home free.

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Knock on window ]

Hi... I'm Larry...

Disappointed.

[ Clears throat ]

Larry, when I suggested you--

you find a new friend for Sam,

I-- I-- I didn't mean me.

I should have figured

you wouldn't stand a chance with Sam.

Not after the white hot energy of Darryl.

[ Clears throat ]

Larry, why don't you just tell Darryl that--

that you need... them?

I can't do that. I can't be weak.

Darryls always needed me.

I sure could go for that walk in the woods now.

Okay.

With one condition.

What's that?

I really don't wanna talk about Darryl anymore.

Fine. Fair enough.

But-- but I have one condition.

If-- if-- if we see any wolves...

It's a proper name.

Uh, one word.

-Uh. -Stephanie!

[ Gasps ] Steph!

Muffin!

Cupcake!

-Uh... Cutiekins. -Cutiekins!

-[ Screams ] -That's right!

[ Giggling ]

Gee, it seems like I used to be better at this game.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Dick, Joanna, welcome to Michael's new home.

Gee, I'm getting this weird sense of...

...d�j� vu.

Isn't it a great party, Joanna?

Stephanie, we just got here.

Uh, but I'm sure it is.

Thank you.

Hi, Dick, Joanna.

Hi, George.

Hi, George.

We weren't sure you'd come, since you couldn't wear plaid.

Well, I didn't wanna miss a good party. Besides...

[ Doorbell rings ]

Hi, I'm Larry, solitary man.

Oh.

Hi, Larry. Michael?

I'm sorry, Larry, but no one's admitted without a present.

Happy housewarmin'.

Thanks, Larry. We'll open it later.

Okay,

but in this heat, it might hatch prematurely.

Hi, Larry. How're you doing?

Suicidal, thank you.

Tell me about it. I just got creamed at charades.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, my, what a surprise. Michael?

Hi, I'm Sam, and this is my friend Darryl,

and this is my other friend Darryl.

Happy housewarming.

Here's some motor oil.

Do you realize the faux pas of inviting both them and me

to the same party?

Larry, we didn't invite any of you.

[ Sighs ]

It's really tough watching them have the loud and boisterous

times we used to have.

I'm not gonna let them get the best of me.

I'll show them.

If they can have fun, I can have more fun.

I'll be the life of the party.

Hi. I'm Larry. Wanna hear a train?

[ Drums on chest, increasing in speed ]

Whoo! Whoo!

Michael!

It's time for our dance.

Oh, boy.

Ladies and gentlemen,

there's been...

Fred and Ginger,

Baryshnikov and those girls with the skinny necks.

Tonight, those people...

...eat our stardust.

Steph?

Dip position?

[ Tango music plays ]

Joanna, what are you doing?

What do you mean?

This is our spotlight.

When you have a party, you can dance.

What a shameless play for attention.

Pick a card, any card. And I'll guess what it is.

Uh, four of spades.

Jack of clubs?

Eight of hearts?

Gee, I guess those fellows who get it on the first guess

must know some kind of trick.

[ Music ends ]

Michael, no one's applauding.

You made the photo too big. It's distracting them.

Upstaged by our own likeness.

Well, I tried to mingle,

but these people obviously aren't in the partying mood.

Larry...

we both know some people you could mingle with.

I-- I bet...

I bet you could-- you could be like that.

Well...

I guess the time has come to...

rip out my heart and slap it on my sleeve.

Hi.

Hi, Larry. Great party, huh?

I guess it would be for you. You're with Darryl.

Darryl, I hope you won't think any less of me

for telling you this,

but I miss you, and I need ya,

and I hope we can spend more time together.

You really miss them?

That shouldn't surprise you.

You know what it's like to be with Darryl.

The only reason they've been hanging out with me

is they thought you were happier without them.

You're kiddin'.

Is that true?

Well, I'll be...

I've heard of other families having communication problems,

but I never thought it happen to us.

Come here, you lugs.

[ Applause ]

Sure, they always applaud that schmaltzy stuff.

You know,

the firefly population in this town is...

gettin' artificially enlarged.

What do you say we make a dent in it?

Sam, wanna join us?

All right, fireflies, light up your behinds,

'cause here we come.

Meow.